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1
00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:05,536
Ah, morning--
2
00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:08,695
Every 24 hours, the illusion of
a brand-new start.
3
00:00:08,814 --> 00:00:10,820
And this one started off
normal enough.
4
00:00:10,939 --> 00:00:12,283
Good morning, mom.
5
00:00:12,364 --> 00:00:13,248
Morning.
6
00:00:13,327 --> 00:00:14,979
You sleep okay?
7
00:00:15,048 --> 00:00:16,230
Actually, I did.
8
00:00:16,310 --> 00:00:19,546
Glad to hear it.
I'm having cereal.
9
00:00:19,619 --> 00:00:20,581
Can I get you anything?
10
00:00:20,663 --> 00:00:21,711
Hang on.
11
00:00:21,799 --> 00:00:23,109
A 5-line volley from Brick
12
00:00:23,181 --> 00:00:25,421
without reading, random change
of subject, or whispering?
13
00:00:28,091 --> 00:00:29,698
Just what I thought.
14
00:00:29,785 --> 00:00:30,725
You're burning up.
15
00:00:30,796 --> 00:00:32,845
See, fever kind of
mellows out Brick's quirks.
16
00:00:32,924 --> 00:00:36,231
The more normal he acts,
the sicker he is.
17
00:00:36,342 --> 00:00:40,414
And that's what kicked off
the Heck plague of 2011.
18
00:00:40,513 --> 00:00:42,386
Axl, keep your tongue dow--
19
00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:47,343
Uh-oh.I'm gonna throw up.
20
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:48,812
No, no, no!
I just vacuumed.
21
00:00:48,898 --> 00:00:50,604
Here, in my hands.
22
00:00:52,361 --> 00:00:55,444
But this year was different
than the plague of 2010.
23
00:00:55,541 --> 00:00:58,689
'Cause no matter
how much snot I had to wipe,
24
00:00:58,778 --> 00:01:01,894
or barf I had to catch, there
was a bright, shining light
25
00:01:01,988 --> 00:01:04,076
at the end of
this mucousy tunnel...
26
00:01:04,188 --> 00:01:06,547
The royal wedding.
27
00:01:07,125 --> 00:01:10,008
I can't believe
it's this Friday already.
28
00:01:10,087 --> 00:01:11,761
I still have so much to do--
29
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:14,645
Watch the 2-hour special
on Kate Middleton's hairdresser,
30
00:01:14,762 --> 00:01:17,312
the ** royal retrospective,
31
00:01:17,427 --> 00:01:18,982
really? You're still
on that thing?
32
00:01:19,068 --> 00:01:22,169
"Thing"? Uh, is the super bowl
just a thing?
33
00:01:22,263 --> 00:01:23,974
A thing people care about.
34
00:01:24,062 --> 00:01:27,569
This is the super bowl
times a million, plus crowns,
35
00:01:27,659 --> 00:01:30,049
so nobody relapse,
not this week.
36
00:01:30,136 --> 00:01:33,508
Frankie, I got some bad news
for you. We're not British.
37
00:01:33,606 --> 00:01:35,405
Yeah, we won the civil war,
so we don't have to care.
38
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,002
Look, I barely cared
about our wedding.
39
00:01:39,073 --> 00:01:41,042
Tell me why this
is such a big deal.
40
00:01:41,110 --> 00:01:42,237
What did this girl even do?
41
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:45,041
Hello? She landed a prince!
42
00:01:45,124 --> 00:01:46,628
That means she's
the fairest in the land.
43
00:01:48,636 --> 00:01:51,754
She's arriving in a car
as a commoner,
44
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,624
but she leaves
in a carriage as a princess!
45
00:01:54,704 --> 00:01:56,261
Princess of what?
46
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,453
Seriously, is she even
allowed to behead people?
47
00:02:00,933 --> 00:02:03,773
With Sue's friend carly also
a casualty of the Heck plague,
48
00:02:03,866 --> 00:02:06,451
Sue found herself
a new lunchtime companion.
49
00:02:06,552 --> 00:02:08,095
And remember, Mrs. Wojo
50
00:02:08,189 --> 00:02:10,646
is still looking for volunteers
for the Orson cleanup.
51
00:02:10,743 --> 00:02:13,700
Already on the list.
Still waiting for a call.
52
00:02:13,786 --> 00:02:16,177
Hey, fellow shuckers.
Enjoying today's announcement?
53
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,619
Yep. I am.
54
00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:19,786
Want to be part of
the shucker news team?
55
00:02:21,112 --> 00:02:22,340
I do.
56
00:02:22,583 --> 00:02:23,687
Well, come to anchor tryouts
57
00:02:23,791 --> 00:02:25,439
this Thursday in the av room.
