Original subtitles

Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

(Crow caws)

(Frankie) Human beings have always had

the need to communicate,

and the way we've done it

has changed faster than we can keep up with--

but not necessarily for the better.

Sue? Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I guess.

What's wrong?

Mm, it's nothing.

Okay.

(Moans loudly)

What?!

It's just... I was looking at Facebook,

and all these pictures are popping up

of everyone at Chloe Kirkwood's sleepover

that I guess I wasn't invited to.

A-and everyone was checking in and tagging each other.

Well, I don't know what any of that is, but is sounds bad.

How good of friends are you with this Chloe person anyway?

I don't know.

As much as Carly is!

Oh, Carly was invited? Mm.

Well, you didn't invite Chloe to your party,

so that's probably why she didn't invite you to hers.

Yeah. Don't let it get to you.

It's just how it goes sometimes.

Yeah, I guess.

(Moans loudly)

Hey, that was good advice.

That was "get up off the floor" advice.

(Moans loudly)

All right, well, if you're gonna stay there,

could you roll over? I'm missing a sock.

All right. See you then, then.

(Beeps) Okay, that was weird.

That applies to so many things in this house,

you're gonna have to be more specific.

Your dad wants to have lunch with me tomorrow at Stuckey's.

- Okay, that is weird. Why? - I don't know,

but apparently I gotta drive an hour and a half to find out.

Wow. I hope nothing's wrong.

Do you think somebody's sick? (Gasps) You know,

he did have those things frozen off his head a while back.

See, this is why I never pick up the phone.

Nothing good comes of it.

Shirts!

Where are my shirts?!

Grr!

No.

(Squeaking)

Whoa.

(Doors creak) You saw nothing!

No, I saw, like, a million bunnies in our closet.

(Clicks tongue) For this crisp dollar bill,

might you be willing to un-see them?

(Pops lips)

(Sighs)

(Grabs bill) Spill it. But make it brief.

- I'm already losing interest. - Fine.

Do you remember Bugs, the bunny mom and dad got me

to make me stop whooping?

- Uh-huh. - Whoop!

Well, mom and dad told me not to ever let him out.

And, of course, I did, and then he made friends

with this other bunny, and then they gave each other

piggyback rides, fast forward, and here we are.

Point of interest-- he is a she.

Yeah. So, uh... (Clears throat)

so what's your plan here?

I figured I'd wait till they mature a little more

and then release them into the wild.

You can't just throw domesticated bunnies

back into the wild, Brick. They don't know what to do!

They don't know how to climb a tree to get an apple,

and they can't outrun a pack of angry cows.

Come on, use your head!

I will if you will.

Okay, here's what you do.

(Exhales) You get a box, you put 'em all in there,

you make a sign that says "Free Bunnies,"

and you take 'em to the frugal hoosier parking lot.

You stand there, you look cute,

and you hope they look cuter, and then, well,

you start moving some bunnies.

Hmm.

(Groans) Look at this. (Taps key)

(Water running) Now they're going to Chi Chi's.

- Who? - The girls who didn't invite Sue to their slumber party.

(Gasps) Oh, and Carly's there, too?

Oh, great.

What are you doin'?

Snooping around on her Facebook.

What? An informed parent is a responsible parent.

I think we've proven we're neither. (Sighs)

Aren't you the one who says to say out of the girl drama?

Yeah, well, it's a different world now, Mike.

When we were kids, if you didn't get invited

to something, you didn't find out about it.

But now poor Sue is getting

all these pictures popping up in her face.

Ugh. And then they all comment on each other's pictures.

Okay, you gotta hear these ridiculous comments

- that they write. - I don't think I do.

(Mocking voice) "OMG, you are so gorg!"

"Could you be more sexy?"

"Save some pretty for the rest of us."

(Groans, normal voice) And I gotta tell you,

some of these pictures are not that great.

Who cares? Sue does plenty of stuff with friends.

Does she? 'Cause all I see her posting

is a picture of her foot.

And no one's even liked it yet.

She's not gonna get invited anywhere

if she's the foot-posting girl.

Frankie's she's growing up too fast anyway.

We should be thrilled she's home with her family,

taking pictures of her foot.

I'd like to stay home tomorrow

and take pictures of my foot.

Instead, I gotta use it to drive 170 miles to see your dad.

(Water running) Look, if you do something nice for him,

maybe I'll do something nice for you.

