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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO ๏ปฟ1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000 - Synced and corrected by actumaxime - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 2 00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:06,757 Your Honor, Mr. Crane is charged 3 00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:08,759 with disorderly conduct after forcing his way 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,052 into the kitchen at Chez Louie 5 00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:12,888 and demanding to sanitize his dishes. 6 00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:15,474 Disorderly conduct? 7 00:00:15,515 --> 00:00:17,893 As a man with OCD, my client is incapable 8 00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:20,771 of being disorderly, according to these five 9 00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:23,440 hermetically sealed doctor's notes. 10 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,610 Humanity is in a silent war with germs, 11 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:29,237 and we're losing. Losing! 12 00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:32,157 Mr. Crane, only the Board of Health 13 00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,034 is allowed to burst into a kitchen unannounced, 14 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,745 and even they would frown upon Windexing vegetables. 15 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,915 Hm, $100 fine and community ser... 16 00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:41,583 Where is my gavel? 17 00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,295 You smell good. 18 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:48,423 Like a dirty martini with a Lemon Pledge twist. 19 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:52,552 Up next, the people versus Clark Everett. 20 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:56,890 Y... Ah, Sorry, Judge. My knees are killing me! 21 00:00:56,932 --> 00:00:59,101 I play catcher in "Damn Yankees." 22 00:00:59,142 --> 00:01:00,769 Well, it's my church's production, 23 00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:02,854 so it's "Dang Yankees." 24 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,023 Well, put 'er there. 25 00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,359 Your honor, with all due respect 26 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,362 to Nathan Lame over there... 27 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,322 isn't it time we got ourselves a permanent clerk? 28 00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,950 Or at least one who's not in a play that is so off-Broadway 29 00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:18,161 it is no longer technically theater? 30 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:21,123 Actually, we're not off Broadway or on Broadway. 31 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:22,791 We're under it. 32 00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:26,086 No one wants a killer clerk more than me, 33 00:01:26,128 --> 00:01:28,505 but with budget cuts, there's been a hiring freeze. 34 00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:30,424 Also a coffee-cup freeze. 35 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,092 We have to bring mugs from home now. 36 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:34,011 Made it for my mom in fifth grade. 37 00:01:34,052 --> 00:01:36,430 She asked if we could turn it back into clay 38 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:38,974 because at least clay has potential. 39 00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:41,935 Uh, it's not so bad. We're making it work. 40 00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,816 Also, to save money, they put our lights on a motion detector 41 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:50,527 that doesn't detect motion. 42 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:52,654 Alright, everybody! Headlamps! 43 00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:00,662 Let the record show it isthat bad! 44 00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,047 So, what are we looking for? 45 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:12,341 Because if it's rats, we can stop. 46 00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:16,053 They cut our handcuff budget, so I need duct tape. 47 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,929 Of course, they do it after the holidays 48 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:21,600 when everyone's all bloated with thick wrists. 49 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,560 What is Joltron Cola? 50 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:26,313 Joltron! I remember this! 51 00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:29,191 It has enough caffeine to kill a horse andrevive it. 52 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:31,485 You never heard of Joltron? 53 00:02:31,526 --> 00:02:33,987 Growing up, I didn't hear about a lot of stuff, Gurgs. 54 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:36,573 I was too focused on dominating my peers. 55 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:39,534 I'm personally responsible for four nervous breakdowns... 56 00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:42,454 three classmates, one tutor. 57 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,997 So this stuff was popular, huh? 58 00:02:44,039 --> 00:02:45,957 Joltron used to fly off the shelves. 59 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:49,670 That was before it was blamed for the 1997 Summer of Sprees... 60 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,172 carjacking, streaking, naked carjacking. 61 00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:53,799 It's Florida in a can. 62 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,843 You know, the budget cuts 63 00:02:56,885 --> 00:02:58,512 took away all the drinks in the cafeteria. 64 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:02,140 I bet we could sell this stuff. Just need a company name. 65 00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,685 Moore and Gurgs. We could be Morgues. 66 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,770 "You'll die when you see our prices!" 67 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,439 Whoo-hoo! This is gonna be fun! 68 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:12,359 Let's get these upstairs. Uh, I'll clean out this cooler. 69 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:13,985 Nope. 70 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,866 Hey, there... Linda. I'm Judge Stone. 