Original subtitles

(eerie music) - She meanwhile with

strawberry lips cajoles,

and like an asp writhing on burning coals,

moist on my lips, and liken rode to sleep

thine ancient conscience in my couch as deep.

I am so learned, (mumbles), that when men

I crushed to my dreaded heart,

or to their mumbling kisses bare my bust,

so frail, so bold, so shy,

and so robust that impotent angels damned themselves for me.

(eerie haunting music)

- All my life I've heard about sailors

having a girl in every port,

and this is the first port I've seen.

- You know I don't think you'd know what to do

if you'd got your hands on a girl.

- I'd know enough to get more than my hands on her.

- By the time you figured it out,

she'd be more worked over than

a $2 hooker at a Shriner's convention!

- Ooh, I can handle it.

- I know, you been handling it

all the way from San Francisco.

- And you'll be dreaming about it

all the way back to San Francisco!

- Why don't we just stow these bags in the barracks,

and hit the town? - I'm with you!

- Okay!

Man are we lucky to be stationed here!

- Yes we are!

Would you look at this place, it's fantastic!

- You know this is the Paris of the Orient!

I bet you could find anything you wanted on this street,

just like Eddie said!

- If Eddie said it,

you can bet your bottom dollar on it being here!

- Oh yeah, Chief wouldn't steer us wrong man!

- Nope! - Nope, you know,

that old salt's looking out for us.

- That he is! - Eh, somebody has to!

- Huh? (relaxing music)

- Hey Chief!

- [Sailor] Hey Eddie!

- [Eddie] How did you get down here so fast?

- I just happen to know the right people.

Julio here is the best damn cab driver in this city.

Julio, this is Tom Buckley and Terry Wayne.

- Hi fellas! - Listen,

you guys need anything around town while you're here,

anything at all, just, oh just ask me and

Julio can find it for you.

If Julio can't find it, it can't be found.

Now listen, I know everybody around here,

and they know me around here,

so you need anything, just ask.

- But don't ask now, we have to shove off.

- Where you off to? - Oh we got some

important business to take care of.

- Oh yeah, what's her name?

- And does she have a sister, huh?

- Later fellas, later.

Let's go Julio.

(engine revving) - See you later Eddie!

- Take it easy! - Can you believe that?

He's already got something set up!

- Well there's nothing to worry about!

We're gonna have something set up too,

faster than a cat can lick its ass!

And I know how to find women!

- Is that right? - That's right!

- Then why are we standing over here

when all the girls are over there?

- Hmph!

This gonna be easier than falling in a creek!

And a whole hell of a lot more fun!

Whoo-hoo!

(saucy peppy music)

(singing in foreign language)

(drunken singing)

- Hey Joe!

Come on, we're having a party!

- Hold on, hold on a minute, (mumbles)!

- Wait, go get... - Huh?

Oh but we're gonna find girls, but just,

you know, gotta be neighborly, let's have a beer,

isn't that right! - Come on!

We're having a birthday party!

- Oh my goodness! (chattering)

Who's birthday, huh? - His birthday!

- Oh, happy birthday! - Happy birthday, whoa ho!

- Mm-huh!

Now you taste our food, no?

- Huh? - Better yet, this one!

- What? - You take a this, balut.

- A what? - A balut!

- A balut? - Yeah, it's good for you!

- Oh yeah?

- Oh yeah? - Makes you strong in bed!

(laughing)

- Well we'll try some of this then!

What do you, just crack it on the table?

- Hey no no no no! - Yeah?

- You don't do it that way!

- What? - We do it this way.

- Oh how you do it.

- Look for the big end, see? - Uh-huh.

- And just, crack it a little.

- Uh-huh. - Then peel it,

- Yeah. - and you can see inside,

there's some water on it.

- Uh-huh. - Uh-huh.

- Uh-huh. - And then you put some

little salt. - Little salt.

- Uh-huh. - And then, you sip the water.

- Sip the water? - Yeah.

Tastes good huh? - Not bad!

- Why don't you try it?

- No, no...

- [Terry] Then what do you do, then what do you do?

- Peel it, you know, (mumbles).

- Peel it, (mumbles). - The rest of the way.

- The rest of the way. - Uh-huh.

