Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,297 --> 00:00:05,403
Oh my God! Look! It's Gabi Diamond!
2
00:00:06,057 --> 00:00:10,383
The best looking, best
cooking chef in San Francisco!
3
00:00:11,354 --> 00:00:12,654
What do you need?
4
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:15,202
Money? Kidney? Ride to the airport?
5
00:00:15,709 --> 00:00:18,037
Alan's away, and I have
Keisha for the weekend.
6
00:00:18,043 --> 00:00:22,326
So I've got two days to show
her I can be more fun than him.
7
00:00:22,332 --> 00:00:24,933
Mmph, been 10 years and you
still haven't won me over.
8
00:00:26,252 --> 00:00:29,443
So, Gabi... since Keisha loves you,
9
00:00:29,449 --> 00:00:31,233
can you come over tonight?
10
00:00:31,239 --> 00:00:33,139
I'll even pay for your company.
11
00:00:33,145 --> 00:00:35,305
Probably not the first
time you've heard that.
12
00:00:36,814 --> 00:00:39,381
I can't, because I'm going
speed dating at the diner.
13
00:00:39,683 --> 00:00:41,883
Because people aren't
rejecting you fast enough?
14
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,865
Yolanda!
15
00:00:44,871 --> 00:00:49,506
The best looking, best
cleaning maid in San Francisco!
16
00:00:49,699 --> 00:00:51,994
I'm busy, too. I'm going
to someone's apartment
17
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,104
for some wine and some giggles.
18
00:00:55,117 --> 00:00:57,518
Great, we'll see you
at Sofia's at eight.
19
00:00:57,615 --> 00:01:00,620
Pfft! It's not Sofia!
20
00:01:00,822 --> 00:01:02,025
It's...
21
00:01:02,031 --> 00:01:04,959
fine. Bring chips.
22
00:01:06,474 --> 00:01:08,077
So...
23
00:01:08,083 --> 00:01:10,467
- speed dating, huh?
- Yeah.
24
00:01:10,473 --> 00:01:12,688
Well, I'm single. How
come I wasn't invited?
25
00:01:12,694 --> 00:01:14,686
Oh, ho...
26
00:01:15,807 --> 00:01:18,914
I get it. Wouldn't be
fair to all the other guys.
27
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,323
All the girls would pick me.
28
00:01:20,329 --> 00:01:23,141
Smart... charming... cultured.
29
00:01:23,147 --> 00:01:24,347
A millionaire.
30
00:01:25,026 --> 00:01:27,323
Are you implying that I only
get girls because I'm rich?
31
00:01:27,329 --> 00:01:31,263
Oh, no! I'm not implying
it. I'm saying it.
32
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:35,195
Yeah, you pick girls
up in your fancy car,
33
00:01:35,201 --> 00:01:37,578
and then you take them
to fancy restaurants,
34
00:01:37,584 --> 00:01:39,804
and then they want to
get in your fancy pants.
35
00:01:40,676 --> 00:01:42,074
It's your crutch.
36
00:01:42,473 --> 00:01:43,907
Oh, yeah?
37
00:01:44,402 --> 00:01:47,477
Well, your crutch
is... being really hot.
38
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:48,683
[gasp]
39
00:01:48,803 --> 00:01:50,056
Excuse me?
40
00:01:50,116 --> 00:01:52,944
- [Josh scoffs]
- Also, thank you, but excuse me?
41
00:01:53,412 --> 00:01:55,891
Oh, come on, Gabi, if you
weren't using your blonde-ness,
42
00:01:55,897 --> 00:01:57,929
your hotness, and your rockin' bod-ness,
43
00:01:58,062 --> 00:01:59,670
you think you'd really get a date?
44
00:01:59,676 --> 00:02:01,998
Yes! Because I have a great personality!
45
00:02:02,004 --> 00:02:03,994
Yeah... well, so do I.
46
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,696
Okay, well, mine is better.
47
00:02:05,703 --> 00:02:07,019
Wanna bet?
48
00:02:07,025 --> 00:02:08,291
Hell, yeah, I wanna bet.
49
00:02:09,326 --> 00:02:12,506
Okay, fine. Tonight, you go to
your little speed dating thingy,
50
00:02:12,512 --> 00:02:15,504
and you cover up the hair,
the pair, and the derriere...
51
00:02:16,889 --> 00:02:18,529
and let's see how many dates you get.
52
00:02:18,535 --> 00:02:20,575
Fine. Only if you come,
tell everybody you're poor,
53
00:02:20,581 --> 00:02:22,825
- and see how many dates you get.
- Not much of a challenge.
