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Hello.
Charlie Kelly here,
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local business owner
and cat enthusiast.
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Is your cat making
too much noise all the time?
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Is your cat constantly stomping
around, driving you crazy?
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Is your cat clawing
at your furnitures?
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Think there's no answer?
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You're so stupid! There is.
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Kitten Mittens.
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Finally, there's an elegant,
comfortable mitten for cats.
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I couldn't hear anything.
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Is your cat one-legged?
Is your cat fat, skinny or an in-between?
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That doesn't matter,
'cause one size fits all.
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Kitten Mittens.
You'll be smitten.
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So come on down to Paddy's Pub.
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We're the home
of the original Kitten Mittens.
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Mee-ow!
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So, lately at night, I've been forced
to fall asleep to the deafening sound...
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of, like, a hundred alley cats
tapping on my windows, trying to get in.
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You know what I mean?
Thus, Kitten Mittens.
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Right? I'm making a quieter cat.
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And then I made the sales tape when I
heard about the merchandising convention.
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- Ooh, question.
- Mac, go.
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Thank you.
Uh, what merchandising convention?
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They're having one down
at the Sheraton. All right?
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So I figured, what a better place
to, like, find investors for my product.
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What do moronic Kitten Mittens
have to do with our bar?
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Okay. One, they're not moronic.
They're awesome. Mmm.
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And two, uh, nothing.
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Look, Charlie, I kinda like this.
I might jump in on this with you here.
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I think it's a good idea.
We could do T-shirts.
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We could do beach towels,
those nudie pens.
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Okay. It's about time, you
know, we get some merchandise in here,
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and I start making some
money off this place. What?
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What are you talking about?
You're not gonna make any money of this place.
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You don't own a piece of the bar.
No, but I own...
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a hundred percent
of the merchandising.
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It's in my contract.
What contract?
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The contract you had me sign
when I first started working here.
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What?
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Dee, we got you to sign that contract so
we could pay you less than minimum wage.
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Okay? We're never gonna
merchandise anything in the bar.
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But now we are.
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To be honest, I don't even remember
signing any kind of contract.
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Oh, you don't remember?
Did it slip your mind?
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That's okay,
'cause it's right here.
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I keep it in this drawer
so that you two jerks don't try...
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00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,936
Hey, hey! Wait!
What are you doing?
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- Oh!
- You son of a bitch!
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That doesn't nullify it,
you know?
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Oh, why?
Do you have another copy?
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I... don't.
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I don't, but you can't
just go eat a contract!
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- He just did eat it. - All right.
I'm talking to a lawyer about this.
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You don't have a leg to stand on.
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Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah!
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This is making me think
maybe I should slap a patent...
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on my Kitten Mittens before you guys
try and steal that too, huh?
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I can see it in your eyes.
You're all over this, aren't you?
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You know,
I gotta say, Mac,
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my instinct to steal
this idea is very strong.
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Kitten Mittens? No, idiot.
Merchandising in the bar.
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Yeah. I'm thinking we take this
merchandising convention...
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as an opportunity to make
merchandise for Paddy's. Right.
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You know? Like, expand our brand.
You know? Make a little "mon-ay"!
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Who's gonna buy merchandise
to a bar that they've never been to?
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Uh, hello, Frank.
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I've never been to Fiji.
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All right. Well, how about, like,
hard-boiled eggs from Paddy's Bar?
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Green eggs.
Says "Paddy's" on them.
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You keep them on your desk
when you go to work.
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Who's gonna want to keep a hard-boiled
egg on their desk at work?
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Oh, all right. Then you put it
on your dashboard of your car.
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It's just a jumping-off point.
Frank, keeping hard-boiled eggs...
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on your desktop or the dashboard of
your car is not a jumping-off point.
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Get the hell out of here, all right?
Let us concentrate on doing the merchandising idea.
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Clearly you don't get it.
So I don't want- I don't get it?