- Peel it on off here, uh-hmm.

Little bit... - Yeah yeah yeah...

Put some, add some salt again, more salt!

- Lil' more salt, huh? - Yeah.

You know, just for seasoning and all that,

- Uh-hmm. - that okay, and eat it.

- Eat it. - All the way.

- Eat it?

- Uh-huh. - One piece huh.

- No the whole thing! - Whole thing?

- Yeah swallow it whole - Just, just put the

whole thing in... - Yeah yeah yeah,

put it, yeah... (grunting)

Yeah right on! (laughing)

- What is it?

- Balut!

- What is, what is balut?

- An unborn to duck.

- A what? - An unborn duck!

Huh, taste good? - You mean like,

quack quack, duck?

(laughing) - Yeah right!

Quack, quack duck!

(laughing) (groaning)

Taste good!

Hey come here!

You wanna try it? - No!

- Oh come on, you try it! - No!

(laughing) Oh come on, okay!

Hey Joe!

(energetic rock music)

- It's the oldest rule in the book!

You want to find girls,

go to where the music is!

The louder the music, the more girls.

This place loud enough to blow your eardrums!

- It's not my eardrums I want blown.

(chuckling)

(singing in foreign language)

- (sighs) That waiter comes around, order me another beer.

And I'm gonna go make room for it.

Uh, excuse me but uh, (water flushing)

I think you're in the wrong, uh,

I mean, not that you haven't got anything

I haven't seen before! - You want to see it now?

- Now?

Here?

Well uh, my buddy's waiting.

- So am I.

(perky dance music)

(singing in foreign language)

- What do you do for a living?

Do you work? - I play.

- I work like a dog.

- I'll do it however you want.

- That's what I like to hear.

Actually I'd love to.

Not now Wayne.

Wayne, come on!

Wayne will you please--

- Help, help! - You've got balls?

(squealing) (glasses clattering)

(singing in foreign language)

(chuckling)

You want to find girls you go to where the music is.

- Well then you were the one with the girl on your lap!

- Well how was I supposed to know what she was?

Or he?

- Or it? (cackling)

- That's funny, real funny!

Got any more bright ideas?

- Uh, uh, well let's see, uh...

- No, forget about it,

- No no no, now now now, - I don't even wanna hear!

Come here, come here, come here,

wait a minute, wait a minute!

The only thing I was gonna say, is if the first

oldest rule in the book doesn't work out,

all you do is turn to the second

oldest rule in the book!

- Yeah, what's that? - Want a date?

- Meet the second oldest rule in the book!

Hi darlin', how you doing tonight honey?

- Ah, sweetie pie, - How are you?

- How are you?

Oh, yeah, this looks like a real thing.

Yeah! - Yeah, I think this is

the real thing! - Ah-huh!

- All right, here we go.

This way?

- You wait here, we'll tell a friend we need her apartment.

- Told 'ya I'd get us some action, huh?

(ominous music) (metallic clicking)

(dramatic music) (scuffling)

(hits thudding)

(clattering)

- Come on fellas, get in!

(doors slamming)

(saucy perky music)

- Sailor, you've had enough, time to go.

Come on! - What's the matter man?

I didn't do nothing wrong. - Come on!

- Please, please! - Come on, let's go, let's go.

- Tell me Julio, what's the question you get asked the most?

- What question do I get asked the most?

- Yeah? - Can you drink the water?

Sure, sure you can drink the water,

you can also drink the rum!

It'll (mumbles) quicker than the water (chuckles)!

Hmph, you can also drink, tooba,

which they make here out of palm trees.

- Tooba? - Palm trees?

(laughing) - Tooba, yeah they call

it that because fellas,

one drink of that and you see stars and stripes forever.

(imitating musical instrument) (laughing)

- Yeah (laughs)...

- Oh, oh!

My god!

(perky rock music)

- Hey good looking can I buy you a drink?

- [Woman] Mark!

- Boy, if you'd get me a girl like that!

- What's is worth to you?

- Everything I got!

- Put it on the table. - All right!

Here you go.

- Hey!

I saw her first!

Yeah I'm already paying!

- I'd like you to meet my friend Cherish.

