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1
00:00:45,930 --> 00:00:52,628
No, no, no, no, everything's cushty! Yeah, no, no,
you've got nothing to worry about.
2
00:00:53,383 --> 00:00:57,697
You know me, I'll do
anyone a favour if the money's right, yeah.
3
00:00:59,099 --> 00:01:02,928
- You have to interfere don't yer?
- I was merely trying to get a picture for yer!
4
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:06,684
I had a picture till you come
in and started mucking around with the aerial!
5
00:01:06,885 --> 00:01:08,515
There was a ghost on the screen!
6
00:01:09,223 --> 00:01:16,229
Course there was a ghost on the screen - I was watching an
'orror film! Just leave things alone will yer Rodney!
7
00:01:17,282 --> 00:01:20,865
D'you realise there are nigh on
four million people unemployed in this country!
8
00:01:21,411 --> 00:01:23,542
And all you can do is sit there and watch
horror films!
9
00:01:23,857 --> 00:01:30,219
- What would you like me to do?
- Well...You could at least think about it!
10
00:01:32,190 --> 00:01:35,720
I've been thinking about it,
that's why I want to watch the horror film.
11
00:01:36,098 --> 00:01:39,337
Oi, 'old on, shut up you two
will yer, I'm on the blower. Yes, sorry, go on.
12
00:01:39,699 --> 00:01:41,236
Course I blame it on computers!
13
00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:46,293
I mean, how many people have been put on the dole
by robots that can build cars and what ave yer?
14
00:01:47,361 --> 00:01:52,538
That's why I'll never get a proper job! 'Cos they
can train a robot to do some-thing better than I can!
15
00:01:52,888 --> 00:01:55,213
They could train a chimpanzee
to do it better than you!
16
00:01:56,967 --> 00:01:59,684
Yeah, okay, I'll see yer
tomorrow morning about eleven o'clock.
17
00:02:06,456 --> 00:02:10,966
That's it Rodney. I've got a coup.
I've pulled off a genuine coup.
18
00:02:11,453 --> 00:02:13,730
Oh, not another coup! What you
done this time?
19
00:02:14,754 --> 00:02:19,446
We have got someone coming to
stay with us for the next couple of weeks. A paying guest!
20
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,670
- Yeah? Who's that then Del?
- It's not a 'who' it's a 'what'.
21
00:02:24,081 --> 00:02:24,894
What?
22
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:28,758
Exactly, it's a dog! And I
don't want any of your smart remarks either.
23
00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,016
It's Boycie's and Marlene's puppy!
24
00:02:33,173 --> 00:02:35,523
They're going away on holiday tomorrow
and they want us to look after it.
25
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,703
Why don't they just stick it in kennels?
26
00:02:38,314 --> 00:02:42,272
You see Marlene don't trust
'em! See, the thing is Rodney,
27
00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:46,226
for the last few years Boycie
and Marlene have been trying to start a family right,
28
00:02:46,938 --> 00:02:49,914
but so far, as they say on the
continent, nito!
29
00:02:51,515 --> 00:02:53,108
So what's this gotta do with
their puppy?
30
00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:57,759
Marlene started getting broody, right, so old Boycie.
He goes and buys her a little puppy for Christmas.
31
00:02:57,986 --> 00:03:06,408
I mean pukka thing you know, no mucking about,
it's got a pedigree. Cost him 600 quid, 600 quid.
32
00:03:06,408 --> 00:03:09,355
Well I said to him, I said, you know
Boycie, if you'd come to see me like,
33
00:03:09,530 --> 00:03:12,294
- I could have got you one much cheaper.
- Cheaper like, you know what I mean?
34
00:03:13,012 --> 00:03:18,335
Anyway, Marlene right, she thinks that this puppy is her
baby now, you know what I mean,
35
00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:24,716
and she don't want her baby put in some muddy old
kennels. She wants it to receive personal attention!
36
00:03:25,085 --> 00:03:28,536
The sort that we can provide!
For 60 quid a week!
37
00:03:29,572 --> 00:03:36,190
But Del, we don't know nothing about it! Cause
canine welfare, right, that's a specialised profession.
38
00:03:36,841 --> 00:03:41,201
Oh leave it out Rodney! I mean look
all you've gotta do is feed it in the morning, right,
39
00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:44,154
take it for a walk across the
adventure playground and Bob's yer uncle!
