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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,232 --> 00:00:04,421 Sandwich, burger. 2 00:00:05,963 --> 00:00:07,589 Why the big smile, Han? 3 00:00:07,591 --> 00:00:09,541 You going commando under those corduroys? 4 00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:13,044 No, Max, I am happy today because diner clientele 5 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:15,223 has finally changed for the better. 6 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,348 Look, two parties of cool hipsters 7 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,270 are sitting at tables near wall. 8 00:00:20,637 --> 00:00:23,065 You think those are six hipsters? 9 00:00:23,231 --> 00:00:25,273 Okay, let's go over this one more time. 10 00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,569 Hipster or homeless pop quiz, ready? 11 00:00:27,844 --> 00:00:29,193 - Ready. - Hipsters wear? 12 00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,196 Skinny jeans. 13 00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:32,780 - Homeless wear? - Dirty jeans. 14 00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,618 - Hipsters listen to? - Radiohead. 15 00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:38,038 - Homeless listen to? - The voices in their head. 16 00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:40,791 - Hipsters have? - Beard and a blog. 17 00:00:41,024 --> 00:00:43,335 - Homeless have? - Beard and so much sadness. 18 00:00:44,763 --> 00:00:46,797 I see sadness, there and there. 19 00:00:46,963 --> 00:00:49,466 I'll handle this. 20 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,866 I told you before, I don't want you kind in here. 21 00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:53,637 Take a trendy hike. 22 00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:58,934 Better step it up. The apple store closes at ten. 23 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,936 Max, why did you kick out the hipsters? 24 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,810 'Cause I could not be in the background 25 00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:05,013 of another Instagram photo. 26 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:15,325 Synced by Yescool Correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com 27 00:01:18,545 --> 00:01:19,854 Here's the last check, Earl. 28 00:01:19,856 --> 00:01:21,832 And, Max, they stiffed us on the tip 29 00:01:22,108 --> 00:01:23,307 but they forgot their camera. 30 00:01:23,309 --> 00:01:24,725 Oh, I'll give it to Oleg. 31 00:01:24,727 --> 00:01:27,829 He can take one of his special pictures. 32 00:01:27,831 --> 00:01:29,614 That way, when they come back to get it, 33 00:01:29,616 --> 00:01:31,800 everyone will have been stiffed. 34 00:01:32,318 --> 00:01:34,068 Well, good night, ladies. 35 00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:36,287 I gotta get home before the snow starts. 36 00:01:36,804 --> 00:01:38,772 It's not gonna snow, Earl, it's 50 degrees. 37 00:01:39,181 --> 00:01:40,691 Oh, it's gonna snow, trust me. 38 00:01:40,693 --> 00:01:42,960 I couldn't tell when my first wife was coming, 39 00:01:42,962 --> 00:01:45,981 but I can sure tell when a storm is coming. 40 00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,252 All right, so what's the plan? 41 00:01:51,254 --> 00:01:52,753 What are we gonna do if it does snow? 44 00:01:57,627 --> 00:01:59,977 Opening my balcony doors and watching it fall 45 00:01:59,979 --> 00:02:02,763 like fresh white linen and then running across the street 46 00:02:02,765 --> 00:02:04,798 to the park to make snow angels. 47 00:02:05,333 --> 00:02:07,635 Yeah, that's snow when you're rich. 48 00:02:07,637 --> 00:02:09,470 The only snow angels you'll see this year 49 00:02:09,472 --> 00:02:13,274 are the six crack addicts frozen to our stoop. 50 00:02:13,276 --> 00:02:15,743 Oh, not to mention the adorable frozen horse 51 00:02:15,745 --> 00:02:17,695 we have illegally living in the backyard. 52 00:02:17,697 --> 00:02:19,030 Max, don't overreact. 53 00:02:19,032 --> 00:02:19,997 Chestnut's fine. 54 00:02:19,999 --> 00:02:21,115 It's not gonna snow for weeks. 55 00:02:21,117 --> 00:02:22,283 All right, have it your way. 56 00:02:22,285 --> 00:02:23,817 But I wouldn't want to be the next tenants 57 00:02:23,819 --> 00:02:25,486 who have to figure out why a pissed off horse 58 00:02:25,488 --> 00:02:28,489 is haunting a Brooklyn apartment. 