All language subtitles for South Park Season 4 Episode 11 Fourth Grade

I'm going down
to South Park.

Gonna have
myself a time.

Friendly faces
everywhere.

Humble folks
without temptation.

Going down
to South Park.

Gonna leave my
woes behind.

Ample parking
day or night.

People spouting
"howdy neighbor".

Headed on up
to South Park.

Gonna see if
I can't unwind.

So come on down
to South Park.

And meet some
friends of mine.

Well, here we are, dude, the
first day of fourth grade.

Yeah, no more getting pushed
around by fourth graders.

Get out my way,
you little dorks!

Hey, we're fourth
graders now, too.

Yeah, but now
we're fifth graders,

you stupid fourth grader,
so move it!

Oh, gay, dude!

Dude, we gotta find some
third graders to beat up.

- Hey, come here.
- What?

- What grade are you going into?
- Third.

Stupid third grader!

Yeah, get out of here!

- Ow.
- Yeah, that's better.

Y'know, I heard our fourth-grade teacher is
some new lady from Denver.

Denver?

Dude, we could
walk all over her.

He's right, we have to take
a hard stance right now

and establish that we're the
dominant ones in this relationship.

Alright, hey,
listen up everybody.

We need to stand up to this
new teacher and insert ourselves.

- Let's all do something radical.
- Like what?

Like, how about right at 8:35
we all jump on our desk,

pull down our pants and shout
"kiss my ass" all together.

- Yeah!
- That's perfect.

But when we pull our pants down
should we stand frontways or back?

I mean, do we show our behinds
or our wieners?

I think showing our asses will
be quite sufficient, Butters.

Maybe we could
stand like this,

with our wieners poking through
the back of our legs, y'know,

give her a nice
fruit bowl.

Yeah, or we could
just show our asses.

Okay, so it's decided,
when the clock hits 8:35

we all stand on our desks, pull
down our pants and yell "kiss my ass".

Together we are strong.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Hey, Timmy might need some help
pulling his pants down.

We got you
covered, Timmy.

Timmy!

Whoa, dude, this is
our new classroom!

Look at
all this stuff.

Hey, what the hell's with
these little half desks?

Dude, look at the walls.

Everything is written in some
strange foreign language.

Alright, children,
quiet down.

Welcome to
the fourth grade.

Holy God, dude.

Her titties are
f... kin' huge!

My name is
Ms. Choks-on-dik.

More like,
"Ms. Makes-me-sick".

Playtime is over, children,
do you understand me?

I don't know how
your last teacher behaved,

but this is
the fourth grade!

And it is time
to go to work!

Kiss my ass!

Oh, weak, you guys,
seriously weak.

Well, young man, I hope you have
a good explanation for this.

Oh, I'm sure I do.

This is the fourth grade,
you need to grow up!

I'm trying.

Now get back to your desk
and write a thousand-word essay

on why you feel you need to
disrupt my class.

Fantastic, guys.

Now, let us begin
our first day exam.

Silence!

What a bitch!

And did you see
her lazy eye?

You can't even tell
who she's looking at.

You guys are
all such pussies!

I can't take it, man!

Writing in cursive, fractions...
I can't do it!

This is it,
the end of innocence.

This is the loss of that playful
youth all our parents warned us about.

I just didn't think
it would come so soon.

Yeah, only now
do we realize

- how much we all took the third grade for granted.
- Huh?

Everything was great
in third grade,

And now that it's all over we're
starting to see just how special it was.

Remember how it used to be
in the third grade.

We used to laugh and play
and cherish each day.

In the third grade.

We learned wondrous things
from our teacher so nice.

Sat on marshmallow desks
with teddy-bear smiles.

The world seemed to
all make sense.

But that sense seems
to slowly fade.

After third grade.

In third grade we used to
write with crayons.

We would make sparkly pictures
with glitter and glue.

We had warm cookies
and hearts full of love.

And there wasn't a care
in the world for me.

Or for you.