71 00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:21,159 And I'm here with a petition 72 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,204 - to have my court's budget reinstated. - Take a number. 73 00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,047 Fifty-five! 74 00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:37,384 That's me. Ah. 75 00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:40,303 I just want you to know that I really respect this process. 76 00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:43,390 Every bubble, every box is important to me 77 00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:45,517 because it's important to you. 78 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:47,144 Denied. 79 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,939 Denied?! That must be a mistake! 80 00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,735 Oh, we're the government. We don't make mistakes. 81 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,738 But your petition had quite a few. 82 00:03:57,779 --> 00:04:00,949 Page ten, section F oval was toofilled in, 83 00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,285 as if done with resentment. 84 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:07,330 Box C3 needed to be completed in blue ink, 85 00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,750 but your ink had a violet hue. 86 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:11,877 It's called Blurple. 87 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,712 And since this is an even-numbered day, 88 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,882 the L9 is invalid without the X8. 89 00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,633 You need that X8. 90 00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:22,095 Okay, okay, well, I'm sure that I can fix every... 91 00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,431 And since this would be your second appeal, 92 00:04:24,473 --> 00:04:28,393 you need to fill out a different set of forms. 93 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,395 In triplicate. 94 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:32,314 Three times. 95 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,441 Once received, you'll have your answer 96 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,985 within 6 to 70 business days. 97 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:39,321 Be aware we work off the Swedish calendar, 98 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,990 so our weekends are most of the week. 99 00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:45,869 Now, you have a tough job. 100 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:48,288 It must be hard to say no all the time. 101 00:04:48,330 --> 00:04:50,165 Oh, I manage. 102 00:04:51,458 --> 00:04:55,253 I'm gonna get you to use that "yes" stamp. 103 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:59,424 Wow. That web was made by generations of spiders. 104 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:04,096 Fifty-six! 105 00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:08,600 Still me. 106 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,936 Look. I'm sure there are things we could do without, 107 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,604 but a clerk is not one of them! 108 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:16,608 So you're saying there are more things you can do without? 109 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:19,945 Here's your "yes"... to another audit! 110 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,988 Who says "yes" to a bad thing?! 111 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:25,742 La-la-la-Liinnddaaa! 112 00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:27,828 Fifty-seven! 113 00:05:27,829 --> 00:05:29,579 *** 114 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:37,837 That's it! These budget cuts have gone too far! 115 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:40,048 You know, I don't even miss spoons and knives. 116 00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:43,010 I'm getting used to forking my borscht. 117 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:46,138 What? That's not about me. 118 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,557 Look at my shoe! 119 00:05:48,598 --> 00:05:49,891 They're scuffed! 120 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,894 The bastards took my shoeshine stand away! 121 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:54,187 I don't mind the lights going out. 122 00:05:54,229 --> 00:05:55,814 I don't need to look at you people. 123 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,733 But this! 124 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,277 I look like a school administrator. 125 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:04,239 Worst part is it happened out of the blue 126 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:06,867 and not because of anyone's actions! 127 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,329 What the fork did you do? 128 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,749 Only everything right! 129 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:15,876 I went to City Hall, I took a number, 130 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,086 and "Linda" still denied every request. 131 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:21,298 She didn't like blurple, Dan. Blurple. 132 00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:25,594 - Hey. You done with the fork? - Oh, yeah. 133 00:06:25,635 --> 00:06:27,054 I'm gonna need it back. 134 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:30,807 Dan, it's gonna be fine. 135 00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,434 I just have to do some more paperwork, 136 00:06:32,476 --> 00:06:34,478 and it should all be fixed before news of the exterminator 137 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:35,854 being cut gets to the... 138 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,523 ... roaches. 139 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,943 Alright. You know what? I'm gonna take care of this myself. 140 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,737 They say you can't fight City Hall. 141 00:06:43,779 --> 00:06:47,574 Well... I'm not gonna fight. 142 00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,995 Take a number. 143 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,040 How about 12? 144 00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,461 Bryant, put these in the leak bucket. 145 00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,546 The water's brown, but it's fine. 146 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:04,132 So what brings youhere? 