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Previously, on "the increasingly
poor Decisions of Todd Margaret"
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Dave: I need it to appear as though
I've been up all night, working.
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00:00:06,125 --> 00:00:08,090
Todd Margaret: You wanna
open up your own restaurant,
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00:00:08,120 --> 00:00:09,620
your own, uh, fat duck,
or-or whack-a-mole.
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00:00:09,650 --> 00:00:10,705
Alice Bell: The molecule.
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00:00:10,735 --> 00:00:14,897
Oh, my god! Dave, we're not going to Leeds.
Get it through your thick head, okay?
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00:00:15,504 --> 00:00:16,626
We're going to Leeds.
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00:00:16,656 --> 00:00:19,825
Of course, I think that might
be the company van there.
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00:00:19,855 --> 00:00:21,650
What the hell is The
steering wheel doing--
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00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,680
- Cheers for driving, boss.
- Say your prayers.
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00:00:24,710 --> 00:00:29,710
"Todd and His valet Arrive in Leeds and What They Saw There"
Original air date January 13, 2012 [S02E02]
12
00:00:41,558 --> 00:00:44,607
I'm not so sure this
is a good idea, guys.
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== synch and corrected by Lisina
== for www.addic7ed.com
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00:00:48,197 --> 00:00:50,147
What kind of a moron are you?
15
00:00:50,322 --> 00:00:51,972
I could've been killed!
16
00:00:52,180 --> 00:00:55,180
- Didn't you see me?
- No-- you have a tiny bike.
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00:00:55,331 --> 00:00:57,781
Didn't you see me? I have a huge truck.
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00:00:57,882 --> 00:00:59,433
Okay, look-- it has 18 wheels.
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00:00:59,463 --> 00:01:01,543
Come on-- I think we know
who's more to blame here.
20
00:01:01,573 --> 00:01:02,283
Blame?
21
00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:03,913
I'll see you in court!
22
00:01:03,986 --> 00:01:06,401
How are you gonna sue me?
You can't even afford a car.
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00:01:06,431 --> 00:01:07,781
How are you gonna afford a lawyer?
24
00:01:07,811 --> 00:01:08,788
I am a lawyer.
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Well, obviously, a shitty one.
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00:01:10,848 --> 00:01:11,823
Why am I shitty lawyer?
27
00:01:11,853 --> 00:01:13,519
Because you can't afford a car!
28
00:01:13,587 --> 00:01:16,537
I ride a bike because I'm
environmentally aware.
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00:01:16,798 --> 00:01:19,411
I choose to drive an 18-wheel truck.
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Why-- because it's comfortable,
and I can fit a ton of stuff In the back.
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00:01:23,063 --> 00:01:25,131
Look what your fucking
truck has done to my bike!
32
00:01:25,161 --> 00:01:27,298
Look what-what your bike
has done to my truck!
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00:01:27,328 --> 00:01:27,999
Fuck your truck!
34
00:01:28,029 --> 00:01:30,871
I admit that we've been
reckless and foolhardy
35
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And apologize unreservedly for any
distress and/or Inconvenience caused.
36
00:01:35,518 --> 00:01:38,508
If there's anything we can
do to rectify the situation,
37
00:01:38,538 --> 00:01:39,538
we will.
38
00:01:40,121 --> 00:01:43,212
And then, just sign this on behalf of the
metropolitan police and put your name.
39
00:01:43,242 --> 00:01:44,717
Again, mr. Mountford,
thank you so much for
40
00:01:44,747 --> 00:01:47,550
the opportunity to write such
a beautifully worded apology.
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00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:49,296
I mean, obviously,
if we knew It was you, you, uh--
42
00:01:51,921 --> 00:01:55,374
According to vehicle registration,
this truck belongs to a turkish man,
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Achmed Al Abdul Ahab Alabdalai.
44
00:01:57,659 --> 00:01:59,258
Yes-yes-- of course, it does,
45
00:01:59,327 --> 00:02:03,708
because Achmed Abdul
Ahabatalray Is my name.
46
00:02:03,738 --> 00:02:05,319
Alachbar to you.
47
00:02:05,349 --> 00:02:07,077
Uh, officer, he's clearly not turkish.
48
00:02:07,107 --> 00:02:09,795
No, I'm not turkish, Detective no car.
49
00:02:09,825 --> 00:02:11,625
Uh, but my step-grandfather,
50
00:02:11,655 --> 00:02:12,802
who came from the salt mines
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00:02:12,870 --> 00:02:15,017
of Turkey and raised me in
the proud traditions of
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his people, was, and I changed
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00:02:17,512 --> 00:02:19,706
my name to the one you just said
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to honor his dead spirit.
55
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[ sings ]
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Okay, officer, he's clearly lying.
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la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
58
00:02:35,585 --> 00:02:36,585
Sir?
59
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,360
Whirling dervish In your face!
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00:02:39,390 --> 00:02:40,141
You're under arrest.
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00:02:40,171 --> 00:02:42,270
Anything you say,
may be given in evidence.
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00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:43,002
On what charge?
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Dangerous driving.
64
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:46,758
- Oh, don't be silly.
- And resisting arrest
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And indecent exposure.
66
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,526
Indecent exposure?
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00:02:50,556 --> 00:02:52,204
Your balls are falling out your lycra.
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00:02:52,618 --> 00:02:54,139
ah-- this isn't fair!
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00:02:54,172 --> 00:02:55,152
ha-ha-ha.
70
00:02:55,182 --> 00:02:56,213
No-- this isn't fair!
71
00:02:56,243 --> 00:02:58,410
Who's gonna see who in court, now?
72
00:02:58,540 --> 00:02:59,540
Not me!
73
00:03:00,110 --> 00:03:01,560
Okay, boss-- why don't you
let me drive from now on?
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00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:03,088
My eyes are feeling better.
75
00:03:03,118 --> 00:03:04,984
That's a good idea.
