Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:07,049
Oh, my God, we have customers?
What's going on?
2
00:00:07,216 --> 00:00:10,009
Why are there hipsters here?
Are we selling stupid hats...
3
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:13,388
...and telling them they're more talented
than they actually are?
4
00:00:13,888 --> 00:00:17,309
No, that's already a store.
It's called Fedorable.
5
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,812
You've been working so hard
to get us customers in...
6
00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:24,817
...I wanted to contribute by finding a way
to get in the neighborhood hipsters.
7
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,568
So here's our new flyer.
8
00:00:26,736 --> 00:00:29,487
You made up a new flyer
without talking to me about it?
9
00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:32,533
I renamed all the cupcakes
after people from the '90s.
10
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:36,829
"Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
We've got all your Flavor Flavs."
11
00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:38,664
Hipsters love '90s nostalgia...
12
00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:41,459
...more than they love pretending
not to love anything.
13
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:44,837
"Come in and lick a Beavis.
14
00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:46,921
Eat a Butthead."
15
00:00:47,673 --> 00:00:50,301
The Pistachio
is now called the Dennis Rodman...
16
00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:52,719
...because it's such a dumbass flavor.
17
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:57,015
Cute. Wait, what's going on over there?
Why are all those cupcakes smashed?
18
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:59,476
Those are the Nancy Kerrigans.
19
00:01:00,101 --> 00:01:03,104
I don't know if it's in good taste
to make fun of her tragedy.
20
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:06,608
-I sold eight of them.
-Screw her. You're a genius. Heh.
21
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:08,319
Ooh, ooh. Can I name one?
22
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:12,156
How about we call the day-olds
the Hugh Hefners?
23
00:01:14,115 --> 00:01:15,325
That's not '90s.
24
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,495
He's in his 90s and he's stale and hard.
25
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:34,385
Can I get a Jonathan Taylor Thomas
to go and two of the Spice Girls?
26
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,555
Any one but Baby.
27
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:39,682
-Sure.
-Dude, you should come...
28
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:42,895
...to the '90s trivia contest
every Monday at the Bar Bar.
29
00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:45,438
You could win, like, big money.
30
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:47,983
And then I could pay
for the lobotomy I'd need...
31
00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:51,444
...to forget that I ever participated
in a hipster contest in a bar.
32
00:01:51,611 --> 00:01:52,737
(CAROLINE CHUCKLING)
33
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:55,448
Cute hat. You're very talented.
34
00:01:57,325 --> 00:02:00,245
I'm putting this flyer
up in the window.
35
00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:04,625
Oh. Look, there's a street performer
trying to get people to dance...
36
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:07,460
-...with his marionette outside our shop.
-Uh-oh.
37
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:10,713
Not cool. No hipster wants to crump
with a puppet.
38
00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:14,134
See, he just chased them away.
39
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:16,469
We'll ask him to move
but we have to be nice.
40
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,973
Nice? Nice. Oh, yeah, that's the thing
you are to the welfare lady...
41
00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:22,977
...while your mom's
in the bedroom hiding the new TV.
42
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,855
(ACCORDION MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
43
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:31,401
Hi, how are you?
We own this cupcake--
44
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:35,322
Shh. Not while he's dancing.
45
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,122
Oh, I'm sorry.
Would you like me to wait?
46
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,461
Oh, this dude's a serial killer.
47
00:03:21,743 --> 00:03:22,912
Oh. Uh....
48
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:24,997
Do you want me to...?
49
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,256
Yup. Total serial killer.
50
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:38,384
It's just a matter of time till we're hung
on strings in his basement.
51
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:45,266
And I probably just got puppet herpes.
52
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:46,477
(MUSIC STOPS)
53
00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:51,439
Well, I hope you enjoyed your kiss
with charming Pierre.
54
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:54,692
Now, if you wouldn't mind.
55
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:57,655
Oh, Pierre's a prostitute?