(Water stops) Really?

(Sighs) - Not that. (Whispers) - Yeah.

You know, my friend Stewart Merilander

is in terrible shape. (Sighs)

He's got the diabetes, and the wheel on his trash can

falls off, so I had to put it back on for him.

Should've taken a couple minutes.

Takes me an hour.

Yep. Some things take longer than we ever think they will.

But the thing is, the next week,

he brings me a tomato.

See what I'm getting at here, Mike?

(Inhales) No, you know, uh, I-I don't, Tag.

We've been here going on two hours now,

and I'm still not really sure

why you wanted to have lunch with me.

Is your health okay?

Pissing like a teenager again.

Uh-huh. So...

So?

So wh-what was it you wanted to talk to me about?

You ever read that book "Tuesdays With Morrie"?

No. Don't think I have.

Every Tuesday, this Morrie fella

meets with a former student of his,

and he tells him his life stories

and his wisdom and so on before he dies.

Oh, God.

So clear your schedule, Mike,

'cause unlike Morrie, I ain't dyin'.

I've got loads of time.

Look, mom,

it's my Saturday Night sundae.

See, it's a sundae,

but I'm eating it on a Saturday!

Yeah, yeah. I get it. (Laughs)

Ooh! I know.

I'll post it on Facebook.

I'll call it my "Saturday Night Suuue-nday," and I'll show it

next to these funny socks I'm wearing. (Laughs)

Hey, what if we went to a movie?

Then you can post you went to a movie on Saturday night.

Oh, I like that.

Oh, "going to the movies...

(Singsongy) with my mom!"

Don't send! No.

What about, "went to the movies with the girls"?

'Cause we're both girls, right?

Love it. (Typing)

I'll get my jacket.

(Door opens and closes) Oh. We're really gonna go?

(Sighs) I don't wanna talk about it.

What? (Gasps) Hold on.

Is everything okay? He's not sick, is he?

(Closes refrigerator) Worse.

He read "Tuesdays With Morrie." (Cap fizzes)

Oh. (Gasps)

Ohh! (Laughs)

It's not funny, Frankie.

He wants me to drive down there every week

to hear his stories.

- Every week! - Aw!

I think it's sweet he wants to share with you.

Do ya? Do ya, Frankie?

Then maybe you should go, 'cause my life is wrecked now.

Look, if you're so miserable, just tell him

- you don't want to do it. - I can't do that.

You can do that with your own family,

not the one you married into.

You got off easy. My dad's a hoarder

who never wants to leave the house or talk to anybody.

And I am thankful for that every single day. (Crunches)

Well, that was a bust. Didn't move a single bunny.

And somehow, when my back was turned,

I ended up with these. (Kittens mewling)

What? How did this happen? God! I gave you one job.

The only person who wanted the bunnies

was a man who worked at the frugal hoosier.

On a related note, I do not think

mom should buy chicken there anymore.

Great. Now we got bunnies and kittens.

(Groans and sighs)

Well, there's only one thing to do.

We gotta make 'em famous.

(Mewls)

(Spy movie music playing)

(Brick) dum, duh-duh-dum...

(Axl humming)

Duh-duh dum-dum-dum-dum-dum

Whee!

(Imitates gunshot)

(Spy music continues on speakers)

(Female British accent) Mm. Oh, Mr. Bond,

you're so sexy!

(British accent) Funny.

I was about to say the same.

(Mewls)

Oh, my! You are charming.

So tell me. What brings you to Bangkok?

Business?

Or pleasure?

Mmm. You tell me. (Giggles)

Because pleasure is my business.

(Giggles)

- Mmm, what's over here? Ooh. Ahh-- (Groans) - Oh--

(Normal voice) Cut! Cut! Gah! (Music stops)

Brick, I told you, keep her top on. (Beeps)

We can't have another nip slip.

We're gonna lose our "G" rating.

(Normal voice) I'm not sure Sue's old doll clothes

are really meant for bunnies.

And I'm also not sure why we're even doing this.

Have you been living under a rock?

Once these guys go viral,

we're gonna be fighting off the offers.

Think about it. If you had the chance

to own the sneezing panda, wouldn't you?

The skateboarding dog?

The monkey that smells his own poo and faints?

This is not just sound business. This is genius.

And, now that I think about it, a possible career path.

