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1
00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:05,243
[Door Opens, Closes]
2
00:00:05,572 --> 00:00:07,882
- [Frank] Look what Charlie and I found.
- [Charlie] Look at this.
3
00:00:08,274 --> 00:00:11,314
Oh, God. Ahh! Get that away from me.
It reeks. What is that?
4
00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:13,511
- Dude, this is our mail.
- Look at that.
5
00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:16,063
- It was in the sewer.
- What is our mail doing in the sewer?
6
00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:19,549
I threw it in there. You turkeys never open it,
so I just started throwing it in the sewer.
7
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:21,543
Why don't you just throw it into the trash?
8
00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:24,511
Because if I threw it in the trash,
you would find it and then yell at me.
9
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,618
Besides, I certainly never expected
you guys to be rooting around in the sewer.
10
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:31,051
Uh, yeah. That brings up another issue.
What are you two doing in the sewer?
11
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,171
- We always go in the sewer.
- We hang out in the sewer.
12
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:35,514
Why?
13
00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,515
Why? There's stuff down there.
14
00:00:37,837 --> 00:00:40,117
- Don't knock the sewer till you've tried the sewer.
- You find shit down there.
15
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:43,087
- But how are you so clean?
- We take our clothes off so we don't get dirty.
16
00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:45,530
- You guys!
- Hang on a second, Dee. We're getting into something.
17
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,139
Anything could be down there.
18
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:50,040
- Big stuff.
- Rings, coins, nudity. That's part of the fun.
19
00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,233
The two of you are walking around in the
sewers naked looking for rings and coins?
20
00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:55,676
You feel it with your feet.
It's almost like clamming.
21
00:00:56,022 --> 00:00:58,392
- Okay, but, you guys...
- Dee, knock it off.
22
00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:00,752
I wanna know why these two
are rooting around in the sewer...
23
00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:02,324
My water just broke!
24
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:05,142
- Drain could... What?
- I'm having a baby.
25
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:42,290
Out of my way. I've broken my water.
26
00:01:42,635 --> 00:01:44,475
There's a baby inside of me
running out of water. Look out!
27
00:01:44,804 --> 00:01:46,504
Dennis, that was amazing.
I've never seen anybody drive that fast.
28
00:01:46,806 --> 00:01:49,056
- You hit 120! 120!
- I almost stewed my drawers.
29
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:51,962
She was screaming in my ear.
Probably screwed my transmission up.
30
00:01:52,378 --> 00:01:54,658
- Nice and easy. Here we go.
- Oh, yes. This is my ride.
31
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:57,918
- They've done this before.
- Thank you. All done with you. You can go.
32
00:01:58,384 --> 00:02:01,724
Where's the guy?
Should we call the guy? The guy who...
33
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,625
Oh, no. That guy. There's no guy.
34
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:05,760
- There's no guy?
- There's no guy. It's complicated.
35
00:02:06,092 --> 00:02:08,842
There's gotta be a guy.
We'll go get the guy. We'll get the dad.
36
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,285
Why don't you guys do what you do best
and don't care, okay?
37
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:13,851
I got it from here.
We can take it from here. Right, Michael?
38
00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:16,404
- Yeah.
- Michael and I got it. Thanks, guys.
39
00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:19,190
All right. Kind of rude...
40
00:02:19,472 --> 00:02:21,692
but I guess if we're off the hook,
let's head back to the bar.
41
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,335
- Yeah.
- Yeah. I could get blitzed.
42
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:25,326
No. Wait. Stop, guys. This is not right.
43
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,485
Something is not right here.
This is very suspicious.
44
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,184
- What?
- There's no guy in the picture?
45
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,379
- So what?
- There's no dad in the picture.
46
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:34,058
The brunt of the responsibility
of this kid is gonna fall on us.
47
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:35,744
We're gonna have to do everything.
48
00:02:35,989 --> 00:02:37,539
- [Frank] Ooh.
- You're right.
49
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,874
Dee is like the most irresponsible person
on the planet.
50
00:02:40,226 --> 00:02:41,926
Look what she was doing with the mail,
for Christ sakes.
51
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:43,978
Oh, my God!
We're gonna be in charge of the kid?
52
00:02:44,297 --> 00:02:45,997
This kid cannot become our responsibility.
53
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,489
Look what this kid has ruined already.
He's ruined my transmission.
54
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,618
- Yeah.
- He's ruined a perfectly good sewer conversation.
55
00:02:50,937 --> 00:02:52,837
- I still wanna get to the bottom of that one.
