Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,869 --> 00:00:07,259
- [Hacking, Snorting]-
[Man Singing, Faint]
2
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,131
- [Snorting]
- Dee, what are you doing?
3
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,060
I got a tickle, a really bad one.
4
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,365
Shit. Are you getting sick?
If you're getting sick, stay away from us.
5
00:00:14,714 --> 00:00:16,904
No, no, no. I'd better not be getting sick.
I can't be getting sick.
6
00:00:17,283 --> 00:00:19,153
- I gotta be able to talk to Groban tomorrow.
- Who?
7
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:22,916
Josh Groban. Artemis and I got backstage
passes to his concert in the park tomorrow.
8
00:00:23,456 --> 00:00:25,326
Charles Grodin is coming in concert,
and you didn't tell us?
9
00:00:25,658 --> 00:00:28,698
Aw! We love Charles Grodin.
That dude is hysteri... I love that guy.
10
00:00:29,195 --> 00:00:30,745
- He brings out the curmudgeon in me.
- Yeah.
11
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,491
No, no. Different guy.
Josh Groban is who I'm talking about.
12
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,860
Josh Groban. Oh.
Is he Charles Grodin's son?
13
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:37,662
He's probably funny. What do you think?
14
00:00:37,937 --> 00:00:40,047
If he's related to Charles Grodin, he is.
Don't worry about that.
15
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:41,927
Yeah, two totally different people.
16
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:44,378
Charles Grodin is a bitter old man
with a giant head...
17
00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:47,674
and Josh Groban is a beautiful singer
with the voice of an angel.
18
00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:49,548
Oh, he's a singer.
19
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:52,066
Call Charles Grodin a bitter old man
one more time, and see what happens!
20
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:55,292
- Ooh, ooh, calm down.
- All right. All right. Sorry. All right. No big deal.
21
00:00:55,755 --> 00:00:57,215
I got to go home anyway. I should rest.
22
00:00:57,490 --> 00:00:58,890
- Stay aw... Come on.
- [Coughs]
23
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:01,349
- No. Don't come near me. Don't make me sick.
- All right. All right.
24
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,808
- Don't touch me with that. Hey! Stop it.
- Don't make me sick.
25
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:06,504
Mom, Mom! Calm down!
Calm down! Listen to me.
26
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,360
Okay, here's what you do, okay?
27
00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:11,265
You close the curtains,
and you mind your own business, right?
28
00:01:11,704 --> 00:01:13,694
No, they're not terrorists!
They're just Muslims.
29
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,700
Okay, well, I'm gonna hang up, okay?
Hanging up.
30
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:20,908
Unbelievable, dude. Ever since my Uncle
Jack moved out, my mom's going crazy.
31
00:01:21,347 --> 00:01:23,097
She's like,
"Help me with this. Help me with that.
32
00:01:23,416 --> 00:01:25,666
Wash the floor. Wash the ceiling.
Clean my car. Get this.
33
00:01:26,052 --> 00:01:28,452
Fix that. Are there spiders here?
Are there spiders there?"
34
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:31,665
I'm sorry. The woman who brought you
into the world and raised you needs you...
35
00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:33,435
and you're gonna ignore her?
36
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:35,093
Dude, it's crazy shit. It's insane shit.
37
00:01:35,361 --> 00:01:37,731
- And I can't be constantly taking care of her.
- I don't blame you, man.
38
00:01:38,131 --> 00:01:41,001
I'm very much looking forward to not
taking care of anyone when I'm older.
39
00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:43,658
Well, what? What, you're not gonna
take care of me when I'm old?
40
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,317
Hell, no, I'm not gonna take care of you.
You were a terrible father to me.
41
00:01:46,706 --> 00:01:48,756
I'll get Deandra to take care of me.
She'll take care of me.
42
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,279
Dee's not gonna take care of you.
43
00:01:50,510 --> 00:01:52,380
You chased her out with a pool cue
because she had a cough.
44
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:54,442
- [Phone Rings]
- Forget about it.
45
00:01:54,747 --> 00:01:56,767
- That's her.
- Answer the phone, Charlie.
46
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,837
- I'm just gonna let it ring, 'cause it's crazy shit.
- Answer the goddamn phone!
47
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:01,956
- It's not anything serious, Mac!
- Just answer...
48
00:02:02,255 --> 00:02:03,625
What? Hello? What? What is it?
49
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,230
Ye... Yeah.
50
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,996
Oh, well, that is a serious thing.
51
00:02:09,395 --> 00:02:12,265
Okay. I'll let him know.
Uh, Mac, your mom burned her house down.
