Original subtitles

Previously on

"The Increasingly Poor Decisions

"of Todd Margaret"...

Brent Wilts: How would you

like to go to London and sell

energy drinks to the U.K.?

Todd Margaret: I am selling

"Thunder Muscle."

Methap: I have

heard of this.

Good news-- I'm goin'

on a date.

Dave: Who's

the lucky prostitute?

No, seriously, you know

Alice from the cafe?

Alice: I'm really

into molecular gastronomy.

It's my passion.

You wanna look like

a proper English gentleman.

I'm not really that hungry.

That's all you need,

a liquor license?

Done.

Done.

It's the nuts.

I can't eat nuts.

I can't eat nuts.

I'll have a reaction.

It's really bad.

That didn't go down

too well with Sainsbury's.

They had some kind of

problem with me leaving

a toxic drink there.

Well, tell them

to get a lawyer!

Tell them to hire ten lawyers!

This is Sainsbury's?

This is a local grocery store?

No, there's about

a thousand of them.

-- sync by elderman -- -- for www.addic7ed.com --

The Snooker Player, The Black Canadian, The Turkish Terrorist and the Peanut Original Air Date on October 15, 2010 [S01E03]

The charges include:

Consumer fraud, trafficking

in child pornography,

supplying fraudulent documents,

drug running, destruction

of Hindi artifacts.

Order!

Silence in court!

Very good, gentlemen.

Morning, Dave.

That's all right.

That's the bloke I was

telling you about.

See-- I was right?

Who were they?

Did you make a sale?

Oh, no, they were

just from the county.

It's a listed building.

Jesus, Todd, again!

Shouldn't you be

wearing nappies?

Oh, yeah, well, you know,

I asked you to give me

the name of a local

family run store.

That-that Sainsbury place

is huge.

Sainsbury's is

a local family run store.

There's loads of 'em local.

I assume they can

afford a good lawyer.

Yeah, the Sainsbury family

is one of the richest

in England.

Great.

You know, Dave,

this is gettin' real close

to verbal warning territory.

So what'd you tell 'em?

No, you told me

to tell 'em-- hang on,

I've got it here somewhere.

Um... la, la, la.

Oh, "screw that guy.

Tell him, "hire a lawyer."

I know what I said.

"Hire ten lawyers.

"I don't give a shit."

You didn't have

to take it literally.

Uh, "if you wanna go

"deep Sea diving

"with the big boys,

"you're gonna run

"into a giant squid."

Yeah, all right.

Do you think they'll sue?

I didn't think they would

at first, but they did

seem quite upset with

the squid analogy.

Damn it!

Now we have to get a lawyer.

You know what, verbal warning.

I did what you

told me to do!

Let me finish.

Normally, this would make

two solids and a half almost

and then I'd be forced to write

your first written warning,

but seeing as, technically,

yes, you did do what

I told you to do,

then, let's just call it your

second and a half warning.

Oh, thank you, so much, Todd.

With a solid almost

lurking around the corner,

so don't get cocky.

All right, well, can you

recommend any lawyers?

Yeah, yeah, I can.

Uh, there are many

that are pretty good.

My dad's used them before,

a law firm called

"Young and Not."

Young and Not, okay-- thanks.

"Young and Not legal."

There's, like, 25 million

hits on this thing.

Wait, you need a credit card

just to get their info?

Oh, I don't have time for this.

Dave, I gotta go get this

liquor license for Alice.

Take the company credit card

and download everything

those guys got.

Wow!

Well, tits sure are big here.

What, you don't like tits

in the States?

Well, no, yeah,

I just mean physically big...

You know.

It must be all the cheese.

[ Music ]

Is there anything

Beckham won't advertise?

Mandarin orange and essence

of lavender ass oil.

I like your hat.

Yeah, people buy anything,

as long as some sports hero

tells them to...

Number 49.

Yeah, me!

