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1
00:00:58,749 --> 00:01:02,131
He's good ain't he? I like that!
Hope he don't do no more though!
2
00:01:03,181 --> 00:01:06,340
'Ere Trigger, you coming to the do Saturday night?
Only I've only got two tickets left!
3
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:07,797
Yeah, put 'em down to me Mike!
4
00:01:07,981 --> 00:01:10,939
Good boy. Now they're 2.50 each
but you can have the pair for a fiver!
5
00:01:11,153 --> 00:01:11,987
You're a pal!
6
00:01:15,931 --> 00:01:20,304
- Right, I'll go for a tenner on that one.
- Royal Flush! Get out of that my son!
7
00:01:20,791 --> 00:01:24,624
I don't know where you're pulling 'em
from tonight, Del Boy, I really don't!
8
00:01:30,967 --> 00:01:37,270
Now listen you cretinous little erks!
There is a three-yard exclusion zone around this table!
9
00:01:38,087 --> 00:01:40,940
And if another one of your missiles
should fall within it,
10
00:01:41,088 --> 00:01:47,861
I will personally shove it - point, shaft, feathers an' all,
right up your gear box! Do I make myself clear?
11
00:01:48,601 --> 00:01:54,746
- Yeah, alright Boycie, we get yer drift.
- Well just be aware then, eh, just be aware...
12
00:02:01,165 --> 00:02:02,349
Bloody peasants!
13
00:02:02,515 --> 00:02:05,204
That's what I like about you Boycie,
you've always been such a good loser!
14
00:02:05,470 --> 00:02:08,201
Yeah, I've had plenty of bloody
practice where you're concerned, ain't I?
15
00:02:08,912 --> 00:02:11,176
Mike says no gambling.
He's frightened of losing his licence.
16
00:02:11,574 --> 00:02:16,337
Trigger, Michael knows very well what he can do with his
bloody licence! I'm tryin' to win my money back here.
17
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:19,460
Alright, alright. There's plenty of time Boycie.
Listen, I'll go and get some drinks.
18
00:02:19,599 --> 00:02:21,223
What do you want, scotch,
scotch, Trigger?
19
00:02:21,371 --> 00:02:22,479
- Cheers Del.
- About time an' all.
20
00:02:23,804 --> 00:02:25,089
- Alright Tommy?
- Hello Del.
21
00:02:25,308 --> 00:02:28,535
'Ere, listen. Tell the enemy that I haven't forgotten
about her sandwich toaster,
22
00:02:28,779 --> 00:02:30,148
I'll pop it round to her in the morning, alright?
23
00:02:30,878 --> 00:02:32,880
Michael please, three scotches if
you don't mind.
24
00:02:33,733 --> 00:02:38,059
Del, I've told you before, do
not gamble in the pub! I'll lose my licence.
25
00:02:38,772 --> 00:02:40,327
Yeah why, no it's only a
friendly game.
26
00:02:40,726 --> 00:02:44,686
Friendly, friendly? I've seen at least fifty quid
change hands in here tonight!
27
00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,395
That's what I mean, it's a friendly game!
28
00:02:47,093 --> 00:02:50,787
There you are, put the rest in
the bottle, will you...I'm in the mood for love.
29
00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:54,273
'Ere Del, Del. D'you want tickets for the do
Saturday night, I've only got two left?
30
00:02:54,679 --> 00:02:55,832
Yeah, on then, I'll have 'em.
31
00:02:56,216 --> 00:03:01,947
- Maureen, give them to Del, will you. And get the money.
- That's a fiver.
32
00:03:02,117 --> 00:03:04,624
Yeah, alright, go on, get the money yourself.
Help yourself. They're in my pocket.
33
00:03:14,407 --> 00:03:15,420
There's no money in there!
34
00:03:15,582 --> 00:03:19,074
I know, it's in me jacket
pocket! Go on help yourself.
35
00:03:20,024 --> 00:03:22,538
- You're a swine, you really are.
- Take a pound for yourself.
36
00:03:22,861 --> 00:03:27,582
- Yeah I will, thanks very much.
- And thank you very much.
37
00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:36,386
- Maureen...Vodka and lemonade, please.
- Vodka and lemonade.
38
00:03:36,722 --> 00:03:40,081
Oi Mickey, alright? We going
down the pizza palace later on then?
39
00:03:40,752 --> 00:03:43,627
Well, we're going down there!
But we're with the birds see!
40
00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:48,953
Oh right. Yeah, well, I didn't
fancy a pizza to be honest!
41
00:03:49,144 --> 00:03:51,182
Gotta be up early market and
all that.
42
00:03:51,450 --> 00:03:55,800
'Ere Rodney, do you want tickets for the do
Saturday night, only I've only got two left?
43
00:03:56,476 --> 00:03:59,376
- Well he won't want two, will he Mike?
- Why won't I want two?
44
00:03:59,725 --> 00:04:03,033
- Well you won't be bringing a bird will you?
- Why shouldn't I be bringing a bird?
45
00:04:03,734 --> 00:04:06,896
There's no reason Rodney, but
why break the habits of a lifetime?
46
00:04:08,871 --> 00:04:11,876
- Yeah, I'll have the two Mike! How much?
