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1
00:00:00,577 --> 00:00:04,021
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:04,230 --> 00:00:06,410
There are many ways
to get into college.
3
00:00:06,556 --> 00:00:10,817
You can study hard,
you can be a good leader or
4
00:00:11,819 --> 00:00:13,611
you can ram your headat high rates of speed
5
00:00:13,706 --> 00:00:15,232
into another guy's stomach.
6
00:00:15,365 --> 00:00:17,811
(Boys) MVP! MVP!
7
00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:21,700
Great game, 32.
Been keeping an eye on you.
8
00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:24,419
Listen, I'd love to
stop by your house sometime,
9
00:00:24,517 --> 00:00:26,091
sit down,
get to know you better.
10
00:00:26,187 --> 00:00:28,564
Okay. Who are you?
11
00:00:28,667 --> 00:00:31,663
Sorry. Jack Tracy,
East Indiana State.
12
00:00:31,756 --> 00:00:33,974
Chatted with your folks
a couple of weeks ago about
13
00:00:34,063 --> 00:00:37,474
you maybe bringing some of that
lightning speed to East Indy.
14
00:00:37,588 --> 00:00:40,531
I could easily
see you as a dragon.
15
00:00:40,911 --> 00:00:43,441
Sweet. I love dragons.
16
00:00:43,860 --> 00:00:44,834
Really?
17
00:00:45,047 --> 00:00:47,439
A recruiter is coming
to our house?
18
00:00:47,558 --> 00:00:49,776
Is this real?
Is this really real?
19
00:00:49,863 --> 00:00:51,376
So help me, if you're
lying about this, Axl,
20
00:00:51,455 --> 00:00:52,872
I will punch you in the throat.
21
00:00:52,977 --> 00:00:54,461
Wait, when's he coming?
Tuesday's good.
22
00:00:54,569 --> 00:00:55,851
That way you can talk
about the Monday night game.
23
00:00:55,935 --> 00:00:57,069
No, wait-- Friday.
24
00:00:57,178 --> 00:00:59,533
That way he's thinking about you
the rest of the weekend.
25
00:00:59,619 --> 00:01:00,928
Oh, damn it.
Now I can't make up my mind.
26
00:01:01,033 --> 00:01:04,146
Oh, my God. Someone could
help us pay for Axl's college.
27
00:01:04,235 --> 00:01:07,783
Mike, this means we might be
able to retire in our early 90s.
28
00:01:07,876 --> 00:01:09,350
(Whispers) I love you.
29
00:01:09,731 --> 00:01:10,779
Sports hug!
30
00:01:10,930 --> 00:01:12,825
Oh! Okay.
All right. I'm out.
31
00:01:13,849 --> 00:01:15,863
Feel free to keep
groping each other, though.
32
00:01:16,974 --> 00:01:18,107
(Sighs)
33
00:01:18,465 --> 00:01:20,179
I'm telling ya,
just when you think
34
00:01:20,272 --> 00:01:21,999
you're never gonna get any money
back on these kids...
35
00:01:22,093 --> 00:01:25,031
Can you believe it?
He's coming to interview Axl.
36
00:01:25,164 --> 00:01:26,646
(Crunch)
37
00:01:26,769 --> 00:01:28,665
Eh... three...
38
00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:29,577
Four...
39
00:01:30,934 --> 00:01:32,636
Five. Personal best.
40
00:01:32,787 --> 00:01:36,014
Oh, God.
He's coming to interview Axl.
41
00:01:36,798 --> 00:01:37,888
Six. Ooh.
42
00:01:38,042 --> 00:01:40,102
Yep, if we had any chanceof impressing this recruiter,
43
00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:42,324
we were gonna have toput on a big show,
44
00:01:42,454 --> 00:01:45,036
so I sent the kidsto borrow a fancy chip platter.
45
00:01:45,509 --> 00:01:46,784
(Blows air)
(Sue and Brick cough)
46
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:48,206
And tell her to keep it.
47
00:01:48,293 --> 00:01:50,455
Oh, no, aunt Edie.
We'll bring it back.
48
00:01:50,579 --> 00:01:52,561
What do I need it for?
49
00:01:52,691 --> 00:01:54,634
And while Ginny's on the potty,
50
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:57,966
I wanna slip you guys
some things.
51
00:01:59,697 --> 00:02:01,353
But we don't want your stuff,
aunt Edie.
52
00:02:01,487 --> 00:02:03,595
Well, you can't
take it with you,
53
00:02:03,711 --> 00:02:06,992
and at our age, it's not
things that make us happy.
54
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:10,295
It's cigarettes and booze.
(Chuckles)
55
00:02:11,224 --> 00:02:13,683
Now take a sucky candy
before you go.
56
00:02:23,670 --> 00:02:24,574
(Sighs)
57
00:02:28,470 --> 00:02:30,460
Hey, buddy.
How's it going?
58
00:02:30,853 --> 00:02:32,121
Mind if we chat a minute?
59
00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:35,076
Oh, no. No! Go away.
I don't need you.
60
00:02:35,161 --> 00:02:36,919
Don't worry about the interview.
I got it covered.
61
00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:39,126
Do you, Axl?
This is huge.
62
00:02:39,223 --> 00:02:41,809
Now this recruiter is not
just looking at football.
