All language subtitles for Only Fools and Horses s03e04 Yesterday Never Comes.eng

Right, come on, come on. Let's
have it on. Get it on. Get in here.

That's it. Right, come on,
careful - careful with it.

Come on, we ain't got all day.
Alright.

It's heavy.

Come on then. Mind your hernia Grandad.
Put your end down there Grandad, that's right.

Now your end Rodney.

Gordon Bennett Rodney, what is
your game?

This could be a de-luxe Chippendale
and you're treating it

like something we've dragged out for the bonfire.

That's about the best place
for it.

You don't know, this could be
a Queen Anne cabinet.

Oh, give over Del.

Don't look very old to me.

Ah - no - that is because when
you was a lad this was probably 'G' plan.

But to anyone born after
the Napoleonic Wars this is antique.

Anyway I'm going to put
an ad in the paper in the morning.

Don't know what to charge for it though.
What d'you reckon, what, 95?

Why don't you go the whole hog
and make it a pound?

You're starting to annoy me.

Hey, it's got woodworm.

That has not got woodworm.

What's all them little holes
then?

Well I don't know. Maybe Queen
Anne played darts.

Where's these lifts? I tell you what, I tell you what, I'm
considering letting the British Museum take a look at it.

Yeah? I'd let Rentokil have a
go first!

You don't know nothing about
antiques you, do you?

I mean, you know,
dealers they often put holes in little items

like these to give it that sort of 'distressed' look.

Distressed. Del, this thing
looks panic-stricken.

Where are these rotten lifts?

If those kids have jammed them
again I'm gonna clump their ear'oles.

I don't believe it. I don't
believe it.

Oh no, come on, Del, it was a complete accident,
look, it just come off in his hand.

What? You lying little git,
you ripped it off.

Now come along Grandad, tell
the truth for once.

I just don't believe this. This thing has survived the
Spanish Armada, the Black Death and the Blitz.

And then you two cack-handed sods come along

and in five minutes you've destroyed a piece of
our national heritage. I don't know.

- Morning Mr Trotter.
- Morning Mrs Murphy.

Look you could - that was the lift weren't it?
Now what am I gonna do about this thing, eh?

I mean, you can't bodge about
with this sort of quality.

I mean, it's gonna take the
skills of a fully-trained furniture restorer.

Oh they ain't 'alf dear, Del
Boy.

Are they?

Here Rodney. Whip down to the
DIY shop and get a bag of nails, will you.

Here y'are

'Queen Anne cabinet. Genuine
antique, good as new.

Lovely condition throughout, a snip
at one hundred and forty five pounds.'

You could make the Elgin Marbles sound like a
second-hand Datsun, couldn't you?

Oi, how much of this stuff did
you sell today?

What d'you mean in pounds
sterling or in number of items?

Either.

- None.
- None?

People ain't interested Del.

Gordon Bennett Rodney.

I pick a prime site in the Arndale Centre
and you can't even get shot of a pair of pop-socks.

You wanna grow up a bit, my son. I suppose you spent all
day playing marbles with that mate Elgin of yours.

What?

What are you doing tomorrow Rodney?
You and Mickey Pearce playing five-stones?

You want to pull your socks
up you do, you know.

Del, these things look like
living bras that ain't been well.

Alright, alright, hang about -
don't knock the battery out.

Good evening. Miranda Davenport.

Miranda Davenport.

Ah yes, I think I know what
this is about.

Now if it was your Mercedes I backed into
the other day, I can assure you...

No, no, no, you obviously
haven't the faintest idea why I'm here.

I telephoned earlier about your newspaper ad
for the Queen Anne cabinet.

Oh gotcha.

Well, I left a message with an elderly gentleman,
he did sound somewhat vague.

Oh yes, yes, well he is rather
vague. He had a bang on the head you see.

Ah yes. When did it happen?

Soon. Do come in Miss
Davenport, or may I call you Miranda?

Well yes, I suppose so.

