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Previously on
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"The Increasingly Poor Decisions
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"of Todd Margaret"...
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Brent Wilts: Listen,
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it's crunch time.
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Sixteen thousand more crates
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of "Thunder Muscle" are being
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unloaded, right now.
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Todd Margaret: I know!
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Winston: Are you telling me
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that Brent Wilts
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is not the President
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of Global National.
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Hello, Mrs. Plimpton.
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Oh, cheese at Christmas!
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Woman: Come on, Wilts!
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This is pathetic!
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You couldn't sell crack
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to a crackwhore!
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No, I know I fudged that up.
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Dave: I sent those pictures
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over to Wilts like you asked,
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but it didn't go down too well
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with Sainsbury's.
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Well, tell him to get
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a lawyer-- tell him to hire
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ten lawyers.
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Ahmed: Todd Margaret.
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Ahmed, good to see you.
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There's 30,000 pounds
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in here, right?
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Minus a handful
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of 30 pound notes.
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I wanna introduce you to
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a brand new energy drink
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that you are gonna love!
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No, wait, wait, wait!
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This is a misunderstanding!
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Wait, no-- I'm American!
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I mean, I grew up in Leeds.
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Help, anyone!
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Man: Honey!
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The charges include
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breaking and entering,
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sexual deviancy, libel,
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airing pornographic content,
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money laundering,
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murder, anti-semitism.
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Silence in court!
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What Can Only be Considered
a Dreadful Day for Todd Original Air Date on November 5, 2010 [S01E06]
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== sync by elderman ==
== for www.addic7ed.com ==
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Thank-thanks for, uh,
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gettin' me outta there.
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Alice: Yeah, well,
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you're lucky it's televised.
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I can't believe you saw me.
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The entire country saw you,
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Todd, most of the world,
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probably.
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Hey, do you think they saw
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the "Thunder Muscle?"
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Yeah, I suppose so.
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Oh, that's great!
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No, it's not great!
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It's stupid.
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At least it's stupid
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for a legitimate businessman
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who's supposed to know what
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he's actually doing.
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You know, you just-you just
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gotta be honest with me, Todd.
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I am!
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Oh, yeah, sure you are.
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You're the head of
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an international company,
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but you haven't been able to
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sell one can of fizzy drink.
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You aren't aware of the concept
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of exchange rates.
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You-you don't know
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how to dress yourself.
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You-you live in a bad flat
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that is filthy and disgusting.
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You practically destroyed
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my cafe, and you still owe me
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for my kitchen curtains,
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by the way.
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Okay, first of all...
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I know how to sell fizzy drink,
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and it's not fizzy drink.
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It's an energy drink,
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a great tasting new way
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to get up and go.
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The exchange rate thing,
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that was just me being confused,
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'cause I'm constantly
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traveling, okay?
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And you're gonna get
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your kitchen drapes.
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I'm working on it.
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You don't have to keep
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asking about it, all right?
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And...
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Please, keep in mind,
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I am still grieving
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the loss of my father.
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I know.
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I'm-- and I'm sorry
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about your dad.
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And I told you.
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I'm only in that place
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temporarily until
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my new place is renovated.
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Renovated?
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Yeah.
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Your new--
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Todd, why are you lying?
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I mean, you're-you're-you're
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a nice bloke.
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You-you know,
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you're good fun.
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You're a sweet guy, but
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you don't have to try so hard.
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That's my apartment,
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right there.
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I move in tomorrow.
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You're moving into
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the Houses of Parliament?
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Surely even you recognize
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the Houses of Parliament.
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You know what I found out?
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Not all houses-- some of them
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are actually apartments.
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Anyway, that's mine
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over there, 5G.
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Come by tomorrow.
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I'll be there at,
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like 8 o'clock.
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Jesus, you're hopeless.
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No, Alice, seriously.
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I-I-I'll prove it to you.
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Come back here
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at 8 o'clock tomorrow.
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I-I'll prove it to you.
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Okay.
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Pam: Hi, fairy.
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Look what I did.
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Oh, hey.
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Look at that.
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Congratulations!
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Is it a boy or girl?
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Either.
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I'm gonna call it "Leyton"
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after its dad.
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Leyton.
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Leyton Orient,
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that's who its dad plays for.
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I don't actually know
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which one the dad is,
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but it's definitely
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one of the reserve team.
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I couldn't see, right,
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because I got so much of it
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in my eye.
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Okay-- great.
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Well, uh, good luck
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to-to the baby, I mean.
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Pam!
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Pam, did you have the baby
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in my apartment?
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Well, I couldn't have it
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in mine, could I?