63
00:02:41,908 --> 00:02:43,216
He's gonna be looking
to see whether
64
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,216
you're the kind of kid
they want at their school.
65
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,631
Duh. I know how to
behave in situations.
66
00:02:47,763 --> 00:02:48,699
Oh, yeah?
67
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,218
You once stuck gum to the side
of a casket at a funeral.
68
00:02:51,363 --> 00:02:52,734
You're not allowed to "duh" us.
69
00:02:52,822 --> 00:02:54,969
Aah! Stop with the lecture.
This is torture.
70
00:02:55,065 --> 00:02:57,614
Now when your mom and I are
talking during the interview,
71
00:02:57,716 --> 00:02:59,865
no pretending to
shoot yourself, or...
72
00:02:59,954 --> 00:03:02,170
Choke yourself,
or kill yourself in any way.
73
00:03:02,279 --> 00:03:03,911
Don't lick food off your body.
74
00:03:04,023 --> 00:03:07,241
Don't call the recruiter
"Broski," "Broseph," "Broham"...
75
00:03:07,367 --> 00:03:09,417
Don't say "lame"
or "uck" or "God."
76
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,270
I don't believe this. It's like
you have no faith in me at all.
77
00:03:12,354 --> 00:03:13,249
Now you're getting it.
78
00:03:13,350 --> 00:03:14,597
And when they ask you
why you want to go to college,
79
00:03:14,705 --> 00:03:15,676
what are you gonna say?
80
00:03:15,773 --> 00:03:18,058
Uh, to get away
from my lame parents.
81
00:03:18,153 --> 00:03:20,126
He just said "lame."
Are you even listening?
82
00:03:20,247 --> 00:03:22,166
Look, this is not
just about you, Axl.
83
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:23,262
In case you haven't noticed
84
00:03:23,347 --> 00:03:24,677
the sharp drop
in caviar deliveries,
85
00:03:24,773 --> 00:03:26,010
money's tight.
86
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,288
You getting a scholarship
helps this whole family.
87
00:03:28,420 --> 00:03:31,537
So if you're not sure what
to say, let us do the talking.
88
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,000
Oh, right,
'cause I can't be trusted.
89
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:38,007
Who knows what I'll do? I'm
an uncivilized caveman who--
90
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:39,235
(Passes gas)
91
00:03:39,334 --> 00:03:41,456
Sorry. That only happened
'cause I was doing this.
92
00:03:41,583 --> 00:03:44,435
Chill, okay?
I'll be ready for Thursday.
93
00:03:45,844 --> 00:03:46,797
The interview's Wednesday.
94
00:03:46,884 --> 00:03:48,352
Whatever! Wednesday!
95
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,139
(Clanking)
Another Martini shaker...
96
00:03:53,645 --> 00:03:54,829
Ashtray...
97
00:03:56,677 --> 00:03:58,377
Bird lighter...
98
00:04:00,525 --> 00:04:03,700
Ooh. Jesus lighter.
99
00:04:03,972 --> 00:04:06,141
"I am the light
of the world."
100
00:04:06,247 --> 00:04:07,975
Toss it in my pile.
I don't have a lighter yet.
101
00:04:10,929 --> 00:04:12,762
Oh, wow.
102
00:04:12,848 --> 00:04:14,399
This is ancient,
103
00:04:14,515 --> 00:04:17,076
like, from the '90s.
104
00:04:17,918 --> 00:04:19,152
What's this?
105
00:04:19,531 --> 00:04:21,410
(Ticking)
106
00:04:21,516 --> 00:04:23,858
I think something to do
with music, but I don't know.
107
00:04:24,074 --> 00:04:26,002
(Both at once) I want it!
108
00:04:27,342 --> 00:04:31,625
(Tony Orlando and Dawn's"Tie a Yellow Ribbon" playing)
109
00:04:32,122 --> 00:04:33,310
(Beep)
110
00:04:33,768 --> 00:04:35,275
Aunt Edie's phone.
111
00:04:36,632 --> 00:04:39,293
Well, we're not sure which
candidate we'll be supporting,
112
00:04:39,391 --> 00:04:42,514
but we will certainly
keep Bill Brodis in mind.
113
00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:43,761
(Beep)
114
00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:44,778
The phone works.
115
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:48,136
I have a phone that works.
(Gasps) Oh! I have...
116
00:04:48,230 --> 00:04:50,756
(Lowered voice) I have a phone!
117
00:04:50,861 --> 00:04:53,321
Correction--
We have a phone.
118
00:04:53,681 --> 00:04:55,111
No way.
You got the tick-tock thing.
119
00:04:55,227 --> 00:04:56,583
But you're getting one
for your birthday.
120
00:04:56,669 --> 00:04:59,166
(Gasps) What? Really?
121
00:04:59,291 --> 00:05:01,584
I was reading in mom's bathroom
when I overheard her say
122
00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:04,559
she's gonna give you
her old phone as a present.
123
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:07,558
Oh, my God.
I'm getting mom's old phone!
124
00:05:07,707 --> 00:05:11,353
(Gasps) Oh, but wait--
That's in three months from now.
125
00:05:11,486 --> 00:05:13,147
I need to text carly now.
126
00:05:13,267 --> 00:05:14,845
Hey, I have phoning needs, too.