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You don't get it!
I don't get it?
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You don't get it! Oh, yeah?
We'll see who doesn't get it!
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Okay!
Yeah!
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All right!
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00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:36,609
All right, Charlie. Remember, this
lawyer is not a big fan of ours.
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So we're probably gonna have to turn the
charm up a little bit in the beginning.
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Know what I mean?
I got a plan on how we can do that too.
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See this picture of his
wife right here? Mm-hmm.
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What if we compliment her good looks?
That gets us off on a good foot, right?
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Are you kidding me?
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That woman looks like a stone-cold
bitch, and you know it.
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And he knows it 'cause he turns
the picture away from him.
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Well, I'm trying to
make lemonade here. Oh!
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Ooh, there he is.
How did you get in here?
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Hey!
Aw, we just...
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There's the man! The old-fashioned
way- with doors and feet and walking.
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You know, we were just having a
conversation about how lovely your wife is.
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Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Very lovely.
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I was not participating in that conversation,
'cause I don't find her lovely.
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I think you're better than that.
I think you can do better than that.
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And I mean that
as a compliment.
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You are aware that there are
other lawyers in Philadelphia?
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But the three of us have a history.
Sure.
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We, uh- We have a past, if you will.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
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And Charlie and I really like
the fact that you don't charge.
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I do charge.
Okay? You don't pay.
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We're both men of the law.
You know?
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We get after it. You know?
We jabber-jaw. We go tit for tat.
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We have our little differences.
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But at the end of the day,
you win some, I win some,
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and there's a mutual respect
left over between us. No.
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Any respect that you're feeling that's
coming from me is a mistake on your part.
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Then I'll just regress, 'cause I feel like
I've made myself perfectly redundant.
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- Yes, you have.
- I'm lost.
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So I'm just gonna get down to brass tacks.
I got a question for you.
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Does a legal document hold up in a court of law
if it has been ingested by the other party?
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- I'm not- - Now, mind you,
the heretofore document...
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had- had dry ink on it
for at least many "forknights,"
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uh, hereto- We signed
it a long time ago.
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It was a long time ago signed.
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I'm also gonna need a patent
for the Kitten Mittens.
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I'm sure you do. I was gonna ask you,
"Hey, need Kitten Mitten patents?"
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That's them.
I'm sorry, sir.
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But they locked me in a closet.
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Yo, dude, dude, dude.
I'm ready to show you my idea.
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Me too. All right,
let me go first, bro.
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Let me show you mine, then you can go first.
Then I'd be going second.
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Yeah, great. Okay, now listen.
When we're selling stuff...
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at Paddy's, I think we need to be
selling a certain attitude, right?
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One that reflects our take-no-prisoners,
rock-and-roll lifestyle.
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Okay.
Yeah?
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Yeah. Now what says
that more than this?
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Huh?
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Paddy's thong, dude!
Paddy's thong!
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You're wearing women's underwear?
Yeah, bro!
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You bet your ass
I'm wearing women's underwear.
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What's more sexual than a high-waisted
thong riding high up a woman's backside?
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Nothing. Dude, come on.
Paddy's thong is gonna be a huge hit with chicks.
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00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:06,926
Okay. All right. Uh, question.
Yeah, Mac. Go.
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Dennis, are women gonna wanna
buy their underpants in a bar?
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00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,639
No. Women will not buy
their underwear in a bar,
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but men will buy the underwear
for their women in a bar...
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because it's not for women,
it's for men.
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It's a visual stimulant, bro.
I'm not wearing these because I'm comfortable.
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I'm wearing them because I want to turn you on.
You know what I'm saying?
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You get it?
Yeah.
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Yeah, bro. It's visual stimulation.
Okay. Yeah.
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Can I go now?
Yeah, sure.
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I've been waiting for a long time.
Okay. Okay, I'm thinking to myself,
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what do people love more than
anything else in the world?
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They love comedy!
They do love comedy.