56
00:04:01,532 --> 00:04:05,871
It's weird for him to do it in the open,
but if he can't afford a car, he can't.
57
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:11,001
Oh, you're one of those.
A woman without wonder.
58
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:16,005
Not true. In fact, I'm wondering
how you manage to pay rent.
59
00:04:16,173 --> 00:04:20,134
Okay, could you two just move along?
I have another show in five minutes.
60
00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:24,098
That was a show?
Look, you can't do your little skits here.
61
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,307
Heh. She doesn't mean to be negative.
62
00:04:26,475 --> 00:04:30,562
She's right. I was planning to be all
positive till your doll raped her leg.
63
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:35,233
Pierre is not a doll, okay?
He's a marionette.
64
00:04:35,401 --> 00:04:38,653
Hand-carved by me.
And I don't do skits.
65
00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:42,949
Okay? I received a National Endowment
for my work.
66
00:04:43,117 --> 00:04:45,661
What? The government pays
for stuff like this...
67
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:49,081
-...and I can't get my back tooth fixed?
-Heh.
68
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:52,543
Well, I, for one, really appreciate
the art of puppetry.
69
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:57,297
-I can tell you do. And so can Pierre.
-Oh....
70
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,632
You know he doesn't just approach
anybody.
71
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,553
I'm Caroline. This is Max.
And you are?
72
00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:06,848
My stage name is J. Petto. Heh-heh.
73
00:05:07,016 --> 00:05:11,353
Oh, so cute.
Geppetto, like Pinocchio's father.
74
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:14,439
No, it's J-period-Petto.
75
00:05:14,814 --> 00:05:17,276
Disney owns the rights
to the name Geppetto...
76
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:21,612
...so once again the poor starving artist
gets screwed.
77
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:26,035
So sad. Can you move?
78
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:29,620
See, this is our cupcake shop
and you're blocking the entrance.
79
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,707
Uh, this is a public space
and I know my rights.
80
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:35,711
Showtime.
81
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,297
(HUMMING)
82
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,761
I was trying to be nice, but you are
the rudest puppeteer I've ever met.
83
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,262
I'm including Shari Lewis...
84
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:49,475
...who told my father to shove it
on my fifth birthday. Let's go, Max.
85
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:54,730
Hey, doll man.
86
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:56,523
You don't wanna mess with us.
87
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,485
I make one call to the cops,
they do a background check...
88
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:04,031
...and I'm pretty sure you'd go
from J. Petto to J. Petto-phile.
89
00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:09,161
Miss, I dropped my David Hasselhoff.
90
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:12,163
Well, it's not the first time
he's been on the floor.
91
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:14,625
Hey, you can't talk to me like that.
92
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,795
I studied puppetry in Paris
at the Palais-- Aah!
93
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,838
(CAROLINE & MAX GASPING)
94
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:23,634
Oh, my God.
He slipped on David Hasselhoff.
95
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,677
-Are you okay?
-Yeah. God, I'm fine, I'm fine.
96
00:06:26,845 --> 00:06:28,305
I'm just a little embarrassed.
97
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:33,268
Oh, no. No. I landed on Pierre.
98
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,478
Pierre!
99
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,105
Here, have a seat.
100
00:06:37,271 --> 00:06:40,149
Would either of you like a coffee
or a free cupcake?
101
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:44,028
No, I'm just gonna pack up and go.
Thank you.
102
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:48,117
-Come back any time for a free cupcake.
-But no need to bring your dolls.
103
00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:52,745
They're not dolls. I'm a man!
104
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:02,255
It's crazy how many hipsters came
into our shop today from our new flyers.
105
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:06,218
We ran completely out
of all the Butterfinger Buttafuocos...
106
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:10,471
...the Joeys and even the Mary Jo's,
which I did not think would sell.
107
00:07:11,055 --> 00:07:15,310
I reworked the smashed Nancy Kerrigans
and called it the Mary Jo.
108
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:19,189
Oh, girls, I'm so happy for you.
