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1
00:00:43,609 --> 00:00:49,079
Oh come on, Cassandra...Yeah,
I know you've got your studying to do.
2
00:00:49,114 --> 00:00:51,780
Can't we just go out for a quick drink or a
pizza or something,
3
00:00:51,815 --> 00:00:54,174
then you can do your studying when you
get home.
4
00:00:54,941 --> 00:01:00,744
Well, you know it's
'cos I like being with you.
5
00:01:01,508 --> 00:01:03,649
I sort of miss you when we're
not together.
6
00:01:05,408 --> 00:01:10,112
Alright, I'll tell you the truth. I'm bored
stiff in this flat... What?
7
00:01:10,674 --> 00:01:15,838
No, that's Albert, he's got
himself a new spin dryer, well it was new once!
8
00:01:15,873 --> 00:01:18,198
He bought it cheap 'cos of the
bomb damage.
9
00:01:19,726 --> 00:01:24,403
Yes, at the moment it's jumping around
the kitchen like a Dalek with St Vitus's dance.
10
00:01:25,626 --> 00:01:29,639
Del? He's asleep in the chair
with his dodgy stomach...
11
00:01:30,338 --> 00:01:35,045
Yeah, he's still getting
them pains. Well, he's going out later for a vindaloo...
12
00:01:37,178 --> 00:01:40,145
No, to him, he says
it's a sort of alternative medicine...
13
00:01:41,595 --> 00:01:44,308
Cause I don't want to go out with him for a
curry...
14
00:01:45,219 --> 00:01:47,543
That's alright, I'll just stay in here.
15
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:49,879
Albert's got that old bird of his
coming round
16
00:01:49,914 --> 00:01:52,536
...you know Elsie Partridge,
remember I told you about her.
17
00:01:52,816 --> 00:01:58,634
We'll most probably put on some Max Bygraves platters
and sit here talkig about our ailments.
18
00:01:59,559 --> 00:02:02,336
It's a pity Del's going out really,
he'd have enjoyed that.
19
00:02:05,105 --> 00:02:06,405
Oh, that's very nice of them.
20
00:02:07,188 --> 00:02:11,510
Well, tell your parents thank you very much, I'd love
to come to tea tomorrow.
21
00:02:12,427 --> 00:02:15,041
Seven o'clock, alright.
22
00:02:18,766 --> 00:02:20,470
I can't.
23
00:02:22,145 --> 00:02:25,107
Because Del's in the room.
24
00:02:38,530 --> 00:02:46,255
You know I love you. Don't I
tell you often enough? Do you love me?
25
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,198
Oh very funny, Cassandra, I'm laughing this
end as well...
26
00:02:53,534 --> 00:02:56,208
Alright,
alright, I'll see you tomorrow.
27
00:03:13,336 --> 00:03:16,510
Here y'are son.
I got us Chinese take-away earlier.
28
00:03:16,902 --> 00:03:23,655
I've got fried pork, fried
rice and... fried something.
29
00:03:24,337 --> 00:03:27,074
How can you stay out in the
kitchen with all that heat and steam?
30
00:03:27,109 --> 00:03:30,602
I'm an old naval stoker,
ain't I? That's nothing to me.
31
00:03:30,637 --> 00:03:34,652
I remember coming round
Cape Horn once, I was on this merchantman.
32
00:03:34,687 --> 00:03:37,491
The things you and your
mates used to get up to, eh?
33
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,896
A merchantman's a ship.
34
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:48,731
It was so hot and steamy in our boiler room
that when I come out I was shrivelled like a prune.
35
00:03:49,534 --> 00:03:51,190
So, that's what caused it.
36
00:03:52,990 --> 00:03:55,686
I hate it when you're in a
sarky mood.
37
00:03:55,721 --> 00:03:58,298
D'you reckon Del Boy will like
all this fried food?
38
00:03:58,333 --> 00:04:01,055
He's been getting a bit of jip
in his tommy lately.
39
00:04:01,090 --> 00:04:05,220
- Yeah, it will be alright.
- Maybe you're right. I'll get the knives and forks.
40
00:04:12,292 --> 00:04:14,121
Sorry, excuse me.
41
00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:21,632
- You alright, bruv?
- Yeah, how you feeling?
42
00:04:21,667 --> 00:04:28,150
Triffic, Rodders, brill.
What's all that funny whirring sound?
43
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:30,851
- That's Albert's spin dryer.
- His what?
44
00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:38,334
Stone me! What is your game? What
are you doing buying this old junk?
45
00:04:38,637 --> 00:04:41,181
Here, look at that,
it's knocking all the paint off the units.
46
00:04:41,924 --> 00:04:43,824
I got it as an investment, Del.
47
00:04:45,756 --> 00:04:49,347
It cost us 50 pence to get our clothes dry at the
laundromat.
48
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:52,172
I bought that off
the bloke upstairs for a score.
49
00:04:52,468 --> 00:04:57,848
You dozy old twonk! That's
the one I sold him last week for a tenner.
50
00:04:59,235 --> 00:05:01,899
Why didn't you
come and ask me about these things first?
51
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:03,804
I didn't like to bother you,
with you being ill.
52
00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:06,243
Ill? I'm not ill. There's
nothing wrong with me.
53
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,881
But you got that tommy
trouble again.
54
00:05:10,096 --> 00:05:13,832
I ain't got any tommy trouble. There's nothing wrong
with me. They're just normal pains.
55
00:05:13,867 --> 00:05:17,091
Well, you came in tonight and
flopped straight down that chair in agony.
56
00:05:17,126 --> 00:05:20,225
You don't understand Unc,
that is PMA.
57
00:05:23,384 --> 00:05:25,226
I thought only women got that.
58
00:05:26,372 --> 00:05:33,264
No no Rodney, that's PMP. PMA
is positive mental attitude.
59
00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,842
It's the new buzzword.
It's what all us yuppies get.
60
00:05:35,877 --> 00:05:39,169
See, when I came in, I lay down on this chair...
61
00:05:39,204 --> 00:05:42,749
...and what I was doing, I was psyching
myself up for the challenge of tomorrow.
62
00:05:42,784 --> 00:05:45,511
So what was all the sweating
and holding your belly about?
63
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:48,721
Oh that was nothing. There's
nothing wro...
64
00:05:50,468 --> 00:05:53,327
Rodney, go to the bathroom
get me some Andrews Liver Salts, will you?
65
00:05:54,282 --> 00:05:56,259
I'll get you a plate of
Chinese, Del.
66
00:05:59,422 --> 00:06:03,653
Gawd knows what those local takeaways are
gonna do when they know we're gonna move.
67
00:06:03,916 --> 00:06:04,797
Move?
68
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,466
Didn't you see that letter?
It arrived this morning.
69
00:06:07,684 --> 00:06:11,122
It says on the envelope it's
from the council housing department.
70
00:06:11,157 --> 00:06:13,608
I know, I've seen it,
I've read it, thank you.
71
00:06:13,643 --> 00:06:15,855
Is it about them letting us
buy this flat?
72
00:06:15,890 --> 00:06:20,909
No, it's not about them letting us buy this flat.
It's about them evicting us from this flat.
73
00:06:20,944 --> 00:06:23,525
- Evicting us?
- Keep your voice down, will ya?
74
00:06:27,356 --> 00:06:29,304
I don't want Rodney
to hear any of this.
75
00:06:29,339 --> 00:06:33,918
I haven't paid the rent on this flat here
for the last three months.
76
00:06:33,953 --> 00:06:37,744
Cor blimey! I knew things
were a bit tight but I didn't know they were that bad.
77
00:06:37,779 --> 00:06:42,987
Things haven't been going very well for me,
All me investments have gone sideways.
78
00:06:43,022 --> 00:06:48,011
Rodney's been down the market all this week
trying to flog these exclusive women's fashions.
79
00:06:48,681 --> 00:06:52,696
But all the frost and sleet
nobody seems interested for these summer dresses.
80
00:06:54,011 --> 00:06:56,039
I've been tucked up by some of my
other investments
81
00:06:56,074 --> 00:06:58,935
and at the end I just couldn't afford
to pay the rent.
82
00:06:58,970 --> 00:07:02,413
No, but you're still drinking
those pina coladas down the wine bars.
83
00:07:02,448 --> 00:07:05,466
You're still eating in the curry houses
and the bistros.
84
00:07:05,501 --> 00:07:08,886
That is all on slate.
I've gotta keep me image, haven't I?
85
00:07:08,921 --> 00:07:12,928
Once your competitors find out that you get an
inkling that you're going down the pan,
86
00:07:12,963 --> 00:07:19,040
they can't wait to pull the chain on you.
And that little plonker Rodney hasn't been any help, either!
87
00:07:19,664 --> 00:07:22,903
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
Don't worry about it, Del.
88
00:07:22,938 --> 00:07:24,729
Don't worry about it!
89
00:07:24,764 --> 00:07:28,384
I haven't had a decent night's
kip for the last two weeks worrying about it.
90
00:07:28,419 --> 00:07:30,207
It's with me everywhere, all the time.
91
00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:34,790
Something'll turn up right
out of the blue, you'll see. He who dares wins, eh?
92
00:07:35,082 --> 00:07:38,733
Yeah, he who dares wins.
Oh you cowson.
93
00:07:40,652 --> 00:07:43,415
You've gotta see a quack
with that belly of yours.
94
00:07:43,450 --> 00:07:46,685
I don't wanna see no doctor,
cause there's nothing wrong with me.
95
00:07:46,712 --> 00:07:50,417
Don't you go and get no doctor, Albert.