- Right.
56
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:54,873
- We will.
- God knows what he's gonna ruin in the future.
57
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,755
He's going to ruin everything.
58
00:02:57,043 --> 00:02:59,323
- We gotta find the dad! We gotta find that dad.
- [Charlie] You're right.
59
00:02:59,712 --> 00:03:01,522
- Let's find the dad.
- It's the dad's responsibility.
60
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,218
- Let's find the dad.
- Yeah. Okay.
61
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:04,913
I wonder if the dad even knows.
62
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:06,525
I'll bet she's embarrassed...
63
00:03:06,786 --> 00:03:09,246
too embarrassed to tell us
because she's bedded some real stinkers.
64
00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:12,996
- She might not even know herself.
- There's always overlap.
65
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,426
Any multiple number of sperms
could have gone up there and eaten the egg.
66
00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:19,116
- There could be so many dads.
- No, sperm doesn't eat the egg.
67
00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,489
It doesn't eat the egg
and grow strong and become a baby?
68
00:03:21,834 --> 00:03:23,974
Either way, she's pregnant and it's a guy,
so let's get him.
69
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:25,737
Why don't we just round up
the usual suspects...
70
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,375
and then we'll figure
out how many of them...
71
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,340
- Somebody's gotta stay here with her.
- You think so?
72
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,042
- You're right. Yeah.
- You're right. Yeah.
73
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,211
And it looks like it's gonna be you.
74
00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:36,156
- Why? What happened?
- Well, mostly because we're all on this side.
75
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,983
- You're over there.
- Just 'cause you guys made it to one side before me?
76
00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,085
[Charlie]
You didn't make it to this side on time.
77
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,667
- Also, now we're backing out and you're stuck there.
- I can back out.
78
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,927
- We'll find the dad.
- You better find that dad. This is not fair.
79
00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:48,533
Keep your eye on her.
80
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,783
- [Object Thumping]
- [Chair Squeaking]
81
00:03:56,102 --> 00:03:58,212
What are you doing?
What are you doing? Get down!
82
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:00,271
I'm trying to make the TV go.
83
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,273
You are standing on top of a rolling chair.
84
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,595
You're gonna go flying through that window,
for God sakes. Get down.
85
00:04:04,944 --> 00:04:06,724
- I'm serious. You get down, Dee.
- All right, all right.
86
00:04:07,046 --> 00:04:10,206
- Oh, my... What are you thinking?
- I'm trying to watch my stories.
87
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:12,417
I have a very specific birth plan...
88
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:14,859
and mostly it involves me
watching my stories to relax...
89
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:17,331
but I can't get this goddamn TV
to do anything.
90
00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:19,910
What are you...
Are you... Knock it off.
91
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:21,633
- I'm mad at the...
- Stop straining yourself.
92
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:23,154
Go lie down. Lie down now.
93
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:25,126
This is exactly
what I was worried about, Dee.
94
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:27,161
I am going to have to do everything...
95
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:29,217
because you're an irresponsible person...
96
00:04:29,535 --> 00:04:32,465
who stands atop rolling chairs
and chooses to go flying through windows.
97
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,309
Have the baby first.
98
00:04:34,574 --> 00:04:36,794
Have the stupid baby. Then go flying
through all the windows you like.
99
00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:38,486
Oh, my... Just lie there.
100
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:41,055
Wait for the doctor.
I will get your stories.
101
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:44,607
[Sighs] God, this baby is becoming
such an irritating thing to me.
102
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,488
- Yeah.
- God, what an irritating thing babies are.
103
00:04:47,887 --> 00:04:49,937
[Dennis] Oh, my goodness.
I'm having to do everything.
104
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,280
[Dee]
I'll figure you out, you son of a bitch.
105
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:57,695
[Stereo: Reggae Pop]
106
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,984
Where is everybody?
I thought this was supposed to be a party.
107
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:02,541
They'll be here. You're early.
108
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:04,169
Do you have anything to drink?
109
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:06,337
The salt on the chips dries out my mouth.
110
00:05:06,673 --> 00:05:09,043
I'll poke around the fridge and see
if there's anything. Where's the beer?
111
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:11,552
- I forgot the beer. I'm sorry.
- You didn't bring the beer?
112
00:05:11,911 --> 00:05:14,101
How are we supposed
to know this is a party if there's no beer?
113
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,260
- I got wrapped up in the invitations.
- A party with no beer.
114
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,467
- We don't want them thinking it's an interrogation.