147 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,468 Fate. Linda means "beauty" in Spanish. 148 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:09,888 And now I can tell that your face is fluent. 149 00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:11,848 And you are... ? 150 00:07:11,890 --> 00:07:14,309 Dan Fielding. At your service. 151 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:16,478 You know, I did come down here to talk about the courthouse, 152 00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,647 but now I think I'm more interested 153 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:23,235 in a courtship. Con tu, seรฑorita. 154 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,990 I see. Bryant, make yourself busy. 155 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,659 Copy that. 156 00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,119 Lights on or off? 157 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,038 On. On. Leave the light on. On. On. 158 00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,792 Dan Fielding, is it? 159 00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,168 You thought you could come in here 160 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,629 like some stretched-out Wolf Blitzer... 161 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,091 ... wave some flowers around, 162 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,801 give the basement lady some attention, 163 00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:49,594 and get what you want? 164 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,722 Yeah, pretty much about it. 165 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,724 You live on West 86th. 166 00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:56,351 That's the block with 24-hour construction, right? 167 00:07:56,393 --> 00:08:00,313 - No. No, no. There's no construction. - There is now. 168 00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:03,358 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Please. Leave my street alone. 169 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,444 I have family you can hurt. 170 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,864 Now... let's talk about 171 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,907 what you can reallydo for me. 172 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:15,245 La-la-la-Liinnddaaa! 173 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:19,124 Well, spoons are back, the lights are on, 174 00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,500 and your shoes are blinding. 175 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:23,378 Yeah. That's right. Saved the day. As usual. 176 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,589 I look forward to my thank-you gift. 177 00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:27,591 Cash. 178 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,092 How'd you do it? 179 00:08:29,134 --> 00:08:31,053 Well, I just embraced America's favorite pastime. 180 00:08:31,094 --> 00:08:32,429 A little gentle finagling. 181 00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:36,016 Even managed to get you a new clerk. 182 00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:37,684 Is it court time? 183 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:40,604 Linda's assistant? 184 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,105 Oh, no. Much more than Linda's assistant. 185 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,857 He's also her son. 186 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:46,109 Turns out he's been having a little trouble finding himself 187 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,445 since he took his gap decade. 188 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:51,365 This is nepotism. One of my least favorite -isms. 189 00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:54,743 And your dad was an ice-road trucker, huh? 190 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:57,204 You know what? You're the only one not happy about this. 191 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:59,456 Who the hell got soda put back in the cafeteria? 192 00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:03,001 - You're welcome. - "You're welcome" blocked! 193 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:05,087 Did it ever occur to you that two work friends 194 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,089 might be launching a beverage consortium? 195 00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:08,465 You killed our semi-legal business 196 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:12,302 selling semi-lethal soda, and we are full mad. 197 00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,721 You know what? You guys are just jealous that my way worked. 198 00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:16,098 Your way didn't work. 199 00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:17,724 If it did, we'd have a real clerk right now. 200 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:20,102 For all we know, he could be the next great legal mind. 201 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,978 - Just needs a little molding. - You're right. 202 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:25,440 I shouldn't judge a book by the fact that it's all pictures. 203 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:28,276 Bryant? Bryant! 204 00:09:28,318 --> 00:09:30,696 I'm Bryant, the new clerk! 205 00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,239 Hi. I'm Judge Abby Stone. 206 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,367 Hold on. I'm about to do a really important jump. 207 00:09:36,368 --> 00:09:39,371 So much to mold. 208 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:49,214 Man, people are still buying this stuff 209 00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,550 - even though the drinks are back. - Money on the table. 210 00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:02,019 One woman drank two cans and tried to fight a cement wall. 211 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,229 She won. 212 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:06,565 That's a great story, but you got to get back to work. 213 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:10,360 And the next time there's a wall fight, charge to watch. 214 00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:12,112 Well, okay. I'll get back to it. 215 00:10:12,154 --> 00:10:13,864 - "Morgues" on three. - There's no time, Gurgs. 216 00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,408 "Morgues" on one. One. You missed it. Go. 217 00:10:16,450 --> 00:10:17,617 Morgues! 