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1
00:00:02,687 --> 00:00:04,355
(sighs)
KEVIN: So, um...
2
00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:05,456
How have you been?
Yeah.
3
00:00:05,523 --> 00:00:06,857
We are... just curious
4
00:00:06,925 --> 00:00:08,192
how you're doing.
5
00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:09,693
I'm fine.
6
00:00:09,761 --> 00:00:12,996
Look, I know that
you say you're fine,
7
00:00:13,064 --> 00:00:13,964
but you're not fine.
8
00:00:14,032 --> 00:00:15,099
I'm fine.
9
00:00:15,166 --> 00:00:16,767
You're not fine.
10
00:00:16,835 --> 00:00:17,901
You're making me not fine.
11
00:00:17,969 --> 00:00:18,635
PETE:
Andre, he said he's fine.
12
00:00:18,703 --> 00:00:19,603
Andre, he's fine.
13
00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:20,671
I'm high.
14
00:00:20,739 --> 00:00:21,872
Thank you.
15
00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:23,607
I'm also fine.
Ruxin,
16
00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:24,742
I'm glad that you're fine
17
00:00:24,809 --> 00:00:26,009
because it's coming down
18
00:00:26,077 --> 00:00:27,177
to the final weeks
of the football season
19
00:00:27,245 --> 00:00:28,746
and we're all sort of
20
00:00:28,813 --> 00:00:30,981
in contention for
the playoff so,
21
00:00:31,049 --> 00:00:33,484
we could, you know, start...
22
00:00:33,551 --> 00:00:36,887
getting things...
back to normal.
23
00:00:36,955 --> 00:00:39,156
I don't think I'm following.
Well...
24
00:00:39,224 --> 00:00:40,958
You know, the last two weeks
25
00:00:41,025 --> 00:00:42,559
have been not normal weeks
Mm-hmm.
26
00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,395
in that we've been
sort of giving you
27
00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:46,430
that, you know, free spin.
28
00:00:46,498 --> 00:00:48,799
Um...
Yeah, we just kind of let you
29
00:00:48,867 --> 00:00:51,235
play with the house's
money the last couple weeks.
30
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,771
You know, you could phone
a friend, you, uh,
31
00:00:53,838 --> 00:00:55,038
get out of jail
free cards, you know, those...
32
00:00:55,106 --> 00:00:56,306
Yeah. Free card, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, so...
33
00:00:56,374 --> 00:00:58,075
Were you guys playing games
of Monopoly
34
00:00:58,143 --> 00:00:59,676
without me, or...
35
00:00:59,744 --> 00:01:00,677
We want you to stop crying
about your dead wife
36
00:01:00,745 --> 00:01:02,346
and set a lineup.
37
00:01:02,414 --> 00:01:03,881
ANDRE:
Oh, boy.
38
00:01:03,948 --> 00:01:07,217
But I still get
to win regardless?
39
00:01:07,285 --> 00:01:09,086
No.
40
00:01:09,154 --> 00:01:10,421
TACO:
No win, it's just back to normal
41
00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:12,389
where if you lose, you lose,
42
00:01:12,457 --> 00:01:13,857
you win, you win.
43
00:01:13,925 --> 00:01:15,426
Yeah, what he said.
Yeah.
44
00:01:16,661 --> 00:01:17,995
Fine.
45
00:01:18,062 --> 00:01:19,596
Fine. He's...
It's fine. Great.
46
00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:21,231
We have a fine.
Good. He's not fine.
47
00:01:21,299 --> 00:01:22,866
Andre, he said he's fine.
He's fine.
48
00:01:22,934 --> 00:01:24,334
You know what,
I'm going to get out of here.
49
00:01:24,402 --> 00:01:25,903
KEVIN:
Take it easy, buddy.
50
00:01:25,970 --> 00:01:26,870
Glad you're fine.
51
00:01:26,938 --> 00:01:28,439
On other news,
52
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:29,840
I got those tickets for
The Force Awakens...
53
00:01:29,908 --> 00:01:31,208
What did you guys...
Did you guys say something?
54
00:01:31,276 --> 00:01:31,975
What?
Huh?
55
00:01:32,043 --> 00:01:33,744
Like... team, lineup,
56
00:01:33,812 --> 00:01:35,279
wins or something?
57
00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:36,847
I didn't say anything.
Did you say anything?
58
00:01:36,915 --> 00:01:38,782
I don't think so.
No.
59
00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:40,706
Fine.
60
00:01:41,075 --> 00:01:51,609
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:01:52,497 --> 00:01:53,964
Sofia?
62
00:01:54,032 --> 00:01:55,332
Almost.
63
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:56,867
(yells) Oh, God!
(laughing)
64
00:01:56,935 --> 00:01:58,368
What the hell are you doing
here, Rafi?
65
00:01:58,436 --> 00:02:00,671
I want you to think of me
as your death Sherpa,
66
00:02:00,738 --> 00:02:03,740
here to guide you through
Rafi's 13 stages of grief.
67
00:02:03,808 --> 00:02:05,309
I'm fine. Thank you though.
68
00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:08,045
If you're fine, then do
these bath salts with me
69
00:02:08,112 --> 00:02:09,546
and go on a vision quest.
70
00:02:09,614 --> 00:02:11,014
No!
Okay.
71
00:02:11,082 --> 00:02:12,983
Then do these bath salts with me
72
00:02:13,051 --> 00:02:14,585
and watch the movie
Vision Quest.
73
00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:15,719
No!
74
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:16,887
You're not fine.
75
00:02:16,955 --> 00:02:18,121
You're still suffering.
76
00:02:18,189 --> 00:02:19,456
Sofia's still in you.
77
00:02:19,524 --> 00:02:21,792
In here, in here and in here.
78
00:02:21,860 --> 00:02:23,627
Ah!
I made a deal with Sofia,
79
00:02:23,695 --> 00:02:25,095
that if anything were
to ever happen to her,
80
00:02:25,163 --> 00:02:26,663
and I wasn't the cause of it,
81
00:02:26,731 --> 00:02:28,899
that I would take care of you
for the rest of my life.
82
00:02:28,967 --> 00:02:30,701
And that's what I'm going to do.
83
00:02:30,768 --> 00:02:32,703
I'm here to cook,
I'm going to clean.
84
00:02:32,770 --> 00:02:34,931
Look, I'm already going to go
clean out the pee corner.
85
00:02:34,939 --> 00:02:36,373
With a plunger?
86
00:02:36,441 --> 00:02:38,809
I had a pretty chunky pee earlier.
Excuse me?
87
00:02:38,877 --> 00:02:40,644
A thick piss.
What?
88
00:02:40,712 --> 00:02:42,679
I had heavy brown water
come out of me butt.
89
00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:44,047
You had diarrhea in my kitchen.
90
00:02:44,115 --> 00:02:46,450
I mean, that's
a crass way to put it.