- [Doorbell Rings]
115
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,306
Oh! Hey!
116
00:05:21,587 --> 00:05:23,807
Party! Party! All right! Hey!
117
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:26,620
- [Mac] Hey, Cricket.
- Ooh. Where's the booze at? What's up, fellas?
118
00:05:27,026 --> 00:05:28,806
- Hey.
- Who invited Cricket?
119
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:31,438
I did, because I figured it's a wild card.
120
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,411
That's a stone you can leave unturned.
121
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,430
We don't have time for that bullshit.
Let's just pick one and go.
122
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:38,485
Hey, Bill? Could we talk to you for a sec?
123
00:05:38,938 --> 00:05:40,838
- Maybe, uh, in this...
- Oh, yeah? Yeah. Let's do this.
124
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,314
A little guy time. Guy time.
125
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:46,336
All right, let's turn it up. Whoo!
126
00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:49,119
-
[Volume Increases]
- Let's get weird, buddy. Let's get weird.
127
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:52,035
- Thanks for coming to the party, Bill.
- Thanks for having me, guys.
128
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:55,202
It's good to get away from the wife and
kids for a little bit... let the hair down.
129
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:57,555
So you're still with your wife
after all that shit with Dee?
130
00:05:57,890 --> 00:06:00,230
Yeah, well, I realized I was a sex addict.
131
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,556
I went to therapy. She forgave me for it.
132
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:04,945
Oh, you're a sex addict, huh?
133
00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:07,848
That's crazy to be one of those.
134
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,377
- You don't mind if I write some of this down, do you?
- For what?
135
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,697
- Just keeping a log of the party. We like to do that.
- Oh.
136
00:06:13,039 --> 00:06:14,819
A funny conversation pops up,
you wanna remember it.
137
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:18,391
No problem. Speaking of parties, you
guys wanna do a little... [Sniffs]
138
00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:21,631
- Is that coke?
- Yeah. I picked up a couple grams on the way over.
139
00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:24,391
- Yeah, maybe a little bit later, we can all partake.
- Hey!
140
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:27,394
But for now we're just a bunch of guys
hanging out in a room.
141
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:30,130
- Right on.
- You know, dudes. Let's talk about dude stuff.
142
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,133
I like dude stuff. Like what?
143
00:06:32,425 --> 00:06:35,295
Oh, I don't know.
What do guys talk about? Condoms.
144
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:38,192
- Right.
- I cannot stand the feel of a condom on my dick.
145
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,738
- I hate condoms. Hate 'em, hate
'em, hate 'em, hate 'em. - Yeah.
146
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,910
The three of us just don't use 'em.
How about you?
147
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,936
Me neither. I can't stand them.
[Chuckles]
148
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,578
Well, that's interesting.
A sex addict who doesn't like condoms.
149
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:51,508
That's why I had a vasectomy, guys.
150
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:53,461
You had a vasectomy?
151
00:06:53,746 --> 00:06:54,676
Yep.
152
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,841
You just winked when you said that.
153
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,433
Did you have a vasectomy or not?
154
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:01,779
- No. [Snickers]
- [Laughs]
155
00:07:02,121 --> 00:07:04,231
But that's what I would tell the ladies
so I didn't have to wear a condom.
156
00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,370
Oh!
[Laughs]
157
00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:08,832
- Okay. That is incredibly shady.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
158
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,895
What a beautiful underhanded thing.
159
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:12,367
- Yeah.
- It's disgusting.
160
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:15,028
- You guys wanna do a bump or what?
- I'll have a bump.
161
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:20,434
I don't understand why there's not
a single room in this hospital...
162
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,360
- I don't know where...
- that has a working television.
163
00:07:22,642 --> 00:07:24,012
I want that room now.
164
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,447
I don't know where you think
I'm gonna get it from. I don't have any.
165
00:07:26,813 --> 00:07:31,233
If you do not get my sister her stories
and a new room as soon as possible...
166
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:35,788
then I will come down on this hospital
like the hammer of Thor.
167
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:39,489
The thunder of my vengeance
will echo through these corridors...
168
00:07:39,992 --> 00:07:43,152
like the gust of a thousand winds!
169
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:46,533
You know what? I don't have time for this.
170
00:07:46,999 --> 00:07:48,369
I ain't going to jail over you.
171
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,594
I will beat your ass and
think nothing of it.
172
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:54,217
I'm not doing this with you today.
I'm not! I'm not!
173
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:57,350
[Slurping]
What's the word on my stories?
174
00:07:57,777 --> 00:08:00,967
- Why are you not in bed?
