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1
00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:03,257
Hot food from a hot man.
2
00:00:05,346 --> 00:00:07,167
Max, a woman in my section wants to know
3
00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:09,218
if we do anything gluten-free.
What do I tell her?
4
00:00:09,338 --> 00:00:12,466
Tell her she's not allergic to gluten,
she's just masking an eating disorder.
5
00:00:14,805 --> 00:00:17,906
Look alive, people.
Club sandwich, burger medium,
6
00:00:18,146 --> 00:00:20,513
and a shrimp salad
for the gamblin' man.
7
00:00:20,515 --> 00:00:22,131
I asked for salt and pepper.
8
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,967
I wanted
mayonnaise and mustard.
9
00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:28,104
You forgot my diet soda.
10
00:00:28,106 --> 00:00:30,106
Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll be right back with--
11
00:00:30,108 --> 00:00:32,019
Oh, what?
12
00:00:35,312 --> 00:00:37,697
Never doubt me.
13
00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:51,010
Here's my last check, Earl.
14
00:00:51,012 --> 00:00:55,131
Look here, Max. That lady
just slipped me her number.
15
00:00:55,133 --> 00:00:58,051
Like I need another
menopausal white woman
16
00:00:58,053 --> 00:01:00,937
scratchin' at my window
like a cat in heat.
17
00:01:04,892 --> 00:01:06,159
God, I love money.
18
00:01:06,161 --> 00:01:10,263
I know, I'm so sorry
it broke up with you.
19
00:01:10,265 --> 00:01:13,450
Look! This week's new iPad
just came out.
20
00:01:13,452 --> 00:01:15,652
Spread the words.
21
00:01:15,654 --> 00:01:16,736
Word.
22
00:01:16,738 --> 00:01:19,739
Word!
23
00:01:19,741 --> 00:01:22,709
I saw that on The Wire.
24
00:01:22,711 --> 00:01:24,627
Max, three weeks in a row
25
00:01:24,629 --> 00:01:29,549
you have not yet accepted my
request to be a Facebook friend.
26
00:01:29,551 --> 00:01:32,419
Max?
I am talking to you.
27
00:01:32,421 --> 00:01:35,505
Oh, I didn't hear you,
I have my earbuds in.
28
00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:38,658
What are these?
29
00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:41,728
Okay, you had to bust a move,
and get "the truth" on my ass?
30
00:01:41,730 --> 00:01:43,480
Fine, let's go there.
Han,
31
00:01:43,482 --> 00:01:45,515
I'm never gonna be
your Facebook friend.
32
00:01:45,517 --> 00:01:50,487
Oof!
Hard to hear.
33
00:01:50,489 --> 00:01:52,489
Well, I accepted you, Han.
34
00:01:52,491 --> 00:01:56,860
Yes, thank you.
You make my heart sing.
35
00:01:56,862 --> 00:01:59,729
Oof.
Hurt me still.
36
00:02:02,249 --> 00:02:06,870
That was like watching someone
club a baby seal.
37
00:02:06,872 --> 00:02:08,922
Why wouldn't you just say yes
to his friend request?
38
00:02:08,924 --> 00:02:11,374
Because I never
check Facebook, why would I?
39
00:02:11,376 --> 00:02:14,210
So some girl I worked
at a movie theater with in 2005
40
00:02:14,212 --> 00:02:18,014
can tell me it's raining
and she's "totes bummed?"
41
00:02:18,016 --> 00:02:21,217
Caroline!
Better check Facebook page.
44
00:02:40,788 --> 00:02:45,041
Want to borrow
my seal club yet?
45
00:02:45,043 --> 00:02:49,662
Oh, that stings. I've lost
like 300 Facebook friends
46
00:02:49,664 --> 00:02:51,664
since my father was arrested.
47
00:02:51,666 --> 00:02:52,665
Well, your father's probably
48
00:02:52,667 --> 00:02:54,217
made that many new friends
in prison,
49
00:02:54,219 --> 00:02:57,420
so it all evens out.
50
00:02:57,422 --> 00:02:58,721
Okay, ready to go?
51
00:02:58,723 --> 00:03:00,006
Do we have to?
52
00:03:00,008 --> 00:03:03,810
It's so hot outside.
When did heat get so hot?
53
00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:06,379
Stop fighting it,
just give in to it.
54
00:03:06,381 --> 00:03:10,817
I don't know why
I'm quoting a rapist.