40
00:03:45,127 --> 00:03:48,924
- And what if Boycie and Marlene find out?
- We'll have to swear the dog to secrecy won't we!
41
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:53,726
I meant, what happens if one
of the neighbours tell them?
42
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,245
What are they gonna say?
43
00:03:57,123 --> 00:04:02,810
'We saw Rodney taking your dog every morning and every
evening for a walk!' Well what's wrong with that?
44
00:04:03,094 --> 00:04:05,362
That's exactly what Boycie and
Marlene want us to do innit, eh?
45
00:04:05,925 --> 00:04:07,293
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
46
00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:14,101
What do you mean they saw Rodney taking the dog
for a walk every morning and every evening?
47
00:04:15,460 --> 00:04:16,913
It's just a figure of speech that's all Rodders.
48
00:04:17,623 --> 00:04:20,019
Oh no it ain't a figure of
speech. I know your games Derek Trotter.
49
00:04:20,271 --> 00:04:21,492
No leave it out.
50
00:04:25,788 --> 00:04:30,046
I'll have a headache for the entire flight now!
You were supposed to be here 'alf an hour ago!
51
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:34,193
No, no, we're on time Boycie!
There must be something wrong with your watch!
52
00:04:34,466 --> 00:04:37,973
- 'Ere, don't wanna buy a decent one do you?
- What from you?? You must be joking!
53
00:04:38,753 --> 00:04:43,034
- Why listen...Hello Marlene my love!
- Hello sweetheart!
54
00:04:52,114 --> 00:04:53,991
- Did you have a nice Christmas?
- Oh triffic yeah.
55
00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:58,733
- I had a dog!
- Yeah, we had a turkey same as every other year!
56
00:05:01,651 --> 00:05:03,513
You two are
as bad as each other!
57
00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:12,560
Marlene, why don't you go an'
get the dog then perhaps we can get going!
58
00:05:13,022 --> 00:05:15,061
Yeah alright, I'll fetch his
food as well.
59
00:05:20,499 --> 00:05:22,555
- I don't like your lipstick Del.
- What?
60
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:29,933
So where you off to Boycie?
61
00:05:30,226 --> 00:05:36,589
Oh, we're just off for a couple of weeks in the Seychelles!
You ever been to the Seychelles have you?
62
00:05:38,044 --> 00:05:43,770
- Dunno. Have we ever been to the Seychelles Rodney?
- I'd have to check me passport.
63
00:05:45,915 --> 00:05:51,092
- Now you are quite sure you'll be able to look after this dog?
- Of course I will!
64
00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:53,898
Yeah, oh yeah, Del's had lots
of experience!
65
00:05:55,344 --> 00:06:04,427
Right remember, this is not just a dog. This is Marlene's
baby! Sometimes I wish I'd never bought it.
66
00:06:09,591 --> 00:06:14,178
- You didn't tell me it was a Great Dane!
- Didn't I? Must have slipped my mind!
67
00:06:14,901 --> 00:06:19,555
- I thought it was a puppy!
- Gordon Bennett!
68
00:06:20,234 --> 00:06:24,124
- Duke, this is your Uncle Del and Rodney...
69
00:06:26,841 --> 00:06:30,388
- He's lovely ain't he?
- Triffic!
70
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:36,022
Take him for walkies first thing in the morning, once in
the evening and then again last thing at night.
71
00:06:36,276 --> 00:06:42,272
When it's his bedtime you put a blanket over
him and then you talk to him for a while.
72
00:06:42,608 --> 00:06:44,421
You don't want us to bring his
wind up?
73
00:06:45,472 --> 00:06:49,265
No, he should be alright! And
don't worry, he's housetrained.
74
00:06:50,351 --> 00:06:51,869
But we live in a flat!
75
00:06:55,786 --> 00:07:00,818
In here his vitamin pills. One in the morning,
before break-fast, not after!
76
00:07:02,288 --> 00:07:06,993
Marlene come along for God's sake, we still have
a flight to catch. Come on, kiss him goodbye.
77
00:07:07,605 --> 00:07:09,401
Bye Del, see you soon.
78
00:07:09,946 --> 00:07:11,822
For Gawd's sake, the dog Marlene!