There's not a thing
in this life.

That I wouldn't trade.

Just to go back
for one minute.

To third grade.

Wow, I had already forgotten
how great third grade was.

Oh, sure was.

Wish I was
still there.

Hey, that's it-we gotta
go back to third grade.

How?

We travel
back in time.

Oh, yeah,
time travel!

How we gonna do that?
Does it hurt?

I don't wanna do it
if it hurts.

Or if it makes you
get all sticky.

It can't be that bad,
people do it on TV all the time.

Yeah, we just have to
find somebody who knows how to do it.

What about those two college
guys next door to me?

They're always doing science experiments
in their basement.

Yeah, if there's a way to travel back
in time, those two dorks will know how.

When it comes to
time travel theory

there are basically
two schools of thought.

The "Spock Theory" is that
a slingshot around the sun

could create a wormhole
in which time could not escape.

The "LT. Commander
Data Theory", however,

is that a magnetic vibration could
create a rip in the time-space continuum...

Look, whatever it takes, we just
have to get back to third grade.

Time travel
is no laughing matter.

Four times the "enterprise"
traveled back in time

and four times they almost
didn't make it back.

We don't want to make it back,
we want to stay there.

- Ohh.
- So, can you do it?

It's all theoretical, but from
a scientific standpoint

the creation of a rip
in space-time is possible.

We just need to find
an inertia device.

Hey, this kid's electric wheelchair
might be just what we need.

Ti-Timmy.

This new fourth-grade teacher
is driving me nuts.

What's the problem?

You see, Chef, Ms. Choksondik
has very large, uh, honkers

and she doesn't seem to like
wearing a bra.

You call that
a problem?

That sounds like
heaven to me.

No, it's really not as nice
as you might imagine, Chef.

Principal Victoria,
I would like a word.

Ooh, call the doctor!

My new students are the most
misbehaved, illiterate,

brain-dead group of children
I've ever come across.

Well, Ms. Choksondik, those children
did fairly well in the third grade.

One of them is mentally
handicapped for Christ's sake!

Oh, which one?

The one
in the wheelchair!

Look, I would like to have a
talk with their last year's teacher.

Who was it,
Mister, uh, Garrison?

I'm afraid
that's impossible.

Nobody's seen Mr. Garrison since
the last school year ended.

Why, where did he go?

We... don't like
to talk about it.

But I need help
reaching these kids!

I have nothing but the highest
expectations for them.

And with God
as my witness...

I'm going to teach these kids
the wonders of the world

so that they can
reach the top!

Arhh!

I hope that sometime very soon
you will let me in

on what happened
to this Mr. Garrison.

And with that I will
bid you good day.

Well, sure thing, fine,
bye-bye then.

Alright, when we power up
the handicapped kid's chair

we'll accelerate at a high rate
of speed about 10 feet that way,

then make the required
magnetic vibrations.

If the fields are right, it
should then create a wormhole

up near the front
of the classroom.

You guys don't actually think
this is going to work, do you?

Now, when you all see
the wormhole,

you guys are gonna have about
4.2 seconds to run through it.

And on the other side, you will
find yourself in the exact same spot,

only, one year ago.

Back in the
third grade.

Cool.
Cool.

I can't wait until the
teacher yells at us this time

and we all tell her
to suck our balls.

- Yeah!
- Oh, here she comes.

Alright, children, I hope you
all did your homework last night.

Please pass your papers
up to the front.

Suck my balls!

Oh, God dammit, you guys,
I'm so seriously.

I said, pass your papers
to the front.

We didn't do our homework,
Ms. Makes-me-sick,

we didn't feel like it.

It's Choksondik, and you are
all going to have detention!

Ha, ha, sure right
you are, teacher.

I'm afraid we have
different plans.

Gentlemen.

Primary fusion
initiated.

Molecular grenadine
active.

What are you doing?

We're going back in time
to the third grade.

Good-bye, teacher, perhaps we
shall see you in another year.

Timmy!!