59 00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:32,660 I was cold and she thought she knew weather patterns. 60 00:02:34,346 --> 00:02:36,797 Oleg, take a picture of your junk on this customer's camera. 61 00:02:36,799 --> 00:02:39,159 Done. 62 00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:40,452 Aren't you gonna ask why? 63 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,553 No need. 64 00:02:47,694 --> 00:02:49,110 I just saw Oleg's... 65 00:02:49,669 --> 00:02:51,979 Yeah, that might have been my fault. 66 00:02:51,981 --> 00:02:55,950 Kind of a shock seeing it for the first time. 67 00:02:56,425 --> 00:02:57,902 Max, I don't like you implying 68 00:02:57,904 --> 00:03:00,020 that I would ever be cruel to Chestnut. 69 00:03:00,022 --> 00:03:01,155 I'm not implying it. 70 00:03:01,157 --> 00:03:03,824 I'm saying it outright. 71 00:03:03,826 --> 00:03:04,976 It's winter. 72 00:03:05,361 --> 00:03:06,877 And it's not like I've not been thinking about it. 73 00:03:06,879 --> 00:03:08,579 But Chestnut belongs in a special home. 74 00:03:09,146 --> 00:03:11,249 You belong in a special home. 75 00:03:11,251 --> 00:03:12,917 I've done some research, 76 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:14,719 and I found a retreat in the Grand Tetons 77 00:03:14,721 --> 00:03:16,754 where newly-divorced women come to hug horses 78 00:03:16,756 --> 00:03:19,039 to help them gain back their ability to trust. 79 00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:24,145 The only Grand Tetons Chestnut trusts are mine. 80 00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,731 Lady, you gotta get a reality check real quick 81 00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:28,149 'cause Earl thinks it's gonna snow. 82 00:03:28,151 --> 00:03:30,651 Earl also thinks the theme from shaft 83 00:03:30,653 --> 00:03:34,355 was stolen from a cassette tape he sent out in 1975. 84 00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:37,108 Shut your mouth. That happened. 85 00:03:37,591 --> 00:03:39,577 Max, it's not gonna snow. 86 00:03:39,579 --> 00:03:40,778 I know snow. 87 00:03:40,780 --> 00:03:42,863 We owned a ski chalet in Saas-Fee Switzerland 88 00:03:42,865 --> 00:03:44,749 and I think I know more than anyone in this restaurant 89 00:03:44,751 --> 00:03:46,951 about living in cold climes. 90 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,907 Snow is coming. 91 00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:57,011 Yo, Swiss miss, you wanna have a conversation about cold climes 92 00:03:57,013 --> 00:03:58,429 with Snowleg over there? 93 00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:01,132 Oh, Max, I almost forgot. 94 00:04:01,134 --> 00:04:03,100 The camera. 95 00:04:03,102 --> 00:04:05,919 I think you'll be very pleased. 96 00:04:06,370 --> 00:04:08,939 I made a little video as well. 97 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,258 Why are you wearing two coats? 98 00:04:11,260 --> 00:04:13,060 Same reason I wear two condoms. 99 00:04:13,062 --> 00:04:15,262 In case one breaks. 100 00:04:20,786 --> 00:04:22,987 What the? 101 00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:28,709 Well, good morning, world's worst weather girl. 102 00:04:29,268 --> 00:04:33,447 I have never seen so much sunshine. 103 00:04:33,449 --> 00:04:34,715 You know what that means? 104 00:04:34,717 --> 00:04:36,634 Earl wrote shaft. 105 00:04:37,193 --> 00:04:39,696 Max, I know it snowed, you don't have to tell me. 106 00:04:39,862 --> 00:04:42,139 I'm surrounded by so much white stuff I'm like Al Pacino 107 00:04:42,141 --> 00:04:45,226 in the last scene of Scarface. 108 00:04:45,228 --> 00:04:46,560 What are you wearing? 109 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,680 You look like a bag of crazy garbage grew arms. 110 00:04:50,247 --> 00:04:52,767 It's the hefty 2011 winter collection. 111 00:04:52,769 --> 00:04:53,818 I gave Chestnut my coat. 112 00:04:53,820 --> 00:04:56,937 This is the only way to keep the snow off me. 113 00:04:56,939 --> 00:04:59,106 Look at poor Chestnut. 114 00:04:59,108 --> 00:05:00,574 What is he wearing on his hooves? 115 00:05:00,576 --> 00:05:02,526 I cut up my Fendi cashmere leggings. 116 00:05:02,528 --> 00:05:03,977 I grabbed them when we raided the town house. 117 00:05:03,979 --> 00:05:05,979 I thought ahead for me, but not for him. 118 00:05:06,555 --> 00:05:09,033 He is humiliated in those ladies clothes. 119 00:05:09,035 --> 00:05:11,118 He looks like j. Edgar hoover. 