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1
00:01:29,205 --> 00:01:33,869
Yeah, kids these days with their long hair.
2
00:01:34,277 --> 00:01:37,880
You can't even tell the boils
from the ghouls.
3
00:01:37,881 --> 00:01:42,818
And when they do want a cut,
they go to one of those fancy salons
4
00:01:42,819 --> 00:01:47,813
like Jose Slay-ber or Videad Sassoon.
5
00:01:48,491 --> 00:01:52,094
It's enough to make you
terror your hair out.
6
00:01:55,665 --> 00:01:59,034
I guess that towel was a little too hot.
7
00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:01,670
Still, I think it's a good look for you.
8
00:02:01,671 --> 00:02:04,573
Once it's groan out,
I'm sure you'll love it.
9
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:13,248
Which brings to mind
the young men in tonight's terror tale.
10
00:02:13,249 --> 00:02:17,453
They're about to try
a new scare-style, as well,
11
00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:23,484
in a delightful little die-job
I call "Doctor Of Horror".
12
00:02:42,846 --> 00:02:47,449
Callaghan's Mortuary has
a 40-year tradition of service to uphold.
13
00:02:47,450 --> 00:02:49,950
Peace of mind and serenity.
14
00:02:56,726 --> 00:03:01,597
A stolen body would be a scandal.
It would destroy this fine institution.
15
00:03:01,598 --> 00:03:04,828
- Do you understand that?
- Yes, sir.
16
00:03:08,571 --> 00:03:11,373
- You can count on us, sir.
- No, I can't.
17
00:03:11,374 --> 00:03:13,676
You're useless, lowlife shit heads.
18
00:03:13,677 --> 00:03:20,687
If there's so much as a coffin handle
missing in the morning, you are fired.
19
00:03:22,152 --> 00:03:24,882
Fuck you, son of a bitch.
20
00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:28,204
Who do you think you're talking to?
21
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,345
Put his stupid ass on a slab.
22
00:03:31,394 --> 00:03:35,030
Richard, please try to remember
we need this job.
23
00:03:35,031 --> 00:03:39,001
Okay, Charlie,
don't you have any ambition?
24
00:03:39,202 --> 00:03:42,532
What we need, my friend, is a break.
25
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,560
When do we get to eat?
26
00:03:55,652 --> 00:03:58,152
- Hey. Hey!
- Hey!
27
00:04:01,925 --> 00:04:05,194
Jesus Christ. Hey, where you going?
Where you going?
28
00:04:05,195 --> 00:04:07,429
- You're under arrest.
- You're not the police.
29
00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:09,965
No, but we can darn sure hold you
till the real police get here.
30
00:04:09,966 --> 00:04:11,433
- Let's go, old man.
- I can't believe this.
31
00:04:11,434 --> 00:04:13,802
- We caught a body snatcher.
- Shut up.
32
00:04:13,803 --> 00:04:15,771
How much do you boys make?
33
00:04:15,772 --> 00:04:18,272
- Excuse me?
- How much?
34
00:04:18,374 --> 00:04:20,175
- Not enough.
- That's what I thought.
35
00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:26,048
Now, I will pay you 500 bucks
if you'll help me steal this corpse.
36
00:04:26,049 --> 00:04:28,813
- 500 bucks?
- Each.
37
00:04:41,231 --> 00:04:43,799
You know, I thought we were going
to a hospital or something.
38
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,167
Yeah, right, Charlie.
39
00:04:45,168 --> 00:04:47,336
Hey, he said he was a surgeon, didn't he?
40
00:04:47,337 --> 00:04:49,538
Well, the man obviously
works out of the home.
41
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,673
I'm not allowed in hospitals anymore.
42
00:04:51,674 --> 00:04:53,108
Oh, boy.
43
00:04:53,109 --> 00:04:54,943
Which way?
44
00:04:54,944 --> 00:04:57,504
Oh, here. The wine cellar.
45
00:04:58,348 --> 00:05:00,848
Good, I could use a drink.
46
00:05:03,653 --> 00:05:05,754
Jeez, Doc. What stinks?
47
00:05:05,755 --> 00:05:09,020
Never mind that now. Here we are.
48
00:05:09,459 --> 00:05:12,149
Come on. Let's go. Let's go.
49
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:35,217
So, just what are you
gonna do to her, Doc?
50
00:05:35,218 --> 00:05:39,087
Well, that, my boy,
is beyond your imagination.
51
00:05:39,088 --> 00:05:40,989
Oh, there...