- Good boy, that's a fiver.
47
00:04:15,643 --> 00:04:19,647
- Who you bringing then, your Uncle Albert?
- I'm bringing a girl!
48
00:04:20,114 --> 00:04:22,106
- Oh give over Rodney!
- I'm bringing a girl!
49
00:04:22,616 --> 00:04:23,771
What's her name?
50
00:04:26,673 --> 00:04:29,595
It's none of your business!
You'll have to find out Saturday night, won't you!
51
00:04:30,658 --> 00:04:34,443
Who is it? 'Ere it's not that
sort form the fishmonger's is it?
52
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:40,229
No it ain't that sort form the fishmongers actually.
This one happens to be in showbusiness.
53
00:04:40,789 --> 00:04:43,149
Showbusiness. You're a liar.
54
00:04:43,341 --> 00:04:46,663
I'm telling you the truth,Mickey.
You wanna see her, an' all, she's a right bramma!
55
00:04:47,137 --> 00:04:50,073
Well, I've got ten says you
won't bring a bird on Saturday night!
56
00:04:50,405 --> 00:04:52,314
- Make it 20?
- Alright, 20!
57
00:04:53,246 --> 00:04:55,795
Oi, oi, oi. What's all the
noise? I can't hear myself think here.
58
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,367
He's betting me I ain't got a
bird to bring to the do Saturday.
59
00:04:58,535 --> 00:05:03,699
- Well, you ain't have you? What really?
- Yes.
60
00:05:05,677 --> 00:05:09,166
Go on then Rodney, go on, take
him the mouthy git! Go on.
61
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:15,367
- I'll tell you what, make it 30.
- Make it 40 if you like!
62
00:05:15,804 --> 00:05:22,712
- Go'n, go'n Rodney my son!
- I know, I know let's make it a nice round 50.
63
00:05:24,919 --> 00:05:29,743
You're on! I'll see you Saturday,
and you'd better bring your money with you.
64
00:05:31,136 --> 00:05:32,877
He's got more front than
Buckingham Palace ain't he?
65
00:05:33,219 --> 00:05:35,822
Don't worry, come Saturday night you'll be the one
that's laughing won't you?
66
00:05:36,623 --> 00:05:39,932
Yeah, that's it. Come on, come
and sit down over here and hold yer noise, right.
67
00:05:40,285 --> 00:05:43,956
- Here are Dave, you can sit here, I'm going.
- Are we playing cards or what?
68
00:05:44,388 --> 00:05:46,741
- Yeah come on.
- About bloody time an' all.
69
00:05:47,108 --> 00:05:48,845
Right it'll be down to you then
Boycie. Here...
70
00:05:49,119 --> 00:05:50,707
Keep yer money to yourself will
you, 'cos of old...
71
00:05:53,592 --> 00:05:55,308
Okay, I will go a pound.
72
00:05:55,853 --> 00:05:57,748
- Yeah, go on I'll have some of that. Two pound.
- Four.
73
00:05:59,167 --> 00:06:00,301
- Eight.
- Sixteen.
74
00:06:01,303 --> 00:06:02,667
- Thirty-two, go on.
- Sixty-four!...
75
00:06:10,474 --> 00:06:13,016
It's gonna cost you 128 to see me Del Boy.
76
00:06:13,379 --> 00:06:16,461
Just a minute Boycie! Just a minute.
This is supposed to be a friendly game ain't it.
77
00:06:16,678 --> 00:06:18,828
Friendly? It's the start of
World War Three ain't it?
78
00:06:19,157 --> 00:06:22,157
Well what can we do Del, it's
just the way the bids have gone!
79
00:06:22,306 --> 00:06:23,232
I'll tell you what we can do!
80
00:06:23,402 --> 00:06:30,007
We can both take our bets back, and start all over again,
and just you know try to play a little more sensibly. Alright?
81
00:06:30,447 --> 00:06:36,718
- Alright Del Boy! Anything you say. Right, a pound.
- I'll see you!
82
00:06:40,779 --> 00:06:41,946
I've got three tens!
83
00:06:42,134 --> 00:06:46,541
Oh well that beats me out of sight Boycie.
Well played my son. Goodnight. Come on Rodney let's go!
84
00:06:54,378 --> 00:07:00,237
Then I said to him, 'I'll see you!' Well you should have
seen his face Uncle, he didn't know whether to laugh or cry!
85
00:07:00,435 --> 00:07:01,648
It was a picture weren't it Rodders?
86
00:07:01,972 --> 00:07:05,169
Boycie's face - when I tucked
him up at cards!
87
00:07:05,537 --> 00:07:06,686
Yeah, yeah, it was triffic!
88
00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:10,192
- Wassamatter with you Rodney?
- Nothing!
89
00:07:11,578 --> 00:07:17,076
Come on Rodders cheer up. Pay day tomorrow and then it's
Saturday when you take Mouthy Mickey to the cleaners!
90
00:07:17,661 --> 00:07:19,144
Well that's what's bothering me Del.
91
00:07:19,364 --> 00:07:22,318
Oh Rodney. You ain't starting
to feel sympathy for him 'ave you?
92
00:07:22,748 --> 00:07:26,880
I mean, he's got far too much rabbit. It's about time
he was put in his place once and for all that boy.
