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1
00:00:41,754 --> 00:00:47,725
So then the obstetrician takes me and Marlene into
this room and they've got a scanning machine, you know,
2
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,281
one of them things they can
see right inside the womb.
3
00:00:56,188 --> 00:01:03,297
Suddenly on this monitor screen
we saw this shape. It was amazing.
4
00:01:03,823 --> 00:01:05,140
What was it?
5
00:01:07,016 --> 00:01:10,257
It was a baby. What do you
think it was, a Cornish pasty?
6
00:01:11,207 --> 00:01:13,515
I mean, was it a boy or a
girl?
7
00:01:13,815 --> 00:01:16,063
I don't know. They don't
give you a close-up!
8
00:01:16,979 --> 00:01:21,845
But I could just tell by the
proud way it held its head that it was my child.
9
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:26,102
Blown all them rumours to
bits then, ain't it?
10
00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:34,958
Yeah, that's right. The
doctors... What rumours?
11
00:01:35,385 --> 00:01:37,858
Well, a lot of people
thought Marlene was imagining it,
12
00:01:37,893 --> 00:01:40,415
you know, like a
phantom pregnancy.
13
00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:43,651
Oh no, I've seen the proof.
It's all pukka.
14
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:48,233
'Course there's still a long way to go;
the baby's head is not yet engaged.
15
00:01:49,454 --> 00:01:54,279
But Rodney Trotter is.
Look at him, poor little sod.
16
00:01:56,147 --> 00:01:59,190
If he's like this now,
how's he gonna be like come the wedding?
17
00:01:59,225 --> 00:02:02,360
I've heard two of the
bridesmaids are Samaritans.
18
00:02:04,528 --> 00:02:07,843
Come on, cheer up, son. It
ain't the end of the world.
19
00:02:08,455 --> 00:02:10,955
So you've failed some
silly little exam.
20
00:02:11,604 --> 00:02:13,933
I did not fail some silly
little exam.
21
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,711
You didn't pass, did you?
22
00:02:16,711 --> 00:02:19,755
It happened to be an extremely important exam.
23
00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:23,534
If I had passed that
I would now have a diploma in computer science.
24
00:02:23,569 --> 00:02:25,996
It would have been the
foundations of a real career.
25
00:02:26,692 --> 00:02:30,964
Instead of which I have all the prospects and
future of a Sinclair C5.
26
00:02:33,062 --> 00:02:36,828
I just wanted to be somebody
in Cassandra's eyes.
27
00:02:37,215 --> 00:02:40,132
With that diploma I could have
applied for a proper job.
28
00:02:40,167 --> 00:02:41,967
Look on the bright side,
son.
29
00:02:42,002 --> 00:02:44,382
You'd have most
probably failed the interview.
30
00:02:44,417 --> 00:02:46,464
I've already passed the
interview.
31
00:02:46,499 --> 00:02:47,774
How d'you mean?
32
00:02:47,809 --> 00:02:49,789
You promise you won't say
a word to Del?
33
00:02:50,372 --> 00:02:53,508
Cassandra's dad's offered me a position
in his company.
34
00:02:53,543 --> 00:02:57,080
See, he's expanding the computer
section and he wants me to help run it.
35
00:02:57,375 --> 00:03:01,720
'Course, he was under the impression
that this diploma exam was a foregone conclusion.
36
00:03:01,755 --> 00:03:03,090
Who told him that?
37
00:03:03,125 --> 00:03:07,596
Me. But that's not the
only thing.
38
00:03:08,311 --> 00:03:13,778
See, me and Cassandra, we found this really nice flat.
It's really nice, you know, it's modern, everything.
39
00:03:13,813 --> 00:03:17,176
The only thing is we've got to put
down a six-grand deposit.
40
00:03:17,554 --> 00:03:20,661
Cassandra is taking 2,000 out of her savings,
41
00:03:20,696 --> 00:03:23,161
her mum and dad are giving us
two grand as a wedding present
42
00:03:23,196 --> 00:03:25,388
and it's up to me
to find the other two.
43
00:03:25,423 --> 00:03:27,763
Where am I gonna find 2,000 pounds?
44
00:03:28,193 --> 00:03:32,562
With my savings and salary we'll be lucky
if we get a weekend in a time-share tent.
45
00:03:33,532 --> 00:03:37,245
It was gonna be so good until
that bloody exam.
46
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,861
You can do one of two
things, Rodney.
47
00:03:39,896 --> 00:03:42,576
You can go down the council and see if
they've got a place
48
00:03:42,980 --> 00:03:47,365
or you can sell your share of the
business to Del for 2,000 pounds.
49
00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:51,317
That's not a bad idea, Unc.
I hadn't thought of that.
50
00:03:52,177 --> 00:03:54,619
Yeah, I'll go down the
council this afternoon.
51
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,538
Look at this. What have I got?
52
00:04:01,013 --> 00:04:04,121
Executive mobile phone,
solid state of the art.
53
00:04:04,156 --> 00:04:06,810
You can phone someone
from the top of a mountain with one of these.
54
00:04:06,904 --> 00:04:10,466
It's all to do with
statellites or something.
55
00:04:11,670 --> 00:04:16,173
They normally retail at �199.99.
I got them for 25 nicker each.
56
00:04:17,567 --> 00:04:18,660
Where'd you get them from?
57
00:04:18,695 --> 00:04:20,121
You know that Mickey Pearce
and Jevon?
58
00:04:20,156 --> 00:04:23,207
They started trading, you know, so I
said I'd help them out. I've got a hundred of them.
59
00:04:23,242 --> 00:04:26,437
A hundred? Well, that two
thousand five hundred pound.
60
00:04:26,472 --> 00:04:28,581
I didn't know we had
that sort of money in the firm.
61
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:31,044
No, no, no. I've got them
on sale or return, haven't I?
62
00:04:31,079 --> 00:04:35,628
What I don't sell I return. Lovely Jubbly.
So how did it go last night?
63
00:04:36,148 --> 00:04:36,667
How'd you mean?
64
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:40,433
Well, down at the night school.
You got the results of the exam.
65
00:04:42,016 --> 00:04:44,743
Mr Jamille said he hadn't had a chance
to look at everyone's work yet.
66
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:49,008
You've passed, Rodney.
I can feel it.
67
00:04:49,043 --> 00:04:51,827
With your diploma and my yuppy image
we're on our way up
68
00:04:52,282 --> 00:04:55,910
and to celebrate the occasion I've
just been down the printers
69
00:04:55,945 --> 00:05:03,659
and I have ordered 200 of these �
Trotters Independent Traders headed notepaper.
70
00:05:04,077 --> 00:05:06,253
This'll let them know we're around.
71
00:05:06,289 --> 00:05:07,878
What's all those initials?
72
00:05:07,913 --> 00:05:12,002
Modern business people only
speak in initials, don't they?
73
00:05:12,037 --> 00:05:19,456
You've got FT, Financial Times, BA, British Airways,
GLC, General 'Lectric Company.
74
00:05:19,922 --> 00:05:23,900
And we've got a list of company
directors and all that.
75
00:05:23,935 --> 00:05:25,827
Oh yeah, you and me.
76
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:30,004
What's these initials after
my name? DIC.
77
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:36,459
No, that is Diploma in
Computerisation, Rodney.
78
00:05:38,162 --> 00:05:43,207
It's got impact, they'll see our high
profile coming a mile off.
79
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:46,742
Del, thanks to your high profile we now have a
company called TIT
80
00:05:46,777 --> 00:05:49,821
and a director with DIC after his name.
81
00:05:50,345 --> 00:05:58,479
No, no, no. That stands for Trotters Independent
Traders and DIC is Diploma in... TIT.
