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1
00:00:45,417 --> 00:00:48,137
- Well?
- 1,992!
2
00:00:49,262 --> 00:00:50,384
That's what it come to last time!
3
00:00:51,043 --> 00:00:54,806
Yeah, I now and that's what it'll come to this time
and the time after than an' all.
4
00:00:55,820 --> 00:00:57,562
Two grand! Where are we gonna
get two grand from?
5
00:00:57,854 --> 00:01:00,986
Look, try it again Rodney.
And this time see if you can get it lower!
6
00:01:01,712 --> 00:01:09,190
Well how can I get lower? Look
12 times 166 equals 1,992!
7
00:01:11,707 --> 00:01:13,111
Use this calculator!
8
00:01:14,677 --> 00:01:16,265
It's still gonna work out the
same Del!
9
00:01:16,433 --> 00:01:20,404
I could do it on this calculator, that
calculator. I could do it on me fingers and toes.
10
00:01:20,566 --> 00:01:25,156
I could do it on beads, it's still
gonna come to 1,992, ain't it?
11
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,838
Right bloody help you turned
out to be Rodney!
12
00:01:28,359 --> 00:01:31,358
Keep the noise down will yer,
I can hardly hear this!
13
00:01:31,583 --> 00:01:32,979
Shut up you saucy old git!
14
00:01:34,033 --> 00:01:36,591
Well, even if you could hear it,
you couldn't understand it, could you, it's in Indian!
15
00:01:36,881 --> 00:01:39,345
In 1959 I was in Bombay!
16
00:01:39,994 --> 00:01:43,087
You carry on much longer by
tomorrow afternoon you could be in traction!
17
00:01:44,526 --> 00:01:46,204
But I like this kind of music!
18
00:01:49,307 --> 00:01:51,582
Oh yeah, look at that Rodney,
it's one of his favourites that is.
19
00:01:51,968 --> 00:01:55,705
That's that good old-fashioned sing-along number,
Knees Up Mother Patel.
20
00:01:58,119 --> 00:02:03,006
Listen,we're over there trying to devise
a scheme that is gonna make us into millionaires,
21
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:07,104
and all you can do is sit here and
watch bleedin' Indian banjos!
22
00:02:07,943 --> 00:02:10,994
Why don't you just stick a George Harrison LP
on yer Walkman or something?
23
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:14,518
You two are gonna be millionaires!
And the Titanic was unsinkable!
24
00:02:14,851 --> 00:02:17,314
Oi, you, there's a fortune to
be made out of this deal!
25
00:02:18,351 --> 00:02:24,145
- Yeah? What is this deal then?
- Lowvery doors!
26
00:02:30,902 --> 00:02:32,595
So what about 'em?
27
00:02:32,792 --> 00:02:34,393
Well what about 'em? I'll tell
you what about 'em!
28
00:02:34,862 --> 00:02:37,433
There's a certain painter and decorator
what gets down the Nag's Head,
29
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:41,064
- and his name is Brendan O'Shaunessy.
- He's Irish!
30
00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:43,842
Yeah! That is correct, Rodney.
31
00:02:44,028 --> 00:02:49,158
Now this Brendan O'Shaunessy has just got a contract to
decorate and fit out a new housing estate over at Nunhead.
32
00:02:49,525 --> 00:02:57,648
And what has the architect deemed shall be fitted to all
wardrobes? None other than lowvery doors!
33
00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:01,012
166 to be precise!
34
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,465
Well, you've got one of them,
that's a start innit?
35
00:03:04,069 --> 00:03:06,277
Ooh, he can be a sarky old
bark when he wants to be can't he, eh?
36
00:03:06,837 --> 00:03:08,146
That's just a sample, innit?
37
00:03:08,385 --> 00:03:10,232
You see Del's mate, Teddy Cummings, right,
38
00:03:10,406 --> 00:03:14,299
he manages a joinery works and he can let us
have hundreds of them doors dirt cheap!
39
00:03:14,524 --> 00:03:16,823
And there's 200
per cent profit on each one!
40
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:18,540
That's right. It's like printing money!
41
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,448
And the cherry on the cake is that this building
firm is putting up houses all over the shop,
42
00:03:22,632 --> 00:03:25,135
so it's a sort of long-term, on-going situation!
43
00:03:25,488 --> 00:03:26,748
So where's the problem?
44
00:03:26,959 --> 00:03:30,111
Well, Teddy Cummings will only
sell them doors in bulk!
45
00:03:30,614 --> 00:03:33,185
Yeah, if we don't get two
grand by tomorrow afternoon the deal's off!
46
00:03:33,973 --> 00:03:35,244
Well can't you borrow the money?