I don't like doctors.
96
00:07:50,452 --> 00:07:54,601
You gotta go and see that Scottish quack,
what's his name, Doctor Meadows.
97
00:07:54,636 --> 00:07:58,383
He's not like the normal doctors
he's sort of... human.
98
00:07:58,593 --> 00:08:04,363
- You know, you can talk to him, he's like a mate.
- I don't want to go to speak to no Doctor Meadows...
99
00:08:04,398 --> 00:08:06,404
...cause there's nothing wrong with me, alright?
100
00:08:06,686 --> 00:08:07,671
It's your life son.
101
00:08:07,706 --> 00:08:10,753
Yes, it is my life and I
don't wanna hear no more about it.
102
00:08:11,915 --> 00:08:14,935
Don't you think Del Boy ought
to go to the docor's with his belly?
103
00:08:16,848 --> 00:08:20,841
He won't go to the doctor's,
though, will he? 'Cos he's terrified of doctors.
104
00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,793
I am not terrified of
doctors.
105
00:08:22,828 --> 00:08:26,213
The reason I am not going to see Dr Meadows is
'cos there's nothing wrong with me.
106
00:08:30,579 --> 00:08:32,925
You're winding me up, Rodney.
107
00:08:34,058 --> 00:08:36,960
- You seeing Cassandra tonight?
- No, not tonight, Unc.
108
00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:39,309
No, he's seeing her tomorrow
night for tea.
109
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,640
That's right. Her mum and dad
said I could...
110
00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:49,218
You cunning git, you was ear wigging my
conversation.
111
00:08:49,253 --> 00:08:56,886
'Of course I love you, Cassandra.
I tell you often enough, don't I?'
112
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:03,334
That is out of order, Derek.
113
00:09:07,403 --> 00:09:11,203
You could call this phone, Rodney! You
could have talked in one of the other rooms.
114
00:09:11,238 --> 00:09:15,051
Like where? I couldn't use
my bedroom 'cos the walls are so thin
115
00:09:15,086 --> 00:09:17,858
the people next door can hear, and I can't
use the kitchen
116
00:09:17,893 --> 00:09:21,226
'cos you've
got R2D2 break-dancing in there.
117
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,224
You could use the bathroom.
118
00:09:23,259 --> 00:09:29,719
The bathr... Albert, I cannot hold a romantic conversation
surrounded by damp towels, Del's soggy espadrilles
119
00:09:29,754 --> 00:09:34,187
and a bog with no lid. Anyway,
it's freezing in that bathroom.
120
00:09:34,222 --> 00:09:35,870
You've noticed that as well,
have you?
121
00:09:35,905 --> 00:09:38,412
Well, you can hardly fail to
notice it, can you?
122
00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:41,785
Our bathroom window gets
condensation on the outside.
123
00:09:42,418 --> 00:09:44,413
Why d'you think that room is
so cold?
124
00:09:44,716 --> 00:09:45,998
Well, I don't know, do I?
125
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:49,832
Now listen, son, listen. You
may call me a soppy old sod...
126
00:09:50,075 --> 00:09:52,118
You're a soppy old sod.
127
00:09:52,153 --> 00:09:55,938
Look, be serious, Rodney.
Us sailors are superstitious,
128
00:09:56,337 --> 00:10:03,680
It's sort of an affinity with the supernatural, and I
think there's a presence in that room.
129
00:10:04,339 --> 00:10:05,596
A presence?
130
00:10:06,456 --> 00:10:11,085
When you're in the shower,
don't you feel there's someone else there with you?
131
00:10:12,377 --> 00:10:19,082
Yeah but there usually is.
It's either Del having a shave or you doing your toenails.
132
00:10:19,117 --> 00:10:22,239
The reason that room is so
cold is it's possessed.
133
00:10:22,659 --> 00:10:25,119
Oh leave off, Unc.
134
00:10:25,154 --> 00:10:26,739
Elsie Partridge is a medium.
135
00:10:26,774 --> 00:10:30,178
She knows all there is to
know about the supernatural,
136
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:33,671
and she said she can sense
a presence in that bathroom.
137
00:10:34,026 --> 00:10:35,310
Blimey!
138
00:10:37,704 --> 00:10:42,117
It's like a sauna out here.
Will you come and switch this thing off.
139
00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:45,792
It's nearly finished, Del.
D'you want to put anything else in it?
140
00:10:45,827 --> 00:10:47,575
Yes, your head.
141
00:10:49,342 --> 00:10:51,599
Have you ever noticed how
cold our bathroom is?
142
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,428
Yeah, yeah I have. It does
get a bit tatas out there, after a while, don't it?
143
00:10:56,294 --> 00:11:01,503
When you're in there, right,
do you ever get the feeling that you're not alone?
144
00:11:03,088 --> 00:11:05,907
You mean as if there's
somebody in there with you?
145
00:11:07,522 --> 00:11:10,251
What, sort of a strange
feeling?
146
00:11:11,808 --> 00:11:13,719
Like as if you're being
watched?
147
00:11:14,623 --> 00:11:16,549
No! Why? Do you?
148
00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:23,416
No, no. It's Albert reckons
it's possessed.
149
00:11:23,451 --> 00:11:28,345
Possessed? Do me a favour. Give us a couple of months
and it might be repossessed if you like.
150
00:11:44,406 --> 00:11:47,710
Elsie Partridge thinks
our bathroom is haunted.
151
00:11:48,895 --> 00:11:51,469
Oh stop it, will you?
You hurt me!
152
00:11:51,504 --> 00:11:53,671
Elsie Partridge is a medium.
153
00:11:53,706 --> 00:12:01,417
Is she? Well, you better whip that round to her, then.
That will fit her a treat, I tell ya!
154
00:12:01,452 --> 00:12:07,438
I'm not talking about her dress size.
She's a spiritualist. She can contact the departed.
155
00:12:07,473 --> 00:12:09,374
That's most probably where she
pulled you.
156
00:12:09,409 --> 00:12:13,189
She has powers, Del. She in
one of the true communicators.
157
00:12:13,662 --> 00:12:18,443
Back in the early Sixties she used to hold
regular meetings in that hall above John Colliers.
158
00:12:18,606 --> 00:12:21,360
People come from miles around to
listen to Elsie.
159
00:12:21,754 --> 00:12:25,509
They paid thousands of pounds to use
her powers of communication.
160
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,461
I think there is more to this
occult lark than meets the eye, Del.
161
00:12:28,496 --> 00:12:33,036
Do me a favour, Rodders. No self-respecting ghost
is gonna haunt our bathroom, is it?
162
00:12:33,569 --> 00:12:35,424
Specially after he's
been in there.
163
00:12:37,112 --> 00:12:39,023
Then why is it always so
cold?
164
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,785
Well, it could be one of two
reasons.
165
00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:45,634
One, it could be as you two say that
the phantom of the karzy has struck again.
166
00:12:45,669 --> 00:12:48,912
Or, two, it could be something to do
with the fact that the council
167
00:12:48,947 --> 00:12:51,846
has put our
extractor fan in the wrong way round.
168
00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:57,347
Oh yeah. They were supposed
to come back and mend it, weren't they?
169
00:12:58,443 --> 00:13:03,188
Ghosts and ghouls! You two
slaughter me.
170
00:13:03,643 --> 00:13:07,033
I suppose that extractor fan
could have something to do with it.
171
00:13:07,249 --> 00:13:09,316
Thousands of pounds?
172
00:13:10,825 --> 00:13:14,009
You said they paid that Elsie
Partridge thousands of pounds?
173
00:13:14,482 --> 00:13:16,313
Yeah. But she never took a
penny of it, Del.
174
00:13:16,348 --> 00:13:18,781
She used to send it all to Battersea
Dog's Home.
175
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:23,092
I bet she wished she'd have kept some of it
now she's only got her pension to live on.
176
00:13:23,127 --> 00:13:25,163
But they still paid her all
that lovely money, though?
177
00:13:25,198 --> 00:13:32,422
Yeah, they'd pay a fortune to talk to their...
No, no, Del. She's retired.
178
00:13:32,457 --> 00:13:36,482
- Maybe she'd like a little part-time job.
- No, just drop it, Del?
179
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,286
Don't you see what this means?
This means that you were right.
180
00:13:40,199 --> 00:13:44,698
You said 'Don't worry, something will
come out the blue to save our bacon. And this is it.
181
00:13:44,733 --> 00:13:47,465
Me and Elsie Partridge, what a
combination.
182
00:13:47,845 --> 00:13:52,355
The old-age pensioner with a priceless
gift and a successful yuppy who's brassic flint.
183
00:13:52,824 --> 00:13:59,709
We could make a fortune for each other.
I do believe that this is God sending me a sign.
184
00:14:03,031 --> 00:14:05,512
- Come and sit down, Del.
- What can I get you?
185
00:14:05,547 --> 00:14:07,736
Pina Colada with lots of ice.
186
00:14:10,863 --> 00:14:15,317
- Here Boycie, can we have a word?
- What is it?
187
00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:21,541
Do you remember that old Cortina
you said me and Jevon would never sell?
188
00:14:21,825 --> 00:14:23,281
What Cortina's that then?
189
00:14:23,316 --> 00:14:29,109
That two-tone one - blue and rust.
Well me and Mickey sold it the other day.
190
00:14:29,394 --> 00:14:32,861
But that Cortina was a death trap.
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
191
00:14:33,018 --> 00:14:34,632
But you sold it to us!
192
00:14:34,853 --> 00:14:41,378
Did I? So I did, that's right.
It wasn't a bad little run around, was it?