55
00:03:10,819 --> 00:03:12,402
Can't we just stay
a little bit longer?
56
00:03:12,404 --> 00:03:14,303
We don't have
any A.C. at home.
57
00:03:14,305 --> 00:03:17,490
I have an A.C.
you girls can use.
58
00:03:17,492 --> 00:03:19,275
You have an air conditioner
that works?
59
00:03:19,277 --> 00:03:20,977
Oh, it works.
60
00:03:30,671 --> 00:03:34,007
That's like an A.C. that just had salami.
61
00:03:34,009 --> 00:03:37,961
There's more salami
where that came from.
62
00:03:44,351 --> 00:03:46,052
And my feet hurt.
63
00:03:46,054 --> 00:03:47,554
Well, you gotta stop
wearing those stilts,
64
00:03:47,556 --> 00:03:50,640
and get a pair of Skechers, like
normal broke-ass waitresses.
65
00:03:50,642 --> 00:03:55,278
Skechers?
How dare you.
66
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,313
Besides,
I can't afford new shoes.
67
00:03:57,315 --> 00:03:59,115
These cost $900.
68
00:03:59,117 --> 00:04:02,352
Well, then that's not pain,
that's karma.
69
00:04:02,354 --> 00:04:04,237
Look,
I will help you out, okay?
70
00:04:04,239 --> 00:04:05,204
I know a place we can go
71
00:04:05,206 --> 00:04:07,240
that has designer things
at good prices.
72
00:04:07,242 --> 00:04:09,358
Like a Barney's warehouse?
73
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,044
Kind of.
74
00:04:16,166 --> 00:04:17,817
The Goodwill?
75
00:04:17,819 --> 00:04:20,470
Welcome to my place!
76
00:04:22,038 --> 00:04:23,904
We're shopping at the Goodwill?
77
00:04:23,919 --> 00:04:25,923
You led me to believe
we were real-shopping.
78
00:04:25,925 --> 00:04:27,391
I know.
79
00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:28,942
I couldn't wait to see your face
when you saw this place.
80
00:04:28,944 --> 00:04:30,477
Do the face again.
81
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:33,197
I love it!
82
00:04:33,199 --> 00:04:34,898
Okay, what's that smell?
83
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:37,985
It's gonna be your smell
from now on.
84
00:04:37,987 --> 00:04:40,571
Now, pay attention,
I know where the good stuff is.
85
00:04:40,573 --> 00:04:41,839
I know where the good stuff is.
86
00:04:41,841 --> 00:04:44,074
Madison and 57th.
87
00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:46,160
Follow me.
88
00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:49,213
Clever bitches hide stuff
they want to come back and buy,
89
00:04:49,215 --> 00:04:52,316
'cause sometimes they don't have
$3 to buy it at the time.
90
00:04:52,318 --> 00:04:54,251
Who doesn't have $3?
91
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:55,719
You.
92
00:04:55,721 --> 00:04:58,138
Last week
I hid a dope vintage blazer
93
00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:01,225
in the back of a nightstand,
and here it is!
94
00:05:01,227 --> 00:05:04,511
Six bucks, clever bitch.
Bang, bang!
95
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:07,648
All right, well, we're here.
I'm gonna make the best of it,
96
00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:11,902
but first I need a basket
without a sno-cone in it.
97
00:05:11,904 --> 00:05:13,020
Hey, Trish.
98
00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:15,856
Not for day-to-day,
but at the country club.
99
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:19,226
You're kidding,
but you're right.
100
00:05:19,228 --> 00:05:22,246
Hey, when you find something,
check the pockets for pills.
101
00:05:22,248 --> 00:05:24,448
At a thrift store downtown
I found a purple one once,
102
00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:28,118
and took it.
Fell asleep for eight hours.
103
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,888
That was my vacation that year.
104
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,707
Yay, shoes!
105
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:36,677
Oh, I can't believe I just said,
"yay," in Goodwill.
106
00:05:36,679 --> 00:05:39,329
Look, don't freak.
Shoes can be funky,
107
00:05:39,331 --> 00:05:41,932
but I have a special spray at
home that makes them like new.
108
00:05:41,934 --> 00:05:45,418
Did you get it from a wizard?
109
00:05:49,173 --> 00:05:52,309
Oh, my God.
110
00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:55,646
Oh, my God,
these Brian Atwoods were mine.