Eddie Taylor. - It's a pleasure

to meet you.

- Well, shall we go?

- Well she was looking at me!

- Boy I don't know, look at me all night!

- [Bouncer] Hey, hey!

(mumbling) - Hey, take your hands

off of him! (clattering)

(grunting)

(hits thudding) (grunting)

(wooden clattering)

(hits thudding) (grunting)

(glass shattering)

(thudding)

(crickets chirping)

- [Eddie] You know it gives me the creeps

going past the cemetery.

- [Cherish] We're not going past.

- No?

Are we gonna turn off some place?

- We go in. - We go in?

You mean we're gonna do it in a cemetery?

(mysterious music) - This is where I live.

- You live here, oh.

You're the caretaker or something.

(crickets chirping) Or your father's

the caretaker.

- My father's dead. - And you wanted to

be close to him.

- People live where they have to live.

- Yeah but honey nobody has to live in a cemetery.

- People live in cardboard boxes,

under railroad bridges,

and they live on benches in the park.

- I knew a guy once who lived in '54 Plymouth.

- Yeah I've done it in a

never in a cemetery.

(crickets chirping) (eerie mysterious music)

- You'll never know it's a cemetery,

once you get inside.

- Inside?

- A red blooded man like yourself,

couldn't be afraid of the dead?

(crickets chirping) (eerie mysterious music)

- Hey friend, do me a favor,

don't go anywhere, okay?

- Don't worry.

- I'll take good care of you.

(door creaking)

- I don't believe this!

(haunting mysterious music)

Not in a coffin!

- Coffins are for being laid to rest.

Not for being laid.

(suspenseful music)

(thudding) Please, I want to be with you!

- Oh man this is something.

God only knows what the caretaker would say

if he found out that somebody was living down there!

- No on will find out tonight.

(eerie suspenseful music)

- Hey listen baby, I got a little money,

not a lot mind you, but uh,

you just gotta get yourself an apartment.

- You'll learn to like it here.

- Ah to hell with the caretaker,

you better pray that the Health Department

doesn't find out about this.

- [Cherish] I'm not very good (mumbles).

- [Eddie] I'm getting better at it all the time, baby.

(eerie suspenseful music)

(heavy thudding)

(crickets chirping)

(mechanical clicking)

(engine revving)

(mysterious suspenseful music)

- Master!

- Damnation!

These things only happen when I'm decently dressed!

- A man, comes!

- I hope it's a red blooded American this time.

(giggling)

- This is amazing!

- [Cherish] Think how much more amazing it will be,

when you have your clothes off!

- Yeah.

(sighs) You know you sure couldn't get a

room like this at the Holiday Inn!

Cherish?

(distant eerie moaning)

Hello? - I'm coming darling.

- Hey uh, don't go disappearing like that, okay?

- [Cherish] Take your clothes off for me.

- Hmph, where the hell did she go?

(eerie haunting music)

- Don't be afraid my darling.

You like the way I look?

- Yeah, most beautiful.

Why don't we just do it,

and let me get the hell out of here, okay?

- I thought you wanted to stay with me?

- Well, maybe we ought to go to a nice hotel,

what do you say?

- Stay with me!

- Uh, well don't take this personal now--

- Ah, splendid!

A red blooded American.

- What the hell is this?

- That my friend is not a question.

To be or not to be, that is the question.

To die, to sleep, no more.

And by a sleep to say we end the heartache,

and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to,

it is a consummation devoutly to be wished.

- Hmph, you're out of your mind pal!

- It is time for you to shuffle off your mortal coil.

(suspenseful music)

- You stop right there!,

or I'll break your China doll in half!

Back!

(screaming)

- He's probably still shacked up with that oriental chick.

- Well the least he could have done is brought her

to the brig to cheer us up a little.

- We were only in there a week.

He's not gonna let go of that China doll

till his liberty's up!

- All he had was a week!

- [Terry] A better week than we had,

and you can bet your boots on that one!

- Come lovely and soothing death,

undulate round the world,

serenely arriving, arriving, in the day,

in the night,

to all, to each.

Walt Whitman must have been a vampire,

only a vampire would have written so much about the night,

about death.

Walk out with me, toward the unknown region.