193
00:14:44,711 --> 00:14:47,671
Are you and Jevon partners now
or something, are you?
194
00:14:47,706 --> 00:14:51,515
- Yeah, we're doing a bit of trading.
- We specialise in anything.
195
00:14:51,550 --> 00:14:53,971
Why don't you pop down my
showrooms during the week?
196
00:14:54,006 --> 00:14:56,764
I've got a few old bangers out
the back you might have a go at.
197
00:14:56,799 --> 00:14:58,561
Yeah, thanks Boyce.
198
00:14:58,596 --> 00:15:04,522
Here, would your Marlene be interested in
a Crimplene dress with great big flowers all over it?
199
00:15:04,935 --> 00:15:06,424
Well of course she wouldn't.
200
00:15:06,459 --> 00:15:09,591
Oh that's a shame, 'cos
Rodney Trotter's got loads of 'em.
201
00:15:14,256 --> 00:15:17,431
If there's anything else you want, Mrs Partridge,
just give us a shout.
202
00:15:18,260 --> 00:15:20,243
- She's here.
- Who's here?
203
00:15:20,278 --> 00:15:22,930
That spiritualist woman.
Here, to tell you the truth, Trigg,
204
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:26,586
I'm having second thoughts about letting Del
use that room upstairs for this seance.
205
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:30,560
You don't honestly believe
in all that mumbo jumbo, do you Michael?
206
00:15:30,595 --> 00:15:34,473
I don't actually believe it.
I just don't like taking the chance.
207
00:15:34,508 --> 00:15:37,966
Michael, if Elsie Partridge
really could raise the dead,
208
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:41,128
half the money lenders in
Peckham would be employing her.
209
00:15:41,447 --> 00:15:45,610
No, no, it's all a load of old tosh. Only a
simpleton would believe in it.
210
00:15:45,847 --> 00:15:52,452
- I believe in it.
- Say no more.
211
00:15:52,669 --> 00:15:56,485
He still leaves a glass of
milk and biscuits out on Christmas Eve.
212
00:15:57,016 --> 00:16:01,077
My mum went to a seance once.
She got a message from the other side.
213
00:16:01,632 --> 00:16:05,723
It said she would meet a tall, bald, strange
man who would alter her fortune.
214
00:16:06,510 --> 00:16:08,749
A week later she got mugged by a
skinhead.
215
00:16:09,834 --> 00:16:12,521
There you go Boycie, you
can't argue with that can you?
216
00:16:12,716 --> 00:16:15,330
There's got to be
something in all this supernatural stuff.
217
00:16:15,547 --> 00:16:17,629
My old gran was a bit of a
medium.
218
00:16:17,898 --> 00:16:22,155
A few years after my grandfather died she
made contact with him.
219
00:16:22,401 --> 00:16:23,845
Oh yeah? What did he say?
220
00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:28,621
- Nothing.
- Nothing?
221
00:16:28,966 --> 00:16:30,603
Well he was dead weren't he?
222
00:16:30,638 --> 00:16:33,369
Yes, but she'd just made
contact across the veil.
223
00:16:33,404 --> 00:16:37,714
For the last 15 years of his
life they didn't talk to each other.
224
00:16:38,387 --> 00:16:42,282
- And he kept the row going?
- Yeah. Well, he was a stubborn man.
225
00:16:42,922 --> 00:16:46,031
Well, they must have been
interesting seances.
226
00:16:46,430 --> 00:16:55,062
A mad medium and a spook with the hump.
Hold up, here come the Ghostbusters.
227
00:16:56,691 --> 00:16:58,743
A pina colada for me,
the usual for everyone else.
228
00:16:58,778 --> 00:17:00,605
Del, a word.
229
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,296
Alright, Michael. Yes, coming,
coming.
230
00:17:02,331 --> 00:17:05,350
Are you paying for these
drinks or what?
231
00:17:05,385 --> 00:17:07,652
Don't worry about it Michael
it'll be alright.
232
00:17:07,687 --> 00:17:10,497
This slate of yours, Del, is
getting out of hand.
233
00:17:10,532 --> 00:17:14,286
That Mrs Partridge has just arrived, right,
and she's had food and drink all on your slate.
234
00:17:14,321 --> 00:17:16,198
Don't go on about it, Mike.
235
00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:20,495
Over the last few months
you've had more cocktails than James Bond
236
00:17:20,530 --> 00:17:24,287
and a fried
lunch every day and all on the slate.
237
00:17:24,322 --> 00:17:27,468
Gimme a couple of weeks and
I'll sort it out with you.
238
00:17:27,503 --> 00:17:30,016
You've had about 10 packs of
cigars all on the slate
239
00:17:30,051 --> 00:17:32,578
and even the rent for the room
upstairs in on the slate.
240
00:17:32,989 --> 00:17:37,223
Unless your attitude changes,
I should be forced to take my business elsewhere.
241
00:17:37,504 --> 00:17:39,805
- Good.
- No wait a minute Michael, sit down.
242
00:17:43,286 --> 00:17:48,556
I've been sailing the good ship Trotter
through a little patch of fiscal turbulence, right?
243
00:17:49,328 --> 00:17:53,473
But as soon as I get old Elsie Partridge
firing on all four cylinders I'll be laughing.
244
00:17:53,652 --> 00:17:56,420
I mean, within a month
she'll be bringing 'em back to order.
245
00:17:57,734 --> 00:18:03,168
I've worked out a little price list.
Neighbours and family friends, three quid.
246
00:18:03,398 --> 00:18:07,773
Relatives a fiver, spouses and pets a tenner each,
and a score for Elvis Presley.
247
00:18:09,164 --> 00:18:13,545
This time next year I'll be a millionaire. Just think
what this is going to do to you, Michael.
248
00:18:13,836 --> 00:18:17,181
She'll be drawing them in from the
four corners of the kingdom, right?
249
00:18:17,402 --> 00:18:21,267
So not only will you be getting the rent for the
room upstairs but once the show is finished
250
00:18:21,302 --> 00:18:24,597
all the pilgrim'll be pouring down here
having a jolly-up won't they?
251
00:18:24,632 --> 00:18:30,468
Your takings will treble overnight Michael.
You know it makes sense, don't ya?
252
00:18:32,179 --> 00:18:36,895
- Yeah, I suppose so.
- Sit down, Boyce.
253
00:18:37,903 --> 00:18:40,714
- I'm still a bit worried, though.
- Oh leave it out, Michael.
254
00:18:41,171 --> 00:18:43,887
We're dealing with the powers
of darkness here.
255
00:18:44,060 --> 00:18:47,259
I mean, are we gonna end up with the
table and chairs flying all around the bar?
256
00:18:47,294 --> 00:18:50,201
No more than a normal Friday night.
257
00:18:51,834 --> 00:18:57,143
I agree with Mike. We're
messing around with the supernatural.
258
00:18:57,309 --> 00:18:59,328
It's no telling what evil forces we
might evoke.
259
00:18:59,363 --> 00:19:02,752
Yeah, you could have Satan
himself come crashing through the wall.
260
00:19:02,836 --> 00:19:05,441
Well, it's a pity Rodney put on
his best suit then, innit?
261
00:19:05,476 --> 00:19:11,208
This pub was built on the site of a public grave,
where the victims of the great plague were buried.
262
00:19:12,021 --> 00:19:15,951
That's all we need innit?
Them popping up to celebrate Agincourt.
263
00:19:16,494 --> 00:19:19,070
They'd all be covered in
boils and scabs and things.
264
00:19:19,105 --> 00:19:22,310
Like a Singing Detective
look-alike contest, won't it?
265
00:19:28,761 --> 00:19:30,678
Sounds like her sign to
get started.
266
00:19:31,142 --> 00:19:32,964
Well, it might not mean that.
267
00:19:33,827 --> 00:19:39,645
Either that or she's got cramp in her wooden leg.
Come on, Rodders, come on lads, let's get up there.
268
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:48,268
Elsie, don't forget this is only a dummy run.
So don't go knocking your pipe out.
269
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:53,761
The real seance, when the panthers come in with
the seriour doh-rey-me is not till next Tuesday night.
270
00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:58,474
Derek, God gave me the gift to communicate
with the next world.
271
00:19:58,509 --> 00:20:03,037
I've never profitted by it,
I only want to share it with people.
272
00:20:03,072 --> 00:20:06,841
And God gave me the gift to make bunds,
and I only want to share it with you.
273
00:20:06,876 --> 00:20:09,458
So you're not going to say no to a bit of cash
in the pinney, are ya?
274
00:20:09,493 --> 00:20:12,462
- I suppose not...
- Of course you're not.
275
00:20:12,497 --> 00:20:14,746
Lovely Jubbly,
so everyone's a winner, right.
276
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:20,816
Ready when you are, Elsie.
Eyes down for a full house and we're off and running.
277
00:20:22,107 --> 00:20:27,330
Now, before we start I would like to know,
have any of you been in a seance before?
278
00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:31,796
- I've been in quite a few.
- I think he started most of them...
279
00:20:33,301 --> 00:20:37,178
- Will you show some respect.
- Alright Rodney, it's only a bit of a laugh, innit?
280
00:20:37,213 --> 00:20:41,963
No Derek, it is not a bit of a laugh.
It's a very serious matter.
281
00:20:43,368 --> 00:20:46,124
Alright. Anything you say sweetheart.
282
00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:51,072
Now, before we start, have any of you
any questions?
283
00:20:52,106 --> 00:20:56,992
They don't actually appear in the room,
do they - you know, the spirits?