111
00:05:55,648 --> 00:05:57,281
I donated these to charity,
112
00:05:57,283 --> 00:06:01,235
'cause I was photographed
wearing them twice.
113
00:06:01,237 --> 00:06:04,271
Okay, they were $800
when I bought them,
114
00:06:04,273 --> 00:06:06,773
now they're $8?
115
00:06:06,775 --> 00:06:11,828
Like me. I'm $8.
116
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,281
Oh, my God.
117
00:06:14,283 --> 00:06:16,633
I'm $8.
118
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:20,087
I've been reduced.
119
00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:22,973
I'm sorry, it just
all became so real to me.
120
00:06:22,975 --> 00:06:25,425
I mean, I can't believe it.
121
00:06:30,648 --> 00:06:34,451
Um, didn't you see me crying?
122
00:06:34,453 --> 00:06:38,021
Lots of people cry at Goodwill.
123
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:39,690
You go to France,
you eat snails.
124
00:06:39,692 --> 00:06:42,392
You come here, you cry.
125
00:06:42,394 --> 00:06:45,195
That's odd,
you didn't even react.
126
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:47,247
You need to react
when people cry.
127
00:06:47,249 --> 00:06:50,083
I did, I rolled my eyes.
128
00:06:51,470 --> 00:06:55,939
Look, eventually, you'll learn
to do that on the inside.
129
00:06:55,941 --> 00:06:57,758
Okay, well, just FYI,
130
00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,960
when I used to cry in front of
my other girlfriends,
131
00:06:59,962 --> 00:07:02,462
they'd be like,
"What you cryin' about, C-line?
132
00:07:02,464 --> 00:07:03,847
"Look at you, girl,
you're fierce,
133
00:07:03,849 --> 00:07:05,949
you got your glam on."
134
00:07:05,951 --> 00:07:09,569
Are your girlfriends
black drag queens?
135
00:07:13,691 --> 00:07:16,143
Oh, awesome strokes tee.
136
00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:18,979
I went to this concert,
but I couldn't afford the shirt.
137
00:07:18,981 --> 00:07:21,514
Oh, we're done with me.
138
00:07:21,516 --> 00:07:23,200
I went to see them on this tour
139
00:07:23,202 --> 00:07:25,969
the summer after my junior year.
It was a really warm night,
140
00:07:25,971 --> 00:07:28,655
and I snuck out of the house,
and we all ma--
141
00:07:28,657 --> 00:07:30,324
Ahem.
Whatever.
142
00:07:30,326 --> 00:07:31,575
And what?
143
00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:34,161
What, did something great happen
the night you got the t?
144
00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:37,247
Look at me, does it look like
something great ever happens?
145
00:07:37,249 --> 00:07:39,149
Hey, cute tee.
146
00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:40,317
Had my eye on it.
147
00:07:40,319 --> 00:07:42,202
I was just
bringin' my girl back to see it.
148
00:07:42,204 --> 00:07:43,637
She was in the bathroom.
149
00:07:43,639 --> 00:07:45,839
I had to throw up.
150
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:47,174
So hand it over.
151
00:07:47,176 --> 00:07:48,425
You know the rule.
152
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:52,763
Turn the back on the rack,
you're under attack.
153
00:07:52,765 --> 00:07:56,149
That's not me,
that's the law of the 'Will.
154
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:04,107
Yeah,
you better walk away.
155
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:05,308
That was intense.
156
00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:08,328
Ah, just another Wednesday
at the 'Will.
157
00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:12,532
You said to look in things,
right?
158
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:15,085
Max, look.
On my first try!
159
00:08:15,087 --> 00:08:18,422
Ooh, slick. Whoever
hid those is gonna be pissed.
160
00:08:18,424 --> 00:08:20,407
Quality check.
161
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,028
Fabric sturdy,
no mysterious crotch stains,
162
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:27,514
nice work, Nancy Drew.
163
00:08:27,516 --> 00:08:29,216
And look, they're designer.
164
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:32,302
Summer 2009. $350.
165
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,805
And for me today...
166
00:08:34,807 --> 00:08:37,724
$5.
That's a reduction I like.
167
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:40,560
$5!
Oh!
168
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:44,698
$5, $5, $5, $5...
169
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:46,850
$5, $5...
170
00:08:46,852 --> 00:08:48,985
Hi, Maria.
171
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,370
How are you, Max?
172
00:08:50,372 --> 00:08:51,655
I'm good, how's your mom doin'?