Hi, uh, my name's Todd Margaret.

I wanted to grab

a liquor license.

All right.

Uh, how much does it cost?

You have to apply first.

Uh, that's what I'm doing.

And what is the nature

of your business?

Oh, it's not for me.

It's a gift.

It's for this little cafe

I go to, you know, uh,

salads and sandwiches,

things like that,

and I'd just love to

be able to get in there

and, you know, crack a beer.

Is this a wind up?

You mean like a watch?

Oh, you're asking me

what time it is.

Okay, Mr. Margaret,

I'm gonna have to ask you

to leave.

Leave?

I think, uh, Mr. Benjamin

might have something

to say about that.

Mr. Benjamin?

Mr. Benjamin Franklin.

The American statesman

who invented bifocals.

I don't know about that,

but I do know he invented

a little something I like to

call the hundred dollar bill.

Do you understand what

I'm getting at here?

No, I don't.

I want you to leave.

Oh, okay, right.

England, England.

Uh, there's di--

uh, different money.

Okay, uh, perhaps if

Mr. Winston Churchill

were to show up?

Nope.

Maybe Alfred Hitchcock.

Nope?

William Shakespeare,

Robert Louis Stevenson,

the guy who wrote

"Winnie the Pooh,"

"Winnie the Pooh"-- no?

I don't know who's--

uh, a bull dog,

uh, Monty Python, the Beatles,

an old lady drinking tea,

uh, what about

the prime minister,

Bush's friend, uh,

tiny Tony Blair-- no?

All right, or king, right?

There's a king.

What if King Kong?

I don't know

who's on your money!

Look, I-- fine-- really?

You're gonna make me--

all right, what if...

Uh, Mr...

Well, who the hell

is Adam Smith?

How am I supposed

to guess that?

Sir, you have ten seconds

to leave my office,

or I'll have you arrested!

We don't accept bribes here!

Well, good, 'cause

I'm not offering a bribe!

Shame on you!

Shame, shame!

Dave, congratulations!

I'm expanding

your job description.

I'm making you head

endorsement deal picker outer.

Okay.

Now, with that new title

comes responsibility.

I want you to call

David Beckham and make him

an offer to endorse

"Thunder Muscle."

Beckham-- um...

Oh, why?

What, what?

It's just, you know,

Beckham, energy drinks.

You want someone that is

"Thunder Muscle," don't you?

Okay, I'll tell you what.

Let me call the head office,

find out how much money

I can spend on it--

I'll tell you what, chief.

You leave this one up to me,

and I will get you your man.

Oh, great-- thanks, Dave.

Todd, you might want

to go out and get yourself

a new pair of jeans, mate.

Yeah, good idea.

All right.

Hey, Todd Margaret.

I dropped off that

Thunder Muscle

for you yesterday.

You guys were

pretty excited about it.

Oh, hi-- hey.

Man: Todd Margaret.

Ahmed-- good to see you.

Hi.

I'd like to talk to you

about that.

Would you like some chai?

Methap.

Oh, hey, where'd you get

that liquor license from?

The liquor license?

Yeah, I need to get one

for a friends of mine.

Here, my friend, take it.

Really?

Yes, my friend, of course,

of course.

You can change

the name right here.

You can write over it

and initial.

You know what,

I will typex that for you.

Wow!

Thank you, very much.

Mr. Margaret,

may I ask something in return?

Yeah, sure-- whatever.

I would like to see

your passport.

My passport?

Yes, I would like

to look at it for a bit.

I don't understand.

Excuse me-- sorry, sorry.

Um, I am writing a book

about American passports.

You know, something

to read on the loo.

It will be fun to

look at, this book.

Yeah, okay-- sure.

Uh, you know, I wanna

contribute to the arts.

Thank you, thank you.

Uh, very good, very good.

Typical passport.

Perfect, perfect.

Oh, what is the name

for the license?

Oh, Alice Bell

Gracelands Cafe.

