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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:05,546
You gotta
be careful of the wire, Charlie.
2
00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,799
I'm not gonna pinch the wire.
I know what I'm doing.
3
00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:10,009
'Cause then the brake lights don't work.
I know what I'm doing.
4
00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:12,637
Make sure it's on tight.
It's on as tight as it's gonna get!
5
00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:14,180
Okay. All right.
It's on good and tight.
6
00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:16,182
Hey, Dennis, I think we should
get, like, a G.P.S. System,
7
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:19,185
'cause these maps are from, like, the '70s, dude.
G.P.S. System? Oh, hell, no!
8
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:21,229
No? That's gonna ruin the
road trip experience.
9
00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:25,191
We gotta go do this old school, baby.
Maps, fresh cigarettes, fresh coffee,
10
00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:27,694
cooking out on the grill, sleeping
in sleeping bags. Old school.
11
00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:29,278
Old school, baby!
I'm into that!
12
00:00:29,405 --> 00:00:30,488
Campfire.
Let's do old school!
13
00:00:30,614 --> 00:00:31,781
Old school, yeah!
Oh, shit.
14
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,367
- Oh, shit.
- Who is that? That Sweet Dee?
15
00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:36,160
That's Dee.
That's Sweet Dee.
16
00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:37,578
Oh, goddamn it.
What is that car?
17
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:39,247
What is she doing here?
What car is that?
18
00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,249
Ah, shit. Okay, don't- don't-
Just don't say anything.
19
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,584
Hey, guys. What's with the trailer?
Hey.
20
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,545
None of your business.
What are you doing here so early?
21
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:48,548
- Why are you at work early? - I woke up early
this morning and went and bought a new car.
22
00:00:48,632 --> 00:00:50,007
It's pretty sweet.
Where you guys going?
23
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:52,760
- We're going to the Grand Canyon.
- Goddamn it, Frank!
24
00:00:52,845 --> 00:00:54,804
- Really? - Frank wants to
see it before he dies, so...
25
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,890
Yeah, what happened was he told us
about a road trip. We got all excited.
26
00:00:57,975 --> 00:00:59,892
We got up super early
and we packed the car...
27
00:01:00,018 --> 00:01:03,312
- and were hoping to get out of here before your bus arrived.
- You were just gonna ditch me?
28
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,440
Nah, it's cool.
I'm gonna stick around.
29
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,734
Yeah. Charlie's too scared. Yeah.
He's never left Philly before.
30
00:01:07,818 --> 00:01:09,861
I'm not scared!
I just haven't left Philly.
31
00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:11,779
Why leave Philly, you know?
He's frightened.
32
00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,322
- I want to go.
- No, you're not going.
33
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:15,032
You can't come
'cause it'll take forever.
34
00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:17,201
Yeah, and you're gonna have to pee every
five minutes. It's gonna be stupid.
35
00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:18,953
I'm not gonna get stuck
behind with Charlie.
36
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:21,748
Wait a second! If you go, I'm gonna
be all by myself in the bar.
37
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:24,751
That's messed up, guys. I mean, that's
more change than, like, even if I went.
38
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:27,044
- You know what? Maybe I should go.
- Great. We're all in.
39
00:01:27,171 --> 00:01:29,213
It's gonna be packed in the car!
No, we're not all in.
40
00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:32,133
- Yeah, we're going.
- We're going on a road trip, baby!
41
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,677
Why did you have to buy
a new car today of all days?
42
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,554
I'll go get my stuff.
43
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,464
I can't believe you've never
been out of Philly, Charlie.
44
00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:14,050
Yeah, man. What the hell?
I've never done a lot of things.
45
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:17,386
What else have you not done, bro?
Uh, I've never eaten a pear.
46
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,847
What? How is that possible?
Seriously.
47
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,558
Really? Pears weird me out, dude.
Where do you start with a pear?
48
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:25,102
The top, the bottom?
What do you mean, where do you start?
49
00:02:25,187 --> 00:02:27,104
Just bite into it. It's a fruit.
You just start it.
50
00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:29,273
Really? You just bite it?
It's a weird-looking thing.
51
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:31,400
Okay, you know what?
Pull over. I'm getting this kid a pear.
