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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,333
All right, gentlemen,
we have on the table
2
00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:03,716
a three-way trade
between Ruxin, Kevin
3
00:00:03,836 --> 00:00:05,002
and the Coin.
4
00:00:05,087 --> 00:00:06,670
Ruxin gives Jarvis
Landry to Kevin...
5
00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:08,305
Yes.
...Kevin gives Mark Ingram
6
00:00:08,340 --> 00:00:09,723
to the Coin
7
00:00:09,809 --> 00:00:11,009
and to Ruxin the Coin gives...
8
00:00:11,010 --> 00:00:12,593
Cam Newton.
Cam Newton.
9
00:00:12,678 --> 00:00:13,894
Here we go.
10
00:00:13,979 --> 00:00:16,680
And the Coin accepts those terms.
Great.
11
00:00:16,732 --> 00:00:17,981
Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
12
00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:19,650
Hola.
13
00:00:19,685 --> 00:00:20,734
?Qu??
14
00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:22,069
I can't understand you.
15
00:00:22,154 --> 00:00:23,854
Call back later, bye.
16
00:00:23,906 --> 00:00:26,073
Sofia's mom.
17
00:00:26,158 --> 00:00:27,357
Okay, I'll put all the details
in an e-mail
18
00:00:27,410 --> 00:00:28,325
and send it to you guys,
19
00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:29,359
but first, I want to make sure
20
00:00:29,412 --> 00:00:30,360
that you're not gonna welch.
21
00:00:30,413 --> 00:00:31,912
I don't welch on deals.
22
00:00:31,997 --> 00:00:32,996
You welch, Ruxin!
23
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:34,153
You're a prodigious welcher.
24
00:00:34,166 --> 00:00:35,199
That is not true.
25
00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:38,118
Coin says,
"Totally true."
26
00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,503
'Cause the Coin knows.
27
00:00:39,538 --> 00:00:40,537
Thank you very much,
28
00:00:40,589 --> 00:00:41,922
my good man.
29
00:00:42,007 --> 00:00:43,173
He got us a reservation
at Rajasthan.
30
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:44,875
This place isn't even open yet,
31
00:00:44,927 --> 00:00:46,176
and they're booked
for two months.
32
00:00:46,212 --> 00:00:47,544
Yeah. By the time it's open,
33
00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:49,379
Sofia will be home
and we can go out together
34
00:00:49,432 --> 00:00:51,181
and celebrate
her refurbished downstairs.
35
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,350
Oh, I guess
we're telling people now.
36
00:00:53,385 --> 00:00:55,219
Telling everyone. It's so cool.
37
00:00:55,271 --> 00:00:56,687
You know, I'm still kind of pissed
38
00:00:56,722 --> 00:00:58,138
that she didn't come to me, right?
What?
39
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,273
Hola.
'Cause she isn't creepy.
40
00:00:59,358 --> 00:01:00,557
I'm not a
creep, I'm a doctor.
41
00:01:00,609 --> 00:01:02,359
Would you want anyone...
I can't hear you.
42
00:01:02,394 --> 00:01:03,560
Bye-bye.
43
00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:05,195
All I'm saying is,
when you come to me,
44
00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:06,991
I don't make a judgment
about your lifestyle,
45
00:01:07,032 --> 00:01:08,198
I just support...
Oh, my God. I know.
46
00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,900
You could always work on Jenny.
47
00:01:09,952 --> 00:01:11,485
Or, if you wanted
to make Kevin really happy,
48
00:01:11,570 --> 00:01:13,570
you could fix Pete's little calamari.
Okay.
49
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:14,538
I'd do it.
50
00:01:14,573 --> 00:01:15,906
- What?
- No judgment.
51
00:01:15,991 --> 00:01:17,291
Oh, Jesus, she's texting me now.
I'm a professional...
52
00:01:22,915 --> 00:01:25,549
...really cool technology
from Japan right now...
53
00:01:25,584 --> 00:01:27,984
Ruxin, where are you going?
Yeah, you left your phone.
54
00:01:33,031 --> 00:01:39,195
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
55
00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:41,815
Ruxin?
56
00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:43,600
Hey, Ruxin?
57
00:01:43,652 --> 00:01:45,152
Coming in, buddy.
58
00:01:45,237 --> 00:01:46,270
Hey.
59
00:01:46,322 --> 00:01:47,738
We tried to call you
all night last night.
60
00:01:47,773 --> 00:01:49,273
Hey, how you doing?
61
00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:51,608
Oh, boy.
62
00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:53,694
What happened?
63
00:01:53,779 --> 00:01:55,863
She went in for
her mommy makeover procedure
64
00:01:55,948 --> 00:01:58,365
and she...
65
00:01:58,450 --> 00:02:00,951
she never...
66
00:02:01,036 --> 00:02:02,286
she never came out.
67
00:02:02,338 --> 00:02:03,670
Oh, my gosh.
68
00:02:03,756 --> 00:02:05,455
She was just trying
to tighten herself up for you
69
00:02:05,508 --> 00:02:08,041
and she just slipped away.
70
00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:09,293
What a tragedy.
71
00:02:09,345 --> 00:02:10,961
I mean, she was so hot.
72
00:02:11,046 --> 00:02:12,796
I'll never find anybody better.
73
00:02:12,848 --> 00:02:13,797
Oh, no.
74
00:02:13,849 --> 00:02:14,798
That's for sure.
75
00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:15,966
I mean, look at you.
76
00:02:16,018 --> 00:02:17,351
You've got those
little beady eyes
77
00:02:17,436 --> 00:02:19,116
- and scowly mouth...
- Okay. All right.
78
00:02:19,138 --> 00:02:21,138
Okay, man, just... be strong.
79
00:02:21,190 --> 00:02:23,056
Enough.
80
00:02:23,142 --> 00:02:25,225
Hey.
81
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:28,195
I know you feel
like you're alone,
82
00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:29,646
but we're all here
to support you.
83
00:02:29,698 --> 00:02:32,566
That's why I made you
this condolence hummus.
84
00:02:34,069 --> 00:02:36,486
My own tears are mixed
in with the cumin.
85
00:02:36,539 --> 00:02:38,705
You know, just leave
it out as a snack,
86
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:40,824
and when you dip
your little carrot stick in,
87
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:43,293
think of me as that hummus,
88
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,711
filling you up
89
00:02:44,797 --> 00:02:46,163
and holding you tight
from the inside.
90
00:02:46,248 --> 00:02:48,832
I don't even have
the mental wherewithal
91
00:02:48,918 --> 00:02:50,500
to make a gay joke out of this.
92
00:02:50,553 --> 00:02:52,753
There's so many things
I want to say to you.
93
00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:54,671
Just choose one
and then shuffle on.
94
00:02:56,058 --> 00:02:56,974
You know,
95
00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:58,892
if Sofia came to me...
96
00:02:58,978 --> 00:02:59,478
Andre, stop.
97
00:02:59,511 --> 00:03:01,478
All right.
98
00:03:01,513 --> 00:03:02,429
Number one in Chicago.
99
00:03:02,514 --> 00:03:04,264
I'm just saying.
100
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,983
I got that for a reason...
Enough.
101
00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:07,317
Guys, I just want
you to know that,
102
00:03:07,353 --> 00:03:08,936
as stupid and misguided
103
00:03:09,021 --> 00:03:11,321
as your attempts are
to make me feel better,
104
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,607
I really appreciate you guys
being here right now.