58
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:28,239
I will.
59
00:02:32,187 --> 00:02:34,095
We interrupt your snack
for a breaking bulletin.
60
00:02:34,185 --> 00:02:36,758
Sue Heck is gonna try out
for the shucker news team.
61
00:02:36,838 --> 00:02:39,846
What do you think about that?
Don't get your hopes up.
62
00:02:39,981 --> 00:02:42,152
Mike! I think Sue Heck
63
00:02:42,232 --> 00:02:44,589
will make a great addition
to the shucker news team.
64
00:02:44,689 --> 00:02:46,538
And there you have it.
Back to me.
65
00:02:48,047 --> 00:02:51,273
Can you believe it? I could be
an anchor for the school news!
66
00:02:51,374 --> 00:02:52,597
Here, let me do a real headle.
67
00:02:53,659 --> 00:02:55,711
"Man found frozen
in parking lot"!
68
00:02:55,825 --> 00:02:57,685
Oh, wait.
I should read that sad.
69
00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,245
"Man found frozen--"
I can't! I'm too excited!
70
00:03:01,328 --> 00:03:02,713
I'm gonna go think
of sad things
71
00:03:02,787 --> 00:03:05,226
and then practice
in the mirror. Aah!
72
00:03:10,763 --> 00:03:13,572
Jimbo.
73
00:03:13,810 --> 00:03:14,531
What?
74
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:23,207
Oh. Pretzel barrel's empty.
Toss me a new one, will ya?
75
00:03:23,398 --> 00:03:24,944
Oh, we're not
getting them anymore.
76
00:03:25,053 --> 00:03:26,299
What?
77
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:30,307
But I came up from the hole
for a nice, crunchy pretzel.
78
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:33,111
Sorry. We're making cutbacks.
Pretzels had to go.
79
00:03:40,203 --> 00:03:42,360
Uh, hey, winnie the pooh,
there's nothing left in there.
80
00:03:44,305 --> 00:03:46,097
So you see
the pacers game last night?
81
00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:47,502
Whatever, Mike.
82
00:03:53,845 --> 00:03:55,237
Brick. I need your help.
83
00:03:55,717 --> 00:03:57,029
But I got to
go to the bathroom.
84
00:03:57,129 --> 00:03:58,171
Please?
85
00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,281
Okay, fine.
86
00:04:00,968 --> 00:04:03,591
I'm trying out for the school
news, and I need your opinion.
87
00:04:03,703 --> 00:04:04,914
I don't think
you should try out.
88
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:07,820
I mean on my delivery.
Just watch.
89
00:04:10,144 --> 00:04:11,317
Ahem.
"In sports,
90
00:04:11,399 --> 00:04:12,189
"the girls volleyball team
91
00:04:12,268 --> 00:04:14,937
"is hosting a cakewalk
to raise money for uniforms--
92
00:04:15,035 --> 00:04:17,264
"In other news--
The cafeteria reports--
93
00:04:17,352 --> 00:04:20,262
Pizza Thursdays will be
replaced by taco Thursdays."
94
00:04:21,551 --> 00:04:22,289
Well?
95
00:04:22,379 --> 00:04:25,741
I think you shouldn't try out.
I'm already trying out, so stop saying that!
96
00:04:25,828 --> 00:04:29,261
Well, in that case, there's
some things you could work on.
97
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,704
Wait. What things?
98
00:04:31,811 --> 00:04:35,139
Well, you're really stiff,
so try to act more natural.
99
00:04:35,238 --> 00:04:36,807
Got it.
100
00:04:36,921 --> 00:04:39,191
And every time you said
the letter "n" or "m,"
101
00:04:39,296 --> 00:04:41,821
they sounded the same,
so really enunciate.
102
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:43,492
Nuh. Muh.
103
00:04:43,715 --> 00:04:46,975
Okay, next. I mean, next.
104
00:04:47,114 --> 00:04:48,639
Couldn't hurt to
smile more, either.
105
00:04:48,741 --> 00:04:52,217
Smile more, act natural...
And what was the other thing?
106
00:04:52,303 --> 00:04:53,296
Enunciate.
107
00:04:53,405 --> 00:04:55,057
What was the first thing?
108
00:04:55,172 --> 00:04:59,429
Sue! Okay. Here's
a mnemonic device to remember.
109
00:04:59,524 --> 00:05:01,079
"N" for "natural,"
110
00:05:01,198 --> 00:05:05,069
"e" for "enunciate,"
"ws" for "winning smile."
111
00:05:05,375 --> 00:05:06,422
That spells "news."
112
00:05:06,675 --> 00:05:08,049
Nice!