93
00:07:27,658 --> 00:07:32,009
Del - I ain't got a girl for Saturday night!
I ain't got a girl for any night!
94
00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:36,668
You ain't got a...Well why did
you keep upping the ante?
95
00:07:37,049 --> 00:07:42,857
You told me to! You were stood
behind me going 'Go on Rodney, go on my son!'
96
00:07:43,417 --> 00:07:45,775
That's because you said you had
a girl and I believed you!
97
00:07:45,972 --> 00:07:47,726
Yeah, well I weren't telling
the complete truth!
98
00:07:48,795 --> 00:07:52,969
Telling the complete truth! You were lying
through yer back bloody teeth, you stupid little berk!
99
00:07:53,399 --> 00:07:57,580
- He stands to lose fifty quid on this!
- Why d'you have to tell lies Rodney?
100
00:08:00,529 --> 00:08:01,853
It was pride talking weren't it?
101
00:08:02,042 --> 00:08:06,822
I mean, there was Mickey Pearce and all the others and
they was laughing at me! So I pretended! I lied!
102
00:08:07,526 --> 00:08:09,896
Anyway, what's to say I won't meet a
girl by Saturday night?
103
00:08:10,242 --> 00:08:13,330
That's the spirit Rodney!
There's loads of girls on this estate.
104
00:08:13,879 --> 00:08:15,758
And one of 'em must be
willing to go out with you!
105
00:08:16,171 --> 00:08:18,727
Well, the thing is Albert,
I've been out with most of 'em in the past.
106
00:08:19,327 --> 00:08:20,558
What, didn't they like you?
107
00:08:20,817 --> 00:08:23,753
Well they haven't started a fan
club yet, have they Rodney?
108
00:08:24,468 --> 00:08:26,069
No Del, they ain't have they?
109
00:08:26,481 --> 00:08:28,475
'Ere, I've got it! I've got it!
110
00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:33,227
What about that tubby girl, who lives down by
the community hall there, she'll go out with you Rodney.
111
00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:35,119
'Cos she ain't got a full deck!
112
00:08:36,698 --> 00:08:39,454
I can sort this one out on my
own, thank you Derek!
113
00:08:39,741 --> 00:08:40,706
Alright, alright, up to you.
114
00:08:40,894 --> 00:08:43,911
- 'Ere, what about the girl from the fishmonger's
- No thank you Uncle!
115
00:08:44,930 --> 00:08:50,278
Got it, cracked it. Remember a couple of months ago
when I took you out on that blind date?
116
00:08:50,685 --> 00:08:53,920
Remember it?? I'm still having therapy for it!
117
00:08:55,231 --> 00:08:58,989
You are not honestly suggesting I spend
another evening with Big Brenda?
118
00:08:59,737 --> 00:09:03,917
Just 'cos she's taller than you! Anyway,
I heard she was a very sporting girl!
119
00:09:04,178 --> 00:09:06,605
Yeah, but when you told me she was a sporting girl
120
00:09:06,917 --> 00:09:10,352
I didn't realise you meant she was
Southern Areas Shot-put Champion!
121
00:09:11,605 --> 00:09:14,861
Well you seemed to get on with hervery well,
you were laughing and dancing and that.
122
00:09:15,261 --> 00:09:20,902
Del, I was scared of her! Anyway, if you think
I'm walking into the Nag's Head on Saturday night
123
00:09:21,131 --> 00:09:24,555
with Miss Anabolic Steroids on me arm,
you've got another think coming.
124
00:09:25,497 --> 00:09:29,804
I could not stand another night of:
'So I said to Zola' and 'Zola said to me!'
125
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:35,120
Oh well, you'll have to sort it out yourself Rodney,
I mean, you know I've done me best, ain't I, eh?
126
00:09:36,152 --> 00:09:37,493
You wanna be careful Rodney!
127
00:09:37,758 --> 00:09:42,257
Look at that little thing you took to the pictures
the other week - lucky not to get yer collar felt!
128
00:09:42,452 --> 00:09:45,414
Now that's not fair! She swore
blind to me she was 18!
129
00:09:45,912 --> 00:09:49,067
That's right, how did Rodney
know she was only nine?
130
00:09:50,981 --> 00:09:53,064
She was 16 that month!
131
00:09:53,576 --> 00:09:57,754
Anyway, I didn't suspect nothing till
she paid her fare with a school bus pass!
132
00:09:58,883 --> 00:10:02,370
And she did all the chatting up! You know.
I mean she invited me to the pictures!
133
00:10:02,683 --> 00:10:05,592
Well she had to didn't she,
they wouldn't let her in without an adult!
134
00:10:07,703 --> 00:10:09,987
Oh get off my back you two! I'm
going to bed!
135
00:10:14,130 --> 00:10:19,427
Rodney, listen you are sure you
don't want me to phone up that Big Brenda?
136
00:10:20,755 --> 00:10:27,101
Oi, watch your language, these walls
are paper thin! I don't know, Uncle.
137
00:10:27,965 --> 00:10:32,423
I don't know what the younger generation's coming to,
they can't even swear without effing and blinding!