105
00:03:13,692 --> 00:03:16,159
And I'm embarrassed to say this,
106
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,695
but I don't think I can
set my lineup this week.
107
00:03:18,747 --> 00:03:20,581
Don't worry about that.
Oh, Ruxin, don't even think
108
00:03:20,666 --> 00:03:22,199
about that right now.
No problem.
109
00:03:22,284 --> 00:03:23,951
So... I guess
110
00:03:24,036 --> 00:03:25,452
I'll just, like,
111
00:03:25,537 --> 00:03:28,038
take a win this week and then
112
00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:29,762
we can go from there next week?
113
00:03:30,298 --> 00:03:31,806
I'm gonna go take a shower.
114
00:03:32,055 --> 00:03:32,960
Yeah. No, do that.
115
00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:33,927
Yeah.
116
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,800
Uh...
117
00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:41,551
Did he say give him a win?
118
00:03:41,604 --> 00:03:43,387
Yeah. I mean...
119
00:03:43,472 --> 00:03:45,722
is that sufficient grounds
to give him a win?
120
00:03:45,774 --> 00:03:47,557
Do we have to do this?
121
00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:48,609
Peter!
122
00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:50,143
The guy just lost his wife.
123
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:51,979
You're saying that because
you're playing him this week.
124
00:03:52,064 --> 00:03:54,064
Am I?
I didn't realize...
125
00:03:54,149 --> 00:03:55,532
That being said,
126
00:03:55,567 --> 00:03:57,951
how many weeks would
we give him wins?
127
00:03:58,037 --> 00:03:59,036
Uh, why do you ask, Jenny?
Is that because
128
00:03:59,071 --> 00:04:00,070
you're playing him next week?
129
00:04:00,155 --> 00:04:02,122
Guys, listen to me, okay?
This is about
130
00:04:02,207 --> 00:04:04,207
taking as much crap off
Ruxin's plate as possible,
131
00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:05,459
like that stupid trade
132
00:04:05,544 --> 00:04:07,077
the Coin made me do
that I don't want to do
133
00:04:07,129 --> 00:04:08,161
and now I'm not gonna do it.
What?
134
00:04:08,247 --> 00:04:08,962
You're welching.
135
00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:09,997
No, I'm thinking about
136
00:04:10,082 --> 00:04:11,164
my friend whose wife just died.
137
00:04:11,250 --> 00:04:12,416
Look, guys, real quick,
before he comes back,
138
00:04:12,501 --> 00:04:14,084
I don't mean to be callous here,
139
00:04:14,169 --> 00:04:18,088
but how certain are we
that he's not...
140
00:04:18,140 --> 00:04:19,923
making this up?
141
00:04:19,975 --> 00:04:21,842
Are you saying he's using
sympathy to eke out some wins?
142
00:04:21,927 --> 00:04:23,760
I mean, think about it.
Wouldn't you?
143
00:04:23,812 --> 00:04:25,178
To win the whole thing?
Kevin!
144
00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:27,097
No. No, I would never do that.
145
00:04:27,149 --> 00:04:29,433
Oh, she's gone!
146
00:04:29,485 --> 00:04:30,600
Oh, Tall Guy!
147
00:04:30,686 --> 00:04:31,652
Oh, she's gone.
148
00:04:31,737 --> 00:04:33,320
She's in Heaven, Tall Guy.
149
00:04:33,405 --> 00:04:35,439
I made some hummus.
Oh.
150
00:04:35,524 --> 00:04:37,190
That looks delicious.
151
00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:38,158
Yeah, it is.
152
00:04:38,243 --> 00:04:39,526
I just don't think
153
00:04:39,611 --> 00:04:40,827
I could have sex
with food right now.
154
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,245
I'm so sad.
155
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:43,246
Okay.
156
00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:44,948
Oh, wait, where's Ruxin?
157
00:04:45,034 --> 00:04:46,249
He's in the shower.
Shower.
158
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:47,367
He's in the shower?
159
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:48,618
Okay.
160
00:04:48,671 --> 00:04:50,087
I'm coming, Ruxin!
161
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:50,954
No, no. No...
No.
162
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,422
I'll be right there!
163
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,207
We can grieve her together!
164
00:04:55,294 --> 00:04:56,615
What are you
doing in here?
165
00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:57,761
Do you have a boner?
166
00:04:57,796 --> 00:04:58,762
It's a grief boner.
167
00:04:58,797 --> 00:05:00,213
Oh...
168
00:05:00,299 --> 00:05:03,016
Now, if I were you,
169
00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,218
this is the one I would choose,
170
00:05:05,304 --> 00:05:07,804
the 20-gauge
silver hammertone.
171
00:05:07,856 --> 00:05:10,140
It's $990.
172
00:05:10,192 --> 00:05:11,892
I'm just gonna
stop this right now
173
00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:13,310
and tell you there is no body.
174
00:05:13,395 --> 00:05:14,611
What do you mean,
there's no body?
175
00:05:14,646 --> 00:05:17,030
Sofia's papi won't turn over
176
00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:18,482
her body to me,
177
00:05:18,534 --> 00:05:20,784
so we are going to have
an empty coffin.
178
00:05:20,819 --> 00:05:22,569
I want a simple, wooden coffin.
179
00:05:22,654 --> 00:05:24,488
All right?
180
00:05:24,573 --> 00:05:25,956
Lunchtime.
What?
181
00:05:25,991 --> 00:05:27,824
It's time for my sandwich
and banana.
182
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,660
Can we just finish this coffin...
My sandwich and banana.
183
00:05:30,746 --> 00:05:31,878
We're in the middle
of something here, sir.
184
00:05:31,964 --> 00:05:33,246
Lunchtime only comes once a day.
185
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:34,331
Is that a lunch box?
186
00:05:34,383 --> 00:05:36,333
Good luck with your wife.
187
00:05:36,418 --> 00:05:37,634
Wow.
188
00:05:37,669 --> 00:05:39,052
What is going on here?
189
00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:40,303
I'm sorry.
190
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:41,979
This... this whole thing's
gotta be rough.
191
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:44,424
And look,
the last time we spoke,
192
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:45,926
we talked about that trade?
193
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,644
Don't even worry about that.
Put that out of your mind.
194
00:05:47,679 --> 00:05:49,513
No, I'm not gonna welch
on the deal.
195
00:05:49,598 --> 00:05:50,597
No, you can welch.
196
00:05:50,682 --> 00:05:52,349
You have carte welch privileges.
197
00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:53,734
Look, I don't want
any special treatment
198
00:05:53,819 --> 00:05:55,902
from you guys right now.
Okay.
199
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:57,571
You know, besides the win
that you already gave me.
200
00:05:57,656 --> 00:05:59,689
I don't need anything more.
Right.
201
00:05:59,775 --> 00:06:03,527
And if you see me adding or
dropping on the waiver wire,
202
00:06:03,612 --> 00:06:05,612
know that I do it
with a heavy heart.
203
00:06:05,697 --> 00:06:07,364
Of course.
204
00:06:07,449 --> 00:06:08,999
Sorry I'm late.
You guys didn't tell me
205
00:06:09,034 --> 00:06:10,500
where you were gonna go,
so I had to use the GPS tracker
206
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,202
I have in Brian's car.
