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1
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- Graham: Welcome to "Everlasting."
- [Cheers and applause]
2
00:00:03,474 --> 00:00:05,204
Your suitor, Adam Cromwell!
3
00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:06,439
Quinn: Let's go people,
4
00:00:06,450 --> 00:00:09,206
I want nudity, 911 calls, cat fights.
5
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,177
Get me some good TV.
6
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,179
Producers produce things.
7
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,329
I create conditions for things to happen.
8
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,983
Chet Wilton... creator of "Everlasting.
9
00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:19,667
You're very lucky that your little stunt
10
00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:21,639
got me boo-yah ratings last season.
11
00:00:21,683 --> 00:00:22,889
Olive: Are you taking your meds?
12
00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,770
- Don't do that, Mom.
- I'm sorry you feel judged.
13
00:00:24,770 --> 00:00:25,924
Don't shrink me.
14
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,670
Let's get out, have a
real life, real friends.
15
00:00:28,991 --> 00:00:31,038
"Everlasting" was my idea.
16
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:33,329
I'm starting my own company,
and I want you to come with me.
17
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,601
Jeremy and I have started
talking about getting out.
18
00:00:36,721 --> 00:00:38,037
Quinn: Oh!
19
00:00:38,059 --> 00:00:40,693
Aren't you two so great at that together.
20
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:42,873
You are gonna come and work
for me at my new company.
21
00:00:42,993 --> 00:00:44,981
Jeremy: I know, Rach... about Adam.
22
00:00:45,037 --> 00:00:47,228
I'm gonna make sure you never
hurt anyone like this again.
23
00:00:47,411 --> 00:00:49,013
- Come with me.
- No, Mary!
24
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,449
Shia: She went off her meds.
25
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:52,050
I swapped out a few of her pills.
26
00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:54,384
Sam: Going live. And action.
27
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:56,754
- Man: Camera "A," do you see her?
- Where is she?
28
00:00:56,963 --> 00:00:58,622
We have a runaway bride.
29
00:00:58,658 --> 00:00:59,912
This is live television.
30
00:00:59,923 --> 00:01:01,191
You've got to fix this.
31
00:01:01,226 --> 00:01:03,060
I want your full support moving forward.
32
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Anything. I'm about to lose my job.
33
00:01:05,573 --> 00:01:06,831
Quinn: We won.
34
00:01:08,058 --> 00:01:11,167
Quinn: We're gonna be kings
this year, Goldie. Kings!
35
00:01:11,178 --> 00:01:12,783
Rachel: Right? Money, dick, power.
36
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,880
- Love it.
- Yes. In that order.
37
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,388
- Oh!
- Quinn: Oh!
38
00:01:16,463 --> 00:01:18,241
- Yeah!
- Talk about it.
39
00:01:18,277 --> 00:01:19,742
[Both grunting]
40
00:01:19,778 --> 00:01:21,249
- Gloomer.
- [Chuckles] That's crazy.
41
00:01:21,255 --> 00:01:22,837
- Do me.
- It's a small, whole tattoo thing.
42
00:01:22,848 --> 00:01:24,862
- Okay, ready? What's up?
- What?
43
00:01:25,117 --> 00:01:26,716
44
00:01:26,751 --> 00:01:28,651
Oh, look at this place.
45
00:01:28,687 --> 00:01:30,219
This does not look ready.
46
00:01:30,254 --> 00:01:31,821
This place doesn't look ready!
47
00:01:31,857 --> 00:01:34,550
Look at this. Nothing's ready.
48
00:01:34,832 --> 00:01:36,626
More pink, more pink...
49
00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,394
There's other colors in the rainbow.
50
00:01:38,429 --> 00:01:39,929
No, really, this is it, though.
51
00:01:39,965 --> 00:01:41,063
This is your year.
52
00:01:41,099 --> 00:01:42,398
Dare to dream, lady.
53
00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:44,449
Oh, come on, stop acting like you're not
54
00:01:44,469 --> 00:01:46,746
as happy as a pig in shit right now.
55
00:01:46,757 --> 00:01:48,404
Yes, no, I really am excited,
56
00:01:48,439 --> 00:01:49,584
and I think it is the right thing to do
57
00:01:49,606 --> 00:01:51,808
- for so many reasons.
- Can you stop? Stop selling me.
58
00:01:51,842 --> 00:01:54,038
Don't sell me. Okay,
save it for the network.
59
00:01:54,054 --> 00:01:55,511
That's why we go to Vegas.
60
00:01:55,546 --> 00:01:56,533
We sell the network,
61
00:01:56,577 --> 00:01:58,480
and as soon as they approve your idea,
62
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,556
then I can start just kicking back
63
00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:02,459
and enjoying a seven-figure
production deal.
64
00:02:02,465 --> 00:02:03,610
- [Cellphone rings]
- Okay, how often are you gonna say
65
00:02:03,627 --> 00:02:04,960
"seven-figure production deal"?
66
00:02:04,989 --> 00:02:06,200
I just want to know
what we're talking about.
67
00:02:06,206 --> 00:02:07,390
Oh, I'm gonna say it a lot.
68
00:02:07,406 --> 00:02:09,083
I'm gonna go, "Seven-figure,
seven-figure, seven-figure."
69
00:02:09,116 --> 00:02:12,302
Seven figures. Seven is a lucky number.
70
00:02:12,374 --> 00:02:14,715
- [Ringing stops]
- What's going on? You okay?
71
00:02:15,307 --> 00:02:16,529
Yeah.
72
00:02:16,649 --> 00:02:18,299
Great. All right, you ready?
73
00:02:18,334 --> 00:02:21,198
- Ohh! This bitch was born ready.
- Let's do this.
74
00:02:21,238 --> 00:02:22,637
We're talking Vegas.
75
00:02:22,672 --> 00:02:25,222
- Vegas! Here we go.
- Feeling it!
76
00:02:25,342 --> 00:02:28,058
Going to Vegas, baby!
77
00:02:28,412 --> 00:02:29,610
78
00:02:29,646 --> 00:02:32,813
[Birds chirping]
79
00:02:37,153 --> 00:02:39,783
80
00:02:40,156 --> 00:02:41,698
[Grunts]
81
00:02:41,818 --> 00:02:43,137
Yep
82
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:46,330
All I do is flex, I don't need a reason
83
00:02:46,343 --> 00:02:48,992
All I want is sex, I don't need a reason
84
00:02:49,025 --> 00:02:51,654
Fly out on a jet, I don't need a reason
85
00:02:52,915 --> 00:02:54,570
- [Snorts]
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
86
00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,412
Easy there, Amy Winehouse, all right?
87
00:02:56,418 --> 00:02:58,535
This is for the executives
we're buttering up.
88
00:02:58,571 --> 00:02:59,500
[Cork pops]
89
00:02:59,689 --> 00:03:01,489
[All cheering]
90
00:03:01,525 --> 00:03:02,890
[Laughs] All right.
91
00:03:02,925 --> 00:03:04,154
Brad: I want to make a toast.
92
00:03:04,161 --> 00:03:05,626
We are thrilled
93
00:03:05,662 --> 00:03:07,995
that we have you under exclusive contract,
94
00:03:08,031 --> 00:03:10,810
and we cannot wait to
see what brilliant shows
95
00:03:10,837 --> 00:03:11,684
that you dream up.
96
00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:15,342
Thank you for 13 years of slave labor
97
00:03:15,391 --> 00:03:17,843
to get an overall deal. [Laughter]
98
00:03:17,963 --> 00:03:19,077
Cheers.
99
00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:21,655
- Yeah!
- To season 15.
100
00:03:21,655 --> 00:03:25,013
All right. We have a
surprise for you, Brad.
101
00:03:25,057 --> 00:03:29,950
May I introduce
"Everlasting's" next suitor...
102
00:03:29,999 --> 00:03:33,485
pro quarterback...
103
00:03:33,605 --> 00:03:37,707
Darius Beck!
104
00:03:38,028 --> 00:03:41,077
[All cheering]
105
00:03:42,731 --> 00:03:44,026
Are you serious?
106
00:03:44,507 --> 00:03:46,068
As a brain tumor.
107
00:03:46,188 --> 00:03:47,756
Nice to meet you.
108
00:03:48,359 --> 00:03:50,472
You just made my dick hard.
109
00:03:50,507 --> 00:03:51,645
[All cheering]
110
00:03:51,694 --> 00:03:53,924
All I do is flex, I don't need a reason
111
00:03:53,985 --> 00:03:56,751
All I want is sex, I don't need a reason
112
00:03:56,823 --> 00:03:59,800
Fly out on a jet, All eyes on me
113
00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:07,639
[Drum rhythms play]
114
00:04:14,464 --> 00:04:16,564
[Indistinct shouting, laughter]
115
00:04:18,318 --> 00:04:19,552
[Moaning]
116
00:04:19,762 --> 00:04:21,736
[All cheering]
117
00:04:23,073 --> 00:04:24,664
Man: You're a chieftain now, Chet.
118
00:04:24,736 --> 00:04:26,374
Go get your kingdom back.
119
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,012
- It was me.
- [Grunts]
120
00:04:28,305 --> 00:04:30,192
The first black suitor.
121
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,575
It was me!
122
00:04:31,608 --> 00:04:33,467
We're gonna make history.
123
00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:36,283
124
00:04:37,019 --> 00:04:39,553
[All cheering, laughter]
125
00:04:40,256 --> 00:04:43,290
126
00:04:46,187 --> 00:04:48,809
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
127
00:04:52,682 --> 00:04:55,100
Quinn: Everyone, shh. Network president.
128
00:04:55,271 --> 00:04:56,799
Gary: He's black.
129
00:04:56,816 --> 00:05:00,472
- Yeah, he's the first black...
- No, he's not that black.
130
00:05:00,638 --> 00:05:02,094
All right, Gary?
131
00:05:02,138 --> 00:05:05,043
- He's like, uh, football black.
- I know who he is.
132
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,526
All right, I'm looking at him right now.
133
00:05:06,526 --> 00:05:07,847
He's black.
134
00:05:07,883 --> 00:05:10,100
Well, and how does it feel to
be finally beating the Eagles
135
00:05:10,122 --> 00:05:12,634
given your well-known beef
with Titus Washington?
136
00:05:12,668 --> 00:05:14,339
Darius: Really? That's your question?
137
00:05:14,389 --> 00:05:16,823
- Well, Titus said...
- Oh, who cares about what Titus said?
138
00:05:16,873 --> 00:05:18,161
Uh, what about this scandal?
139
00:05:18,173 --> 00:05:19,700
Uh, he called that reporter
140
00:05:19,711 --> 00:05:21,814
- a bitch on TV.
- Did you not see what I just did out there?
141
00:05:22,417 --> 00:05:24,563
- Bitch, please. I'm out of here, man.
- Hey, hey.
142
00:05:24,598 --> 00:05:25,632
Scaring the hell out of her.
143
00:05:25,638 --> 00:05:27,430
It looks like he's gonna
hit her right there on ESPN.
144
00:05:27,463 --> 00:05:28,742
- I'll break her!
- Chill.
145
00:05:28,758 --> 00:05:31,055
Darius: Man, Titus ain't got shit on me!
146
00:05:31,077 --> 00:05:32,665
This is your idea of a love interest?
147
00:05:32,687 --> 00:05:34,596
Quinn: Yeah, okay, first
of all, Gary, all right,
148
00:05:34,607 --> 00:05:36,961
he didn't call her a bitch.
