Original subtitles

Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

Out here in the middle,

we all look forward to Sunday, and Sunday means church.

It's the one hour a week where you know

your family's gonna spend time together,

but lately, not so much.

Mike had joined the elite group of ushers,

Sue got a job in the toddler room,

and ever since Brick read the Bible,

he was excited to go to Sunday school, mostly to argue.

I mean, why turn water into wine in a desert environment?

Water hydrates. Wine dehydrates. That's just not smart.

At least I still had Axl.

Hey. Ted Mora's kid's in jail again. You're in.

Yes. Lates, chumps.

And then there was one, left to be tortured

by one of Reverend Hayver's endless sermons alone.

But first,

we will be comparing the epistle of 1 Thessalonians

to that of 2 Thessalonians.

As you recall,

Paul was accompanied into Thessalonica by Silas, also...

...understanding of Silas, we turn our attention

to the third member of Paul's party, Timothy,

whose mother was Jewish, but his father was a Greek.

About time. Game started a half-hour ago.

I was on your porch so long,

I was forced to eat three of my seven layers.

Sorry, Dave. Church was turning into a hostage situation.

The man would not stop talking.

Really? My guy gets me out in 45 minutes.

Feels like 45 years, with Reverend Hayver.

- Ugh. - Interminable.

What are you guys moaning about?

You ditched me-- Off doing your fun stuff

while I'm left to die in the Hayver snooze fest.

Look. I have a pew mark on my forehead.

Oh, gross.

No, that's a wrinkle-- The reddish dent above it.

I don't know.

I can definitely see the wrinkle.

All right. That's enough. Just take my word for it.

Look, don't get me wrong. I want to love church.

I walk in there every week with my heart wide open,

ready for inspiration, but with Reverend Hayver...

It just feels like a chore.

Look around. I hate chores.

You know, you guys should come to my church.

My pastor doesn't just get you out fast. He's really inspiring.

Oh, yeah?

Wow. I don't know.

I mean, wouldn't that be cheating on Reverend Hayver?

Home in time for tip-off? "Hayver" who?

So feeling guilty and just the tiniest bit free,

next Sunday,

we snuck out to try our luck at the church of Dave.

Oh, yes all the way, sometimes I hold my head up

"help me, Lord"

oh, yes

I know if I hold my peace

he'll take care of me

follow Jesus

Dude. This place already kicks our church's ass!

Axl.

Sorry. "Church's butt."

I'm going with Jesus

all the way

all the way

You made it!

Thanks for the invite.

Whoa, hold up. You know you guys have to sit in the back, right?

no, you can't stop me

Kidding!

Come with me.

I'm going with Jesus

I'm going with Jesus

all the way

all the way

oh, yeah, the way

Wow. Front row. Very exposed.

On the plus side, there's no place to bang my head.

Welcome. Welcome, brothers and sisters.

I begin today with, um, sorrowful tidings.

Our beloved friend and fellow parishioner,

brother Darnell Simms, passed away yesterday.

Oh, but I consider myself blessed

to have an opportunity to have seen brother Darnell

one final time before he joined the Almighty.

And as I sat there with him

at the end of his far, far too short 96 years,

- Yes, sir. - I-I asked him,

said, "Brother Darnell, did you get your business done?"

And do you know what he said?

I do not!

Pray tell us!

Sweet. We can talk at this church.

Not you.

He said, "Pastor Watkins,"

said, "I did not get my business done."

Shame is what!

Aw, that's too bad.

But I say let us not pity.

Do not pity!

Let us not despair.

Do not despair!

Rather, let us look unto brother Darnell

for inspiration.

- Inspiration! - Yes!

- Agreed. - Word!

Let us remember brother Darnell

for when it comes to pass

we find ourselves at the gates to the kingdom,

we can truly say,

oh, with our heads held high,

say, "Lord..."

- "Lord!" - "While here on Earth..."

Yes, sir.

"I got my business done."

Whoo!

- I want to get it done! - Yes, God.

Then, brother, get your business done!

Amen! Oh, yes!

Sister!