207
00:06:12,254 --> 00:06:14,504
Heard that Papi
won't let the body go.
208
00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:15,372
No! Can you talk to him?
209
00:06:15,424 --> 00:06:16,373
Are you kidding?
210
00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:17,457
Last time we talked,
211
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:18,508
he stabbed me on the street
212
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:19,593
and left me for dead.
213
00:06:19,678 --> 00:06:21,094
I just want to bury my wife.
214
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:22,179
I get it, man.
215
00:06:22,214 --> 00:06:24,047
We loved her.
We want to be able
216
00:06:24,099 --> 00:06:25,766
to put her into the ground
for the rest of time.
217
00:06:25,851 --> 00:06:27,517
That being said,
218
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:30,053
we could bury something that was
the weight of your wife.
219
00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:31,555
What do you think she is,
220
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,056
two German Shepherds
and a Shih Tzu?
221
00:06:33,108 --> 00:06:34,474
She's lighter than that.
222
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,060
I would honestly say
a German Shepherd,
223
00:06:37,146 --> 00:06:38,478
a Boxer and a Shih Tzu.
224
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,063
I feel like she's
a German Shepherd,
225
00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,782
a Boxer and three dead cats.
226
00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:42,732
How dare you?
227
00:06:42,818 --> 00:06:44,151
You don't think I know
228
00:06:44,236 --> 00:06:45,902
how much my wife weighs
in dead animals?
229
00:06:45,954 --> 00:06:47,571
Guys, guys, she's a half
a Beethoven and a Taco Bell dog.
230
00:06:47,623 --> 00:06:48,623
Let's just put it to bed.
231
00:06:48,657 --> 00:06:49,990
Oh, come on, Brian!
232
00:06:50,075 --> 00:06:51,908
I can't get my hands on
celebrity dogs by tomorrow!
233
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,877
We need to kill local dogs!
234
00:06:53,912 --> 00:06:55,162
Jesus.
235
00:06:55,247 --> 00:06:57,247
How am I supposed
to have a funeral with no body?
236
00:06:57,332 --> 00:06:59,132
Is there anything
you can do, Rafi?
237
00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:00,250
I'll talk to him.
238
00:07:00,302 --> 00:07:01,251
I'll see what I can do.
239
00:07:01,303 --> 00:07:02,419
But in the meantime,
240
00:07:02,471 --> 00:07:03,592
I'm gonna get Sofia's weight
241
00:07:03,672 --> 00:07:05,823
in dead animals just in case.
242
00:07:12,552 --> 00:07:14,385
It's just so weird, right?
243
00:07:14,470 --> 00:07:15,875
I know, having a casket
with no body in it?
244
00:07:15,991 --> 00:07:17,107
Ooh, water.
245
00:07:17,192 --> 00:07:19,192
No, it's not water...
246
00:07:19,278 --> 00:07:20,327
Taco.
247
00:07:20,362 --> 00:07:22,112
Mmm.
Bleh.
248
00:07:22,197 --> 00:07:23,780
Tastes like pennies.
249
00:07:23,865 --> 00:07:25,745
We are gathered here today
to celebrate the life
250
00:07:25,784 --> 00:07:27,422
of Sofia Ruxin.
251
00:07:27,643 --> 00:07:29,760
She was a caring wife
252
00:07:29,812 --> 00:07:31,929
and a doting mother,
253
00:07:32,014 --> 00:07:33,597
but perhaps she will
be most missed
254
00:07:33,683 --> 00:07:35,265
by her husband, Rodney,
255
00:07:35,351 --> 00:07:37,918
who would now like to say
a few words.
256
00:07:38,738 --> 00:07:39,937
No. Stop it.
257
00:07:40,022 --> 00:07:41,405
I just don't know when
to clap at these things.
258
00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:42,740
Never. Never clap at a funeral.
259
00:07:42,775 --> 00:07:44,024
He's gonna give a speech.
260
00:07:44,110 --> 00:07:44,908
Your friend's
wife just died.
261
00:07:44,944 --> 00:07:45,943
Thanks.
262
00:07:48,497 --> 00:07:51,580
Everyone calls me Ruxin.
263
00:07:53,279 --> 00:07:54,479
Except Sofia.
264
00:07:54,531 --> 00:07:56,314
She could call me Rodney.
265
00:07:56,366 --> 00:08:01,152
And I let her because
she was... so hot.
266
00:08:01,204 --> 00:08:03,654
He's right, she was fine.
267
00:08:03,707 --> 00:08:05,990
And she was so beautiful,
this is such a tragedy.
268
00:08:06,076 --> 00:08:09,794
The very first time
that she had any work done...
269
00:08:09,829 --> 00:08:13,164
Oh, please, that girl has
been to "Puerto Rico" before.
270
00:08:13,216 --> 00:08:14,382
It was the first time, okay?
271
00:08:14,467 --> 00:08:16,300
But I don't want to focus
on that right now.
272
00:08:16,336 --> 00:08:18,002
I want to focus
on the better times,
273
00:08:18,088 --> 00:08:22,006
the times I spent
in love with my wife.
274
00:08:22,058 --> 00:08:24,642
Love... is a journey.
275
00:08:24,677 --> 00:08:26,310
Wow.
Love is a battlefield.
276
00:08:26,346 --> 00:08:28,346
And I want to ride it
This just puts everything in perspective.
277
00:08:28,398 --> 00:08:29,598
all night long.
Oh, sweetheart.
278
00:08:29,682 --> 00:08:30,898
It's gonna be all right.
279
00:08:30,984 --> 00:08:31,933
No, it's not, I...
280
00:08:32,018 --> 00:08:33,351
I can't go through
with the trade.
281
00:08:33,403 --> 00:08:34,652
What?
I can't.
282
00:08:34,687 --> 00:08:35,987
Nothing inside me says to do it.
283
00:08:36,022 --> 00:08:37,021
I have to just...
284
00:08:37,107 --> 00:08:39,407
Kevin, you have to.
285
00:08:39,492 --> 00:08:40,358
What are you doing?
It doesn't matter.
286
00:08:40,410 --> 00:08:41,692
I'm not trading with him.
287
00:08:41,778 --> 00:08:42,827
It's over.
288
00:08:42,862 --> 00:08:44,195
Love is, uh...
289
00:08:46,666 --> 00:08:50,251
Love has been rejected?
290
00:08:50,336 --> 00:08:52,036
Why would you reject love?!
291
00:08:52,088 --> 00:08:53,755
Huh?!
292
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,041
Everybody works so hard
on getting love to happen,
293
00:08:57,127 --> 00:08:58,926
and then you reject it.
294
00:08:59,012 --> 00:09:01,929
Why have you rejected love?!
295
00:09:02,015 --> 00:09:04,549
God, why...?!
296
00:09:04,634 --> 00:09:07,685
Why has everything forsaken me?!
297
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:12,190
Why is my life so much harder
than everybody else's?!
298
00:09:12,225 --> 00:09:15,226
Why have you cheated me
this way, God?!
299
00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:17,111
Hey, buddy.
300
00:09:17,197 --> 00:09:18,446
Hey, everything's
gonna be all right.
301
00:09:18,531 --> 00:09:20,448
Hey, sexy, get him out of here.