D'you know, Miranda is my most
favourite name?

Really?

Yeah. My name is Del, that's
short for Derek. How d'you do?

Please go in to the sitting
room will you. There you go.

Oi, Grandad.

Grandad, did somebody call
earlier about the cabinet?

Oh yes. She's coming round
this evening. Some posh tart.

Some posh tart. He's a card
ain't he?

Yes, isn't he just.

Rodney come on, clear this...
put your homework away would you Rodney?

Well, what do you think?

Very nice. Where is the Queen
Anne cabinet?

This - this is it.

This is the Queen Anne cabinet?

Oh yes, it's definitely a Queen Anne,
it's been given the once-over by experts.

Do you know anything about
antiques Miranda?

Yes. I run my own antique shop
in Chelsea.

Well, it might not be Queen
Anne.

It isn't. It's Queen Elizabeth,
circa 1955.

If you look inside you'll see, beneath
the dust and cobwebs, some faded lettering.

F...Y...

F...F...

Thank you, yes, Rodney...E
...S.

F...Y...F...F...Fiffes.
Fyffes.

Didn't they used to make
bananas?

That is correct.

So - so what does that
indicate then?

It indicates banana boxes of
course.

Maybe they were antique banana
boxes.

Alright, alright, thank you
very much, Grandad.

Why don't you go to your bedroom and
watch the 'Chinese Detective' on the portable? Go on.

Oh. Alright, I know where I'm
not wanted.

Well, go on then.

He never - never quite got over Suez.
Well, are you interested in it Miranda?

No, I'm afraid not Mr Trotter.

Well, what do you think we
should do with it then?

I'm not sure. Is there a tip
near here?

No there must be a wally somewhere
who'd want to buy it.

Yeah, let's face it Del, you
bought it last week didn't you?

I say, that's rather pretty
isn't it?

That? You must be joking, it
gives me itchy fever every time I look at it.

I think it's rather sweet. Is
it for sale?

No - definitely not. No, you
see that is a family heirloom.

It belonged to my latedeparted Grandmother.
We couldn't possibly sell it, could we Rodney?

No, no, no way, no. It's
valuable then?

Oh no, no, it's worthless. I
just rather like it that's all.

You see, I'm redecorating my London flat and
I'm just on the look-out for little pieces like that.

Still, never mind...

Um, do you know, I'm really
rather in two minds about this cabinet now.

What - you think this might
have some potential do you, Miranda?

Well I'm really not sure.

But you see, what's persuading me is

that you're obviously a man
with an eye for this sort of thing.

Oh yes, petit Suisse.

Quite. Whereas I'm just a woman
trying to make her way in the big wide world.

Oh yes, it's dog eat dog in
the antique game Miranda.

I know Derek - you'll most
probably say no –

but I was wondering whether you and I
could go into this together?

How d'you mean Miranda?

Well, I was thinking. We could take this
to the workroom at the back of my shop.

I have a very good man working there
who could possibly restore this to its former glory.

Repolish the top, varnish out
the lettering, some new brass handles,

and then we could put it in the shop and share
the profit. What d'you think?

I think that sounds just the ticket Miranda.

Mind you, I'd have to have a word with my partner.

Oh me?

Will you excuse us
while we confer?

Rodney, would you join me, I'd like to have
a word with you in the office?

What to, er...

Confer, yes. Excuse us. There you go.
Thank you, we'll be back in a couple of shakes, alright.

Well, if you want my opinion Del,
I don't think we should let that cabinet out of our sight.

That cabinet is definitely going to her shop to be
tarted up and sold for a ridiculously high profit.

End of discussion.

Good, good, well, there's
nothing like talking things out is there?

If you wasn't interested in my opinion,
what d'you drag me in here for?

'Cos I want your advice,
Rodney, I think she fancies me.

- Miranda?
- Yeah.

Leave it out Del, she's an
intelligent woman.

I know she's an intelligent woman.
That is most probably why she fancies me.

