All language subtitles for Quick.Change.1990.1080p.BluRay.x264-RANDOMMOVIE

Nude women!

Nude women!

Clowns welcome!

Clowns welcome!

Nude women!
Clowns welcome!

- Hey! I got three more minutes.
- Un-uh. Come back tomorrow.

- I said we're closed, Bozo.
- I wouldn't.

And that's "Mr. Bozo," okay?

Say, t... that's right.
It ain't quite closing time yet.

Hugh...

let's not mess
with me today, okay?

I'm robbing the bank.

What the hell
kind of clown are you?

The crying-on-the-inside kind,
I guess.

Look, I'm just an old man.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Let's go.

This is a robbery.

Do you believe this?

- This is a robbery.
- It is!

Thank you.

Alright, quiet, put your hands
on top of your head. Stand up.

We're all gonna die.

We're, we're all gonna die.

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!
We're all gonna d...

Button it up, pal.
Nobody likes a whiner.

Don't anybody move.

What did I just say?

Huh?

Alright. That's better.

Fill this up
with regular, please.

Hey, that's my money.

Don't worry about it.
It's insured.

She didn't give me
no receipt yet.

They can't, they can't insure it

if I don't got no receipt.

Would you please
give him a receipt?

And you... watch the
double negatives, huh?

Yes, sir.

Okay, anybody else
need a receipt?

Last chance.

Okay, we're all going
into the vault now.

Keep your hands on
top of your head.

Come on out, everybody, let's go.

Do as he says, everyone.

This will all be over
with presently.

Don't dilly-dally.
That's it.

Hey, you guys, move it! Move it!

Move it back!

- Do you have the key to this?
- You bet.

I'm gonna need
another one of these filled up

from in there. Thanks.

And I'm gonna need you
to make a phone call for me...

presently.

Now, the police are gonna want
me to let some of you people go

as a sign of good faith.

The best way to get out
is to stay calm.

If they want proof
that I'm serious...

I'll carve up
the troublemakers first.

Jesus, God!

- Shut up.
- Oh, Jesus! God!

- God!
- Shh!

- May I use your phone?
- Yes.

Give up now.
That is the only door.

There is no other way out,
my friend.

Tell them anybody gets near this
place, I'm gonna blow it up.

If I don't hear from the guy
in charge in 15 minutes,

I'm gonna send your thumb out
through the night depository.

And, thanks...

for calling me friend.

This is Princeton. You have
less than 15 minutes to call in.

Do not come near the bank.
He is covered in dynamite.

Hot dogs! Hot dogs! Hot dogs!

Give me sound down.

Okay, chief, apparently,
we've got 12 people in there.

One guy, heavily armed.

Bank security got this picture.

This is our perpetrator.

The hostage negotiator's
on his way, sir.

Tell him he won't be needed.

- Till when, sir?
- Till I'm no longer chief.

To my beloved wife Carol,
I leave the house in Westchester

and the apartment
on 78th Street.

The entire stock portfolio
will be divided equally

among our children.

David, you can have
the Giants tickets.

Don't do this.

It'll be okay.

He, he said...

he'd carve up
the troublemakers first.

Why don't you shut the hell up?

Crybaby.

Damn!

Give me a break.

Coming.

- Mom?
- This is Rotzinger.

Who are you? Where's mom?

Chief of police.
Get your butt out of there now.

You know, I was in 'Nam
with a jerk like you.

Oh, boy.

Ah, what's your name, son?
What shall I call you?

Well...

I always liked the name Chip.

Would you call me Chip?

Okay.

What was that shooting
just now, Chip?

Oh, wait!
Call me Skip.

Okay, Skip.

What was that shooting?

Well, the cameras.

I shot the cameras.
They were looking at me.

Quit looking at me!

My God. He's barking.

Skip, we can be inside,
on top of you, in a heartbeat.

Try to run,
you won't get five feet.

Yeah, well, you tell your men

just one bullet
could hit some dynamite

and blow up the whole street.

I've planted it
everywhere, you know.

Don't you think I know how you
plan to get out of there?

Switch on a tape recorder,
I'm talking to a machine

while you crawl out through
the third-floor heating vent.

Not a bad plan,
except I couldn't fit

with all this money.
And besides, I've booby-trapped

the vents with
heavy explosives.

Come on down!
Get out of there!

God, I hate this town.

Ah, let's see if we can make
a deal here, Chip. Uh, Skip.

I'd like to get
those people out of there.

Fine.

I want a city bus

with a full tank of gas.

I want, um,
a Harley-Davidson XL1000.

- I want a monster truck.
- A what?

And I want two
Jet Ranger helicopters

here on the street.

I'll get you the choppers,
I'll get you the bus, the Harley

and the, uh, the monster truck
just as soon as

you give me the damn hostages.

Oh, yeah, I'm sure
no harm will come to me

once I'm inside the bank
all by myself.

- At least give me the women.
- Get your own women.

One hostage per demand.

One? Listen, I've had just about
enough of your comedy, clown.

We're coming in
through the plate glass.

Alright,
I gotta hang up now

because I gotta go
kill everybody, okay?

Don't bust my chops, wise guy.
It's not that easy.

It takes time to find
two Jet Cruisers,

and pilots who are willing
to fly out an armed felon.

I don't need a pilot.

Now, you got 30 minutes
to meet my first demand.

- What's your number out there?
- 259-0660.

Don't try anything rash,
or you're dead

along with everyone else.

6-0?

And that's here
in area code 212?

Oh...

Alright. Do what he says, the
chopper and the bus, everything.

Set them up out here
as soon as they arrive.

Is it a diversion, chief,
or is he crazy?

He's not crazy,
he'll come out of that bank

with a few hostages
also dressed as clowns.

He'll make a run
for one of the choppers

assuming we're afraid
to shoot down a hostage.

Are we?

He said no pilots.

That means he's flying it.

Probably learned how in 'Nam.

Now, they'll get a bead
on whichever clown

takes the controls
and take him out

before he even
leaves the ground.

