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1
00:01:08,267 --> 00:01:10,090
- Wotcher Del Boy.
- Alright, Trig?
2
00:01:10,435 --> 00:01:11,350
No Dave?
3
00:01:11,385 --> 00:01:13,099
Yeah, he's on his way down later.
4
00:01:13,134 --> 00:01:15,422
He's bringing that bird of his,
what's her name... Cassandra.
5
00:01:15,457 --> 00:01:17,176
He's going a bit serious, ain't he?
6
00:01:17,211 --> 00:01:19,878
No, girls always blow him out
after a couple of weeks!
7
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,117
That boy's been blown out more
times than a windsock.
8
00:01:24,428 --> 00:01:28,514
Trig, don't look now, but you see
the bloke at the bar with the bow tie?
9
00:01:28,549 --> 00:01:30,099
I said don't look now!
10
00:01:30,134 --> 00:01:32,741
- Who, Arnie?
- Yeah, Arnie. D'you know much about him?
11
00:01:32,776 --> 00:01:35,845
No, not a lot. He only moved
to the area a few weeks ago.
12
00:01:36,303 --> 00:01:40,633
He seems a nice bloke though.
He's a retired jewellery dealer, ain't he?
13
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:43,529
Yeah, that's what he told me.
He's retired early, though, ain't he?
14
00:01:43,564 --> 00:01:47,025
Perhaps he made enough, Del.
Why, you lining something up, then?
15
00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:53,448
I dunno, Trig. It's just that I've been having a few
drinks and chats with him over the last couple of weeks
16
00:01:53,483 --> 00:01:58,218
and he let slip that even though he retired he
still likes to do a bit of private business,
17
00:01:58,253 --> 00:02:03,595
all cash and confidentiality, just enough
to keep the old tax man at bay.
18
00:02:03,963 --> 00:02:06,979
So I thought I might give him a shove,
see what I can pick up.
19
00:02:07,014 --> 00:02:08,643
I heard your firm was broke.
20
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:13,964
I'm a businessman, I've always got
a little bit pugged away for emergencies.
21
00:02:14,061 --> 00:02:15,964
- Anyway, who told you we was broke?
- Dave.
22
00:02:16,199 --> 00:02:19,101
Ah, you don't want to take any notice of him.
He's only my financial advisor.
23
00:02:19,136 --> 00:02:20,745
What does he know?
24
00:02:20,780 --> 00:02:24,065
Cor, look at these cards,Trig.
I'm not going anywhere at this rate.
25
00:02:25,936 --> 00:02:28,897
- Try these.
- Trig you can't do that!
26
00:02:29,709 --> 00:02:30,996
Pay me.
27
00:02:37,308 --> 00:02:40,033
- How's it going?
- Oh, hello, Arnie. Didn't spot you there.
28
00:02:40,403 --> 00:02:41,705
I've only been here about
five minutes.
29
00:02:42,766 --> 00:02:46,936
Most of that time spent talking to that doorman.
Otto or whatever his name is.
30
00:02:46,971 --> 00:02:48,655
Yeah? What's up with him then?
31
00:02:48,901 --> 00:02:53,915
Ah, nothing. It's just, y'know, I'm not a member,
so I usually drop him a few quid to get in.
32
00:02:53,950 --> 00:02:58,127
Tonight the price has suddenly gone up
30 per cent. Still, it's only money, isn't it?
33
00:02:58,162 --> 00:03:01,415
Yeah. Listen; if you get yourself
a membership form I'll second you if you like.
34
00:03:01,978 --> 00:03:02,833
- Will you really?
- Yeah.
35
00:03:02,868 --> 00:03:04,585
- That's very nice of you, Del.
- That's alright.
36
00:03:05,484 --> 00:03:08,696
I'd stand back if I were you.
If you pay nineteens you're laughing.
37
00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:13,146
No, that's not my style, Arnie,
not my style. 'He who dares, wins.'
38
00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:16,762
Fancy a drink?
39
00:03:19,775 --> 00:03:20,832
Evening, Otto.
40
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,703
Evening, Mr Grayson. How's
business?
41
00:03:22,738 --> 00:03:26,543
Well, I've just gone into
voluntary liquidation again.
42
00:03:26,578 --> 00:03:29,697
- Oh congratulations, sir.
- Thank you, Otto.
43
00:03:30,272 --> 00:03:31,671
Good luck tonight, Mr Grayson.
44
00:03:37,181 --> 00:03:38,289
Evening, Otto.
45
00:03:41,110 --> 00:03:43,341
Cassandra, I'm just going to
have a word with the doorman.
46
00:03:44,867 --> 00:03:47,181
- Is there a problem, Otto?
- Members only.
47
00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:50,340
- I am a member.
- Where's your membership card?
48
00:03:52,856 --> 00:03:54,517
I appear to have left
it at home.
49
00:03:54,552 --> 00:03:57,726
If you give me 20 quid, I'll
let you in free!
50
00:03:58,707 --> 00:04:02,351
Come on! I am a member,
I've been a member for about five years or so.
51
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:05,062
I 'm afraid I shall have to
ask you to leave, sir.
52
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:09,426
- Where would you like to land?
- Come on, what's the prob...
53
00:04:09,461 --> 00:04:11,724
Oh it's alright, Otto, he's
Del Boy's brother.
54
00:04:12,073 --> 00:04:13,786
- Is that right?
- Yeah, honest.
55
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:18,257
Alright then, in that case,
have a nice evening, sir.
56
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:28,287
He's a laugh, old Otto!
Always larking about.
57
00:04:29,949 --> 00:04:35,566
So the gravedigger says to the vicar, 'Well,
I've got to have somewhere to park me bike!'
58
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:39,729
Listen, I'll see you in a
minute, Arnie.
59
00:04:45,950 --> 00:04:49,480
Oh Cassandra, this is my brother,
Derek, and Del, this is Cassandra.
60
00:04:49,515 --> 00:04:51,733
Hello, Cassandra, very
pleased to meet you.
61
00:04:52,083 --> 00:04:56,789
Rodney's told me all about you �
but don't worry, I'm not the type to shout it all about.
62
00:04:56,824 --> 00:04:58,396
That's very kind of you, Derek.
63
00:04:58,611 --> 00:05:04,018
Rodney's told me all about you as well,
although I must admit I didn't believe him - until now.
64
00:05:07,755 --> 00:05:11,346
- I like her!
- Yeah. Well, shall we sit down, Cass?
65
00:05:11,592 --> 00:05:12,746
Can I get you a drink, sweetheart?
66
00:05:12,781 --> 00:05:14,446
Just a coke and ice, please,
I'm driving.
67
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,788
- Right OK. Rodney you?
- Non-alcoholic lager top, please.
68
00:05:28,715 --> 00:05:30,587
So what
line of work you in, Cassandra?
69
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:34,975
- I work for a bank.
- Oh really? Do they do loans?
70
00:05:35,616 --> 00:05:39,233
- Why don't you leave Cassandra alone?
- I'm only being polite.
71
00:05:39,268 --> 00:05:42,173
They do arrange loans -
according to status of course.
72
00:05:42,844 --> 00:05:44,571
Well that leaves you out
then, don't it?
73
00:05:46,083 --> 00:05:49,461
I don't actually work on that side of things.
I'm in overseas investment.
74
00:05:49,931 --> 00:05:54,683
Del does a bit of that. Albanian watches,
Turkish raincoats, that sort of thing.
75
00:05:55,220 --> 00:06:01,822
Would you like me to go and tell Otto what you called him
just now? Rodney tells me your dad's in business.
76
00:06:01,857 --> 00:06:03,712
Yes, he's got his own printing workshop.
77
00:06:03,747 --> 00:06:06,817
Oh yeah? What sort is that,
family business, passed on sort of?
78
00:06:06,852 --> 00:06:11,462
No, there was no silver spoon involved.
He used to live on a council estate around this area.
79
00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:14,105
Oh really? Perhaps I know
him.
80
00:06:14,404 --> 00:06:15,072
Oh God!
81
00:06:15,193 --> 00:06:17,793
- What's his name?
- Parry. Alan Parry.
82
00:06:17,842 --> 00:06:24,476
Parry... Alan Parry. Yes, little fella, one brown eye,
one blue eye, talks with a squint, walks with a stutter.
83
00:06:24,511 --> 00:06:26,027
That's him!
84
00:06:28,181 --> 00:06:30,716
Listen, I'm gonna leave you two lovebirds.
85
00:06:31,372 --> 00:06:35,210
And just remember, Cassandra,
Rodney tells me everything!
86
00:06:35,245 --> 00:06:37,632
Thanks for the warning.