284
00:20:57,027 --> 00:21:01,375
Oh, don't worry Mike, just do what you normally do.
Water 'em down.
285
00:21:04,219 --> 00:21:12,547
There's no materialization. They appear to me,
only because of my gift of paranormal perception.
286
00:21:13,246 --> 00:21:17,608
She's all the patter, ain't she Rodney?
I can feel a whip-round coming on.
287
00:21:18,609 --> 00:21:25,684
- Will you shut up for five minutes.
- So we don't actually hear them chatting, or what have yer?
288
00:21:25,719 --> 00:21:32,125
No, they speak through me. I am the receiver,
the antenna, the aerial.
289
00:21:33,229 --> 00:21:40,073
Now, those spirits who wish to communicate
will congregate behind you.
290
00:21:48,163 --> 00:21:55,555
- So, can I actually foresee the future?
- No. This is not astrology or fortune telling.
291
00:21:55,736 --> 00:22:02,479
Though, the spirits may give advice or warning,
which if acted upon could alter your future lives.
292
00:22:03,270 --> 00:22:06,041
Cause he'll might get a tip for the Derby.
293
00:22:07,413 --> 00:22:11,239
Come along, cut it out Del Boy,
let's show a bit of respect.
294
00:22:11,695 --> 00:22:14,288
Now, I think it's time we began.
295
00:22:14,882 --> 00:22:22,031
May I ask you once contact
has been made, refrain from interrupting.
296
00:22:23,095 --> 00:22:30,660
Now, hands on the table.
Fingers touching.
297
00:22:35,710 --> 00:22:38,158
Concentrate.
298
00:22:58,647 --> 00:23:01,265
- What's she doing?
- She's going...
299
00:23:10,846 --> 00:23:15,970
- I can see that, why is she doing it?
- She's gone into a trance.
300
00:23:16,005 --> 00:23:20,430
Thank Gawd for that. She had
one of my pies earlier.
301
00:23:23,727 --> 00:23:26,558
The spirits are with us.
302
00:23:31,903 --> 00:23:37,266
A man has stepped forward. A tall, elderly man
wearing a black coat and a black hat.
303
00:23:37,301 --> 00:23:44,214
He wishes to speak to
someone called Audrey... No, no, Aubrey.
304
00:23:44,855 --> 00:23:46,099
Aubrey?
305
00:23:54,836 --> 00:24:01,390
- I am here.
- Aubrey?
306
00:24:03,073 --> 00:24:04,559
It's my middle name.
307
00:24:04,945 --> 00:24:07,180
You never said your name was
Aubrey.
308
00:24:07,710 --> 00:24:10,063
Nor would you if your name
was Aubrey.
309
00:24:12,255 --> 00:24:17,090
This man seems agitated. He's
brandishing a piece of paper.
310
00:24:17,125 --> 00:24:19,912
Have you any idea who it
could be?
311
00:24:19,947 --> 00:24:25,990
No. This piece of paper, it's
not a logbook for a Cortina, is it?
312
00:24:26,025 --> 00:24:29,687
No, it's a photograph. A
black and white photograph.
313
00:24:29,722 --> 00:24:33,223
It shows this man, but years
younger.
314
00:24:33,258 --> 00:24:40,830
There's an odd-looking boy standing beside
him, five or six years old, evil face.
315
00:24:41,965 --> 00:24:44,951
Boycie, it's you and your dad.
316
00:24:45,570 --> 00:24:50,945
Yeah, that's right. He's the
only one who ever called me Aubrey.
317
00:24:51,799 --> 00:24:56,437
There is a sadness about the
photograph, as though something is missing.
318
00:24:56,898 --> 00:24:59,822
Of course,
your mother, she isn't with you.
319
00:24:59,857 --> 00:25:01,127
No.
320
00:25:01,162 --> 00:25:03,666
Had she passed over to the
other side?
321
00:25:03,701 --> 00:25:06,060
No. She was taking the photo.
322
00:25:08,221 --> 00:25:13,335
I see. This man
is worried.
323
00:25:13,370 --> 00:25:19,128
He says you must be a good father,
you must look after your child.
324
00:25:19,395 --> 00:25:22,079
Is he having a pop at me or
something?
325
00:25:22,739 --> 00:25:27,132
Elsie. Boycie and his wife
Marlene can't have kids.
326
00:25:27,369 --> 00:25:29,845
They've been trying for
years, you know, but nitto.
327
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:33,702
Yeah, they've had tests,
things frozen, everything.
328
00:25:33,737 --> 00:25:36,086
The hospital's just about
given up with him.
329
00:25:36,121 --> 00:25:38,944
He's low on something.
330
00:25:39,342 --> 00:25:46,017
Do you mind not discussing my
personal life in front of strangers?
331
00:25:46,744 --> 00:25:50,894
You could tell my old man to keep
his nose out of my business.
332
00:25:50,929 --> 00:25:53,833
He was always having a go at
me for not giving him a grandchild.
333
00:25:53,868 --> 00:25:57,884
Calm down,
Aubrey.
334
00:25:59,244 --> 00:26:03,428
And you can wrap up for a
start. I'm gonna get a drink.
335
00:26:04,432 --> 00:26:08,116
It's a load of old rubbish anyway.
I never believed a word of it.
336
00:26:08,793 --> 00:26:10,391
Excuse me.
337
00:26:12,594 --> 00:26:14,579
Are the spirits still with
us, Elsie?
338
00:26:14,614 --> 00:26:19,772
Yes, yes, yes. They're still
here. Close the circle.
339
00:26:21,607 --> 00:26:25,626
Someone else has stepped out.
It's a woman.
340
00:26:26,817 --> 00:26:29,483
Tall and
slender, long golden-brown hair.
341
00:26:31,107 --> 00:26:37,815
Fingers covered in rings of ruby
and gold. Bracelets adorn the wrists.
342
00:26:39,951 --> 00:26:42,222
You know who that is, don't
you?
343
00:26:42,629 --> 00:26:44,775
Sounds like Jimmy Saville.
344
00:26:47,535 --> 00:26:51,768
Jimmy Saville! That is our mother.
345
00:26:51,803 --> 00:26:54,048
Sorry, Del Boy, Dave.
346
00:26:54,608 --> 00:26:56,242
Jimmy Saville!
347
00:26:56,472 --> 00:26:59,506
Yeah, that's right, bruv.
Bloody cheek.
348
00:26:59,541 --> 00:27:02,819
She says she is proud of her
children.
349
00:27:03,606 --> 00:27:09,494
She says you have both worked hard
to succeed. But never mind.
350
00:27:12,076 --> 00:27:15,902
She wants you to know that she is
with you always.
351
00:27:16,106 --> 00:27:20,573
Wherever you are, whatever
you are doing she is looking over you.
352
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:26,572
She says you mustn't mourn her any
longer. She is happy.
353
00:27:26,607 --> 00:27:28,526
She says she is at peace and...
354
00:27:28,561 --> 00:27:31,146
- Mrs Partridge.
- Don't interrupt, Rodney.
355
00:27:31,181 --> 00:27:33,361
I just wanted to clear something up.
356
00:27:34,381 --> 00:27:37,324
When she says she's looking over us
all the time, right,
357
00:27:38,326 --> 00:27:40,603
well, she don't mean all the time does she?
358
00:27:42,446 --> 00:27:46,536
I'd think the spirit world
would have its own ideas of discretion.
359
00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:51,122
I was just wondering.
360
00:27:55,054 --> 00:27:58,075
She is concerned for you,
Derek.
361
00:27:59,303 --> 00:28:04,952
- Me? What about me?
- She is concerned for your health.
362
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,894
I'm alright, Mum, nothing wrong,
never felt better.
363
00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:14,357
She says you are not well.
She feels your pain.
364
00:28:15,159 --> 00:28:18,394
Ah no, that's just a bit of
jip, that's all.
365
00:28:18,429 --> 00:28:22,308
Most probably an onion bhaji
lodged somewhere.
366
00:28:23,206 --> 00:28:25,896
She wants you to go and see
a doctor.
367
00:28:27,176 --> 00:28:31,472
- There's nothing the matter with me.
- She insists.
368
00:28:32,075 --> 00:28:37,353
No, I don't want to go and
see a doctor. You know I don't like doctors.
369
00:28:38,132 --> 00:28:42,807
Oh they're becoming distant.
They're drifting away.
370
00:28:42,842 --> 00:28:44,983
Can't you get 'em back, Elsie?
371
00:28:45,018 --> 00:28:51,702
Is there anybody there? If there's
anybody there, talk to us.
372
00:28:54,403 --> 00:28:56,343
Say something.
373
00:28:56,806 --> 00:28:58,353
Lager's off.
374
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,187
You made me jump.
375
00:29:07,394 --> 00:29:09,481
What d'you think you made us do?
376
00:29:09,516 --> 00:29:11,609
Well, I had to tell you I've
got customers waiting down there.
377
00:29:11,644 --> 00:29:16,580
- Alright, alright, I'm coming.
- I'll get your coat, Elsie.
378
00:29:19,175 --> 00:29:22,296
- So what you gonna do, Del?
- What about?
379
00:29:22,331 --> 00:29:24,451
About the message from Mum.
380
00:29:24,486 --> 00:29:27,806
Oh do me a favour, Rodney. You
didn't believe all that, did you?
381
00:29:27,841 --> 00:29:29,736
Well, you seemed pretty
convinced.
382
00:29:29,771 --> 00:29:33,473
At one point I thought you were gonna suck
your thumb and throw a paddy.
383
00:29:34,215 --> 00:29:35,668
I was only doing that for
Elsie's, weren't I?
