Original subtitles

? What would you do if I sang out of tune? ?

? Would you stand up and walk out on me? ?

? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ?

? I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ?

? Oh, baby, I get by ? ? By with a little help from my friends ?

? All I need is my buddies ?

? High with a little help from my friends ?

? I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ?

? Try with a little help from my friends ?

- ? Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ? - ? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?

There are very few things in life as purely terrifying

As calling a 12-year-old girl on the telephone.

Ugh!

Especially a really cute 12-year-old girl.

We're at t-minus 19 and holding

As the ground crew performs one last technical check

Before the historic Apollo 8 lift-off.

She was in my homeroom

And third-period social-studies class.

I'll never forget that day.

Mrs. Ritvo let us watch the lift-off on TV.

Now, at the time, I'd just gotten over this whole thing

With Winnie Cooper,

So I didn't really know I was ready for love.

I just knew that I'd lost all interest in the space program.

Blast off, splash down, blast off, splash down...

Who cared?

But then my gaze settled on...

On her...

On Lisa Berlin.

Lisa Berlin was the kind of girl you dreamed about

But who would probably never even know your name.

- ...8, 7, 6... - But then it happened.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

Blast-off!

? Then I saw her face ?

? Now I'm a believer ?

? Not a trace ?

She looked at me. Did you see that?

She looked right at me! ? Then I saw her face ?

I don't know how to explain it, except to say

That when you're 12... ? Now I'm a believer ?

And a girl like that looks at you like that,

Even for an instant,

Everything else gets blasted out of your mind

And into the upper atmosphere. ? I'm in love ?

[ School bell rings ]

? I'm a believer, I couldn't leave her if I tried ?

I was in love.

And if all goes well on this mission,

For the first time in human history,

Man will orbit the moon.

So now I was a man with a mission of my own.

I had to find out if she liked me.

The only problem was I didn't really know Lisa all that well.

Oh, let's face it, I'd never actually heard her speak.

Maybe the easiest thing

Would be to just call her on the phone.

Ugh!

On the other hand, maybe the easiest thing

Would be to just bump into Lisa somewhere...

Casually...

Accidentally.

So I spent the next three days tracking her every movement.

[ school bell rings ]

At 11:21 and 15 seconds on Tuesday the 8th,

I made my move.

My plan was foolproof.

I could already see it happening.

I'd look at her.

She'd look at me.

"I'd say, " oh, pardon me.

I didn't expect to bump into you here."

She'd say, "just my lucky day, I guess."

One thing would lead to another.

I'd suggest we talk about it over an ice-cream sandwich.

Oh.

Hi.

Uh...

How are you?

Uh... Uh...

Fine. Fine.

Well, bye.

"Fine"?

"Fine"?!

I realized then that there were special things

That a man says to a woman. "Fine"?! "fine"?!

"Fine"?!

[ Dial tone ]

Ugh!

I also realized that I had no idea what those things were.

But now I was officially a goner.

I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't eat.

Mr. Arnold?

I couldn't learn.

Mr. Arnold, I'm waiting.

Huh?

Oh, well, um...

Could... You repeat the question, again, please?

I asked if you were present.

Perhaps you'd like some more time to think about your answer.

Um, can we sit down now?

I'm getting leg cramps.

Who are you looking for?

I'm not looking for anybody!

Why are you staring at Lisa Berlin?

What are you trying to do to me?!

- [ Muffled shouting ] - Are you crazy?!

All right, if I let go, you promise to be quiet?

You swear?

[ Breathing heavily ]

Did I say something wrong?

[ Giggling ]

What? Do you like her or something?

[ Scoffs ] what? Are you crazy?

Where do you get ideas like that?

[ Scoffs ]

Well, sort of.

Wow! Really? Does she like you, too?

Paul, I have no idea.

Do you know who'd know?

Paul, you've got to promise me this once...

Don't let anybody know, ever!

Okay, okay.

Who?

And so began the great intermediary fiasco.

Patty Galvin.

She lives right next door to her,

And she knows everything about her.

Do you want me to ask?

Torn between the forces of torturous love

And the fear of horrible humiliation,

I agreed, on the sworn promise

That not a word would ever be mentioned

Directly to Lisa Berlin,

To let Paul ask patty Galvin whether or not Lisa liked me.

After all, patty did know everything about Lisa.

She had no idea.

Well... What's she doing? Where's she going now?

She's asking Tommy Rygot.

Oh, god! It's gonna be all over the school!

And Tommy Riot, of course, had absolutely no idea.

But he was thoughtful enough to inquire of...

Of...

Who's she?

I've never seen her before in my life.