120 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,204 I've been out here sweeping since 4:00 A.M. 121 00:05:13,206 --> 00:05:15,456 But it just keeps coming down. 122 00:05:15,458 --> 00:05:16,957 What is your problem, snow? 123 00:05:16,959 --> 00:05:19,794 I used to love you! 124 00:05:19,796 --> 00:05:21,879 Maybe we should ask your old doorman 125 00:05:21,881 --> 00:05:25,165 "insert generic Irish name here" to come help. 126 00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:26,467 I know their names. 127 00:05:26,469 --> 00:05:29,186 Day James, night James and black James. 128 00:05:29,703 --> 00:05:32,223 So your plan is you're gonna sweep the snow away till spring 129 00:05:32,225 --> 00:05:33,891 while the horse is trapped under this tarp? 130 00:05:33,893 --> 00:05:36,060 Which I'm pretty sure was covering the out of business 131 00:05:36,062 --> 00:05:37,678 Cuban restaurant down the street. 132 00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,064 They were out of business and I left a note. 133 00:05:40,066 --> 00:05:42,650 What did it say? "I'm loco, gracias." 134 00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:45,953 No, it said, "sorry I took your roof, hang in there.: 135 00:05:47,823 --> 00:05:49,573 Max, don't be so negative. 136 00:05:49,575 --> 00:05:52,126 Doesn't matter where it came from, it's working. 137 00:05:52,128 --> 00:05:55,579 I just need to secure this tarp a little. 138 00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:56,831 Stop, you were gonna climb on 139 00:05:56,833 --> 00:05:59,467 an icy chair in six inch heels and break your neck 140 00:05:59,469 --> 00:06:01,051 and then I'm gonna be stuck with a horse in leggings 141 00:06:01,053 --> 00:06:03,170 and you in a wheelchair with a chopstick in your mouth 142 00:06:03,172 --> 00:06:06,366 tapping out, "I'm sorry, I thought that would work." 143 00:06:06,676 --> 00:06:08,208 I learned to build when I volunteered 144 00:06:08,210 --> 00:06:10,094 with habitat for humanity. 145 00:06:10,096 --> 00:06:14,148 Looking back, they had so much more than I have now. 146 00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:16,434 Okay. 147 00:06:16,436 --> 00:06:18,402 I gotta go to my babysitting job 148 00:06:18,404 --> 00:06:20,988 and when I get back, you and I are gonna sit down 149 00:06:20,990 --> 00:06:22,773 and come up with a more realistic home 150 00:06:22,775 --> 00:06:23,858 for j. Edgar hoofer. 151 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:25,526 Max, he lives here. 152 00:06:25,528 --> 00:06:27,194 And I'm telling you, this is working. 153 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,231 What I'm doing is actually kind of brilliant. 154 00:06:35,227 --> 00:06:37,955 Now I'm worried about those houses you built. 155 00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:44,946 Hey, Peach. 156 00:06:45,112 --> 00:06:47,715 Max, I have the most incredible news. 157 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,910 Lawyer finally found a loophole in your prenup? 158 00:06:51,437 --> 00:06:53,504 I wish, no. 159 00:06:53,506 --> 00:06:54,522 I just got an email 160 00:06:54,524 --> 00:06:56,357 and I have made it to the final round 161 00:06:56,359 --> 00:07:00,093 of casting for Real Housewives of Tribeca. 162 00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,229 Real Housewives of Tribeca? 163 00:07:02,231 --> 00:07:03,764 They're doing neighborhoods now? 164 00:07:03,766 --> 00:07:07,093 What's next, Real Housewives of from here to there? 165 00:07:07,259 --> 00:07:09,286 The producers are on their way over and I want everything 166 00:07:09,288 --> 00:07:12,456 to be perfect when they see Brad and Angelina. 167 00:07:12,458 --> 00:07:14,775 Uh, Peach, are you aware that your children 168 00:07:14,777 --> 00:07:18,829 are being eaten by clothing? 169 00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:21,465 The snowsuits are Burberry. 170 00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:23,634 And the padding hides Angelina's weight problem. 171 00:07:23,636 --> 00:07:25,636 Okay, you have to stop saying that. 172 00:07:25,638 --> 00:07:27,221 She doesn't have a weight problem. 173 00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:30,174 She's gained 25 pounds in one year. 174 00:07:32,143 --> 00:07:36,647 Yeah, 'cause she started at zero. 175 00:07:36,649 --> 00:07:39,466 Max, we all have to look our best, 'cause ready? 176 00:07:39,468 --> 00:07:43,437 The last spot in the show is between me and Misty Mastbaum. 