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1
00:00:01,630 --> 00:00:03,440
Hey! Who deleted
last week's episode of Bones?
2
00:00:03,565 --> 00:00:04,588
I heard they kissed.
3
00:00:04,754 --> 00:00:06,844
- Where is it?
- I know!
4
00:00:06,969 --> 00:00:08,592
- Where is it?
- Where's what?
5
00:00:09,071 --> 00:00:10,510
Limited edition lap hog
6
00:00:10,676 --> 00:00:13,555
- X.L. Condom. Who took it?
- Why are you wearing my shirt?
7
00:00:13,721 --> 00:00:17,351
Your what? Your shirt?
I got this at the thrift store.
8
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:20,145
You got a t-shirt from my middle school
Randomly at a thrift store?
9
00:00:20,311 --> 00:00:21,859
Yeah.
What's the big deal?
10
00:00:21,984 --> 00:00:23,627
You find lots of treasures
at thrift stores.
11
00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:26,463
What are you, a thrift-store professional now?
Where's my condom?
12
00:00:26,588 --> 00:00:27,698
- Hey, guys...
- what are you talking about?
13
00:00:27,823 --> 00:00:29,567
My hair foam's missing.
It's gone.
14
00:00:29,692 --> 00:00:32,269
I know he doesn't need it
'cause he's got a thick head of hair.
15
00:00:32,394 --> 00:00:33,337
- Okay.
- You're like a lion.
16
00:00:33,462 --> 00:00:35,105
But this mane is looking extra thick.
17
00:00:35,230 --> 00:00:37,575
That's bizarre, 'cause
I was thinking last week
18
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:39,543
Ders is looking
like a bald, old woman.
19
00:00:39,668 --> 00:00:40,845
- Let me smell your hair.
- What are you...
20
00:00:40,970 --> 00:00:42,012
I'm gonna need to smell your hair.
21
00:00:42,137 --> 00:00:43,013
Stop it!
You're not smelling my hair!
22
00:00:43,138 --> 00:00:44,181
Where is it, guys?
23
00:00:44,306 --> 00:00:45,983
This collection means
a lot to me, all right?
24
00:00:46,108 --> 00:00:47,852
That's the shirt I wore
25
00:00:47,977 --> 00:00:49,687
In seventh grade when
I won the indiana jones...
26
00:00:49,812 --> 00:00:51,422
My dad looks exactly
like michael chiklis.
27
00:00:51,547 --> 00:00:53,136
I will not forgive you
if you took it.
28
00:00:53,302 --> 00:00:54,513
Oh, michael chiklis?
Really?
29
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:57,194
Why would I ever, ever
take hair-care products?
30
00:00:57,319 --> 00:00:58,262
I don't believe you, man!
31
00:00:58,387 --> 00:01:01,923
Well, you are a liar and a thief!
32
00:01:20,476 --> 00:01:22,124
I'm a teenage beer wolf!
33
00:01:31,987 --> 00:01:35,132
- I'm down.
- Beer wolf down!
34
00:01:35,257 --> 00:01:37,264
Who is ready for a night
at the museum of tolerance
35
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,474
Of alcohol?
I am.
36
00:01:40,462 --> 00:01:41,505
Turn that song up!
37
00:01:41,630 --> 00:01:43,478
Turn the beat up.
38
00:01:45,634 --> 00:01:46,677
Guys, no! No.
She's my baby.
39
00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:48,178
Shoot the wiper fluid!
Shoot the wiper fluid!
40
00:01:49,671 --> 00:01:50,948
That's cool.
You see everyone's technique.
41
00:01:51,073 --> 00:01:52,149
Yes, thank you.
42
00:01:56,111 --> 00:01:57,755
They're my costumes.
I'm taking an improv class.
43
00:01:57,880 --> 00:01:59,619
I thought this would be
the perfect place
44
00:01:59,785 --> 00:02:02,159
To start auditioning
some of my characters.
45
00:02:02,284 --> 00:02:03,394
I should be an actor.
46
00:02:03,519 --> 00:02:05,262
A lot of people say
I look like matt damon...
47
00:02:05,387 --> 00:02:07,031
's his ugly younger brother,
48
00:02:07,156 --> 00:02:08,866
Philip... just more jowls.
49
00:02:08,991 --> 00:02:09,963
I can see that.
50
00:02:10,129 --> 00:02:11,201
A lot of people don't know about him.
51
00:02:11,326 --> 00:02:12,603
People say I look
like weird al sometimes...
52
00:02:12,728 --> 00:02:13,671
Like, his son.
53
00:02:13,796 --> 00:02:14,797
Oh, wait.
I forgot the beer.
54
00:02:15,898 --> 00:02:17,679
Oh!
Hey, buddy.
55
00:02:17,845 --> 00:02:19,843
Are you looking
for mr. Walker's pool party?
56
00:02:19,968 --> 00:02:21,345
Yeah, we're just going up.
57
00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:23,614
Right. It's gonna be
next door in our community pool.
58
00:02:23,739 --> 00:02:25,182
- Ooh. Interesting.
- Really?
59
00:02:25,307 --> 00:02:27,351
- Oh, he's a trickster.
- Okay.
60
00:02:27,476 --> 00:02:28,552
- He's a trickster.
- Thanks a lot.
61
00:02:28,677 --> 00:02:29,887
Hey, guys,
I need you to behave yourselves,
62
00:02:30,012 --> 00:02:30,888
For real.
63
00:02:31,013 --> 00:02:33,528
Good call.
I'll throw this one away right now.
64
00:02:33,694 --> 00:02:35,693
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
65
00:02:35,818 --> 00:02:37,699
Rock a jock, ten-point shot!
66
00:02:37,865 --> 00:02:38,986
- Get it!
- Hey, oh!
67
00:02:40,576 --> 00:02:42,466
I am sorry about that.