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Why not?
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Because the bailiffs
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took my carpet.
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Couldn't you,
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at least, clean up?
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I'm a new mom!
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Pam, are you ready?
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Woo-hoo!
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Come on, Leyton!
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I couldn't wait
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for the babysitter.
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I'll see you later!
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Pam...
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God.
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[ Music ]
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Oh, beautiful
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for spacious skies
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for... grain...
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A purple mountain
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her majesty...
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Plains, America, America
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God gave his son for thee.
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Hi, this is Todd Margaret
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in the London office, um,
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I'm afraid I'm going to
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have to tender my resigna--
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excuse me-- one second.
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Let me--
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I'll-I'll call you back.
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Morning, Todd.
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Okay, look, I don't know
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what your game is.
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Game?
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I went to the Turks, okay,
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to get the money.
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Yeah.
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And I got the money.
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I got 30,000 pounds.
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Nice.
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Counterfeit pounds.
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Thirty thousand
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counterfeit pounds.
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And then, when I went back there
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to confront them about it,
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oh, guess what?
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Surprise, surprise.
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Long gone-- boarded up.
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No sign of 'em.
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Thanks a lot.
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I didn't know about that.
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Right.
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No, I swear to you.
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I had no idea, mate.
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I feel sorry for you.
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I really do.
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Yeah, well,
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I feel sorry for you, too,
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because you're part of this.
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Well, to be fair, I was
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quite happy to go down there.
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You told me to stay here.
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Well, it...
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Doesn't matter, 'cause I quit.
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Quit?
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Oh, come on.
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It's one little set back.
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One little set back?
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Yeah, one little set back,
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minor.
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One minor, little set back,
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30,000 counterfeit pounds,
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and I'm missing
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all the "Thunder Muscle,"
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along with the fact that
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I paid too much money
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for Steve Davis,
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Alice always thinks I'm lying,
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Wilts won't get off my back,
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I got this new shipment of...
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Yeah, well, whatever.
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Bye.
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No, no, no,
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you can't quit, boss.
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Dave...
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I know this job means
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the world to you.
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Yeah.
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But...
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I don't care, anymore.
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I'm gonna go home.
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Oh, come on, Todd.
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Don't worry about that.
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We've got plenty of good
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things to be happy about,
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you know.
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My mate, we've just cut
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a Steve Davis commercial
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together.
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It should be airing soon.
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I've booked some air time
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on channel four.
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Really?
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Yeah!
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No worries, mate.
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It's gonna be brilliant.
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Although, with that
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mortifying clip of you
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and the "Thunder Muscle"
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at the parade,
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we might not even need it.
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And Alice will come around.
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All you need to do
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is convince her you're
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not a pathological liar.
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Oh, thanks, but no thanks.
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[ Phone rings ]
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I didn't know
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these received calls.
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Neither did I.
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Hello?
293
00:08:18,447 --> 00:08:21,215
Yes, this is "Thunder Muscle."
294
00:08:21,249 --> 00:08:22,016
Yeah, of course.
295
00:08:22,050 --> 00:08:24,585
Yes.
296
00:08:24,619 --> 00:08:25,886
How many cases?
297
00:08:25,921 --> 00:08:27,188
Could you repeat that?
298
00:08:27,222 --> 00:08:28,723
Uh, yes, um...
299
00:08:28,757 --> 00:08:29,957
Oh, yeah.
300
00:08:29,992 --> 00:08:31,192
No problem at all.
301
00:08:31,226 --> 00:08:32,927
Let me get your particulars.
302
00:08:32,961 --> 00:08:34,195
Yes, sir, uh...
303
00:08:34,229 --> 00:08:35,162
Sure.
304
00:08:35,197 --> 00:08:36,130
Free delivery is not--
305
00:08:36,164 --> 00:08:37,798
is not a problem.
306
00:08:41,803 --> 00:08:43,104
Got another one.
307
00:08:43,138 --> 00:08:44,805
Clancy's Internet Sensations
308
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,474
just bought six cases.
309
00:08:46,508 --> 00:08:48,042
This is nuts!
310
00:08:48,076 --> 00:08:48,809
I know-- it's brilliant!
311
00:08:48,844 --> 00:08:49,710
I just set up
312
00:08:49,745 --> 00:08:50,611
three meetings for us.
313
00:08:50,645 --> 00:08:51,679
Oh, good job!
314
00:08:51,713 --> 00:08:52,346
Yeah, and they're all at
315
00:08:52,381 --> 00:08:53,681
your old stomping grounds.