54
00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:25,095
Okay, well, why don't you
put your big, fat money
55
00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:28,017
where your big fat mouth is,
and if I get more dates than you,
56
00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,955
you have to pay my rent for a month.
57
00:02:29,961 --> 00:02:32,304
Deal! And if I get more dates than you,
58
00:02:32,310 --> 00:02:34,645
you have to actually show up
on time for work for a month.
59
00:02:35,592 --> 00:02:36,975
Deal.
60
00:02:37,497 --> 00:02:39,903
But for the record, what
time does work actually start?
61
00:02:40,997 --> 00:02:42,997
[theme music playing]
62
00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:48,190
She in the spotlight
63
00:02:48,196 --> 00:02:49,853
And she turn my head
64
00:02:49,859 --> 00:02:51,755
She run a red light
65
00:02:51,761 --> 00:02:53,495
'Cause she bad like that
66
00:02:53,501 --> 00:02:57,198
I like that ooh, baby,
ooh, baby, baby
67
00:02:57,204 --> 00:03:00,389
-
I like that ooh, baby ooh, baby
- Sync/Corrections PetaG - addic7ed.com
68
00:03:00,395 --> 00:03:03,298
Um... excuse me, has a Gabi
Diamond checked in already?
69
00:03:03,304 --> 00:03:05,376
Someone call my name?
70
00:03:08,636 --> 00:03:10,729
Wow! Gabi!
71
00:03:10,735 --> 00:03:12,378
Sweet... tracksuit.
72
00:03:12,384 --> 00:03:14,712
Hey, does that come with
grandchildren that won't call you?
73
00:03:14,718 --> 00:03:18,022
Oh, thanks. I got it at Forever Fifty.
74
00:03:19,134 --> 00:03:20,372
How do you like me?
75
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,927
I'm gonna tell people
I'm a tow truck driver.
76
00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:24,743
No one will have any
idea that I'm loaded.
77
00:03:25,118 --> 00:03:28,460
Yeah, that $10,000 watch
isn't gonna give it away.
78
00:03:28,674 --> 00:03:30,272
Oh, and the wallet, please,
79
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:33,264
I can't have you flashing
your Gucci to get some coochie.
80
00:03:34,373 --> 00:03:35,607
[counter bell rings]
81
00:03:35,613 --> 00:03:37,249
Here's how it works.
82
00:03:37,457 --> 00:03:39,552
You have two minutes
to impress each other
83
00:03:39,558 --> 00:03:41,607
before you move on to your next date.
84
00:03:41,613 --> 00:03:45,022
If you meet anyone you like,
then you circle their number.
85
00:03:45,028 --> 00:03:47,574
If they circle yours
too, you'll get an email
86
00:03:47,580 --> 00:03:50,471
from someone who knows
how to use email. Go!
87
00:03:50,477 --> 00:03:52,742
- [rings bell]
- Hi! My name's Josh.
88
00:03:52,748 --> 00:03:56,430
I'm a tow truck driver with
dreams as big as the open road.
89
00:03:57,117 --> 00:04:00,440
Hi. Gabi Diamond, some say
I'm a "diamond in the rough,"
90
00:04:00,446 --> 00:04:02,446
but, you know, I prefer
to think of myself...
91
00:04:02,762 --> 00:04:04,885
Hey... buddy! Eyes down here!
92
00:04:05,175 --> 00:04:06,419
[bell rings]
93
00:04:06,425 --> 00:04:09,989
Some people live to
work. I work to live.
94
00:04:09,995 --> 00:04:12,582
Why? Because I'm poor.
95
00:04:13,331 --> 00:04:14,531
[bell rings]
96
00:04:14,537 --> 00:04:17,021
You know, I'm just not really
concerned with things like
97
00:04:17,027 --> 00:04:18,940
"beauty" or "fashion"...
98
00:04:18,946 --> 00:04:21,646
you know, what counts is what's
on the inside, am I right?
99
00:04:22,546 --> 00:04:23,766
Wrong.
100
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,330
[bell rings]
101
00:04:25,336 --> 00:04:29,330
Oh, yeah, sure, I'm a tow truck
driver, but my real passion is...
102
00:04:29,807 --> 00:04:32,210
- monetizing media and data base...
- Cheating!
103
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:39,061
Our category is popular
music. Here we go.
104
00:04:39,358 --> 00:04:44,062
This one's basic. He's a rapper, married
to Amber Rose, friends with Fetty Wap.
105
00:04:44,068 --> 00:04:45,374
Are those people?
106
00:04:46,257 --> 00:04:49,266
Yeah! Come on, he got into
a fight with Waka Floka?