He said, "Bitch, please,"
149
00:05:37,006 --> 00:05:38,688
which is a term of endearment.
150
00:05:38,975 --> 00:05:42,547
I mean, I say it to Rachel
all the time. [Laughs]
151
00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:46,199
And secondly, why would
he do our show, okay?
152
00:05:46,199 --> 00:05:49,120
These high-profile guys
wouldn't be caught dead with us
153
00:05:49,151 --> 00:05:52,372
unless they needed to rehab their image.
154
00:05:52,374 --> 00:05:54,051
And you know, hell yes,
155
00:05:54,064 --> 00:05:56,601
he's gonna be dating white chicks, okay?
156
00:05:56,888 --> 00:05:59,230
And hopefully, he's gonna
be making deep, dark,
157
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:01,315
nasty love to them, too.
158
00:06:01,350 --> 00:06:03,709
I mean, the more white pussy the better.
159
00:06:03,895 --> 00:06:06,658
- Am I right, Gary?
- Uh, I'm sorry, what?
160
00:06:06,835 --> 00:06:10,824
I promise you 20 million viewers.
161
00:06:10,859 --> 00:06:13,913
The minute he lays black
hands on a white ass,
162
00:06:13,947 --> 00:06:15,476
Twitter will melt down.
163
00:06:15,498 --> 00:06:17,525
Oh, and the girls, Gary.
164
00:06:17,539 --> 00:06:20,867
We have a hot racist,
165
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:23,195
an even hotter
166
00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:27,668
black activist power person.
167
00:06:28,459 --> 00:06:30,600
- Uh, a clergy.
- What?
168
00:06:30,833 --> 00:06:32,143
- And...
- You have that?
169
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,527
... we have a terrorist.
170
00:06:33,549 --> 00:06:34,301
- A terrorist?
- No.
171
00:06:34,312 --> 00:06:37,870
They will be at each
other's throats from night 1.
172
00:06:37,909 --> 00:06:41,113
It will be a ratings bonanza.
173
00:06:41,129 --> 00:06:42,817
Or I can just get you
174
00:06:42,829 --> 00:06:45,805
another small-dicked
white boy from Missouri
175
00:06:45,811 --> 00:06:47,958
with a bunch of horny
kindergarten teachers
176
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:49,606
because nobody's bored by that.
177
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:51,615
Your call, Gary.
178
00:06:55,659 --> 00:06:58,537
Gary: This is on you, Quinn.
All right, it's your ass.
179
00:06:58,564 --> 00:07:01,021
You hear me? Your ass.
180
00:07:01,049 --> 00:07:02,250
[Click]
181
00:07:02,482 --> 00:07:03,489
[Chuckles]
182
00:07:03,533 --> 00:07:04,828
Are you kidding?
183
00:07:04,948 --> 00:07:07,843
Football black? Nice, I'm gonna use that.
184
00:07:07,963 --> 00:07:09,276
Shut up, Brad.
185
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:11,611
All right, did you get
all of that, though?
186
00:07:11,645 --> 00:07:12,818
- 'Cause I have to pee.
- What?
187
00:07:12,856 --> 00:07:14,577
The thing about all the Looney Tunes
188
00:07:14,577 --> 00:07:15,755
that we promised Gary.
189
00:07:15,794 --> 00:07:17,121
You have to go find them.
190
00:07:17,241 --> 00:07:19,893
What are you talking about?
Quinn, the show's cast.
191
00:07:19,895 --> 00:07:21,887
It's your new job, honey bear.
192
00:07:21,896 --> 00:07:23,259
I'm Chet, you're Quinn.
193
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:26,015
I say crazy shit, and you make it happen.
194
00:07:29,137 --> 00:07:30,587
[Indistinct conversations]
195
00:07:31,375 --> 00:07:33,482
- That's your ab workout?
- It's like this.
196
00:07:33,499 --> 00:07:35,332
- You've never done it?
- No, I don't do that.
197
00:07:35,349 --> 00:07:36,676
Wow, so this is it.
198
00:07:36,796 --> 00:07:38,016
- Um...
- Oh.
199
00:07:38,056 --> 00:07:39,371
Yes, this is it.
200
00:07:39,547 --> 00:07:41,457
This is gonna be your house
for the next nine weeks.
201
00:07:41,466 --> 00:07:42,865
- Ooh.
- Cool.
202
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:43,781
- Yeah.
- Cool.
203
00:07:43,821 --> 00:07:46,198
Okay, why does it seem like
you're not that excited?
204
00:07:46,437 --> 00:07:47,756
Darius: L... let me ask you this.
205
00:07:47,787 --> 00:07:49,655
I'm-a be on camera 24 hours a day?
206
00:07:49,775 --> 00:07:52,373
Um, you're the star of
a television program.
207
00:07:52,381 --> 00:07:54,626
Was there some sort of miscommunication?
208
00:07:54,857 --> 00:07:56,778
Because we talked it out,
209
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,370
and I sort of had the impression
210
00:07:58,371 --> 00:08:00,298
that you two were gonna talk it out.
211
00:08:00,461 --> 00:08:02,219
- [Cellphone rings]
- My phone is ringing.
212
00:08:02,235 --> 00:08:03,732
I have to take it.
213
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:06,640
- I will be right back.
- [Ringing continues]
214
00:08:06,707 --> 00:08:08,225
I'm not dealing with this.
215
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,102
What the hell did you get me into?
216
00:08:10,124 --> 00:08:11,027
You signed up for this.
217
00:08:11,032 --> 00:08:12,377
- Okay, no, what...
- You need this.
218
00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:13,873
You know what? You got a bad att...
219
00:08:13,904 --> 00:08:15,513
Oh, so, you gonna cancel me out?
220
00:08:15,548 --> 00:08:18,048
You gonna put your little
headphones on, cancel me out?
221
00:08:18,061 --> 00:08:20,048
Quinn: Hey. Hey, yeah, no, I just...
222
00:08:20,168 --> 00:08:21,969
I just got to the
mansion. What's going on?
223
00:08:22,053 --> 00:08:25,179
I just landed, but did
you get Darius to move in?
224
00:08:25,241 --> 00:08:26,122
I'm working on it.
225
00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:27,880
He's having a little bit of
buyer's remorse right now.
226
00:08:27,906 --> 00:08:29,592
You know, I knew that guy
was gonna give us trouble.
227
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,646
We should have never let
his manager move in with him.
228
00:08:31,686 --> 00:08:33,789
- I'll handle it.
- Yeah, you've been handling him
229
00:08:33,811 --> 00:08:35,006
since you met him, all right?
230
00:08:35,037 --> 00:08:35,967
- I got it.
- You know what?
231
00:08:35,985 --> 00:08:39,336
Gary is freaking out that
we can't top last season.
232
00:08:39,535 --> 00:08:40,664
And what does he want us to do?
233
00:08:40,690 --> 00:08:41,917
Kill someone every episode?
234
00:08:41,956 --> 00:08:43,374
Hm, when are you gonna be here?
235
00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:45,009
I'll be back in about an hour.
236
00:08:45,044 --> 00:08:47,786
Um, Romeo, your friends are here,
237
00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:49,857
the friends that I was hoping
were not gonna show up here,
238
00:08:49,866 --> 00:08:50,623
they've showed up here.
239
00:08:50,641 --> 00:08:51,867
Can you please take them to craft service
240
00:08:51,894 --> 00:08:53,744
and get them out of my way? Thank you.
241
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,529
[Door closes]
242
00:08:57,113 --> 00:08:59,343
Why don't you just
tell me what's going on?
243
00:09:00,171 --> 00:09:02,610
It's just, I'm supposed
to be in Cabo right now
244
00:09:02,637 --> 00:09:04,528
enjoying my off-season.
245
00:09:04,563 --> 00:09:06,054
Okay, well, Cabo's great.
246
00:09:06,670 --> 00:09:09,684
But Cabo is not gonna get
you out of your P.R. problem.
247
00:09:09,719 --> 00:09:12,553
- Look, I didn't call that woman a bitch.
- I don't think you did.
248
00:09:12,571 --> 00:09:13,978
I think that she tried to bait you.
249
00:09:14,018 --> 00:09:15,430
I mean, what did... she
came over and talked to you.
250
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:16,768
What was it? Like 19 minutes
251
00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,627
- after you got off the field?
- Exactly.
252
00:09:18,636 --> 00:09:20,388
Right, they want you to
be a monster on the field
253
00:09:20,406 --> 00:09:23,554
and then turn into some, like,
choir boy 19 minutes later?
254
00:09:23,558 --> 00:09:24,616
I mean, that's impossible.
255
00:09:24,634 --> 00:09:26,705
With all that adrenaline,
anybody would've snapped.
256
00:09:26,745 --> 00:09:28,715
[Scoffs] I'm not anybody.
257
00:09:28,794 --> 00:09:30,074
I understand.
258
00:09:30,698 --> 00:09:32,826
You're the first black
quarterback on your team.
259
00:09:32,826 --> 00:09:34,902
You're also now the first black suitor.
260
00:09:35,022 --> 00:09:36,811
There's a lot of eyes on you. I get it.
261
00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:43,495
What'd your mom say?
262
00:09:43,658 --> 00:09:44,862
[Chuckles]
263
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:48,678
Whew, my mom was not happy.
264
00:09:49,329 --> 00:09:51,170
See, she raised me to always know
265
00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:53,408
that the rules were
gonna be different for me.
266
00:09:53,528 --> 00:09:55,437
Couldn't walk down the
street with my hoodie on.
267
00:09:55,446 --> 00:09:57,127
Didn't want people to get the wrong idea.
268
00:09:57,795 --> 00:10:00,819
Kept my nose pretty...
pretty clean, you know?
269
00:10:00,876 --> 00:10:02,514
Image... squeaky clean.
270
00:10:02,709 --> 00:10:05,435
No drugs, no drama, no baby mamas, and
271
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:08,790
- then I go and do something stupid like this.
- Hey, listen.
272
00:10:09,383 --> 00:10:10,467
This is a one-time thing.
273
00:10:10,484 --> 00:10:12,392
This does not make you who you are.
274
00:10:12,901 --> 00:10:14,095
[Sighs]
275
00:10:14,401 --> 00:10:16,186
- If we're being honest...
- Mm-hmm.
276
00:10:16,226 --> 00:10:17,633
... mostly I feel like a...
277
00:10:17,841 --> 00:10:21,378
a caged lion and barely keeping
a lid on it half the time.
278
00:10:21,404 --> 00:10:22,525
Well, you're talking to somebody
279
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,707
who literally went on
television and told the world
280
00:10:24,738 --> 00:10:27,198
that she thought her
job was Satan's asshole.
281
00:10:27,256 --> 00:10:29,013
No. [Laughs]
282
00:10:29,057 --> 00:10:31,068
- Are you serious?
- I'm, like, not kidding.
283
00:10:31,086 --> 00:10:32,697
Oh, yeah, that's beautiful.
284
00:10:32,711 --> 00:10:34,191
Okay, and you came back from that?
285
00:10:34,222 --> 00:10:35,475
Oh, yeah, I came back from that.
286
00:10:35,493 --> 00:10:36,909
I mean, I'm running the show.
287
00:10:37,667 --> 00:10:38,888
I can bring you back.
288
00:10:40,163 --> 00:10:41,226
Trust me.
289
00:10:42,731 --> 00:10:43,899
What's your plan?