127
00:05:14,952 --> 00:05:17,116
You have no friends. Who could
you possibly need to call?
128
00:05:17,227 --> 00:05:19,007
Sometimes the library
has limited hours
129
00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:21,047
due to city budget
restrictions.
130
00:05:21,137 --> 00:05:23,514
Brick, you cannot debate me on
who needs to be more reachable.
131
00:05:24,748 --> 00:05:26,268
Fine, keep it.
132
00:05:26,382 --> 00:05:27,830
I'll just tell.
133
00:05:28,085 --> 00:05:29,181
(Gasps) Brick.
134
00:05:29,601 --> 00:05:31,821
What would Jesus lighter say?
135
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,271
Based on his philosophy of love,
he'd say we should share.
136
00:05:35,742 --> 00:05:36,848
Every other day?
137
00:05:37,079 --> 00:05:38,152
Okay.
138
00:05:39,087 --> 00:05:40,942
It's really old.
Does it even text?
139
00:05:41,071 --> 00:05:43,079
I don't know. (Gasps)
140
00:05:43,322 --> 00:05:45,732
I know. I think mom left
her phone on the counter. Here.
141
00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:48,469
You send a text, I'll go check.
142
00:05:50,343 --> 00:05:52,458
(Cell phone alert chimes)
143
00:05:56,059 --> 00:05:58,513
Oh, my God.
Aunt Edie texted "help"?
144
00:05:58,802 --> 00:06:00,385
I gotta get over there.
145
00:06:01,625 --> 00:06:02,566
(Exhales sharply)
146
00:06:04,944 --> 00:06:06,023
"Help," Brick?
147
00:06:06,146 --> 00:06:09,265
You know a bajillion words,
and that's the one you go with?
148
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:10,246
"Help"?
149
00:06:10,333 --> 00:06:11,825
No, I said "kelp"!
150
00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:16,885
Hey, how's aunt Edie?
Everything okay over there?
151
00:06:17,016 --> 00:06:18,582
Ugh, she doesn't
remember texting
152
00:06:18,687 --> 00:06:20,891
and she doesn't even know
where her phone is.
153
00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:23,367
Then she gave me
a lighter and a gravy boat.
154
00:06:24,421 --> 00:06:26,393
I don't know
why she would text "help."
155
00:06:26,519 --> 00:06:29,652
Yeah. It was a weird choice.
156
00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:31,560
Ugh.
Wait. What was I thinking?
157
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:35,083
Should have called the number
while I was over there.
158
00:06:35,225 --> 00:06:36,176
All right.
159
00:06:36,292 --> 00:06:38,516
Maybe she'll hear it and answer.
(Cell phone rings)
160
00:06:38,645 --> 00:06:43,185
(Tony Orlando and Dawn's"Tie
a Yellow Ribbon" plays) (Coughs)
161
00:06:43,477 --> 00:06:45,356
No. She's not picking up.
162
00:06:45,495 --> 00:06:46,658
(Beep)
Forget it. I'm done.
163
00:06:52,187 --> 00:06:54,447
Did Brick just take
a jar of mayonnaise?
164
00:06:55,513 --> 00:06:57,868
Whatever. It's Brick.
Don't worry about it.
165
00:06:59,841 --> 00:07:02,712
(Sue) Hi. You've reached Sue,unless it's Tuesday, Thursday,
166
00:07:02,796 --> 00:07:04,245
Saturday,or Monday before noon...
167
00:07:04,343 --> 00:07:05,245
Hello?
168
00:07:05,338 --> 00:07:06,782
In which case,you've reached Brick.
169
00:07:06,900 --> 00:07:10,850
No, I don't have your dog.
I'm just curious.
170
00:07:11,035 --> 00:07:12,340
Text me when you find it.
171
00:07:12,950 --> 00:07:13,387
(Beep)
172
00:07:17,018 --> 00:07:18,401
Where the hell is Axl?
173
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:21,226
The recruiter's gonna be here
any second and-- Axl!
174
00:07:21,461 --> 00:07:22,979
Calm down.
You're making me nervous.
175
00:07:23,078 --> 00:07:25,699
(Doorbell rings) Great.
He's here, and no Axl.
176
00:07:26,688 --> 00:07:29,173
He'd better not blow this.
Axl?
177
00:07:29,409 --> 00:07:31,311
- Hello.
- Hi.
178
00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:32,849
Hey, Mrs. Heck.
179
00:07:33,091 --> 00:07:33,960
Mm-hmm.
180
00:07:34,058 --> 00:07:35,498
Mr. Heck.
Great seeing you again.
181
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,916
So where's our superstar?
182
00:07:38,031 --> 00:07:39,619
If I know my son,
183
00:07:39,728 --> 00:07:41,769
he's still hunkered down
at his desk studying.
184
00:07:41,870 --> 00:07:43,350
Ah.
Or practicing football.
185
00:07:43,455 --> 00:07:46,279
Yep, it's all books and pigskin
with that kid.
186
00:07:46,363 --> 00:07:47,457
And the Bible.
187
00:07:47,575 --> 00:07:48,205
Oh.
188
00:07:48,288 --> 00:07:50,662
- Anyway, uh, he should be--
- Hi.