138
00:10:37,123 --> 00:10:42,126
Yeah, yeah, alright then darling. Yeah, no it's been
lovely hearing your voice after all these years!
139
00:10:43,072 --> 00:10:45,880
Okay, see you around then. Bonjour.
140
00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:49,553
Oh well. That's it. That's it.
That was the last one.
141
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,140
Last what?
142
00:10:52,123 --> 00:10:55,768
I've been phoning round some of my old girlfriends,
see if I could pull something out of the hat for Rodney.
143
00:10:56,348 --> 00:11:01,683
No luck. I tell you what Uncle, phoning round
some of your old birds don't 'alf make you feel your age!
144
00:11:03,347 --> 00:11:04,528
Any phone calls for me today?
145
00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:09,460
Yeah, that young Mickey Pearce called, said he had
a phone number of a lonely hearts club for Rodney!
146
00:11:10,174 --> 00:11:13,417
Cor, he's a lairy little sod he is.
I'd like to tuck him up, I really would!
147
00:11:14,297 --> 00:11:17,696
- Oh well, carry on. Alright Rodney?
- Yep!
148
00:11:19,356 --> 00:11:20,589
Bloody hell!
149
00:11:21,865 --> 00:11:24,455
That reminds me, I'm playing
dominoes down the Legion tonight!
150
00:11:31,287 --> 00:11:32,693
What have you done to yourself?
151
00:11:32,950 --> 00:11:38,510
Del, what you see before you is the new me!
The old Rodney Trotter is dead! Long live the King!
152
00:11:39,868 --> 00:11:43,817
- You look like a liquorice all-sort!
- You ain't gotta wear it, have you?
153
00:11:43,978 --> 00:11:45,198
No, that's too true, I ain't!
154
00:11:45,827 --> 00:11:50,649
Look, I've still got a couple of hours left to win that bet!
I'm going out to see if I can't bump into a right bramma!
155
00:11:50,987 --> 00:11:53,312
Make sure you don't bump into
her on a zebra crossing.
156
00:11:54,455 --> 00:11:57,441
No, I mean it looks a bit like now you see me,
now you don't! Do you know what I mean?
157
00:11:57,742 --> 00:12:01,662
Rodney, use your loaf, you're never
gonna pull a tart dressed up like Bertie Bassett!
158
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:07,077
- You ain't getting to me Del so save yer breath!
- Alright.
159
00:12:08,081 --> 00:12:11,783
You know what would look good
on you Rodney, a big white stetson!
160
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:15,396
Do you know what would look
good on you Albert? A doberman pinscher!
161
00:12:16,637 --> 00:12:21,652
Alright, alright, come on you two...Now pack it in.
Listen, d'you want me to come with you?
162
00:12:22,106 --> 00:12:24,666
- You can if you like, I don't care.
- Alright, alright, I'll come with you.
163
00:12:25,636 --> 00:12:27,552
- What you gonna wear?
- Sunglasses I should think!
164
00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:29,224
Oh don't bother, I'll go on me own.
165
00:12:29,511 --> 00:12:32,563
Calm down, calm down.
Come on, calm down, have a cup of tea.
166
00:12:32,906 --> 00:12:35,890
- And will you stop winding him up!
- I ain't said a word!
167
00:12:36,035 --> 00:12:37,553
No, well just make sure you don't then!
168
00:12:44,746 --> 00:12:48,811
I don't know what it is, but I keep getting this
yearning to put my Bobby Crush LP on!
169
00:12:51,502 --> 00:12:53,714
Alright, where, Rodney,
where did you get that?
170
00:12:54,346 --> 00:12:55,661
I bought it off Paddy the Greek!
171
00:12:55,944 --> 00:13:00,570
Paddy...the Greek! Pad...That's the rubbish
I sold him last Monday!
172
00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:03,759
When I offered it to you then,
you weren't interested!
173
00:13:04,041 --> 00:13:05,666
Yeah, I know, but he was
cheaper than you!
174
00:13:07,666 --> 00:13:09,263
Yeah, well, I've got to cover
me overheads ain't I!
175
00:13:09,492 --> 00:13:13,180
Look, there's gotta be easier ways to
win a bet than this ain't there.
176
00:13:13,547 --> 00:13:18,057
There's something I don't understand!
All these young girls on the estate that you've taken out.
177
00:13:18,745 --> 00:13:21,148
- What about 'em?
- How come none of 'em want to see you again?
178
00:13:21,345 --> 00:13:23,224
Yeah, that is a bit of a mystery
innit, eh that?
179
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:28,067
Alright seeing as how it's
'National let's take the piss out of Rodney week'.
180
00:13:28,855 --> 00:13:33,624
- I will tell you. I frighten them off! Alright?
- Frighten them off?
181
00:13:34,186 --> 00:13:37,069
Yeah, well he's got this thing about
uniforms ain't he, you know what I mean.
182
00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:41,819
It's got nothing to do with uniforms!
I got over that phase months ago!
183
00:13:44,179 --> 00:13:47,103
Alright, look, to
morons like Mickey Pearce, and...
184
00:13:48,344 --> 00:13:53,928
...some of the others, a woman
is not a person, to talk to, someone to relate to.