I'm gettin' dizzy-- hello?
76
00:03:05,065 --> 00:03:07,051
Brent Wilts: Margaret, what the fuck
are you doing answering the phone?
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00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,820
Why the fuck aren't you
selling Thunder Muscle?
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00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:12,700
Or do you want Mountford to rip off my
fucking balls and shove them up your ass?
79
00:03:12,730 --> 00:03:14,921
I am selling Thunder Muscle.
I'm on my way to Leeds,
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00:03:14,951 --> 00:03:16,760
right now, uh, to clench a big deal.
81
00:03:17,045 --> 00:03:18,066
What are we talking?
82
00:03:18,096 --> 00:03:19,596
Uh, what are we talking?
83
00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:22,002
Four hundred and seventy
thousand dollars.
84
00:03:22,032 --> 00:03:23,727
Four hundred-- wow, really?
85
00:03:23,757 --> 00:03:24,765
Four hundred?
86
00:03:24,795 --> 00:03:26,498
What the fuck are you talking about?
87
00:03:26,528 --> 00:03:27,551
What are doing, busking?
88
00:03:27,581 --> 00:03:31,769
no-no-no-no, $470,000.
89
00:03:31,799 --> 00:03:35,010
Really-- that's actually
the exact amount we need.
90
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,779
[ knocking ]
91
00:03:36,847 --> 00:03:38,514
Hello-- is anybody there?
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00:03:38,583 --> 00:03:39,929
[ baby cries ]
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The ghost of your dead dad,
94
00:03:42,021 --> 00:03:43,271
He's come back.
95
00:03:43,712 --> 00:03:46,046
Gotta get these little
Angels to a better place.
96
00:03:46,076 --> 00:03:47,309
And the children.
97
00:03:47,339 --> 00:03:49,157
They need new souls.
98
00:03:54,297 --> 00:03:59,297
[ music ]
99
00:04:01,548 --> 00:04:02,528
[ radio plays ]
100
00:04:02,558 --> 00:04:04,606
There's no way to turn this
thing off or down or--
101
00:04:04,636 --> 00:04:05,546
No, I like it.
102
00:04:05,576 --> 00:04:06,576
Yeah, open your mind.
103
00:04:06,610 --> 00:04:07,942
Give it a chance.
104
00:04:08,011 --> 00:04:09,110
It's like rap.
105
00:04:09,401 --> 00:04:11,679
Are you hungry, because I am starving.
106
00:04:11,748 --> 00:04:13,147
I-I know this great, little
107
00:04:13,216 --> 00:04:15,558
Place in Hurt-ford-shire.
108
00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:16,751
Hertfordshire?
109
00:04:16,820 --> 00:04:18,576
No-no-no-- uh, La Molecule.
110
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:21,268
It's this great little,
uh, mom and pop, uh,
111
00:04:21,298 --> 00:04:23,540
Gastro-intestinal, uh--
112
00:04:23,570 --> 00:04:25,358
Todd, I really don't
think we have the time.
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00:04:25,388 --> 00:04:26,880
Dave, come on.
114
00:04:26,910 --> 00:04:28,962
I'm telling you. This place is so...
115
00:04:29,643 --> 00:04:32,502
Open for lun and dinner, okay?
116
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,947
Uh, no dogs allowed,
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00:04:34,977 --> 00:04:36,336
Except for glide dogs.
118
00:04:41,276 --> 00:04:42,326
Guide dogs.
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00:04:49,431 --> 00:04:51,790
All right, I'll just be a minute--
are you the one allergic to nuts?
120
00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:54,140
Just hurry up-- we got a
lot of important meetings.
121
00:04:54,170 --> 00:04:55,290
I know.
122
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,320
Oh!
123
00:04:58,761 --> 00:05:01,530
God, who the hell do I know in Leeds?
124
00:05:02,131 --> 00:05:04,166
[ phone rings ]
125
00:05:04,752 --> 00:05:06,342
hello, chairman here.
126
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:07,974
David Mountford here.
127
00:05:08,004 --> 00:05:09,405
- Dave who?
- Mountford,
128
00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:11,400
As in D.M. Global sports.
129
00:05:12,269 --> 00:05:13,519
Oh, hello, sir.
130
00:05:14,062 --> 00:05:15,074
What can I do for you?
131
00:05:15,104 --> 00:05:17,351
A meeting this afternoon, an american
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00:05:17,381 --> 00:05:19,711
name of Todd Margaret,
half three, sharp.
133
00:05:19,741 --> 00:05:21,261
But the match starts at 3:00.
134
00:05:21,291 --> 00:05:23,175
Excellent. We'll make
it 3 o'clock, then.
135
00:05:23,205 --> 00:05:24,588
- but--
- just do it-- and I'll have
136
00:05:24,618 --> 00:05:25,361
my usual set-up in
137
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:26,857
the owner's box-- thank you.
138
00:05:26,887 --> 00:05:28,078
yes, sir.
139
00:05:36,668 --> 00:05:37,668
Awful.
140
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,738
This is the Hitler of soups.
141
00:05:43,675 --> 00:05:44,675
Here we go, again.
142
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:47,077
All right, everybody, reset.
143
00:05:55,169 --> 00:05:57,440
hello-hello-hello- hello-hello-hello.
144
00:05:57,470 --> 00:05:59,483
- My name's Todd Margaret.
- Sorry, I'm busy.
145
00:05:59,513 --> 00:06:00,704
Well, uh, I've got a friend
146
00:06:00,734 --> 00:06:03,144
who is a big fan of yours
147
00:06:03,174 --> 00:06:04,491
and an awesome cook, and her
148
00:06:04,521 --> 00:06:05,897
ultimate dream of dreams
149
00:06:05,927 --> 00:06:07,212
is to work alongside you
150
00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:09,278
and one day open up her
own science restaurant.
151
00:06:09,308 --> 00:06:10,370
I'm not interested-- Thank you.
