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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:04,078 I called this staff meeting because lately, 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:07,197 I've noticed our diner family is drifting apart. 3 00:00:07,199 --> 00:00:08,865 Good work, everybody. Good work. 4 00:00:08,867 --> 00:00:10,584 Yeah! 5 00:00:10,586 --> 00:00:12,386 Let's start off this powwow 6 00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:14,838 by sharing our highs and lows of the week. 7 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:19,093 My high was getting a particularly interesting snapple fact. 8 00:00:19,095 --> 00:00:20,394 And my low was... 9 00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:22,096 Your entire body? 10 00:00:23,264 --> 00:00:26,016 I'll go. My high was finding a barrette 11 00:00:26,018 --> 00:00:27,818 in the bathroom, and my low 12 00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:31,155 was imagining my new life without it. 13 00:00:31,157 --> 00:00:32,489 Max, your high? 14 00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,942 I certainly am. 15 00:00:34,944 --> 00:00:37,911 And my low will be when it wears off. 16 00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:40,197 Well, my high was catching a glimpse 17 00:00:40,199 --> 00:00:42,116 of a customer's lacy g-string, 18 00:00:42,118 --> 00:00:45,703 and my low was seeing his junk. 19 00:00:45,705 --> 00:00:49,456 My low is this meeting. 20 00:00:49,458 --> 00:00:52,176 And my high is when it wraps up. 21 00:00:52,178 --> 00:00:55,912 Can everybody take this serious... 22 00:00:55,914 --> 00:00:59,183 I have a new low. 23 00:00:59,185 --> 00:01:01,769 I have a new high. 24 00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:03,554 Me too. 25 00:01:03,556 --> 00:01:04,772 Everybody, please. 26 00:01:04,774 --> 00:01:07,591 Han just clearly injured his vagina. 27 00:01:16,077 --> 00:01:19,442 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com 28 00:01:33,262 --> 00:01:34,695 That's not my phone. 29 00:01:34,697 --> 00:01:36,497 My ringtone is Let It Go, and you know that 30 00:01:36,499 --> 00:01:39,216 'cause you threaten to beat me every time it rings. 31 00:01:39,218 --> 00:01:40,484 Well, it's not mine. 32 00:01:40,486 --> 00:01:41,852 I keep my phone on vibrate 33 00:01:41,854 --> 00:01:43,737 out of respect for those around me, 34 00:01:43,739 --> 00:01:46,006 and also for little orgasms. 35 00:01:47,510 --> 00:01:49,710 Max, it's the landline. 36 00:01:49,712 --> 00:01:50,794 Oh, God! 37 00:01:50,796 --> 00:01:51,929 Why is it ringing? 38 00:01:51,931 --> 00:01:53,413 You said that phone only rings 39 00:01:53,415 --> 00:01:55,099 if we're in trouble or if it's you 40 00:01:55,101 --> 00:01:57,417 calling from the future to tell us we're in trouble. 41 00:02:01,806 --> 00:02:04,091 Ruh-roh. 42 00:02:04,093 --> 00:02:06,143 That's gotta be the landlord. The lease is up. 43 00:02:06,145 --> 00:02:08,095 Fine, we'll just renew it, even though I thought 44 00:02:08,097 --> 00:02:09,864 they would have condemned this place by now. 45 00:02:09,866 --> 00:02:12,432 I mean, I did find a used condom in the hallway yesterday. 46 00:02:13,619 --> 00:02:14,952 - Hello? - No! 47 00:02:14,954 --> 00:02:16,871 Hang up. We're not on the lease. 48 00:02:21,577 --> 00:02:23,627 Good cover. Now we just have to hope 49 00:02:23,629 --> 00:02:26,547 the original tenant is a Benihana chef. 50 00:02:26,549 --> 00:02:27,748 Okay. 51 00:02:27,750 --> 00:02:29,450 We don't have much time. Quick! 52 00:02:29,452 --> 00:02:32,386 Grab two things you love. 53 00:02:37,692 --> 00:02:40,344 I-I love nothing in here! 54 00:02:40,346 --> 00:02:43,013 And why are we even trying to keep an apartment 55 00:02:43,015 --> 00:02:45,816 that has grass growing in the bathroom? 56 00:02:45,818 --> 00:02:48,519 I love our toilet lawn. 57 00:02:48,521 --> 00:02:50,020 It's gross. 