185
00:13:54,294 --> 00:13:58,628
Oh no, a woman is just a trinket to
bolster their masculinity.
186
00:13:58,851 --> 00:14:03,892
You know, something to hang on their arm
to prove their macho image! Well I'm different!
187
00:14:07,913 --> 00:14:10,107
No, no, there's nothing like
that about him.
188
00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:16,526
Look either I like a girl, or I don't!
If I don't like her Idon't see her no more!
189
00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:21,396
But if I do like her, I...tend
to get a bit serious!
190
00:14:21,946 --> 00:14:24,635
And well I think that's what's frightening 'em off!
191
00:14:25,123 --> 00:14:30,954
They're young, you know, they want to see a bit of life
perhaps they don't want a wally like me drooling round 'em!
192
00:14:32,089 --> 00:14:34,417
I just fall in love too easy, that's my trouble!
193
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:39,938
It's our family trait Del!
Us Trotters wear our hearts on our sleeves!
194
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:45,100
- Leave it out...he wears his heart in his Wranglers!
- Oh, here we go again! See!
195
00:14:45,423 --> 00:14:49,375
You don't know what love is Rodney,
you haven't had enough experience to know!
196
00:14:49,595 --> 00:14:50,866
I bet you have though ain't yer?
197
00:14:51,032 --> 00:14:54,797
I certainly have bruv!
I am covered in emotional scars me.
198
00:14:56,550 --> 00:14:57,710
I was in love once!
199
00:14:57,877 --> 00:15:03,515
Yeah? Triffic! You see Rodders,
I used to have this vision of love!
200
00:15:04,966 --> 00:15:13,300
I used to imagine that me, me and my - sweetheart -
were running, in slow motion, through a field of buttercups!
201
00:15:15,288 --> 00:15:19,312
We're both - you know, we're both like that
dressed in white, and you know like...
202
00:15:19,458 --> 00:15:20,708
...I'd done a bit of weight!
203
00:15:21,134 --> 00:15:29,019
And suddenly - there in the background
I can hear Semprini's orchestra
204
00:15:29,171 --> 00:15:32,555
playing the theme tune from Doctor Zhivago!
205
00:15:35,273 --> 00:15:37,140
- Where's he going?
- Probably gone to be sick!
206
00:15:38,859 --> 00:15:40,490
Shut up and listen, listen will yer?
207
00:15:41,251 --> 00:15:46,321
Then again, you see another time - another time. I
imagine us at the top of an Alpine peak.
208
00:15:47,192 --> 00:15:50,024
Looking out across
the mountains and the forests,
209
00:15:51,165 --> 00:15:56,631
it's just like as if we're the last two people
left alive in the world.
210
00:15:57,362 --> 00:16:03,089
But suddenly behind us
you hear the sound of a lone violin.
211
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:08,637
- Semprini on a skiing holiday is it?
- Will you shut up and listen?
212
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:12,006
Oh, come on Del, that ain't a
vision of love, it's a yoghurt commercial!
213
00:16:13,178 --> 00:16:14,354
Oh well, thank you very much.
214
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,613
There I am tryin' to give you the benefit of my
experience and what do you do, eh,
215
00:16:17,796 --> 00:16:20,014
you throw it back in my face. Well thank...
216
00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:23,256
- What's this?
- That's Helga!
217
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:25,390
- Helga?
- Helga who?
218
00:16:25,676 --> 00:16:29,548
I was in love with her! I don't
think I ever really stopped loving her!
219
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:32,740
Yeah, well it's getting on
ain't it, if we're going down the club.
220
00:16:33,036 --> 00:16:38,045
It was in 1946. We'd sailed in to Hamburg
to pick up some prisoners of war.
221
00:16:38,975 --> 00:16:40,948
Helga was working in a bar near the docks.
222
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:48,079
She was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen
I fell in love with her the moment I saw her!
223
00:16:49,969 --> 00:16:52,416
The little finger on her right hand was missing!
224
00:17:01,013 --> 00:17:05,612
No, she lost it when her home was bombed.
Her entire family was wiped out!
225
00:17:06,815 --> 00:17:07,740
Oh! Sorry!
226
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:12,961
I asked her to marry me. She
said no! Just like that, no!
227
00:17:13,521 --> 00:17:16,715
See, I mistook her gestures of
friendship as tokens of love!
228
00:17:17,348 --> 00:17:19,341
I suppose it was all for the
best really.
229
00:17:19,811 --> 00:17:23,112
You see theauthorities didn't like us
fraternising with the Germans,
230
00:17:23,414 --> 00:17:28,146
and I was still married to yer
aunt Ada and she'd have kicked up a stink!
231
00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:34,906
It's funny you know, but even after all this
time, if I'm ever watching a German war film
232
00:17:35,415 --> 00:17:39,244
and I hear the word 'nein'
I always think of Helga!
233
00:17:42,008 --> 00:17:44,227
What, 'cos that's how many fingers she had?
234
00:17:48,711 --> 00:17:54,544
It's the German word for 'no'!
I'll put this back in the box.
235
00:17:54,822 --> 00:17:56,824
Yeah, that's it. Go on, you put
it somewhere safe.
236
00:17:57,811 --> 00:18:03,860
I think in her own way she loved me!