152
00:06:10,439 --> 00:06:11,689
let me finish..
153
00:06:12,944 --> 00:06:14,511
I really like her, and this would
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00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,226
Help me get back in with her.
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00:06:16,256 --> 00:06:17,302
Good-bye.
156
00:06:17,332 --> 00:06:18,606
Here's the finish.
157
00:06:18,636 --> 00:06:20,032
She's very sick.
158
00:06:20,062 --> 00:06:21,566
Well, if she's got
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00:06:21,596 --> 00:06:23,057
a disease, uh, she can't be
160
00:06:23,087 --> 00:06:24,161
near food preparation.
161
00:06:24,191 --> 00:06:27,185
Right. well, we're in luck,
because she's retarded,
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00:06:27,215 --> 00:06:29,129
So not contagious.
163
00:06:30,737 --> 00:06:33,587
And she's dying-- she's dying
164
00:06:33,617 --> 00:06:35,754
from the retard... Ation.
165
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What?
166
00:06:38,150 --> 00:06:39,899
Yeah, it's tragic.
167
00:06:39,968 --> 00:06:41,343
Um...
168
00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:44,038
She's only got a couple
days left to live.
169
00:06:44,106 --> 00:06:46,291
Oh, dear god!
170
00:06:46,321 --> 00:06:47,841
Uh, or not, or more,
171
00:06:47,871 --> 00:06:49,391
probably more, four,
172
00:06:49,421 --> 00:06:50,461
at least four, five.
173
00:06:50,491 --> 00:06:52,528
Let's say five. Five days to live.
174
00:06:52,558 --> 00:06:53,793
Yeah, poor thing.
175
00:06:53,823 --> 00:06:55,260
It would just kill her,
if she found out.
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00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:58,327
Oh, not that anyone would
or should discuss it
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00:06:58,357 --> 00:07:00,678
or my name-- shouldn't
even mention my name.
178
00:07:00,708 --> 00:07:04,700
Um, yeah, innocent, little lamb.
179
00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:05,854
Why?
180
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,363
I don't know-- karma?
181
00:07:07,539 --> 00:07:10,187
Anyway, that's why I'm here. I'm from
the Death Wish Foundation, and we make
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00:07:10,217 --> 00:07:13,303
dreams come true for dying,
retarded women.
183
00:07:15,014 --> 00:07:16,014
No.
184
00:07:16,482 --> 00:07:17,532
Okay, look.
185
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:20,377
I-I will not get hurt, again.
186
00:07:20,446 --> 00:07:22,946
[ distant explosion ]
187
00:07:25,853 --> 00:07:27,338
Well?
188
00:07:27,368 --> 00:07:28,620
The good news is, it worked.
189
00:07:28,650 --> 00:07:30,294
We were able to isolate
the compound and age
190
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:33,424
the parmesan an extra 600
years in a matter of seconds.
191
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:34,132
Fantastic.
192
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,793
This is just what we need for
my cheese inhalers I'll be
193
00:07:35,861 --> 00:07:38,177
Serving at Her Majesty's Garden party.
194
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,030
Bad news is, the website we got it from,
195
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,614
Clancy's Internet Sensations,
196
00:07:41,644 --> 00:07:44,104
Has been shut by the U.N.
Security Council.
197
00:07:44,134 --> 00:07:46,402
This is our very last can.
198
00:07:46,471 --> 00:07:48,380
Not necessarily.
199
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,290
Let's talk.
200
00:08:06,066 --> 00:08:11,066
[ music ]
201
00:08:11,321 --> 00:08:12,725
Dave: Where's my lunch?
202
00:08:12,755 --> 00:08:13,755
Todd: Forget lunch.
203
00:08:13,829 --> 00:08:18,476
The molecule has just taken on
a truck full of Thunder Muscle.
204
00:08:18,506 --> 00:08:19,697
That's amazing.
205
00:08:19,727 --> 00:08:20,744
How much did you get for it?
206
00:08:20,774 --> 00:08:22,134
Oh, god, you're such a nag.
207
00:08:22,164 --> 00:08:23,775
Come on-- this is small potatoes.
208
00:08:23,805 --> 00:08:25,195
We're about to make a huge deal,
209
00:08:25,225 --> 00:08:26,790
which you need to brief me on.
210
00:08:26,820 --> 00:08:28,220
All right, hit me.
211
00:08:28,343 --> 00:08:29,343
Fine-- right-- well,
212
00:08:29,373 --> 00:08:31,974
My great uncle is on the board
of the Leeds Lionhearts--
213
00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:33,279
Got it, Lionhearts.
214
00:08:33,309 --> 00:08:34,911
Their beverage contract
Is up for renewal.
215
00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:38,547
So, I pulled in a massive favor and
got you a meeting with the chairman.
216
00:08:38,616 --> 00:08:39,616
Wow!
217
00:08:39,646 --> 00:08:40,644
He said, "no," at first,
218
00:08:40,674 --> 00:08:41,798
but when I told him that you
219
00:08:41,828 --> 00:08:43,165
was yorkshire, born and bred,
220
00:08:43,195 --> 00:08:44,469
he was like, "oh, yeah!
221
00:08:44,499 --> 00:08:45,420
"whatever he wants."
222
00:08:45,450 --> 00:08:46,655
You know what your lot's like.
223
00:08:47,324 --> 00:08:48,324
That's us.
224
00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:52,593
Desk clerk: Piccadilly hotel.
225
00:08:52,662 --> 00:08:54,728
Wilts: Hi-- can I get a room
number for Doug Whitney?
226
00:08:54,797 --> 00:08:56,185
I'm his best friend.
227
00:08:56,215 --> 00:08:58,865
I'm afraid we can't give out
that information, Mr. Wilts.
228
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:05,577
[ phone rings ]
229
00:09:05,607 --> 00:09:06,579
Piccadilly hotel.