True, true, yeah, well, I did
notice the way she looked at you.

- Yeah? How?
- What?

How, you know, how did she
look at me?

Well - sort of -

Like that.

Looks like she had
a hot chip in her mouth.

Del, I can't do a face like
hers, can I?

No, no I suppose not, no.

How am I going to tell her that -
you know - the 'feeling' is mutual?

- Just tell her.
- But how?

I don't know, do I?

You do, you're the one with
the GCEs.

Just be yourself.

Leave it out, Rodney, I wanna
be in with at least half a chance.

Del, for once in your life, be
you. Right.

And you won't need
none of them soppy French phrases neither.

What d'you mean, soppy French
phrases? La bonne vie, you stupid...

See what I mean? Del, you can't speak French.
You're still struggling with English.

What is it with you Rodney?
Do you like hospital food or something?

I'm just being honest with you.

Let's face it Del, most of your French phrases come
straight out of a Citroen manual, don't they?

A lot of people are
impressed by things like that.

Yeah, maybe the cave-men
down at the Nag's Head.

But it's not going to cut any ice
with Arthur Negus's youngest in there, is it?

I suppose you're right.

Del, if you're really that interested, why don't you just
give her a sign of your - mutual attraction.

- Yeah, a sign, eh?
- Yeah. And be yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah okay - yeah.
That's it.

He who dares, wins. Right.

Well, that is it Miranda.

I have discussed the matter with my partner
and we both agree that we shall exceed your delusions.

What?

You take that thing with you
and get it tarted up.

Oh good. Well, I'll telephone you
in the morning and arrange for it to be collected.

Yes, thank you.

- Fancy a curry?
- Why not?

My old guts are playing me up
this morning Rodney.

Yeah, I know.

I've got a touch of the old
Ghandi's revenge bruv.

What, from the Ruby last night?

Yeah.

Did Miranda enjoy it?

Well, she had a bit of aggro with the chicken tikka,
mind you it was a bit rubbery.

She was chewing on one bit for
about 'alf an hour –

I thought she'd end up blowing bubbles
with it any minute.

She's quite a sort, ain't she Rodney?

Yeah, she's alright.

What d'you mean, alright?
Alright? You wouldn't say no would yer, eh?

No she's quite taken with me an' all
you know.

No, she is, she's very
impressed.

Well, she knows I know a lot about antiques
don't she, eh?

Oh yeah, yeah, well, you've
been out with enough ain't yer?

Oi, that is enough of that.

Anyway listen, I went up her
shop this morning up Chelsea.

Real pukka establishment
Rodney, I mean, you know, real pukka.

Sort of place royals go. No, I think something
really good's gonna come out of this, bruv.

Do us a favour, Del. Look, don't get too carried away
with this Miranda sort, eh?

I mean, her type don't give a monkey's
for the likes of you.

What do you mean by that?

It means I've seen it all
before.

You meet someone you take a fancy to
and within a week

it's all wine and roses and 'I'm just popping down
to Bravington's Rodney.'

What do you think I am some
sort of whelk or something?

Still wet behind the ears? I
know exactly what I'm doing.

Nice one Derek, nice one
my son.

I must admit there is a
certain chemistry between me and Miranda.

I'm just gonna pop next door and get a
Dalton's Weekly, alright.

Fancy an Indian?

Fascist!

- Right, you fit then Rodders, eh?
- Yeah, yeah fit.

Here, you ain't 'arf got a
nasty rash coming up on your boat race.

Oh yeah, yeah that's, um,
that's just where I caught the sun, you know.

Well, if I didn't know any better I'd swear that someone
had smacked you right in the eye.

Alright don't go on about it.

What d'you mean? You're a
touchy little git sometimes ain't yer?

Here we are. That's it. Do
come in. There we are.

I'll get the door. Oh, allow me.
Thank you, there you are Miranda.

Sit yourself down on
the chaise longue and I'll fix us a drink.