Get your business done.

All y'all, get your business done.

Yes, sir, yes, sir!

- Oh, get your business done. - My God.

- Get your business done! - Hallelujah!

- All right! - Oh!

get your business done

Oh!

Get your business done

- Hey! - Get your business done

get your business done

get your business done

Whoo! Now that's how you get your God on!

Did I use that right?

Seriously. He was like JC meets Jay-Z.

Finally, someone who can explain water-into-wine.

Without modern sanitation, wine had less germs. Duh.

Pregame? I haven't seen pregame on a Sunday in 20 years.

Hallelujah.

Bet old Reverend Hayver's still clearing his throat.

But that pastor Watkins was just so...

Aah! Right?

Everything he said was just so... true.

I mean, really, it could all end tomorrow,

and if it did, could we say that we're getting our business done?

Could we, Mike?

I mean, we've been sleeping through life,

hitting the snooze, hitting the snooze.

Well, rise and shine, soul!

Time to throw back the covers and get our business done.

Testify!

Testify.

So... what's our business?

Hmm.

Getting me a beer?

No, seriously, Mike.

Wasn't jokin'.

I've always wanted to start a babysitting business.

I think maybe you're taking it a bit too literally.

Am I? Am I?

Maybe my business is an actual business.

I could call it, "Sue's BabySuetting Service."

Oh, my God. I love it. Don't you love it?

I'm gonna go make flyers.

And I'm gonna...

Do something, too.

Once I find out what the hell my business is,

look out, people, 'cause I am getting it done.

Get your business done

getting my business done

Axl, are you awake?

No. Go to sleep.

I just have a question.

Did pastor Watkins say, "Get your business done,"

or "Get your bed-ness done"?

Dang it, Brick.

I was just getting settled into a big boy dream.

Do you know what that means?

It's just...

I've been asking mom and dad for a bigger bed since I was 8,

but they still haven't gotten me one.

You know mom and dad. They never do anything for us.

That's why I'm thinking

maybe my business should be getting myself a new bed.

If I get money from mom, will you drive me to the store?

No.

Pretty please?

Pretty no.

Maybe your business is spending more time

- with your little brother. - Think about it.

You'll be going off to college in one to three years.

Huh.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I should spend more time with the less fortunate,

like how Jesus chilled with the lepers.

I'm not a leper.

Look, you want a new bed, or not, leper?

Yes.

So while our kids were getting their business done...

That left Mike and me still figuring it out.

I mean, I just don't get it, Mike.

Why would God give me so much passion and energy,

but not tell me what to do with it?

He was so clear with Joan of Arc and people like that.

Maybe your business

is getting that dirty laundry off the counter.

Maybe that's your business.

No, I know what my business is.

Oh, really? You know what your business is?

Huh? Do you? Really? Oh. So. Hmm.

What's your business, then? Hmm? Hmm? What's your business?

Well, after my mom died, I never told my dad

how much I appreciated him being there for rusty and me.

It's not bad...

But you still haven't gotten it done.

You're right.

What am I waiting for?

Hey, dad, it's me.

Just want to say thanks

for being there for us after mom died.

Yep.

All right, then.

Business done.

I just don't know if I can sleep on it.

Of course you can sleep on it.

Check it out-- Ten games in one table.

Got a top for shuffleboard, got a top for ping-pong,

got a top for basketball--

Does it have a top for a bed?

Look, dude,

your business is getting a new place to sleep.

Mine's spending more time with you, and this rocks both.

It's what you wanted, Brick. It's what God wanted.

Whatever. Point is you made your bed.

Now play me a game of pool on it. Ha ha ha.

Yeah.

Mrs. Jennings? Hi.

Sue heck, CEO of Sue's BabySuetting Service.

I'm here to babySuet your son Tyler.

Come on in. Hi.

This is my husband Steve.

Oh. Nice to meet you.

Tyler's just in the other room, taking a nap.

Aww, that's so sweet.

I brought some toys for him to play with when he wakes up!

I'm hungry.

There better be some pie left.

Oh. Is that Tyler's brother?