82
00:05:59,874 --> 00:06:04,607
I see what you mean Rodney.
I'll better get on to the printer's on my executive mobile phone.
83
00:06:08,354 --> 00:06:14,935
- Compliments of the stud.
- Who is that? It's Boycie. Alright? Cheers.
84
00:06:15,728 --> 00:06:17,726
Mike, come and have
a look at this.
85
00:06:18,283 --> 00:06:25,111
An executive mobile phone.
I can let you have this for what I paid - 40 nicker.
86
00:06:25,483 --> 00:06:28,962
- Forty eh? Nice-looking model.
- It's top of the range.
87
00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:32,812
That aerial's a bit
urgent, ain't it?
88
00:06:34,226 --> 00:06:38,977
It's called instant aerial.
It's a feature of this particular model, you see.
89
00:06:38,978 --> 00:06:42,231
I'll show you how it works.
I'll give you a little demonstration.
90
00:06:43,182 --> 00:06:44,976
First of all you press there...
91
00:07:02,369 --> 00:07:07,301
I know what that is,
the statelite has moved out of position.
92
00:07:09,066 --> 00:07:11,632
Hang about, there'll be
another one along in a minute.
93
00:07:12,507 --> 00:07:14,775
I think I'll stick to the
phone in the public bar, Del.
94
00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:20,492
I'll let you have it for 35 quid. I don't
mind losing a fiver for a mate.
95
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:24,433
Don't worry. This time next
year we'll be millionaires.
96
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:37,729
I thought Rodney said that video recorder could only
work on continental electric?
97
00:07:38,087 --> 00:07:42,470
Yeah, that's why I popped over to Calais
and got myself a couple of bucketfuls of it this morning.
98
00:07:42,970 --> 00:07:47,768
No, it's alright. Here, you know that Chinese kid
who lives over in Desmond Tutu house?
99
00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:55,815
He's a bit of a boffin when it comes to the old
electronics so I got him to fit an adaptoron the back of it for me.
100
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,130
The Chinese kid?
101
00:07:57,165 --> 00:07:58,902
The one you always said was
stupid?
102
00:07:58,937 --> 00:08:05,033
He's not stupid That Chinese kid is a bit of a genius
when it comes to the old electronics.
103
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:09,836
That diploma exam of yours
wasn't as easy as you thought it'd be.
104
00:08:09,871 --> 00:08:11,449
Who told you that? Was that Albert?
105
00:08:11,484 --> 00:08:16,463
No, no, it wasn't. I bumped into that Mr Jamille,
that teacher at your training college.
106
00:08:16,498 --> 00:08:19,878
Del, everything I did in that
examination was correct -
107
00:08:19,913 --> 00:08:23,817
well, except for one minor
miscalculation.
108
00:08:23,852 --> 00:08:27,448
You see, we had to program a computer with
a mock flight plan.
109
00:08:27,483 --> 00:08:31,611
It was supposed to be an unmanned
space probe. Stupid.
110
00:08:31,646 --> 00:08:35,696
We was all given the information,
you know: navigational data,
111
00:08:35,731 --> 00:08:39,118
analysis of payload ratio to
engine capacity.
112
00:08:39,153 --> 00:08:41,930
Yeah, well, you need all that,
don't you?
113
00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:47,300
But I got a bit
confused between litres and gallons right?
114
00:08:47,626 --> 00:08:52,017
Round here in Peckham we don't have much dealing
with continental measurements.
115
00:08:52,496 --> 00:08:58,102
So I didn't program enough fuel and my probe fell
slightly short of Venus.
116
00:08:59,153 --> 00:09:01,532
He mentioned to Dartford.
117
00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:07,135
Listen, soppy, you don't actually
know that you haven't passed.
118
00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:09,441
I mean, no one's told you that
you've failed.
119
00:09:09,476 --> 00:09:13,091
Del, I do not need a weatherman
to tell me when it's peeing down.
120
00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:17,812
Mr Jamille handed out all the diplomas
the other night except for me.
121
00:09:18,288 --> 00:09:21,504
Well, you know, maybe he was busy,
maybe he hadn't got round to looking at your yet.
122
00:09:21,539 --> 00:09:25,954
Del don't patronize me.
Look, I naused it up and that's all there is to it.
123
00:09:25,989 --> 00:09:33,679
Right, OK. You know best.
But Mr Jamille asked me to give you this.
124
00:09:34,891 --> 00:09:37,064
He wanted me to appologise
for him
125
00:09:37,099 --> 00:09:39,567
and say he was very sorry
but he'd been very busy
126
00:09:39,602 --> 00:09:42,638
an' he's only just got round
to looking at your work.
127
00:09:42,954 --> 00:09:46,345
All that whinging and
whinning and you'd passed all the time.
128
00:09:46,380 --> 00:09:49,825
- I don't believe it!
- Here you are Rodney, you've done it!
129
00:09:50,171 --> 00:09:52,680
- I'm proud of you.
- Cheers Del!
130
00:09:53,029 --> 00:09:55,182
Now you can get that job you wanted,
can't you?
131
00:09:55,217 --> 00:09:59,330
Yes, I won't have any prob...
Who told you that? Was that Albert?
132
00:09:59,365 --> 00:10:02,420
No, it was not Albert;
It was Cassandra's dad.
133
00:10:02,455 --> 00:10:04,056
You've met Cassandra's dad?
134
00:10:04,091 --> 00:10:06,690
Well, yeah, he's got that
little printing firm
135
00:10:06,725 --> 00:10:08,926
and I wanted to get them
letterheads printed,
136
00:10:08,961 --> 00:10:12,537
and I thought I'd take the business down
to him, you now, keep it in the family.
137
00:10:12,572 --> 00:10:16,557
He's a nice bloke that Alan.
We had a nice chat and a drink.
138
00:10:16,592 --> 00:10:18,231
But Cassandra's dad don't
drink.
139
00:10:18,266 --> 00:10:20,265
Oh no, but this was a special
occasion, wasn't it?
140
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:24,127
The heads of two great households
meeting for the first time.
141
00:10:25,451 --> 00:10:28,516
Well, it was a bit like a summit,
so anyway we had a couple of scotches
142
00:10:28,551 --> 00:10:30,615
and that's when he told me he'd offered
you the job.
143
00:10:30,650 --> 00:10:34,644
You're not upset, are you?
'Cos I mean I'm breaking up the partnership.
144
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:43,282
Oh our partnership.
Don't worry about that Rodney, you're doing the best thing.
145
00:10:43,607 --> 00:10:47,963
No you've got to go with that Alan 'cos you
know he can offer you a future
146
00:10:47,998 --> 00:10:49,665
which is more than I can.
147
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:53,872
Anyway, you've got to have a proper job to get a
mortgage for your new flat.
148
00:10:54,937 --> 00:10:58,029
Who told you that?
Was that Cassandra's dad?
149
00:10:58,064 --> 00:11:03,380
No, Albert told me. So what you
doing about the deposit then?
150
00:11:03,415 --> 00:11:07,597
Oh I dunno, mate. Where am I
gonna get two thousand pounds?
151
00:11:08,279 --> 00:11:11,514
- Off your big brother.
- What?
152
00:11:11,955 --> 00:11:15,516
I'm giving you 2,000
pounds as a wedding present.
153
00:11:16,371 --> 00:11:18,205
Where are you gonna get that
sort of money?
154
00:11:18,396 --> 00:11:21,197
I'm owed it, ain't I? I'll
just call in my debts.
155
00:11:21,924 --> 00:11:23,970
What, you mean I can tell
Cassandra and her dad?