230
00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:08,809
Hi-- I'm Doug Whitney.
231
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,629
I'm a guest at the hotel.
232
00:09:10,659 --> 00:09:12,713
I forgot my room number.
Can you remind me?
233
00:09:12,782 --> 00:09:15,916
I still can't give out that
information over the phone, Mr. Wilts.
234
00:09:15,985 --> 00:09:17,385
No, I'm not Wilts.
235
00:09:17,839 --> 00:09:20,604
I'm Doug Whitney, please?
236
00:09:20,634 --> 00:09:21,890
I really need my room number.
237
00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:23,659
I'm so desperate and whiney.
238
00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:26,097
Well, why don't you
come to the front desk,
239
00:09:26,127 --> 00:09:27,496
And we'll give you another key?
240
00:09:27,565 --> 00:09:32,565
I can't because I pooed my pants, again.
241
00:09:32,648 --> 00:09:36,247
Well, why don't you simply
look outside your front door,
242
00:09:36,277 --> 00:09:39,343
and then you'll see the
room number attached to it?
243
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:42,813
[ phone rings ]
244
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:43,753
Piccadilly hotel.
245
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:44,687
Please don't slam our phones
246
00:09:44,717 --> 00:09:45,916
down, mr. Wilts-- if you'd like
247
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:47,017
To speak to mr. Whitney,
248
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:49,153
he's just behind you.
249
00:09:51,055 --> 00:09:52,122
There he is.
250
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:54,027
There's my best friend!
251
00:09:54,057 --> 00:09:55,459
Doug Whitney: Mr.
Wilts, what are you doing here?
252
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:56,693
when last we met, we jousted,
253
00:09:56,723 --> 00:09:57,700
And I bested you.
254
00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:58,862
Now, accept your defeat.
255
00:09:58,931 --> 00:10:00,330
Come on, buddy.
256
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:02,099
No-- you are a prize pig
257
00:10:02,129 --> 00:10:02,871
of a man.
258
00:10:02,901 --> 00:10:03,967
Look, I may have said
259
00:10:04,036 --> 00:10:05,235
something that sounds like
260
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:06,704
you took the wrong way.
261
00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:07,476
You said that I was an
262
00:10:07,506 --> 00:10:08,906
abortion that wouldn't go away.
263
00:10:08,974 --> 00:10:10,340
You're tenacious is all
264
00:10:10,370 --> 00:10:10,846
I meant.
265
00:10:10,876 --> 00:10:11,847
You used foul language
266
00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:12,942
at me, repeatedly.
267
00:10:12,972 --> 00:10:14,778
Well, let's not get into
who called you a fuck-tard.
268
00:10:14,808 --> 00:10:15,751
I don't even remember.
269
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,113
I don't even know how to use
270
00:10:17,182 --> 00:10:18,315
that word, f--
271
00:10:18,383 --> 00:10:19,716
All right, calm down.
272
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:20,785
Calm down, calm down.
273
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:22,403
Calm down, calm down.
274
00:10:23,403 --> 00:10:26,057
I am going to hire you back.
275
00:10:26,374 --> 00:10:27,847
Excuse me, mr. Wilts.
276
00:10:27,877 --> 00:10:28,531
You have no position at the
277
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:29,627
company-- the company itself
278
00:10:29,657 --> 00:10:30,657
is a shell company.
279
00:10:30,687 --> 00:10:31,367
Look, I know there is some
280
00:10:31,397 --> 00:10:32,630
Weird shit going on, right now,
281
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:33,699
that makes less sense than
282
00:10:33,733 --> 00:10:34,802
Helen Keller and "Tommy"
283
00:10:34,832 --> 00:10:36,188
combined, but remember that guy,
284
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,002
Mountford, I mentioned?
285
00:10:38,613 --> 00:10:39,613
Yeah.
286
00:10:40,104 --> 00:10:41,480
I don't know exactly how,
287
00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:42,537
but I think this whole thing
288
00:10:42,567 --> 00:10:43,782
is a scam, and Mountford
289
00:10:43,812 --> 00:10:44,909
is behind it-- look, he's
290
00:10:44,939 --> 00:10:47,011
playing us both for suckers--
291
00:10:47,041 --> 00:10:48,408
You and I both need
292
00:10:48,438 --> 00:10:50,474
to find Mountford.
293
00:10:50,504 --> 00:10:55,036
hmm... Well, I do perceive
here a divided duty.
294
00:10:55,870 --> 00:10:57,421
"Othello," act one, scene three.
295
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,490
Yeah.
296
00:10:58,796 --> 00:10:59,796
On one hand, I loathe
297
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,676
spending a moment with you.
298
00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:03,813
On the other hand, if there's
299
00:11:03,843 --> 00:11:05,474
one thing Doug Whitney
doesn't like, it's--
300
00:11:05,504 --> 00:11:06,504
pussy?
301
00:11:07,070 --> 00:11:08,370
No-- loose ends.
302
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:09,272
That's what I said.
303
00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,102
Look, you just need to help me
304
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:12,269
find Mountford.
305
00:11:12,338 --> 00:11:14,032
I'll get my job back,
306
00:11:14,062 --> 00:11:16,141
and I will hire you back
307
00:11:16,681 --> 00:11:18,083
at double your salary.
308
00:11:18,113 --> 00:11:18,715
Mr. Wilts, I--
309
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:20,711
No, let me finish...
310
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,313
With your own parking spot.
311
00:11:22,343 --> 00:11:23,286
I don't have a car.
312
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,516
If you can check me out of room 405.
313
00:11:25,923 --> 00:11:28,919
And a batmobile.
I'll buy you a batmobile.
314
00:11:37,729 --> 00:11:39,796
well, I guess, I-I do have
315
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:40,931
an obligation to finish
316
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,261
the case we started.
317
00:11:42,291 --> 00:11:44,067
Yes-- you will not regret this, Whitney,
318
00:11:44,136 --> 00:11:46,736
Doug-las, Holmes.