52
00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:33,778
No, no. No pulling over!
We've got a schedule. Yeah, no, no.
53
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,613
I would love to take a quick leak.
Are you serious?
54
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:36,823
Oh, Deandra!
We just left!
55
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,407
That's what
I was worried about.
56
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,576
And it can't just be any pear, dude.
It's gotta be a fresh one.
57
00:02:40,702 --> 00:02:42,411
Let's go to the Italian market.
Oh, okay.
58
00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,580
Hey-oh! The Italian market
is way out of our way.
59
00:02:44,706 --> 00:02:46,165
Nah.
Dennis, do you have to smoke?
60
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,959
It's coming right back
in through my window.
61
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,294
Roll your window up then,
Dee, 'cause I'm a-smoking.
62
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,088
The window needs to be
down for the fresh air.
63
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,131
Hey, I've never had
blueberries either. What?
64
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,967
What are you talking about?
That's crazy!
65
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:58,427
That is completely insane.
We're definitely going to the Italian market.
66
00:02:58,554 --> 00:03:00,304
Dennis, let's go.
You believe this guy? Jesus!
67
00:03:00,389 --> 00:03:01,931
- What guy?
- Guy on the bike.
68
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,516
He's taking up
the whole goddamn road.
69
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,435
Ride on the sidewalk if you're
gonna ride a bike, asshole!
70
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,187
What was that?
71
00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,189
He flicked you off, dude.
Is that what that was?
72
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:11,774
He flicked you off, man.
Son of a bitch.
73
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,985
Real chip on his shoulder, huh?
You wanna egg him?
74
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,945
Yeah, I wanna egg him.
You got eggs?
75
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:18,072
No. That would have been good though.
That would've been good, man.
76
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,992
You know what? I'm gonna fire a beer
across his bow. Ruffle his feathers.
77
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:23,035
Yeah, give him a good scare?
Yeah, man.
78
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:25,413
Yeah. Jerk.
Get up real close to him.
79
00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:27,707
Hey, asshole.
Ooh!
80
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,625
Oh, shit!
81
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:33,337
Oh!
82
00:03:33,463 --> 00:03:35,506
Shit!
I hit him! I hit him!
83
00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,592
You hit him in the back of the head!
I didn't mean to.
84
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,969
- That is not how I expected
that to go at all. - Is he okay?
85
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,221
- Did we kill him?
- I don't know. Oh, he's getting up.
86
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,181
He's moving, he's moving.
Yeah, he's getting up.
87
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,183
Thank God, dude. God.
Should we help him out?
88
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,603
And he's getting something out of his bag.
What's he getting?
89
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,772
It's a pipe. It's a pipe?
Go, go, go, go, go!
90
00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:54,650
Go, go, go, go!
91
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:57,278
What's wrong with your tires?
The car's scraping.
92
00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:59,947
All right, get back to the bar.
Get back to the bar.
93
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,826
Damn it!
94
00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:06,871
Goddamn it!
Shit!
95
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:09,457
These tires are completely destroyed.
Ah, shit!
96
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,751
I'm just gonna pop inside
real quick, take a quick squirt.
97
00:04:11,877 --> 00:04:14,420
Unbelievable. How about we put a
couple of doughnuts on there?
98
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:17,548
Oh, right, Frank. We're gonna go to
the Grand Canyon on spare tires.
99
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:21,886
Uh, plus there's a good deal of
mountain bike in your axle here, bro.
100
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:24,764
Seriously, dude? Yeah.
We're talking structural damage down there.
101
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:26,515
There's leakage.
Things are sparking.
102
00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:29,518
All right. Well, road trip's off.
No, no, no, no, no.
103
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:33,397
Road trip's not off.
I have a good idea.
104
00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:46,243
Not bad, right?
Nah.
105
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,245
It's kinda nice.
Lot of leg room.
106
00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:50,289
It's a smooth ride.
You guys got a lot of room back there?
107
00:04:50,415 --> 00:04:52,416
Oh, yeah. We got easy
access to the beers too.
108
00:04:52,542 --> 00:04:54,418
I mean, that's a good touch.
New car smell.
109
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,796
Mmm. How do you get that in a used car?
What is that?
110
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,297
It's a spray.