302
00:09:23,903 --> 00:09:25,153
Some pretty intense words,
303
00:09:25,238 --> 00:09:28,039
spoken by my brother-in-law
and third best friend,
304
00:09:28,074 --> 00:09:30,208
whose name I just
found out is Rodney.
305
00:09:30,243 --> 00:09:32,126
Sofia was...
306
00:09:32,212 --> 00:09:33,744
Why?
in many ways, my better half.
307
00:09:33,797 --> 00:09:35,213
Why would you do this to me?
308
00:09:35,248 --> 00:09:36,631
I didn't feel good about it.
309
00:09:36,716 --> 00:09:38,916
I prepared some words...
to say...
310
00:09:38,968 --> 00:09:42,253
on this occasion.
311
00:09:43,673 --> 00:09:45,840
This is harder than
I thought it was gonna be.
312
00:09:45,925 --> 00:09:48,676
For those of you who don't
know me, I'm Rafi, I'm the...
313
00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:50,094
Stop it.
What? What?
314
00:09:50,180 --> 00:09:51,145
Thank you, Andre.
315
00:09:51,231 --> 00:09:52,396
See, he appreciated it.
316
00:09:52,432 --> 00:09:54,682
I'm the, uh, brother-lover
of the deceased.
317
00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:57,268
None of us are prepared
for this kind of loss,
318
00:09:57,320 --> 00:10:01,522
the loss of someone
so young, so beautiful,
319
00:10:01,608 --> 00:10:04,025
so tender and supple.
320
00:10:05,778 --> 00:10:07,361
When I realized
she was really dead
321
00:10:07,447 --> 00:10:11,282
and that she wasn't gonna
come back as, uh, a zombie
322
00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:12,783
or something cool like that,
323
00:10:12,836 --> 00:10:15,369
I was devastated.
324
00:10:15,455 --> 00:10:20,007
I was struggling
to keep my head above water.
325
00:10:20,093 --> 00:10:24,795
So I reached out to the smartest
man I've ever met,
326
00:10:24,848 --> 00:10:28,065
'cause I knew he wouldknow what to do--
327
00:10:28,134 --> 00:10:29,333
Dirty Randy.
328
00:10:35,141 --> 00:10:36,107
Randy.
329
00:10:36,175 --> 00:10:37,041
Yo, Raf.
Hey.
330
00:10:37,110 --> 00:10:38,342
What's happening, man?
331
00:10:38,411 --> 00:10:39,844
Bad news.
332
00:10:39,913 --> 00:10:41,612
Are these bees not bugging you at all?
No.
333
00:10:41,681 --> 00:10:42,747
Bees only sting women
on their periods.
334
00:10:42,815 --> 00:10:43,814
Everybody knows that.
335
00:10:43,883 --> 00:10:44,882
What are you doing here?
336
00:10:44,951 --> 00:10:46,552
Dude, I need your help
finding my sister.
337
00:10:46,553 --> 00:10:47,485
Anywhere, anytime.
338
00:10:47,554 --> 00:10:49,186
She's dead, man.
Okay.
339
00:10:49,255 --> 00:10:52,023
I assume this means you killed
her while making love to her.
340
00:10:52,091 --> 00:10:53,491
Don't worry, I got my Robert
Durst go-bag ready to go.
341
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,393
No, no, we don't...
Let's do this!
342
00:10:55,461 --> 00:10:57,061
We don't need Bobby D's bag, okay?
Let's move, move, move. Are you sure?
343
00:10:57,130 --> 00:10:58,462
She died in Puerto Rico.
344
00:10:58,531 --> 00:11:00,398
I wasn't even
in the country, man.
345
00:11:00,466 --> 00:11:01,799
Weird.
346
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:04,268
We don't have to cut her up into
tiny pieces like we planned.
347
00:11:04,270 --> 00:11:06,304
Okay, good, but I have the saw.
Awesome.
348
00:11:06,372 --> 00:11:08,940
I did not pay Robert Durst
$90 for that go-bag...
349
00:11:09,008 --> 00:11:10,141
and not negotiate a saw.
350
00:11:10,209 --> 00:11:12,043
Okay, so what do we do?
351
00:11:12,111 --> 00:11:13,177
First things first, man,
352
00:11:13,246 --> 00:11:14,979
we need to get her body
back to Chicago.
353
00:11:15,048 --> 00:11:17,014
And if we need to get her soul
back from the netherworld,
354
00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:18,549
I know a really good
necromancer.
355
00:11:18,618 --> 00:11:19,650
So this is the plan.
Yeah.
356
00:11:19,719 --> 00:11:20,985
We're gonna go to Puerto Rico,
357
00:11:21,054 --> 00:11:23,387
we're gonna get her body,
bring it back to Chicago,
358
00:11:23,456 --> 00:11:25,723
so she can be buried
by the man she loves.
359
00:11:25,792 --> 00:11:27,992
And also her husband,
Rodney Ruxin.
360
00:11:28,061 --> 00:11:30,361
Whoa, whoa, she was married?
Yes.
361
00:11:30,430 --> 00:11:33,931
Man, I said some incredibly
inappropriate things to her.
362
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,500
And her husband was Jewish.
363
00:11:36,569 --> 00:11:38,169
What?!
I know.
364
00:11:38,237 --> 00:11:39,437
I heard they chew
on your shoelaces.
365
00:11:39,505 --> 00:11:41,172
Uh, I think that's goats.
366
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:42,273
Okay, good. Okay.
Yeah.
367
00:11:42,342 --> 00:11:44,175
Hey, check this out.
368
00:11:44,243 --> 00:11:46,811
Oh, my God.
369
00:11:46,879 --> 00:11:47,778
What is that?
370
00:11:47,847 --> 00:11:48,813
Bee pubes, bro.
371
00:11:48,881 --> 00:11:50,448
Dude, that's amazing.
372
00:11:50,516 --> 00:11:51,549
I know, right?
373
00:11:51,618 --> 00:11:52,539
It's a pubic bee beard.
374
00:11:52,552 --> 00:11:53,484
It's a pubic beard of bees.
375
00:11:53,553 --> 00:11:54,485
Touch?.
376
00:11:54,554 --> 00:11:55,653
How does it feel?
377
00:11:55,722 --> 00:11:57,355
It feels like when I had
crabs, only bigger.
378
00:11:57,423 --> 00:11:59,323
A few of them are crawling
into your pee hole, I think.
379
00:11:59,392 --> 00:12:01,692
I bet I can fit, like,
12 bees in my urethra.
380
00:12:01,761 --> 00:12:03,461
I bet I can fit 14 in mine.
381
00:12:03,529 --> 00:12:05,096
So let me ask you,
brother, are you in?
382
00:12:05,148 --> 00:12:07,698
Looks like Randy and Rafi
are going to Puerto Rico
383
00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:09,800
to steal a lady's corpse.
384
00:12:09,869 --> 00:12:11,102
Ow!
385
00:12:11,170 --> 00:12:12,370
Ow! Ow!
386
00:12:12,438 --> 00:12:13,337
Oh, hang on, I got the smoker.
387
00:12:13,406 --> 00:12:14,538
I'll calm 'em down.
388
00:12:14,607 --> 00:12:16,173
No, no, no!
That's steamed bath salts.
389
00:12:16,242 --> 00:12:17,675
That will only make them more
angry and cannibalistic.
390
00:12:17,744 --> 00:12:19,660
Oh, no, why am I not stopping?!