189
00:07:52,374 --> 00:07:55,418
Mr. Tracy.
Great seeing you again.
190
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:56,744
Welcome to our house.
Please, come in.
191
00:07:56,852 --> 00:07:57,772
- Thank you.
- Have a seat.
192
00:07:57,865 --> 00:07:59,039
Thank you.
193
00:08:01,632 --> 00:08:02,538
Okay.
194
00:08:02,929 --> 00:08:03,890
(Chuckles)
195
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:05,251
Okay.
196
00:08:05,340 --> 00:08:06,757
All right.
Axl, let's get to it.
197
00:08:07,012 --> 00:08:08,645
I've seen you play,
but tell me,
198
00:08:08,728 --> 00:08:11,804
what makes you a well-rounded
fit for East Indiana State?
199
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:14,402
I mean, we're not
just a jock farm.
200
00:08:14,519 --> 00:08:16,926
Oh, Axl's a lot more than that.
201
00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:19,765
He's very into charity...
202
00:08:19,884 --> 00:08:21,160
And...
203
00:08:21,295 --> 00:08:23,887
Anything with... Africa.
204
00:08:24,278 --> 00:08:25,305
And, well,
205
00:08:25,413 --> 00:08:28,991
you see, uh, Axl's really been
gearing up for his future,
206
00:08:29,097 --> 00:08:33,107
and he has future goals
about his college future.
207
00:08:33,252 --> 00:08:34,998
The thing is--
208
00:08:35,073 --> 00:08:36,425
I think what my parents
are trying to say is
209
00:08:36,538 --> 00:08:40,217
I'd be lying if at 16 I said
I knew what I wanted to study,
210
00:08:40,306 --> 00:08:43,304
but you have a great school,
and I find if you try your best,
211
00:08:43,394 --> 00:08:45,505
you end up doing
something you love.
212
00:08:45,986 --> 00:08:47,648
Great answer--
213
00:08:47,796 --> 00:08:48,871
Honest.
214
00:08:49,006 --> 00:08:51,114
Now I know my grades
are not the best,
215
00:08:51,237 --> 00:08:56,271
and I'm really working to improve them
so there're more *vis-a-vis my athletics.
216
00:08:56,863 --> 00:08:58,520
Oh, I tell you,
with an attitude like that,
217
00:08:58,598 --> 00:09:00,102
you're gonna have
a lot of choices.
218
00:09:00,955 --> 00:09:03,589
But hey, this isn't just
about me kicking your tires.
219
00:09:03,741 --> 00:09:05,001
Do you have
any questions for me?
220
00:09:05,158 --> 00:09:07,280
Actually, I do, Mr. Tracy.
221
00:09:07,385 --> 00:09:10,448
What made you decide you wanted
to work at East Indiana State?
222
00:09:10,573 --> 00:09:13,182
Whoa, all-out blitz.
I love it.
223
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,779
Most kids just want to know
about the parties.
224
00:09:15,901 --> 00:09:18,306
Oh. Pfft.
I'm gonna get to that.
225
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:19,384
(Laughs)
226
00:09:19,463 --> 00:09:21,237
(All laugh)
227
00:09:21,432 --> 00:09:23,309
Come on, Brick.
It's my turn.
228
00:09:23,414 --> 00:09:25,331
I've still got
ten seconds left.
229
00:09:25,473 --> 00:09:31,811
(Ticking)
230
00:09:31,915 --> 00:09:34,120
(Cell phone vibrates, rings)
231
00:09:34,195 --> 00:09:37,037
See? Glad I held on to it.
Could be the dog people.
232
00:09:37,182 --> 00:09:37,766
(Beep)
233
00:09:37,835 --> 00:09:39,441
"Alert from Indiana Mobile.
234
00:09:39,541 --> 00:09:41,859
"You have exceeded
your monthly text plan.
235
00:09:41,958 --> 00:09:46,479
A $68.34 overage will be
added to your next bill."
236
00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:48,463
You're right. You're older.
You should have the phone.
237
00:09:48,549 --> 00:09:49,975
No way.
That text came in your watch.
238
00:09:50,075 --> 00:09:50,920
(Gasps)
239
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,703
Oh, no.
240
00:09:53,928 --> 00:09:54,645
What?
241
00:09:54,737 --> 00:09:56,678
Mom pays aunt Edie's bills.
242
00:09:56,801 --> 00:10:00,107
We are gonna get so busted.
Ugh, I can't believe it.
243
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:02,106
I was just three months away
from having my own phone,
244
00:10:02,206 --> 00:10:04,186
and now mom is never
gonna let me have it.
245
00:10:04,277 --> 00:10:06,902
I can't go back to a landline.
I just can't!
246
00:10:07,015 --> 00:10:09,661
It's like being chained
to a wall.
247
00:10:09,769 --> 00:10:12,255
What are we gonna do, Brick?
Oh, my God. This is terrible.
248
00:10:12,356 --> 00:10:13,544
I can't believe it.
249
00:10:13,657 --> 00:10:17,351
(Gasping) (Tony Orlando and Dawn's"Tie a Yellow Ribbon" playing)
250
00:10:17,435 --> 00:10:19,497
It's my guitar teacher.
I gotta take this.
251
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:20,233
(Beep)
252
00:10:20,306 --> 00:10:21,822
Y-ello?