79
00:07:15,288 --> 00:07:23,313
I know Dooky's gonna miss his little Mummy,
and Mummy's gonna miss her little Dookie-Wookie Wookie.
80
00:07:25,019 --> 00:07:28,778
- Makes you wanna throw up don't it?
- Yeah, I feel a bit Tom and Dick myself!
81
00:07:29,614 --> 00:07:37,491
- Come on Marlene, we're gonna miss that plane!
- If he bites you, don't scream - he's highly strung!
82
00:07:38,914 --> 00:07:40,494
Is it alright if we bleed?
83
00:07:40,780 --> 00:07:43,755
Oh he doesn't sink his teeth in.
He's only playing!
84
00:07:46,870 --> 00:07:53,056
Bye-bye, bye-bye DookyWookie.
85
00:07:55,092 --> 00:07:56,972
- Did you switch everything off?
- Yes!
86
00:07:57,296 --> 00:07:59,756
- Did you switch the burglar alarm on?
- Yes
87
00:08:00,011 --> 00:08:02,345
- Did you lock everything up?
- Get in the car!
88
00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:19,558
- Jump in!
- After you Del!
89
00:08:24,032 --> 00:08:26,896
- I've got to get the food!
- I'll wait.
90
00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:31,053
Here look at this Rodney.
91
00:08:32,138 --> 00:08:39,079
Steak, chicken breasts, veal escallops!
We're gonna eat well for the next week or so.
92
00:08:40,002 --> 00:08:41,392
It's supposed to be for the dog!
93
00:08:41,742 --> 00:08:46,617
You must be joking! That thing's gonna get a bowl of
Kennomeat every day and think itself lucky.
94
00:08:47,403 --> 00:08:48,969
And what if Marlene finds out?
95
00:08:49,475 --> 00:08:54,741
And how's she gonna find out?
I suppose Duke's gonna grass us up is he?
96
00:08:55,872 --> 00:09:00,713
Come on Rodney! Here, come on,
do some work for a living.
97
00:09:11,298 --> 00:09:16,611
- That dog don't like me!
- He's alright, he can smell fear!
98
00:09:17,482 --> 00:09:20,663
I'm surprised he can smell anything at all
with that gallon of Brut you're wearing!
99
00:09:21,971 --> 00:09:23,313
Come on.
100
00:09:37,057 --> 00:09:40,094
- Your turn today Rodney.
- It was my turn yesterday.
101
00:09:47,425 --> 00:09:48,980
Go on Rodney, take him for a run.
102
00:10:02,182 --> 00:10:09,093
Duke. Duke, here you are then.
Come on, up you get old boy!
103
00:10:10,353 --> 00:10:16,494
Come on look...look...look ready!
104
00:10:26,572 --> 00:10:28,520
Come on Duke shake a leg!
105
00:10:32,972 --> 00:10:34,354
Duke!!
106
00:10:40,266 --> 00:10:50,072
Hello, he's nice, have you had him long? Or has he always
been that length? I'm a Great Dane man meself!
107
00:10:50,479 --> 00:10:54,273
- Really?
- Won Crufts two years on the trot!
108
00:10:54,891 --> 00:10:55,650
Really?
109
00:10:56,210 --> 00:10:58,697
Oh yeah, you might have seen
me on the Chum advert?
110
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,700
I can't say that I actually have!
111
00:11:01,738 --> 00:11:06,492
There's nothing I don't know about dogs.
You want any advice, you know I'm yer man.
112
00:11:07,190 --> 00:11:11,381
Well, Sacha, she's always tearing little holes in my carpet.
What'd you recommend?
113
00:11:12,181 --> 00:11:18,660
A new carpet! As it happens I know this little bloke down
in Wapping Way, he'll fit you up a treat!
114
00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:21,408
He's Iranian but he's
got contracts in Persia!
115
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:30,015
- Del! Del!
- This is my trainer! What is it Rodney?
116
00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:32,997
I don't wanna worry you but I
think the dog's dead!
117
00:11:37,366 --> 00:11:38,912
Let me re-phrase it shall I?
118
00:11:39,227 --> 00:11:45,347
I don't wanna worry you but I
think the dog is dead! Now come on!
119
00:11:47,357 --> 00:11:49,117
You just can't get the staff these days!
120
00:11:51,933 --> 00:11:54,520
- What have you done to it you dipstick?
- I ain't touched it!