384
00:29:36,211 --> 00:29:40,588
I mean, she's a genuine old lady who most
probably believes she is getting these messages.
385
00:29:40,893 --> 00:29:43,491
But at the end of the day it's a
load of old rubbish.
386
00:29:43,711 --> 00:29:45,444
Yeah, I think Del Boy's
right, Dave.
387
00:29:45,479 --> 00:29:48,944
I mean, she got a message saying that
Boycie's gotta look after his kid.
388
00:29:48,979 --> 00:29:50,927
Yeah, that's right, and everyone knows
389
00:29:50,962 --> 00:29:55,085
that Nelson's Column's got more chance
of knocking out a nipper than Boycie.
390
00:29:56,269 --> 00:29:57,853
So you're not going to the
doctor's?
391
00:29:57,888 --> 00:30:01,383
No, I am not going to the
doctor's 'cos there is nothing wrong with me.
392
00:30:02,301 --> 00:30:03,867
See you in the bar, Albert.
393
00:30:04,661 --> 00:30:08,485
- Come on down, Rodney.
- It wll only take you 10 minutes.
394
00:30:11,670 --> 00:30:13,471
Thanks for doing that, Elsie.
395
00:30:13,919 --> 00:30:17,261
That was the first time I've
ever lied to anyone at a sitting.
396
00:30:17,533 --> 00:30:21,559
I only gave Derek that message
because you asked me to.
397
00:30:21,802 --> 00:30:25,325
I'm grateful. He wouldn't take
any notice of me and Rodney.
398
00:30:25,783 --> 00:30:29,100
The only one he'd
ever listen to was his mum.
399
00:30:35,537 --> 00:30:38,190
Right then, come on, Rodney,
here, Nerys. Where are them posters?
400
00:30:38,391 --> 00:30:43,193
Rodney stick these up in the window. The sooner
the devotees know about them the better.
401
00:30:44,611 --> 00:30:47,630
Marlene, hello darling.
What are you doing here?
402
00:30:48,005 --> 00:30:51,360
Boycie's just told me what
that Elsie Partridge said.
403
00:30:51,395 --> 00:30:55,402
Now don't you start. I've
been having enough trouble with Rodney and Albert.
404
00:30:55,437 --> 00:30:57,019
There is nothing the matter
with me.
405
00:30:57,054 --> 00:30:59,909
I'm not talking about your
illness. I mean what she said to Boycie.
406
00:31:00,412 --> 00:31:04,782
Listen, darling, you don't wanna
take any notice of what Elsie Partridge says
407
00:31:04,817 --> 00:31:08,276
because it's all a con, you see.
408
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:13,884
No, you don't understand.
I'm having a baby.
409
00:31:16,245 --> 00:31:17,847
You're what?
410
00:31:17,882 --> 00:31:21,198
I've just had it confirmed at
the hospital.
411
00:31:22,873 --> 00:31:25,817
So what do you think about that then?
412
00:31:31,150 --> 00:31:32,928
What's up with him then?
413
00:31:32,963 --> 00:31:36,361
Sympathy pains. A lot of men
go through phantom pregnancies.
414
00:31:36,396 --> 00:31:38,816
I thought that only happened
to the father.
415
00:31:45,559 --> 00:31:47,114
Come in.
416
00:31:48,509 --> 00:31:51,561
Sorry, is Dr Meadows
about, a Scottish doctor?
417
00:31:51,676 --> 00:31:54,719
No, Dr Meadows left general
practice two years ago.
418
00:31:54,754 --> 00:31:58,889
He's working at the local hospital.
I've taken over from him. I'm Dr Shaheed.
419
00:32:01,164 --> 00:32:02,844
You're a woman.
420
00:32:04,473 --> 00:32:11,482
Well, well, so I am. Nobody ever tells me anything
these days. You're Mr Trotter.
421
00:32:11,842 --> 00:32:15,439
- I know.
- Well, come in, take a seat.
422
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:24,767
- What's the problem?
- Me? No, nothing at all.
423
00:32:25,683 --> 00:32:28,901
- You're not ill?
- Never felt better in me life.
424
00:32:29,435 --> 00:32:32,646
Mr Trotter, I have a waiting-room
full of sick people.
425
00:32:32,681 --> 00:32:34,162
Now, what is it you want?
A certificate?
426
00:32:34,197 --> 00:32:39,675
No, no, I don't want a certificate.
I mean, I'm self-unemployed. No, it's just...
427
00:32:40,296 --> 00:32:43,183
it's hardly worth bothering
you about, really.
428
00:32:43,535 --> 00:32:46,756
Why don't you let me be the
judge of that? What's the problem?
429
00:32:47,473 --> 00:32:50,226
Alright, I've been getting a
bit of a Cynthia.
430
00:32:50,607 --> 00:32:53,296
- Cynthia?
- Pain
431
00:32:56,253 --> 00:32:58,171
Where do you get this pain?
432
00:32:58,206 --> 00:33:02,080
Well, all over, really. I mean,
this morning I got in the lift going down to the...
433
00:33:02,115 --> 00:33:04,816
No, no. Where on your body?
434
00:33:04,851 --> 00:33:09,688
- Oh right. I get in the old New Delhi.
- New Delhi?
435
00:33:09,748 --> 00:33:13,538
Yeah, the belly.
You're not from round these parts, are you?
436
00:33:13,897 --> 00:33:16,550
No, I'm from New Delhi.
437
00:33:18,009 --> 00:33:22,502
Really? Not much point
calling you in an emergency then, is it?
438
00:33:24,134 --> 00:33:28,306
I mean I was born in New
Delhi and I now live in Peckham.
439
00:33:28,341 --> 00:33:30,887
Yeah, I know. It was just a
joke, you see.
440
00:33:30,922 --> 00:33:36,161
Oh yes, very good.
What sort of pain is it?
441
00:33:36,494 --> 00:33:38,494
Well... it hurts.
442
00:33:40,325 --> 00:33:45,424
- Yes, but is it a sharp pan or a dull pain?
- Well, it's a bit of both really.
443
00:33:46,650 --> 00:33:49,171
Would you strip to the waist,
please, Mr Trotter.
444
00:33:49,795 --> 00:33:54,070
No, no, it's alright, doc, there's no need for that.
Just give me a couple of pills, that's all.
445
00:33:54,105 --> 00:33:57,962
I'd like to examine you.
Please strip to the waist and lie on the couch.
446
00:34:04,592 --> 00:34:09,013
- Do you smoke, Mr Trotter?
- Not just now, thank you, doctor.
447
00:34:10,591 --> 00:34:13,385
I wasn't offering, I was enquiring.
448
00:34:13,651 --> 00:34:15,748
Oh, I see. No, I don't smoke.
449
00:34:15,783 --> 00:34:20,088
Well, I ave one cigar a year
on Christmas night, but I'm trying to cut down.
450
00:34:21,192 --> 00:34:23,572
One cigar a year
wouldn't do you much harm.
451
00:34:24,491 --> 00:34:27,160
Do you have any trouble
passing water?
452
00:34:27,195 --> 00:34:30,651
I had a dizzy spell going
over Tower Bridge once.
453
00:34:35,388 --> 00:34:37,041
You have bouts of dizziness?
454
00:34:37,076 --> 00:34:39,513
No, no. It was a joke, doctor.
455
00:34:41,375 --> 00:34:47,603
I think it would be best if we stopped all the joking,
I'm finding it rather confusing.
456
00:34:48,459 --> 00:34:50,318
Do you ever
suffer with constipation?
457
00:34:50,353 --> 00:34:52,117
No, regular as clockwork.
458
00:34:52,152 --> 00:34:53,652
You have plenty of roughage
in your diet?
459
00:34:53,687 --> 00:34:57,930
Nothing but roughage. Muesli,
brown bread, all that. I'm a very organic person.
460
00:34:57,965 --> 00:35:01,021
That's very good. Even in this day and age
you'd be surprised the number of people
461
00:35:01,056 --> 00:35:03,951
still exist on fried
foods and takeaways.
462
00:35:03,986 --> 00:35:07,145
Eurgh! Not me, doc. I'm like
a walking Grobag.
463
00:35:08,447 --> 00:35:12,212
When they bury me there'll be rhubarb
everywhere within six months.
464
00:35:18,289 --> 00:35:25,063
Mr Trotter. When I said strip
to the waist, I meant the top half.
465
00:35:29,841 --> 00:35:32,210
You can put your shirt back
on now, Mr Trotter.
466
00:35:33,188 --> 00:35:36,367
- I hope my stephoscope wasn't too cold for you?
- No, not at all.
467
00:35:36,851 --> 00:35:40,397
- Round here, we call 'em deafascopes.
- Really? Why?
468
00:35:40,766 --> 00:35:44,721
Couse, if you can't hear anything,
either we're dead or you're deaf.
469
00:35:45,726 --> 00:35:47,616
Are you a heavy drinker, Mr Trotter?
470
00:35:47,651 --> 00:35:53,552
Me? No I'm teetotal. Well, I have the old mineral water,
goat skimmed milk and all that.
471
00:35:53,587 --> 00:35:57,875
- You have a very high pulse rate.
- Oh thank you, doctor.
472
00:35:58,341 --> 00:36:00,262
No, I'm concerned about it.
473
00:36:00,297 --> 00:36:02,437
I mean, it's almost as if
you're frightened of something.
474
00:36:02,472 --> 00:36:06,447
Frightened, me? No, I don't
know the meaning of the word.