109
00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:23,235
You know, I remember when
my business first started to take off.
110
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:27,531
The first thing I did was to buy
the little village that I grew up in...
111
00:07:27,697 --> 00:07:30,742
...and then burn it to the ground.
112
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:36,581
I was just so angry
they wouldn't let me be a cheerleader.
113
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:41,752
No, baby, that was the movie Carrie.
You fell asleep watching it last night.
114
00:07:42,086 --> 00:07:43,297
Oh.
115
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,216
Yeah, I gotta stop watching movies
late at night.
116
00:07:46,382 --> 00:07:50,721
Once, for a whole year,
I thought I framed Roger Rabbit.
117
00:07:53,307 --> 00:07:54,807
(BELL DINGS)
118
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:59,730
I'm looking for the owners
of Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
119
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,107
Oh. That's me.
Wow, word is really spreading.
120
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,776
-How can I help you?
-You've been served.
121
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,403
Max, I just got served.
122
00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:10,908
Did he go after your bangs?
Because that's where I'd start.
123
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:15,161
This is a lawsuit. It says, "Max's
Homemade Cupcakes is being sued...
124
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:19,957
...for injuries sustained in our shop
by Myron Shales a.k.a. J. Petto."
125
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:23,336
-Max, it's that puppet guy.
-He's suing us?
126
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:25,838
We should be suing him for gross....
127
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:29,634
I don't know what the legal words are,
but just for being gross.
128
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,386
Can't afford to be sued.
We can't afford the lawyer...
129
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:36,515
...on those bus ads who has a gavel
in one hand and a chicken in the other.
130
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:41,730
I hope everything was satisfactory.
Can I get you ladies anything else?
131
00:08:41,897 --> 00:08:44,316
Like a strong work ethic.
132
00:08:44,942 --> 00:08:46,985
Han, it's not funny. We're being sued.
133
00:08:47,152 --> 00:08:48,695
Okay. Let me see those.
134
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:52,198
I studied law in Korea,
but I never made it through graduation.
135
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:55,701
I realized it wasn't my passion
and I pulled out.
136
00:08:58,663 --> 00:09:00,791
Did they know it was in?
137
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,211
Let's see. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
138
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,505
Yeah, you're being sued.
139
00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:11,677
What law school did you go to?
Cal State The Obvious?
140
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:15,096
Did you graduate magna come rarely?
141
00:09:16,347 --> 00:09:18,850
I told you, I pulled out.
142
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:24,563
But don't worry, accidents
like this happen in stores all the time.
143
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,984
That's why all businesses
have insurance.
144
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,903
Well, not all businesses.
145
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,447
How could you not have insurance?
146
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:38,245
You need to get protection
and I'm not talking about condoms.
147
00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:40,455
We're not idiots, Han.
148
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:43,417
We had the discussion.
I was like, "We need insurance."
149
00:09:43,582 --> 00:09:45,376
She was like, "We have money?" "No."
150
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:47,712
She was like,
"Chances something will happen?"
151
00:09:47,879 --> 00:09:50,673
"A million to one."
She was like, "Let's get gummy bears."
152
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:53,467
I was like, "Okay.
We'll talk about this another time."
153
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,846
And here we are talking about it now.
154
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:02,727
Remember, we have no choice.
We have to get him to drop this lawsuit.
155
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:05,813
Okay, 3B.
Here, this is the puppet guy's apartment.
156
00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,524
You say puppet guy, I say serial killer.
157
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:12,361
You say apartment, I say the brightest
dot on the Megan's Law website.
158
00:10:12,528 --> 00:10:13,989
Max, that is not charming.
159
00:10:14,155 --> 00:10:16,325
Stay on message.
We're charming, we're sorry--
160
00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:21,495
We're drunk. Well, I am. How else do you
think I'm going to pull off charming?
161
00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:26,125
Let's get in and out. That puppet creeped
me out. I don't wanna see it again.