107
00:04:49,272 --> 00:04:51,457
Is he a rapper or a Muppet?
108
00:04:51,487 --> 00:04:52,687
[timer buzzes]
109
00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:56,458
- Oh no... time's up.
- (Yolanda) Ohhhh.
110
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:59,079
It was Wiz Khalifa, how can
you not know who that is?
111
00:04:59,085 --> 00:05:01,885
Please, the only Wiz he
knows is the cheese kind.
112
00:05:03,645 --> 00:05:06,493
Well, we lost the last round because
you didn't know Barbra Streisand.
113
00:05:06,499 --> 00:05:07,956
I never heard of that chick.
114
00:05:07,962 --> 00:05:09,386
That chick?
115
00:05:10,087 --> 00:05:12,563
What do they teach you
in the foster care system?
116
00:05:13,982 --> 00:05:17,577
I give up! We suck as a
team. I wish Alan was here!
117
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:23,276
Oh my God! How could she not know Babs?
118
00:05:26,579 --> 00:05:28,144
Great, I've just talked to the hostess,
119
00:05:28,150 --> 00:05:31,516
and she's sending out the emails
with the matches any minute now.
120
00:05:31,522 --> 00:05:34,199
Wonder how many more I got than you did?
121
00:05:35,686 --> 00:05:36,887
Please.
122
00:05:36,893 --> 00:05:39,679
This tow truck driver jump-started
a lot of hearts tonight.
123
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:44,942
Oh, hey, Mr. Fancy. Big
success for the diner tonight.
124
00:05:44,948 --> 00:05:47,521
I told you, ugmo. I'm not interested!
125
00:05:47,721 --> 00:05:50,440
Mr. Fancy, it's Gab... oh, forget it.
126
00:05:50,446 --> 00:05:53,737
- [phones ding]
- [gasp] Ooh, the results are in!
127
00:05:54,352 --> 00:05:58,596
Okay... I got... one match?
128
00:05:58,602 --> 00:06:01,386
Oh... honey bunny.
129
00:06:02,180 --> 00:06:05,680
I guess that doesn't
compare to my... one match?
130
00:06:06,477 --> 00:06:08,813
Wait... we both only got one?
131
00:06:08,819 --> 00:06:10,477
Neither one of us has won the bet yet.
132
00:06:10,483 --> 00:06:12,933
Yes! That's right. Okay.
Here's what we're gonna do.
133
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:16,480
First person who gets their match
to agree to an actual date wins.
134
00:06:16,704 --> 00:06:19,103
Deal. I'm gonna call my match
right now. Make her night.
135
00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:21,081
- It's ringing.
- Oh, nice.
136
00:06:21,087 --> 00:06:23,425
- Well, I'm gonna call my match, too.
- [phone rings]
137
00:06:23,431 --> 00:06:26,759
Oh, no need. It's ringing from
an unknown number right now.
138
00:06:27,273 --> 00:06:28,477
Hello, this is Gabi.
139
00:06:28,483 --> 00:06:31,282
Hey! Monica. It's
Josh from speed dating.
140
00:06:31,288 --> 00:06:33,293
Ohh! Hi, Matt from speed dating.
141
00:06:33,299 --> 00:06:35,538
So I was just, uh, wondering
if you're free Saturday night.
142
00:06:35,543 --> 00:06:37,899
Oh, Saturday would be lovely.
143
00:06:37,905 --> 00:06:40,377
Sounds great, it's a date.
How does dinner sound?
144
00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:42,838
Oh, dinner sounds perfect,
but you know the real treat,
145
00:06:42,844 --> 00:06:44,371
will be the conversation.
146
00:06:45,157 --> 00:06:46,763
(Both) See you Saturday!
147
00:06:46,769 --> 00:06:49,426
(Both) I got a date! I win! Dammit!
148
00:06:52,259 --> 00:06:55,181
Okay. We're still tied. What do we do?
149
00:06:55,187 --> 00:06:56,562
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
150
00:06:56,568 --> 00:06:59,001
We're gonna go on our dates
as "plaid" and "plain,"
151
00:06:59,007 --> 00:07:01,658
not using our crutches, just
our adorable personalities,
152
00:07:01,664 --> 00:07:03,061
and whoever gets a second date
153
00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,397
- wins.
- Love it.
154
00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:06,303
You still here, ugmo?
155
00:07:07,434 --> 00:07:08,634
Fine.
156
00:07:09,133 --> 00:07:12,134
I'll throw you one if you turn
out the lights and do all the work.