52
00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:50,628
[TV: Chattering]
53
00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:54,160
Hey-oh! Good news, Dennis. Mom's okay.
54
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:57,514
She fell asleep with a lit cigarette in her
mouth and burned the entire house down...
55
00:02:57,977 --> 00:02:59,677
but the good news is she's fine.
56
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,319
- Uh... Oh, great. Yeah.
- [Wheezing Cough]
57
00:03:02,715 --> 00:03:05,935
- Um, where is she going to be staying?
- Here, of course.
58
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,032
I'll stay in a shelter.
59
00:03:08,321 --> 00:03:10,661
- Hey, there's an idea! Shelter.
- Absolutely not.
60
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,017
Okay. What about a nice nursing home?
61
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:16,169
Nursing home? Do you have any idea
what happens in those places, dude?
62
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:18,089
Why don't I just rape her myself?
63
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,824
Rape her?
What are you talking about? What?
64
00:03:20,099 --> 00:03:21,939
Yo, got your dog.
65
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:25,228
Poppins! Hey, buddy! How you doing?
[Kisses]
66
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,695
Poppins? My God,
I can't believe that dog's not dead.
67
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:29,941
- Didn't you get him when you were, like, 10?
- Oh, yeah.
68
00:03:30,276 --> 00:03:32,236
This dog is indestructible, dude.
69
00:03:32,579 --> 00:03:34,279
- [Charlie] Yeah, that dog's nasty, man.
- [Whimpering]
70
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,831
He was coughing the whole way over here.
He ate cigarette butts off the ground.
71
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,947
He's got a wheeze.
He might have emphysema, man.
72
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:42,592
Oh, that's entirely possible. Yeah, it wouldn't
slow him down though. He's a survivor.
73
00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:45,292
He would disappear for months,
but he would always come home.
74
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,298
Yeah, it looks like his eye is falling out.
75
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:49,764
- Is it? When it just bulges?
- It bulges out a little bit there.
76
00:03:50,129 --> 00:03:52,619
You just pop it back in with your knuckle.
I'll show you how to do it.
77
00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:55,872
- I'm never going to do that.
- You're gonna touch his eye with your knuckle?
78
00:03:56,336 --> 00:03:58,036
- You just sort of pop it back in.
- [Phone Rings]
79
00:03:58,338 --> 00:03:59,918
Oh. Hang on a second.
80
00:04:00,206 --> 00:04:02,196
What, Mom, what?
81
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:04,352
I'm not gonna vacuum your ceiling.
82
00:04:04,677 --> 00:04:07,457
- Um, because I already did it, okay?
- [Poppins Whimpering]
83
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:10,724
Plastic splinters are the same as...
You won't get a splinter!
84
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,494
[Angry Grunt]
85
00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,892
- I gotta go deal with this.
- No. Hold on a second.
86
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,035
- It's back in, Dennis. Check it out.
- I don't care.
87
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:19,407
I have an idea that's gonna solve
all of our problems here.
88
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,219
Your moms are gonna live together.
Now hear me out. This is gonna be great.
89
00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:24,849
Okay, Mac, your mom burned down her house
with a cigarette, right?
90
00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:28,331
Uncle Jack moved out of your mom's house, so she's lonely.
She's got no one to talk to.
91
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:32,405
Boom. Mrs. Mac, your mom... together.
Could be the perfect situation. Come on.
92
00:04:32,972 --> 00:04:34,522
They could be like The Golden Girls.
93
00:04:34,807 --> 00:04:37,847
A couple of old ladies getting together,
chasing men, eating cheesecake.
94
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:39,984
- That'd be cool.
- Sure. Whatever.
95
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,770
I'm loving that idea,
but my mom's gonna be a tough sell, man.
96
00:04:43,182 --> 00:04:44,642
Uh-huh. I'll talk her into it.
97
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:46,437
Oh, it popped back out.
98
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:48,059
[Wheezing Cough]
99
00:04:50,256 --> 00:04:51,836
[Motor Whirring]
100
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,397
- What the hell are you doing?
- What?
101
00:04:56,729 --> 00:04:58,949
- What the hell are you doing?
- Oh, I went to the health food store.
102
00:04:59,332 --> 00:05:02,022
I just grabbed a whole bunch of shit.
It's supposed to boost my immune system.
103
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:04,398
I'm not gonna miss that show, Frank.
I'm a Grobanite.
104
00:05:04,737 --> 00:05:08,367
Grobanites don't miss shows. Josh Groban comes
to town, and we consider it a call to action.
105
00:05:08,941 --> 00:05:10,521
- What you're saying is very dorky.