- I slipped out for a quick sandwich and a soda.
175
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:04,521
- You left the hospital?
- Yeah. I was kind of hungry. Mostly I was just getting bored.
176
00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:06,917
Dee, get in your room. You're drive... I...
177
00:08:07,253 --> 00:08:08,953
It's so boring.
There's nothing going on in there.
178
00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:11,335
You get in your room. Get in there.
179
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:14,301
- Don't push me though, because I'm pregnant and I don't...
- Get in the bed.
180
00:08:14,727 --> 00:08:16,097
- Wait a sec. What's this?
- I don't know.
181
00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:17,912
Why is there a strange man in my room?
182
00:08:18,197 --> 00:08:20,887
They probably slid this man in here thinking
that you were never gonna use the room.
183
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,554
I don't want there to be a strange man
laying in my room who looks dead.
184
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:27,411
- Is he dead, Dennis?
- I'm sure he's just sleeping. Get in bed.
185
00:08:27,807 --> 00:08:30,677
- I'm gonna scream in his face and see if he wakes up.
- Do not scream in the man's face.
186
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:34,133
I'll jiggle his ankle, and that will
determine whether he's alive or not.
187
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:37,134
Excuse me, sir. Are you...
You're very cold. He's very cold.
188
00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:41,530
- Okay. Hey, you! Wake up right now if you're not dead!
- All right, damn it, Dee. Stop.
189
00:08:42,154 --> 00:08:44,784
Oh, God. I think he's dead.
I think he's dead, Dennis. He's definitely dead.
190
00:08:45,224 --> 00:08:49,794
Why would they put a dead old man with paper
skin in my room when I'm trying to give birth?
191
00:08:50,496 --> 00:08:52,926
Because you weren't using the room, Dee,
and the hospital's very full.
192
00:08:53,332 --> 00:08:55,032
This was not part of my birth plan.
193
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:57,034
This was not part of my birth plan, sir.
194
00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:59,036
Get the nurse and get him out of here.
195
00:08:59,338 --> 00:09:01,738
Getting the nurse is not gonna do any good.
That woman is stubborn as shit.
196
00:09:02,141 --> 00:09:04,251
- Well, do something 'cause this is upsetting me.
- All right! All right!
197
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:06,360
- It's upsetting the baby.
- I hate all the responsibility that I have...
198
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:08,049
that this baby is causing me.
199
00:09:08,314 --> 00:09:11,624
I will get this man out of your room.
I will think of something awesome.
200
00:09:15,454 --> 00:09:19,024
So things got pretty hot and heavy
with you and Dee back in the day, correct?
201
00:09:19,592 --> 00:09:22,252
- That was over a year ago?
- Yeah. She wasn't very nice to me.
202
00:09:22,695 --> 00:09:25,355
What are we looking at?
No contact with Dee after you dated.
203
00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:30,158
- What's the deal here, bud?
- Well, no, she contacted me for a while...
204
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:32,146
usually when she was drunk.
205
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,655
- Drunken late-night booty calls?
- Mm-hmm.
206
00:09:35,041 --> 00:09:37,231
No. She usually just yells at me...
207
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,740
calls me names like army jerk, camo turkey.
208
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,237
I know she's just drunk, so it's okay.
209
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:45,283
- [Groans]
- Not okay. Not okay at all.
210
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,695
- You gotta stand up for yourself, man.
- So you haven't slept with her?
211
00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,954
Sometimes she tricks me.
212
00:09:50,289 --> 00:09:52,479
She tricks you? She tricks you how?
213
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,298
To give her sex.
[Crying]
214
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,253
She's a very manipulative person.
215
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:07,958
[Continues Crying]
I'm... I'm sorry.
216
00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:10,154
Are you guys mad at me?
217
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,696
- [Both] No, man, we're not mad...
- No.
218
00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:15,659
- I mean... You know.
- Okay.
219
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:18,102
- Get a grip, but...
- Okay.
220
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,291
- There's a room full of dudes out
there, so you might wanna... - Yeah.
221
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:23,564
stop crying before you come
back out to the party.
222
00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:27,289
Pull it together, because you're a soldier
and you should be tougher.
223
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,197
- Let's go.
- [Sniffles]
224
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,982
- Thanks, guys.
- [Charlie] This is the guy that's defending our country?
225
00:10:32,398 --> 00:10:34,298
- [Charlie] Well, he's definitely a candidate.
- Oh, boys.
226
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,624
- The keg has arrived.