Yeah, it's a spray.
111
00:04:58,382 --> 00:04:59,757
Oh, yeah.
It's nice.
112
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,801
I enjoy it, man.
I'm glad that they did that. It's nice.
113
00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:04,720
I wish that this light would hurry up and change.
That's the only thing. Uh-oh!
114
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:08,516
Hey! Hey, you bastards!
115
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,768
You jerks! Hey! Hey!
Ah, here we go.
116
00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:13,145
Goddamn it! Get out!
All right.
117
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:15,690
All right, all right, all right.
It's my car. I'm driving. Get out!
118
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,316
I got window!
Get out!
119
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,567
You call window, Frank?
120
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,236
You jerks!
I got window.
121
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:22,947
You guys are dicks.
It took you long enough.
122
00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:25,241
You were taking forever!
Did you still want to go?
123
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,743
Shut up! It's really cramped
back here with this cooler.
124
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,745
Why don't you put
the cooler in the trailer?
125
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:33,082
Because then, Dee, we're gonna have to pull
over every single time we want a beer.
126
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,710
That new car smell is starting to give me a headache.
Dennis, give me a cigarette.
127
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,211
You want a cigarette?
Yeah.
128
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,255
I'm gonna have one too.
Do you guys have to smoke in here?
129
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,257
Yeah- Well, your car reeks, Dee, so-
130
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,050
God, dude, this thing
is so heavy!
131
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,760
I'm gonna get a blood clot
with this thing! Oh, my God!
132
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,387
Why don't you put it
in the trailer?
133
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,432
Why don't I put you in the trailer?
Good one, Charlie.
134
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,726
That's actually not a bad idea.
I wouldn't mind riding back there.
135
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:54,228
There's a hell of a lot more room.
I'm done with that.
136
00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:56,397
Oh, come on!
137
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:59,525
Oh, it's in my- Get it!
You're gonna burn a hole in the new upholstery!
138
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,944
It's not new upholstery.
What makes you think it's new upholstery?
139
00:06:02,070 --> 00:06:03,654
Did you get it?
Oh, yeah!
140
00:06:03,780 --> 00:06:05,489
This sucks! Deandra, pull over.
This is terrible.
141
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,324
I wanna go in the back with Dennis.
Yeah.
142
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:10,619
You guys ride in back, and we'll- Yeah.
We'll go in the back.
143
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:16,834
Mmm. This is more like it,
huh, Frank?
144
00:06:16,918 --> 00:06:18,627
Got a lot of room back here.
145
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:22,006
It's muggy back here. Muggy.
My glands are starting to swell up.
146
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,884
Yeah. Well, maybe we crack
that door a little bit.
147
00:06:24,968 --> 00:06:27,178
What? And go flying out at the first corner?
I don't think so, buddy.
148
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:29,096
Well, just to crack it-
just a little bit.
149
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:30,598
- You want to crack it?
- Yeah, we'll crack it.
150
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:33,434
- Crack it.
- Whoa. It's hard to stand up back here.
151
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:36,687
Furniture is what we need.
We'll pick some up at the Italian market.
152
00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:38,981
When's the last time you saw
furniture in an Italian market?
153
00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:41,400
Those people will sell you anything.
They'll sell you their children. They don't care.
154
00:06:41,485 --> 00:06:43,736
- Provolone and salami.
- They sell everything at the Italian market.
155
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,072
These people are like
descendants of Gypsies.
156
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:48,407
They come in. They sell their shit.
They bang each other.
157
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:51,577
I don't know what they do, but you get
to haggle with them. It's a lot of fun.
158
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:55,039
- In the meantime, I'll prop this beer
bottle under the door. - All right.
159
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:59,043
That's good.
Yeah.
160
00:06:59,169 --> 00:07:00,711
Uh-
There we go.
161
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:04,131
Perfect. Now, the weight of the door
will keep the beer bottle in place.
162
00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,509
Good.
163
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:09,053
Nice, huh? Move over a little bit.
Let me sit on the cooler.
164
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,517
Goddamn it!
165
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:18,062
All right, now this I can get into.
You know? A little space back here.
166
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,898
You guys want to listen to some tunes?
Got some CDs from Dennis here.