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Everybody loves comedy, right?
So- And I'm funny. I can do funny.
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But you gotta have functionality
with your comedy, okay?
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00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,625
Right. You can't just go throwing
jokes around willy-nilly.
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00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,627
Oh.
So I did one of those.
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You drew a men's buttocks
on a towel. Yeah.
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You get out of the shower
in the college dorm.
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They got the butt, right?
People are laughing. Okay.
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Your buddies are laughing.
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00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,429
And then you give them one of these.
Boom!
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Oh, that is big!
That's a big monster dick.
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That's huge.
That's the biggest dick you ever seen.
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00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,687
Yeah, that's really- That's not
how you see yourself though?
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Now that's funny. That's funny.
That is funny.
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00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,024
Yeah, people are gonna laugh at that.
But, bro, that's just the setup.
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00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,402
What is it?
For this.
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Ding-ding-ding!
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00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:09,113
Oh, it's a baby dick.
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00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,073
Yeah! We're gonna sell
a million of these, dude.
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00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:13,117
We are gonna sell a million of those, dude.
We'll do black ones...
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00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,827
and yellow ones for the Asians.
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00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:16,996
That is probably more Asian than anything else.
Dude- Yeah. Oh, my gosh.
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Maybe a little bit more bush.
We should set up a Web site for it.
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Already did it.
You did?
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Dicktowel.com.
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00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,713
Dicktowel.com.
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00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,632
Well, you don't think I know what's going on?
Huh? Oh, Jesus Christ!
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00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:30,676
I don't get it? Huh?
Open your mouth, bitch. What?
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Prepare to be blasted, bitch!
Brenda!
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00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,475
This is my new
merchandising idea.
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00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:42,062
It's a gun that shoots liquor
into your mouth!
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You threw tequila in my eye!
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00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:47,610
Well, I haven't figured out how to get the
tequila to come out of the barrel of the gun.
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But I'm working on it.
What the hell does she have to do with anything?
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Check her out.
I mean, she's gorgeous.
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00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:56,535
You bring a woman with cans like that into the
convention, you sell the idea in a second.
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00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:58,871
So this is your plan?
You're gonna go into the convention...
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waving a gun in people's faces,
throwing tequila in everybody's eyes...
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00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,959
with a big-titted woman?
Duh, yeah!
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00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,170
Frank, get the hell out of here!
Your ideas are ridiculous!
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00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:09,757
Okay. Okay.
Suck on this, bitches.
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00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:14,845
Huh? Huh?
Paddy's Pub stress ball.
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00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:17,848
You give this to people.
They put it on their desk.
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00:09:17,933 --> 00:09:21,644
And then during the day, you squeeze
it when you have any tension.
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00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:25,648
Right. Oh, goddamn it, Frank!
That's just an egg!
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00:09:25,774 --> 00:09:27,650
It's a jumping-off point.
Get out!
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00:09:27,776 --> 00:09:30,069
All right. Get the hell out of here!
Just get the hell out of here!
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Don't even listen to them.
You know what I'm saying? Jesus Christ.
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00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:36,533
Okay, we're stealing that gun shot idea, right?
Gun shot idea's awesome.
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00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,704
You see any sign of that
lawyer or his secretary?
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00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:43,791
No, and I don't know why you think we're
gonna catch him having an affair.
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00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,293
I mean, the guy's wife is really hot.
No, she's not.
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00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:48,587
And also, why does he turn
her picture away from him...
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00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:50,589
so he doesn't have
to look at her face?
201
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:53,384
Why are we in this shady motel
where we saw him go in?
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00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,386
I'm telling you, he's-
he's banging that secretary.
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00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,096
I don't know.
It just doesn't add up.
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00:09:57,222 --> 00:09:59,348
She's an attractive lady, you know?
She's not attractive.
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00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:01,016
Oh, my God!
What?
206
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,018
The woman in the room
right next to him...
