All language subtitles for One Foot in the Grave s02e03 Dramatic Fever.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish Download
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,888 --> 00:00:05,164 # They say I might as well face the truth 2 00:00:05,328 --> 00:00:08,638 # That I am just too long in the tooth 3 00:00:08,808 --> 00:00:12,118 # So I'm an OAP and weak-kneed 4 00:00:12,288 --> 00:00:15,564 # But I have not yet quite gone to seed 5 00:00:15,728 --> 00:00:19,641 # I may be over the hill now that I have retired 6 00:00:19,808 --> 00:00:22,959 # Fading away but I've not yet expired 7 00:00:23,128 --> 00:00:27,121 # Clapped out, run down, too old to save 8 00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:30,121 # One foot in the grave # 9 00:00:38,088 --> 00:00:43,765 I'm glad we arrived back to find this half-eaten Double whopper with cheese in my rose bed. 10 00:00:43,928 --> 00:00:47,443 Some people put manure in theirs, but I'll have none of it. 11 00:00:47,608 --> 00:00:52,557 A Double whopper with cheese is the thing. Harry wheatcroft swears by them! 12 00:00:52,728 --> 00:00:55,561 Still, it was a good evening, I thought. 13 00:00:57,048 --> 00:00:58,606 Mum! 14 00:00:59,688 --> 00:01:02,282 we're back! 15 00:01:02,448 --> 00:01:06,077 I thought they put on a really good show for a local group. 16 00:01:06,248 --> 00:01:10,036 There's another pool of water from that overflow out there. 17 00:01:10,208 --> 00:01:12,676 Not that you knew much about it, of course, 18 00:01:12,848 --> 00:01:16,636 having slept through most of the first half like Rip Van winkle. 19 00:01:16,808 --> 00:01:18,605 who did? 20 00:01:18,768 --> 00:01:24,126 Next time we go to a play, why don't you just put your pyjamas on and be done with it? 21 00:01:24,288 --> 00:01:28,076 It's bad enough when you cuddled the man in the seat next to you, 22 00:01:28,248 --> 00:01:30,716 let alone all your comments during the interval! 23 00:01:30,888 --> 00:01:36,838 I just said that the Hunchback of Notre Dame's costume didn't look historically accurate. 24 00:01:38,488 --> 00:01:40,046 what? 25 00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:43,803 You knew full well it was ''Peter Pan'' we were doing. 26 00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:46,926 You just say things like that for comic effect. 27 00:01:47,088 --> 00:01:51,320 I do not. who was that swinging across the stage on a bell rope? 28 00:01:51,488 --> 00:01:55,640 That was Mrs Henstridge from the Co-op playing Tinkerbell. 29 00:01:55,808 --> 00:01:59,596 The wire had to be that thick because of her glandular disorder. 30 00:01:59,768 --> 00:02:03,204 well, why did she have one eye halfway up her forehead? 31 00:02:03,368 --> 00:02:08,362 I'm not saying she doesn't bear a passing resemblance to Lon Cheney Senior, it's true, 32 00:02:08,528 --> 00:02:11,042 but she's got a lovely singing voice. 33 00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:13,847 She's one of the company's leading lights. 34 00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:17,000 So it hasn't put you off joining them, then, tonight? 35 00:02:17,168 --> 00:02:19,887 No. I've made my mind up. 36 00:02:20,048 --> 00:02:24,439 It'll be fun getting back to amateur dramatics after all these years. 37 00:02:24,608 --> 00:02:27,998 Mr whittaker says I can pop along on wednesday evening. 38 00:02:28,168 --> 00:02:32,161 He thinks they might have a small part for me in their next production, 39 00:02:32,328 --> 00:02:37,038 especially now they've lost Desirée Gibson, now she's become big and famous. 