- [Spits]
106
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:15,820
Nevertheless, I brought you some stuff...
a little bit of care package here.
107
00:05:16,582 --> 00:05:18,012
- Why?
- I want to make you well.
108
00:05:18,284 --> 00:05:20,864
I got you coffee,
I got you some Mexican peanuts...
109
00:05:21,287 --> 00:05:22,897
I got you some candy.
110
00:05:23,189 --> 00:05:24,679
I got you a Stud magazine.
111
00:05:24,957 --> 00:05:26,387
What's your angle? What are you doing?
112
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:30,059
Deandra.
We have to take care of each other.
113
00:05:30,596 --> 00:05:34,196
I'm gonna take care of you now, but when I'm
old and sick, you have to take care of me.
114
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,057
What? [Mocking Laugh] No!
115
00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:38,642
No, I'm not doing that. Absolutely not.
You're on your own.
116
00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:39,648
- That...
- [Grunts]
117
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:42,116
You okay? Yeah? No?
118
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,968
It's down? It's going?
119
00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:46,263
It's going? Open up. Put your head back.
[Gargling Sound]
120
00:05:46,612 --> 00:05:49,332
Oh, God!
[Gagging]
121
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:51,272
Oh, God. I got it.
122
00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:53,721
All right. Well, you know what?
You should go relax.
123
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:56,957
You should go rest now. Good.
Look, I'm gonna do everything you need.
124
00:05:57,423 --> 00:05:59,093
Anything you need, I will do it.
125
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:00,942
Just make believe I'm your slave.
126
00:06:01,227 --> 00:06:03,127
Okay. Do my laundry.
127
00:06:05,264 --> 00:06:07,104
- Done.
- All right. I'm gonna go rest.
128
00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:08,893
- All right.
- Don't bother me.
129
00:06:09,168 --> 00:06:11,068
No, no, no, no.
I'm gonna be as quiet as a mouse.
130
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:12,804
- You just rest, honey.
- Uh-huh.
131
00:06:22,014 --> 00:06:23,414
Okay. All right.
[Chuckles]
132
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:26,613
Well, ladies, I know this is a lot
to digest, and that's why I'm here...
133
00:06:27,086 --> 00:06:29,166
to act as an unbiased negotiator
in the process...
134
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:32,652
and to sort out any problems or concerns.
135
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:36,259
Essentially, just to make sure that you're
both comfortable with this new arrangement.
136
00:06:39,165 --> 00:06:41,685
- I don't want to live with her.
- Oh, Mom! Why not?
137
00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:43,561
- She smells.
- I know she smells.
138
00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:46,146
- Okay, you can't talk about my mom like that!
- [Dennis] Okay.
139
00:06:46,539 --> 00:06:48,239
You don't smell,
and you look beautiful, okay?
140
00:06:48,541 --> 00:06:50,971
I think what Charlie's mom
is trying to say...
141
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:55,417
is that Mrs. Mac has a unique
and earthy fragrance.
142
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:57,358
I smell like shit.
143
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,757
Okay, Mom, don't put yourself down, okay?
We talked about this.
144
00:07:00,119 --> 00:07:02,309
Perhaps we could get Mrs. Mac some perfume?
145
00:07:02,688 --> 00:07:04,708
Oh, yeah. That's not a bad idea.
Mrs. Mac, what do you say?
146
00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:07,547
What better way to kick off this new
relationship than with a new fragrance?
147
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,180
Stop talking to me like I'm an asshole!
148
00:07:10,563 --> 00:07:12,753
- She can't smoke in here.
- I know, Mom. Uh...
149
00:07:13,132 --> 00:07:16,562
Okay, okay. Well, that's... Now, Mrs. Mac,
I would never ask you to give up tobacco...
150
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,003
but what if you were to switch to some
sort of smokeless tobacco alternative?
151
00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:23,083
[Long, Low Grunt]
152
00:07:23,509 --> 00:07:25,379
- I know that grunt. She's open to it.
- [Dennis] Okay!
153
00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:27,961
So what do we say
we do a little bit of a trial run tonight?
154
00:07:28,347 --> 00:07:30,537
Let's see what happens,
and then we'll take it from there.
155
00:07:31,984 --> 00:07:35,354
- Okay.
- [Long, Low Grunt]
156
00:07:35,888 --> 00:07:38,078
- That means absolutely.
- Okay! - [Charlie] Oh, sweet.
157
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,298
- Okay!
- Great, great, great. So, last step...
158
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:43,146
Dog's tied up outside. I'll grab him, bring
him inside, and then I'll be on my way.