167
00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:24,693
Hate to break it to you, but there's no
CD player in here. Are you shitting me?
168
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:27,029
No. Why would you buy a
car with no CD player?
169
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:29,698
Because the guy knocked 50 bucks off.
So you had the option?
170
00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:32,201
Yeah, I had the option! Oh, my God!
And you went with the tape deck?
171
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:34,036
Yes, I did, Charlie!
That is so cheap, Dee!
172
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,956
You're cheap! Why did you buy this
crappy little car in the first place?
173
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:40,042
Because you guys rammed my last
one into a wall! That's why.
174
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:42,044
Whatever.
What tapes do you have?
175
00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,296
Tapes?
Who has tapes anymore?
176
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:47,341
I would've thought that you would've
at least made a mix for the road trip.
177
00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:49,677
You didn't invite me
on your road trip!
178
00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:51,637
You don't keep
a good mix tape in your car?
179
00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,556
I just bought the car this morning, Charlie!
Okay! All right!
180
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,724
Are you going to yell the whole
way there, Dee? Jesus Christ.
181
00:07:55,851 --> 00:07:57,726
Just shut up and turn the radio on.
Yeah, put the radio on.
182
00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:59,645
Just turn the radio on!
183
00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:01,564
Find a station.
I'm trying.
184
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:04,483
The antenna is probably broken on this piece of shit car!
It's static. Find a station.
185
00:08:04,609 --> 00:08:06,485
You're a piece of shit...
car. Wait a second.
186
00:08:06,611 --> 00:08:08,904
There's a tape right down here, I think.
You got a tape?
187
00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:10,573
Yeah, it's under the seat.
Give it to me. Gimme.
188
00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:12,241
It's jammed in the corner of the seat.
Give it to me.
189
00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,785
I'm trying to give it- Gimme, gimme,
gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme,
190
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,871
There we go. Gimme, gimme,
gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme...
191
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:19,206
Calm down, dude.
192
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,417
## Inner peace...
193
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:22,585
Oh, man.
194
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:25,087
Is an attainable goal.
195
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,631
The first step is releasing
the anger and aggression...
196
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:30,050
that one holds inside.
Pop it out, right?
197
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,760
Yeah.
Quickly.
198
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:41,061
All right, I'm gonna run to the
ladies' room for two seconds.
199
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:44,064
I'm gonna take my keys in case
you jerks try anything. Really?
200
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:47,651
All right, Charlie. Get ready to scratch
two things off of your bucket list.
201
00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,154
Oh, I don't have a bucket list,
dude, 'cause I'm not dying.
202
00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:52,573
Everybody's dying, bitch.
Let's get you some fruit.
203
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:55,034
Guys, we're gonna go grab some
furniture to throw in the back.
204
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,203
Ten minutes. That's all.
And we meet back here.
205
00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:59,705
Well, yeah. But get a good deal.
I mean, talk to the guy. Barter.
206
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,540
There's no rush, right?
Ten. Ten minutes.
207
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:04,210
Have fun, man. Have fun.
Uh, I've never had a strawberry either.
208
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,378
That's astounding.
209
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:08,380
Oh, Charlie,
I'm excited for you, bro.
210
00:09:08,465 --> 00:09:10,174
Hey!
Pears.
211
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,343
Nice! Yes. One of nature's
most delectable fruits.
212
00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:14,011
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Excuse me, sir.
213
00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:16,055
How much for this?
Those are 50 cents.
214
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:18,891
Well, I won't pay full price.
So I'll give you a dime.
215
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,310
They're 50 cents, buddy. Very well.
I'll drop you a quarter.
216
00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,062
No.
Okay. Thirty-five cents.
217
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,439
I don't have time for this friggin' shit.
Give me the 35.
218
00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,399
Hey, yeah!
Nice, man.
219
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:28,734
I talked you down.
Good barter.
220
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:29,902
There you go.
Good barter.
221
00:09:29,986 --> 00:09:31,445
All right, Bozo. Thank you.
222
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,323
I'm calling a lot of people Bozo now.
It's like my new thing. Dude.
223
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,450
Chomp into it. Yeah.
Just bite it?
224
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:39,370
Okay. Like a piece of fruit.