68
00:02:42,591 --> 00:02:43,801
Dan cortese would've made that.
69
00:02:43,926 --> 00:02:45,135
- He would've made that one.
- I hate punks.
70
00:02:45,260 --> 00:02:48,835
Sorry!
We're gonna wear shoes.
71
00:02:50,833 --> 00:02:51,834
Wait a minute.
Come on!
72
00:02:55,304 --> 00:02:56,714
- Ah!
- Got him. Yes!
73
00:02:56,839 --> 00:03:00,514
Okay. Guess who I voted for in 2000.
74
00:03:01,310 --> 00:03:02,953
Bush.
75
00:03:03,078 --> 00:03:04,955
O-oh.
My favorite band?
76
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:06,853
Pubic enemy.
77
00:03:08,684 --> 00:03:10,482
Gotta tell you, tez,
some spread you got here.
78
00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:13,864
Can I cross a line here
and just ask how
79
00:03:13,989 --> 00:03:15,445
You can afford to live
in a place like this?
80
00:03:15,611 --> 00:03:17,034
If you must know,
81
00:03:17,159 --> 00:03:19,103
Colleen got promoted to principal
82
00:03:19,228 --> 00:03:21,034
At john g. Neihardt elementary.
83
00:03:21,964 --> 00:03:23,007
And it don't hurt that
84
00:03:23,132 --> 00:03:25,372
Alice gave me a two-year
pay bump at work.
85
00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:29,013
What?
86
00:03:29,138 --> 00:03:31,515
Waymond, get out this pool
and take a shower!
87
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,004
How many times I gotta tell you?
88
00:03:34,243 --> 00:03:35,452
Listen, I gotta tell you something.
89
00:03:35,577 --> 00:03:36,687
- It's cold, ders!
- Let me tell you something.
90
00:03:36,812 --> 00:03:37,888
- Can we get some of your food?
- Guys, stop. No!
91
00:03:38,013 --> 00:03:39,010
Let me get a little bite
of your sandwich!
92
00:03:39,176 --> 00:03:40,157
There was whole spread!
93
00:03:40,282 --> 00:03:41,492
You should've gotten some
while it was hot.
94
00:03:41,617 --> 00:03:43,327
No way. Then we'd have to
wait 30 minutes to swim.
95
00:03:43,452 --> 00:03:44,661
And we had to dunk some fools, man.
96
00:03:44,786 --> 00:03:46,430
- I dunked so many fools!
- Did you? I'm sure.
97
00:03:46,555 --> 00:03:48,499
- Waymond almost drowned!
- Yeah, that was cool.
98
00:03:48,624 --> 00:03:50,901
Cool. All right, well, anyway,
I gotta tell you something.
99
00:03:51,026 --> 00:03:54,192
Listen, I guess tez just got a raise.
100
00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:55,485
All right?
101
00:03:55,651 --> 00:03:57,574
Now, alice is over there.
She's real drunk.
102
00:03:57,699 --> 00:03:58,864
We go over there now,
103
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:01,045
Maybe we can get a raise.
You feel me?
104
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:02,212
Aw, I feel you so much.
105
00:04:02,337 --> 00:04:03,614
Can I just dip my finger
in the mayonnaise?
106
00:04:03,739 --> 00:04:05,249
Let me just get your pickle.
107
00:04:05,374 --> 00:04:07,718
- Take the pickle.
- Yeah, I got a pickle!
108
00:04:07,843 --> 00:04:09,353
I don't like vegetables, so
that doesn't even matter to me.
109
00:04:09,478 --> 00:04:11,209
Ugh, these are the neon ones.
I hate neon pickles.
110
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:13,490
Alice!
Heading to pound town, huh?
111
00:04:13,615 --> 00:04:15,714
I didn't know you were
such a party beast.
112
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,262
You should come, like, rage with us
113
00:04:18,387 --> 00:04:20,802
- At our... nah.
- Yep.
114
00:04:20,968 --> 00:04:22,699
Two years of sobriety, gentlemen.
115
00:04:22,824 --> 00:04:24,222
- Good for you!
- Oh!
116
00:04:24,388 --> 00:04:25,569
Two years, gone.
117
00:04:25,694 --> 00:04:26,804
- Oh, it's a bad thing.
- Yeah.
118
00:04:26,929 --> 00:04:28,268
Oh, yeah.
Ugh.
119
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:31,675
I saw this house
and this awesome neighborhood,
120
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,399
And I was like...
Pbbt! Screw it.
121
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,610
Drink the pain away.
Good call, good call.
122
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,945
Elbow drop
from the top rope, bitches!
123
00:04:39,111 --> 00:04:41,919
Alice, I believe
a woman of your talents
124
00:04:42,044 --> 00:04:44,555
And your ambitions
deserves everything
125
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:45,856
In your wildest dreams.
126
00:04:45,981 --> 00:04:48,330
What are your wildest dreams, alice?
127
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:50,461
Tez told me you gave him
a two-year pay bump,
128
00:04:50,586 --> 00:04:52,362
- So I was thinking maybe...
- fine.
129
00:04:52,487 --> 00:04:53,597
- Fine.
- Whoa.
130
00:04:53,722 --> 00:04:54,631
- Cool, really?
- Wow.
131
00:04:54,756 --> 00:04:56,630
- Yep, you got it.
- That was easy.
132
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,715
Gil, can I bum a smoke, babe?
133
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,171
So we'll stop by
in the morning at the office
134
00:05:01,296 --> 00:05:02,719
Just to iron out the details?
135
00:05:02,885 --> 00:05:04,675
Yeah, works for me!
136
00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:06,097
All right.
See you then!
137
00:05:06,263 --> 00:05:07,578
Raises!
All right!
138
00:05:07,703 --> 00:05:08,712
- We got raises!
- Yeah!
139
00:05:08,837 --> 00:05:10,268
That was so easy.
