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1
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"Christmas"
2
00:00:04,456 --> 00:00:05,950
"Dear friends and family"...
3
00:00:06,032 --> 00:00:08,902
"Merry Christmas!2009 has been a busy
4
00:00:08,963 --> 00:00:10,569
"and exciting yearfor the Hecks.
5
00:00:10,659 --> 00:00:13,001
"Last summer, I lost my jobin the dental office
6
00:00:13,210 --> 00:00:15,972
"but was lucky enough to landa new, thrilling job
7
00:00:16,012 --> 00:00:19,171
"selling cars, and thanksto his years of hard work,
8
00:00:19,206 --> 00:00:21,107
"Mike got a promotionat the quarry
9
00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:22,270
and is now manager."
10
00:00:22,361 --> 00:00:24,490
Carl blew his arm off,
can't type.
11
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,678
Congratulations.
You're the new manager.
12
00:00:26,941 --> 00:00:30,750
"Even Axl, who's now 15, hasrecently joined the workforce,
13
00:00:30,785 --> 00:00:32,087
"and we're havingso much fun
14
00:00:32,157 --> 00:00:34,542
watching him take onthis new responsibility."
15
00:00:36,004 --> 00:00:37,275
Excuse me, sir.
16
00:00:37,310 --> 00:00:39,040
I believe
I'm done with this plate.
17
00:00:39,041 --> 00:00:41,595
"And Sue, 13,is busy with..."
18
00:00:45,164 --> 00:00:46,971
"Sue made..."
19
00:00:49,936 --> 00:00:52,482
"Sue tried out for..."
20
00:00:58,277 --> 00:00:59,669
"Sue has a boyfriend."
21
00:01:00,443 --> 00:01:02,321
Ugh. I wish
I didn't have to leave,
22
00:01:02,356 --> 00:01:04,536
but I have to get up
so early tomorrow.
23
00:01:04,717 --> 00:01:05,475
Show choir's performing
24
00:01:05,555 --> 00:01:08,017
at the Little Betty Snack
cake factory in the morning.
25
00:01:08,052 --> 00:01:09,821
We get to wear hairnets
and everything.
26
00:01:10,175 --> 00:01:11,061
Lucky!
27
00:01:12,314 --> 00:01:15,334
Well...
good night.
28
00:01:24,662 --> 00:01:27,274
"But nothing says Christmaslike the wonder and magic
29
00:01:27,309 --> 00:01:28,965
on our little boyBrick's face."
30
00:01:30,178 --> 00:01:32,370
I just don't understand
Christmas.
31
00:01:32,445 --> 00:01:34,197
It's like we're
supposed to be happy,
32
00:01:34,232 --> 00:01:35,944
but how can
we possibly enjoy it
33
00:01:36,004 --> 00:01:38,517
knowing that
it's all so... fleeting?
34
00:01:38,918 --> 00:01:40,354
Fleeting.
35
00:01:40,820 --> 00:01:43,179
Brick, what are you
talkin' about?
36
00:01:43,214 --> 00:01:45,034
You love Christmas.
37
00:01:45,566 --> 00:01:46,593
Do I?
38
00:01:48,236 --> 00:01:51,196
Ah, the first traditionof the holiday season--
39
00:01:51,231 --> 00:01:53,154
The putting offof the christmas letter.
40
00:01:56,266 --> 00:01:58,381
¶ La la la la la la la ¶
41
00:01:58,416 --> 00:01:59,393
But he's 8.
42
00:01:59,394 --> 00:02:01,862
8-year-olds are supposed
to be happy at Christmas.
43
00:02:02,292 --> 00:02:04,531
¶ La la la la la la la ¶
44
00:02:04,566 --> 00:02:06,733
Plus he's whispering
to himself more often.
45
00:02:07,079 --> 00:02:08,353
Don't let it stress you out.
46
00:02:08,364 --> 00:02:09,449
Yeah, that's easy
for you to say.
47
00:02:09,484 --> 00:02:11,821
You don't have kids.
Trust me, as a parent,
48
00:02:11,856 --> 00:02:14,237
you're only as happy
as your least happy kid.
49
00:02:14,645 --> 00:02:17,800
¶ La la la la la la la ¶
50
00:02:17,835 --> 00:02:20,358
- Thank God I don't have kids.
- I'm so proud of you.
51
00:02:20,359 --> 00:02:23,237
- I just roam the Earth alone.
- Shh!
52
00:02:24,381 --> 00:02:25,966
Eyes on me, please,
people.
53
00:02:26,032 --> 00:02:28,690
Thank you. As you know,
next week we'll be having
54
00:02:28,725 --> 00:02:30,557
tryouts for
the midnight mass solo.
55
00:02:30,703 --> 00:02:33,139
I don't know why they even
bother with tryouts.