87
00:06:39,701 --> 00:06:41,273
I'm sorry about him, Cass.
88
00:06:41,308 --> 00:06:44,409
Why are you apologizing?
I think he's lovely.
89
00:06:46,258 --> 00:06:49,292
- Del?
- Yes. He makes me laugh!
90
00:06:51,088 --> 00:06:55,173
Well, yeah, He's alright I suppose. At times.
91
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:58,597
Well, I'd better make a move.
92
00:06:58,899 --> 00:07:03,690
Gotta be up early for work in the morning.
I'll be glad when I'm retired like you, Arnie.
93
00:07:03,725 --> 00:07:05,415
Yeah, you can't beat it,
Trigger.
94
00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:09,940
Drag yourself out of bed about 11 o'clock
just in time to relax for the rest of the day.
95
00:07:09,975 --> 00:07:12,247
You retired a bit early
though, didn't you, Arnie?
96
00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:16,430
I thought you jewellery dealers were making
so much bunce you carried on 'til you dropped.
97
00:07:16,465 --> 00:07:17,859
Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
98
00:07:19,515 --> 00:07:20,978
Keeled over on the floor one day.
99
00:07:21,013 --> 00:07:25,196
Ticker trouble, stress of business.
Doctors gave me six months to live.
100
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,222
Oh yeah? Well, yeah.
101
00:07:30,733 --> 00:07:33,258
Well, you don't wanna take too much notice
of these doctors, Arnie.
102
00:07:33,293 --> 00:07:36,246
- They'll say anything to get rid of you.
- This was private.
103
00:07:36,281 --> 00:07:40,820
No, you take that Georgie Collis. They only gave him
six months to live. He was gutted, weren't he, Trig?
104
00:07:40,855 --> 00:07:41,941
Well, upset.
105
00:07:41,976 --> 00:07:45,721
Yeah, then they discovered, of course,
that they'd only mixed up his records with another bloke's.
106
00:07:45,756 --> 00:07:48,553
Yeah, but the other bloke
only had three months to live!
107
00:07:50,406 --> 00:07:53,744
Yeah, I know, I know that
Trig, that's not the point, though, is it?
108
00:07:53,779 --> 00:07:56,366
I was just trying to say to Arnie that
these doctors can make mistakes.
109
00:07:56,401 --> 00:07:57,514
No, you don't understand.
110
00:07:57,549 --> 00:08:00,989
The doctors said I didn't have
long to go unless I changed my lifestyle.
111
00:08:01,402 --> 00:08:05,068
That's exactly what I did... gave up
all the boozing and fags.
112
00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:08,017
Started doing all the little things I
hadn't done for years,
113
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:10,691
like walking, breathing some
decent air.
114
00:08:11,398 --> 00:08:16,865
Have you any idea of the kind of damage
that alcohol and nicotine does to your heart?
115
00:08:20,129 --> 00:08:21,457
Same again, Del?
116
00:08:21,492 --> 00:08:23,892
No thanks, Bruv, I'll just
have a mineral water.
117
00:08:24,860 --> 00:08:26,831
- Arnie?
- Mineral water for me too, son.
118
00:08:26,866 --> 00:08:28,733
No, nothing for me, Dave. I'm off.
119
00:08:29,370 --> 00:08:30,679
I'll see you around, then.
120
00:08:30,714 --> 00:08:31,812
Yeah, see you, Trig.
121
00:08:31,847 --> 00:08:33,750
But the most important thing
I ever did, Derek �
122
00:08:33,785 --> 00:08:36,272
the one thing that changed my life
was getting out of the business.
123
00:08:36,307 --> 00:08:41,608
Getting away from all that stress. I mean you
might not believe this, I used to be taut!
124
00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:43,930
Really? What was you learning
then?
125
00:08:46,495 --> 00:08:47,931
Tight, nervous tension!
126
00:08:47,966 --> 00:08:50,758
Oh... taut. Oh you mean...
right... oh yes.
127
00:08:51,027 --> 00:08:54,129
Got away from all that now.
Got me little house, got me wife Pat,
128
00:08:54,164 --> 00:08:58,430
lovely caring woman, got me boys,
Gary and young Steven.
129
00:08:59,388 --> 00:09:01,081
What more could a man ask for?
130
00:09:01,638 --> 00:09:06,435
'And I think to myself, what
a wonderful world.'
131
00:09:07,558 --> 00:09:14,046
Cheers, bruv. But you still
do a bit, though, don't you?
132
00:09:14,414 --> 00:09:17,920
Well, occasionally - with the
right sort of person.
133
00:09:17,955 --> 00:09:20,429
Well, basically I'm just getting
rid of stuff I've been left with.
134
00:09:20,464 --> 00:09:23,559
Oh right, well you don't
forget you know, I am a trader.
135
00:09:24,234 --> 00:09:27,268
- Interested in jewellery?
- I'm interested in anything, Arnie.
136
00:09:28,171 --> 00:09:32,271
And you don't mind if it's arrived
on the market via an unorthodox route?
137
00:09:32,306 --> 00:09:37,118
No of course not. I do understand that some things have a
tendency to, you know, float out of factory windows.
138
00:09:37,153 --> 00:09:39,272
I mean, that's just mother nature innit eh?
139
00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:40,712
Are you in a hurry?
140
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,674
No, got all the time in the
world, Arnie.
141
00:09:42,709 --> 00:09:45,582
You meet me in the back of
the car park in an hour's time.
142
00:09:45,617 --> 00:09:49,254
- Yeah, cushty!
- Won't be long.
143
00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,313
Lovely Jubbly!
144
00:10:00,201 --> 00:10:02,306
Well, good night, Del. Lovely
meeting you.
145
00:10:02,341 --> 00:10:05,452
And you too, sweetheart. And
don't forget, I won't say a word.
146
00:10:05,487 --> 00:10:07,989
- Thank you.
- I'll see you in a little while.
147
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:11,952
Oi, Rodney, where do you
think you're going?
148
00:10:12,925 --> 00:10:14,402
Cassandra's giving me a lift
home.
149
00:10:14,437 --> 00:10:17,014
Ah, it's alright. Don't bother yourself,
sweetheart. We've got the van here.
150
00:10:20,173 --> 00:10:22,814
Excuse me one moment, while I
go and kill him.
151
00:10:28,615 --> 00:10:30,108
What d'you think you're playing at, Derek?
152
00:10:30,143 --> 00:10:33,240
I told you I've got a bit of a deal
going down here in a little while.
153
00:10:33,275 --> 00:10:35,588
Yeah, and I told you I don't
want nothing to do with it.
154
00:10:36,091 --> 00:10:41,144
I know you did, but I gotta meet that Arnie
in the back of the car park there, where it's nice and dark!
155
00:10:41,284 --> 00:10:44,681
Now I have only just recently met the geezer so
I don't know what I'm walking into,
156
00:10:44,754 --> 00:10:47,213
so I would appreciate
a bit of backup, alright?
157
00:10:47,248 --> 00:10:50,987
Yeah, but I wanted to say
good night to Cassandra.
158
00:10:52,142 --> 00:10:55,427
Go on, then say good night,
and get back here a bit lively!
159
00:10:55,699 --> 00:11:00,509
No, I meant... Oh bloody 'ell!
160
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,677
Oh give me a couple of minutes.
161
00:11:12,980 --> 00:11:14,030
What's happening?
162
00:11:14,552 --> 00:11:16,799
I'm gonna drive Del home.
He's drunk.
163
00:11:16,834 --> 00:11:19,577
Drunk? He doesn't look drunk.
164
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:25,015
No, I know. It's a bad sign
with him. He hides it well, you see.
165
00:11:25,711 --> 00:11:30,068
But I tell you, you could push him over
with one little finger he'd fall flat on his face.
166
00:11:31,943 --> 00:11:35,198
It's a problem of his I had to live with
since I was a little kid.
167
00:11:35,305 --> 00:11:38,706
- How sad.
- Yeah, I know, it's tragic.
168
00:11:40,977 --> 00:11:42,261
Still, never mind, eh?
169
00:11:58,921 --> 00:12:01,759
Blimey, let the poor girl up
for air, Rodney.
170
00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:05,392
Hands Rodney!
171
00:12:05,919 --> 00:12:09,604
Sorry.. D'you fancy coming
out for a meal on Thursday?
172
00:12:09,639 --> 00:12:12,180
I thought I'd told you I'm
on a week's training course.
173
00:12:12,215 --> 00:12:14,501
Yeah, but you must be able
to get a few hours off.
174
00:12:14,536 --> 00:12:18,241
Well, yes, if you fancy flying off to Guernsey.