52
00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:44,827
There's nothing perverted about it,
if that's what you're worried about.
53
00:05:44,828 --> 00:05:47,338
I'm searching for her soul.
54
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:49,398
Oh, shit.
55
00:05:52,435 --> 00:05:55,315
Dude, he didn't do nothing yet.
56
00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:02,978
Man, oh, man.
57
00:06:02,979 --> 00:06:05,614
I am convinced that the soul exists
58
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:11,153
in a microscopic gland that is located
somewhere along the spine.
59
00:06:11,154 --> 00:06:13,794
It is the last thing to die,
60
00:06:14,224 --> 00:06:19,154
releasing the life force
days after conventional death.
61
00:06:19,996 --> 00:06:21,330
What does the gland look like?
62
00:06:21,331 --> 00:06:22,965
I haven't seen it yet.
63
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:28,526
I've dissected dozens of corpses and,
like some elusive prey,
64
00:06:28,838 --> 00:06:33,888
it vanishes,
just when I think I have it in my sights.
65
00:06:35,445 --> 00:06:39,882
When you find it,
what are you gonna do with it?
66
00:06:39,883 --> 00:06:42,017
Oh, not that much.
67
00:06:42,018 --> 00:06:45,044
- Just play God.
- I feel sick.
68
00:06:46,956 --> 00:06:49,558
Well, get over it, man,
'cause this shit is amazing.
69
00:06:49,559 --> 00:06:54,363
If I can locate the soul, I can unlock the
deepest secrets of the human condition.
70
00:06:54,364 --> 00:06:56,798
Why is one man a saint
and another a monster?
71
00:06:56,799 --> 00:06:58,934
And can I change a monster into a saint
72
00:06:58,935 --> 00:07:03,605
by manipulating
his essential metaphysical substance?
73
00:07:06,709 --> 00:07:09,209
That's trippy, Doc.
74
00:07:11,814 --> 00:07:14,314
- Ls that it, there?
- No!
75
00:07:15,985 --> 00:07:20,012
No, it will be incandescent.
76
00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:23,191
Perhaps only a pinpoint of light.
77
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:26,862
Even a skilled surgeon would miss it,
unless he believed it was there.
78
00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,530
Can it be that ethereal?
79
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:31,600
Can it shift and move
with a will of its own?
80
00:07:31,601 --> 00:07:34,434
Will it elude me forever?
81
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:38,172
Oh, God. Oh, dear God.
82
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:56,325
So, the search continues.
You still want that drink?
83
00:07:56,326 --> 00:07:58,826
Sure.
84
00:08:00,096 --> 00:08:05,434
Got some work for you here.
It will get you another $500.
85
00:08:05,435 --> 00:08:07,935
Hello.
86
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:12,954
Normally, I can dispose of them
when it suits me,
87
00:08:13,543 --> 00:08:17,879
but this freezer's been acting up.
It's 40-years-old.
88
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:22,584
Well, this is gonna cost you
a helluva lot more than $500.
89
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:25,153
All right, Richard, how much?
90
00:08:25,154 --> 00:08:27,654
Well, a lot more.
91
00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:30,492
Well, say $600.
92
00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:34,062
Done.
93
00:08:34,063 --> 00:08:37,899
All right, there's an old well
not far from here.
94
00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:43,736
It's ideal for disposing of things.
95
00:08:44,207 --> 00:08:48,944
Okay, come on. We're gonna need
some tarp and some rope.
96
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:51,445
Come on. Come on.
97
00:09:00,523 --> 00:09:03,525
He's trying to steal their souls.
98
00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:07,329
How can the dead rest
if they don't have their souls?
99
00:09:07,330 --> 00:09:09,331
Are you kidding me?
100
00:09:09,332 --> 00:09:13,368
Dude, Dr. Orloff's got an excuse
for talking that shit. He's nuts.
101
00:09:13,369 --> 00:09:19,041
You're seriously stupid,
but the last time I checked, you were sane.
102
00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:21,676
Don't you believe in souls, Richard?
103
00:09:21,677 --> 00:09:23,278
Don't you believe in anything?
104
00:09:23,279 --> 00:09:27,589
Yeah, I believe
I got $1,000 right here, baby.
105
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,920
More money than I've ever seen in my life.
106
00:09:31,921 --> 00:09:35,123
They're gonna be lost forever,
no way home.
107
00:09:35,124 --> 00:09:37,624
Oh, good Lord.
108
00:09:43,299 --> 00:09:45,534
Yeah, that's plenty deep.
