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www.Tvsubtitles.Net
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I've walked down liberty avenue,
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Oh, i don't know how many times,
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Checking out the guys, enjoying the view,
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No problema.
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That was, until i met him.
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Am i going crazy?
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Cheers. Cheers.
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I'm just feeling a little vulnerable, that's all,
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Since ben and i broke up.
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But i'll be over that soon enough,
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Courtesy of "pittsburgh man-2-Man".
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Hi, this is barry. I'm in my late 20s.
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I love to eat in or out.
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I'd say i'm a well-Rounded guy.
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Can you pass the butter?
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Hey, guys, i'm marcus,
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A motivated business professional with clearly defined goals.
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When you're ready to make a long-Term commitment, call me.
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Have you thought about...
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term life insurance?
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Hey, i'm ed.
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Great body, great personality,
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Looking to pamper that special someone.
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He wanted to diaper me.
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Aw, poor baby.
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What did you expect from a 30-Second voice personal?
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Honesty. I didn't lie in my ad.
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Much.
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You called and listened
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To my ad?
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It's a free country.
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"Hey, it's mike.
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Cute, swimmer build.
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Where you goin'? Boy-Nextdoor type."
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Sounds good.
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You also added a couple extra inches.
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To his height. I-I...
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but i was very pleased to hear
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That you're versatile,
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And not a total bottom.
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Ah, sounds even better.
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Can i interject just one word of motherly advice?
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Interject away.
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You're never gonna get a boyfriend
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From voice mail.
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But if you really, really want to meet somebody,
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Go see my friend. "Ida pearlstein,
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Matchmaker".
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I could make a lot of trite musical theatre references right now.
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But i won't.
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Your friends are freaks, ma.
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I'm not going to be set up by some oldyenta.
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Michael...
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see those lovebirds over there?
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Ida fixed them up.
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They're celebrating their third.
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Don't they look happy?
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Or heavily medicated.
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Now i say try adam and steve internet dating.
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Eh? See what you're getting before you get it, you know.
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Weed out the unfuckables.
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Dating services?
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Matchmakers?
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It's all bullshit.
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The next guy that walks through that door
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Is the man i'm going to live with for the rest of my life.
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Oh, michael,
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There you are. Yeah.
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Rent cheque's due today, sweetie.
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Adam and steve. Adam and steve.
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Up for another go.
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Things are tight.
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When can i see you again?
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The store policy, uh,
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No deposit...
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no return.
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Then...
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i'll just have to take what i can get.
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You don't get that.
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Oh, let me guess.
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A boyfriend?
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Huh. Thought so.
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I was in one of those arrangements once.
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Problem is...
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you leave your door open,
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And you never know who's gonna come in...
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or out.
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Do you mind taking the stairs?
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Cutting it a little close, aren't you?
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Hey. We're here.
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And not a moment too soon.
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You can't believe the sales they were having.
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Looks like you picked up a few things.
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You too.
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I just sold a house.
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So, i decided to splurge,
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Buy myself some new clothes.
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I'm way too old to go shopping with my mother.
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Not when she's paying.
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I hope you remembered
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To buy him some rubbers...
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uh, for those rainy days.
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Hey.
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Look, you can wear this to daphne's party.
106
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Nah. Not going to the hetero-Hop
107
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With a bunch of beerchugging breeders.
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Justin, you've got to get out there,
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And meet new friends your own age.
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Nothing personal. Oh no, i agree.
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Youth should be savoured.
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I met his dad in junior year, but...
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believe me, before that, i did some...
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pretty...
wild things.
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Uh, it runs in the family.
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Okay, i've got to pick up your sister.
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Sweetheart, college is going to be
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The best time of your life.
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I'm just... i'm so excited for you.
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Mmm-Wah. So am i.
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Bye. Bye.
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How was he? Not bad.
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What did he look like?
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Guess.
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Uh...
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6'2"...
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175, black hair, brown eyes...
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smouldering good looks.
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That's very good.
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Mmmm. What'd you do?
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You fucked him? You suck him? Tell me.
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Why don't i just show you?
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Hup two, soldier. Bombs away!
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Ready...
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aim...
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fire!
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Ah.
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Bravo!
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Fetch dixon delivers another stunning display of manpower.
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Well... camerai'll take your guns.
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My fans expect me to give it my all.
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Whoo. I do have a reputation to uphold.
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And judging from all your cards and letters,
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They love to watch you uphold it.
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"Dear fetch, i am sending you this
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As a token of my affection.
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Please think of me when you use it."
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Euw.
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"Dear fetch,
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Could you wear this to the gym,
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Then pop it back
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Into the self-Addressed, stamped...
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envelope."
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Hi. Get a life.
155
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Okay. All right, let's... wait. Wait.
156
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Wait, wait, wait, wait. What?
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Oh, my god!
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Teddy, look.
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It's exquisite.
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It must have cost a fortune.
161
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Well, here's a card.
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"You are a beacon of light in the sordid gloom of cyberspace.
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Fond admiration...
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your secret admirer."
165
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My secret admirer. I...
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all my life, i've...
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I've wanted a... secret admirer.
168
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Here. Here, here, help me put it on.
169
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You're not going to keep it?
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I... it'sgold!
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What queen doesn't accept gold? Huh.
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Uh, one whose loyal subjects send him giant dildoes,
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And want to sniff his jock-Strap.
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They're lunatics, emmett.
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If you let them into your life,
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They're going to think they're your friends,
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And they're going to expect you to be theirs,
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And you'll never be rid of them, so...
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come on.
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But it's so shiny...
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and pretty.
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Take it off.
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I don't want to. Emmett!
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All right.
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Uh, come on.
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Give it.
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Remember, everything in this life
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Comes with strings attached. Okay?
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Even little, white, satin ones. I'm sorry.
190
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Okay. And we're rolling.
191
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Hi, i'm mike. Uh, i'm just a fun guy,
192
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And i'd love to meet another fun guy,
193
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So call me if you're looking for some fun.
194
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Uh... let's try it again, but this time,
195
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Let's have a little less "fun".
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Less fun.
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Um...
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hey, dudes, it's mike.
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I'm into good times,
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Good friends, you know, the good life.
201
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Call me.
202
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Is that better?
203
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For a beer commercial, yeah. Um, but, uh...
204
00:09:49,431 --> 00:09:51,434
let's try it again, and this time,
205
00:09:51,434 --> 00:09:58,876
Let's try to be more... i don't know, personal.
206
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I never knew my father.
207
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He was killed in vietnam two weeks after i was born,
208
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But somehow we managed to survive.
209
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I dropped out of community college,
210
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And, uh, i went to work at the big q mart.
211
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That's when my uncle vic came to live with us.
212
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He was dying of aids.
213
00:10:13,310 --> 00:10:15,312
Okay, uh, thanks for sharing, but, uh...
214
00:10:15,312 --> 00:10:17,315
you're looking for a date, not a therapist, all right?
215
00:10:17,315 --> 00:10:19,317
So we've got time for one more,
216
00:10:19,317 --> 00:10:25,758
So put a more positive spin on it.
217
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Hi, i'm michael. I'm 29.
218
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Honest, sincere, romantic, with my own business.
219
00:10:31,265 --> 00:10:35,770
I like... working out, dancing, going to clubs.
220
00:10:35,770 --> 00:10:37,773
I have a great group of friends. I love them to death,
221
00:10:38,274 --> 00:10:40,776
But i'm still looking for that certain someone who...
222
00:10:41,277 --> 00:10:46,216
who knows that underneath that mildmannered appearance...