Okay, Alice Bell, coming up.

You have my passport.

Okay-- here's the tea.

Here's the tea.

Where-where's he going

with my passport?

Oh, it was dirty.

He will clean it for you.

It is tradition.

Oh, that's nice.

Tea.

Oh, thank you-- that's good.

Okay, here.

Wow-- great.

Thank you, so much.

Pleasure.

Well, I have your number,

so I-I can call.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, no-- that'd be great,

if it's okay with your dad.

He's not my dad.

Oh, oh, wait-- are you?

No.

Are you?

Yeah.

Bye.

Afternoon, Alice.

Hi.

What are you wearing?

What-- it's an

"I love England" t-shirt.

No, it's a-- let me guess.

Dave.

Yeah, I told him

to go get me some stuff.

Anyway, I have, uh, something

I want to show you.

Yeah, hang on.

I've just gotta throw

this black pudding out.

It's too old.

Oh, I'll give you a hand.

Thank you.

All right, come on.

Let's go-- get up.

You're too old to be in here.

Let's go, let's go.

Todd, what are you doing?

What?

I'm talking about this.

This is black pudding.

I'm getting rid of this.

Oh, God, oh, yeah!

No, sit down.

I was just-- we're--

yeah, go ahead-- sit down.

Oh, I am so sorry.

I'm not-I'm not racist,

just to be clear.

All right, that was--

I'm not-I'm not racist.

Just-- no, I love everyone.

I really do.

I'm totally tolerant,

uh, uh, Chinese, Japanese,

whatever you are,

wherever you're from, I love it.

I'm from London.

Well, come on,

you know what I mean.

Todd, shut up, please!

Sorry-- he-he's American.

He-he hasn't been here

very long.

Just put the jacket on

and cover that.

- All right.

Anyway, Alice...

You know that little

alcohol problem

you've been having?

I don't have

an alcohol problem.

Well, I don't know--

you don't now.

What's this?

Oh, a little somethin'

I like to call

your new liquor license.

Oh, my God, you did it!

I thought you were

full of shit!

I told you

I can get things done.

Remember about the giant squid?

Oh, yeah.

Todd, I don't know what to say.

Uh, how 'bout

"thank you, Todd?"

Thank you, thank you.

Todd!

Um, I'd like to cook you

dinner to say "thank you."

A romantic dinner?

Well, a-a dinner,

but at my flat, not yours.

You-yours is-is disgusting.

It's filthy.

I'd rather spend the evening

up a tramp's asshole

oh, hey, that sounds great,

but I got to go.

Okay, well, thank you.

"Thunder Muscle"

is about energy,

it's about dynamism,

it's about vitality, okay?

We're not selling a drink.

We're selling

a dynamic lifestyle,

and we think you'd be

the perfect new face

for "Thunder Muscle."

What do you say?

How much do I get?

Well, I'm authorized

to go as high as $50,000.

I want pounds.

Oh, sure, yeah, yeah.

Dollars, pounds, whatever.

Okay, here's what I'm thinking:

Twenty thousand up front.

Then, based on how effective

the ads are, we negotiate

bonus points-- what do you say?

You said you'd go up

to 50,000.

Well, that's as high

as I can go, but

let's start with 20,000.

No, I'll take 50,000.

Well, okay, uh, perhaps

I made a slight mistake

in telling you how high

we can go, but let's start

with 25,000,

then, we'll negotiate--

fifty.

Okay, Steve,

you don't get it.

Uh, all right,

you're twistin' my arm here.

Let's say 30,000.

I think you don't get it.

I want 50,000 pounds,

or I'm out the door.

Okay, 50,000 it is.

Deal.

All right-- great.

All right, I wanna get

started on this right away.

Yeah, I can't do tuesdays.

I take my recycling

to the tip on tuesdays.

Sure, uh, no Tuesday.

No, no tuesdays.