177 00:07:43,439 --> 00:07:45,022 I thought she was your bestie. 178 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:49,276 She is, but my bestie's a bitchy. 179 00:07:49,278 --> 00:07:50,911 She's crazy competitive. 180 00:07:51,428 --> 00:07:53,531 As soon as we were approached about the show, 181 00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:57,001 she adopted a three-legged corgi and named it Mr. Pickle. 182 00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,820 That's crazy bitchy. 183 00:08:00,312 --> 00:08:02,706 So now, I'm looking up handicapped animals 184 00:08:02,708 --> 00:08:04,609 to impress the producers. 185 00:08:05,177 --> 00:08:07,344 Oh, you want a handicapped animal? 186 00:08:07,346 --> 00:08:09,463 I got your handicapped animal. 187 00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:14,468 I know a homeless horse with gender identity issues. 188 00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:18,055 I was thinking something cute, but damaged. 189 00:08:18,057 --> 00:08:20,125 Like a one-eyed French bulldog. 190 00:08:20,443 --> 00:08:24,511 What if I told you that this horse was a celebrity horse? 191 00:08:24,513 --> 00:08:26,280 Tell me more. 192 00:08:26,282 --> 00:08:27,898 My friend, Caroline Channing... 193 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,784 How do you know Caroline Channing? 194 00:08:30,786 --> 00:08:33,237 She's my AA sponsor. 195 00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:36,473 Makes sense. 196 00:08:36,475 --> 00:08:37,308 Go on. 197 00:08:37,710 --> 00:08:41,712 Anyway, she has this cute, but crazy damaged horse 198 00:08:41,714 --> 00:08:43,330 and since her life flipped upside down, 199 00:08:43,332 --> 00:08:44,748 he needs a good home. 200 00:08:45,274 --> 00:08:47,251 Well, I'd have to meet Caroline first. 201 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,554 Bring her by on Saturday. 202 00:08:51,071 --> 00:08:53,924 Max, what an amazing idea. 203 00:08:53,926 --> 00:08:58,178 Misty is literally going to die. 204 00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:01,765 I am so thrilled you have a drinking problem. 205 00:09:11,081 --> 00:09:13,415 Did you have to put him in my bedroom? 206 00:09:13,417 --> 00:09:14,849 It was the easiest room to horse proof. 207 00:09:14,851 --> 00:09:18,336 You have so little of worth. 208 00:09:18,338 --> 00:09:19,704 You can stop googling. I already found 209 00:09:19,706 --> 00:09:21,239 a perfectly good place to put him. 210 00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:24,606 You're not still suggesting I give Chestnut to Peach Landis? 211 00:09:25,178 --> 00:09:28,413 Max, look at me. Look at me in the eyes. 212 00:09:28,415 --> 00:09:30,265 Are you high? 213 00:09:30,652 --> 00:09:32,434 No, I couldn't find my bedroom stash 214 00:09:32,436 --> 00:09:34,102 since you moved everything around. 215 00:09:34,104 --> 00:09:35,920 Chestnut needs a home with affection 216 00:09:35,922 --> 00:09:37,689 and Peach won't even hug her children. 217 00:09:37,691 --> 00:09:38,828 She pays you to do that. 218 00:09:38,994 --> 00:09:40,525 That's why it's perfect. 219 00:09:40,527 --> 00:09:41,977 She'll pay for the fancy stable 220 00:09:41,979 --> 00:09:44,396 and we'll go and hug Chestnut for her whenever we want. 221 00:09:44,398 --> 00:09:46,169 You just need to go meet her and it's done. 222 00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:47,899 I have the DNA of a rich girl, 223 00:09:47,901 --> 00:09:50,035 even though I'm lying in bed with you in a tenement 224 00:09:50,037 --> 00:09:52,370 and I bought my dinner tonight with dimes. 225 00:09:52,372 --> 00:09:54,239 Chestnut and I are old money. 226 00:09:54,241 --> 00:09:55,740 And old money doesn't parade itself around 227 00:09:55,742 --> 00:09:57,909 in front of cameras and beg for attention. 228 00:09:57,911 --> 00:09:59,544 Hey, you're not the only one with old money. 229 00:09:59,546 --> 00:10:00,745 I've had a dollar in my jeans 230 00:10:00,747 --> 00:10:02,998 I've been carrying around for three weeks. 231 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,332 You're meeting Peach Saturday, 232 00:10:04,334 --> 00:10:05,897 and we're saying good-bye to the horse. 233 00:10:06,063 --> 00:10:08,553 Why is getting rid of Chestnut so easy for you? 234 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,922 Didn't you ever have a pet as a child? 235 00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,590 Yes, I had a puppy. 