391
00:12:19,746 --> 00:12:20,678
Stop pumping it!
392
00:12:20,747 --> 00:12:21,747
Why do I keep pumping it?!
393
00:12:21,748 --> 00:12:22,663
Aah!
394
00:12:22,749 --> 00:12:24,332
Yeah!
Get out of here!
395
00:12:24,417 --> 00:12:25,967
Bees, follow us!
396
00:12:28,221 --> 00:12:31,555
Dude, this isthe best way to travel.
397
00:12:31,591 --> 00:12:34,458
This is fully better
than a regular seat on United.
398
00:12:34,527 --> 00:12:36,327
Oh, yeah.
So when's the last time you were home?
399
00:12:36,396 --> 00:12:37,728
It's been a while.
400
00:12:37,797 --> 00:12:40,064
My old man and I, we...
401
00:12:40,133 --> 00:12:42,233
we never saw eye-to-eye.
402
00:12:42,301 --> 00:12:44,535
Hey, Sofia, grab the duck.
403
00:12:44,604 --> 00:12:45,936
I dare you.
404
00:12:46,005 --> 00:12:47,905
I dare you to grab the duck.
405
00:12:47,974 --> 00:12:49,507
Get out!
Aah!
406
00:12:49,575 --> 00:12:50,875
You disgust me.
407
00:12:50,943 --> 00:12:53,694
Ow, ow, ow, ow, Papi, no, ow.
408
00:12:55,031 --> 00:12:56,947
This is called daggering, Sofia.
409
00:13:00,620 --> 00:13:01,952
Rafi, ven aqu?!
410
00:13:02,038 --> 00:13:04,555
Ow, ow, ow, ow, Papi, no, ow.
411
00:13:04,624 --> 00:13:07,124
Your dad sounds like a real
shit-covered dick hole.
412
00:13:07,176 --> 00:13:09,160
No, he's not that cool.
413
00:13:09,228 --> 00:13:10,711
He's a big shot
down here, though.
414
00:13:10,797 --> 00:13:12,797
He's got San Juan wired.
415
00:13:12,849 --> 00:13:15,466
The call him
the generalissimo, dude.
416
00:13:15,518 --> 00:13:16,967
Whoa, your dad's a general?
417
00:13:17,053 --> 00:13:18,035
Well, sort of.
418
00:13:18,104 --> 00:13:19,770
He's a general manager
of a drug store.
419
00:13:19,806 --> 00:13:21,372
What?! That's
even cooler!
420
00:13:21,441 --> 00:13:22,339
I know!
421
00:13:22,408 --> 00:13:24,642
You can't buy ice in this town
422
00:13:24,694 --> 00:13:25,976
without talking to my dad.
423
00:13:26,029 --> 00:13:27,028
Cool!
424
00:13:29,482 --> 00:13:31,282
There she is.
425
00:13:31,317 --> 00:13:32,900
Puerto Rico.
426
00:13:32,985 --> 00:13:34,285
Hey, man, we're about to land.
427
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:35,536
Okay, we'd better jump, then.
428
00:13:43,129 --> 00:13:44,862
I'm just glad to finally be safe
429
00:13:44,931 --> 00:13:45,896
and out of the U.S.A.
430
00:13:45,965 --> 00:13:47,231
Hang on, what now?
431
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,367
Oh, I'm currently wanted
in the States for tons of shit,
432
00:13:50,436 --> 00:13:52,036
looked at a list
of all the countries
433
00:13:52,105 --> 00:13:53,671
U.S. has extradition
treaties with--
434
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:55,139
Puerto Rico, not on in!
435
00:13:55,208 --> 00:13:58,075
Oh, no, Puerto Rico is
part of the United States.
436
00:13:58,144 --> 00:13:59,376
Just like Viet-Guam.
437
00:13:59,445 --> 00:14:00,745
No, if that was true,
438
00:14:00,813 --> 00:14:02,713
then Puerto Ricans
would be Americans,
439
00:14:02,782 --> 00:14:04,115
and I would be a racist.
440
00:14:04,183 --> 00:14:05,149
You know what,
we're wasting time.
441
00:14:05,218 --> 00:14:06,178
We got to find my sister.
442
00:14:06,185 --> 00:14:07,585
Okay, how do we do this?
443
00:14:07,653 --> 00:14:10,087
First we find this piece of
shit doctor that killed her.
444
00:14:10,156 --> 00:14:12,490
Oh, he looks exactly
like a piece of shit.
445
00:14:12,558 --> 00:14:14,458
I'm gonna be honest, I couldn't
find a picture of the doctor,
446
00:14:14,527 --> 00:14:16,427
so I took a picture
of my shit in scrubs.
447
00:14:16,496 --> 00:14:17,962
Where'd you find those
little tiny scrubs?
448
00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:19,697
Oh. No, that's
a four-foot shit.
449
00:14:19,766 --> 00:14:20,931
Whoa!
Those are my shoes it's wearing.
450
00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,533
Oh.
That old lady sitting
451
00:14:22,602 --> 00:14:25,306
next to it at the bus stop is for scale.
That's awesome.
452
00:14:31,781 --> 00:14:32,653
Need
some help?
453
00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:35,047
Oh, whoa, oh,
what are you doing?
454
00:14:35,115 --> 00:14:36,782
You're the guy
that crushed my hand.
455
00:14:36,817 --> 00:14:38,483
And now I'm the guy that's
crushing your dick.
456
00:14:38,552 --> 00:14:40,512
You tell us what happened to my sister,
457
00:14:40,521 --> 00:14:42,721
or I swear to God, I will
break your dick off!
458
00:14:42,790 --> 00:14:44,056
You think we won't do it?!
459
00:14:44,124 --> 00:14:45,490
We've broken the dicks
off of people we like!
460
00:14:45,559 --> 00:14:46,892
As a compliment!
461
00:14:46,961 --> 00:14:48,481
What did you do with
Sofia, you sicko?!
462
00:14:48,529 --> 00:14:49,494
Tell us!
463
00:14:49,563 --> 00:14:50,829
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
464
00:14:50,898 --> 00:14:52,231
Uh, the Puerto Rican Vicodin,
465
00:14:52,299 --> 00:14:53,866
it didn't mix well
with the horse tranquilizers.
466
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:56,535
You gave horse tranquilizers
to my sister?!
467
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,503
No, no, that's
what I was taking.
468
00:14:58,572 --> 00:15:00,439
Whoa, metal hand.
469
00:15:00,507 --> 00:15:02,674
You're like the guy
from Game of Thrones!
470
00:15:02,743 --> 00:15:05,611
Why aren't you in Westeros
burying Stannis Baratheon?
471
00:15:05,679 --> 00:15:06,945
Hey! I'm a season
behind, okay?
472
00:15:07,014 --> 00:15:08,347
No spoilers.
473
00:15:08,415 --> 00:15:09,948
Stannis Baratheon is dead.
474
00:15:10,017 --> 00:15:11,884
Oh no, how's
Jon Snow taking that?
475
00:15:11,952 --> 00:15:12,918
Oh, buddy.
476
00:15:12,987 --> 00:15:13,919
I got to pee.
477
00:15:13,988 --> 00:15:14,887
Can you just let me go, please?
478
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:15,954
It's really starting to back up.