I'd love to have dinner with you.
175
00:12:18,275 --> 00:12:21,427
Guernsey? You gotta go all
the way over to Guernsey?
176
00:12:21,462 --> 00:12:25,942
Yes. I did ask Guernsey if it would like to
come to me, but it refused point-blank!
177
00:12:25,977 --> 00:12:28,240
I've heard about these
company training courses.
178
00:12:28,275 --> 00:12:30,930
They're just an excuse for
loads of people to hold an orgy.
179
00:12:30,965 --> 00:12:35,435
- Really?
- Please be serious for one moment, Cassandra.
180
00:12:35,470 --> 00:12:39,609
Look, Rodney, if what you've
heard is true and all these perfectly staid
181
00:12:39,644 --> 00:12:43,938
and boring people suddenly hurl themselves
into a pit of carnal abandon,
182
00:12:43,973 --> 00:12:46,382
it doesn't mean I have to join in, does it?
183
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:47,903
No, I suppose not.
184
00:12:47,938 --> 00:12:53,224
- There's no 'suppose' about it.
- No, I'm sorry. You're right.
185
00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:58,159
'Course I'm right. I mean,
I'll take my whip, just in case!
186
00:13:00,162 --> 00:13:02,252
- I'll phone you.
- I'll phone you as well.
187
00:13:03,236 --> 00:13:06,897
Better make sure we don't phone at the same time,
otherwise we'll both be engaged.
188
00:13:12,934 --> 00:13:15,335
- I love you.
- Do you?
189
00:13:18,154 --> 00:13:20,075
And I...
190
00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:30,044
Come on, Rodney, he's here.
191
00:13:33,716 --> 00:13:35,408
Don't have a nice time, will
you?
192
00:13:35,443 --> 00:13:37,061
I'll try not to.
193
00:13:56,981 --> 00:14:00,682
- What were you doing with that girl?
- I was saying good night.
194
00:14:00,717 --> 00:14:04,236
Saying good night! She had
her head in your mouth at one point!
195
00:14:05,441 --> 00:14:06,905
You mean you was watching?
196
00:14:06,940 --> 00:14:10,772
I couldn't do anything else. Last time I saw
anything like that it was in a circus.
197
00:14:10,807 --> 00:14:12,773
You saucy git!
198
00:14:14,345 --> 00:14:16,724
- What's up?
- I've got a tickle in me throat.
199
00:14:17,010 --> 00:14:19,290
You've most probably got her
wig stuck in it!
200
00:14:22,132 --> 00:14:25,539
- Alright?
- Hop in the back.
201
00:14:26,432 --> 00:14:29,522
Go on, get in the back Rodney.
Go on, get in the back!
202
00:14:39,315 --> 00:14:41,733
- Sorry I'm a bit late.
- That's alright, Arnie. No problem.
203
00:14:44,681 --> 00:14:45,913
Open that.
204
00:14:52,232 --> 00:14:56,360
- Jeez!
- What'd you do, mug Mr T?
205
00:14:57,328 --> 00:15:00,621
There's 250 chains there.
18 carat gold.
206
00:15:02,008 --> 00:15:05,495
Now if it was to go to some poncy
Bond Street shop - you know the sort,
207
00:15:06,070 --> 00:15:09,344
with plenty of mark up - they'd want 200 quid
for each of this.
208
00:15:10,526 --> 00:15:12,528
That's 50
thousand pounds sitting there.
209
00:15:13,145 --> 00:15:20,067
50 grand! Here, wait a minute.
This ain't the result of some raid, is it?
210
00:15:20,102 --> 00:15:22,227
No, no. Nothing like that.
211
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:24,854
Look, six months ago
a client of mine asked me
212
00:15:24,889 --> 00:15:30,432
if I could get hold of these sort of things for him
for the right price. Do you know Maxi Stavros?
213
00:15:31,105 --> 00:15:32,322
No, I don't.
214
00:15:32,357 --> 00:15:35,902
Oh you're lucky. Well, he's a nice enough guy,
'til it comes to money.
215
00:15:35,937 --> 00:15:39,873
We agreed on a price
and he was gonna pay me 25 grand.
216
00:15:40,995 --> 00:15:45,797
He's got all these contacts in the States, you see;
this sort of thing sells very well over there.
217
00:15:46,091 --> 00:15:48,510
It's the English hallmarks,
the Yanks love all that.
218
00:15:48,702 --> 00:15:53,209
Anyway, I acquired the goods
and I haven't heard from him since.
219
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:59,990
- You could sue for breach of contract.
- Listen to it, will you?
220
00:16:00,651 --> 00:16:03,323
No, son, there's no contract
between friends.
221
00:16:03,358 --> 00:16:06,558
It's a man's word, handshake,
a gentleman's agreement.
222
00:16:07,057 --> 00:16:10,231
Anyway, Mr Stavros is not the sort of man
you'd want to sue.
223
00:16:10,598 --> 00:16:14,795
No, he's never let me down before so
I suppose he's got troubles. But then, so have I.
224
00:16:14,830 --> 00:16:19,836
I can't wait any longer. I'm gonna
have to let these go at half the wholesale price.
225
00:16:20,115 --> 00:16:21,652
That's 50 quid each.
226
00:16:24,841 --> 00:16:29,532
I mean what's the catch? I mean,
you said they came on an unorthodox route.
227
00:16:30,107 --> 00:16:31,645
I didn't pay the VAT.
228
00:16:33,636 --> 00:16:38,710
I assumed that they were for
retail outside the European Community
229
00:16:38,745 --> 00:16:43,776
and therefore would not be liable to VAT.
Now I'm lumbered with 'em.
230
00:16:45,059 --> 00:16:47,460
So what d'you reckon? You
still interested?
231
00:16:47,495 --> 00:16:52,566
Well, yeah, yeah, I'm interested, yeah.
Well, yeah, I'll take two.
232
00:16:52,817 --> 00:16:57,153
- Two?
- Oh alright, three.
233
00:16:59,733 --> 00:17:03,838
No, I'm not running a corner shop, Del.
I'm a dealer.
234
00:17:03,873 --> 00:17:08,365
I buy and sell jewellery in
bulk. The whole lot or none at all.
235
00:17:11,051 --> 00:17:12,485
Yeah, I know that, no,
236
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:16,587
it's just that I meant I'll take two or three
as samples to show my clients, you know?
237
00:17:17,388 --> 00:17:20,552
Yeah, twelve and a half
grand in cash and they're all yours.
238
00:17:21,961 --> 00:17:26,673
Yeah, well, I don't think I've got that sort
of money on me at the moment, Arnie.
239
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:35,281
I can wait. Look, you sell those round the pubs
and the clubs, the worst you do is double your money.
240
00:17:36,578 --> 00:17:39,288
- I'll take 'em.
- Twelve and an 'arf thousand p...
241
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,988
Subject to a surveyor's
report, of course.
242
00:17:43,023 --> 00:17:44,330
Oh, of course.
243
00:17:46,427 --> 00:17:49,608
OK, then listen. D'you know
the Nag's Head in Peckham?
244
00:17:49,643 --> 00:17:50,855
I'll find it.
245
00:17:50,890 --> 00:17:53,235
Right, well, I'll see you
there tomorrow at one o'clock.
246
00:17:55,622 --> 00:17:57,518
Look after them for me,
won't ya?
247
00:18:09,764 --> 00:18:10,913
You kicked me!
248
00:18:10,948 --> 00:18:13,004
Yes, that's because you've
got a big mouth, Rodney.
249
00:18:13,310 --> 00:18:16,057
You nearly gave Arnie the
impression that we were small time.
250
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:19,320
If I can just pull this off, Rodney,
I will double my investment.
251
00:18:19,355 --> 00:18:22,521
Del, where you gonna get
12,500 pounds?
252
00:18:24,210 --> 00:18:26,886
Well, there's Boycie,
he's got a lot of money, likes a gamble.
253
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:32,446
Mike down the Nag's Head, he knows a bargain
when he sees one. I'll put together a little consortium!
254
00:18:32,481 --> 00:18:34,578
What, you mean just hand the
whole deal over to them?
255
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,740
No, no, no. I've got some
money to put in.
256
00:18:36,775 --> 00:18:41,384
No, Del. Don't you remember what I told you
the other day? Our partnership is virtually broke.
257
00:18:41,419 --> 00:18:46,330
No, Rodney, our partnership is potless.
What I mean is I've got some money to put in.
258
00:18:46,365 --> 00:18:49,152
You... How much?
259
00:18:51,671 --> 00:18:55,697
Not a lot, it's just you know,
4 grand.