236 00:10:12,592 --> 00:10:14,125 And after a week of living with my mom, 237 00:10:14,127 --> 00:10:17,628 he pulled the car over and put us out on the side of the road. 238 00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,035 She got rid of it? 239 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,149 Look, pets are not my thing, okay? 240 00:10:21,151 --> 00:10:22,800 I already have something needy and Fluffy 241 00:10:22,802 --> 00:10:24,686 that'll die if I don't take care of it... you. 242 00:10:27,107 --> 00:10:29,074 Go, it's your turn to go check on him. 243 00:10:29,076 --> 00:10:31,743 No, I went the last time and caught him eating my bra. 244 00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,145 Don't exaggerate. He only ate half of it. 245 00:10:34,147 --> 00:10:36,531 Oh, I'm sorry, you're right, I should be more positive. 246 00:10:36,533 --> 00:10:41,419 One of my cups is half full. 247 00:10:42,839 --> 00:10:45,006 What's going on in there? 248 00:10:45,008 --> 00:10:46,291 I don't suppose there's any way 249 00:10:46,293 --> 00:10:50,528 you took a giant dump on your dresser? 250 00:10:50,530 --> 00:10:52,497 You can't blame Chestnut. He's probably nervous. 251 00:10:52,499 --> 00:10:53,715 After wearing your leggings, 252 00:10:53,717 --> 00:10:56,935 he's getting ready for his fame audition. 253 00:10:57,322 --> 00:11:01,973 He's a maniac, maniac on all fours. 254 00:11:01,975 --> 00:11:03,475 Oh, Max, here's something. 255 00:11:03,477 --> 00:11:05,643 The Ivy bridge riding stables in Brooklyn. 256 00:11:05,645 --> 00:11:07,445 Only five Miles away. 257 00:11:07,447 --> 00:11:09,030 It says on their website that their horses 258 00:11:09,032 --> 00:11:10,732 are featured in commercials and films! 259 00:11:11,211 --> 00:11:15,853 Can you say Chestnut, star of the war horse sequel? 260 00:11:15,855 --> 00:11:18,323 Did you take the weed from my bedside table? 261 00:11:18,325 --> 00:11:19,407 Look at me. 262 00:11:19,409 --> 00:11:21,409 Look at me in the eyes. 263 00:11:21,411 --> 00:11:22,932 Are you high? 264 00:11:23,513 --> 00:11:26,748 Honestly... a little. 265 00:11:27,102 --> 00:11:28,533 Close that and go to sleep. 266 00:11:28,535 --> 00:11:30,552 No, I'm still reading. 267 00:11:30,554 --> 00:11:33,471 Oh look at that, I just pulled down your browser history. 268 00:11:33,473 --> 00:11:34,705 Interesting list. 269 00:11:34,707 --> 00:11:35,873 Kitten plays a keyboard, 270 00:11:35,875 --> 00:11:38,543 kitten sneezes and farts at the same time? 271 00:11:38,545 --> 00:11:39,782 Give me that, that's private. 272 00:11:39,948 --> 00:11:41,813 Kitten folds a t-shirt! 273 00:11:41,815 --> 00:11:43,481 Oh, kitten rings a doorbell. 274 00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:45,850 I thought you said you weren't into pets. 275 00:11:45,852 --> 00:11:46,985 I'm not! 276 00:11:46,987 --> 00:11:50,321 It's a kitten ringing a doorbell! 277 00:11:50,323 --> 00:11:53,942 He's trying to get in like people. 278 00:11:54,338 --> 00:11:56,561 You have a secret soft spot for animals. 279 00:11:56,965 --> 00:11:59,414 No, I'm just into freaky kittens. 280 00:11:59,416 --> 00:12:01,116 There's one who puts on a snakeskin suit 281 00:12:01,118 --> 00:12:03,535 and goes on a business trip. 282 00:12:03,537 --> 00:12:05,754 That's not soft. That is freaky. 283 00:12:06,099 --> 00:12:09,073 Fine, you're telling me to get a reality check about Chestnut. 284 00:12:09,075 --> 00:12:10,625 But you need one too. 285 00:12:10,627 --> 00:12:13,578 You're gonna miss him when he's gone. 286 00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:14,879 Max, are you listening? 287 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,051 Max, don't worry. 288 00:12:20,053 --> 00:12:21,586 I know it's all gonna work out perfectly 289 00:12:21,588 --> 00:12:22,754 at the stables tomorrow. 290 00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:23,705 I'm not worried. 291 00:12:35,767 --> 00:12:37,285 The man's not here yet. 292 00:12:37,287 --> 00:12:39,404 Damn it, turn us around Max, we have to enter again. 293 00:12:39,716 --> 00:12:41,239 This is the third time. 294 00:12:41,241 --> 00:12:43,374 Max, come on, we borrowed these coats from Oleg 295 00:12:43,376 --> 00:12:45,126 to make a dramatic star entrance. 296 00:12:45,128 --> 00:12:46,327 If you want me to fake it again, 297 00:12:46,329 --> 00:12:48,746 you have to buy me dinner and call me pretty. 298 00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,781 Fine, then help me down quickly. 