113
00:05:08,163 --> 00:05:11,467
This just in,
you may now go the bathroom.
114
00:05:15,979 --> 00:05:17,155
So the royal wedding
was barreling down,
115
00:05:17,245 --> 00:05:19,405
and while they were polishing
silver at Buckingham Palace,
116
00:05:19,521 --> 00:05:21,914
I was doing a few little
preparations of my own.
117
00:05:22,007 --> 00:05:25,290
God. Axl, did you get
this crap on the tv?
118
00:05:25,381 --> 00:05:26,665
It looks like mashed potatoes.
119
00:05:26,770 --> 00:05:28,814
Like when'd you
ever make mashed potatoes?
120
00:05:28,914 --> 00:05:30,955
Knowing you,
it's probably frosting. Heh.
121
00:05:33,169 --> 00:05:36,139
What'd you get
from windsorware.com?
122
00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:37,685
Hey!
123
00:05:37,764 --> 00:05:39,008
Hey. That's for me.
124
00:05:39,086 --> 00:05:40,793
Come on. I don't go
ripping open your stuff.
125
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:45,219
Oh, my God! A princess chick
teacup?
126
00:05:45,308 --> 00:05:46,729
Okay. None of your beeswax.
127
00:05:46,816 --> 00:05:49,513
Mom ordered some douchey teacup
for the royal wedding.
128
00:05:49,595 --> 00:05:52,213
What? Are you kidding me?
What are we gonna do with that?
129
00:05:52,298 --> 00:05:54,273
Suppose it could
hold guacamole.
130
00:05:54,376 --> 00:05:58,233
This is not for eating. It's
about historical significance
131
00:05:58,326 --> 00:05:59,665
that's too complicated
to explain,
132
00:05:59,752 --> 00:06:02,104
so just give me back my plate.
133
00:06:05,961 --> 00:06:07,923
Hey--wh--whoa, whoa, whoa. Are
you really gonna put that there?
134
00:06:08,018 --> 00:06:10,878
I mean, I obviously don't care
too much about how
135
00:06:11,003 --> 00:06:13,110
this house looks, but I got
to draw the line somewhere.
136
00:06:13,196 --> 00:06:17,127
For your information, this is
a commemorative collectible item
137
00:06:17,230 --> 00:06:19,586
of historical significance,
138
00:06:19,677 --> 00:06:21,591
that could one day
pay for Axl's college.
139
00:06:21,694 --> 00:06:24,574
Oh, well, pardon me, mum.
140
00:06:24,702 --> 00:06:28,449
I'll put another shrimp on
the Barbie. Yes...
141
00:06:28,559 --> 00:06:30,107
All right, Sue's college.
142
00:06:30,184 --> 00:06:33,893
Now here's something
with historical significance,
143
00:06:33,972 --> 00:06:36,369
in case we want to go back
and pinpoint the exact moment
144
00:06:36,456 --> 00:06:37,725
that you lost your mind.
145
00:06:37,823 --> 00:06:41,122
Okay, it's--it's a little bigger
than I expected, but come on.
146
00:06:41,194 --> 00:06:43,894
It's not ostentatious. Hmm?
147
00:06:43,965 --> 00:06:48,391
Yo, yo!
Flavor flav in the hizzouse!
148
00:06:58,085 --> 00:06:58,734
Mike.
149
00:06:58,819 --> 00:06:59,762
We need to talk.
150
00:06:59,868 --> 00:07:01,273
Yeah, we do.
Will somebody tell Irv
151
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:03,592
to quit flicking his butts
into the blasting caps?
152
00:07:03,681 --> 00:07:07,589
No, this is serious, Mike.
Jim told us about the pretzels.
153
00:07:07,682 --> 00:07:10,133
What?
You're here about pretzels?
154
00:07:10,183 --> 00:07:12,269
Let me tell you
a little story, boss man,
155
00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:14,454
about a dude named Chuck.
156
00:07:14,553 --> 00:07:16,704
He dropped out of
high school to live free,
157
00:07:16,797 --> 00:07:18,474
but when his mom said
he couldn't live free
158
00:07:18,534 --> 00:07:21,015
in her garage anymore,
Chuck went to find a job.
159
00:07:21,106 --> 00:07:24,266
Chuck chose a quarry,
a quarry with pretzels,
160
00:07:24,317 --> 00:07:27,353
but now there's no pretzels,
just Chuck.
161
00:07:27,524 --> 00:07:29,023
He's Chuck.
162
00:07:29,577 --> 00:07:31,991
Yeah, I got that. Look, they're
coming down on me to make cuts.
163
00:07:32,058 --> 00:07:36,184
Could have fired somebody,
but no, I axed pretzels.