316
00:08:53,715 --> 00:08:54,448
You know, you can show me
317
00:08:54,483 --> 00:08:55,216
around the place,
318
00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:56,350
introduce me to your mates.
319
00:08:56,385 --> 00:08:56,884
What do you mean,
320
00:08:56,918 --> 00:08:58,185
my old stomping grounds?
321
00:08:58,220 --> 00:08:59,387
Leeds, silly.
322
00:08:59,421 --> 00:09:01,922
Oh, boy.
323
00:09:01,957 --> 00:09:02,757
Yeah, just you
324
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,325
and me heading...
325
00:09:04,359 --> 00:09:05,426
out west.
326
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:06,160
Up north.
327
00:09:06,194 --> 00:09:06,861
North west.
328
00:09:06,895 --> 00:09:07,762
Just north.
329
00:09:07,796 --> 00:09:09,363
Yup, okay, Dave.
330
00:09:09,398 --> 00:09:10,965
I got a question for you.
331
00:09:10,999 --> 00:09:11,699
How do I get a place
332
00:09:11,733 --> 00:09:13,401
in the Houses of Parliament?
333
00:09:13,435 --> 00:09:15,202
You got to be elected.
334
00:09:15,237 --> 00:09:16,637
Oh, like a co-op board.
335
00:09:16,671 --> 00:09:17,972
Uh...
336
00:09:18,006 --> 00:09:18,672
Say I just wanted to
337
00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:20,207
get in there and look around.
338
00:09:20,242 --> 00:09:20,608
You can't just
339
00:09:20,642 --> 00:09:21,675
wander in there.
340
00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:22,910
It's exclusive?
341
00:09:22,944 --> 00:09:24,045
It's really exclusive.
342
00:09:24,079 --> 00:09:24,678
Uh, you might be able to
343
00:09:24,713 --> 00:09:25,446
get on a tour, though.
344
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,081
A tour?
345
00:09:27,115 --> 00:09:28,716
Oh, fancy apartments.
346
00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:30,051
Yeah, the question is,
347
00:09:30,085 --> 00:09:30,684
can I pull off lookin'
348
00:09:30,719 --> 00:09:32,787
like a tourist?
349
00:09:32,821 --> 00:09:33,220
I'm sure you can
350
00:09:33,255 --> 00:09:34,255
give it a go.
351
00:09:34,289 --> 00:09:34,588
All right.
352
00:09:34,623 --> 00:09:35,322
I'll head over there later.
353
00:09:35,357 --> 00:09:36,223
Just, uh, book a tour
354
00:09:36,258 --> 00:09:37,291
for me, all right?
355
00:09:37,325 --> 00:09:38,426
Yeah, no worries.
356
00:09:38,460 --> 00:09:41,162
I'll get straight on it.
357
00:09:46,868 --> 00:09:50,004
[ Knocking ]
358
00:09:51,073 --> 00:09:52,039
Oh, what!
359
00:09:52,074 --> 00:09:53,707
God!
360
00:09:53,742 --> 00:09:55,910
Fuck!
361
00:09:58,013 --> 00:09:58,913
What do you want?
362
00:09:58,947 --> 00:09:59,713
Uh, may I enter?
363
00:09:59,748 --> 00:10:02,383
No!
364
00:10:02,417 --> 00:10:03,084
If I could enter
365
00:10:03,118 --> 00:10:04,718
for just a moment.
366
00:10:04,753 --> 00:10:05,719
I, um--
367
00:10:05,754 --> 00:10:06,520
would you go home!
368
00:10:06,555 --> 00:10:08,155
I fucking fired you!
369
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,323
Well, actually, sir,
370
00:10:09,357 --> 00:10:10,624
I'm here to fire you.
371
00:10:10,659 --> 00:10:13,861
You, Mr. Wilts, are fired.
372
00:10:13,895 --> 00:10:14,762
I found it curious that I never
373
00:10:14,796 --> 00:10:15,596
received any paperwork
374
00:10:15,630 --> 00:10:16,664
from either you
375
00:10:16,698 --> 00:10:17,565
or Global National,
376
00:10:17,599 --> 00:10:18,833
so I put on
377
00:10:18,867 --> 00:10:20,101
my best Hardy Boys
378
00:10:20,135 --> 00:10:21,669
and Nancy drew outfit,
379
00:10:21,703 --> 00:10:23,137
and I did a little sleuthing.
380
00:10:23,171 --> 00:10:25,439
You just won't go away.
381
00:10:25,474 --> 00:10:26,073
You're like
382
00:10:26,108 --> 00:10:28,542
a botched abortion, man.