91
00:02:46,518 --> 00:02:49,520
Listen, we're going to get
through this, together.
92
00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,655
Oh, God, you used
the plunger already.
93
00:02:51,723 --> 00:02:53,390
Yeah, I clogged
the toilets up earlier.
94
00:02:53,458 --> 00:02:54,625
With shit?
No, with the pasta.
95
00:02:54,692 --> 00:02:55,826
I was cooking.
96
00:02:55,894 --> 00:02:58,028
Enough chitchat, let's eat.
97
00:02:58,096 --> 00:02:59,897
ANDRE:
I'm just, you know,
98
00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:01,265
worried about Ruxin.
99
00:03:01,332 --> 00:03:02,799
I know, it's tough.
100
00:03:02,867 --> 00:03:04,134
He just wants to be alone.
101
00:03:04,202 --> 00:03:05,402
I know, it's like
he doesn't even want
102
00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,504
to use that rezzy
for Rajasthan either.
103
00:03:07,572 --> 00:03:09,172
Are you worried about Ruxin
104
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:10,674
or Ruxin's reservation?
105
00:03:10,742 --> 00:03:11,942
Both.
106
00:03:12,010 --> 00:03:14,011
Our good friend
just lost his wife,
107
00:03:14,078 --> 00:03:16,079
and now we might lose
this rezzy, too.
108
00:03:16,147 --> 00:03:17,281
Don't say "rezzy" anymore.
109
00:03:17,348 --> 00:03:18,916
It's gross.
110
00:03:18,983 --> 00:03:20,384
I get that Ruxin doesn't want
to go,
111
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,319
but does that mean that we all
have to cancel the rezzy?
112
00:03:22,387 --> 00:03:23,720
We don't have to cancel anything
113
00:03:23,788 --> 00:03:25,188
because we don't have
a reservation.
114
00:03:25,189 --> 00:03:26,590
Ruxin has a reservation.
115
00:03:26,658 --> 00:03:28,392
But we're friends of the rezzy.
116
00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,459
You know what, no rezzy.
We're sorry, we're booked.
117
00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:31,361
What?
Bye.
118
00:03:32,564 --> 00:03:34,765
I think he wants us to go.
119
00:03:34,832 --> 00:03:36,433
(birds chirping)
120
00:03:36,501 --> 00:03:37,868
PETE: You guys are not
going to believe this.
121
00:03:37,936 --> 00:03:39,369
Okay, you know I've been
dabbling in DraftKings...
122
00:03:39,437 --> 00:03:41,605
Uh, uh, uh, uh! Nah!
Unless it's about this league,
123
00:03:41,673 --> 00:03:42,906
no one cares.
124
00:03:42,974 --> 00:03:44,335
No, I'm just saying,
I did so well,
125
00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:45,642
I've been invited to a huge
year-end tournament.
126
00:03:45,710 --> 00:03:47,044
Do you realize what
you're doing?
127
00:03:47,111 --> 00:03:48,579
It's like bragging about
your mistress to your wife.
128
00:03:48,646 --> 00:03:49,680
Yeah, it's gross.
129
00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:50,981
You don't understand.
130
00:03:51,049 --> 00:03:52,549
Only 200 people
have been invited.
131
00:03:52,617 --> 00:03:54,151
Do you guys hear anything?
Nope.
132
00:03:54,218 --> 00:03:56,153
Just a sad, lonely
buzzing sound.
133
00:03:56,220 --> 00:03:57,321
Be jealous.
134
00:03:57,388 --> 00:03:58,589
See where that gets you.
135
00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,090
How's my team doing
on DraftKings?
136
00:04:00,158 --> 00:04:01,425
You won, Taco.
Congratulations.
137
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:03,594
Ooh. Can't wait
to get that check.
138
00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:05,062
(computer buzzes)
Wait, just got a message.
139
00:04:05,129 --> 00:04:06,530
From the site?
140
00:04:06,598 --> 00:04:07,731
What does that say?
141
00:04:07,799 --> 00:04:09,232
"Your league has been suspended
142
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:10,901
due to inappropriate content"?
143
00:04:10,969 --> 00:04:12,970
What?! What?!
What are you talking about?
144
00:04:13,037 --> 00:04:14,878
Hold on.
It's a fantasy football message board.
145
00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:16,440
All the content
is inappropriate.
146
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:18,041
Hey, did you guys get my video?
147
00:04:18,109 --> 00:04:19,309
What?
What video?
148
00:04:19,377 --> 00:04:20,677
I just posted a video
to your message board.
149
00:04:20,745 --> 00:04:22,079
What was the video?
Oh, it's hilarious.
150
00:04:22,146 --> 00:04:23,780
It's me and Dirty Randy
in Puerto Rico.
151
00:04:23,848 --> 00:04:25,983
We went to this place where you
can have sex with exotic birds.
152
00:04:26,050 --> 00:04:28,118
It's called, like,
a national park.
153
00:04:28,186 --> 00:04:29,653
That's why they blocked us off the site.
JENNY: Rafi!
154
00:04:29,721 --> 00:04:31,688
Watch it. It's hilarious.
KEVIN: No!
155
00:04:31,756 --> 00:04:33,724
You broke our
fantasy football site.
156
00:04:33,791 --> 00:04:35,158
It's the week before
the playoffs, Rafi.
157
00:04:35,226 --> 00:04:36,860
Puerto Rico has
158
00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:38,829
the sluttiest birds.
TACO: I saw it.
159
00:04:38,896 --> 00:04:39,997
The birds did seem very into it.
160
00:04:40,064 --> 00:04:41,732
I can't get into
the manager site?
161
00:04:41,799 --> 00:04:44,668
There we go. There goes our
entire fantasy football season.
162
00:04:44,736 --> 00:04:46,336
You gotta fix this, Kevin.
You're the commissioner.
163
00:04:46,404 --> 00:04:47,504
You know what?
I have a solution.
164
00:04:47,572 --> 00:04:49,239
Just make me the champion,
165
00:04:49,307 --> 00:04:50,841
I lost my wife,
and we'll just call it.
166
00:04:50,908 --> 00:04:52,142
No! No!
No! No, all right.
167
00:04:52,210 --> 00:04:53,610
JENNY: No.
I will-I will take care of this.
168
00:04:53,678 --> 00:04:54,911
I'll-I'll deal with it,
169
00:04:54,979 --> 00:04:56,279
just like our fantasy
forefathers before us.
170
00:04:56,347 --> 00:04:58,348
What are you going
to do, add it up?
171
00:04:58,416 --> 00:05:00,484
Yeah, I'll just,
I'll add it up, old-school.
172
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:01,818
We can't do that
anymore. Okay?
173
00:05:01,886 --> 00:05:03,387
Our brains are different.
174
00:05:03,454 --> 00:05:04,988
We have cell phones and apps
and we don't read articles
175
00:05:05,056 --> 00:05:06,536
that have less than
15 pictures, okay?