We just got raises.
140
00:05:10,434 --> 00:05:12,312
Let's go smoke weed
about it right now.
141
00:05:13,542 --> 00:05:15,482
If these are montez's garage ties,
142
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:16,887
The guy is balling.
143
00:05:17,012 --> 00:05:18,652
This one just screams money.
144
00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,570
Speaking of garages,
145
00:05:20,736 --> 00:05:22,526
Did you know that the word
actually comes from
146
00:05:22,651 --> 00:05:24,532
The latin meaning "go rage"?
147
00:05:24,698 --> 00:05:26,952
- I did not know that. Wow.
- That's 'cause it doesn't.
148
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:29,162
- Learned something new.
- Interesting enough...
149
00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:31,869
These rooms were built
by people's houses
150
00:05:31,994 --> 00:05:33,437
So you could, well,
you know, go rage.
151
00:05:33,562 --> 00:05:34,709
You could go there and rage!
152
00:05:34,875 --> 00:05:36,711
We're actually
upholding, like, a very,
153
00:05:36,877 --> 00:05:38,338
Very old tradition.
154
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:40,882
Uh, dummies, I just snopesed it.
155
00:05:41,048 --> 00:05:42,813
It's not true.
You're lying.
156
00:05:42,938 --> 00:05:44,047
It's real, and it's gonna go
157
00:05:44,172 --> 00:05:45,582
Into my, uh, bathroom publication,
158
00:05:45,707 --> 00:05:49,786
Uncle blazer's fun facts
just to take a poop to.
159
00:05:49,911 --> 00:05:51,059
That's a working title, though.
160
00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:52,894
Look at all these cool-ass toys!
161
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:54,258
- Oh, my goodness.
- Oh!
162
00:05:54,383 --> 00:05:55,726
Once we get our raises,
163
00:05:55,851 --> 00:05:58,462
We're definitely gonna
have to rob a toys "r" us.
164
00:05:58,587 --> 00:06:00,030
But with, like, our money, though.
165
00:06:00,155 --> 00:06:01,165
- Rob it with our money.
- Oh!
166
00:06:01,290 --> 00:06:02,666
Freeze! Here's a hundred-dollar bill.
167
00:06:02,791 --> 00:06:03,734
I want toys.
168
00:06:03,859 --> 00:06:06,537
- Oh, you want this?
- Yeah.
169
00:06:06,662 --> 00:06:08,493
But toys got weird.
170
00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:11,375
What is this?
What is this?
171
00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:13,010
- Well, that... that is a bug.
- Yeah, that's a...
172
00:06:13,135 --> 00:06:15,212
Well, you know, like...
like, all right, so, like...
173
00:06:15,337 --> 00:06:16,813
No, I know what you're saying.
I know what you're saying.
174
00:06:16,938 --> 00:06:18,649
- Toys are really weird now.
- Toys are getting weird.
175
00:06:18,774 --> 00:06:20,317
They're not made up of anything real.
176
00:06:20,442 --> 00:06:22,048
Like, back in our day, it was like,
177
00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:25,923
Turtles, ninjas, mutant... Teenagers.
178
00:06:26,048 --> 00:06:27,391
Yeah.
Or like a cassette tape
179
00:06:27,516 --> 00:06:30,640
That's also a pterodactyl
or a, uh, puma.
180
00:06:30,806 --> 00:06:32,496
- I believe that toy.
- Yeah.
181
00:06:32,621 --> 00:06:35,020
Or, like, I don't know, like those.
182
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:38,481
Those are so real.
183
00:06:42,359 --> 00:06:45,905
Gentlemen, this hill was built
for a soap-box-derby car.
184
00:06:47,135 --> 00:06:48,378
Let's two-man dream-team this mug.
185
00:06:48,503 --> 00:06:50,013
- Let me get in there, blake.
- Get on in here.
186
00:06:50,138 --> 00:06:51,181
I like that.
187
00:06:51,306 --> 00:06:53,350
Oh, but all it takes
is a golden ticket.
188
00:06:53,475 --> 00:06:54,851
Yeah, and by ticket, I mean
189
00:06:54,976 --> 00:06:57,421
X.L. Lap hog limited edition condom.
190
00:06:57,546 --> 00:06:58,789
I know one of you dudes took it.
191
00:06:58,914 --> 00:07:00,253
I don't even use condoms.
192
00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:03,193
I was kicked a lot
in the balls as a child,
193
00:07:03,318 --> 00:07:04,461
If you must know.
194
00:07:04,586 --> 00:07:05,796
Yeah, and you stole
my eric draven t-shirt,
195
00:07:05,921 --> 00:07:07,130
- So you owe me.
- All right.
196
00:07:07,255 --> 00:07:09,190
Sorry, boys.
But I'm bombing this jonah hill.
197
00:07:12,828 --> 00:07:13,933
- All right.
- Get 'em!
198
00:07:14,099 --> 00:07:15,872
Whoo!
Go blake!
199
00:07:15,997 --> 00:07:17,441
Picking up speed!
There we go, baby!
200
00:07:17,566 --> 00:07:19,981
I am the human missile crisis!
201
00:07:20,147 --> 00:07:22,067
Dude, I wish I was on that thing!
202
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,651
Oh, damn!
203
00:07:23,817 --> 00:07:25,206
I feel like a coors light!
204
00:07:26,975 --> 00:07:28,352
What the...?
205
00:07:28,477 --> 00:07:29,486
Ah!
The brakes!
206
00:07:29,611 --> 00:07:30,887
- Go right!
- The brakes!
207
00:07:31,012 --> 00:07:32,689
- The brakes!
- Don't go that way!
208
00:07:32,814 --> 00:07:35,092
Stop!
209
00:07:35,217 --> 00:07:36,526
He broke something.
210
00:07:36,651 --> 00:07:38,652
He broke something.
