Original subtitles

Previously on

"The Increasingly Poor Decisions

"of Todd Margaret"...

Brent Wilts: Listen,

it's crunch time.

Sixteen thousand more crates

of "Thunder Muscle" are being

unloaded, right now.

Todd Margaret: I know!

Winston: Are you telling me

that Brent Wilts

is not the President

of Global National.

Hello, Mrs. Plimpton.

Oh, cheese at Christmas!

Woman: Come on, Wilts!

This is pathetic!

You couldn't sell crack

to a crackwhore!

No, I know I fudged that up.

Dave: I sent those pictures

over to Wilts like you asked,

but it didn't go down too well

with Sainsbury's.

Well, tell him to get

a lawyer-- tell him to hire

ten lawyers.

Ahmed: Todd Margaret.

Ahmed, good to see you.

There's 30,000 pounds

in here, right?

Minus a handful

of 30 pound notes.

I wanna introduce you to

a brand new energy drink

that you are gonna love!

No, wait, wait, wait!

This is a misunderstanding!

Wait, no-- I'm American!

I mean, I grew up in Leeds.

Help, anyone!

Man: Honey!

The charges include

breaking and entering,

sexual deviancy, libel,

airing pornographic content,

money laundering,

murder, anti-semitism.

Silence in court!

What Can Only be Considered a Dreadful Day for Todd Original Air Date on November 5, 2010 [S01E06]

== sync by elderman == == for www.addic7ed.com ==

Thank-thanks for, uh,

gettin' me outta there.

Alice: Yeah, well,

you're lucky it's televised.

I can't believe you saw me.

The entire country saw you,

Todd, most of the world,

probably.

Hey, do you think they saw

the "Thunder Muscle?"

Yeah, I suppose so.

Oh, that's great!

No, it's not great!

It's stupid.

At least it's stupid

for a legitimate businessman

who's supposed to know what

he's actually doing.

You know, you just-you just

gotta be honest with me, Todd.

I am!

Oh, yeah, sure you are.

You're the head of

an international company,

but you haven't been able to

sell one can of fizzy drink.

You aren't aware of the concept

of exchange rates.

You-you don't know

how to dress yourself.

You-you live in a bad flat

that is filthy and disgusting.

You practically destroyed

my cafe, and you still owe me

for my kitchen curtains,

by the way.

Okay, first of all...

I know how to sell fizzy drink,

and it's not fizzy drink.

It's an energy drink,

a great tasting new way

to get up and go.

The exchange rate thing,

that was just me being confused,

'cause I'm constantly

traveling, okay?

And you're gonna get

your kitchen drapes.

I'm working on it.

You don't have to keep

asking about it, all right?

And...

Please, keep in mind,

I am still grieving

the loss of my father.

I know.

I'm-- and I'm sorry

about your dad.

And I told you.

I'm only in that place

temporarily until

my new place is renovated.

Renovated?

Yeah.

Your new--

Todd, why are you lying?

I mean, you're-you're-you're

a nice bloke.

You-you know,

you're good fun.

You're a sweet guy, but

you don't have to try so hard.

That's my apartment,

right there.

I move in tomorrow.

You're moving into

the Houses of Parliament?

Surely even you recognize

the Houses of Parliament.

You know what I found out?

Not all houses-- some of them

are actually apartments.

Anyway, that's mine

over there, 5G.

Come by tomorrow.

I'll be there at,

like 8 o'clock.

Jesus, you're hopeless.

No, Alice, seriously.

I-I-I'll prove it to you.

Come back here

at 8 o'clock tomorrow.

I-I'll prove it to you.

Okay.

Pam: Hi, fairy.

Look what I did.

Oh, hey.

Look at that.

Congratulations!

Is it a boy or girl?

Either.

I'm gonna call it "Leyton"

after its dad.

Leyton.

Leyton Orient,

that's who its dad plays for.

I don't actually know

which one the dad is,

but it's definitely

one of the reserve team.

I couldn't see, right,

because I got so much of it

in my eye.

Okay-- great.

Well, uh, good luck

to-to the baby, I mean.

Pam!

Pam, did you have the baby

in my apartment?

Well, I couldn't have it

in mine, could I?

Why not?

Because the bailiffs

took my carpet.

Couldn't you,

at least, clean up?

I'm a new mom!

Pam, are you ready?

Woo-hoo!

Come on, Leyton!

I couldn't wait

for the babysitter.

I'll see you later!

Pam...

God.

[ Music ]

Oh, beautiful

for spacious skies

for... grain...

A purple mountain

her majesty...

Plains, America, America

God gave his son for thee.

Hi, this is Todd Margaret

in the London office, um,

I'm afraid I'm going to

have to tender my resigna--

excuse me-- one second.

Let me--

I'll-I'll call you back.

Morning, Todd.

Okay, look, I don't know

what your game is.

Game?

I went to the Turks, okay,

to get the money.

Yeah.

And I got the money.

I got 30,000 pounds.

Nice.

Counterfeit pounds.

Thirty thousand

counterfeit pounds.

And then, when I went back there

to confront them about it,

oh, guess what?

Surprise, surprise.

Long gone-- boarded up.

No sign of 'em.

Thanks a lot.

I didn't know about that.

Right.

No, I swear to you.

I had no idea, mate.

I feel sorry for you.

I really do.

Yeah, well,

I feel sorry for you, too,

because you're part of this.

Well, to be fair, I was

quite happy to go down there.

You told me to stay here.

Well, it...

Doesn't matter, 'cause I quit.

Quit?

Oh, come on.

It's one little set back.

One little set back?

Yeah, one little set back,

minor.

One minor, little set back,

30,000 counterfeit pounds,

and I'm missing

all the "Thunder Muscle,"

along with the fact that

I paid too much money

for Steve Davis,

Alice always thinks I'm lying,

Wilts won't get off my back,

I got this new shipment of...

Yeah, well, whatever.

Bye.

No, no, no,

you can't quit, boss.

Dave...

I know this job means

the world to you.

Yeah.

But...

I don't care, anymore.

I'm gonna go home.

Oh, come on, Todd.

Don't worry about that.

We've got plenty of good

things to be happy about,

you know.

My mate, we've just cut

a Steve Davis commercial

together.

It should be airing soon.

I've booked some air time

on channel four.

Really?

Yeah!

No worries, mate.

It's gonna be brilliant.

Although, with that

mortifying clip of you

and the "Thunder Muscle"

at the parade,

we might not even need it.

And Alice will come around.

All you need to do

is convince her you're

not a pathological liar.

Oh, thanks, but no thanks.

[ Phone rings ]

I didn't know

these received calls.

Neither did I.

Hello?

Yes, this is "Thunder Muscle."

Yeah, of course.

Yes.

How many cases?

Could you repeat that?

Uh, yes, um...

Oh, yeah.

No problem at all.

Let me get your particulars.

Yes, sir, uh...

Sure.

Free delivery is not--

is not a problem.

Got another one.

Clancy's Internet Sensations

just bought six cases.

This is nuts!

I know-- it's brilliant!

I just set up

three meetings for us.

Oh, good job!

Yeah, and they're all at

your old stomping grounds.

You know, you can show me

around the place,

introduce me to your mates.

What do you mean,

my old stomping grounds?

Leeds, silly.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, just you

and me heading...

out west.

Up north.

North west.

Just north.

Yup, okay, Dave.

I got a question for you.

How do I get a place

in the Houses of Parliament?

You got to be elected.

Oh, like a co-op board.

Uh...

Say I just wanted to

get in there and look around.

You can't just

wander in there.

It's exclusive?

It's really exclusive.

Uh, you might be able to

get on a tour, though.

A tour?

Oh, fancy apartments.

Yeah, the question is,

can I pull off lookin'

like a tourist?

I'm sure you can

give it a go.

All right.

I'll head over there later.

Just, uh, book a tour

for me, all right?

Yeah, no worries.

I'll get straight on it.

[ Knocking ]

Oh, what!

God!

Fuck!

What do you want?

Uh, may I enter?

No!

If I could enter

for just a moment.

I, um--

would you go home!

I fucking fired you!

Well, actually, sir,

I'm here to fire you.

You, Mr. Wilts, are fired.

I found it curious that I never

received any paperwork

from either you

or Global National,

so I put on

my best Hardy Boys

and Nancy drew outfit,

and I did a little sleuthing.

You just won't go away.

You're like

a botched abortion, man.

Um, well, anyway,

um, did you know that

there is no Brent Wilts

registered to the company

of Global National?

What the fuck

are you talking about?

Uh, elementary,

my dear Watson,

or should I say "Wltson?"

No, I'm gonna say "Watson."

So, Watson, what I discovered

was that Global National is

nothing but a shell company

registered to an address of

a hut on the island of Antigua.

There's no office,

no phone number, no records.

Simply put, this company

does not exist.

Therefore, you are

the President of nothing,

and you have no authority

over me whatsoever.

Subsequently, all lines

of credit to you

from Dynamic Integrated

Business Resources

have been cut off,

totally and permanently.

Is this a joke?

No, actually, I think it's

fraudulence and embezzlement

at the highest degree.

I'm working, as we speak,

with the CIA, FBI,

and Scotland Yard, just as

soon as they return my calls.

Listen, man,

I don't know what any

of this is all about.

All I know is that I was

working at Dynamic Solutions

and I got a call from

this Mr. Moundford

over at Global National

saying that I was up

for a big promotion.

I got all the credit cards,

the self-help CDs--

Mr. Moundford?

I'm unfamiliar with that name.

Who is that?

How the fuck should I know?

All I know is I got

a call from the guy.

Why don't you go look for him,

Sherlock asshole?

What!

Mr. Wilts, I'm sorry,

but we seemed to be

having difficulty

with your credit card.

I just wondered if you might

be able to come

downstairs with me?

You got Whitney'd!

Hi, Doug Whitney-- how are you?

I booked the case.

Wait, no-- please.

Hi, my name's Todd Margaret.

I'm a tourist.

I have a slight Leeds accent

because I spent

my summers there.

I'm here for the last tour.

You're just in time.

The group is forming over there.

Thank you.

How ya doin'?

What-- is this place, like

a museum or something,

like a...

Are you-are you here

for the tour?

You know, where I come from,

it's polite to respond

to somebody.

My name is Todd.

Sore throat.

What?

I sorry.

Me sad.

From Leeds.

Well, I spent

my summers there.

These people are deaf,

Mr. Margaret.

They're not retarded.

I sorry.

I didn't know that--

wait a second-- are you undeaf?

Stop talking like that!

I can hear-- yes.

Congratulations!

I said, stop that.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Andy Capp... always making

things worse for yourself.

Come back here

at 8 o'clock tomorrow.

I'll prove it to you!

Todd, why are you lying?

Yeah, I'm just finishing

up some, uh,

constituency business.

I need you to get me

a few things for this evening.

Just put 'em on expenses.

Yeah, a belt, an orange,

a back of a door,

and a tank of nitrous oxide.

Okay-- cheers.

Bye.

What?

Pooh-pooh.

Sorry.

Sorry.

...Find out next week

on "Driving School."

Now stay tuned

for "Jew Driving School,"

followed by an all new

"Episcopalian Driving School."

He-hello?

Hello?

Written on the wall

in lipstick were the words

"welcome to the world."

I can't believe

I'm doing this.

In other news,

terror police have released

this image of a man

they wish to question

as part of their investigation,

code name "Stock Apocalypse."

They believe he is

an American named Todd Margaret.

Come on, Alice.

What the hell

is wrong with me?

Bloody hell, he's done it.

Todd!

Good on ya that you did it, but

you need to get down now.

Uh, is that pizza?

Come on up, 5G!

Oh, Alice, is that you?

I'm sorry.

I thought you were

the pizza guy.

Yeah, o-okay, Todd-- you win.

Just come down.

Seriously!

I'm just gonna

throw on a DVD.

I'd invite you up,

but the place is a mess.

Put your hands in the air!

Yeah-- I'm tired.

I think I'm gonna skip the DVD

and go straight to bed.

All right, coming, coming.

Oh, I'm coming to you.

Don't come in.

Here I come, here I come.

I told you I was

on a guided tour.

I fell asleep on the toilet.

I was looking for the exit.

Do you have

any I.D. on you?

Not on me, no,

but I have a passport,

visa, work papers.

All that stuff's

back at my apartment.

If-if you could just let me go,

I'll call my boss, Brent Wilts,

he's here in London--

sir, it-it's okay.

He's harmless.

Sorry-- who are you?

My name's Alice Bell.

I run the Graceland Cafe.

Mr. Margaret works

across the street.

He's, um, he's from America.

But I-I grew up in Leeds.

Well, spent my summers--

Shut it!

He was sent here for

his company, but it seems like

they've made some sort

of terrible mistake.

He's clearly in

way over his head.

You've no experience

in sales, have you?

Seriously, Todd, what's your

official job title there?

President of drinks.

See?

So you can corroborate

that he sells a kick ass

tasting energy drink?

Yeah, yeah.

There's a boss

named Brent Wilts.

Yes, sir, he has an asshole

boss named Brent Wilts.

And the reason he was looking

for disabled toilets is--

Oh, no, no, no--

we-we-- that's-- officer, no--

Was because of his

extra large and thick penis.

I-I wouldn't, nor

will I ever know that.

Sir, if we could just

go back to my apartment,

I-I can make everything right.

If-if nothing else,

I'll get a free ride home.

I mean, cabs here

are really insane.

Okay, here's what

we're gonna do.

We're all gonna go.

You too, mom.

And we're gonna go

to your flat.

If anything doesn't check out,

you're gonna be arrested.

Understood?

Yes.

And you'll be deported.

Yes, sir.

All right.

Oh, can I ride

in the front, though?

No.

Oh, all right.

Did you enjoy

the Ambassador's party,

Mr. Moundford?

Oh, I did, Jeffrey.

The Ambassador

was in fine form.

Very good, sir.

And then, I earned $50

by drinking a half gallon

of mustard.

Um, so...

I'll just-I'll get my phone

and we'll call Mr. Wilts

and-- all right.

Uh, the place is kinda messy,

so... and dirty.

That's why it's called

a "yo-yo."

Close the door, man.

Mr. Wilts?

I had nowhere else to go.

She'd only let me in,

if I'd bang her.

You can stop.

Oh, God!

Uh...

What's this?

Uh, that's for Alice.

By the way, that money

you gave me was counterfeit.

We'll need some back-up here.

You creep!

Come on, Alice, you know

you've been askin' for it.

Oh, no, no, no.

I know that looks weird,

but it's her baby's blood.

You better have

a good lawyer.

I do, I do.

I like them firm

"Young and Not Legal."

You disgust me.

All right--

wait a second, please.

I have a reasonable explanation

for all of this.

Hello?

Hello?

Oh, hi-- excuse me.

I'm looking for Todd Margaret.

Todd-- hey, son.

Hey, it's your old man!

Dad?

Wait.

What!

A ghost!

Ah!

I'm Steve Davis

international snooker player

and "Thunder Muscle" drinker,

which I did not--

yes, yes!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Crikey, is that

a negro in my wife?

== sync by elderman == == for www.addic7ed.com ==

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0