223
00:10:46,216 --> 00:10:52,640
beats the heart of a superhero.
224
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:59,549
I'm sorry, what was that?
225
00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:22,493
I swear you can't tell the difference.
226
00:11:24,996 --> 00:11:26,999
Well, as long as we're comparing...
227
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holy shit!
228
00:11:28,934 --> 00:11:30,436
Is that real gold?
229
00:11:30,436 --> 00:11:33,873
I almost broke a tooth testing.
230
00:11:34,374 --> 00:11:36,377
My secret admirer sent it to me.
231
00:11:36,877 --> 00:11:38,863
Who do you think it is?
232
00:11:38,863 --> 00:11:40,848
I know who i'd like it to be.
233
00:11:40,848 --> 00:11:43,352
Huh. A dashing, young prince,
234
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Too... shy at first to reveal he has a crush on me.
235
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But he appears and...
236
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whisks me off to his palace.
237
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Oh, where you live happily ever after.
238
00:11:55,182 --> 00:11:56,684
I know. It's...
239
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highly unrealistic.
240
00:11:59,187 --> 00:12:01,189
My friends would probably laugh if they heard me.
241
00:12:01,189 --> 00:12:04,126
Oh, what do they know about love, honey? Huh.
242
00:12:04,126 --> 00:12:06,629
Most of them are too busy chasing their hard-Ons
243
00:12:06,629 --> 00:12:08,131
To listen to their heart. Hm.
244
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Still i... have this dream...
245
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Of... perfection.
246
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So i... keep on looking...
247
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hoping against hope that i'll find it.
248
00:12:21,613 --> 00:12:24,084
Well, it's an admirable dream, honey.
249
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But i gotta tell you, em, in most cases,
250
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That kind of love only happens in the movies,
251
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And even then, only to audrey hepburn.
252
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Real love, when it comes, doesn't look
253
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Anything like what you expect.
254
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Pardon me.
255
00:12:40,403 --> 00:12:41,905
Yes?
256
00:12:41,905 --> 00:12:44,341
You're fetch, are you not?
257
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That's right.
258
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I've been sent to "fetch" you.
259
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Excuse me. You...
260
00:12:52,768 --> 00:12:54,770
you expect me to get into a car with a...
261
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A total stranger and... and... and...
262
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drive off to god knows where? I...
263
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Sorry, but my mother taught me better. Huh.
264
00:13:04,232 --> 00:13:06,702
Don't look at me. I'm not his mother.
265
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My employer is expecting you.
266
00:13:08,637 --> 00:13:11,574
And who... who exactly is your employer?
267
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You know
268
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He's gotta tell you he's not at liberty to say.
269
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I'm not at liberty to say.
270
00:13:24,256 --> 00:13:26,258
What have you gotta do the rest of the day?
271
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Wash out your undies?
272
00:13:29,262 --> 00:13:33,700
Okay.
273
00:13:34,184 --> 00:13:43,128
Whoo!
274
00:13:43,128 --> 00:13:44,613
Hi, i'm michael. I'm 29,
275
00:13:44,613 --> 00:13:47,733
Honest, sincere, romantic.
276
00:13:47,733 --> 00:13:52,289
I love dancing, going to the movies, working out.
277
00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:55,293
I-I got a great group of friends. I love 'em to death,
278
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:58,296
But i'm still looking for that special someone.
279
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:03,268
So if you're looking to have some fun, call me.
280
00:14:03,268 --> 00:14:05,755
Well?
281
00:14:05,755 --> 00:14:07,240
You have excellent posture.
282
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,675
Nice shirt.
283
00:14:08,675 --> 00:14:10,644
You're absolutely adorable.
284
00:14:11,145 --> 00:14:12,646
It's pathetic.
285
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,067
At least somebody's honest.
286
00:14:16,067 --> 00:14:17,569
Asshole.
287
00:14:17,569 --> 00:14:19,571
What a complete fucking waste of time and money.
288
00:14:19,571 --> 00:14:21,574
Listen, mikey, you have to sell yourself.
289
00:14:21,574 --> 00:14:24,077
You're... you're no different than toothpaste or shampoo.
290
00:14:24,077 --> 00:14:26,080
People want sexy.
291
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,082
They want hot. He's right.
292
00:14:28,082 --> 00:14:31,470
I think i'll reheat this pizza.
293
00:14:31,470 --> 00:14:32,972
So what am i supposed to do?
294
00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:34,957
Don't move.
295
00:14:44,418 --> 00:14:45,353
Ow.
296
00:14:47,689 --> 00:14:49,191
Let's see.
297
00:14:49,191 --> 00:14:51,193
"Nice guy..." make that "a hot guy".
298
00:14:51,693 --> 00:14:52,679
"Well-Rounded..."
299
00:14:52,679 --> 00:14:54,163
Could you make that "well-Hung"?
300
00:14:54,163 --> 00:14:56,115
"With a spirit of adventure."
301
00:14:56,115 --> 00:14:57,584
"Is into any scene."
302
00:14:57,584 --> 00:14:58,519
Can't say that.
303
00:14:59,019 --> 00:15:00,471
Shut up and show me some skin.
304
00:15:00,471 --> 00:15:01,872
"If you're giving,
305
00:15:01,872 --> 00:15:03,275
With a great sense of humour,
306
00:15:03,275 --> 00:15:04,743
Big heart..."
307
00:15:04,743 --> 00:15:06,244
"If you like to give it..."
308
00:15:06,244 --> 00:15:07,696
"Have a great body..."
309
00:15:07,696 --> 00:15:09,131
"And a big cock..."
310
00:15:09,131 --> 00:15:11,000
"I want to hear from you."
311
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:12,485
Perfect.
312
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:34,160
That's the one.
313
00:15:38,082 --> 00:15:41,086
I'd date me. So would i.
314
00:15:41,086 --> 00:15:42,588
Theoretically speaking.
315
00:15:42,588 --> 00:15:44,089
Well, it's not exactly what i wrote.
316
00:15:44,089 --> 00:15:46,092
Writers,
317
00:15:46,092 --> 00:15:48,595
Complaining every time you change a fucking word.
318
00:15:48,595 --> 00:15:50,597
You'll be beating them off with a stick.
319
00:15:50,597 --> 00:15:52,600
Hopefully you won't need a stick.
320
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,019
So how does it feel, mikey,
321
00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:56,504
To be the hottest guy on the internet?
322
00:15:59,874 --> 00:16:02,878
Well, in the modern re-Telling,
323
00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:04,381
The coachwould be a limo,
324
00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,383
And the liveried footman would, uh,
325
00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:08,386
Would be the driver,
326
00:16:08,386 --> 00:16:09,887
And cinderella would, of course,
327
00:16:09,887 --> 00:16:11,389
Be a fag rather than a woman,
328
00:16:11,389 --> 00:16:13,392
Since no self-Respecting woman would let herself
329
00:16:13,392 --> 00:16:14,893
Be enticed to a strange man's home
330
00:16:14,893 --> 00:16:17,397
With jewelry, a limo, champagne and caviar...
331
00:16:17,397 --> 00:16:27,908
thank god.
332
00:16:31,346 --> 00:16:37,787
Oh, my god.
333
00:16:46,731 --> 00:16:49,235
Something tells me i'm not in kansas anymore.
334
00:16:49,735 --> 00:16:52,638
In fact, something tells me i'm not in pittsburgh anymore.
335
00:16:53,122 --> 00:16:55,592
Fetch?
336
00:17:03,084 --> 00:17:05,554
It's him.