260
00:18:55,732 --> 00:18:58,758
- 4,000 pounds?
- It's my nest egg.
261
00:18:58,793 --> 00:19:02,718
That's more like a bleedin' ostrich egg!
Where did you get that from?
262
00:19:02,753 --> 00:19:05,204
It's just been money I've
been saving up over the years.
263
00:19:05,239 --> 00:19:07,444
Little bit here, little bit there, y'know.
It soon builds up.
264
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:08,942
You conning git!
265
00:19:10,375 --> 00:19:11,772
You could have
done the same thing.
266
00:19:11,807 --> 00:19:12,670
Don't talk to me.
267
00:19:12,705 --> 00:19:14,341
No, you could have done.
No, you could.
268
00:19:14,376 --> 00:19:16,403
Mum said to me on her deathbed,
she said, 'Del Boy...'
269
00:19:16,604 --> 00:19:19,433
- Shut up!
- No, she did. She said "You make sure that Rodney...
270
00:19:24,266 --> 00:19:26,928
You're back early.
I thought you'd still be at the airport.
271
00:19:26,963 --> 00:19:29,622
No, her plane got off on time.
Where's Del?
272
00:19:30,026 --> 00:19:32,998
Well, him and Arnie and the
rest of the consortium
273
00:19:33,033 --> 00:19:35,678
have gone down the jeweler�s to
have them chains examined.
274
00:19:35,713 --> 00:19:38,264
The rest of the consortium!
How many's in it?
275
00:19:38,299 --> 00:19:41,266
Well, there's Del, there's Trigger, there's...
there's Mike,
276
00:19:41,301 --> 00:19:44,717
there's that feller Boycie and - there's me.
Of course, there could be more by now.
277
00:19:44,968 --> 00:19:47,295
What's he playing at?
He's gone a bit public, ain't he?
278
00:19:47,330 --> 00:19:50,638
I've just been down the post office
and got my savings out.
279
00:19:51,364 --> 00:19:55,475
Pity you weren't interested, Rodney.
You could have made yourself a nice few bob.
280
00:19:56,044 --> 00:19:58,889
Well, yeah, I suppose I could have,
but the thing, is, you see,
281
00:19:58,924 --> 00:20:01,586
them chains are part of a
VAT rip-off, ain't they?
282
00:20:01,621 --> 00:20:05,365
I know, that's why they're so cheap!
Do you want a cuppa tea, son?
283
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,270
- No, I don't want nothing.
- What's wrong?
284
00:20:08,305 --> 00:20:10,434
Nothing. Everything's fine.
285
00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:13,436
Look, you got her hotel
number, give her a call.
286
00:20:13,737 --> 00:20:17,652
No way! She was supposed to
phone me at 12.30 and look.
287
00:20:18,453 --> 00:20:23,265
No, she's probably having a drink and a laugh
with all them yuppy sorts from the bank.
288
00:20:23,736 --> 00:20:25,410
She might be in bed, Rodney.
289
00:20:27,753 --> 00:20:32,435
- I mean, sleeping off the jet lag.
- Jet lag? She's only gone to Guernsey!
290
00:20:34,269 --> 00:20:35,757
So what the jeweler say?
291
00:20:36,494 --> 00:20:42,934
They're pucca, Unc. They are
the real McCoy! Solid gold, 18-carat.
292
00:20:43,288 --> 00:20:48,240
Top-class workman-ship, just like Arnie said.
Oh, we'll double our money on these, have no fear.
293
00:20:48,510 --> 00:20:52,348
Very shrewd move of yours, Rodney, you know,
not to get involved in this deal.
294
00:20:52,646 --> 00:20:53,785
Shut up!
295
00:20:54,598 --> 00:20:59,823
Here they come, come on lads, come on.
Let's have a little celebration drink, shall we?
296
00:21:00,331 --> 00:21:05,632
I think we should discuss the matter in private
before we celebrate. I don't like being premature.
297
00:21:05,667 --> 00:21:08,518
No, Marlene said something
about that the other day.
298
00:21:14,018 --> 00:21:18,419
I hope you don't mind, Arnie, but I and the
consortium would like to have a little board meeting.
299
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:19,936
No, no, of course not.
300
00:21:20,824 --> 00:21:22,888
Well, perhaps you'd like to
wait in reception.
301
00:21:23,795 --> 00:21:26,787
Get in the kitchen there Arnie,
have some tea, help yourself.
302
00:21:26,822 --> 00:21:28,896
There's plenty of egg mayonnaise
and tomatoes in the fridge.
303
00:21:29,238 --> 00:21:30,272
No, that's OK, thanks very
much.
304
00:21:30,307 --> 00:21:34,183
I think I would prefer it if the gold
stayed in the room with us!
305
00:21:34,184 --> 00:21:37,410
That's alright Mr.Boyce,
I'd like to keep an eye on it as well.
306
00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:43,853
So if I leave it here, then
we can both see it. Alright?
307
00:21:44,086 --> 00:21:45,697
- Perfect.
- Thank you.
308
00:21:45,732 --> 00:21:47,905
Thanks very much Arnie.
Thanks a lot.
309
00:21:48,764 --> 00:21:50,311
What is the matter with you?
310
00:21:50,346 --> 00:21:52,691
You're giving Arnie the
impression you don't trust him!
311
00:21:52,726 --> 00:21:56,116
And he wouldn't be far wrong, would he?
I don't even know the man.
312
00:21:56,151 --> 00:21:58,701
He seems a decent enough
fella to me, Boycie.
313
00:21:58,736 --> 00:22:01,617
That's right, that's right! He's a solid bloke,
right, I can vouch for him.
314
00:22:01,652 --> 00:22:03,471
Well he's played it straight
down the line with us.
315
00:22:03,506 --> 00:22:08,291
He said those chains were worth 25k and we've
just had it confirmed by an independent jeweler.
316
00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:09,557
So what more d'you want?
317
00:22:09,592 --> 00:22:15,097
I want to know how he can afford to sell 'em
at 50 per cent less than their whole-sale price.
318
00:22:15,132 --> 00:22:18,673
'Cos he bought 'em a long time ago
when the price of gold was down.
319
00:22:18,708 --> 00:22:23,664
Plus he didn't bother to tell those very nice
people down at the VAT office.
320
00:22:25,826 --> 00:22:30,547
Alright, here's my seven grand.
321
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:34,357
Good. Well done Boycie. Good boy.
Come on in, Michael, let's see you.
322
00:22:34,828 --> 00:22:35,445
A thousand.
323
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:36,894
That's it! Good, come on.
324
00:22:36,929 --> 00:22:42,198
I've bin a bit strapped recently, Del.
I could only get �247.50.
325
00:22:43,551 --> 00:22:46,054
My aunt Reen had to pawn
her necklace for that.
326
00:22:46,242 --> 00:22:47,997
Yes, alright, Trig, don't
worry, don't worry, mate.
327
00:22:48,032 --> 00:22:50,861
We'll double your money for you.
Come on, Albert, d'you go down the post office?
328
00:22:50,896 --> 00:22:56,088
I didn't get as much as I thought, son.
I only got a 189 pound and 26 new pee.
329
00:22:56,461 --> 00:22:59,046
Oh I thought you said that
you had over 200 quid odd.
330
00:22:59,081 --> 00:23:01,300
I know. I miscalculated the
interest.
331
00:23:01,335 --> 00:23:05,967
That means that we are 36 pounds
and 24 pence short of the target.
332
00:23:06,002 --> 00:23:12,408
Not any more you're not!
You can count me in!
333
00:23:12,771 --> 00:23:15,753
Oh! Thank God for the Great
Gatsby here!
334
00:23:17,035 --> 00:23:20,094
Arnie, come on,
the board meeting's over.
335
00:23:20,345 --> 00:23:22,070
And have you reached an
executive decision?
336
00:23:22,105 --> 00:23:24,956
Yes, yes, we have, the deal
is on!
337
00:23:25,633 --> 00:23:28,862
What a relief! Couldn't stand
any more of that tea!
338
00:23:30,612 --> 00:23:37,459
- This, gentlemen, is yours!
- And here is the old doh-ray-me.
339
00:23:39,031 --> 00:23:44,758
Oh look at that, isn't that sweet?
It reminds me of holidays in County Donegal.
340
00:23:44,793 --> 00:23:47,415
Oh, is that a paddy tenpence piece?
Oh, I'll change that for you.
341
00:23:47,450 --> 00:23:51,307
Oh don't worry. I won't bother
counting. I trust you.
342
00:23:51,655 --> 00:23:56,253
That's right, good. Well, we've all got to
learn to trust each other, Arnie.