176
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:08,158
Andre, we all went to school.
177
00:05:08,226 --> 00:05:10,293
We know how to add.
It's just simple arithmetic.
178
00:05:10,361 --> 00:05:11,995
I'll take care of it.
I haven't added since 1995.
179
00:05:12,063 --> 00:05:14,731
Wait a second, Brian, did you
grow up with four fathers?
180
00:05:16,768 --> 00:05:18,068
(sitar music playing)
181
00:05:18,136 --> 00:05:19,302
Hello.
Hello.
182
00:05:19,370 --> 00:05:20,971
Welcome to Rajasthan.
How may I help you?
183
00:05:20,972 --> 00:05:22,472
Uh, I'm here for a reservation.
184
00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:24,341
Oh, well, we're fully
booked until, uh, March.
185
00:05:24,342 --> 00:05:25,622
Oh, no, an existing reservation.
186
00:05:25,677 --> 00:05:27,778
Oh.
For this Tuesday,
187
00:05:27,845 --> 00:05:30,313
December 22,
under the name "Ruxin,"
188
00:05:30,381 --> 00:05:32,449
and I just need
to transfer it to "Nowzick."
189
00:05:32,517 --> 00:05:34,785
Mr. Raxin?
Mr. Ruxin, yeah.
190
00:05:34,852 --> 00:05:36,586
He's, uh, been very helpful
to our restaurant group.
191
00:05:36,654 --> 00:05:38,722
Is there a problem?
He doesn't want to dine with us?
192
00:05:38,790 --> 00:05:41,324
No, he would love
to dine with you.
193
00:05:41,392 --> 00:05:43,694
It's just...
194
00:05:43,761 --> 00:05:45,395
his wife passed away.
195
00:05:45,463 --> 00:05:47,364
(gasps) And so... Yeah.
I wanted to come in here
196
00:05:47,432 --> 00:05:49,866
and just switch the reservation,
197
00:05:49,934 --> 00:05:52,235
because I-I'd hate to...
for it to go to waste.
198
00:05:52,303 --> 00:05:54,438
So, Mr. Raxin's wife
passed away,
199
00:05:54,505 --> 00:05:56,406
and you would like
to take his reservation.
200
00:05:56,474 --> 00:05:58,108
Say it like that,
it sounds awful,
201
00:05:58,176 --> 00:06:01,111
but it's not awful,
because at the funeral,
202
00:06:01,179 --> 00:06:03,346
you know, Ruxin looked at me,
and he said,
203
00:06:03,414 --> 00:06:05,415
"I want you to continue dining
204
00:06:05,483 --> 00:06:08,118
at Michelin-star restaurants."
205
00:06:08,186 --> 00:06:10,821
At Mr. Raxin's wife's funeral...
206
00:06:10,888 --> 00:06:13,857
Ruxin.
Mr. Raxin told you...
207
00:06:13,925 --> 00:06:15,826
Mm-hmm.
...that you should continue dining
208
00:06:15,893 --> 00:06:17,194
at Michelin-star restaurants?
209
00:06:17,261 --> 00:06:18,628
Pretty amazing guy, right?
210
00:06:18,696 --> 00:06:21,398
Oh, hold on one second.
This is crazy.
211
00:06:21,466 --> 00:06:25,135
. This is, uh,
from Mr. Ruxin.
212
00:06:25,203 --> 00:06:27,404
His wife isn't dead.
213
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,074
That must have been
an awkward funeral.
214
00:06:31,109 --> 00:06:32,109
Well, this i..
215
00:06:32,176 --> 00:06:34,077
Mr., uh...?
Yeah. Nowzick.
216
00:06:34,145 --> 00:06:35,479
...Nosechick,
I don't know
217
00:06:35,546 --> 00:06:37,881
if you are lying or
telling the truth,
218
00:06:37,949 --> 00:06:39,850
because it seems to be
pouring out of you
219
00:06:39,917 --> 00:06:41,118
in equal measure.
All right.
220
00:06:41,185 --> 00:06:42,719
However, let me be clear.
Sure.
221
00:06:42,787 --> 00:06:44,087
If Mr. Raxin...
222
00:06:44,155 --> 00:06:45,322
Ruxin.
...doesn't show up
223
00:06:45,389 --> 00:06:47,858
on December 22,
we will not be able
224
00:06:47,925 --> 00:06:50,660
to honor this reservation.
Great.
225
00:06:50,728 --> 00:06:56,133
I will then see you on the 22nd
with Mr. Ruxin
226
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,735
and maybe his wife.
227
00:06:58,803 --> 00:07:00,704
228
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,407
How you doing?
229
00:07:04,475 --> 00:07:06,243
I've had better weeks.
230
00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:07,744
Look, I'm here to tell you that,
231
00:07:07,812 --> 00:07:09,913
when one door closes,
another door opens.
232
00:07:09,981 --> 00:07:11,915
Just like Rajasthan,
which opens on Tuesday,
233
00:07:11,983 --> 00:07:13,216
and I think we
should go together.
234
00:07:13,284 --> 00:07:14,351
And how about this?
235
00:07:14,418 --> 00:07:16,820
We go, you talk
to the ma?tre d',
236
00:07:16,888 --> 00:07:18,722
you say, "Table
for Rodney Ruxin,"
237
00:07:18,790 --> 00:07:20,056
we all go in there,
238
00:07:20,124 --> 00:07:21,858
and if you're uncomfortable
at any moment,
239
00:07:21,926 --> 00:07:24,427
you just... you leave.
240
00:07:24,495 --> 00:07:25,629
I don't think so, man.
241
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:26,963
What, are you gonna
grief-tinker here?
242
00:07:27,031 --> 00:07:28,551
It's the only thing
that keeps me sane.
243
00:07:28,566 --> 00:07:30,066
Look at this!
Oh, my God!
244
00:07:30,134 --> 00:07:31,668
Look in the bag!
What is it?
245
00:07:31,736 --> 00:07:32,936
It's a dead possum in a bag.
246
00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:35,372
Stage three of Rafi's
grief therapy
247
00:07:35,439 --> 00:07:37,774
is facing death.
248
00:07:37,842 --> 00:07:40,110
You can't move forward until
you've looked death in the face
249
00:07:40,178 --> 00:07:41,444
and swallowed its blood.
250
00:07:41,512 --> 00:07:43,079
You want me to drink that blood?
251
00:07:43,147 --> 00:07:44,414
Yeah. It's not that bad.
252
00:07:44,482 --> 00:07:46,016
You've had some?
Well, yeah.
253
00:07:46,083 --> 00:07:48,403
I wouldn't prescribe a treatment
that I wouldn't myself do.
254
00:07:48,419 --> 00:07:49,820
Possums are basically
255
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:51,555
rodent pomegranates.
256
00:07:51,622 --> 00:07:53,757
They're full of antioxidants.
257
00:07:53,825 --> 00:07:55,425
Right, Doctor?