159
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:45,523
No. No! No dogs. Charlie, tell them.
160
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:50,845
Okay. She is terrified
of animals eating her face off.
161
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:53,564
I don't want a dog
to eat my face, Charlie!
162
00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:56,096
- She doesn't want a dog eating her face.
- Well, you know what?
163
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,466
That's not a problem.
We'll take the dog... you and I.
164
00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:01,801
Oh, I think what Mac is trying to say
is not that we'll take the dog...
165
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:03,981
I'm saying exactly what I want to say.
166
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:06,773
What Mac's trying to say now
is that you're taking the dog.
167
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:09,116
What Charlie's saying is correct.
We're taking the dog.
168
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,355
- We're not taking the dog.
- You're taking the dog.
169
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,441
It's not going to eat my mother's face off.
170
00:08:13,759 --> 00:08:15,689
It's coming home with us, Dennis,
so just accept it, all right?
171
00:08:16,028 --> 00:08:17,728
All right, all right, all right! Fine.
172
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:21,190
- We'll take the dog.
- Calm down.
173
00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:27,521
[Vocalizing]
Laundry's done!
174
00:08:27,940 --> 00:08:29,520
Uh, those white shorts on top?
175
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:32,649
That's part of my outfit for tomorrow, so why
don't you go and run an iron over those?
176
00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:35,362
Ooh! Hey, very whitey white.
177
00:08:35,748 --> 00:08:38,238
- Uh, you're not ragging it, are you?
- What? Gr...
178
00:08:38,651 --> 00:08:40,931
- Gross, Frank! Come on.
- You still get periods?
179
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,750
What are you doing? Stop asking me that.
What? Gross! Come on.
180
00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:47,666
- I'm trying to bond with you.
- That's how you bond with me... asking if I still get periods?
181
00:08:48,227 --> 00:08:50,337
What's that stuff you're putting on?
That's beautiful. What is it?
182
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:54,416
Self-tanner, for tomorrow.
Got to look good for Groban.
183
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:56,901
The, uh, tan's gonna make
the white in the outfit pop...
184
00:08:57,236 --> 00:08:58,876
the white's gonna make the tan pop.
185
00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:00,721
Josh Groban likes his ladies to pop, so...
186
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:04,437
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Look who I brought. It's Poppins!
187
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:06,617
- [Chuckles] Yeah.
- Oh, God.
188
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:08,463
- That's Poppins?
- [Dennis] Ooh, yeah!
189
00:09:08,748 --> 00:09:10,058
- He's still alive?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
190
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,016
I figured he could keep you company
while you're sick.
191
00:09:12,318 --> 00:09:16,478
- [Frank] Dog looks like a gargoyle.
- Yeah. He smells like piss.
192
00:09:17,123 --> 00:09:19,613
- Does it? Uh-oh. Is he dying?
- No, no, no, he's fine.
193
00:09:20,026 --> 00:09:23,216
You're gonna want to keep him away from that
cream, too, 'cause he'll eat that shit.
194
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:26,599
He ate a whole bottle of shampoo at our
apartment earlier. He loves shit like that.
195
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:28,586
- Wow. Sounds great.
- Yeah.
196
00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:30,618
- Thanks for bringing him over, yeah.
- He's a great dog.
197
00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:32,487
I'm gonna finish this up in my bedroom.
198
00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:35,582
Frank, make me another juice, 'cause I feel
like that green stuff's really working.
199
00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:39,502
- You got it.
- Great. So, you'll keep the dog here, and then, uh...
200
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:41,656
What are you doing, Frank?
What's going on here?
201
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:44,258
Trying to score brownie points
with your sister.
202
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:47,110
I mean, I need somebody
to take care of me when I'm old and sick.
203
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,950
Jesus. You're still worried about that?
204
00:09:49,221 --> 00:09:51,211
Why don't you check yourself
into a nursing home? You have the money.
205
00:09:51,557 --> 00:09:53,927
I'm not gonna put myself
into one of those crypts.
206
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,437
As soon as you drop the soap,
they rape your butt.
207
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:58,256
- What?
- That's what happens. Mac told me.
208
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:01,901
God! You people have a very strange
conception of what goes on in nursing homes.
209
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,365
[Dee]
Frank, green juice, now!
210
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:06,894
[Mutters]
The bitch is driving me crazy!
211
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,763
She's not even sick anymore.
212
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:11,121
I support your plan, Frank,
insofar as it insures...
213
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,287
that I won't have to take care of you
when you get older...
214
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,283
but you're going about this all wrong,
honestly.
215
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:17,771
- How do you mean?
- Well, for one thing, she's in her apartment.