207
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,062
she just ate an entire
sleeve of Chips Ahoy!
208
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:07,523
Charlie, could you focus
on the lawyer's room, please?
209
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,943
We're not here to blackmail a lady
for eating too many cookies.
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00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:13,737
Did you say an entire sleeve though?
An entire sleeve.
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00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,906
That's a lot of cookies.
She a big lady?
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00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,242
Of course.
She's a humongous lady. Yeah. Of course.
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00:10:18,326 --> 00:10:21,287
Oh, shit. I see him. He's walking towards the car.
He's walking towards the car!
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00:10:21,413 --> 00:10:23,289
Get down! Shh!
Why is he coming towards us?
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00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:26,083
Get down and hold still!
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00:10:30,171 --> 00:10:34,049
All right. Um, so what are you
people doing in my car now?
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00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,218
Okay, let me explain that.
Uh- Yeah.
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00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:39,138
We were staking you out last night-
kinda spying on you. Mm-hmm.
219
00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,473
It got a little cold. It dropped down, right?
It was freezing, wasn't it?
220
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,101
Did you feel that? So we jimmied your
lock and spent the night in here.
221
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:46,562
Okay. Uh, so why were you
spying on me all night?
222
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:49,648
Because you're having an affair, and we're
gonna blackmail you for your services.
223
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:53,027
Okay. I hate to disappoint you,
but I am not having an affair.
224
00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,362
Oh, yeah? Then why do you turn your
wife's picture away from your desk...
225
00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:57,364
so you don't have
to look at her face?
226
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,283
Why are you staying
in this seedy motel?
227
00:10:59,367 --> 00:11:01,285
And why does it look like
you've been crying all night?
228
00:11:01,369 --> 00:11:04,413
I'll tell you what I think.
I think you feel guilty.
229
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,499
All right, listen.
If you must know,
230
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,754
my wife is leaving me.
231
00:11:11,838 --> 00:11:15,382
And I have to sleep
in this fleabag motel.
232
00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:19,011
And I am still very much in love with my wife,
which makes this divorce very difficult.
233
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:21,013
Thus you have the turning away
of the photo...
234
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,724
and you have, you know, the crying
episodes, and the what-have-you.
235
00:11:23,808 --> 00:11:26,894
Mmm. Sad.
236
00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,687
Okay, that's our bad.
We, uh...
237
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,689
It all comes together- That
makes a lot of sense though.
238
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,316
In a different way
than I thought.
239
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,069
God, divorce is tough.
The picture sort of coming together for you all?
240
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,029
You must be
all ripped up about that.
241
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,073
So, um- Do you want to
have a conversation...
242
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:41,367
about helping us out with
our Kitten Mitten patent and...
243
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:43,369
I thought this contract-
You know what? If, um...
244
00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,746
Why don't you get out of my car?
We should go now.
245
00:11:45,830 --> 00:11:47,331
Why don't you just
get out of my car?
246
00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:48,832
You've had a hard
couple of days.
247
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:56,632
Okay, consumer, are you ready to get
blasted in the mouth by Paddy's Shotgun?
248
00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:57,841
Yeah.
One, two, three!
249
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,427
Ah!
250
00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:04,223
Goddamn it, dude!
You just cannot blast water out of a gun.
251
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:05,974
The technology
is just not there.
252
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:08,560
They did sort of figure it out with
water guns, so I don't know why...
253
00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:11,188
Yeah, but a water gun doesn't have
the same feel to it, you know?
254
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:13,399
It doesn't. You want to feel the
weight of a real gun in your mouth.
255
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:16,360
You want to taste the metal.
You want to feel the steel, man, you know?
256
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,404
Okay, bro, new plan.
Yeah.
257
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:20,572
Let's just make a video,
show that at the convention.
258
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:22,157
Not like Charlie's video though.
Ours needs to be cool.
259
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:24,159
No, no, no, dude.
Way cooler than Charlie's.