479
00:15:16,023 --> 00:15:17,322
I'll let go of your dick,
480
00:15:17,391 --> 00:15:18,657
as soon as you tell us
where you put my sister.
481
00:15:18,726 --> 00:15:20,325
Is she in Casterly Rock?!
482
00:15:20,394 --> 00:15:21,354
I put her in the morgue.
483
00:15:21,395 --> 00:15:23,061
Aha, the morgue.
484
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:26,331
Randy, we need to find
out what a morgue is
485
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,666
and get there.
486
00:15:27,701 --> 00:15:29,334
House Lannister is the worst.
487
00:15:29,403 --> 00:15:30,669
Yeah, the worst!
488
00:15:30,738 --> 00:15:32,638
Now I'm gonna need
a metal penis.
489
00:15:32,706 --> 00:15:35,307
If you get a metal penis,
I will make you a movie star.
490
00:15:35,376 --> 00:15:36,642
Randy, let's go!
491
00:15:39,113 --> 00:15:40,679
That's the fifth time
that's happened this month.
492
00:15:40,748 --> 00:15:43,108
Okay, well, how are we gonna get
her body out of the morgue?
493
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,317
They're not gonna let us
into a place like that.
494
00:15:45,386 --> 00:15:47,302
Don't worry,
I'll take care of this.
495
00:15:50,557 --> 00:15:52,024
Two more overdoses.
496
00:15:52,092 --> 00:15:54,893
Ugh, these guys have been
dead for a while.
497
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:01,133
I told you,
if we took enough drugs,
498
00:16:01,201 --> 00:16:03,135
we could successfully
mimic death!
499
00:16:03,203 --> 00:16:04,536
Oh, dude,
you were totally right.
500
00:16:04,605 --> 00:16:05,737
I owe you five bees.
501
00:16:05,806 --> 00:16:07,039
Only problem is, uh,
502
00:16:07,107 --> 00:16:08,573
I think they started
to do an autopsy on me.
503
00:16:08,642 --> 00:16:10,242
Dude.
504
00:16:10,311 --> 00:16:11,476
Look, you can see my heart!
505
00:16:11,545 --> 00:16:12,744
- Oh, cool.
- I'm touching it.
506
00:16:12,813 --> 00:16:13,779
Do it again.
507
00:16:13,847 --> 00:16:15,147
Poke.
508
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,350
Okay, we gotta stop messing
around with my heart.
509
00:16:18,419 --> 00:16:20,252
Okay, let's open these drawers
until we find Sofia.
510
00:16:20,321 --> 00:16:21,286
Come on, let's go!
511
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:24,156
Ooh, sexy dead bodies.
512
00:16:24,224 --> 00:16:25,424
Ooh, hello, dead boobs.
513
00:16:25,492 --> 00:16:27,009
This one's burned up.
514
00:16:27,094 --> 00:16:28,460
This guy's dick is huge.
515
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:29,428
Oh, what, really?
Let's see.
516
00:16:29,496 --> 00:16:31,296
Look at this hog.
Oh, man!
517
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,098
Floppa-floppa-
floppa-floppa.
518
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,033
I could do this all night.
519
00:16:35,102 --> 00:16:36,668
But we gotta find Sofia.
520
00:16:36,737 --> 00:16:38,103
She is not here.
521
00:16:38,155 --> 00:16:40,772
And you should not
be here either.
522
00:16:40,841 --> 00:16:44,476
Papi.
I am no longer your papi, you animal.
523
00:16:44,545 --> 00:16:46,211
How'd you even know we were here?
524
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,580
Because a doctor told me
that you attacked his penis.
525
00:16:48,649 --> 00:16:49,815
Yeah, that's not wrong.
526
00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:51,717
You did the same thing
when you were born.
527
00:16:51,785 --> 00:16:53,685
What is it with you
and doctors' penises?
528
00:16:53,754 --> 00:16:54,987
They seem arrogant.
529
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,422
Anyway, my darling Sofia's body
530
00:16:57,491 --> 00:17:00,459
is being prepared
for her proper funeral.
531
00:17:00,527 --> 00:17:02,828
No. She should be buried
in Chicago,
532
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,162
near her husband.
533
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:05,530
Dad, he's Jewish,
534
00:17:05,599 --> 00:17:08,033
and it's customary
for him to eat her heart.
535
00:17:08,102 --> 00:17:09,342
He'll go to hell if he doesn't.
536
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,869
She is staying here.
537
00:17:10,938 --> 00:17:13,071
And now, so will you,
538
00:17:13,140 --> 00:17:15,407
in a Puerto Rican prison.
539
00:17:15,476 --> 00:17:17,009
What's that?
540
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:18,977
It's a prison. In Puerto Rico.
541
00:17:19,046 --> 00:17:20,245
What?
542
00:17:20,314 --> 00:17:22,014
You can't do that.
You can't arrest us.
543
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:22,981
I mean, we haven't even
committed a crime.
544
00:17:23,050 --> 00:17:24,349
Oh, no?
545
00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:25,951
This guy here,
Mr. Floppy,
546
00:17:26,020 --> 00:17:27,686
you are wanted in Illinois
547
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,021
for crimes of video piracy,
548
00:17:29,089 --> 00:17:30,422
bestiality
549
00:17:30,491 --> 00:17:32,924
and perverting a minor animal.
550
00:17:32,993 --> 00:17:36,395
That copy of 50 Shades of Grey
videotaped itself,
551
00:17:36,463 --> 00:17:38,997
I did not have sex with that cat
and if I did,
552
00:17:39,066 --> 00:17:40,899
she told me she was 18!
Yeah!
553
00:17:40,968 --> 00:17:42,334
And there is no
extradition here!
554
00:17:42,403 --> 00:17:43,869
This is still the United States.
555
00:17:44,938 --> 00:17:46,271
Why didn't you tell me that?
556
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:48,006
Dude, I did...
No, you did not.
557
00:17:48,075 --> 00:17:49,341
Oh, what are you talking...
No, you did not!
558
00:17:49,410 --> 00:17:50,976
Dude, this is what
Dr. Reynolds said.
559
00:17:51,045 --> 00:17:52,110
We need...
Nice meeting you, sir!
560
00:17:52,179 --> 00:17:53,945
Oh, God-- oh, say hi to Mom!
561
00:17:54,014 --> 00:17:55,714
All right.
How are we gonna get out here?
562
00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:56,963
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
563
00:17:57,083 --> 00:17:58,984
Have sex with all these dead bodies!
Fire extinguishers.
564
00:17:59,053 --> 00:18:01,319
Ooh, fire extinguisher.
Much better.
565
00:18:01,388 --> 00:18:02,621
Yeah.
No, your idea's good, too, though.
566
00:18:02,689 --> 00:18:03,855
Thank you so much.
567
00:18:03,924 --> 00:18:06,558
Ready, and...
568
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:11,530
Raf, you got something
on your face!
569
00:18:11,598 --> 00:18:13,432
I don't think so, I... whoa!
570
00:18:13,500 --> 00:18:14,866
Oh, I think it went
through the space
571
00:18:14,935 --> 00:18:16,201
where I got lobotomized before,
572
00:18:16,270 --> 00:18:17,169
so I'm not feeling any of it.
573
00:18:17,204 --> 00:18:18,204
It's like a brain callus.
574
00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:20,272
It's like Maria Callas.
575
00:18:20,340 --> 00:18:21,373
Wait a minute.