58 00:02:50,022 --> 00:02:51,355 Max, look at this place. 59 00:02:51,357 --> 00:02:54,491 Our refrigerator door is held on by scotch tape, 60 00:02:54,493 --> 00:02:56,360 And, I mean, there is black mold in there. 61 00:02:56,362 --> 00:02:58,362 At least the black mold made the other mold 62 00:02:58,364 --> 00:03:00,698 move out of the neighborhood. 63 00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:01,916 Come on! 64 00:03:01,918 --> 00:03:03,500 Someone from the real estate company 65 00:03:03,502 --> 00:03:04,835 is probably on their way over to make sure 66 00:03:04,837 --> 00:03:06,453 the original tenant still lives here. 67 00:03:08,541 --> 00:03:10,457 All right, let's ride! 68 00:03:10,459 --> 00:03:12,376 I know a guy that can drop off some fake passports 69 00:03:12,378 --> 00:03:13,827 for us in an airport locker. 70 00:03:13,829 --> 00:03:16,380 Well, you know him too. It's Oleg. 71 00:03:16,382 --> 00:03:17,631 Hey! 72 00:03:17,633 --> 00:03:20,167 Pick up that phone already! 73 00:03:20,169 --> 00:03:23,721 Sounds like a damn PBS fund-raiser down here. 74 00:03:23,723 --> 00:03:26,023 Sophie, it's the landlord calling. 75 00:03:26,025 --> 00:03:28,475 I just found out we've been subletting illegally. 76 00:03:28,477 --> 00:03:30,277 Oh, well, I always wondered how you girls 77 00:03:30,279 --> 00:03:32,563 could afford to live in this building. 78 00:03:32,565 --> 00:03:36,617 And I ruled out prostitution once I saw Caroline dance. 79 00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,724 Good news. 80 00:03:43,726 --> 00:03:44,993 I dug around the apartment 81 00:03:44,994 --> 00:03:46,410 and I found the original lease. 82 00:03:46,412 --> 00:03:48,463 Also found a copy of my birth certificate. 83 00:03:48,464 --> 00:03:52,967 Turns out my father's name is "mother has no idea". 84 00:03:52,969 --> 00:03:54,718 Forget that lease. 85 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,420 I've already found a new place for us. 86 00:03:56,422 --> 00:04:00,874 A two-bedroom for $1,300 in Manhattan. 87 00:04:00,876 --> 00:04:04,094 Oh... Manhattan, Kansas. 88 00:04:04,096 --> 00:04:06,046 We can't afford to lose this lease. 89 00:04:06,048 --> 00:04:08,565 As soon as they find out this Lester Donovan 90 00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:10,768 is no longer living there, the rent will get higher 91 00:04:10,770 --> 00:04:14,104 than Justin Bieber on a plane with his dad. 92 00:04:16,858 --> 00:04:19,193 So I tracked down this original tenant guy, Lester. 93 00:04:19,195 --> 00:04:20,778 He's still alive. 94 00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:23,113 Ugh! Can't catch a break. 95 00:04:23,115 --> 00:04:25,833 He's at a rest home in Sheepshead Bay. 96 00:04:25,835 --> 00:04:28,085 We just have to go there and kidnap him. 97 00:04:28,087 --> 00:04:32,506 We'll tie some cream of wheat to a pole and lure him out. 98 00:04:32,508 --> 00:04:34,375 First of all, in what world 99 00:04:34,377 --> 00:04:37,344 do we have cream of wheat pole money? 100 00:04:37,346 --> 00:04:40,414 And secondly, I am not gonna go shake down some old man. 101 00:04:40,416 --> 00:04:41,632 You won't have to. 102 00:04:41,634 --> 00:04:44,084 He's probably already shaking. 103 00:04:44,086 --> 00:04:46,804 If you're looking, I know a place. 104 00:04:46,806 --> 00:04:48,605 You share a twin bed with two other girls. 105 00:04:48,607 --> 00:04:50,107 Oh, and there are cameras. 106 00:04:50,109 --> 00:04:52,142 But you're paid $4.99 a minute 107 00:04:52,144 --> 00:04:54,728 and get to meet all the singles in your area. 108 00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:58,148 Are you one of the singles in the area? 109 00:04:58,150 --> 00:05:00,270 Technically I'd be your co-star. 110 00:05:03,772 --> 00:05:07,374 Like it or not, we have to hold on to our apartment. 