260
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,161
With, like, quick cuts
and awesome music...
261
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,914
and eagles flying through the air and
picking up trout out of rivers and shit.
262
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,916
Ripping it apart and eating it, you know?
It's so cool.
263
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:32,042
That'll excite people.
Yeah.
264
00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:33,544
They'll want to invest.
265
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:35,587
Then we'll let the brainiacs in China
figure out the technology.
266
00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:39,550
Yeah. But the point is- is it's got
to really grab people's attention.
267
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:43,429
You know what I mean? All right.
I did a little tweaking and...
268
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:47,057
- What is that?
- Paddy's Shotgun, bro!
269
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,184
You get blasted in the mouth!
270
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:52,312
- You stole my idea! - No, no, no, Frank.
We tweaked your idea.
271
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,982
We took what was a good idea
and we made it a great idea.
272
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,984
We're also gonna get a bustier chick.
No offense, ma'am.
273
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,986
You're very busty.
Your breasts are very large.
274
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:02,030
But, uh, we want to go weird with it.
We want to get really freakish.
275
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,408
I would like to get your number,
actually, though at some point.
276
00:13:04,492 --> 00:13:09,037
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Look.
You can't just take somebody's idea,
277
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,248
change the name of it
and then sell it.
278
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:13,208
That's the American way, bro.
Yeah!
279
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:16,044
Yeah. Take a look at Hard Rock Cafe.
Got tweaked by Planet Hollywood.
280
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:19,548
Coke got tweaked by Pepsi.
Transformers got tweaked by GoBots.
281
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,884
Our job is to step aside
and let the consumer decide.
282
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:26,221
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna get a patent
for this and sue your balls off.
283
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,307
We're gonna get a patent too,
Frank, so screw you.
284
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:30,267
Kiss it.
285
00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:35,689
- Knock, knock.
- Hey, friend!
286
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:39,026
Hey, we got you a little something to take
your mind off your current wife situation.
287
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,861
Sandy, have a seat right here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
288
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:44,656
- This is Sandy. - Yep, and everything's
been taken care of financially.
289
00:13:44,741 --> 00:13:46,366
She's been briefed
on the divorce.
290
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:48,577
She knows all about everything that's going on.
She knows all about it.
291
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:51,538
And, you know, because you've been talking
about the whole money thing a little bit...
292
00:13:51,623 --> 00:13:54,291
You said that we hadn't paid you,
and we felt bad about that,
293
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,085
so we're kinda hoping that this is
sort of a compensation of sorts.
294
00:13:57,170 --> 00:13:58,754
Sandy does that.
Sandy.
295
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,007
- She's the payment. - Lawyer, check
out this freakish whore we found.
296
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:04,468
Hey. Whoa. What the hell
are you guys doing here?
297
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:08,430
I came to see the lawyer to sue you for breach of contract.
What's with the busty chick?
298
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,391
We're gonna throw a patent on her
and a couple of other things.
299
00:14:11,476 --> 00:14:14,770
Now, I see that you have a-
a lovely busty woman as well.
300
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,063
Yeah!
We brought one.
301
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:17,898
Well, she's a lady of the night.
She's a prostitute.
302
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:21,735
Don't get too excited. And she's his lady,
because he's going through a messy divorce.
303
00:14:21,819 --> 00:14:23,403
We paid her.
So we're gonna have them have...
304
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:25,072
some sexual relations
as sort of a payment.
305
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,616
Ah. Wow. Divorce, huh?
That's never fun.
306
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,868
Oh, yeah. No, it's terrible.
He's all broken up about it.
307
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:32,162
She left him- probably 'cause
he cheated on her, I'm guessing,
308
00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,665
'cause look what a cold bitch she is.
She was mean to him.
309
00:14:34,749 --> 00:14:36,291
It's a mess.
He's been crying.
310
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,085
I tell you what, buddy.
I can help you out.