What can I get you, port and lemon,
rum and coke? Or shall I surprise you?

Why don't you surprise me.

Right you are. There we go.
That was a blinding meal weren't it Miranda, eh?

Yes, it was very nice. I did
feel a bit over-dressed for a Berni Inn though.

I don't think so. I think we made quite an impression –
I mean everybody was looking at us.

- Take a sip of that Miranda.
- What is it?

That is called a Tequila Sunset.
Cheers.

It tastes of gin.

Yeah, I run out of Tequila.

Well, it's very nice.

Yeah, it is innit? I actually
got the recipe off a Mexican barman.

Have you been to Mexico?

No, no, he lives in the flat upstairs.

Miranda. I, well, I've been, thinking about us.

And I've...

Oh yes, sorry about that, it belongs to Rodney. He's into
still-life. He's got his GCE in Art you know.

Really?

Oh yeah. He'll most probably
be famous when he's dead.

As I was saying - I've been
thinking about you and me.

Do you like art?

Oh yeah, it's triffic, I can't get enough of it.
You see the thing is that I was thinking...

- This is very strong.
- Yeah.

Do you like Cezanne?

Oh yes, a bit of ice and
lemonade, it's lovely.

You see, you and I have got, well, you know.
We've got a lot in common, haven't we?

I mean we're both - well - English.

I do love that painting.

Yeah, it's triffic innit?

Your grandmother must have had
very good taste.

No, she couldn't have had much,
she married my grandfather.

Do you like that painting
Derek?

What that? No, I hate it,
can't wait to get rid of it.

Oh don't ever throw it away, please. It would look so nice
in my flat. I'd hang it just above my bed.

Just try to picture it. Oh you can't -

I've just remembered, you
haven't seen my bedroom...yet.

No, I haven't seen your bedroom...yet.

- You were saying?
- What?

You were talking about...us.

Oh yeah. Yeah - yeah.

Well, I was gonna say that I was
thinking about - well –

you know maybe later - you know -
not now - if you like in the future sometime,

when you, sort of felt like it, we
could, sort of, work closer together.

I've been thinking exactly the
same thing.

Have you?

Ever since I first met you.

Oh Miranda, drink up, I'll get
you another Tequila Sunset.

No really, I've had quite
enough.

Shall I put my
Richard Clayderman LP on?

No, I must be going.

I have to be up early in the morning,

Mummy and Daddy will probably ring first thing to wish me
happy returns. You know what parents are like.

No, I haven't had any for ages.
Sorry, did you say it's your birthday?

Yes. Surely I told you?

Oh, you haven't bought me a
present?

What?

Oh you really shouldn't have.
It's very sweet of you though, thank you.

I really must be off.

Sorry Gran.

Good morning Rodders, good
morning Grandfather.

It's a beautiful day out innit, eh?
Makes you glad to be alive, don't it?

Yeah, triffic.

Where you off to then Del?

I'm going out to Miranda's
shop. Just to see the cabinet.

What time's visiting hours
then?

There's nothing wrong with that cabinet, Rodney.
I keep on telling you, it's very nice cabinet.

Yeah, it is. I mean a million
wooodworms can't be wrong can they?

I've told you before Rodney,
there are no woodworms in that cabinet.

Whose birthday is it then Del?

Mine if I play my cards right!

'Happy birthday sweetheart,
from your ever loving Delly-Welly.'

Delly-Wally more like it.

Alright. Alright, put that
down and let's not have so much of it, shall we.

It's Miranda's birthday Rodney
and we forgot.

Oh no, what a choker, still
never mind.

What d'you get for her birthday Del?

Oh, nothing much!

What's happened to your Gran's
painting?

Eh? Well, I told you the sun
would fade it didn't I?

Sun, my arse, you've given it
to that tart ain't yer?

Well, she's not gonna raffle
it, is she? She'll only hang it on her bedroom wall.

Your Gran brought that
painting into this house Del.

There was an history behind
it, and you knew it.

You stole your own Grandmother's painting?