253
00:10:21,980 --> 00:10:22,699
Shh.
254
00:10:23,283 --> 00:10:25,190
Really glad I got to
know you better, Axl.
255
00:10:25,287 --> 00:10:26,428
Likewise, Mr. Tracy,
256
00:10:26,527 --> 00:10:27,953
and I'd really love
to get more information
257
00:10:28,035 --> 00:10:30,292
on that international business
program you were talking about.
258
00:10:30,397 --> 00:10:32,172
You got it. Good night.
259
00:10:32,275 --> 00:10:33,345
Night.
260
00:10:37,758 --> 00:10:38,998
Wow.
261
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,776
Can you believe our son?
262
00:10:40,859 --> 00:10:44,383
He was charming, he was funny,
he had all the right answers.
263
00:10:45,807 --> 00:10:47,615
What the hell was that?!
264
00:10:47,710 --> 00:10:49,054
What? I thought I killed it.
265
00:10:49,187 --> 00:10:50,331
Oh, you killed it, all right.
266
00:10:50,403 --> 00:10:51,889
You killed it
all over the place!
267
00:10:52,003 --> 00:10:53,987
Damn it, Axl. I was so worried
you'd blow this,
268
00:10:54,081 --> 00:10:55,212
I almost had a heart attack,
269
00:10:55,304 --> 00:10:58,276
and then I look like an idiot
with that "future goals" crap,
270
00:10:58,381 --> 00:11:00,812
and you come out swinging
with "vis-a-vis"?
271
00:11:00,915 --> 00:11:03,128
And I'm not sure, but I even
think you used it right.
272
00:11:03,247 --> 00:11:05,039
It was on the PSATS.
273
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:06,743
What's your problem?
Thought you'd be proud.
274
00:11:06,881 --> 00:11:08,339
You know, every time
Nancy Donahue said,
275
00:11:08,442 --> 00:11:10,032
"Axl's so polite at our house,"
276
00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:12,566
I assumed she was lying
to spare my feelings.
277
00:11:12,665 --> 00:11:14,285
And once,
your English teacher wrote
278
00:11:14,372 --> 00:11:16,926
"a pleasure to have in class"
on the back of your report card.
279
00:11:17,033 --> 00:11:18,394
I thought it was a typo!
280
00:11:18,509 --> 00:11:21,157
But you are a pleasure,
aren't you?
281
00:11:21,266 --> 00:11:22,945
Okay, liking the words,
282
00:11:23,064 --> 00:11:25,168
but confused
by the bulging neck veins.
283
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,193
They're bulging because
284
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:30,972
I'm wondering how you can be
all charming and colin firth-y
285
00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:34,114
with this guy and Nancy Donahue
and God knows who else.
286
00:11:34,212 --> 00:11:36,342
How come you never bring
your best for us, huh?
287
00:11:36,439 --> 00:11:38,597
Oh, like you bring
your best for us?
288
00:11:38,710 --> 00:11:42,935
Wait, what? I bring my best.
I bring my best 24/7.
289
00:11:43,038 --> 00:11:45,189
Yeah, right. I don't see you
bringing me dip and lemonade.
290
00:11:45,279 --> 00:11:47,498
It's always, "I'm too tired.
Make your own lunch."
291
00:11:47,578 --> 00:11:50,569
Well, the color of the pot
is black, vis-a-vis the kettle.
292
00:11:50,664 --> 00:11:52,969
We're not talking about me.
We're talking about you. Ugh.
293
00:11:53,084 --> 00:11:56,167
You were so amazing tonight,
I can't even look at you!
294
00:11:56,276 --> 00:11:57,918
I know. Nice job!
295
00:12:01,007 --> 00:12:02,869
You know, I liked that Jack.
296
00:12:03,005 --> 00:12:04,950
My dip was kind of gross,
and he still ate it.
297
00:12:05,078 --> 00:12:07,765
I'll like him more
when he gives Axl a free ride.
298
00:12:07,885 --> 00:12:10,070
And don't ever
make that dip again.
299
00:12:10,191 --> 00:12:12,995
What is this?
This a pimple?
300
00:12:13,086 --> 00:12:14,708
I'm squeezing it,
but nothing's happening.
301
00:12:14,820 --> 00:12:17,272
I don't know.
Give it another day.
302
00:12:17,391 --> 00:12:23,411
And then I sawa truly horrific sight--
303
00:12:23,513 --> 00:12:24,851
The truth.
304
00:12:24,928 --> 00:12:27,427
There I was,hunched over like Quasimodo,
305
00:12:27,554 --> 00:12:30,326
picking a back zit,wearing a holey t-shirt
306
00:12:30,411 --> 00:12:32,142
I pulled outof the dirty clothes.
307
00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:35,400
Axl was right.This is not my best.
308
00:12:35,518 --> 00:12:38,074
Maybe none of us were bringingour best for each other.
309
00:12:38,449 --> 00:12:40,137
Whoa. Careful, mom.
310
00:12:40,249 --> 00:12:42,118
You're gonna crush my chips.
311
00:12:45,401 --> 00:12:46,543
(Sneezes)
312
00:12:53,294 --> 00:12:54,104
- Have a good one.
- Mm-hmm.