47
00:03:35,408 --> 00:03:37,583
We've tried all that ain't we!
We've been everywhere!
48
00:03:37,798 --> 00:03:41,054
The bank that likes to say yes
said on yer bike!
49
00:03:43,319 --> 00:03:46,011
The sign of the Black Horse
gave us a load of old pony, didn't they?
50
00:03:47,154 --> 00:03:48,931
Even the listening bank cocked
a deaf 'un!
51
00:03:50,150 --> 00:03:52,273
- Del...you'll most probably think this is stupid!
- What is?
52
00:03:53,017 --> 00:03:55,868
Well, it's a long shot I'm
here to tell you. It's a real long shot!
53
00:03:56,147 --> 00:03:59,728
Oh I know, I like long shots. You know me Rodney,
he who dares wins! What is it?
54
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,161
I was reading this colour supplement yesterday.
55
00:04:08,239 --> 00:04:10,737
There was an article in it
that really caught my interest!
56
00:04:10,965 --> 00:04:14,005
- Yeah, yeah?
- It was about a butterfly.
57
00:04:19,992 --> 00:04:24,717
- A butterfly?
- Yeah! Not an ordinary butterfly though!
58
00:04:26,739 --> 00:04:30,692
No, this one's a bit of a rarity.
It's virtually unheard of in this country!
59
00:04:30,963 --> 00:04:33,128
Oh well, that's interesting innit?
60
00:04:33,710 --> 00:04:37,520
I think it's name was, eh, the
Jamaican swallow tail.
61
00:04:37,761 --> 00:04:40,440
Well it don't mean a lot to me
Rodney, that, no.
62
00:04:40,610 --> 00:04:45,739
No well here it is. Look it's
scientifical name is Papillo humerus!
63
00:04:46,009 --> 00:04:50,019
Oh, now, that does ring a bell!
I don't believe what he is doing to me!
64
00:04:50,823 --> 00:04:53,086
Here I am on the verge of losing
the biggest deal of my life
65
00:04:53,086 --> 00:04:56,866
and this plonker here wants to give me
a lecture about poxy butterflies!!
66
00:04:57,976 --> 00:05:01,547
No, you don't understand do
you? It's an endangered species.
67
00:05:01,738 --> 00:05:04,922
Yeah, I know, you'll be an endangered species
if you carry on much longer Rodney!
68
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,755
Look some of these things have
been seen in southern England!
69
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,223
One of them was spotted in
Greenwich Park!
70
00:05:11,569 --> 00:05:15,273
You wanna whip him down the
quack's a bit lively, the boy's flipped his lid!
71
00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:18,878
Listen mouthy, there's this private interminal...
72
00:05:21,691 --> 00:05:24,141
Well there's this private
butterfly collector right
73
00:05:24,589 --> 00:05:28,912
and he's willing to pay a 3,000 pound
reward for one of these butterflies.
74
00:05:29,305 --> 00:05:31,158
Three thousand pounds?
75
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,702
Yeah and Greenwich Park is
only up the road, innit?
76
00:05:34,429 --> 00:05:37,046
You mean, you want us to go
around chasing butterflies?
77
00:05:40,793 --> 00:05:42,567
You know what? I think you're right Rodney!
78
00:05:43,085 --> 00:05:45,350
Yeah! It is stupid!
79
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,572
Well I said it was a long shot, didn't I!
80
00:05:48,688 --> 00:05:52,605
Gordon Bennett! I can just see us three now
running up and down Peckham High Road.
81
00:05:53,034 --> 00:05:58,911
We'll be trying to catch Mars Bar wrappers!
Hey come on, look at the time.
82
00:05:59,306 --> 00:06:02,833
Hey, come on, get this stuff out of here.
We're gonna go and see if we can do a bit.
83
00:06:03,766 --> 00:06:06,889
Ask yourselves this, ask yourselves this, how much do you
spend on hairdressing, eh?
84
00:06:07,170 --> 00:06:09,476
Now it's gotta be six or seven quid
a hit these days innit?
85
00:06:09,834 --> 00:06:13,488
You work that out over a year and
it comes to a national debt!
86
00:06:13,783 --> 00:06:18,774
Right but, for just one pound fifty you could invest
in one of these super de-luxe trimming combs!
87
00:06:18,971 --> 00:06:22,450
I mean, you can save yourself a fortune in
the comfort of yer own front room!
88
00:06:22,634 --> 00:06:26,846
Could you just - just come round a bit closer, come
closer 'cos at these prices I can't afford to deliver!
89
00:06:27,285 --> 00:06:30,921
- Hey is that sharp enough, mate?
- Is it sharp? Is it - sharp?