- [Vampire] All I know is I haven't had a sun tan

in 136 years!

- Has it been that long since we came to this place?

- [Vampire] I have no complaints, we are safe here,

the blood supply is high,

and the competition is pretty low.

- That's true.

- Go to bed.

- I like sleeping here, it's nice and warm.

- I'll give anything to go to the beach

for at least 15 minutes!

- Go to bed, both of you!

- A girl can talk sometimes, can't she?

- You've been talking for 136 years.

- Ha!

I never liked going to bed alone!

- Go to bed!

- I knew Walt Whitman and he wasn't a vampire!

(eerie music)

(sighing)

(flatulent sputtering)

(sighing)

(flatulent sputtering)

- I'm telling you, Eddie would not have

gotten himself on that list!

- Well he was due back from liberty last night.

- Maybe something happened to him?

- Well something's gonna happen to him

as soon as we find him!

(tense music)

- He was always bragging,

he was so experienced!

- Experience has nothing to do with

a girl hitting you over the head,

taking your money and leaving you in the alley.

- Oh man, that girl couldn't have hurt anybody

if her life depended on it!

- [Tom] That cab driver could have.

- [Terry] How come we can't find him around here anymore?

- [Tom] How am I supposed to know?

But I tell you one thing, I'm not going back

to base until we get to the bottom of this!

- [Terry] Then we'll be on that list right next to Eddie!

- [Tom] We'll just have to be a little

more forceful about getting some answers.

- [Terry] (sighs) Forceful...

(tenacious jazz music)

- Hey wait, wait, wait wait!

Wait a minute guys!

Can't we talk this over, now wait!

Wait, wait wait! - Now come on,

come on, we're not looking for problems!

Come on, no!

(tenacious jazz music)

- Oh, come on man we've been everywhere,

we've been to the bar, nearly got killed there,

been to the cab company,

walked every damn street...

- Just a couple of more places, all right?

- Oh man (sighs)...

(tense music)

Hey hey hey hey hey!

That's her! (laughing)

- Hey! - Hold on!

- Hey hey hey hey hey hey! - Hey hey, hell...

(engine revving)

- Come on! - Taxi!

(whistling)

- Looking for a little action?

- Follow that cab! - Oh I'm not getting

mixed up in anything!

- No, he, he's a friend of ours!

- He left his wallet at the base,

we're just bringing it to him!

- He's not gonna have enough money to pay his driver!

- Come on!

(engine revving)

(dramatic music)

Not so fast!

- Well how do you expect me to catch him?

- We don't want you to catch him.

- Yeah well we want it to be a surprise!

- Well listen I don't want to get

mixed up in anything!

- There's nothing to get mixed up in!

(suspenseful music)

- A graveyard?

- I'm not going into the graveyard.

- We gotta follow them.

- (sighs) I don't go into graveyards

even in the daytime!

Had a very bad experience in a graveyard

when I was a kid!

- So that's Texas courage?

- No it isn't, that's psychological problem.

- A hell of a buddy you turned out to be.

- Hey listen, you don't understand what this was man,

I was only about seven or eight years old see,

and I was coming back from the store,

and this big ole dog starts chasing me,

you know what I mean?

And there's only one place I could hide

is in this graveyard! - Hey, at least wish me luck!

- Good luck. - Hey, the meter's running!

- Oh man, this was the biggest damn old dog

you ever seen in your life,

it had teeth the size of fence posts, you know?

He's gaining on... (eerie tense music)

(door creaking)

(engine rumbling)

(crickets chirping)

(suspenseful music)

(dramatic music) (thudding)

(man moaning)

(heavy thudding)

(tense music)

(man screaming)

(suspenseful music)

(liquid dripping)

- I'm so sick and tired of these Bloody Maries!

(vampire hookers laughing)

You know I could go for some good Scotch and water.

- Blood is thicker than water.

Pavo!

Drink!

Drink!

(groans)

He'll never become a vampire.

- Give him time. - Hmph!

(spitting)

(weeping)

- What's the matter Pavo?

(sobbing)

It's all right, you'll be a vampire some day.

- When? - Soon Pavo, soon.

- Pavo want fangs!

- Aw, I know.

Some day Pavo, some day.