Here he comes.

- He's gonna let one of us go.
- Oldest first.

That makes sense, save the one
who will die first

of natural causes.

You prick.

I'm gonna vomit.

We better get him
out of here first.

- No way!
- The hell with him.

It's been decided.
I'm the first to go.

- What?
- Hey, come on.

- Who decided it?
- I did.

It really isn't your decision,
Mr. Adolf Hitler.

Have you got my money
ready back there?

It's here.

You're the kind of person that
gets innocent bystanders killed.

They're meeting my first demand.

Alright, to show this
fascist dictator here

how our system works,
I'm gonna let you folks decide

who's gonna be
the first to go.

- Him!
- Him!

- Him?
- Yes!

Let's... Come on. Come on.

Let's go, you...
Get downwind of me.

Ooh.

Sir, is human life at stake?

The stink of death
was in the air.

He said he knew how to make men
sit up and bark!

Oh, don't exaggerate
or anything.

And so we have our first report
from inside the bank.

Our first description
of this clown

at whom no one is laughing.

Whoo!
Now, that's original.

Steve, Jody, I'll be here until
the last hostage is released.

Can it. Here comes Clarabelle.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Whoa.

- What's this?
- It's, uh, just a gift.

Okay, it's an Audemars Piguet.

Moon phase, 18-karat gold,
alligator band.

Thing cost me 12,000, but it
keeps appreciating every day.

As I say,
it's, it's my gift to you.

- Boy, it is nice.
- Isn't it?

- I can't keep this.
- Oh, don't be silly.

No, I would be beholden.

May I buy it?

I mean, would you take
three bills for it?

Three hundred dollars?

Well, unless someone wants
to make a higher offer.

Does anyone want to go higher
than 300 on this?

It's got a moon on it.

Great. And here's my watch.

It's a Timex...

and the band is the
Twist-o-Flex by Speidel.

I appreciate this damn thing
more and more every day.

You... pig.

Excuse me? Ha-ha. Pig?

I doubt it. Think the lady
protests too much, or what?

I think you're just afraid
to party with a real man.

A real man,
who has to use a gun...

who has to dress up like that
and... and keep people prisoner?

You're not a man.

You're a coward.

Oh, oh, no. No!

She... She does not speak
for the rest of us, Mr. Clown.

We think you're quite brave.
And... and manly.

You big pussy!
I don't believe you.

You're all a bunch of pussies.

Why don't you take her out next?

You don't need
this kind of aggravation.

- Hey, chief.
- Yeah?

On the bus, we've got
an ex-Green Beret

stashed under the back seat.
In the motorcycle,

we got exactly enough gas
to carry it half a mile.

We stationed
our sharp-shooters

a half-mile in every
possible direction.

- Any word on the monster truck?
- Yeah, about half an hour.

Did the hostage give you a
description of the perpetrator?

Yeah. Average height, average
build, red nose and blue hair.

Thanks.

Thank you for using AT&T.

Your bike's out here
and so's your bus.

- You owe me two more hostages.
- They're coming.

Tell me when my monster truck
gets here.

Too-da-loo.

- You ready, doll?
- All set.

Relax.
I'm right behind you.

Come on, already.

Son of a bitch! Bastard!

Are you people alright?

Let's just keep moving.

He's peeking at us
through the curtains.

The man is an animal.

I mean, ripping out phones,
urinating on desks.

You see what he did
to Miss Cochran's shirt?

There's a scratch here.

I mean, it's not deep,
but it's there.

It's okay.

Did he hurt anybody else?

Is the strain
beginning to show on him?

"If I could sleep ten days
and nights in a rice paddy,

I could certainly
last in this lousy bank."

This is what the animal
said to us.

He says to Miss Cochran here,

"Baby, up your butt
with a coconut."

I think he was prepared
to do it,

except I saw no coconut.

Yeah, he had no coconut
to my knowledge.

No coconut, huh?

What about dynamite?
Did you see any?

Any? It's everywhere.

I... it's on him. It's on us.

Hostages strapped
to tables as shields.

The man is an animal.

He's sick.

You okay, mister?

- Officer Martin?
- Yes, sir.

Take these two to the doctor,
just as a precaution.

Yes, sir.

- The key is, he's an animal.
- That much is clear, sir.

Oh, so I'm repeating myself.

I suppose you want to just
throw me back in there with him.

It's 4:48.

If he hasn't called back
by 5:00, we storm the bank.

Damn.

This is Rotzinger.

Sir, can you
give me a little more time?

I, I promise
I won't hurt anybody...

I'll call you right back.
I promise.

Now, where were we?

Oh, Phyllis!
Oh, Phyllis!

Grimm.

Oh!

Guys!

Phyllis, you were
so great back there.

I felt like you were
protecting me for real.

Well, because I couldn't tell
if you were pretending.

- You were really good.
- Yeah, it's true.

Let's see Miss Meryl Streep
try to vomit on cue, huh?

Fantastic.

Loomis, could we have
two seconds alone?

- Sure, Grimm.
- Thanks.

I can't believe we did it.

Do you remember the night
you proposed?

- Proposed?
- Yeah.

Oh, you mean the night
that the pipes froze

and the heat went out?
And as we lay there freezing,

waiting to be discovered dead,
you gave me that look.

That look a woman
gives her man that says,

"I blame you for everything."

Yeah, that look.

And I said to you, "Phyllis,
before we lose our self-respect,

let's make a commitment.
Let's not be the Bickersons,

like every other couple
on the IRT.

I know a way.

Phyllis, will you
rob a bank with me?"

I will, Grimm. I will.

Grimm...

I have to tell you something.

Uh, I... I found
something out yesterday.

What? What is it?

I just feel funny.

I feel... You know,
I feel complete.

Grimm, you already
were complete.

You know, if you were
any more complete,

it would be a little scary.

Maybe this is a bad neighborhood

for getting in touch
with our feelings.

Yeah, especially with a fortune
in our falsies.