290
00:10:44,152 --> 00:10:45,825
Uh, well,
291
00:10:46,095 --> 00:10:48,901
I have a house full of
lovely ladies for you.
292
00:10:49,317 --> 00:10:52,616
You have the opportunity to
fall in love with one of them.
293
00:10:52,687 --> 00:10:54,033
[Laughs]
294
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,635
Let's not get crazy.
295
00:10:55,670 --> 00:10:56,998
Oh, okay, wait.
296
00:10:57,034 --> 00:10:58,964
Where do you stand? Do
you not believe in love?
297
00:10:58,973 --> 00:11:00,318
Like, where... what do we... where are we?
298
00:11:00,345 --> 00:11:01,495
Hey, when you're Darius Beck,
299
00:11:01,522 --> 00:11:02,987
things get a little complicated.
300
00:11:03,031 --> 00:11:04,993
Got it, okay. So, first of all,
301
00:11:05,024 --> 00:11:07,153
let's not refer to
ourself in third person.
302
00:11:07,179 --> 00:11:08,901
- That's not cute.
- Okay.
303
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:09,924
Second of all,
304
00:11:09,933 --> 00:11:11,774
none of these women
know who the suitor is.
305
00:11:11,810 --> 00:11:14,213
I mean, none of them are here
to, like, bag some celebrity.
306
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,315
When was the last time that
happened to you, honestly?
307
00:11:16,771 --> 00:11:17,860
Junior high.
308
00:11:17,869 --> 00:11:19,125
Thank you very much.
309
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,685
Look, when they realize
who the new suitor is,
310
00:11:22,198 --> 00:11:23,420
that'll all change.
311
00:11:23,615 --> 00:11:24,956
All right, just, you never know.
312
00:11:24,969 --> 00:11:26,231
You could be surprised.
313
00:11:26,722 --> 00:11:27,935
Bitch, please.
314
00:11:28,055 --> 00:11:29,234
Oh, bitch, please, you.
315
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:30,335
[Laughs]
316
00:11:30,371 --> 00:11:31,596
- All right, let's go.
- [Sighs]
317
00:11:31,887 --> 00:11:33,555
- You like me. Come on, let's go.
- All right.
318
00:11:33,595 --> 00:11:35,795
- [Car door opens]
- Let's see what we got here.
319
00:11:36,817 --> 00:11:37,823
Dr. Wagerstein: Rachel.
320
00:11:37,878 --> 00:11:39,226
- She wants to speak...
- I'm not kidding, Dan.
321
00:11:39,261 --> 00:11:41,133
- Doc, she wants to...
- Dan, go away.
322
00:11:41,164 --> 00:11:43,257
- Copy that.
- I need to talk about the "Healing Nook."
323
00:11:43,293 --> 00:11:46,333
- The what?
- My own set to film my on-air segments.
324
00:11:46,347 --> 00:11:49,400
Oh, yes, your on-air segments
that you got by blackmailing Quinn.
325
00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:51,255
I remember. Oh, I wouldn't be
throwing that particular stone
326
00:11:51,264 --> 00:11:52,357
if I were you.
327
00:11:52,822 --> 00:11:55,690
- I need my nook.
- Okay, put in a formal request.
328
00:11:56,127 --> 00:11:58,219
And not for nothing, your mother called.
329
00:11:58,339 --> 00:11:59,962
She's been talking to Jeremy again.
330
00:11:59,973 --> 00:12:02,386
She thinks you're having
hyper-sexual manic episode.
331
00:12:02,402 --> 00:12:04,555
I'm not manic. I'm changing the world.
332
00:12:04,675 --> 00:12:05,811
Jeremy.
333
00:12:06,439 --> 00:12:08,390
- Jeremy.
- [Sighs]
334
00:12:08,408 --> 00:12:10,853
- Hey. Did you raid Quinn's wardrobe?
- [Chuckles]
335
00:12:10,875 --> 00:12:13,344
You're still talking
to my mommy. How is she?
336
00:12:13,379 --> 00:12:15,781
Hyper-sexual manic episode, seriously?
337
00:12:15,998 --> 00:12:17,985
Did you guys Google that or make it up?
338
00:12:18,277 --> 00:12:19,804
Looks like you haven't slept in weeks.
339
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,163
And so, what? You're worried about me?
340
00:12:21,703 --> 00:12:23,177
I'm doing well, I get a promotion,
341
00:12:23,182 --> 00:12:24,804
yet somehow that...
342
00:12:24,864 --> 00:12:27,019
that triggers, like, alarm bells for you.
343
00:12:27,059 --> 00:12:29,467
No, I... I don't give
a rat's ass about you.
344
00:12:29,821 --> 00:12:31,556
But if anybody needs me to testify
345
00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:33,197
that you're a threat
to yourself and others,
346
00:12:33,381 --> 00:12:35,204
- yeah, I'm there.
- Oh, really? Is that right?
347
00:12:35,324 --> 00:12:36,957
Yeah, but it's mostly
for the others, though,
348
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:39,914
because at this point, I'm actually
okay with you hurting yourself.
349
00:12:40,071 --> 00:12:42,273
In fact, I'm fairly certain that you will.
350
00:12:45,867 --> 00:12:48,379
- That's a really dark thing to say.
- Yeah.
351
00:12:49,375 --> 00:12:51,444
So, why'd you come back
if you think I'm so crazy?
352
00:12:51,483 --> 00:12:52,831
I came back 'cause this is my job.
353
00:12:53,069 --> 00:12:53,977
I'm sorry. Did...
354
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:55,283
did you think that I...
355
00:12:55,305 --> 00:12:57,111
I really wouldn't come
back because of you?
356
00:12:57,739 --> 00:12:58,633
Yeah.
357
00:12:59,704 --> 00:13:01,860
Ah, I guess old Jeremy might not have.
358
00:13:02,307 --> 00:13:03,892
That guy was a pussy.
359
00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:06,629
That's why I killed him.
360
00:13:06,998 --> 00:13:09,495
361
00:13:13,133 --> 00:13:15,412
- Dan: Hey, we got...
- Dan, stop.
362
00:13:15,532 --> 00:13:16,838
Okay.
363
00:13:25,469 --> 00:13:27,027
Quinn: What the hell is going on?
364
00:13:27,089 --> 00:13:28,351
I need a walkie.
365
00:13:28,430 --> 00:13:30,507
Give me that. Just go do something.
366
00:13:30,627 --> 00:13:31,942
All right, I need somebody.
367
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,558
Ricardo, where are you?!
368
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:34,669
All right, where's Rachel?
369
00:13:34,691 --> 00:13:36,511
You guys, it's just rain, all right?
370
00:13:36,564 --> 00:13:37,747
You're not made of sugar.
371
00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:39,254
It's pronounced "Ya-el."
372
00:13:39,303 --> 00:13:40,675
A lot of people call me Yale,
373
00:13:40,737 --> 00:13:43,434
which, no thanks, I
went to Sarah Lawrence.
374
00:13:43,469 --> 00:13:44,991
J.D. Salinger taught there.
375
00:13:45,066 --> 00:13:47,103
Oh, for God's sake.
376
00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:50,209
[Door closes] Rachel!
Where the hell are you?
377
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,232
Oh, I'm, uh, in here working on the intro.
378
00:13:52,267 --> 00:13:54,446
No, you're screwing up the intros.
379
00:13:54,450 --> 00:13:56,833
Madison's out there with
her thumb up her ass.
380
00:13:56,868 --> 00:13:59,173
Who decided to make her a producer anyway?
381
00:13:59,487 --> 00:14:00,349
Chet's penis,
382
00:14:00,371 --> 00:14:03,125
- after she blew him in your office.
- Oh, right.
383
00:14:03,165 --> 00:14:04,860
Did you get my Looney Tunes?
384
00:14:05,161 --> 00:14:07,260
Uh, Jay's on camera "B" with Tiffany,
385
00:14:07,278 --> 00:14:08,578
one of the wifeys.
386
00:14:08,613 --> 00:14:10,079
- Oh, she's pretty.
- Mm-hmm.
387
00:14:10,114 --> 00:14:11,492
But can she speak?
388
00:14:11,744 --> 00:14:13,085
Yeah, she can.
389
00:14:13,165 --> 00:14:14,422
Jay: And you're gonna say your name
390
00:14:14,440 --> 00:14:16,077
and tell us about your dad, okay?
391
00:14:16,126 --> 00:14:17,003
Ready?
392
00:14:18,573 --> 00:14:19,822
I already told you
393
00:14:19,844 --> 00:14:21,159
I don't want to talk about my father.
394
00:14:21,176 --> 00:14:23,048
Oh. [Chuckles]
395
00:14:23,168 --> 00:14:24,964
- That could be juicy.
- Uh-huh.
396
00:14:24,969 --> 00:14:27,053
So, maybe her dad was a creep?
397
00:14:27,270 --> 00:14:29,072
Or a pedophile, hopefully.
398
00:14:29,103 --> 00:14:31,047
He's a rich white dude
who owns a football team.
399
00:14:31,065 --> 00:14:32,261
She's our football princess.
400
00:14:32,269 --> 00:14:33,611
What's going on with you shoes?
401
00:14:33,619 --> 00:14:35,293
All right, so, that's one wifey down.
402
00:14:35,324 --> 00:14:37,232
- Where's my villain?
- Okay.
403
00:14:37,245 --> 00:14:39,511
Um, she is getting ready,
404
00:14:39,529 --> 00:14:41,711
- but I want you to, um, look at this.
- [Sighs]
405
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:44,128
This is Beth Ann. She's from Mississippi.
406
00:14:44,164 --> 00:14:47,169
And this thing got
30,000 hits on Instagram,
407
00:14:47,183 --> 00:14:48,471
which is terrifying.
408
00:14:48,493 --> 00:14:51,365
Oh, Beth Ann. Aren't those even legal?
409
00:14:51,653 --> 00:14:54,423
Wait till she finds out
she's here to bag a black man.
410
00:14:54,485 --> 00:14:55,685
Uh-oh.
411
00:14:55,751 --> 00:14:59,398
Okay, um, I also want to
introduce you to London.
412
00:14:59,469 --> 00:15:02,404
She is our super-sexy Pakistani woman
413
00:15:02,435 --> 00:15:05,716
who might have distant
links to Osama bin Laden.
414
00:15:05,747 --> 00:15:06,801
No, now she does.
415
00:15:06,828 --> 00:15:08,470
Absolutely, that's what I was thinking.
416
00:15:08,514 --> 00:15:10,076
We have Ruby.
417
00:15:10,098 --> 00:15:12,541
She takes angry black woman
418
00:15:12,590 --> 00:15:14,223
to the level of blinding rage.
419
00:15:14,295 --> 00:15:15,999
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
420
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,044
Quinn: Nicely done. So, her
421
00:15:18,066 --> 00:15:19,752
with the bikini girl...
422
00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:21,669
- genius.
- Oh, shit, no.
423
00:15:21,722 --> 00:15:23,656
Sorry, I should have pulled
her out of the sequence.
424
00:15:23,686 --> 00:15:25,028
She couldn't commit
to the full nine weeks.
425
00:15:25,028 --> 00:15:26,768
It's her last semester in college.
426
00:15:27,055 --> 00:15:28,403
- So?
- Seriously?
427
00:15:28,416 --> 00:15:30,754
- Mm.
- So, she would've had to drop out
428
00:15:30,758 --> 00:15:32,458
and miss graduating with her class.