40 00:02:37,208 --> 00:02:42,236 Desirée Gibson? I expect that was her in the foyer behaving like Edna Everage. 41 00:02:43,048 --> 00:02:46,518 She went to Jersey to do a ''Bergerac'' in January. 42 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:51,682 And they say she's one of the six hang-gliding penguins in that building society advert. 43 00:02:51,848 --> 00:02:55,158 Done very well for herself. No question about it. 44 00:02:55,328 --> 00:02:57,796 Are you coming straight up to bed now? 45 00:02:57,968 --> 00:03:01,244 No, I'll do another hour or two on my situation comedy, 46 00:03:01,408 --> 00:03:03,922 try and get this scene finished if I can. 47 00:03:04,848 --> 00:03:09,638 - How's it coming along? All right? - Very nicely, thank you. Very funny. 48 00:03:12,048 --> 00:03:14,767 when's it got to be in by? 49 00:03:15,448 --> 00:03:18,758 Closing date for entries, August 1st. 50 00:03:19,528 --> 00:03:22,520 - Going to let me read it? - when it's finished. 51 00:03:23,408 --> 00:03:26,047 Anyone in mind for the parts? 52 00:03:26,208 --> 00:03:28,802 Joan Plowright and Bernard Breslaw. 53 00:03:30,848 --> 00:03:32,486 Oh. Good. 54 00:03:33,728 --> 00:03:35,241 Mum! 55 00:03:35,928 --> 00:03:38,726 we're back! Did you want some Horlicks? 56 00:03:45,368 --> 00:03:47,836 (CHUCKLES) 57 00:03:53,488 --> 00:03:56,480 (CLATTERING AND THUMPING UPSTAIRS) 58 00:04:07,128 --> 00:04:09,767 Oh, that's going to be very good. 59 00:04:10,848 --> 00:04:14,443 Congratulations! You've done it again, haven't you? 60 00:04:15,888 --> 00:04:18,527 what's the matter? what's happened? 61 00:04:19,728 --> 00:04:21,719 what is it? 62 00:04:22,968 --> 00:04:26,961 I take it you put all that powdered wallpaper paste in a big glass jar 63 00:04:27,128 --> 00:04:29,119 and left it upstairs last week? 64 00:04:29,288 --> 00:04:30,607 No! 65 00:04:30,768 --> 00:04:34,602 Oh, yes, I did. when the packet split open. why? 66 00:04:35,528 --> 00:04:38,042 My mother thought they were bath salts. 67 00:04:39,128 --> 00:04:41,722 You know how she tips a ton of the stuff in. 68 00:04:42,768 --> 00:04:46,283 She fell asleep in the water reading the ''Daily Mirror'', 69 00:04:46,448 --> 00:04:50,236 woke up like a giant tadpole in a bath of frogspawn! 70 00:04:51,368 --> 00:04:54,644 She looks like she's been pickled in aspic up there. 71 00:04:54,808 --> 00:04:57,197 Oh, dear. Is she all right? 72 00:04:57,368 --> 00:05:01,759 would YOU be with both buttocks glued together like treacle, 73 00:05:02,448 --> 00:05:07,078 a crossword papered to one bosom and an Andy Capp cartoon to the other? 74 00:05:07,248 --> 00:05:11,241 I'll be up all evening now scraping them with a squeegee! 75 00:05:11,408 --> 00:05:16,402 I'm sorry about that. I suppose at least there's no lasting damage done. 76 00:05:19,248 --> 00:05:21,637 what's that supposed to mean? 77 00:05:21,808 --> 00:05:26,324 I suppose it was also your idea to store the Polyfilla in that old Steradent tin? 78 00:05:27,808 --> 00:05:29,321 what? 79 00:05:35,248 --> 00:05:37,762 You can start chipping! 80 00:05:43,328 --> 00:05:45,125 Oh! 81 00:05:49,328 --> 00:05:52,400 Are you nearly ready, Mum, or we'll miss the train? 82 00:05:52,568 --> 00:05:56,356 And don't try and carry that big suitcase down with your ankle! 83 00:06:10,128 --> 00:06:12,562 Have a nice day in Kettering. 84 00:06:13,168 --> 00:06:15,602 If that's not a contradiction in terms. 85 00:06:15,768 --> 00:06:20,284 I think she'll be glad to get home after last night. will you be all right all day? 86 00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:24,327 You'd better eat up that pasta. It goes off at midnight. 