299 00:12:51,186 --> 00:12:55,053 I don't wanna be mid-dismount when the stable guy walks in. 300 00:12:58,224 --> 00:12:59,841 God, ugh. 301 00:12:59,843 --> 00:13:02,227 You just sat on my face. 302 00:13:02,229 --> 00:13:06,097 Like I haven't done enough for you. 303 00:13:06,099 --> 00:13:07,482 Oh, hello, are you Tony? 304 00:13:07,484 --> 00:13:08,799 Last time I checked. 305 00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,485 Oh, jeez. 306 00:13:10,487 --> 00:13:12,470 I'm Caroline Channing. We spoke on the phone. 307 00:13:12,791 --> 00:13:14,656 And this is Chestnut. 308 00:13:14,658 --> 00:13:15,740 Max, step back. 309 00:13:15,742 --> 00:13:17,325 Oh, great. I'll just be over here 310 00:13:17,327 --> 00:13:19,027 like the awkward father in the background 311 00:13:19,029 --> 00:13:20,829 on Toddlers and Tiaras. 312 00:13:21,174 --> 00:13:22,747 Well, here he is. 313 00:13:22,749 --> 00:13:24,982 And as we discussed, Chestnut is a champion jumper 314 00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:26,817 his dressage is impeccable, 315 00:13:26,819 --> 00:13:28,808 he's ribboned three times at the Hampton Classic, 316 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,122 and he comes from a historically elite line 317 00:13:31,124 --> 00:13:32,645 of distinguished show horses. 318 00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:35,159 And he pees like a civil rights fire hose. 319 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,128 Max, step further back. 320 00:13:37,130 --> 00:13:38,496 Come on, let's cut to the chase. 321 00:13:38,498 --> 00:13:42,267 He's nice, brown, he looks sick in leggings, 322 00:13:42,269 --> 00:13:44,686 and he's free, so take him or leave him. 323 00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:46,521 When'd you say he was a jumper? 324 00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,839 From 2005 to 2010. 325 00:13:48,841 --> 00:13:50,508 He was in a class by himself. 326 00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:52,443 Well, maybe he was a jumper, 327 00:13:52,445 --> 00:13:54,195 but he isn't anymore. 328 00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:55,168 What? 329 00:13:55,334 --> 00:13:56,586 Well, he's a little out of shape. 330 00:13:56,752 --> 00:13:58,783 Well, you have a gut. 331 00:13:59,129 --> 00:14:01,402 Whoa! I'm just saying he's seen better days. 332 00:14:01,404 --> 00:14:03,571 I'm just saying your hair is falling out in fistfuls. 333 00:14:03,967 --> 00:14:05,523 - Whoa! - Okay, okay. 334 00:14:05,525 --> 00:14:07,625 Let's not get personal, we all want this to work. 335 00:14:07,627 --> 00:14:08,681 He's the one who's getting personal 336 00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:10,308 going after Chestnut like that. 337 00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:11,913 Okay, you tell me, 338 00:14:11,915 --> 00:14:13,561 when's the last time he's exercised? 339 00:14:13,727 --> 00:14:15,383 When's the last time you exercised? 340 00:14:15,729 --> 00:14:18,336 Wow, show business is rough. 341 00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:20,004 All right, it's Tony, right? 342 00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:21,472 Last time I checked. 343 00:14:21,474 --> 00:14:23,391 All right, Tony, you'll have to forgive her. 344 00:14:23,393 --> 00:14:25,977 She really loves him and wants this to work out. 345 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,846 Bottom line is, even a free horse isn't free. 346 00:14:28,848 --> 00:14:31,048 I still have to feed him and take care of him 347 00:14:31,050 --> 00:14:34,218 and truth be told, this horse isn't gonna make me a penny. 348 00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:37,221 If my film guy comes in here, he's gonna pick that beauty 349 00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:39,190 over this one. 350 00:14:39,503 --> 00:14:41,005 Oh. 351 00:14:41,171 --> 00:14:43,778 So it's not gonna work out, girls. 352 00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:46,948 All right, well, we got other offers, fatty. 353 00:14:46,950 --> 00:14:49,167 Come on, let's go. 354 00:14:50,847 --> 00:14:53,421 You know, maybe next time before you let someone 355 00:14:53,423 --> 00:14:56,791 ride five Miles across Brooklyn in a toxic, Russian, 356 00:14:56,793 --> 00:14:58,189 cologne-soaked rent-a-fur, 357 00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:00,295 you should be clear that the film business, 358 00:15:00,297 --> 00:15:03,715 even for horses, is ageist and elitist. 