164
00:07:36,283 --> 00:07:39,034
Why? 'Cause I'm a nice guy.
165
00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:40,772
Who exactly would you fire?
166
00:07:40,884 --> 00:07:43,334
Not me, right? I just
adopted a labradoodle.
167
00:07:43,428 --> 00:07:45,454
Ooh, let's fire Irv.
He's gonna get us killed.
168
00:07:45,554 --> 00:07:46,785
That's great.
169
00:07:46,864 --> 00:07:48,851
I'll go to the hospital
right now and fire him.
170
00:07:48,934 --> 00:07:52,155
Rocking idea, boss man.
Now we can get our pretzel on.
171
00:07:52,278 --> 00:07:54,636
How about you get
your hard hat on, and you get
172
00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:57,412
your back to work on,
and I'll see you guys at lunch?
173
00:07:57,501 --> 00:07:59,831
Ooh, the whistle blows,
and suddenly we're pals.
174
00:07:59,917 --> 00:08:03,385
Unh-unh, suit. We're going
someplace else for lunch.
175
00:08:03,474 --> 00:08:06,245
Someplace with pretzels.
176
00:08:06,712 --> 00:08:07,638
And freedom.
177
00:08:13,801 --> 00:08:15,561
I thought you were just
taking us sneaker shopping.
178
00:08:15,650 --> 00:08:17,299
You lied.
You're a big liar!
179
00:08:17,384 --> 00:08:19,300
Yeah, well, I thought
you would be so grateful
180
00:08:19,384 --> 00:08:21,107
for your new sneakers,
that you'd understand
181
00:08:21,175 --> 00:08:24,135
if I need to make
one little stop for myself.
182
00:08:24,223 --> 00:08:26,727
You don't know me at all!
183
00:08:26,862 --> 00:08:29,776
Excuse me? Hi.
184
00:08:29,856 --> 00:08:33,167
I'm looking for something to
clean the sticky gunk off my tv.
185
00:08:33,288 --> 00:08:35,206
Uh, sure. Screen cleaners
are right over here.
186
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:36,644
Oh. And, um, also,
187
00:08:36,728 --> 00:08:40,523
there's this yellow glowing blob
in the inside of the screen,
188
00:08:40,609 --> 00:08:42,421
but not on channels 2 and 5
189
00:08:42,515 --> 00:08:44,495
and sometimes there's
these lines that go across,
190
00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:46,439
but sometimes
they go up and down,
191
00:08:46,507 --> 00:08:48,640
but those go away
when I'm running the microwave,
192
00:08:48,743 --> 00:08:50,543
but the microwave doesn't
work unless I'm shooting
193
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:53,154
the hair dryer at it.
You have something for that?
194
00:08:53,290 --> 00:08:56,234
Yes, we do. It's called
a new tv.
195
00:08:56,327 --> 00:09:00,838
Hey. I'm "on-air."
How do I look?
196
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,378
Wow.
197
00:09:02,475 --> 00:09:06,468
It's true. The camera does add
10 pounds of dork. Heh-heh.
198
00:09:07,908 --> 00:09:11,105
Look, I'm in sales, too,
so if you think you're gonna
199
00:09:11,177 --> 00:09:13,949
sucker me into buying something
I don't need, guess again.
200
00:09:14,044 --> 00:09:16,405
I just need something for
the yellow blob and the sideways
201
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,998
lines sometimes up and down,
and I'll be on my way.
202
00:09:19,074 --> 00:09:19,937
Excuse me.
203
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:22,843
Yeah, I got this
a week ago, and...
204
00:09:22,936 --> 00:09:24,846
I don't know.
I just don't like it.
205
00:09:24,936 --> 00:09:27,214
Um, returns are
right over there, sir,
206
00:09:27,302 --> 00:09:28,378
and you know our motto,
207
00:09:28,445 --> 00:09:31,113
"if you ain't happy, we ain't
happy, no questions asked."
208
00:09:31,161 --> 00:09:35,593
So he can just
return it like that?
209
00:09:35,772 --> 00:09:38,499
Yeah. We have a 14-day
"any reason" return policy.
210
00:09:38,690 --> 00:09:40,973
Wow, that is so nice of you.
211
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:43,824
Okay, wait.
So let's say I buy a tv
212
00:09:43,867 --> 00:09:46,918
and I ain't happy for, you know,
whatever reason, after...
213
00:09:46,997 --> 00:09:50,836
Friday--just picking
a random day--I can return it?
214
00:09:50,913 --> 00:09:53,600
Yep. Just a $25
restocking fee.
215
00:09:53,698 --> 00:09:58,763
Hold the phone! HDMI 1.4?
216
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,002
You know, you guys should
put that bigger on your tag.