173
00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:54,741
Good. She really appreciated
the cupcakes you made her.
174
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,627
Hi, Maria, I'm Caroline,
Max's friend.
175
00:08:57,629 --> 00:09:00,163
Any way we can get
the price down a bit for these?
176
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:03,049
I think $8 is steep,
considering their condition.
177
00:09:03,051 --> 00:09:05,419
I happen to know
the heel has been replaced.
178
00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:09,222
I cannot believe
you're trying to shoe her down.
179
00:09:09,224 --> 00:09:11,174
I can do $6.
180
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,959
Deal.
181
00:09:12,961 --> 00:09:14,177
Oh, you happy?
182
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,980
You haggled a charity.
183
00:09:16,982 --> 00:09:19,850
You're turning Goodwill
into bad will.
184
00:09:21,903 --> 00:09:24,154
My t-shirt's gone.
185
00:09:24,156 --> 00:09:25,472
It's not here.
186
00:09:25,474 --> 00:09:28,909
I bet it was that
Puerto Rican girl,
187
00:09:28,911 --> 00:09:30,861
who was--
who was eyeing it.
188
00:09:30,863 --> 00:09:32,412
Maria, can we call security?
189
00:09:32,414 --> 00:09:34,814
I'm sure one of the cameras
must have captured the theft.
190
00:09:34,816 --> 00:09:38,168
Cameras? What do you think
this is, Target?
191
00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:40,653
It's gone, Caroline.
192
00:09:40,655 --> 00:09:41,805
She must have stolen it
193
00:09:41,807 --> 00:09:44,257
while I was watching you
do your stupid $5 dance.
194
00:09:44,259 --> 00:09:49,429
I didn't turn my back on
the rack, why am I under attack?
195
00:09:49,431 --> 00:09:52,499
See, this is why I shop alone,
this is why I eat alone,
196
00:09:52,501 --> 00:09:55,852
this is why I'm leaving alone.
197
00:09:55,854 --> 00:09:57,888
Maria, I'll pay for these.
198
00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:00,607
You don't have to box them,
you can just use tissue paper.
199
00:10:00,609 --> 00:10:03,193
Even as I'm saying this,
I know it's not gonna happen.
200
00:10:10,206 --> 00:10:11,560
Chestnut...
201
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,423
Hot as a mother, right?
202
00:10:19,057 --> 00:10:20,557
Better, right?
203
00:10:23,095 --> 00:10:24,178
♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪
204
00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:25,212
♪ so hot! ♪
205
00:10:25,214 --> 00:10:27,064
♪ so take off all your clothes ♪
206
00:10:27,066 --> 00:10:29,333
♪ I am gettin' so hot ♪
207
00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:33,320
♪ I'm gonna take
my clothes off ♪
208
00:10:33,322 --> 00:10:34,905
You might want to
keep your voice down.
209
00:10:34,907 --> 00:10:38,075
This building has
three registered sex offenders.
210
00:10:38,077 --> 00:10:40,494
♪ It's gettin' hot in here ♪
211
00:10:40,496 --> 00:10:44,014
♪ so leave all that strokes
tee shirt drama behind ♪
212
00:10:44,016 --> 00:10:45,716
Come on, it's our night off.
213
00:10:45,718 --> 00:10:48,452
Let's go get drunk
in air conditioning.
214
00:10:48,454 --> 00:10:50,220
We won't even
have to pay for drinks.
215
00:10:50,222 --> 00:10:53,907
These "shotes"
is gonna pay for our drinks.
216
00:10:53,909 --> 00:10:57,961
You are literally
a $5 whore right now.
217
00:10:57,963 --> 00:10:59,246
Come on.
218
00:10:59,248 --> 00:11:01,048
♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪
219
00:11:01,050 --> 00:11:02,266
♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪
220
00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:06,353
Hey, Johnny.
221
00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:07,438
I thought I told you
222
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:09,356
to keep your dumb, tragic ass
out of here.
223
00:11:09,358 --> 00:11:11,892
The only thing that
isn't tragic about me is my ass.
224
00:11:11,894 --> 00:11:14,478
And who's
the blonde, bony skank?
225
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:15,929
Oh, dude, she's not in on this.
226
00:11:15,931 --> 00:11:17,264
Oh, I'm so sorry, miss.
227
00:11:17,266 --> 00:11:20,484
Hey, I'm Johnny,
I'm Max's friend.
228
00:11:20,486 --> 00:11:23,454
I'm Caroline.