216
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,550
She's comfortable here. She's on her
home turf. She's got all of her amenities.
217
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:22,853
She feels good here.
She doesn't need you here.
218
00:10:23,189 --> 00:10:26,619
You need to thrust her into a hostile environment
so that she needs you to protect her.
219
00:10:27,159 --> 00:10:29,089
- I should dump her under the bridge!
- Dump her under the bri...
220
00:10:29,428 --> 00:10:31,508
No, don't dump her down by the bridge.
What are you talking...
221
00:10:31,864 --> 00:10:35,374
No, you need to be there, Frank. That's the whole
point of this. Just take her to your apartment.
222
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:37,515
Now, secondly, if this is gonna work...
223
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,173
then she's gonna need to feel more
than just a tickle in her throat.
224
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:42,593
So, if she's not feeling sick, well...
225
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:46,252
then we're just gonna
have to make her feel sick.
226
00:10:46,779 --> 00:10:48,619
- You're good.
- Well, I'm a fixer, Frank.
227
00:10:48,948 --> 00:10:50,258
- You're good.
- That's what I do.
228
00:10:50,516 --> 00:10:52,796
Dennis, listen.
We should hang out more together.
229
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:54,735
Yeah. Stop trying to bond with me.
230
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:01,674
[TV: Indistinct Chattering]
231
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:08,734
- They're not even talking to each other.
- My mom's not very verbal.
232
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:11,168
I know, but they haven't even
touched their cheesecake.
233
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,164
I feel like if you and I were in a room
with a perfectly good cheesecake...
234
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:16,217
all sorts of conversation
would start happening.
235
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:19,939
Oh, Charlie, the funniest thing happened
today when I was doing the laundry.
236
00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:22,909
Mom, no, not me. You got to talk to her, okay?
Don't talk to me.
237
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:24,985
Pretend like we're not even here,
Mrs. Kelly, okay?
238
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:26,924
- Go gossip.
- About what?
239
00:11:27,219 --> 00:11:29,739
Maybe you were at a supermarket one time,
and you met a cute guy...
240
00:11:30,156 --> 00:11:31,556
and you were feeling saucy...
241
00:11:31,824 --> 00:11:34,194
and then you wanted to go back
and talk to your friend, Sophia.
242
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:37,143
So you're like Blanche,
and she's like Sophia. So, go ahead.
243
00:11:37,563 --> 00:11:40,493
I don't go to the supermarket.
The shopping carts are dangerous.
244
00:11:40,966 --> 00:11:43,866
Shopping carts are not dangerous, Mom.
There's nothing dangerous about a shopping cart!
245
00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:46,706
Let's try a new tack.
Everybody, calm down. This isn't working.
246
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:48,856
All right. TV's going off. Boom!
247
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:52,635
Okay! That's good! You guys are roommates now,
so maybe you can get to know one another.
248
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:54,879
- I'm hot.
- My mom's hot. I'm hot too.
249
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,611
I got to be honest.
I'm hot as well. Can we turn the fan on?
250
00:11:58,017 --> 00:12:00,157
Okay, well, the fan is broken.
It hasn't worked for years.
251
00:12:00,519 --> 00:12:02,129
Oh! Oh, okay! That's good!
252
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:04,321
My mom's very good with her hands.
Maybe she can fix it.
253
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:07,727
- Oh, yeah?
- Mom was the manager at Jiffy Lube for many years.
254
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:10,417
- I never heard about this.
- Yeah, well, she doesn't like to brag.
255
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:14,516
It's not her style. But she started at the
bottom, worked her way to the tippy top.
256
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:18,261
There's only three people working at Jiffy Lube.
It's not really a high climb.
257
00:12:18,771 --> 00:12:20,671
Well, please don't diminish
my mother's achievements, okay?
258
00:12:21,006 --> 00:12:22,496
Don't get too excited about
your mother's achievements.
259
00:12:22,775 --> 00:12:25,815
Mom, do you want to take a look
at that fan and see if you can fix it?
260
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:28,182
- [Hacking Cough]
- What was that?
261
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:31,704
It means, "Not right now, but there's a
possibility that I could get to it tomorrow."
262
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,888
See, the problem is,
once that sun goes down...
263
00:12:34,186 --> 00:12:36,966
you're not gonna get this woman to do
anything, 'cause she thrives on sunlight.
264
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:38,943
She seems like she's never
been in sunlight.
265
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,655
- [Groans, Grunting]
- [Charlie's Mom] Oh!
266
00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:44,901
- [Mac] That's nasty.
- Oh, Charlie, she's spitting into my porcelain.