111 00:05:07,376 --> 00:05:10,627 Max is right. There are two things in life you cannot lose. 112 00:05:10,629 --> 00:05:14,298 A rent-controlled apartment and bladder control. 113 00:05:16,117 --> 00:05:18,218 Actually, there's an apartment in my building 114 00:05:18,220 --> 00:05:19,636 that just became available. 115 00:05:19,638 --> 00:05:21,672 Stop by tomorrow. You can see it. 116 00:05:26,344 --> 00:05:28,812 This place is $1,200? 117 00:05:28,814 --> 00:05:32,433 $1,250. It just went up since we been talking. 118 00:05:32,435 --> 00:05:34,151 We can't fit in here. 119 00:05:34,153 --> 00:05:35,569 I'm not talking about me and you. 120 00:05:35,571 --> 00:05:37,187 I'm talking about me and my boobs. 121 00:05:44,862 --> 00:05:46,312 Nice retirement home. 122 00:05:46,314 --> 00:05:47,747 Why don't we just live here? 123 00:05:48,249 --> 00:05:50,900 Bingo tournaments, unlimited hard candy, 124 00:05:50,902 --> 00:05:54,037 and you get to crap your pants! 125 00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,324 Lester? 126 00:05:58,326 --> 00:05:59,926 That must be him. 127 00:05:59,928 --> 00:06:02,712 I don't know who I am anymore, but that must be him. 128 00:06:03,681 --> 00:06:05,348 Hi, Mr. Donovan. 129 00:06:05,350 --> 00:06:06,850 Lester? 130 00:06:06,852 --> 00:06:08,935 Max, is he dead? 131 00:06:08,937 --> 00:06:11,938 No, he's alive, but just... 132 00:06:11,940 --> 00:06:13,506 This is so sad. 133 00:06:13,508 --> 00:06:15,675 Look at how we treat our elderly. 134 00:06:15,677 --> 00:06:17,677 Wake up! 135 00:06:17,679 --> 00:06:21,681 I-I-I need you to wake up for this! 136 00:06:21,683 --> 00:06:25,235 We are currently subletting your old apartment, 137 00:06:25,237 --> 00:06:26,703 and we need you to pretend 138 00:06:26,705 --> 00:06:29,038 you still live there for a day. 139 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,308 Or just to pretend you still live. 140 00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:34,294 Ladies, you're wasting your time. 141 00:06:34,296 --> 00:06:36,296 He can't speak, and he doesn't like girls. 142 00:06:36,298 --> 00:06:38,915 He's a vegetable and a fruit. 143 00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:41,868 Lester Donovan. 144 00:06:41,870 --> 00:06:44,370 Oh, you're Lester! Oh, thank God. 145 00:06:44,372 --> 00:06:45,722 Listen, Lester, we need you... 146 00:06:45,724 --> 00:06:47,507 I know, I know. You want me to pretend 147 00:06:47,509 --> 00:06:49,559 I still live in your apartment. I overheard everything. 148 00:06:49,561 --> 00:06:52,645 We're not all comatose, darling. 149 00:06:52,647 --> 00:06:55,648 But I'm afraid... ahem... it's not gonna happen, girls. 150 00:06:55,650 --> 00:06:57,233 'cause I got a big week. 151 00:06:57,235 --> 00:06:59,185 My special lady is moving in with me. 152 00:06:59,187 --> 00:07:00,687 Heh heh. 'Cause this guy's 153 00:07:00,689 --> 00:07:02,322 not gonna be around much longer. 154 00:07:02,324 --> 00:07:05,658 18 hours tops! 155 00:07:06,744 --> 00:07:08,495 Oh! Here's my princess. 156 00:07:08,497 --> 00:07:09,729 Olivia! 157 00:07:09,731 --> 00:07:12,064 Oh... 158 00:07:12,066 --> 00:07:13,399 He's still with us. 159 00:07:13,401 --> 00:07:15,335 God bless. 160 00:07:15,337 --> 00:07:17,370 So we'll have to push the move to Monday. 161 00:07:17,372 --> 00:07:20,006 Yeah... About that, Lester. 162 00:07:20,008 --> 00:07:22,742 I'm not ready to move in with you. 163 00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:25,178 Olivia, wh... what do you mean? 164 00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:28,548 Max, we should go. No way! This is like watching 165 00:07:28,550 --> 00:07:30,850 an elder version of The Bachelor! 