311
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:40,254
I'm gonna toss
a frame bang your way.
312
00:14:40,338 --> 00:14:44,091
Now here's how that works. I slip into your
house one night while your wife is sleeping,
313
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:46,385
and I ease into her real nice.
314
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,763
That way, you're both cheating on each
other, and she can't clean you out.
315
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,140
That's a win-win.
316
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,142
Goddamn shoes.
You can't run in 'em.
317
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,479
- Ah, son of a bitch. - Come on in.
What- What's with the broads?
318
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,147
You're stealing that idea too?
319
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,399
No!
No, we're not stealing...
320
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,025
Yes, you are.
We're tweaking your idea.
321
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,318
You're stealing that idea.
322
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,028
Guys-
You're stealing my idea!
323
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,697
Can you take your ladies
outside?
324
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,949
Stop! Stop!
Everyone stop!
325
00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:11,535
I will take care
of all of your legal needs...
326
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:15,122
if each of you agrees to never
seek my legal advice again.
327
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,498
What?
Great.
328
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:17,833
For free?
No problem.
329
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,793
And, you, promise not
to break into my home...
330
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,837
and rape my wife
while she's sleeping.
331
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:24,298
Bro, rape? I wasn't talking
about raping your wife.
332
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:27,092
I was talking about making love
to her sweetly while she sleeps.
333
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:30,470
And I was gonna do it for you, you son
of a b- All right, fine. I won't do it.
334
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:33,140
Great. Now we're all here.
Let's get into this.
335
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:34,808
- Deandra.
- Yeah.
336
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,478
You want to sue these guys over some
sort of breach of contract thing?
337
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:42,065
Yes. This one ate a contract that said I got
all the rights to the Paddy's Pub merchandise.
338
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,984
- That never happened.
- It happened!
339
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,986
Okay, why don't you
throw out the suit...
340
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,071
if they agree to sign
a contract that grants you...
341
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:51,783
50% of the merchandising
rights for Paddy's Pub?
342
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,827
Fifty percent?
I'll take it.
343
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,370
Deal.
Yes!
344
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,081
What the hell you doing, dude?
I'll just eat the contract later.
345
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:01,460
We would also like to make
a patent on Paddy's Shotgun...
346
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,796
and this very large-breasted woman who's
gonna be shooting the gun into your face.
347
00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:06,798
- Objection!
- This is not a court of law.
348
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:08,383
Sustained!
Frank, move to strike.
349
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,886
They stole my idea!
Open your mouth!
350
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,971
Christ's sakes, dude!
351
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,307
- Oh!
- Jesus Christ!
352
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,683
Whoa, man!
Whoa!
353
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:17,934
Oh, my God!
354
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:19,603
How did you get that much
propulsion on the gun?
355
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:22,522
I made tequila bullets, but I guess
I put too much gunpowder in.
356
00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:25,692
New deal! We are taking that propulsion
and putting it in our shotgun!
357
00:16:25,777 --> 00:16:27,611
No, no, no.
That deal sucks.
358
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:29,905
Okay. Why don't you
just use both guns?
359
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,948
That's an even better idea.
360
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,200
Two guns!
Okay.
361
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:34,951
Six boobs!
We're all on the same team!
362
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,161
Okay. I like that idea.
Yeah!
363
00:16:36,245 --> 00:16:37,287
Yeah!
All right.
364
00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:40,290
And, you, you want a right
to the cat gloves?
365
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,125
Mittens, dude.
Pay attention.
366
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:45,754
So sorry, sir.
They duct-taped me to the bathroom sink.
367
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,674
How in the hell did she get out of that?
I don't know.
368
00:16:52,929 --> 00:16:55,472
Next up,
we have submission 35...
369
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:59,059
a potential investment
opportunity in merchandising...
370
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:01,978
for a, uh- a Paddy's Pub.
371
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:04,398
Yeah!
372
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:07,401
You're really sweaty, man.