Alright, I gotta make
a quick call to the chief.

- This is Rotzinger.
- Yes.

Have you got
Prince Albert in a can?

Feeling better, I see.

Your Macho Maniac is here.
You owe me another hostage.

Alright,
I gotta check it out.

I'm going over to the window.
Tell your men to get back.

Did you have
something to tell me?

I want to wait.

I can see from right here
it doesn't have

a hydraulic tilt body.
It's unacceptable.

What? You son of a bitch.

You never said a goddamn word

about a "tilting
hydraulic body."

We had to send all the way to
Jersey for this goddamn thing.

Don't insult me.

Now, you get me
a respectable monster truck

and don't get back to me
until you do, okay?

- What was that?
- What was what?

Don't try to change the subject.

- No tilt body, no hostages.
- I want hostages.

It's gonna take time to find
a tilting hydraulic body.

Well, that's not my problem.

It was an accident.

They would have waited forever
to go into that bank.

Just throw me out of the car
and run me over.

I could have called them from
anywhere in the world tonight

just to tell them
I was still in the bank.

Let's get to the airport. We'll
pretend this didn't happen.

Now, you get me
a respectable monster truck

and don't get back to me
until you do, okay?

There it is, a beep.

Can you isolate that beep
with this equipment?

- I can try.
- I... it could be a horn.

Clowns carry horns,
like those little rubber ones.

Sometimes their noses are horns.

I wanna know what beeped, fast,
because I'll tell you

what I think it was goddamn it.

And it wasn't his fucking nose.

It was a car horn.

How much time
did we lose, exactly?

They won't storm the bank until
they're sure I'm not there,

and then there's
the period of chaos

while they round up the hostages

and take statements
and names and...

Finally, they'll realize
some are missing.

- By then...
- Our plane is taking off?

And they still
won't know who we are.

For God's sake,
shut that up!

Turn that trash off!

God, I hate this town.

Grimm, guess what.

Wait a second. I never
scouted this neighborhood.

Did we miss the expressway?

I didn't see it.

They were working on the signs
back there.

Go! Go! Go!
Go! Go! Go!

We wanna get on the
Brooklyn Queens Expressway.

- What?
- The BQE.

Wow, you know, jeez,
we don't know where that is.

- Shut up!
. Hey, you shut up!

- Shut up!
- Shut up! Shut up!

Let's just
walk through this, okay?

Does that sign say BQE?

Yeah.

Okay, so which way
was the arrow pointing?

That was an hour ago,

and that witch ain't stopped
screaming the whole time.

Yeah. She even had
her baby screaming at us.

Alright, let me try this, will
you be putting up a new sign?

- Not today.
- Today's just taking shit down.

Can you tell us anything?

The names of a street,
any street?

- The directions, north, south?
- It's not our neighborhood.

Honey, babe.

You've got a gun. Shoot them.

I want to,
but they're fur-bearing.

I'd need some kind of permit,
wouldn't I?

Say, I want to thank you guys,
you could've given us help,

but you've given us
so much more.

Hey, that's what
we're here for, right?

I'm glad this happened.

It's just another
little reminder

of why we pulled this thing.

You know what their problem is?

They live here, that's all.

But we don't. Not anymore.

How hot does this baby burn?

Anybody find a watch out there?

Chief, did you really
send men into the sewer?

Are you grasping
at straws, chief?

How much time was wasted
in the sewer?

Where do you guys
get this stuff?

Take the hostages' statements
in the bus to save time.

He's getting farther away
every second.

Oh, we're really
making progress now.

I saw a sign, Phyllis.

If we could just
find a landmark.

Ask this guy.

Excuse me. Sir?

Sir? Excuse me.

It's bad luck just seeing
a thing like that.

Things are going to hell,
aren't they?

Knock it off. It's just a couple
of guys sorting out some things.

Now we're gonna find
a familiar street soon.

I'd settle
for a familiar borough.

I think we're... we're near
John Philip Sousa.

That was our junior high school.
Aren't we, Grimm?

Not unless there's been an
H-bomb mishap since prom.

Can you help us find the BQE?

Glad to. Got a map
right here in the glove.

Oh!

Wait a minute.
This guy's too wonderful.

- So?
- So definitely a felon.

Dangerous.
Probably a serial killer.

Oh... Maybe he's just
from out of town.

- He is. He's got Iowa plates.
- There you go.

Where was
the Clutter family from?

- Kansas.
- Just checking.

Say, the bank was really
beautiful, wasn't it?

It sure was, Grimm.

Hey, Phyllis.

Grimm needs a little reassuring.

No, he doesn't.

He's complete now.

- There you are.
- Great.

Great. Thank you.

Hey, is everybody
this nice in Iowa?

- Iowa?
- Yeah.

Oh! Well, that's a stolen car.

Grimm doesn't seem
any different to you, does he?

Well, yesterday,
he was just a guy

working in the
Department of City Planning.

And today, he's a
world-class bank robber.

Thank you, Loomis.
You're very comforting.

Oh, this is a fucking nightmare.

He doesn't even know
the capital of Iowa.

Shut up.

Wow. This must be my lucky day.

You got some real money here.

Four dollars?

Well, I couldn't
get to the bank today.

Let me give you this watch.

It's worth $12,000.
I talked the guy down.

He ended up giving it to me
for 300, but nice, huh?

God, are you a sucker.
Let's see what's in the trunk.

Thanks. Bye-bye.

Oh, sir, you,
you forgot your map.

And our million dollars.

- Was it Dubuque?
- Des Moines.

Now can we go to the airport?

In the clothes
we wore out of the bank?

Flatbush is 15 minutes
from here.

We'll stop at Woolworth's.
The sky's the limit, baby.

You know, I... if Albert Einstein
here hadn't honked the horn,

we could've changed our clothes
before they were stolen.

It was an accident, Phyllis.

Oh, you know, so was Chernobyl.

True. But Loomis didn't
irradiate anybody.

Yeah.

Ow!