156
00:11:24,005 --> 00:11:26,443
You can tell the Daily
Mirror for all I care!
157
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:30,178
Well. That'll be her. Cheers!
158
00:11:36,587 --> 00:11:39,076
Where are you gonna get all that
money from?
159
00:11:40,683 --> 00:11:44,506
You know these video recorders I sold
along Boycie a few months ago.
160
00:11:44,541 --> 00:11:47,623
Well, he still hasn't weighed in
with the old dosharoonies.
161
00:11:47,658 --> 00:11:50,145
So I'll get the money off
him and give it to Rodney
162
00:11:50,180 --> 00:11:53,858
and it'll all be rez de chasse,
as they say in the Dordogne.
163
00:11:55,434 --> 00:11:56,428
Look who's here.
164
00:11:56,463 --> 00:11:58,886
- Hello darling, alright?
- Hello, Del. Alright Albert.
165
00:11:58,921 --> 00:12:02,548
- Hello, love.
- You passed.
166
00:12:03,620 --> 00:12:05,702
Oh you clever old thing.
167
00:12:06,233 --> 00:12:08,576
Oh well, you know, it was
nothing.
168
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:13,249
Oh by the way, would you ask your dad how
he'd like the deposit paid?
169
00:12:13,284 --> 00:12:15,003
You know, cash or cheque.
170
00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:16,752
- You got the 2,000?
- Of course.
171
00:12:16,787 --> 00:12:20,340
I don't think he cares if
it's cash or a cheque.
172
00:12:20,753 --> 00:12:22,285
Oh well, that's cool.
173
00:12:22,671 --> 00:12:25,645
- You're going out tonight, sweetheart?
- Yes, we're going to see an Italian film.
174
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:29,461
Oh getting in the mood for
your honeymoon in Rimini, eh?
175
00:12:29,496 --> 00:12:30,874
Oh shut up.
176
00:12:32,509 --> 00:12:35,738
Here, how you gonna understand
that film if it's all in foreign?
177
00:12:35,773 --> 00:12:37,937
No, it's got English subtitles underneath.
178
00:12:37,972 --> 00:12:40,395
Oh Albert wouldn't bother
with the subtitles.
179
00:12:40,430 --> 00:12:43,156
- He can speak Italian?
- No, he can't read.
180
00:12:45,650 --> 00:12:48,830
Oh that's a coincidence.
My dad's just come home with one of these.
181
00:12:48,865 --> 00:12:51,584
Has he? Oh well, there's a thing.
Hope your mum's pleased.
182
00:12:51,619 --> 00:12:54,383
Well, no actually, he came home
absolutely plastered.
183
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:02,501
Go on, sit down!
Where's the machine?
184
00:13:03,016 --> 00:13:06,570
It's gonna be alright now.
Alright? Here we go. I've done it at last!
185
00:13:07,241 --> 00:13:09,127
We're off and running!
186
00:13:17,035 --> 00:13:22,304
Oh that stupid Chinese kid.
Why did I ever trust him?
187
00:13:24,105 --> 00:13:25,881
Right, I'll see you later,
then.
188
00:13:26,752 --> 00:13:29,060
Yeah go on, enjoy the film.
189
00:13:32,490 --> 00:13:36,002
Here, I'm really pleased
Rodney's got his diploma.
190
00:13:36,426 --> 00:13:38,931
Lucky you bumped into that
Mr Jamille, innit?
191
00:13:39,651 --> 00:13:42,269
- How much d'you give him?
- 150.
192
00:13:45,446 --> 00:13:47,806
It comes complete with batteries
193
00:13:47,841 --> 00:13:53,135
plus a little attachment so you can attach it
to the dashboard of your car.
194
00:13:53,170 --> 00:13:55,925
and all of that for 35 pounds.
195
00:13:55,960 --> 00:14:00,733
Del, watch my lips very
closely. I do not want one.
196
00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,441
Only an idiot would buy
one of those things.
197
00:14:03,974 --> 00:14:09,922
- You got one?
- No, I haven't... I'm thinking of getting one though.
198
00:14:11,721 --> 00:14:14,289
Well done, Trigg. I'll show
you how it works, shall I?
199
00:14:15,636 --> 00:14:20,759
Excuse me, gentlemen, business.
Bocie, can I have a word with you?
200
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:29,363
When are you gonna weigh in with the money
for those video recorders I sold you.
201
00:14:29,398 --> 00:14:33,640
Del, I have told you before
I am not paying you for them. They don't work.
202
00:14:33,675 --> 00:14:35,641
Listen, I've solved that
problem.
203
00:14:35,676 --> 00:14:40,989
There's a little Chinese kid over on my
estate, now he's an electronic genius,
204
00:14:41,024 --> 00:14:43,298
now you give me the three and a
half that you owe me
205
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:47,430
and I'll get him to fix adaptors on all your
machines. They'll sell like hot cakes.
206
00:14:47,808 --> 00:14:51,639
Del, I've got to be honest with you.
I am skint.
207
00:14:51,674 --> 00:14:53,968
Oh don't give me that,
Boycie.
208
00:14:54,003 --> 00:14:57,411
It's the truth! Marlene's
pregnancy is costing me an arm and a leg.
209
00:14:57,949 --> 00:15:01,131
She's at a dodgy age for knocking out
her first chavvy.
210
00:15:02,329 --> 00:15:06,695
She needs to be under constant surveillance
by a very expensive group of medical experts.
211
00:15:06,730 --> 00:15:09,291
She's already had
a week in a private ward.
212
00:15:09,645 --> 00:15:11,289
Can't she go on the National
Health?
213
00:15:11,324 --> 00:15:12,386
Well, of course she can't.
214
00:15:12,421 --> 00:15:16,196
I can't expect my wife to mix
with all those ordinary patients.
215
00:15:17,354 --> 00:15:19,697
Have you seen the
way some of them dress?
216
00:15:20,046 --> 00:15:22,940
Look, I've got Rodney�s
wedding coming up. I need that money.
217
00:15:22,975 --> 00:15:30,310
I am just potless, Del, and that is no lie.
It's the kipper's season, nobody is buying cars.
218
00:15:30,311 --> 00:15:34,027
I will pay you that money as soon as things pick up.
219
00:15:34,062 --> 00:15:36,014
It'll be too late by then!
220
00:15:36,049 --> 00:15:40,672
I am sorry, Del Boy.
You cannot get blood out of a stone.
221
00:15:42,330 --> 00:15:48,127
Oh talking of blood, I heard
the Driscoll brothers were looking for you.
222
00:15:49,412 --> 00:15:51,443
Driscoll brothers looking for me?
What they looking for with me?
223
00:15:51,478 --> 00:15:54,112
I never deal with
the Driscoll brothers. I make sure of that.
224
00:15:54,147 --> 00:15:56,828
Well, perhaps they want to
look at Rodney's wedding list?
225
00:15:58,401 --> 00:15:59,692
Very funny.
226
00:16:00,155 --> 00:16:02,389
Half a shandy, please,
Michael.
227
00:16:05,541 --> 00:16:07,963
I guessed I'd find you here,
you toerag.
228
00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:11,739
Alan, what a pleasant
surprise.
229
00:16:12,024 --> 00:16:16,658
Here, look who's here.
Cassandra's dad, Rodney's future father-in-law.
230
00:16:18,606 --> 00:16:20,341
Let me shake you by the hand,
Alan.
231
00:16:20,376 --> 00:16:23,446
You're a brave man
letting a Trotter into your family.
232
00:16:23,929 --> 00:16:25,012
Rodney's is a good lad, I like him.
233
00:16:25,047 --> 00:16:26,455
That's right. He's one in a
million.