429
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:33,894
And?
430
00:15:33,929 --> 00:15:35,068
- Rachel.
- What?
431
00:15:35,077 --> 00:15:36,525
- Are you kidding me?
- Jay,
432
00:15:36,547 --> 00:15:40,151
then who's gonna fight
the racist, all right?
433
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,160
It's not gonna be this pageant girl
434
00:15:42,169 --> 00:15:44,143
because you could snap her like a twig.
435
00:15:44,148 --> 00:15:45,489
Rachel: Well, she's rooming with Beth Ann.
436
00:15:45,502 --> 00:15:46,954
So we'll see how she does.
437
00:15:47,942 --> 00:15:50,109
- What?
- All right, work this out
438
00:15:50,144 --> 00:15:52,512
or get a room or something, okay?
439
00:15:52,547 --> 00:15:53,633
I got to call Gary.
440
00:15:53,660 --> 00:15:57,073
I want the blacktavist
here by tomorrow night.
441
00:15:59,614 --> 00:16:00,959
Okay, what the hell are you doing?
442
00:16:01,021 --> 00:16:03,735
You and Quinn... you're
fine, everything's just fine.
443
00:16:03,740 --> 00:16:04,775
What do you mean "fine"?
444
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:06,772
After she blew up your life last season,
445
00:16:06,821 --> 00:16:09,104
like atom bombed your little
happily ever after with Adam,
446
00:16:09,126 --> 00:16:11,393
- you're just twinsies, girl power.
- Can you stop? We worked it out.
447
00:16:11,433 --> 00:16:12,995
Right, you got paid.
448
00:16:13,044 --> 00:16:15,567
You're like one of those wives
whose husband beats them up
449
00:16:15,593 --> 00:16:17,129
- and then gives them a big diamond ring...
- [Laughing] Oh, my God.
450
00:16:17,151 --> 00:16:18,957
and promises to never do it again.
451
00:16:18,966 --> 00:16:21,369
Do you know something? That
I am the show runner, okay?
452
00:16:21,408 --> 00:16:23,499
And right now the show
runner is asking you
453
00:16:23,574 --> 00:16:26,021
why you weren't able to close Ruby.
454
00:16:27,902 --> 00:16:30,164
You know, even I didn't think I had line,
455
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,683
but turns out,
456
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:34,220
derailing a strong
black woman's education,
457
00:16:34,254 --> 00:16:35,999
- that's it.
- You know something?
458
00:16:36,017 --> 00:16:38,292
We're making a huge statement
just by having a black suitor.
459
00:16:38,314 --> 00:16:41,014
So if we have to sacrifice
a few people along the way
460
00:16:41,027 --> 00:16:44,136
- for the greater good, so be it.
- Yeah, you're right.
461
00:16:44,331 --> 00:16:46,548
We're like the Aztecs.
462
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,381
- Or Hitler.
- Where is she?
463
00:16:48,701 --> 00:16:50,143
[Scoffs]
464
00:16:51,036 --> 00:16:54,739
465
00:16:54,774 --> 00:16:57,808
[Indistinct conversations]
466
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:01,901
Ruby: Oh.
467
00:17:03,197 --> 00:17:05,026
Ruby Carter, right? Ruby?
468
00:17:05,451 --> 00:17:06,447
Hi.
469
00:17:06,898 --> 00:17:08,416
Hi, I'm Rachel Goldberg.
470
00:17:08,487 --> 00:17:10,279
I am the show runner on "Everlasting."
471
00:17:10,399 --> 00:17:11,904
What? Look, I already told
472
00:17:11,917 --> 00:17:13,608
the little skinny brother no, okay?
473
00:17:13,639 --> 00:17:14,980
You need to leave.
474
00:17:18,726 --> 00:17:21,386
I'm sorry, but he just didn't
have all the information.
475
00:17:21,811 --> 00:17:24,409
What information is gonna
make me drop out of college
476
00:17:24,414 --> 00:17:26,157
to go be on a racist,
477
00:17:26,206 --> 00:17:28,472
misogynist reality
show I don't even watch?
478
00:17:28,512 --> 00:17:31,704
16 million viewers a week
for your political platform
479
00:17:31,708 --> 00:17:34,059
when your Twitter fame's
about to expire like bad milk.
480
00:17:34,777 --> 00:17:37,158
Black girls only last a
couple weeks on those shows,
481
00:17:37,220 --> 00:17:38,832
and they don't get any airtime.
482
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,655
I thought you said you didn't watch.
483
00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:43,582
- Whatever.
- Okay.
484
00:17:43,599 --> 00:17:45,428
I'm sorry, does it not even matter to you
485
00:17:45,454 --> 00:17:47,455
that we're making history this season?
486
00:17:48,903 --> 00:17:50,192
The suitor's black.
487
00:17:51,448 --> 00:17:52,621
I'm sorry, what?
488
00:17:52,741 --> 00:17:54,281
Rachel: It's a huge secret.
489
00:17:54,484 --> 00:17:56,649
The guy's also famous,
and he asked to meet you.
490
00:17:56,654 --> 00:17:58,163
Thinks you're an American hero.
491
00:17:58,220 --> 00:18:00,018
- And he's into you. He thinks...
- Wait.
492
00:18:00,138 --> 00:18:01,301
Let me get this straight.
493
00:18:01,368 --> 00:18:03,435
You think I got myself into Berkeley,
494
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,829
worked this hard for what I believe in to,
495
00:18:05,909 --> 00:18:08,477
- what, get a man?
- I didn't go to Vassar to get a man.
496
00:18:08,512 --> 00:18:09,583
- Yeah, I'm sure.
- Did you hear me?
497
00:18:09,614 --> 00:18:10,477
[Chuckles]
498
00:18:10,539 --> 00:18:11,287
I...
499
00:18:12,026 --> 00:18:14,059
You know what? You know,
you are... You're right.
500
00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:15,001
You should stay here.
501
00:18:15,037 --> 00:18:17,175
You should just let your
four underpaid professors
502
00:18:17,184 --> 00:18:18,772
read your senior thesis on... what is it?
503
00:18:18,803 --> 00:18:20,337
Post-colonial Africa?
504
00:18:20,406 --> 00:18:22,774
I get it. Why would you
want to use stupid old TV
505
00:18:22,792 --> 00:18:24,235
to spread your message. I mean,
506
00:18:24,261 --> 00:18:26,373
the teen birth rate, it went down 5.6%
507
00:18:26,421 --> 00:18:28,329
because of "Teen Mom" shows on MTV.
508
00:18:28,387 --> 00:18:30,513
And "The Real World"...
you remember that show?
509
00:18:30,839 --> 00:18:32,849
That show started the gay rights movement.
510
00:18:32,898 --> 00:18:36,346
But, yeah, TV's super useless
as a medium for change.
511
00:18:38,908 --> 00:18:41,041
I guarantee you will
make it to the final two.
512
00:18:41,077 --> 00:18:44,447
9 weeks, 16 million viewers each week.
513
00:18:49,501 --> 00:18:51,090
[Cellphone vibrates]
514
00:18:52,675 --> 00:18:55,037
- Hey, Rach, what's up?
- She's in.
515
00:18:55,057 --> 00:18:56,876
Let's see how long she lasts.
516
00:18:57,150 --> 00:18:58,390
[Cellphone beeps]
517
00:19:06,876 --> 00:19:09,202
Quinn: [Sighs] This place smells like ass.
518
00:19:09,766 --> 00:19:10,444
[Knock on door]
519
00:19:10,470 --> 00:19:12,976
Madison, that better be
you with the air fresh...
520
00:19:13,467 --> 00:19:14,503
[Door closes]
521
00:19:14,623 --> 00:19:15,468
Chet?
522
00:19:15,747 --> 00:19:16,950
Hey, kiddo.
523
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:18,999
Where did the rest of you go?
524
00:19:19,052 --> 00:19:20,477
Oh, well, this is what happens
525
00:19:20,517 --> 00:19:22,053
when you shed 50 pounds of weakness,
526
00:19:22,070 --> 00:19:23,668
sadness, and pussydom.
527
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:26,483
Congratulations, I... I guess.
528
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:29,533
But what the hell are you doing here?
529
00:19:29,653 --> 00:19:31,605
Brad suspended you from set duty.
530
00:19:31,636 --> 00:19:34,660
Oh, uh, Brad doesn't work
at the network anymore.
531
00:19:34,695 --> 00:19:35,912
Uh... [Chuckles]
532
00:19:35,974 --> 00:19:37,174
I'm sorry, what?
533
00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:38,471
Gary's gonna hire somebody else.
534
00:19:38,493 --> 00:19:39,772
I threw out a couple names.
535
00:19:39,790 --> 00:19:41,715
So, you just disappear for six months
536
00:19:41,733 --> 00:19:43,061
and then get Brad fired?
537
00:19:43,105 --> 00:19:44,340
No, I didn't disappear.
538
00:19:44,362 --> 00:19:46,554
I went on a paleolithic lifestyle retreat
539
00:19:46,594 --> 00:19:47,612
with my grand leader.
540
00:19:47,643 --> 00:19:50,050
Oh, what is that? Like
CrossFit or some bullshit?
541
00:19:50,072 --> 00:19:52,334
CrossFit. [Chuckles] That's amazing.
542
00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:55,329
No, I went hunting in
Patagonia with my tribe.
543
00:19:55,392 --> 00:19:56,680
That's how we evolved, Quinn.
544
00:19:56,703 --> 00:19:59,226
We've only been in
cities for like 400 years.
545
00:19:59,248 --> 00:20:01,268
We've been cavemen for like 20,000.
546
00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:03,037
Not even one part of that is accurate.
547
00:20:03,046 --> 00:20:05,108
[Sighs] A man isn't man unless he's
548
00:20:05,179 --> 00:20:06,958
- got a purpose, Quinn.
- [Groans]
549
00:20:06,993 --> 00:20:08,593
I... I got soft last year.
550
00:20:08,628 --> 00:20:12,174
I tried to fill the dark
hole of my manhood with,
551
00:20:12,356 --> 00:20:15,860
uh, processed flour and sugar, drugs.
552
00:20:15,873 --> 00:20:19,618
[Sighs] And I forced you
to play the male role.
553
00:20:19,658 --> 00:20:22,239
That wasn't fair, and it wasn't natural.
554
00:20:22,801 --> 00:20:25,829
Women are made to nurture, be adored.
555
00:20:25,949 --> 00:20:27,736
A guy's got to do things.
556
00:20:27,780 --> 00:20:31,371
Anyway, this show is my kingdom and, um,
557
00:20:32,008 --> 00:20:33,181
my purpose.
558
00:20:33,986 --> 00:20:35,186
I'm gonna take it back.
559
00:20:36,009 --> 00:20:38,129
Uh... no.
560
00:20:38,249 --> 00:20:39,904
It's mine. I earned it.
561
00:20:39,935 --> 00:20:41,475
Yeah, but see, I'm ready, I'm a chieftain.
562
00:20:41,515 --> 00:20:43,175
I got anointed, blooded.
563
00:20:43,210 --> 00:20:45,175
And I am the queen of
the frickin' fairies,
564
00:20:45,202 --> 00:20:48,756
and I need you to get the
hell out of my fairy fort now!
565
00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:51,107
Go!
566
00:20:51,227 --> 00:20:52,559
Hm, um...