- Grimm, make her stop it.
- Hey, don't you worry about it.

When I hit you, you can
start worrying. And you.

What are you hitting him for

when you really want
to be hitting me?

What are you talking about?

I don't know,
something's bothering you.

I remember.

Okay, yeah.

I... I was trying to tell you
something...

Shouldn't we be going?

Alright, let's go. Come on.

- Alright. Straight ahead.
- Right, Grimm.

I'm glad
the son of a bitch robbed us.

It's just another reminder

of how happy and lucky we are
to be getting out of here.

Okay, but not Woolworth's.

You said we should see
as few people as possible.

We'll go to my apartment,
I left some clothes there

for the super,
men's and women's.

Right, that's better,
it's closer.

Take the next big left.

Men's clothes. Whose?

Barry Meyers.
I mentioned him.

A guy I should have married.
A guy who wasn't certifiable.

Come off it, pal.

I want to thank you
for getting us out alive.

The owners of the bank
want me to tell you

not to expect
any cooperation from them.

Uh, and I think they're gonna
kill you with the press too.

They say that
if the clown gets away,

they owe it to their
shareholders

to let the abject humiliation

of this whole thing
fall on a public official.

How many shareholders are there?

Uh, just the three, I think.

But thank you very much.
We really appreciate it.

See you on the bus.

Oh, my God.
Now this one's going.

Tear them down no matter
how great they were.

Chief.

The Peruvian Connection.

The Subway Psycho.

People are gonna remember
what you've done.

Now what's so memorable about a
clown stealing $1 million?

Jesus, we gotta get this guy.

Look at this.

Why do they have to do this?

Well, what do I care?
It's not my life's work anymore.

Hey, Grimm, you tried.
You're a good person.

Caring, faithful, concerned.
Aren't you?

Hey, Phyllis, where do
you park around here?

Just park by the hydrant.

The hydrant?

I'll pay the ticket.

I can't believe the new tenants
dumped this stuff here.

They're not supposed to move in
till Tuesday.

Well, we should be
out of here by then.

Here, here,
give me your sleeve.

Come on, is that
really necessary?

We're gonna miss out on
the complimentary beverage.

Do you want to stand out
at the airport? Barry was 6'4".

Pituitary problem?

Hey, look at this, guys.

I'm gonna get me one of these.

Get yourself three.

It sure would be less itchy
if there's no X-ray machines.

So we could just carry the dough
in a suitcase, you know.

Those darn terrorists who made
it tough on us bank robbers.

It's a pretty nice jacket.

Why did Barry leave this behind?
Why didn't he take it with him?

Uh, too rich to care.

There's smoke
across the street.

How did he make his money,
anyway?

Terminally boring banker-type?

It's black smoke.

Mafia kingpin? Amway?

Pimp?

- Oh, no.
- What, cops?

- No, fire engine.
- The hydrant.

- Give me your keys.
- Huh?

- Keys. Keys.
- Here.

Grimm.

- Get your hands up.
- You must be Mr. Edison.

Get them up!

Uh, Mr. Edison,
I'm Phyllis Potter,

and this is my apartment.

We were ripped off
three times in the village

and it's not gonna happen here.

Do we look like criminals?
D... do we look like people

that are capable of
committing a crime?

I only know what I saw.

When my wife gets here,
she'll go call the cops

and we'll let them decide. Now
turn around, face the window.

Okay, but it's still
our apartment.

We'll have to have you arrested.

Oh, Jesus.

Grimm, our plane takes off
in 41 minutes.

Quiet. No codes.

Hey, honey.
Ready to celebrate?

Oh, my God.

They were ripping off the TV
when I came in.

No, I was touching it.
Kill me.

- Turn around.
- Oh, great, Hal.

For once, it was gonna be fun.

We were gonna eat on the floor,

drink champagne,
listen to old records.

Why are you blaming me?

We haven't even moved the bed
in, and already it's the same.

Now give credit
where it's due, Mrs. Edison.

Hal made the commitment,
didn't he?

He gave up the rent-controlled
place in the village.

Do you know him?

He's paying $1500
for a one-bedroom.

Fifteen hundred? Try $2600.

You... You weren't paying $1500,
were you?

- We were paying $1260.
- Twelve-sixty?

Excuse me, I don't know
you very well,

but you must be crazy
if you gave this place up.

Maybe we are crazy.

We bought a farmhouse,
near Woodstock.

It's rustic, kind of a fixer.

But the payments
are $300 a month.

We just had to try.

I suppose you don't believe
that either, Edison!

That people would go
and do a thing like that!

For your information,
I was at Woodstock.

I don't judge you, Hal.

Really, I don't.

But from Woodstock
to Charles Bronson in 20 years?

Good one.

Look.

Grab it! Grab it!

Oh, damn it.

You can shoot us now.

I've put the gun down.

No hard feelings?

These are the names and numbers

and preliminary statements
of the hostages.

"Clown seemed harmless until
he harassed blond hostage."

Yes, sir, apparently, he made
some sexual overtures,

and things like that.

I don't see her.

- Don't see who?
- The blond. Where is she?

I was talking to her myself
when she first came out.

All the hostages are here, sir.

They're all here, chief.

No. Where's the whiny guy?

"He's an animal."

The one that came out with her.

They were the second
and third ones out.

Oh, Jesus.

The lumberjack-lookin' guy,
he was the first one out.

I guess in all that chaos,
a few wandered away...

- It was utter chaos, chief.
- Yeah.

But we got everybody's name
and telephone number.

- We got all that stuff.
- Yeah, yeah.

Get me the news footage
on those three hostages

who were released. Right.

Then I said,
"It's all over, Chuckles."

And wrestled him to the floor.

But he got some gal in his
sights, and I had to let up.

That's when he coldcocked me.
Son of a bitch.

Come on, now look at
some of this videotape with me

so we can put out
an APB on these robbers.

- Robbers, plural?
- They all coldcocked me.

Three of them out there,
shouting with glee.

- Taxi!
- Taxi!