475
00:36:06,804 --> 00:36:11,397
No, I know what it was. I jogged down here to
the surgery from the gym this evening.
476
00:36:12,667 --> 00:36:17,029
Ah, that would explain it. I wish all my patients were
as health-conscious as you, Mr Trotter.
477
00:36:17,508 --> 00:36:22,848
Oh mais oui, mais oui. What
d'you reckon the pains are then, doc?
478
00:36:23,176 --> 00:36:26,277
To tell you the truth I'm
not sure.
479
00:36:26,641 --> 00:36:29,448
I'd like you to go down to the local hospital
and have a few tests done.
480
00:36:31,683 --> 00:36:34,102
OK. I'll make an appointment
tomorrow morning then, shall I?
481
00:36:34,337 --> 00:36:36,553
No, I'd like you to go now.
482
00:36:37,133 --> 00:36:39,813
Now? What? You mean this minute?
483
00:36:39,848 --> 00:36:47,304
Yes. You may have a grumbling
appendix. Now I emphasize the word 'may'.
484
00:36:47,339 --> 00:36:51,243
If that should prove to be the case we have
to remove it as quickly as possible.
485
00:36:51,753 --> 00:36:57,140
- You mean cut it out?
- Yes, I mean cut it out.
486
00:36:57,367 --> 00:37:00,222
- But it might not be me appendix?
- Maybe.
487
00:37:00,257 --> 00:37:03,117
So if it's not me appendix,
what could it be?
488
00:37:03,152 --> 00:37:04,394
Well, let's not speculate.
489
00:37:04,429 --> 00:37:06,797
Let's hope it's an
appendix then, shall we?
490
00:37:07,817 --> 00:37:09,921
I don't have to go by
ambulance, do I?
491
00:37:10,307 --> 00:37:14,367
No, but I don't want you
jogging there. You can call a minicab.
492
00:37:14,650 --> 00:37:17,923
No, that's alright. I'll give my brother a bell.
He can come down and take me down there.
493
00:37:18,352 --> 00:37:20,889
I'll call the hospital and
tell them you're on your way.
494
00:37:24,279 --> 00:37:27,955
- I'll use the phone in reception.
- Yeah, alright then, doc.
495
00:37:34,529 --> 00:37:40,720
Rodney? Hello Rodders, it's me, Del Boy.
Yes, I'm here at the doctor's.
496
00:37:41,081 --> 00:37:43,844
Yes, listen. There's nothing to
worry about,
497
00:37:43,879 --> 00:37:49,164
but I want you to come down here and give
me a lift down to the hospital...
498
00:37:49,628 --> 00:37:51,183
Yeah, I've got to go there right away.
499
00:37:51,218 --> 00:37:54,065
Listen, listen. I said there's nothing to worry
about.
500
00:37:54,100 --> 00:37:56,430
I don't want you driving down here at a
hundred miles an hour
501
00:37:56,465 --> 00:38:02,185
and having an accident, nothing like that...
Of course I can't get a cab!
502
00:38:02,625 --> 00:38:05,133
I don't care if Neighbours
has just started.
503
00:38:06,695 --> 00:38:09,859
Look, I am at the quack's and I
want you to take me to the hospital.
504
00:38:10,846 --> 00:38:12,942
I need you here Rodney.
505
00:38:17,007 --> 00:38:22,856
I don't wanna go on my own... Yeah, alright,
I'll see you in a minute.
506
00:38:27,549 --> 00:38:29,250
What can I get you, Rodney?
507
00:38:29,602 --> 00:38:33,500
A lemonade with ice, non-alcoholic
lager top and a small rum, please.
508
00:38:33,750 --> 00:38:35,851
Any news from the hospital?
509
00:38:35,886 --> 00:38:39,071
No, not really. He ain't got
a grumbling appendix.
510
00:38:39,106 --> 00:38:42,014
They don't seem to know what it is.
Still, they're keeping him in,
511
00:38:42,049 --> 00:38:44,610
they're running tests,
keeping him under observation.
512
00:38:44,645 --> 00:38:46,971
- Must be horrible that.
- What?
513
00:38:47,006 --> 00:38:50,937
Well, lying in bed all day
with someone standing there looking at you.
514
00:38:52,532 --> 00:38:58,314
No, Trigg, they don't just
keep... Yeah, must be horrible.
515
00:38:59,499 --> 00:39:03,447
Years ago I had a mate like that. Doctor's couldn't
find out what was wrong with him.
516
00:39:03,804 --> 00:39:06,230
- And he died, did he?
- Yeah...
517
00:39:08,442 --> 00:39:10,570
Oh no, I'm not saying that
Del's got that.
518
00:39:11,609 --> 00:39:13,569
Well let's hope not, eh?
Listen, Mike.
519
00:39:13,604 --> 00:39:16,799
We're going to visit him this evening and he
asked if you'd do him a bacon sandwich
520
00:39:16,834 --> 00:39:19,953
and lots of brown sauce 'cos he can't stand
that hospital food.
521
00:39:19,988 --> 00:39:22,534
But it'll be cold and greasy
by this evening.
522
00:39:22,569 --> 00:39:24,553
Yeah, that's how he likes it,
523
00:39:24,588 --> 00:39:29,894
He also said would you send up a bottle of coke and
put some Bacardi in it, so as the old matron won't suss it?
524
00:39:29,929 --> 00:39:31,242
Leave it to me, Rodney.
525
00:39:43,376 --> 00:39:47,317
Cheer up a little bit, Rodney.
I mean, Del's in the best place, isn't he?
526
00:39:47,352 --> 00:39:51,150
Oh yeah, he's in the best place.
I just wish they knew what was wrong with him.
527
00:39:52,133 --> 00:39:54,489
Maybe on second thoughts I
don't wanna know.
528
00:39:55,732 --> 00:39:58,398
When I was stationed out in
New Guinea...
529
00:39:58,433 --> 00:40:00,335
Oh God.
530
00:40:01,849 --> 00:40:07,594
A crew-mate of mine went
down with a mysterious tummy bug just like Del's.
531
00:40:07,992 --> 00:40:12,483
The finest medical brains in
Jayapura couldn't make out what it was.
532
00:40:12,518 --> 00:40:13,891
No?
533
00:40:13,926 --> 00:40:16,422
Your dad still thinking about
buying that new jag?
534
00:40:16,457 --> 00:40:17,964
He's looking at one tomorrow.
535
00:40:17,999 --> 00:40:24,699
Until this American surgeon
arrived on the scene. He twigged it straight away.
536
00:40:24,734 --> 00:40:28,117
- And what was it?
- Green parrot's disease.
537
00:40:30,481 --> 00:40:33,607
Well, that's certainly worth
knowing, Albert. Thank you very much.
538
00:40:33,957 --> 00:40:36,095
Are you going to tell the
doctor in charge of Del's case?
539
00:40:36,130 --> 00:40:37,869
You know, he might not
have thought of it.
540
00:40:37,904 --> 00:40:40,058
No, that would have been one
of the first things he would have thought...
541
00:40:40,093 --> 00:40:43,316
How the hell's Del gonna get green
parrot's disease in Peckham?
542
00:40:43,351 --> 00:40:48,185
Well, I admit it's a long shot.
I'm just grabbing at straws, I s'pose.
543
00:40:48,772 --> 00:40:52,258
Yeah, yeah, we all doing that Albert.
I'm sorry.
544
00:40:52,764 --> 00:40:55,366
I'm gonna put a drop of
blackcurrant in this.
545
00:40:56,996 --> 00:40:58,744
Can I visit Del with you
this evening?
546
00:40:58,779 --> 00:41:03,337
Yeah. It's worth the
journey just to see his pyjamas.
547
00:41:05,004 --> 00:41:09,194
He's never been ill before. Well you know, he's
been ill but he's never been in hospital.
548
00:41:09,229 --> 00:41:14,613
He's terrified of 'em. He got stabbed once
outside a dance hall.
549
00:41:15,033 --> 00:41:18,434
There was blood all over his shirt,
a four-inch gash in his shoulder.
550
00:41:18,469 --> 00:41:19,734
But he never went to hospital.
551
00:41:19,769 --> 00:41:24,996
- He didn't have it treated?
- No he did it himself. TCP and a flannel.
552
00:41:25,408 --> 00:41:27,902
- Did he know the person who did it?
- Yeah.
553
00:41:27,937 --> 00:41:29,829
And I bet he didn't report
it to the police?
554
00:41:29,864 --> 00:41:33,972
No. Well, he couldn't really.
He was engaged to her at the time.
555
00:41:38,928 --> 00:41:43,870
I prayed last night,
prayed Del wouldn't die.
556
00:41:44,118 --> 00:41:46,406
Rodney, that's not going to happen.
557
00:41:48,420 --> 00:41:53,042
Soon as I done it I thought,
'That's stupid, Del ain't gonna die...
558
00:41:54,266 --> 00:41:55,989
He's not the type.'
559
00:42:02,519 --> 00:42:05,509
So anyway, they took some
more samples this afternoon.
560
00:42:05,678 --> 00:42:11,106
Samples of me blood, sample
of me... samples of everything.
561
00:42:11,141 --> 00:42:13,991
Now they want me to
fast for 24 hours.
562
00:42:14,026 --> 00:42:16,243
Well, why's that? Are they
running more tests tomorrow?
563
00:42:16,278 --> 00:42:21,017
Yeah, I tell you what, I'll be 12 pound, three gallons
lighter then when I come in, I know that.
564
00:42:22,703 --> 00:42:25,119
What you doing? You're not
supposed to be eating that.
