All language subtitles for 2.Broke.Girls.S01E08.720p.HDTV.X264-MRSK

- Pick up.
Table ten, table 12, table 69.

- Oleg,
there is no table 69.

- There could be.

- Oleg just sixty-nined me,

and now I don't remember
any of the table numbers.

- Look, he's never gonna
stop sixty-nining us.

Forget the table numbers.

Here's how you remember
your orders.

You just
give people nicknames.

Look, I got thin cee lo,

fat rihanna,
jon beret ramsey,

and kristen bad wig.

- Oh, okay.

I got seth rogaine,

child molester moustache,

and lesbian justin bieber.

- Good.
- Thanks.

- Pick up.
Table six.

...ty-nine.

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+

- So can I get you
anything else?

Coffee? Dessert?
Morning-after pill?

Okay.

- Getting it on
in a restaurant.

I once made love
to a young angela lansbury

in a booth
just like that.

Murder she wrote?

more like
"harder she begged."

- Earl,
why isn't everyone you?

- Yo, what's up, mama?

- Oh, hey, johnny.

Usual?
Two coffees to go?

- Yeah, and can I get
two of your cupcakes?

- Which two?

- You know which two.

- The discounted day-olds?

- Yeah, girl.

- Hey, my bro and friend.

- Hey, what's up, big guy?

- Max, your boyfriend is here.

'cause who doesn't?

- Well, your face gets red
when you see him,

and you suddenly act
like nice person.

If that's not love,
I don't know what is.

- He doesn't know
what love is.

The only thing he ever loved
was a stepladder.

Johnny, here's your stale cake
and burnt coffee.

- Just how I like it.
What do I owe you?

- It's on me.

You wish it was on you.

- There's nothing going on.

He just comes in here
to get coffee

because he tags
billboards all night.

- Methinks the lady
doth protest too much.

- Listen,
renaissance fair,

why don't you be a good wench
and clean up your counter?

- Until the cupcake
business takes off,

i'm just gonna have to find
a temp job online.

Can I close this window
that says "mexican painkillers"?

- Yeah, yeah, but, uh,
bookmark it first.

- Here we are.
Craigslist. Okay.

How does this job sound?

- Disgusting and depraved.

- You didn't even hear it yet.

- Did I not hear
"craigslist"?

- Oh. Here's something
easy I could do.

A professional organizer.

- You're not
a professional organizer.

You're barely
a professional waitress.

- I am a genius
at organizing things

and getting them
out of the way.

I recently lost all my money and
the promise of a bright future,

and I've organized that
into a file in my head

labeled "do not open
until you are stronger."

If I can handle that
for myself,

I can certainly handle
a stranger's light filing.

- If I had known
all that craziness

was going on in your head,

I would have ordered you
some mexican pain killers.

Or the peruvian.

They're stronger,

but sometimes they make you
lose control of your hands.

Thought that was an ibuprofen.

- What is johnny doing here
at 3:00 a. M.?

Thought it was
a rapist or something.

- Rapists don't
knock and wave.

And if they looked like that,
we wouldn't call them rapists.

We'd call them...
Johnny!

What are you doing here?

- I'm here to talk to you guys

about the church
of latter day saints.

And I have to pee.
Can I use your bathroom?

- No problem. Don't forget
to tip the bathroom attendant.

- What's up, caroline?

- Just trying
to find a day job

where I won't get
handcuffed to a radiator.

- On craigslist?

- This is so romantic.

Jumping over the back wall

to drop down and see you
in the middle of the night?

It's very romeo and juliet.

- it is very romeo and juliet.

He has to pee,
and I'm the nearest toilet.

- Please.
That's just an excuse.

The man defaces buildings.
And what?

He draws the line
at peeing on them?

He came by here to see you.

Pull your hair back.
It's kind of in your face.

- Pull yourself back.
You're kind of in my face.

Thanks, guys.

I was tagging
a building nearby,

and while I was on the roof

I saw that your light was on,

so I thought I'd stop in
and say hey.

- Hey.
- So, johnny,

you just saw our light on
from the roof nearby?

Interesting.

Do you always look down
when you're up that high?

- Not really.

- Interesting.