I didn't steal the painting.
Gran left that painting to me.

Don't give me that old Mother
Hubbbard.

She did. One night, when she
wasn't feeling too well, she said to me, she said,

'Del, when I go that painting is yours.'

I don't remember it.

No, you were out.

That's handy innit, no witnesses.

There were witnesses. There
was Mum and Rodney.

Mum ain't here any more.

I know that but Rodney is. You
remember don't you Rodney?

I can't say I do Del.

But you must remember. You
were there, over there in the corner.

With Mum...having yer
nappy changed.

Having his nappy cha...He
could have only been about four.

Exactly, how the hell do you
expect...Four???

I never thought I'd live to see the day when you,
you of all people, let the family down.

- I'm going to my room.
- Here, Grandad. Come on.

Here you are, look, have a
tenner, come on.

She's got you tied up like a turkey ain't she? You've
changed since you met her Del.

You've got more hooter than
Pinocchio. Just stay out of my life, will you.

Yeah, I'll stay out of your
life.

In fact, I think I can quite safely say that me and
Grandad won't ever get under your feet again.

I just hope Miranda suffers
with hay-fever.

- Rodney.
- What?

Don't be a plonker.

Did he leave that tenner?

Hello Harry. Is Miranda about?

No, she's popped down to Huddleton's Del.
Just down the road there, on yer left.

Right, I'll pop down and see
her. Here, how come you ain't open?

Had to close mate, we're being
fumigated, the place is full of woodworm.

You wanna watch that H.
Especially with your wooden leg!

2,200 - 2,500 - 2,700...

3,000.

The bid is with Gideon's
Gallery...

3,200.

3,400 - 3,500, the bid is with Gideon's.

3,600, with the gentleman at the back...

3,800, with Miss Davenport.

3,800 pounds. To Miss Davenport.

- Derek.
- Yeah.

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd just pop up and take you out to lunch,
you know, sort of birthday treat.

Birthday? Oh yes. How sweet.

These are for you. They're
daffodils.

So they are.

They used to be my Mum's
favourite.

Oh really? Well, thank you.
Look, I'm rather busy at the moment.

Why don't you wait for me at that little wine
bar round the corner?

Yeah, alright. Will you be
long?

How should I know?

Look, take these with you as
well please.

Yes - yeah, right.

Now, Lot 24 is this recently discovered work by the late
19th-century artist Joshua Blythe.

Now it's a particularly fine example of
his work

and I'd like to start the bidding at 7,000.
Do I have 7,000?

7,000.

- You lied to me, didn't you?
- Nobody's perfect.

It's not your birthday at all,
is it?

It will be soon.

All you wanted me for was that
painting weren't it?

Well, what else did you think
I was interested in?

That banana box of a Queen Anne
cabinet? The damn thing's infested my entire stock.

No, I thought, you know, maybe
there was something else.

Did you honestly think I enjoyed being in the
company of a man who slapped my bottom,

called me sweetheart and assaulted my
digestive system with third-rate curries.

- Yeah.
- You must be a fool.

Miranda, you should have told
me that you wanted to sell that painting.

Don't be ridiculous, I'm in business I realised how
valuable it was the moment I saw it.

Why should I tell you?

No, Miranda, you don't understand.

I think you're the one who's confused Derek.
And let's get one thing absolutely clear.

That painting is now mine.
It's been legally registered in my name.

Mummy and Daddy have even signed an affidavit

to swear that the painting has been
in our family for generations.

Thank Gawd for that. I've been
trying to get shot of that painting for years.

What do you mean?

I know exactly what that painting is
and I know exactly how much it's worth.

Rubbish. How could someone
like you possibly know that?

I'll tell you how I know that
shall I?

Because my Gran used to be a char-lady
to an art dealer. That's how I know.

Oh I see, and this Mrs Mopp
examined it did she?

No, she didn't examine it. She
nicked it!

17,600 pounds.

Good luck sweetheart.

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