211
00:07:47,549 --> 00:07:49,219
Are you all right?
212
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:50,854
Goddamn punks.
213
00:07:50,979 --> 00:07:52,847
You're under patrolman's arrest.
Get in the car now!
214
00:07:53,014 --> 00:07:55,549
Uh, actually, officer,
we can explain. Go!
215
00:08:25,947 --> 00:08:28,691
Wait.
216
00:08:28,816 --> 00:08:30,051
Looks like the gate's
the only way out.
217
00:08:30,284 --> 00:08:31,427
Oh!
I got an idea.
218
00:08:31,552 --> 00:08:33,263
We can ernest saves christmas
this situation!
219
00:08:33,488 --> 00:08:35,473
I don't know what you mean, vern.
220
00:08:35,690 --> 00:08:37,691
We hop in the back of the truck,
221
00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:40,794
And we ride it out.
222
00:08:48,803 --> 00:08:51,156
I think we're passing the front gate.
223
00:08:51,372 --> 00:08:53,616
I feel the freedom!
224
00:08:53,841 --> 00:08:54,951
I think we just passed
the old train yard!
225
00:08:55,176 --> 00:08:57,020
You guys smell that?
226
00:08:57,145 --> 00:08:58,588
Honey-baked ham.
227
00:08:58,713 --> 00:09:00,890
We're downwind
from that togo's by our place.
228
00:09:01,015 --> 00:09:02,041
I'm so hungry.
229
00:09:04,819 --> 00:09:06,880
Shib.
230
00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:16,389
Where's the clicker?
231
00:09:16,555 --> 00:09:18,016
It's in the car.
232
00:09:18,266 --> 00:09:19,184
It's locked.
233
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:21,177
I'm freaking out.
234
00:09:21,302 --> 00:09:23,012
We're in a garage,
and we're not totally raging.
235
00:09:23,137 --> 00:09:24,480
- That is weird.
- Shh!
236
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:25,882
I found the way out.
237
00:09:26,007 --> 00:09:28,318
You're gonna go in his house?
238
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,119
Guys, wait.
Wipe your feet.
239
00:09:30,244 --> 00:09:31,688
This is somebody's home.
240
00:09:31,813 --> 00:09:33,698
- Hey, let's go through here.
- Let's go through the kitchen!
241
00:09:33,981 --> 00:09:35,617
I'm so hungry.
Just give me a second.
242
00:09:36,951 --> 00:09:38,294
Who's calling you
in the middle of the night?
243
00:09:38,419 --> 00:09:40,163
My sister, cathy.
You know that already.
244
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:42,398
Really?
It's your sister?
245
00:09:42,523 --> 00:09:43,599
You know what's weird?
246
00:09:43,724 --> 00:09:45,835
Is that every time
that I pick up the phone,
247
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,370
Your sister doesn't wanna talk.
248
00:09:47,495 --> 00:09:51,257
Oh, please. Would you stop
with the paranoia now?
249
00:09:51,532 --> 00:09:53,718
- Oh, my gosh.
- Wow.
250
00:09:54,001 --> 00:09:55,611
No way.
Check it out.
251
00:09:55,736 --> 00:09:56,879
A zz top shirt.
252
00:09:57,004 --> 00:09:58,181
Shh. Why don't you go ahead
and take it?
253
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,350
Save yourself a trip
to the "thrift store."
254
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:03,228
Ders, could you back up
off my business, okay?
255
00:10:03,511 --> 00:10:04,821
You're right up in my...
256
00:10:10,685 --> 00:10:12,779
You guys here to fuck maria, too?
257
00:10:13,054 --> 00:10:14,297
No, man.
We're just trying to get home.
258
00:10:14,422 --> 00:10:15,365
Wait. Who's maria?
259
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:18,201
Do you think she'd fuck us?
260
00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:19,902
I've never been enough
for you, have I, maria?
261
00:10:20,027 --> 00:10:22,872
Even though I put your daughter
in a two-bedroom in manhattan!
262
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:25,708
Oh! You used to
consider her our daughter.
263
00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,777
This is why I never
should've married an italian.
264
00:10:27,902 --> 00:10:28,878
- Oh, please.
- Shh!
265
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:29,879
He can't talk to her like that!
266
00:10:31,139 --> 00:10:32,682
I gotta do it!
No, no. I gotta do this!
267
00:10:32,807 --> 00:10:33,883
You got some nerve,
268
00:10:34,008 --> 00:10:35,318
Talking to an italian woman
that way, cal.
269
00:10:35,443 --> 00:10:36,619
Randall?
270
00:10:36,744 --> 00:10:38,554
You're fucking randall?
271
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,523
Yes, I'm fucking randall.
272
00:10:40,648 --> 00:10:41,524
You know what?
273
00:10:41,649 --> 00:10:43,935
I need more right now, cal.
274
00:10:44,218 --> 00:10:45,770
- Hello.
- Hey.
275
00:10:47,054 --> 00:10:48,197
Four guys, maria?
276
00:10:48,322 --> 00:10:49,866
Is that what you need to satisfy you?
277
00:10:49,991 --> 00:10:51,442
I don't know who these guys are.
278
00:10:51,726 --> 00:10:53,069
So what do you need?
279
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,570
You need me to watch?
280
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:55,989
You want me to get in there
with those guys,
281
00:10:56,264 --> 00:10:58,116
- You know, get in with it?
- No!
282
00:10:58,399 --> 00:10:59,342
You want me to watch you blow them?
283
00:10:59,467 --> 00:11:00,376
'cause I will do that.
284
00:11:00,501 --> 00:11:02,178
- No!
- You want me to blow them?
285
00:11:02,303 --> 00:11:03,579
I'll do whatever it takes.
I'll blow 'em.
286
00:11:03,704 --> 00:11:05,415
Let's see your dicks.