Of someone we'd never seen before in our lives.

Oh, my god! No!

What's she doing?!

Paul, what's she doing?!

[ laughter ]

[ Toilet flushes ] After the great intermediary

Fiasco had... Fiascoed,

It was clear I could never be seen by Lisa Berlin again.

There were certain places

I felt I was unlikely to bump into her.

I'm gonna flush this tuna-fish sandwich

If you don't want it.

Paul, what did she do

After the girl asked her if she liked me?

I don't know. I was watching you run out.

[ School bell rings ]

Well, I guess we got to go to O'Brien's class.

Huhunh. I'm not going anywhere.

She might see me.

Well, you can't just stay here all day.

Why not?

"Why not?" is right.

I had running water, indoor plumbing...

Tuna.

I could last weeks.

You're gonna see her on the bus anyway.

Not if I walk home.

Yeah, but what about tomorrow?

Mom, I have a sore throat.

You do?

Come here and let me take a look.

Say "ah."

Ahhhhhh!

Well, it is a little red.

Of course, the human throat is always red,

But fortunately, my mother never looked at it

When I wasn't complaining.

You better go back to bed.

Do I have to?

No arguments.

I'll bring you some cocoa and the TV.

Go on.

Uh, bachelor number 3, what do you think of miniskirts?

After about two hours of steady bed rest and television,

The world always looks a little better.

[ television playing indistinctly ]

After about 10 hours, it always looks a lot worse.

I started to feel disgusted with myself.

I mean, what was I gonna do,

Spend the rest of my life watching "let's make a deal"

Because I was afraid of a 12-year-old girl?

For $12.99...

As the astronauts round

The far side of the moon tonight,

For the first time since the days of Christopher Columbus,

Mankind will truly see a new horizon.

But the thing that amazes me most, frank,

Is the personal courage of those three men.

They are truly rising to the challenge

Set forth by President Kennedy in 1960.

Though while we cannot guarantee

That we shall one day be first,

We can guarantee that any failure to make this effort

Will make us last.

[ applause ]

Suddenly, I realized what I had to do.

I couldn't run away from Lisa Berlin.

I had to take that brave leap into the unknown.

[ rotary phone dialing ]

I had to pick up the phone and call her.

[ ringing ]

Right after dinner.

And if the moon orbit is successful,

NASA officials hope to meet President Kennedy's challenge

To land a man on the moon sometime in this decade.

Well, I had a challenge of my own.

I would call Lisa Berlin by 8:00 tonight...

Or die trying.

Honey, you're looking a little pale.

How's your throat feel?

[ Raspy voice ] mm. Pretty bad.

[ Clears throat ]

Pretty painful.

You know, maybe I should try looking at that throat

When it's normal, just for a comparison.

Mom?

Hmm?

Do you remember the first time Dad called you up on the phone?

Um...

[ television continues playing indistinctly ]

I don't really remember.

Oh.

I think it was Macy's.

Oh, that's right... Macy's.

I was working at a tie counter at Macy's,

And your father called to see if he could return a tie.

So, you didn't even know him?

Well, yeah, I knew him.

Well, I was the one who sold him the tie.

I remember holding it up to him

To see if it matched his shirt.

So, were you hoping he'd call you?

Hoping?

No.

I just sold him the tie,

And I figured that was pretty much it.

Oh.

[ Heart beating ]

Well, this was it, t-minus 19 and counting.

I could just pick up that phone and call her any time now.

Norma!

Where's our damn checkbook?

It's in the drawer!

No, it's not. I looked.

- Dad? - Hmm?

Oh. Thanks.

Never mind.

Um, Dad?

Hmm?

I was just gonna use the phone.

So use it.

Well, I was kind of hoping for a little privacy.

What do you need privacy for?

Dad?

Hmm?

I'm calling about returning a tie.

As he looked at me,

I knew we both sensed the cycle of family history

Poignantly repeating itself.

Since when do you wear ties?

Don't touch my pens.

[ Footsteps depart ]

[ Heart beating ]

Well, this was really it.

Hi. This is Kevin.

[ Heart beating ]

[ Deep voice ] hi. This is Kevin.

[ Normal voice ] hi. This is Kevin.

Just do it!

Do it now.

[ dial tone ]

[ Ringing ]

[ Heart rate increases ]

Hi.

This is Kevin.

How are you?

Uh, fine. What's up? [ heartbeat stops ]

Um, nothing.

I just wanted to see how your day was.

Oh. It was fine.

So...

What happened in math?

Uh... Nothing.

Did you do anything good in gym?

Mm, no, not really.

Nothing?