56
00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:35,589
Everybody knows Melanie Howard's
just gonna get it anyway.
57
00:02:35,661 --> 00:02:38,062
Tell me about it.
Voice like an angel
58
00:02:38,097 --> 00:02:40,246
and married to an orthodontist.
She's so friggin' blessed.
59
00:02:40,281 --> 00:02:42,131
- Shh! Quiet.
- I'll see you at the tryouts.
60
00:02:42,166 --> 00:02:45,191
Oh, and I have
some sad news.
61
00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:48,837
Melanie Howard
has throat polyps!
62
00:02:48,872 --> 00:02:49,476
Yes!
63
00:02:50,264 --> 00:02:52,237
You didn't get this excited
when my uncle had 'em.
64
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:55,796
Ohh. I have been in
that choir for 15 years,
65
00:02:55,831 --> 00:03:00,020
and for 15 years, Melanie Howard
has hogged all the solos.
66
00:03:00,340 --> 00:03:03,813
Now she has polyps,
and the field is wide open.
67
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:05,797
Oh. There you are.
68
00:03:05,838 --> 00:03:07,262
Oh, ahoy, matey!
69
00:03:07,406 --> 00:03:09,172
So I signed you up
to bring in pies
70
00:03:09,207 --> 00:03:11,861
for the Team Christmas party,
which is tonight at 8:00, and, uh...
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00:03:11,911 --> 00:03:13,569
I'm out of underwear.
72
00:03:15,014 --> 00:03:16,335
But you said you would
take me to the mall
73
00:03:16,336 --> 00:03:17,630
to pick out
Brad's Christmas present.
74
00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:21,260
He said he wanted body scrub
with papaya and ylang-ylang.
75
00:03:22,221 --> 00:03:24,089
Okay, I'll take you
to the mall.
76
00:03:24,220 --> 00:03:24,874
Thank you.
77
00:03:26,892 --> 00:03:30,218
Who am I kidding? There's no way
I can try out for that solo.
78
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:31,133
Why not?
79
00:03:31,685 --> 00:03:34,068
Because a s-solo involves
a lot of extra practices,
80
00:03:34,103 --> 00:03:35,806
and I just can't
take that on right now.
81
00:03:35,835 --> 00:03:38,606
It's Christmas! It's the most
stressful holiday of the year.
82
00:03:38,641 --> 00:03:40,803
- I can do it.
- Do what?
83
00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:42,638
Handle Christmas.
84
00:03:42,673 --> 00:03:45,104
Oh, right.
You can handle Christmas?
85
00:03:45,569 --> 00:03:47,485
You can't handle Christmas.
86
00:03:48,467 --> 00:03:50,772
All you gotta do
is get organized.
87
00:03:51,047 --> 00:03:52,924
Your problem is
you're not organized.
88
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,252
You don't even make lists.
89
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,980
Right, that's my problem.
I'm not organized.
90
00:03:56,981 --> 00:04:00,402
I happen to have a pocketful of
Post-Its that says otherwise.
91
00:04:00,962 --> 00:04:01,542
Trust me, Mike,
92
00:04:01,961 --> 00:04:05,305
you have no idea
what Christmas involves.
93
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:09,106
There is shopping, wrapping,
baking, taking the aunts
94
00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,143
to the Assisted Living
Christmas dance.
95
00:04:11,178 --> 00:04:12,542
Sounds like
a piece of cake.
96
00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:15,797
I'm on a holiday schedule
till New Year's. Bring it on.
97
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:16,926
What was
the first thing--
98
00:04:16,961 --> 00:04:17,878
- Shopping?
- Yeah.
99
00:04:17,929 --> 00:04:21,438
Hey, Axl, I'm going to the mall.
Did you do your Christmas list?
100
00:04:21,892 --> 00:04:23,928
Cash, a cell phone
and to be left alone.
101
00:04:25,312 --> 00:04:25,916
Brick.
102
00:04:26,589 --> 00:04:27,993
Did you make your list
for Santa?
103
00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:31,526
What I really want this year
are some answers.
104
00:04:32,059 --> 00:04:34,063
What's the true meaning
of Christmas?
105
00:04:34,626 --> 00:04:36,079
Are we here
for a reason?
106
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,293
What is
the purpose of life?
107
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:40,576
How about a bike?
108
00:04:44,961 --> 00:04:46,596
Hey, Mom,
can I ask you something?
109
00:04:46,597 --> 00:04:47,069
Sure.
110
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,260
The thing is, Brad and I have
been going out for a month now,
111
00:04:50,611 --> 00:04:52,065
and he still
hasn't kissed me.
112
00:04:52,407 --> 00:04:53,554
I sure like that kid.