565
00:42:26,161 --> 00:42:29,091
I know, Rodney, but this
fasting makes you hungry.
566
00:42:29,126 --> 00:42:31,505
But it could affect the
results of the tests.
567
00:42:31,540 --> 00:42:35,793
Give over girl. It's only a
bacon sandwich and a bit of brown sauce.
568
00:42:35,828 --> 00:42:41,042
Exactly. I read it in one of the local papers somewhere,
this is one of the few hospitals in the country
569
00:42:41,077 --> 00:42:44,612
that doesn't have
a bacon sandwich detector!
570
00:42:44,647 --> 00:42:46,277
I don't believe you, Derek!
571
00:42:46,312 --> 00:42:51,389
When a doctor says you're supposed to fast for 24
hours then you should fast for 24 hours.
572
00:42:51,424 --> 00:42:53,296
Well, what you bring this
sandwich in for then?
573
00:42:53,331 --> 00:42:56,100
Because I didn't know you were
supposed to be fasting.
574
00:42:56,396 --> 00:42:59,563
And you're not supposed to be
drinking that either. That's got Bacardi in it.
575
00:43:00,070 --> 00:43:01,884
Keep your noise down, will yer?
576
00:43:03,233 --> 00:43:05,661
Listen, with the sort of measures
Mike gives,
577
00:43:05,696 --> 00:43:09,157
there's less spirits in that than
there was at our seance.
578
00:43:09,192 --> 00:43:12,808
Oh that reminds me. Wasn't
last night the pukka seance night?
579
00:43:15,795 --> 00:43:17,190
Did it go well?
580
00:43:18,623 --> 00:43:21,372
Not quite as well as
we'd expected.
581
00:43:21,619 --> 00:43:24,199
It was a total cock-up from
where I was standing.
582
00:43:24,952 --> 00:43:26,766
Come on, tell me.
583
00:43:27,084 --> 00:43:31,927
Well, you now those posters you put up the
pub windows with The Seance and the ghostly face?
584
00:43:32,684 --> 00:43:36,602
Well a lot of people got the wrong impression.
They thought The Seance was a group.
585
00:43:38,028 --> 00:43:40,054
The place was packed with
punk rockers.
586
00:43:40,243 --> 00:43:44,962
There was Special Brew everywhere,
people shouting 'Aceed', all that.
587
00:43:47,134 --> 00:43:50,117
They were expecting to see
an 'Iron Maiden'-type band.
588
00:43:51,054 --> 00:43:55,859
Then Elsie Partridge walked
out in her hat. They weren't best pleased, Del.
589
00:43:56,131 --> 00:43:59,192
Fortunately she remained in a
trance throughout the riot.
590
00:44:01,251 --> 00:44:04,260
She was still in it this
morning when I went round to her flat.
591
00:44:05,324 --> 00:44:09,568
It's amazing, innit? I only organised that seance
out of the goodness of my heart.
592
00:44:09,675 --> 00:44:13,174
to help people to get over their loss,
and how do they thank me?
593
00:44:13,209 --> 00:44:17,062
- They chuck it in my face!
- Still, you tried.
594
00:44:19,135 --> 00:44:20,786
Visiting time's over.
595
00:44:21,114 --> 00:44:27,693
Can't say I'm disappointed, I hate
these places, death and sickness everywhere.
596
00:44:27,728 --> 00:44:31,410
Yeah, they ain't all they're
cracked up to be, Unc. Take care.
597
00:44:31,663 --> 00:44:33,053
Bye, sweetheart.
598
00:44:33,088 --> 00:44:35,360
Thanks for coming. Look after
him now, will you?
599
00:44:35,395 --> 00:44:38,329
Yeah, I'll see he's alright.
I hope you feel better soon, Del.
600
00:44:38,763 --> 00:44:41,409
There's nothing wrong with me.
I don't know what I'm doing in here.
601
00:44:42,909 --> 00:44:45,708
- I'll see you tomorrow, mate.
- Hang around a minute, will you?
602
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:48,056
I'll see you outside.
603
00:44:53,252 --> 00:44:54,646
What's up?
604
00:44:56,082 --> 00:45:02,272
- I'm scared, Rodney!
- Oh come on, Del. You're in hospital.
605
00:45:02,307 --> 00:45:04,573
That's why I'm scared!
606
00:45:04,608 --> 00:45:07,170
I mean, can you think of a
better place to be?
607
00:45:07,205 --> 00:45:10,946
Yes, in a pub, down the market,
anywhere but here.
608
00:45:14,869 --> 00:45:17,631
I think I know what's
wrong with me.
609
00:45:20,417 --> 00:45:21,731
What?
610
00:45:24,318 --> 00:45:28,469
I think I got... you know.
611
00:45:30,263 --> 00:45:31,807
You mean?
612
00:45:32,843 --> 00:45:34,109
No.
613
00:45:35,482 --> 00:45:37,126
What! Not...
614
00:45:38,644 --> 00:45:39,729
Yes.
615
00:45:41,435 --> 00:45:45,476
Don't be stupid. What makes
you think that?
616
00:45:45,710 --> 00:45:51,594
Because the doctors found out I was a bachelor and they
started asking questions about my social activities.
617
00:45:52,007 --> 00:45:53,384
Bloody 'ell.
618
00:45:53,419 --> 00:45:57,551
It's alright. I didn't tell 'em nothing.
I made out I was like an amateur monk.
619
00:45:58,736 --> 00:46:03,243
But I've been lying here thinking
about my past.
620
00:46:03,607 --> 00:46:06,595
What's the point in depressing yourself?
621
00:46:06,630 --> 00:46:11,178
I've bin thinking back to
some of the birds I've knocked about with.
622
00:46:11,213 --> 00:46:15,811
Cor blimey, Rodney, some of 'em
have bin round the track more times than a lurcher.
623
00:46:17,312 --> 00:46:19,519
Del, you're just being irrational.
624
00:46:21,565 --> 00:46:25,587
What about that unisex hairdresser's
down the high street?
625
00:46:25,902 --> 00:46:27,424
Well, what about it?
626
00:46:27,673 --> 00:46:29,640
Well, I went in there last
month for a trim, didn't I?
627
00:46:29,675 --> 00:46:33,945
And I thought I was going to get one of the dolly birds
in the miniskirts. But who did I get?
628
00:46:34,065 --> 00:46:36,907
They gave me
some mush called Jason.
629
00:46:36,942 --> 00:46:43,225
- So?
- So, say he is a bandit.
630
00:46:44,544 --> 00:46:46,027
I don't believe...
631
00:46:46,423 --> 00:46:50,780
Del, you cannot go around making
accusations against innocent people.
632
00:46:51,406 --> 00:46:53,784
Anyway, you can't
catch it off a comb.
633
00:46:54,135 --> 00:46:57,738
No, but say he nicked the back of my neck
with his razor or something.
634
00:46:57,773 --> 00:47:00,750
So long as he doesn't kiss it better,
you're laughing.
635
00:47:00,785 --> 00:47:06,187
Then there's Uncle Albert - blimey, he's been
round the world more times than Phileas Fogg.
636
00:47:06,222 --> 00:47:09,510
There's no telling what he might have picked up.
And there's you and that computer.
637
00:47:09,545 --> 00:47:10,703
My computer?
638
00:47:10,738 --> 00:47:13,880
Yes. I was reading about all
those computer viruses.
639
00:47:17,328 --> 00:47:22,698
Calm down, right? Look,
I understand your fears and concerns.
640
00:47:22,733 --> 00:47:26,447
But you're just letting your imagination run
away with you.
641
00:47:26,873 --> 00:47:32,795
If you'd had 'that' or anything as serious
as that, they would have known by now.
642
00:47:33,033 --> 00:47:36,005
These doctors are experts
you know.
643
00:47:43,791 --> 00:47:49,499
I haven't thought of that.
It can't be that serious, can it?
644
00:47:49,534 --> 00:47:51,301
Well, of course not.
645
00:47:52,092 --> 00:47:55,338
So you just remember that next time
you're lying here at night,
646
00:47:55,373 --> 00:47:59,268
thinking of all them women
and male hairdressers you've known...
647
00:48:00,857 --> 00:48:03,963
They've got a spare bed
downstairs if you're interested.
648
00:48:06,911 --> 00:48:08,373
I'll see you tomorrow.
649
00:48:13,653 --> 00:48:17,835
Del, hold on. I'll get the
nurse. Nurse!
650
00:48:17,870 --> 00:48:21,742
Hold on, Del, don't you die.
Don't you bloody die.
651
00:48:21,777 --> 00:48:25,549
I'm not gonna die, you plonker.
I just sat on me bacon sandwich.
652
00:48:32,633 --> 00:48:35,916
- Aren't you eating that?
- No, I'm not in the mood, sweetheart.
653
00:48:35,951 --> 00:48:37,428
That's fresh fish.
654
00:48:37,463 --> 00:48:40,373
I know it's fresh, it just
winked at me.
655
00:48:40,408 --> 00:48:42,213
I'll have to tell matron.
656
00:48:42,248 --> 00:48:44,169
No it's alright. It didn't
really wink at me.
657
00:48:44,204 --> 00:48:47,282
No, I mean if a patient
doesn't eat his food I have to report it.
658
00:48:47,317 --> 00:48:51,613
Oh go on, then, you go and grass me up.
I'm not frightened of the old cow.
659
00:48:54,372 --> 00:48:56,926
Any news on my
application for a bed bath?
660
00:48:56,961 --> 00:48:58,621
Sorry.
661
00:49:03,847 --> 00:49:08,271
You've gotta make a decision,
Mr Trotter. We can either save you or the baby.