90
00:06:32,420 --> 00:06:33,997
Is that sharp enough for you?
91
00:06:35,064 --> 00:06:38,473
Invest one pound fifty and you
can save yourselves thousands!
92
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:41,016
This is a better bet than
Piggott on a favourite!
93
00:06:41,205 --> 00:06:42,276
Now listen to me - listen.
94
00:06:42,473 --> 00:06:45,211
These come recommended you know by
the world's leading hair stylists.
95
00:06:45,453 --> 00:06:51,476
Vidal Sassoon, Teezy Weezy, Mick the barber, Mick
the Miller - Mickey Mouse, Sweeney Todd.
96
00:06:52,099 --> 00:06:53,298
Why do I bother?
97
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,274
It's been one of them days innit?
98
00:07:00,765 --> 00:07:04,418
Never mind Rodney, pack up the suitcase,
we'll go down the Nag's Head for a couple of swift 'alfs...
99
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:10,005
2,000 pounds by tomorrow!
I've got as much chance of winning Miss World!
100
00:07:11,874 --> 00:07:13,639
- Oi, Denzil!
101
00:07:21,157 --> 00:07:22,402
So how's your luck?
102
00:07:22,794 --> 00:07:27,789
Don't ask! Don't ask. If they made it into a film
it'd be a bigger tear-jerker than Love Story!
103
00:07:28,354 --> 00:07:29,428
Bad as that, eh?
104
00:07:29,769 --> 00:07:33,301
Yeah. I'd go into the details
- only I don't want to see grown men cry!
105
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:37,268
Listen, you want to hear a sob
story I will tell you a sob story!
106
00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:40,769
I have just found out
that my wife has been lying to me!
107
00:07:42,232 --> 00:07:47,031
Yeah! Every morning she says she's gonna leave me,
and when I come home at night she's still there!
108
00:07:50,911 --> 00:07:52,958
Like it. Look at him, look. Soppy look.
109
00:07:53,366 --> 00:07:55,664
I can't stop, I've gotta get
down to the Job Centre.
110
00:07:55,978 --> 00:07:59,429
Yeah alright. Down the Job Centre eh?
You've got yourself into a growth industry at last!
111
00:07:59,703 --> 00:08:02,804
Yeah, well, the wages are
lousy, but the hours suit me fine!
112
00:08:03,021 --> 00:08:05,659
- See you then Den.
- See you around.
113
00:08:05,933 --> 00:08:08,254
See you Denzil. Give my love to Corinne.
114
00:08:10,296 --> 00:08:14,586
The miserable old cow! Oh well,
come on, let's go.
115
00:08:20,778 --> 00:08:24,253
I heard it took three coppers
to arrest Denzil the other night!
116
00:08:24,505 --> 00:08:27,981
That's right. One to put the
handcuffs on and two to carry the radio!
117
00:08:28,785 --> 00:08:29,793
You've heard it then.
118
00:08:29,983 --> 00:08:33,128
We've all heard ain't we?
Come on. Let's go.
119
00:08:36,027 --> 00:08:37,190
Hey hold up!
120
00:08:37,496 --> 00:08:40,873
- What did Denzil get the sack for?
- Oh he didn't, he was made redundant.
121
00:08:42,955 --> 00:08:48,024
Hold on, if he was made redundant,
that means he's got redundancy money?
122
00:08:48,217 --> 00:08:49,399
Yeah, I suppose so!
123
00:08:53,018 --> 00:08:58,501
- You're not having any!
- I'm your friend. Denzil.
124
00:09:06,694 --> 00:09:08,159
You're still not having any!!!
125
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:17,343
I'm gonna make you rich, Denzil.
Put me down...I'm a policeman...
126
00:09:19,172 --> 00:09:22,869
- Please don't make me rich!
- Denzil, don't be a plonker all your life!!
127
00:09:30,039 --> 00:09:34,492
I'm gonna live forever...
Alright Uncle? Had a good day?
128
00:09:34,689 --> 00:09:39,295
I've been busy doing the housework Del.
I've made all the beds except yours and Rodney's.
129
00:09:39,577 --> 00:09:41,278
Oh that's alright. Well sit yourself down.
130
00:09:41,444 --> 00:09:42,971
Go on, you don't want to knock
your old pipe out do you, eh?
131
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:48,221
- No that's my trouble. I never know when to stop!
- Yes this is true. This is very true.
132
00:09:49,698 --> 00:09:51,605
You're in a better mood than
you were this morning!
133
00:09:51,949 --> 00:09:55,393
Yeah well I've every reason to be, haven't I!
I've clinched the lowvery door deal!
134
00:09:55,613 --> 00:09:56,358
Never!