337
00:17:05,554 --> 00:17:08,057
Uh, your, uh, your... your majesty.
338
00:17:08,057 --> 00:17:12,512
Your... grace, your, uh...
339
00:17:12,512 --> 00:17:15,448
gorgeousness, i, uh...
340
00:17:15,448 --> 00:17:17,451
i received the bracelet...
341
00:17:17,451 --> 00:17:18,919
and i'm yours.
342
00:17:18,919 --> 00:17:21,857
I'm the butler, sir.
343
00:17:21,857 --> 00:17:23,825
Uh... oh.
344
00:17:23,825 --> 00:17:24,776
This way.
345
00:17:24,776 --> 00:17:29,265
Okay. Yeah. Right.
346
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:34,772
Jesus, if he's the butler...
347
00:17:34,772 --> 00:17:37,776
thank you.
348
00:17:40,278 --> 00:17:46,286
Oh... my... god!
349
00:17:55,297 --> 00:17:58,301
No, no, no. Don't do that. No. No.
350
00:17:58,301 --> 00:18:00,804
This is, uh, no time to be a show-Tune queen.
351
00:18:00,804 --> 00:18:03,808
This is, uh... it's much more...
352
00:18:03,808 --> 00:18:05,309
"masterpiece theatre".
353
00:18:05,309 --> 00:18:06,811
Yes. Oh....
354
00:18:06,811 --> 00:18:08,814
Your highness. Yes.
355
00:18:08,814 --> 00:18:10,816
How very kind of you to invite me.
356
00:18:10,816 --> 00:18:14,320
I love what you've done with the place. Yes.
357
00:18:14,821 --> 00:18:16,322
Join you by the fire? Oh, i'd be delighted.
358
00:18:16,322 --> 00:18:18,324
Do you know,
359
00:18:18,825 --> 00:18:20,828
I've always wanted to ask you, is, uh,
360
00:18:20,828 --> 00:18:22,329
Is charming your first name
361
00:18:22,329 --> 00:18:23,831
Or your last?
362
00:18:23,831 --> 00:18:26,267
Oh. Huh.
363
00:18:26,267 --> 00:18:30,272
Jesus christ. Scared me to death.
364
00:18:30,272 --> 00:18:33,742
I didn't, uh, didn't know anyone was here.
365
00:18:33,742 --> 00:18:36,246
I'm, uh, i'm fetch.
366
00:18:36,246 --> 00:18:38,248
Waiting for the master.
367
00:18:38,748 --> 00:18:41,252
I'm george schickel.
368
00:18:41,252 --> 00:18:43,704
I am the master.
369
00:18:44,205 --> 00:18:45,706
Y... you... i see you, uh,
370
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:48,677
Received my little... token of esteem.
371
00:18:48,677 --> 00:18:50,095
Huh?
372
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:52,098
Oh... yeah.
373
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:53,600
I was on the internet one day,
374
00:18:54,083 --> 00:18:56,035
"Surfing" i believe is the word,
375
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:58,522
When i came upon you.
376
00:18:58,522 --> 00:19:00,024
Oh, my, my, my.
377
00:19:00,524 --> 00:19:03,895
You're a very talented boy.
378
00:19:03,895 --> 00:19:04,896
Hardly a boy.
379
00:19:05,397 --> 00:19:06,398
At my age,
380
00:19:06,398 --> 00:19:09,352
Everyone's a boy.
381
00:19:09,352 --> 00:19:12,355
Now then...
382
00:19:12,355 --> 00:19:14,858
shall we discuss your fee? Fee?
383
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:19,330
Oh, for your... services.
384
00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:21,833
I have no idea what you people charge, so, um,
385
00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:23,836
Will a thousand suffice?
386
00:19:24,336 --> 00:19:26,289
A th... thousand? A...
387
00:19:26,289 --> 00:19:27,791
all right, two.
388
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:31,295
Two? Two... all right. Three.
389
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:34,132
God, you drive a hard bargain...
390
00:19:34,633 --> 00:19:39,138
So it had better... be hard.
391
00:19:40,139 --> 00:19:43,092
Excuse me, mr. Schickel,
392
00:19:43,092 --> 00:19:46,096
But i'm afraid you've made a mistake.
393
00:19:46,096 --> 00:19:48,599
I'm not, as you seem to think,
394
00:19:49,099 --> 00:19:49,601
For hire.
395
00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:52,537
I came here e-Expecting...
396
00:19:53,038 --> 00:19:54,039
well, it's...
397
00:19:54,039 --> 00:19:56,042
it's not important what i came here expecting,
398
00:19:56,042 --> 00:19:59,962
Except to say i didn't find it.
399
00:19:59,962 --> 00:20:03,867
Thank you for the, uh, lovely gift...
400
00:20:04,351 --> 00:20:10,859
and for allowing me a few moments to dream.
401
00:20:10,859 --> 00:20:17,867
Now, if you'll excuse me.
402
00:20:51,741 --> 00:20:53,744
You want me to fuck you?
403
00:20:53,744 --> 00:20:55,746
I want you to wash my back.
404
00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,156
Better get a move on.
405
00:21:04,657 --> 00:21:11,082
The guys are waiting on us.
406
00:21:11,082 --> 00:21:12,083
You know maybe you should...
407
00:21:12,583 --> 00:21:13,584
get some friends your own age.
408
00:21:14,085 --> 00:21:17,522
You sound like my mother.
409
00:21:17,522 --> 00:21:20,510
Well, sometimes your mommy's right.
410
00:21:20,510 --> 00:21:23,513
I have friends my own age.
411
00:21:23,513 --> 00:21:27,017
You're my age, emotionally.
412
00:21:27,017 --> 00:21:28,519
I mean like daphne.
413
00:21:28,519 --> 00:21:31,523
Huh! I'm not going to her lame-Ass party.
414
00:21:32,007 --> 00:21:33,458
Why? You got something better to do?
415
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:35,460
Be with you.
416
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:36,962
You can always be with me.
417
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:40,966
You practically are.
418
00:21:40,966 --> 00:21:42,969
What if i meet some horny frat boy?
419
00:21:42,969 --> 00:21:46,974
Fuck him for me.
420
00:21:47,475 --> 00:21:50,895
Aw. Hey, i just want you to enjoy your youth.
421
00:21:50,895 --> 00:22:07,716
I certainly have.
422
00:22:07,716 --> 00:22:08,917
19 guys already.
423
00:22:08,917 --> 00:22:10,118
He's not bad.
424
00:22:10,118 --> 00:22:13,322
He's even better.
425
00:22:13,723 --> 00:22:16,125
Oh my god! He's perfect.
426
00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:18,562
And he wants to meet you tonight.
427
00:22:20,564 --> 00:22:22,566
I gotta give brian credit, he can sell anything,
428
00:22:22,566 --> 00:22:24,069
Even me.
429
00:22:24,069 --> 00:22:26,071
Hey, em, you wanna see my dream date?
430
00:22:26,071 --> 00:22:27,572
Fuck off.
431
00:22:27,572 --> 00:22:29,575
Who pissed on your parade?
432
00:22:29,575 --> 00:22:33,028
My secret admirer. You didn't.
433
00:22:33,529 --> 00:22:34,531
I thought we agreed
434
00:22:34,531 --> 00:22:36,533
That this wasn't really a good idea.
435
00:22:36,533 --> 00:22:40,037
I know. But his chauffeur picked me up.
436
00:22:40,037 --> 00:22:41,472
You did it with his chauffeur?
437
00:22:41,472 --> 00:22:43,975
No, sweetie, his chauffeur
438
00:22:43,975 --> 00:22:47,430
Drove me... to his place...