157
00:07:19,095 --> 00:07:20,582
[heavy sigh]
158
00:07:26,493 --> 00:07:29,102
[heavier sigh]
159
00:07:30,911 --> 00:07:34,382
What's wrong? Did you
finally buy a scale?
160
00:07:40,788 --> 00:07:44,756
No! It's Keisha. Nothing's working.
161
00:07:44,762 --> 00:07:46,538
After that horrible game night,
162
00:07:46,544 --> 00:07:48,679
I got her tickets to Yo Gabba Gabba.
163
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,091
I thought it was a rapper.
164
00:07:52,926 --> 00:07:56,384
Elliot, you're trying too hard.
Just do normal father-daughter stuff.
165
00:07:56,390 --> 00:07:58,412
Just take her to the
park and go play softball.
166
00:07:58,708 --> 00:08:02,138
My days of playing with balls in
the park were over when I met Alan.
167
00:08:04,403 --> 00:08:07,724
Look... look... I'll
tell you what to do.
168
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:10,541
Now, the way to a black girl's
heart is through her hair.
169
00:08:11,129 --> 00:08:13,955
My mom would do my hair
every morning, we'd drink tea,
170
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,990
and I'd tell her all my problems.
171
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,313
Perfect! Your mom can do Keisha's hair!
172
00:08:19,079 --> 00:08:22,121
Not her, fool, you! You're the
one who wants to bond with Keisha.
173
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,336
Right.
174
00:08:23,342 --> 00:08:24,626
I'll teach you how to do it.
175
00:08:24,632 --> 00:08:26,549
But we need real hair to practice on,
176
00:08:26,555 --> 00:08:28,615
and you're still making
payments on yours.
177
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:33,235
Hey, what's the Wi-Fi password?
178
00:08:33,241 --> 00:08:35,335
Gabi forgot to pay the
Internet bill again,
179
00:08:35,341 --> 00:08:37,391
and I have to finish
my boss' traffic school,
180
00:08:37,397 --> 00:08:41,077
or I'll have to pick her up from
work every... single... morning.
181
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:44,020
What? What are you doing?
Why are you stroking me?
182
00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:47,063
Sofia, can Elliot do
your hair, drink tea,
183
00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:48,680
and you can tell him all your problems?
184
00:08:48,686 --> 00:08:51,600
- No!
- I'll pay your Internet bill.
185
00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,007
Stroke away.
186
00:08:57,937 --> 00:09:00,599
Ooh, someone's all
spiffed up for their date.
187
00:09:00,605 --> 00:09:05,939
Yep. It's gonna be me... Monica...
and a modest game of baseball.
188
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:07,145
Aw.
189
00:09:07,641 --> 00:09:09,891
In the luxury box behind home plate?
190
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,959
It's not directly behind home plate!
191
00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:16,629
Know what? It's fine, if you can't hack
it, I will take that rent check now.
192
00:09:16,739 --> 00:09:19,543
Oh, I can hack it.
193
00:09:20,028 --> 00:09:23,857
But what about you? Where's your
wig and that... hideous tracksuit?
194
00:09:24,836 --> 00:09:27,038
Oh, it's in... my...
195
00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:30,063
Okay, fine! Obviously, neither
one of us can be trusted.
196
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,005
We'll just have to go on our
dates and watch each other.
197
00:09:32,010 --> 00:09:33,601
Fine. We'll go to the same place.
198
00:09:33,607 --> 00:09:36,863
All right, but it-it has to be cheap,
because you are not a millionaire.
199
00:09:37,398 --> 00:09:39,173
And it has to have really good lighting,
200
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:41,315
so we can see you in all
of your tracksuit glory.
201
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,308
I'm gonna go freshen up,
202
00:09:47,314 --> 00:09:48,635
- I'll be right back.
- All right.
203
00:09:49,102 --> 00:09:50,489
I'm gonna go pay the check.
204
00:09:51,079 --> 00:09:52,534
I am so winning this bet.
205
00:09:52,540 --> 00:09:54,323
No, I'm winning it,
he thinks I'm adorable,
206
00:09:54,329 --> 00:09:56,993
despite looking like
Edna from The Incredibles.
207
00:10:00,664 --> 00:10:02,674
No, no, no... I'm
getting the second date.
208
00:10:02,680 --> 00:10:03,886
- No, I'm getting the second date!
- You don't...
209
00:10:03,891 --> 00:10:06,391
- You're not gonna win that bet!
- Do you two know each other?
210
00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,055
(Both) Uhhhhhh...
211
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,266
What's going on?
212
00:10:09,272 --> 00:10:11,287
I think our dates are
hitting on each other.