(eerie tense music)

(metallic clattering)

- [Vampire Hooker] There's someone here!

Sure as soon as we are having a good time!

- [Master] We'll have a better time after we catch him.

(tense music)

(dramatic music)

(cartoonish energetic music)

(Pavo growling) - I'm leaving!

(fist thudding)

I didn't mean it!

I didn't mean it!

(door slamming) Terry!

- Just like that!

- Terry! - Tom?

- [Tom] Terry!

- I can't go in there!

- Hey hey, we can get out of here!

- I gotta help him!

- Well look, he's the one who wanted to go in!

- He's my buddy!

Wait for me! - Yeah sure!

(engine revving)

- Hey hey hey hey what are you doing?

- Terry! - Tom!

- Terry!

(screaming)

(grunting)

Leave me alone, leave me alone!

I didn't see anything (grunts)!

Yow! - It's me, I'm here!

- Good, now he can kill us both!

(screaming)

- [Master] He mustn't get away.

- [Vampire Hooker] How can he get away?

Pavo never lets anybody get away.

- Did you get a good look at him?

He could'a killed 10 of us!

- They're vampires!

They killed Eddie and they drank his blood!

- [Master] A little rich for my taste.

- Who, who's there?

- [Master] Only the dead.

(eerie dramatic music) - I'm Marcy.

- Suzy.

- I am Cherish.

- I am Richmond Reed, a name which you all know

by sight very well, but which no one can speak

and no one can spell. (eerie haunting music)

- What? - Doesn't anyone

understand poetry anymore?

- I'm just an Aviation Fire Control Technician.

- That was written by Robert Southey.

- He died in 1843.

- I died in 1847.

I outlived the pompous bastard.

- You, uh, died in--

- 18-hundred, 47.

- He was born in 1775.

- Wha, that would make you a...

- Vampire. - We are all vampires.

- We're all dead.

- And we all like you very much.

(screaming)

- Die now!

(tense music) - Stop being afraid!

- We won't tell anyone!

- Just, let us go, huh?

- You joined the navy to see the world.

- Yeah, this world, not the next one.

- Where's your sense of adventure?

This is a moment to treasure!

Death comes once in a lifetime!

- This is not death, it's murder!

- It's not murder, it's dinner!

(eerie suspenseful music)

(eerie dramatic music)

The sun!

(eerie mysterious music)

- [Richmond] Back inside!

(eerie wind howling)

- [Suzy] Maybe if I stayed out just this long

every morning I could get at least a little tan.

- [Cherish] But I want some of those sailors!

- Your adventure must wait!

I shall remember while the light lives yet!

And in the night time, I shall not forget!

(eerie dramatic music)

- We gotta tell somebody about this!

- We gotta get out of here!

- We gotta tell the authorities!

- What authorities? - I don't know but

that's what you always hear people saying,

that we gotta report this to the authorities!

- Well they're gonna throw us right back

in the brig for going off-limits!

- Terry, they're killing guys!

They killed Eddie! - As long as they

didn't kill us!

And one chance is all I plan to give 'em!

Listen, we report this to the authorities,

first thing they're gonna do is drag us back out here!

So now if you wanna report it, you go right ahead!

Leave me out!

- Terry, they ain't gonna believe just one witness!

- You think they're gonna believe vampires?

- Vampire?

You saw, a vampire?

You're the first ones in 14 years

who got drunk enough to see a vampire!

- Chief we weren't drunk!

- Yeah!

The vampire was drunk.

- Yes Chief he was, they all were.

- All of them? - All four of them sir,

the man and the three girls.

And the big ugly guy probably.

- You guys been drinking that tooba haven't you?

- Chief, vampires are luring men out to that cemetery!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah and next you'll see

Rodan rising out of the South China Sea!

- Chief, that cemetery is full of dead bodies!

- Naturally.

Get out of here!

- Would you believe the Wright Brothers (mumbles)?

- Oh, the Wright Brothers were there too huh?

Just flying over the tombstones?

Vampires my ass!

- Bloodsucking ghost or body of a

dead person believed to have come from the grave

by night and suck the blood of the living.

Any member of a South American family--

- Any member of a South American family?

- Small bats, they're highly destructive to cattle.