- Please!
- Taxi!

$10,000 for a taxi!

And a blowjob!

Alright, can we just calm down
a little, please?

We'll never make the flight.

We'll have to sail
a raft to Fiji

like Thor Heyerdahl.

I have made another reservation
on the 11 o'clock to Martinique.

You never mentioned this one,
the 11 o'clock flight.

I never ever thought
we'd need it.

But I don't know anything
about Martinique.

What'd you know about Fiji?

Nothing, really.

Okay.

Did you book another flight
after that?

Oh, let's just try to
make the 11 o'clock, okay?

Why, do they know about us yet?

Well, by now, Rotzinger
has probably figured out

it was the first three hostages.

- Oh, Grimm.
- Yeah.

Grimm, I cannot go to prison.

Don't worry about it.
We were disguised.

- Taxi!
- You never mentioned Rotzinger.

You never mentioned Martinique.

What else haven't you mentioned?

Huh?

Everything you ever told me
is a lie, isn't it?

- Are you alright?
- Am I?

You think this is fun, you think
this is a night on the town.

No, I think it's a lot more
exciting than that.

- Taxi!
- You used to think so too.

We couldn't even
discuss this plan

unless there was
a bedroom pretty close by.

It was before I realized
who you are, what you are.

What am I?

You're a world-class
bank robber,

drunk on your own power
and expertise.

- And Loomis thinks so too.
- Taxi.

Taxi.

Look, I don't know where this
"world-class bank robber"

thing came from.

Okay, I did rob a bank,
but so did you.

Isn't that what we planned
for six months in your bedroom?

And now if...
When we get a cab,

we can complete the plan
and live out our lives

with a modicum of dignity.

Please, God!

We need a cab!

One lousy, fucking cab!

Yes!

To the airport, please.

...let's take another call.

Line seven.
Steve, from Staten Island.

What's on your mind
tonight, Steve?

I wanted to talk
about that bank robbery, Roy.

What about it?

Well, was this clown
such a bad guy, Roy?

I mean, he had a
great sense of humor, right?

He wasn't another
one of them junkies

with a homemade nine millimeter.

I think he was okay.

Steve, you must be
a scumbag like him.

I say, hang the clown,
then pull his pants down

to set an example.
You're out of here, pal.

How could he say
a thing like that?

Huh?

- He's asking, "Where to?"
- Oh, God.

He just means which airport,
that's all. Kennedy. JFK.

I'm sorry I got so crazy
back there.

What did Loomis say
to get you so upset?

Oh, nothing. No, he's completely
loyal to you.

And you are to him. Kind of like
father and son, huh?

You didn't mention
Rotzinger or... or Martinique

because the plan was perfect,
and you didn't wanna worry me

with unlikely
contingencies, right?

I know I've been
especially moody.

Not so as you'd notice.

And I know it's not
exactly reasonable

to expect a lot of attention
under the circumstances,

but... you see...

Oh, Jesus!
The goddamn airport!

What do you got,
shit in your ears? Come on!

Alright, now, easy. He may be
a guest in our country.

Uh, friend...

Kennedy. Here, look.

"Kennedy Airport." Look.

- Yeah, he's got it.
- Oh, great.

Uh, why don't you take us
straight to sing-sing?

Please don't say that.
You're gonna upset Loomis.

Oh, God forbid!

Huh?

It's red!

Stop! Stop!

You don't even
understand colors, do you?

You don't know red from hell!

There's a real cab up there.
Stop!

Taxi!

Oh, Loomis!

That guy must have
wanted out really bad.

- That's a bad place to be.
- Loomis. Loomis!

Hey, Lando! Hurry up!
I bet this guy's dead!

You hear me?
It's a dead man!

$38.82.

Send a squad car now!

He's bleeding.

Loomis.

Loomis?

I really liked him. I did.

So I says to him,
"Are you gonna behave?"

And from out of nowhere
comes this knife.

I think it was a Bowie knife,

and I hate knives.

Dennis, the news footage
didn't help me very much.

I wanted it an hour ago.

Where'd you get this,
a matchbook?

It's perfect if you
wanna pick up Paul Bunyan.

It's based, in part,
on our own descriptions.

That clown was no clown.

Knew we'd be too obsessed...

by the perpetrator
inside the bank

to see much more
than a beard or a blond

or a whiny jerk.
What do you got?

Involving two men and a woman,
here's what's up.

1900 hours, a car containing
two men and a woman

crashed into the lobby of
the Pierce Hotel.

The passengers fled
before we got there.

Dispatch a car to the Pierce.
What else?

That's it involving two men
and a woman, sir.

Two more liquor stores
and a Laundromat

were hit by copycat clowns.

You realize they're
probably somewhere

in the Third World by now.

Yes, sir. Some place nice.

All we've got going for us
is the city.

Our only hope is that
they're mired down

in the same shit that you and I
have to wade in every day.

Why do I still
want this fucking job?

Can't I imagine a more
inspired destiny for myself?

- Sir, don't talk like that.
- Here's another one.

A man jumped from a moving cab
into a newspaper stand.

There were two other passengers
in the car, a man and a woman.

He jumped from a moving cab?

That's panic.

That's somebody on the I am.

Goddamn, if that doesn't sound

like the guy
who hit that car horn.

- When was that?
- 20:35.

We're not even on the scene yet,
sir.

It's them.

It's them.

Send all nearby units
to the scene.

Loomis.

Loomis.

Did we get the cab?

Are you gonna hit me now?

No, but if your leg is broken,
we'll have to destroy you.

Can you get up now, pal?

Too bad. It looked fierce.

Count from ten backwards.

Ten.

That's great.
Forget it, that's enough.

Nine, eight...

seven...

- Come on, relax.
- The gun, the gun!

- Gun, the gun.
- Hey.

Oh, nice. Professor
Henry Higgins is gonna spot us.

We're gonna go in here.

This ain't my dick in your back.

That's a relief.

We came...

about the money.

What's that walking corpse say?