439
00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:50,434
which makes buckingham palace look like a winnebago.
440
00:22:50,434 --> 00:22:52,386
So who is this guy, anyway?
441
00:22:52,386 --> 00:22:55,256
George schickel.
442
00:22:55,256 --> 00:22:57,259
"Schickel's pickles"?
443
00:22:57,259 --> 00:22:58,760
"The pickle the people prefer"?
444
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,247
Well, he can keep his pickle.
445
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:03,249
It's like, 300 years old.
446
00:23:03,249 --> 00:23:05,184
They say he's worth a fortune.
447
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:08,172
Well, unfortunately for him
448
00:23:08,672 --> 00:23:09,673
He finally found something
449
00:23:09,673 --> 00:23:12,677
That even his money can't buy,
450
00:23:12,677 --> 00:23:14,179
Namely... me.
451
00:23:14,679 --> 00:23:15,613
He thinks you're a...
452
00:23:15,613 --> 00:23:18,050
a hustler! Can you imagine? Huh!
453
00:23:18,050 --> 00:23:20,469
Unbelievable. The nerve!
454
00:23:20,469 --> 00:23:21,922
I told him, "i am an artist.
455
00:23:21,922 --> 00:23:24,925
What i do requires concentration,
456
00:23:24,925 --> 00:23:26,927
Dedication, determination...
457
00:23:26,927 --> 00:23:28,913
don't forget ejaculation.
458
00:23:28,913 --> 00:23:31,916
Take my word; it's a lot harder than it looks.
459
00:23:31,916 --> 00:23:34,419
And if you're watching, mr. Schickel,
460
00:23:34,419 --> 00:23:38,424
What you see is definitely not what you get.
461
00:24:05,273 --> 00:24:07,775
Uh, justin?
462
00:24:07,775 --> 00:24:09,277
Having a good time?
463
00:24:09,778 --> 00:24:10,279
Can't you tell?
464
00:24:10,779 --> 00:24:12,231
Yes, well you have to mingle.
465
00:24:12,231 --> 00:24:14,166
With your happy hetero friends?
466
00:24:14,166 --> 00:24:16,670
Look, if i can deal with the homos at woody's,
467
00:24:16,670 --> 00:24:18,171
You can handle them, hmm?
468
00:24:18,672 --> 00:24:21,175
Yeah, that's the problem.
469
00:24:21,676 --> 00:24:22,677
No one to handle.
470
00:25:25,452 --> 00:25:26,954
Wait.
471
00:25:26,954 --> 00:25:29,958
We have to be safe.
472
00:25:29,958 --> 00:25:32,460
Don't worry.
473
00:25:32,460 --> 00:25:36,849
I come prepared.
474
00:25:36,849 --> 00:25:38,851
Put it on my dick.
475
00:25:38,851 --> 00:25:39,853
Just, uh...
476
00:25:40,354 --> 00:25:42,356
go slowly, okay?
477
00:25:42,856 --> 00:25:43,857
I...
478
00:25:43,857 --> 00:25:45,860
i've never...
479
00:25:45,860 --> 00:25:48,363
i didn't think so.
480
00:25:48,363 --> 00:26:04,281
I'll take it easy.
481
00:26:04,281 --> 00:26:05,733
I thought you were going out.
482
00:26:05,733 --> 00:26:10,239
Hunh! And miss the betty hutton film festival?
483
00:26:10,239 --> 00:26:12,743
My date is coming over. So?
484
00:26:12,743 --> 00:26:16,213
He looks really hot. What if we want to fuck right here on the floor?
485
00:26:16,213 --> 00:26:19,718
I promise not to leave any crumbs.
486
00:26:19,718 --> 00:26:21,720
And i hate to burst your bubble, baby,
487
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:24,223
But most of those guys don't even use their own photos,
488
00:26:24,223 --> 00:26:26,726
Uh, or else they took it, like, 30 years ago.
489
00:26:26,726 --> 00:26:28,228
Don't be so cynical.
490
00:26:28,228 --> 00:26:30,731
And don't be surprised when he shows up at the door,
491
00:26:30,731 --> 00:26:32,232
Turns out to be some old geezer.
492
00:26:32,733 --> 00:26:34,736
Look, just 'cause you had a bad experience,
493
00:26:34,736 --> 00:26:37,238
Doesn't mean that everyone's out to get whatever they want
494
00:26:37,238 --> 00:26:38,741
By whatever means they can.
495
00:26:39,241 --> 00:26:46,049
There's still some honest people in the world.
496
00:26:46,049 --> 00:26:48,051
You're right, they all lie.
497
00:26:48,051 --> 00:26:52,056
He's, like, this 300-Yearold guy in a red cardigan.
498
00:26:52,056 --> 00:26:56,061
I believe that one's for me.
499
00:26:59,030 --> 00:27:00,032
Mr. Schickel,
500
00:27:00,032 --> 00:27:02,518
I do not appreciate being stalked.
501
00:27:02,518 --> 00:27:04,020
So kindly remove yourself from my doorway,
502
00:27:04,504 --> 00:27:06,507
My building, my street and my life.
503
00:27:06,507 --> 00:27:09,960
Please, please i...
504
00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:11,963
i've gone to a lot of trouble to find you.
505
00:27:11,963 --> 00:27:13,915
Quite unnecessary, i assure you.
506
00:27:13,915 --> 00:27:15,868
Oh, no, no, no. I-I was...
507
00:27:15,868 --> 00:27:19,371
i was just horrified when i realized that i'd made such a...
508
00:27:19,371 --> 00:27:21,825
really serious miscalculation.
509
00:27:21,825 --> 00:27:25,328
A miscalculation is when you can't balance your checkbook.
510
00:27:25,328 --> 00:27:27,765
This was... an insult.
511
00:27:27,765 --> 00:27:30,268
I realize that.
512
00:27:30,268 --> 00:27:34,189
So i have come here to offer you my apologies...
513
00:27:34,189 --> 00:27:36,175
and, uh...
514
00:27:36,175 --> 00:27:40,113
and this...
515
00:27:40,563 --> 00:27:49,007
because i would still like you to have it.
516
00:27:49,007 --> 00:27:52,428
I don't accept gifts from fans.
517
00:27:52,428 --> 00:27:55,415
Then have dinner with me.
518
00:27:55,415 --> 00:27:56,917
Sorry, i... already...
519
00:27:57,417 --> 00:27:59,354
please.
520
00:27:59,354 --> 00:28:00,355
Please?
521
00:28:00,839 --> 00:28:02,790
It would just be a small but...
522
00:28:03,292 --> 00:28:06,295
nevertheless heartfelt expression of my deepest regret,
523
00:28:06,295 --> 00:28:08,748
At having treated you in such a rude
524
00:28:09,249 --> 00:28:12,169
And reprehensible manner.
525
00:28:12,169 --> 00:28:13,670
Well, i...
526
00:28:13,670 --> 00:28:16,674
I don't think your manner's that... reprehensible. I...
527
00:28:19,595 --> 00:28:23,031
well...
528
00:28:23,031 --> 00:28:25,034
oh, all right.
529
00:28:25,034 --> 00:28:28,538
Go... rev up the carriage, prince charming, i'll...
530
00:28:28,538 --> 00:28:30,975
get my slippers.
531
00:28:38,917 --> 00:28:40,870
Hmmm.
532
00:28:40,870 --> 00:28:41,871
Uh, excuse me,
533
00:28:41,871 --> 00:28:43,356
I'm looking for michael.