- Hey, Frank.
227
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:40,129
This power outlet is gonna explode,
and you're gonna have to deal with that.
228
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,600
- Duncan, go with it, baby.
- Yeah, let's go for it.
229
00:10:45,277 --> 00:10:47,907
Yo, Frank, we gonna set it off, bitch.
[Howling]
230
00:10:48,347 --> 00:10:49,867
What are your bridge friends doing here?
231
00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:52,319
You gotta give it the illusion of a party.
232
00:10:52,685 --> 00:10:54,525
It's gotta be a guy's night, that's why.
233
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:58,014
- Are you high on blow?
- Whatever Duncan gave me.
234
00:10:58,524 --> 00:11:01,014
- You don't even know what you're high on?
- No. Hey!
235
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:04,007
Yo, Charlie Chuckles,
what's crackin', sunshine? Yeah.
236
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:06,510
- Hey. L'il Kev.
- Hey, L'il Kev.
237
00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,856
- [Muttering]
- And your beer.
238
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:10,981
Ah. I'll talk to you guys later.
239
00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:13,003
Okay. Okay.
240
00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:14,535
What is L'il Kev doing here?
241
00:11:14,774 --> 00:11:16,554
You gotta throw out a big net...
242
00:11:16,876 --> 00:11:18,686
to catch the fish that she was banging.
243
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:21,151
- Oh. Oh!
- Oh!
244
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,884
- Party! - [Cheering]
- It's a party, yo.
245
00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:26,533
Is that the busboy
from the Korean restaurant?
246
00:11:26,919 --> 00:11:28,699
Yeah, yeah. She banged him.
247
00:11:29,021 --> 00:11:31,241
[Sniffing]
248
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:36,876
Are you sure we're not taking this
Weekend at Bernie's thing too far?
249
00:11:37,396 --> 00:11:40,266
- I'm worried the sunglasses are ridiculous.
- The sunglasses lighten the mood.
250
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,513
Make the whole thing feel
like a fun, fun romp.
251
00:11:42,835 --> 00:11:44,535
- Hi.
- Hi, ladies. Hi. Yeah.
252
00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:46,327
- Good afternoon.
- Without the sunglasses...
253
00:11:46,605 --> 00:11:47,865
Weekend at Bernie's
would have been very dark.
254
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:49,417
- Yeah. Strange movie.
- Strange tale.
255
00:11:49,675 --> 00:11:51,195
Hey there, Mr. Craig.
256
00:11:53,245 --> 00:11:54,855
- [Chuckles]
- Okay.
257
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:57,987
- The waving thing's awesome, that's true.
- It's pretty sweet, right?
258
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,711
What's our plan here?
259
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:02,472
Are we just gonna throw him in the trash
or find a laundry chute...
260
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:04,288
- fire him down that?
- What? No.
261
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,697
I'm gonna drop him in one of these rooms
if I can find an empty one.
262
00:12:07,059 --> 00:12:09,049
But that way, somebody could find him
and put him back in my room.
263
00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:12,145
That's a good point. Maybe we can stuff him
in a drawer or jam him in a closet.
264
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:15,148
- That'll buy us some time, right?
- Mm-mmm. Makes me feel like I have to touch him.
265
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,878
I don't wanna touch him at all.
Why don't we just put him in the trash?
266
00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:19,970
Please don't put me in the trash.
267
00:12:20,272 --> 00:12:22,112
- Oh!
- Oh, are you alive?
268
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:23,701
- Oh, my goodness.
- Whoa.
269
00:12:23,943 --> 00:12:26,433
What is going on here?
What are you doing with Mr. Craig?
270
00:12:26,846 --> 00:12:28,396
They're trying to put me in the trash.
271
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,291
- Don't... No.
- You know what?
272
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,243
I refuse to share a room with an old man
who likes to pretend to be dead.
273
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:36,206
- He's a liar.
- You are not allowed to move the patients.
274
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:37,492
- Ooh!
- What? What?
275
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:39,560
- Oh, Dennis. Oh, my God.
- What?
276
00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:41,562
- I think I'm having this baby.
- Doctor!
277
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:45,051
Oh! It doesn't feel good.
This sucks. This sucks a bag of dicks.
278
00:12:45,564 --> 00:12:47,054
- Oh, I'm sure.
- Oh, man! Oh!
279
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,353
- Help my sister.
- Wait, wait, wait. Don't leave me.
280
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:50,812
- I don't like it.
- No, I'm coming.
281
00:12:51,036 --> 00:12:52,646
- We got you from here. We got you.