135
00:09:56,533 --> 00:10:00,500
Yeah it's true! I've picked them up, paid for them, and
Rodney at this moment is stacking 'em in the garage!
136
00:10:00,706 --> 00:10:06,213
All I've gotta do now is phone Brendan, and he'll come round
and pick them up and we shall be rich!
137
00:10:06,382 --> 00:10:07,834
Where d'you get the money to
pay for 'em?
138
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:11,235
Well d'you remember my pal Denzil
called in here a couple of weeks ago.
139
00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:13,044
Oh yeah. He was black?
140
00:10:13,802 --> 00:10:20,555
Yeah - well, he still is! Anyway did you hear that
he had 2,000 pounds redundancy money?
141
00:10:21,658 --> 00:10:22,925
Well he ain't now!
142
00:10:23,129 --> 00:10:26,134
Oh come off it Del. You didn't
take the fella's redundancy money!
143
00:10:26,392 --> 00:10:28,520
Well yeah. I mean, he insisted!
144
00:10:30,127 --> 00:10:34,451
I have never seen anything like
it. He did Denzil up like a kipper!
145
00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:39,234
Yeah, well look, tell him when he comes in
that I've got all the lowvery doors
146
00:10:39,509 --> 00:10:42,196
and they're in the garage and he can come
and pick 'em up any time he wants.
147
00:10:43,399 --> 00:10:46,429
He chased him he did! A mile
and 'alf through Deptford!
148
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:50,879
Denzil was 300 yards from his
front door. And he put in a kick!
149
00:10:51,536 --> 00:10:55,385
I tell you, Seb Coe ain't even in the picture when
he's got a smell of money in his nostrils!
150
00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:59,643
Okay then Bridie, don't you
forget to tell him now will yer?
151
00:10:59,818 --> 00:11:02,842
He forced lager down his throat
then he frog-marched him to the bank!
152
00:11:03,174 --> 00:11:06,127
Do you know Denzil was crying when he
handed that money over!
153
00:11:07,079 --> 00:11:15,255
Listen to me, dopey. Listen, now right, Denzil give me
2,000 pounds today, I give him 3,000 pounds tomorrow!
154
00:11:15,645 --> 00:11:20,812
Now that means he gets a 1000 pounds profit in 24 hours.
Now he ain't gonna get that at the Bradford and Bingley is he?
155
00:11:21,737 --> 00:11:22,985
Denzil knows it makes sense!
156
00:11:23,397 --> 00:11:25,814
What about his missus, she' a
bit of a dragon ain't she?
157
00:11:26,095 --> 00:11:29,729
Well let's just say I wouldn't like to be
in Denzil's shoes when Corinne finds out!
158
00:11:30,012 --> 00:11:33,919
No she'll be alright. She'll be as sweet as a nut!
Denzil bought her a little present.
159
00:11:34,382 --> 00:11:36,787
Oh yeah, a do-it-yourself hair cutting kit!
160
00:11:39,426 --> 00:11:41,510
No, she's gonna treasure that,
you mark my words.
161
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:43,738
Now listen gentlemen, listen to me,
162
00:11:43,905 --> 00:11:47,193
because this evening I am taking you
down the Nag's Head public house,
163
00:11:47,449 --> 00:11:51,974
where we're gonna hold one of them things that
Rodney couldn't organise in a brewery!
164
00:11:53,034 --> 00:11:57,080
After that - after that, we're gonna go to the
Star of Bengal for a Ruby!
165
00:11:57,246 --> 00:12:00,305
So get that down your neck,
Rodney. Cheers.
166
00:12:11,328 --> 00:12:15,664
- My hair's falling out!
- What?
167
00:12:15,932 --> 00:12:20,523
My hair's falling out in great
chunks! I'm going bald!
168
00:12:22,696 --> 00:12:29,238
- Derek, I am 24 years old and I'm going bald!
- That's supposed to be a sign of something.
169
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:31,992
Yeah, it's a sign that I'm going bald!
170
00:12:33,445 --> 00:12:36,946
Listen you tart. Come here.
Let me have a look at it! Come on, let me see.
171
00:12:38,354 --> 00:12:39,511
Well, what d'you reckon?
172
00:12:40,167 --> 00:12:44,213
Well, let me put it this way Rodney,
if your head was a tyre you'd fail the MOT!
173
00:12:46,111 --> 00:12:47,650
Bloody hell I'm going bald!
174
00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:50,960
No, it might not be that Rodney.
You might have a touch of alopecia!
175
00:12:53,313 --> 00:12:56,849
I never thought of that Unc!
And there's me fretting, eh?