267
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:47,474
Okay, well, that makes you mad.
Take it up with her!
268
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:50,733
- Have a conversation with her.
- Everybody, can we just... Let's relax for a second.
269
00:12:51,203 --> 00:12:53,723
Maybe I can get you, like, a beer bottle.
Would that be okay?
270
00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:56,280
An empty beer bottle to spit in? Yeah?
271
00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:59,862
Okay, having fun.
Thank you for being a friend
272
00:13:00,379 --> 00:13:02,809
Traveled down the road and back again
273
00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:05,735
-
The heart is true
- You gotta stare at her.
274
00:13:06,152 --> 00:13:08,552
-
You're a pal and a confidante
- Don't look at me!
275
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:11,384
-
And if you threw a party
- Turn your head.
276
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:15,891
-
And invited everyone you knew, ooh-hoo
- [Grunts]
277
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:19,659
You would see the biggest gift
would be from me
278
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,566
And the card attached would say
279
00:13:22,968 --> 00:13:25,688
[Groaning]
Look at her!
280
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:30,974
[Wind Whistling]
281
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:36,824
- She's zonked.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
282
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:40,579
When she wakes up, she'll be really, really
cold, so you just give her this blanket.
283
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,550
You know, give her some more juice.
284
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,952
- Just be a dad to her.
- Oh, this is so boring. This is bullshit.
285
00:13:46,458 --> 00:13:49,068
I mean, God...
I mean, how long do I have to do this for?
286
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:51,745
We've been here for, like, an hour, Frank.
You're the worst dad.
287
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:53,441
[Gasps]
Groban!
288
00:13:53,699 --> 00:13:55,689
- Ooh. She's up.
- I'll come find you.
289
00:13:56,035 --> 00:13:57,845
Okay. Daddy's here. Take it easy, honey.
290
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,220
Okay, honey, don't get up.
Stay right where you are.
291
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,593
- Gotta go to the show.
- Don't go by the knives.
292
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:05,692
- Let me backstage.
- She thinks she's going backstage.
293
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:07,455
- [Both Laughing]
- You sing so good.
294
00:14:07,713 --> 00:14:10,813
- Honey, you want a blankie? I swaddle you, baby.
- I'll get to you.
295
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:13,017
- No, tomorrow night. That's not tonight.
- You sing in my ears.
296
00:14:13,319 --> 00:14:15,509
- I love you when you sing.
- She thinks she's going to the concert?
297
00:14:15,888 --> 00:14:17,908
- I don't know. She's walking.
- She's in a zombie state.
298
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:19,957
She's going to bounce off all the walls.
299
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:22,979
- I've never seen anything like this. It's incredible.
- She's going outside.
300
00:14:24,463 --> 00:14:27,363
Ooh, she's going to hit the skateboard.
301
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:28,563
Ooh.
302
00:14:30,336 --> 00:14:32,526
- [Dennis] Wow. Did you see that?
- She's like Mr. Magoo.
303
00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:34,245
[Dennis Giggling]
304
00:14:34,506 --> 00:14:37,816
[Loud Thudding]
305
00:14:38,344 --> 00:14:39,574
- Ooh.
- Oh.
306
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:42,242
Magoo never made that mistake.
307
00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:48,030
One, two, three.
[Sighs]
308
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,334
Good night, honey. Good night, Mac.
309
00:14:50,656 --> 00:14:52,736
[Whispering]
One, two, three. One, two, three.
310
00:14:53,092 --> 00:14:55,262
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
- [Lock Clicks Three Times]
311
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,848
One, two, three. One, two, three.
312
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,660
- Mrs. Kelly?
- Yes?
313
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,452
Why are you doing everything in threes?
314
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,874
Oh. So Charlie doesn't die.
315
00:15:05,804 --> 00:15:07,734
- What?
- One, two, three.
316
00:15:08,073 --> 00:15:10,183
One, two, three.
317
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:12,382
- That's crazy.
- Bat-shit crazy.
318
00:15:12,711 --> 00:15:15,581
I don't know, dude. What do you want me
to say? The woman's out of her mind.
319
00:15:16,048 --> 00:15:17,748
[Mac's Mom]
Hey! Get the hell...
320
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,950
- Is she waking up my mom?
- No! No, Mom!
321
00:15:20,286 --> 00:15:22,096
My mom does not like to be woken up,
Mrs. Kelly!
322
00:15:22,421 --> 00:15:24,591
- Shit! Get out of my room.
- Oh! Just one more. One more.
323
00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:28,677
- One, two, three.
- Get out of here, goddamn it!