While Axl had a lifetime to figure that out,

Mike was stuck spending what felt like a lifetime

listening to my dad.

I'm telling you, Mike,

there's no such thing as a bad baked potato.

Any man that tells you different is a jackass.

Don Rickles is a funny man. That's all there is to it.

Two words-- glucosamine chondroitin.

Once a month, whether you feel like it or not,

just to know it's still workin'.

Mexicans-- sweetest people you'll ever meet.

Always release a test fart if you can.

Real, real, fake, real, fake...

And that's why I can never return to the Panama Canal.

Oh, hey, Mike, I know this is

a lot for you to absorb. (Laughs)

You know, Tag, it really is.

Yeah, well, that's why I-I brought you this book.

(Thud) Oh, and by the way,

can we move, uh, next week up to 11:30?

I don't want us to feel rushed.

You crying, Mike?

Little bit.

(Spy movie music playing) (British accent) Uhh. Tell me your plan, Dr. Bad.

(European accent) Well, Mr. Bond,

my plan is to tie you to a spaceship

that's carrying a nuclear bomb

that will drop to Earth and extinguish you

and all of humanity!

(Laughs evilly)

Oh, but there's only one problem with that plan,

Dr. Bad.

And what would that be?

Me! (Gasps)

- Ha! - Ahh! (Gasps)

Ha ha ha ha! (Car whirs)

(Hums spy movie music) Seize him, Mr. Hoppity!

(Music crescendos)

(Car whirs) (Meows)

Hi, Mrs. Heck.

Oh, hello, Carly.

Is Sue here?

Sue, it's your friend Carly.

So, Carly, what you been up to?

Um... nothing much.

Nothing? Huh. 'Cause I thought maybe

you were hanging out at Chi Chi's?

Oh, yeah, well, some of us went there last week.

- It was fun. - Was it "so much fun"

with three exclamation points and four smiley faces?

Uh... (Laughs nervously) I guess.

Oh, here's Sue. Remember her?

Hey, Carly! You ready to go to the libes?

That is what some of the seniors call the library.

"The libes." (Laughs) (Laughs)

Did you hear that, Carly? She learned it from the seniors,

so, uh, yeah.

(Sighs) So I didn't read the book,

but I assume the guy ends up shooting Morrie?

Oh, hang on. Here's something interesting.

Yeah, he was never in the circus, Mike.

He took one clown class during the war.

No. After this whole section about foot maintenance,

your dad writes, "always look a man in the eye

and tell him the truth."

- He feels very strongly about it. - Hmm.

This is it, Frankie.

I'm gonna use his words to break out of here.

It's like "Shawshank." I found my way to the sewer! (Knock on door, door opens)

Hey, mom, guess what.

I was just checking on the response

to my status update, and I have this new friend

on Facebook, some girl named Jill Munroe.

- Wow. Really? That's great. - I know, right?

And underneath where I said "we went to the movies,"

she commented, "OMG. Sounds super fun.

Could you be more gorg in your profile pic?"

Sweet, huh?

Anyway, I'll let you guys sleep,

but I just wanted to share the latest.

Night! (Door closes)

What? I... (Sighs) Fine.

So maybe I made up a fake name and friended her.

So what?! It's not illegal.

Jill Munroe? (Sighs)

Farrah Fawcett's character from "Charlie's Angels"?

Oh, so you can't remember our anniversary,

but you got that locked in.

Enough with this, Frankie.

You're prowling around Facebook every night,

you're making up pretend friends. (Sighs)

You're getting obsessed.

This is not about me, okay?

I'm worried about Sue.

There's this whole cyber fun party going on out there,

and I don't want her falling through the cracks.

What are you talking about? She just went out with Carly.

Yeah, to the library.

Sue's fine to go to the library with,

but if you want a hot pretzel, Chloe's your gal.

Listen to me. Nobody on the computer

is having as good a time as you think they are.

Trust me on this one, Jill.

(Sighs)

I know, I know.

Maybe I am getting a little nuts.

(Birds chirping) We should have a sleepover!

Hmm? Really?

Hmm. Wow! Ye-- okay.

I guess I could invite the wrestlerettes and Carly.

Hmm. Well, inviting Carly is good,

but you do see the wrestlerettes a lot.

What about that mentee you had? The cheerleader?

- She was cute. - Oh, Jenna?