He said they come
about the money.

Ask him what money, asshole.

What money, asshole?

Incredible.
They're playing games.

Yeah.

Tell him you're gonna play games
on his fucking head.

I'm gonna play games
on your fucking head.

You must hate
this warehouse.

Because it's gonna be a
three-alarm job after tomorrow.

Johnny. Come here.

Come here.

What?

What the hell are you doing?

I have no idea.

I don't know.

- Will I ask him?
- You want me to ask him?

Um, Mr. Skelton wants to know
how come he don't know you.

- Gee. Because I'm new.
- Because he's new.

Tell him Lombino didn't say
nothing to me

about no new bagman.

- Lombino didn't say nothing...
- Mr. Lombino, huh?

Mr. Lombino?

Since when does a wise guy
like you

deserve an explanation
from a giant

like Mr. Lombino?

Mr. Lombino didn't say nothing
to Mr. Skelton about no new...

Alright, enough already, Johnny.

Don't you see me
standing right here?

Yeah, alright. I'm sorry.

Alright.

What happened to Mario?

Mario?

Somebody dared him.

So he threw Earl here
out of a moving car.

Same spot he done Johnny.

- He must love that spot.
- The man is an animal.

- He's sick.
- Alright.

I'll give you the money.

Soon as I call Lom...

Mr. Lombino

to check you out.

Fine. Actually, perfect.

I can hear Mr. Lombino now

"Skelton just called me
to check on Chip."

Mr. Lombino, please.
Skelton.

"I guess Chip wasn't so hot.

Guess I'll have to put
that animal Mario

back on Skelton."

No. Wait. Uncle Mike.
Uncle Mike.

Mr. Skelton, wait a minute.
No, wait a minute. Wait a...

We don't want Mario to come
in here, the bald giant

wi... with stupid sunglasses,

knocking everybody around
for kicks, I mean.

You know, I mean,
nobody's stupid enough

to do this for a few K.

They gotta know that Mario's
gonna come after them

and pull out their livers,
I mean, you know...

I think that I might be right
on this, so, you know...

Six thousand. Short shipment.

Thanks. Come on, Earl.

You know, when I first
heard the rumors

about Lombino being back
in town, I said, "No way."

I mean, the man never leaves
his haven in Nevada.

But, but now that I see you,
I know it must be true.

He's come to put his house
in order.

And that's why the man is king.

Drugs, protection, you name it.
Lombino is king.

- Oh, tell him I said so.
- Yeah.

Anything the Lombino touches
turns to gold.

King Lombino.
That's why he's the king, right?

- Tell him I said so.
- I will, John.

- See ya.
- See you later.

Alright.
Take care of your head.

Grimm, Grimm, baby,
I never thought

we'd get out of there. Never.

Oh, honey.

Phyllis is back.

You just ripped off the Mob.

You were born for this.

Oh, Grimm.
It must be in your genes.

This is lucky.
Let's make this.

I can make it. I can make it.
I can make it. I can...

I can't make it.

I can't...

Okay, I can make it.

What's that smell?

Used wine.
Do you go to the airport?

- Near the airport.
- Great. We're on a roll.

You have exact change, right?

Give him $100.

Hurry.

Hurry.

That isn't exact change.

Have you looked back there?

I don't think anybody's
going to object.

I look back there every night,
friend.

That's why I conduct
my own affairs

in a clean
and a hygienic fashion.

I leave this stop
in one minute and 45 seconds.

Exact change, or off.

Alright. Alright. Give me
a minute. I'll go get change.

I'll give you a minute
and 28 seconds.

- Loomis. Can't you kneel?
- Ah!

No. I can sit.

You can't sit.
Not till you pay the fare.

- I'm sorry.
- Hey, watch where you're going.

I'm sorry.
I was going the wrong way.

No problem.

- I just need some change.
- Hey, wait your turn.

You have to buy something,
anyway.

Fifty-two seconds.

Ninety-eight sixty-two.

Oh, and I need a can
of Maxwell House.

No, no. The, the decaf,
over there.

There it is.

Yeah, that's it.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, you're awfully sweet
to do this. Thank you.

I can do.

He ain't gonna make it.

Oh...

Twenty-six seconds.

- Get the hell out of here!
- Mario, no!

- Come here! How about this guy?
- No! No! No!

Oh, I can't look!

I don't know.
That's him right there!

You son of a bitch!

- That's it.
- No, wait! No, please, wait!

Come on, you can close the door.
He's waiting for another bus.

The guy's a thief!

- Close the door. Let's go.
- Behind the white line.

He stole!

I got him.

He's a thief,
he stole something from me!

Is he the one who jumped
from the cab?

...my boss will have your job!

How's it going, Rotzinger?

- Unbelievable.
- You know him?

Mario Monetti,
bagman for Vince Lombino.

Lombino?
He's in Nevada, right?

Yeah, supposedly
somewhere in Nevada.

He got out just as I was
about to collar him.

Still takes more
out of this town in a day

than the clown could
get in a week.

You're sure that's the guy
that jumped from the cab?

The cabbie ID'd him, sir.

Come on.

May I ask you a question?

- Get behind the white line.
- Oh, please. Come on.

Go, just go.

My mom used to do this.

Just like this.

You should have a kid, Phyllis.

Funny you should say that.

Really?

Sit back.

- Well, Grimm didn't tell me.
- Grimm doesn't know.

I didn't want to tell him
till after the job.

Well, tell him now.

I'm not gonna tell him at all.

Don't you love him?

My sister always told me...

there's the type of guy
you're crazy about...

and there's the type
you marry.

Because if he's that exciting,
you just can't trust him.

But I told her,
you can have both.

And when I met Grimm,
I thought I did.

But there's a limit. I mean,
you said it yourself, Loomis.

He's born for this.

I'm, I'm just
one of his gang now.

Oh, God,
what, something I said,

you're gonna let that
influence you?

Oh, this is all my fault.

Oh, no. Come here.

Come here.

Nothing's your fault.