I'm out.
258
00:07:55,493 --> 00:07:57,227
Take care, Andre.
Great to see you, man.
259
00:07:57,295 --> 00:07:59,362
Ugh. Get the possum out of here.
260
00:07:59,430 --> 00:08:01,231
Listen, Ruxin.
Inside this bag...
261
00:08:01,299 --> 00:08:02,365
Is a dead possum.
262
00:08:02,433 --> 00:08:04,568
Or is Sofia.
263
00:08:04,635 --> 00:08:06,336
If Sofia was hit by my car.
264
00:08:06,404 --> 00:08:08,538
And what we need
to figure out right now
265
00:08:08,606 --> 00:08:11,374
is how you are going
to get over Sofia/possum.
266
00:08:11,442 --> 00:08:12,576
Let's get through this,
267
00:08:12,643 --> 00:08:14,678
because we've got
so many more stages to go.
268
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:15,946
What is stage four--
rabies shot?
269
00:08:16,013 --> 00:08:17,380
Stage four is shallow grave.
270
00:08:17,448 --> 00:08:18,381
Whose shallow grave?
271
00:08:18,449 --> 00:08:19,583
Your own.
272
00:08:24,525 --> 00:08:26,793
Okay, Russell wants
DeAndre Hopkins on the bench,
273
00:08:26,861 --> 00:08:29,301
Vincent Jackson in the lineup.
(fax machine ringing, whirring)
274
00:08:30,298 --> 00:08:32,232
(fax machine beeps)
Okay, Ruxin.
275
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,768
"Drop Matt Prater,
add Robbie Gould."
276
00:08:34,836 --> 00:08:36,103
Fine, Ruxin.
277
00:08:36,170 --> 00:08:38,004
Drop Matt Prater...
278
00:08:38,072 --> 00:08:39,873
(phone ringing)
279
00:08:39,941 --> 00:08:41,608
Hello.
ANDRE: Kevin, it's Andre.
280
00:08:41,676 --> 00:08:43,810
I put in a waiver order for
John Brown. I didn't get him.
281
00:08:43,878 --> 00:08:45,879
Because you didn't have
waiver priority, Andre.
282
00:08:45,947 --> 00:08:47,447
That's crazy.
How do you know?
283
00:08:47,515 --> 00:08:49,850
I'm looking at it right here.
Sounds suspect.
284
00:08:49,917 --> 00:08:51,551
I'm gonna come over there
and see with my own two eyes.
285
00:08:51,619 --> 00:08:53,887
No, do not come over. Andre!
(fax machine whirring)
286
00:08:53,955 --> 00:08:55,322
Oh, come on.
287
00:08:55,389 --> 00:08:56,456
(fax machine beeps)
Give me this.
288
00:08:56,524 --> 00:08:57,691
"Do not drop Prater."
289
00:08:57,759 --> 00:08:59,860
God.
(cell phone buzzes)
290
00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:02,295
Russell, are you kidding me?
DeAndre Hopkins back in?
291
00:09:04,465 --> 00:09:06,399
Dan Carpenter? Ugh.
(fax machine ringing)
292
00:09:06,467 --> 00:09:07,588
At least your lineup is set.
293
00:09:08,569 --> 00:09:10,704
(machine beeps)
294
00:09:10,772 --> 00:09:13,173
"Adam Vinatieri."
295
00:09:13,241 --> 00:09:14,741
Happy, Ruxin?
There's your kicker.
296
00:09:14,809 --> 00:09:16,576
The golden pony.
(fax machine ringing, whirring)
297
00:09:16,644 --> 00:09:18,178
(knocking at door)
298
00:09:18,246 --> 00:09:20,614
What?!
(fax machine beeps)
299
00:09:21,749 --> 00:09:23,917
Oh, just let yourself in.
300
00:09:23,985 --> 00:09:25,786
Yeah, I picked the lock.
I didn't want to bother you.
301
00:09:25,853 --> 00:09:26,953
What do you want?
302
00:09:27,021 --> 00:09:28,622
Well, since the
league site's down,
303
00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:31,358
the message board's offline,
so it's now powered by MyFace.
304
00:09:31,425 --> 00:09:35,462
And I've got a delivery of
smack-talk messages for you.
305
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:37,764
What?
Ruxin wanted me to post a rant.
306
00:09:37,832 --> 00:09:41,501
It's long, but it's filled with
really interesting tidbits.
307
00:09:41,569 --> 00:09:45,672
For example, I did not know
that you ate a ton of ass.
308
00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:46,873
No.
Huh. Yeah.
309
00:09:46,941 --> 00:09:49,676
And since when are
you a come junkie?
310
00:09:49,744 --> 00:09:51,678
What? There's no such thing
as a come junkie.
311
00:09:51,746 --> 00:09:54,014
Well, according to Ruxin,
I'm talking to one right now.
312
00:09:54,081 --> 00:09:55,348
You can't get addicted to come.
313
00:09:55,416 --> 00:09:56,650
Says who?
314
00:09:56,717 --> 00:09:59,186
Will you please leave my house,
you idiot?
315
00:09:59,253 --> 00:10:01,373
Ooh, that's good stuff.
Save it for the message board.
316
00:10:01,389 --> 00:10:03,290
(sighs)
Write it down.
317
00:10:03,357 --> 00:10:05,625
Here. It's a two-parter.
318
00:10:06,994 --> 00:10:09,229
That's not how
the message board works.
319
00:10:09,297 --> 00:10:11,331
(whistling a tune)
(bicycle bell rings)
320
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:15,402
Extra, extra.
Read all your shit talk.
321
00:10:16,737 --> 00:10:19,940
Get your daily message board.
322
00:10:20,007 --> 00:10:22,375
Daily message board delivery.
323
00:10:22,443 --> 00:10:24,377
Oh. It's a big one.
324
00:10:24,445 --> 00:10:25,846
Yeah, it's the Sunday edition.
325
00:10:25,913 --> 00:10:28,248
So I'm guessing Ruxin
still hasn't left his house.
326
00:10:28,316 --> 00:10:30,417
Yeah, he's too busy
faxing me every 30 seconds.
327
00:10:30,484 --> 00:10:32,152
Come on, guys. It's game day.
328
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:33,987
Keep the message board
chatter up.
329
00:10:34,055 --> 00:10:36,022
I'm posting all the time,
but no one reads them.
330
00:10:36,090 --> 00:10:37,970
Yeah, your stupid posts
went in the junk folder.
331
00:10:38,025 --> 00:10:39,125
JENNY:
I gotta say,
332
00:10:39,193 --> 00:10:40,827
this is weird--
333
00:10:40,895 --> 00:10:42,963
watching the games
without computers.
334
00:10:43,030 --> 00:10:44,865
Yeah, there are way less screens
to not care about.
335
00:10:44,932 --> 00:10:47,334
Anybody got tabs on how
Devonta Freeman is doing?