218 00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:22,289 Okay, Bryant, let's try this one more time. 219 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:24,624 How do we get you to care about the law? 220 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,418 Um, what about... 221 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,504 the law isn't all that different from a video game. 222 00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,299 I freaking love video games! There's this one I play... 223 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:34,217 Okay. Okay. Great. Let's go with that. 224 00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,345 Video games are just like the law. 225 00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,263 There are rules that we have to navigate. 226 00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:40,974 And you can kill as many people as you want. 227 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,726 You can't, though. 228 00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:44,561 What are some other things you care about? 229 00:10:44,603 --> 00:10:46,813 Oh! Your mom! Your mom! You care about your mom, right? 230 00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:50,359 I'm not a mama's boy. I've had sex! 231 00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,862 What does that have to do with anything?! 232 00:10:55,405 --> 00:10:56,990 Why am I trying to make this work? 233 00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:58,658 Because you're my mentor. 234 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,161 Is that what you think is happening right now? 235 00:11:01,203 --> 00:11:02,913 Well, yeah. My mom's not around. 236 00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:05,374 I need someone to tell me what to do. 237 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:12,589 I would love to be your mentor, but, ugh, I just can't! 238 00:11:12,631 --> 00:11:16,051 - Err! - Because I make more money than you. 239 00:11:16,093 --> 00:11:18,178 No, that's not... Wait. Do you?! 240 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:21,598 I have got the most perfect mentor for you. 241 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,142 Don't change a thing. You're gonna drive him crazy. 242 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,770 I... I mean, he's gonna be crazy about you. 243 00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,774 - Dan. - No. 244 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:35,112 What qualities would you say you're looking for 245 00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:39,366 in a mentee of 41 who's had sex? 246 00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:42,911 Who told you to do this? 247 00:11:42,953 --> 00:11:46,164 The little one with the cape on backwards. 248 00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:49,626 Well, in that case, my advice to this 249 00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:53,005 sexually active young man would be to go take a flying... 250 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,881 Hey, Mom! 251 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,092 I came by to support my... 252 00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,468 No one's buying this. 253 00:11:58,510 --> 00:12:00,637 I'm just here to make sure that this jackass 254 00:12:00,679 --> 00:12:03,432 is taking care of my jackass. 255 00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:05,809 She worries. 256 00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:08,478 I was bullied a lot by my college for plagiarizing. 257 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:12,274 Took one form to turn that campus into a DMV. 258 00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:14,693 Most of the professors still work there. 259 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,907 So, Dan, what was your advice? 260 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,535 My advice would be 261 00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:26,163 for you to find a mentor, 262 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:31,001 which you have and I love doing. 263 00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:32,836 You're my mentor. 264 00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:35,714 No. Man-tor! 265 00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:38,717 No. Dan-tor! 266 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:41,762 This warms my heart. 267 00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:44,014 Come, let's go get you a Cutie orange. 268 00:12:44,056 --> 00:12:46,350 - And I'm peeling it! - No! 269 00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,772 I think 20 years has made the soda stronger. 270 00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:57,277 Wow. We really cornered the market. 271 00:12:57,319 --> 00:12:59,529 And Flobert is an incredible salesman. 272 00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:02,366 Hey, man. You want to touch the sky? 273 00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,536 Flobert's a part of our thing now? 274 00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,580 You're just gonna let him dance in on our profits? 275 00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:11,208 You think he can twirl?! He's got bad knees! 276 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,377 Well, his knees have been good enough 277 00:13:13,418 --> 00:13:15,754 to tap-dance all over your sales numbers. 278 00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:18,340 Maybe you need to step up your game, Gurgs. 279 00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:19,883 You better watch out. 280 00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,927 I wasn't originally cast as the catcher. 281 00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:25,972 The guy who was caught a one-way ticket down a flight of stairs. 282 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,229 How's your new buddy working out? 283 00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,564 Oh. Oh. G... Great. 284 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:36,942 Uh, the questions, the bonding. 285 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,652 The orange peeling... 286 00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:41,405 because if he does it, he rubs his eyes, and then it's all, 287 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:44,449 "It burns! Danny, it burns!" 