- Flying solo tonight.
My lookout guy went into rehab.

It's kind of a pain.

It's really
a two-person operation.

- Ugh, such a bummer
when people

can't handle their heroin.

- Hey, max, what are you doing
tomorrow night after work?

Any desire
to be my lookout guy?

- I might have some desire
to be your lookout guy,

but as far as the "guy" part
of "lookout guy" goes,

full disclosure-

- What,
you don't have a penis?

- Oh, I have one.

In a drawer in my bedroom.

If the cops come tomorrow,

I will run like a girl.

- Okay. So pick you up
at the diner at 2:00?

- Cool.
- Cool.

- Cool.

And then romeo left.

So romantic. All the weeks
of flirting and game playing

have finally led to this-

You two on a late-night
roof rendezvous.

- Hey, genius organizer,

why don't you put all that
garbage in a file labeled

"I've seen too many
katherine heigl movies"?

- I'm just saying,
he likes you.

He likes you
with his penis.

- There. 3f.

All right.
You're here.

Goodbye.
Go organize.

- No,
I said you have to wait

until I open the door
and check out if it's safe.

- It's my day off.
You're the one with the job.

- And you're the one
who freaked me out so much

about going into
a stranger's apartment.

- What did I say
that was so bad?

- You told me
he'd cut off my face

and wear it as a party hat.

- I said...
"probably."

Probably cut off your face.

Nothing bad
is gonna happen to you, okay?

- Okay.

It's a safe-enough
looking building, right?

- Yes.

Look, they have those
hallway trash chutes.

That's probably how he'll
get rid of your faceless body!

- You're right.
I'm fine. Go.

- Caroline's second job.
So proud.

Call me if you freak out
or anything.

- How am I gonna call you
without a face?

I'm fine.
I'm not gonna call you.

Hello, it's caroline,
the professional organizer.

Hello? Someone called
for an organizer?

Hello?

Oh, no.
Oh, hell no.

Max, come back!

+

- Hurry up.
This is so exciting!

- What are you talking about?

I'm not going back in there.

He's a hoarder.
A hoarder.

It's a bad reality show.

- Hey, that is a great
reality show.

- but it's not good
reality reality.

- The only thing
I love more than hoarders

are people who are too fat
to fit through doors.

Tell me the hoarder
has to grease his sides

to get through the door.

You won't have to get me
a birthday present.

Are you kidding me?

They should charge
admission for this.

It's hoarders 3d-
The experience.

It's like going to an imax.

It's my max!

ooh!

Save yourself.
Go on without me.

Oh, god.

- What is that pile
over there?

- It's hard to tell
what is what.

It's either a-
An old shag carpet

or a mass grave
of dead muppets.

- No way.
Let's get out of here.

- We still have our faces.
Why would we leave?

And besides,
you need this money.

Look around.

There might be stuff here
they don't want

that we can sell on ebay.

Look. You know someone's
gonna want a fish tank

full of doll heads.

- Yeah, someone with a fish tank
full of doll bodies.

Last year I owned a yacht
named the caroliner,

and now I'm considering
selling doll heads on ebay.

I'll be organizing that thought
in a file in my head

labeled "don't open ever."

- Okay.

There's a heavy clown presence
in this room.

It's unsettling,
and I'm obsessed with it.

I want both more
and less of the clowns.

- Um, hello?
Anyone here?

- Oh, hey,
i'm over here.

- I'm sorry.
Where?

- By the papers.

- Which papers?

- The papers
near the papers.

- Oh, my god.
I love this!

- Um, hi. Caroline?
We spoke yesterday.

There's a lot more
to organize here

than you led me
to believe on the phone,

so we're gonna have
to renegotiate our price.

- It's not that bad.

- Not that bad?

I was hired to organized
some papers,

not clean up katrina.

- What's he look like?

Please tell me he needs
to be buried in a piano box.

- I don't know. I can't see
him through the truck.

- It's an rv,
and it's a collectible.

It's where
I keep my raisins.

So how much more,
then?

- Um, a hundred a day.
For both of us.

- And we get to keep the horse
head made out of soda cans.

- Why would we want that?

- We don't.
It's for chestnut.

Every horse wants a friend
made out of cans.