534
00:28:43,356 --> 00:28:45,776
Oh my god, you, uh...
535
00:28:45,776 --> 00:28:47,277
you really are a dream.
536
00:28:47,277 --> 00:28:49,696
So... michael,
537
00:28:49,696 --> 00:28:52,166
Your date's here.
538
00:28:52,166 --> 00:28:53,167
Where were you 10 seconds ago
539
00:28:53,167 --> 00:29:00,526
When i was still available?
540
00:29:00,993 --> 00:29:01,995
Oh, um, come in.
541
00:29:01,995 --> 00:29:05,498
Thanks.
542
00:29:05,498 --> 00:29:08,502
So, um...
543
00:29:08,502 --> 00:29:10,504
i thought we'd, uh, do maybe pizza and a movie.
544
00:29:11,005 --> 00:29:12,507
Or, uh, tex-Mex and dancing.
545
00:29:12,507 --> 00:29:15,010
Or we could just stay here and fuck our brains out.
546
00:29:15,510 --> 00:29:16,511
Uh, that one.
547
00:29:16,511 --> 00:29:18,014
You negative?
548
00:29:18,514 --> 00:29:22,502
You?
549
00:29:26,457 --> 00:29:29,461
Ah. So, uh...
550
00:29:29,461 --> 00:29:31,464
what was yours like?
551
00:29:31,781 --> 00:29:34,801
Your first time? Hmmm.
552
00:29:34,801 --> 00:29:37,304
I saw him, i knew right away he was the one.
553
00:29:37,804 --> 00:29:40,308
Were you scared?
Shitless!
554
00:29:41,809 --> 00:29:44,313
We went back to his place. I swear...
555
00:29:44,313 --> 00:29:47,316
i couldn't speak my heart was pounding so hard.
556
00:29:47,316 --> 00:29:51,321
I let him fuck me though.
557
00:29:51,321 --> 00:29:54,825
I still remember feeling him inside me...
558
00:29:54,825 --> 00:29:56,327
seeing his face when he came...
559
00:29:57,828 --> 00:29:59,330
wanting it to go on forever.
560
00:29:59,330 --> 00:30:00,832
I know what you mean.
561
00:30:01,333 --> 00:30:02,818
We need our coats.
562
00:30:02,818 --> 00:30:04,319
Fuck off!
563
00:30:07,824 --> 00:30:09,826
God, i hate these stupid parties.
564
00:30:09,826 --> 00:30:11,829
Ah, me too.
565
00:30:11,829 --> 00:30:13,330
I wouldn't have come, but if i didn't,
566
00:30:13,330 --> 00:30:16,334
My friend daphne would never speak to me again.
567
00:30:16,334 --> 00:30:17,836
Well, i usually end up standing in the corner
568
00:30:17,836 --> 00:30:20,839
Watching thedudes andbabesand...
569
00:30:21,340 --> 00:30:25,344
thinking how i should have stayed home and watched mtv.
570
00:30:25,344 --> 00:30:27,848
Why don't you go to clubs and bars?
571
00:30:27,848 --> 00:30:33,354
You'd meet lots of guys there.
572
00:30:33,855 --> 00:30:36,357
I don't want to meet a lot of guys.
573
00:30:36,357 --> 00:30:38,861
I want to meet just one, huh,
574
00:30:38,861 --> 00:30:41,864
That i can be with...
575
00:30:41,864 --> 00:30:44,868
just the two of us.
576
00:30:44,868 --> 00:30:45,852
Yeah!
577
00:30:45,852 --> 00:30:48,856
Things don't exactly work out that way.
578
00:30:48,856 --> 00:30:51,359
They can if you want them to.
579
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:53,862
Come on!
580
00:30:53,862 --> 00:30:59,369
I guess we better get dressed.
581
00:30:59,369 --> 00:31:01,371
Hurry up!
582
00:31:01,371 --> 00:31:07,277
Come back here.
583
00:31:07,277 --> 00:31:13,302
Come on.
584
00:31:13,302 --> 00:31:14,738
Mmm!
585
00:31:15,238 --> 00:31:16,740
Mmm, i love...
586
00:31:16,740 --> 00:31:18,742
burger queen!
587
00:31:19,242 --> 00:31:21,245
But you know, for me...
588
00:31:21,245 --> 00:31:23,247
what makes it a royal treat
589
00:31:23,247 --> 00:31:24,749
Is not the all-Meat patty
590
00:31:24,749 --> 00:31:26,752
Or the special bun.
591
00:31:27,252 --> 00:31:29,254
It's the pickles. Ah.
592
00:31:29,254 --> 00:31:30,256
I relish the compliment.
593
00:31:31,758 --> 00:31:34,761
And they're... they're... they are mine, you know.
594
00:31:34,761 --> 00:31:35,763
Oh yeah? Oh yeah.
595
00:31:35,763 --> 00:31:36,764
Oh.
596
00:31:36,764 --> 00:31:38,265
I'm a pickle-Lover from way back.
597
00:31:38,265 --> 00:31:41,203
My great aunt lulah back in hazelhurst, mississippi,
598
00:31:41,203 --> 00:31:43,205
She used to make 'em.
599
00:31:43,205 --> 00:31:45,674
She had a vat right out there on her kitchen porch.
600
00:31:46,175 --> 00:31:48,628
I'd go over there every day after school,
601
00:31:49,128 --> 00:31:50,630
And we'd sit out back and...
602
00:31:50,630 --> 00:31:53,066
gab and suck on those big old things.
603
00:31:53,066 --> 00:31:55,502
Which was probably
604
00:31:55,502 --> 00:31:57,989
More significant to later stages of my psycho-Sexual development
605
00:31:57,989 --> 00:31:59,491
Than i care to go into.
606
00:32:03,496 --> 00:32:05,498
You had a really colourful family.
607
00:32:05,498 --> 00:32:07,451
I prefer to think of them as lunatics.
608
00:32:07,451 --> 00:32:10,420
Yeah. Except for aunt lulah,
609
00:32:10,420 --> 00:32:12,924
Who was supposed to be the crazy one.
610
00:32:12,924 --> 00:32:14,926
She was my only friend. Hmm.
611
00:32:14,926 --> 00:32:16,928
The rest of them...
612
00:32:16,928 --> 00:32:17,930
wanted nothing to do with the...
613
00:32:18,413 --> 00:32:20,883
the local sissy boy.
614
00:32:20,883 --> 00:32:22,317
Must have been pretty lonely.
615
00:32:22,317 --> 00:32:24,754
Hmm.
616
00:32:24,754 --> 00:32:27,757
Didn't stop me from being who i wanted to be.
617
00:32:27,757 --> 00:32:28,759
Fuck 'em all!
618
00:32:28,759 --> 00:32:31,195
That was my motto.
619
00:32:31,195 --> 00:32:34,182
Still is.
620
00:32:34,683 --> 00:32:38,603
Well... i admire your courage.
621
00:32:38,603 --> 00:32:41,574
I wish i'd had it.
622
00:32:41,574 --> 00:32:44,561
Instead i chose to... live a lie,
623
00:32:44,561 --> 00:32:46,063
Subjugating my freedom,
624
00:32:46,063 --> 00:32:49,566
My desires to the family fortune.
625
00:32:49,566 --> 00:32:51,569
I even allowed them to...
626
00:32:51,569 --> 00:32:54,073
marry me off to this meat-Packing heiress
627
00:32:54,073 --> 00:32:57,010
So that we could make beautiful sandwiches together.
628
00:32:57,010 --> 00:32:59,513
Oh, it was a perfect merger...