- I'm coming with you.
282
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:54,338
You ain't going nowhere.
283
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:56,917
Get your narrow ass back in that waiting
room before I knock you in there.
284
00:12:57,309 --> 00:12:59,359
You have done enough today.
285
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:03,372
Crazy-ass white boy steadily dressing
up folk and talking about Thor.
286
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,379
[Woman]
I bet I earned this. I got you.
287
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:10,156
Wow. This whole thing's
really setting in now.
288
00:13:10,689 --> 00:13:12,939
Yeah, it's really sinking in, man.
289
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:15,075
We're gonna have a baby.
This is really cool.
290
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:16,884
Please don't throw me in the trash.
291
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:19,443
No one's putting you in the trash.
Stop saying that. Will you stop?
292
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:23,232
Everybody's talkingall this stuff about me
293
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:26,349
-
[Continues]
- Man, I used to have some jean shorts like that too.
294
00:13:26,772 --> 00:13:28,642
I slept in them shits, man.
295
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,584
Eventually,
I blew the crotch out of them things.
296
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:35,111
But you can't wear 'em every day
and expect for 'em to hold up.
297
00:13:35,614 --> 00:13:37,514
That was some nice-ass denim too.
298
00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:39,340
I miss them shorts.
299
00:13:39,618 --> 00:13:42,228
But you gotta take 'em off
every now and then.
300
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,235
You gotta take 'em off, son.
301
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,498
Why are you having sex with her?
302
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:51,167
Well, she gets drunk and calls me
a cardio-jerk or a workout turkey.
303
00:13:51,697 --> 00:13:53,477
And after a while, I just kind of cave in.
304
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,989
Wow. You just...
I gotta try that with someone.
305
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:57,568
- Thanks, Rex.
- Thank you.
306
00:13:57,803 --> 00:13:59,063
- Enjoy the party.
- Thanks, Rex.
307
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:01,175
She's just berating these guys
into having sex with her.
308
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:04,407
Yeah, and she is slammin' ass all over town.
She's getting way more action than us.
309
00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:07,657
She's stuck on her curse words.
"Jerk" and "turkey" are all that she's using.
310
00:14:08,113 --> 00:14:10,193
Well, clearly they're working for her,
'cause Rex is a quality lay.
311
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,979
Yeah, Re...
Well, he's not fit to be a father though.
312
00:14:13,385 --> 00:14:17,045
A father? None of these guys
are fit to be fathers. They're animals.
313
00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:19,703
Even if we do figure out who it is...
314
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:22,339
how are we gonna trust this baby
with one of these monkeys?
315
00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:24,478
[Charlie]
They're animals. They got no self-control.
316
00:14:24,797 --> 00:14:27,287
It takes discipline to
raise a kid, you know?
317
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,360
- You gotta set rules. You gotta set ground rules.
- Set some boundaries.
318
00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:33,323
Like don't have 'em doing cocaine.
319
00:14:33,739 --> 00:14:36,579
- Get them off the Internet.
- The Internet's a very, very dangerous place.
320
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,262
Kids spend all their time on the Internet.
"Hi. Who are you?
321
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,375
There's your penis and there's your butt."
322
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,670
- You gotta learn from some books.
- You don't want 'em reading too many books.
323
00:14:45,150 --> 00:14:47,020
- You don't want 'em to be a nerd.
- You don't want 'em to be a nerd.
324
00:14:47,353 --> 00:14:49,693
- I'm not raising a nerd, bro.
- If it's a nerd, I'm gonna bash his head in.
325
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:51,929
- Nerds get nowhere in life.
- Oh, my God. Is he a nerd?
326
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:54,008
I could bash some nerds right now.
327
00:14:54,326 --> 00:14:56,936
Right after this we should probably bash nerds.
I gotta get it out of my system.
328
00:14:57,363 --> 00:14:58,913
- Bash some nerds.
- [Exhales]
329
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:00,598
- Absolutely.
- Get bowed up.
330
00:15:00,866 --> 00:15:03,646
- You gotta teach him how to beat nerds up.
- He's gotta be beating nerds up.
331
00:15:04,103 --> 00:15:05,363
These are good ideas for raising a kid.
332
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:06,914
We have a lot of ideas about raising a kid.
333
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,662
We are men who can be great dads.
We have great opinions.
334
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:11,775
And that's all that parenting is...
335
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:13,337
pretending you know
what you're talking about...
336
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:15,099
and then jamming it down a kid's throat.
