All language subtitles for Only Fools and Horses s02e07 A Touch of Glass.eng

- Can you manage Grandad?
- Yeah.

Good. Mind your hernia. Yeah, that's not bad
you know - not bad. I reckon we done well there.

Yeah, it's alright for you. Waste of money
if you ask me! Come all this way an' all!

What do you mean a waste of
money?

I mean, look at 'em,
they're beautiful ain't they!

Not only are they an exquisite ornament guaranteed to
brighten and adorn any sideboard,

but they are also a
revolving musical box!

They are china cats that play How Much is that Doggy
in the Window!

Well, what d'you want for one pound and
twenty-five pence - 'okla-bleedin'-homa'?

Well don't you think it's a bit sick you know
- a cat playing a song about a dog?

No. It means they're unique!

It means there was a balls-up at the factory
and they put the wrong chimes in!

Yeah, I'll put the wrong
chimes in you in a minute.

Come on. Get this stuff loaded
into the van, right. Get this gear in 'ere.

No, actually, you know he's
got a point there.

I bet there is some trader somewhere who's
got lumbered with a gross of revolving dogs

playing The
Siamese Cat Song!

Very funny. Come on Grandad,
we want you in here an' all.

Right, go on.

- In you go.
- Alright, alright.

Jam him in - go on. The door will hold him in.

Don't worry - we're going to earn out of this.

No listen. This is not rubbish you know. This is
North Korea's finest porcelain.

But our two great cultures have a different
attitude towards animals.

We are both a nation of dog lovers –
the only difference is they love to eat 'em!

Come on Rodders, get your
finger out, we've got a long drive home.

Do they really eat 'em?

Yeah, would I lie to you? If a North Korean
came to live in London

he'd think that Battersea Dog's Home
was a take-away!

No, there's nothing they like more than a nice
plate of poodle kebabs.

- Oh leave it out will yer!
- Or a bull terrier pie.

- Alright Del Boy, that's enough!
- Or sweet 'an sour greyhound.

Oi! - one more word out of you and I'm gonna be sick
on your sheepskin, and I mean it!

Go on, put yer foot down Rodney. I'm starving! I could
just go a nice Jack Russell and chips.

For the last time shut up!

Oi, look, shall we pull over and give her an 'and?

Do me a favour, I wanna get
home for the pubs!

We just can't leave her stuck
out here in the middle of nowhere, can we!

You're a right little angel
you are aren't you, eh? Go on then, pull over!

Good afternoon madam, can I be
of any assistance?

Oh that's awfully nice of you.
Do you know anything about cars?

Do I know anything about cars?
I used to drive for the John Player Special team.

Oh, the Grand Prix circuit?

No, delivering fags round
Lewisham.

He's a card ain't he?

I'm trying to get to Ridgemere Hall, it's that large estate
about five miles back up the road.

Ridgemere Hall. That's that
big mansion what we passed Del!

You in service there?

Certainly not! I live there
- I'm Lady Ridgemere!

Lady Ridgemere! Rodney, get the tow rope.

Would you come with me m'lady, I'll get you
home in no time at all.

Here we are. Did you go to the
wedding?

The wedding? Oh the wedding?
Yes, we did.

Yeah, it was a lovely do weren't it? Yeah.
We watched it on our telly - in colour.

It's a pity we didn't know you then
'cos we were doing a lovely line in toasters.

That would have made a blinding present!
May I? Mind the hole.

Right Rodney, undo the tow
rope and give Grandad his scarf back will you.

Is everything alright m'lady?

No Wallace - everything is not alright! The car broke down
and I was stranded in the middle of nowhere!

Oh, dear - how dreadful for you!

And who are these - 'people'?

Oh they towed me home that's all. Now be a good chap
Wallace and do push the car round to the garage.

Oh very well m'lady!

Oi - you shouldn't be pushing a car like that at your age!
Keep your knees bent, and your back straight.

Did you hear that?

And who are these 'people'?
Ponce! Come Del let's go! Here you are Grandad.

Go? What do you mean 'go'?

You don't think I'm leaving here without so much
as a cucumber sandwich and a cup of Earl Grey do yer?

This is fate, Rodney, Unison Oppotunaire.
There's gotta be an earner in it.

Oh no, come on Del, most
nobility are brassic nowadays aren't they?

Oh yeah, and where do you think they get them
from then, eh? Out of a Christmas cracker?

Yeah, alright, so they've got the money.
But they don't wanna know the likes of us do they?

No, they think we're peasants!

Peasants? What do you mean 'peasants'?
They may think that you two are peasants!

Well come to think that I
think you two are peasants!

But me, I'm one of them that's accepted anywhere –

whether it's drinking lager with the market boys down at
Nine Elms, or sipping Pimm's fruit cup at Hendon regatta!