629
00:32:59,513 --> 00:33:01,516
till one day about...
630
00:33:01,516 --> 00:33:04,519
five years ago, she came home and...
631
00:33:04,519 --> 00:33:06,021
caught me giving the gardener a blow job
632
00:33:06,021 --> 00:33:09,024
Right there in the middle of her prizewinning rose garden.
633
00:33:09,024 --> 00:33:10,526
Why, george...
634
00:33:10,526 --> 00:33:12,529
you rake.
635
00:33:12,529 --> 00:33:14,531
French-Fry? Mmmm.
636
00:33:14,531 --> 00:33:16,032
Well it wasn't...
637
00:33:16,032 --> 00:33:17,535
As if i were cheating on her. I mean,
638
00:33:17,535 --> 00:33:21,038
We hadn't had sex since 1972.
639
00:33:21,038 --> 00:33:25,527
But she, uh, sued me for millions.
640
00:33:25,527 --> 00:33:27,463
Turned the children against me.
641
00:33:27,463 --> 00:33:28,464
Needless to say, i...
642
00:33:28,948 --> 00:33:32,903
became a social pariah.
643
00:33:32,903 --> 00:33:33,904
At least you were...
644
00:33:33,904 --> 00:33:37,341
finally free to be yourself.
645
00:33:37,341 --> 00:33:40,845
Yeah, yeah, to be alone, friendless...
646
00:33:40,845 --> 00:33:46,352
and buying companionship over the internet.
647
00:33:46,352 --> 00:33:48,855
Well...
648
00:33:48,855 --> 00:33:52,792
fuck 'em all!
649
00:33:54,278 --> 00:33:56,280
Uh... oh, man.
650
00:33:59,268 --> 00:34:00,752
You are perfect.
651
00:34:00,752 --> 00:34:02,754
I know.
652
00:34:02,754 --> 00:34:04,757
But... i wasn't always.
653
00:34:05,241 --> 00:34:08,177
I used to weigh 350. I was bald.
654
00:34:08,177 --> 00:34:10,664
I had hideous, coarse body hair all over my back,
655
00:34:10,664 --> 00:34:13,100
My shoulders, my stomach. Really?
656
00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:16,037
Not to mention no chin. Huge honker,
657
00:34:16,037 --> 00:34:17,956
Zero cheekbones. Definitely not a pretty sight.
658
00:34:17,956 --> 00:34:20,459
But you look so... it all started with liposuction.
659
00:34:20,459 --> 00:34:22,461
Then a series of operations to tighten my skin.
660
00:34:22,461 --> 00:34:24,463
Next, laser hair removal,
661
00:34:24,463 --> 00:34:25,966
Everywhere except my pubes,
662
00:34:25,966 --> 00:34:27,467
Which, of course, i trim. Of course.
663
00:34:27,467 --> 00:34:28,969
After that hair transplantation,
664
00:34:29,469 --> 00:34:30,972
Scalp reduction, nose job,
665
00:34:31,472 --> 00:34:32,974
Cheek and chin implants.
666
00:34:32,974 --> 00:34:33,975
That must have been expensive.
667
00:34:33,975 --> 00:34:35,477
Oh, a hundred thou, give or take,
668
00:34:35,979 --> 00:34:36,980
My folks have money.
669
00:34:36,980 --> 00:34:39,983
Now i work out with a trainer, adolph,
670
00:34:39,983 --> 00:34:41,986
Five hours a day, six days a week,
671
00:34:42,486 --> 00:34:44,488
It's brutal but, gotta maintain.
672
00:34:44,488 --> 00:34:47,492
And food combining, very important.
673
00:34:47,492 --> 00:34:48,994
You can eat proteins with vegetables
674
00:34:49,478 --> 00:34:50,462
Or carbs with vegetables,
675
00:34:50,462 --> 00:34:51,965
But never, never,never...
676
00:34:51,965 --> 00:34:53,967
Proteins with carbs. Got it.
677
00:34:53,967 --> 00:34:55,385
Supplements are essential.
678
00:34:55,385 --> 00:34:58,806
You want some haagen-Daaz?
679
00:34:59,306 --> 00:35:02,209
Have you been listening?
680
00:35:02,209 --> 00:35:04,663
You know...
681
00:35:04,663 --> 00:35:07,632
you could use a little improving yourself...
682
00:35:07,632 --> 00:35:09,635
laser hair removal on your chest,
683
00:35:09,635 --> 00:35:12,138
Pec implants. The bridge of your nose
684
00:35:12,138 --> 00:35:14,641
Is definitely... it's too wide.
685
00:35:14,641 --> 00:35:17,110
A-A-And nothing personal but...
686
00:35:17,110 --> 00:35:20,098
You might want to consider a... a penile extension.
687
00:35:20,098 --> 00:35:41,456
Thanks for the tip.
688
00:35:43,458 --> 00:35:46,396
You're finally up.
689
00:35:46,396 --> 00:35:47,897
What time is it?
690
00:35:48,398 --> 00:35:50,401
It's time to take care of your morning hard-On,
691
00:35:50,401 --> 00:35:53,904
Although it's after noon.
692
00:35:53,904 --> 00:35:56,908
Somebody got home late last night.
693
00:35:56,908 --> 00:35:59,911
2:58, just under the wire.
694
00:35:59,911 --> 00:36:03,916
Ol' daphne must have had some kick-Ass party.
695
00:36:03,916 --> 00:36:05,418
Mmm, yeah, it was all right.
696
00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:08,922
My nose tells me it was better
697
00:36:08,922 --> 00:36:12,427
Than all right.
698
00:36:12,427 --> 00:36:15,431
I smell a varsity lacrosse player.
699
00:36:15,431 --> 00:36:18,435
You're way off.
700
00:36:18,435 --> 00:36:20,437
Hold on.
701
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:23,941
Hm, it's coming.
702
00:36:23,941 --> 00:36:26,444
Hmm.
703
00:36:26,444 --> 00:36:29,948
A nice, tight computer nerd.
704
00:36:29,948 --> 00:36:31,950
You're getting warmer.
705
00:36:33,453 --> 00:36:34,454
A scent of innocence.
706
00:36:34,954 --> 00:36:37,457
A... a virgin.
707
00:36:37,958 --> 00:36:47,969
A lucky guess.
708
00:36:47,969 --> 00:36:54,978
You kissed him.
709
00:36:54,978 --> 00:37:04,857
I think i'll take a shower.
710
00:37:04,857 --> 00:37:06,859
The face was great. The body was great.
711
00:37:07,359 --> 00:37:08,360
The sex was great.
712
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:09,846
And then he started talking.
713
00:37:09,846 --> 00:37:10,780
So let me get this straight.
714
00:37:10,780 --> 00:37:11,781
You had sex on a date
715
00:37:11,781 --> 00:37:12,782
Before you even had a conversation?
716
00:37:13,266 --> 00:37:14,217
You wouldn't understand.
717
00:37:14,217 --> 00:37:16,220
And why's that?
718
00:37:16,220 --> 00:37:18,722
Because sex is different for men than it is for women.
719
00:37:18,722 --> 00:37:20,709
The need is more immediate, more intense.
720
00:37:20,709 --> 00:37:21,643
At least that's what i've read.
721
00:37:21,643 --> 00:37:23,562
Where, in "field and stream"?
722
00:37:23,562 --> 00:37:26,566
Uh, just for your information, linz and i fuck like crazy.
723
00:37:26,566 --> 00:37:29,068
We pant and drool like a couple of bitches in heat.