Well, my eyes are really burning here, Charlie.
373
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,403
Start again. Start-
374
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,279
Yeah, that's good.
375
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,198
Action, Frank.
376
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,617
Go, Frank, now.
Go.
377
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,787
Frank, just do the- Say the line now.
Let me have a drink.
378
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:22,082
How about a shot?
379
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,501
What the...
380
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:28,588
# This is how we do it #
381
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:30,590
Paddy's Pub,
382
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:34,928
home of the original shotgun
and gun shot!
383
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:39,891
Are you shooting me?
Shoot the girls. Shoot the girls.
384
00:17:39,976 --> 00:17:42,310
Do shots
as they were intended...
385
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:45,689
by blasting them directly into your mouth!
386
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:48,942
Awesome! I'm wasted!
387
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,485
But that's not all!
388
00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,946
Dick towel!
Dot-com.
389
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,742
Nudie pen!
390
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,661
# All the gangbangers
forgot about the drive-by #
391
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:02,164
- Egg. -
So come on, dude!
392
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,707
Invest in our merchandise and...
393
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:06,042
Get blasted!
394
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,057
Okay. Uh, why don't we
just take a break?
395
00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,684
Huh.
That did not look cool.
396
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,644
No. Well, we had to edit
while we shot.
397
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,355
You know, and we just didn't have time.
God, that was terrible.
398
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,859
Does your cat walk around too much?
Does your cat make too much noise?
399
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,361
Guess who just found some
investors for Kitten Mittens!
400
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,322
I told you!
People love stupid shit!
401
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:37,324
Why do you keep calling it stupid though?
It's really pretty stupid.
402
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,367
Why do you keep calling it stupid?
But people are stupid too, so...
403
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:40,952
Hello!
404
00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:44,039
Hey, there he is! What's up, man?
Hey, nice tie.
405
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,334
- What are you doing here?
- Congratulations on the sale.
406
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,002
Thank you very much.
Oh, you were there?
407
00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:51,171
Yeah. How much money
am I gonna make?
408
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:53,173
Do what now?
409
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:57,886
Oh. The contract
that you all blindly signed...
410
00:18:57,970 --> 00:19:00,305
grants me 100%
of the profits...
411
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:03,683
from any merchandising
opportunities from your little bar.
412
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,645
And Kitten Mittens-
I own that.
413
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,272
Dude! I had to get paid
by you people somehow.
414
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:11,733
Well, that's what
the hooker was for!
415
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,319
Dude!
All right. Touch�.
416
00:19:14,445 --> 00:19:16,196
You out-lawyered me there.
Mm-hmm.
417
00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,697
Okay.
Tell you what though.
418
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,658
Let's split
Kitten Mittens 50-50,
419
00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:22,160
and then you'll never see me again.
Wow. Fifty-fifty?
420
00:19:22,245 --> 00:19:23,912
Mmm, let me think about that.
421
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,665
How about if I never see you again
because the contract...
422
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:30,544
that you all signed
also included a restraining order?
423
00:19:30,628 --> 00:19:33,463
Which you're all
currently violating.
424
00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:36,800
Uh, excuse me, sir. Can I see these
supposed documents that you have?
425
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,885
Why, yes.
Um, in fact,
426
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,805
I happen to have
that right here.
427
00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:44,057
Ah!
Yeah!
428
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,851
I knew it!
429
00:19:45,935 --> 00:19:47,811
It's still new enough to be edible.
That's an edible contract!
430
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,729
Right in your face!
Really? Yeah.
431
00:19:49,814 --> 00:19:52,899
You know, fortunately,
I made hundreds of copies of that.
432
00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:54,568
Goddamn.
433
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:58,321
So, uh, why don't you all
have just a nice day.
434
00:19:58,406 --> 00:19:59,906
Mmm.
435
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:11,501
You can probably
stop eating that now.
436
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:11,394
ENGLISH - US - PSDH
437
00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:15,994
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