343
00:23:56,477 --> 00:24:00,943
Don't worry about Boycie. He's just
got his funny little ways. You ask his missus!
344
00:24:01,243 --> 00:24:04,739
Oh that reminds me. Do you
mind if I phone the wife?
345
00:24:04,774 --> 00:24:08,238
Yeah, sure, no problem, no problem.
Here, I'll get the phone for you.
346
00:24:08,273 --> 00:24:11,022
'Ere, what about that drink, then,
chaps? Celebration drink, eh?
347
00:24:11,350 --> 00:24:14,411
- You'll stay for one, aren't you Arnie?
- Yeah, a quick one, Del. Mineral water - something like that.
348
00:24:16,131 --> 00:24:19,569
Rodney, whip out there under the fridge
in the kitchen, get the beers.
349
00:24:19,748 --> 00:24:23,093
Well, seeing as how it's a special occasion
I think I'll have a little drop of that port.
350
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,669
- Yeah, same here, Del.
- I'll hang on for a beer.
351
00:24:25,704 --> 00:24:29,843
Pat? Yeah, it's me, love... yeah.
No, I don't know what time I'll be back.
352
00:24:29,878 --> 00:24:33,790
Soon as I can drag myself away from
this bunch of toerags.
353
00:24:34,733 --> 00:24:37,143
Don't wait up for him, Pat,
he's probably on a ghoster.
354
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:42,138
Shut up! She'll think I'm back on the booze.
So how's things at home love?
355
00:24:43,938 --> 00:24:47,047
What?
No, I can't meet him, no!
356
00:24:50,281 --> 00:24:52,960
No, love, I haven't got them any
more!
357
00:24:53,380 --> 00:24:56,159
Pat, I would not joke about
a thing as serious as this.
358
00:24:56,194 --> 00:24:59,022
I've just this minute sold them to Del
and his consortium.
359
00:24:59,811 --> 00:25:01,856
But I don't care
how much money he's got...
360
00:25:02,285 --> 00:25:07,303
No, I am not getting
excited! Alright, look, I will meet him...
361
00:25:07,655 --> 00:25:12,321
And I will explain the situation, alright?
Alright, I'll call you.
362
00:25:12,886 --> 00:25:14,364
Everything alright, Arnie?
363
00:25:15,797 --> 00:25:18,843
You know that client of mine
I told you about?
364
00:25:19,085 --> 00:25:21,120
Yeah, what, that Mr Stavros or
what have ya?
365
00:25:21,295 --> 00:25:24,831
Yeah. He's in London.
He wants to meet me for lunch.
366
00:25:25,253 --> 00:25:27,265
You mean he's come to pick up
the chains?
367
00:25:27,439 --> 00:25:34,156
Yes. Ironic innit? He's got 25 grand in cash
to give me and I've just let 'em go for 12 and a half!
368
00:25:34,391 --> 00:25:35,965
What's all this about, then?
369
00:25:36,140 --> 00:25:41,813
Well, about six months ago Arnie made a deal on
these chains with some international jeweler mush.
370
00:25:41,988 --> 00:25:43,851
So they weren't yours to sell
in the first place?
371
00:25:43,886 --> 00:25:45,292
No, no, they belonged to me.
372
00:25:45,327 --> 00:25:48,423
No, Mr Stavros never actually
gave me any money for them.
373
00:25:49,224 --> 00:25:50,929
But he's an odd sort of
person.
374
00:25:51,329 --> 00:25:54,461
Once you've shaken on the deal,
as far as he's concerned they're his property,
375
00:25:54,496 --> 00:25:56,429
and now he's come
to collect.
376
00:25:56,464 --> 00:25:59,214
And he is given to bouts of
mindless violence, ain't he?
377
00:25:59,249 --> 00:26:00,574
Very, very nasty.
378
00:26:00,609 --> 00:26:03,762
If he wants a war,
we'll give him one! Won't we?
379
00:26:06,295 --> 00:26:08,063
I don't like the sound of
that!
380
00:26:08,098 --> 00:26:11,427
Oh don't worry, Albert, there won't be
many naval engagements in this one.
381
00:26:12,025 --> 00:26:16,355
Well, look. Why don't we sell the chains back to Arnie -
with a small profit, of course.
382
00:26:16,390 --> 00:26:20,553
- Are you off your trolley?
- We'll still be making a bit each, Boycie.
383
00:26:20,588 --> 00:26:22,971
We can double our money on
these things!
384
00:26:23,451 --> 00:26:26,880
Yeah, but Stavros is gonna
give Arnie a bad time, ain't he?
385
00:26:26,915 --> 00:26:30,174
I don't care if he redecorates
Regent Street with Arnie!
386
00:26:30,621 --> 00:26:34,440
This is business!
No, I have every sympathy for Arnie's predicament,
387
00:26:34,475 --> 00:26:38,089
but at the end of the day
it's a bit like Mike's pub grub - tough!
388
00:26:39,751 --> 00:26:43,627
I don't believe you sometimes. I just don't believe you.
You call yourself a businessman?
389
00:26:43,873 --> 00:26:46,767
You're missing the most
important point of the whole situation!
390
00:26:46,993 --> 00:26:52,065
There is a man in London who wants to buy
25018-carat gold chains from Arnie here.
391
00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:56,321
He is willing to pay twenty five thousand pounds,
with cash on the hip.
392
00:26:56,356 --> 00:26:59,951
But Arnie doesn't have them any more �
we do!
393
00:27:02,306 --> 00:27:04,053
So what you saying, Del?
394
00:27:06,289 --> 00:27:08,755
Blimey! Give me a piece of
chalk, somebody, will ya?
395
00:27:09,506 --> 00:27:13,759
What I'm trying to say is: why don't we ask Arnie
to keep his lunch appointment with this man,
396
00:27:13,794 --> 00:27:19,890
and sell them chains for us? For which we
will give Arnie two grand for his trouble?
397
00:27:19,925 --> 00:27:23,027
That way Stavros gets the
goods at the agreed price.
398
00:27:23,062 --> 00:27:28,184
Arnie gets a deuce in bunce, plus he keeps
his kneecaps where nature intended.
399
00:27:28,219 --> 00:27:31,961
And our consortium gets
10,500 profit for doing sod all!
400
00:27:31,996 --> 00:27:39,518
- Everyone's a winner! Apres moi, le deluge.
- I like the sound of that, Del.
401
00:27:39,822 --> 00:27:42,048
Yeah, it's not a bad idea,
Del.
402
00:27:44,592 --> 00:27:47,535
Arnie, where is this, where is
this restaurant of yours?
403
00:27:47,570 --> 00:27:52,040
It's a liitle place off the King's Road.
I'd better get my skates on.
404
00:27:52,075 --> 00:27:56,135
I think it would be a good idea if we came with you,
don't you, Arnie?
405
00:27:56,298 --> 00:27:59,123
Yeah, he's right. I mean, you don't wanna go
walking across the estate
406
00:27:59,158 --> 00:28:01,867
with a case full of gold, do you?
Not on your own, anyway.
407
00:28:02,144 --> 00:28:04,663
Fair enough. Well, let's get
going. We haven't got long.
408
00:28:04,999 --> 00:28:06,907
'Ere, Trig, don't let him out
of your sight.
409
00:28:07,550 --> 00:28:11,706
Come on, Albert, get that down ya
and get in the van. Come on, let's go.
410
00:28:14,577 --> 00:28:17,278
Oh come on, Cassandra, ring!
411
00:28:20,780 --> 00:28:26,056
Well, I ain't phoning you,
if that's what you think. I'm a man.
412
00:28:32,590 --> 00:28:33,794
May I help you, sir?
413
00:28:34,737 --> 00:28:38,146
I'm expecting to meet Mr Stavros here.
I wonder if he's booked?
414
00:28:39,349 --> 00:28:42,071
Mr Stavros. Yes, he has booked a table.
I'm afraid the gentleman hasn't arrived yet.
415
00:28:42,106 --> 00:28:44,427
- Would you care to wait at the table?
- Yes.
416
00:28:44,462 --> 00:28:46,227
Portare il signore.
417
00:28:51,750 --> 00:28:54,380
- Yes, gentlemen?
- A table for two, please.
418
00:28:54,415 --> 00:28:56,358
- Have you booked?
- No, we haven't.
419
00:28:56,393 --> 00:29:00,502
- I'm afraid we are very crowded at the moment.
- This might make a bit of room.
420
00:29:00,841 --> 00:29:05,025
Of course, grazie! Enrico,
numero duo pere siniori.
421
00:29:37,911 --> 00:29:39,457
Why didn't you sit that side?