- You got a deal.

- Okay.
We'll get to work then.

Okay.
Let's not get overwhelmed.

We'll take it
one step at a time.

Let's start small.

Happy birthday to me.

- Whoo, max.
Well, look at you.

Starting the night
at the end of the night.

This is the first time
I've seen you

out of the prison uniform.

You look beautiful.

- Oh, earl,
let's get married.

What are you staring at?
It's just clothes.

- Max,
you look like a lady.

Tonight when I dream
of having sex with you,

as always, this time
I will ask you to stay.

- Max, you look perfect
for your date.

- It's not a date.
- It is.

- No, it's not.

It's booty call.

- There is a fresh,
white billboard.

I'm climbing it
with my friend,

and we're putting up
his artwork.

- Booty call on billboard.

If it's after 2:30,

call is for the dirty.

- What's that from?

Dr. Seuss' "oh, the places
you'll put it in"?

Okay, boys, break it up.

Go about your business.
Nothing to see.

- Max.

Max and johnny's first date.
So proud.

- It's not a date.

- Be home at 11:00...
a.m.

- Uh, max,
you got protection?

- No, I've got it.

- Me too.

- Oh, sorry.
That is pack of gum.

- Can we take
these masks off now?

- Whoo. It is hot
up in that bunny.

- Are we wearing these

so no one'll be able
to pick us out of a lineup?

- Yeah, that.

And I always wanted
to see a rat with big boobs.

- Well, here he is.

- All right. Now for the most
crucial part of the art process,

beer break.

- That makes sense.

Been here four minutes.

- Hmm.

- Ooh. Gentleman.

- Look over there.
You can see manhattan.

- Oh, yeah.

She's a bitch.

Always shoving her stuff
in your face.

You can never have it.

- Yeah.

I'd never want
to live in manhattan.

- 'Cause you can't afford it?
- Yeah.

- She is beautiful, though.

- Yeah, she is.

Well,
we should get back to work.

Bunny's gotta hop.

+

- How many more times
do you need to hear it?

He didn't kiss me.

- Maybe it wasn't
the right time.

- Overlooking
the new york skyline,

a hundred feet in the air,
bathed in moonlight?

Yeah, that's a crappy time.

- Maybe he didn't want
to make a move

because he doesn't know
you like him.

- I leaned in.
I leaned for a kiss.

Maybe you had
a breath situation.

What did you eat?
What had you eaten?

- Nothing.

- Okay, but sometimes
when you don't eat, it's worse,

because you start
to grind up your feelings.

Then you get stomach breath.

I wouldn't kiss ryan gosling
with stomach breath.

- Yes, you would.
- Yes, I would.

I'm finally making progress
on the papers.

Oh, no,
fdr died of polio.

Oh, look.
They cured polio.

- Jackpot. This place
is a freakin' cat factory.

- And they're alive.
How refreshing.

- There's, like,
45 kittens in this box,

and I think one of these kittens
just had kittens.

Kittens having kittens.

- Hey, douglas,
we found some kittens.

- Those are not my kittens.

- Okay. What about this mountain
of butterfinger wrappers?

- those are my wrappers.

I need those.

- I haven't even seen him yet.
I love this show.

- Douglas,
if you're comfortable

with me selling all this
sort-of-valuable stuff on ebay,

why do you need to keep a box
full of butterfinger wrappers?

- I don't want
to think about it!

See, max?

This is what happens when you
don't deal with your feelings.

You start collecting
butterfinger wrappers,

and next thing you know you're
an old lady in a rest home,

and you're thinking
"why didn't he kiss me?"

- why didn't he kiss me?

- I don't know.

Why didn't you kiss him?

You obviously like him,
right?

Max, stop hoarding
your feelings.

Just admit
that you like him.

- I like him.

- Okay, good.

There's one box
of butterfinger wrappers gone.

- What?

- Douglas,
it's a metaphor.

So next time you see him,
why don't you just kiss him?

- I don't know
if I can kiss him first.

- Just kiss him already!

- Wait, there's another
person in here?

- Butt out, ma.

- Those are my kittens,
young lady.

- Hold up. He's hoarding
another hoarder in here?

Awesome.