217
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:01,735
I'll take it!
218
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,453
Great. I'll see
if we have any in stock.
219
00:10:03,553 --> 00:10:06,232
Okay. Oh, wow.
220
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:11,603
Mom. What are you doing?
That tv costs $3,000!
221
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,690
Shh! It's just
for the royal wedding.
222
00:10:13,785 --> 00:10:15,009
But that's stealing.
223
00:10:15,107 --> 00:10:18,914
No. It's borrowing.
I'm paying $25 to borrow it.
224
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:21,886
So just be cool.
You know what? Be over there.
225
00:10:23,836 --> 00:10:26,297
Good news. One left.
226
00:10:26,396 --> 00:10:29,123
Great. Now what credit card
are we putting this on today?
227
00:10:29,231 --> 00:10:31,950
Um... actually,
we were thinking about
228
00:10:32,029 --> 00:10:34,349
opening one of
your store cards for our son.
229
00:10:34,464 --> 00:10:37,044
He's employed
and extremely responsible.
230
00:10:41,342 --> 00:10:43,229
He's pre-med. We're very proud.
231
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:49,087
It's just so big.
232
00:10:49,193 --> 00:10:51,727
Kind of overpowers
the room, huh?
233
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,213
I love it!
234
00:10:55,136 --> 00:10:56,166
All right.
Give me the remote.
235
00:10:56,252 --> 00:10:58,523
Let's find Cinemax and get
this hi-def skank train going.
236
00:10:58,610 --> 00:10:59,928
No, I need to watch the news.
237
00:11:00,003 --> 00:11:02,884
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
No one watches anything.
238
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:04,706
This is only for the royal
wedding, then it goes back.
239
00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:07,029
So till then,
no one watches it, touches it,
240
00:11:07,113 --> 00:11:08,544
or even gets
within a 3-foot radius.
241
00:11:10,155 --> 00:11:13,107
Dad? Look what Axl got with
his credit card. It's just
242
00:11:13,188 --> 00:11:15,736
for the royal wedding, then
I'm returning it right after.
243
00:11:15,845 --> 00:11:19,071
They have a policy. "If I
ain't happy, they ain't happy."
244
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:20,769
What if I ain't happy?
245
00:11:20,893 --> 00:11:23,602
Frankie, something that nice
can't survive here.
246
00:11:23,688 --> 00:11:26,261
This is where things come
to break. Look around, woman.
247
00:11:26,329 --> 00:11:28,088
We can't make toast
without a screwdriver.
248
00:11:28,164 --> 00:11:32,255
Oh, please.
Nothing's gonna happ--
249
00:11:32,975 --> 00:11:34,627
3-foot radius!
250
00:11:38,362 --> 00:11:41,710
"I'm Sue Heck, and that's
what the Heck's going on."
251
00:11:44,941 --> 00:11:45,685
Good luck.
252
00:11:46,451 --> 00:11:48,891
Wait. That wasn't
a "good luck" good luck.
253
00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:52,336
That was a "there's something
wrong" good luck. Tell me.
254
00:11:52,418 --> 00:11:54,574
Okay, you want
honest or polite?
255
00:11:54,655 --> 00:11:57,364
Well, I wanted polite,
but now that you said that,
256
00:11:57,452 --> 00:11:59,678
I guess I'll take honest.
257
00:11:59,791 --> 00:12:02,892
You blinked too much, and about
halfway in, you slurred an "s."
258
00:12:03,003 --> 00:12:04,719
And you didn't gesture enough.
259
00:12:04,799 --> 00:12:07,746
Plus, you were kind of mumbly
on your nouns, but on verbs,
260
00:12:07,822 --> 00:12:09,398
you were even shakier...
261
00:12:09,510 --> 00:12:12,054
And that's how a little
mnemonic device like "news"
262
00:12:12,176 --> 00:12:13,205
ballooned into...
263
00:12:13,302 --> 00:12:15,042
"Newsbenjiverts."
264
00:12:15,131 --> 00:12:18,581
My brother came up with "news,"
but I came up with "benjiverts."
265
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:21,551
Now our third and final
candidate, Sue hickey.
266
00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:24,726
That's when Sue introduced
the world to "newsbenjiverts."
267
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,896
"B" for "blink less"...
268
00:12:27,004 --> 00:12:29,723
Happy Thursday, fellow shuckers.
269
00:12:29,842 --> 00:12:31,489
"E" for "enunciate"...
270
00:12:31,569 --> 00:12:35,184
The flooded auditorium-uh
271
00:12:35,275 --> 00:12:36,671
will be drain-uh-d
272
00:12:36,784 --> 00:12:40,630
in time for
the spring muh-usical.