- Oh, I'm going back to sleep!

- No wait, wait a minute Wayne, listen to this!

(sighing)

The legends do not reveal how the corpse gets out

of the grave and into the locked houses to attack people.

A supernatural being returned from the dead

and at the same time a material being.

All the vampire's powers and actions exist for

only one purpose, to satisfy his lust for human blood.

- What the hell is this, Boy Scout Camp?

If you want to tell ghost stories go find a tent!

- Your life could depend on this!

- So could yours if you don't let us get some sleep!

- Hey I saw them, I saw a guy hanging by a rack

with his throat cut and they were drinking his blood!

- If you don't shut up them vampires

will go after your blood, with a mop!

(vehicle rumbling)

(doors slamming)

(door creaking)

(door creaking)

(door slamming)

(eerie mysterious music) - Hey wait a minute!

Come on!

(flatulent sputtering)

(gagging) (coughing)

(heavy crashing)

(heavy thudding)

(club thudding) (dramatic music)

(mysterious unsteady music)

- I trust you slept well?

- I gotta be going! - No, you stay.

We have guests so seldom, we'd love to have you for dinner.

- Maybe some other time.

- Please just stay with us.

- Unbidden guests are welcomest, when they're gone,

and Shakespeare was a man who knew about unwelcome guests.

- Can I have my clothes back?

- No.

- They might get damaged, you wouldn't want that

to happen would you?

They might fit some needy person after you're gone.

- Gone? - But not forgotten!

- At least let us have something to remember!

- You're so human!

- A girl can have a good time once in a while!

- We won't let him get away!

- A bird in the hand is worth its weight in gold!

- We won't let him out of our hands!

- I don't mind being a vampire but this is like being a nun!

- Pavo watch!

- One night with them, will kill you anyway!

(vampire hookers squealing) - Oh!

- I gotta get out of here!

First thing in the morning.

- He couldn't have gone AWOL!

He's too scared to go AWOL!

- Well he wasn't too scared to leave without a pass!

- Look, just give me till roll call to find him!

- (sighs) Okay you got till tomorrow.

(clapping) - There you go!

(tense jazz music)

Take me to the market!

- Ah!

There must be something else, beside vodka,

that will mix with blood!

You'd think that after all these centuries,

the march of civilization would have

marched across one other product

that mixes with blood!

Pavo!

Do you want to get rich?

Find something that will keep its own flavor,

without effecting the flavor of the blood!

Though I look old, yet I'm strong and lusty!

For in my youth, I never did apply,

hot and rebellious liquors in my blood!

Shakespeare was a vampire.

(owl hooting) Who?

Shakespeare.

(chuckling) (flatulent sputtering)

(pleasant music)

- It's almost perfect. - Close enough for me honey.

- Just a little bit closer.

- You know the perfect thing would be,

if we could eat some breakfast in bed

and watch the sun come up.

- Perfect could be if the sun never came up,

and I could stay here forever.

- You're gonna stay right here, just like this.

- Well you know I'm gonna have to get

back to base sooner or later.

- Later honey. - Much later.

Whose turn is it?

- One of you must know where my clothes are.

- You're not going anywhere.

- I'd just like to know where they are.

- We like you just the way you are.

- Whose turn is it? - Whoever gets there first.

- Well it must be getting very late!

- [Cherish] We'd better hurry then honey.

(panting) (pleasant music)

(grunting)

(crickets chirping)

- Don't go anywhere!

- That's the 200th time they told me

not to go anywhere!

I'm not going anywhere!

- I've always been a little scared of graveyards.

- That's the 300th time you told me that.

- I couldn't have been five or six years old, see!

- Then what the hell are you doing

coming here in the middle of the night?

- I'm looking for somebody!

- If they're here my friend, they'll be here in the morning!

- (sighs) Yeah...

(eerie tense music)

This damn door hasn't been opened in 50 years.

(grunting)

(pleasant music) - Oh,

oh, oh!

Oh!

(giggling)

- Mmm, whose turn is it (giggle)?

(giggling)

(moaning)

- Ha!

Ha!

Ha!

- Pavo!

I have trodden the wine press alone.

And of the people there was none with me.

I will tread them in mine anger,

and trample them in my fury!