234
00:16:26,490 --> 00:16:30,898
Now you come and sit down over here, Alan,
get away from all this riff-raf. What you drinking.
235
00:16:30,933 --> 00:16:32,934
Just a lemonade for me,
thanks Del.
236
00:16:32,969 --> 00:16:35,362
That drink I had with you last week,
it knocked me sideways.
237
00:16:35,397 --> 00:16:37,732
I hardly touch the stuff these
days, and Pam, my wife,
238
00:16:37,767 --> 00:16:39,618
she doesn't really agree with
drinking.
239
00:16:39,653 --> 00:16:42,814
You ought to get out of her,
you know, get yourself a younger model.
240
00:16:42,849 --> 00:16:46,510
Yeah, but she's been with me
for so long she's almost one of the family.
241
00:16:48,534 --> 00:16:50,746
Go on, I'll have a small scotch,
but that's me lot.
242
00:16:50,781 --> 00:16:54,179
Alright, then. Can I have a
small scotch and the usual for me, please.
243
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:55,930
Here, what
you done to your eye?
244
00:16:55,965 --> 00:16:59,511
Oh yeah, the aerial on that
phone you sold me came out a bit fast.
245
00:16:59,842 --> 00:17:02,134
Oh yeah? Well you had a few
sherbets, hadn't you though?
246
00:17:03,516 --> 00:17:04,974
Anyway, what you doing round
here?
247
00:17:05,009 --> 00:17:08,323
I got bit bored.
There's something wrong with our television.
248
00:17:08,833 --> 00:17:13,475
So I thought I'd pop round
here and have a chat about the wedding arrangements.
249
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:16,723
You know, I think you should make some sort of
contribution to the proceedings.
250
00:17:17,198 --> 00:17:19,204
Oh yeah, of course.
251
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,092
I mean, what sort of a hall
do you think we should hire?
252
00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:25,859
Well, you know, I don't
think we ought to go mad, you know,
253
00:17:25,894 --> 00:17:29,086
it's only a registry office wedding,
ain't it, eh?
254
00:17:30,189 --> 00:17:34,384
Actually, he's got a very nice hall
here, you know, and it's cheap.
255
00:17:34,707 --> 00:17:38,118
D'you know if I had my way
that's exactly where we'd hold the reception
256
00:17:38,494 --> 00:17:41,447
a good old knees-up in a pub and
plenty of jellied eels.
257
00:17:41,482 --> 00:17:43,566
Well, this place is perfect,
innit? And it's cheap.
258
00:17:43,601 --> 00:17:47,105
Yeah, yeah. But my wife Pam,
she's gone all up-market on the idea.
259
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:50,616
She wants to hold the reception in a cricket
club pavilion or the country club.
260
00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:54,135
Oh yeah, she's got it all planned out.
It's all Dom Perignon and caviar.
261
00:17:56,177 --> 00:17:58,366
Not a jellied eel in sight.
So what do you think?
262
00:17:58,401 --> 00:18:01,166
Well, I reckon you ought
to put your foot down, you know.
263
00:18:01,201 --> 00:18:03,435
How much is this
gonna cot me then?
264
00:18:03,470 --> 00:18:07,483
Cost you? Oh Del, it's not
gonna cost you a penny.
265
00:18:07,518 --> 00:18:10,318
My only child's getting
married and I'm paying for the lot.
266
00:18:10,353 --> 00:18:12,465
Yeah, but I thought you
said you wanted me to make a contribution.
267
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,483
Yeah, with ideas and
opinions.
268
00:18:18,095 --> 00:18:23,000
Actually, your
missus has got a point, hasn't she?
269
00:18:23,591 --> 00:18:26,921
You know, I don't think that you and me
ought to be selfish, should we?
270
00:18:26,956 --> 00:18:30,469
After all, it is for the happy couple,
it is their big day.
271
00:18:30,718 --> 00:18:32,400
You don't like those sort of
surroundings, do you?
272
00:18:32,435 --> 00:18:34,994
I mean champagne, caviar,
country clubs.
273
00:18:35,029 --> 00:18:37,769
Oh no, Alan, I hate it,
I hate it, it's all put on.
274
00:18:37,804 --> 00:18:40,426
I mean, those people just do things
for effect.
275
00:18:46,584 --> 00:18:49,256
Boycie, Trigg, your minicab's
here.
276
00:18:57,863 --> 00:19:01,088
You two still haven't got the
hang of those revolving doors, have you?
277
00:19:02,215 --> 00:19:03,401
Can we have a word, Del?
278
00:19:03,436 --> 00:19:07,238
Yeah, 'course you can yeah.
Michael, get Mickey and Jevon a drink, will you?
279
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:12,606
Those mobile phones we gave you.
You got the money for them yet?
280
00:19:12,641 --> 00:19:14,623
Of course I haven't.
I haven't sold 'em yet.
281
00:19:14,658 --> 00:19:16,127
- Oh my Goodens!
- Oh bloody hell!
282
00:19:16,463 --> 00:19:18,117
What's up with you two?
283
00:19:20,058 --> 00:19:21,069
I'll see you, Del.
284
00:19:21,104 --> 00:19:24,490
Yeah, cheers, Alan. Glad you
enjoyed the drink.
285
00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:29,198
Here, Del, that's a stroke
of luck.
286
00:19:29,233 --> 00:19:32,962
He's hired my hall for the wedding reception
and I'm doing all the food and drink.
287
00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:35,194
Where am I gonna
get jellied eels from?
288
00:19:35,229 --> 00:19:39,040
I'll talk to you later.
I don't believe it!
289
00:19:39,075 --> 00:19:41,692
See, those phones we gave you Del,
they weren't ours.
290
00:19:41,727 --> 00:19:43,509
We could have had a nice
country club.
291
00:19:43,544 --> 00:19:45,791
We had them on sale or
return, same as you.
292
00:19:45,826 --> 00:19:48,900
We could have been eating
caviar instead of Mike's scotch eggs.
293
00:19:48,935 --> 00:19:50,508
Del, they want their money.
294
00:19:50,543 --> 00:19:56,005
I'm a caviar person, me, you know, most probably.
Who wants their money?
295
00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,998
- The Driscoll brothers.
- The Driscoll brothers?
296
00:19:59,033 --> 00:20:01,181
You two have been dealing
with the Driscoll brothers?
297
00:20:01,216 --> 00:20:03,937
Only with those mobile phones.
We thought they'd be a good seller.
298
00:20:04,584 --> 00:20:08,376
They did that to you, ain't they?
And your Gregory.
299
00:20:08,411 --> 00:20:12,096
That is their trademark, they
don't touch the face
300
00:20:12,131 --> 00:20:14,123
but they knock the hell out of
the body.
301
00:20:14,158 --> 00:20:16,945
Danny Driscoll said this was
a friendly warning.
302
00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:20,097
I'm sorry, Del, we had to tell
him you'd taken the phones.
303
00:20:20,132 --> 00:20:22,627
They've got it in their
heads that you're trying to con them.
304
00:20:22,662 --> 00:20:24,892
They're looking
for you, Del.
305
00:20:24,927 --> 00:20:28,603
I know, I know. I've had a
warning. But let me tell you this:
306
00:20:29,103 --> 00:20:33,139
If I end up supporting a flyover on the M26,
307
00:20:33,430 --> 00:20:37,180
I guarantee that you two
are gonna be in the next junction.
308
00:20:38,114 --> 00:20:40,850
Let me get you a drink, gentlemen.
309
00:20:41,537 --> 00:20:44,146
Alright, what is all this
about the Driscoll brothers?
310
00:20:44,181 --> 00:20:45,777
Nothing, nothing at all.