319
00:11:48,321 --> 00:11:49,747
I'll explain everything I know,
320
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:50,757
once we get upstairs and I have
321
00:11:50,787 --> 00:11:52,236
a quick pank in the room.
322
00:11:52,266 --> 00:11:54,077
That's a poo and a wank.
323
00:11:56,770 --> 00:11:57,770
You nervous?
324
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:58,950
No-- nervous?
325
00:12:00,036 --> 00:12:01,885
Oh, you should be.
326
00:12:02,173 --> 00:12:03,329
It's Yorkshire-- you're about
327
00:12:03,359 --> 00:12:04,359
to deal with the toughest,
328
00:12:04,389 --> 00:12:05,956
most insular, intolerant,
329
00:12:06,024 --> 00:12:07,791
and violent people in Europe.
330
00:12:08,130 --> 00:12:09,426
They-they are?
331
00:12:09,456 --> 00:12:10,232
I-I am.
332
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:10,999
Well, like I said,
333
00:12:11,029 --> 00:12:11,800
it's a good job you're
334
00:12:11,830 --> 00:12:12,501
from here, isn't it?
335
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:13,302
Yeah-- now, about that--
336
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:14,103
I mean, I probably don't
337
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:14,970
even have to tell you that
338
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,266
outsiders aren't welcome.
339
00:12:16,296 --> 00:12:16,905
Yeah.
340
00:12:16,935 --> 00:12:17,706
So many out-of-town
341
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:19,166
businesses have failed here.
342
00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:20,570
In fact, only just last week,
343
00:12:20,639 --> 00:12:21,738
A representative from
344
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:23,722
an unmentionable american beer
345
00:12:23,752 --> 00:12:25,283
company was found dead
346
00:12:25,313 --> 00:12:27,335
in a field with his heart
347
00:12:27,365 --> 00:12:28,967
ripped out and on his forehead,
348
00:12:28,997 --> 00:12:30,963
they wrote in lipstick
349
00:12:30,993 --> 00:12:33,043
"welcome to the world of AIDS."
350
00:12:36,151 --> 00:12:38,391
Good to be home, though, eh?
351
00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:40,922
Hey-hey-hey-- stop the truck!
352
00:12:42,846 --> 00:12:44,366
Right, Yorkshire
353
00:12:44,396 --> 00:12:46,228
Tourism emporium, is it?
354
00:12:47,330 --> 00:12:48,330
Alice: Oh, my God, Hudson!
355
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:49,337
I just got off the phone
356
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,367
from the Molecule.
357
00:12:50,397 --> 00:12:51,172
How did you?
358
00:12:51,202 --> 00:12:52,235
I can't believe it.
359
00:12:52,303 --> 00:12:53,757
They want me to do
360
00:12:53,787 --> 00:12:55,472
a try act this Saturday.
361
00:12:55,502 --> 00:12:56,540
Hey, why don't you come down
362
00:12:56,570 --> 00:12:57,409
and meet me afterwards,
363
00:12:57,439 --> 00:12:58,642
and I can thank you in person?
364
00:12:58,672 --> 00:12:59,617
That would be great.
365
00:12:59,647 --> 00:13:02,445
I'm so excited-- bye!
366
00:13:05,742 --> 00:13:06,748
Man, there are a lot of
367
00:13:06,817 --> 00:13:07,849
people here for this meeting.
368
00:13:07,879 --> 00:13:08,822
No, they're here for
369
00:13:08,852 --> 00:13:09,789
the rugby match.
370
00:13:09,819 --> 00:13:11,085
Oh, rugby, cool.
371
00:13:11,115 --> 00:13:12,025
I love horses.
372
00:13:12,055 --> 00:13:13,187
So, you ready then, boss?
373
00:13:13,256 --> 00:13:15,189
Yeah-- let's do this.
374
00:13:18,159 --> 00:13:19,693
Okay-- ah-ah-ah, Butterscotch,
375
00:13:19,762 --> 00:13:22,362
this isn't for you.
376
00:13:24,432 --> 00:13:25,466
Oh, these yorkshire puddings
377
00:13:25,534 --> 00:13:28,504
are good... A bit rich but--
378
00:13:28,821 --> 00:13:29,969
Don't forget your Yorkshire bitter.
379
00:13:29,999 --> 00:13:31,549
thank you, very much.
380
00:13:33,395 --> 00:13:35,479
No, that's not that bad.
381
00:13:35,509 --> 00:13:36,675
Butterscotch, you ready
382
00:13:36,744 --> 00:13:37,877
to do this?
383
00:13:37,946 --> 00:13:38,946
Let's go.
384
00:13:47,628 --> 00:13:49,436
Dave: If you get this,
you've got the north of England
385
00:13:49,466 --> 00:13:50,402
in the bag-- now, you've got
386
00:13:50,432 --> 00:13:51,598
another meeting across town
387
00:13:51,628 --> 00:13:52,571
in 47 minutes.
388
00:13:52,601 --> 00:13:53,700
That deal is even bigger,
389
00:13:53,769 --> 00:13:54,868
so you better be quick.
390
00:13:55,222 --> 00:13:56,454
But I know how much pressure
391
00:13:56,484 --> 00:13:57,131
You're under, so I'm not
392
00:13:57,161 --> 00:13:57,942
even gonna bring that up.
393
00:13:57,972 --> 00:13:59,006
Todd: But you just did
394
00:13:59,036 --> 00:13:59,511
bring it up.
395
00:13:59,541 --> 00:14:00,444
No-no, Todd, listen to
396
00:14:00,474 --> 00:14:01,458
what I'm saying-- I'm not
397
00:14:01,488 --> 00:14:02,743
bringing it up-- I wouldn't.
398
00:14:02,773 --> 00:14:04,164
I know you're scared and
399
00:14:04,194 --> 00:14:06,417
nervous-- I would be, too.