No, that's Tyler.

Um...

How old is he, exactly?

14, but we don't trust him to stay home alone.

Oh, hold on. I'm not sure--

Now there's a few basic things you should know.

He can't drink pop,

or he will freak out.

And absolutely no ice of any kind,

or he will freak out.

And don't let him watch anything too violent...

Or even too colorful...

Or he will freak out.

And he has to put on his pull-ups before bed,

but you can't call 'em diapers,

or he will freak out.

They're his "space pants."

Okay.

Well, then, that's it. We'll be home around 10:00.

Oh, uh, one more thing.

Tyler thinks he's babysitting you,

and if he finds out that you're babysitting him, he will--

Freak out?

Big freak-out.

Huge.

- Ready? - Okay.

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Uh, Tyler? Whatcha watching?

"Zombie Makeout Party."

First they kill you, then they kiss you.

Whoa. You know you are not allowed to watch that stuff.

Hey, you're not in charge. I am.

That's right, Tyler. You're in charge.

And as my babysitter,

you shouldn't let me watch that stuff.

I don't deal well with zombie movies.

Then go to bed.

Well, that's the thing.

I don't have a bed, so why don't I sleep here on the couch

while you go up to your bed and babysit me from up there?

Will you stop whining?

What's that?

Oh. My ortho says I have to wear this at least ten hours a night.

Is there anything special you need to wear at night?

No.

Really?

'Cause...

Okay, Tyler. Well...

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

I'm a bed wetter.

Yep, so every night, before I go to sleep,

I put on my high-tech "space pants,"

which keep me nice and dry as I blast off into my dreams.

You're a nerd up there

and a nerd down there.

Boom! I win! What's the next game, huh? Ooh.

Boom! I win!

Boom! I win! Ooh!

Boom! I win. Ha ha!

Your turn.

I get it. Boom. You win.

What? You can't quit now.

I've only crushed you in nine out of ten games.

I did better than I thought I'd do. Good night.

Fine.

Thanks. Can I get a boost?

What? No. We're just pausing the game.

Then where am I supposed to sleep?

What's all this?

I found my business, Mike. My business is beading.

I mean, how many times have I said I wanted to bead things?

I don't know. Zero? A thousand?

But I never did a thing about it.

I just don't want to get to the end of my life and look back

and think, "Wow, I had a shot at doing

the one thing I really love, and I didn't take it."

Beading?

I could even take these to craft shows.

This could be huge. I just gotta get on Oprah's radar.

You're gonna give this to Oprah?

Well, obviously, I'd make one special for her.

Hey, maybe you could sell these to the guys at the quarry

for their wives.

Good night.

Getting my business done.

Getting my business done

Crap.

Unh!

Ow.

Good. You're awake.

Time to play air hockey.

Fine, but then can I go back to my box?

I wasn't ready.

Okay. Beginner's luck.

All right, dude, what are you doing?!

Oh, it's easy. It's all angles.

What? You can't use math. That's cheating. Wh--

Ohh, that's it! Here comes the pain!

Unh!

Boom. I win.

After four days, Sue finally started to recover

from what came to be known as the Tyler incident.

Morning!

Sue, a Mrs. Jennings called.

She wants to know if "You're available for Tyler

to babysit you on Saturday." Must have wrote that down wrong.

Ugh! No! I don't want to go back there.

But I guess I should.

This is my business, and I am going to need the referrals.

I figured it out, Mike,

and here's the thing-- I was being too selfish.

The only one who benefits from my beading is me.

Agreed.

So then I got to thinking,

maybe my business should be other people's business.

Uh-huh.

Look at this.

I Googled the word "sad," and a million things came up.

Orphans, stray animals, old people--

The whole world needs my help.

Your shirt's inside out.

Here's what I'm thinking.

Kids love animals. Old people love kids.

Why are we still building separate orphanages, pounds,

and retirement homes? Seriously, let's get them together.

Why hasn't anybody thought of this before?

Huh? That's what I'm gonna do.

I am gonna build the world's first super-shelter.