113
00:04:54,166 --> 00:04:57,849
Well, maybe he's just shy,
114
00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:01,028
or, you know,
a gentleman.
115
00:05:02,164 --> 00:05:04,527
Yeah.
Yeah, that's probably it.
116
00:05:04,674 --> 00:05:06,935
Did you know he owns
his own top hat and tails?
117
00:05:07,811 --> 00:05:09,297
- Wow.
- Oh, nice.
118
00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:12,486
Maybe we should have told Suethe truth about Brad.
119
00:05:12,877 --> 00:05:13,805
But it wasa little hard to do
120
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,761
when Brad didn't evenknow the truth yet.
121
00:05:17,086 --> 00:05:18,539
Welcome, friends.
122
00:05:19,055 --> 00:05:22,092
Before we begin,
please join me in praying
123
00:05:22,153 --> 00:05:25,195
for a member of our congregation--
Melanie Howard.
124
00:05:25,495 --> 00:05:29,991
May she make a quick recovery
from her throat polyps.
125
00:05:35,017 --> 00:05:36,663
People talk aboutthe power of prayer.
126
00:05:37,073 --> 00:05:38,077
But there's somethingto be said
127
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:40,022
for the powerof not prayer as well.
128
00:05:40,171 --> 00:05:43,045
Hey, everybody!
I got the solo! Whoo-hoo!
129
00:05:43,046 --> 00:05:44,542
- Hey, that's great!
- Yeah, baby!
130
00:05:44,732 --> 00:05:46,852
- Congratulations.
- Ohh.
131
00:05:48,708 --> 00:05:51,495
Mike...
you put up the tree?
132
00:05:51,496 --> 00:05:53,417
Yep.
Took me 20 minutes.
133
00:05:53,418 --> 00:05:55,140
I don't know why it
always takes you so long.
134
00:05:55,992 --> 00:05:57,742
But I like putting up
the tree.
135
00:05:57,822 --> 00:05:59,728
It's one of
my favorite things.
136
00:05:59,729 --> 00:06:01,465
It's something
we all do together.
137
00:06:01,931 --> 00:06:03,875
Hey, did everyone
break an arm?
138
00:06:03,876 --> 00:06:05,965
How come I'm the only one
decorating the tree?
139
00:06:08,304 --> 00:06:09,990
Just think of
all the time I saved you.
140
00:06:09,991 --> 00:06:12,300
I should check this
off the list.
141
00:06:12,942 --> 00:06:14,779
Tree... check.
142
00:06:15,570 --> 00:06:17,069
I'm kicking Christmas' ass.
143
00:06:17,614 --> 00:06:20,049
Well, Mike was handlingChristmas all right.
144
00:06:20,446 --> 00:06:22,680
Problem was he washandling it a little too well.
145
00:06:22,819 --> 00:06:25,541
Mike, why is there a snowman
in the front yard?
146
00:06:25,789 --> 00:06:26,582
You're welcome.
147
00:06:27,624 --> 00:06:30,004
But I love
making the snowman.
148
00:06:30,039 --> 00:06:31,388
It is my favorite thing,
149
00:06:31,423 --> 00:06:33,334
something
we all do together.
150
00:06:34,411 --> 00:06:36,890
In case anybody cares,
I just made the damn snowman.
151
00:06:38,868 --> 00:06:40,772
Hey, you said you wanted me
to take care of Christmas.
152
00:06:40,807 --> 00:06:42,035
I'm taking care
of Christmas.
153
00:06:43,140 --> 00:06:45,272
Hey, Dad!
154
00:06:45,408 --> 00:06:48,006
Major upgrade
on the snowman.
155
00:06:48,486 --> 00:06:49,821
Think I might actually
wait a few days
156
00:06:49,892 --> 00:06:51,839
before I smash it
with my baseball bat.
157
00:06:52,622 --> 00:06:54,064
Thanks, buddy.
How's work?
158
00:06:54,517 --> 00:06:57,440
Awesome. My friends came by
and called me a seaman.
159
00:06:58,093 --> 00:06:59,564
Livin' the dream.
160
00:07:02,492 --> 00:07:03,448
Brick?
161
00:07:04,504 --> 00:07:06,007
Brick, what are you doing
under there?
162
00:07:06,596 --> 00:07:10,009
Looking at the lights, but their
beauty just makes me sad.
163
00:07:10,433 --> 00:07:12,029
I know what will get you
in the Christmas spirit.
164
00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:13,444
How about a visit
with Santa Claus?
165
00:07:13,479 --> 00:07:15,187
Sure.
It's worth a shot.
166
00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:18,067
Wait. You're taking him
to see Santa?
167
00:07:18,348 --> 00:07:19,405
It's next on my list.