273
00:12:40,745 --> 00:12:42,825
"N" for nodding...
And kudos
274
00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:47,810
to the girls soccer team
for defeating the other team
275
00:12:47,932 --> 00:12:48,935
from...
276
00:12:49,172 --> 00:12:51,655
And who could forget "v"
for "very big gestures"?
277
00:12:51,783 --> 00:12:56,298
I'm Sue Heck, and that's what the
Heck's go--
278
00:12:56,394 --> 00:12:57,660
On. Cut to black! Cut to black!
279
00:13:02,878 --> 00:13:03,576
Mr. Heck?
280
00:13:04,316 --> 00:13:06,364
Phil Bickel,
quarry workers 703.
281
00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:08,444
I'm here about
the pretzel situation.
282
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,765
I don't think so.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
283
00:13:10,845 --> 00:13:12,986
Either we talk or they walk.
284
00:13:13,099 --> 00:13:14,784
A strike?
285
00:13:14,889 --> 00:13:17,440
'Cause I got rid of pretzels
and fancy toilet paper?
286
00:13:17,539 --> 00:13:19,919
Ohh, that's what's different.
287
00:13:20,071 --> 00:13:22,845
Okay. I can give back the pretzels...
Uh-huh.
288
00:13:22,938 --> 00:13:24,537
And, uh, get rid of
their health insurance.
289
00:13:28,515 --> 00:13:31,387
No dice. They want
health insurance and pretzels.
290
00:13:31,481 --> 00:13:34,174
And the TP Yeah, give it back!
291
00:13:34,373 --> 00:13:37,974
Pretzels! Pretzels!
Pretzels! Pretzels!
292
00:13:38,094 --> 00:13:39,856
Sure. Let's bring
back pretzels,
293
00:13:39,933 --> 00:13:44,478
and, uh, we can lose stuff
like, say... paychecks.
294
00:13:44,570 --> 00:13:47,040
Says Mr. giant new tv.
295
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:50,440
That's right. I drove by
your place last night.
296
00:13:50,531 --> 00:13:55,288
What? Have you been misappropriating
snack funds for personal gain?
297
00:13:55,405 --> 00:13:59,334
Personal gain? I had to push
my car to work this morning!
298
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:00,228
That's it.
299
00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:02,913
No pretzels. End of story.
Everyone get back to work.
300
00:14:03,011 --> 00:14:07,359
Okay--all ri--okay, guys.
We lost out on the pretzels,
301
00:14:07,452 --> 00:14:09,885
but we stuck it to him on
the insurance and the paychecks.
302
00:14:09,989 --> 00:14:11,844
Don't forget me
come election time.
303
00:14:11,949 --> 00:14:14,329
Hey, how about a group photo
for the newsletter?
304
00:14:14,410 --> 00:14:17,654
Okay. I'll just get a, uh,
shot of your backs, then.
305
00:14:19,143 --> 00:14:22,712
It's only six hours away.
306
00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:25,230
I wonder what she's doing
right now.
307
00:14:25,306 --> 00:14:27,594
Is her heart pounding?
I'll bet it's pounding,
308
00:14:27,682 --> 00:14:29,604
'cause mine's about to pound
right out of my chest.
309
00:14:29,707 --> 00:14:32,325
Mom, I'm sorry, but there is
310
00:14:32,408 --> 00:14:34,991
no way I can watch the news
coverage of the wedding,
311
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:36,590
after all that
I've been through.
312
00:14:36,689 --> 00:14:38,949
I can barely look at
a microphone without crying...
313
00:14:39,034 --> 00:14:41,169
Brick.
314
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,084
Hey, how is it my fault?
315
00:14:43,151 --> 00:14:44,570
You over-directed me.
316
00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:48,272
I did "newsbenjiverts,"
and people thought I was insane.
317
00:14:48,368 --> 00:14:50,451
I even got called down
to the guidance counselor.
318
00:14:50,513 --> 00:14:54,149
Well, I warned you not to try out.
Oh, but--
319
00:14:54,219 --> 00:14:57,086
Hey! There is no fighting
on royal wedding Eve!
320
00:15:02,331 --> 00:15:04,645
Hey, where are my scones?
321
00:15:05,473 --> 00:15:06,176
Mike!
322
00:15:06,286 --> 00:15:07,920
What? I didn't know.
323
00:15:08,004 --> 00:15:11,658
I did you a favor, anyway.
They're stale and dry.
324
00:15:11,762 --> 00:15:15,045
They're supposed to be stale
and dry. They're British.
325
00:15:15,410 --> 00:15:17,415
All right, never mind.