288 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,160 I just love seeing this. 289 00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:48,870 You two are in it for the long haul. 290 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:52,165 And the U-Haul. He said he was gonna ask you to help him move. 291 00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:56,545 Well, like the hand that Bryant got stuck in his mouth 292 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:59,631 when he was eating that orange, I'm all-in. 293 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:03,260 Alright, Bryant, let's get this show on the road. 294 00:14:03,301 --> 00:14:04,594 Sure thing, Judge. 295 00:14:04,636 --> 00:14:08,849 Just gotta fold my newspaper like my Dan-tor. 296 00:14:11,727 --> 00:14:15,605 Uh, Dan, it's bullying me. 297 00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,524 I told you it's simple. You close the door. 298 00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:20,694 Shut the window. Fold the menu. Tuck! 299 00:14:23,447 --> 00:14:24,865 Dan, it's just a newspaper. 300 00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,450 There's a lot of ways to fold them. 301 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,368 Oh, you know there's not. 302 00:14:29,745 --> 00:14:32,247 Next up, the people versus 303 00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,124 Mrs. Lipschitz? 304 00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:35,667 Oh, my God! Is that for real?! 305 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:39,212 Dan, your client is named Lipschitz! 306 00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,965 I know. Permission to approach. 307 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,801 You did this on purpose. 308 00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:47,637 I only fixed the first couple. Then I got lucky. 309 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:50,474 A fight broke out at the Wiener family reunion. 310 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,936 - Your Honor, my client... - Mrs. Lipschitz. 311 00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,439 You got to stop saying it. 312 00:14:58,523 --> 00:14:59,983 Bryant, it's only a name. 313 00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:02,944 Like Rod Sackhoff or Dick Butkus. 314 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,821 I'm sorry, Your Honor, 315 00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:08,116 but you're picking, like, all the worst ones! 316 00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:10,327 The defendant is charged with reckless driving. 317 00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:12,162 On a Rascal scooter. 318 00:15:12,204 --> 00:15:14,623 Could we just please let this go with a warning 319 00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,334 and not say the defendant's name again? 320 00:15:17,376 --> 00:15:19,002 Sure. Case dismissed. 321 00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:21,588 Thanks for being a good sport, Mrs. Lipschitz. 322 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,757 Every time. 323 00:15:23,799 --> 00:15:26,510 It's actually a huge improvement 324 00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,345 over my maiden name. 325 00:15:28,387 --> 00:15:31,556 - I was Geraldine... - Don't! 326 00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:34,601 Whisper it to me. I gotta know. 327 00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:39,815 Your Honor, I have to apologize 328 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,025 for letting that name get the best of me. 329 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,735 I'll try to be better. 330 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:47,698 I'm a guy who reads newspapers now. 331 00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:50,283 Why don't you take some time to collect yourself? 332 00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:53,995 Five-minute recess! 333 00:15:56,248 --> 00:15:58,834 You gave him my cell number! 334 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,795 He has to be able to reach his mentor 24/7. 335 00:16:01,837 --> 00:16:03,630 And I know you're not gonna throw out your phone 336 00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:06,216 because you love that picture of you and Phil Collins. 337 00:16:06,258 --> 00:16:09,886 Bye, Phil. 338 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:14,724 Alright. I've had enough. Make it stop, or I'm gonna 339 00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:17,226 *** 340 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,484 Alright. We need a plan. The kid has got to go. 341 00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,612 But if we cross his mother, she's gonna turn 342 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,614 my apartment building into a septic tank 343 00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,116 with a view of the park. 344 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:33,285 Dan, I couldn't figure it out either. 345 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,288 Then Flobert sold me this $9 can of ideas. 346 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,706 Now I got tons of 'em! 347 00:16:37,748 --> 00:16:40,584 "Shark Tank" ideas, shoe ideas, TV-show ideas! 348 00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:44,796 Get this... King. Kong's. Family. 349 00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:48,425 - Doomed. Got it. - No. Hey! No, no! Don't go! 350 00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,802 You haven't heard my idea of how we're gonna get rid of him. 351 00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:53,013 - You and I work together. - I think I'd rather watch 352 00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:55,974 a whole season of "King Kong's Family." 353 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,810 We can beat Linda at her own game. 354 00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:01,396 I... I mean, with my form-filling skills and your ability 355 00:17:01,438 --> 00:17:03,982 to cynically nitpick, we'll leave no loop unholed! 356 00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,902 Dan, I've seen the future. This works. 357 00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,654 Also, I'll have four kids and a bob. 358 00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,032 You got all of that from one can? 359 00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:13,992 Yeah. Just don't ask me how you die. 360 00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:18,080 Promise me you'll never go to Nevada. 361 00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:19,456 "May cause..." 362 00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:21,249 What's "fire brain"? 363 00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,587 - I think we're about to find out. - I... I... 364 00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:26,880 Well, well. 365 00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:30,217 See you up there. 