You would bite into it...
225
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:42,081
Tastes like sand.
226
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:43,374
Like sand?
227
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,876
Oh, that-
that pear's not ripe, dude.
228
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,587
Ah. He burned us.
Gypsy son of a bitch burned us.
229
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:51,632
Excuse me, sir?
What are you doing to my friend, Bozo?
230
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,301
You burned us. It's dry.
You picked it out.
231
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:58,347
Well, let's not get into a whole "who picked out what.
" I want my 35 cents back.
232
00:09:58,431 --> 00:10:00,933
- Charlie, give him the pear.
- I can't. I just ate it.
233
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:04,436
The whole thing?
Yeah. It was pretty gross.
234
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,313
The stem and then-
and the core?
235
00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:07,940
You didn't tell me not
to eat the stem, dude!
236
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,651
Did you eat the stickers that are all over it?
Yeah, it was gross!
237
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,569
Of course it's gross!
It's a sticker, bro!
238
00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:15,281
I eat stickers all the time, dude!
Oh, my God.
239
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:18,284
This whole thing is a disaster.
I'm going back to the car.
240
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,619
Come on. Let's go. I don't know.
They got a lot of good stuff here.
241
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,329
I like the rocking chair.
Very nice.
242
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:24,748
But I do like those wicker chairs.
They might be more forgiving on my bottom.
243
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,750
Good. It's a tough decision though.
I don't know.
244
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,461
Well, make one, Den.
Make one, please. Make a decision?
245
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:32,631
Um, sir? Hi. We're interested
in these wicker chairs,
246
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,925
but we're totally unwilling
to pay full price for them, so...
247
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:36,969
You're gonna barter with the guy?
Yeah.
248
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:40,014
We're not gonna barter with him.
We're not bartering. We'll pay full price.
249
00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,515
Get the wicker chairs.
No, no, no, no, no. Frank.
250
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,517
Come on. The Gypsy wants to barter.
Let's barter with him.
251
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,145
We don't have time to barter.
All right. We'll pay full price for...
252
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,147
Whoa.
Is that a French press?
253
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:50,024
Sir, how much for that
fine-looking French press?
254
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:52,276
We don't need
a French press, Dennis.
255
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:54,820
What, do you expect me to drink gas station
coffee all the way to the Grand Canyon?
256
00:10:54,904 --> 00:10:58,157
I don't think so, asshole. Sir, the man
will pay full price for the French press,
257
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:01,744
or I will, however, be willing to
barter with you for a very long time.
258
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,412
- Full price.
- Great!
259
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,205
Hey, you guys seen anybody
selling cassette tapes?
260
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,708
Deandra, what the hell are you doing?
What are you drinking?
261
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:10,753
It's an energy drink. You guys are drinking beer.
I gotta tweak on something.
262
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,839
You're gonna be pissing
every 15 feet. Nah!
263
00:11:13,923 --> 00:11:16,592
I know what I'm doing.
I'm buying you a piss jar. Ooh!
264
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,635
Hold on a second.
I think I see some tapes down there.
265
00:11:18,762 --> 00:11:21,388
I'm gonna go barter with that guy.
Barter with the Gypsy.
266
00:11:21,473 --> 00:11:24,725
Dude, I'm telling you, it's black to yellow.
And no one ever uses...
267
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,394
Black to yellow? No, dude. It's blue to something.
You never let me do this, okay?
268
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,104
And hurry up, man.
It's blue to something.
269
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,774
Just use the black to yellow, and
the car will start. Oh, shit!
270
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,109
You guys, check it out.
I found this Soul Asylum tape,
271
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,904
and I totally talked the guy down
to, like, half the asking price.
272
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,822
Yeah.
Oh, goddamn it!
273
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:40,783
Yeah. There was a bunch
of wires hanging down,
274
00:11:40,909 --> 00:11:43,285
and I was trying to put them back
up into- Shut up! Just shut up!
275
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,995
Here's your piss jar.
276
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,748
Yo, Frank, I'm gonna hop in the back with Dennis.
You want to switch with me?
277
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:51,085
Switch-ola? They're gonna argue the whole way.
I don't wanna listen to it.
278
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,962
No, I don't like it in there anyway.