162
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,799
Oh, I am not drunk enough for this.
163
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:36,219
I've never been drunk enough for this.
164
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,013
Is J. Petto home?
165
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:49,441
I'm kind of surprised.
I did not think he'd have a girlfriend.
166
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:55,654
Hello. Well, I hope you enjoyed
meeting Yvette.
167
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,783
She plays the lute, you know?
168
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:02,037
-Oh, yes, she was very charming.
-And small.
169
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,331
She must make your penis look huge.
170
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:06,707
I'm sorry?
171
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:10,461
Charming, Max. Charming.
172
00:11:10,629 --> 00:11:12,923
-Hi, we stopped by to bring cupcakes.
-Hi.
173
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:16,551
We feel so bad about what happened.
Can we come in for a minute?
174
00:11:17,134 --> 00:11:21,514
Um.... Well, I wasn't expecting company,
but come in.
175
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,182
We're all just hanging out.
176
00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:25,351
CAROLINE.
Oh. Oh.
177
00:11:25,559 --> 00:11:28,605
This isn't weird. This isn't weird at all.
178
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,649
It's like we're in a dead body car wash.
179
00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:35,653
I had a nightmare
that I had a nightmare like this once.
180
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:41,534
Just so you know, I'm not allowed
to talk about the lawsuit.
181
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,495
Well, I'm not allowed to talk
about how I really feel right now.
182
00:11:44,663 --> 00:11:49,250
Ha. Speaking of the lawsuit, you seem well,
you know, physically.
183
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:53,422
Which is great because the suit said you
had a shattered arm and a broken hip.
184
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:58,677
Oh. Yeah, I'm not suing you
for my shattered arm and hip. It's....
185
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,971
It's for Pierre's.
186
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:10,522
I crushed his little body when I fell.
187
00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:14,817
He must have thrown himself
under my body to protect my fall.
188
00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:19,822
-Dexter, party of one.
-Shh.
189
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:22,701
I have to rotate his arm...
190
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:26,203
...and hold it every 15 minutes
to get his full range of motion back.
191
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:30,332
That's what the sling's about.
I know he's not alive.
192
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,461
-Do you?
-Heh.
193
00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:37,966
We're very sorry for his injury,
but this is absurd.
194
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:40,177
You can't sue us
because your puppet broke.
195
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:44,764
Yes, I can. This puppet is my livelihood
and he's heavily insured.
196
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,767
Great, the puppet has insurance
and we don't.
197
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:50,352
-Max.
-What? You don't have insurance?
198
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,772
You have a business,
but no insurance?
199
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:56,400
Look, we can't go to court.
It would wreck us.
200
00:12:56,567 --> 00:12:59,863
Can we leave the lawyers out
and come up with a creative solution?
201
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:04,158
I mean, you're clearly creative.
Look, you even made a skeleton king.
202
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:08,788
That's not a skeleton king.
That's Pazuzu, Prince of Darkness.
203
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:11,457
Let me just put this out there...
204
00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:15,336
...because we should really move things
along and also, I'm afraid.
205
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:18,005
How much is it gonna take
to make this go away?
206
00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:20,549
You wanna take a second
to consult your roommates?
207
00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:23,052
I think I saw a lawyer doll.
208
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:29,267
He is not a lawyer. He is a maître d'.
And a damn good one.
209
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,229
You women just don't get it.
210
00:13:32,394 --> 00:13:37,067
This is why I broke up with my
Toronto-based girlfriend over Skype.
211
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:38,985
Right?
212
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:44,073
Thousand dollars by Monday.
But if she makes another comment...
213
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:48,411
...about my intricate hand-carved
marionettes being dolls...
214
00:13:48,577 --> 00:13:49,578
(WHISTLES)
215
00:13:49,745 --> 00:13:50,788
...it goes up.
216
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:55,543
Fine. A thousand dollars.
And no strings.
217
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:58,963
-Except for the ones on all--
-Max, don't say it. Heh.