166 00:07:30,852 --> 00:07:34,253 Literally, the final rose! 167 00:07:35,439 --> 00:07:37,807 Lester, it's not you. It's me. 168 00:07:37,809 --> 00:07:40,193 That's still in play at their age? 169 00:07:40,195 --> 00:07:43,146 I'm just not ready to settle down. 170 00:07:43,148 --> 00:07:46,399 Too many other fish in the sea. 171 00:07:46,401 --> 00:07:48,601 I know, it's about that new kid on the block, 172 00:07:48,603 --> 00:07:51,454 Morty what's-his-name. It's about Morty, isn't it? 173 00:07:51,456 --> 00:07:52,822 Lester, please. 174 00:07:52,824 --> 00:07:54,607 I don't want it to be weird 175 00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:57,744 when we see each other at Bingo. 176 00:07:57,746 --> 00:07:59,462 You should know this about Morty... 177 00:07:59,464 --> 00:08:01,548 He's not a real man like me. 178 00:08:01,550 --> 00:08:04,500 His middle name is Viagra! 179 00:08:04,502 --> 00:08:06,636 Olivia! 180 00:08:11,425 --> 00:08:13,309 Well, there's no point hanging around here. 181 00:08:13,311 --> 00:08:16,312 I'll just grab my penis pump, and we're outta here. 182 00:08:18,048 --> 00:08:21,234 Why is he gonna need that? 183 00:08:25,356 --> 00:08:29,859 Here we are, "home, sweet at least it's not a rest home". 184 00:08:29,861 --> 00:08:33,496 Lester, not that I minded pushing you 35 blocks, but... 185 00:08:33,498 --> 00:08:35,348 You could walk at the home. 186 00:08:35,350 --> 00:08:37,116 Why can't you walk now? 187 00:08:37,118 --> 00:08:40,169 I'm too depressed to walk. 188 00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,621 I've been depressed since I learned to walk. 189 00:08:41,623 --> 00:08:44,340 I mean, I was nine. It was time. 190 00:08:44,342 --> 00:08:47,460 I have just lost the love of my life! 191 00:08:47,462 --> 00:08:49,796 Have you ever made love to a lady with no teeth 192 00:08:49,798 --> 00:08:52,015 and two plastic hips? 193 00:08:52,017 --> 00:08:53,967 I, for one, have not. 194 00:08:53,969 --> 00:08:55,602 Max? 195 00:08:55,604 --> 00:08:59,973 No. But it just rocketed to number one on my bucket list. 196 00:08:59,975 --> 00:09:04,027 I lived here from 1954 to Studio 54. 197 00:09:04,029 --> 00:09:07,346 Liza Minnelli threw up in that corner. 198 00:09:07,348 --> 00:09:08,998 The only time I ever saw anybody 199 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,884 take three bows after a vomit. 200 00:09:11,886 --> 00:09:14,120 Why did you leave? 201 00:09:14,122 --> 00:09:16,623 You always think you're gonna find something better. 202 00:09:16,625 --> 00:09:20,043 Yep. The toilet grass is always greener. 203 00:09:21,463 --> 00:09:23,212 Okay. That's the building rep, Lester. 204 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,248 Do we need to go over our cover story again? 205 00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:27,033 It's pretty easy. 206 00:09:27,035 --> 00:09:29,552 I'm Carlotta Spaghetta... 207 00:09:29,554 --> 00:09:32,055 Mild-mannered pet trainer by day, 208 00:09:32,057 --> 00:09:34,891 hot-tempered Nigerian spy by night. 209 00:09:34,893 --> 00:09:37,043 Lester, only listen to me. 210 00:09:37,045 --> 00:09:38,494 Max is your granddaughter, 211 00:09:38,496 --> 00:09:40,212 and I'm her sober companion... 212 00:09:40,214 --> 00:09:42,548 Which is the only part of our story that's true. 213 00:09:44,269 --> 00:09:47,236 That's him. Now, just sit and smile and nod. 214 00:09:47,238 --> 00:09:49,689 I'll nod, but I'm not gonna smile. 215 00:09:51,742 --> 00:09:54,077 Welcome to my grandfather's 216 00:09:54,079 --> 00:09:56,395 happy, happy home. There's his couch. 217 00:09:56,397 --> 00:09:57,447 There's his kitchen. 218 00:09:57,449 --> 00:09:58,665 What's this? 219 00:09:58,667 --> 00:10:01,400 There's his bong. 220 00:10:01,402 --> 00:10:02,952 His bong. 221 00:10:02,954 --> 00:10:05,672 - Glaucoma. - Chemo. 222 00:10:05,674 --> 00:10:07,040 Well, good afternoon. 223 00:10:07,042 --> 00:10:08,574 I'm Roger from building management. 224 00:10:08,576 --> 00:10:09,759 I'm here to verify this lease, 225 00:10:09,761 --> 00:10:13,079 and I'd like to do it before the rest of this doorway caves in. 226 00:10:13,081 --> 00:10:16,883 And of course you know my dear, dear grandfather Lester. 