Their blood shall be sprinkled upon my garments,

and I will stain all my raiment!

Ah...

Tell the girls if they plan to spend

the night in there, spread a little dirt on the bed.

(rodent squeaking)

(whooshing) (thumping)

Get the blood out of that rat before it evaporates!

Pavo, practice makes perfect!

(pleasant music)

- It's times like this, that make you appreciate being dead.

- I know. - We won't let

anything happen to you!

- Whose turn is it (giggles)?

(giggling)

- [Wayne] Hey you got any tools, anything, uh, tire iron,

big screwdriver, something like that?

- [Driver] Yeah yeah.

- [Terry] There you go!

(metallic clattering)

(metallic thumping)

- Whose turn is it? - Not mine.

- Not mine. - Not mine.

- [Tom] Not mine!

(relaxing music)

- Master!

Master!

Man come back!

- What man?

Can't you be a little specific, you cretin?

- Man come back, open door!

- What the devil are you babbling about?

- Pavo take away!

Pavo take away!

- You are the single, most incoherent specimen

of humanity it's ever been my misfortune

to encounter.

Why in my day we had servants who...

- What's that smell? - It smells like pizza!

- Did someone send out for pizza?

- It's garlic!

- [Vampire Hookers] Oh!

(dramatic music) (whimpering)

- Garlic! - Ooh!

- Don't you read Shakespeare, you imbecile?

Eat no onions, or garlic, for we are

to utter sweet breath!

Shakespeare was a vampire!

What else have you got there?

(dramatic music) (vampire hookers gasping)

Cover it up, cover them up!

(vampire hookers whimpering)

(mumbles) Cover them up you dolt!

Ah, take those away!

Take the crosses away, take the garlic away,

and take yourself away!

I shall take care of our visitor.

(suspenseful music)

(crickets chirping)

(metal clanging)

(metal scraping)

(door creaking)

(unsteady suspenseful music)

(tools clattering)

(screaming)

- Come on, let's get out of here!

Come on let's go!

You're not going anywhere are you buddy?

(door slamming) (engine revving)

(relaxing organ music)

- Ah!

- Now what in the hell am I gonna do?

There's gotta be somebody who can help me!

(eerie tense music)

- No!

We've already been out there once!

And we're not going out there again!

- But they killed a taxi driver!

There's a whole bunch of vampires out there!

- Why can't you sailors just have a good time,

instead of getting drunk and bothering

us with your crazy ideas?

- You gotta do something!

- All right I'll send out a man tomorrow!

- Tomorrow?

That's gonna be too late!

My buddy's out there! - Sorry that's the

best I can do!

- Well what about this guy Julio,

maybe he knows something, why don't

you pick him up for questioning?

- We have no reason to do that!

- Well if you won't do it,

could you tell me where I could find him?

- Well, you can find him

most any night down on Harrison Street.

He works the graveyard shift.

- Graveyard shift?

I might of known...

(crickets chirping) (tense music)

Hey, say, you know a cab drive named Julio?

You know where-- - Julio?

- Yeah. - He's inside.

- In here?

(throat clearing) I've been looking for you!

- I've never seen you before in my life.

- Hey don't give me that!

You know me.

And my two buddies too, Eddie Taylor and Tom Buckley.

- Oh, oh yeah, now I remember.

How'd you find me?

- Cops told me where you hung out.

- Cops?

What are you going to the cops for?

- 'Cause there's an awful lot of crazy stuff

going on out at that cemetery!

One of my buddies is dead and another one could be.

People out there at that graveyard are vampires!

(laughing) - I think you've been

drinking a little too much.

- That girl Cherish, she's a vampire!

- Oh yeah?

The last time I saw her it wasn't blood she was sucking.

- They're all vampires, and somebody's got to

go out there and help me stop 'em!

- Okay, okay sailor, if it'll make you feel better,

I'm going to the graveyard with you!

You don't have to go running to the cops!

Julio can help you out!

There aren't really any vampires in

that cemetery, you'll see.

- I don't know, they seemed awful real to me.

- That was just your imagination,

graveyards can be real scary.

- Well you don't have to tell me that, ha!

I spent a night in a graveyard once,

it was the worse night of my life!