337
00:15:15,381 --> 00:15:16,781
Oh, my God.
That's what we're gonna do.
338
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,749
When I see that baby, dude,
we're gonna run towards it.
339
00:15:19,051 --> 00:15:21,451
- I'm gonna grab it. I'm gonna pick him up.
- And jam shit down his throat!
340
00:15:21,854 --> 00:15:23,554
- Dude.
- Dude, we're gonna be the dad.
341
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,046
- We're so much better dads than these guys.
- Yeah, look at this.
342
00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,855
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
343
00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:32,206
- Oh! [Laughing]
- [Laughing]
344
00:15:37,903 --> 00:15:41,063
I can't wait to tell him.
This is so exciting. There he is.
345
00:15:41,573 --> 00:15:44,123
Hey, Dennis, Dennis.
We have news. We have wonderful news.
346
00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:47,853
Charlie and I have decided that we
are going to be the father of this child.
347
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:49,870
Dude, we did a complete 180.
348
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:51,899
You guys, I did a 180 too. I totally did.
349
00:15:52,217 --> 00:15:54,527
I was all pissy this morning
about having to be at the hospital.
350
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,490
Then I realized I've been firing on all
cylinders because of this baby thing.
351
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:01,808
Dude, I did this Weekend at
Bernie's operation earlier...
352
00:16:02,261 --> 00:16:03,991
that would have blown you guys' minds...
it was very effective.
353
00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:06,906
Then I busted out this sweet Thor line on
this lady because she was pissing me off.
354
00:16:07,333 --> 00:16:10,493
It was, like, boom! I really hit her with it.
And I never reference the Nordic gods.
355
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,283
- I don't understand what your point is.
- What are you talking about?
356
00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:15,282
I'm saying I wanna be the dad too.
I'm totally into it.
357
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,564
- Okay.
- That steps on our thing a little bit, but...
358
00:16:17,910 --> 00:16:21,190
- 'Cause we were doing the...
- Maybe instead of doing a My Two Dads type thing...
359
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:24,784
we could fold in another dad and do a
Three Men and a Baby type situation.
360
00:16:25,284 --> 00:16:27,304
- That's what it is. I like that.
- An equally effective movie.
361
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,763
- A great movie.
- Did we miss it? Did we miss it?
362
00:16:30,122 --> 00:16:32,402
No. It was...
What's going on? Who are all these people?
363
00:16:32,791 --> 00:16:35,451
I couldn't decide who the dad was,
so I brought everybody.
364
00:16:35,894 --> 00:16:38,884
You didn't try and decide who the dad was.
You just got high.
365
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,615
Well, the interrogation
did turn into a coke party.
366
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,781
But they all promised to have blood tests.
367
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:47,323
If this kid is mine,
I'm gonna blow my brains out.
368
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,390
Oh, he got zooted, man.
He took an eight-ball to the dome.
369
00:16:50,809 --> 00:16:54,319
No, no, Frank. Dude, get these
guys out of here, all right?
370
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,020
- We're gonna be the father of the baby now.
- We're gonna be the fathers.
371
00:16:57,383 --> 00:16:59,633
- It has been decided, so sayeth Thor.
- Thor said it.
372
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,069
- The who?
- Thor.
373
00:17:01,286 --> 00:17:02,776
- Who Thor?
- Is that your Greek god reference?
374
00:17:03,055 --> 00:17:04,345
- He's a Nordic god.
- Nordic god.
375
00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,700
I said something else earlier
that sounded a lot cooler than that.
376
00:17:07,059 --> 00:17:08,399
That one didn't really work.
377
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:10,740
Guys, here she comes. She's coming.
378
00:17:11,096 --> 00:17:13,266
How do we make it a big moment?
I wanna make it a big moment.
379
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:15,332
With music.
Duncan, play something special.
380
00:17:15,634 --> 00:17:17,414
- Frank, I got the perfect thing.
- Okay, great.
381
00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:20,836
- [Charlie] Why do they have the...
- [Dennis] I don't know.
382
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:24,530
[Woman Vocalizing]
383
00:17:38,657 --> 00:17:41,847
[Vocalizing Continues]
384
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:51,637
Pray God you can cope
385
00:17:52,204 --> 00:17:54,864
I'll stand outside
386
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:57,357
This woman's work
387
00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:00,199
This woman's world
388
00:18:00,612 --> 00:18:04,302
Ooh, it's hard on the man
389
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:08,013
Now his part is over
390
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:11,420
Now starts the craft
391
00:18:12,357 --> 00:18:17,047
Of the father
392
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:21,193
I know you have a
little life in you yet
393
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:22,993
I know you have a lot
394
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,195
Carmen? What are you doing here?