567
00:20:52,594 --> 00:20:55,600
Get out and get off of my set
568
00:20:55,613 --> 00:20:57,747
because I can call Gary, too.
569
00:20:58,393 --> 00:20:59,576
[Sighs]
570
00:20:59,611 --> 00:21:01,801
We are the architects. We are the men.
571
00:21:02,071 --> 00:21:04,727
We are the architects. We are
the inheritors of the kingdom.
572
00:21:05,350 --> 00:21:06,649
Darius.
573
00:21:08,096 --> 00:21:08,972
Uh, Darius.
574
00:21:08,990 --> 00:21:10,074
Oh, man.
575
00:21:10,955 --> 00:21:12,248
Darius Beck.
576
00:21:12,368 --> 00:21:13,492
Chet Wilton.
577
00:21:13,717 --> 00:21:16,342
- I created the show.
- Pleasure. This is Romeo.
578
00:21:16,426 --> 00:21:17,893
Oh, Shakespeare.
579
00:21:17,929 --> 00:21:19,122
[Chuckles]
580
00:21:19,242 --> 00:21:22,397
Uh, I'm sorry I wasn't around
earlier to introduce myself.
581
00:21:22,433 --> 00:21:23,730
I had my girls running things
582
00:21:23,739 --> 00:21:25,997
- while I was away at a conference.
- Mm-hmm.
583
00:21:26,355 --> 00:21:29,299
I got to say for two potent young studs
584
00:21:29,317 --> 00:21:31,301
about to meet a herd of willing female,
585
00:21:31,349 --> 00:21:33,120
you guys don't look as
happy as you should be.
586
00:21:33,324 --> 00:21:34,457
[Chuckles]
587
00:21:34,577 --> 00:21:36,112
Why don't you tell me what you need?
588
00:21:38,549 --> 00:21:39,569
Romeo...
589
00:21:41,866 --> 00:21:44,172
Um, you guys, we're just
gonna start at the top...
590
00:21:44,194 --> 00:21:46,381
getting their panties
in a bunch, you know.
591
00:21:46,403 --> 00:21:48,528
Who's the suitor gonna be?
What's he gonna look like?
592
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:49,426
- Do I have food in my teeth?
- Jay.
593
00:21:49,762 --> 00:21:50,595
Hey, what's up?
594
00:21:50,612 --> 00:21:52,272
Hey, man, my guys are getting on me.
595
00:21:52,299 --> 00:21:54,036
- You guys got the kill list yet?
- Oh, no, not yet.
596
00:21:54,075 --> 00:21:55,173
What's the kill list?
597
00:21:55,195 --> 00:21:56,842
Oh, she's so adorable.
598
00:21:56,846 --> 00:21:58,125
It's a list of all the girls getting cut
599
00:21:58,130 --> 00:22:00,002
so the camera guys know
who they can sleep with.
600
00:22:00,046 --> 00:22:01,224
Let me know when you get it
601
00:22:01,255 --> 00:22:03,548
'cause I call dibs on Hot Rachel.
602
00:22:03,610 --> 00:22:05,057
I don't want any pink on
... and excuse me, guys.
603
00:22:05,177 --> 00:22:07,890
- Dan, I just want to not...
- Sorry, we were just talking about the kill list, Hot Rachel.
604
00:22:09,168 --> 00:22:11,667
- Excuse me?
- Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt.
605
00:22:11,787 --> 00:22:13,026
Uh, Ya... Yazmine.
606
00:22:13,066 --> 00:22:14,672
Who? Yael? It's a Hebrew name.
607
00:22:14,712 --> 00:22:16,274
- Yeah, what about her?
- Whatever.
608
00:22:16,358 --> 00:22:18,253
She's the one that kind of looks like you,
609
00:22:18,271 --> 00:22:20,493
except she's hot and not crazy and
610
00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:22,720
- takes showers from time to time.
- [Murmuring]
611
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,463
All the guys are gunning for her, but
612
00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:25,725
you know the deal, Rach.
613
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:27,213
Boss always dips first.
614
00:22:27,412 --> 00:22:28,575
Jeremy.
615
00:22:29,610 --> 00:22:30,738
Later.
616
00:22:34,096 --> 00:22:36,597
Okay, yeah, uh, it's time to hustle.
617
00:22:36,636 --> 00:22:38,745
Uh, let's make sure that we
have enough warm-up codes.
618
00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:39,804
- I won't.
- Hey, hey, hey.
619
00:22:39,830 --> 00:22:41,390
- He is so fired.
- Listen, Marie Antoinette.
620
00:22:41,393 --> 00:22:43,567
Look, I get the impulse.
He's a dick, all right?
621
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:44,837
But you can't do that.
622
00:22:44,873 --> 00:22:47,599
He is a sexual harassment
lawsuit waiting to happen.
623
00:22:48,070 --> 00:22:49,702
Suck it up, Goldberg.
624
00:22:49,822 --> 00:22:52,032
If we fired everyone we had sex with,
625
00:22:52,043 --> 00:22:53,464
we wouldn't have a crew.
626
00:22:59,208 --> 00:23:01,498
Okay, um, camera.
627
00:23:01,532 --> 00:23:02,572
I just want to make sure
628
00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:05,196
that we're keeping that
camera moving at all times.
629
00:23:06,692 --> 00:23:08,649
Beth Ann and Chantal, you guys are good?
630
00:23:08,667 --> 00:23:10,022
Oh, Madison, hi.
631
00:23:10,035 --> 00:23:11,337
Uh, can I talk to you?
632
00:23:11,381 --> 00:23:12,736
Oh, yeah.
633
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,665
About the room assignments for a jiff.
634
00:23:15,785 --> 00:23:17,564
Um, well, I c...
635
00:23:18,202 --> 00:23:20,078
Yes, you can. I am a producer.
636
00:23:20,131 --> 00:23:22,256
Right. Well, um,
637
00:23:22,376 --> 00:23:25,549
you know, Chantal, she seems real nice.
638
00:23:25,563 --> 00:23:27,299
But the thing is, I'm kind of wild,
639
00:23:27,312 --> 00:23:29,609
and I just don't think
that she's gonna feel
640
00:23:29,914 --> 00:23:32,097
at home with me.
641
00:23:32,159 --> 00:23:34,080
Well, it's... it's the first day.
642
00:23:34,102 --> 00:23:36,014
I just think that it's gonna be
643
00:23:36,961 --> 00:23:39,253
very uncomfortable for me.
644
00:23:41,348 --> 00:23:43,021
You know what? I'm gonna talk to my boss,
645
00:23:43,065 --> 00:23:46,235
and I'm going to see if I
can make some changes for you.
646
00:23:46,262 --> 00:23:49,117
Thank you. I had a feeling that
you would understand.
647
00:23:49,130 --> 00:23:50,958
[Chuckles] Come here.
648
00:23:51,015 --> 00:23:52,459
We hug where I'm from.
649
00:23:52,852 --> 00:23:54,937
- Okay.
- [Sniffles]
650
00:23:54,977 --> 00:23:56,938
The contestants are
gonna be wearing jackets.
651
00:23:57,008 --> 00:23:58,912
It's freezing. They're not
gonna look good on camera.
652
00:23:58,943 --> 00:24:00,630
Rachel: They'll be fine.
They're not gonna be fine.
653
00:24:00,648 --> 00:24:01,883
They're gonna look terrible.
654
00:24:02,065 --> 00:24:05,033
Hi, so, um... who was
asking for the kill list?
655
00:24:05,305 --> 00:24:06,460
That would be me.
656
00:24:06,832 --> 00:24:08,053
It was you.
657
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:09,426
Awesome.
658
00:24:10,475 --> 00:24:11,830
- You're fired.
- Hey.
659
00:24:12,003 --> 00:24:14,021
That's my focus puller.
You can't fire him.
660
00:24:14,101 --> 00:24:15,509
And yet, I just did.
661
00:24:15,535 --> 00:24:17,259
Well, unless you want opening night
662
00:24:17,272 --> 00:24:18,698
of your show to be out of focus,
663
00:24:18,709 --> 00:24:20,343
- you need to un-fire him.
- [Chuckles]
664
00:24:20,624 --> 00:24:22,660
Yeah, so you know that's
not gonna happen because,
665
00:24:22,682 --> 00:24:25,064
um, the show being out of focus
is just gonna make you guys
666
00:24:25,082 --> 00:24:27,037
look like a bunch of incompetent assholes.
667
00:24:27,077 --> 00:24:28,582
And nobody's gonna blame me.
668
00:24:28,596 --> 00:24:29,990
So hire someone, promote someone.
669
00:24:30,017 --> 00:24:31,376
It's really not my problem.
670
00:24:31,496 --> 00:24:33,669
It turns out being a
sexist man-baby on my set
671
00:24:33,687 --> 00:24:35,081
has consequences.
672
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:36,334
Handle it.
673
00:24:37,927 --> 00:24:39,543
That's my department manager.
674
00:24:40,211 --> 00:24:41,363
- I know.
- Bitch.
675
00:24:42,398 --> 00:24:44,979
Let me... let me talk
to her. I'll talk to her.
676
00:24:49,596 --> 00:24:52,522
Oh, um, did you get the car for Ruby?
677
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,760
Yes, Rachel. She arrived
a few minutes ago.
678
00:24:55,769 --> 00:24:58,002
- Just getting settled in.
- Okay.
679
00:25:00,897 --> 00:25:03,482
[Door closes] Hey, so, uh, Beth Ann
680
00:25:03,553 --> 00:25:06,776
wants to switch rooms. And Tiffany
has an empty bed in her room,
681
00:25:06,798 --> 00:25:08,363
so I was just gonna put her in there.
682
00:25:08,381 --> 00:25:10,096
- Is that okay?
- Oh, wait, I'm sorry. Um,
683
00:25:10,132 --> 00:25:12,566
Beth Ann, our white supremacist, doesn't
684
00:25:12,758 --> 00:25:14,563
want to room with Chantal,
685
00:25:14,565 --> 00:25:15,751
our black debutante?
686
00:25:16,061 --> 00:25:18,164
Yeah, uh, I was just gonna move her.
687
00:25:18,177 --> 00:25:19,199
It would be super easy.
688
00:25:19,213 --> 00:25:22,028
Oh, okay, was it free lobotomy
week at Burke Williams?
689
00:25:22,112 --> 00:25:24,162
Madison, we aren't camp counselors.
690
00:25:24,166 --> 00:25:26,215
We don't solve problems, okay?
691
00:25:26,335 --> 00:25:27,712
We create them.
692
00:25:27,729 --> 00:25:29,655
And then we point cameras at them.
693
00:25:30,085 --> 00:25:31,830
We need you to go outside
694
00:25:31,950 --> 00:25:33,450
and create an on-camera fight
695
00:25:33,477 --> 00:25:36,304
between the racist and
the black debutante.
696
00:25:36,310 --> 00:25:37,847
Do you understand?
697
00:25:38,108 --> 00:25:39,374
Do you need some help?
698
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,592
Wagerstein, what is the
shrink dirt on these ladies?
699
00:25:42,614 --> 00:25:46,363
Oh, well, Chantal is
a type-A control freak.
700
00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:48,784
- Okay.
- Kind of a time bomb waiting to go off.
701
00:25:48,837 --> 00:25:50,953
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, and her fianc? died
702
00:25:50,975 --> 00:25:52,636
in a car accident a year and a half ago.
703
00:25:52,667 --> 00:25:53,933
Oh, perfect. Great.