576
00:18:21,442 --> 00:18:22,763
Why do I know who
Maria Callas is?
577
00:18:22,776 --> 00:18:23,909
Oh, boy.
578
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,944
All these signs
are talking to me, Randy!
579
00:18:26,013 --> 00:18:27,045
That one says "exit"!
580
00:18:27,114 --> 00:18:28,647
Oh, shit, I can read!
581
00:18:28,715 --> 00:18:30,015
It's like John Travolta
in Phenomenon.
582
00:18:30,084 --> 00:18:31,516
Dude, I have been totally
Travolta'd here.
583
00:18:31,585 --> 00:18:32,706
Awesome.
584
00:18:32,753 --> 00:18:33,913
Oh, we gotta get out of here.
585
00:18:33,921 --> 00:18:35,020
We gotta go! We gotta bail!
Okay.
586
00:18:35,089 --> 00:18:36,588
Ow!
587
00:18:36,657 --> 00:18:38,177
Wait, there's some kind
of force field.
588
00:18:38,192 --> 00:18:39,257
Ah!
589
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:40,859
Just keep trying!
Okay.
590
00:18:40,928 --> 00:18:42,227
Ah!
Don't change anything!
591
00:18:42,296 --> 00:18:43,695
Just keep trying!
Ah!
592
00:18:43,764 --> 00:18:45,530
Puerto Rico, am I right?
Oh.
593
00:18:45,566 --> 00:18:47,566
Shit!
594
00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:48,617
El polic?a!
595
00:18:48,702 --> 00:18:49,701
What?
The police.
596
00:18:49,736 --> 00:18:50,735
Don't you speak Spanish?
597
00:18:50,804 --> 00:18:51,736
Sure.
Det?ngase.
598
00:18:51,805 --> 00:18:53,121
What's that now?
Det?ngase...
599
00:18:54,975 --> 00:18:56,174
Run!
600
00:18:56,243 --> 00:18:57,659
Into the jungle!
Welcome to the jungle!
601
00:18:57,744 --> 00:18:59,911
We got fun and... whoa!
602
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,685
Okay, we ditched 'em.
603
00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:09,502
Ooh! I call head pole!
604
00:19:09,556 --> 00:19:10,522
Okay, listen.
605
00:19:10,591 --> 00:19:12,190
We can hide out
in the jungle tonight.
606
00:19:12,259 --> 00:19:13,699
I'll scavenge up
some second harvest.
607
00:19:13,727 --> 00:19:15,727
Are you a corn guy
or a seeds guy?
608
00:19:15,796 --> 00:19:17,329
Corn.
609
00:19:17,397 --> 00:19:18,864
This is definitely
the safest place to...
610
00:19:20,134 --> 00:19:21,566
I know, I feel
totally safe here...
611
00:19:24,104 --> 00:19:25,170
Thanks, man.
Your dick broke my fall.
612
00:19:25,239 --> 00:19:27,506
All right, dude,
613
00:19:27,574 --> 00:19:29,040
tomorrow is a big day.
614
00:19:29,109 --> 00:19:30,775
We have to find
my sister's body,
615
00:19:30,828 --> 00:19:32,244
before my dad buries it,
616
00:19:32,279 --> 00:19:34,412
or else we're gonna have
to spend the entire day
617
00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:35,997
digging that grave up!
618
00:19:36,083 --> 00:19:38,364
Oh, yeah, my back could not
handle that kind of yard work.
619
00:19:39,253 --> 00:19:40,168
Do you want to...
620
00:19:40,254 --> 00:19:41,453
spoon, or...
621
00:19:41,505 --> 00:19:42,420
Why don't we just fork it?
622
00:19:42,456 --> 00:19:43,455
Yeah, let's fork.
623
00:19:43,540 --> 00:19:44,623
Yep.
624
00:19:44,675 --> 00:19:45,874
Ooh, lock it in.
625
00:19:45,959 --> 00:19:47,459
Yeah, interlock our balls...
Great.
626
00:19:47,511 --> 00:19:48,426
There we go.
627
00:19:50,013 --> 00:19:51,296
Hey, Raf?
Yeah.
628
00:19:51,381 --> 00:19:52,464
Are you hard right now?
629
00:19:52,516 --> 00:19:54,766
I got a bad case of lump dick.
630
00:19:54,801 --> 00:19:56,218
My dick is covered
in bee stings,
631
00:19:56,303 --> 00:19:58,386
so it's swollen, numb
and full of poison.
632
00:19:58,472 --> 00:20:00,188
I need to talk
to your travel agent,
633
00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:02,474
'cause you're having the trip
I want to have.
634
00:20:02,526 --> 00:20:03,975
Good night, Rafi.
635
00:20:04,027 --> 00:20:05,894
Good night, Randy.
636
00:20:14,287 --> 00:20:15,253
Oh, my God.
637
00:20:15,322 --> 00:20:16,387
Ran... Randy?
638
00:20:16,456 --> 00:20:18,022
Dude, don't...
don't move.
639
00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:20,224
It's a chupacabra!
640
00:20:20,293 --> 00:20:21,392
Yeah, I know.
641
00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:22,961
He's so cute, right?
642
00:20:23,029 --> 00:20:24,095
Oh, my God.
643
00:20:24,164 --> 00:20:25,124
I want to play with him.
644
00:20:25,165 --> 00:20:26,531
Whoa, look at this!
645
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,399
Oh, we're wrestling.
Oh-- oh, wow.
646
00:20:28,468 --> 00:20:30,069
Oh, he really locked
on to my neck there.
647
00:20:30,070 --> 00:20:31,191
He's going for that jugular.
648
00:20:31,237 --> 00:20:32,103
Oh, yeah, he lives off blood.
649
00:20:32,172 --> 00:20:33,204
Down, boy. Down.
650
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:34,339
Oh, no, I've been training him.
651
00:20:34,407 --> 00:20:35,306
"Down, boy" means
"Go for the dick."
652
00:20:35,375 --> 00:20:36,291
Oh, boy!
653
00:20:36,376 --> 00:20:38,343
Oh, he's really on there.
654
00:20:41,681 --> 00:20:42,880
You're right.
655
00:20:42,949 --> 00:20:44,515
Look at us, we fit in perfectly.
656
00:20:44,584 --> 00:20:45,850
No one suspects a thing.
657
00:20:45,919 --> 00:20:47,199
Now we just have
to find the body
658
00:20:47,220 --> 00:20:48,553
before they light it on fire.
659
00:20:48,622 --> 00:20:50,421
That Jew better be happy
when we deliver this heart.
660
00:20:50,490 --> 00:20:52,790
I told him I want to watch him
eat the whole thing.
661
00:20:52,859 --> 00:20:54,025
Do they knife and fork it,
662
00:20:54,094 --> 00:20:55,560
or they just shove it in
with their hands?
663
00:20:55,612 --> 00:20:56,961
No, they have to eat it like a hand fruit.
664
00:20:57,030 --> 00:20:59,030
This is our daughter.
665
00:20:59,099 --> 00:21:01,132
She's, um...
very sick.
666
00:21:01,201 --> 00:21:02,634
Herpes.
667
00:21:02,702 --> 00:21:04,035
She's rotten with herpes.
668
00:21:04,104 --> 00:21:06,404
She has her father's herpes.