422
00:29:39,658 --> 00:29:43,575
'Cos I wouldn't be able to see Arnie then.
Why, what's the matter?
423
00:29:45,469 --> 00:29:51,191
It's just we're both sitting on the same side.
Sort of next to each other...
424
00:29:51,841 --> 00:29:54,821
- So?
- So it might look a bit funny.
425
00:29:56,047 --> 00:30:00,690
- What d'you mean?
- People might think that we're a bit funny.
426
00:30:02,978 --> 00:30:05,305
Why don't you go and sit on
the other side then?
427
00:30:05,340 --> 00:30:07,098
'Cos I wanna keep me eye on
Arnie, don't I?
428
00:30:07,133 --> 00:30:09,164
- So do I!
- Yes, I now. But it's my consortium!
429
00:30:09,199 --> 00:30:11,352
- I put most of the money in!
- But it was my idea!
430
00:30:16,703 --> 00:30:18,717
Nice to see you again, sir.
431
00:30:28,996 --> 00:30:30,180
Get your hand off mine!
432
00:30:31,394 --> 00:30:34,617
I said, get your hand off mine! People'll think
we're a couple of woofters or something!
433
00:30:34,722 --> 00:30:36,269
They can think what they like!
434
00:30:36,304 --> 00:30:39,329
I've got 7 grand sitting up there
and that's all I'm concerned with!
435
00:30:41,799 --> 00:30:43,903
Do you reckon it'll turn
violent in there?
436
00:30:44,422 --> 00:30:47,696
- I don't care if it does!
- No?
437
00:30:48,090 --> 00:30:51,791
No, this is a fast car.
438
00:30:54,114 --> 00:30:55,718
What's he doing, Rodney?
439
00:30:56,158 --> 00:30:59,374
What do you mean, what's he doing?
You can see what he's doing!
440
00:30:59,703 --> 00:31:04,266
- He's sitting in the window there reading a menu!
- It's a bit suspicious, innit?
441
00:31:05,218 --> 00:31:09,973
What? A bloke sitting in a restaurant
reading a menu - yeah, very iffy!
442
00:31:10,373 --> 00:31:13,431
Could you get me a glass of water,
please. I feel rather hot.
443
00:31:27,559 --> 00:31:30,201
- Would you care to order now, sir?
- Yes, I'd like an ambulance.
444
00:31:31,924 --> 00:31:33,081
An ambulance, sir?
445
00:31:33,116 --> 00:31:35,086
Yes, an ambulance, I'm not very well.
446
00:31:35,109 --> 00:31:38,006
Yes sir.
Telefono per una ambulanza, presto!
447
00:31:48,970 --> 00:31:50,394
Are you alright, sir?
448
00:31:51,216 --> 00:31:53,782
- What's happened?
- It's Arnie! He's had a connery!
449
00:31:53,978 --> 00:31:55,139
So, what are we gonna do?
450
00:31:55,453 --> 00:31:57,430
I don't know! I think you
have to pump their chests or something.
451
00:31:57,465 --> 00:31:59,673
I'm talking about our bloody
money and chains!
452
00:31:59,708 --> 00:32:01,386
Well, there's nothing we can
do at now, is there?
453
00:32:01,762 --> 00:32:05,132
My money and my gold ain't
going to no national health hospital!
454
00:32:05,167 --> 00:32:07,951
The entire kitchen staff'll
be off to Miami if it does!
455
00:32:08,490 --> 00:32:10,303
- What you gonna do?
- Watch!
456
00:32:12,889 --> 00:32:16,258
Don't panic! I am a doctor.
457
00:32:17,623 --> 00:32:21,076
Stand aside, stand aside.
Let the dog see the rabbit.
458
00:32:25,158 --> 00:32:28,084
Oh yes, very nasty.
He needs an operation!
459
00:32:29,089 --> 00:32:31,493
He's not a doctor! He's mugging the poor man!
460
00:32:42,426 --> 00:32:45,224
- Call the police!
- Yes, madam, I call the police.
461
00:32:48,482 --> 00:32:52,476
Alright, there'll be no need.
I am an officer of the law!
462
00:32:52,511 --> 00:32:56,161
- I thought they were taller than that.
- I'm a small town policeman.
463
00:33:02,380 --> 00:33:05,857
Do you get the impression all is
not going according to plan?
464
00:33:09,269 --> 00:33:12,608
OK, sunshine, you are
nicked! Come on, out you go!
465
00:33:13,083 --> 00:33:16,055
Rest assured, madam, when we
get him down the police station
466
00:33:16,090 --> 00:33:20,644
we'll give him a bloody good hiding.
Come on you, out!
467
00:33:28,828 --> 00:33:30,828
- What happened?
- Arnie's had a connery.
468
00:33:30,863 --> 00:33:32,095
You mean he's dead?
469
00:33:32,130 --> 00:33:34,834
No, no, he's still alive.
The ambulance got here just in time.
470
00:33:38,249 --> 00:33:40,033
So where's the money and the
gold?
471
00:33:40,068 --> 00:33:42,193
Where do you think it is?
It's in Arnie's holdall!
472
00:33:42,228 --> 00:33:43,797
Why did you make us leave the
restaurant?
473
00:33:43,832 --> 00:33:45,711
Because they've just called
the Old Bill.
474
00:33:45,746 --> 00:33:49,250
Arnie's got seven and 'arf grand of your
unlaundered money.
475
00:33:49,285 --> 00:33:54,168
Plus a case full of gold from a VAT fraud!
Do you want to tell the police that it's really yours?
476
00:33:54,203 --> 00:33:56,634
Why didn't you try and get
the case off his wrist?
477
00:33:56,669 --> 00:33:58,760
You tried that - didn't you? -
478
00:33:58,795 --> 00:34:01,595
and you got a punch in the nose
and a whack over your head for your trouble.
479
00:34:01,630 --> 00:34:04,583
- What do you think I am, a wally or something?
- So how we gonna get it back?
480
00:34:04,618 --> 00:34:06,616
It's alright. We'll go to the hospital.
481
00:34:06,651 --> 00:34:10,507
All we gotta do is find out what time
the visiting hours are. It'll be cushty!
482
00:34:14,299 --> 00:34:16,996
We don't know which hospital
they're taking him to.
483
00:34:17,436 --> 00:34:20,830
We'll follow 'em. Mike, your car's pretty nippy.
You do the following.
484
00:34:21,015 --> 00:34:22,320
Right, mate.
485
00:34:26,030 --> 00:34:28,551
I don't believe it, I've been clamped!
486
00:34:32,420 --> 00:34:34,408
Rodney, follow that ambulance!
487
00:34:43,297 --> 00:34:46,375
What a plonker!
488
00:34:52,792 --> 00:34:55,291
Right, I'm gonna make a
couple of phone calls, Del.
489
00:34:55,580 --> 00:34:57,710
Leave that phone alone,
Michael. No one touches it.
490
00:34:57,912 --> 00:35:01,805
I've just been clamped!
I've got to phone the authorities, sort it all out.
491
00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:06,643
Look, I'm expecting a very important phone call
any minute now from Rodney or Arnie or the hospital.
492
00:35:06,905 --> 00:35:09,138
You just sort your car out tomorrow.
493
00:35:09,173 --> 00:35:13,634
- What's good for a broke nose?
- A baseball bat, knuckleduster.
494
00:35:15,577 --> 00:35:18,670
I mean, my nose might be broken!
495
00:35:18,705 --> 00:35:23,010
Will you shut up going on about your hooter?
Or I'll ram this up for a splint!
496
00:35:25,122 --> 00:35:26,774
Rodney, good boy! What's happened?
497
00:35:26,809 --> 00:35:29,528
We followed the ambulance
down to St Stephen's Hospital.
498
00:35:29,563 --> 00:35:32,239
St Stephen's Hospital. Right,
now we know where to visit.
499
00:35:32,274 --> 00:35:34,965
- No, that's where we lost 'em!
- You lost 'em?
500
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:37,172
Yep, they just went straight
down the Fulham Road.
501
00:35:37,684 --> 00:35:43,106
Oh Gordon Blue! I mean, how
could you possibly lose an ambulance!
502
00:35:43,141 --> 00:35:46,973
It's a ruddy great big white thing with a
flashing blue light on the top!
503
00:35:47,008 --> 00:35:51,327
And in case your peepers ain't too clever,
it makes a sound like an air-raid siren!
504
00:35:51,703 --> 00:35:53,692
It can also go straight
through red lights!
505
00:35:53,727 --> 00:35:58,219
So what we going to do now eh? All our money
and our gold is lying in some matron's office.