383
00:10:28,577 --> 00:10:29,076
Um, well, anyway,
384
00:10:29,111 --> 00:10:30,177
um, did you know that
385
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:30,845
there is no Brent Wilts
386
00:10:30,879 --> 00:10:32,012
registered to the company
387
00:10:32,047 --> 00:10:32,646
of Global National?
388
00:10:32,681 --> 00:10:33,747
What the fuck
389
00:10:33,782 --> 00:10:34,682
are you talking about?
390
00:10:34,716 --> 00:10:35,249
Uh, elementary,
391
00:10:35,283 --> 00:10:36,183
my dear Watson,
392
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:38,352
or should I say "Wltson?"
393
00:10:38,386 --> 00:10:39,753
No, I'm gonna say "Watson."
394
00:10:39,788 --> 00:10:41,655
So, Watson, what I discovered
395
00:10:41,690 --> 00:10:42,756
was that Global National is
396
00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:44,325
nothing but a shell company
397
00:10:44,359 --> 00:10:46,360
registered to an address of
398
00:10:46,394 --> 00:10:48,062
a hut on the island of Antigua.
399
00:10:48,096 --> 00:10:48,996
There's no office,
400
00:10:49,030 --> 00:10:49,830
no phone number, no records.
401
00:10:49,865 --> 00:10:51,232
Simply put, this company
402
00:10:51,266 --> 00:10:52,133
does not exist.
403
00:10:52,167 --> 00:10:52,933
Therefore, you are
404
00:10:52,968 --> 00:10:53,734
the President of nothing,
405
00:10:53,768 --> 00:10:54,902
and you have no authority
406
00:10:54,936 --> 00:10:56,937
over me whatsoever.
407
00:10:56,972 --> 00:10:58,105
Subsequently, all lines
408
00:10:58,140 --> 00:10:59,373
of credit to you
409
00:10:59,407 --> 00:11:00,307
from Dynamic Integrated
410
00:11:00,342 --> 00:11:01,342
Business Resources
411
00:11:01,376 --> 00:11:02,343
have been cut off,
412
00:11:02,377 --> 00:11:04,778
totally and permanently.
413
00:11:04,813 --> 00:11:05,846
Is this a joke?
414
00:11:05,881 --> 00:11:06,814
No, actually, I think it's
415
00:11:06,848 --> 00:11:07,781
fraudulence and embezzlement
416
00:11:07,816 --> 00:11:08,883
at the highest degree.
417
00:11:08,917 --> 00:11:09,650
I'm working, as we speak,
418
00:11:09,684 --> 00:11:11,152
with the CIA, FBI,
419
00:11:11,186 --> 00:11:12,920
and Scotland Yard, just as
420
00:11:12,954 --> 00:11:14,455
soon as they return my calls.
421
00:11:14,489 --> 00:11:15,389
Listen, man,
422
00:11:15,423 --> 00:11:16,056
I don't know what any
423
00:11:16,091 --> 00:11:16,957
of this is all about.
424
00:11:16,992 --> 00:11:17,558
All I know is that I was
425
00:11:17,592 --> 00:11:18,792
working at Dynamic Solutions
426
00:11:18,827 --> 00:11:19,493
and I got a call from
427
00:11:19,528 --> 00:11:20,694
this Mr. Moundford
428
00:11:20,729 --> 00:11:21,529
over at Global National
429
00:11:21,563 --> 00:11:23,063
saying that I was up
430
00:11:23,098 --> 00:11:24,765
for a big promotion.
431
00:11:24,799 --> 00:11:25,699
I got all the credit cards,
432
00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:27,201
the self-help CDs--
433
00:11:27,235 --> 00:11:29,036
Mr. Moundford?
434
00:11:29,070 --> 00:11:30,504
I'm unfamiliar with that name.
435
00:11:30,539 --> 00:11:31,338
Who is that?
436
00:11:31,373 --> 00:11:32,606
How the fuck should I know?
437
00:11:32,641 --> 00:11:33,040
All I know is I got
438
00:11:33,074 --> 00:11:34,141
a call from the guy.
439
00:11:34,176 --> 00:11:34,742
Why don't you go look for him,
440
00:11:34,776 --> 00:11:36,410
Sherlock asshole?
441
00:11:36,444 --> 00:11:37,511
What!
442
00:11:37,546 --> 00:11:39,013
Mr. Wilts, I'm sorry,
443
00:11:39,047 --> 00:11:39,980
but we seemed to be
444
00:11:40,015 --> 00:11:40,681
having difficulty
445
00:11:40,715 --> 00:11:42,116
with your credit card.