227 00:10:16,885 --> 00:10:19,886 I just have a few questions, mr. Donovan. 228 00:10:19,888 --> 00:10:21,437 Have you ever made love to a woman 229 00:10:21,439 --> 00:10:23,639 with a silicone hip? 230 00:10:23,641 --> 00:10:26,359 Amazing! 231 00:10:26,361 --> 00:10:29,896 Okay! I can cross that one off my list. 232 00:10:29,898 --> 00:10:31,564 Hey, girls. 233 00:10:31,566 --> 00:10:33,066 I came through the back 234 00:10:33,068 --> 00:10:34,834 'cause this junkie's on the front stoop, 235 00:10:34,836 --> 00:10:37,937 and it's still a little awkward between us. 236 00:10:40,108 --> 00:10:43,943 Oh, uh, this is Sophie. She lives upstairs. 237 00:10:43,945 --> 00:10:45,795 As you can see, Roger, no problems. 238 00:10:45,797 --> 00:10:48,114 Everything's totally legit. 239 00:10:48,116 --> 00:10:50,783 Hey, who's the old guy? 240 00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:54,253 She lives upstairs, and she doesn't know Lester? 241 00:10:54,255 --> 00:10:58,057 She knows him. This is just a sexual game they play 242 00:10:58,059 --> 00:11:00,960 called "who are you?" 243 00:11:00,962 --> 00:11:03,479 That doesn't sound like a sexual game. 244 00:11:03,481 --> 00:11:05,848 It is when she's saying it to his penis. 245 00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,686 Sophie, this is the guy from the agency 246 00:11:10,688 --> 00:11:12,138 who just came by to verify 247 00:11:12,140 --> 00:11:14,607 that Lester actually lives here. 248 00:11:14,609 --> 00:11:16,692 Oh, yeah! 249 00:11:16,694 --> 00:11:18,828 He lives here every day! 250 00:11:18,830 --> 00:11:21,814 Yeah, and we play that game forever. 251 00:11:21,816 --> 00:11:24,367 Who are you? 252 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:29,539 Come closer. He can't hear you. 253 00:11:29,541 --> 00:11:31,657 I'm feeling better already. 254 00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:33,342 So the main takeaway here 255 00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:35,327 is that they both live in the building legally. 256 00:11:35,329 --> 00:11:37,180 Now, let's just sign that lease. 257 00:11:37,182 --> 00:11:39,048 All right, Mr. Donovan, I just need your signature here, 258 00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:41,167 and this'll lock you into the lease for another four years. 259 00:11:41,169 --> 00:11:43,219 What's your hip situation? 260 00:11:43,221 --> 00:11:46,105 Oh, I'm as hip as they come, baby! Yeah! 261 00:11:47,891 --> 00:11:49,842 Now, that's a looker! 262 00:11:49,844 --> 00:11:52,195 - Here ya go. - Yep! All done. 263 00:11:52,197 --> 00:11:54,981 You have the apartment for another four years. 264 00:11:54,983 --> 00:11:56,482 Enjoy it? 265 00:11:58,035 --> 00:12:00,686 Oh, and I'm required to say: Traces of cancerous stuff 266 00:12:00,688 --> 00:12:03,022 have been found in some of the apartments. 267 00:12:03,024 --> 00:12:04,991 Have a nice day! 268 00:12:08,029 --> 00:12:10,463 Four more years! Four more years! 269 00:12:10,465 --> 00:12:11,914 We get to stay in the place 270 00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:13,499 I never thought I'd want to stay in. 271 00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:15,384 Oh, lester, you're up. Feeling better? 272 00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:17,303 Like a million bucks. 273 00:12:17,305 --> 00:12:19,839 I feel like my old self again. 274 00:12:19,841 --> 00:12:22,141 Oh, hey, it's been 18 hours. 275 00:12:22,143 --> 00:12:23,976 Let's go see if your friend's dead. 276 00:12:23,978 --> 00:12:25,895 Yeah, Lester. Let's get ya home. 277 00:12:25,897 --> 00:12:28,264 What are you talking about? I am home. 278 00:12:28,266 --> 00:12:30,382 What do you mean? This is our place. 279 00:12:30,384 --> 00:12:33,052 Not according to that lease I just signed. 