506
00:35:58,254 --> 00:36:02,104
It's alright, Boycie, don't worry. Listen, we'll...
we'll phone every hospital and ask if he's there.
507
00:36:02,139 --> 00:36:05,497
No, no, no. Hospitals won't give you
that sort of information over the phone.
508
00:36:05,532 --> 00:36:07,238
Alright. Well, we'll drive
round them all, then!
509
00:36:07,273 --> 00:36:10,658
Well, that's gonna take forever.
There must be 25 hospitals in London.
510
00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:14,184
Oh thank Gawd for the Tory Party,
otherwise there could have been 30!
511
00:36:16,038 --> 00:36:19,261
Albert, answer that! If that is Rodney's girlfriend,
tell her to phone back later!
512
00:36:19,296 --> 00:36:23,017
Look, it doesn't matter how long it takes
as long as we find him, does it?
513
00:36:23,052 --> 00:36:26,172
Del, it's some Indian doctor
from Arnie's ward!
514
00:36:26,207 --> 00:36:28,395
Well, tell him I haven't got time to talk to him now,
I'm trying to find out...
515
00:36:28,430 --> 00:36:30,148
- Get on that phone!
- Don't let him ring off!
516
00:36:30,977 --> 00:36:39,534
Hello doctor.
Yes, this is he. Arnie... yes, Arnold!
517
00:36:40,516 --> 00:36:46,252
Yes... Oh yes, I knew the deceased very well...
we... deceased?
518
00:36:46,774 --> 00:36:51,020
- Do you mean to say that he is dead?
- Oh I love him! I just love him!
519
00:36:51,507 --> 00:36:56,166
- Yes, it has, it's come as a very nasty shock.
- What about our loot?
520
00:36:57,641 --> 00:37:04,943
Doctor, I wondered. Arnie had about
his person a couple of little keepsakes of mine.
521
00:37:04,978 --> 00:37:06,653
I wondered if you had found them...
522
00:37:08,119 --> 00:37:12,925
It's 25018-carat gold chains
and 12,500 grand in used notes.
523
00:37:14,553 --> 00:37:20,940
His widow has taken all his belongings?
I just wondered if you could give me her address.
524
00:37:21,613 --> 00:37:26,682
No no, I am a personal friend of theirs
it's just that they moved recently, you see...
525
00:37:26,749 --> 00:37:30,742
and I wanted to make sure she got hold of me
about the funeral arrangements.
526
00:37:31,787 --> 00:37:36,356
I know you're not supposed to give out addresses to any
Tom, Dick or Harry but this is different...
527
00:37:37,622 --> 00:37:42,269
Doctor, look, I'll give you a good drink!
No... Don't hang up.
528
00:37:44,095 --> 00:37:45,384
He's hung up.
529
00:37:45,419 --> 00:37:48,865
- Did he give you her address?
- He said he couldn't, it's confidential!
530
00:37:48,996 --> 00:37:51,966
- How are we going to find her, then?
- I don't know yet!
531
00:37:52,769 --> 00:37:55,975
I could go down to the town hall
and find his name on the electoral register.
532
00:37:56,250 --> 00:37:57,752
Well done, Rodders,
good thinking.
533
00:37:57,787 --> 00:38:01,234
No! He only moved here recently from Lambeth.
He wouldn't be on the list yet.
534
00:38:01,269 --> 00:38:03,233
You dipstick!
535
00:38:04,546 --> 00:38:07,087
Well, alright, I'll go down
to Lambeth Town Hall, then.
536
00:38:07,122 --> 00:38:10,680
- Well done Rodney! Go on, go to Lambeth.
- Right. Arnold what?
537
00:38:11,422 --> 00:38:12,830
What's his surname?
538
00:38:13,218 --> 00:38:16,689
Dunno. I never caught his surname!
Well, does it matter?
539
00:38:16,724 --> 00:38:18,599
Well, of course it matters!
540
00:38:18,634 --> 00:38:22,468
They're not gonna be down on the electoral registers
as 'Arnie and Pat' are they?
541
00:38:22,879 --> 00:38:24,570
This is something else!
542
00:38:25,469 --> 00:38:28,685
The One Eleven Club! They'll have his full
name and address on his membership form!
543
00:38:29,232 --> 00:38:33,106
- No, no. He wasn't a member.
- I've got an idea.
544
00:38:33,978 --> 00:38:38,335
- The phone!
- Oh God! He's hearing things now!
545
00:38:38,683 --> 00:38:45,239
Arnie was the last one to dial out on this phone!
He called his wife. At their house, remember?
546
00:38:45,274 --> 00:38:46,316
So what?
547
00:38:46,351 --> 00:38:51,566
This phone's gotta redial button. If you press that
you'll get straight through to Arnie's house.
548
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:04,655
How we gonna explain it to
her eh?
549
00:39:04,690 --> 00:39:08,522
It looks a bit bad turning up just before the funeral
laying claim to most of his estate!
550
00:39:08,557 --> 00:39:13,196
No, it's alright. Arnie told her that he'd sold
the chains to Del. So there'll be no problem!
551
00:39:13,267 --> 00:39:14,753
Wait a minute! Sshh!
552
00:39:15,390 --> 00:39:21,941
Hello? Hello, hello? I'm awfully sorry to bother you
in your hour of darkness,
553
00:39:21,976 --> 00:39:26,829
but I was a friend of Arnie's and
I was just wondering... sorry?
554
00:39:27,900 --> 00:39:33,607
Oh, oh sorry, sorry. Beg your pardon.
Sorry to have bothered you. Bye!
555
00:39:34,240 --> 00:39:40,636
Strange, innit? I've just got through
to the Highcliffe ruddy Hotel, Guernsey!
556
00:39:42,959 --> 00:39:47,255
Sorry, Del. Look, I only called to see
whether Cassandra got there safely.
557
00:39:47,649 --> 00:39:52,138
And that's it, innit?
We've done our money and it's vanished into thin air!
558
00:39:53,686 --> 00:40:01,596
I am going to see if I can buy myself a little doll
that looks something like you. And then I'm going to burn it!
559
00:40:04,253 --> 00:40:06,690
Keep your chin up!
Boycie just keep your chin up!
560
00:40:06,725 --> 00:40:11,692
I am going to get my car unclamped, Del.
Thanks for everything.
561
00:40:11,727 --> 00:40:14,701
Michael don't give up.
Please don't give up.
562
00:40:14,736 --> 00:40:17,734
Remember what Churchill said, you
know, he said up the Alamo!
563
00:40:24,283 --> 00:40:30,525
I'm sorry, Trig, that your aunt Reen had to pawn her necklace.
Shall I give her a ring and explain?
564
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:36,767
Oh no, don't do that, Del.
She doesn't know she's pawned it yet!
565
00:40:46,441 --> 00:40:48,154
So how was it?
566
00:40:48,189 --> 00:40:53,055
The hotel was horrible, the weather was lousy,
the food was rotten and the people were boring.
567
00:40:53,478 --> 00:40:54,861
Oh good.
568
00:40:54,896 --> 00:41:00,447
- And you were right. Some of them did hold an orgy.
- You're kidding?
569
00:41:00,482 --> 00:41:04,082
No, honestly. I stayed for about an hour
and then I got fed up.
570
00:41:11,080 --> 00:41:13,837
Oh no, I hate this sort of thing...
571
00:41:36,737 --> 00:41:40,173
What's the matter, Rodney?
You look like you've seen a ghost.
572
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:47,161
He done us in South-East London. Rodney saw him
in South-West London. He's doing it all over town!
573
00:41:47,369 --> 00:41:50,817
Yeah... You'd think he'd be taking things easy
in his condition, wouldn't you?
574
00:41:56,120 --> 00:42:00,019
There's nothing wrong with him.
I mean, he's not a sick man, is he? I mean, he's a conman!
575
00:42:00,312 --> 00:42:06,154
- So you don't reckon he's really ill?
- That is what I suspect.
576
00:42:06,189 --> 00:42:08,774
- Alright, lads? What's going?
- Oh hiya, Denzil.
577
00:42:08,809 --> 00:42:11,222
- Wanna drink?
- Er, no, I'm alright.
578
00:42:12,571 --> 00:42:13,934
Can I get you one? Can I join you?
579
00:42:13,969 --> 00:42:17,949
No, it's a bit awkward at the moment, Denzil,
you know. We are in conference.
580
00:42:17,984 --> 00:42:20,989
- We're in conference.
- I thought we was having a chat.
581
00:42:22,567 --> 00:42:25,204
Listen, Del, I haven't got long.
I've got the truck outside.