Yeah. And there's that girl that hangs out with Carly

at the pretzel place.

You know, blonde, wears a beret,

dates a guy named Steve, loves the movie "Mean Girls"?

Oh, that's Chloe.

How do you know that stuff?

Um, I think you told me once.

- Oh. - So...

But, yay, sleepover! (Chuckles)

So that's why you cut pickles in half.

Got it. So listen, Tag--

Now, women's lib--

Tag, wait. Just-- just...

hold up.

There's one story in your book

that really stayed with me.

You mean the one about the bathroom stall in Wichita?

No.

No, the one where you had to fire your friend,

but you said the best way to do it was just

look him in the eye and tell him the truth.

To be fair, the same thing applies to the stall in Wichita.

So I'm just gonna do it, Tag.

I'm looking you right in the eye

and I'm just gonna say it.

I can't do this anymore.

I can't do any more "Sundays with Tag" at Stuckey's.

You ruined Stuckey's for me, Tag.

You ruined Stuckey's.

You-- you ruined lunch, you ruined driving,

you ruined coffee, you ruined listening,

you ruined talking.

It's killing me. You're killing me.

(Breathes deeply)

Wow.

Well, you're really getting it now, Mike.

That's exactly what I'm trying to teach you.

Now on to the boudoir...

if Frankie is anything like her mother,

the bedroom...

(Doorbell rings) Hi!

Hi! Come on in, Jenna, Chloe, Ally.

I feel like I already know you guys. (Chuckles)

Carly.

(Laughing) Hey!

We are gonna have so much fun! Okay, first--

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Plenty of time for fun.

But first, what do you say we get everyone together

for a photo op?

Mom, they haven't even taken their coats off yet. (Laughs)

Oh, okay, coats off, and then let's get to that picture. (Indistinct conversations)

Wait, Sue, I've never been to your house.

- Can I see your room? - Oh, yes! Aah! Come on!

(Girls speaking excitedly and giggling)

(Frankie giggles nervously)

(Chuckles) Don't forget to "check in."

"Check in" to the Heck household.

Be sure to do that.

(Girls giggling) Okay.

(Water running)

(Gasps, female British accent) Oh. Mr. Bond.

What are you doing here?

(British accent) I narrowly escaped, darling.

And I rushed right over here to help you...

(Squeaking) wash your back.

(Gasps) Ooh.

(Chittering) Ooh.

Ohh. But why stop there?

Oh, cut! (Blows air)

(Normal voice) What's wrong?

(Normal voice) This kitten's a lox.

I'm getting nothing from him.

How's he supposed to seduce a rabbit with this look? (Meows)

I don't think a cat is supposed to seduce a rabbit at all.

Well, he's supposed to be smoldering at her,

but instead he's just like... (Deep voice) "Oh, I'm a cat."

(Normal voice) I mean, there's no heat between them.

I don't know what that means.

"Smoldering"? (Scoffs) Come on, it's like...

How you get girls, you know?

The look.

No idea what you're saying.

Man. (Inhales sharply)

I just realized I have a lot to teach you

before I go off to college. (Blows air)

Okay. Listen and learn.

(Groans)

Say there's a cute girl standing in front of you.

First, you make eye contact.

Now... you wanna squint just a little.

Okay. Now just tip your head just slightly.

Now... imagine you're smelling some...

(Sniffs) really awesome tater tots.

(Sniffs) That's it, dude! You nailed it!

Did I? I felt I nailed it.

(Grunts)

(Horror movie music playing on TV) Sue? Sue?

- Ouch! - Oh, sorry, Jenna.

Carly, I hardly stepped on you. (Chain saw whirring on TV)

(Sighs) I'm just, uh, trying to upload our photos to Facebook

and I don't know how.

Mom, we're watching a movie.

Yeah. I know. I know.

But I just thought it'd be fun to post the pics now.

- Why? Who cares? - Because that way it'll be done.

Fine. Just click on the camera icon

and then click "Import."

Got it, got it, got it. Okay.

- Oh, no. Oh, no. - Oh, God.

- No, no, no! - I can't watch!

- I'm freaking out! - I can't watch! I can't watch!

(Girls) Aah!

Oh, that is so cute! (Screaming continues)

Okay, hold on. No one move. I'm gonna get my camera.

Okay, I-I think he went away.

(Girls sigh)

- Okay, I am never going to bed again. - Oh, my God.