446
00:11:42,150 --> 00:11:42,816
I just wondered if you might
447
00:11:42,851 --> 00:11:43,317
be able to come
448
00:11:43,351 --> 00:11:45,186
downstairs with me?
449
00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:47,655
You got Whitney'd!
450
00:11:47,689 --> 00:11:49,056
Hi, Doug Whitney-- how are you?
451
00:11:49,090 --> 00:11:49,623
I booked the case.
452
00:11:49,658 --> 00:11:54,028
Wait, no-- please.
453
00:12:00,502 --> 00:12:01,735
Hi, my name's Todd Margaret.
454
00:12:01,770 --> 00:12:03,003
I'm a tourist.
455
00:12:03,038 --> 00:12:03,637
I have a slight Leeds accent
456
00:12:03,672 --> 00:12:04,305
because I spent
457
00:12:04,339 --> 00:12:05,472
my summers there.
458
00:12:05,507 --> 00:12:06,640
I'm here for the last tour.
459
00:12:06,675 --> 00:12:07,608
You're just in time.
460
00:12:07,642 --> 00:12:09,543
The group is forming over there.
461
00:12:09,578 --> 00:12:12,580
Thank you.
462
00:12:16,885 --> 00:12:22,556
How ya doin'?
463
00:12:22,591 --> 00:12:23,090
What-- is this place, like
464
00:12:23,124 --> 00:12:25,125
a museum or something,
465
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,028
like a...
466
00:12:28,063 --> 00:12:28,462
Are you-are you here
467
00:12:28,496 --> 00:12:32,466
for the tour?
468
00:12:34,169 --> 00:12:35,135
You know, where I come from,
469
00:12:35,170 --> 00:12:36,537
it's polite to respond
470
00:12:36,571 --> 00:12:38,138
to somebody.
471
00:13:01,296 --> 00:13:03,964
My name is Todd.
472
00:13:29,090 --> 00:13:30,791
Sore throat.
473
00:14:01,256 --> 00:14:02,222
What?
474
00:14:02,257 --> 00:14:03,557
I sorry.
475
00:14:03,591 --> 00:14:06,560
Me sad.
476
00:14:06,594 --> 00:14:07,528
From Leeds.
477
00:14:07,562 --> 00:14:08,262
Well, I spent
478
00:14:08,296 --> 00:14:11,098
my summers there.
479
00:14:12,967 --> 00:14:13,634
These people are deaf,
480
00:14:13,668 --> 00:14:14,335
Mr. Margaret.
481
00:14:14,369 --> 00:14:15,736
They're not retarded.
482
00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:16,804
I sorry.
483
00:14:16,838 --> 00:14:19,573
I didn't know that--
484
00:14:19,607 --> 00:14:22,710
wait a second-- are you undeaf?
485
00:14:22,744 --> 00:14:23,677
Stop talking like that!
486
00:14:23,712 --> 00:14:26,647
I can hear-- yes.
487
00:14:26,681 --> 00:14:27,748
Congratulations!
488
00:14:27,782 --> 00:14:30,984
I said, stop that.
489
00:14:31,019 --> 00:14:35,189
I have to go to the bathroom.
490
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:01,615
Andy Capp... always making
491
00:15:01,649 --> 00:15:05,085
things worse for yourself.
492
00:15:13,428 --> 00:15:14,194
Come back here
493
00:15:14,229 --> 00:15:15,229
at 8 o'clock tomorrow.
494
00:15:15,263 --> 00:15:17,164
I'll prove it to you!
495
00:15:17,198 --> 00:15:19,867
Todd, why are you lying?
496
00:15:42,123 --> 00:15:42,656
Yeah, I'm just finishing
497
00:15:42,690 --> 00:15:43,557
up some, uh,
498
00:15:43,591 --> 00:15:45,025
constituency business.
499
00:15:45,059 --> 00:15:45,659
I need you to get me
500
00:15:45,693 --> 00:15:47,027
a few things for this evening.
501
00:15:47,061 --> 00:15:49,062
Just put 'em on expenses.
502
00:15:49,097 --> 00:15:51,565
Yeah, a belt, an orange,
503
00:15:51,599 --> 00:15:53,100
a back of a door,
504
00:15:53,134 --> 00:15:55,102
and a tank of nitrous oxide.
505
00:15:55,136 --> 00:15:56,136
Okay-- cheers.
506
00:15:56,171 --> 00:15:57,905
Bye.
507
00:15:57,939 --> 00:16:00,040
What?
508
00:16:02,177 --> 00:16:03,577
Pooh-pooh.
509
00:16:03,611 --> 00:16:05,612
Sorry.
510
00:16:05,647 --> 00:16:07,881
Sorry.