109
00:09:45,535 --> 00:09:50,739
Charlie! Hoist up one of them suckers.
I'll be right there.
110
00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:53,240
Charlie, Charlie.
111
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:56,009
Charlie, hoist.
112
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:18,400
God damn it!
113
00:10:18,401 --> 00:10:20,435
Come here. Damn it.
114
00:10:20,436 --> 00:10:22,270
What the hell are you doing?
115
00:10:22,271 --> 00:10:26,139
We are working here, okay?
116
00:10:27,810 --> 00:10:30,320
Freak out on your own time.
117
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,980
Jesus.
118
00:10:39,622 --> 00:10:41,756
You know,
I still don't feel good about this.
119
00:10:41,757 --> 00:10:44,257
Yeah, well, I do, Charlie.
120
00:10:44,327 --> 00:10:49,831
Just gotta keep our story straight, okay?
We got a little drunk, we fell asleep.
121
00:10:49,832 --> 00:10:54,269
Because it's exactly what that prick
would expect us to do, anyway.
122
00:10:54,270 --> 00:10:56,705
We are off the hook, baby.
123
00:10:56,706 --> 00:11:01,643
Yes, we are off the hook. Yes, we are!
124
00:11:14,557 --> 00:11:17,517
God damn it! Get up, you idiots!
125
00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:23,897
Get up. Where is she?
126
00:11:26,335 --> 00:11:28,835
- Who?
- Mrs. Myers.
127
00:11:29,572 --> 00:11:31,106
Oh, yeah.
128
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:34,943
Sir, I don't know.
We were patrolling the halls all night.
129
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,444
- You're lying.
- No, sir.
130
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,714
What's this?
131
00:11:39,715 --> 00:11:44,419
Drunk. You're drunk, and I'm going to
lose a 40-year business because of it.
132
00:11:44,420 --> 00:11:47,656
You're fired. Get out of here, now.
133
00:11:47,657 --> 00:11:49,391
- We're fired?
- You're fired.
134
00:11:49,392 --> 00:11:51,626
Fine, we're fired.
135
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:56,307
You know what?
We don't want your shit job anyway.
136
00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:59,935
How did you get that mud on your boots?
137
00:11:59,936 --> 00:12:03,205
- How did you get that tear in your jeans?
- Charlie, let's go.
138
00:12:03,206 --> 00:12:05,907
- What have you two been up to?
- Charlie, let's go.
139
00:12:05,908 --> 00:12:08,443
You took her, didn't you?
I'm going to the police.
140
00:12:08,444 --> 00:12:12,514
You stay right here.
I'm going to the police.
141
00:12:12,515 --> 00:12:15,678
- Damn!
- Sir. Sir?
142
00:12:16,118 --> 00:12:18,920
Sir, I just wanna explain one thing, okay?
One second?
143
00:12:18,921 --> 00:12:21,590
Sir, sir, could you stop running,
please, sir?
144
00:12:21,591 --> 00:12:25,026
Sir, please don't go for the cops, sir.
Can I just say one thing?
145
00:12:25,027 --> 00:12:27,689
Sir, please. Hello?
146
00:12:27,763 --> 00:12:31,893
Sir. Oh, sir? Sir? Sir?
147
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:34,468
Sir? Sir!
148
00:12:36,772 --> 00:12:40,538
- Sir! Sir! Sir!
- That's enough! Stop it!
149
00:12:40,610 --> 00:12:41,810
- Get off me!
- Stop it!
150
00:12:41,811 --> 00:12:43,812
- Hey, get off me!
- Listen, you are killing him!
151
00:12:43,813 --> 00:12:46,381
What do you think I'm trying to do? Sir!
152
00:12:46,382 --> 00:12:49,584
Listen, listen,
do you want to go to jail for murder?
153
00:12:49,585 --> 00:12:51,353
Is that what you want?
154
00:12:53,956 --> 00:12:56,456
Oh, thank God.
155
00:12:57,393 --> 00:12:59,561
He's still alive.
156
00:12:59,562 --> 00:13:02,102
Okay, all right. Look, look.
157
00:13:02,765 --> 00:13:05,967
Let's get him to Dr. Orloff, okay? All right?
158
00:13:05,968 --> 00:13:08,003
- Yeah.
- He can take care of him.
159
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:12,794
Yeah, Doctor Orloff will take care of him
real good.
160
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,779
This wasn't very smart of you, Richard.
161
00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:22,217
You know what, Doc? I really don't need
another lecture right now.