176
00:12:58,050 --> 00:13:02,429
- My head's gonna look like a bloody egg!
- Get yourself a wig son!
177
00:13:02,748 --> 00:13:07,337
Oh yeah, I'm gonna look really cool ain't I,
tryin' to pull a bird with a Davy Crockett hat on me head!
178
00:13:12,687 --> 00:13:18,786
I'll answer that. It could be the
phone. Hello? Brendan. How are you pal?
179
00:13:20,037 --> 00:13:26,649
I see you got the message then? Eh? What d'you
mean you've been tryin' to phone me all day? Eh?
180
00:13:27,361 --> 00:13:33,440
Well what's wrong? Why don't you
talk to him? You know. Go and persuade him.
181
00:13:34,054 --> 00:13:34,993
Del, what's up?
182
00:13:35,313 --> 00:13:38,864
It's the architect, he's changed his mind!
He wants Victorian panel doors now!
183
00:13:39,810 --> 00:13:45,778
Brendan, listen, listen, listen Brendan, you know, go -
you know, give him a few quid, eh? Bung him, eh. Eh?
184
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:51,246
Well...beat him up then! Well I'll
come down and beat him up for you if you like!
185
00:13:52,211 --> 00:13:56,816
No Brendan, look I've got 166 lowvery
doors in my garage!
186
00:13:57,049 --> 00:13:58,978
All my capital is tied up in 'em!
187
00:14:00,212 --> 00:14:06,802
I know we didn't sign a contract
but what am I supposed to do with 'em? And yours.
188
00:14:08,026 --> 00:14:10,565
I'll get you for this, Brendan,
you see if I don't!
189
00:14:10,905 --> 00:14:19,650
Damn! There they go. Look at all that, I knew
everything was going too smoothly, all that money!
190
00:14:20,035 --> 00:14:23,152
Can't you take 'em back to the
warehouse and swop 'em for paneled doors
191
00:14:23,808 --> 00:14:26,247
Take 'em back to the warehouse!
192
00:14:31,692 --> 00:14:33,784
Yeah, why don't we just take
'em back and swop 'em?
193
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:39,404
We can't take 'em back can we, eh?
We were lucky to get 'em out without being caught!
194
00:14:42,384 --> 00:14:50,311
They were hooky? Oh great Derek! Cosmic!
They were hooky lowvery doors were they!
195
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:52,502
Well you didn't mention that small
fact to me, did you?
196
00:14:52,818 --> 00:14:56,277
Weren't you just a teeny weeny bit suspicious
the way we collected them doors?
197
00:14:56,621 --> 00:14:59,069
Instead of driving them in a warehouse
and sort of loading 'em up
198
00:14:59,336 --> 00:15:02,158
Johnny Cummings was chuckin em out the first floor
window, weren't he, eh?
199
00:15:03,688 --> 00:15:04,866
- Del?
- What?
200
00:15:05,021 --> 00:15:06,809
- You know that Denzil fella?
- Yeah.
201
00:15:07,212 --> 00:15:09,510
- Has he got any brothers?
- Yeah, five, why?
202
00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:13,687
Nothing. It's just that five
West Indian blokes just got out of a Rover!
203
00:15:21,482 --> 00:15:24,060
It's them! That is them, it's
Denzil's brothers!!
204
00:15:25,102 --> 00:15:27,631
- Look at the size of them!!
- What are you gonna do Del?
205
00:15:28,525 --> 00:15:30,470
Oh well, we'll just stay here.
We'll stay here.
206
00:15:31,295 --> 00:15:35,092
And if they wanna cut up rough we'll
exchange punches you know like man to man.
207
00:15:35,743 --> 00:15:40,979
You're not including me in that are you?
Fight 'em! Derek, look at the size of 'em!
208
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,106
They'll look even bigger when
they get up here Rodney!
209
00:15:43,647 --> 00:15:45,147
Yeah, well, I'll tell you
what. Don't worry. Don't worry.
210
00:15:45,295 --> 00:15:49,249
Listen I'm gonna explain.
What we're gonna do - what we're - I'll tell you.
211
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,181
We can run for it. Come on
let's get out of here. Quick!
212
00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:00,457
- What's he brought us here for?
- Gawd knows!
213
00:16:01,205 --> 00:16:04,236
I don't like these places,
they make me feel queasy!
214
00:16:05,343 --> 00:16:06,178
What's up with you two?
215
00:16:06,178 --> 00:16:08,447
Oh it's nothing, it's just
Albert, he don't feel too well!
216
00:16:08,751 --> 00:16:12,185
How bad is he? I mean, is it
worth our while taking him home?
217
00:16:12,594 --> 00:16:13,961
Oh, I ain't that bad Del!