121
00:11:54,911 --> 00:11:56,805
This is a wonderful turn of events innit?
122
00:11:57,177 --> 00:12:01,732
Boycie and Marlene ain't even got the tops of their
suntan oil, and we're burying their dog!
123
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,396
Look!
124
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:18,049
Dukie. Duke. Come on then! Cats! Cats! Meow.
125
00:12:20,424 --> 00:12:23,758
No, he is not dead Rodney. Look at him, he's breathing look!
126
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:27,735
Thank Gawd for that! So what's
the matter with him?
127
00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:30,989
Well I don't know do I? We'd
better get him down a vet's!
128
00:12:33,263 --> 00:12:35,418
This is gonna cost an arm and a leg this is!
129
00:12:35,867 --> 00:12:37,863
Oi Del, shall I get his balls?
130
00:12:38,071 --> 00:12:41,029
You leave him alone! I don't
want him waking up in a temper!
131
00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:49,294
What?
132
00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:54,026
I was just thinking, that's all, All these years
Marlene's tried to have a baby and failed.
133
00:12:54,377 --> 00:12:58,001
When you tell her her Dookie-Wookie's
croaked it she'll have twins!
134
00:12:59,549 --> 00:13:02,690
- He is not dead!
- He ain't chasing many cats though is he?
135
00:13:03,484 --> 00:13:05,368
Look, it might be normal!
136
00:13:05,671 --> 00:13:09,076
Normal? Del, what you tryin' tell me?
Dogs hibernate or something?
137
00:13:10,476 --> 00:13:16,725
No, what I mean is. I mean is
I mean...Oh I don't know what I mean do I!
138
00:13:18,272 --> 00:13:20,676
All I want you to know is
I'm not blaming you!
139
00:13:24,159 --> 00:13:26,984
What d' you mean you're not
blaming me? I ain't done nothing!
140
00:13:27,243 --> 00:13:28,876
That's why I'm not blaming you!
141
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:35,472
When you put Duke in the back of the van
did you catch his head when you slammed the door?
142
00:13:35,826 --> 00:13:38,290
- No I didn't!
- Are you sure?
143
00:13:38,990 --> 00:13:43,635
Del, if you catch a Great Dane's head in a door,
you know you've caught a Great Dane's head in a door!
144
00:13:44,936 --> 00:13:46,159
Yeah, I suppose you're right.
145
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,771
I'll tell you who's to blame
for this. Uncle Albert!
146
00:13:51,045 --> 00:13:53,918
- Why, what did he do?
- He didn't do nothing, he's just a jinx!
147
00:13:54,516 --> 00:13:56,514
Oh don't start all that again.
148
00:13:56,822 --> 00:13:59,956
I've said it before, I'll say
it again. That man is a right Jonah!
149
00:14:00,226 --> 00:14:04,403
They reckon when he boarded his lat ship
the crew shot an albatross for luck!
150
00:14:05,229 --> 00:14:07,487
Will you stop going on about
bloody Albert!
151
00:14:07,864 --> 00:14:13,523
Well it's a bit of a coincidence though innit Del?
I mean, yesterday we pick up a perfectly health dog.
152
00:14:13,874 --> 00:14:17,209
One night in the flat and
'wallop', the curse of the Trotters is upon it!
153
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,972
Everything is gonna be alright,
I've got this feeling! Dookie's gonna be okay,
154
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:26,194
he'll come out in a minute, and he's gonna be full of
life, full of vim and full of vigour.
155
00:14:26,856 --> 00:14:28,103
I wish I had your faith Del!
156
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,259
Well, what's the SP?
157
00:14:33,485 --> 00:14:36,147
Mr Collis is running a few
final tests. He shouldn't be too long.
158
00:14:36,489 --> 00:14:38,863
- How's Duke?
- He's holding his own.
159
00:14:39,208 --> 00:14:41,671
There are Rodney, he's up to
his old tricks already!
160
00:14:42,731 --> 00:14:48,284
No, you don't understand. Duke is still unconscious!
Look, why don't you sit down and relax.
161
00:14:48,701 --> 00:14:52,595
- Duke is in the best possible hands, I can assure you.
- Yeah, yeah, okay, thanks darling.
162
00:14:59,976 --> 00:15:05,097
I'll tell you what I really feel bad about now?