Oi up, eyes down for a full
house, it's his lordship!

I say. I'm sorry, I'm afraid we're not open
to the public for another three weeks!

No, no, your grace, you're
under a misapprehension.

We're not members of the general
public!

We're friends of your wife –
she's just popped the car round to the garages.

Oh, I see! Well, er, in that
case I suppose you'd better come in.

Oh right. Thanks very much
your grace!

And, oi, these are very refined people and they do not
wish to hear your joke about the queer magician. Got it?

And don't you go dropping none
in there!

Very nice, very nice! They don't make pictures
like that any more do they, eh? No.

'Cos I'm a great fan of the Byzantine period myself.
I don't think you can whack 'em you know...

Now it's a funny thing you know, your Lordship, but Van
Cough happens to be my favourite artist an' all.

- It's a Canaletto!
- I beg your pardon Rodney?

It's a Canaletto!!

I know - I know it's a Canaletto.

I was just saying that Van Cough happens to be
one of my favourite artist that's all!

Here, why do you reckon he
chopped his ear off, eh?

- Doctor's orders possibly!
- Do you think so!

- Your brandy sir.
- Oh thank you very much.

I'm afraid we have run out of
cream soda!

- Oh well, don't worry about it Wallace.
- I shan't sir!

Excuse me sir.

Certainly. Gives good measures here don't he.
You ought to watch him. Very nice, very nice.

There he is - look at that, lovely.
I didn't know you went to Cambridge though m'lord!

- 'Cos I'm an Oxford man meself.
- You were up at Oxford?

No, but he always supports
them in the boat race!

Yeah, thank you Grandad! Thank
you.

You must be in a hurry to get
home Mr Trotter?

Oh no, no, no m'lady...no, no,
no. No, we've got all the time in the world.

All the time in the world. Yeah, I love this
place, beautiful ain't it.

Beautiful house. I think I saw a photograph of
it once in the, er, Horse and Hound.

The Horse and Hound! You hunt
Mr Trotter?

Oh yes, I hunt, punt and ski
when the snow's firm enough.

- How old is it?
- Er, is what - how old is what?

The house - is it old?

Yes, the original structure
was built in 1642.

- Oh! Still you've done it out nice!
- Thank you.

Is it haunted?

Oi, what you after a part-time
job or something?

No, I'm afraid the one thing
we lack is a resident ghost.

Oh, never mind you've still
got Wallace ain't you.

Yes Wallace, what is it?

Begging your pardon m'lord.
There's a telephone call for you.

The chandelier people.

Ah, and about time too. You
will excuse me, won't you?

Yes, go on. You take yer time
m'lord

Oh this is nice. I see that
you like a bit of china and porcelain m'lady.

Yeah, this is very nice - this.
I like this.

Now don't tell me -
don't tell me Capo Del Monte?

It's mostly Dresden. And that
particular piece is worth several hundred pounds.

Is it really? Gawd, get away,
feel the weight of that then Rodney.

Yeah, it is ain't it, eh? Yeah, of course that's
where the money is ain't it - in the weight.

Oh mon dieu, mon dieu, if you like
a nice piece of fine porcelain

I've got the very thing for you in
the back of the van.

Don't inconvenience yourself
Mr Trotter.

No, no, it's no trouble m'lady. No trouble.
I picked it up in this little, er, antique shop in Yeovil.

Well it's, um, it's
well circa something or another!

I'll pop out and
fetch one for you shall I?

Right keep sprawnsing alright?
Excuse me m'lady.

Where do you live? That is
assuming you're not squatting here!

No, er, we live in London. One
of - one of the better parts of London!

Yeah Peckham.

It's, um, Peckham Village actually! It's, er, well like
a little St John's Wood you know, just south of the water.

It's very nice! We've got a
flat in a tower block.

Well it's an apartment! In a - in a complex. A tall complex.
Very sophisticated actually. It's got lifts - everything!

Yes. Must be quite valuable
with the price of property these days?

Oh no, we rent it.

No, we - we lease it! He forgets bless him.

He's got a bit of shrapnel! It's a lease
Grandad - do you remember, a long-term lease!

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. We lease it! The council said we could
buy it for eight thousand pounds though!

God help us!

Yes, yes, but it must be in
your office somewhere!

All I know is that your people came
down here, examined the chandeliers.

That was three weeks ago and I am still
waiting for your estimate!

Yes. Well, I suggest you have
another good look...Yes I'll hold on.

- Bisque porcelain!
- What?

Demi-glazed! It revolves and plays How Much
is that Doggy in the Window!

You can't go
wrong for a fiver can yer, eh?

No, I suppose not.

No. Don't be long, I'll pour
you a drink, alright?

Just a minute Potter, er, Trotter
How Much is that Doggy in the Window?