724
00:37:29,569 --> 00:37:31,071
Our pussies soak the sheets.
725
00:37:31,071 --> 00:37:32,506
And we go at it a lot longer
726
00:37:32,506 --> 00:37:33,473
Than the 10-Minute tumble you guys call sex.
727
00:37:33,974 --> 00:37:34,975
And you don't even wanna know
728
00:37:34,975 --> 00:37:35,976
How many times we get off in a night.
729
00:37:35,976 --> 00:37:36,895
You're right. I don't.
730
00:37:36,895 --> 00:37:38,396
Hi, honey mom...
731
00:37:38,863 --> 00:37:40,298
what's the matter? Did something scare you?
732
00:37:40,298 --> 00:37:41,800
Just us.
733
00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:44,286
I think michael had a bad date.
734
00:37:44,286 --> 00:37:46,288
I told you to call ida, for chrissakes.
735
00:37:46,288 --> 00:37:47,791
She's a fucking genius.
736
00:37:48,291 --> 00:37:49,759
I'll end up with a jewish princess.
737
00:37:49,759 --> 00:37:51,761
You could end up with a lot worse. Mmm.
738
00:37:51,761 --> 00:37:54,699
Oh-H.
739
00:38:05,129 --> 00:38:07,631
Geez, easy!
740
00:38:07,631 --> 00:38:08,633
You've got a lot on there.
741
00:38:09,117 --> 00:38:10,569
I feel slack. I need to tighten up.
742
00:38:10,569 --> 00:38:12,070
You have a 18year-Old at home.
743
00:38:12,571 --> 00:38:14,574
What are you worried about? Keeping him.
744
00:38:14,574 --> 00:38:16,576
It's a shame you can't enjoy your golden years without...
745
00:38:16,576 --> 00:38:18,962
worrying about every sag, every wrinkle.
746
00:38:18,962 --> 00:38:19,913
Ah, i guess that's what happens
747
00:38:20,414 --> 00:38:22,416
When you're dating someone so many...
748
00:38:22,416 --> 00:38:24,419
manyyears your junior.
749
00:38:24,419 --> 00:38:25,920
There's always that constant nagging fear
750
00:38:26,421 --> 00:38:27,422
He's gonna dump you for a...
751
00:38:27,422 --> 00:38:29,341
hotter, cuter, younger,
752
00:38:29,341 --> 00:38:30,826
Firmer... stud.
753
00:38:30,826 --> 00:38:33,245
Yeah, i don't envy you your youth.
754
00:38:33,245 --> 00:38:34,230
Well, you don't have to
755
00:38:34,230 --> 00:38:36,733
Since you're dating someone who's 103.
756
00:38:36,733 --> 00:38:40,638
I'm not dating him. We shared a burger.
757
00:38:41,138 --> 00:38:43,140
He can have solids?
758
00:38:43,641 --> 00:38:46,144
You know, george may not be 29
759
00:38:46,144 --> 00:38:48,647
Or have a perfect chin or a 30-Inch waist,
760
00:38:48,647 --> 00:38:50,650
But he's a lot nicer than certain arrogant,
761
00:38:50,650 --> 00:38:54,153
Contemptuous, selfdeluded assholes that i know.
762
00:38:54,153 --> 00:38:55,655
Don't tell me you're gonna see him again.
763
00:38:56,156 --> 00:38:57,157
No, when we, uh...
764
00:38:57,157 --> 00:39:07,169
when we said good night, we, uh, also said goodbye.
765
00:39:07,169 --> 00:39:08,170
You think he actually liked him?
766
00:39:08,671 --> 00:39:11,173
Some guys are into prime, aged cock.
767
00:39:11,641 --> 00:39:13,543
Better hope justin is.
768
00:39:14,978 --> 00:39:19,417
Oh god.
769
00:39:19,417 --> 00:39:20,418
So you're michael.
770
00:39:20,418 --> 00:39:23,422
Oh, your mother just raves about you.
771
00:39:23,422 --> 00:39:25,424
You too.
772
00:39:25,424 --> 00:39:28,845
So, a-Are you a p-Flag mom or...
773
00:39:28,845 --> 00:39:32,849
actually i'm a p-Flag son.
774
00:39:32,849 --> 00:39:35,853
Have some bundt.
775
00:39:35,853 --> 00:39:37,355
Oh, relax.
776
00:39:37,355 --> 00:39:39,359
It's not like you gotta dateme.
777
00:39:41,361 --> 00:39:44,281
Now, what are you looking for?
778
00:39:44,281 --> 00:39:46,283
Um, he should be tall,
779
00:39:46,283 --> 00:39:48,285
Blue eyes, built like superman.
780
00:39:48,285 --> 00:39:51,289
Well, we all know you boys want beauties. That's a given
781
00:39:51,289 --> 00:39:52,741
You asked me what i wanted.
782
00:39:52,741 --> 00:39:54,694
I'm not talking about the outside.
783
00:39:55,194 --> 00:39:58,147
Michael sweetheart, what do you want on the inside?
784
00:39:58,647 --> 00:40:01,151
I-I...
785
00:40:01,151 --> 00:40:02,152
i don't know.
786
00:40:02,152 --> 00:40:03,086
Sure you do.
787
00:40:03,587 --> 00:40:06,090
Just close your eyes.
788
00:40:06,090 --> 00:40:08,092
Think.
789
00:40:08,593 --> 00:40:11,096
He's gotta be passionate about life.
790
00:40:11,096 --> 00:40:14,099
He's worked hard to survive it...
791
00:40:14,099 --> 00:40:17,604
Yet he's maintained his... humour.
792
00:40:17,604 --> 00:40:19,105
He's charming, kind.
793
00:40:19,105 --> 00:40:21,108
Uh-Huh.
794
00:40:21,108 --> 00:40:24,111
He does something creative, maybe a writer.
795
00:40:24,111 --> 00:40:28,617
And he's into spiritual stuff, like buddha.
796
00:40:29,117 --> 00:40:30,619
And he focuses on living in the now
797
00:40:30,619 --> 00:40:34,123
Because there's no time to waste.
798
00:40:34,123 --> 00:40:36,626
Oh...
799
00:40:37,127 --> 00:40:42,117
and when i'm with him, i feel like a better person.
800
00:40:42,117 --> 00:40:44,619
Uh-Huh.
801
00:40:44,619 --> 00:40:46,621
Uh... aha!
802
00:40:47,122 --> 00:40:48,057
No.
803
00:40:48,557 --> 00:40:51,544
Ah! Here he is.
804
00:40:51,544 --> 00:40:55,048
The limelight, liberty avenue.
8:00 o'clock.
805
00:40:55,048 --> 00:40:58,002
Shouldn't i see a photograph? How will i know what he looks like?
806
00:40:58,002 --> 00:40:59,003
Oh, you don't need one.
807
00:40:59,003 --> 00:41:03,409
Trust me, you'll know.
808
00:41:03,409 --> 00:41:05,377
A new member. Ooh! Hi...
809
00:41:12,302 --> 00:41:14,805
honey...
810
00:41:14,805 --> 00:41:16,307
just start breathing
811
00:41:16,307 --> 00:41:18,242
And take a seat and i'll be right with you.
812
00:41:18,242 --> 00:41:21,747
Ah, a-Actually, i'm looking for somebody.
813
00:41:21,747 --> 00:41:25,202
In this joint, who isn't.
814
00:41:25,202 --> 00:41:32,143
Justin.
815
00:41:32,143 --> 00:41:35,147
Friend of yours? Huh.