She never used to charge me as much as the other lads!
237
00:18:09,601 --> 00:18:13,479
He tells a good story don't he?
It gets you right here.
238
00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:20,006
Like bile. Well
come on - come on, shake a leg. Come on.
239
00:18:20,334 --> 00:18:21,425
No, I don't think I'll bother Del!
240
00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,812
Yeah come on, Rodney, come on
you've gotta make an effort!
241
00:18:23,973 --> 00:18:25,442
No, I'm never gonna pull a bird, am I.
242
00:18:25,607 --> 00:18:29,742
Yes you are. Come on like,
remember, he who dares wins!
243
00:18:29,893 --> 00:18:32,765
Yeah, but that won't work for me Del!
I'll just have to pay Mickey the money that's all.
244
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,243
No you don't listen. I'll tell
you what you're gonna do.
245
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:42,689
Listen. I'll buy the bet off you. Right, now if we win,
I collect the 50. If we lose, I pay out.
246
00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:44,530
- How's that grab you?
- Yeah, alright then!
247
00:18:44,829 --> 00:18:46,567
Good boy, you know it makes sense!
248
00:18:46,921 --> 00:18:50,692
Now, come on then, we're gonna go down
and give those dance halls a bit of an' hammering tonight!
249
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:54,504
'Come on let's twist again
like we did last summer.'
250
00:18:54,672 --> 00:18:59,417
Yeah Del, this time, you know, let's not just go crashing in
there right and - kick 'em in the ankles and 'Wanna dance darling?'
251
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:03,227
You know, let's have a bit of decorum this time, eh?
Bit of sophistication!
252
00:19:03,837 --> 00:19:05,936
What are you talking about?
Sophistication is my middle name!
253
00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:08,118
Yeah, I know, I know, I just forgot!
254
00:19:08,317 --> 00:19:13,101
Well that's alright then! Don't you worry. Listen, I'm just
gonna have a - a clean pants, splash of Brut,
255
00:19:13,259 --> 00:19:16,819
- be with you in a minute, alright son.
- Triffic!
256
00:19:20,988 --> 00:19:27,208
I don't know. Stone me. I right blinding night this has turned
out to be ain't it, eh, cor we've been everywhere!
257
00:19:27,617 --> 00:19:30,983
Empire Leicester Square, Hammersmith
Palais, you name it we've danced there!
258
00:19:31,330 --> 00:19:35,623
And the only thing I've pulled is a ligament in me back,
trying to do that bloody break dancing.
259
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:39,368
Surely to goodness Rodney,
one of them girls would have done you!
260
00:19:39,556 --> 00:19:42,573
No, no, they wouldn't Del! This
one's got to be something a bit special.
261
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:46,832
I told Mickey she was in showbusiness.
You know, I made her out to be a bit of a film star!
262
00:19:47,998 --> 00:19:50,375
You didn't tell me that when I
took the bet of you did yer?
263
00:19:50,819 --> 00:19:51,437
No!
264
00:19:51,603 --> 00:19:53,022
No, you saucy little git!
265
00:19:53,444 --> 00:20:00,092
Honestly I don't - oh come - sit - put your tookers down
there come on for heaven's sake. Take the weight of it.
266
00:20:03,843 --> 00:20:06,807
Well how are we gonna find a
Bo Derek look-alike in Peckham?
267
00:20:08,155 --> 00:20:10,326
If it had been Bo Diddley
we'd have been laughing!
268
00:20:11,443 --> 00:20:14,417
Well, we ain't gonna find her here, are we?
What d'you bring us here for?
269
00:20:14,607 --> 00:20:17,033
- Looks like a trouble place to me!
- It's not a trouble place!
270
00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:22,234
- Del, there's dried blood on the door handle!
- The cleaners night off. Don't worry.
271
00:20:23,182 --> 00:20:25,884
'Ere look at that - oi, down
there - those two there - those two there.
272
00:20:27,773 --> 00:20:35,170
Do I look like St George? Oh come on Del,
look at that one, she's older than the Mary Rose!
273
00:20:37,518 --> 00:20:43,243
She's alright. I thought you said that this girlfriend of
yours was a bit of a film star. Bette Davis is a film star!
274
00:20:43,693 --> 00:20:47,349
Yeah, well so was Rin Tin Tin
but I ain't taking a bloody alsatian to the do!
275
00:20:48,583 --> 00:20:50,559
Don't know, it hasn't bothered
you other years! Has it?
276
00:20:53,158 --> 00:20:55,231
- God, look at the state of her, eh.
- Eh, what?
277
00:20:56,049 --> 00:20:58,675
- You can see her wrinkles from here!
- Alright, alright.
278
00:20:58,980 --> 00:21:01,682
Got a face like a bulldog
chewing a wasp, ain't she?
279
00:21:02,724 --> 00:21:06,032
Leave it - alright, go on, you
can have the best one!
280
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:07,810
That is the best one!!
281
00:21:10,184 --> 00:21:14,256
I don't know what I'm going to do. I just bloody give up
with you. I really do. What you drinking?
282
00:21:14,471 --> 00:21:15,177
Lager.
283
00:21:15,339 --> 00:21:16,963
That's all your gonna get. Oi, Orlando!