511
00:16:14,689 --> 00:16:15,489
...Find out next week
512
00:16:15,523 --> 00:16:17,658
on "Driving School."
513
00:16:17,692 --> 00:16:18,625
Now stay tuned
514
00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:20,327
for "Jew Driving School,"
515
00:16:20,361 --> 00:16:21,562
followed by an all new
516
00:16:21,596 --> 00:16:25,065
"Episcopalian Driving School."
517
00:16:47,155 --> 00:16:49,556
He-hello?
518
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:52,826
Hello?
519
00:17:04,706 --> 00:17:05,405
Written on the wall
520
00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:06,240
in lipstick were the words
521
00:17:06,274 --> 00:17:07,908
"welcome to the world."
522
00:17:07,942 --> 00:17:08,308
I can't believe
523
00:17:08,343 --> 00:17:09,943
I'm doing this.
524
00:17:09,978 --> 00:17:10,644
In other news,
525
00:17:10,678 --> 00:17:11,778
terror police have released
526
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:12,980
this image of a man
527
00:17:13,014 --> 00:17:13,914
they wish to question
528
00:17:13,948 --> 00:17:15,182
as part of their investigation,
529
00:17:15,216 --> 00:17:17,184
code name "Stock Apocalypse."
530
00:17:17,218 --> 00:17:18,418
They believe he is
531
00:17:18,453 --> 00:17:21,388
an American named Todd Margaret.
532
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:31,665
Come on, Alice.
533
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:33,367
What the hell
534
00:17:33,401 --> 00:17:36,069
is wrong with me?
535
00:17:36,104 --> 00:17:38,805
Bloody hell, he's done it.
536
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,941
Todd!
537
00:17:40,975 --> 00:17:42,175
Good on ya that you did it, but
538
00:17:42,210 --> 00:17:45,412
you need to get down now.
539
00:17:45,446 --> 00:17:46,747
Uh, is that pizza?
540
00:17:46,781 --> 00:17:48,815
Come on up, 5G!
541
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:50,183
Oh, Alice, is that you?
542
00:17:50,218 --> 00:17:50,984
I'm sorry.
543
00:17:51,019 --> 00:17:51,585
I thought you were
544
00:17:51,619 --> 00:17:53,053
the pizza guy.
545
00:17:53,087 --> 00:17:55,322
Yeah, o-okay, Todd-- you win.
546
00:17:55,356 --> 00:17:57,491
Just come down.
547
00:17:57,525 --> 00:17:58,959
Seriously!
548
00:17:58,993 --> 00:17:59,359
I'm just gonna
549
00:17:59,394 --> 00:18:00,327
throw on a DVD.
550
00:18:00,361 --> 00:18:01,194
I'd invite you up,
551
00:18:01,229 --> 00:18:02,963
but the place is a mess.
552
00:18:02,997 --> 00:18:03,897
Put your hands in the air!
553
00:18:03,932 --> 00:18:07,601
Yeah-- I'm tired.
554
00:18:07,635 --> 00:18:08,669
I think I'm gonna skip the DVD
555
00:18:08,703 --> 00:18:11,405
and go straight to bed.
556
00:18:11,439 --> 00:18:14,007
All right, coming, coming.
557
00:18:14,042 --> 00:18:15,842
Oh, I'm coming to you.
558
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:16,643
Don't come in.
559
00:18:16,678 --> 00:18:19,813
Here I come, here I come.
560
00:18:22,417 --> 00:18:23,350
I told you I was
561
00:18:23,384 --> 00:18:24,284
on a guided tour.
562
00:18:24,319 --> 00:18:25,886
I fell asleep on the toilet.
563
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,821
I was looking for the exit.
564
00:18:27,855 --> 00:18:28,221
Do you have
565
00:18:28,256 --> 00:18:28,989
any I.D. on you?
566
00:18:29,023 --> 00:18:30,023
Not on me, no,
567
00:18:30,058 --> 00:18:31,224
but I have a passport,
568
00:18:31,259 --> 00:18:32,392
visa, work papers.
569
00:18:32,427 --> 00:18:32,960
All that stuff's
570
00:18:32,994 --> 00:18:34,194
back at my apartment.
571
00:18:34,228 --> 00:18:35,162
If-if you could just let me go,
572
00:18:35,196 --> 00:18:36,196
I'll call my boss, Brent Wilts,
573
00:18:36,230 --> 00:18:36,897
he's here in London--
574
00:18:36,931 --> 00:18:37,664
sir, it-it's okay.
575
00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:39,299
He's harmless.
576
00:18:39,334 --> 00:18:40,133
Sorry-- who are you?