That leg of pork Marlene put in the bag for Duke.
163
00:15:05,327 --> 00:15:06,250
Well what about it?
164
00:15:06,497 --> 00:15:11,814
Well we ate it last night, didn't we!
Dookie had to make do with a tin of dog food!
165
00:15:12,614 --> 00:15:15,410
Every mouthful of that meal
made me feel more and more guilty.
166
00:15:16,643 --> 00:15:22,638
You should have let me know Rodney you and him
could have swopped! Anyway, he had some of it didn't he?
167
00:15:22,891 --> 00:15:27,746
- What, warmed up left-overs for breakfast!
- I didn't hear Duke complaining, did you?
168
00:15:28,802 --> 00:15:31,506
We even had his steaks for
lunch the other day didn't we?
169
00:15:31,716 --> 00:15:34,551
He's most probably sick
to death of steaks, ain't he?
170
00:15:34,758 --> 00:15:36,544
Has them every day of his life!
171
00:15:37,716 --> 00:15:41,442
Can you now change the subject please?
Bloody steaks and legs of pork!
172
00:15:42,510 --> 00:15:47,461
Can't we talk about something
more...more...you know.
173
00:15:47,707 --> 00:15:49,441
Aesthetical?
174
00:15:51,093 --> 00:15:56,829
You want to...yeah, yeah, sure
you take it away Derek.
175
00:16:02,970 --> 00:16:05,640
Couldn't 'alf give that one,
couldn't you Rodney?
176
00:16:10,497 --> 00:16:14,833
- Doc, what news?
- It's difficult to say. His heart beat is normal.
177
00:16:15,161 --> 00:16:16,188
Is that good?
178
00:16:16,389 --> 00:16:21,428
Of course! All the tests have proved negative,
I'm just awaiting the results of his blood sample.
179
00:16:22,108 --> 00:16:24,612
Have you taken an X-ray?
180
00:16:26,306 --> 00:16:31,077
Yes, yes, there's no sign of any
damage. It's a complete mystery!
181
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:34,754
Never mind, we'll keep him here
as long as necessary. Where shall I send the bill?
182
00:16:35,059 --> 00:16:38,056
- I got the details here sir.
- How long d'you think it'll take Doc?
183
00:16:38,252 --> 00:16:40,873
Oh, it shouldn't take long,
not if I send it first class.
184
00:16:43,385 --> 00:16:46,846
No, no, no, I don't mean that.
I mean how long will it take for Dookie's recovery!
185
00:16:47,848 --> 00:16:51,899
Oh, I see. Well it will take
as long as it takes Mr Trotter!
186
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:59,499
All we can do now is keep a close eye on him and let nature
take its course...what have you been feeding him on?
187
00:16:59,816 --> 00:17:00,963
Tins of...
188
00:17:01,126 --> 00:17:05,640
Steak! Steak, best porterhouse
steak for his lunch. Liver for his supper.
189
00:17:06,821 --> 00:17:10,091
Roast pork for his breakfast.
Only the very finest.
190
00:17:10,284 --> 00:17:12,654
He's had his milk, vitamins,
you name it he's had it!
191
00:17:12,654 --> 00:17:17,416
Pork? For breakfast? Was
it freshly cooked pork?
192
00:17:18,018 --> 00:17:23,389
- Yeah, freshly cooked the night before.
- Did you re-heat it thoroughly?
193
00:17:24,602 --> 00:17:26,400
Well, we warmed it up a bit.
194
00:17:27,191 --> 00:17:29,215
You warmed it up a bit!?
195
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:32,480
I think we may have
solved the mystery,
196
00:17:32,879 --> 00:17:38,114
Were neither of you aware that white meat,
particularly pork, unless thoroughly re-heated,
197
00:17:38,321 --> 00:17:41,916
is a notorious breeding ground for
salmonella poisoning?
198
00:17:42,499 --> 00:17:46,741
Salmonella poisoning!! You
reckon that's what Duke's got?
199
00:17:46,926 --> 00:17:51,742
Well, a strong possibility wouldn't you say?
This leg of pork, have you still got it?
200
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:57,424
- Not on us!
- No it's at home in the fridge.
201
00:17:58,032 --> 00:17:59,543
Could you bring it in for examination?
202
00:17:59,543 --> 00:18:01,766
Yeah, we'll pop back and get it
right away. Come on Rodders.