Come on.
287
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:06,833
- Uh...
- I'm good. I'm good.
288
00:11:07,108 --> 00:11:08,001
I'm trying to save my marriage!
289
00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:10,186
Now get your dicks out!
290
00:11:10,311 --> 00:11:11,721
Wait. Hey!
291
00:11:11,846 --> 00:11:14,648
- Bring your dicks back here!
- Cal!
292
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:23,327
{pub}Hey, jillian.
293
00:11:23,452 --> 00:11:24,762
Yeah, we need you to come pick us up.
294
00:11:24,887 --> 00:11:26,097
We are trapped.
295
00:11:26,222 --> 00:11:27,231
Oh!
Have her stop at togo's,
296
00:11:27,356 --> 00:11:30,401
Get me an italian
with extra mayonnaise...
297
00:11:30,526 --> 00:11:34,205
Wow. I'm starving to death,
and no one cares.
298
00:11:34,330 --> 00:11:37,113
Oh, god.
I say we just pound this dude.
299
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:38,709
I been watching a lot
of bum fights lately.
300
00:11:38,834 --> 00:11:40,950
You kick him in the balls,
I'll stab him with a syringe.
301
00:11:41,116 --> 00:11:42,480
Dude, it is not about
brute strength right now.
302
00:11:42,605 --> 00:11:43,647
He's got the law on his side.
303
00:11:43,772 --> 00:11:45,204
We caused thousands
of dollars of damage.
304
00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:47,118
We're not gonna have raises
because we're gonna be in jail
305
00:11:47,243 --> 00:11:48,666
When we're supposed to
be meeting with alice.
306
00:11:48,832 --> 00:11:51,589
Well, there's only one way
out of here.
307
00:11:51,714 --> 00:11:52,690
- I like that.
- The sewer?
308
00:11:52,815 --> 00:11:55,131
What are you doing? Guys.
309
00:11:57,007 --> 00:11:58,028
Smells like my dad's bathroom.
310
00:11:58,153 --> 00:11:59,802
Ugh, it's like willy wonka
311
00:11:59,968 --> 00:12:02,533
But with poo in the water
instead of chocolate.
312
00:12:02,658 --> 00:12:04,525
Ugh. It kind of does remind me
of willy wonka.
313
00:12:07,196 --> 00:12:08,227
We'll just stay down here
314
00:12:08,393 --> 00:12:10,063
Till the heat dies down, okay?
315
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:11,976
That was awesome, right?
316
00:12:12,101 --> 00:12:13,344
That naked dude?
317
00:12:13,469 --> 00:12:16,027
Regular ed helms, man.
That guy was packin' heat.
318
00:12:16,193 --> 00:12:17,862
You mean, uh, john holmes.
319
00:12:18,028 --> 00:12:19,950
No, ed helms from the office.
320
00:12:20,075 --> 00:12:21,574
Supposedly he's got, like,
a stellar rig.
321
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:22,620
- Really?
- Yeah.
322
00:12:22,745 --> 00:12:23,621
Dudes.
323
00:12:23,746 --> 00:12:26,037
We are so ninja turtles right now.
324
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:27,789
- We kind of are.
- We kind of are.
325
00:12:27,955 --> 00:12:29,393
- Yeah, definitely.
- I'm michelangelo.
326
00:12:29,518 --> 00:12:30,928
Yeah, you definitely
are michelangelo!
327
00:12:31,053 --> 00:12:32,496
- Party, dude.
- Yes.
328
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:34,337
- I'm raphael. Cool but rude.
- Oh, nailed it.
329
00:12:34,503 --> 00:12:35,797
Yep, definitely rude.
330
00:12:35,963 --> 00:12:37,368
That's a character flaw,
but I'll take it, you know?
331
00:12:37,493 --> 00:12:38,383
How's it look?
332
00:12:38,549 --> 00:12:39,970
- Whoa, how'd you do that?
- Yeah.
333
00:12:40,095 --> 00:12:41,806
Oh, I just chewed it
with my, uh, vampire teeth.
334
00:12:41,931 --> 00:12:42,762
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
335
00:12:42,928 --> 00:12:43,808
Well, let's see.
336
00:12:43,933 --> 00:12:45,576
So we got our nice mike over there.
337
00:12:45,701 --> 00:12:46,977
- We got rude raph.
- Yeah, rude raph.
338
00:12:47,102 --> 00:12:48,059
So I guess, uh,
339
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,915
I'm leonardo, the... L...
340
00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,063
Katana dude?
341
00:12:52,229 --> 00:12:53,856
No.
Definitely not.
342
00:12:54,022 --> 00:12:55,419
No, you're not leonardo.
343
00:12:55,544 --> 00:12:56,692
Don't compliment yourself so much.
344
00:12:56,858 --> 00:12:57,693
Nice try, though.
345
00:12:57,859 --> 00:12:58,956
You're definitely donatello.
346
00:12:59,081 --> 00:13:00,530
Oh, he's so donatello!
347
00:13:00,696 --> 00:13:02,031
Oh, you're so donatello.
348
00:13:02,197 --> 00:13:04,128
Donatello's, like, a nerd.
349
00:13:04,253 --> 00:13:06,661
And like, he...
he's like a party pooper.
350
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,132
- Yeah.
- That's basically...
351
00:13:08,257 --> 00:13:09,300
That's 100% who you are.
352
00:13:09,425 --> 00:13:10,873
It's anders-tello.
That's you.
353
00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:12,291
- Oh, yeah. Anders-tello.
- You just described him.
354
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:13,671
Very good. Plus,
you don't even have a mask.
355
00:13:13,796 --> 00:13:15,002
So how could you be a ninja turtle?
356
00:13:15,168 --> 00:13:16,440
Well, you didn't steal me a mask!
357
00:13:16,565 --> 00:13:18,108
You could've stole
yourself a mask, man.