359 00:15:03,717 --> 00:15:05,767 And, yes, we may have seen better days, 360 00:15:05,769 --> 00:15:08,386 but with hard work, determination and a little luck, 361 00:15:08,388 --> 00:15:10,087 one day we'll be back on top. 362 00:15:10,089 --> 00:15:14,025 Yeah, and I'm not impressed by your big star pony over there. 363 00:15:14,027 --> 00:15:15,426 He's just standing still. 364 00:15:15,428 --> 00:15:16,444 You wanna impress me? 365 00:15:16,446 --> 00:15:20,949 Have him meow and ring the doorbell. 366 00:15:20,951 --> 00:15:22,817 Don't take it personally, Chestnut. 367 00:15:22,819 --> 00:15:25,086 Those horses have had work done. 368 00:15:28,610 --> 00:15:29,160 + 369 00:15:32,976 --> 00:15:35,945 maybe you wanna take the cinch sack off before you meet Peach. 370 00:15:35,947 --> 00:15:38,020 No it's snowing again and I'm a penniless beggar. 371 00:15:38,316 --> 00:15:39,665 I should look like one. 372 00:15:39,667 --> 00:15:41,683 Besides, she'll probably think it's a look. 373 00:15:41,685 --> 00:15:43,068 All right, I know this one on one 374 00:15:43,070 --> 00:15:44,520 with Peach isn't your ideal scenario, 375 00:15:44,522 --> 00:15:45,854 but it's what's best for Chestnut 376 00:15:45,856 --> 00:15:47,613 so man up and face reality. 377 00:15:47,779 --> 00:15:50,324 You're right. 378 00:15:51,379 --> 00:15:55,288 And my friend, Caroline Channing... 379 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:56,372 What is it? 380 00:15:56,538 --> 00:15:58,083 You might be ready to face reality, 381 00:15:58,085 --> 00:16:00,669 but are you ready to face reality TV? 382 00:16:00,671 --> 00:16:02,137 The place is crawling with Peach clones 383 00:16:02,139 --> 00:16:03,672 and TV cameras ready to meet you. 384 00:16:03,674 --> 00:16:04,755 She totally set us up. 385 00:16:04,921 --> 00:16:06,425 Are you kidding me? 386 00:16:06,427 --> 00:16:09,044 Fabulous, this is awesome, just awesome. 387 00:16:09,046 --> 00:16:10,712 She's using the Caroline Channing freak show 388 00:16:10,714 --> 00:16:12,305 to get herself on another freak show. 389 00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:14,223 All right, you're right, let's go, you don't have to do this. 390 00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:16,986 No, if I made Chestnut parade around 391 00:16:16,988 --> 00:16:18,571 and be humiliated in public, 392 00:16:18,573 --> 00:16:20,889 then I have to be willing to do the same. 393 00:16:20,891 --> 00:16:24,893 Here, hold my coat. 394 00:16:24,895 --> 00:16:26,527 You always have those with you? 395 00:16:26,693 --> 00:16:30,740 Yes, I'm from Manhattan. 396 00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,034 - Okay, thank me for coming. - What? 397 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,087 Thank me for coming, that's what people did all the time 398 00:16:35,089 --> 00:16:37,172 when I was a billionaire. 399 00:16:37,174 --> 00:16:38,674 Thank you for coming. 400 00:16:38,676 --> 00:16:42,335 No, thank you for inviting me. 401 00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:44,879 Wow, that's so cool. 402 00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:48,300 Don't freak out. 403 00:16:48,302 --> 00:16:51,420 I'm about to get my rich on. 404 00:16:51,422 --> 00:16:53,012 So when we go in there I'll introduce you? 405 00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:54,106 Oh, you don't have to. 406 00:16:54,108 --> 00:16:55,107 Rich people always pretend 407 00:16:55,109 --> 00:16:56,225 to know each other. 408 00:16:56,227 --> 00:16:57,560 Now open that door, 409 00:16:57,562 --> 00:16:59,645 and let's get my baby a home. 410 00:17:03,150 --> 00:17:04,567 Peach. 411 00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:07,703 I wanna thank you for inviting me into your beautiful home 412 00:17:07,705 --> 00:17:09,622 and showing me such kindness 413 00:17:09,624 --> 00:17:13,199 during this very difficult, difficult time. 414 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:16,662 Ladies, I would like you all to meet 415 00:17:16,664 --> 00:17:19,798 my dear friend, Caroline Channing. 416 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:23,952 Who, in light of her recent very difficult, difficult 417 00:17:23,954 --> 00:17:29,808 financial troubles, has asked me to adopt her damaged pet horse 418 00:17:29,810 --> 00:17:34,563 who was brought to my attention by my alcoholic servant, Max. 419 00:17:35,632 --> 00:17:38,891 Right over there. 420 00:17:41,021 --> 00:17:42,521 Caroline, 421 00:17:42,523 --> 00:17:43,938 thank you for coming. 