Except you honked
the fucking horn.

When you say
"Near the airport..."

- 0.48 miles.
- Alright.

- When do we get there?
- 2230 hours.

- When is that in human time?
- 10:30.

- 10:30. Say you had to walk it.
- With that injured individual?

I can't give you
a precise figure on that.

Come on. Make a guess.

- Twenty-one minutes.
- Thank you.

This isn't my usual route.
My husband's in intensive care.

You're gonna even that out,
aren't you?

Mind your own business.

What'd he say?

Well, his estimate,
which I'm prepared to accept,

gets us to the terminal
at nine minutes of 11:00.

Nine minutes? We'll have
nine months... Minutes?

How come I've heard that name
"Lombino" before?

Oh, come on.
You remember this guy.

He shot out
his brother's eyeball

over a plate of
Fra Diavolo sauce at Umberto's.

I can't believe our luck,

to walk into his place,
all unsuspecting.

His place?

You've walked into his places

all unsuspecting
many, many times.

He owns restaurants, bars,
supermarkets.

The man owns preschools
in this town.

Do you work for the clown
or does he work for you?

Does the clown
work for Lombino, too?

- What clown?
- Oh, very convincing, Monetti.

I guess we should apologize
and let you go now.

Yeah, right.

Get over there, scumbag.
Get up there.

He's in on it, sir. He wouldn't
tell us a goddamn thing.

You idiot. This man doesn't
speak a word of English.

Come on... Here. Relax, fella.
Sit down. Sit down.

Didn't I tell you
to get me an interpreter?

I thought you said
"Interrogator."

That's all he says.

Come on.
Give me the keys to the cuffs.

Get him a soda, will you?

Probably left your own country

to escape just
this type of persecution.

Damn it.
Get me an interpreter.

Don't you realize the robbers
told this man their destination?

But even if they did, sir,

he wouldn't have understood
a word of it.

Besides, I don't even know
what language he talks.

Get me an interpreter!

Here, fella. Drink that.

Alright.

Who was the clown?
Tell me now.

What the hell is this,
Rotzinger?

Since when is it illegal
to run for a bus?

- A bus?
- Yeah.

Since when is that a crime?
A bus.

They're on a "blufftoney."

I don't have time for this.

Driver, I'm a little
disappointed in you!

He wasn't really awake.

Don't you think
we should put him on formula?

By the way...

how do you feel about kids?

How can you ask me that now?

I'm sorry.

I happen to think
that the slammer

is a bad environment for them.

Don't pop a stitch, will you?
We're on our way to the airport.

- Near the airport.
- Well, Loomis is asleep.

He can't do anything wrong.

Except blurt out
a total confession.

You think that's gonna
matter here?

Come on. Relax.

We're home free.

Grimm...

I'm not coming with you.

What?

- Oh!
- Jesus!

Oh!

No. No, son.
I don't have time for this.

You poor son of a bitch.
Come here.

- No.
- Him?

Come on. Come on.
I got a schedule to keep.

- What can I do to help?
- Behind the white line!

- Listen, I'll pay his fare.
- Fine.

- You have exact change?
- You better get some help!

You've become Ralph Kramden's
evil twin.

- Alright. Come on. Come on.
- Here. Look.

There's $6000 here. Okay?
It's real.

I know how this city
degrades the individual.

- It is appalling.
- Come on.

Take this and start a new life
for yourself.

Somewhere off this bus, okay?

Come on! You're gonna
break your guitar. Come on.

There you go. Come on.

We got a schedule. Come on.
Let's move. Come on.

We will quietly pull over
and board all Number Nine buses.

We do not want another
hostage situation.

Is this the kind of person
that you are?

We lose a little bit of time,
and all of a sudden,

it's every girl for herself.

Yeah, that's me.

Well, if you stay behind,
you're gonna get caught.

I'll take my chances.

Why don't you tell me
what I've done?

What is it that you want?

I just want you
to leave me alone.

Move it! Today!

However, I will stay
with you a little while longer.

The thing is, Loomis,

we lost a little time
back there in the bus.

Do you think you can walk
any faster?

I'm sorry, Grimm.

I can't.

You're not gonna hit me again
now, are you?

- Nobody's gonna hurt you.
- Hit you again?

I haven't hit anybody
since I was nine.

Yeah, but it was me you hit.

You threatened him,
and he's been through a lot.

Oh, are you still here?

Just promise him.

I promise.

- Was that our plane?
- No, no.

If it were our plane,
it'd be crashing.

Where is the airport?

How far?

There must be a lot of
competition for that corner.

Man, thank God she's not
too symbolic or anything.

What does it mean anyway, Grimm?

I sure couldn't tell you.

You know, Grimm.
It means "Flowers for the dead."

Oh, God!

We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!

Give him a moment.
He's getting his second wind.

Wait a minute, Phyllis can't
ride on that thing,

not in her condition.

Hold on to your transfer,
you need a transfer to reboard.

Hold on to your transfer,
you need a transfer to reboard.

Hold on to your transfer,
you need a transfer to reboard.

Move right along.
Hold on to your transfer

you'll need a transfer
to reboard.

Hold right...
There you go. Move right along.

Chief, you're gonna
wanna hear this one.

- Why, you got something?
- You're damn right, I do.

We're going to the airport.
I'm taking your car.

Need him to make an ID.

You mean you weren't
even gonna tell me?

I wanted to, Grimm.

But when? Before the bank?

Just to add some pressure?

And what about after?

I tried to tell you
several times,

but you were too busy
being complete.

Grimm, I gotta get this money
off my body.

Don't worry, we'll get you
a duffel bag or something

after we get past
the X-ray machines.

How many months?

Phyllis, please.

- They haven't boarded yet.
- Let them board.

That means they'll pass
the metal detectors.

They'll be trapped and unarmed.

I'll make the arrest on board,

quietly and alone, before they
even know what's happening.

It's my baby, too!

Jesus... This is a fairly
young guy.