First... I gotta pick a location--

Something that's convenient for both humans and animals.

Then I gotta get bids from contractors

and sign up volunteers.

Oh, well, first I need to write a grant proposal.

I gotta call congress.

Game.

Rematch!

I've already given you a hundred rematches.

I'm retiring my paddle.

Okay, just hear me out.

If you beat me, I'll do your homework for a month.

Thanks, but I'd like to see the fifth grade.

Okay, I won't make you do my homework for a month.

Throw in this guitar pick, and you're on.

Fine, but what do you want my pick for?

Oh, I like to lick it.

This way, I don't have to do it in secret anymore.

Come on. What's my business, damn it?

What, what, what, what, what?

Everyone else is shoving their business in my face.

Rude.

If I could just fall asleep,

maybe it'd come to me in a dream.

What's that pounding?

I could make first aid kits for soldiers overseas.

I left my purse in the car.

Should I go get it? I should go get it.

But that woman down the street got mugged. Hope she's okay.

Did I floss? I need a beer.

Seriously, what is that pounding?

Is that my pulse? It's like a hammer.

Am I supposed to feel my heartbeat in my tongue?

That's gotta be wrong. What's happening to me? Okay.

Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

I'm going to get band-aids for my soldier first aid kits!

Run! It's a makeout zombie!

The makeout zombie!

Sticky gauzes...

Unsticky gauzes...

Oh, God. What am I doing? The army has first aid kits.

Okay, what else? What else can I do?

First aid kits for animals at the pound.

Excuse me. Where's your pet section?

I need dog thermometers. Do they even make those?

Or should I just use baby thermometers?

And what about something for cats?

Do you have something for homeless cats

so that they can do this?

Um, are you feeling okay, ma'am?

Kind of no.

I can hear my heartbeat like a thump, thump, thump.

Just-- just take my pulse.

Um... I'm actually not allowed to touch the customers anymore.

But we got a blood pressure chair.

Come on. Just one more game?

I flipped through my geometry book in the john

and totally figured out angles.

But you have nothing left I want.

Really? Nothing?

Well, there is one thing.

Dad!

I'm babysitting a 14-year-old, and he thinks we're on a date.

All right. I'm taking it from here. Go on home.

Okay, but there's a bunch of things you need to know.

He can't have ice, and he has to wear his pull-ups,

but you can't call 'em--

Sue, I raised three kids. I'll be fine.

Okay, Tyler! Time for bed!

Turn off the TV and put on your diapers!

Yikes.

160 over 102?

Time to cut down on the cookie dough.

Okay. Message received. You can let me go now.

Come on!

Hello?!

Hey. Excuse me! Cat toy guy!

Can you get me out of this thing? Ooh.

Whoa. Your blood pressure is really high.

Oh, you think?!

Dad, are you okay?

Nope.

That kid freaked out.

Brick.

Are you awake?

No. Go to sleep.

Will you play with me again tomorrow?

No.

Pretty please?

Pretty no.

I called the 800 number on the chair...

But they're closed till morning.

Well, just unplug it, then!

Oh, you looking at me?!

Yeah, go ahead. Take a good, long look,

'cause this is what happens if you wake up to life too late!

And then you try to get your business done and you can't!

And nobody wants a gymnastics teacher without any experience.

They don't! I tried! I tried everything!

Frankie?

Reverend Hayver.

What's wrong?

I'm stuck.

You know, this reminds me of a time when I was 9 years old

and I got my knee caught

in the banister at my great Aunt Margo's house.

It was quite uncomfortable,

but I realized it taught me the divine virtue of patience.

If I recall correctly,

the first hour was the most trying.

As I languished there on the staircase,

counting by the endless...

That's when I realized why I'd been going

to Reverend Hayver all these years.

It was the most relaxing hour of my week.

...in the days of Ampharel king of Shinar,

Arioch king of Ellasar...

'Cause the truth is,

as a mom with a full-time job and three kids,

I do nothing but take care

of my and everybody else's business.

So maybe giving myself a break every Sunday from

9 to 10 with no business at all

is getting my business done.

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