All right.
279
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:59,093
- Hey, you want a cup of joe, my man?
- Oh, yeah, definitely, dude.
280
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,513
I got a pipin'-hot one ready for you right now.
Hook me up, bro.
281
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,723
Hook me up!
All right.
282
00:12:04,808 --> 00:12:07,893
That's a pretty sweet duct tape rig
you got going on the door, man.
283
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:10,104
You like that? Taped the chairs
down too, so they don't slide any.
284
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,689
I know, but you stopped at the grill,
and that's got me confused.
285
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,692
- Ran out of tape actually. - Oh, right.
It's not gonna slide through the crack?
286
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,946
It won't because I measured the crack, and the
crack is smaller than the height of the grill.
287
00:12:19,030 --> 00:12:20,823
- We are all hooked up here, dude.
- Mmm.
288
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:25,536
Now, are you nervous at all about leaving Philly?
Like, is anything bad gonna happen?
289
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,914
I don't think so, man.
I'm excited about it.
290
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,667
I've just never been outside of Philly.
I don't know what people are like.
291
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,503
- Well, people are people.
- Nobody's gonna be, like, a dick?
292
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,588
There are probably gonna be some
dicks out there. Yeah, sure.
293
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:40,342
But I'll be there. I'll back you up, man.
Hey, thanks, man.
294
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:43,554
I tell you what will help. Shotgun a beer?
That'll calm my nerves.
295
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,014
It sure will.
Let's do that.
296
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,232
I'm bored.
Yeah.
297
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:58,444
Let's play a drinking game.
Name all 50 states. Drink while you think.
298
00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:00,404
That's gonna suck.
I'm not drinking.
299
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,365
Frank, will you drive for a little bit?
I've been drinking all day.
300
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:06,368
Fine.
Uh, go. Maine.
301
00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:07,911
Uh, New Hampshire.
Vermont.
302
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,329
Philly.
North Virginia.
303
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,331
South Virginia.
East Virginia.
304
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,917
Uh, South Virginia.
Did I say that already? Yes.
305
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,044
Are you guys shitting me?
Shit. All right. Start over.
306
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,046
No, I'm not gonna start over.
I was right. The game sucks.
307
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,840
It's the drinking
that's the amusing part.
308
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,387
I got an idea.
309
00:13:26,848 --> 00:13:29,266
Georgia. That's six.
310
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:33,187
Oh. I was gonna-
No.
311
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,564
Jesus Christ.
312
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:40,319
You guys are gonna be hammered before
I'm finished naming the East Coast.
313
00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:43,113
Bro, I gotta cook up some hot dogs, man.
All right.
314
00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:45,115
I got a proposition for you, man.
Check this out.
315
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,618
What do you say we smash
these wicker chairs to bits,
316
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,078
put them in the middle
of the U-Haul- which is metal...
317
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:52,164
and we burn the wicker chairs
and cook the hot dogs on that?
318
00:13:52,248 --> 00:13:54,958
What do you mean?
Cook the hot dogs over the fire?
319
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:58,170
And then we'll get some new wicker chairs
next time we're at a Gypsy hangout spot.
320
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,672
Okay. You think we're gonna be
going to a lot of those?
321
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:04,343
'Cause I feel like I already dodged a
bullet once today. What do you mean?
322
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:08,889
Well, I mean, you know, Gypsies- I don't
want anyone shrinking my head and shit.
323
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:11,099
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, first of all,
324
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,101
it was not Gypsies ever
that did that.
325
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,103
That's sort of
a witch doctor thing.
326
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:18,232
But either way, neither one
of them can shrink heads.
327
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:22,569
Let's burn the chairs. All right.
A couple hot dogs will calm me down.
328
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:25,572
Thanks for driving.
I really appreciate the ride.
329
00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:27,741
Yeah.
330
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:30,744
So you're
headed to Hollywood, huh?
331
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,913
Yeah.
332
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:35,415
Oh, my God.
333
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,168
Oh, my God. You're running
away from home, aren't you?
334
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:41,088
Um, yeah, maybe.
Kinda.
335
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:43,757
Oh, no, no, no.
336
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:47,594
Sweet baby, they are gonna
eat you alive in Hollywood.