213
00:10:11,293 --> 00:10:13,240
- No.
- No... we're not.
214
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,344
We... know each other.
215
00:10:15,718 --> 00:10:20,641
Yes, that's right.
We're both from... Omaha.
216
00:10:22,125 --> 00:10:24,331
And we met there when we...
217
00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:27,510
Were made into brother and sister.
218
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,976
But why are you both here on a date?
219
00:10:31,982 --> 00:10:35,301
Big bro's really protective, and
you know, you and I just met, so...
220
00:10:35,307 --> 00:10:36,807
he was just kinda lookin' out for me.
221
00:10:36,813 --> 00:10:38,529
Aw, that's so sweet.
222
00:10:39,919 --> 00:10:42,126
Yep... that's me.
223
00:10:42,131 --> 00:10:45,458
Sweet, protective, bordering
on broke, older brother.
224
00:10:45,995 --> 00:10:49,321
Oh my God, now I see
the family resemblance.
225
00:10:54,741 --> 00:10:56,060
You're kidding.
226
00:10:57,634 --> 00:11:00,207
Listen, Matt, you've
already met my family,
227
00:11:00,213 --> 00:11:02,738
and we haven't even had a second
date yet, we should have one of those.
228
00:11:02,743 --> 00:11:04,988
Yeah, we should have one of
those first, what do you think?
229
00:11:04,993 --> 00:11:08,128
Uh... well, uh, who's to
say the first date's over?
230
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,334
Yeah, good point.
231
00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:11,624
Perhaps we should continue
this at your place?
232
00:11:11,990 --> 00:11:16,313
My place? Um, I'm not
sure if that's allowed?
233
00:11:17,297 --> 00:11:21,246
No, it-it-it's not, because it's
not your place, it's our place.
234
00:11:21,252 --> 00:11:24,046
Uh, yeah, ah, it's our little
one-bedroom apartment in the Mission,
235
00:11:24,052 --> 00:11:26,476
where we both live, and can
continue to watch each other.
236
00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:32,011
Yeah, we share an apartment.
Like we shared a womb.
237
00:11:33,088 --> 00:11:34,628
Yes, we're womb-mates.
238
00:11:39,275 --> 00:11:42,054
So... which one of you
sleeps in the bedroom?
239
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:43,260
(Both) Oh, I do.
240
00:11:45,085 --> 00:11:47,578
- Not at the same time.
- 'Cause we're brother and sister.
241
00:11:50,128 --> 00:11:52,161
- Hi.
- Who's this?
242
00:11:52,167 --> 00:11:56,398
Oh, uh... this is our... third roommate.
243
00:11:57,983 --> 00:12:00,589
Yeah, it's... been a slow
year for tow truckin'.
244
00:12:01,988 --> 00:12:03,188
Tow trucking?
245
00:12:03,194 --> 00:12:06,606
Okay, Matt, Monica, why don't you
guys, uh, check out the fire escape,
246
00:12:06,612 --> 00:12:08,601
see if the... pizza
delivery guy's out there.
247
00:12:08,606 --> 00:12:10,810
- When did we order pizza?
- Oh, you know, Matt, that is a great
248
00:12:10,815 --> 00:12:13,221
idea, why don't you order some
pizza while you're out there?
249
00:12:14,505 --> 00:12:16,711
- Okay, what the hell is going on?
- Okay,
250
00:12:16,717 --> 00:12:19,428
Josh and I are brother and sister, and
this is my natural hair. Go with it.
251
00:12:19,433 --> 00:12:20,665
What?
252
00:12:20,671 --> 00:12:22,726
We made a bet, he wanted to
prove he could still get dates
253
00:12:22,731 --> 00:12:24,187
if he didn't tell them he was rich.
254
00:12:24,193 --> 00:12:25,578
And she wanted to prove
she can still get dates
255
00:12:25,583 --> 00:12:27,311
without letting guys
know she had big boobs.
256
00:12:29,512 --> 00:12:33,804
Okay, so you two are using these
two innocent people to win a bet?
257
00:12:33,810 --> 00:12:35,074
- Kinda.
- Yes!
258
00:12:35,583 --> 00:12:37,018
Who are you?
259
00:12:37,202 --> 00:12:38,836
Sofia, it's me, it's Gabi.
260
00:12:40,419 --> 00:12:42,280
Yeah, I know who you are! Okay,
261
00:12:42,286 --> 00:12:44,778
I-I just think you're... you're
acting horribly, and trust me,
262
00:12:44,784 --> 00:12:48,087
if anyone knows about people treating
other people horribly, it's me!