203
00:18:02,049 --> 00:18:04,215
Del. The dustmen come round
today. Albert might have slung it!
204
00:18:04,659 --> 00:18:07,584
Oh no, that dozy old git! Can I use your phone?
205
00:18:09,329 --> 00:18:14,140
- If it is this salmonella poisoning, will he survive?
- It depends what strain of salmonella it is.
206
00:18:14,140 --> 00:18:17,941
That's why I need to examine that meat!
How long have you had the dog?
207
00:18:18,385 --> 00:18:23,572
- Oh er, one day.
- One day?
208
00:18:24,195 --> 00:18:29,129
Oh, it's not our dog.
it's a friend's, we're just looking after him!
209
00:18:30,608 --> 00:18:32,602
Albert? It's Del Boy.
210
00:18:39,158 --> 00:18:41,785
Listen Albert about that piece
of pork in the fridge.
211
00:18:45,145 --> 00:18:49,322
Pickles and crusty bread. Sounds lovely.
212
00:18:49,517 --> 00:18:50,874
He's eaten it.
213
00:18:50,874 --> 00:18:54,552
I'll telephone the hospital from my office.
Get him down here as quickly as you can.
214
00:18:56,668 --> 00:19:00,025
Albert, Albert - Uncle Albert.
Now listen to me, listen very carefully.
215
00:19:00,528 --> 00:19:03,756
I want you to do me a favour. I want you to put a
few things in your duffle bag,
216
00:19:03,999 --> 00:19:06,899
put your coat on and go and
stand in the hall and wait for me and Rodders.
217
00:19:07,162 --> 00:19:12,003
We're gonna pop you down the hospital...
You've gotta have an operation!
218
00:19:13,345 --> 00:19:15,509
- He won't have to have an operation!
- A fiver says he does!
219
00:19:15,832 --> 00:19:16,855
Alright, you're on!
220
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:25,357
What? I know you don't want to have an operation!
Nobody wants to have an operation!
221
00:19:25,781 --> 00:19:31,108
But everyone at some time of their
life has to have one! And today it's your turn!
222
00:19:32,803 --> 00:19:38,189
Now listen...You know that pork you
had for dinner? I know you're gonna laugh at this Uncle...
223
00:19:38,465 --> 00:19:40,627
- A pound he don't!
- You're on.
224
00:19:41,992 --> 00:19:48,447
Well, there's a strong possibility that it contained
sam-and-ella poisoning!
225
00:19:52,702 --> 00:19:56,726
Oi, stop that, stop it, you're a grown man,
pull yourself together,
226
00:19:57,468 --> 00:20:00,332
now listen we're gonna come down and pick
you up in a couple of minutes, now be ready.
227
00:20:01,539 --> 00:20:03,602
Rodney you should have warned
me about this.
228
00:20:04,032 --> 00:20:06,085
Warn you about it
I didn't know myself!
229
00:20:06,453 --> 00:20:09,063
You're the one with GCE's ain't yer?
230
00:20:09,644 --> 00:20:14,514
Yeah. I got a GCE in Maths and Art!
I ain't got a GCE in pork!
231
00:20:19,171 --> 00:20:22,183
We'll pop down and see him tomorrow.
Thank you very much sister.
232
00:20:23,783 --> 00:20:28,028
And... Bonjour mon amour.
Alright.
233
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:34,689
Ha ha, see what I mean Rodney,
little bit of French knocks 'em bandy.
234
00:20:35,030 --> 00:20:38,771
Yeah, yeah, yeah, what about Albert?
I take it we can't go and see him tonight then.
235
00:20:39,148 --> 00:20:45,473
Ar no, he's none too clever apparently, I mean you know
and pipes and...gadgets, everything stuck in him! You know.
236
00:20:46,277 --> 00:20:54,840
- Oh well, waste not want not, do you want a grape?
- Yeah. Cheers, bring 'em over here will you.
237
00:20:58,203 --> 00:21:03,671
- Oh did you get in touch with the vet's?
- Yeah. He said Duke was...coma-tose!
238
00:21:04,559 --> 00:21:09,559
Comatose? Well funnily enough I thought of that
when I saw him spark out in the back of the van!
239
00:21:09,991 --> 00:21:17,680
You'd be right Rodney wouldn't yer? 'Cos I bet with this
comatose, most probably sleep is the best thin for him!