Don't know, depends on how much you want to spend.
Little joke, no, no, no, it's the tune ain't it.

How much is that doggy in the window.
The one with the waggly tail.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, I know. I
know. The thing is a cat!

Oh well, you're right an' all, it's times
like this that I wish I went to Cambridge!

Tell you what, look, I'll pour
you a drink. Don't be long.

Hello? You found it! Good.
Twelve hundred pounds?

Are you sure you're looking at the right paperwork?
Yes, two Louis 14th chandeliers - that's right!

But how do you arrive at a figure of twelve
hundred pounds?

All you've got to do is take the things down,
clean them, do a few minor repairs!

Yes I am aware that it is 17th-century French
crystal, I own the damned things!

Yes, I know it's a job for an expert that's why I got
in touch with you!

But I'm sure if I shopped around I - I could find
a lower estimate than that.

Yes I know that it is a dying trade but there
must be someone, somewhere!

Oh, sorry we couldn't stay
longer yer lordship.

That's perfectly alright
Trotter, please don't apologize.

Oh toujours la politesse, toujours.
I mean this is beautiful innit, eh?

Bet you've held a few balls in
here m'lady?

What? Oh yes, yes we have!

We like a nice social gathering ourselves.
Perhaps you'd like to come to the next one, eh Rodney?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know,
just bring a bottle and an LP or something.

Thank you for the 'cat' Mr Trotter. It blends so well
with the rest of my collection.

Specially with the Dresden I thought!

Yes! I'm sorry we weren't able to pay you for it.
But neither my husband nor I carry cash.

Oh don't worry, pay me next
time I'm down.

Yes of course. What do you
mean 'next time'?

D'you mean to say you're
coming here again? Whatever for?

To pick up that fiver she owes
him!

A la mode, a la mode! Please
accept it as a token of my esteem.

Thank you!

Yes, well, it's getting rather late! I think we –
we better say goodbye, er, Trotter.

Trotter, yeah. Well thank you very much for your
hospitality, it's been very nice of you.

Now look at that - that's
beautiful innit, eh?

Yes. Goodbye.

- French crystal?
- Yes, it is actually!

Yeah, thought it was. You can always tell by the old,
er, cut of the er...droplets!

17th century that, ain't it
Grandad?

Yeah, if you like Del!

Yeah, I'd say it was one of the Louis's! If it ain't one
of the Louis's, it's very similar, ain't it Rodney?

Oh it's a dead ringer Del,
yeah, dead ringer!

Yeah, yeah, but is it Louis
the 13th or Louis the 14th?

No don't tell me, your Lordship I
can get this.

That is Louis the 14th.
Am I right yer lordship?

Spot on Trotter! How do you
come to know so much about chandeliers?

How come we know so much about
chandeliers!

Oh sorry.

Sorry about our amusement there your
lordship!

But see asking a Trotter if he knows anything
about chandeliers is like asking Mr Kipling

if he knows anything about cakes!

This is our
business!

Really?

Oh yeah. Chandelier, candelabra, quality crystal
and what 'ave yer.

It's been the family trade for
generations.

Knowledge has
been passed down from father to son.

Our name goes right
back in history don't it Rodney?

Yeah, yeah, right the way back
to the plague!

Our forefathers used to make them –

did you know there are still four Trotters
hanging in Buckingham Palace?

Amazing!

No, straight up - 'cos what, with the advent of solar
energy and fluorescent lighting,

there's not much call for it nowadays.

In recent years we've tended to
specialize in the old, er, renovation work.

Do you mean to say that you could - you could take that
thing down and - and clean and repair it?

Oh yeah, do that blindfold.

Anyway we mustn't keep you any later,
so I'm gonna say bonne bouche to you both!

No hurry Trotter, no hurry!

I've just remembered I've got a bottle of rather special
port through there in the study.

What say we open it and
- and have a bit of a chat, eh?

Oh well that's very civil of
you my Lord.

Don't be a plonker all your life Rodney!

I've done the deal now. It's 350 quid just to take down
and clean a couple of chandeliers.

And do you honestly think he's
gonna pay us?

Of course he's gonna pay us!
He ain't one of your fly-by-night merchants.

I mean he's a lord of the realm, he's got
blue blood and - and mottos!

He didn't even pay us for that
cat!

Oh shut up about that rotten
cat!

Del, you need specialized equipment for a job like this
- refined glass brushes, advanced soldering gear.

What we gonna use, eh? Superglue
and a bottle of Windolene knowing you!

Look I'll get the right equipment Rodney,
I know this panel beater and he owes me a favour.

Look once we've done this job our name will spread.
All those dukes an' earls they'll be crying out for us.

Just imagine it, eh? We'll be the toast
of the county set, eh?