263
00:12:48,338 --> 00:12:49,538
[gasp]
264
00:12:53,502 --> 00:12:56,408
Now, I'm going to go to Martina's
salon, and when I get back,
265
00:12:56,414 --> 00:12:57,846
these two better be gone.
266
00:13:03,765 --> 00:13:06,462
Okay, maybe she's right, we
shouldn't be toying with these people.
267
00:13:06,468 --> 00:13:08,642
Yeah, they seem nice. We're
playing with their heads.
268
00:13:08,648 --> 00:13:10,094
- Let's tell them the truth.
- Okay.
269
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:12,223
Hey! Monica. Matt.
270
00:13:13,405 --> 00:13:15,778
- We did half cheese, half pepperoni.
- Okay.
271
00:13:15,784 --> 00:13:17,353
Don't worry, my treat.
272
00:13:19,364 --> 00:13:24,087
Um, so guys, we actually, uh, we have
something that we need to tell you.
273
00:13:24,438 --> 00:13:25,900
Josh, you first.
274
00:13:25,906 --> 00:13:27,198
Me?
275
00:13:27,204 --> 00:13:28,602
Fine!
276
00:13:29,891 --> 00:13:33,955
Um, but before I do, um, there's
something I'd like to know.
277
00:13:33,961 --> 00:13:36,967
Um... if I asked you on a
second date, would you say yes?
278
00:13:36,973 --> 00:13:39,812
- Totally.
- What if you found out I was rich?
279
00:13:40,933 --> 00:13:43,115
- What?
- I'm sorry. Um...
280
00:13:43,393 --> 00:13:45,121
I have a hundred million dollars.
281
00:13:45,722 --> 00:13:47,223
From tow trucking?
282
00:13:47,722 --> 00:13:50,209
No... more from being a tech mogul.
283
00:13:50,861 --> 00:13:54,112
Oh my God... you know,
for the last five years,
284
00:13:54,118 --> 00:13:57,776
I have been in therapy working
through my trust issues with men.
285
00:13:57,782 --> 00:14:00,871
And now I finally meet someone
who seems honest and sweet
286
00:14:00,877 --> 00:14:03,798
and kind, and he turns
out to be another liar!
287
00:14:03,804 --> 00:14:05,936
[crying]
288
00:14:05,942 --> 00:14:07,777
Okay, so no second date, then?
289
00:14:09,057 --> 00:14:11,014
Oh my God, no!
290
00:14:14,971 --> 00:14:16,369
Your turn, sis.
291
00:14:17,929 --> 00:14:20,331
Matt, I have uh...
something I gotta tell you,
292
00:14:20,337 --> 00:14:23,874
but before I do, were you,
uh... gonna ask me out again?
293
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,464
- Definitely.
- Oh.
294
00:14:25,853 --> 00:14:28,384
Well, what if I told
you I look like this?
295
00:14:31,029 --> 00:14:33,540
Wow. Uh, I can't believe it.
296
00:14:33,817 --> 00:14:35,023
Are you mad?
297
00:14:35,029 --> 00:14:37,258
Are you kidding, can the
second date start now?
298
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,486
Ooh! It sure can.
299
00:14:42,492 --> 00:14:44,406
In your face, Josh. I win! I win!
300
00:14:44,773 --> 00:14:47,000
Oh, and can you pay the
rent on your way out,
301
00:14:47,006 --> 00:14:49,167
'cause it's already
late, thanks, buh-bye!
302
00:14:52,386 --> 00:14:54,207
So, date's over already?
303
00:14:54,463 --> 00:14:56,054
Did ya hit it and quit it?
304
00:14:57,856 --> 00:15:00,798
No... she walked out on me.
305
00:15:01,149 --> 00:15:03,675
Look on the bright side, at least
you weren't dating a criminal,
306
00:15:03,681 --> 00:15:05,947
like that dumpy chick in the tracksuit.
307
00:15:06,132 --> 00:15:09,327
What? What are you talking about?
How do you know he's a criminal?
308
00:15:09,421 --> 00:15:12,835
He filled out a job application
earlier, and he checked "felon."
309
00:15:13,616 --> 00:15:16,353
Next to it he put, "not a murderer."
310
00:15:17,907 --> 00:15:19,766
Oh my God, Gabi's with him right now.
311
00:15:19,772 --> 00:15:21,639
That ugmo was Gabi?
312
00:15:23,233 --> 00:15:25,167
Boy, she's let herself go.
313
00:15:28,759 --> 00:15:31,472
Gabi? Gabi!