704
00:25:53,946 --> 00:25:56,305
Okay, so you're gonna use
that little bit of information,
705
00:25:56,327 --> 00:25:57,836
and you're gonna interview her.
706
00:25:57,841 --> 00:26:00,594
Okay, you're gonna get her
to cry and show you tears.
707
00:26:00,616 --> 00:26:02,644
She's gonna ask you,
"Will I ever love again?"
708
00:26:02,657 --> 00:26:04,711
It's gonna build all
this sympathy for Chantal.
709
00:26:04,733 --> 00:26:06,585
And Beth Ann's gonna
look like a total dick
710
00:26:06,620 --> 00:26:07,935
for not wanting to room with her.
711
00:26:07,968 --> 00:26:09,265
Does that make sense?
712
00:26:09,327 --> 00:26:10,682
Well, I just really don't think
713
00:26:10,708 --> 00:26:12,196
she's gonna want to talk about that.
714
00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,617
I mean, how am I supposed to force her?
715
00:26:14,737 --> 00:26:16,919
I don't know. Tell her your
mother died or something.
716
00:26:16,950 --> 00:26:18,463
Act like you get it.
717
00:26:19,570 --> 00:26:20,942
My mom did die.
718
00:26:22,026 --> 00:26:23,292
There you go.
719
00:26:23,536 --> 00:26:25,709
Right there, you see that? You use that.
720
00:26:29,232 --> 00:26:31,016
Oh, my God.
721
00:26:32,663 --> 00:26:34,221
[Door closes]
722
00:26:37,603 --> 00:26:40,051
Nice, Rachel. That was really nice.
723
00:26:40,967 --> 00:26:42,362
So, that's it? That's your plan?
724
00:26:42,384 --> 00:26:44,247
You're just gonna make
Quinn look like the good cop?
725
00:26:44,327 --> 00:26:47,509
No, my plan is to make a
top-rated television program
726
00:26:47,527 --> 00:26:49,386
with a black romantic lead.
727
00:26:49,913 --> 00:26:51,662
Do you have a problem with that?
728
00:26:52,832 --> 00:26:54,729
- I do not.
- Okay, great.
729
00:26:54,764 --> 00:26:56,269
Well, then can you go
get Beth Ann's interview
730
00:26:56,278 --> 00:26:58,124
talking trash about her black roommates?
731
00:26:58,141 --> 00:26:59,349
'Cause I don't have
anything for the promo.
732
00:26:59,380 --> 00:27:01,576
- Thanks, bye.
- [Chuckles]
733
00:27:03,745 --> 00:27:05,130
- Ooh.
- [Door opens]
734
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:07,967
- [Door slams]
- Oh.
735
00:27:08,792 --> 00:27:09,647
Hm.
736
00:27:09,804 --> 00:27:11,749
Did I forget to tell you that
737
00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:14,117
being the boss sucks?
738
00:27:17,655 --> 00:27:19,523
Nice jacket, by the way.
739
00:27:20,245 --> 00:27:21,666
Helmut Lang.
740
00:27:24,193 --> 00:27:27,265
Well, here's to booze and fancy clothes.
741
00:27:33,251 --> 00:27:35,351
This so exciting.
742
00:27:35,386 --> 00:27:36,619
Yeah. [Chuckles]
743
00:27:37,066 --> 00:27:39,545
So, Chantal, I'm really curious.
744
00:27:39,554 --> 00:27:41,190
What's your story?
745
00:27:41,226 --> 00:27:43,886
Ugh. My God, she's never
gonna get this done.
746
00:27:43,908 --> 00:27:45,803
Well, I was born in Atlanta.
747
00:27:46,064 --> 00:27:47,368
Me and my mom and...
748
00:27:47,430 --> 00:27:50,099
What is this? That's some
general crap nobody cares about.
749
00:27:50,139 --> 00:27:52,134
A... are you excited to be here?
750
00:27:52,202 --> 00:27:54,151
I'm very excited to be here.
751
00:27:54,171 --> 00:27:55,588
She's wasting my time. You know what?
752
00:27:55,619 --> 00:27:56,393
I'm just gonna go out there
753
00:27:56,424 --> 00:27:57,921
- and do this myself.
- No, stop.
754
00:27:57,939 --> 00:28:00,927
- No, don't stop. This is ridiculous.
- Rachel, Rachel, stop. All right?
755
00:28:01,011 --> 00:28:02,653
How is she gonna ever learn anything
756
00:28:02,698 --> 00:28:04,557
if you don't delegate and teach her?
757
00:28:04,765 --> 00:28:06,727
Like what I'm doing with you right now?
758
00:28:06,847 --> 00:28:09,094
You're screwing up,
and I'm not taking over.
759
00:28:09,413 --> 00:28:10,385
Yet.
760
00:28:10,905 --> 00:28:13,871
You are in charge of
everything on these monitors,
761
00:28:13,915 --> 00:28:16,044
not just getting one girl to cry.
762
00:28:16,164 --> 00:28:19,124
So get in the idiot's ear
and tell her what to do.
763
00:28:19,143 --> 00:28:20,333
Understood.
764
00:28:22,529 --> 00:28:23,795
[Sighs]
765
00:28:24,419 --> 00:28:25,437
He's really nice.
766
00:28:25,450 --> 00:28:27,681
- I think...
- Okay, Madison, hi.
767
00:28:27,699 --> 00:28:30,488
I need you to listen to everything
I say and just repeat after me.
768
00:28:30,515 --> 00:28:32,689
- Do you understand?
- Okay. Yeah, uh, copy.
769
00:28:32,991 --> 00:28:34,108
Copy?
770
00:28:34,908 --> 00:28:37,891
Sorry, I just do that sometimes.
771
00:28:37,931 --> 00:28:39,976
I... I talk, it's stupid. Um,
772
00:28:40,020 --> 00:28:41,105
- okay, okay.
- How's she doing?
773
00:28:41,225 --> 00:28:42,959
Madison, just listen to me.
774
00:28:42,981 --> 00:28:45,434
Just say what I say.
Don't say anything else.
775
00:28:45,895 --> 00:28:47,749
"So, Atlanta, what was
it like dating there?
776
00:28:47,785 --> 00:28:50,047
- I hear it's... "
- So, Atlanta,
777
00:28:50,051 --> 00:28:51,334
what was the dating there like?
778
00:28:51,343 --> 00:28:53,906
- I heard that it's really hard.
- No, don't fill in the blank.
779
00:28:53,913 --> 00:28:54,890
We want her to do that, okay?
780
00:28:54,897 --> 00:28:56,756
Do you get it? It's like
a couplet. I say something.
781
00:28:56,770 --> 00:28:58,347
and then she'll say the
rest of the sentence.
782
00:28:58,467 --> 00:28:59,514
I'm sorry.
783
00:28:59,873 --> 00:29:01,941
What was it you wanted
to talk about exactly?
784
00:29:01,985 --> 00:29:03,211
Okay, listen, Madison.
785
00:29:03,238 --> 00:29:05,203
We need something for the promo, okay?
786
00:29:05,323 --> 00:29:06,706
Just ask her,
787
00:29:06,889 --> 00:29:08,575
"So, why are you still single?"
788
00:29:09,248 --> 00:29:11,306
Why are you still single?
789
00:29:14,232 --> 00:29:15,325
Um...
790
00:29:15,799 --> 00:29:18,376
Don't say anything, Madison.
Keep your mouth shut.
791
00:29:18,411 --> 00:29:20,310
Silence is your friend.
792
00:29:22,869 --> 00:29:24,453
I had a fianc?.
793
00:29:25,095 --> 00:29:26,069
He died.
794
00:29:26,383 --> 00:29:28,180
She's got a dead fianc?.
795
00:29:28,206 --> 00:29:30,105
- Holla!
- Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
796
00:29:30,145 --> 00:29:32,564
That's good, Madison.
Just keep looking at her.
797
00:29:32,599 --> 00:29:34,166
I want you to ask her,
798
00:29:34,202 --> 00:29:36,217
"Oh, my God, what happened?"
799
00:29:36,476 --> 00:29:37,817
Oh, my God.
800
00:29:38,632 --> 00:29:39,924
What happened?
801
00:29:41,495 --> 00:29:42,620
Car accident.
802
00:29:44,621 --> 00:29:46,918
Did a drunk driver hit him or something?
803
00:29:46,940 --> 00:29:48,698
No, Madison, don't say "drunk driver."
804
00:29:48,716 --> 00:29:49,690
Did I say "drunk driver"?
805
00:29:49,716 --> 00:29:51,925
Shut your mouth and
just do as you're told.
806
00:29:52,333 --> 00:29:53,485
Bad weather.
807
00:29:53,709 --> 00:29:54,917
Ice storm.
808
00:29:55,687 --> 00:29:57,202
We were driving back from the mountains.
809
00:29:57,322 --> 00:29:58,906
"Were you in the car?"
810
00:29:59,498 --> 00:30:00,925
Say it, Madison.
811
00:30:00,961 --> 00:30:02,522
You were in the car?
812
00:30:04,725 --> 00:30:06,046
I was driving.
813
00:30:06,166 --> 00:30:09,228
- Holy crap.
- Oh, my God, that's great, Madison.
814
00:30:09,241 --> 00:30:10,868
Just keep looking at her, okay,
815
00:30:10,877 --> 00:30:13,104
keep looking really
shocked, okay, Madison?
816
00:30:13,139 --> 00:30:16,082
Build sympathy for her, and
then you're gonna ask her,
817
00:30:16,498 --> 00:30:18,105
"Did you kill him?"
818
00:30:18,729 --> 00:30:20,844
- So...
- Madison, just keep looking at her, okay?
819
00:30:20,858 --> 00:30:22,244
It's time to gut this bitch.
820
00:30:22,248 --> 00:30:24,895
Say the words, "Did you kill him?"
821
00:30:26,042 --> 00:30:27,888
"Did you kill him?"
822
00:30:28,959 --> 00:30:30,663
[Voice breaking] Did you kill him?
823
00:30:32,571 --> 00:30:34,912
- What?!
- Stay strong, Madison.
824
00:30:35,032 --> 00:30:36,434
Don't speak.
825
00:30:36,489 --> 00:30:39,645
I loved him. I... I saw him die.
826
00:30:39,765 --> 00:30:41,978
"So, you didn't kill him?"
827
00:30:43,106 --> 00:30:46,888
- So, you didn't kill him?
- How can you ask me that?
828
00:30:46,950 --> 00:30:48,857
I did not kill him!
829
00:30:48,888 --> 00:30:50,278
I'm so sorry.
830
00:30:50,742 --> 00:30:52,469
How do you like puppeteering?
831
00:30:52,527 --> 00:30:54,544
Are you kidding me? I feel like God.
832
00:30:54,579 --> 00:30:56,444
If I had been in that position,
833
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:57,923
I would have blamed myself.
834
00:30:57,998 --> 00:31:01,132
My mother just died a little while ago,
835
00:31:02,115 --> 00:31:04,999
and she was really worried
about me moving to California.
836
00:31:05,008 --> 00:31:07,738
She wanted me to go home, and I didn't.
837
00:31:07,788 --> 00:31:09,568
[Sobs]
838
00:31:09,643 --> 00:31:11,591
She just had a heart attack.
839
00:31:13,109 --> 00:31:15,707
I thought... [sobs] I'm so sorry.
840
00:31:15,764 --> 00:31:18,769
You must miss him so much.