218
00:16:14,226 --> 00:16:16,371
Oh good. Well you just sit
back and enjoy yourself then!
219
00:16:16,934 --> 00:16:21,833
Enjoy ourselves Del, we are 2,000 pounds in debt,
220
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:27,097
we have a garage load of hooky doors and
a mob or irate Rastafarians after our blood!
221
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:29,668
So what are we doing hanging
round Mum's monument?
222
00:16:30,802 --> 00:16:33,182
Because I always come here in
times of trouble Rodney.
223
00:16:34,281 --> 00:16:38,779
I just come here, stand here
and tell Mum my problems and, somehow,
224
00:16:38,949 --> 00:16:42,461
she always seems to provide an answer.
She's never let me down yet!
225
00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:45,868
I mean, you take that time when
you were done for possession of cannabis.
226
00:16:46,916 --> 00:16:53,617
I just came here an' I told Mum that her
little baby was in trouble with the law!
227
00:16:54,026 --> 00:17:00,644
And it was almost as if I could hear her
voice saying to me 'Bribe the Old Bill, Del!'
228
00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:06,748
And what happened? When the case came
to court the police could provide no evidence!
229
00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:11,998
You told me you got a 250 quid
fine and a suspended sentence!
230
00:17:12,378 --> 00:17:16,357
Yes, because three days before
the trial this plonker pleaded guilty by post!
231
00:17:17,874 --> 00:17:20,278
Mom wasn't to know that, was she?
232
00:17:22,013 --> 00:17:25,654
Don't worry, she'll come up with a solution
to our financial pligh.
233
00:17:26,530 --> 00:17:31,994
Come on, sit yourself down, just relax Rodders.
234
00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:44,559
Look around Rodney, just think,
one day all us Trotters'll be here.
235
00:17:47,472 --> 00:17:51,656
- Well I don't know about you!
- That's alright Del, I'm with the Co-op!
236
00:17:54,562 --> 00:17:59,967
Yeah, back in the sixties I bought us all plots you know.
I thought land's a good investment annit?
237
00:18:00,769 --> 00:18:02,077
Oh, can't go wrong Del can yer!
238
00:18:02,851 --> 00:18:12,368
See, I'll be over there, next to Mum, and Grandad,
well he's over there in the Gardens of External Peace.
239
00:18:15,684 --> 00:18:16,891
Where will I be?
240
00:18:18,534 --> 00:18:23,102
Oh yeah, you are, oh look, see look,
see right over there. Right over the back there.
241
00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:27,330
Can you see the big pile of stinging nettles?
242
00:18:29,929 --> 00:18:31,007
There.
243
00:18:32,950 --> 00:18:34,649
Under the stinging nettles?
244
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:37,353
I ain't gonna be buried under a pile
of stinging nettles!
245
00:18:37,682 --> 00:18:40,537
Well it ain't gonna bother you is it Rodney,
'cos you're gonna be brown bread!
246
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:43,717
What happens when his family
come to pay their respects?
247
00:18:44,229 --> 00:18:48,453
He won't have no family, will he? 'Cos I'll be there next
to Mum and you'll be picking up yer divvies!
248
00:18:49,449 --> 00:18:50,891
He could be married by then!
249
00:18:51,316 --> 00:18:54,681
How's his widow gonna tend
his grave when it's covered in stinging nettles?
250
00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,955
She'll have to buy herself a decent pair
of gardening gloves won't she!
251
00:19:00,737 --> 00:19:03,850
Come to think of it, I've got a beautiful pair
of gardening gloves in the garage!
252
00:19:04,046 --> 00:19:08,847
They retail at 4.75 normally,
they could be yours for a nicker!
253
00:19:09,377 --> 00:19:11,714
I don't want any gardening gloves!
254
00:19:12,913 --> 00:19:17,517
Oh that's charming, isn't it, eh?
Never a thought for the poor old missies!
255
00:19:17,697 --> 00:19:21,605
There she'll be with swellings and blotches all
over her hands, the poor little mare!
256
00:19:22,333 --> 00:19:29,625
I don't believe this conversation is taking place!
In 35 seconds you two have married me,
257
00:19:29,895 --> 00:19:32,568
buried me and given my widow skin trouble!
258
00:19:34,934 --> 00:19:36,602
Well, you've gotta look to the
future ain't yer Rodney?
259
00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:38,425
Not if I can help it Uncle!
260
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,133
I often look into the future.
261
00:19:41,896 --> 00:19:46,421
I find it very reassuring to know that
whatever happens down here, in this mortal curl,
262
00:19:47,288 --> 00:19:52,741
one day we'll all be together up there in Heaven,
for ever and ever, amen!