168
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:20,836
I'm tellin' ya,
the way I'm going,
169
00:07:20,897 --> 00:07:22,576
I could have Christmas
wrapped up two days early.
170
00:07:22,577 --> 00:07:23,790
I don't know what you're
always complaining about.
171
00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:26,760
No, hang on.
I'm taking Brick to see Santa.
172
00:07:26,761 --> 00:07:29,300
You can't go doing
all the fun stuff, Mike.
173
00:07:29,952 --> 00:07:31,494
I never looked at it
that way.
174
00:07:32,719 --> 00:07:35,447
I guess it is all
sort of futile, isn't it?
175
00:07:42,298 --> 00:07:44,446
Here, taste this. I want to see
if there's enough cinnamon.
176
00:07:44,481 --> 00:07:45,218
Okay.
177
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:49,890
Don't move.
178
00:07:56,012 --> 00:07:57,314
Your lips
are really chapped.
179
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,837
Is that lipstick?
180
00:08:02,529 --> 00:08:04,303
God, why does everybody
always ask me that?
181
00:08:04,374 --> 00:08:05,744
It is glossy chapstick.
182
00:08:09,390 --> 00:08:09,893
Hi, kids.
183
00:08:09,944 --> 00:08:11,233
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Mrs. Heck.
184
00:08:12,261 --> 00:08:14,599
Oh, my God. Mike!
185
00:08:15,473 --> 00:08:16,489
The Christmas village?
186
00:08:16,490 --> 00:08:18,637
I love setting up
the Christmas village.
187
00:08:20,943 --> 00:08:23,458
All right, this is chaos.
188
00:08:24,093 --> 00:08:25,010
The guy
with the newspaper
189
00:08:25,099 --> 00:08:26,477
is supposed to go
in front of the bakery.
190
00:08:26,482 --> 00:08:27,498
You got him lurking
around the school
191
00:08:27,549 --> 00:08:28,825
like he's some kind
of pedophile.
192
00:08:28,826 --> 00:08:31,028
And look, you got the carolers
on the train track--
193
00:08:31,063 --> 00:08:32,822
like that's gonna end well.
194
00:08:33,473 --> 00:08:34,691
Did you want
my help or not?
195
00:08:34,692 --> 00:08:37,059
Well, yes, but I can't leave
the house for a second
196
00:08:37,151 --> 00:08:39,628
to go to work or practice
without you churning out
197
00:08:39,663 --> 00:08:40,935
some other
Christmas tradition.
198
00:08:41,163 --> 00:08:42,930
I just wanted you to do
the crummy stuff, you know?
199
00:08:42,931 --> 00:08:44,986
Go to the grocery,
stand in line at the post office
200
00:08:45,056 --> 00:08:45,767
for the Christmas stamps.
201
00:08:45,828 --> 00:08:48,106
I don't want you hogging up
all the fun stuff.
202
00:08:48,107 --> 00:08:50,813
How am I supposed to know
what you think is fun?
203
00:08:50,848 --> 00:08:52,532
Well, okay. You know
how there are songs
204
00:08:52,567 --> 00:08:54,436
about decorating a tree
or building a snowman?
205
00:08:54,612 --> 00:08:57,496
That's how you know.
If it's in a song, don't do it.
206
00:08:57,746 --> 00:09:00,068
So no chestnuts roasting
on an open fire.
207
00:09:00,069 --> 00:09:01,611
- No.
- No dashing through the snow.
208
00:09:01,663 --> 00:09:03,218
No, that's all out.
209
00:09:03,219 --> 00:09:04,496
Okay, but you know
what you can do?
210
00:09:04,853 --> 00:09:07,484
Fix Brick.
He is bumming everyone out.
211
00:09:07,519 --> 00:09:09,070
He even brought down Santa.
212
00:09:09,350 --> 00:09:11,224
"Fix Brick."
It's on the list.
213
00:09:14,552 --> 00:09:16,015
Ohh.
I liked it the other way.
214
00:09:16,287 --> 00:09:17,632
Not a moment too soon,
215
00:09:17,667 --> 00:09:20,334
because Christmas Eve was here,and there was no stopping it.
216
00:09:22,573 --> 00:09:25,757
I have just come from rehearsal,
and I can safely say
217
00:09:25,792 --> 00:09:28,952
that I am going to blow the roof
off that church tonight.
218
00:09:30,819 --> 00:09:32,584
Hey, Brick!
You ready for Santa?
219
00:09:34,738 --> 00:09:35,366
I...
220
00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:37,143
Brick, what's the matter?
221
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:54,345
Mike.
222
00:09:55,341 --> 00:09:56,895
Why isn't Brick talking?
223
00:09:58,119 --> 00:09:59,916
Yeah, I thought you might
ask about that.