Just think of it, all the hounds, you know,

baying with excitement, as our steeds bite
on the rein eager for the chase.

Hello Tally ho Sir Herbert. Did you ken John
Peel? Come on boy...

Take a look at him will yer!

He's spent three hours in a stately home
and he thinks he's the Earl of Sandwich!

He can't wait to get a shotgun and a retriever
and go marching across the grouse moors

all done up like a
ploughman's lunch can he?

No, that's right Rodney. I deserve a bit of the good
life, worked hard enough for it,

I mean I've always been a
trier. Where's it got me?

Nowhere that's where it's got me! We live 'alf a mile up
in the sky in this lego set built by the council.

Run a three-wheel van with a bald
tyre.

We drink in wine bars where the only thing's got a
vintage is the guvnor's wife!

That's why I want to grab this opportunity with both
hands Rodney. You know, he who dares wins.

This time next year we'll be
millionaires.

Do you honestly believe that Del? I mean, do you really
think we can make a success of this?

Of course we can Rodney. The door will be opened to a new
world. It'll be like...like Alex Through the Looking Glass.

You will dine at the finest restaurants on –
on steak chasseur and sutee potatoes.

Your shoes will be made by Gucci,
your jewellery will come from

Aspreys, your clothes will be made by Man at C & A!
What d'you reckon Rodders, eh? What d'you reckon?

Man at C & A. Yeah, alright.
I'll give it a whirl.

Good boy. You know it makes
sense don't you?

Oi, but we do a proper job,
right. No bodging!

Of course not, what do you
take me for, eh?

- I'll save the best bit for you.
- I'll see you in the morning then.

Yeah see you in the morning.
Night.

'No bodging.' I think he lacks
faith in you Del Boy!

Always been his trouble innit,
eh? Oi, 'ere, do me a favour will you Grandad.

Pop out in the kitchen see if we've got
any Windolene and superglue left, will you?

Righto Grandad, you pop
upstairs and get the floor-boards up!

Now you know what
you're doing don't you?

Don't you worry Del, leave it
to me.

Oh he's a craftsman!

Oi, Grandad, d'you want a
jemmy!

No I had one before we left.

Why does he have to remove the
floorboards?

What is this, the International
Year of the Wally-Brain or something?

Listen, my good man, how do you think that
great big heavy chandelier

stays up there on that ceiling,
eh?

It is not by the power of
prayer or double-sided sticky tape!

There is a long threaded bolt
through that chandelier,

it goes through a wooden joist
and is held in position by a locking nut.

Now in order to undo the locking nut you must
first lift up the floorboards! Ordre du jour!

We learn something new every
day! If you need me I shall be round at the garages.

Right. Here, while yer there
give the van a wash, will you.

Ah, talking of wally-brains.
Come on. Here - watch that!

I mean this is terrific innit. His lordship's nowhere to be
seen and now even the butler's having a moody!

D'you reckon
we're gonna get paid?

Look, his lordship is away on holiday, he'll pay us when he
gets back! Now come on, get these ladders up.

Yeah, you never know might
be in for a bonus.

Oh yeah, perhaps he might
bring us back a nice stick of rock each, eh?

Well just shut up moaning will
yer! Oi, Grandad how you doing?

Alright Del Boy.

I've found it Del!

Here you are. See, he's found the nut. I told you
we could trust him. Right come on get this out.

I've started to undo it.

Gordon Bennett, we ain't even
up the ladders yet!

Grandad - don't you touch
nuffink till we tell you.

Come on, we'd better get up
there.

Alright Rodders? Is there anything you want?

Yeah, I wanna go home! This
ladder's none too safe.

The ladder's alright. Look
this is the chance I've been waiting for.

Now, don't let me
down Rodders - now don't let me down!

Alright Grandad, we're ready!
You can start undoing it now!

It's coming Del Boy!

One more
turn Del!

Right. Now brace yourself
Rodney, brace yourself!

Grandad was undoing the other
chandelier!

How can you tell?

Alright Del Boy?

Alright? What do you mean
'alright'? Look at it!

Did you drop it Del?

Drop it? How could we drop it? We wasn't even holding it!
We were working on that one!

Well I wish you'd said something. I was working on
this one! Is it very valuable Del?

No, not really! It was bleedin'
priceless when it was hanging up there though!

What's his lordship gonna say
when he finds out?

Well, I think I can safely say that my invitation
to the hunt ball has gone for a Burton!

It's broken!

Look, what the hell do you
know about chandeliers anyway?

I think he's tumbled Del!

I shall telephone his lordship
at his cottage immediately!

Yeah, well, tell him to phone
us at home.

Oh. by the way, has his lordship got our home
address and telephone number?

No!

Good! Right, out of it. Go on.

Subtitles by NVL

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0