162
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,718
I don't suppose you do.
163
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:28,990
All right, you two wait in the hallway.
I'll have more work for you.
164
00:13:28,991 --> 00:13:31,491
Yes, sir.
165
00:13:36,932 --> 00:13:40,026
I can't do this, Richard. I quit.
166
00:13:40,102 --> 00:13:45,373
What? Security watchman? I think
we already handed in our resignation.
167
00:13:45,374 --> 00:13:47,108
You know good and well
what I'm talking about.
168
00:13:47,109 --> 00:13:50,919
I'm talking about working for that doctor.
169
00:14:01,324 --> 00:14:03,925
Why? Why would you want to quit?
We got a good thing going here.
170
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,061
- 'Cause it's wrong.
- It's wrong?
171
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:09,964
- Yeah, it's wrong.
Charlie, we're carting around dead people.
172
00:14:09,965 --> 00:14:13,702
- I don't think they care.
- Their souls care, Richard.
173
00:14:13,703 --> 00:14:17,593
Oh, God,
would you please change the tape?
174
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:27,449
Look, bud, I'm real sorry if you're
having troubles with our career move,
175
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:31,440
but you quit when I tell you, you can quit.
176
00:14:32,655 --> 00:14:36,853
- Okay?
- Boys! Come in here. Hurry.
177
00:14:41,664 --> 00:14:45,166
All my years of searching
and I finally found it.
178
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:51,017
The soul gland. The moment
I went to extract it, it disappeared.
179
00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:55,009
Then this shit heel
up and dies on you, huh?
180
00:14:55,010 --> 00:14:57,145
Well, that's just plain rude.
181
00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,849
I don't fully understand
why I found it now.
182
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:04,547
- But I did.
- I know why you found it.
183
00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:13,021
He was alive
when you started to cut him up.
184
00:15:15,197 --> 00:15:17,665
You thought
185
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:21,269
that you could get the soul gland
out of dead people,
186
00:15:21,270 --> 00:15:24,790
but, by then, it's already disappeared.
187
00:15:26,442 --> 00:15:30,105
See, souls don't just hang around.
188
00:15:32,148 --> 00:15:34,898
No, you were wrong about that.
189
00:15:35,418 --> 00:15:38,253
They go on to their just reward.
190
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:42,816
That is, unless you steal them.
191
00:15:43,993 --> 00:15:46,493
Of course.
192
00:15:47,196 --> 00:15:50,136
You're absolutely right, Charlie.
193
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:52,699
Positively brilliant.
194
00:15:52,935 --> 00:15:55,435
You know,
195
00:15:55,905 --> 00:15:59,306
you shouldn't steal souls, Doctor.
196
00:16:00,075 --> 00:16:02,777
It's all in the name of science, Charlie.
197
00:16:02,778 --> 00:16:05,280
You know, Doc, I think Charlie's right.
198
00:16:05,281 --> 00:16:10,344
I mean about being wrong,
doing what we're doing here.
199
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,723
Charlie, why don't you...
It's all right, it's all right.
200
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:20,528
Just go wait out in the truck. I wanna
try to explain to him what I mean.
201
00:16:20,529 --> 00:16:23,329
Go ahead. I'll be right there.
202
00:16:29,839 --> 00:16:34,142
- We got a Charlie problem here, Doc.
- Well, he's, he's...
203
00:16:34,143 --> 00:16:38,346
He's simple-minded and good-hearted,
and that is a dangerous combination.
204
00:16:38,347 --> 00:16:41,349
Yeah, well, he is going to get us busted.
205
00:16:41,350 --> 00:16:46,670
Just to ease his conscience?
He must have a vigorous soul.
206
00:16:49,091 --> 00:16:51,591
Do you want to find out?
207
00:16:53,729 --> 00:16:57,379
Yeah, I though you might like that idea.
208
00:16:57,833 --> 00:17:02,670
I tell you, this is a pretty interesting gig
you got here, Doc.
209
00:17:02,671 --> 00:17:04,305
How long do you have to go to school
210
00:17:04,306 --> 00:17:08,009
before you can start
cutting things up and stuff?
211
00:17:08,010 --> 00:17:10,510
- Career planning?
- Maybe.
212
00:17:12,982 --> 00:17:15,482
Told you I was ambitious.
213
00:17:18,888 --> 00:17:21,388
Say, "Ah."
214
00:17:31,667 --> 00:17:34,397
Okay, all right. That's it.