224
00:09:59,996 --> 00:10:01,646
I had that little chat
with him,
225
00:10:02,014 --> 00:10:03,266
trying to get him
out of his funk.
226
00:10:03,917 --> 00:10:05,792
Hey, buddy.
We need to talk.
227
00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:12,856
What's going on?
228
00:10:12,955 --> 00:10:14,308
Your mom and I
are worried about you.
229
00:10:14,427 --> 00:10:16,212
I'm just a little melancholy.
230
00:10:17,116 --> 00:10:18,936
Melancholy.
231
00:10:19,132 --> 00:10:20,394
When did all this start?
232
00:10:20,867 --> 00:10:22,553
You know
that Santa Pez dispenser I got
233
00:10:22,603 --> 00:10:24,680
two years ago, where the candy
comes out of his beard?
234
00:10:25,531 --> 00:10:27,363
I just started thinking
about how I had it,
235
00:10:27,398 --> 00:10:29,819
and then one day,
it was just... gone.
236
00:10:30,126 --> 00:10:32,427
And then I started thinking
that someday, you'll be gone,
237
00:10:32,488 --> 00:10:34,637
and I'll be gone
and we'll all be gone.
238
00:10:35,114 --> 00:10:37,212
Well, sure.
Everybody worries about death.
239
00:10:37,274 --> 00:10:39,702
It's terrifying.
But you know what we do?
240
00:10:39,952 --> 00:10:41,578
We shove it
out of our minds.
241
00:10:41,921 --> 00:10:43,940
That's why we have
books and candy
242
00:10:43,975 --> 00:10:46,371
and water parks and TV.
243
00:10:46,726 --> 00:10:49,740
It's all just a big,
old distraction from death.
244
00:10:51,335 --> 00:10:52,663
So all better?
245
00:10:52,999 --> 00:10:53,891
Okay.
246
00:10:54,667 --> 00:10:56,053
Okay.
247
00:10:56,369 --> 00:10:58,326
And then, because hethought he was on a roll,
248
00:10:58,638 --> 00:10:59,739
Mike got greedy.
249
00:11:00,473 --> 00:11:02,866
Oh, and you know, if you keep
on whispering to yourself,
250
00:11:02,905 --> 00:11:04,674
Santa's not gonna
bring you any presents.
251
00:11:12,084 --> 00:11:13,571
I thought
it was worth a shot.
252
00:11:17,501 --> 00:11:19,962
You told Brick Santa wouldn't
bring him any presents
253
00:11:20,033 --> 00:11:22,363
if he doesn't stop
whispering to himself?
254
00:11:23,076 --> 00:11:23,937
What were you thinking?
255
00:11:24,007 --> 00:11:25,872
Hey, we've used Santa
as motivation before--
256
00:11:26,166 --> 00:11:28,499
It's time to give up pacifiers,
potty training,
257
00:11:28,534 --> 00:11:29,520
"Hannah Montana."
258
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,026
I thought I could slip
the whispering thing in there.
259
00:11:32,282 --> 00:11:34,782
So now Brick's afraid that
if he talks at all, he'll whisper,
260
00:11:34,817 --> 00:11:36,921
and then Santa won't come.
That's great.
261
00:11:37,173 --> 00:11:39,051
I ask you to fix him,
and you busted him.
262
00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:40,538
And you know why?
263
00:11:40,993 --> 00:11:43,494
Because you rushed through it
like everything else
264
00:11:43,627 --> 00:11:46,696
just so you could check it off
your stupid list.
265
00:11:46,731 --> 00:11:48,250
Hey, I was just trying
to help.
266
00:11:48,251 --> 00:11:50,248
I mean, maybe I didn't
handle it exactly right,
267
00:11:50,283 --> 00:11:52,198
but while you're off
at choir practice,
268
00:11:52,267 --> 00:11:54,399
I'm here busting my butt
getting Christmas together,
269
00:11:54,490 --> 00:11:56,074
and let me tell you something.
Christmas is...
270
00:12:00,941 --> 00:12:02,666
Christmas is what, Mike?
Hmm?
271
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,346
Hard?
272
00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:05,385
It's not hard.
273
00:12:06,218 --> 00:12:08,316
Admit it!
Christmas is hard.
274
00:12:08,638 --> 00:12:10,694
- It's not hard.
- Say it. Say it!
275
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:13,038
Christmas is stressful
and exhausting and horrible.
276
00:12:13,073 --> 00:12:13,983
Say it!
277
00:12:14,018 --> 00:12:16,585
Ah, now it's starting
to feel like Christmas.
278
00:12:19,499 --> 00:12:21,638
Great. Now Bob's here
to pick me up.
279
00:12:25,069 --> 00:12:27,713
Look, Mike,
it's Christmas Eve.
280
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:30,757
It's my big night. I just--
I don't want to fight.