Now I'm going to bed,
326
00:15:17,524 --> 00:15:19,492
so if you have to yell
at the kids, take 'em outside.
327
00:15:19,574 --> 00:15:22,063
I don't want to yell
at the kids alone.
328
00:15:22,187 --> 00:15:23,770
That's something
we enjoy doing together.
329
00:15:24,065 --> 00:15:25,640
Well, sorry, but coverage
starts at 3:00am
330
00:15:25,733 --> 00:15:27,614
by the time you're eating
your toast or waffles,
331
00:15:27,692 --> 00:15:29,857
the world will have
a new princess.
332
00:15:29,934 --> 00:15:32,266
Seriously, how can you
not be moved by that?
333
00:15:38,181 --> 00:15:39,742
Don't
bother looking for the remote.
334
00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:41,028
I'm taking it to bed with me.
335
00:15:43,569 --> 00:15:45,055
The wait was finally over.
336
00:15:45,142 --> 00:15:46,958
Time to see
what this bad boy could do.
337
00:15:54,294 --> 00:15:56,389
Oh... no, no, no.
338
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,238
Turn on.
339
00:15:58,484 --> 00:16:01,254
Turn on--you got to
be kidding me!
340
00:16:01,359 --> 00:16:03,816
Where is the button?
341
00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:09,159
Mike! Axl! Brick! Sue!
342
00:16:09,244 --> 00:16:10,785
Everybody up! I need your help!
343
00:16:10,923 --> 00:16:14,942
Why am I awake
you know I need a solid 16.
344
00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:18,578
Axl, that is not for you!
345
00:16:18,648 --> 00:16:19,862
Brick, read faster!
346
00:16:21,545 --> 00:16:22,408
There it goes.
347
00:16:22,490 --> 00:16:25,094
Oh! Thank God! Okay,
you can all go back to bed.
348
00:16:28,258 --> 00:16:30,158
Wait! It's not turning
channels. Come back!
349
00:16:30,271 --> 00:16:31,370
Come on. Come back!
350
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,506
What's all the screaming?
Is Justin Bieber dead?
351
00:16:37,619 --> 00:16:39,540
I am missing the royal wedding.
There's something wrong
352
00:16:39,602 --> 00:16:42,123
with this stupid tv.
Here. Keep hitting "2."
353
00:16:47,481 --> 00:16:48,150
Anything?
354
00:16:48,228 --> 00:16:48,891
No.
355
00:16:52,471 --> 00:16:53,726
Brick, that's not for you!
356
00:16:53,821 --> 00:16:57,794
Here. Change, damn it, change!
357
00:16:57,899 --> 00:17:01,100
Whoa. Sports in hi-def
are sweet.
358
00:17:01,191 --> 00:17:03,148
Ooh. Dad,
remember this game?
359
00:17:03,219 --> 00:17:04,566
This is right when
they start their comeback.
360
00:17:04,687 --> 00:17:06,471
Yeah, this is a good one.
Here comes the qb sneak.
361
00:17:06,558 --> 00:17:09,263
Bust it through...
No!
362
00:17:09,344 --> 00:17:13,084
No! You are not watching
this game! This tv is for me!
363
00:17:15,140 --> 00:17:18,069
It's 3:49!
I'm missing it all!
364
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:20,505
The arrival
at westminster abbey...
365
00:17:20,590 --> 00:17:22,792
The pronouncement
by the lord rector...
366
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:24,759
What?
367
00:17:24,843 --> 00:17:27,285
Rector.
368
00:17:27,696 --> 00:17:30,879
Oh, you think this is funny?
Is this all some sort of joke?
369
00:17:30,989 --> 00:17:33,572
Come on, Frankie. Lighten up.
No!
370
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:35,969
You lighten up!
371
00:17:36,071 --> 00:17:38,970
All you've done
this past week is smirk
372
00:17:39,085 --> 00:17:42,468
and laugh and make fun of me,
and what have I done for you?
373
00:17:42,550 --> 00:17:47,158
Wipe your snot, carry your
vomit, take you sneaker shopping
374
00:17:47,246 --> 00:17:48,785
because your old ones
weren't awesome enough!
375
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:52,624
How dare mom ever want
anything for herself?
376
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:56,194
To celebrate that a girl could
start the day as a commoner
377
00:17:56,606 --> 00:17:57,811
and end it as a princess.
378
00:17:57,921 --> 00:18:00,131
"Oh, ha ha. It's stupid.
It doesn't matter."
379
00:18:00,377 --> 00:18:01,949
Well, it matters to me!
380
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:03,069
Yeah.
381
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:06,483
And I don't have to explain it
or justify it to any of you.
382
00:18:06,558 --> 00:18:09,059
That's right. There's no
historical significance.