358
00:13:18,233 --> 00:13:19,924
Whoa. Enter donatello,
the bummer dude.
359
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,479
Just take your little computer
out and play with it, donatello.
360
00:13:22,604 --> 00:13:23,781
- Maybe I will.
- Check out some facts.
361
00:13:23,906 --> 00:13:25,263
Full bagel bite in here.
362
00:13:27,443 --> 00:13:28,891
They're hard to digest, evidently.
363
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:40,130
I can't be leonardo,
364
00:13:40,255 --> 00:13:42,499
Why don't I just
cover my body in hair
365
00:13:42,624 --> 00:13:44,802
And call myself splinter, huh?
How do you think about that?
366
00:13:44,927 --> 00:13:46,033
- What do you think, huh?
- I knew it!
367
00:13:46,199 --> 00:13:48,405
I've been using it for weeks, buddy.
368
00:13:48,530 --> 00:13:49,707
It feels great.
Smells even better.
369
00:13:49,832 --> 00:13:51,809
I know.
Your hair smells delicious,
370
00:13:51,934 --> 00:13:52,877
And I've noticed that.
371
00:13:53,002 --> 00:13:54,378
And I could tell
that you were using it
372
00:13:54,503 --> 00:13:55,543
- 'cause you have a bald spot.
- No, I don't.
373
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:56,847
You've seen his bald spot.
374
00:13:56,972 --> 00:13:58,249
I just wanted my hair thicker
and smelling better.
375
00:13:58,374 --> 00:13:59,630
You're bald, just like donatello.
376
00:13:59,796 --> 00:14:01,382
They're all bald.
377
00:14:01,548 --> 00:14:03,120
No, actually,
they all shaved their heads
378
00:14:03,245 --> 00:14:05,136
To support him while
he was fighting cancer.
379
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:06,290
That's so nice of the other dudes,
380
00:14:06,415 --> 00:14:07,291
Supporting him while he has cancer...
381
00:14:07,416 --> 00:14:08,431
You are gettin' snopesed!
382
00:14:08,597 --> 00:14:10,725
Oh, snopes me, ders!
Please snopes me.
383
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:12,196
I get no bars in here.
384
00:14:12,321 --> 00:14:14,604
Oh, your machine doesn't work,
does it, donatello?
385
00:14:14,770 --> 00:14:16,564
You really had to steal
from me, huh, bro?
386
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:17,732
Whatever, man.
387
00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:20,004
You want some of my money?
Is that what you want?
388
00:14:20,129 --> 00:14:21,438
You want some of my money?
There's a dollar.
389
00:14:21,563 --> 00:14:22,445
Here are some rocks.
There's a nickel.
390
00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:23,779
And a limited edition
391
00:14:23,945 --> 00:14:26,710
Lap hog x. L. Condom!
392
00:14:26,835 --> 00:14:28,451
Adam, you burgled me, dude?
393
00:14:28,617 --> 00:14:30,414
- Told you.
- I'm sorry, blake.
394
00:14:30,539 --> 00:14:32,316
You don't need it.
I need it.
395
00:14:32,441 --> 00:14:34,585
God blessed/cursed me
with a thigh-slapper,
396
00:14:34,710 --> 00:14:37,168
And I need an x. L. Condom
to package the whole thing.
397
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:40,057
Oh, yeah, right.
Come on, man. I've seen it.
398
00:14:40,182 --> 00:14:41,325
- It's not that big.
- No, you're...
399
00:14:41,450 --> 00:14:43,327
I walk in on him
jerkin' off all the time.
400
00:14:43,452 --> 00:14:44,675
It is that big.
Deal with it.
401
00:14:44,841 --> 00:14:47,331
- I've got an ed helms.
- News flash, everybody...
402
00:14:47,456 --> 00:14:49,847
Friends do not steal
from other friends.
403
00:14:50,013 --> 00:14:51,635
That's, like, a basic rule.
404
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,392
I didn't wanna have
to do this, blake.
405
00:14:53,558 --> 00:14:55,770
But take off your pants.
406
00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:57,563
- Ew, no.
- I saw...
407
00:14:57,729 --> 00:14:59,843
When we were chicken fighting,
your underwears.
408
00:14:59,968 --> 00:15:00,945
Take off your pants right now!
409
00:15:01,070 --> 00:15:02,485
- Don't do this.
- Take your pants off.
410
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:04,946
And don't make me use
my muscles 'cause I'll use 'em.
411
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,116
Yep.
There you go.
412
00:15:09,282 --> 00:15:10,701
My breathable mesh jockeys?
413
00:15:10,867 --> 00:15:12,703
- Yeah. He stole your underwear.
- Dude!
414
00:15:12,869 --> 00:15:14,124
So you're also a thief.
415
00:15:14,249 --> 00:15:16,290
Pot calling the kettle...
Uh...
416
00:15:16,456 --> 00:15:18,376
- Black.
- Black.
417
00:15:18,542 --> 00:15:21,265
Hey, guys.
It's me.
418
00:15:21,390 --> 00:15:22,463
Jill bon jovi.
419
00:15:22,629 --> 00:15:24,268
Livin' on a prayer that you guys
420
00:15:24,393 --> 00:15:27,237
Are still alive and well.
421
00:15:27,362 --> 00:15:29,306
Regardless, you're wanted...
422
00:15:29,431 --> 00:15:30,638
Dead or alive.
423
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:33,177
But hopefully alive,
'cause that'd be so weird
424
00:15:33,302 --> 00:15:34,517
If you guys were dead.
425
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,680
A t-shirt I understand!
426
00:15:36,805 --> 00:15:38,148
But you're wearing my underwear.
427
00:15:38,273 --> 00:15:40,417
It's not fair!
I don't like doing laundry!
428
00:15:40,542 --> 00:15:42,353
Plus, your stuff smells so good.