281
00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:31,425
Me neither.
282
00:12:32,578 --> 00:12:34,488
I know you were trying.
I'm sorry.
283
00:12:34,876 --> 00:12:36,895
Okay. You gotta go.
You're gonna be great.
284
00:12:37,983 --> 00:12:41,251
Okay, listen up. Everybody
has to be there by 11:00
285
00:12:41,286 --> 00:12:42,534
to get a good seat.
286
00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:45,798
And remember, the "I only go
at Easter and Christmas" crowd
287
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:47,558
is gonna be there
hogging all the seats.
288
00:12:47,628 --> 00:12:49,686
- So it's gonna be crowded.
- We'll be there.
289
00:12:49,979 --> 00:12:50,781
I love you.
290
00:12:50,816 --> 00:12:53,970
Just please be there
on time.
291
00:12:54,299 --> 00:12:56,019
Wouldn't miss it
for the world.
292
00:13:03,675 --> 00:13:07,354
Oh, sorry, these are saved.
It's for my family.
293
00:13:07,389 --> 00:13:08,483
They're on their way.
294
00:13:12,351 --> 00:13:14,919
No, no.
You gotta get here early.
295
00:13:15,147 --> 00:13:16,752
You would have known
if you came more often.
296
00:13:18,824 --> 00:13:21,212
It's 11:45on Christmas Eve,
297
00:13:21,247 --> 00:13:21,846
and you're watching
298
00:13:21,916 --> 00:13:23,000
- the log channel.
- Oh, no!
299
00:13:23,331 --> 00:13:24,392
- Oh, no!
- Merry Christmas.
300
00:13:25,033 --> 00:13:26,513
Sue, Axl, Brick, get up!
We're late!
301
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:29,583
What? Ooh--oh!
302
00:13:29,618 --> 00:13:31,119
Nice, Dad!
303
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:32,532
Classic.
304
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:33,847
Oh, no.
305
00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:35,696
Are we gonna miss it?
306
00:13:37,204 --> 00:13:38,584
I'm not dressed for church!
307
00:13:38,619 --> 00:13:41,165
No time. Throw something on,
and let's go! Now!
308
00:13:41,467 --> 00:13:43,155
Oh, but what about
our present?
309
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:45,329
Mom always lets us open
one present on Christmas Eve.
310
00:13:45,364 --> 00:13:46,649
You can open it
when we get back.
311
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,333
Keys.
Where are my keys?
312
00:13:48,413 --> 00:13:49,882
But then it won't be
Christmas Eve anymore.
313
00:13:49,944 --> 00:13:52,621
- It'll be Christmas day!
- But she said... mm!
314
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,607
Grab a present.
You can open it in the car.
315
00:13:55,642 --> 00:13:56,626
Just let's move!
316
00:13:58,219 --> 00:13:59,547
There are no tags
on these!
317
00:13:59,582 --> 00:14:02,502
Tags wasn't on my list.
Just throw 'em all in the car.
318
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:04,437
We can sort 'em out on the way.
Let's just move!
319
00:14:06,161 --> 00:14:07,369
Brick, head for the car!
320
00:14:09,566 --> 00:14:10,589
I'm covered in...
321
00:14:11,510 --> 00:14:12,441
Come on, let's go.
322
00:14:14,747 --> 00:14:17,001
If your mom asks,
we couldn't find a parking spot.
323
00:14:19,727 --> 00:14:20,996
This one's for Brick.
324
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:23,518
Don't get too into
that book.
325
00:14:23,519 --> 00:14:25,549
We're all jumping out as soon
as we get to the church.
326
00:14:26,806 --> 00:14:28,911
Oh, my god!
A cell phone?
327
00:14:29,058 --> 00:14:33,083
- Uh, that's for Axl.
- Oh, my God!
328
00:14:33,517 --> 00:14:36,775
Gimme that! This totally
doesn't suck. This is awesome.
329
00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:39,074
Ooh.
I gotta call Darren.
330
00:14:39,268 --> 00:14:41,293
Uh, not so fast. You can
only call your family,
331
00:14:41,364 --> 00:14:42,765
'cause you're
on the family plan.
332
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,900
You want to call your friends,
you can pay for that yourself.
333
00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:48,029
- You got a job.
- Uh... I-I quit that.
334
00:14:48,125 --> 00:14:49,283
You quit your job? Why?
335
00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:52,291
It was interfering with
my studies. I don't know.
336
00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:53,066
What do you want
to hear?
337
00:14:55,046 --> 00:14:57,143
There's no present
here for me.
338
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,161
- Did you even get me anything?
- Yes, of course we did!
339
00:15:00,389 --> 00:15:02,424
You got a Rihanna CD
and a "Twilight"--
340
00:15:02,576 --> 00:15:04,326
Well, don't tell me
what you got me!