I'm freaked out.
229
00:11:23,456 --> 00:11:24,771
This is something we do.
230
00:11:24,773 --> 00:11:28,442
- To remind us of our families.
- Mm-hmm.
231
00:11:28,444 --> 00:11:30,711
Excuse me for a second.
These guys tip more
232
00:11:30,713 --> 00:11:33,447
if I high-five 'em
when we talk about chicks.
233
00:11:33,449 --> 00:11:34,614
Vagina!
234
00:11:34,616 --> 00:11:36,500
Yeah!
235
00:11:36,502 --> 00:11:40,254
Wow. Girl,
your bartender friend is cute.
236
00:11:40,256 --> 00:11:43,557
Look at those arms.
Nice guns.
237
00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:45,476
He's not just a bartender,
this dude is legit.
238
00:11:45,478 --> 00:11:47,928
He's a street artist,
goes by "Jpeg."
239
00:11:47,930 --> 00:11:49,480
Hmm.
Well, right now
240
00:11:49,482 --> 00:11:51,965
he's cutting up limes
and cleaning glasses.
241
00:11:51,967 --> 00:11:53,484
Well, you're an heiress
242
00:11:53,486 --> 00:11:56,019
who's slinging burnt hash
and stale toast.
243
00:11:56,021 --> 00:11:57,037
Touche.
244
00:11:57,039 --> 00:11:59,139
Douch-ay.
245
00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:01,742
These are from the gentleman
with a sweet note,
246
00:12:01,744 --> 00:12:04,995
"Nice ass, nice rack."
247
00:12:09,317 --> 00:12:10,667
Whoo!
248
00:12:10,669 --> 00:12:12,503
Hoo.
249
00:12:15,323 --> 00:12:16,924
If that's your tequila noise,
250
00:12:16,926 --> 00:12:20,344
God knows
what your orgasm sounds like.
251
00:12:20,346 --> 00:12:24,798
Same face, no sound.
252
00:12:28,603 --> 00:12:30,187
Oh, my God.
253
00:12:30,189 --> 00:12:32,773
I can't believe it,
it's the girl from the 'Will.
254
00:12:32,775 --> 00:12:36,143
I got your back, gir-r-r.
255
00:12:38,646 --> 00:12:39,679
What is she doin'?
256
00:12:39,681 --> 00:12:41,315
She thinks Goodwill
has made her tough.
257
00:12:41,317 --> 00:12:43,683
Um, hi.
How are you?
258
00:12:43,685 --> 00:12:44,868
I just wanted to talk to you
259
00:12:44,870 --> 00:12:46,570
about that shirt
at the Goodwill.
260
00:12:46,572 --> 00:12:50,357
See, my friend really wanted it,
and, well, your friend has it.
261
00:12:50,359 --> 00:12:53,127
What are you sayin', bitch?
262
00:12:53,129 --> 00:12:55,695
Okay, I think we might have
got off on the wrong foot.
263
00:12:55,697 --> 00:12:57,714
Do you want to feel my foot,
bitch?
264
00:12:57,716 --> 00:13:00,867
Well, I guess we know
what your favorite word is.
265
00:13:01,553 --> 00:13:03,036
Ow!
266
00:13:03,038 --> 00:13:06,807
Those are not extensions,
bitch!
267
00:13:06,809 --> 00:13:07,991
Oh!
268
00:13:07,993 --> 00:13:09,426
I should break this up,
I should break this up.
269
00:13:09,428 --> 00:13:11,712
No, no, no, give her like four
seconds to learn her lesson.
270
00:13:11,714 --> 00:13:12,813
Oh, okay, ow!
All right. All right!
271
00:13:12,815 --> 00:13:15,532
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Ow! Oh, oh.
272
00:13:15,534 --> 00:13:16,817
Okay, come on, come on.
273
00:13:16,819 --> 00:13:18,235
- Oh!
- It's okay.
274
00:13:21,072 --> 00:13:23,941
Those are not extensions,
bitch!
275
00:13:25,327 --> 00:13:27,611
Are you still laughing,
'cause it wasn't funny.
276
00:13:27,613 --> 00:13:30,364
It was so funny.
It was like looney tunes funny.
277
00:13:30,366 --> 00:13:32,833
It was like Bugs Bunny
getting shot in the face funny.