400
00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:07,679
Now, get in there!
401
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:08,559
Well, wait.
402
00:14:08,589 --> 00:14:09,626
You're not coming in?
403
00:14:09,656 --> 00:14:10,624
Oh, no-no-no.
404
00:14:10,654 --> 00:14:11,654
I'm way too scared.
405
00:14:11,688 --> 00:14:12,821
I'm not from Yorkshire.
406
00:14:12,851 --> 00:14:13,794
God only knows what they'd
407
00:14:13,824 --> 00:14:14,824
do to me--
408
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:17,517
Time's ticking, eh?
409
00:14:17,547 --> 00:14:19,061
Don't knock-- just go in.
410
00:14:23,615 --> 00:14:24,915
No dogs allowed!
411
00:14:26,756 --> 00:14:27,938
Mike Micklethwaite,
412
00:14:28,007 --> 00:14:29,566
top chairman-- you must be,
413
00:14:29,596 --> 00:14:31,009
Uh, Todd Margaret.
414
00:14:31,039 --> 00:14:32,419
Yes-- it is a pleasure.
415
00:14:32,449 --> 00:14:33,910
Um, uh, before we, uh, get
416
00:14:33,979 --> 00:14:36,862
started, and I talk
about Thunder Muscle,
417
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,905
I just wanted to Let
everyone here know--
418
00:14:39,935 --> 00:14:40,985
Guess what?
419
00:14:41,731 --> 00:14:44,352
I'm from Yorkshire me self.
420
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:47,755
Anywhoosles, okay.
421
00:14:47,824 --> 00:14:49,591
So, here's the thing about Thunder Mu--
422
00:14:49,621 --> 00:14:50,151
[ flatulating ]
423
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:51,976
Whoa-- what was--
424
00:14:52,006 --> 00:14:53,361
Somebody step on a duck?
425
00:14:53,430 --> 00:14:54,596
Ha-ha-- uh, probably not
426
00:14:54,665 --> 00:14:55,764
The best way to start off
427
00:14:55,833 --> 00:14:56,932
a meeting, letting one rip.
428
00:14:57,001 --> 00:14:59,040
I apologize for that.
429
00:14:59,070 --> 00:15:00,695
A bit embarrassing but,
430
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:01,376
you know, it's probably all
431
00:15:01,406 --> 00:15:03,208
this delicious Yorkshire
432
00:15:03,238 --> 00:15:04,676
pudding and Yorkshire bitter
433
00:15:04,706 --> 00:15:06,155
I-I eat all the time
434
00:15:06,185 --> 00:15:08,337
to remind me of where I'm from,
435
00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:09,511
From whence I came
436
00:15:09,541 --> 00:15:10,613
that I miss so terribly.
437
00:15:10,682 --> 00:15:14,484
The green hills of Yorkshire.
438
00:15:14,552 --> 00:15:15,985
Um, okay.
439
00:15:16,054 --> 00:15:17,887
[ flatulence ]
440
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:18,793
I'm so sorry.
441
00:15:18,823 --> 00:15:20,140
I let another one rip.
442
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,889
Oh, gosh, I don't know.
443
00:15:21,919 --> 00:15:23,838
Here's the thing-- I-I just, uh,
444
00:15:23,868 --> 00:15:24,648
let's be honest.
445
00:15:24,678 --> 00:15:25,366
It's typical yorkshire
446
00:15:25,396 --> 00:15:26,166
behavior, right?
447
00:15:26,196 --> 00:15:27,001
I mean, you know, just
448
00:15:27,031 --> 00:15:28,031
rippin' 'em up and down.
449
00:15:28,065 --> 00:15:29,431
You know, that's-that's us,
450
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:30,692
right, guys?
451
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,242
Just, you know, a little...
452
00:15:32,272 --> 00:15:32,707
Just call me
453
00:15:32,737 --> 00:15:34,743
the Yorkshire ripper.
454
00:15:34,773 --> 00:15:36,406
Now, pudding I usually have,
455
00:15:36,475 --> 00:15:37,841
so it's coming out,
456
00:15:37,910 --> 00:15:39,053
and I'm sorry.
457
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:40,299
Uh, stay away for
458
00:15:40,329 --> 00:15:41,697
your own safety, madam.
459
00:15:41,727 --> 00:15:43,411
They're silent but deadly.
460
00:15:43,441 --> 00:15:44,843
Hmm-- the yorkshire ripper's
461
00:15:44,873 --> 00:15:46,065
silent but deadly.
462
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:47,252
Lock up your daughters.
463
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:48,887
No-- okay, come on.
464
00:15:48,955 --> 00:15:49,955
You're exaggerating.
465
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:51,456
They don't smell that bad.
466
00:15:51,524 --> 00:15:54,141
it's not that, you doozy gobshag!
467
00:15:54,171 --> 00:15:56,348
The Yorkshire ripper
was a mass murderer.
468
00:15:56,378 --> 00:15:57,789
He attacked and killed thirteen
469
00:15:57,819 --> 00:15:59,730
young lassies around here!
470
00:16:02,267 --> 00:16:03,400
It's not funny!
471
00:16:03,469 --> 00:16:04,769
What are you laughing at?
472
00:16:04,837 --> 00:16:07,648
No, here's what's funny.
473
00:16:07,678 --> 00:16:10,743
S-seriously, I-I, um, just
474
00:16:11,107 --> 00:16:12,208
this morning, I was telling
475
00:16:12,277 --> 00:16:13,877
another beautiful, young woman,
476
00:16:13,945 --> 00:16:16,509
Uh, that, uh, I'm not a rapist.
477
00:16:16,539 --> 00:16:17,814
So, you can see--
478
00:16:17,882 --> 00:16:19,315
I said, "I'm not a rapist."
479
00:16:19,384 --> 00:16:20,583
Do we-- I have to do this
480
00:16:20,652 --> 00:16:21,934
twice in one day?