341
00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:08,458
I wish
Mom had done Christmas.
342
00:15:08,493 --> 00:15:09,502
Well, get in line.
343
00:15:10,132 --> 00:15:14,163
And let us now
rejoice in song.
344
00:15:14,604 --> 00:15:16,492
Can we just hold
on the rejoicing
345
00:15:16,527 --> 00:15:18,475
just for one minute?
'Cause of my family.
346
00:15:18,476 --> 00:15:21,172
Listen, can you j-just go tell them
they're gonna be here.
347
00:15:21,207 --> 00:15:22,669
- I'm gonna try to...
- You can't do this!
348
00:15:22,843 --> 00:15:25,424
My family was supposed
to be here at 11:00,
349
00:15:25,459 --> 00:15:26,160
and they said
they would come,
350
00:15:26,195 --> 00:15:28,047
but I don't know why
they're not here yet. So--
351
00:15:28,271 --> 00:15:29,508
They said
they would be on time.
352
00:15:29,776 --> 00:15:31,774
Is there any way
we can just hold for...
353
00:15:32,722 --> 00:15:36,771
¶ O come, all ye faithful ¶
354
00:15:36,872 --> 00:15:40,495
¶ Joyful and triumphant ¶
355
00:15:40,563 --> 00:15:45,494
¶ O come ye,
o come ye to ¶
356
00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:49,454
¶ To Bethlehem ¶
357
00:15:50,138 --> 00:15:54,124
¶ Come and behold him ¶
358
00:15:54,527 --> 00:15:58,074
¶ Born the king of angels ¶
359
00:15:58,134 --> 00:16:02,272
¶ O come let us adore him ¶
360
00:16:02,307 --> 00:16:06,695
¶ O come let us adore him ¶
361
00:16:06,730 --> 00:16:12,014
¶ O come let us adore him ¶
362
00:16:12,087 --> 00:16:16,419
¶ Christ the Lord ¶
363
00:16:17,753 --> 00:16:19,265
That was beautiful.
364
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:20,480
Oh, please.
365
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,567
How could you be late?
366
00:16:27,643 --> 00:16:29,098
It was Dad's fault.
He fell asleep.
367
00:16:29,513 --> 00:16:32,043
Why is that, Mike? Is it
because you were exhausted?
368
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:34,009
Is it because
Christmas is hard?
369
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,155
It's not hard, and we would
have been there sooner,
370
00:16:36,213 --> 00:16:37,996
but the kids
had to open a gift.
371
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:40,659
Oh, some gift! I've
only got family minutes!
372
00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:41,554
- Why would I ever want to talk...
- You know what?
373
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:42,126
...to my family?
374
00:16:42,196 --> 00:16:44,738
- The phone is going back anyway.
- And you opened a cell phone without me?
375
00:16:45,083 --> 00:16:46,388
- Mike!
- He quit his job.
376
00:16:46,468 --> 00:16:47,944
You quit your job?
377
00:16:47,945 --> 00:16:50,875
Oh, do you have any idea
how disgusting it is
378
00:16:50,947 --> 00:16:52,193
to have to clean up
after other people?
379
00:16:52,263 --> 00:16:53,600
I have some idea, yeah.
380
00:16:53,736 --> 00:16:55,554
Everybody stop yelling!
381
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,309
Yelling.
382
00:16:58,415 --> 00:17:00,570
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
383
00:17:00,643 --> 00:17:03,178
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
384
00:17:03,245 --> 00:17:06,823
I can't stop!
I can't stop!
385
00:17:06,858 --> 00:17:09,321
- See what you did?
- What I did? What did I do?
386
00:17:16,492 --> 00:17:18,382
Whoa!
387
00:17:21,266 --> 00:17:23,131
- Nice driving, Dad!
- Well, you distracted him!
388
00:17:42,875 --> 00:17:45,332
Beautiful solo, Mom.
389
00:17:47,216 --> 00:17:48,321
Thank you, Sue.
390
00:17:49,725 --> 00:17:51,445
I, uh...
391
00:17:52,323 --> 00:17:53,806
I like my cell phone, Dad.
392
00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:55,808
You're welcome, son.
393
00:17:58,357 --> 00:18:01,196
Frankie,
Christmas is hard.
394
00:18:02,592 --> 00:18:03,708
Thank you.
395
00:18:04,230 --> 00:18:06,553
That's all
I wanted to hear.
396
00:18:09,178 --> 00:18:10,835
Hey, look what I found--
397
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,427
My Santa Pez dispenser!
398
00:18:13,549 --> 00:18:15,345
It slid out from
underneath the seat
399
00:18:15,380 --> 00:18:19,274
the second time we almost died.
It's a Christmas miracle!