366 00:17:33,679 --> 00:17:35,847 Poor faster, Sandy! 367 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,683 What are you doing down here? 368 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,476 Oh, well, we're out of fight juice, 369 00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:40,977 so I'm making my own. 370 00:17:41,019 --> 00:17:43,021 Coffee brewed with Mr. Pibb instead of water. 371 00:17:43,063 --> 00:17:45,732 The can seals itself. It's a side effect of the chemicals. 372 00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:48,026 Science is cool! I know, right? 373 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,861 How much of that have you had? 374 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:52,280 I can hear your heartbeat through your mouth. 375 00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:53,865 Well, I... I gotta keep up 376 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,492 so you don't replace me with Flobert. 377 00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:57,828 I don't hear pouring, Sandy! 378 00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,581 Oh, God. I did this. 379 00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:04,751 I made you Florida in a person. 380 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:06,753 Nah. I'm good. 381 00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,755 I'm stepping up my game. We're making money. 382 00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:11,258 I can move things with my mind now. 383 00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:16,138 Nah, everything in here is too heavy. 384 00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:17,431 Uh, you know what? 385 00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:19,558 Caused a lot of nervous breakdowns in my life, 386 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:23,061 but this is the first one I feel bad about. 387 00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:25,981 - It's time to shut this down. - Oh, thank God. Whew! 388 00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:27,899 Maybe we can get back to doing fun things. 389 00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,402 Let's go to the hospital. 390 00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:33,030 - My fingernails are sweating. - Oh! 391 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:48,962 Oh! Bup-bup-bup-bup! No blurple! 392 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,425 The fine print on this one says, 393 00:18:53,467 --> 00:18:56,094 "Everything you're writing means the opposite." 394 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:59,097 Run it back. Run it back! 395 00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:00,349 Ungh! 396 00:19:10,442 --> 00:19:13,945 - Aah! Aah! Aah! - No pain! No pain! 397 00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,156 Straighten out, or I'll cut you off! 398 00:19:16,198 --> 00:19:17,407 Get... Yeah. 399 00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:26,958 Lind-a-a-a-a-a! 400 00:19:27,876 --> 00:19:29,086 Good day, Linda. 401 00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,879 I don't remember calling your number. 402 00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:32,839 We have all the numbers. 403 00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,968 We're also here filing on behalf of the court. 404 00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:40,430 Bryant! That's your cue, baby. 405 00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:43,350 Mom, don't be alarmed. It's me. 406 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:48,021 I think you'll find that this paperwork is flawless. 407 00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:51,775 "Flawless." That's a big word. 408 00:19:51,817 --> 00:19:55,153 Wait. These are beautiful! 409 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:58,323 Forms! Subforms! Addendums! 410 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,827 You even found applications that are no longer in print! 411 00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,662 I hired a TaskRabbit to infiltrate 412 00:20:03,704 --> 00:20:05,163 the Library of Discontinued Documents 413 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,957 in Little Serbia out on Randall's Island. 414 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:09,543 It was almost too easy. 415 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:11,420 This is undeniable. 416 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,797 I have no choice but to say yes. 417 00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,508 And yet... 418 00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:18,885 saying no is who I am! 419 00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:24,182 - Without that, I'm nothing! - Go with it, Linda. 420 00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:26,560 Feel that "yes" flowing through your body. 421 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:31,314 Huh... I... did it! 422 00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,152 It was the table, but it's a start. 423 00:20:35,193 --> 00:20:37,279 Uh, there is one more form. 424 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,031 It's an XQ-14B. 425 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:42,951 An XQ-14B? You're firing me? 426 00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:45,328 But I'm in suit clothes. 427 00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:48,999 Bryant, you weren't happy up there, 428 00:20:49,041 --> 00:20:50,334 and you don't need our approval. 429 00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:53,420 And you would never have gotten it. 430 00:20:53,462 --> 00:20:55,213 I think there is a person in this room 431 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:57,549 whose approval you doneed. 432 00:20:57,591 --> 00:20:59,801 Linda, if you could say "yes" to those forms, 433 00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:03,096 I think you could say "yes" to something even more special. 434 00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:13,065 - Oh. - Does it say "approved"? 435 00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:15,442 Well, kinda. Your head's pretty greasy. 436 00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:20,280 And that's the power of a "yes"! 437 00:21:20,322 --> 00:21:24,409 Dan, I know this feelslike goodbye... 438 00:21:24,451 --> 00:21:27,079 Oh, Bryant. It's absolutely goodbye. 439 00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:35,414 - Synced and corrected by actumaxime - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 32809

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