337
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:50,389
Oh, you're definitely
gonna end up doing gay porn...
338
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:53,308
with this tiny little
body of yours. No.
339
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,936
Oh, man, kid.
340
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,021
I'll be fine.
341
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,440
I've actually got an uncle
out there that's...
342
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,735
Shh.
343
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:07,656
I got something you need
to hear about.
344
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:11,201
Hold on a second.
345
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:16,331
# Just
easier than dealin' with the pain #
346
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:19,751
# Runaway
train never comin' back #
347
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:23,589
# Wrong way on a one-way track #.
348
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:28,093
Right. I've actually got this
uncle out there that said that...
349
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:32,306
# Seems like I'm neither
here nor there #
350
00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:36,268
# Runaway train
tearin' up the- the track #
351
00:15:36,352 --> 00:15:40,272
# Runaway train
tearin' up the track #
352
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:44,776
## Shit.
353
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:48,113
What is that?
354
00:15:48,197 --> 00:15:50,449
Is that piss? Is that piss?
355
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:53,243
Pull over! You might as well pull over.
He's just gonna keep yelling.
356
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:55,245
Pull over, you little dick!
357
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:56,747
Stop the car!
358
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,123
Piss!
You know what?
359
00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,876
Jesus Christ, Dee!
I'm covered in piss!
360
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,878
Well, maybe you shouldn't
have had your window down!
361
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,505
Maybe you shouldn't be throwing
jars of pee out the window!
362
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,799
Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't.
It's up for debate. You shouldn't!
363
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,676
Hey, what the hell is that?
364
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,055
Oh!
365
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:15,891
Oh! Oh.
366
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,063
Holy shit!
367
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:31,573
Damn. It's dark, and we haven't
even left Philly yet.
368
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,409
I'm so sorry, dude.
I don't know what happened, man.
369
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:38,121
It's like, we lit the chairs, and there must've
been a glaze on the wicker or something.
370
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:40,248
Yeah. 'Cause, like, we
passed out instantly.
371
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,710
- Some sort of a poison glaze.
- What are we, 20 minutes away from the bar?
372
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:46,338
Yeah, we're close.
I use this gas station all the time.
373
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:49,299
Sorry. Took a little longer than I thought.
There was a line for the bathroom.
374
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,885
Hey-oh! Check out this couch
I found by the Dumpster.
375
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,262
Toss it in. Nice.
Got it, buddy.
376
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,182
Wait. What's the plan here?
You guys are still gonna ride in the back?
377
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,850
Oh, yeah.
I sure as shit am, dude.
378
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,936
You're not gonna get the smell of
piss out of that car for weeks.
379
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,647
Yeah, it's pretty bad.
I'm in. Me too.
380
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:05,691
You guys getting in too?
All right, let's do it.
381
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:07,693
All right, whatever.
382
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,695
Have fun in the death trap!
383
00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,697
I guess I'm riding with you, bro.
384
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:15,409
Hey, you're not gonna
sing to me, are you?
385
00:17:15,493 --> 00:17:17,411
I might.
386
00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:20,205
All right.
387
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:25,043
Hey, you know, Dee, I didn't
want to say anything back there,
388
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,045
'cause I didn't want to be
rude to the kid,
389
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,381
but you really gotta be careful
just picking up hitchhikers.
390
00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:32,384
I know. But that kid was, like, really
young and sweet and innocent-looking.
391
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:34,553
Right. But those are the ones
you gotta watch out for.
392
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,555
Those are the most
dangerous hitchhikers...
393
00:17:36,639 --> 00:17:39,850
the ones that lure you into thinking
they're sane by acting like normal people.
394
00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,394
They act like they're normal
and then they carve you up.
395
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:45,230
No way. Wasn't gonna happen.
I had my eyes on him the whole time.
396
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:47,733
See, I've always got an "A,"
"B" and a "C" strike plan...
397
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:50,026
to get us out of any potentially
life-threatening situation.
398
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:52,028
Yeah. He probably just carved up
his mother and father,
399
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:53,655
and he's running away on the road.
That's right.
400
00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:56,575
Could be, Frank. All I'm saying is
that I'm ready for any situation.