All right, uh, Steve Davis,

it's $50,000-- oh, whoa,

whoa, whoa, no, not dollars,

but English pounds.

When in Rome, eh?

The English way.

Okay, there you go.

Excuse me, mate.

Is this your 50p up here?

Yeah, I've gotta go.

Okay, lookin' forward to it.

Sweet!

Well, done.

That was brilliant!

That is some good

negotiation' skills.

I love the way that

you didn't let him, let you,

let him take "no" for an answer.

Yeah, yeah.

Um...

Who is he again?

Steve Davis.

He's a world champion

Snooker player.

I should call

the head office.

Let them know the good news.

Oh, I'm sure

they'll be very excited.

Oh, I think so, too.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, I better get this.

Hello.

Hello, this is Todd Margaret

in the London office.

Bollocks!

Hey.

Hi.

You found your way?

Yeah.

Well, you look very, uh, adult.

Pretty-- like a pretty adult.

That's lovely-- thank you.

I brought you flowers.

Oh, no, oh, I mean,

that's sweet, but

it's-it's too much.

Todd, it's just

a bit of dinner.

Oh...

Here-- put this on.

I can't look at you in that.

Did you used to be

really fat?

No, it's

my ex-boyfriend's shirt.

Oh.

Hey, Alice, big news.

"Thunder Muscle" took

a huge step today.

Oh, yeah?

We signed Steve Davis

to an exclusive endorsement

deal, fifty thousand pounds.

Who?

Steve Davis.

He's an internationally

famous Snooker player,

bigger than Beckham.

Oh, speak of the devil.

Steve Davis is here?

Man: Hi, you must be Todd.

Yeah, hi.

It's a nice shirt.

I still wear it in bed.

Hello, I'm Hudson.

Ho-how are you?

Good.

Oh, don't mind me.

I just popped down to see Alice.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay-- cool.

Well, uh, ah,

it was nice to meet ya.

See ya later.

We're gonna have dinner.

Oh, no, no, Hudson's

stayin' for the weekend.

He's stayin' here.

Oh, you-you're stay--

oh, uh, oh, you're staying--

oh, okay-- you're staying here.

Yeah, I came down from Leeds.

Of course, you did.

Excuse me?

No, I can hear

your accent, so I figured.

Well, I'm from

anterbury, actually.

I'm just working in Leeds.

I'm directing

the new Cribs video.

Okay, sit down, you two.

I hope you're both hungry.

Alice, I'm always hungry

for whatever you got.

Oh!

Alice, when it comes

to whatever you've got,

I'm always hungry.

Okay, thanks for that, Todd.

Okay, shall we eat?

I'll be mother.

There you go.

Tell me if you want

seconds or anything.

Everyone tuck in.

What-what is this?

Oh, it's just a flash-frozen

de-ionized duck tail toothpaste.

My favorite.

I know.

It-it comes

with a ganache of, um,

devolved pancettic gasses.

It's in there.

Just pop these off

and stick your straw in.

Suck it up.

Ham farts?

No, not ham farts,

pancetta gas.

Brush appetit.

Mmm.

Mmm, Mmm.

That's good.

Are you finished

with your plates?

Mmm-hmm.

Alice, that was really,

really good.

Thank you.

You ready for dessert?

Yeah.

Okay, I'll just print it out.

And I love your place, too.

It's really, uh,

you know, cozy.

Yeah, it's one of those

places you just wanna

lie in bed all day.

No offense, Todd, but your

place is a total shit hole.

Oh, that place.

Well, that's temporary,

you know, while my, uh, real

place is being renovated.

Oh, well, that makes

more sense, because you're

the head of a big company.

Mmm-hmm.

Where's your new place?

Uh, it's over the bridge.

Oh, whi-which bridge?

You know that one that,

um, goes over the water,

there's-there's

a street it's on.

Hey, Hudson, you look like

a bit of a sports meat head.