280 00:12:34,605 --> 00:12:36,989 I'll be in my bedroom. 281 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,859 Good to be home! 282 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,229 - Ruh-roh. - Ruh-roh. 283 00:12:52,126 --> 00:12:53,710 Ladies, this is delicious! 284 00:12:53,712 --> 00:12:57,047 You know, at the home they keep salt on lockdown. 285 00:12:57,049 --> 00:12:59,501 Salt and the dementia patients. 286 00:13:01,503 --> 00:13:04,922 Well, it doesn't look like bad grandpa's leaving tonight. 287 00:13:05,924 --> 00:13:07,557 Maybe I can help. 288 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:10,677 I can put some ground glass in his Salisbury steak. 289 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:14,147 It's called a Ukrainian divorce. 290 00:13:15,266 --> 00:13:17,550 Eh... I'll try this jell-o first. 291 00:13:17,552 --> 00:13:19,736 Yeah, it's so old, it might kill him. 292 00:13:21,105 --> 00:13:22,990 Lester, I brought you some jell-o. 293 00:13:22,992 --> 00:13:24,724 - Would you like some? - That's very nice of you, 294 00:13:24,726 --> 00:13:27,194 but I'm not going anywhere. 295 00:13:27,196 --> 00:13:30,664 Lester, really, you don't want to live with us. 296 00:13:30,666 --> 00:13:32,532 Caroline sings so much 297 00:13:32,534 --> 00:13:34,701 she should have animated birds on her. 298 00:13:34,703 --> 00:13:38,922 Look, there's no way I'm going back to that retirement home. 299 00:13:38,924 --> 00:13:41,625 I feel alive for the first time since... 300 00:13:41,627 --> 00:13:45,128 Since I died briefly last year. 301 00:13:46,180 --> 00:13:47,580 Oh, my God, really? 302 00:13:47,582 --> 00:13:49,335 Yes, some nurse tripped over the power cord. 303 00:13:51,337 --> 00:13:54,688 A-and besides, it's really helping me get over Olivia. 304 00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:58,425 I'm finally realizing there are plenty of other fish in the sea. 305 00:13:58,427 --> 00:14:01,778 Hey, everybody! 306 00:14:01,780 --> 00:14:05,532 And there's one of 'em. 307 00:14:05,534 --> 00:14:08,485 She puts the "ass" in "bass." 308 00:14:08,487 --> 00:14:11,438 Friend, I'll be in my booth. 309 00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,325 Hey, Sophie. You remember Lester. 310 00:14:15,327 --> 00:14:18,445 Lester, you remember when they discovered fire. 311 00:14:18,447 --> 00:14:20,747 Please, please, join me. 312 00:14:20,749 --> 00:14:22,332 May I buy you an egg cream? 313 00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:26,169 Oh, I do love an egg cream. 314 00:14:26,171 --> 00:14:29,005 Oh, excuse me, I gotta go powder by nose. 315 00:14:30,425 --> 00:14:31,975 Girls... 316 00:14:31,977 --> 00:14:34,177 Girls, I know you want your apartment back 317 00:14:34,179 --> 00:14:35,795 and I'm a reasonable man, 318 00:14:35,797 --> 00:14:39,599 so all I want before I go is a little you-know-what. 319 00:14:39,601 --> 00:14:42,069 More jell-o? 320 00:14:42,071 --> 00:14:45,405 I'm talking about sex. Rebound sex! 321 00:14:45,407 --> 00:14:47,274 Rebound sex? 322 00:14:47,276 --> 00:14:51,328 Are you sure you'll even be able to rebound from having sex? 323 00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:52,946 Are you kidding? 324 00:14:52,948 --> 00:14:55,482 There's nothing but sex at that retirement home. 325 00:14:55,484 --> 00:14:58,568 Why do you think I put myself there? 326 00:14:58,570 --> 00:15:00,036 It's wall-to-wall whoopee, 327 00:15:00,038 --> 00:15:02,540 and you don't even have to drive home after. 328 00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:07,677 Now, I have in mind a certain elegant lady. 329 00:15:07,679 --> 00:15:12,766 Ahh, you're out of T.P.! 330 00:15:12,768 --> 00:15:15,185 You can set me up for one night with your friend, 331 00:15:15,187 --> 00:15:17,304 and I will gladly leave the apartment. 332 00:15:19,641 --> 00:15:22,526 I'll be in your booth. 