401
00:17:56,659 --> 00:17:59,369
- And that's why you're all safe
as long as I'm around. - Uh-huh.
402
00:17:59,454 --> 00:18:01,371
Yeah. I did an ocular pat-down
and I cleared him.
403
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:03,248
Say what?
I'm sorry?
404
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,375
I'm saying that I did an ocular
assessment of the situation,
405
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,961
garnered that he was not a security
risk, and I cleared him for passage.
406
00:18:08,045 --> 00:18:09,546
"Ocular pat-down"!
407
00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,214
What in the hell
are you talking about?
408
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:14,050
I'm talking about breaking down
the security situation,
409
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:16,678
clearing an individual
and making it safe for passage.
410
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:23,810
Well, how exactly do you view yourself
within the context of our group?
411
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,980
The sheriff of Paddy's.
412
00:18:27,064 --> 00:18:28,982
Well, I can't have this
conversation right now.
413
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,734
The sheriff of Paddy's?
Can you move?
414
00:18:30,818 --> 00:18:32,319
I want to unfold this thing.
I'm gonna pass out.
415
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,988
Got a long trip ahead of us.
Careful.
416
00:18:35,072 --> 00:18:36,823
I got it.
417
00:18:36,824 --> 00:18:36,990
I got it.
418
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:50,003
Aah! Aah!
419
00:18:50,087 --> 00:18:52,130
Get off me, dude!
420
00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:55,342
Are we moving?
421
00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:57,469
I think we're stopped.
Dee, what time is it? What?
422
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,429
Hmm?
423
00:18:59,555 --> 00:19:02,140
7:00 a.m. 7:00 a.m.?
Shit, we've been driving all night.
424
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:04,267
We're not moving, are we?
No.
425
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:06,269
Whoa. Shit.
You think we're, like, halfway there?
426
00:19:06,395 --> 00:19:08,021
Where do you think we are?
I wonder how far we got.
427
00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:10,065
I wonder if we're like...
428
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:16,154
What the hell is this?
429
00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:19,199
- Oh, are we back at Paddy's?
- Wait. Where the hell is my car?
430
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,742
Oh, goddamn!
431
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,619
Shit balls!
What's going on?
432
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,290
Hey, you guys are back!
433
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:30,919
- How was the Grand Canyon?
- What the hell happened to my car, Charlie?
434
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:34,047
I don't know. Last thing I remember,
uh, we were at the gas station.
435
00:19:34,131 --> 00:19:37,217
And then you guys hopped in back, and I
hopped in front with the hitchhiker.
436
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:40,554
Then I got freaked out about leaving Philly,
so I asked him if he'd drop me off back here.
437
00:19:40,638 --> 00:19:44,057
And he said he'd take you guys to the Grand Canyon,
and then I drank all night and passed out.
438
00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:47,018
And then you guys were getting here now,
so I figured- Did you go and come back?
439
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,020
He didn't take us
to the Grand Canyon.
440
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,022
He detached the trailer
and stole my car!
441
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,858
Really?
Yeah!
442
00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:55,402
The weird thing is that Mac had already
cleared him as a security risk.
443
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,863
Did an ocular pat-down on him.
Amazing, right?
444
00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,573
- You cleared him, Mac?
- I cleared him.
445
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,116
Goddamn it!
I thought he was clear!
446
00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:03,076
He wasn't clear! I'm calling the cops.
He was clear.
447
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:05,453
I thought Mac cleared him.
I didn't think there'd be a problem.
448
00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,581
I don't know how- I kinda had
a good time on the trip.
449
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:10,208
Looking on the bright side
of things. All right?
450
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,586
Let's drink some beers, man.
I'm hungover as shit. Absolutely, man.
451
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:16,131
- Little hair of the dog. - That was the closest
I ever got to being out of Philly, man.
452
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,841
All right, cheers.
Cheers, you guys.
453
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,259
Texas. Oops.
State game?
454
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:20,760
Ohio.
Rhode Island.
455
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:22,762
Nice.
Uh, Detroit.
456
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,514
Nope.
That's not a state. Drink.
457
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,309
Milwaukee!
Jesus H. Christ.
458
00:21:11,145 --> 00:21:12,354
ENGLISH - US - PSDH
459
00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:16,954
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