313
00:12:54,212 --> 00:12:55,241
(Burps) Mm.
314
00:12:57,269 --> 00:12:59,401
And that was just Tuesday.
315
00:13:04,318 --> 00:13:05,129
Hi.
316
00:13:05,232 --> 00:13:08,599
Um, I'd like to pay
my $68.34 texting charge
317
00:13:08,681 --> 00:13:09,827
in cash this month.
318
00:13:09,934 --> 00:13:11,086
Name on the account?
319
00:13:11,187 --> 00:13:14,974
Aunt Edie--
An-- toinette Edie,
320
00:13:15,081 --> 00:13:16,885
but I just go by Edie.
321
00:13:16,984 --> 00:13:18,267
Your last name?
322
00:13:18,393 --> 00:13:19,642
(Lowered voice)
What is aunt Edie's last name?
323
00:13:19,746 --> 00:13:21,071
(Lowered voice) I don't know.
324
00:13:21,163 --> 00:13:22,541
I always just call her
"aunt Edie."
325
00:13:22,633 --> 00:13:23,705
Oh, I think I found you,
326
00:13:23,813 --> 00:13:26,073
and yes, you did go over
your text allowance this month.
327
00:13:26,182 --> 00:13:30,195
You sent 743 texts,
and you were allowed...
328
00:13:31,317 --> 00:13:32,298
One.
329
00:13:32,407 --> 00:13:35,863
(Chuckles) Guess I was really
blowing up this month.
330
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,558
Okay. This is...
331
00:13:38,658 --> 00:13:41,563
Exactly $48.92.
332
00:13:41,716 --> 00:13:44,113
Plus this vintage bird lighter,
333
00:13:44,222 --> 00:13:46,397
which has gotta be worth
at least 20 bucks.
334
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:49,658
Oh, and also,
I'd like to turn in my phone.
335
00:13:49,786 --> 00:13:52,895
Oh, turn in or trade in?
336
00:13:52,990 --> 00:13:55,585
'Cause it says here you're
eligible for a free second phone
337
00:13:55,691 --> 00:13:57,838
if you sign up for the
two year family plan.
338
00:13:57,939 --> 00:13:59,338
It's only $5 a month.
339
00:13:59,466 --> 00:14:01,005
Really?
340
00:14:02,224 --> 00:14:05,045
Sue, we're stealing
from our aunt,
341
00:14:05,152 --> 00:14:06,474
we're lying to our parents--
342
00:14:06,586 --> 00:14:09,566
We're in too deep on this.
We gotta get out.
343
00:14:09,705 --> 00:14:10,985
Did I mention
you'll also receive
344
00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:14,192
an international charger
and a handy belt clip?
345
00:14:16,114 --> 00:14:17,844
Now when you say
"international,"
346
00:14:17,966 --> 00:14:19,996
does that include
Canada and Puerto Rico?
347
00:14:23,056 --> 00:14:23,954
I don't get it.
348
00:14:24,046 --> 00:14:26,291
I'm so helpful
and considerate to others,
349
00:14:26,401 --> 00:14:29,407
but at home,
it's like I don't even try.
350
00:14:29,497 --> 00:14:30,884
I so get it.
351
00:14:30,997 --> 00:14:33,151
My mom won't even
invite me out of my room
352
00:14:33,234 --> 00:14:35,997
to say hi to her gal friends
in her Bridge Club anymore.
353
00:14:36,112 --> 00:14:37,742
It's like I'm a guest
in my mom's house.
354
00:14:37,848 --> 00:14:38,913
Well, no more.
355
00:14:39,023 --> 00:14:42,959
I'm gonna be the tiny ember
that ignites the fire of change.
356
00:14:43,069 --> 00:14:45,653
Wow. That is so deep.
357
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,169
Yeah. I heard it on a show
about a family fat camp.
358
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:48,960
Really?
359
00:14:49,057 --> 00:14:51,295
Oh, come on.
360
00:14:51,871 --> 00:14:55,357
Here comes homemade meatloaf
and mashed potatoes
361
00:14:55,439 --> 00:14:57,705
with a touch of TLC.
362
00:14:57,806 --> 00:14:59,497
I tried to find something
that everyone--
363
00:14:59,595 --> 00:15:00,538
Later.
364
00:15:00,623 --> 00:15:02,455
Hey, hey, hey.
Where you going?
365
00:15:02,558 --> 00:15:03,875
What? I'm done eating.
366
00:15:03,966 --> 00:15:05,451
I was gonna go watch
the East Indiana game.
367
00:15:05,577 --> 00:15:08,809
Look, I made this myself
off the back of a box, so sit.
368
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,292
Ugh!
369
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,007
Let's talk.
370
00:15:12,138 --> 00:15:13,145
So you told the recruiter
371
00:15:13,283 --> 00:15:16,273
you were interested in studying
international business?
372
00:15:16,393 --> 00:15:19,353
Stop it. I was in school
all day. Brain, off.
373
00:15:19,543 --> 00:15:21,020
Isn't that the normal setting?
374
00:15:21,141 --> 00:15:22,066
(Blows air)
375
00:15:23,292 --> 00:15:24,507
Brick? Sue?
376
00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:26,776
Anything interesting
happen to you guys today?
377
00:15:26,894 --> 00:15:27,900
- Nah.