841
00:31:19,075 --> 00:31:20,717
Madison, stop crying.
842
00:31:20,738 --> 00:31:22,355
She's about to give you the goods.
843
00:31:22,377 --> 00:31:24,339
Just look at her and ask her,
844
00:31:24,374 --> 00:31:26,304
"Will you ever love again?"
845
00:31:26,744 --> 00:31:28,114
[Sobs]
846
00:31:28,593 --> 00:31:30,748
Will you ever love again?
847
00:31:30,748 --> 00:31:32,966
[Crying]
848
00:31:34,187 --> 00:31:37,512
I will love again or die trying.
849
00:31:37,530 --> 00:31:39,217
There's our damn promo line.
850
00:31:39,261 --> 00:31:40,359
Madison: I'm sorry.
851
00:31:40,416 --> 00:31:41,642
Just...
852
00:31:47,659 --> 00:31:49,164
[Breathing shallowly]
853
00:31:56,066 --> 00:31:58,238
Woman: What the hell is
he doing with the camera?
854
00:31:59,975 --> 00:32:02,559
[Wretches, vomits]
855
00:32:03,706 --> 00:32:05,546
[Coughing]
856
00:32:06,214 --> 00:32:07,882
I'm sorry Rachel made you do that.
857
00:32:08,764 --> 00:32:09,543
You okay?
858
00:32:10,526 --> 00:32:13,395
[Chuckles] That was amazing.
859
00:32:13,457 --> 00:32:15,440
[Breathing heavily]
860
00:32:21,088 --> 00:32:23,230
[Door opens, closes]
861
00:32:24,767 --> 00:32:26,214
Man: Places, places.
862
00:32:26,223 --> 00:32:28,596
Rachel: Okay, we are
T-minus 10 minutes, people.
863
00:32:28,627 --> 00:32:30,774
If this place isn't as
tight as a unicorn's butthole
864
00:32:30,796 --> 00:32:33,041
in five minutes, everyone is fired.
865
00:32:33,076 --> 00:32:35,016
Dan: Yeah, we got a problem.
She won't put it on.
866
00:32:35,379 --> 00:32:36,724
She says she never wears one.
867
00:32:36,768 --> 00:32:39,283
I don't care that she has
never worn a head scarf.
868
00:32:39,305 --> 00:32:40,779
Quinn promised the network a terrorist.
869
00:32:40,792 --> 00:32:42,231
Our audience will not understand
870
00:32:42,231 --> 00:32:44,338
unless she is actually
dressed like a terrorist.
871
00:32:44,352 --> 00:32:45,693
Put a head scarf on her, please.
872
00:32:45,733 --> 00:32:48,110
Muslim women are fighting and dying for
the right not to cover up.
873
00:32:48,154 --> 00:32:49,598
- What's wrong with you?
- You know, wearing a head scarf
874
00:32:49,620 --> 00:32:51,424
doesn't actually make you a terrorist.
875
00:32:51,459 --> 00:32:53,263
But wearing pigtails at your age
876
00:32:53,276 --> 00:32:55,988
- does make you retarded.
- That's true. [Laughter]
877
00:32:55,997 --> 00:32:57,625
Can we not use that word this season.
878
00:32:57,665 --> 00:33:00,319
- It's a micro-aggression.
- Shut up, Wagerstein.
879
00:33:00,390 --> 00:33:02,041
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- My God.
880
00:33:02,045 --> 00:33:03,970
Okay, here we go.
881
00:33:04,005 --> 00:33:06,505
Wifeys, bitches, and sluts, oh, my.
882
00:33:06,578 --> 00:33:08,774
- Man: Seconds away.
- Good job, Goldberg.
883
00:33:08,809 --> 00:33:11,526
That actually looks like
a TV show... a real TV show,
884
00:33:11,553 --> 00:33:13,540
- your TV show.
- Oh, thank you.
885
00:33:13,548 --> 00:33:16,218
- I have training wheels on at best.
- Oh, but I just let go.
886
00:33:16,250 --> 00:33:17,957
Look, network, no hands.
887
00:33:18,010 --> 00:33:20,684
- Aaah!
- Does anybody see Graham?
888
00:33:20,724 --> 00:33:21,950
Can I please get a 20
889
00:33:21,968 --> 00:33:23,637
on the host of our television program?
890
00:33:23,657 --> 00:33:24,983
Okay, he's still getting makeup done.
891
00:33:25,036 --> 00:33:27,290
What is he getting? A
chimpanzee face transplant?
892
00:33:27,321 --> 00:33:29,375
If he isn't on his mark in 15 seconds,
893
00:33:29,388 --> 00:33:30,344
I am gonna come in there,
894
00:33:30,357 --> 00:33:32,225
and I'm gonna grab him by the balls,
895
00:33:32,231 --> 00:33:34,372
- and I'm gonna put him on his mark.
- Oh, God.
896
00:33:34,386 --> 00:33:36,422
I literally just thought
about touching Graham's balls.
897
00:33:36,436 --> 00:33:38,303
That's so disgusting. I
bet they're fake tanned.
898
00:33:38,307 --> 00:33:40,046
- Like without question, he tans his balls.
- Oh, my God.
899
00:33:40,073 --> 00:33:41,490
- He does.
- Ew! Ew!
900
00:33:41,499 --> 00:33:45,280
- Madison, you're such a little slut, seriously.
- You are a slut, you have issues.
901
00:33:45,302 --> 00:33:46,099
Control yourself.
902
00:33:46,112 --> 00:33:47,462
- Wag?
- Can we not talk about balls?
903
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:49,131
- Quinn: [Laughs]
- Rachel: You see "hairy balls" yet?
904
00:33:49,157 --> 00:33:49,839
- Demanding, man.
- Here, sir.
905
00:33:49,852 --> 00:33:50,861
Right in the middle, okay.
906
00:33:50,883 --> 00:33:53,783
Okay and, um, we are rolling
907
00:33:53,805 --> 00:33:56,293
in three, two,
908
00:33:56,598 --> 00:33:58,634
one... action.
909
00:33:58,696 --> 00:34:02,109
Ladies, beautiful, wonderful ladies.
910
00:34:02,131 --> 00:34:05,765
Welcome to season 14 of "Everlasting."
911
00:34:05,792 --> 00:34:07,783
Now, usually our suitor waits for you.
912
00:34:07,788 --> 00:34:09,474
But see, this season, our suitor
913
00:34:09,492 --> 00:34:10,785
is more well-known,
914
00:34:10,842 --> 00:34:12,883
more prominent than ever.
915
00:34:12,954 --> 00:34:15,654
And in order to get our
ladies to be surprised,
916
00:34:15,774 --> 00:34:17,005
we had to make them wait...
917
00:34:17,042 --> 00:34:18,307
... until now.
918
00:34:20,006 --> 00:34:21,277
Ladies, are you ready?
919
00:34:21,313 --> 00:34:23,264
[All cheering]
920
00:34:25,004 --> 00:34:27,252
Ugh, it looks like "My
Little Pony" threw up.
921
00:34:27,278 --> 00:34:28,975
- Too much pink.
- [Cheering continues]
922
00:34:29,279 --> 00:34:31,554
All right, well, then, prepare yourselves
923
00:34:31,802 --> 00:34:33,584
because this season,
924
00:34:33,650 --> 00:34:37,583
this man is not only
handsome, wealthy, and smart,
925
00:34:37,938 --> 00:34:40,096
But he is also a national hero.
926
00:34:40,323 --> 00:34:44,373
So I urge you, ladies, open
your hearts to your suitor.
927
00:34:44,439 --> 00:34:47,881
All right, let's get ready
to see some panties drop.
928
00:34:52,949 --> 00:34:54,643
[Cellphone rings]
929
00:34:55,113 --> 00:34:56,253
What?
930
00:34:56,430 --> 00:34:57,345
What the... ?
931
00:34:58,764 --> 00:35:00,280
Why isn't someone yelling "cut"?
932
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:01,730
Rach, it's you.
933
00:35:02,190 --> 00:35:04,126
Cut! Cut! Cut!
934
00:35:05,249 --> 00:35:07,081
Weren't you supposed to be watching him?
935
00:35:08,291 --> 00:35:10,388
- Oh, my God.
- [Cellphone rings]
936
00:35:10,637 --> 00:35:12,158
[Cellphone beeps]
937
00:35:12,278 --> 00:35:14,948
Hello, this is the host of "Everlasting."
938
00:35:14,959 --> 00:35:16,475
Give me the phone.
939
00:35:16,536 --> 00:35:18,516
- Is that... is this part of it?
- Probably.
940
00:35:18,534 --> 00:35:19,399
Quinn?
941
00:35:20,331 --> 00:35:21,310
Hello?
942
00:35:21,371 --> 00:35:23,076
Chet: Big dog's back, kiddo.
943
00:35:23,196 --> 00:35:26,000
Don't "kiddo" me, Chet.
Where the hell is my suitor?
944
00:35:26,045 --> 00:35:27,987
Oh, no. No, no, no. He's my suitor now.
945
00:35:28,025 --> 00:35:29,979
You want to talk to him,
you got to deal with me.
946
00:35:30,023 --> 00:35:31,263
[Cellphone beeps]
947
00:35:32,148 --> 00:35:33,548
- What the hell, Rachel?
- What?
948
00:35:33,575 --> 00:35:34,698
Chet has the suitor?
949
00:35:34,770 --> 00:35:36,640
How did you let Darius out of your sight?
950
00:35:36,651 --> 00:35:39,195
You should've had a P.A.
superglued to his ass.
951
00:35:39,206 --> 00:35:41,393
- I did... I had Madison on it.
- Really?
952
00:35:41,442 --> 00:35:42,859
Transpo! Now!
953
00:35:42,892 --> 00:35:45,022
You know what? This is gonna be
fine. Let's just push one day.
954
00:35:45,050 --> 00:35:46,411
- We'll send the crew home right now...
- No, we are not pushing dick.
955
00:35:46,439 --> 00:35:48,328
We are going and getting our suitor.
956
00:35:48,363 --> 00:35:49,598
Get in the car.
957
00:35:49,864 --> 00:35:51,263
[Engine starts]
958
00:35:51,299 --> 00:35:53,659
Get back to work. Stop standing around.
959
00:35:53,687 --> 00:35:55,170
Oh, my God.
960
00:35:56,735 --> 00:35:57,867
[Car door closes]
961
00:35:57,903 --> 00:36:00,837
[R&B music plays]
962
00:36:00,872 --> 00:36:03,540
[Indistinct conversations]
963
00:36:03,724 --> 00:36:05,141
Unbelievable.
964
00:36:05,433 --> 00:36:08,711
We missed an hour of our
night for shrimp buffet.
965
00:36:09,013 --> 00:36:10,624
Way to manage, Goldie.
966
00:36:13,064 --> 00:36:15,349
Excuse me, thank you very much. Gary.
967
00:36:15,897 --> 00:36:17,146
Hi.
968
00:36:17,422 --> 00:36:19,613
- Wow, you look great.
- Oh, you too.
969
00:36:19,615 --> 00:36:21,190
What a surprise to see you here.
970
00:36:21,217 --> 00:36:23,926
Well, I'm here to see
our man, Darius, right?
971
00:36:23,939 --> 00:36:24,893
Yes, of course.
972
00:36:24,929 --> 00:36:27,135
Uh, do you mind if I
borrow Chet for a minute.
973
00:36:27,153 --> 00:36:28,131
Apparently not.