336
00:10:47,401 --> 00:10:49,469
You don't have Devonta.
Well, I have him in my daily league...
337
00:10:49,537 --> 00:10:51,471
Uh-uh. No, no, no, no.
No daily league talk here, okay?
338
00:10:51,539 --> 00:10:52,873
Here we go.
339
00:10:52,940 --> 00:10:54,808
We are bombarded by
their commercials, okay?
340
00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:57,577
The last thing I need is
you squawking about it.
341
00:10:57,645 --> 00:10:58,845
It's old-school, Pete.
342
00:10:58,913 --> 00:11:01,848
Embrace it. It brings us
back to a simpler time.
343
00:11:01,916 --> 00:11:04,284
A time before there were
daily fantasy ads
344
00:11:04,352 --> 00:11:06,519
every 30 seconds
or weekly payouts.
345
00:11:06,587 --> 00:11:07,988
A time where we played
fantasy football
346
00:11:08,055 --> 00:11:09,623
for the love of the game
347
00:11:09,690 --> 00:11:11,691
that reduced the game
that we love to points.
348
00:11:11,759 --> 00:11:13,093
Amen.
Amen.
349
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,195
Do you remember that, Pete?
Back then, it was just
350
00:11:15,263 --> 00:11:17,831
a celebration of narcissistic
individual achievement.
351
00:11:17,899 --> 00:11:20,367
To be able to make up a trophy
that metaphorically said,
352
00:11:20,434 --> 00:11:22,135
"I just (bleep)
you in the ass."
353
00:11:22,203 --> 00:11:23,770
And then to have that trophy
354
00:11:23,838 --> 00:11:25,572
literally (bleep) you
in the ass.
355
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,173
"I'm inside me!"
356
00:11:27,241 --> 00:11:29,609
Yes.
That only happened like one time.
357
00:11:29,677 --> 00:11:31,478
Pete, think about that.
358
00:11:31,545 --> 00:11:33,413
Try to remember that feeling.
359
00:11:33,481 --> 00:11:34,881
The feeling that you had
360
00:11:34,949 --> 00:11:37,250
when you didn't care anymore
about the Bears,
361
00:11:37,318 --> 00:11:39,452
because the 3-Petes
had Aaron Rodgers,
362
00:11:39,520 --> 00:11:42,455
the Lady MacArthurs were
a team you wanted to destroy,
363
00:11:42,523 --> 00:11:45,525
and you wanted to be inside
the Pleasures of Andre's Sister.
364
00:11:45,593 --> 00:11:47,961
Those were the teams
that mattered.
365
00:11:48,029 --> 00:11:50,463
Now it's just... it's
all about the money.
366
00:11:50,531 --> 00:11:52,291
I don't know if now
is a bad time to mention,
367
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,167
I'm actually in the running for
millions of dollars, so it's...
368
00:11:54,235 --> 00:11:55,702
ANDRE:
Oh, come on.
369
00:11:55,770 --> 00:11:57,704
Oh, there you go, Pete.
Devonta Freeman just got
370
00:11:57,772 --> 00:11:59,639
his third touchdown of the day.
What?! Yeah!
371
00:11:59,707 --> 00:12:01,207
How dare you.
No, no, no. Shh.
372
00:12:01,275 --> 00:12:02,795
I was gonna say,
it's very interesting,
373
00:12:02,843 --> 00:12:04,411
and I'm gonna get a beer.
374
00:12:04,478 --> 00:12:06,746
So, who's winning
this shit show?
375
00:12:06,814 --> 00:12:08,782
No one yet, but I have to wait
till the Monday games
376
00:12:08,849 --> 00:12:10,784
are over, then I
can do the math.
377
00:12:10,851 --> 00:12:13,186
I have a message for
your message board, Taco.
378
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:15,355
Post this bad boy.
Oh.
379
00:12:15,423 --> 00:12:16,823
"Bulls hit."
380
00:12:16,891 --> 00:12:17,991
Basketball-related. Hmm.
381
00:12:18,059 --> 00:12:19,459
(fax machine ringing, whirring)
382
00:12:19,527 --> 00:12:21,761
God, Ruxin's at it again.
Oh, you know what?
383
00:12:21,829 --> 00:12:23,396
I actually have been wanting
to post something
384
00:12:23,464 --> 00:12:24,931
on the message board as well.
385
00:12:24,999 --> 00:12:27,367
Ah, can't wait
to read your message.
386
00:12:30,938 --> 00:12:32,539
RUXIN:
Thanks for coming over
387
00:12:32,606 --> 00:12:34,007
to watch the games here.
388
00:12:34,075 --> 00:12:36,242
Well, I didn't really have
a choice, did I, Ruxin?
389
00:12:36,310 --> 00:12:37,871
Considering you
continued to inundate me
390
00:12:37,878 --> 00:12:39,612
with fax after fax after fax.
391
00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:41,414
Okay, how are my boys doing?
392
00:12:41,482 --> 00:12:43,516
You having fun? Ooh, you need
some more chippies?
393
00:12:43,584 --> 00:12:46,019
Here we go.
You're blocking the TV.
394
00:12:46,087 --> 00:12:47,887
Ugh. See what he's like to me
when he's watching his games?
395
00:12:47,955 --> 00:12:48,922
I'm all but invisible.
396
00:12:48,990 --> 00:12:50,623
What is going on here?
397
00:12:50,691 --> 00:12:53,560
Sorry. This is stage nine
of Rafi's grief therapy.
398
00:12:53,627 --> 00:12:54,794
"Everything back to normal."
Right.
399
00:12:54,862 --> 00:12:56,663
Ruxin's used to having
a wife around the house
400
00:12:56,697 --> 00:13:00,433
to do stuff, so... for now,
that's going to be me.
401
00:13:00,501 --> 00:13:02,268
This makes perfect sense, and
I'm happy for both of you.
402
00:13:02,336 --> 00:13:03,616
How about a coaster
there, buddy?
403
00:13:03,671 --> 00:13:04,971
Otherwise, there's gonna
be a ring on the table.
404
00:13:05,039 --> 00:13:06,640
Well, so what?
I bought the coffee table.
405
00:13:06,707 --> 00:13:08,908
If there's a ring, there's a ring.
Oh, this is what it is.
406
00:13:08,976 --> 00:13:10,176
He's always throwing
the money in my face.
407
00:13:10,244 --> 00:13:12,278
You know, you don't
appreciate everything I do.
408
00:13:12,346 --> 00:13:14,247
I happen to have made you
a delicious dinner last night,
409
00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:15,448
which he did not touch.
410
00:13:15,516 --> 00:13:16,597
He cooked it in the toilet.
411
00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:17,617
I cooked it in the kitchen.
412
00:13:17,685 --> 00:13:18,718
The kitchen toilet.
413
00:13:18,786 --> 00:13:20,787
No, I cooked it
in the toilet kitchen.
414
00:13:20,855 --> 00:13:22,222
Okay, you know what?