- No.
378
00:15:28,259 --> 00:15:29,266
(Cell phones vibrating)
379
00:15:29,497 --> 00:15:30,370
Well, then.
380
00:15:30,456 --> 00:15:32,655
Let's talk about my day.
Let's see, um...
381
00:15:32,810 --> 00:15:36,012
I almost made a sale. And--
Oh. Listen to this, Mike.
382
00:15:36,108 --> 00:15:38,180
I got a strange call
from the phone company,
383
00:15:38,273 --> 00:15:40,314
saying that aunt Edie
sent hundreds of texts
384
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:41,653
she doesn't even
remember sending
385
00:15:41,738 --> 00:15:43,520
and she added a phone
to her plan.
386
00:15:43,671 --> 00:15:46,063
I don't know.
I'm worried about her.
387
00:15:46,198 --> 00:15:47,012
Hmm.
388
00:15:47,326 --> 00:15:50,796
I hate to admit it, but maybe
it's time to put 'em in a home.
389
00:15:52,771 --> 00:15:53,907
(Clicks, cell phones vibrate)
390
00:15:54,457 --> 00:15:55,558
(Sighs)
391
00:15:56,140 --> 00:15:57,680
Just go.
392
00:16:01,773 --> 00:16:02,950
(Crowd on tv roaring)
Can we go, too?
393
00:16:03,036 --> 00:16:04,265
Yeah, my battery's dead.
394
00:16:04,947 --> 00:16:06,320
You know, metaphorically.
395
00:16:06,963 --> 00:16:08,968
Long day. (Grunts)
396
00:16:09,076 --> 00:16:10,319
Fine. Whatever.
397
00:16:13,296 --> 00:16:14,311
(Sighs)
398
00:16:15,121 --> 00:16:18,430
So, Mike, anything
happen at work today?
399
00:16:18,676 --> 00:16:19,560
Nope.
400
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:21,189
(Whistle blows)
Uh-huh. Go on.
401
00:16:22,563 --> 00:16:24,079
We got a new rock crusher.
402
00:16:24,659 --> 00:16:28,899
Oh, wow. Crushing rocks--
Sounds exciting.
403
00:16:29,016 --> 00:16:30,179
It's not.
404
00:16:32,279 --> 00:16:34,200
What are you staring at me for?
405
00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:35,986
I got something on my face?
406
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:38,336
Oh, just listening
to my husband,
407
00:16:38,447 --> 00:16:40,227
being present, wanting to hear
408
00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:43,592
what the most important person
in the world to me did today.
409
00:16:44,787 --> 00:16:46,594
You wreck the car or something?
410
00:16:46,716 --> 00:16:51,762
(Laughs) You are so funny.
I forget how funny you are.
411
00:16:52,362 --> 00:16:54,443
(Axl) Oh, interception!
Dad, you're missing it!
412
00:17:02,344 --> 00:17:03,096
(Chair scrapes floor)
413
00:17:05,385 --> 00:17:07,969
I brought my best,
414
00:17:08,558 --> 00:17:10,359
and you didn't even notice.
415
00:17:10,548 --> 00:17:11,392
Oh, boy.
416
00:17:11,507 --> 00:17:13,521
I made everyone's
favorite mashed potatoes,
417
00:17:13,628 --> 00:17:17,553
I put on makeup,
I tried to start a conversation,
418
00:17:17,726 --> 00:17:19,607
hell, I even stayed
in my nice pants
419
00:17:19,704 --> 00:17:20,753
instead of throwing on sweats
420
00:17:20,838 --> 00:17:22,967
even though these are
cutting into my side.
421
00:17:23,098 --> 00:17:25,279
But did I make a big deal
about it? No.
422
00:17:25,401 --> 00:17:26,490
Kind of are now.
423
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:29,795
I tried to be a tiny ember,
424
00:17:29,926 --> 00:17:33,538
but you people
just stomped me right out!
425
00:17:33,711 --> 00:17:34,706
Well, forget it.
426
00:17:34,839 --> 00:17:37,498
I am not gonna try
for people who don't try back.
427
00:17:37,593 --> 00:17:39,317
So let's just all
park ourselves on the couch
428
00:17:39,418 --> 00:17:40,534
and stick our hands
down our pants
429
00:17:40,623 --> 00:17:43,608
and scratch until the cows
come home, 'cause I'm done.
430
00:17:48,935 --> 00:17:52,700
Well... sooner I go,
the sooner I get this over with.
431
00:17:53,095 --> 00:17:53,658
(Grunts)
432
00:17:57,465 --> 00:17:59,128
Hey there, pretty lady.
433
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:00,524
Shut up.
434
00:18:00,685 --> 00:18:03,711
All I wanted was to bring
my best to my family.
435
00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:05,037
That so crazy?
436
00:18:05,169 --> 00:18:08,926
Okay, I don't expect the kids
to get it, but you and me...
437
00:18:09,042 --> 00:18:11,254
After they're gone,
we're all we got.
438
00:18:11,408 --> 00:18:13,975
We should at least
try a little.
439
00:18:16,725 --> 00:18:17,897
(Sighs)
440
00:18:18,008 --> 00:18:19,782
You want to talk
about that rock crusher?