Timmy!

- I didn't think it would work.
- Me neither.

Well, well, well, I'd say somebody
has some explaining to do.

You're damn right
they do!

Dude, Timmy's chair's packed
with all that stuff.

We gotta help him!

Yeah, come on.

Children, children,
come back here!

Timmy,
you have to stop.

- No!
- No?

Look, the system
malfunctioned.

If he stops, the nuclear core
could break his magnetic field

and the whole chair
will blow sky-high.

What?

Timmy, you gotta
get off that chair!

- No!
- No?

We rigged the chair to be
sensitive to his weight,

if he gets off
the whole thing blows.

So if Timmy drops his speed below
five miles an hour the chair blows

and if he gets off
the chair blows?

- Yep.
- My God.

It's been over three hours since the
police first showed up on the scene

of a handicap boy's wheelchair
set with explosives.

Over here, over here!

The child can't stop or get off
the chair without risking explosion,

and so the SWAT team will now
attempt to disarm the device.

Timmy!

Closer!

Don't worry, son, just
watch your speed and stay still.

Look out, Hanson!

Timmy!

Dear Jesus,
hang on lady!

Oh my God,
what's going on?

Ma'am,
be very careful,

that wheelchair
is set to explode.

What?! Ahh!!

Oh my God,
oh my God!

It's okay, just stay calm
and keep the speed above five.

Okay, okay.

- Oh my God.
- Ti-Timmy.

Okay, I've got
the speed at five.

Good.

What's the wheelchair's
battery power at?

Oh my God, less than
20 minutes!!

- Less than 20 minutes?
- Oh, no, what have we done?

What do you think,
too forward?

I have had it!

These children
are out of control.

I must speak with their last
year's teacher, Mr. Garrison.

As we said before,
that's impossible.

What in God's name
happened to him?

Uh, Ms. Choksondik,

Mr. Garrison had several,
uh, emotional issues.

He was a closet homosexual
who hated gay people.

When ever someone asked him
if he was gay, he'd go nuts.

Then he was accused of trying to
solicit sex from a young boy.

After being dismissed
from teaching

he went off to write
romance novels.

His first novel sold very well
and everything was fine

until he found out that his
novel won the Gay Pulitzer Prize

and was considered the best
homoerotic novel since "Huckleberry Finn".

He finally snapped and
had a nervous breakdown

and went up into the
mountains to live in solitude.

Some say that
on cold nights

you can still hear
him moaning,

"I'm not gay,
I'm not gay."

I'm not gay!

And nobody
has found him?

Well, we haven't
really looked.

I see.

Then the only way I'll find the
secret to teaching these kids

is to go up into those mountains
and find Mr. Garrison myself.

But he could be anywhere
up high in those mountains.

Oh, I'll find him.

Even if I have to climb
up and up and up...

No!

What?

Oh my God,
oh my God!

Tom, I'm standing about
two miles outside of Denver

where the darling handicap boy
fights for his life

on a wheelchair of death.

Guys, can you tell us
what kind of explosives

we're actually
dealing with here?

Uh, well, it's a simple
hydrogen fusion core

with a veltic reactor.

It just turned into
a time bomb.

This has never happened in all
the 72 original "Star Trek" episodes.

Yeah-wait, you mean
73 episodes.

No, there were 72.

No there weren't!

Oh, you're
such a nerd!

Tom, I understand that now
the rescuers are gonna

try and send in one of the
handicap boy's little friends

in an attempt to keep him calm
and hopefully disarm the device.

- It's alright, everything's gonna be fine.
- Oh my God!

Alright, young man, when you
get underneath that wheelchair

I want you to relay back to me
with this walkie-talkie

and then I'll tell you
which wires to cross.

- Ready?
- Let's go!

Go blue!

Hey guys.

Okay-ahh!

Well, who didn't
see that coming?

Oh my God,
oh my God!

Stay calm,
you have to stay calm!

But if we get off the chair
it blows up!