481
00:16:21,964 --> 00:16:24,153
Not a rapist, not-- negative.
482
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,114
Women, woo-hoo, woo-hoo.
483
00:16:26,144 --> 00:16:27,922
Rah-rah-rah-rah, my period.
484
00:16:27,952 --> 00:16:29,578
Terrific to meet you.
485
00:16:29,608 --> 00:16:31,222
That was quick.
486
00:16:31,252 --> 00:16:32,067
Yeah-yeah-- you know,
487
00:16:32,097 --> 00:16:32,868
They're not exactly
488
00:16:32,898 --> 00:16:33,702
the right people to talk to.
489
00:16:33,732 --> 00:16:34,503
I should talk to somebody
490
00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:35,448
in management, I think.
491
00:16:35,478 --> 00:16:36,575
Oh, you wanna speak to the manager?
492
00:16:36,605 --> 00:16:37,256
Yeah-yeah.
493
00:16:37,286 --> 00:16:38,702
Well, that'd be Johnny Barnpot.
494
00:16:38,771 --> 00:16:40,237
Okay, yeah, he-he's a
player, right-- he--
495
00:16:40,306 --> 00:16:41,425
Yeah, he's a real player.
496
00:16:41,455 --> 00:16:42,873
Yeah-- he's probably still
In the changing rooms.
497
00:16:42,942 --> 00:16:44,238
You gotta hurry up, though.
498
00:16:49,464 --> 00:16:51,349
- Dave?
- Can't come-- not from Leeds.
499
00:16:51,418 --> 00:16:54,018
Remember, the next
meeting is in 30 minutes.
500
00:16:55,535 --> 00:16:56,820
Hello-hello-hello.
501
00:16:56,877 --> 00:16:57,877
I'm Todd Margaret.
502
00:16:57,907 --> 00:16:58,757
Fuck off!
503
00:16:58,787 --> 00:16:59,661
Oh, I'm looking
504
00:16:59,691 --> 00:17:00,595
for Johnny Barnpot.
505
00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:01,691
Fuck right off.
506
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:02,760
okay, I--
507
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:08,568
Hi-- I'm looking for Johnny
bar-- jeez, you guys
508
00:17:08,598 --> 00:17:10,418
Are gonna get crucified.
509
00:17:10,448 --> 00:17:12,168
Mascots, you dick.
510
00:17:12,237 --> 00:17:13,751
Walk out at the start with the
players start, don't they?
511
00:17:13,781 --> 00:17:14,690
They hold hands and shit.
512
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:15,900
I'm sorry-- who are you?
513
00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:17,613
I'm Lionel T. Lion.
514
00:17:17,802 --> 00:17:19,276
I got out there and twitter about.
515
00:17:19,345 --> 00:17:21,312
You know, keep folks'
spirits up when losing.
516
00:17:21,381 --> 00:17:22,713
Interesting.
517
00:17:23,441 --> 00:17:25,016
Humiliating, though, isn't it?
518
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,351
I mean, I don't know--
519
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,692
[ music ]
520
00:17:29,722 --> 00:17:32,528
Doug: But wait. Why do you
have to live in my hotel room?
521
00:17:32,558 --> 00:17:33,808
Wilts: Hang on!
522
00:17:34,336 --> 00:17:37,728
Yeah-- oh, nailed it!
523
00:17:37,758 --> 00:17:40,686
Uh, 'cause there's a ghost
haunting the company apartment.
524
00:17:40,716 --> 00:17:42,366
Ha-ha-- wait.
525
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:43,396
You're afraid of ghosts?
526
00:17:43,426 --> 00:17:44,072
That's absurd.
527
00:17:44,102 --> 00:17:45,235
What's there to be afraid of?
528
00:17:45,303 --> 00:17:46,903
They're lazy, genetically inferior.
529
00:17:46,972 --> 00:17:48,972
I mean, yes, they're better
athletes and often--
530
00:17:49,002 --> 00:17:49,744
Just help me Mountford,
531
00:17:49,774 --> 00:17:51,508
and we can't get out of here, all right?
532
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:52,407
This is rich.
533
00:17:52,437 --> 00:17:54,978
Big, bad, sexy Brent Wilts
is afraid of a little ghost.
534
00:17:55,047 --> 00:17:56,811
Hey, no-- come on.
535
00:17:56,841 --> 00:17:59,349
No-- okay, no more horsing around.
536
00:17:59,418 --> 00:18:01,168
Let's get serious-- okay.
537
00:18:01,772 --> 00:18:03,954
Tell me everything you
know about Mr. Mountford.
538
00:18:04,601 --> 00:18:06,133
I told you. I've never met the guy.
539
00:18:06,163 --> 00:18:07,490
It's always been phone conversations.
540
00:18:07,558 --> 00:18:09,999
All right, but when you
first arrived in London, how
541
00:18:10,029 --> 00:18:12,079
hid he get in contact with you?
542
00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:18,796
Hi. Brent Wilts from America.
543
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,710
I'm, uh, checking in.
544
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,984
- Whoo!
- What the--
545
00:18:27,848 --> 00:18:28,848
Dave: Well, I'll tell you
546
00:18:28,878 --> 00:18:29,878
what we brits go shithouse
547
00:18:29,912 --> 00:18:31,345
for is energy drinks.
548
00:18:31,692 --> 00:18:33,677
That's right. Can't get enough of them.
549
00:18:33,707 --> 00:18:36,319
And there's this great,
new brand out of North Korea
550
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:37,840
called "Thunder Muscle."
551
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:39,254
That's right, Thunder Muscle.
552
00:18:39,323 --> 00:18:42,649
Check it out-- okay, great.
553
00:18:43,024 --> 00:18:45,576
All right-- I'll see
you when you get here.