240
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:25,399
Rest, rest and more
rest! Oh did they have to operate on Albert?
241
00:21:25,399 --> 00:21:30,366
- No.
- That's a bit of luck. You owe me a fiver!
242
00:21:31,286 --> 00:21:33,689
- What?
- In the vet's remember?
243
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:39,258
I said they wouldn't have to operate,
and you said they would! And you laid a fiver on it.
244
00:21:39,888 --> 00:21:42,156
Never mind about that, the phone, go on, the phone,
there may be work there. Look, go on, go on.
245
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:58,046
- Yeah? Who is it? Boycie... Boycie??
- Where is he? Has he come home early or something?
246
00:22:01,091 --> 00:22:12,747
So where are you phoning from Boyce?
You're still over there? Yeah, Del?
247
00:22:17,930 --> 00:22:31,128
Del's not in at the moment! Oh yeah he's 'ere...
Yeah, OK, put her on. Hello Marlene...
248
00:22:33,641 --> 00:22:41,440
Don't you worry about Duke, he's as happy
as they come! Yeah, get down Duke!
249
00:22:43,809 --> 00:22:50,088
The little rascal, he's jumping all over me!
Most probably recognises your voice, eh Marlene?
250
00:22:57,447 --> 00:22:59,258
She wants Duke to talk to her!
251
00:22:59,647 --> 00:23:04,564
Talk to her!? He's a bloody dog, the scatty mare!
Tell her she can't!
252
00:23:09,665 --> 00:23:11,736
Come on Duke, talk to Mommy.
253
00:23:29,944 --> 00:23:34,140
He's gone running off into the kitchen now Marlene
and there's someone at the door, so I've gotta go, see yer!
254
00:23:35,224 --> 00:23:37,039
Don't mess around with them books.
255
00:23:48,728 --> 00:23:53,519
- Oi, oi! You up to that again are you? Women in uniforms?
- No I ain't.
256
00:23:53,711 --> 00:23:56,664
You wanna watch it Rodney, you're gonna
end up married to an arkela!
257
00:23:58,356 --> 00:24:03,932
- Doctor, sorry, we've come to pick up our Uncle.
- Mr Trotter. The nurse said he might be able to come home.
258
00:24:04,117 --> 00:24:08,605
Oh yes, of course. I'll, er,
I'll just have a quick look at him first.
259
00:24:08,830 --> 00:24:12,229
Last night he underwent some rather
thorough examinations...
260
00:24:12,451 --> 00:24:15,233
Yes, so the sister said on the phone!
So was there anything wrong with him!
261
00:24:15,552 --> 00:24:16,644
Not that I could tell!
262
00:24:16,804 --> 00:24:19,606
In fact I just had a phonecall from Mr Collis
at the veterinary clinic.
263
00:24:20,370 --> 00:24:24,558
- Apparently the dog has now made a complete recovery.
- Duke's back on his feet?
264
00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:30,260
Still, you did the right thing to bring your Uncle in.
Better safe than sorry! Okay. Let's go and see how he is...
265
00:24:33,829 --> 00:24:37,285
- Mr Trotter.
- You ain't doing nothing else to me are you?
266
00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:40,998
- No, no, don't worry!
- Alright then?
267
00:24:41,307 --> 00:24:46,495
No I'm not! I was alright yesterday though!
Yesterday I'd never felt better in all me life!
268
00:24:47,108 --> 00:24:50,777
But you had to drag me in here for bloody
Frankenstein to experiment on!
269
00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:55,816
They've had me on me back, on me belly, upside
down, every which way but loose!
270
00:24:56,918 --> 00:25:03,900
Wires, pipes, tubes, bits of string, injections!
And what d'you think they gave me for lunch today?
271
00:25:04,294 --> 00:25:06,583
Roast bleedin' pork!
272
00:25:08,868 --> 00:25:12,481
Oh well, you never miss much
on the telly last night so...
273
00:25:12,966 --> 00:25:16,007
- What was wrong with me?
- Er...nothing!
274
00:25:17,153 --> 00:25:22,517
Nothing?? You mean I've had stomach pumps,
anemones, glucose drips
275
00:25:23,255 --> 00:25:28,204
and students drawing all over my belly with
felt tip pens and there was nothing wrong with me??