429
00:15:42,478 --> 00:15:44,527
You know what else smells so good?
430
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:45,723
Ders' beautiful hair
431
00:15:45,848 --> 00:15:47,691
Because of my expensive hair foam!
432
00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:48,926
Who cares?
433
00:15:49,051 --> 00:15:51,295
Who wears underwear
under swim trunks, anyway?
434
00:15:51,420 --> 00:15:52,496
Now I know you peed in them.
435
00:15:52,621 --> 00:15:54,537
Oh, yeah.
I peed in them.
436
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,033
I did.
I definitely did.
437
00:15:56,158 --> 00:15:57,301
Oh, my god. That's it.
I'm out of here.
438
00:15:57,426 --> 00:15:58,969
I'm done.
I don't care if I get caught.
439
00:15:59,094 --> 00:16:01,162
Bye.
Bye, bye.
440
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,631
We're locked in here.
441
00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:08,145
Santa, santa, where are you?
442
00:16:08,270 --> 00:16:10,052
It's your little elf, jillian!
443
00:16:10,218 --> 00:16:13,139
Oh, you guys can't see
what I'm wearing.
444
00:16:14,743 --> 00:16:18,122
This line of moss and hair and sticks
445
00:16:18,247 --> 00:16:19,270
Represents my area.
446
00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:21,814
I don't wanna see either
of you two crooks
447
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,983
Coming anywhere near my ledge.
All right?
448
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:25,596
Like I would even wanna do that.
449
00:16:25,721 --> 00:16:27,664
My area's comfy as [bleep] over here.
450
00:16:27,789 --> 00:16:29,155
If I'm not leonardo,
451
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,032
How come I'm the only one
who hasn't screwed up today?
452
00:16:31,198 --> 00:16:32,269
We got two hours
453
00:16:32,394 --> 00:16:34,805
To get to alice's office
and get our raises.
454
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:37,307
You know what?
You're not leonardo.
455
00:16:37,432 --> 00:16:38,664
You're a member of the foot clan.
456
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:41,000
- You are a foot clan member!
- What'd you just say?
457
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,179
You're not just a member.
458
00:16:42,304 --> 00:16:43,580
- You're danny.
- Danny?
459
00:16:43,705 --> 00:16:44,879
You're that punk bitch danny!
460
00:16:45,045 --> 00:16:47,051
Danny?
I'm leonardo!
461
00:16:47,176 --> 00:16:50,645
- No, you're danny.
- Katana strike!
462
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:54,513
Oh, god! That's poop.
There's poop in that water!
463
00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:55,640
Ah!
We're gonna drown!
464
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:58,351
- Somebody help us!
- Ah! Help!
465
00:17:07,473 --> 00:17:08,415
I did not think I would die
466
00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:10,863
The exact same way as jimi hendrix.
467
00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:13,324
- This is bad.
- Help!
468
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:15,823
Blake, I'm so sorry
I stole that condom from you.
469
00:17:15,948 --> 00:17:18,392
It's not because
I have an enormous dick.
470
00:17:18,517 --> 00:17:20,331
It's slightly less than enormous.
471
00:17:20,497 --> 00:17:22,630
It's just s. T.D. S run in my family,
472
00:17:22,755 --> 00:17:24,131
And I just wanted a condom big enough
473
00:17:24,256 --> 00:17:26,000
To cover my dick and my balls.
474
00:17:26,125 --> 00:17:27,755
- I'm so sorry!
- Okay, yes!
475
00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,036
Thank you!
476
00:17:29,161 --> 00:17:30,971
And, ders, I'm sorry
that I stole your panties.
477
00:17:31,096 --> 00:17:32,973
It doesn't matter how soft they are,
478
00:17:33,098 --> 00:17:35,471
It's not right for a dude to
steal another dude's drawers.
479
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,278
I'm not innocent.
I stole the hair stuff.
480
00:17:37,403 --> 00:17:39,058
It smelled great.
I just took it.
481
00:17:39,224 --> 00:17:40,347
It smells so good.
482
00:17:40,472 --> 00:17:42,616
- It smells so good.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey!
483
00:17:42,741 --> 00:17:43,751
Get out of the poop water!
484
00:17:43,876 --> 00:17:45,356
Get up on this ledge.
Come on, come on.
485
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:47,233
- Is that cool?
- Yes, come on, sweethearts.
486
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:48,484
- Ugh.
- These are my guys.
487
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:50,444
Is it weird that I'm
still hungry right now?
488
00:17:50,610 --> 00:17:52,059
Get up here.
489
00:17:52,184 --> 00:17:53,160
We got ya.
490
00:17:53,285 --> 00:17:54,824
- Oh, it's way better up here.
- Yeah.
491
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:55,863
I don't want you thinking
492
00:17:55,988 --> 00:17:57,865
You're gonna die as donatello, man.
493
00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:00,000
- You are leonardo till death...
- Yes, you are.
494
00:18:00,125 --> 00:18:01,288
- Thank you.
- Which might be soon.
495
00:18:01,454 --> 00:18:03,165
Yes!
There you are.
496
00:18:03,331 --> 00:18:04,238
Totally. Leo!
497
00:18:04,363 --> 00:18:05,406
- You are leo!
- I'm like you guys!
498
00:18:05,531 --> 00:18:06,460
- Yeah.
- You are.
499
00:18:06,626 --> 00:18:07,837
I'm leonardo.
I'm the leader.
500
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:09,243
Let's get something like leverage.
501
00:18:09,368 --> 00:18:10,840
We need to just, like...
we can pry it.
502
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,379
Oh!
There was that metal bar!
503
00:18:12,504 --> 00:18:14,014
Uh, that's at the bottom
of the river, though.
504
00:18:14,139 --> 00:18:15,316
I don't want anybody
reaching in there
505
00:18:15,441 --> 00:18:16,554
'cause that's how you get aids.