324
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:30,841
- Whoa. Whoa.
- Mom, go to bed!
325
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,410
Oh, man, that was close.
Now you see where I get my temper, huh?
326
00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:36,049
Yeah, one, two, three.
One, two, three. Huh.
327
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:37,745
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
328
00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:39,963
- What was that?
- Ah, you know, just playing it safe.
329
00:15:40,306 --> 00:15:42,416
She's been doing it.
I'm still alive. Can't be crazy.
330
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,295
- Yeah, no, that's very crazy.
- One, two, three. One, two, three.
331
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:46,536
- It does feel good to do stuff in threes.
- Okay, you know what?
332
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:48,659
I'm pulling the plug on this whole thing,
all right?
333
00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:50,791
- 'Cause this and this... this has gotta stop.
- You're right.
334
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:53,196
Tomorrow morning, I'm getting my mom
out of here. Let's just go to bed.
335
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:55,012
- This has not been a good situation.
- Let's go to bed.
336
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:58,157
- This one look off to you? One, two, three.
- No, it's fine. It's fine.
337
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,724
Hey, guys. We got some bagels and coffee.
One, two, three.
338
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,770
What do you think that's accomplishing?
339
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,706
- [Door Closes]
- Here you go.
340
00:16:09,001 --> 00:16:11,141
- [Grunts]
- Oh, Mom.
341
00:16:11,503 --> 00:16:13,753
Where's your chewing tobacco?
You know Mrs. Kelly doesn't like the smoke.
342
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:17,889
Oh, the ceiling fan is gonna push
all the smoke outside the windows.
343
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,317
Oh, yeah? Oh, she's fixing the fan?
344
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:24,030
See? I told you, dude.
My mom is very handy.
345
00:16:24,416 --> 00:16:26,876
Oh. The Muslims are back.
346
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,156
Where do you think
they're coming and going from?
347
00:16:29,488 --> 00:16:33,828
Damn foreigners! They ain't American,
I don't want to know 'em.
348
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:37,623
- I know. I wish they'd all go back to the desert.
- Yeah!
349
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:40,000
- So it does seem like they're bonding, right?
- Yeah.
350
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:42,142
It's not really
a Golden Girls-type conversation.
351
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,018
It's, like, a racist conversation, but...
352
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:46,733
Where the hell is my damn screwdriver?
353
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:49,749
I'm wiping all the germs off for you.
354
00:16:50,175 --> 00:16:54,095
Quit cleaning my damn tools,
and sit your ass down! Huh!
355
00:16:54,713 --> 00:16:56,023
Shit, dude.
356
00:16:56,281 --> 00:16:58,941
We might want to even consider
bringing Poppins back into this mix.
357
00:16:59,385 --> 00:17:00,695
It does seem to be working.
358
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:02,323
- Like it?
- Ooh!
359
00:17:02,588 --> 00:17:05,628
Yes, I do. Please don't hit me.
I have sensitive skin.
360
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:08,115
Let's just find the dog,
and we'll talk about it there.
361
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:11,240
- [Mac's Mom Coughing]
- Okay. All right. Let's just let them be, though, huh?
362
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:15,886
[Groans]
363
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:28,571
- [Gasps]
- Good morning, sleepyhead.
364
00:17:29,081 --> 00:17:31,101
- What?
- Yeah, you're all tied up. It's for your own safety.
365
00:17:31,450 --> 00:17:33,120
- Yeah, you took a dinger down the stairs.
- Ooh, big-time.
366
00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:35,029
You guys untie me right now!
367
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,600
Okay, I'll untie you if you promise to
remember that I took care of you good.
368
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:40,964
Remember that, 'cause Frank
took really good care of you...
369
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,403
- so you're gonna have to take care of him.
- What are you talking about?
370
00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,402
I feel way worse now than I ever did.
371
00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:48,887
[Gasping]
What is going on with my face?
372
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,711
- It's the bedbugs.
- Oh!
373
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,309
But that'll last a little while,
but it'll go away eventually.
374
00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:55,435
Get that dog off me! The dog stinks!
375
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,931
- Get the dog off me!
- Fair enough, fair enough. Poppins, let's go.
376
00:17:58,310 --> 00:17:59,620
- Come on, dog.
- Hop up, Poppins. Come on.
377
00:17:59,878 --> 00:18:02,248
Oh, whoa.
Oh, I think Poppins got into the juice.
378
00:18:02,648 --> 00:18:03,818
- What?
- Oh, no.
379
00:18:04,049 --> 00:18:05,629
- What juice?
- Oh. He's ice-cold.
380
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,758
- He's dead? Poppins is dead?