383
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:10,891
I just think it's pretty!
384
00:18:10,977 --> 00:18:15,223
Jeez, Frankie, calm down.
You're getting all bloodshot. Oh, no.
385
00:18:15,334 --> 00:18:19,830
You just don't get the needs of
the common people, do you, Mike?
386
00:18:19,939 --> 00:18:23,173
Pretzels aren't important.
Royal weddings aren't important.
387
00:18:23,225 --> 00:18:25,439
Oh, not like football!
388
00:18:25,532 --> 00:18:30,353
Do I talk smack about all this
colts stuff that you get?
389
00:18:30,430 --> 00:18:33,075
No. But I buy
one little plate,
390
00:18:33,142 --> 00:18:36,268
and suddenly, I'm crazy!
I'm obsessed--
391
00:18:45,809 --> 00:18:49,114
God. Who knew she cared so much
about the royal wedding?
392
00:18:49,203 --> 00:18:50,211
She should have said something.
393
00:18:54,731 --> 00:18:55,723
Frankie.
394
00:18:55,817 --> 00:18:57,353
What?
We fixed the tv.
395
00:18:57,460 --> 00:19:00,303
Just in time for
the parade of beefeaters.
396
00:19:00,398 --> 00:19:02,912
Beefeaters.
397
00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:04,569
Really?
398
00:19:04,688 --> 00:19:06,363
Ohh! Nasty!
399
00:19:07,499 --> 00:19:08,391
Wait. I can't see.
400
00:19:08,486 --> 00:19:11,438
Why can't I see?
Frankie, you're a little crusty there.
401
00:19:11,523 --> 00:19:14,301
Looks like you might have
gotten pinkeye or something.
402
00:19:14,365 --> 00:19:16,248
What?
How could I get pinkeye?
403
00:19:23,389 --> 00:19:25,486
Oh! 3-d! Ha ha!
404
00:19:25,584 --> 00:19:30,268
I'm blind!
Why is this happening to me?
405
00:19:30,357 --> 00:19:33,051
All I wanted
was to have tea and scones,
406
00:19:33,125 --> 00:19:35,720
and watch the royal wedding,
and now I can't open my eyes,
407
00:19:35,834 --> 00:19:39,007
and--ahh, my tears
can't even get out.
408
00:19:42,284 --> 00:19:44,701
Now she's going into
the church, and a woman--
409
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:50,707
Scratch that, a man in a wig--
is holding her... cape.
410
00:19:50,850 --> 00:19:52,906
Oh, her bridal train.
411
00:19:53,019 --> 00:19:55,063
What color's the dress?
White or ivory?
412
00:19:55,157 --> 00:19:59,293
The entire royal family
has gathered.
413
00:19:59,393 --> 00:20:00,003
Ivory.
414
00:20:00,102 --> 00:20:02,409
Ohh... and what about
her sleeves? Are they poufy?
415
00:20:02,523 --> 00:20:05,183
I guess maybe
you could call 'em poufy.
416
00:20:05,304 --> 00:20:08,843
And there's some kind of
glittery deal going on.
417
00:20:09,980 --> 00:20:12,722
Hey, mom, you really
can't see anything?
418
00:20:12,902 --> 00:20:14,375
Not a thing.
419
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:20,127
Here. I felt bad, so I glued
your plate back together.
420
00:20:22,282 --> 00:20:24,997
Can't even feel the cracks.
421
00:20:26,943 --> 00:20:29,103
Yeah, you can be cynical
all you want, but truth is,
422
00:20:29,169 --> 00:20:31,496
fairy tales happen every day.
423
00:20:31,604 --> 00:20:33,960
Princes really do exist...
424
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:36,442
So now she's waving
to the crowd.
425
00:20:38,097 --> 00:20:39,384
They both look pretty happy.
426
00:20:39,496 --> 00:20:40,783
When something
wonderful happens,
427
00:20:40,856 --> 00:20:42,696
cheers ring out
across the land...
428
00:20:42,799 --> 00:20:44,319
Yeah!
429
00:20:44,457 --> 00:20:45,934
Wishes do come true...
430
00:20:46,028 --> 00:20:48,240
Is this your handwriting?
It's really good.
431
00:20:48,301 --> 00:20:52,868
And there really is such
a thing as happily ever after.
432
00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:54,736
So now they're coming out
on the balcony...
433
00:20:56,402 --> 00:20:57,455
And--oh, they're kissing.
434
00:20:57,536 --> 00:21:01,172
Ohh. Is it a soft kiss or a deep
kiss? Describe it to me.
435
00:21:01,258 --> 00:21:03,078
Aw, Frankie...
436
00:21:03,128 --> 00:21:07,678
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