263
00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:55,629
Do you believe in all that
Heaven and what 'ave yer?
264
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,053
Oh yeah, it's true, I read it
in a book!
265
00:20:03,262 --> 00:20:07,256
Just think Rodney.
When you walk through them Pearly Gates,
266
00:20:07,472 --> 00:20:12,784
all like clouds and things - the first
face you'll see will be mine.
267
00:20:13,754 --> 00:20:17,538
- Yeah, that's cosmic Del!
- Your Mum'll be there as well!
268
00:20:17,911 --> 00:20:23,481
Oh yes, Mum'll be there 'cos she'll be wanting to see
Rodney, her little wonder baby!
269
00:20:24,355 --> 00:20:27,944
She used to always call him that you know 'cos she
used to wonder how the hell he happened.
270
00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:33,780
I suppose your Dad might be up
there as well, eh?
271
00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:38,522
Oh I do hope so. I do hope so Uncle,
can't wait to get my hands on that old git!
272
00:20:38,772 --> 00:20:43,001
I'll give him such a whack with my harp
he won't know if it's Good Friday or Bonfire Night!
273
00:20:44,348 --> 00:20:48,168
Del, will you stop rabbiting
for one minute and come over here.
274
00:20:49,269 --> 00:20:54,576
- Oh Gordon Bennett, what's the matter with you now?
- Look over there!
275
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,293
- Where?
- Just by them flowers.
276
00:20:59,708 --> 00:21:02,400
It's like that butterfly thing
from Rodney's magazine.
277
00:21:02,759 --> 00:21:06,312
That's because it is that
butterfly thing from my magazine!
278
00:21:06,794 --> 00:21:12,095
Oh leave it out you wally! What that thing
over there's worth 3,000 pounds? Never...
279
00:21:18,256 --> 00:21:20,760
It is, it is that 'an all.
280
00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:26,445
If we could, if we could capture that all
our problems'll be over!
281
00:21:27,913 --> 00:21:30,852
I told you two didn't I? Didn't I tell you two
that Mum'd come up trumps.
282
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:32,252
Yeah, let's get it!
283
00:21:32,422 --> 00:21:34,276
No look, be careful, take yer time. Take yer time!
284
00:21:35,590 --> 00:21:38,481
We've gotta do this
the way the professionals would do it.
285
00:21:39,194 --> 00:21:42,347
What d'you mean? We've gotta jump over things
and skid around in the van?
286
00:21:45,451 --> 00:21:49,058
I don't mean Bodie and bleedin'
Doyle you stupid old git...
287
00:21:50,649 --> 00:21:54,695
I mean professional butterfly
catchers! Albert.
288
00:21:54,961 --> 00:21:56,763
- Yes Del?
- Giss yer hat!
289
00:22:02,451 --> 00:22:04,103
- Derek!
- What?
290
00:22:04,365 --> 00:22:09,060
- Have some respect!
- Oh sorry...
291
00:22:22,684 --> 00:22:26,433
It's gone! Quick Rodney.
Get after it. Go on quick.
292
00:22:49,661 --> 00:22:53,391
Careful Del! Take it,
nice and easy.
293
00:22:55,315 --> 00:22:57,651
Yes, yes, thank you Rodney!
294
00:23:06,317 --> 00:23:09,484
'Cos you could slip and kill
yourself easy as anything!
295
00:23:12,823 --> 00:23:14,359
I know, I know!
296
00:23:29,564 --> 00:23:30,982
Now!!
297
00:23:40,250 --> 00:23:42,503
- Come on Del, he's getting away!
298
00:23:45,902 --> 00:23:47,594
The things I do for money!
299
00:24:00,750 --> 00:24:03,315
- Where is it?
- He's out there on that lily pad!
300
00:24:09,932 --> 00:24:11,897
We can't leave
him out there can we?
301
00:24:12,387 --> 00:24:14,612
Well what d'you wanna do then,
phone the coastguard?
302
00:24:15,644 --> 00:24:18,186
Look, a bloody great pike
could come up and have him for supper.
303
00:24:19,190 --> 00:24:24,328
No, one of us has got to go in and get him.
Go on Rodney, I'll hold your shoes!
304
00:24:25,018 --> 00:24:26,292
Eh? I'm not going in there!!
305
00:24:26,655 --> 00:24:29,367
This is no time for second thoughts!
306
00:24:30,182 --> 00:24:34,183
That is not a butterfly out there,
that is Denzil's money!
307
00:24:34,418 --> 00:24:38,557
- So how come I have to go and get it?
- 'Cos I'm not a very good swimmer!
308
00:24:38,907 --> 00:24:40,020
Nor am I!
