Original subtitles

Previously, on

"The increasingly

"Poor Decisions

"of Todd Margaret"...

Winston: Todd Margaret,

he's a temp.

He has no experience

in a national market.

Brent Wilts: Bullshit.

He's perfect.

Woman: Two weeks ago,

I made the mistake

of sleeping with you.

That mistake doesn't

make me your girlfriend.

What the fuck are you

doing here!

Actually I'm here

to ask you a few questions.

You're fired!

Still!

Again!

Alice: This is your boss.

This is the chick

you wanna bang?

Hudson: Hello, I'm Hudson.

I'm from Canada.

He's down for the weekend.

He's staying here.

Dave: You grew up

in Leeds?

My dad lives in Leeds.

He lived in Leeds.

He's dead.

My dad lived in Leeds.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Steve Davis: Snooker.

Snooker.

Snooker!

Not snucker.

Not sniker.

You sold

all the Thunder Muscle?

Yeah, the turkish people

from the news agency,

they came in to buy

all the Thunder Muscle

we have in stock.

Ahmed: For my best friend.

Cash.

I'm fairly confident

this is a forgery.

What-what?

Where Todd and Brent Misjudge the Mood of a Solemn Day Original Air Date on October 29, 2010 [S01E05]

The charges include

antisocial behavior, disruption

of national solemnity,

money laundering,

lewd sexist behavior,

failure to pay

for a cranberry juice.

Order!

Silence in court!

[ Phone rings ]

-- sync by elderman -- -- for www.addic7ed.com --

Hello, Mr. Wilts.

I want my money,

fuckstick!

Yes, sir.

And I'm not gonna take "no"

for an answer.

I said "yes".

Right.

You listen up, douchenozzle,

you better get it right

this time.

I want that money

or I'm gonna fuck you

like Mike Tyson on E!.

Yeah, okay, uh,

I'll meet you at your hotel

as soon as I can.

No, fuck this place.

A bunch of stuck up

frigid bitches.

Meet me at that bar

down on the corner.

Todd, tell me that you nailed

that cafe vag-Jay-Jay

last night, buddy.

Oh, boy, did I.

I didn't, no.

Ah, come on, stud!

It ain't gonna happen.

I'm clearly not her type.

She goes for something, uh,

a bit more exotic,

if you catch my drift.

Listen, man, if you wanna

plug that weeping hole,

here's what you gotta do.

Whatever he type is,

be her type.

Yeah?

Yeah, dude.

You ju gotta look the part.

All right, yeah.

Look the part.

Hello?

Mr. Wilts?

Ow!

Ow!

Jesus!

Hello, Dave,

it's Todd Margaret,

your ex-boss.

Um, just wanted to let you know

that I'm going to be

calling the cops

and having you arrested.

I don't know how dumb

you think I am, but, uh,

the fact that I feel compelled

to leave a telephone warning,

I think, speaks volumes.

Goodbye.

Number one, I want my money

or I will fuck you

like Mike Tyson on E!.

I can't do this.

Give me my money

or I will rip off your arm

and stuff it

down your cockhole.

Down your cockhole.

What am I doing?

Hi, Miss Plimpton.

Brent Wilts calling you

Brent Wilts calling you

from the marketing department

over here at Dynamic Integrated

Business Solutions.

Do you mind taking

a brief survey?

We'll send you a ten dollar

coupon good for nasal spray.

Would you describe your

toilet in the following way?

A, luxurious,

B, functional yet savvy,

C, Orwellian,

D-- hello?

Hello?

Miss Plimpton?

Oh, cheese at Christmas.

Woman: Come on, Wilts,

this is pathetic!

You couldn't sell crack

to a crackwhore!

No, I know,

I fudged that up.

I'll say you fudged that up.

You fuckin' fudged that up

real good.

You better start showing me

something by the end of today

or I'm gonna

reach down your throat,

I'm gonna grab your balls,

and I'm gonna pull with vigor.

And I'm gonna take your balls

and throw them out the window.

Then I'm gonna leave

this office, get in my car,

find the ball pile,

and I'm gonna run over it

back and forth

and back and forth.

And I'm gonna get outta my car

and I'm gonna hover

over the ball pile

that's now been flattened.

I'm gonna defecate on it.

Miss Turgid,

there's a Mr. Moundford

on line one for you.

I've gotta take

a phone call.

Why don't you get back

to not selling things?

Okay?

Yes.

Okay?

I'm turning it around.

Hey, dickbreath.

As you know, the Falcons

did not cover the spread.

Payment, please.

This is Turgid.

Double or nothin', right?

Come on, what do you say?

Let's do it.

Brent Wilts.

He's a temp.

He has no skills

internationally.

Bet, right?

What do you say?

Bet, man.

Okay.

Pam: Bon jour,

monsieur naked.

What was you doing last night

sneaking in

in your wet underpants?

Pam.

I got a good look

at that there,

and Pam likey what she see.

What are you doing

in my bath?

How long have you been here?

Calm down!

I told you

I couldn't use mine.

There's a spider in it.

Is that my tooth brush?

I thought it was

a bit small.

Haven't you got a loofa?

Pam, you gotta go, okay?

I've gotta go which means

you gotta go, all right,

and-and now I gotta get

a new tooth brush.

Thanks a lot.

Might need a new razor

as well.

Why?

Got it.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Oh, God!

That's okay.

Simple mistake.

You'll be all right,

won't you?

Thanks.

Oh, got it.

What the hell!

No!

Please, that was a mistake,

too!

That was a mistake!

I'm from Leeds!

Excuse me.

What's going on?

Are we at war?

No.

This is Remembrance Sunday,

the day when we remember

our fallen soldiers.

Oh, Memorial Day.

No, Remembrance Sunday.

Thank you very much.

What are these?

Oh, they're just symbolic,

just a way to show respect.

You know what, I'd like

to show some respect.

Put this in here.

I'll only take

five pounds back.

You can keep the change.

Why thank you, sir.

Um, this isn't

for charity, is it?

Yes, all the money goes

to help injured soldiers,

war heroes.

I'll tell ya what.

Thirty, sixty, ninety pounds.

God bless you, sir.

And I'll just take

a little bit back

for old time's sake, huh?

...Five.

Okay, great.

You enjoy.

Now it's time

to look the part.

Oh, hey, Alice.

I was just on my way

to play hockey in honor

of remembering day.

Do you have any maple syrup?

No.

No?

Oh, shoot.

Uh, mousse?

Any mousse?

No, Todd,

I have no mousse.

I really wanted

some maple covered mousse.

All right, well,

I'll be oot and aboot.

Oh, Canada,

to me you are the best.

Is that Todd?

Yeah.

Is he making fun of me

'cause I'm a Canadian?

I don't know.

Is he all right?

Yeah.

No.

He's just-- he's harmless.

You know.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Why don't I invite

some friends over tonight?

You could screen your movie.

I could maybe digitize

some appetizers.

That would be very nice.

Okay.

But not Todd, right?

Oh, God, no!

No.

Oh, that is a lot sperm,

but it's all

for a good cause.

Uh, cranberry juice.

And finally,

you think your flat stinks.

Well, here's a story from

Portland, Oregon in America.

A hundred and twelve people

found themselves homeless

when their entire building

was condemned after

one tenant left over 30 cans

of tuna open in 30 degree heat

for over six days.

Now apparently

this attracted various animals

which then attacked

and killed each other.

Really?

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Apparently the smell

was visible from outer space.

Police are looking

for this man,

the tenant responsible,

for questioning.

Well, he's certainly

caused quite a stink.

And now we return

to our coverage of

the Remembrance Sunday

ceremony.

There you go, mate.

That's one pound twenty,

please.

I can't go home.

Um, is everything okay?

I, uh, oh, my Fanny.

My building's been condemned.

The police found Fanny

rotting in it.

Can you turn this

from the news?

Put it on anything else,

please.

Oh, well, this is gonna be

on every channel, I'm afraid.

It's the Remembrance Sunday

ceremony.

It's live, so.

This is live

on every channel?

Yeah.

Huh.

Hey, nutbreath.

Hey there, Mr. Wilts.

What the fuck

are you wearing?

Oh, I took your advice

about being Alice's type.

This has happened

to me before.

The girl I was seeing

in Portland had a thing

for Texans.

Why the fuck did I ask?

What the hell is going on

on your face?

Oh, um, I was in the park

and there was this little boy

and, uh, oh, man,

I saw his balls

comin' at me, and, uh,

it has been a long time,

and I don't have

the best control,

and I ended up

just splatting him

right in the face,

and his dad didn't

take too kindly to that.

Been there, done that.

No judgment here.

Do you have my wallet?

Yes, do you got that

Thunder Muscle money for me?

Not exactly.

Are you fucking kidding me?

I'm gonna rip

your fucking arms off

and shove 'em

up your cockhole,

you stupid fuck!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

I've got the money.

I've got the money

right here.

I've got 30,000 pounds

in this briefcase.

All right, close enough.

No, no, wait, wait, wait,

wait!

No, you can't-you can't

have it yet.

Fuck that.

I gotta get back to my hotel

and send this out today,

get that fucker off my back.

No, no, you can't.

Why not?

Because...

It's fake.

How's that?

It's counterfeit.

I messed up.

I got ripped off.

You stupid motherfucker!

You worthless piece of shit!

Pack your shit up and go back

to Portland right now.

No, no, no!

I can't!

I can't go home!

I can't go home!

You give me a briefcase

full of counterfeit money,

you expect to keep your job?

Oh, no!

No, sir!

I'm sorry.

You thought the money

is fake.

I meant the briefcase

is fake.

The-the, yeah, the briefcase.

I'm so sorry.

It's-it's fake leather.

It's, uh, uh, leatherine,

a counterfeit,

leather-like substance.

The fucking briefcase!

Yes, I'm so sorry.

I--

Todd, I don't give a shit

about that!

Oh, okay!

I didn't know.

I thought maybe--

so you're telling me

that there's 30,000 pounds

in here, right?

You know, minus a handful

of 30 pound notes.

That is so fucking great.

Now wait, wait, wait,

Frank.

This whole briefcase scenario

has got me thinking.

Um, we should really have

a lawyer on retainer.

Great.

Yeah.

Great idea.

Okay.

Uh, yesterday I was googling

"Young and Not Legal"

and they look quite attractive.

Well, you oughta try

"tight, willing, and fresh".

Where are they

based out of?

I don't know, Bangkok.

Listen, it's crunch time.

Sixteen thousand more crates

of Thunder Muscles

are being unloaded right now.

I know, okay!

Okay.

Sorry.

I...

Am very excited about it.

I was tryin' to say that

you're doin' a good job up

'til now, Margaret.

But you need to step it up now.

What else you got?

I think I figured out a way

to get the word out

about Thunder Muscle

to all of Britain for free.

How is that?

Uh, yes, is this

the Human Resources Department

at Dynamic Integrated

Business Solutions?

I'd like to lodge

a formal complaint

against Brent Wilts.

Wilts, w-I--

No, not the telemarketer.

He's the President

of Global National.

The company

that owns Dynamic Solutions .

W-I-l-t... s.

And, um...

Wait are you telling me

that Brent Wilts

is not the President

of Global National?

Global National.

Look it-look it up.

Keep looking!

Excuse me.

Please don't use

that tone of voice with me.

I-- you know what, um,

what's your name.

Um, I'm gonna add your name

to the complaint list also.

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me.

Please don't speak to me

that way.

Kindness would be appreciated

right now, sir.

Excuse me.

Please.

That's-that's inappropriate.

Stop looking at me that way.

Okay, so, yeah, Andre,

you can get changed in there

if you want.

She should be here soon.

You know the basic plot,

right?

I fuck her on the desk?

Pretty much, yeah.

Okay, cool.

Good call on the outfits.

It's all about fittin' in.

Now we gotta get some

of those tomato pins.

Those show double respect.

Yeah, what the fuck

is Remembrance Day?

It's just a day that all

of us Englanders get together

and remember how awesome war

can be, and this our parade.

Are there gonna be floats?

Uh, yeah.

Are they gonna

have Spiderman?

Uh, yeah,

but the English Spiderman,

a little different.

Oh, there's some tomato pins.

I've got to get

some tomato pins.

Sorry, mate.

You know what we should do,

find one of these old fuckers

with a bunch of war medals on

and get him to drink

this shit on camera.

Hey, guy, what war did you

fight in, the war on big fat,

'cause you lost.

Kidding, relax.

He's Todd Margaret.

Uh, hi, um,

I'd like to tell you

about a great new energy drink

called Thunder Muscle.

Now's not the time.

It's always a good time

for Thunder Muscle.

Oh, piss off!

Fuck this douche.

Let's find a cripple.

Oh, this is a frickin' layup.

What are you a nurse?

Hopefully of the wet variety.

Hey, you look like you

could use a little get up

and go or-or probably just go.

This one I got

for mass bravery.

And this one I got

for bringing over 1,000 women

to a very satisfying climax.

Uh, how about a can

of Thunder Muscle?

Is it free?

Is it free?

Is it-is it free?

What?

No.

Not this kid.

What, he's a war hero.

He's not a war hero.

It's just some kid with aids.

I don't have aids.

Or cancer.

God!

Whatever the fuck it is,

I don't want it associated

with Thunder Muscle.

Come on, Margaret,

what the hell is it with you.

You haven't impressed me

at all today.

I-I-I'm sorry.

I'm just-- this is all

reminding of my dad.

He used to love

Remembrance Day.

He looked forward

to marching in it every year.

He's kind of like a mascot

for them

sorry about

yelling at you before.

Hey, check it out.

It's your dad's old company!

Huh?

Leeds, right?

Yeah.

Oh, great.

Hey!

Hey, Uncle Ernie!

Uncle Ere!

That's not my real Uncle.

It's just a nickname.

You gotta sell 'em

some Thunder Muscle.

I don't know

if that's really--

what are you talkin' about!

Get the fuck in there!

But I--

sell 'em the God damn

Thunder Muscle!

Come on!

Don't be a pussy, Margaret.

Right.

Hello, gents.

Don't worry.

I'm from Leeds, meself.

You must be thirsty

with all this marching, huh?

Piss off!

Well, try this great new

energy drink, Thunder Muscle.

Oh, piss off,

you American twat.

Well, it's all right.

Oh, hey!

No need to shove!

Hey!

Hey!

Yes!

Yes!

Oh!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes!

Yes!

And cut!

Okay, brilliant work, guys.

That's another episode

of "there's a negro in my wife"

in the can.

Uh, please, help yourself

to a complimentary case

of Thunder Muscle.

You guys have earned it.

Oh, great job, Svetlana.

Can you tell me

when this will be airing?

Um...

Tonight.

May I come to the edit.

Oh, no.

What does S.A.S stand for,

shitty and mean!

Hey, what the hell,

Margaret?

We've been here

two solid hours.

You haven't sold shit!

I think I'm beginning to see

what you're all about.

I got it figured out.

Don't worry, I'm not angry.

I'm in the same situation.

I think it's time

that we fess up.

All right, look, I mean,

you-you can't blame me.

I mean, you know,

I-I-I-I was-I was a temp.

We need to get you laid,

right?

Little boy, am I right?

No.

Two little boys?

Two little brown ones?

A little brown

and a little yellow one?

Like fuckin' a bag of M&M's.

No, no, no,

it's not boys at all.

Oh, girls.

It's that-it's that

Alice chick, right?

All right,

here's what we're gonna do.

I got a sack of rufies.

No, no, Mr. Wilts.

It's not that.

What the fuck is it then?

'Cause all of a sudden

you can't sell shit.

I brought you

all the way over here.

Do you want me to send you

back, is that it?

No, no, no, sir.

No, sir.

You get out there

and you sell this shit.

Okay.

All right?

Yup.

Sell it, and I'll have

the God damn camera on you.

Okay.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Oh, man, that killed.

Don't worry, take five.

I got it.

Hey, everybody,

I wanna introduce you

to a brand new energy drink

that you are gonna love.

It's called Thunder Muscle

and it's totally awesome!

[ Music gets louder ]

Seriously, I just wanna try

to tell you about a-a great,

new energy drink.

Please, if I could just get--

you guys wanna take five,

please.

Uh, okay.

Thunder Muscle, oh,

it's so good and good for you.

Wait.

Just-- can I just get

two goddamn minutes

of silence, please!

[ Silence ]

Thank you.

Okay.

[ Big Ben tolls ]

Like I was sayin',

Thunder Muscle,

it tastes great, chalk full

of energy and vitamins,

and science--

can we lose the bells!

Be quiet!

Show some respect!

Hey, shut the fuck up,

grandpa!

Listen to what he's saying!

Jesus Christ!

If you pussies would've had

some Thunder Muscle during

the war, we wouldn't have had

to come out and bail

your faggot asses out!

Am I right?

No?

Holy shit!

No, hey!

No, wait, wait, wait, wait!

This is a misunderstanding!

Wait, no, I'm American!

Mean, I grew up in Leeds.

Church Avenue.

But, uh,

drink Thunder Muscle!

Brent, Mr. Wilts, help!

Anyone!

This morning's Remembrance

Ceremony was interrupted

by a mentally ill American

protesting against Britain's

alleged cowardess

in all wars, ever.

Unbelievable.

Um...

Hudson, I'm just going

to pop out for a bit.

Oh, don't tell me

you're gonna leave

because of this guy.

Well, somebody's

gotta help him.

Oh, Alice.

We've only got a couple

of hours left.

Sorry, everybody,

enjoy your Vietnamese,

cafe Milan infused

torch beams.

And Rachel,

don't-don't eat the batteries.

They're not Kosher.

Alice.

Drink Thunder Muscle!

[ Music ]

Man: Oh, no!

Honey!

[ Music ]

I just thought

that was terrible.

The worst film

I've ever seen.

Worst film I've ever seen.

It's a bucket of shit.

-- sync by elderman -- -- for www.addic7ed.com --

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Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0