I'm-I'm a little uncomfortable.
415
00:13:22,289 --> 00:13:24,124
I just think you guys
should settle this on your own.
416
00:13:24,191 --> 00:13:25,825
Brian, you stay right there.
I want you to see
417
00:13:25,893 --> 00:13:27,861
the way he treats me.
He won't even look at me.
418
00:13:27,928 --> 00:13:30,196
Look at me!
Kevin, all you hearing is the nagging?
419
00:13:30,264 --> 00:13:33,025
- Are you hearing the nagging
that I get every day? - Oh, the nagging!
420
00:13:33,067 --> 00:13:35,435
That's all he says-- the nagging, the nagging.
The nagging. Nag, nag.
421
00:13:35,503 --> 00:13:37,137
You know what? TV off, okay?
422
00:13:37,204 --> 00:13:39,172
Turn the TV back on. Turn the TV back on.
TV off right now.
423
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,240
Because you are gonna
look at me...
424
00:13:40,307 --> 00:13:42,208
I am watching TV with my friend!
425
00:13:42,276 --> 00:13:43,910
I deserve your love!
426
00:13:43,978 --> 00:13:45,245
You don't deserve shit!
427
00:13:45,312 --> 00:13:46,679
Oh, wow!
428
00:13:46,747 --> 00:13:49,082
I deserve as much shit
as anybody else.
429
00:13:49,150 --> 00:13:52,091
Kevin, do you see what I
deal with on a day-to-day basis?
430
00:13:52,158 --> 00:13:53,759
If it wasn't for Baby Geoffrey,
I would leave.
431
00:13:53,827 --> 00:13:55,361
His name is Kevin!
432
00:13:55,428 --> 00:13:57,796
His name is Baby Geoffrey!
He's our son!
433
00:13:57,864 --> 00:13:59,164
How do you not know that?
434
00:13:59,232 --> 00:14:00,499
He's not your son.
Okay, fine.
435
00:14:00,567 --> 00:14:03,202
Here you go. You can watch
your precious games.
436
00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:04,436
Thank you.
You can talk to your precious friends.
437
00:14:04,504 --> 00:14:05,771
I'm done with you!
438
00:14:05,839 --> 00:14:08,107
Stage nine is over!
439
00:14:08,174 --> 00:14:09,575
KEVIN:
Oh, my God.
440
00:14:09,643 --> 00:14:11,744
Oh, and by the way,
441
00:14:11,811 --> 00:14:12,845
I'm pregnant.
442
00:14:12,913 --> 00:14:14,847
I pooped on it this morning,
443
00:14:14,915 --> 00:14:16,215
and it's positive.
444
00:14:16,283 --> 00:14:18,050
And it's yours!
445
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,218
(sniffs)
446
00:14:19,286 --> 00:14:20,719
Oh, God, why did I smell it?
447
00:14:20,787 --> 00:14:23,074
Congratulations.
448
00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:27,747
That's ten for the defense,
449
00:14:27,815 --> 00:14:29,415
14 for Calvin Johnson,
450
00:14:29,483 --> 00:14:31,388
12 for Eric Decker and...
451
00:14:31,508 --> 00:14:34,802
and bam! 12 hundred and 17.
452
00:14:34,922 --> 00:14:37,023
How's it going there,
Beautiful Mind?
453
00:14:37,091 --> 00:14:38,191
Uh, pretty good.
454
00:14:38,258 --> 00:14:40,936
So... am I in the playoffs?
455
00:14:41,056 --> 00:14:42,352
Ah, we'll see.
456
00:14:42,589 --> 00:14:44,180
We'll see. Oh,
see you later.
457
00:14:44,248 --> 00:14:46,280
(whispering):
I have no idea.
458
00:14:50,554 --> 00:14:52,055
No, no, no, no.
459
00:14:52,123 --> 00:14:54,024
Ruxin, Ruxin, listen to me.
No, no, no.
460
00:14:54,091 --> 00:14:55,258
Just hear me out on this, okay?
461
00:14:55,326 --> 00:14:56,926
No.
This is it.
462
00:14:56,994 --> 00:14:59,529
This is the final stage
of Rafi's grief therapy.
463
00:14:59,597 --> 00:15:00,764
I don't want it.
464
00:15:00,831 --> 00:15:01,831
A release.
Oh, my God.
465
00:15:01,899 --> 00:15:03,633
Okay?
Oh, my God.
466
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:04,968
Rafi.
See, you weren't able
467
00:15:05,036 --> 00:15:07,937
to make love to Sofia
one last time before she died.
468
00:15:08,005 --> 00:15:11,074
So for tonight, I will be Sofia.
469
00:15:11,142 --> 00:15:13,176
And you will make love to me...
Rafi.
470
00:15:13,244 --> 00:15:15,078
No, I'm your
beautiful wife, Sofia.
471
00:15:15,146 --> 00:15:16,146
No, you have a beard
and smell like
472
00:15:16,213 --> 00:15:17,280
a grease fire at a crab shack.
473
00:15:17,348 --> 00:15:19,783
I'm Sofia.
474
00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:22,352
I can't believe
I'm about to do this.
475
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:23,887
Sofia.
476
00:15:23,954 --> 00:15:25,822
Yeah?
477
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:27,524
I am not going to
have sex with you.
478
00:15:27,591 --> 00:15:29,159
Ooh, hard to get.
479
00:15:29,226 --> 00:15:30,727
No, I'm not playing hard to get.
Okay, I'll play
480
00:15:30,795 --> 00:15:32,929
this game, mister. Beep, boop, beep.
Stop.
481
00:15:32,997 --> 00:15:35,699
Don't worry-- Sofia told me
everything you like.
482
00:15:35,766 --> 00:15:37,600
I can do it all.
(whispers): Better.
483
00:15:37,668 --> 00:15:39,436
Okay.
484
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:41,071
All right.
485
00:15:41,138 --> 00:15:42,172
Let's do this.
Let's do this.
486
00:15:42,239 --> 00:15:44,474
Oh, I'm ready for action.
487
00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:47,243
Maybe I'll set the mood.
Ooh, I love this.
488
00:15:47,311 --> 00:15:48,645
A little romance.
Yeah.
489
00:15:48,713 --> 00:15:50,213
Now we're talking.
490
00:15:50,281 --> 00:15:52,382
Let me just take this...
(gags) Yeah.
491
00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:53,450
What is that?
It's a vanilla candle.
492
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,652
No, no... (gags)
Yeah.
493
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,687
You know that vanilla candles
make me nauseous.
494
00:15:57,755 --> 00:15:59,356
Ruxin, put that aw...
(gags)
495
00:15:59,423 --> 00:16:01,257
It's your favorite, Sofia.
No.
496
00:16:01,325 --> 00:16:02,792
No, no, it's me, bro,
Rafi, for a minute.