669
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:10,008
And now, to celebrate
the end of a life,
670
00:21:10,076 --> 00:21:13,478
we will dance the traditional
dance of Puerto Rico.
671
00:21:13,546 --> 00:21:14,846
I know what this is.
672
00:21:14,914 --> 00:21:16,481
This is daggering.
673
00:21:16,549 --> 00:21:17,749
Oh, that's awesome.
674
00:21:17,817 --> 00:21:19,500
That's the only way
I know how to dance.
675
00:21:19,586 --> 00:21:20,718
Ay!
Ay!
676
00:21:27,260 --> 00:21:28,593
Yeah! Get it!
677
00:21:28,645 --> 00:21:30,628
I wish I had
a male dick right now.
678
00:21:31,798 --> 00:21:34,465
These Puerto Ricans
know how to funeral.
679
00:21:34,534 --> 00:21:35,299
Det?ngase.
680
00:21:35,368 --> 00:21:37,101
Huh! There's that word again.
681
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:38,436
Somehow they saw through
our disguises!
682
00:21:38,521 --> 00:21:39,604
All right,
let's get out of here.
683
00:21:39,656 --> 00:21:40,905
Uh-oh.
684
00:21:40,974 --> 00:21:41,906
Whoa!
685
00:21:43,943 --> 00:21:45,109
Get him, Chupi!
Yes!
686
00:21:45,195 --> 00:21:46,411
Down, boy!
Eat his dick!
687
00:21:46,446 --> 00:21:48,513
Yeah, get that "D," Chupi!
688
00:21:48,581 --> 00:21:50,081
So jealous of our
daughter right now.
689
00:21:50,150 --> 00:21:51,382
We gotta get out of here.
690
00:21:57,123 --> 00:21:58,456
Why is she dressed
for a wedding?
691
00:21:58,525 --> 00:21:59,891
Ah, Papi probably wants her
692
00:21:59,959 --> 00:22:01,225
to marry someone else
in the afterlife.
693
00:22:01,294 --> 00:22:02,860
She was so bonable.
694
00:22:02,929 --> 00:22:05,463
Aw... I only wish she was alive
to hear you say that.
695
00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:06,898
Oh, I screamed it at her a lot.
696
00:22:06,966 --> 00:22:07,999
Yeah, me, too.
697
00:22:08,068 --> 00:22:09,133
Rafi!
698
00:22:09,219 --> 00:22:12,403
You were always
such a disobedient child.
699
00:22:12,472 --> 00:22:14,439
You are supposed to be dead!
700
00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:15,707
Whoa, Dad.
701
00:22:15,775 --> 00:22:17,775
Looks like we've got
a Mexican standoff.
702
00:22:17,844 --> 00:22:19,243
Uh, actually,
we-we don't, technically,
703
00:22:19,312 --> 00:22:20,578
'cause only he has a gun.
704
00:22:20,647 --> 00:22:22,880
Okay, so maybe we have
a Puerto Rican standoff?
705
00:22:22,949 --> 00:22:23,981
What is the difference
706
00:22:24,050 --> 00:22:24,949
between Puerto Ricans
and Mexicans anyway?
707
00:22:25,018 --> 00:22:26,017
Such a good question.
708
00:22:26,086 --> 00:22:27,167
Dad, what is the difference
709
00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:28,319
between Puerto Ricans
and Mexicans?
710
00:22:28,388 --> 00:22:30,188
Where are we
vis-?-vis tacos and...
711
00:22:30,256 --> 00:22:31,255
C?llate!
712
00:22:31,324 --> 00:22:32,223
Whoa!
713
00:22:32,292 --> 00:22:33,591
This is all your fault.
714
00:22:33,660 --> 00:22:34,592
That gun's loaded.
715
00:22:34,661 --> 00:22:36,094
Your sick perversions
716
00:22:36,162 --> 00:22:39,263
scared my beautiful daughter
away from Puerto Rican men
717
00:22:39,332 --> 00:22:42,133
and into the arms and tentacles
718
00:22:42,202 --> 00:22:44,068
of the Jew devil!
719
00:22:44,137 --> 00:22:45,069
Wow.
720
00:22:45,138 --> 00:22:46,437
That is anti-Semitic.
721
00:22:46,506 --> 00:22:47,438
That crosses the line.
722
00:22:47,507 --> 00:22:48,873
This ends now.
723
00:22:48,942 --> 00:22:51,309
I'm going to shoot
your dick off.
724
00:22:51,377 --> 00:22:53,044
Weird thing for a dad
to say to his son,
725
00:22:53,113 --> 00:22:54,078
but all right.
726
00:22:54,147 --> 00:22:55,313
Let me help you.
727
00:22:55,381 --> 00:22:56,064
Huh?
728
00:22:58,852 --> 00:23:00,485
You still had
the pubic bee beard?
729
00:23:00,553 --> 00:23:01,886
Yeah. They didn't
want to leave.
730
00:23:01,955 --> 00:23:03,855
And I still have
six in the chamber.
731
00:23:03,923 --> 00:23:05,089
Pow! Pow!
Pow! Pow!
732
00:23:05,158 --> 00:23:07,225
Pow!
733
00:23:07,293 --> 00:23:08,292
Why?!
734
00:23:08,361 --> 00:23:09,560
Now let's get out of here!
735
00:23:09,629 --> 00:23:11,195
- Get the body, quick!
- Let's go!
736
00:23:11,264 --> 00:23:12,697
Quick, quick!
737
00:23:12,766 --> 00:23:14,365
Use her body as a shield!
738
00:23:14,434 --> 00:23:15,800
Oh! Ah! Look out!
Ah! Ah!
739
00:23:15,869 --> 00:23:16,868
Not the tit!
740
00:23:18,805 --> 00:23:19,871
All right,
we're gonna have to jump.
741
00:23:19,939 --> 00:23:20,838
I got a better idea!
742
00:23:22,142 --> 00:23:23,741
Look, she's planking.
743
00:23:23,810 --> 00:23:24,976
Check it out, I'm surfing.
744
00:23:25,044 --> 00:23:26,928
How are we gonna get her
back through security?
745
00:23:27,013 --> 00:23:28,463
We'll just have to take
off her shoes and belt.
746
00:23:28,548 --> 00:23:30,248
Bees! To me!
747
00:23:32,185 --> 00:23:35,019
And so, after all that,
748
00:23:35,054 --> 00:23:36,354
I brought our baby home.
749
00:23:36,389 --> 00:23:38,055
Oh, my God.
750
00:23:38,108 --> 00:23:39,557
Gangster.
751
00:23:39,609 --> 00:23:40,641
She looks terrible.
752
00:23:40,727 --> 00:23:41,442
Hi, Sofia.
753
00:23:41,528 --> 00:23:43,060
And even in
754
00:23:43,146 --> 00:23:44,695
her body's inevitable
melting to earth,
755
00:23:44,731 --> 00:23:48,533
Sofia is making me
just rock hard.
756
00:23:53,406 --> 00:23:54,322
Hey, Chupi.
757
00:23:54,407 --> 00:23:55,490
Glad her mom made it
758
00:23:55,575 --> 00:23:56,457
back for the funeral.
759
00:23:57,710 --> 00:23:58,831
Even in grief, still got it.
760
00:23:58,847 --> 00:24:09,788
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
761
00:24:09,838 --> 00:24:14,388
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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