395
00:18:25,537 --> 00:18:27,877
- I'm here to get my baby.
- What?
396
00:18:28,273 --> 00:18:30,643
- Oh, yeah. The tranny's the dad.
- [Men Laughing]
397
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,743
Yeah!
398
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:36,005
- You had sex with the tranny?
- No. I was their surrogate.
399
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:38,562
We used her sperm and a donor egg...
400
00:18:38,917 --> 00:18:40,937
and then they just kind of...
[Raspberry] right up there and...
401
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,916
We had a difficult time finding a
surrogate, but Dee was a miracle to us.
402
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:46,696
I can't have kids of my own,
and Carmen always wanted a baby.
403
00:18:47,092 --> 00:18:49,812
Yeah, yeah. Great, great. Miracle for you.
How wonderful. Dee, you tricked us?
404
00:18:50,262 --> 00:18:53,042
- How did I trick you?
- We were getting all pumped up about being this baby's dad.
405
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:54,809
We were all keyed up for nothing.
406
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,907
If we knew you were doing
this stupid surrogate thing again...
407
00:18:57,236 --> 00:18:58,986
we would have just completely ignored
your pregnancy.
408
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,084
You did ignore my pregnancy.
409
00:19:01,406 --> 00:19:03,306
This has been a huge disappointment for us.
410
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,722
- [Dee] Why?
- [Charlie] We were gonna be great dads.
411
00:19:06,078 --> 00:19:07,448
We were gonna impose our will on the kid.
412
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:09,523
We had a Three Men and a
Baby thing going on.
413
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:11,658
- Okay, I'm sorry.
- I have to admit...
414
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,474
this whole thing might be for the best.
415
00:19:13,752 --> 00:19:16,562
Those two are gonna make great parents,
much better parents than any of us would.
416
00:19:17,022 --> 00:19:20,272
- Don't you think?
- Yeah. I guess.
417
00:19:20,792 --> 00:19:23,422
- A baby would've screwed up our chemistry.
- It might've. Yeah.
418
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:26,032
We got a good thing going.
Why blow it with a baby?
419
00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:29,238
That being said, don't get
knocked up anymore, Dee. It's getting old.
420
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:31,191
Oh, yeah. I didn't enjoy any of it.
421
00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:33,580
So, what I'm confused on is...
422
00:19:33,939 --> 00:19:37,129
the mother is the father
and the father is black...
423
00:19:37,643 --> 00:19:39,723
- and the baby's not black, so...
- It's all been explained.
424
00:19:40,078 --> 00:19:41,828
- [Dee] Yeah.
- I'll talk you through it later.
425
00:19:42,147 --> 00:19:43,957
Then what is your deal?
Do we pop you back in there?
426
00:19:44,283 --> 00:19:46,033
Are you done having babies?
What's going on?
427
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,431
Can you take me to go get a beer?
I need a beer.
428
00:19:48,787 --> 00:19:50,957
I could go for a beer.
You guys wanna go back to the bar?
429
00:19:51,323 --> 00:19:52,843
- Yeah!
- Hey, you guys.
430
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,495
Let's bring the party back to the bar.
Bring the music. Let's go.
431
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:57,974
- What the hell's happening back there?
- A few buddies came along.
432
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,500
- Don't worry about it, Dee.
- Oh! Let's party in the sewer.
433
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,886
- Oh, yeah, Charlie.
- I'm not going into a sewer.
434
00:20:03,235 --> 00:20:04,575
What is your obsession
with the sewer these days?
435
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:06,296
- You find great stuff down there.
- Like what?
436
00:20:06,572 --> 00:20:08,382
- Like sewage.
- Ha-ha! Good one, Dee.
437
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,437
She's back, baby. She's back.
438
00:20:10,742 --> 00:20:12,442
Supposing it's storming
and a guy loses his ring...
439
00:20:12,744 --> 00:20:14,204
- Is this the ring story again?
- and it goes into the gutter?
440
00:20:14,479 --> 00:20:17,409
You gotta come up with something else, Frank.
You can't keep using the same...
441
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:20,953
Like, give me some crack.
You know what I'm sayin', dawg?
442
00:20:21,453 --> 00:20:22,383
We'll get more.
443
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:08,978
[Voices Speaking Backward]
444
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,076
English - US - SDH
445
00:21:15,126 --> 00:21:19,676
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