497
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:04,394
I know that your brother Rafi
498
00:16:04,462 --> 00:16:06,262
- has a gag reflex when he smells
vanilla candles. - No, no, R...
499
00:16:06,330 --> 00:16:08,832
Ruxin. Time out, Ruxin.
500
00:16:08,899 --> 00:16:10,800
(gags)
Sofia, stop dry-heaving
501
00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:12,502
for one second and listen to me.
502
00:16:12,570 --> 00:16:14,037
I love you
503
00:16:14,105 --> 00:16:16,773
and I'll never stop loving you,
504
00:16:16,841 --> 00:16:19,542
but it's time to let you go.
505
00:16:19,610 --> 00:16:21,611
I release you.
506
00:16:21,679 --> 00:16:23,680
Aw... (gags)
507
00:16:23,748 --> 00:16:25,148
Hey...
508
00:16:25,216 --> 00:16:26,549
I'm proud of you, man.
509
00:16:26,617 --> 00:16:28,284
You did it.
510
00:16:28,352 --> 00:16:31,821
Now let's celebrate with
some man-on-man butt stuff.
511
00:16:31,856 --> 00:16:34,324
No.
(gs)
512
00:16:34,358 --> 00:16:35,592
I'm gonna have dinner
with my buddies.
513
00:16:35,659 --> 00:16:36,893
I'll change and join?
514
00:16:36,961 --> 00:16:38,928
I'm going to leave you
with this candle
515
00:16:38,996 --> 00:16:41,431
and your super weird body.
No..(gags)
516
00:16:41,499 --> 00:16:42,866
Bye, Rafi.
517
00:16:42,933 --> 00:16:44,033
518
00:16:46,062 --> 00:16:47,929
I got this.
519
00:16:47,997 --> 00:16:50,565
Hell Reservation for Ruxin.
520
00:16:50,633 --> 00:16:53,602
And, um, where is Mr. Raxin?
521
00:16:53,669 --> 00:16:55,337
Oh, Mr. Ruxin
is right here.
522
00:16:55,404 --> 00:16:56,771
Oh, Rodney.
523
00:16:56,839 --> 00:16:58,306
(door opens)
524
00:16:58,374 --> 00:16:59,808
Wha...
Oh, my God,
525
00:16:59,875 --> 00:17:01,610
are you kidding me, Andre?
526
00:17:01,677 --> 00:17:04,446
Here he is, right here.
Mr. Rodney Ruxin.
527
00:17:04,513 --> 00:17:06,548
Everybody calls me Ruspin.
528
00:17:06,616 --> 00:17:08,516
So... should we
go to Uno's?
529
00:17:08,584 --> 00:17:11,419
Yeah, deep dish tonight.
No, guys, I put on a dress.
530
00:17:11,487 --> 00:17:13,722
You're Mr. Raxin?
ANDRE: Rux.
531
00:17:13,789 --> 00:17:15,824
Yup. Pete has sex
with Kevin all thee.
532
00:17:15,891 --> 00:17:17,993
Forever not clean.
533
00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,027
(chuckles)
Shut up.
534
00:17:19,095 --> 00:17:20,395
Uh, Mr. Raxin, I'm afraid
535
00:17:20,496 --> 00:17:22,297
I'm going to have to see
some identification.
536
00:17:22,365 --> 00:17:23,565
BOTH: Um...
537
00:17:23,633 --> 00:17:24,833
Driver's license?
538
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:27,235
A valid driver's license?
539
00:17:27,303 --> 00:17:28,937
Would an Illinois driver's license
540
00:17:29,005 --> 00:17:30,438
or a black AmEx be preferable?
541
00:17:30,506 --> 00:17:31,940
Oh, my God.
542
00:17:32,008 --> 00:17:33,775
Oh, this is my good friend Taco.
543
00:17:33,843 --> 00:17:36,711
Shut up, no, this
is Rodney Ruxin.
544
00:17:36,779 --> 00:17:38,647
My law firm, Hudabega,
Hudabega & Bethesda
545
00:17:38,714 --> 00:17:40,015
has done some work
546
00:17:40,082 --> 00:17:42,050
for your restaurant.
547
00:17:42,118 --> 00:17:44,419
Mr. Raxin, it's a pleasure
to finally meet you.
548
00:17:44,487 --> 00:17:47,188
Sidarra, please seat
these fine young people.
549
00:17:47,256 --> 00:17:50,025
Yes. Let's eat.
Oh, sweet, I'm starving.
550
00:17:50,092 --> 00:17:51,960
Did any of you know it was me?
551
00:17:52,028 --> 00:17:53,261
And Mr. Raxin's wife?
552
00:17:53,329 --> 00:17:56,431
Oh. Turns out she is dead. Mm.
553
00:17:56,499 --> 00:17:58,900
RUXIN:
All right, Kevin,
554
00:17:58,968 --> 00:18:00,802
you got the scores--
who's going to the playoffs?
555
00:18:00,870 --> 00:18:02,871
Guys, don't worry, I have
all the fantasy news
556
00:18:02,938 --> 00:18:04,673
that is fit to print.
All right.
557
00:18:04,740 --> 00:18:06,441
If you'll raise your glass.
558
00:18:06,509 --> 00:18:09,311
I am in the DraftKings
world championships.
559
00:18:09,378 --> 00:18:11,780
No, no, no. Unmentionable.
Oh, boo. Come on.
560
00:18:11,847 --> 00:18:13,281
Please.
No on gives a shit.
561
00:18:13,349 --> 00:18:15,150
Everyone here should give
a shit, and you should, too.
562
00:18:15,217 --> 00:18:16,951
Really?
Remember the bet we made about
563
00:18:17,019 --> 00:18:19,387
- who would be happiest at
the end of this season? - Mm-hmm.
564
00:18:19,455 --> 00:18:20,722
Well, I'm feeling happy because
565
00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:22,624
I'm in the running
for a million dollars.
566
00:18:22,692 --> 00:18:24,025
Pete, money doesn't
buy you happiness.
567
00:18:24,093 --> 00:18:25,794
Take it from me--
I'm a very rich man.
568
00:18:25,861 --> 00:18:27,896
And excruciatingly unhappy.
569
00:18:27,963 --> 00:18:29,431
I am a single man
570
00:18:29,498 --> 00:18:31,166
with endless possibilities.
I mean, who knows
571
00:18:31,233 --> 00:18:33,468
what's right around the corner for me.
All we care about
572
00:18:33,536 --> 00:18:35,976
- is who is in the playoffs.
It's Tuesday night, Kevin. - Yes.
573
00:18:36,038 --> 00:18:38,106
Tell us the standings.
Ooh, yeah. What do we got?
574
00:18:38,174 --> 00:18:40,742
JENNY: Come on, baby. Come on.
Okay. Bam. Check it out.
575
00:18:40,810 --> 00:18:41,976
Ooh.
Yeah. Come on.
576
00:18:42,044 --> 00:18:43,511
I got 67? Nice.