333 00:15:22,528 --> 00:15:24,845 Hey, Sophie, you'll get with that old guy, right? 334 00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:28,398 Are you fricking kidding me? 335 00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,120 Lester, she didn't go for it. 336 00:15:33,122 --> 00:15:34,821 I'm not going back to that retirement home 337 00:15:34,823 --> 00:15:36,373 with my tail between my legs. 338 00:15:36,375 --> 00:15:39,543 I gotta sleep with someone to make Olivia jealous. 339 00:15:39,545 --> 00:15:44,131 There's a new thing that kids are doing called "lying." 340 00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:45,582 Why don't you just make something up? 341 00:15:45,584 --> 00:15:48,585 Pics or it didn't happen. 342 00:15:48,587 --> 00:15:51,721 I need a selfie with whoever I hook up with 343 00:15:51,723 --> 00:15:54,257 for my Facebook page. 344 00:15:54,259 --> 00:15:56,810 And if it's not gonna be Sophie, 345 00:15:56,812 --> 00:16:00,547 My guess, it's gonna be one of you two up in bed... 346 00:16:00,549 --> 00:16:03,266 Slugger. 347 00:16:03,268 --> 00:16:05,936 Slugger. 348 00:16:05,938 --> 00:16:09,389 ♪ Take me out to the ball game ♪ 349 00:16:09,391 --> 00:16:11,608 ♪ Take me out... ♪ 350 00:16:13,611 --> 00:16:16,780 Now I know why Liza threw up. 351 00:16:23,855 --> 00:16:25,738 Now I'm depressed. 352 00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:27,740 So you lost the straw pull 353 00:16:27,742 --> 00:16:30,427 for who's gonna sleep with Lester. 354 00:16:30,429 --> 00:16:33,913 Look, you've been saying you wanted to have sex 355 00:16:33,915 --> 00:16:37,133 and you've also been saying you wanna go antiquing. 356 00:16:38,919 --> 00:16:43,089 So, behind that door are both. 357 00:16:43,091 --> 00:16:46,109 And, Max, I think you cheated in that straw pull. 358 00:16:46,111 --> 00:16:47,861 Of course I cheated! 359 00:16:47,863 --> 00:16:50,263 Look, I have had a lot of crazy sex. 360 00:16:50,265 --> 00:16:54,284 I once did it with a clown at a funeral. 361 00:16:54,286 --> 00:16:56,786 But I cannot see that penis pump. 362 00:16:56,788 --> 00:16:58,955 I won't be able to come back from that. 363 00:16:58,957 --> 00:17:01,408 You think I can? 364 00:17:01,410 --> 00:17:06,779 I do, I think the science part of your brain would enjoy it. 365 00:17:06,781 --> 00:17:10,250 Ladies, I've stretched. 366 00:17:10,252 --> 00:17:12,285 I'm ready. 367 00:17:13,804 --> 00:17:16,256 Fine, I'll take the bullet. 368 00:17:16,258 --> 00:17:20,793 I don't think there are any bullets in that gun. 369 00:17:20,795 --> 00:17:22,896 Are you sure? 370 00:17:22,898 --> 00:17:26,983 'Cause I don't wanna have an old baby. 371 00:17:26,985 --> 00:17:28,401 This is ridiculous 372 00:17:28,403 --> 00:17:30,186 that we're even entertaining the thought 373 00:17:30,188 --> 00:17:33,490 of doing anything with an old man that isn't a Trump. 374 00:17:34,325 --> 00:17:36,109 Max, I can't do this. 375 00:17:36,111 --> 00:17:37,310 One of us will just have to take 376 00:17:37,312 --> 00:17:38,411 that apartment in Earl's building 377 00:17:38,413 --> 00:17:41,414 and you will find another place. 378 00:17:41,416 --> 00:17:43,783 But then we'd have to live apart. 379 00:17:43,785 --> 00:17:46,486 I know, but I don't see another choice. 380 00:17:46,488 --> 00:17:49,005 I'm not ready to live without you. 381 00:17:49,007 --> 00:17:51,824 I'm not ready to live without you. 382 00:18:06,007 --> 00:18:07,307 What? 383 00:18:07,309 --> 00:18:10,510 I saw the pump! Pack your things! 384 00:18:10,512 --> 00:18:13,513 Max, I can't believe you were almost willing to do that 385 00:18:13,515 --> 00:18:15,348 to live with me. 386 00:18:15,350 --> 00:18:18,851 You know what, I'm going in. 387 00:18:18,853 --> 00:18:20,570 Because the thought of not seeing you 388 00:18:20,572 --> 00:18:24,157 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, would kill me! 389 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:31,030 We'll meet every Saturday morning for coffee. 