441
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,504
It's more than
just small talk, Mike.
442
00:18:21,612 --> 00:18:24,981
You know, I see couples
at the mall, holding hands,
443
00:18:25,117 --> 00:18:26,939
and the other day,
when I went out to get the mail,
444
00:18:27,038 --> 00:18:30,075
I saw the Donahues
dancing in their living room.
445
00:18:30,179 --> 00:18:32,903
Literally!
They were ballroom dancing!
446
00:18:33,106 --> 00:18:34,748
Look, Frankie,
you don't gotta cook us dinner
447
00:18:34,849 --> 00:18:38,391
to show us your best, 'cause
that's not really your best,
448
00:18:38,503 --> 00:18:41,218
but I get
where you're coming from.
449
00:18:41,497 --> 00:18:42,256
You're just saying that
450
00:18:42,367 --> 00:18:44,307
'cause the football game's
on a short time out.
451
00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:46,419
No. Really, I-I-I get it.
452
00:18:46,510 --> 00:18:48,267
It's just,
isn't there something
453
00:18:48,356 --> 00:18:52,572
in between hands down the pants
and ballroom dancing?
454
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,001
I don't know.
455
00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:55,896
(Sighs)
456
00:18:56,699 --> 00:18:57,851
Maybe bowling.
457
00:18:59,095 --> 00:19:00,529
I like bowling.
458
00:19:01,005 --> 00:19:02,935
All right.
Well, there you go.
459
00:19:03,104 --> 00:19:04,601
Thursday night,
we're going bowling.
460
00:19:04,879 --> 00:19:07,722
Well, look at that.
We have a date.
461
00:19:07,901 --> 00:19:08,646
Hmm.
462
00:19:12,358 --> 00:19:14,548
These phones are evil.
463
00:19:14,657 --> 00:19:17,824
I couldn't help it. I was
seduced by rollover minutes.
464
00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:19,959
(Whispers) Rollover minutes.
465
00:19:20,051 --> 00:19:21,457
Yeah, but we never
thought about
466
00:19:21,538 --> 00:19:22,681
how our texting
could hurt others,
467
00:19:22,778 --> 00:19:25,811
and now aunt Edie is going
into a home because of us,
468
00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:29,727
and even worse, we did it all
in front of Jesus lighter.
469
00:19:30,941 --> 00:19:33,030
That's it. I'm never
using my phone again.
470
00:19:33,353 --> 00:19:34,417
Me, either.
471
00:19:34,985 --> 00:19:36,169
(Cell phones vibrate)
Ooh, I got a text.
472
00:19:36,253 --> 00:19:37,366
Me, too.
473
00:19:38,395 --> 00:19:42,068
"Meet me in the kitchen.
M-O-M."
474
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,984
What does M-O-M stand for?
475
00:19:48,308 --> 00:19:48,886
(Clatter)
476
00:19:51,602 --> 00:19:52,405
(Clatter)
477
00:19:53,584 --> 00:19:55,046
Turn.
478
00:19:57,578 --> 00:19:58,467
(Clatter)
479
00:19:58,570 --> 00:20:00,244
Are you still putting
aunt Edie in a home?
480
00:20:00,391 --> 00:20:01,268
Nope.
481
00:20:01,362 --> 00:20:04,887
In fact, I found
two very capable caregivers
482
00:20:04,997 --> 00:20:07,958
to go over and help out
every weekend.
483
00:20:13,613 --> 00:20:14,919
(Coughs softly)
484
00:20:15,568 --> 00:20:17,162
74...
485
00:20:17,272 --> 00:20:18,531
That's a nicke aunt Edie.
486
00:20:18,637 --> 00:20:20,203
No-- and that's a button.
487
00:20:20,343 --> 00:20:23,521
Thanks again for your patience.
Have a great day.
488
00:20:23,624 --> 00:20:25,598
So why do we give our bestto strangers?
489
00:20:25,728 --> 00:20:28,425
I mean, you love your family,
490
00:20:28,514 --> 00:20:30,192
so you shouldgive your best to them.
491
00:20:30,309 --> 00:20:31,438
(Laughter on tv)
492
00:20:32,309 --> 00:20:33,794
Damn, it's Thursday.
493
00:20:33,931 --> 00:20:35,215
Weren't we supposed
to go bowling?
494
00:20:35,389 --> 00:20:36,446
Ohh.
495
00:20:36,846 --> 00:20:40,116
But I'm so comfy here,
and I'm already in my sweats.
496
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:41,461
But the great thing is
497
00:20:41,590 --> 00:20:43,725
they love youso you don't have to.
498
00:20:44,332 --> 00:20:46,408
Ew. Who cut one?
499
00:20:46,848 --> 00:20:48,649
Axl had the garlic fries.
500
00:20:48,768 --> 00:20:50,383
No way.
Smells like a mom fart.
501
00:20:50,557 --> 00:20:51,805
Oh, yeah.
502
00:20:52,341 --> 00:20:55,460
Definitely a SBF--
Silent but Frankie.
503
00:20:56,327 --> 00:20:57,039
(All chuckle)
504
00:20:57,985 --> 00:21:01,419
(Man and woman on tvspeak indistinctly, laughter)
505
00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:07,645
Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
506
00:21:07,695 --> 00:21:12,245
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37305
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