No, no, that's only
if the boy gets off.

- Oh... See ya!
- Timmy!

10 seconds, Hanson!

9, 8...

Please help me.

6, 5...

Got it, I think.
Up, up!

Timmy!

Hey, it did work.

Hellooo?

Oh, what am I doing,
I'm gonna get myself killed.

Is anyone here?

Mr... Mr. Garrison?

Who are you?
What do you want?

I'm the new
fourth-grade teacher,

I've come to
seek your help.

Please, I don't know how to
handle the new fourth graders,

I've tried everything.

I need to know how
you taught them.

No, no, I haven't taught
in over eight months.

Mr. Garrison, you knew
how to reach these kids,

you're my only hope.

Do you know what it is
to be a teacher, Ms...

Choksondik.

No I don't, it's a lie!

You see, that's what you get
for being a teacher.

You work and you work
for the children

and then people start rumors
that you're gay

even though you
love poontang!

Mr. Garrison, these children are
depending on me to give them a future.

I can't do it without your
guidance, please help me.

For them, for the future
of our children.

200 bucks.

Done.

Dude, you gotta build us
another time machine.

Huh? Oh, can't.

What do you mean "can't"?

You made it work,
just build another one.

I can't because
pizza-face isn't here.

We're not on
speaking terms.

We got in a big fight and he
moved all his stuff out.

What did you get in
a fight about?

There's 73 original
"Star Treks",

he keeps saying
there's 72!

Oh, Jesus Christ,
you've gotta be kidding me.

No, he actually thinks
there's 72.

Look, can't you just build us
another machine without him?

No, pizza-face took all his
equipment home to his mom's.

Now, if you can go over there and
get him to admit that he's wrong...

Alright,
come on guys.

Man, I can't believe we have to do
this while Timmy's already back in time.

Yeah, Timmy's probably back in
third grade right now living it up!

Timmy!

Timmy, ahh!

Alright,
let's try it again.

Children, we are now going to
do math problems.

But teacher, I don't want
to do my math problems.

You will do them or else you'll
be in very big trouble.

Well, I'm not goin' to
do it, teacher,

You can just
suck my balls.

Don't use that kind of
language, young man.

- No!
- No?

Look, you can't counter a profane
command with an idle threat.

You must extinguish it
with a vulgar suggestion.

When a child says
"suck my balls", you say,

"present them".

Now, let's try it again.

Suck my balls!

Present them.

Good... Very good.

You're ready to move on
to the next level.

But I warn you,

we will now be diving deep
into your own psyche.

These children know
what scares you

and so, we too
must face those demons.

I'm ready,
I'm not afraid.

You will be, you will be.

You will be.

God dammit,
this is ridiculous.

What?

Dude, can you please just stop
fighting with your friend

and build another machine so we can
travel back in time to the third grade?

Look, there aren't 73 episodes
of Star Trek, there are 72!

"The Menagerie" was a two-parter
that counts as one episode.

Pizza-face is wrong.

- Who the hell cares?
- I know!

Why does he have to be
such a dick about it it?

Won't it be better to just agree with
him and just forget the whole thing?

No, because he's wrong!

Look, you guys built a machine
together that can bend time.

If you'll just
agree with him

you can build another one and
usher in a whole new era of science.

And live in a world of 72 original
Star Treks? I don't think so.

I don't want to live
in that world.

God, these guys are such
geek dumb-asses!

I know.

Yeah, they don't even realize
that "the menagerie"

originally was the pilot and
later got split up into two episodes.

Those dumb-asses.

Wait a minute,
I've got it.

What?

Dude, if you guys build
another time machine

you can travel back in time
and ask the creator of Star Trek

how many episodes
there were!

Dear Jesus,
you're right.

This is it,
the tree of insight.

You must go in and
face what lives inside.

What lives inside?

Hell if I know,
I wouldn't go in there.

Alrighty.

Well?

What the-well, there's nothing in
here but an exit to the other side.

There's nothing
in here at all.