I can't believe you put

the platypus foot rest
in the trash.

On ebay we could get at least
three to six dollars for it.

- I'm gonna tell you this
one more time.

It's a opossum, and it died
at least three to six years ago.

Oh, my god.
There's johnny.

- This is
a katherine heigl movie.

- What are you guys
doing in this neighborhood?

- Oh, hello.
Sorry to interrupt you,

but what the hell's
going on here?

- This is, uh...

- I'm cassandra,
his girlfriend.

Who are you?

- I'm max, and, um,
that's how I say hi to everyone.

I'm incredibly friendly.

- She's so friendly.

- Here's table ten, earl.

- Are you okay, max?

Rumor has it that you had
your heart broken.

- I didn't have
my heart broken.

- And that's why
I don't listen to rumors.

- Max, I want to announce
I have ended my bromance

with your boyfriend,
johnny.

I hate the player
as well as the game.

- Never was my boyfriend.

- I would like to offer myself
for rebound sex.

Or, if not, I can just
beat the crap out of him.

- Caroline, did you have
to tell everyone?

- I'm sorry, but I'm not
keeping that up in my head.

I'm not going butterfingers.

I can't believe
he has a girlfriend.

- Are you happy now?

You got me to admit
that I like him,

and then you got me
to kiss him.

And then I kissed
his beautiful girlfriend,

who is black and british,

the two cool things
I can never be.

- I'm sorry,
but he led you on.

- Oh, did he?

I think you and
douglas' mother led me on.

This is not my fault.

He's the one
who's hoarding women.

- Hi.

- Yeah, you must be
to come back in here.

- Can we talk?

Pick up, max.

Table three, table nine.

Table 69.

Not a good time.

- Max, look...
- Johnny, stop.

You don't need
to "max, look" me.

It's cool.
You never led me on.

You never put
your hands on me.

You never even kissed me.

Food!

Hey, better make sure
he doesn't have a girlfriend

who's beautiful,
black, and british.

- Max, look,
I wanted to kiss you.

I want to kiss you.

I just didn't want to be
the guy who did it

when he's with someone else.

Look, max, I didn't know you
were gonna come into my life.

I didn't know I was gonna
have these feelings for you,

but all of a sudden it's "max"
all the time in my head.

Cassandra and I have
or-or had something,

and there is
or was love there,

and-and I don't know
what I'm supposed to do

with all my feelings for you.

- Johnny,
I just spent two days

wading through
someone else's garbage,

and, quite frankly, I don't have
the time or the energy

to go through all
the clowns and candy wrappers

you've got going on
up in there.

And the next time
you invite someone

to a booty call
on a billboard...

- It wasn't a booty call.

- I think everyone knows

if it's after 2:30,
the call is for the dirty.

And p.s., we've known
each other six months,

and you never told me
you had a girlfriend.

You should have worn
the rat mask.

- And that's all she wrote.

- Silver lining time?

- We didn't have to change

douglas and
his mother's diapers?

- We made $240
for the cupcake business

selling all that crap on ebay.

- Yup. I made some money,
and all I lost was my mind.

- Want to hear something
you don't want to hear?

I think what johnny
said to you was beautiful.

- You think a squirrel
holding an acorn is beautiful.

- He didn't
touch you or kiss you

because he didn't want
to start a relationship

with you out of a lie.

- You know what?
You're right.

You've been right all along.

It is like romeo and juliet.

And now I'm gonna go home
and kill myself.

I don't think romance
is in the cards for me.

I give guys blue balls,
not broken hearts.

- Oh, my god.
Don't kill yourself yet, juliet.

I definitely think romance
is in your cards.

- That's not me.

- That's not his girlfriend.

Come on, will you at least
admit that that's you

and that he put it up there
because he wanted you to see it?

And that's actually
incredibly romantic.

- Oh, yeah.
That's the most romantic picture

of a guy who might
be kissing someone

who might look like me,

but he didn't because he has
a hot british girlfriend

who seems like
kind of a bitch,

but is kind of cooler
than I will ever be.

I dare you to organize
that thought.

- There's no one
cooler than you.

You're 200 feet tall.

- Yeah, and a bird
just took a crap on me.

- Come on.

Come on.

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