816
00:41:35,147 --> 00:41:37,149
Uh, do you mind if i take a break?
817
00:41:37,149 --> 00:41:40,085
Take all the time you need...
818
00:41:40,537 --> 00:41:44,991
as long as you're back in five minutes.
819
00:41:44,991 --> 00:41:46,494
Wh-What are you doing?
820
00:41:46,994 --> 00:41:48,996
I've been thinking about you since last night.
821
00:41:49,497 --> 00:41:51,483
I really missed you.
822
00:41:51,483 --> 00:41:52,484
You don't even know me.
823
00:41:52,484 --> 00:41:54,970
Sure i do. And, uh...
824
00:41:54,970 --> 00:41:56,973
you know me too.
825
00:41:57,474 --> 00:41:59,893
Look, i don't want you to come here again, okay?
826
00:42:00,393 --> 00:42:01,829
Why not?
827
00:42:01,829 --> 00:42:03,314
'Cause i said so.
828
00:42:03,314 --> 00:42:04,815
Yeah, but after what happened,
829
00:42:05,316 --> 00:42:06,817
I thought that we could have this... nothing happened.
830
00:42:06,817 --> 00:42:09,738
We fucked, that's all.
831
00:42:09,738 --> 00:42:11,740
That's not all.
832
00:42:11,740 --> 00:42:12,742
I love you.
833
00:42:12,742 --> 00:42:14,243
You don't love me.
834
00:42:14,243 --> 00:42:16,245
And from the way you kissed me, i can tell
835
00:42:16,245 --> 00:42:19,750
That we had this connect... do you know how pathetic you are?
836
00:42:19,750 --> 00:42:20,751
One lousy fuck.
837
00:42:21,201 --> 00:42:24,606
Now you're carrying on like some lovesick fairy.
838
00:42:24,606 --> 00:42:27,091
You've got a lot to learn.
839
00:42:27,091 --> 00:42:29,094
Fags will say anything to get their dicks sucked
840
00:42:29,595 --> 00:42:31,096
Or fuck a nice ass.
841
00:42:31,597 --> 00:42:33,098
Then it's on to the next.
842
00:42:33,098 --> 00:42:35,535
I don't believe you.
843
00:42:35,535 --> 00:42:37,537
I know what i felt.
844
00:42:37,537 --> 00:42:40,024
Yeah well, i didn't feel anything.
845
00:42:40,024 --> 00:42:41,475
As far as i'm concerned,
846
00:42:41,475 --> 00:42:44,930
You're yesterday's fuck.
847
00:42:44,930 --> 00:43:12,714
Hmmm.
848
00:43:12,714 --> 00:43:18,671
Shouldn't you let the gardener do that?
849
00:43:18,671 --> 00:43:22,609
The gardener's good for some things.
850
00:43:23,076 --> 00:43:23,577
It's a new gardener.
851
00:43:27,014 --> 00:43:31,954
But these need special care.
852
00:43:31,954 --> 00:43:35,941
Who would think an ugly little thing like this
853
00:43:35,941 --> 00:43:38,444
Could contain something so beautiful.
854
00:43:38,444 --> 00:43:40,913
I used to help my mother in the garden.
855
00:43:40,913 --> 00:43:43,417
Once i, uh, i planted a light bulb.
856
00:43:43,417 --> 00:43:45,419
Thought come spring there'd be a chandelier.
857
00:43:48,256 --> 00:43:50,241
Dumb, huh?
858
00:43:50,241 --> 00:43:51,743
Charming nevertheless.
859
00:43:51,743 --> 00:43:53,679
Oh, uh, to, um,
860
00:43:53,679 --> 00:43:55,181
To thank you for dinner, i, uh,
861
00:43:55,181 --> 00:43:58,685
I brought us some lunch.
862
00:43:58,685 --> 00:44:00,671
You really must love burger queen.
863
00:44:00,671 --> 00:44:03,023
I asked for extra pickles.
864
00:44:04,525 --> 00:44:09,982
That's very thoughtful of you, fetch.
865
00:44:09,982 --> 00:44:14,904
Actually my... my real name isn't fetch.
866
00:44:14,904 --> 00:44:20,895
It's, uh, it's emmett.
867
00:44:20,895 --> 00:44:24,882
Nice to meet you, emmett.
868
00:44:24,882 --> 00:44:26,885
Well.
869
00:44:26,885 --> 00:44:31,391
Um...
870
00:44:31,391 --> 00:44:36,397
why not? Right here.
871
00:44:36,397 --> 00:44:39,833
Thank you.
872
00:44:50,263 --> 00:44:51,766
Disturbing question number one:
873
00:44:52,266 --> 00:44:53,768
How am i supposed to recognize my date
874
00:44:53,768 --> 00:44:55,269
When i've never seen him?
875
00:44:55,269 --> 00:44:56,772
Disturbing question number two:
876
00:44:56,772 --> 00:45:03,163
Why do i listen to my mother?
877
00:45:03,163 --> 00:45:06,666
Shit! Ben's here.
878
00:45:06,666 --> 00:45:08,669
This time i'm not hallucinating, it really is him.
879
00:45:09,170 --> 00:45:10,671
Disturbing question number three:
880
00:45:10,671 --> 00:45:13,675
How am i supposed to impress my date when...
881
00:45:13,675 --> 00:45:16,678
oh fuck, benismy date.
882
00:45:16,678 --> 00:45:21,684
Thatmeshugena yenta actually fixed me up with...
883
00:45:21,684 --> 00:45:23,186
oh god, he's looking at me.
884
00:45:23,186 --> 00:45:29,694
What'll i do? What'll i do?
885
00:45:29,694 --> 00:45:31,196
Michael?
886
00:45:31,696 --> 00:45:32,697
Ben, what a surprise.
887
00:45:32,697 --> 00:45:34,700
Yeah, yeah, small world.
888
00:45:34,700 --> 00:45:36,702
Isn't it? Ida sure was right
889
00:45:36,702 --> 00:45:39,206
When she said i'd know who it was.
890
00:45:39,206 --> 00:45:41,208
Who?
891
00:45:41,708 --> 00:45:44,194
Ida. The matchmaker.
892
00:45:44,194 --> 00:45:46,197
My mother's gonna shit when she hears about this.
893
00:45:46,197 --> 00:45:49,150
Uh, about... about what?
894
00:45:49,150 --> 00:45:51,637
You and me.
895
00:45:51,637 --> 00:45:54,640
Oh, yeah, i'm sorry, i'm, uh,...
896
00:45:55,090 --> 00:45:57,043
aren't you here for a date?
897
00:45:57,544 --> 00:45:58,044
Yeah, yeah, i am,
898
00:45:58,545 --> 00:46:00,998
But, uh... hi.
899
00:46:00,998 --> 00:46:20,320
But not with you.
900
00:46:36,290 --> 00:46:43,800
So many men, so little body hair.
901
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,802
See any you like?
902
00:46:45,802 --> 00:46:48,806
Him.
903
00:46:48,806 --> 00:46:51,775
I guess.
904
00:46:51,775 --> 00:46:54,229
You?
905
00:46:54,229 --> 00:46:55,730
Him.
906
00:46:55,730 --> 00:46:59,151
He's kind of young.
907
00:46:59,151 --> 00:47:03,089
Let's go for it.
908
00:47:03,089 --> 00:47:04,091
Or we could go home,
909
00:47:04,091 --> 00:47:07,544
Just the two of us.
910
00:47:07,544 --> 00:47:11,549
What about the game?
911
00:47:12,050 --> 00:47:12,550
Fuck the game.
912
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:17,150
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