506
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,553
Unless you have one of these...
an aids protector!
507
00:18:19,678 --> 00:18:21,600
- Oh, my god!
- I can prevent aids with this!
508
00:18:21,766 --> 00:18:23,081
Maybe this wasn't meant
509
00:18:23,518 --> 00:18:25,092
To house your total package, demamp.
510
00:18:25,217 --> 00:18:29,221
Maybe it was meant to get
metal things out of poop.
511
00:18:29,774 --> 00:18:30,798
- Yes!
- Yeah, there we go.
512
00:18:30,923 --> 00:18:31,861
- Hold my hair.
- All right.
513
00:18:32,027 --> 00:18:33,000
- Ready?
- Hold me!
514
00:18:33,125 --> 00:18:34,405
I think it was right
over there. There it is!
515
00:18:38,364 --> 00:18:39,740
- Yes!
- I got it! I got it!
516
00:18:39,865 --> 00:18:40,774
Get it in there.
Get it in there.
517
00:18:40,899 --> 00:18:42,455
It dries, and it dries it quickly.
518
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:44,645
We gotta find, like, a hole
around the circumference.
519
00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:45,713
We could pry it in.
520
00:18:45,838 --> 00:18:46,917
- Yeah...
- or make a hole or something...
521
00:18:47,083 --> 00:18:49,128
Oh, my gosh.
Give me that, uh, hair foam!
522
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:50,588
- What?
- Yeah.
523
00:18:50,754 --> 00:18:53,153
It's a very little known fact
that stuff is very combustible.
524
00:18:53,278 --> 00:18:54,922
We'll shake it up,
puncture it, light it,
525
00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:56,093
And we might blow this grate.
526
00:18:56,259 --> 00:18:57,678
All right, man, I'm believing you.
527
00:18:57,844 --> 00:18:59,513
- Thanks, man.
- There we go.
528
00:18:59,679 --> 00:19:01,015
All right, here we go.
529
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:02,129
Here we go, baby.
530
00:19:02,254 --> 00:19:04,143
All right.
531
00:19:04,309 --> 00:19:06,024
Light it, light it!
532
00:19:07,493 --> 00:19:10,571
Is my... is my hair on fire?
Am I cool?
533
00:19:10,696 --> 00:19:11,609
It's good, it's good, it's good.
534
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:13,464
Turtle power!
535
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:19,647
Go on.
Go on!
536
00:19:19,772 --> 00:19:20,848
Leonardo, you lead!
537
00:19:20,973 --> 00:19:22,483
I'll go!
Later, guys.
538
00:19:22,608 --> 00:19:23,609
- Get in there.
- Oh, oh.
539
00:19:29,648 --> 00:19:31,916
Hey. Oh!
There's... there's jillian!
540
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,509
She's parked on top
of the manhole cover.
541
00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:38,302
That's the reason we were trapped!
542
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,721
- Jillian! You almost killed us!
- Oh, my god.
543
00:19:40,887 --> 00:19:42,403
But thank you for coming to get us.
544
00:19:42,528 --> 00:19:44,850
We really appreciate it.
Now take us to work really fast.
545
00:19:46,935 --> 00:19:48,896
Hi, can I help you?
546
00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:51,899
Are you serious?
547
00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:53,692
You idiots think you can fool me?
548
00:19:53,858 --> 00:19:56,717
No. No, come on.
Please.
549
00:19:56,842 --> 00:19:59,240
No! Oh, come on.
Why?
550
00:20:00,379 --> 00:20:01,655
Alice, we're here for our raises!
551
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,657
- We're here! We made it.
- Whoo!
552
00:20:03,782 --> 00:20:05,359
- Raises?
- All right. Perfect.
553
00:20:05,484 --> 00:20:07,498
Why do you guys smell like shit?
554
00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:09,530
- Um...
- we're here for our raises
555
00:20:09,655 --> 00:20:12,066
Because you said
you'd give us one at the party
556
00:20:12,191 --> 00:20:14,380
- When you were flirting with me.
- Uh-oh!
557
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:15,402
Listen to me.
558
00:20:15,527 --> 00:20:16,904
There is no money
559
00:20:17,029 --> 00:20:19,426
In the budget for me
to give you raises.
560
00:20:19,592 --> 00:20:21,554
Okay?
But...
561
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,348
If you must have something,
562
00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:27,281
I can give you this.
563
00:20:27,406 --> 00:20:28,352
We had a client send us too many.
564
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:30,017
Oh, no way.
A mini-vac!
565
00:20:30,142 --> 00:20:31,522
Wow, cool.
Thank you so much!
566
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:32,731
- That's cool.
- I've always wanted one.
567
00:20:32,897 --> 00:20:33,654
- Those are expensive.
- I'll take it.
568
00:20:33,779 --> 00:20:34,722
- Can I see?
- Just relax.
569
00:20:34,847 --> 00:20:35,723
Well, this is for me.
What's for him?
570
00:20:35,848 --> 00:20:37,069
- Relax.
- Okay.
571
00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:38,659
- It's all of ours, okay?
- Don't be an idiot.
572
00:20:38,784 --> 00:20:40,155
No, it's me.
This is mine, right?
573
00:20:40,321 --> 00:20:43,200
Shh!
Ah, shut your mouths.
574
00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:44,898
- She gave it to me! It's mine.
- Would you let me see it?
575
00:20:45,023 --> 00:20:46,667
You're never gonna use it!
Shut the hell up, you idiot.
576
00:20:46,792 --> 00:20:48,035
I have the dirtiest room, anyway.
577
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,403
You don't even know what...
578
00:20:49,528 --> 00:20:52,029
What are you even talking
about? You're so stupid.
579
00:20:54,166 --> 00:20:57,923
Mmm.
580
00:20:57,973 --> 00:21:02,523
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