582
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:27,496
I'm off to Germany.
We'll be bringing a load back.
583
00:42:27,531 --> 00:42:30,380
Oh well, that's alright, then, Denzil.
Go on, have a nice trip.
584
00:42:31,114 --> 00:42:32,493
Are you ill or something?
585
00:42:32,730 --> 00:42:37,311
I've just said I'm going to Germany and I will be bringing
a load back and you haven't even asked what it is!
586
00:42:37,346 --> 00:42:40,398
Yes, I know, Denzil. But I'm a bit busy at the moment,
y'know. I'll talk to you later.
587
00:42:40,822 --> 00:42:44,968
- See you do. I might have a deal for you.
- Yeah, alright, mate. See you in a minute.
588
00:42:47,830 --> 00:42:51,863
- Boycie, eh? Got time for a chat?
- Some other time, Denzil. Some other time.
589
00:42:53,326 --> 00:42:56,109
- Mike...
- See the barmaid, Denzil. I'm busy.
590
00:42:57,374 --> 00:42:58,825
Rodney, how's it going?
591
00:42:58,860 --> 00:43:01,766
Yeah, bit tied up at the moment, Denzil.
I'll talk to you later, alright?
592
00:43:08,126 --> 00:43:10,989
Rodney, why are people ignoring me?
What have I done to them?
593
00:43:11,024 --> 00:43:14,978
Nothing, nothing. It's just there's a bit of
heavy stuff going down at the moment.
594
00:43:15,914 --> 00:43:18,790
Oh by the way, Denzil, this is Cassandra, my...
595
00:43:19,293 --> 00:43:24,072
- Choose your words carefully, Rodney.
- My friend. And Cassandra, this is Denzil.
596
00:43:24,511 --> 00:43:26,216
- Nice to meet you.
- You too.
597
00:43:27,017 --> 00:43:30,343
Right. Well, I'll leave you two to have a little chat, then.
See you later.
598
00:43:32,761 --> 00:43:35,081
Come on, hurry up, sit down,
Rodney. Sit down.
599
00:43:35,116 --> 00:43:37,702
But I was under the impression
that Arnie was a good family man.
600
00:43:37,737 --> 00:43:40,776
I mean, all he ever spoke of was his wife,
Gary and young Steven.
601
00:43:40,811 --> 00:43:45,064
Yes, I know, and I'm under the impression
that Gary and young Steven are about six foot tall
602
00:43:45,099 --> 00:43:47,432
and they like to dress up as ambulance men.
603
00:43:47,467 --> 00:43:51,080
What, you mean it's their
ambulance? No, can't be, Del.
604
00:43:51,115 --> 00:43:55,238
Remember when Arnie come over bad in the restaurant?
It was the staff that phoned for the ambulance.
605
00:43:55,390 --> 00:44:00,742
- Yeah, and didn't it arrive quick?
- Yeah! Come to mention it, it was a bit lively.
606
00:44:00,777 --> 00:44:03,951
Anyway, I phoned that restaurant this afternoon
and the manager told me
607
00:44:03,986 --> 00:44:09,577
that 10 minutes after Arnie's ambulance arrived,
another one turned up. The real one.
608
00:44:09,922 --> 00:44:12,574
We reckon they do it with
split-second timing, right.
609
00:44:12,847 --> 00:44:15,581
At one o'clock Arnie does
his dying swan act.
610
00:44:15,616 --> 00:44:21,242
And at 3 minutes past 1 his boys turn up in their
ambulance, then it's off into the wild blue yonder.
611
00:44:21,277 --> 00:44:26,266
No one's gonna question a couple of medical orderlies, are they?
Carrying a sick man out of a restaurant?
612
00:44:26,301 --> 00:44:31,000
- And no one can follow the ambulance because�
- It goes through red lights!
613
00:44:31,035 --> 00:44:34,237
And you can pick up these old ambulances
for next to nothing anywhere.
614
00:44:34,598 --> 00:44:36,915
I know, it's beautiful, innit?
Beautiful.
615
00:44:37,175 --> 00:44:45,103
- So what's Mr Stavros got to do with it all?
- Mr Stavros don't exist, Trig.
616
00:44:45,849 --> 00:44:47,948
Well, Arnie seemed to know
him pretty well.
617
00:44:48,647 --> 00:44:51,916
No, he only did that. He invented him, didn't he?
Just to get us on the...
618
00:44:53,402 --> 00:44:59,400
It still doesn't get me my money back.
I'm sitting here still convalescing from open wallet surgery.
619
00:45:02,195 --> 00:45:06,327
At least we know that Arnie and the dough are still out there
somewhere. It gives us half a chance.
620
00:45:06,539 --> 00:45:10,709
I have put the word about that
I am looking for some gold chains.
621
00:45:10,979 --> 00:45:14,331
- I'm off you guys, I'll see you later.
- Yeah, see you, Denzil.
622
00:45:14,810 --> 00:45:17,946
- Nice talking to you, Cassandra.
- You too, Denzil. Safe trip.
623
00:45:18,563 --> 00:45:24,824
I bring this meeting to a conclusion, gentlemen.
All I can say is: just keep your ears to the ground, right?
624
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:27,754
Trig, that just means listen out;
it doesn't mean get on your hands and knees...
625
00:45:29,087 --> 00:45:31,428
Come on, Rodney, let's go.
See you, chaps.
626
00:45:35,236 --> 00:45:37,575
Sorry to leave you talking
to a total stranger.
627
00:45:37,829 --> 00:45:42,056
Don't worry, Rodney. Even strangers can be fun �
I found that out in Guernsey.
628
00:45:43,125 --> 00:45:46,277
Look at his face, now look, look,
he looks as though he's sucked on a lemon!
629
00:45:47,062 --> 00:45:49,221
Anyway, that Denzil's a nice bloke,
though, ain't he?
630
00:45:49,256 --> 00:45:53,197
He left a message. He heard that you were interested
in buying some gold chains.
631
00:45:53,232 --> 00:45:58,880
- Oh not more gold-plated Mickey Mouse gear.
- Apparently on of his brothers, Carl is it?
632
00:45:58,997 --> 00:46:00,554
Yeah, the one who lives in Bethnal Green.
633
00:46:00,589 --> 00:46:06,695
Apparently he's met some guy in a casino,
a retired jeweler or something, who's got 200 and...
634
00:46:06,730 --> 00:46:07,695
50!
635
00:46:07,730 --> 00:46:12,537
Yes, 250 gold chains for sale and Denzil
and his brothers are buying them.
636
00:46:12,815 --> 00:46:14,923
- Where is Denzil now?
- He's just left.
637
00:46:16,108 --> 00:46:18,372
Denzil, don't buy them!
638
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:21,440
No, you're gonna have to shout louder than that, Del.
He's half way to Germany!
639
00:46:21,679 --> 00:46:24,957
Denzil, nicht buying them!
640
00:46:38,389 --> 00:46:41,978
- Can you see Dad?
- Yeah, he's in position. About another four minutes.
641
00:46:42,243 --> 00:46:45,035
Right. And this time you make
the phone call.
642
00:46:45,186 --> 00:46:49,820
It's always me who has to pretend to be the hospital doctor.
'Did you know the deceased very well'?
643
00:46:49,999 --> 00:46:51,395
OK, I'll do it.
644
00:47:00,790 --> 00:47:06,834
I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well.
Could you get me an ambulance?
645
00:47:31,735 --> 00:47:33,842
Wonderful!
646
00:47:42,220 --> 00:47:45,835
What's wrong, Arnie?
You don't look too well!
647
00:47:49,632 --> 00:47:52,148
- What's up?
- Ambulance come, he gone!
648
00:47:59,252 --> 00:48:00,931
Wotcha fellas.
649
00:48:01,768 --> 00:48:05,165
- What's happening?
- Get in!
650
00:48:09,918 --> 00:48:13,293
Now take it easy, fellas.
I can explain everything.
651
00:48:13,494 --> 00:48:18,677
- We're not looking for explanations. It's all very clear.
- At least let's have a chat.
652
00:48:18,712 --> 00:48:24,791
Funnily enough, there was one or 12,500 things
we wanted to talk to you about.
653
00:48:25,425 --> 00:48:29,074
- Try this, Del Boy.
- Thank you, doctor.
654
00:48:30,572 --> 00:48:33,159
You don't need that to cut the chain off.
I've got the key.
655
00:48:33,952 --> 00:48:36,719
Who said anything about cutting the chain off?
656
00:48:40,762 --> 00:48:46,102
Calm down, Arnie, calm down.
You'll give yourself a heart attack!
657
00:48:46,152 --> 00:48:50,702
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