314
00:15:31,478 --> 00:15:32,931
[Gabi's muffled voice]
315
00:15:39,601 --> 00:15:40,988
I didn't win.
316
00:15:44,304 --> 00:15:46,226
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
317
00:15:46,547 --> 00:15:48,168
I can't believe it.
318
00:15:48,359 --> 00:15:50,983
Matt didn't wanna date
me, he wanted to rob me!
319
00:15:52,343 --> 00:15:54,570
Hey, I mean... he didn't take anything.
320
00:15:56,072 --> 00:15:57,705
Well, nothing of mine.
321
00:15:58,568 --> 00:15:59,768
What do you mean?
322
00:16:00,332 --> 00:16:02,946
Do you remember how you...
put your wallet in my purse?
323
00:16:02,952 --> 00:16:04,177
Yeah?
324
00:16:05,824 --> 00:16:07,156
[whispered] He found it.
325
00:16:08,382 --> 00:16:10,266
Ahh!
326
00:16:11,446 --> 00:16:14,495
It's okay. You know what,
everything in there can be replaced.
327
00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:15,985
What's important is that you're safe.
328
00:16:15,991 --> 00:16:18,834
Uh-huh, do you remember how you put
your really fancy watch in my purse?
329
00:16:20,985 --> 00:16:24,053
You mean my... grandfather's
irreplaceable Rolex?
330
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:25,734
Unless you have two!
331
00:16:26,340 --> 00:16:28,959
Nope, just the one, just
the irreplaceable one.
332
00:16:29,849 --> 00:16:31,563
- Are you mad?
- No.
333
00:16:31,569 --> 00:16:34,261
Are you just saying that because I'm
really vulnerable right now because
334
00:16:34,266 --> 00:16:35,727
I was tied up by a criminal?
335
00:16:36,098 --> 00:16:37,298
No.
336
00:16:37,304 --> 00:16:40,161
Josh, if you're mad, I can
take it, you can tell me.
337
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,496
- I'm mad!
- [gasp]
338
00:16:41,502 --> 00:16:43,894
How dare you! I could've
been really hurt!
339
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,478
That's... the point, Gabi,
you could've been really hurt.
340
00:16:46,484 --> 00:16:48,729
- Then why are you yelling at me?
- Because none of this would've happened
341
00:16:48,734 --> 00:16:50,369
if you didn't make me
make that stupid bet!
342
00:16:50,374 --> 00:16:53,667
Oh, please, you couldn't wait to
prove that I have no personality!
343
00:16:54,732 --> 00:16:56,069
You started this whole thing
344
00:16:56,075 --> 00:16:57,961
when you said I only get
girls because of my money.
345
00:16:57,966 --> 00:17:00,358
Yeah, well, that's because you
were being so cocky and arrogant,
346
00:17:00,363 --> 00:17:03,129
I didn't really feel like
telling you how smart and sexy
347
00:17:03,135 --> 00:17:04,602
and incredible you are!
348
00:17:04,952 --> 00:17:08,080
Oh, yeah? Well, let
me tell you something.
349
00:17:08,581 --> 00:17:10,870
- You've got a great personality!
- [gasp]
350
00:17:11,083 --> 00:17:13,791
And you're sweet, and
funny, and charming...
351
00:17:13,797 --> 00:17:15,597
you're the whole damn package!
352
00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:20,171
Yeah, well... so are you, any
girl would kill to be with you!
353
00:17:20,177 --> 00:17:21,855
Any guy would kill to be with you!
354
00:17:30,584 --> 00:17:34,522
Oh, Elliot... Oh... I got your
9-1-1 text. What's the emergency?
355
00:17:34,528 --> 00:17:37,524
I... I was afraid... that
were stuck in somethin'...
356
00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:39,152
or somethin' was stuck in you.
357
00:17:40,724 --> 00:17:42,033
Not this time.
358
00:17:46,418 --> 00:17:48,036
This is all her fault.
359
00:17:48,042 --> 00:17:50,154
She tried to show me
how to do your hair...
360
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:52,729
but obviously she's a terrible teacher!
361
00:17:52,976 --> 00:17:56,112
It's not my fault I got the one gay
guy who doesn't know how to do hair!
362
00:17:57,429 --> 00:18:00,127
Why would you wanna learn
how to do my [!] hair?
363
00:18:00,133 --> 00:18:02,131
You and Alan are getting so close,
364
00:18:02,137 --> 00:18:04,195
but you and I still
haven't found our thing.
365
00:18:04,201 --> 00:18:06,419
so I thought this could be our thing.
366
00:18:06,425 --> 00:18:09,128
But obviously I was wrong. Sorry.
367
00:18:09,317 --> 00:18:14,347
So, you did... this [!], 'cause you
wanted to spend more time together?
368
00:18:14,527 --> 00:18:15,996
Yeah, I guess.
369
00:18:17,046 --> 00:18:18,388
[sighs]
370
00:18:18,394 --> 00:18:21,857
You know... you're a weird
dude, but at the same time,
371
00:18:21,863 --> 00:18:23,599
I guess you're okay.
372
00:18:23,876 --> 00:18:25,095
Really?
373
00:18:25,288 --> 00:18:27,708
That's the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
374
00:18:28,193 --> 00:18:31,131
Ohhh, it warms my heart.
375
00:18:31,810 --> 00:18:33,595
I know how to fix this!
376
00:18:33,601 --> 00:18:34,843
A makeover.
377
00:18:34,849 --> 00:18:38,833
I'll call a spa, get us a
hair appointment, manicures...
378
00:18:38,839 --> 00:18:40,039
Wait!
379
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:44,533
You think you can throw around a
lot of money to buy my [!] love?
380
00:18:44,902 --> 00:18:46,189
I'm in!
381
00:18:55,511 --> 00:18:56,987
What was that?
382
00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,231
That... was sex.
383
00:19:00,604 --> 00:19:03,456
- Really good sex.
- Amazing sex.
384
00:19:03,579 --> 00:19:06,151
Oh my God, how many times did
we think this was gonna happen,
385
00:19:06,157 --> 00:19:09,380
and it didn't happen,
but now... it did happen.
386
00:19:10,047 --> 00:19:11,257
How did it happen?
387
00:19:13,340 --> 00:19:14,753
How did it happen?
388
00:19:14,759 --> 00:19:16,438
I have no idea.
389
00:19:16,685 --> 00:19:20,232
- But it can never happen again!
- Absolutely... never!
390
00:19:20,990 --> 00:19:22,450
Why?
391
00:19:23,092 --> 00:19:25,058
Because we're horrible together.
392
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:26,938
- But I thought you just said that...
- No, no, no, no.
393
00:19:26,943 --> 00:19:29,009
Not the sex part...
the relationship part.
394
00:19:29,015 --> 00:19:31,093
- We suck at that part.
- This is true.
395
00:19:31,099 --> 00:19:32,871
So we have to forget
this ever happened, okay?
396
00:19:32,876 --> 00:19:35,261
And we can't tell anybody,
because if somebody else knows,
397
00:19:35,266 --> 00:19:36,686
it keeps it alive...
398
00:19:36,847 --> 00:19:39,556
- and we have to kill it! Now!
- Agreed.
399
00:19:40,356 --> 00:19:42,583
But it was really good sex.
400
00:19:42,866 --> 00:19:44,733
Amazing sex.
401
00:19:45,686 --> 00:19:48,515
Josh? I just wanted
to say I-I'm really...
402
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:51,496
Oh, gross!
403
00:19:51,684 --> 00:19:53,850
You're having sex with your sister?
404
00:19:53,856 --> 00:19:55,867
Is that what they do in Omaha?
405
00:19:56,997 --> 00:20:00,287
I can't believe I came back
here to ask you out again.
406
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,548
Oh, you're disgusting!
407
00:20:06,463 --> 00:20:07,663
[door slams]
408
00:20:08,442 --> 00:20:09,864
I can't believe this.
409
00:20:10,856 --> 00:20:12,260
I got a second date!
410
00:20:12,266 --> 00:20:14,874
Which means, I'll see you,
bright and early tomorrow.
411
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:16,882
I win, I win, I win, I
win, I win, I win, I win!
412
00:20:16,888 --> 00:20:18,088
Dammit!
413
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:23,786
I just have to say you're
glowing after that salt scrub.
414
00:20:23,792 --> 00:20:25,586
And you look like you lost five pounds
415
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,547
- after that seaweed wrap.
- Oh.
416
00:20:27,941 --> 00:20:31,724
You know... today was more fun than
anything me and Alan have ever done.
417
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:34,145
- Thank you.
- Aw, you're welcome.
418
00:20:34,243 --> 00:20:37,867
But it is not a contest.
Alan and I love you the same.
419
00:20:42,128 --> 00:20:43,862
Oh, thank God it was recording.
420
00:20:44,354 --> 00:20:46,972
Send to Alan. I win.
421
00:20:46,978 --> 00:20:48,623
Sync & Corrections by PetaG
www.addic7ed.com
422
00:20:48,673 --> 00:20:53,223
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33033
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