218
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,470
Valley of the Dolls ,
Chucky, Bride of Chucky...
219
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:08,264
...Hello, Dolly!, Dollywood
and the Dolly Lama. Oh....
220
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:14,687
Those are the things I was holding in.
Oh, wait.
221
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,690
Doll and Oates.
222
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:23,279
Now what? How are we gonna get
a thousand extra dollars by Monday?
223
00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:26,700
Wait, Max, we can go to that bar
and exploit your special gifts.
224
00:14:26,865 --> 00:14:29,577
If I have to strip, I have to strip.
225
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:33,414
Not that kind of bar.
The hipster trivia bar.
226
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:36,960
Can't I just strip?
At least I'd still have my dignity.
227
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:45,719
It's all here. A thousand dollars.
So that's it. No more lawsuit.
228
00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:49,431
Actually, that's not it. As it turns out,
we're gonna need 500 more. Heh.
229
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:52,517
For what? Did your dues
for the serial killers' union...
230
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:56,020
...and the pedophile guild come up
at the same time this year?
231
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:58,981
Pierre is in crisis.
232
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:03,028
But his psychiatrist
could tell you more about that.
233
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:06,155
If there's a psychiatrist
who hasn't locked him up...
234
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:08,158
...I don't trust his opinion.
235
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:13,078
(IN DEEP VOICE)
I'm Dr. Pangloss.
236
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:17,458
Pierre broke more than his hip
in your cupcake shop.
237
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:19,668
He broke his spirit.
238
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,423
He lost his dream.
239
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:28,552
He no longer wants to perform.
240
00:15:32,139 --> 00:15:35,434
This is where he cuts us in half
and sews my top to your bottom.
241
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,062
On the plus side, we'll look amazing.
242
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,688
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
Yeah, well, you heard it.
243
00:15:39,855 --> 00:15:44,235
Pierre is ready to give up his art
and he needs a little more money.
244
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,821
Forget it, puppet nuts.
We don't have 500 dollars.
245
00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:48,822
We don't have 500 anything.
246
00:15:48,990 --> 00:15:50,158
Well, think about it.
247
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,368
(KETTLE WHISTLING)
248
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:54,037
That's my tea kettle. Yvette?
249
00:15:54,203 --> 00:15:55,371
Ugh. I'll do it.
250
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,707
I'm not so sure the hostility
is quite working...
251
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:02,211
...so you wait in the hall
and I'll try to talk some sense into him.
252
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,254
You are the only person in the world...
253
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:07,341
...who would insist on being alone
with this man, but okay.
254
00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:10,970
Please, just listen. We are broke.
255
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:13,056
To get more money,
we'd have to strip.
256
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:16,350
Well, Gigi and Lana
started off as strippers...
257
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:20,980
...and now they're in the Folies Bergère.
So....
258
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:24,400
You know, even for a middle-aged
puppeteer, you're a freak.
259
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,696
See you in court!
260
00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:32,658
Nothing. He's gonna sue us and we have
no other tricks up our sleeve.
261
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:36,620
Well, maybe not my sleeve,
but how about my coat?
262
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:39,790
-Pierre?
-Right there.
263
00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:51,760
I'm sorry, we're not open today.
264
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:55,056
I know you took him.
Give me back Pierre.
265
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:58,559
We're not open.
We've had a terrible tragedy.
266
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:02,187
Well, not us but a new friend of ours
had a gruesome accident...
267
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:04,481
...and we are just devastated.
268
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:07,026
You wouldn't be that cruel.
269
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:10,320
Relax. I could never be that cruel.
But Max could.
270
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,907
Well, well, well.
271
00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:20,205
Look who it is, Pierre.
Your lover, J. Petto.
272
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,250
He's not gay.
273
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,545
He had a girlfriend named Lulu.
274
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,256
She was a courtesan
in the court of a French king.
275
00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:32,301
They broke up over a brief flirtation
she had with Yvette.