662
00:49:10,212 --> 00:49:13,688
Robbie Meadows, you old git.
663
00:49:13,723 --> 00:49:15,962
Please, Del, not in front of
the staff.
664
00:49:15,997 --> 00:49:21,694
Oh yeah, sorry. Dr Meadows,
you old git. What brings you here?
665
00:49:21,729 --> 00:49:23,592
I've got good news and bad
news, Del.
666
00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:26,391
The good news is
they've put me in charge of your case.
667
00:49:27,383 --> 00:49:30,790
- What's the bad news?
- I specialise in amputation.
668
00:49:32,811 --> 00:49:38,297
Oh that's a good 'un. Here,
d'you still get down the One-Eleven Club?
669
00:49:38,332 --> 00:49:42,024
No, not any more, Del. I've
packed gambling in, it's a mug's game.
670
00:49:42,389 --> 00:49:49,225
- D'you still go down there?
- Oh yeah. Anyway, how come you're in charge?
671
00:49:49,260 --> 00:49:50,529
It was an accident, really.
672
00:49:50,564 --> 00:49:54,278
I just happened to be talking to some colleagues
when the name Derek Trotter cropped up.
673
00:49:54,313 --> 00:49:58,033
So I asked if I could read your GP's report and
have a look at your tests.
674
00:49:58,068 --> 00:50:05,204
I was amazed. I found myself reading about this
non-smoking, teetotal, celibate vegetarian health freak.
675
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:10,094
I thought, 'Can this be the same Derek Trotter that I
know and begrudgingly admire?
676
00:50:10,129 --> 00:50:18,091
That uptight, wheeling-dealing, pina colada lout?
The Castella king, the curry connoisseur?
677
00:50:18,126 --> 00:50:23,467
The same an who has lived his life on nervous tension,
fried bread and doubtful women?
678
00:50:24,432 --> 00:50:25,702
And was it?
679
00:50:25,737 --> 00:50:29,999
Yes, it was. Why did you lie
to your GP, Del?
680
00:50:31,590 --> 00:50:35,240
- 'Cos she's a doctor.
- I don't understand.
681
00:50:35,275 --> 00:50:38,628
Well, you never tell doctors the truth,
otherwise they put you in hospital.
682
00:50:38,663 --> 00:50:40,694
But you've been put in hospital.
683
00:50:40,729 --> 00:50:43,960
No, but I didn't mean that to happen, did I?
I thught she'd just give me a bottle of jollop.
684
00:50:43,995 --> 00:50:46,230
Del, if you'd told the truth in the first place,
685
00:50:46,265 --> 00:50:49,625
my colleagues could have
diagnosed your problem in a quarter of the time.
686
00:50:49,660 --> 00:50:52,149
As it was, they thought they were
dealing with the perfect man
687
00:50:52,184 --> 00:50:57,463
- but all the time it was you! It confused them.
It threw 'em onto the wrong tracks.
688
00:50:57,498 --> 00:51:03,023
Well, I told her I did have
a cigar at Christmas time.
689
00:51:03,058 --> 00:51:06,328
What about the other 10,000
throughout the rest of the year?
690
00:51:06,363 --> 00:51:10,881
Oh that reminds me, we found your cigar-holder
in the body-scanner.
691
00:51:11,518 --> 00:51:14,458
Oh cheers. Must have
fallen out of me robe.
692
00:51:16,128 --> 00:51:18,132
We know what's wrong with
you, Del.
693
00:51:24,917 --> 00:51:29,571
Let's hear the worst.
I can take it, I'm not frightened.
694
00:51:29,606 --> 00:51:32,433
Don't pull any punches. I want it
straight from the shoulder.
695
00:51:32,468 --> 00:51:35,066
Yeah, I think it's best in
the long run.
696
00:51:35,499 --> 00:51:40,183
Well, basically, Derek, there's
nothing wrong with you.
697
00:51:44,054 --> 00:51:49,818
Oh, oh thank God! Thank God.
Thank Allah, thank Buddha.
698
00:51:49,853 --> 00:51:51,761
Thank you, thank you, God.
699
00:51:53,442 --> 00:51:54,758
Relieved, eh?
700
00:51:55,044 --> 00:52:00,892
Well, you know. So what
about all these pains?
701
00:52:01,867 --> 00:52:03,962
You have an irritable bowel.
702
00:52:04,187 --> 00:52:06,990
I'm not surprised with
you lot pulling me about.
703
00:52:07,025 --> 00:52:08,964
No, no. That's what your
condition is called.
704
00:52:08,999 --> 00:52:12,472
You have irritable bowel
syndrome. It's nothing serious.
705
00:52:12,507 --> 00:52:17,955
I'll put you on a course of drugs. Your
condition has been caused by your lifestyle.
706
00:52:17,990 --> 00:52:22,321
The late nights, the booze, the
nicotine, the fried fast foods.
707
00:52:22,356 --> 00:52:26,278
Do you ever think about all the saturated fat
floating around your arteries?
708
00:52:26,313 --> 00:52:30,143
I try not to. It puts me
off me grub.
709
00:52:30,614 --> 00:52:34,533
One of the major contributory factors of this
syndrome is stress.
710
00:52:34,568 --> 00:52:37,083
A lot of yuppies suffer from it.
711
00:52:39,587 --> 00:52:43,848
Del, I took the liberty of phoning the director of
housing about your rent arrears.
712
00:52:44,414 --> 00:52:45,997
How'd you find out?
713
00:52:46,032 --> 00:52:48,088
I phoned your flat. I'm
sorry, mate,
714
00:52:48,123 --> 00:52:51,643
I had to find out what the hell was going
on. I spoke to your uncle.
715
00:52:52,112 --> 00:52:56,655
The council have agreed to give you some breathing
space, a bit of time to get yourself together.
716
00:52:59,399 --> 00:53:00,642
Cheers, Robbie.
717
00:53:00,677 --> 00:53:02,353
You've been given a warning, Del.
718
00:53:02,388 --> 00:53:05,785
Nature's way of telling you to eat muesli
for breakfast.
719
00:53:05,820 --> 00:53:08,293
Cut right down on the drink and
cigars.
720
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:14,763
Eat wholesome, real food and above
all else learn to relax. Doctor's orders.
721
00:53:16,386 --> 00:53:17,558
Right, will do.
722
00:53:17,593 --> 00:53:20,303
Pop this into the pharmacy
on your way home.
723
00:53:21,868 --> 00:53:23,163
You mean I can go?
724
00:53:23,198 --> 00:53:28,272
Yes, and don't come back. I want you
convalescing for the next three weeks.
725
00:53:28,307 --> 00:53:30,461
I don't want you working or
getting excited.
726
00:53:30,496 --> 00:53:33,893
Sit in a chair, eat boring foods and
live a boring life.
727
00:53:33,928 --> 00:53:37,999
Well, that'll be easy. I'll sit in my flat
and talk to my Uncle Albert.
728
00:53:38,034 --> 00:53:39,578
See you around, Del.
729
00:53:39,613 --> 00:53:43,561
Thaks very much Robbie.
730
00:53:48,708 --> 00:53:50,854
I knew there was nothing
wrong with me.
731
00:54:00,758 --> 00:54:02,620
Silly old sod.
732
00:54:07,476 --> 00:54:12,485
- Here you are, Del, breakfast.
- Oh good. What is it?
733
00:54:13,167 --> 00:54:14,995
It's muesli.
734
00:54:15,663 --> 00:54:19,016
Blimey! It looks like something that's bin
swept out of a pigeon loft.
735
00:54:22,406 --> 00:54:24,281
You can at least try it.
736
00:54:28,523 --> 00:54:31,543
It tastes like it's been
swept out of a pigeon loft.
737
00:54:31,835 --> 00:54:35,969
I can't eat this for the rest of my life.
I'd rather croak it than eat this rubbish.
738
00:54:36,004 --> 00:54:38,523
Well, don't get excited,
you'll bring your pains back on.
739
00:54:38,558 --> 00:54:43,967
All the quack said was you've got to get
a sensible diet, and muesli's just part of it.
740
00:54:44,002 --> 00:54:45,814
Alright, alright, Unc,
alright.
741
00:54:45,849 --> 00:54:47,392
I'll do you a cup of tea, son.
742
00:54:52,495 --> 00:54:55,536
How many cigars did that doctor say
that I can have a day?
743
00:54:55,571 --> 00:54:58,157
- She said three.
- How many have I had?
744
00:54:58,192 --> 00:54:59,954
Four.
745
00:55:07,216 --> 00:55:10,052
- Alright?
- Yeah, triffic, Rodders.
746
00:55:10,087 --> 00:55:12,222
Oh what's up with you now?
747
00:55:12,689 --> 00:55:16,893
There's nothing the matter with me.
All that happened was...
748
00:55:16,928 --> 00:55:19,127
I picked up some sort of syndrome,
and you two are treating me like an invalid.
749
00:55:19,722 --> 00:55:24,085
We are not treating you like an invalid,
we are trying to do our best by you.
750
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:27,151
- Yes, I'm sorry, Rodders.
- That's alright.
751
00:55:28,016 --> 00:55:29,906
Albert I've got the Complan.
752
00:55:32,318 --> 00:55:37,959
- So you feeling relaxed?
- Yes. I'm relaxed ll over, thank you.
753
00:55:37,994 --> 00:55:41,618
Good, 'cos I have got some
really great news.
754
00:55:42,614 --> 00:55:45,409
- What is it?
- I'm getting married!
755
00:55:45,459 --> 00:55:50,009
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