422 00:17:44,104 --> 00:17:47,316 No, thank you for inviting me. 423 00:17:47,482 --> 00:17:49,194 I'm proud of you. 424 00:17:49,196 --> 00:17:51,280 No, I'm proud of you. 425 00:17:51,282 --> 00:17:54,533 I just got the chills again. 426 00:17:58,371 --> 00:17:59,755 Oh, Max, look at him. 427 00:17:59,757 --> 00:18:00,955 He's smiling. 428 00:18:01,342 --> 00:18:03,082 He likes this place. 429 00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:06,293 Yeah, it's almost worth you being humiliated on reality TV. 430 00:18:06,459 --> 00:18:07,829 Oh, I'll never be on that show. 431 00:18:07,831 --> 00:18:09,338 I didn't sign the release. 432 00:18:09,504 --> 00:18:10,466 What? 433 00:18:10,468 --> 00:18:13,636 Old money don't sign. 434 00:18:13,638 --> 00:18:15,554 You're gonna love it here, huh? 435 00:18:15,556 --> 00:18:17,222 Aren't you gonna love it here? 436 00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:19,391 A nice big stable. 437 00:18:19,393 --> 00:18:22,811 Maybe I will, maybe I won't. 438 00:18:22,813 --> 00:18:26,899 Maybe I should come home and live with my best friend, Max. 439 00:18:26,901 --> 00:18:28,517 What about Caroline? 440 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:31,277 She can sleep under the tarp. 441 00:18:31,739 --> 00:18:34,655 So I guess you found your weed. 442 00:18:35,209 --> 00:18:37,526 No, this is just something we do when we're alone together. 443 00:18:37,528 --> 00:18:39,745 It's kind of our thing. 444 00:18:39,747 --> 00:18:41,954 You really love Chestnut, don't you? 445 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,465 He's all right. 446 00:18:43,467 --> 00:18:46,168 He's no kitten. 447 00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:51,056 Okay, I'll see you soon, Chestnut. 448 00:18:51,058 --> 00:18:53,090 You want a minute alone? 449 00:18:53,256 --> 00:18:56,378 I'll be out front. 450 00:18:59,683 --> 00:19:02,234 Hey. 451 00:19:02,236 --> 00:19:04,353 This is probably gonna seem ridiculous to you 452 00:19:04,355 --> 00:19:06,522 because you're a horse and I'm just some lady 453 00:19:06,524 --> 00:19:10,608 that's been slipping you carrots for the last few months, but... 454 00:19:10,911 --> 00:19:13,779 I really got attached to you. 455 00:19:13,781 --> 00:19:17,698 This is way more than most horses get out of me. 456 00:19:17,864 --> 00:19:21,954 I wasn't even this upset when they discontinued tan m&ms. 457 00:19:23,790 --> 00:19:26,759 I, um... 458 00:19:26,761 --> 00:19:29,094 I really haven't had much go right for me in my life, 459 00:19:29,096 --> 00:19:32,181 and I'm pretty sure things are gonna keep getting worse but, 460 00:19:32,183 --> 00:19:35,050 you were a good thing. 461 00:19:35,052 --> 00:19:36,468 And when everything sucked, 462 00:19:36,470 --> 00:19:39,638 you were the best thing we had going. 463 00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:42,223 And you're fuzzy too. 464 00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:44,643 You're so fuzzy, and no one can argue 465 00:19:44,645 --> 00:19:48,230 that touching a warm, fuzzy thing isn't straight up lovely. 466 00:19:48,232 --> 00:19:52,934 So, thank you for everything you did for us, but... 467 00:19:52,936 --> 00:19:55,120 Especially for being fuzzy. 468 00:20:00,076 --> 00:20:01,408 Max, are you okay? 469 00:20:01,574 --> 00:20:03,911 Yeah, I'm fine, I'll always be fine. 470 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:04,912 Are you crying? 471 00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:06,632 Yeah, I'm crying, 472 00:20:06,634 --> 00:20:09,951 'cause I wish I could live here. 473 00:20:14,457 --> 00:20:16,091 Don't worry, we'll come visit, 474 00:20:16,093 --> 00:20:19,061 and we'll find a way to bring him home in the spring. 475 00:20:19,063 --> 00:20:21,480 Come on. I have a pocket full of dimes. 476 00:20:21,482 --> 00:20:24,099 Let's go get some convenience store taquitos 477 00:20:24,101 --> 00:20:26,485 and wash 'em down with blue raspberry wine coolers. 478 00:20:26,487 --> 00:20:27,986 They're on sale at the bodega. 479 00:20:27,988 --> 00:20:30,354 Two four packs for five dollars. 480 00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:36,245 You know exactly what to say to cheer a broke sista up. 481 00:20:36,247 --> 00:20:37,663 And when we get home, I found a video 482 00:20:37,665 --> 00:20:40,315 of a kitten singing Bruno Mars. 483 00:20:40,316 --> 00:20:50,937 Synced by Yescool Correction by Mlmlte www.addic7ed.com 35769

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