- Oh yeah? - Yeah!

See I was coming home from the store,

and a big damn dog starts chasing me.

- Whose turn is it? (eerie unsteady music)

- When are we gonna kill him?

- We need some fresh blood.

- We can't kill him when he's asleep.

- Sure we can. - It takes all the

enjoyment out of it when they're asleep.

They never scream.

I miss that human cry of terror, when they see

grim death looming above their gizzard!

Look!

And flashed the living lightning from his eyes!

And cries of horror, rend the affrighted sky!

- Let's kill him now and get it over with,

I don't think I can stand the noise.

- As soon as he wakes up!

- Whose turn is it?

- The worm!

- Why don't you, go and wait for us,

we'll be right there.

- Well I completely lost track of whose turn it was.

(faintly haunting choir singing)

- Now?

- And try not to waste any.

(tense music)

- Master!

The sailor, back again, in taxi!

(crickets chirping) (doors slamming)

- So that's why I'm scared of graveyards!

Yeah that stiff grabbed a hold of me

like a grizzly bear!

Took me nearly an hour to get out of that graveyard.

I think it warped me for life.

You ever been scared like that Julio?

Julio?

(dramatic music) (screaming)

(eerie dramatic music)

- [Pavo] Kill!

Kill!

Kill!

Kill!

Kill!

(thudding) (dispirited music)

- Oh I see you've reconsidered our dinner invitation!

(screaming)

(tense music) (crickets chirping)

(dramatic music)

(vigorous dramatic music)

- Back, back!

Get on back!

(grunting)

(tense music) (crickets chirping)

(Pavo laughing)

- Back!

Back!

(grunting) (wood clattering)

(Pavo laughing)

Back!

All right, where is he,

what have you done with him?

Come on!

(Pavo laughing)

(blocks clattering) (vampire hookers screaming)

(Pavo chortling) (blocks rumbling)

(vampire hookers screaming) (blocks clattering)

(Pavo chortling)

(blocks rumbling)

(Pavo laughing)

(Marcy screaming) (blocks rumbling)

(Pavo laughing) (Pavo screaming)

(blocks clattering)

(dramatic music)

(Richmond groaning)

- Oh to have lived so long,

and died, and to have survived,

only to be destroyed, by a sailor!

- [Terry] Tom!

Tom!

(suspenseful music)

(whooshing) (thumping)

(crunching) (screaming)

(dramatic music) - Help!

(blocks clattering)

Help!

Wayne!

I never thought I'd see you again!

- [Terry] I never thought I'd see anything again!

- Wait!

I don't have any clothes!

- Clothes?

Here, put that on!

Who cares about clothes at a time like this,

let's just get out of here!

- All right!

(tense music) (blocks clattering)

(rumbling)

(dramatic music) - Julio!

(laughs) Julio!

Boy am I glad to see you!

You're a life saver!

(dramatic music)

Let's get out of here!

(screaming)

- Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Wait!

(flatulent sputtering)

(energetic folk guitar music)

# Don't get hooked by a hooker

# When you sail in southern seas

# Even though she's a looker

# She can bring you to your knees

# She'll take you to the graveyard

# And try to ease your fears

# But her friends out in the graveyard

# Have been dead for 100 years

# They're Vampire Hookers

# Yeah they're Vampire Hookers

# Whoa they're Vampire Hookers

# And blood is not all they suck

# These girls aren't illusions

# They slit throats from ear to ear

# They want you for transfusions

# They'll never shed a tear

# They mix real Bloody Maries, and have a grand old time

# But you'll find out, if you visit

# That your life's not worth a dime

# To those Vampire Hookers

# Yeah they're Vampire Hookers

# Whoa they're Vampire Hookers

# And blood is not all they suck

# So if you meet a hooker

# And she seems so sweet and kind

# Be careful if you date her

# Your life may be on the line

# They're beautiful and sultry

# But they're not what you expect

# You'll be begging them for mercy

# As they bite you in the neck

# Because they're Vampire Hookers

# Yeah they're Vampire Hookers

# Whoa they're Vampire Hookers

# And blood is not all they suck

# Blood is not all they suck

# Blood is not all

# They suck

(perky funky music)