No, not really.

For god's sake, Paul! Your life is so boring!

It's really depressing!

[ Dial tone ] - hello? Hello?

[ Heartbeat resumes ]

Well, something deep inside me told me

This was really, really it.

It wasn't the way every muscle in my body tightened,

Although it did.

And it wasn't the way

Every nerve ending in my body tingled,

Although it did.

No, it was the way every piece of food I had eaten for dinner

Suddenly went into a spin-cycle in my stomach.

[ heart rate increases ]

[ Rings ] - aah!

H-hello?

Yeah, Jeff, just a minute.

Wayne!

It's Jeff, but could you kind of keep it short?

'Cause I got to, you know, use the phone.

I'll be off when I'm off, scrote.

This happens to be a very important phone call.

Yo, buttface.

Yeah, how you doing?

See the way I nailed jimmy on the bus today?

Wayne's idea of an important call

Was obviously a little different from mine...

Or any human being's, for that matter.

Wayne, can this wait?

No, in a minute.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, god, he's a real weeder.

I think we should all tie him up and, uh...

Yeah, all right, talk to you tomorrow.

All yours, scrote.

Oh. No, no. Please, no.

Why didn't I call before? Why?

Maybe he was just gonna ask if I wanted the door shut.

Who you calling, scrote?

No one.

Been waiting kind of a long time to be calling no one, pal.

Leave me alone, Wayne.

Could it be...

A girl?

Leave me alone!

Let's see. Who could it be?

No one! Now get out!

- Could it be Debbie Ackerman? - Get out!

- Katie Osborne? - Quit it!

Well, the number's got to be here somewhere.

- Give... give me it! - Just... Give it up! Just...

Unh-unh-unh.

Thank you.

Oh, Lisa.

Do we know any Lisas?

That's not even it.

Oh.

So, you won't mind if I call her, then,

Will you, pal, huh?

Not at all.

All right.

No!!

Give me it, please, Wayne! Oh, god, no!

[ Ringing ] please! Please!

Oh, please! Give...

- It's ringing. - Oh, god, no!

Please! Oh!

Hey, what the hell is going on in there?

Aah! Nothing.

Wayne, get out of here and leave him alone.

Now!

Butthead.

[ Sighs ]

Well, I still had one minute before 8:00.

If I had a shred of manhood in me, I would call her now.

[ heart beating ]

T-minus 7, 6, 5, 4, 3...

2, 1.

[ ringing ]

[ Heart rate increases ]

Hello? [ Heartbeat stops ]

This is Lisa.

Kevin who?

Kevin Arnold?

Who's Kevin Arnold?

Oh, hi, Kevin.

Hey, you guys. You've got to hear this.

I'm fine, Kevin. How are you?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

You don't say.

[ Giggles ]

[ laughter ]

[ Ringing ]

We're here live at the Lisa Berlin house

Where Lisa is talking to Kevin Arnold

On the telephone.

Jim, maybe you have an answer

To the question we've been wondering about.

Why would Kevin call Lisa

When it's so obvious she thinks he's a total jerk?

I really don't know, frank,

But if we put our microphone up close to the phone,

We can actually listen in on the call,

Although I don't know if our audience will be able to hear

Above all this laughing.

[ laughter continues ]

[ Ringing ]

8:00 had come and gone.

I guess...

I just couldn't do it.

Kevin!

Kevin, honey, you should be watching this!

See from 180,000 miles out in space.

Mike, what I keep imagining is,

If I'm some lonely traveler from another planet,

What do I think about the earth from this altitude?

For the first time ever seen by human eyes,

The planet earth rising over the moon.

Well, I'm just kind of curious...

Sort of puts things

In perspective, doesn't it, frank?

To think that there on that lovely, glowing orb,

Wars are being fought, storms raging,

People are being born, people dying,

All our human conflict, our passion, our pain,

Being carried on beneath that veil of clouded blue.

And down to Chile.

And suddenly I got this funny feeling.

Maybe I was blowing this whole thing out of proportion.

I mean, Lisa wasn't gonna laugh at me.

And anyway, what if she did?

Did it really matter?

And now this.

?oh, fab, they put real borax in you?

? Oh, fab... ?

And that's when I knew what I had to do.

I just had to pick up the phone and call her.

Lisa?

Hi. This is Kevin, from homeroom.

Yeah.

Right, the little guy.

Oh.

Uh, I had a sore throat.

Nah, it's not too bad.

I'll probably come back to school tomorrow.

Mrs. Ritvo?

Yeah, she's so weird.

[ Chuckles ] ? Ahhahh-ahh-ahh ?

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