577
00:18:40,168 --> 00:18:41,134
My name's Alice Bell.
578
00:18:41,169 --> 00:18:42,235
I run the Graceland Cafe.
579
00:18:42,270 --> 00:18:43,036
Mr. Margaret works
580
00:18:43,071 --> 00:18:44,137
across the street.
581
00:18:44,172 --> 00:18:46,974
He's, um, he's from America.
582
00:18:47,008 --> 00:18:48,075
But I-I grew up in Leeds.
583
00:18:48,109 --> 00:18:48,742
Well, spent my summers--
584
00:18:48,776 --> 00:18:49,810
Shut it!
585
00:18:49,844 --> 00:18:50,510
He was sent here for
586
00:18:50,545 --> 00:18:51,378
his company, but it seems like
587
00:18:51,412 --> 00:18:51,979
they've made some sort
588
00:18:52,013 --> 00:18:52,946
of terrible mistake.
589
00:18:52,981 --> 00:18:54,047
He's clearly in
590
00:18:54,082 --> 00:18:55,382
way over his head.
591
00:18:55,416 --> 00:18:55,949
You've no experience
592
00:18:55,984 --> 00:18:57,217
in sales, have you?
593
00:18:57,251 --> 00:18:58,218
Seriously, Todd, what's your
594
00:18:58,252 --> 00:19:01,121
official job title there?
595
00:19:01,155 --> 00:19:02,522
President of drinks.
596
00:19:02,557 --> 00:19:04,558
See?
597
00:19:04,592 --> 00:19:05,993
So you can corroborate
598
00:19:06,027 --> 00:19:07,594
that he sells a kick ass
599
00:19:07,629 --> 00:19:08,996
tasting energy drink?
600
00:19:09,030 --> 00:19:10,731
Yeah, yeah.
601
00:19:10,765 --> 00:19:11,298
There's a boss
602
00:19:11,332 --> 00:19:12,065
named Brent Wilts.
603
00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:12,733
Yes, sir, he has an asshole
604
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:14,334
boss named Brent Wilts.
605
00:19:14,369 --> 00:19:14,968
And the reason he was looking
606
00:19:15,003 --> 00:19:16,536
for disabled toilets is--
607
00:19:16,571 --> 00:19:17,571
Oh, no, no, no--
608
00:19:17,605 --> 00:19:18,905
we-we-- that's-- officer, no--
609
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:19,706
Was because of his
610
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:22,442
extra large and thick penis.
611
00:19:22,477 --> 00:19:23,377
I-I wouldn't, nor
612
00:19:23,411 --> 00:19:25,946
will I ever know that.
613
00:19:25,980 --> 00:19:26,680
Sir, if we could just
614
00:19:26,714 --> 00:19:27,914
go back to my apartment,
615
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:29,449
I-I can make everything right.
616
00:19:29,484 --> 00:19:30,450
If-if nothing else,
617
00:19:30,485 --> 00:19:32,352
I'll get a free ride home.
618
00:19:32,387 --> 00:19:32,919
I mean, cabs here
619
00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,287
are really insane.
620
00:19:34,322 --> 00:19:34,721
Okay, here's what
621
00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:35,422
we're gonna do.
622
00:19:35,456 --> 00:19:35,922
We're all gonna go.
623
00:19:35,957 --> 00:19:36,890
You too, mom.
624
00:19:36,924 --> 00:19:37,524
And we're gonna go
625
00:19:37,558 --> 00:19:38,525
to your flat.
626
00:19:38,559 --> 00:19:39,359
If anything doesn't check out,
627
00:19:39,394 --> 00:19:40,794
you're gonna be arrested.
628
00:19:40,828 --> 00:19:41,395
Understood?
629
00:19:41,429 --> 00:19:42,229
Yes.
630
00:19:42,263 --> 00:19:42,763
And you'll be deported.
631
00:19:42,797 --> 00:19:43,664
Yes, sir.
632
00:19:43,698 --> 00:19:44,665
All right.
633
00:19:44,699 --> 00:19:45,265
Oh, can I ride
634
00:19:45,299 --> 00:19:45,732
in the front, though?
635
00:19:45,767 --> 00:19:46,466
No.
636
00:19:46,501 --> 00:19:49,202
Oh, all right.
637
00:19:49,237 --> 00:19:49,970
Did you enjoy
638
00:19:50,004 --> 00:19:50,470
the Ambassador's party,
639
00:19:50,505 --> 00:19:51,505
Mr. Moundford?
640
00:19:51,539 --> 00:19:52,472
Oh, I did, Jeffrey.