311
00:20:45,812 --> 00:20:47,985
Listen, if the Driscoll brothers
come in here asking for me,
312
00:20:48,020 --> 00:20:49,393
you ain't seen
me, alright?
313
00:20:49,428 --> 00:20:51,655
Listen, I've heard of the
Driscoll bothers, Del,
314
00:20:51,690 --> 00:20:53,466
but I've never seen them.
What they look like?
315
00:20:53,501 --> 00:20:56,960
Well, one of them looks like
he was evicted from the planet of the apes.
316
00:20:56,995 --> 00:21:00,893
Yeah, and the other one
reminds me of Cliff Richard.
317
00:21:00,928 --> 00:21:02,914
What, he's younger than his
years?
318
00:21:02,949 --> 00:21:05,818
No, he's got one of them faces
that you wanna slap.
319
00:21:07,255 --> 00:21:09,238
Here, Trigg, did you get
Alan off home alright?
320
00:21:09,273 --> 00:21:11,330
Yeah. There was almost an
accident.
321
00:21:11,365 --> 00:21:14,908
The minicab driver nearly reversed into
the Driscoll brothers' Mercedes.
322
00:21:14,943 --> 00:21:17,605
The Driscoll brothers are here?
What door they coming in?
323
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,301
Well, I dunno. They're just
getting out the car.
324
00:21:19,336 --> 00:21:21,225
Upstairs! Hide in the hall.
Quickly!
325
00:21:36,735 --> 00:21:38,796
Boycie, how nice.
326
00:21:38,831 --> 00:21:43,188
Hello, Danny. Your brother
not with you?
327
00:21:47,469 --> 00:21:49,451
Oh wotcher, Tony.
328
00:21:57,212 --> 00:21:58,630
Drink?
329
00:21:58,665 --> 00:22:01,961
No. Is that right Marlene's
up the spout?
330
00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:10,068
Dear, dear, dear. Will you let us know the moment
you find out who done it and we'll sort him out.
331
00:22:14,002 --> 00:22:16,035
Yeah, righto, Danny.
332
00:22:21,942 --> 00:22:23,759
Yeah, good one, Danny, good one.
333
00:22:25,864 --> 00:22:27,398
Del Boy around?
334
00:22:27,433 --> 00:22:29,834
No, no. I ain't seen him this
evening.
335
00:22:29,869 --> 00:22:33,732
Well, that's funny.
His van's in the car park and - what's this?
336
00:22:34,278 --> 00:22:41,869
A Castella, a Malibu reef.
Are you sure he's not around? Think hard, guv'nor.
337
00:22:42,886 --> 00:22:45,822
Well, he may have been in
earlier and then he left!
338
00:22:45,857 --> 00:22:49,196
I see. You just had this
place decorated?
339
00:22:50,407 --> 00:22:57,183
Shame. I wanna buy everyone
in this pub a drink, whatever they want.
340
00:22:57,986 --> 00:23:02,433
Now here's
a pound and I want change.
341
00:23:05,795 --> 00:23:08,236
Large cognac, please, Michael.
342
00:23:11,750 --> 00:23:13,308
Keep still.
343
00:23:17,717 --> 00:23:23,486
Trigg, what you doing here?
It's got nothing to do with you.
344
00:23:23,521 --> 00:23:24,999
What are you doing
here with us?
345
00:23:25,034 --> 00:23:28,384
I dunno really. You said
quick upstairs so I just went.
346
00:23:35,782 --> 00:23:39,886
There's a doorknob there, Tony.
Why don't you just turn it like a human being?
347
00:24:22,703 --> 00:24:24,619
Let's try the bogs.
348
00:24:29,228 --> 00:24:30,684
They're going!
349
00:24:31,575 --> 00:24:32,989
We're in the clear.
350
00:24:47,642 --> 00:24:50,215
He's got one of our phones
up his nose.
351
00:24:51,387 --> 00:24:53,053
That's a good idea, innit?
352
00:24:53,479 --> 00:24:59,985
- Everything alright Del?
- Fine, I just got this phone stuck up my nose, that's all.
353
00:25:00,372 --> 00:25:05,590
- Tony, help the man.
- That's alright Tony, I can do that.
354
00:25:10,728 --> 00:25:13,720
I thought I said I didn't
want to see your faces round here any more.
355
00:25:13,988 --> 00:25:16,423
- Yes, Mr Driscoll.
- Thank you Mr Driscoll.
356
00:25:17,934 --> 00:25:20,176
- That goes for you too.
- Yeah, but...
357
00:25:20,211 --> 00:25:23,303
Go on Trigg, see you later.
358
00:25:25,166 --> 00:25:28,302
You owe us 2,000 pounds.
You got the money?
359
00:25:28,337 --> 00:25:30,483
No, of course I haven't.
I haven't sold the phones yet, have I?
360
00:25:30,518 --> 00:25:32,559
Don't give us that, Derek.
361
00:25:32,883 --> 00:25:36,030
Them two youngsters Ebony
and Ivory took the phones from us
362
00:25:36,065 --> 00:25:37,648
over three months
ago.
363
00:25:37,683 --> 00:25:40,324
Three months? I didn't know
that, Danny.
364
00:25:40,963 --> 00:25:42,703
Do you think we're stupid?
365
00:25:44,766 --> 00:25:46,581
Do you think I'm stupid?
366
00:25:48,144 --> 00:25:51,741
Them two munchkins work for
you and you're doing a bit of a Fagin,
367
00:25:52,217 --> 00:25:54,371
but you picked
the wrong ones this time.
368
00:25:55,013 --> 00:25:56,638
If you don't come up with the
two grand
369
00:25:56,673 --> 00:25:59,992
I'm gonna take his collar and lead off and let
him loose on you.
370
00:26:01,525 --> 00:26:04,707
Hang on! You got it wrong,
you've got it all wrong.
371
00:26:04,742 --> 00:26:06,526
I tell you what: you can have
all the phones back.
372
00:26:06,561 --> 00:26:08,061
I don't want all that old
rubbish back.
373
00:26:08,096 --> 00:26:09,641
They used to make our telly
go funny.
374
00:26:10,771 --> 00:26:15,358
And that model's old now,
and at least one of them's been up your hooter.
375
00:26:15,793 --> 00:26:18,011
You've got to give me a bit
of time.
376
00:26:18,046 --> 00:26:20,201
I mean, you two
ain't short of a couple of grand, can yer?
377
00:26:20,300 --> 00:26:22,709
And you know why we ain't
short a few bob?
378
00:26:23,895 --> 00:26:25,717
'Cos we don't let debts linger.
379
00:26:28,686 --> 00:26:30,776
Can we explain something to you, Del?
380
00:26:32,765 --> 00:26:36,360
When me and Tony were kids we was
very, very poor.
381
00:26:37,362 --> 00:26:41,559
Our old man used to work in the
stables in one of them big mansion houses.
382
00:26:42,032 --> 00:26:46,762
He used to work from six in the morning
'til eight at night and what for? A pittance.
383
00:26:46,797 --> 00:26:49,952
A shilling a day and a
horseshit sandwich.
384
00:26:51,365 --> 00:26:53,722
Then one day there was a
robbery at the mansion.
385
00:26:53,973 --> 00:26:57,459
The bill arrested our old man,
but there wasn't any evidence, was there?
386
00:26:57,494 --> 00:27:04,100
- That's right - just fingerprints.
- Just fingerprints.
387
00:27:04,728 --> 00:27:06,581
And eyewitnesses.
388
00:27:07,110 --> 00:27:10,844
Couple of eyewitnesses...
They found the jewels on him.
389
00:27:10,879 --> 00:27:12,067
It was a plant.
390
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:18,957
It was a right fit-up.
He died in a police cell with a fractured skull.
391
00:27:19,557 --> 00:27:26,813
They said it was a suicide attempt that went wrong,
or right, whatever way you look at it.
392
00:27:26,848 --> 00:27:29,135
They claimed he tried to hang himself with
his braces
393
00:27:29,170 --> 00:27:35,790
and smashed himself to death on the
ceiling. Do you believe that?
394
00:27:36,249 --> 00:27:38,267
No, no, I don't believe that, no.
395
00:27:39,856 --> 00:27:41,617
The day he died, Tony and me swore that...
396
00:27:41,652 --> 00:27:46,033
...no one would ever dump on us and we would
never, never be poor.
397
00:27:46,068 --> 00:27:50,254
Wait a minute! After your
dad died you two went to a young offenders' home,
398
00:27:50,289 --> 00:27:52,338
and who was it that used to
look after your old mum
399
00:27:52,373 --> 00:27:55,825
with some hooky groceries and a bag of coal and all that �
it was me, weren't it, eh?
400
00:27:55,860 --> 00:28:01,693
Come on, you owe me. No, I mean, you owe me
a bit of time at least.
401
00:28:02,697 --> 00:28:04,857
- He's right.
- No, he ain't.
402
00:28:05,197 --> 00:28:07,408
- We owe him.
- I don't think we do.
403
00:28:07,688 --> 00:28:14,173
Tony, we had an agreement -
I do the thinking, you don't.
404
00:28:17,252 --> 00:28:19,559
Alright, Del, you
got yourself a bit of time.
405
00:28:19,594 --> 00:28:21,781
Cheers, cheers, Danny.
When will I see you again?
406
00:28:21,816 --> 00:28:26,526
- Dunno. We'll surprise you.
- Good. I'll look forward to that.
407
00:28:26,971 --> 00:28:29,194
- Get the money.
- Right.
408
00:28:29,815 --> 00:28:33,451
Either you pay us or we pay you.
409
00:28:37,274 --> 00:28:40,689
Oh hello, Danny. Just popped
up to see if you needed any help.
410
00:28:40,724 --> 00:28:48,126
No, I think we handled it
pretty well on our own. Be seeing you soon.
411
00:28:55,665 --> 00:29:00,112
Del, Mickey Pearce has just told me you got some
electrionic equipment off the Driscolls.
412
00:29:00,147 --> 00:29:03,489
- Yes, that's right.
- It's not those video recorders you sold me, is it?
413
00:29:05,746 --> 00:29:09,840
- Yes!
- God, do the Driscolls know?
414
00:29:09,875 --> 00:29:13,133
I haven't said anything,
you know, yet.
415
00:29:13,426 --> 00:29:15,513
Well, you're not gonna tell
them I got them, are you?
416
00:29:15,548 --> 00:29:18,113
Look, they wanna give
someone a good hidin'.
417
00:29:18,710 --> 00:29:21,082
Tell us
what it was like, won't you, Boycie?
418
00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:25,538
Here... Here's most of the
money I owe you.
419
00:29:25,573 --> 00:29:27,056
I thought you said you was kint?
420
00:29:27,091 --> 00:29:31,758
I thought I was but then I suddenly
happened to find three grad in my pocket.
421
00:29:32,420 --> 00:29:34,697
Square it with the
Driscolls. Keep them off me.
422
00:29:34,732 --> 00:29:39,395
Of course I will, Boyce.
What are friends for?
423
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:44,081
So remember, Rodney, marriage
is like a self-service restaurant
424
00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:47,437
you get what you want, you see what your mates
got and you want some of that.
425
00:29:50,529 --> 00:29:54,142
I remember my stag night,
Rodney. It was about one o'clock in the car park
426
00:29:54,177 --> 00:29:57,224
and I was just about to stagger
home when they jumped out on me.
427
00:29:58,899 --> 00:30:00,963
Who, who jumped out on you?
428
00:30:01,526 --> 00:30:03,287
I dunno. It was pitch black.
429
00:30:04,176 --> 00:30:08,924
Anyway, they super-glued a
learner sign to me pants and run off and left me.
430
00:30:11,873 --> 00:30:15,696
I didn't mind the learner sign.
I just wish they'd let me keep my trousers.
431
00:30:17,110 --> 00:30:20,478
You didn't, you didn't
have no trousers on?
432
00:30:21,995 --> 00:30:25,100
- No, Rodney, no.
- I'm just popping out.
433
00:30:25,396 --> 00:30:30,997
Albert, just a minute. While
you're up there, put another score in the whip.
434
00:30:34,829 --> 00:30:40,610
Oh look, there he goes, hi-hoe.
Alright mate?
435
00:30:40,645 --> 00:30:43,047
Fancy putting your head on
upside down!
436
00:30:46,408 --> 00:30:49,613
- I fought in the war.
- What? The Boer War?
437
00:30:49,648 --> 00:30:52,018
Go on, get out of here, you
miserable old so-and-so.
438
00:30:52,053 --> 00:30:54,148
Here listen lads. There was
this fellow, he was really short.
439
00:30:54,183 --> 00:30:58,600
I tell you how short he was. He got a job at
mothercare as a bouncer, that's how short he was.
440
00:30:58,635 --> 00:31:00,271
He was so short, well, he...
441
00:31:01,141 --> 00:31:06,509
Well, he wasn't that short...
A tall feller, he was very tall...
442
00:31:08,384 --> 00:31:10,375
There was this woman...
443
00:31:11,008 --> 00:31:14,855
Del, I don't wish to spoil the surprise, but the
Driscol brothers have just arrived.
444
00:31:14,890 --> 00:31:17,911
Oh have they? Well, let them
wait a while, can't they?
445
00:31:18,620 --> 00:31:19,640
Do you need any backup?
446
00:31:19,675 --> 00:31:22,377
No, it's alright, Denzil,
thanks. Thanks a lot.
447
00:31:22,793 --> 00:31:24,887
No, don't worry. I've got
their money.
448
00:31:25,543 --> 00:31:27,282
Are you having
a good time, Del?
449
00:31:27,491 --> 00:31:31,472
Yes, yes, I'm having a
blinding time, Rodders, yeah, yeah.
450
00:31:31,886 --> 00:31:33,845
I get married in two days' time.
451
00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,509
Yeah, I know.
You wanna keep off the sherbet,
452
00:31:36,544 --> 00:31:39,214
otherwise you're gonna
have a hangover on your honeymoon.
453
00:31:42,191 --> 00:31:45,978
- Oi, Del at the cerem...
- Ceremony yeah, right...
454
00:31:50,309 --> 00:31:52,749
they won't say my middle name will they?
455
00:31:52,784 --> 00:31:56,736
No, no. He'll just call
you, you know, like Rodney Trotter...
456
00:31:58,979 --> 00:32:03,161
I wanna thank you, Del.
You've done everything for me in my life.
457
00:32:03,525 --> 00:32:05,414
Yes, alright. Shut up,
Rodney.
458
00:32:07,474 --> 00:32:12,559
He looked after me when I was a kid,
when I was a nipper.
459
00:32:12,969 --> 00:32:14,704
Yeah, I know, Rodney. I remember.
460
00:32:15,254 --> 00:32:17,337
He did everything for me.
461
00:32:17,372 --> 00:32:21,710
I mean, if it wasn't for him, right,
I could have been a drunk...
462
00:32:23,865 --> 00:32:31,358
or I could have been a
snu-gliffer or anything.
463
00:32:31,829 --> 00:32:35,633
And I tell you something
else about this man:
464
00:32:35,668 --> 00:32:40,318
he's giving me 2,000 pounds
as a deposit on my flat.
465
00:32:43,540 --> 00:32:47,413
- I forgot that.
- Oh hell.
466
00:32:51,492 --> 00:32:57,000
Rodney, alright, you stay here, right?
You just listen to the funny man, alright?
467
00:32:57,488 --> 00:32:58,800
Back in a minute.
468
00:32:59,241 --> 00:33:01,470
Course, my wife, she used to
sell ice creams in the cinema.
469
00:33:01,505 --> 00:33:03,983
When we got married
she went up the aisle backwards.
470
00:33:04,781 --> 00:33:06,678
She was lovely.
We were driving home one night and she said,
471
00:33:06,713 --> 00:33:08,848
'Would you like to see where I had the
operation?' I said, 'Yeah'.
472
00:33:08,883 --> 00:33:11,482
She said, 'See the hospital
up there on the hill...'
473
00:33:12,591 --> 00:33:17,329
I'll tell you. Del, right,
he's the bestest bloke in the world.
474
00:33:17,822 --> 00:33:23,601
Yeah, I know. Listen, Rodney, sometimes people
say things that they mean,
475
00:33:23,868 --> 00:33:27,972
- what they really mean is...
- What you mean?
476
00:33:28,946 --> 00:33:32,990
Well, sometimes they promise
things and they really mean to keep that promise,
477
00:33:33,264 --> 00:33:35,958
but other things stop them from
doing it.
478
00:33:54,572 --> 00:33:56,485
Are you in the
bathroom?
479
00:33:59,807 --> 00:34:02,570
Thanks for walking out and
leaving me like that.
480
00:34:03,998 --> 00:34:12,084
Sorry! I had too much to drink.
I felt bad. I'm still feeling a bit rough Rodney.
481
00:34:12,119 --> 00:34:14,939
Oh and thanks for not
giving me that money.
482
00:34:15,998 --> 00:34:19,406
Denzil explained that you
had something more important to spend it on!
483
00:34:19,441 --> 00:34:23,939
You promised me. I've told Cassandra
and her mum and dad and everything.
484
00:34:23,974 --> 00:34:28,173
I said I've got the money.
What am I gonna look like now, eh?
485
00:34:28,675 --> 00:34:30,587
I'll tell you what I'm gonna look like now.
486
00:34:30,622 --> 00:34:33,729
I'm gonna look like a right
tit-head, that's what I'll look like.
487
00:34:36,422 --> 00:34:39,439
Your money's on the table.
488
00:34:57,906 --> 00:35:05,518
- Del? Thanks.
- It's alright, bruv. It was a pleasure.
489
00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:13,713
- Del... I'm sorry, right?
- Shut up, you tart.
490
00:35:15,210 --> 00:35:17,837
You're still gonna be my
best man, aren't you?
491
00:35:18,201 --> 00:35:23,749
- Yeah, 'course I am.
- We'll have a good old knees-up eh?
492
00:35:23,784 --> 00:35:26,669
I think I've had enough of
that for one night, Rodney.
493
00:35:28,566 --> 00:35:32,215
And I tell you what - we'll
have a good old sing-song.
494
00:35:32,250 --> 00:35:37,087
Yeah, as long as you don't
mind me sounding like the Bee Gees.
495
00:35:39,263 --> 00:35:42,641
- I do solemnly declare.
- I do solemnly declare.
496
00:35:42,676 --> 00:35:47,672
- That I know of no lawful impediment.
- That I know of no lawful impediment.
497
00:35:47,707 --> 00:35:58,282
That I may not be joined in
matrimony to this woman, Cassandra Louise Parry.
498
00:36:00,607 --> 00:36:02,159
Do you have the ring?
499
00:36:07,453 --> 00:36:09,482
Half past eleven.
500
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,286
Now repeat after me: I call
upon these persons here present.
501
00:36:32,727 --> 00:36:34,861
I call upon these persons
here present.
502
00:36:35,170 --> 00:36:38,495
To witness that I, Rodney
Charlton Trotter...
503
00:36:42,394 --> 00:36:44,755
That I, Rodney Charlton
Trotter...
504
00:36:45,745 --> 00:36:47,793
I would appreciate it if the guests
would conduct themselves
505
00:36:47,828 --> 00:36:51,519
in a manner more becoming to this occasion,
thank you.
506
00:36:52,678 --> 00:36:55,368
That I, Rodney Charlton
Trotter.
507
00:36:56,043 --> 00:37:01,597
Take this woman, Cassandra
Louise Parry, to be my lawful wedded wife.
508
00:37:01,997 --> 00:37:06,367
Take this woman, Cassandra
Louise Parry, to be my lawful wedded wife.
509
00:37:07,478 --> 00:37:11,333
Now repeat after me: I call
upon these persons here present.
510
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:13,638
I call upon these persons
here present
511
00:37:13,850 --> 00:37:16,530
To witness that I, Cassandra
Louise Parry.
512
00:37:16,855 --> 00:37:19,205
To witness that I, Cassandra
Louise Parry.
513
00:37:19,463 --> 00:37:24,178
Take this man, Rodney Charl
... Rodney Trotter.
514
00:37:25,027 --> 00:37:26,827
Take this man, Rodney
Trotter.
515
00:37:27,005 --> 00:37:31,076
To be my lawful wedded
husband.
516
00:37:31,397 --> 00:37:35,136
Now you have both made the
declarations required by law
517
00:37:35,468 --> 00:37:41,066
and you have made a solemn and binding contract
with each other in the presence of your witnesses,
518
00:37:41,948 --> 00:37:44,904
you are now husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
519
00:37:45,947 --> 00:37:47,325
Thank you.
520
00:38:29,106 --> 00:38:31,439
You must call us as soon you get
back from your honeymoon.
521
00:38:31,474 --> 00:38:33,071
Mum, we haven't even gone.
522
00:38:33,106 --> 00:38:35,069
Don't you be late for your
first day at work, Rodney.
523
00:38:35,104 --> 00:38:36,590
No, I'll be there, Alan.
524
00:38:36,625 --> 00:38:40,276
- You'll have to come round for dinner.
- Oh thank you, Pamela.
525
00:38:40,311 --> 00:38:42,068
We could invite Del.
526
00:38:43,955 --> 00:38:46,456
He'll most probably be busy.
527
00:38:46,914 --> 00:38:49,546
Well, I'm seeing him on
Wednesday. I'll ask him.
528
00:38:49,797 --> 00:38:51,258
You're not going to get drunk
again?
529
00:38:51,293 --> 00:38:53,290
No. He's taking me to a pie
and mash shop.
530
00:38:53,325 --> 00:38:56,537
- What for?
- For pie and mash.
531
00:38:56,572 --> 00:38:59,476
I think I'll just go and say
goodbye to a few more people.
532
00:39:01,284 --> 00:39:03,102
What's happened to you?
533
00:39:03,383 --> 00:39:07,682
Ever since you've met Rodney's brother
you've become like a born-again hooligan.
534
00:39:08,216 --> 00:39:12,418
It's thanks to you that my daughter's wedding reception
is being held at this ghastly pub,
535
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:18,081
all champagne and welks...
there's spoons of jellied eels everywhere.
536
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,175
That's because I like jellied eels.
537
00:39:20,558 --> 00:39:24,841
- Hey Alan! If you want some more of these jellied eels,
you better get stuck in, mate!
538
00:39:31,394 --> 00:39:33,081
See you in a minute.
539
00:39:43,786 --> 00:39:47,427
- Are you off then, bruv?
- Yeah, off in a minute.
540
00:39:49,691 --> 00:39:58,515
Just wanted to, just wanted to say,
Rodney, that I'm really very proud of you.
541
00:40:00,147 --> 00:40:09,102
You've got it all now, ain't you?
New job, new flat, new wife, new life.
542
00:40:13,206 --> 00:40:18,287
- We had a few good years, eh?
- We had some good times.
543
00:40:18,384 --> 00:40:20,186
Right laughs!
544
00:40:20,221 --> 00:40:24,172
And a couple of tears.
But still that's what's all about.
545
00:40:26,113 --> 00:40:32,915
- I just wish that Grandad and Mum...
- Oh no, shut up! You'll have me going.
546
00:40:42,001 --> 00:40:44,486
I got some bruises.
I don't where I got them from.
547
00:40:46,212 --> 00:40:49,091
Goodbye, Del, and thanks for
everything.
548
00:40:49,348 --> 00:40:54,164
That's alright.
I just got some bruises.
549
00:40:56,222 --> 00:40:57,737
You promise you do me a favour?
550
00:40:57,772 --> 00:41:01,855
- Of course!
- Be gentle with him.
551
00:41:02,339 --> 00:41:03,942
Oh shut up!
552
00:41:41,986 --> 00:41:44,727
Rodney's middle name is Charlton.
553
00:41:44,762 --> 00:41:48,175
Oh yeah, it was me mum.
She was a fan.
554
00:41:48,210 --> 00:41:51,691
- Oh what? Charlton Heston?
- No. Charlton Athletic.
555
00:41:53,008 --> 00:41:56,408
Duke, get off that table.
556
00:41:58,030 --> 00:42:00,374
How come you never got
married, Del?
557
00:42:01,769 --> 00:42:07,733
Me? No, I'm too shrewd for
that game.
558
00:42:07,768 --> 00:42:10,695
You got engaged, though,
didn't you? Lots of times.
559
00:42:10,730 --> 00:42:12,857
So why didn't you marry any
of them?
560
00:42:13,646 --> 00:42:15,341
It was Rodney, I suppose.
561
00:42:15,376 --> 00:42:17,656
Rodney stopped you getting
married?
562
00:42:18,506 --> 00:42:23,355
Well, back in them days Rodney was just a kid,
you know, and I had to bring him up.
563
00:42:24,304 --> 00:42:26,484
You were like a mother and
father to him.
564
00:42:26,867 --> 00:42:29,770
Yeah, I breast fed him for
the first six months.
565
00:42:31,276 --> 00:42:35,174
No, it's just that all the birds
that I went out with they wanted to get married
566
00:42:35,209 --> 00:42:40,637
but they didn't want to bring Rodney up,
especially the way he went through shoes.
567
00:42:41,707 --> 00:42:45,707
What was I supposed to do?
Get married and put Rodney into care?
568
00:42:49,750 --> 00:42:54,023
I elbowed them. It's family, innit?
569
00:42:55,485 --> 00:43:00,011
You should be proud of yourself.
He's turned out a real good 'un.
570
00:43:02,723 --> 00:43:06,878
He's a diamond.
A forty-two-carat, diamond.
571
00:43:07,718 --> 00:43:09,557
Come along, Marlene.
572
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,692
I wanna have a word with you
during the week.
573
00:43:14,190 --> 00:43:18,543
You should see what that Chinese kid
has done to my video recorders.
574
00:43:19,432 --> 00:43:21,915
- Bye, Del.
- Bye-bye sweetheart.
575
00:43:30,624 --> 00:43:32,431
- Bye.
- Bye, sweetheart.
576
00:43:33,087 --> 00:43:35,343
- Come on, Duke.
- Cheerio, Boycie.
577
00:44:27,041 --> 00:44:31,999
Cassandra's dad's
feeling a bit unwell.
578
00:44:34,191 --> 00:44:36,319
I told him not to eat all
them jellied eels.
579
00:44:37,868 --> 00:44:39,752
I've got to lock up, Del.
580
00:44:40,667 --> 00:44:44,101
Yeah, alright, Mike. Thanks
very much for a very nice do.
581
00:44:44,749 --> 00:44:45,921
Cheers, mate.
582
00:45:22,408 --> 00:45:28,093
Hello, Trotter Independent Traders...
Oh it's you, Albert...
583
00:45:29,829 --> 00:45:35,411
No, it's alright, I've only this minute got in.
Where are you...
584
00:45:36,518 --> 00:45:38,738
oh you're round at Elsie
Partridge's are you?
585
00:45:39,431 --> 00:45:47,711
Oh yeah, got your plates of meat under the table there,
ain't you, eh? You dirty old goat!
586
00:45:48,976 --> 00:45:53,962
What? No, no, they're back from their
honeymoon.
587
00:45:54,563 --> 00:45:56,899
Yeah, I saw Rodney this morning racing
off to work.
588
00:45:57,820 --> 00:46:02,936
Yeah, he looked great, he did,
nice three-piece suit, smart tie,
589
00:46:03,831 --> 00:46:09,359
and his executive briefcase,
the lot... You what?
590
00:46:10,974 --> 00:46:12,981
No, no, I didn't have chance
to speak to him.
591
00:46:13,016 --> 00:46:16,730
I was in the van and he came racing
past on his bicycle...
592
00:46:19,773 --> 00:46:23,270
The honeymoon? Yeah, I think
that went alright, yeah.
593
00:46:23,641 --> 00:46:25,274
He was as white as a
sheet...
594
00:46:26,610 --> 00:46:31,400
You what? Oh yeah, you off down the
Legion tonight, are you...
595
00:46:32,207 --> 00:46:37,235
Me? No. Well, I'm alone. Well, no, no.
596
00:46:38,041 --> 00:46:42,532
I'm not alone, really;
it's just the way I'd like it to be...
597
00:46:43,945 --> 00:46:47,601
No, no thanks very much, Albert.
598
00:46:47,636 --> 00:46:52,213
I appreciate the offer but I'm not in the mood
for dominoes tonight...
599
00:46:55,084 --> 00:46:56,706
Yeah, I'll see
you when I see you.
600
00:47:22,608 --> 00:47:23,687
Alright?
601
00:47:24,833 --> 00:47:26,216
Yeah, triffic, Rodders.
602
00:47:28,175 --> 00:47:30,599
I am exhausted.
603
00:47:31,435 --> 00:47:35,771
Yeah you look a bit cream crackered.
What is it? Executive stress, is it?
604
00:47:36,255 --> 00:47:37,844
No, it's that bike.
605
00:47:39,342 --> 00:47:44,669
The wheels hardly go round, the chain's come off twice
and the front light don't work.
606
00:47:45,720 --> 00:47:47,261
Where d'you get it from?
607
00:47:47,642 --> 00:47:49,712
I dunno. It's been in the
garage for years.
608
00:47:51,695 --> 00:47:53,224
What's for tea?
609
00:47:54,266 --> 00:47:55,958
I dunno. I got no idea.
610
00:47:59,088 --> 00:48:01,229
Can I say something to you
Rodney?
611
00:48:03,204 --> 00:48:07,980
Something that may hold you
in good stead in the, you know, future?
612
00:48:09,187 --> 00:48:10,544
Yeah, go on, then.
613
00:48:11,573 --> 00:48:16,052
It's just that, well,
how can I put it?
614
00:48:18,497 --> 00:48:21,629
You don't live here no more.
615
00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:33,422
Oh, bloody 'ell! She'll go loopy.
616
00:48:35,032 --> 00:48:37,586
- I'll see you, right?
- Yeah, right, bruv.
617
00:48:44,135 --> 00:48:46,798
What a plonker!
618
00:48:46,848 --> 00:48:51,398
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