554
00:18:46,527 --> 00:18:48,197
Mr. Wilts, it seems Mr. Mountford
555
00:18:48,237 --> 00:18:49,237
has cancelled the meeting,
556
00:18:49,267 --> 00:18:50,267
but he is very much looking
557
00:18:50,335 --> 00:18:51,429
forward to hearing about
558
00:18:51,459 --> 00:18:52,803
your upcoming trip to Portland,
559
00:18:52,833 --> 00:18:54,604
And that you have the
authority to hire and fire,
560
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:55,477
as you see fit.
561
00:18:55,507 --> 00:18:56,606
He also suggests you enjoy
562
00:18:56,675 --> 00:18:57,736
some vindaloo while here
563
00:18:57,766 --> 00:18:59,639
In London-- also, this was left
564
00:18:59,669 --> 00:19:01,578
here for you.
565
00:19:02,193 --> 00:19:03,193
Thank you.
566
00:19:08,368 --> 00:19:10,119
Can I still stay here?
567
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,522
Oh, yeah-- the room has
been paid for, Mr. Wilts.
568
00:19:12,591 --> 00:19:14,758
Yeah, it's all I really remember,
that the front desk
569
00:19:14,826 --> 00:19:16,593
Chick had great blow-job tits.
570
00:19:16,662 --> 00:19:17,828
So, that's it?
571
00:19:17,897 --> 00:19:18,897
Mountford wasn't there, and
572
00:19:18,964 --> 00:19:21,637
you got a cd-- you're useless.
573
00:19:21,667 --> 00:19:23,368
You're useless. I tell you a great story
574
00:19:23,437 --> 00:19:24,803
about some blow-job tits,
575
00:19:24,871 --> 00:19:26,716
and all you are about
are stupid details.
576
00:19:28,788 --> 00:19:30,075
Oh, look out.
577
00:19:30,144 --> 00:19:31,844
Here comes Lionel T. Lion.
578
00:19:32,428 --> 00:19:35,180
He's looking a bit friskier than normal.
579
00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:37,416
Here come the Leeds Lionhearts!
580
00:19:37,485 --> 00:19:40,686
Everybody make some noise!
581
00:19:47,392 --> 00:19:48,525
How bloody old are you, mate?
582
00:19:48,565 --> 00:19:49,565
I'm this many.
583
00:19:49,595 --> 00:19:51,073
Are you Johnny Barnpot?
584
00:19:51,103 --> 00:19:51,812
No, you duffle.
585
00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,643
That's him over there.
586
00:19:54,508 --> 00:19:56,250
Mr. Barnpot-- Mr. Barnpot!
587
00:19:56,319 --> 00:19:57,471
Hi-- I'm Todd Margaret
588
00:19:57,501 --> 00:19:58,129
with Thunder Muscle.
589
00:19:58,159 --> 00:19:59,128
I know you guys are thinkin'
590
00:19:59,158 --> 00:20:01,342
about exclusively sellin it here.
591
00:20:01,372 --> 00:20:04,242
I just wonder-- If I can talk to you
and gather the rest of your team
592
00:20:04,272 --> 00:20:06,202
talk to them, and-- I just
need an asnwer in about
593
00:20:06,232 --> 00:20:07,469
22 minuts so...
594
00:20:07,499 --> 00:20:09,582
Ehi kid, get off the pit.
The game is about to start!
595
00:20:09,612 --> 00:20:10,850
- Go on, clear of.
- Sorry.
596
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:13,328
- Go on, clear off!
- Right, all right sorry!
597
00:20:13,358 --> 00:20:14,358
Sorry!
598
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:24,764
Jhonny!
599
00:20:25,260 --> 00:20:26,510
Johnny Barnpot?
600
00:20:29,670 --> 00:20:30,670
Me?
601
00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:32,864
Come out there?
You're having your meeting?
602
00:20:33,292 --> 00:20:34,292
Ok.
603
00:20:39,302 --> 00:20:41,053
- Right.
604
00:20:42,015 --> 00:20:43,015
Ok.
605
00:20:43,045 --> 00:20:44,001
You guys are gonna like this.
606
00:20:44,031 --> 00:20:45,587
Thunder Muscle, ah, well--
607
00:20:45,617 --> 00:20:47,308
That don't work as harrasment, ok.
608
00:20:47,338 --> 00:20:49,533
Listen, Thunder Muscle is
an awesome energy drink
609
00:20:49,563 --> 00:20:52,022
you guys-- Oh, yeah, you too,
you guys can be absolutly too--
610
00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:53,816
Yeah, get in here, Thunder Muscle.
611
00:20:53,846 --> 00:20:55,695
Awesome new energy drink
you guys have to--
612
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:57,680
Hold on!
613
00:20:57,804 --> 00:20:59,185
Oh- Oh- Oh.
614
00:21:01,373 --> 00:21:02,967
[crying]
615
00:21:04,028 --> 00:21:05,456
Oh, Jesus!
616
00:21:05,738 --> 00:21:07,814
Aahhh, ohhh-
617
00:21:08,189 --> 00:21:09,523
[laughing]
618
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:13,085
Oh! Ahhhh- aahhh-
619
00:21:25,656 --> 00:21:27,299
[laughing]
620
00:21:27,694 --> 00:21:30,409
I told you I like horses--
621
00:21:43,265 --> 00:21:44,265
Where am I?
622
00:21:44,295 --> 00:21:45,364
You're back home.
623
00:21:45,394 --> 00:21:47,560
In the hospital in Leeds
where you grow up.
624
00:21:47,590 --> 00:21:50,380
You was under age, but I
insisted they drive you here.
625
00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:53,189
Though you gonna be surrounded
by people you know.
626
00:21:53,365 --> 00:21:54,599
Oh.
627
00:21:54,629 --> 00:21:56,377
Thanks, Dave.
628
00:21:56,778 --> 00:21:58,592
You're a good friend.
629
00:21:58,622 --> 00:22:00,282
I am.
630
00:22:00,332 --> 00:22:04,882
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