276
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:35,846
And I know they're not alive!
277
00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:39,851
Now, what do you say we stick
to the original no-strings deal?
278
00:17:40,018 --> 00:17:44,480
Because if you don't, Max will show you
what no strings really means.
279
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:47,150
Do it. Go. Bring it.
280
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:51,488
I can always restring him.
I'm a master of my craft.
281
00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:56,034
Yes, we thought you'd say that.
So you leave us no choice. Max.
282
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:57,535
PETTO:
What?
283
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:03,415
I'm not changing my mind.
And I'm coming back with the police.
284
00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,252
Oh, I wouldn't get the cops involved.
285
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:13,009
Now that your boy here
is in a compromising situation.
286
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:15,553
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
287
00:18:28,148 --> 00:18:31,568
How dare you!
288
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:35,990
And she does not like the feel
of a condom!
289
00:18:37,325 --> 00:18:42,788
-You two are sick!
-Hey. We don't judge.
290
00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:49,211
We think whatever two consenting dolls
or maybe three consenting dolls do....
291
00:18:50,046 --> 00:18:53,590
And it's gonna be bad
because he's a grower, not a shower.
292
00:18:59,763 --> 00:19:02,851
And once a few of these pics
are posted online...
293
00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:05,769
...there goes
your children's party business.
294
00:19:05,936 --> 00:19:09,315
Now, call it quits
and you can delete these pics.
295
00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:12,026
Fine. Yes. Okay, you win.
You win. You win.
296
00:19:12,192 --> 00:19:14,863
Oh, we're not falling
for your word again.
297
00:19:15,028 --> 00:19:20,742
-If you want your doll back--
-For the last time, he is not a doll!
298
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:24,413
Bring us a notarized letter saying you
release Max's Homemade Cupcakes...
299
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:28,250
...of all further legal action. We'll give
you back Pierre perfectly intact.
300
00:19:28,417 --> 00:19:30,961
Minus his virginity, of course.
301
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:35,465
But don't worry, you'll still have yours.
302
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:39,596
Okay. I'll be back as soon as I can. Ugh.
303
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:42,598
Thirty years in the cutthroat world
of puppets...
304
00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:47,185
...and I'm undone
by two crazy cupcake bitches.
305
00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:54,861
Did you hear that? Thirty years.
306
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:58,280
Thirty years of following his dream
and he's still broke?
307
00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:02,035
Is that gonna be us, Max?
Is our dream just as stupid as puppets?
308
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:04,328
Sorry, Pierre, I forgot you were here.
309
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:08,082
He's sound asleep.
Three-ways really take it out of you.
310
00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:12,461
Here, dress her. She has to get a cab.
She'd rather sleep in her own bed.
311
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,799
And do you know
why we're not gonna turn into him?
312
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:21,386
Because 30 years ago, when J. Petto
said, "I'm gonna be a puppeteer"...
313
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,431
...he didn't have a friend to tell him:
314
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:25,807
"You shouldn't do that.
It's a stupid idea."
315
00:20:25,974 --> 00:20:28,853
Unlike him, you have me
to tell you when it's a stupid idea.
316
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:31,105
I have you to tell me
not to Mace myself...
317
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:33,775
...no matter how bad I wanna know
how it feels.
318
00:20:34,317 --> 00:20:36,653
So the cupcake shop
isn't a stupid idea?
319
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:38,988
No, and it's actually starting
to take off.
320
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:41,782
Because no one embraces a stupid idea
like a hipster.
321
00:20:42,616 --> 00:20:44,285
But, Max, we do need insurance.
322
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:46,412
-But do we have the money?
-No.
323
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:49,207
-Chances someone else is gonna fall?
-A million to one.
324
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,584
I like those odds.
325
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:56,881
-You know, this is a really cute dress.
-Forget the dress. Look at his cute pants.
326
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:59,675
We really should give them to Han.
327
00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:30,038
English - US - SDH
26531
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof