Original subtitles

Previously,

on "The Increasingly Poor

"Decisions of Todd Margaret..."

Todd Margaret: Did we sell

any "?"

Dave: No, not a single can,

not a one.

Mehtap: I have heard of this.

If you're interested in

the drinks, here are my deets.

Todd.

Whitney: Please, don't

speak-- that's unnecessary.

Brent Wilts: You are

fucking fired!

Get the fuck out!

Hudson: Hello-- I'm Hudson.

I'm directing

the new Cribs video.

After you.

We think you'd be

the perfect new face

for "Thunder Muscle."

Alice: Todd!

You said you're allergic

to nuts.

Ah!

-- sync by elderman -- -- for www.addic7ed.com --

He's gonna be okay.

Just a massive erection.

Shat himself.

In Which Brent Wilts Arrives and Things Take a Turn for the Worse Original Air Date on October 22, 2010 [S01E04]

The charges include:

Insurance fraud, breaking

and entering, espionage,

forgery, embezzlement, perjury,

bribery, rubber checking,

unnecessary public nudity.

Silence in the court!

A twelve-year-old boy

in Dandong, China

successfully defended

his two younger brothers

from a bear attack, using

a makeshift molotov cocktail

made from what turned out

to be a can of lethal,

radioactive energy drink.

Ew!

Pam: Oh, hello, Mr. Mar--

what-what's that smell?

Oh, that's disgusting.

Uh, I-- yeah.

No, I-I was at dinner

at a friend's, and we--

did one wf my kids come over

and shit in your clothes?

Yes-- yes, they did.

Malibu, Disaronno.

What have you been doing?

It's all right.

I'm sorry.

Let me clean 'em up for ya.

No-no-no-- no worries.

Honestly, it's no bother.

I'll just get the dog

to lick 'em clean.

Oh, it was a false alarm about

the whole giving birth thing.

Yeah-- it was just

a bedsore that opened up.

So, anytime you wanna shag,

just let me know.

Okay-- thank you.

Hey, Todd-- how are you?

You feeling better?

Yeah-yeah.

I'm-I'm-I'm much better.

Thanks.

Uh, I just wanted to, uh,

say I'm sorry about last night,

and, uh, I'm definitely going

to replace anything I broke.

Yeah, I know you will.

I figured out

a payment plan, though.

Uh, I could pay you in kisses--

ten easy installments of 20.

No-- I'll just take the cash.

Okay-- um, and also,

I will definitely replace

those kitchen drapes.

Sorry about that.

I mean, I'd say

"have 'em cleaned," but

I think that shit'll stain.

Yeah, th-that's worked out

okay, actually, 'cause I need

to get them replaced anyway.

I need something,

um, flame resistant

that doesn't absorb radiation

'cause of the salad

I wanna make.

Well, glad to be of service.

Hey, Todd.

Hey, Hudson.

Oh, also, I have a business

proposition for you.

Oh, yeah, Dave called about

shooting your commercial here.

That's fine.

Cool.

Good publicity for the cafe.

You're shooting

a commercial here?

Yeah, the Steve Davis

commercial I was telling you

about last night.

He's bigger than Beckham.

Oh, who's directing?

Anyone I know?

Uh...

You do have a Director,

right?

Uh, you're looking at him.

It's a commercial.

How hard can it be?

Okay-- well, I'm around,

if you need any help.

Well, "if you need

"any help, I'm around.

"I'm the directing robot."

Thanks a lot.

I think I got it covered,

Dudley do right.

Have fun doing

your other Cribs video.

Alice, I'll see you later.

And, Hudson, watch out

for low-lying branches.

'Cause I'm tall, right?

Yeah, no shit-- Jesus!

Dave?

Dave!

How could I have been so stupid?

When did you say

you arrived?

Uh, four days ago,

but as a kid,

I spent my summers in Leeds.

My dad and I would go

to the park every Saturday

and watch "The Who."

No, no-- here, the office.

Oh-- uh, uh, 30 minutes ago.

I called you,

as soon as I got here.

Okay.

And how old is this Dave?

Mid-20s to late 20s.

And what's his surname?

Uh, I don't...

You don't know

the last name or age

of your sole employee?

Well, he's my director

of strategy.

How did he come

to be hired by you?

Oh, I didn't hire him.

He was, uh, he was just--

this is gonna seem funny now,

but he was just here

when I arrived.

Uh-huh.

And was the product insured?

So, let me get this straight.

You were robbed of 32 crates

of "Thunder Muscle," which is

an awesome, new energy drink

that tastes great.

Yeah.

Attention, everyone.

Be on the lookout for a guy,

mid-20s or late 20s,

don't really know, who may

or may not be named Dave--

don't really know that either--

with approximately 32 crates

of a tasty, new energy drink.

Is that about right?

Come on, man.

Look, mate.

You haven't really given us

much to go on here.

We've got your statements

and your information,

Mr. Margaret.

We'll be in touch,

if we learn of anything.

I'll hold onto this

for the investigation.

Okay.

It is a pound per can, officer.

Oh.

Hello.

Hey, fuck face,

it's Wilts.

Hi.

So, I was thinking

about swinging by the office.

Check in on the wonder boy.

What?

You-you're in London already?

Yeah.

I'm at the Piccadilly.

There's some pretty

sweet talent in here, too.

I think that little

Brent Wilts is gonna be

one happy guy.

You brought your son?

No, my cock, you idiot!

I just gotta figure out

which ones are whores

and which ones are normies.

Anyway, why don't you give me

the address over there?

No-no-no-no-- uh,

the-the office is closed today.

There was a sewage leak,

a poo bomb terror.

I'm gonna come over

to your hotel, okay?

Fine-- whatever.

Hi.

I'd like to check out, please.

Room 204.

Hi, there-- I'm American.

Do you speak English?

'Cause I speak French

and Greek, if you know

what I'm sayin'.

Oh, get lost, you pig.

Oh, I'm a pig?

I bet your bush smells

like Chinatown during

a heat wave-- boom!

That's the hammer comin' down.

...Hotel.

Is Piccadilly one word or three?

Look, pal.

I had a misunderstanding with

this bitch, but everything

has been taken care of.

I-I paid her off, so we're cool.

Yes, but, sir,

we-we expect certain standards

from our guests.

Tell me about it.

I'm out 300 bucks.

In that case, there's

an established protocol

you can follow.

Hey, fuck protocol.

What do you want me to do?

Call the ambassador

over to the king?

Hey, there he is!

Hey, Mr. Wilts.

How's it goin'?

Dry is how it's goin'.

It's like a fuckin'

nunnery in here.

Gotta get my dick wet-- god!

Where you gettin'

your pussy from, Todd?

Oh, uh, uh, well, there's

this girl here I like, Alice.

You know, we've been out on

a couple of dates, sort of.

You tap that shit, yet?

Uh, well, we talk a lot,

you know, and, uh,

yeah, she's pretty neat.

Uh, but I want her to get to

know me a little bit better,

you know, get comfortable

with me before

her shit gets tapped.

Yeah, listen.

I'm not really here

to play matchmaker dot com,

all right?

How much money

are you making me?

Uh, well, sir, the, uh,

all the "Thunder Muscle"

is, uh, gone.

What-- are you serious?

It's all gone?

Yeah, uh--

oh, fuck yes!

Oh, my God!

Thank God!

Oh, man, that's-- oh, God!

I knew I could count on you!

Oh, God!

No-- well, all right.

It's all gone.

You sold all of it, huh?

Ah, so, uh, where's the money?

Um, I, well--

give it to me,

you piece of shit!

Just kidding.

I know.

Oh, but seriously,

when can I get the money?

Today?

Today is not good because

I've got this big marketing

campaign planned, and, uh,

we're actually shooting our

very first commercial today,

and I was thinkin' we could

head over to the set.

Yeah-- I got Steve Davis.

Are you fuckingidding me?

No-- I did a little

wheelin' and dealin'.

What the fuck

are you doing here?

Oh, hi, Mr. Wilts.

Actually, I'm here to ask you

a few questions that

have been bothering me.

There's a few pieces

to your story that don't

seem to add up.

I fucking fired you.

Actually, I never received

any official paperwork

nor my contractually

obligated 28 day notice.

I'm duty bound, as an employee,

to ensure that I fired through

the appropriate channels.

Naturally, I called

Human Resources, but I haven't

heard back from them, but I--

are you out

of your fucking mind?

I will fuck you

in your appropriate channel.

You're fired, still,

again, fucking

to the millionth power!

If you would just let me

finish one sentence--

in our last meeting in Portland,

you didn't let me finish

one sentence, and that's

not the appropriate way

to talk to me in a workplace.

This isn't

a fucking workplace!

It's a shitty British

cunt desert!

I don't even know

what that means!

But I'm a human being,

and as a human being,

as a member

of the family of man,

I ask that you please--

As a human being,

I will literally rip

your fucking balls off

and feed them to you

through your fucking ass.

You got that?

Shut your mouth, Whitney!

Come on, Todd.

Let's go sniff out some beav.

Todd.

Hi, Mr. Whitney.

To the bat cave.

...The Superbowl.

All right.

So, what's the deal here?

Hot potholes,

chicks with dicks,

that kinda thing?

Uh, no.

This is, uh, Steve Davis.

He's bigger than Beckham.

Hey, Steve, my man.

How ya doing?

You psyched?

Steve Davis: Yes.

All right, good.

Todd.

Hey!

It's all very exciting

for me.

Steve Davis.

I figured you could

use the extra coin.

Always.

Hi.

Uh, Todd, I don't mean

to tell you your business,

but are you serious?

What?

When I see an ad

with a chick in it,

she better be a ten.

I wanna be like,

"I wanna fuck you so hard,

"your gynecologist

"is gonna need therapy."

But, I mean, this-this is--

get out of my cafe.

Uh, Mr. Wilts, this is

Alice, the owner of the cafe

we're shooting in, right now.

Alice, this is Brent Wilts,

my boss.

This is your boss?

Wait-- this is

the chick you wanna bang?

No-- what?

No, no-- he's, uh, jetlagged.

He's jetlagged

and, uh, been drinking.

Uh, you know,

gave a lot of blood.

Madam, sorry.

I didn't realize that you

were the owner of this place.

I'm so-so sorry.

I mistook you

for some off the street,

scraggety cooze.

So, if you'll permit me,

I would love to take a dump.

Uh, it's right over there.

Great.

Looking forward to it.

I, you know,

it's one of those things.

I think he's nervous

to meet you.

Yeah.

I-I don't think that's it.

Well, it, uh--

so, um, so, you're

thinking about banging me?

No-- Alice, no.

God, no-no-no-no.

Well, what's wrong with me?

Nothing-- oh, my God,

Alice, nothing's wrong.

No, no.

You're-- I-I would happily

bang you, if that's what,

I mean, if that was what you--

Todd, it's okay.

I'm just messing with you.

Oh, what fun you are.

No, I don't-- it's all right.

I don't, uh, think of you

in that way.

Why-- I'm not desirable

to you?

No-- I mean, yes.

I mean, yes,

you are desirable.

I-I mean, if I--

I'm sorry, Todd.

This is just too easy.

I'm-I'm just gonna go over here.

Can we get going here?

There's an interesting

program on telly

I wanna watch at 6:00.

It's an in-depth look

at the history of doors.

Yeah, sure-- uh, okay.

You got a script, right?

No, I wasn't given one.

Uh.

It's all right.

I'm brilliant at improv.

Okay-- all right, good.

Well, uh, all you gotta do

is take a seat here.

We're just gonna

turn the camera on.

You take a drink

of the "Thunder Muscle."

"I'm Steve Davis.

"I drink Thunder Muscle

"when I play Snucker."

Yeah, mate-- it's "Snooker."

Yeah, that's what I said,

"when I play Snucker."

No, it's pronounced

"Snooker."

Yeah, okay-- are you good?

Why am in a cafe?

Shouldn't I be

at a Snooker table?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Alice, do you have

a Snucker table?

No, I'm sorry.

We don't have one.

You'll have to make due

with that table.

What is Snucker, anyway?

And why do you

have a pool cue?

Don't worry about it.

Let's jib down, zoom in,

and we'll do a pan push,

and action.

Oh, God!

No-no-no-no, Steve.

Cut, cut-- Steve, no.

Uh, you love it.

No, I hate it.

It's bloody awful.

Okay, well, uh,

but act like you love it.

Take two,

Steve Davis commercial.

He shouldn't be--

you probably shouldn't

drink too much of that

maybe, because--

Alice, please?

Don't-don't tell an actor

how to do his job.

Oh.

Yeah, okay.

Sorry about that, Steve.

Go ahead.

I'm Steve Davis,

and I love "Thunder Muscle."

Oh, yeah.

"When I play--"

when I play--

"Snucker--"

Snooker.

Right,

"when I play snucker."

Snooker!

Right,

"when I play Snucker."

Snooker!

Um, Todd, maybe,

um, I don't know.

I could give Hudson a ring.

Maybe get him down--

no, I don't need Hudson

to-to-to-to do this.

This is a-- it's a shooting

a commercial.

I know how to do this.

It's easy-- okay.

All right, here we go.

Okay.

Steve, I want you to think

of this can of "Thunder Muscle"

as your long lost lover, okay?

You haven't seen her,

or him, whatever,

in nine, maybe ten years,

going on ten years, okay,

'cause there's a war on.

And you find it after years,

and you embrace,

and you open it up,

and you chug her down, okay?

And you love it,

and ready, and action.

And eye-fuck that can, Davis!

Think of your eyes

as two big dicks.

Ex-excellent note.

Good note, but also

shh because-- okay.

Action!

I'm Steve Davis.

Okay, and

"I drink Thunder Muscle."

Yeah, I know-- I was

pausing for dramatic effect.

Oh, okay, sorry.

And action!

I'm Steve Davis,

international Snooker player

and "Thunder Muscle" drinker.

No-- okay, cut.

Cut-- all right.

You're doing great, buddy.

Here it is.

Steve, you're dying, okay?

Of ass aids.

Of ass aids, and

the only thing that can cure

you is "Thunder Muscle," okay?

And you know where it is.

There's a can remaining,

but the prince of eldar

has locked it up,

the evil prince of eldar,

and put it at the top

of a tower made of-of--

sand!

Sand.

Like "The Mummy!"

Okay.

"The Mummy Two!"

The-the-the "Returns!"

So, you get up to tower,

and you're like,

"finally, I'm gonna live!

"I'm gonna live, damn it!

"I'm Steve Davis,

"and I got somethin' to--"

they snatch the can away.

Oh!

But from upon high

is a twinkling twinkle

that comes and flits

and lands right here,

and it whispers into your ear,

"Steve Davis.

"Steve Davis.

"For the first time,

"Thunder Muscle is available

"in stores."

Holy shit!

And action!

Oh, no, this is Mountford.

You gotta tell me

how this ends.

I'm Steve Davis,

and I love "Thunder Muscle,"

which I drink--

"when I play--"

when I play--

"Snucker."

Look, mate.

The word is "Snooker."

I keep saying--

Snooker!

Snooker!

Snooker!

Snucker.

Snooker!

Get it right!

It's not Snicker!

Not Snacker!

Ow!

Snooker!

Ow!

Snooker!

Snooker!

Snooker!

Ow!

Get off him!

You're not getting paid

for that.

You've already paid me!

Just get out-- out!

You've really let yourself

down today, Steve Davis.

I said that you'll get it.

Just give me one more day.

Goddamn it!

All right, Margaret,

I need that money.

All right,

just leave him alone.

He's been beaten up by

an elderly Snooker player.

What are you doing?

I gotta borrow your wallet.

Okay-- I don't need that.