400
00:18:19,815 --> 00:18:22,935
So almost dying--twice--had made the rest of us
401
00:18:22,970 --> 00:18:24,620
start thinkingabout our own existence.
402
00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:27,973
But for Brick,it made him... stop.
403
00:18:28,859 --> 00:18:30,424
Hey, there's candy
in it!
404
00:18:30,633 --> 00:18:32,578
Don't eat that!
It's, like, two years...
405
00:18:35,014 --> 00:18:36,255
Go ahead.
406
00:18:37,268 --> 00:18:39,434
Was the 2-year-oldPez dispenser sliding out
407
00:18:39,474 --> 00:18:41,568
from under the dirty,crud-encrusted bottom
408
00:18:41,569 --> 00:18:43,607
of our car seata Christmas miracle?
409
00:18:44,139 --> 00:18:44,953
Who knows?
410
00:18:45,614 --> 00:18:48,317
I'd like to think yes,'cause Brick was
411
00:18:48,352 --> 00:18:50,522
the happiest I've everseen him at Christmas.
412
00:18:51,970 --> 00:18:53,688
No way!
413
00:18:54,046 --> 00:18:57,394
Santa brought me a sparkly bag
for my Pez dispenser!
414
00:18:57,526 --> 00:19:01,005
Uh, sorry, buddy. I think
you found one of Sue's.
415
00:19:02,998 --> 00:19:07,004
No, it was sweet.
But, uh, anyway, I gotta bounce.
416
00:19:07,325 --> 00:19:08,288
Hit me back later.
417
00:19:10,951 --> 00:19:12,462
Oh! Bye, Aunt Edie.
418
00:19:13,806 --> 00:19:16,242
My present was seeing Brickacting normal again--
419
00:19:16,554 --> 00:19:17,718
Well, Brick normal.
420
00:19:17,719 --> 00:19:19,467
'Cause you really areonly as happy
421
00:19:19,527 --> 00:19:20,928
as your least happy kid.
422
00:19:23,566 --> 00:19:26,031
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
423
00:19:26,808 --> 00:19:27,913
Honey, what's wrong?
424
00:19:28,324 --> 00:19:30,105
I went to Brad's
early this morning
425
00:19:30,140 --> 00:19:31,415
to give him
his Christmas present,
426
00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:34,638
and I found him out back
behind the shed
427
00:19:34,931 --> 00:19:36,252
with another boy!
428
00:19:36,866 --> 00:19:38,903
Uh, hey, Brick?
Why don't you go to your room?
429
00:19:39,005 --> 00:19:40,647
Go. Go.
430
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,398
And they were out
in the bushes,
431
00:19:44,777 --> 00:19:46,355
and they were taking turns--
432
00:19:46,390 --> 00:19:48,844
Honey, I am so sorry.
We should have said something.
433
00:19:49,186 --> 00:19:51,586
And they were...
And they were...
434
00:19:52,081 --> 00:19:53,707
smoking!
435
00:19:57,450 --> 00:19:59,959
- Oh!
- Oh!
436
00:20:00,556 --> 00:20:02,134
Wait. You knew?
437
00:20:02,691 --> 00:20:04,260
You knew
he was a smoker?
438
00:20:04,694 --> 00:20:06,338
We had our suspicions.
439
00:20:06,996 --> 00:20:09,738
I'll bet that's why
he didn't kiss you.
440
00:20:09,798 --> 00:20:12,469
He didn't want you to notice
his smoker's breath.
441
00:20:12,501 --> 00:20:14,445
Oh, yeah.
442
00:20:15,635 --> 00:20:17,962
Well, there's no way
I'm gonna date him now.
443
00:20:18,865 --> 00:20:20,599
And I really,
really liked him, too.
444
00:20:20,634 --> 00:20:22,271
Oh, come here, baby.
445
00:20:23,661 --> 00:20:25,340
Maybe I can get him
to quit?
446
00:20:28,262 --> 00:20:29,832
I wouldn't count on it,
honey.
447
00:20:30,614 --> 00:20:31,200
Come on.
448
00:20:32,788 --> 00:20:35,596
"Don't get me wrong.Christmas is hard.
449
00:20:35,939 --> 00:20:37,315
"But no matterhow stressed you are,
450
00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:39,514
"the 25th rolls around,and it's great
451
00:20:39,575 --> 00:20:41,609
"and wonderfuland the best Christmas ever.
452
00:20:42,390 --> 00:20:44,522
"It's like giving birth--you forget the pain,
453
00:20:44,612 --> 00:20:46,435
"and can't waitto do it again next year.
454
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:50,305
Happy holidays.Love, the Hecks."
455
00:20:50,324 --> 00:20:52,744
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00:20:52,794 --> 00:20:57,344
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