278
00:13:32,835 --> 00:13:34,034
Only in your version,
279
00:13:34,036 --> 00:13:37,621
Bugs Bunny tries to have
a dialogue with the shotgun.
280
00:13:37,623 --> 00:13:39,289
I was trying
281
00:13:39,291 --> 00:13:40,591
to get your t-shirt back.
282
00:13:40,593 --> 00:13:41,792
I wanted you to have it,
283
00:13:41,794 --> 00:13:43,877
because you lit up at the 'Will
when you saw it.
284
00:13:43,879 --> 00:13:45,745
I do not light up, okay?
285
00:13:45,747 --> 00:13:48,081
There's no light inside me.
286
00:13:48,083 --> 00:13:49,633
What you're seeing
is probably radiation
287
00:13:49,635 --> 00:13:51,718
from the summer
I collected uranium tubes
288
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,087
by the train tracks.
That was good money.
289
00:13:54,089 --> 00:13:55,922
Thanks for looking out for me,
Caroline.
290
00:13:55,924 --> 00:13:57,191
You're welcome, Max.
291
00:13:57,193 --> 00:13:59,359
It's a t-shirt,
it's gone.
292
00:13:59,361 --> 00:14:00,861
I don't get attached to things.
293
00:14:00,863 --> 00:14:03,263
Ow. My nail practically
got torn off back there
294
00:14:03,265 --> 00:14:05,732
by "Cat Von D-Minus."
295
00:14:05,734 --> 00:14:07,384
I'm gonna have to
sleep with it elevated.
296
00:14:07,386 --> 00:14:08,785
Is there a nail place
around here?
297
00:14:08,787 --> 00:14:10,204
Well, this is New York,
298
00:14:10,206 --> 00:14:12,406
so there's probably
gonna be one right...
299
00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:14,608
here.
Love when that happens.
300
00:14:14,610 --> 00:14:17,144
Look, a two-for-one
girlfriend special. Genius.
301
00:14:17,146 --> 00:14:20,163
Go with me tomorrow before work,
it'll be cheaper if we both go.
302
00:14:20,165 --> 00:14:21,548
I really need one.
303
00:14:21,550 --> 00:14:23,283
Plus, you need one, too.
304
00:14:23,285 --> 00:14:26,420
Well, I can't. I have my own
day of luxury already booked.
305
00:14:26,422 --> 00:14:29,556
I'm doing a laundry, and then
the tasting menu at Wendy's.
306
00:14:29,558 --> 00:14:33,126
Come on. You and me, nails,
and air conditioning.
307
00:14:33,128 --> 00:14:34,344
It'll be fun.
308
00:14:34,346 --> 00:14:35,512
You're doin' it,
gir-r-rl.
309
00:14:35,514 --> 00:14:38,065
Me and my friends
used to love getting manicures.
310
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:41,602
'Cause they're black drag queens?
311
00:14:41,604 --> 00:14:43,470
♪ Ai-ee ai-ee ♪
312
00:14:43,472 --> 00:14:46,056
♪ ai-ee ai-ee ♪
313
00:15:04,642 --> 00:15:05,659
Oh.
314
00:15:05,661 --> 00:15:07,215
Hey, dude.
315
00:15:12,050 --> 00:15:13,649
It's about that time?
316
00:15:16,138 --> 00:15:18,972
Let me get the pooper scooper.
317
00:15:21,143 --> 00:15:25,028
All right.
Let's do this.
318
00:15:29,133 --> 00:15:32,819
- Hey.
- Hey.
319
00:15:32,821 --> 00:15:35,238
Let me ask you something.
How is it that you,
320
00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:37,824
a horse, and Caroline
are both living with me,
321
00:15:37,826 --> 00:15:39,660
and you're
less of a problem for me?
322
00:15:39,662 --> 00:15:41,695
I mean, you tell me,
you've known her longer.
323
00:15:41,697 --> 00:15:44,047
She picks a fight
with a tatted-out white chick
324
00:15:44,049 --> 00:15:47,167
from the Bronx?
What is up with that?
325
00:15:47,169 --> 00:15:50,036
I don't know, man,
I'm just used to it.
326
00:15:50,038 --> 00:15:52,856
That's what you'd sound like,
if you talked.
327
00:15:52,858 --> 00:15:54,825
I agree with you,
by the way.
328
00:15:54,827 --> 00:15:57,394
Everything you say is right,
Max.
329
00:15:57,396 --> 00:15:59,896
Thank you, Chestnut.