- Yes! He's dead!
381
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,337
- Why would he be dead from the juice?
- We killed Poppins? Oh, shit!
382
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:12,212
Oh, my God. Mac's gonna have a fit, dude.
383
00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:15,121
I drank a lot of that juice.
I remember that very clearly!
384
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:17,871
- I have an idea, Frank. Fixer's always got a fix.
- Yeah, what?
385
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:20,373
This is gonna work. This is a good idea.
Grab Poppins. Let's go.
386
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:22,042
- Take the dog?
- Grab the dog!
387
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:24,291
What was in the juice?
Okay, hold on. Before you go, untie me.
388
00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:26,566
- You stay right there, Deandra.
- Just real quick, you guys.
389
00:18:26,905 --> 00:18:28,425
You guys, I got Groban in the park.
390
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:31,957
- I got a dead dog over here.
- I got Groban in the park! Untie me!
391
00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:34,178
What was in the juice?
392
00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:37,531
- One, two, three.
- One, two, three.
393
00:18:37,883 --> 00:18:40,163
Charlie, I think you're right, dude.
I feel better about this.
394
00:18:40,552 --> 00:18:42,252
More in control. Yeah.
395
00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,634
- Yo, what's happening?
- What's happening, guys?
396
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:48,710
Hey, I was just... We were hanging out,
uh, in the alley, going for some air.
397
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:50,634
- What's going on?
- Yeah.
398
00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:52,946
- What are you guys doing?
- Cool. We're actually looking for Poppins.
399
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,318
Yeah, we're gonna bring him back over
to Charlie's mom's house.
400
00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:57,157
- They're gonna live together.
- Oh, Poppins?
401
00:18:57,436 --> 00:19:00,066
- What happened to Poppins?
- He w... He, uh...
402
00:19:00,506 --> 00:19:01,966
- You saw him.
- Yeah, might've been...
403
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,291
- Why are you guys acting so weird?
- Yeah.
404
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:08,543
Why are you...
Why are you looking at that trash can?
405
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,878
Uh, nothing special about it. I don't know.
406
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:13,173
- What was in that trash bag?
- Poppins.
407
00:19:13,519 --> 00:19:16,329
- What?
- Well, he ate a lot of cold medicine, and he croaked.
408
00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:18,688
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, he got into some cold medicine. Sorry.
409
00:19:19,024 --> 00:19:20,574
So you threw him in the trash?
410
00:19:20,859 --> 00:19:23,549
- What are you gonna do, send him to the moon?
- Right. I mean, come on.
411
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,046
No, I want to have a proper burial for him.
412
00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:28,738
That seemed proper enough
for Poppins, you know?
413
00:19:29,134 --> 00:19:30,744
Oh, no. He's fine.
414
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:32,346
- What?
- He's fine?
415
00:19:32,604 --> 00:19:34,974
- Yeah, he's just in here chowing down on a diaper.
- [Whines]
416
00:19:35,374 --> 00:19:38,564
- Hey! Look at him. [Chuckles]
- Look at... That dog was...
417
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:40,827
Come on. Hey, good boy.
418
00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:43,016
That dog just does not die.
419
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:44,808
- No, he does not.
- [Dennis] Wow.
420
00:19:45,083 --> 00:19:47,273
- [Mac] Oh, there he goes.
- [Frank] Ah.
421
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:50,113
Don't worry, guys. He will be back.
422
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,922
Yeah, well, let's hope not.
423
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:55,859
[Mac]
Bon voyage, Poppins!
424
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,211
Have a good trip.
425
00:19:58,564 --> 00:19:59,874
- Back to the bar, or what?
- Yeah.
426
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,442
- Yeah, sure.
- Let's grab a drink.
427
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,250
- [Phone Rings]
- [Answering Machine Beeps]
428
00:20:03,535 --> 00:20:06,575
Yo, Frank, it's Artemis.Have you seen Dee?
429
00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:09,732
I'm backstage with Groban,and the party is pumpin'.
430
00:20:10,175 --> 00:20:12,695
Look, if you see that "beeyatch, "tell her to get her ass down here...
431
00:20:13,111 --> 00:20:16,181
'cause Groban's feeling frisky,and somebody's gotta tap that ass.
432
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:18,382
- Oh! Oh, no!
- Suck you later.
433
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:21,554
- No! No! Groban!
- [Beeps]
434
00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:24,650
No!
[Moans]
435
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:03,706
[Voices Speaking Backwards]
436
00:21:08,934 --> 00:21:09,804
English - US - SDH
437
00:21:09,854 --> 00:21:14,404
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39368
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.