So, I gotta go take care

of some business,

but I will see you tomorrow

with that money.

Hey, good luck with

the shoot, you guys.

Looks great.

How was the shoot?

What the hell?

What are you doing here?

Uh, selling "Thunder Muscle."

Where's all

the "Thunder Muscle" you stole?

Excuse me?

Don't get smart

with me, okay?

I saw the security tape.

I called the cops.

Whoa, whoa!

No-- you saw me

on the security tape selling

all the "Thunder Muscle" we had.

I would've thought a "thank you"

and "congratulations"

might be more appropriate

than your hurtful accusations.

You sold

all the "Thunder Muscle?"

Yeah-- the Turkish people

from the news agents,

they came in to buy

all the "Thunder Muscle"

we had in stock.

They called up.

And if I wasn't here, if I was,

say, I don't know, on a date,

we'd have lost the sale.

You're welcome.

What happened to you, anyway?

Oh, I-I don't know how

to pronounce "Snooker."

Uh, all right-- if you sold

all the "Thunder Muscle,"

then you have

all the money, right?

Well, not right now.

They said they'd

have it for me today.

I was about to go down there

and collect it.

Dave, how dumb

do you think I am?

Hmm.

You wait here.

I'll get the money.

Suit yourself.

Oh, and, Dave?

Yes?

If you're messing with me,

I'm going straight

to written warning.

[ Speaking foreign language ]

Ahmed: Here, here.

Security cameras here,

and we end here.

Uh, I'm-I'm here

for my money.

Todd Margaret,

what a pleasant surprise.

Please, come-- come sit.

Have some tea-- we were

expecting your co-worker.

Yeah, well, I think

he might be a little out

of his depth on this one.

We much prefer

working with you.

Well, I am the boss.

I should give you your check.

Osmon, where is the check

for Todd Margaret that

I happily wrote out earlier?

Yes, Ahmed.

You asked me to send it

to the victims of Haiti, and

you would write another one.

You're-you're still

giving money to Haiti?

Every day.

It's a Turkish custom.

Hey, Mehtap.

Hey-- okay.

Ow!

Now, I will remember you

forever.

Where is the checkbook?

Where, Osmon?

Where is the checkbook,

so that I may write another

check for Todd Margaret here?

You only have one check

left, sir, and you

wanted to use it to pay

for your wife's operation.

Nonsense-- bring it here.

It is more important that

Todd Margaret get paid,

right away.

Can I have some more tea?

Yes-- yes, of course.

Mehtap, more tea, more tea.

Okay, here we are.

A check, sir, for 30,000 pounds.

Here.

Great-- I'm so--

no, I cannot

do this to a friend.

No-no-no.

Where are my manners?

What are you doing?

I am ashamed of myself!

What?

Who am I to

write you a check?

Kissing your feet

and bathing your buttocks.

No-- only the best for you.

Only the best.

Here-- cash.

Oh, n- I should probably

take a check.

Absolutely not.

You are my best friend.

Take the cash.

It is better for all of us.

No paper trail.

Yeah-- no.

I don't think my boss

is really gonna approve.

Oh, but who is this boss?

Nobody tells Todd Margaret

what to do-- take the cash.

I'll take--

I'll take the cash.

Good.

Hi.

Thirty-two Avington Court,

please.

Yes, it's 68 pounds,

forty-four pence.

I only need another 72,000

pounds more, give or take.

Room service.

Seven twenty, please, mate.

There you go.

Keep the change.

I can't accept this.

Oh, come on.

You drove wonderfully,

and I just made a big sale.

No, it's not that.

No, I'm fairly confident

this is a forgery.

What-what?

See, as far as I remember,

there's no "y"

in bank of England.

And even if there was,

that's Helen Mirren.

Uh, uh, uh, d-drive back

to the place where you

picked me up from, please,

the news agents.

Go back there, please-- hurry!

I'll pay you double in real--

in real English money.

There you go.

Come on, come on.

Oh, fuck!

Fuck!

Oh, fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Um...

-- sync by elderman -- -- for www.addic7ed.com --

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0