- Can we sleep with the lights on tonight? - Yes. Yes.

So was that the man? (Sighing)

- No, it was the creepy grandpa. - He's alive?

- Yeah. - Okay...

Wait. What happened?

Oh, you were all so cute together

huddled up next to each other. Get back to the way you were.

No, mom, we're really good on pictures.

Oh, you can never have enough.

Ally, get back in your sleeping bag.

But I'm sort of hot.

Chloe, weren't you over there next to Sue?

Uh, I guess so, but--

Mom, she doesn't want to get up.

- Oh, she doesn't have to get up. Here you go. - Oh, I can't see the movie.

- There. Okay. - Mom!

There you go. And, Jenna, I think you were over here,

- weren't you? - Actually, I'm okay, Mrs. Heck.

Okay, that's good! (Shrieks)

Oh, this is gonna be so cute! (Gasps)

Just come over here, and we'll just do it like that.

- Mom, stop! - That's great.

Okay, okay. Everybody get a little closer together.

Okay, perfect. Here we go.

Come on, Carly, look alive.

(Gasps) (Static hissing)

Mom, what did you do?

Oh, wait. Oh, but you know what?

This is so funny!

Okay, everybody do this.

"Ohh! We're so sad we lost the movie!

Ohh!" (Laughs)

Everybody put your hands on your cheeks,

and then-- Sue, you come forward a little bit,

'cause you have to be the saddest

'cause it's your party. Okay, you ready? "Ohh!"

Mom, can I see you for a minute?

What are you doing?

You're wrecking my sleepover.

Just go... away.

Fine. I'm sorry. I'm going.

(Sighs)

(Shutter clicking)

Axl, can I ask you something?

When you said you're leaving to go to college,

what did you mean by that?

That I'll be leaving for college.

But you'll still be living here, right?

Mm, no.

Brick, I'm... gonna be living at college.

That's kinda how it works.

- What did you think was gonna happen? - I don't know.

I guess I thought it'd just stay like this

and then eventually you'd move into mom and dad's room.

I just can't believe you're really leaving.

Bro, don't worry.

I'll be home at Christmas to pick up my presents.

And you can come visit me if you want.

Might even need you to do some of my homework.

(Groans)

(Clicks switch)

(Sighs)

(Exhales)

I'm really gonna miss you, Axl.

I know, Brick.

Everyone will.

(Girls laughing)

Sounds like Sue and the girls are having fun out there.

What's the point if I can't post any of it on Facebook?

(Sighs) Okay.

Repeat that again slowly so I know

just what to tell the doctors

when I have you committed.

(Groans)

Seriously? You wanna know the point?

The point is, they're all having a great time.

But no one will know.

Who cares? They know.

What is going on with you lately, Frankie?

(Sighs) I don't know.

It's just that Sue's such an amazing person.

I want everyone to see how amazing she is.

She is the same person she was two weeks ago

before you started poking around on her Facebook.

Now you're all caught up in who's looking at her page

and who's commenting, and none of it's real.

None of it means anything.

You're letting other people define who Sue is to you.

Maybe I can't handle Facebook.

"Maybe"?

Look, Frankie, Sue is gonna be fine.

No, she's gonna be great.

(Sighs) You're right, you're right.

Oh. If you had a "Like" button, I would click it right now.

Don't know what that means.

So that night, I deleted all my Facebook aliases.

And Sue was sadly unfriended by Jill Munroe,

Sabrina Duncan, Julie McCoy, and Chrissy Snow.

But on the upside, she did get 102 likes

on one of her pictures--

not that it matters.

And Axl and Brick found homes for the entire cast,

but with one rule--

They're brothers, so we'd like to keep them together.

Yep, social media causes a lot of problems,

but in the end, it does have its uses.

Hey, it's Sunday. I thought you'd be with my dad.

Nope. I found him some new friends to talk to.

49 of them, to be exact.

I said it to Dukakis when I met him,

and I'm gonna say it you-- don't avoid swimming

just 'cause you're afraid to put on a bathing suit.

And if you're gonna go to a public pool,

for God sake, shower shoes.

Without your feet, you got nothing.

Your feet are the hands of your legs.

- You also got to... - I like this, Frankie. I like it a lot.

Wait an hour after you eat before you go in swimming.

But I say if it's not the internet,

it's the real thing.

Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0