330
00:15:59,898 --> 00:16:01,898
You should kill her.
331
00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:04,134
Chestnut!
I can't do that.
332
00:16:04,136 --> 00:16:07,688
It'll be easy.
We could kill her and eat her.
333
00:16:07,690 --> 00:16:09,673
Chestnut!
334
00:16:11,243 --> 00:16:14,077
All right, buddy,
here's your spot.
335
00:16:14,079 --> 00:16:16,747
Come on, do your business.
336
00:16:16,749 --> 00:16:18,248
Come on, Ches.
337
00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:20,233
Buh-buh-buh buh-buh.
338
00:16:20,235 --> 00:16:22,285
Buh-buh-buh buh-boo.
Come on.
339
00:16:22,287 --> 00:16:24,254
Come on!
340
00:16:24,256 --> 00:16:26,757
Come on, Chestnut,
I got a lot of crap to do today.
341
00:16:27,576 --> 00:16:29,343
And so do you.
342
00:16:29,345 --> 00:16:32,212
Jeez, don't be shy, buddy...
343
00:16:39,159 --> 00:16:42,544
I hope you're happy. I look
like a Cambodian stripper.
344
00:16:45,616 --> 00:16:49,435
Um, they prefer to be called
"ping pong ball artists."
345
00:16:49,437 --> 00:16:53,572
These cost $70.43.
346
00:16:53,574 --> 00:16:57,692
She forced me to get tips,
and then tip her for the tips.
347
00:16:57,694 --> 00:16:59,661
See, and all because
you never showed up,
348
00:16:59,663 --> 00:17:01,330
I didn't get
the two-for-one discount,
349
00:17:01,332 --> 00:17:03,499
because I was waiting alone,
for you.
350
00:17:03,501 --> 00:17:06,919
Max, I have really tried
to be girlfriends with you,
351
00:17:06,921 --> 00:17:09,087
but you obviously
have some issues.
352
00:17:09,089 --> 00:17:10,839
Follow me to the walk-in.
353
00:17:10,841 --> 00:17:14,059
Good, let's get it out.
354
00:17:21,351 --> 00:17:24,269
Here.
355
00:17:26,473 --> 00:17:28,474
I thought we were gonna talk.
356
00:17:28,476 --> 00:17:31,777
No, we just didn't have
any chocolate cream in the case.
357
00:17:31,779 --> 00:17:33,579
Why didn't you show up?
358
00:17:33,581 --> 00:17:35,330
You told me
you were gonna be there.
359
00:17:35,332 --> 00:17:37,166
Well,
I had a lot of crap to do.
360
00:17:37,168 --> 00:17:39,234
Well, you gave me
the impression you were going.
361
00:17:39,236 --> 00:17:42,204
I gave you the impression?
I don't do impressions.
362
00:17:42,206 --> 00:17:44,490
Well, wait, that's not true,
I do one, my mom.
363
00:17:44,492 --> 00:17:46,074
But to do that.
I need a Christmas tree,
364
00:17:46,076 --> 00:17:49,127
a gallon of vodka,
and a lit cigarette.
365
00:17:49,129 --> 00:17:52,247
So are we
gonna be girlfriends or not?
366
00:17:52,249 --> 00:17:55,300
Look, I'm gonna
give this to you straight up.
367
00:17:55,302 --> 00:17:58,253
I am never gonna be the type
of girlfriend you're used to.
368
00:17:58,255 --> 00:18:01,557
I am not your gir-r-r,
or your gir-r-rl,
369
00:18:01,559 --> 00:18:02,891
and I am definitely not
370
00:18:02,893 --> 00:18:05,310
someone's two-for-one girlfriend
crap at a nail store.
371
00:18:05,312 --> 00:18:08,564
In fact, think of me as a dude.
372
00:18:08,566 --> 00:18:10,549
So-o-o,
are we good?
373
00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:12,985
Yeah. We good.
374
00:18:12,987 --> 00:18:14,786
I get it.
You're not a girl's girl.
375
00:18:14,788 --> 00:18:16,738
Okay, good.
376
00:18:18,558 --> 00:18:21,293
I can be a girl's girl.
377
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:26,715
Oh, Caroline,
378
00:18:26,717 --> 00:18:30,552
please do not take
advantage of me with your horse.
379
00:18:30,554 --> 00:18:31,637
What?
380
00:18:31,639 --> 00:18:33,639
My trash pick up company
charged me extra,
381
00:18:33,641 --> 00:18:36,791
because my dumpster is full
of all your horse droppings.