284
00:21:18,386 --> 00:21:23,249
- 'Ere Vonny. Vonny how are you? How you going?
- Hello presh, how are you?
285
00:21:23,438 --> 00:21:26,283
Oh I'm alright. You know, I'm doing a bit here,
I'm doing a bit there. You know me.
286
00:21:27,031 --> 00:21:28,877
What are you doing these days, you
still stripping are you?
287
00:21:29,196 --> 00:21:31,965
I'm not a stripper Del, I'm an
exotic dancer!
288
00:21:32,123 --> 00:21:34,967
Ah yeah, of course you are. Sorry.
You still take yer clothes off though, don't yer?
289
00:21:35,145 --> 00:21:36,625
Well it's part of the act!
290
00:21:36,773 --> 00:21:40,189
Yeah, yeah. 'Ere I heard you got into a bit
of trouble the other week. What was that?
291
00:21:40,332 --> 00:21:44,805
Did you hear about that? Bloody drug-crazed tourist,
he jumped up on the stage after me!
292
00:21:45,277 --> 00:21:50,883
- He tried to strangle me you know!
- Yeah I know, so I heard! How is the snake now?
293
00:21:51,858 --> 00:21:54,085
- Oh he got over it.
- Oh good, good.
294
00:21:54,781 --> 00:21:58,101
- I've got the sack from most of my clubs now.
- Oh yeah Orlando!
295
00:21:58,752 --> 00:21:59,647
Yeah, why's that then?
296
00:22:00,023 --> 00:22:02,569
Well, to be honest with you Del,
I've been hitting the bottle a bit too much.
297
00:22:02,732 --> 00:22:03,534
Oh, have you?
298
00:22:03,691 --> 00:22:08,504
Doctor says I've got a drink problem.
I said to him, I ain't got no problem, I like it!
299
00:22:09,918 --> 00:22:12,279
Of course, my real problem is
frustration!
300
00:22:13,743 --> 00:22:15,215
Perhaps I could help you out
there, couldn't I, eh?
301
00:22:15,824 --> 00:22:18,493
- I shouldn't be a stripper Del!
- Oh I don't know, I think it suits you.
302
00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:23,209
Deep down inside I'm a singer!
But no-one'll take me seriously!
303
00:22:23,497 --> 00:22:25,802
No, I know. Gives you the 'ump
don't it, eh?
304
00:22:27,637 --> 00:22:30,534
'Ere just a minute. You know my local, don't you?
305
00:22:30,688 --> 00:22:34,071
The Nag's Head. Well there's a bit of a do on there
tomorrow night, do you fancy going?
306
00:22:34,435 --> 00:22:36,737
- Will they let me sing there?
- Well yes, they'll insist!
307
00:22:37,078 --> 00:22:40,696
- Alright then. You gonna pick me up?
- No, well you see you won't be going with me!
308
00:22:41,106 --> 00:22:42,375
Who am I going with then?
309
00:22:42,515 --> 00:22:45,468
It's alright, you'll be going
with my dopey little brother over there.
310
00:22:46,658 --> 00:22:47,278
Where?
311
00:22:47,482 --> 00:22:50,032
He's over there! Over there at
that table, there look.
312
00:22:50,277 --> 00:22:54,352
Well there's no-one there,
just some geezer dressed up as a negative!
313
00:22:54,486 --> 00:22:57,741
- Yeah, that's him!
- Oh Del...
314
00:22:57,882 --> 00:23:00,453
- I stand to win a bet.
- Oh Gawd!
315
00:23:00,607 --> 00:23:03,165
Listen Vonny. I'm on for a 50 here, alright.
316
00:23:03,384 --> 00:23:06,249
I'll tell you what, come on
look there's a score in it for yourself.
317
00:23:06,595 --> 00:23:09,220
- Oh ta Del.
- Alright. Go'n then!
318
00:23:09,886 --> 00:23:10,463
What?
319
00:23:10,624 --> 00:23:12,655
Well, you've gotta go over
there haven't you and you've gotta chat him up!
320
00:23:12,806 --> 00:23:16,990
Make it look real! Go on. That's it,
use your charm girl. Go on.
321
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,152
- Hi!
- Oh, watcha!
322
00:23:29,633 --> 00:23:33,879
- Is this anyone's seat?
- Em...No! No!
323
00:23:39,616 --> 00:23:43,071
- My name's Yvonne.
- I'm Rod... Rod
324
00:23:45,898 --> 00:23:48,111
I haven't seen you in here before!
325
00:23:48,578 --> 00:23:53,957
No, well that's probably something to do
with the fact that I've never actually been here before!
326
00:23:56,219 --> 00:24:01,710
- So, do you work here?
- Oh no. I'm... erm... I'm in show-business!
327
00:24:02,703 --> 00:24:05,932
Really? You ain't done any
films have you?
328
00:24:06,379 --> 00:24:10,184
Oh well, there was a couple when I was younger,
but I'd rather not talk about it!
329
00:24:11,302 --> 00:24:15,991
I just called in here tonight on the off chance,
I was hoping I might bump into some friends.
330
00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:20,800
I heard someone was throwing
a party tomorrow night!
331
00:24:23,232 --> 00:24:26,094
But now it looks as though I'll
have to spend the evening in on my own!