215
00:17:35,337 --> 00:17:39,541
- I'm finished.
- Charlie. Dude, dude, dude, listen.
216
00:17:39,542 --> 00:17:44,312
I'm real sorry I went off on you
like that before. I just...
217
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:48,316
Anyway, you want to quit working
for Dr. Orloff,
218
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,885
you go right ahead and quit.
219
00:17:50,886 --> 00:17:55,726
- I've already quit.
- You want a drink? Have a drink.
220
00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:10,644
That's not all I'm gonna do.
I'm going to the cops.
221
00:18:12,241 --> 00:18:14,741
I'm gonna turn myself in.
222
00:18:17,413 --> 00:18:22,833
There is no way I'm gonna live
with this on my conscience.
223
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:30,358
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. I knew you were
gonna do something stupid like that.
224
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,399
That's why you're drinking ether.
225
00:18:35,898 --> 00:18:38,992
Still alive. Just like you wanted.
226
00:18:40,302 --> 00:18:42,802
You gonna cut him up?
227
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:49,453
Just the usual incision.
Don't be so disappointed.
228
00:18:49,945 --> 00:18:55,975
Once I've removed the gland,
you can cut to your heart's content.
229
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:20,370
Extraordinary.
The better the soul, the stronger the light.
230
00:19:21,744 --> 00:19:24,684
I must preserve this immediately.
231
00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:41,427
Doc?
232
00:19:42,097 --> 00:19:46,407
You do what you want.
You're my assistant now.
233
00:20:09,425 --> 00:20:11,925
Here we go, Charlie.
234
00:20:13,095 --> 00:20:19,895
Now, you get to hang out with all
those lost souls you were worried about.
235
00:20:28,410 --> 00:20:30,910
- Hello, Richard.
- Hi.
236
00:20:33,782 --> 00:20:36,478
Hey, Doc. Champagne's on me.
237
00:20:37,553 --> 00:20:42,613
- Guess what we're celebrating.
- What are we celebrating?
238
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,559
My new pay raise.
239
00:20:45,861 --> 00:20:49,664
- Richard, you're not getting a raise.
- Yes, I am.
240
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:52,900
All the deliveries I've been making,
all the souls you've been collecting.
241
00:20:52,901 --> 00:20:56,651
And I've been so quiet about it. So far.
242
00:21:11,587 --> 00:21:15,823
I'm feeling very, very unappreciated
right now, Doc!
243
00:21:15,824 --> 00:21:17,258
Oh, you pathetic loser. Yeah! Yeah!
244
00:21:17,259 --> 00:21:18,926
- What did you call me?
- You think you gonna kill me,
245
00:21:18,927 --> 00:21:22,447
and then you're gonna get appreciation?
246
00:21:23,098 --> 00:21:25,598
What the hell was that?
247
00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:33,732
What have you done with my soul?
248
00:21:47,322 --> 00:21:51,872
Pull back the skin
and cut through to the muscle.
249
00:21:52,394 --> 00:21:54,894
Right, Doctor?
250
00:22:00,602 --> 00:22:04,472
Charlie, no.
Charlie, what're you doing, man? Come on.
251
00:22:04,473 --> 00:22:08,671
Not much. I'm just going to play God.
252
00:22:09,645 --> 00:22:13,080
- I'm gonna steal your soul, Richard.
- Oh, no.
253
00:22:13,081 --> 00:22:14,182
Charlie, come on.
254
00:22:14,183 --> 00:22:17,251
You don't wanna hurt me.
Come on, you're good.
255
00:22:17,252 --> 00:22:20,244
On the contrary, Richard,
256
00:22:20,322 --> 00:22:22,623
I was good.
257
00:22:22,624 --> 00:22:26,185
You stole my soul. Remember?
258
00:22:28,697 --> 00:22:31,197
Charlie, no. Charlie, no.
259
00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:50,751
That Charlie.
And you thought he was mixed up before.
260
00:22:54,489 --> 00:22:58,826
As a matter of fact,
I just got a card from Charlie.
261
00:22:58,827 --> 00:23:05,097
He went on to open up a chain
of private clubs, for dismembers only.
262
00:23:06,268 --> 00:23:11,968
And Richard went into medicine,
specializing in intensive scare.
263
00:23:12,374 --> 00:23:15,275
So, I've got a free chair.
264
00:23:15,344 --> 00:23:20,414
How about a little trim?
I promise I won't take off too much.
265
00:23:22,417 --> 00:23:25,352
Shave and a haircut, two bits.
20975
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