390 00:18:31,032 --> 00:18:34,200 Less and less over time, of course. 391 00:18:34,202 --> 00:18:37,804 That was a good start. What else you got? 392 00:18:37,806 --> 00:18:39,839 - Nothing! - Nothing! 393 00:18:39,841 --> 00:18:44,761 Ah, I'm really liking this whole back door thing. 394 00:18:44,763 --> 00:18:47,733 Wow, that's the first time I've ever said that. 395 00:18:51,235 --> 00:18:52,852 Don't get used to it, Sophie. 396 00:18:52,854 --> 00:18:54,221 You never do. 397 00:18:55,223 --> 00:18:57,223 No, I mean, we're gonna have to leave this place. 398 00:18:57,225 --> 00:18:59,025 We couldn't do it with Lester. 399 00:18:59,027 --> 00:19:01,728 I know, that's why I'm here. 400 00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:03,947 You don't have to do this for us. 401 00:19:03,949 --> 00:19:06,533 If you two didn't live in this building, 402 00:19:06,535 --> 00:19:08,785 then we'd drift apart 403 00:19:08,787 --> 00:19:11,921 and we'd only see each other on saturdays for coffee. 404 00:19:11,923 --> 00:19:15,875 Well... I'd probably only go once. 405 00:19:16,362 --> 00:19:20,213 Look, just give me 90 seconds. 406 00:19:20,215 --> 00:19:23,099 I mean, he's got a pump. How hard could it be? 407 00:19:24,468 --> 00:19:26,219 She's amazing. 408 00:19:26,221 --> 00:19:28,138 We should probably get her something for this. 409 00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:29,606 What would be appropriate? 410 00:19:29,608 --> 00:19:31,090 That good candle under the sink? 411 00:19:31,092 --> 00:19:33,109 We've only used it once. 412 00:19:33,111 --> 00:19:35,895 That seems right. 413 00:19:35,897 --> 00:19:41,067 I don't know what that was, but I'm not up to it. 414 00:19:41,069 --> 00:19:43,820 I-I don't think my heart could take it. 415 00:19:43,822 --> 00:19:45,938 Afraid sex with Sophie would kill you? 416 00:19:45,940 --> 00:19:48,241 Yeah, that's why I haven't gone there. 417 00:19:48,243 --> 00:19:50,994 You know, I was all excited about... about all the... 418 00:19:50,996 --> 00:19:52,278 all the other fish in the sea. 419 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,999 That was a great white shark! 420 00:19:56,001 --> 00:19:58,418 Hey, come on! 421 00:19:58,420 --> 00:20:01,671 I just stretched. I'm ready. 422 00:20:01,673 --> 00:20:03,790 Look, uh, could we get a quick pic? 423 00:20:03,792 --> 00:20:06,810 I might've gone there, too, if I knew he had an iPhone 5s. 424 00:20:06,812 --> 00:20:09,629 Try to be as sexy as possible. Oh, okay, yeah. 425 00:20:13,852 --> 00:20:18,137 When Olivia sees that, she's gonna say, "Morty who?" 426 00:20:19,023 --> 00:20:22,192 Girls, enjoy your apartment. 427 00:20:22,194 --> 00:20:24,494 I had some lovely times here. 428 00:20:24,496 --> 00:20:26,946 Thank you so much, Lester. Bye, grandpa. 429 00:20:26,948 --> 00:20:29,365 Maybe sometime we could come visit you in the home. 430 00:20:29,367 --> 00:20:32,535 Email me. We'll talk. 431 00:20:33,788 --> 00:20:36,172 That's still in play at his age? 432 00:20:36,174 --> 00:20:39,325 Hey, thanks for the blue balls, Lester! 433 00:20:41,879 --> 00:20:44,597 Nighty-night, girls. 434 00:20:50,504 --> 00:20:53,189 Max, we get to stay together! 435 00:20:53,191 --> 00:20:54,224 And even better, 436 00:20:54,226 --> 00:20:56,676 he left his wheelchair! 437 00:20:56,678 --> 00:21:00,680 Push me into the kitchen, I wanna crack open a beer. 438 00:21:00,682 --> 00:21:03,015 I wonder if I'll be pushing you like this when you're 70. 439 00:21:03,017 --> 00:21:06,185 You'll be pushing me like this when I'm 30. 440 00:21:08,406 --> 00:21:10,573 There's no place like home. 441 00:21:10,575 --> 00:21:12,375 I'll go get the scotch tape. 442 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:16,768 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com 32200

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