332
00:24:29,860 --> 00:24:32,802
Yes, I've got absolutely
nothing to do tomorrow night!
333
00:24:35,476 --> 00:24:39,546
Listen, I've got a couple of
tickets for a do! It's only a pub...
334
00:24:39,820 --> 00:24:43,563
- Oh, I'd love to go with you, thank you!
- It starts about 8.30.
335
00:24:43,762 --> 00:24:44,811
Oh, I'll see you there.
336
00:24:45,073 --> 00:24:46,803
Well, hold on, I'd better write
the address down for you.
337
00:24:46,945 --> 00:24:50,110
Oh it's alright, I know where
the Nag's Head is! Must rush.
338
00:24:54,818 --> 00:24:59,822
- There you go. Don't tell me you've pulled!
- I have.
339
00:25:00,401 --> 00:25:02,013
- You haven't!
- I have.
340
00:25:13,789 --> 00:25:16,333
Rodney, Rodney listen. Now listen to me.
341
00:25:16,484 --> 00:25:21,486
Let me explain before I do something you'll regret,
I'll explain to you, you see...
342
00:25:21,692 --> 00:25:25,650
- No Del, it's me Del.
- Ah! Oh it's you. Come on in where's Rodney?
343
00:25:25,893 --> 00:25:28,540
He's coming up the stairs. Oh
he's after your blood, Del.
344
00:25:29,901 --> 00:25:35,245
It wasn't my fault. Well not
entirely. I only did it so that he could win the bet.
345
00:25:35,676 --> 00:25:41,321
I'm sure in the cold light of day Rodney will realise
that Vonny's behaviour wasn't that bad.
346
00:25:41,689 --> 00:25:46,566
Oh it was bad, Del. It was very bad.
At one point Rodney started crying.
347
00:25:54,029 --> 00:25:58,343
- I am going to kill you!
- Careful, now listen, don't be a plonker all yer life!
348
00:25:59,695 --> 00:26:04,182
- You set her...up to...going out with me!
- I did not set her up, I paid her!
349
00:26:05,398 --> 00:26:08,262
You paid her? Well that' worse!
Come here.
350
00:26:08,602 --> 00:26:11,880
Alright, now listen, I only did it
for you to win the bet. And to save your pride!
351
00:26:12,316 --> 00:26:15,660
My pride!? Tonight, in front of half of Peckham,
352
00:26:15,803 --> 00:26:20,565
the bird I told everyone was my girlfriend
stood on the counter and took all her clothes off!
353
00:26:22,420 --> 00:26:24,115
I don't think anyone noticed Rodney!
354
00:26:26,091 --> 00:26:30,605
Well you certainly noticed Uncle!
Because you stood on a chair to notice!
355
00:26:31,462 --> 00:26:33,558
At one point he almost knocked you off!
356
00:26:33,705 --> 00:26:34,684
That's right, he did.
357
00:26:34,843 --> 00:26:40,059
No listen alright, so she has one too many gins,
I didn't know she had drink problem.
358
00:26:40,747 --> 00:26:43,660
No, I found out a couple
of new things about her as well.
359
00:26:44,107 --> 00:26:46,526
I didn't know she could juggle light ale bottles.
360
00:26:46,725 --> 00:26:50,274
I didn't know she couldn't sing!
And where did that snake come from??
361
00:26:51,879 --> 00:26:54,801
I don't know! Nobody knows
where it went either!
362
00:26:56,347 --> 00:27:00,894
That's it isn't it? I will
never ever live this evening down.
363
00:27:02,110 --> 00:27:05,337
This is the sort of stuff that legends are made
of! Right?
364
00:27:06,089 --> 00:27:09,770
I was telling everyone how me and Yvonne was
thinking of getting engaged.
365
00:27:10,026 --> 00:27:14,595
And I turned round and there
she is stark b...with nothing on!
366
00:27:15,411 --> 00:27:18,400
I had her singing in one ear
and Hissing Sid in the other!
367
00:27:19,952 --> 00:27:23,489
- Yeah, but you won your bet didn't you?
- Yeah, I won my bet alright.
368
00:27:23,825 --> 00:27:26,339
Ah good boy, did Mickey Pearce pay up?
369
00:27:26,684 --> 00:27:29,306
Yeah, he paid up - he was
laughing but he paid up.
370
00:27:29,661 --> 00:27:32,000
Alright. Come on come on, let's have the 50!
371
00:27:35,394 --> 00:27:38,913
- What's this? 50p??
- Yeah.
372
00:27:40,482 --> 00:27:42,524
Oh, I bet I know what you thought!
373
00:27:46,950 --> 00:27:49,948
You and that Mickey Pearce,
you're like a couple of bleedin kids!
374
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:56,364
I can't wait to tell the boys down the market!
Rodney's girl did a strip and Del Boy won a 50p bet.
375
00:28:00,706 --> 00:28:06,191
Uncle, stand very still!
There is a snake in the hood of your duffle coat!
376
00:28:09,050 --> 00:28:15,305
God there is too. Look at it. It's a big 'un.
Quick go down and phone the vet's quickly.
377
00:28:24,972 --> 00:28:29,072
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