641
00:19:52,507 --> 00:19:52,939
The Ambassador
642
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,274
was in fine form.
643
00:19:54,308 --> 00:19:57,210
Very good, sir.
644
00:19:59,013 --> 00:20:00,047
And then, I earned $50
645
00:20:00,081 --> 00:20:01,114
by drinking a half gallon
646
00:20:01,149 --> 00:20:02,282
of mustard.
647
00:20:02,316 --> 00:20:04,918
Um, so...
648
00:20:04,952 --> 00:20:07,220
I'll just-I'll get my phone
649
00:20:07,255 --> 00:20:08,055
and we'll call Mr. Wilts
650
00:20:08,089 --> 00:20:09,890
and-- all right.
651
00:20:09,924 --> 00:20:10,857
Uh, the place is kinda messy,
652
00:20:10,892 --> 00:20:14,261
so... and dirty.
653
00:20:14,295 --> 00:20:14,728
That's why it's called
654
00:20:14,762 --> 00:20:16,897
a "yo-yo."
655
00:20:16,931 --> 00:20:17,931
Close the door, man.
656
00:20:17,965 --> 00:20:20,000
Mr. Wilts?
657
00:20:20,034 --> 00:20:21,234
I had nowhere else to go.
658
00:20:21,269 --> 00:20:22,536
She'd only let me in,
659
00:20:22,570 --> 00:20:23,770
if I'd bang her.
660
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:24,738
You can stop.
661
00:20:24,772 --> 00:20:27,374
Oh, God!
662
00:20:27,408 --> 00:20:28,809
Uh...
663
00:20:28,843 --> 00:20:30,043
What's this?
664
00:20:30,078 --> 00:20:31,411
Uh, that's for Alice.
665
00:20:31,446 --> 00:20:33,947
By the way, that money
666
00:20:33,981 --> 00:20:36,183
you gave me was counterfeit.
667
00:20:36,217 --> 00:20:41,488
We'll need some back-up here.
668
00:20:41,522 --> 00:20:43,623
You creep!
669
00:20:43,658 --> 00:20:44,391
Come on, Alice, you know
670
00:20:44,425 --> 00:20:45,692
you've been askin' for it.
671
00:20:45,727 --> 00:20:47,828
Oh, no, no, no.
672
00:20:47,862 --> 00:20:48,929
I know that looks weird,
673
00:20:48,963 --> 00:20:51,765
but it's her baby's blood.
674
00:20:51,799 --> 00:20:52,232
You better have
675
00:20:52,266 --> 00:20:52,999
a good lawyer.
676
00:20:53,034 --> 00:20:54,601
I do, I do.
677
00:20:54,635 --> 00:20:55,469
I like them firm
678
00:20:55,503 --> 00:20:57,003
"Young and Not Legal."
679
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,138
You disgust me.
680
00:20:58,172 --> 00:20:59,139
All right--
681
00:20:59,173 --> 00:21:00,006
wait a second, please.
682
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:01,441
I have a reasonable explanation
683
00:21:01,476 --> 00:21:04,678
for all of this.
684
00:21:05,580 --> 00:21:06,413
Hello?
685
00:21:06,447 --> 00:21:07,981
Hello?
686
00:21:08,015 --> 00:21:08,715
Oh, hi-- excuse me.
687
00:21:08,750 --> 00:21:12,619
I'm looking for Todd Margaret.
688
00:21:12,653 --> 00:21:15,122
Todd-- hey, son.
689
00:21:15,156 --> 00:21:19,826
Hey, it's your old man!
690
00:21:21,229 --> 00:21:24,364
Dad?
691
00:21:24,398 --> 00:21:24,831
Wait.
692
00:21:24,866 --> 00:21:26,767
What!
693
00:21:26,801 --> 00:21:28,235
A ghost!
694
00:21:28,269 --> 00:21:30,604
Ah!
695
00:21:55,005 --> 00:21:55,965
I'm Steve Davis
696
00:21:56,136 --> 00:21:57,236
international snooker player
697
00:21:57,271 --> 00:21:58,805
and "Thunder Muscle" drinker,
698
00:21:58,839 --> 00:22:01,674
which I did not--
699
00:22:01,708 --> 00:22:03,342
yes, yes!
700
00:22:03,377 --> 00:22:04,377
Oh!
701
00:22:04,411 --> 00:22:06,446
Oh!
702
00:22:06,447 --> 00:22:06,479
Oh!
703
00:22:06,513 --> 00:22:07,380
Crikey, is that
704
00:22:07,414 --> 00:22:10,817
a negro in my wife?
705
00:22:11,017 --> 00:22:14,017
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