Oh, and I actually thought my
mental demons would be in here.

Wait a minute, maybe there's not
supposed to be anything in here.

Maybe I'm supposed to see that I alone
do have the strength to reach the kids.

I think I get it now.

Hey, hurry up
in there!

Jesus, you're taking too long
in the damn tree of insight!

You in there?

Hey, where the hell
did she go?

What the?

Who-who are you?

I am you,
I am your gay side.

My gay side...
I don't have a gay side!

You must face me
at last.

You aren't real,
you can't be.

It is me, your darkest fear,
your gay self incarnate.

What do you want?

I want you to not
fight me anymore,

to accept me
once and for all.

- Why?
- Don't you see?

All these years,
your pain, your confusion...

It comes from one place,
your denial of who you are,

of who we are.

But I'm not gay,
everyone just thinks I am.

Oh, stop it!

What about the time
you looked at.

Counselor Mackie's penis
in the men's locker room?

I was just
comparing size!

For seven minutes?

And what about the
time you masturbated

to the men's 100-meter
swimming relay at the Olympics?

I was beating off
to the chicks.

There were no chicks!

Oh, damn you, spirit,
haunt me no longer!

- Admit it!
- No!

You have to stop lying
to yourself and get...

Alright, Alright,
I admit it.

I'm gay!

I'm... Gay.

I'm gay.

I am gay!

You hear that, everyone?
I'm gay, I'm gay!

I'm gay and it...
And it feels good.

Alright, children,
I hope you all did your...

What is going on now?

Ha ha, teacher, we're traveling
back in time to third grade.

Godammit, you guys,
you seriously said this time

you'd stand up
and do it with me.

Oh, good gravy,
not this again.

Yes, we had
a new time machine built,

this one out of a simple
microwave oven and a duck.

Au revoir, Teacher, perhaps we
shall see you in the past, ha ha.

Gentlemen...

Children, I will
have order!

I can't wait for Gene Roddenberry
to tell you how wrong you are.

Just like when you said there were
no two-parters of "Battlestar Galactica".

There weren't!

The episode called "Guys on
Ice Planet Zero" was a two-parter!

No, it wasn't!!

Oh, son of
a bitch.

I'll kill you!

There it is,
come on everybody.

Children, get back
into your seats.

No way, lady.

Eric, I mean it.

You can suck my balls.

Present them.

What?

You said,
"suck my balls".

Well, go ahead, whip 'em out
and I'll suck 'em.

Tha-that's what
Mr. Garrison would've said.

Touché, Teacher, touché.

Now, children,
listen to me.

Why do you want to
go back in time?

Life isn't about going back,
it's about going forward.

Yes, there are times in our life
that we wish we could relive,

but if we already lived them
perfectly, why live them again?

The adventure of life is that
there's always something new...

New challenges,
new experiences.

A fun game is a game that
gets harder as it goes.

So it is with life.
Do you understand?

Dude... She's right.

Yeah, and you know,

now that I think about it, third
grade wasn't all that great either.

Yeah, third grade
sucked!

Cartman, why the hell did you try to
make us think third grade was so great?

Yeah, you suck,
Cartman.

What?

Alright, students,
that will be quite enough.

If you're ready,

let's continue on
with the fourth grade.

Dun-dun-duh!

Hey, Timmy's back.

Dude, it looks like
he's been all over time.

He must have such
cool stuff to tell us.

Ih-Timmy.

You know I'm always here
to help, Principal Victoria.

Hey, guess what, everybody,
I'm gay!

- Mr. Garrison?
- What?

I'm as gay as a gymnast
on shore leave!

You admit it?
You admit it!

Oh, that's great,
Mr. Garrison,

you've finally come to
terms with yourself.

Yeah, it feels
really good.

Well,
congratulations.

Yeah,
congratulations.

You know, I feel like
I can start anew.

If it's alright with you,
I will like to go back

to teaching
the third grade!

Oh, I'm sorry, we don't
hire gay people.