276
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,706
Great innit, eh?
277
00:25:31,351 --> 00:25:36,191
I noticed you didn't come and see me last night!
I thought you too were busy visiting that dog?
278
00:25:37,389 --> 00:25:44,895
Fight for yer country, risk yer life in sea and flame,
then you get old and everyone forgets you!
279
00:25:47,094 --> 00:25:48,622
Listen here you silly old s...
280
00:25:48,987 --> 00:25:53,881
...sausage. We couldn't come and visit you last
night 'cos you was under observation!
281
00:25:54,356 --> 00:25:58,059
- Oh, don't give that to me son!
- We bought you some grapes!
282
00:25:59,224 --> 00:26:03,738
- Yeah, where are they?
- We ate 'em!
283
00:26:06,181 --> 00:26:10,700
I see! I lay here last night, tubes sticking out
of every place you can stick 'em in!
284
00:26:11,816 --> 00:26:16,473
Couldn't sleep, pills wouldn't even work,
and all the time you two were eating my grapes!
285
00:26:17,956 --> 00:26:22,902
- Come on, we did miss you last night!
- Did you?
286
00:26:23,302 --> 00:26:29,915
Yeah! We had no-one to spit our pips at!
Come on Del, get him out of here, he's giving me the hump!
287
00:26:30,985 --> 00:26:32,035
Any problems?
288
00:26:32,402 --> 00:26:36,474
No doctor, there's nothing wrong with me!
I feel full of fitness and vitality!
289
00:26:37,438 --> 00:26:43,346
- Good! Well, bye for now Mr Trotter, see you again!
- Not if I see you first shipmate!
290
00:26:44,012 --> 00:26:46,417
Come on, hurry up, we're gonna get you home.
291
00:26:47,085 --> 00:26:49,310
The moaning, miserable old git you...
292
00:26:49,499 --> 00:26:52,586
Don't stop does he? Yeah! I mean,
we got him all that treatment. All for nothing!
293
00:26:54,604 --> 00:26:57,155
And does he think anything of it?
No does he hell!
294
00:26:57,392 --> 00:27:02,546
- Oh by the way. Sister gave me these.
- Why, what's the matter with you?
295
00:27:05,277 --> 00:27:08,515
- No, no. She found them in your Uncle's locker.
- Oh I see.
296
00:27:08,808 --> 00:27:13,813
Patients are not allowed to bring their own medication
into the hospital. Bear that in mind in the future.
297
00:27:17,024 --> 00:27:20,690
What's he doing with these then?
These are Duke's vitamin tablets!
298
00:27:21,451 --> 00:27:24,562
No, they're Albert's sleeping pills.
I've got his vitamins tablets here.
299
00:27:31,864 --> 00:27:35,284
You've been
giving Duke his sleeping pills!
300
00:27:35,962 --> 00:27:45,403
No! They were on the sideboard,
and I just...Albert's been on the Bob Martins?
301
00:27:49,706 --> 00:27:53,903
- No wonder he's full of vitality!
- What shall we do?
302
00:27:54,286 --> 00:28:00,438
- We just don't throw him any sticks!
- Shall we tell him?
303
00:28:00,979 --> 00:28:05,168
No, no, no, it's a bit unfair
after what he's been through!
304
00:28:06,216 --> 00:28:07,993
Yeah, let's tell him!
305
00:28:15,904 --> 00:28:18,351
Look, he's miserable enough as it is isn't he?
306
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:22,411
He'll probably think he's gonna turn
into a werewolf or something!
307
00:28:23,815 --> 00:28:27,326
We just keep schtum about the whole thing.
and no one'll be any the wiser!
308
00:28:27,548 --> 00:28:31,450
Just keep a very close eye on him
when he goes by lampposts and things!
309
00:28:38,088 --> 00:28:44,284
Come on then Uncle. We'll get you home.
And then Rodney's gonna take Duke out for a run.
310
00:28:46,117 --> 00:28:48,582
Actually you can come as well
if you like Albert?
311
00:28:54,135 --> 00:28:58,722
- What's the matter with you two?
- Nothing, nothing! Well come on.
312
00:29:00,780 --> 00:29:02,879
Come on boy! Come on.
313
00:29:06,224 --> 00:29:10,007
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314
00:29:10,057 --> 00:29:14,607
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