974
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:30,166
- Gents.
- Good luck.
975
00:36:33,094 --> 00:36:35,230
- What the hell are you doing, Chet?
- [Door closes]
976
00:36:35,280 --> 00:36:36,939
- Chet: Huh?
- What are you doing?
977
00:36:36,974 --> 00:36:38,855
You wanted to fight like a
man. That's what I'm doing.
978
00:36:38,871 --> 00:36:40,061
I'm fighting like a man.
979
00:36:40,443 --> 00:36:41,577
I see.
980
00:36:41,612 --> 00:36:44,808
So, you have Darius,
but what about the girls?
981
00:36:44,928 --> 00:36:45,848
I got girls.
982
00:36:45,875 --> 00:36:48,383
Oh, you loaded up a minivan
with strippers, Chet.
983
00:36:48,949 --> 00:36:50,450
Every girl I have back at the house,
984
00:36:50,459 --> 00:36:52,897
I handpicked based on a story.
985
00:36:52,898 --> 00:36:54,886
And then I weave that
into television drama
986
00:36:54,904 --> 00:36:56,608
that I turn into massive ratings,
987
00:36:56,639 --> 00:36:59,142
which you have never, ever done.
988
00:36:59,671 --> 00:37:01,610
So, Romeo, what is going on?
989
00:37:01,627 --> 00:37:03,212
Come on, I thought we
had each other's backs.
990
00:37:03,257 --> 00:37:05,412
- What's happening here?
- Oh, why?
991
00:37:05,448 --> 00:37:07,103
Because you treat me like a walking dildo?
992
00:37:07,223 --> 00:37:08,343
Please, you love it.
993
00:37:08,374 --> 00:37:10,746
Look, it takes a player to know a player.
994
00:37:10,812 --> 00:37:12,422
This show needs a major revamp.
995
00:37:12,424 --> 00:37:14,030
Now, when I was away all those months,
996
00:37:14,039 --> 00:37:15,372
I wasn't just working on myself.
997
00:37:15,394 --> 00:37:17,453
I was thinking about the
show's cultural legacy.
998
00:37:17,484 --> 00:37:19,533
- Oh, God.
- We're telling men that it's okay
999
00:37:19,547 --> 00:37:22,610
to swoop out of the sky in
diamond-studded helicopters.
1000
00:37:22,614 --> 00:37:24,933
Women don't respect that.
You know what they respect?
1001
00:37:25,145 --> 00:37:27,898
A man who can kill with his bare hands.
1002
00:37:27,923 --> 00:37:30,660
- Chet just offered us better stuff.
- What stuff did he offer you?
1003
00:37:30,740 --> 00:37:33,604
Uh, private accommodations,
our cellphones.
1004
00:37:33,639 --> 00:37:35,202
- Mm.
- [Snaps] Oh, yeah.
1005
00:37:35,272 --> 00:37:37,730
And a three-year pay-or-play
sportscasting deal if...
1006
00:37:37,766 --> 00:37:39,288
He doesn't even have the authority
1007
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:41,714
- to offer you something like that.
- Oh, he didn't?
1008
00:37:41,732 --> 00:37:43,564
The network president, Gary?
1009
00:37:43,648 --> 00:37:44,609
Yeah, he did.
1010
00:37:44,631 --> 00:37:46,357
Now, if you'll excuse me.
1011
00:37:48,420 --> 00:37:51,717
We have created a generation
of wimps and bitches.
1012
00:37:51,775 --> 00:37:53,744
We've got a whole audience
who's waiting for us
1013
00:37:53,766 --> 00:37:56,329
to show them the natural order of things.
1014
00:37:56,386 --> 00:37:58,099
Man, the audience is gonna eat that up.
1015
00:37:58,135 --> 00:37:59,822
Are you sure you're not still on drugs?
1016
00:37:59,854 --> 00:38:01,512
- No.
- I've never been this clean.
1017
00:38:01,579 --> 00:38:02,421
It's like us.
1018
00:38:02,424 --> 00:38:05,240
I tried as a hard as I could to
be everything you wanted me to be.
1019
00:38:05,261 --> 00:38:07,819
And I ended up a castrated, obese mess.
1020
00:38:07,824 --> 00:38:10,674
You ended up a dried-up old spinster.
1021
00:38:11,511 --> 00:38:12,596
[Sighs]
1022
00:38:13,149 --> 00:38:14,466
What do you want, Chet?
1023
00:38:15,535 --> 00:38:17,947
I want the girls to
come to Darius... here...
1024
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,417
in bikinis, pool-side cocktails.
1025
00:38:20,434 --> 00:38:22,643
We would lose three
more hours of hard night
1026
00:38:22,661 --> 00:38:23,732
on a company move,
1027
00:38:23,763 --> 00:38:26,291
and that would leave
us two hours to shoot.
1028
00:38:27,162 --> 00:38:28,193
Hmm.
1029
00:38:30,367 --> 00:38:31,571
[Sighs]
1030
00:38:32,695 --> 00:38:34,257
Bring Darius to the mansion right now,
1031
00:38:34,257 --> 00:38:35,811
and I will ditch the evening gowns.
1032
00:38:35,822 --> 00:38:37,689
I will give you a pool and the bikinis.
1033
00:38:38,998 --> 00:38:41,318
Or I could just go and tell Gary
1034
00:38:41,340 --> 00:38:42,709
that we're gonna push a few days.
1035
00:38:42,757 --> 00:38:44,584
All right, we'll do it
my way at the mansion.
1036
00:38:45,386 --> 00:38:46,868
But this is far from over.
1037
00:38:47,466 --> 00:38:49,330
I'm taking my kingdom back.
1038
00:38:49,732 --> 00:38:51,330
May the best man win.
1039
00:38:52,592 --> 00:38:54,093
She usually does.
1040
00:38:55,605 --> 00:38:58,639
1041
00:39:00,972 --> 00:39:02,663
Chet just declared war.
1042
00:39:07,604 --> 00:39:08,945
Man: Any issues, guys?
1043
00:39:09,003 --> 00:39:10,048
Quinn: Okay, people,
1044
00:39:10,061 --> 00:39:12,920
we've got five hours of
hard night to get this.
1045
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:15,599
Okay? Thank you. I
need lights in the pool.
1046
00:39:15,639 --> 00:39:18,354
I need all the girls out of
their gowns and into bikinis.
1047
00:39:18,409 --> 00:39:21,153
Oiled up, spray-tanned, and pube-less now.
1048
00:39:21,273 --> 00:39:22,503
And what the hell is that?
1049
00:39:22,536 --> 00:39:23,898
No, you got to cover that up.
1050
00:39:23,926 --> 00:39:25,541
Wifeys have no tattoos.
1051
00:39:25,586 --> 00:39:27,705
And what are you... what is this?
1052
00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,321
No, unless you have a great story
1053
00:39:29,326 --> 00:39:31,130
about being a burn victim under there,
1054
00:39:31,139 --> 00:39:33,607
- you're got to change.
- This is all I have.
1055
00:39:33,809 --> 00:39:35,543
- Seriously?
- I will fix it.
1056
00:39:35,615 --> 00:39:37,850
Okay, get her P.A. over here right now.
1057
00:39:37,894 --> 00:39:39,798
Put her in someone else's
underwear if you have to
1058
00:39:39,809 --> 00:39:41,475
because I'm an underwear psychic,
1059
00:39:41,497 --> 00:39:43,732
and I bet this bitch
packed granny panties, okay?
1060
00:39:43,749 --> 00:39:45,608
Get me our coats now.
1061
00:39:45,652 --> 00:39:47,312
- Go. Move it! All right?
- Coats.
1062
00:39:47,355 --> 00:39:47,938
- Get them.
- Excuse me.
1063
00:39:47,982 --> 00:39:49,127
- Wagerstein.
- Yeah?
1064
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:51,048
- You want to get in a bikini, too?
- No.
1065
00:39:51,070 --> 00:39:52,813
- Out. Now.
- Got it.
1066
00:39:52,857 --> 00:39:54,296
Thank you. Buh-bye.
1067
00:39:54,335 --> 00:39:56,222
I've got something that
would look banging on her
1068
00:39:56,250 --> 00:39:58,352
- back in our room.
- Who are you?
1069
00:39:58,363 --> 00:39:59,647
Oh, I'm...
1070
00:39:59,708 --> 00:40:01,694
Oh! Wait.
1071
00:40:01,814 --> 00:40:04,079
- [Chuckles] Oh, my God.
- Don't do it.
1072
00:40:04,129 --> 00:40:06,253
That's, uh... that's Hot Rachel.
1073
00:40:08,041 --> 00:40:09,844
That is amazing.
1074
00:40:09,878 --> 00:40:12,290
- Can you not?
- Yes, please go.
1075
00:40:12,323 --> 00:40:14,508
Run, Hot Rachel, run.
1076
00:40:14,536 --> 00:40:16,393
- Coats, I got coats.
- Thank you.
1077
00:40:16,863 --> 00:40:19,747
She really looks like you.
That's kind of amazing.
1078
00:40:19,786 --> 00:40:20,682
All right, listen.
1079
00:40:20,699 --> 00:40:25,236
I don't want to see any
razor burn, people, okay?
1080
00:40:25,258 --> 00:40:28,888
Use duct tape if you have to,
but I want those pubes out.
1081
00:40:28,926 --> 00:40:30,758
Quinn, if I keep following
you around like this,
1082
00:40:30,763 --> 00:40:31,981
the crew's gonna have a really hard time
1083
00:40:31,987 --> 00:40:33,276
believing I'm the show runner.
1084
00:40:33,396 --> 00:40:35,572
Oh, okay. So, were you show-running
1085
00:40:35,584 --> 00:40:37,371
when you let Chet steal our suitor?
1086
00:40:37,753 --> 00:40:39,157
No, I was recruiting Ruby,
1087
00:40:39,163 --> 00:40:41,825
and you didn't even warn
me that Chet was back.
1088
00:40:41,863 --> 00:40:43,960
No one warns you about anything
1089
00:40:43,971 --> 00:40:45,731
- when you're the boss.
- That's not our deal!
1090
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:50,186
Okay, listen to me, okay?
1091
00:40:50,202 --> 00:40:50,878
- Mm.
- Look at me.
1092
00:40:50,917 --> 00:40:51,747
Mm-hmm?
1093
00:40:51,808 --> 00:40:53,047
You're my girl.
1094
00:40:53,167 --> 00:40:56,107
But I need Chet dead forever.
1095
00:40:56,362 --> 00:40:57,495
You'll get another shot.
1096
00:40:57,506 --> 00:40:59,310
I just got to steer us
past this train wreck,
1097
00:40:59,343 --> 00:41:02,115
and then I will hand the show back to you.
1098
00:41:02,846 --> 00:41:04,589
Money, dick, power, right?
1099
00:41:07,007 --> 00:41:09,558
Yeah. Yeah, money, dick, power.
1100
00:41:10,316 --> 00:41:11,456
Right.
1101
00:41:11,655 --> 00:41:13,083
All right, let's do this.
1102
00:41:13,154 --> 00:41:15,661
Even I can't stop the sun from rising.
1103
00:41:15,689 --> 00:41:17,753
Lord knows I've tried.
1104
00:41:18,275 --> 00:41:21,155
1105
00:41:34,429 --> 00:41:37,920
Oh, we kill our way to heaven
1106
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,073
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
1107
00:41:40,123 --> 00:41:44,673
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