577
00:18:43,579 --> 00:18:46,381
What?
Babe, you lost to pocket change.
578
00:18:46,449 --> 00:18:47,916
No, no, no-- we have a tie.
What does that mean
579
00:18:47,983 --> 00:18:49,317
for the playoffs?
I know. I haven't figured out
580
00:18:49,385 --> 00:18:50,685
all the tiebreaker scenarios.
What do you mean
581
00:18:50,753 --> 00:18:52,854
you haven't figured out
how the tiebreakers work?
582
00:18:52,922 --> 00:18:54,656
It's got something
to do with your record versus
583
00:18:54,724 --> 00:18:55,623
- the other person's record.
Points for and points against. - Oh, my God.
584
00:18:55,691 --> 00:18:57,058
Come on, this is bullshit.
585
00:18:57,126 --> 00:18:58,793
How do we know you're not
making these numbers up?
586
00:18:58,861 --> 00:19:00,562
I worked very hard
on these numbers.
587
00:19:00,629 --> 00:19:01,796
That's not an answer, Kevin.
588
00:19:01,864 --> 00:19:03,298
Ruxin, I fell asleep at my desk.
589
00:19:03,366 --> 00:19:05,867
Still not an answer.
Show your work.
590
00:19:05,935 --> 00:19:07,068
You want to see how
the sausage is made?
591
00:19:07,136 --> 00:19:08,303
Here it is.
592
00:19:08,371 --> 00:19:10,071
Have at it.
Hey,
593
00:19:10,139 --> 00:19:12,140
I didn't play Robbie Gould
as my kicker.
594
00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:13,274
You did it one time.
595
00:19:13,342 --> 00:19:14,843
Is this even my team?
596
00:19:14,910 --> 00:19:16,411
I'm honestly asking.
I don't...
597
00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:17,639
Wait, wait, wait--
C. Johnson?
598
00:19:17,646 --> 00:19:18,747
I wanted Calvin Johnson.
599
00:19:18,814 --> 00:19:20,348
You put in Chris Johnson?
600
00:19:20,416 --> 00:19:21,649
I'm sorry, I couldn't
read your mind.
601
00:19:21,717 --> 00:19:23,017
You know what's so
interesting about this
602
00:19:23,085 --> 00:19:24,452
is that I'm gonna
be a millionaire.
603
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:27,889
Wait, what is this?
604
00:19:27,957 --> 00:19:29,190
Chalupa helped me
with some of the math.
605
00:19:29,258 --> 00:19:30,158
Oh, boy.
He knows what he's doing
606
00:19:30,226 --> 00:19:32,527
and I was in the weeds.
607
00:19:32,595 --> 00:19:33,755
This does not stand, okay?
No.
608
00:19:33,796 --> 00:19:36,030
No, this is bullshit.
And my win stands.
609
00:19:36,098 --> 00:19:37,499
Fine. Like all good
commissioners, I knew
610
00:19:37,566 --> 00:19:40,135
that you would say this,
so I came up with a plan B.
611
00:19:40,202 --> 00:19:42,237
Okay, what is it?
Tell 'em... tell 'em what the plan B is, babe.
612
00:19:42,304 --> 00:19:43,738
Plan B is this:
613
00:19:43,806 --> 00:19:46,708
all this bullshit
goes out the window.
614
00:19:46,776 --> 00:19:50,378
Whew.
We start completely fresh, okay?
615
00:19:50,446 --> 00:19:52,847
Everyone is in the playoffs.
616
00:19:52,915 --> 00:19:55,383
Highest score wins The Shiva,
617
00:19:55,451 --> 00:19:57,786
lowest score gets The Sacko.
(blows raspberry)
618
00:19:57,853 --> 00:19:59,454
Thunderdome style.
619
00:19:59,522 --> 00:20:01,189
I guess I would prefer
to beat all of you
620
00:20:01,257 --> 00:20:02,690
than just one of you.
Right?
621
00:20:02,758 --> 00:20:05,126
This is bullshit.
I lost fair and square.
622
00:20:05,194 --> 00:20:07,262
I got shit to do next week.
623
00:20:07,329 --> 00:20:10,698
Can we all agree, please?
A one-week, all-in Shiva Bowl.
624
00:20:10,766 --> 00:20:11,866
Yes. Yes.
TACO: Yes.
625
00:20:11,934 --> 00:20:13,034
Great, good.
Settled.
626
00:20:13,102 --> 00:20:14,068
Yeah, but we should
seal the deal
627
00:20:14,136 --> 00:20:15,403
by paying our respects.
628
00:20:15,471 --> 00:20:17,472
But we don't have The Dre.
629
00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:19,207
We've got something much better.
630
00:20:19,275 --> 00:20:21,109
(sitar music playing)
631
00:20:23,846 --> 00:20:25,680
(Jenny sighs)
632
00:20:27,249 --> 00:20:28,817
(sighs)
633
00:20:28,884 --> 00:20:33,606
Oh, bless me, Shiva.
634
00:20:35,376 --> 00:20:36,977
You're better
than a million bucks.
635
00:20:37,044 --> 00:20:40,347
Shiva Komedi, I'm gonna put
my weenie in your pagini.
636
00:20:40,414 --> 00:20:42,382
Visualize it.
637
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,451
Not close enough.
638
00:20:44,518 --> 00:20:46,052
639
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,988
Move, bozo.
640
00:20:48,055 --> 00:20:50,623
Out of here. A little respect.
What? Hey.
641
00:20:50,691 --> 00:20:53,493
642
00:20:53,561 --> 00:20:56,994
Ruxin. Ruxin, you're
fogging up the glass.
643
00:20:59,565 --> 00:21:02,013
How was dinner, sir?
Absolutely fantastic.
644
00:21:02,247 --> 00:21:03,715
I actually would like
to make a reservation...
645
00:21:03,782 --> 00:21:04,647
No.
646
00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:06,818
Hi, Andre.
647
00:21:06,885 --> 00:21:08,019
Hey. Meegan.
648
00:21:08,087 --> 00:21:09,520
What are you doing here?
649
00:21:09,588 --> 00:21:11,708
It's the biggest opening in
Chicago. Wouldn't miss it.
650
00:21:11,757 --> 00:21:13,725
How are you...
how are you doing?
651
00:21:13,792 --> 00:21:15,393
Pretty good.
652
00:21:15,461 --> 00:21:17,295
(whistles) Oh.
Whoa.
653
00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:19,130
She got fat.
654
00:21:19,198 --> 00:21:20,197
JENNY:
Wow.
655
00:21:21,305 --> 00:21:22,894
Or pregnant, taco.
656
00:21:23,237 --> 00:21:23,907
Oh.
657
00:21:24,027 --> 00:21:26,134
I really just won that bet.
658
00:21:26,456 --> 00:21:37,088
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
659
00:21:37,138 --> 00:21:41,688
Repair and Synchronization by
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