You're never gonna guess who

I met today, Steve Davis,

famous snicker player.

Signed him to

an exclusive deal

with "Thunder Muscle."

He's bigger than Beckham.

Okay-- good for you.

Yeah-- did a little

wheelin' and dealin'.

Got him down to $50,000.

I thought you said

"50,000 pounds?"

Yeah, dollars, pounds,

same diff.

Well, no-- not at all.

There's quite a difference.

Well, well, how?

Because of

the exchange rates.

What-- you're saying

costs money to exchange it.

Then, I just won't exchange it.

Yeah, but it doesn't

work that way.

Surely you understand

about exchange rates.

Yeah-- oh, right!

Exchange rates.

Okay.

Here we are-- dessert.

Oh, thanks.

Great-- Mmm.

A toast.

Yeah.

To a delicious meal.

And an even more

delicious woman.

Not that I'd know.

I don't-- is she?

You know, don't answer that.

Just-just, you know,

I'm sure she is.

Is she-- she is.

You are-- I'm sure.

Evenin'-- after you.

Let's talk, my friend.

Yeah, but I thought

that Colin was wonderful

in "Single Man."

He was wonderful, but

I think it was Tom Ford's,

you know, imagery that

really lifted that film.

Have seen "Prophet?"

Oh, yeah-- it's amazing.

Yeah.

I went to see, um,

a "Q" and "A" by the director.

Right.

The Renoir in Russell Square.

He was amazing.

He's actually got

very similar views to you

about the language of hew--

you know, Todd,

we were just, um--

Hudson's just won a couple

of Genies for his film

"A Dusk in the Belly of God."

Canadian Oscars.

Yeah, tell him about it.

It's about

two priest brothers

who try to come to terms

with their mother's death

by building a boat.

Is it in 3d?

No.

Not interested.

See, no offense, Hudson,

but to me, the mark

of a true director

is what one doesn't see.

In 3d?

That just doesn't make sense.

Well, it's like

my dad says...

Oh... I'm sorry.

He recently passed.

Oh, my papa.

Todd!

What are you doing!?

What-- you scared

the shit out of me!

Jesus-- your nut allergy.

They're chocolate covered

hazelnuts!

You said you were

allergic to nuts.

What-- oh, no!

[ Hollowly groaning ]

Oh, I'm allergic

to nuts, too.

I've got epinephrine in my bag.

Okay, well, I'm gonna call

an ambulance-- I'm gonna call

an ambulance.

No, it's not that bad!

It's clearing up!

It's clearing up!

I'll get you some water!

No, don't call an ambulance!

No, it's goin'way-- look.

It was a little one.

You nearly gave me

a heart attack.

Do you wanna lie down?

Ow!

What is that-- God!

[ Screaming and stammering ]

Do something!

It isn't working.

It's not working.

Do it to him, again!

Stick it in him, again!

He's gonna be okay.

He's just had

a reaction to the epinephrine.

Nothing out of the ordinary,

just massive erection,

shat himself, but he'll be fine.

Thank you, Hudson.

Thank you, so much.

It's okay.

All right, sir,

get some rest and, uh,

change your pants.

What is the exchange rate

in dollars to pounds?

Uh, it's a little more

than one and a half.

So 50,000 pounds

would be...

About $80,000.

Oh, I'll get it for you.

Brent Wilts.

Hey, nut breath,

how's it goin'?

Good, really good.

What's up?

I'm very psyched

about those sales numbers.

Impressive.

Hey, listen, I'm in Lisbon

at this frickin' boat show

that sucks-- no thanks.

So I'm kinda freed up and I'm

gonna come see you tomorrow.

I come for Mr. Todd.

Is you Alice?

Yeah.

[ Violin begins playing ]

Is this right?

You say come at 10:00.

You say, it will,

uh, seal the deal.

Oh....

-- sync by elderman -- -- for www.addic7ed.com --

[ Music ]

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0