I've got trained
anti-terrorist squads

who are prepared to deal
with this kind of thing.

I want this.

Frankly...

I need it, after today.

- Thank you, Roy.
- Got it.

Alright, Roy's gonna get us
the duffel bag,

a wheelchair and some skis
out of lost luggage

to cover your limp.

Did you give
him a couple of bucks?

Yeah. Try $1200.

Scary, but Roy's sixth sense
told him

we were in some kind of jam.

ESP exists, Grimm.
They proved it.

Yeah, you picking up anything
from me right now?

Alright. I'm going in to get
these boarding passes.

Am I gonna see you in there?

I'll make sure
the Amazing Kreskin gets inside.

Good.

Now what?

Hey, clown!

Get the hell back in line.

I just have one question.

Uh, is there a problem, sir?

Too many passengers, I'm afraid.

Yeah, you'd better be afraid.
Nobody does this to Russ Crane.

Nobody does this
to Mrs. Russ Crane,

you glorified stewardess, you!

What's the matter with you,
you afraid to do a man's job?

Right through there.

- Name, please?
- Oh, thank you.

Yes. Grimm.

Alright, the cops are looking
for two men and a woman,

so let's split up.

Okay. I'll say goodbye now.

Are you crazy?

I'm sorry.
Do you think this is easy?

Just what did I do tonight
that you didn't do?

You turned into Jimmy Cagney.

That bank was just a springboard
for you.

You know, you, you ripped off
the Mob,

you bribed Roy, you managed
to totally demoralize

that guy Edison,
and he had the gun.

You stole that watch.

I bought the watch,

and the Edisons are gonna have
better sex

than they've had since Altamont.

Whatever I did,
I did it so that

we could all
leave here together.

Do you think I should just
be a bumbling idiot?

I just think you're
not gonna be able

to go back to being
what you were.

I'm not going back,
I'm going to Martinique

with a million bucks
taped to my butt

unless you keep
screwing around,

in which case, I'm going
to jail and we all are.

Grimm, I'm thinking of the baby!

He'll be about three
when you get out.

Those foster families are great,

unless you get a mercenary
or religious nut.

And he'll be able to visit you.

And you'll be able to show him

how to make license plates.

Jesus, thank God
you're reaching out to me

with love and understanding

instead of just trying
to scare me.

It's all I have time for.

Now, one of us has to take
Loomis and push him.

- Why don't you?
- The men's room, Grimm.

I'm gonna freak out if I don't
get this money off me.

Oh, shit.

Meet me on the plane
in two minutes, okay?

Please?

You were hard on her.

It was the only way to make sure
in the time allotted.

Maybe you should've told her
you loved her.

Maybe that was the way
to make sure.

Oh, Jesus, Loomis.

Now you tell me.

Alright. Just once more.

- No.
- Please?

Ready? I'll go real fast.
Please?

- No.
- Yeah. Come on. Now!

Alright. Attaboy.

Now help me zip this up.

You people can keep this city!

- Hi.
- You think you're late enough?

Oh, you must be
from around here.

So, we'll just go and have
a great time anyway, huh?

Right, Grimm.

Oh, this was not my idea.

This was not the plan.

I'm sorry, Grimm.

Give me three minutes
before you come in.

Got it, sir.

You go, just promise me

you'll see a doctor as soon
as you get there, okay?

No. We were all
gonna go together.

Hey, you two with the mileage
upgrades, sit down.

You believe the filth
that they let into first?

Do you mind?

Come here, Loomis.

Look at you. I mean,
you have to get away, now.

When I find Phyllis...

- If I find Phyllis...
- Yeah, I mind.

You goddamn straphangers

are ruining Mrs. Crane's
beverage service!

You okay, baby?

Your Bloody Mary's
not too spicy, is it?

That's my girl.

See you soon. Get a tan.

Moisturize before you peel.

Wait, Grimm.

We can find her together.

Oh, look. It's...

I hate to do this to you, babe.

You'll never take me alive,
Rotzinger.

Save yourself the disgrace,
Lombino.

- It's the king.
- Vince, you fucking worm!

- He's come for the king.
- You snake!

Even if you get past me,
there are 50 cops

waiting outside that door.

Alright, Rotzinger. My turn!

Still got another minute.

Hey!

As we prepare for departure,

we ask that you pay
close attention...

You rat! You creep!

Can you hit him
with something else? Give me!

Thank God!

I did it with Mario, Vinnie.

When you were playing cards
with your stinking goombahs!

Nobody does that
to Mrs. Russ Crane.

- Ah!
- Quit making him angry!

It's thicker, Vinnie.

It's thicker than his neck
and a lot more powerful.

Phyllis.

Phyllis, they just
caught this guy.

Give me
that goddamn... Alright.

Vince Lombino,
AKA Russ Crane,

you're under arrest
for murder in first degree

and murder in second degree,
arson, pandering,

sale of weapons,
felonious assaults, blackmail...

Use of spouse as a shield.

Hey, Mario, how come
you squealed, tough guy?

Screw you.

That's him.

Don't matter what he's saying.
Throw him in the car.

He's just along for the ride.
Come on!

- Angie! Angel!
- Come on!

- Is Mrs. Lombino okay up there?
- Hey! Hey!

Angie! I love you, baby!

- I love you!
- Shut up.

I love you, Angie!

Hey, hold it, my friend.

Thanks for the assist.

No problem.

I'd like to give you
a commendation.

What's your name and address?

Oh, that's great. Uh...

- Dan...
- Dan.

...Chipowski.

- With S-K-I ending.
- Mm-hmm.

And it's 111 Astoria Boulevard,
Queens, New York.

1-1-1-0-1 .

Okay, Dan.
Wish there were more like you.

Don't say that.

Come on, James.

Hey, it's Rotzinger!

Excuse me.
Are you running for mayor?

Chief, is this the
greatest day of your career?

Hey, who the hell
called these guys?

I did, sir.

Hey, remember, we gotta
commend this "Cipowski."

I mean, Chipowski.