309
00:24:41,034 --> 00:24:46,407
I know but you're taller than me, ain't yer,
It'll take you longer to drown! It's only shallow.
310
00:24:47,150 --> 00:24:50,615
- How shallow?
- Well I don't know do I! Get in and see!
311
00:25:02,020 --> 00:25:03,260
What's Rodney doing?
312
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,157
I dunno - backstroke I think.
313
00:25:09,286 --> 00:25:12,085
Our three grand's out there on that lily pad.
314
00:25:12,256 --> 00:25:14,006
I begged him, I begged him not to go in!
315
00:25:14,890 --> 00:25:17,369
Pity you weren't here,
this is right up your street isn't it?
316
00:25:17,819 --> 00:25:20,566
- I can't swim Del!
- You used to be a sailor!
317
00:25:21,441 --> 00:25:23,822
Don't mean a thing!! Nelson couldn't swim!
318
00:25:25,785 --> 00:25:31,264
Course he couldn't, he'd only got one bloody arm!
He'd be going round in circles wouldn't he?
319
00:25:33,381 --> 00:25:36,171
There you are Rodney, it's not
as bad as you thought is it?
320
00:25:36,558 --> 00:25:37,890
You pushed me!
321
00:25:38,128 --> 00:25:40,851
I did not, I did not push you,
I just gave you a little bit of encouragement!
322
00:25:41,353 --> 00:25:44,467
- Anyway come on Rodders you're in now!
- Yeah, and I'm getting out 'an all.
323
00:25:45,661 --> 00:25:47,109
Just a minute, just a minute.
324
00:25:48,316 --> 00:25:51,986
Not ten yards, not ten yards from you, right,
325
00:25:52,247 --> 00:25:56,416
is one of the rarest, most beautifulest
of God's little tiny creatures!
326
00:25:56,837 --> 00:26:00,041
And them wallies in that magazine of yours are
gonna give us three grand for it.
327
00:26:00,198 --> 00:26:02,131
I don't care Del, I'm still
getting out!
328
00:26:02,283 --> 00:26:07,261
Listen, we give Denzil his two grand back
and we've got a grand for ourselves!
329
00:26:08,011 --> 00:26:10,173
I thought you said you'd give
Denzil three grand!
330
00:26:11,219 --> 00:26:13,149
That's funny that,
'cos Denzil thought I said that 'an all.
331
00:26:14,646 --> 00:26:18,139
Rodders, everyone's a winner! What d'you say?
332
00:26:22,630 --> 00:26:26,413
- Nice and gently Rodney.
- Shuddup!
333
00:26:29,083 --> 00:26:39,856
Easy now, don't splash, go slowly, don't disturb it.
Shush, mind how you go...
334
00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:53,621
- Good boy, come on.
- I bet I'll get a cold next week now!
335
00:26:54,095 --> 00:26:58,699
- Shut up you tart!
- This water'll make my hair go frizzy!
336
00:26:58,971 --> 00:27:01,495
Don't worry, the alopecia'll
soon cure that.
337
00:27:06,020 --> 00:27:10,449
Just remember, if you get into difficulties, save
the butterfly right?
338
00:27:11,006 --> 00:27:13,075
Stuff the butterfly!
339
00:27:15,834 --> 00:27:18,660
There's only a few of them things
left in the world, there's millions of you!
340
00:27:19,851 --> 00:27:22,261
Nice 'n' easy Rodney, almost there!
341
00:27:27,628 --> 00:27:34,140
- Careful, careful, got it, got it.
- Is he alright Del?
342
00:27:34,439 --> 00:27:37,209
Yeah he's alright. A bit wet, but he'll survive.
343
00:27:42,002 --> 00:27:44,128
The old sun'll soon dry you out won't it?
344
00:27:44,919 --> 00:27:53,164
And then we'll take you down to the nice man
who's gonna give your Uncle Delly Welly three lovely grand!
345
00:27:54,890 --> 00:27:57,168
Denzil I've got your money.
346
00:27:57,711 --> 00:27:59,432
Great man! I'll see you down
the pub later!
347
00:28:14,479 --> 00:28:18,645
- What's that mess in your hands?
- That used to be a butterfly Rodney!
348
00:28:21,399 --> 00:28:27,763
The butt...But...You didn't...
Not when Denzil.
349
00:28:31,871 --> 00:28:37,153
Well what a plonker!
So what do we do now?
350
00:28:46,717 --> 00:28:50,926
Ladies and gentlemen, how would you like
to be the proud owners of a set of lowvery doors?
351
00:28:53,903 --> 00:28:57,632
Subtitles by NVL
352
00:28:57,682 --> 00:29:02,232
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