382
00:18:36,793 --> 00:18:39,628
How would that be possible?
383
00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:42,064
I see your good friend, Max,
walking your horse every morning
384
00:18:42,066 --> 00:18:45,934
and dropping droppings
in my dumpster.
385
00:18:45,936 --> 00:18:47,586
Hi.
386
00:18:47,588 --> 00:18:49,137
Hello.
387
00:18:49,139 --> 00:18:51,406
Did you walk my horse today?
388
00:18:51,408 --> 00:18:53,692
Yeah, and every other morning.
389
00:18:53,694 --> 00:18:55,944
That's so sweet.
I wish I had known.
390
00:18:55,946 --> 00:18:58,247
Well, what was I gonna do,
post it on your Facebook wall?
391
00:18:58,249 --> 00:19:01,984
"Ha, walked a horse again today.
Totes gross."
392
00:19:01,986 --> 00:19:04,169
Besides, who did you think
was doing it?
393
00:19:04,171 --> 00:19:05,971
I've always just
had things done for me,
394
00:19:05,973 --> 00:19:08,373
I've never really thought about
the people doing them.
395
00:19:08,375 --> 00:19:10,292
Yeah, and I've never had
things done for me,
396
00:19:10,294 --> 00:19:11,877
so I just do them.
397
00:19:11,879 --> 00:19:13,679
Like now,
how I'm making the coffee,
398
00:19:13,681 --> 00:19:16,164
and you're just standing here
watching me.
399
00:19:16,166 --> 00:19:18,517
Still,
I wish you would have told me,
400
00:19:18,519 --> 00:19:19,718
so I could say thank you.
401
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,503
Well, it's not really my style.
402
00:19:21,505 --> 00:19:24,056
You are one complicated dude.
403
00:19:24,058 --> 00:19:27,509
Pick up, borscht.
404
00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,865
- Unbelievable.
- What?
405
00:19:36,286 --> 00:19:38,287
Hey.
How you guys doin'?
406
00:19:38,289 --> 00:19:40,289
Cute strokes tee.
407
00:19:40,291 --> 00:19:43,024
Probably look better on me,
considering it's mine.
408
00:19:43,026 --> 00:19:47,879
You snooze, you lose, puta.
409
00:19:47,881 --> 00:19:50,532
Nice language!
410
00:19:50,534 --> 00:19:55,253
You kiss your obviously closeted
boyfriend with that mouth?
411
00:19:55,255 --> 00:19:58,173
You know what?
I wouldn't even want it now.
412
00:19:58,175 --> 00:19:59,257
Now that it's been on you,
413
00:19:59,259 --> 00:20:01,176
might as well have been
a Kenny G shirt.
414
00:20:03,814 --> 00:20:06,932
And now I walk.
415
00:20:06,934 --> 00:20:08,717
You can't just let her win.
416
00:20:08,719 --> 00:20:10,402
Oh, forget it, it's over.
417
00:20:10,404 --> 00:20:12,971
Borscht!
Pick up, pick up.
418
00:20:19,479 --> 00:20:20,612
Hi, I'll be right with you.
419
00:20:20,614 --> 00:20:22,280
Oh!
420
00:20:22,282 --> 00:20:23,832
- Idiota!
- Oh.
421
00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:27,285
Esta camisetame costo cuatro dolares!
422
00:20:27,287 --> 00:20:28,737
Te voy a cortar.
423
00:20:28,739 --> 00:20:33,074
Lo siento.Todo es mi culpa.
424
00:20:33,076 --> 00:20:35,711
I'm still a little clumsy,
it's my first week.
425
00:20:35,713 --> 00:20:38,296
I'll bring you some soda water,
but seriously,
426
00:20:38,298 --> 00:20:42,100
your boyfriend will come out
before that borscht stain does.
427
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:48,857
That was awesome.
428
00:20:48,859 --> 00:20:50,859
Yeah.
I kinda just do stuff.
429
00:20:50,861 --> 00:20:55,430
Like I just did, while you were
standing there watching me.
430
00:20:55,432 --> 00:20:58,450
Thanks, gir-r-rlfriend.
431
00:20:58,452 --> 00:20:59,484
Oh.
432
00:20:59,486 --> 00:21:00,619
What, is she coming for me?
433
00:21:00,621 --> 00:21:02,404
Run.
31261
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