87 00:06:24,488 --> 00:06:26,365 Yes. 88 00:06:26,528 --> 00:06:29,247 well, I'll love you and leave you, then. 89 00:06:30,168 --> 00:06:34,684 You'll have a nice morning of peace and quiet. You can get on with your script. 90 00:06:34,848 --> 00:06:37,316 - I certainly... - (CLATTER) 91 00:06:43,648 --> 00:06:45,639 Oh, Mum! 92 00:06:49,848 --> 00:06:52,237 we're off now. See you tonight. 93 00:06:52,408 --> 00:06:54,399 Bye, then. Bye, Mum! 94 00:06:54,568 --> 00:06:59,278 (MARGARET) No, Mum, it's hardly noticeable this morning. 95 00:06:59,448 --> 00:07:03,441 And anyway, people will just think it's a new type of hair gel. 96 00:07:06,728 --> 00:07:09,196 (FRONT DOOR CLOSES) 97 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,237 (SIGHS CONTENTEDLY) 98 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:20,800 First time in eight days. 99 00:07:22,168 --> 00:07:23,840 Bliss! 100 00:07:25,448 --> 00:07:28,087 (PHONE RINGS) 101 00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:33,287 Hello. 102 00:07:33,448 --> 00:07:39,478 Good morning, my name is mr RS Gridley, ringing from Kidderminster, 103 00:07:39,648 --> 00:07:40,967 Yes? 104 00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:47,237 K-I-D-D-E-R-m-I-N-S-T-E-R, 105 00:07:47,408 --> 00:07:48,727 Yes? 106 00:07:48,888 --> 00:07:54,246 In first place, Shot B, mike Hallett against John Virgo, 107 00:07:55,648 --> 00:07:58,116 - what? - In second place, Shot D, 108 00:07:58,288 --> 00:08:01,598 Doug mountjoy against Jimmy White, 109 00:08:01,768 --> 00:08:04,999 - I beg your pardon? - In third place, Shot H, 110 00:08:05,168 --> 00:08:08,285 Dennis Taylor against Bill Werbeniuk, 111 00:08:08,448 --> 00:08:11,963 - Dennis Taylor...? Hello, hello! - (LINE GOES DEAD ) 112 00:08:12,768 --> 00:08:15,282 Mad, utterly mad! 113 00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:20,567 All right, then. where was I? 114 00:08:20,728 --> 00:08:23,196 (PHONE RINGS) 115 00:08:25,568 --> 00:08:26,887 Hello. 116 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:32,042 This is Gordon James Kirkcaldy ringing from Kirkcaldy, 117 00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:34,039 Yes? 118 00:08:34,208 --> 00:08:39,407 In first place, Shot F, John Parrott against Tony meo, 119 00:08:39,568 --> 00:08:41,763 Look, what the hell is this? 120 00:08:41,928 --> 00:08:46,524 In second place, Shot D, Doug mountjoy against Jimmy White, 121 00:08:46,688 --> 00:08:49,077 Look, you've got the wrong number! 122 00:08:49,248 --> 00:08:53,924 In third place, Shot A, Steve Davis against Eddie Charlton, 123 00:08:54,088 --> 00:08:56,648 - Look, you've got... Hello! - (LINE GOES DEAD ) 124 00:09:09,168 --> 00:09:11,682 (PHONE RINGS) 125 00:09:13,888 --> 00:09:15,560 - Yes? - Hello, 126 00:09:15,728 --> 00:09:17,446 Hello! 127 00:09:17,608 --> 00:09:22,477 This is Erik Eidel here ringing from Stockholm, Sweden, 128 00:09:22,648 --> 00:09:28,723 And here are my votes in the BBC ''Shot Of The Championship'' snooker competition, 129 00:09:28,888 --> 00:09:31,356 Look, what am I? Katie Boyle? 130 00:09:31,528 --> 00:09:36,966 You've all misdialled. You're all coming through to a private number. Do you understand? 131 00:09:38,168 --> 00:09:41,444 In first place, Shot B,,, 132 00:09:41,608 --> 00:09:43,678 Go away! 133 00:09:44,368 --> 00:09:47,121 - (PHONE RINGS) - Hello! 134 00:09:47,288 --> 00:09:51,076 - Victor meldrew? - who's he playing against? Hurricane Higgins? 135 00:09:51,248 --> 00:09:54,081 I've just... Oh, yes, that's me. 136 00:09:55,048 --> 00:09:58,324 - Speaking. - Good morning, my name is Desirée Gibson, 137 00:09:58,488 --> 00:10:01,719 I was ringing for mrs meldrew, She's in Kettering? 138 00:10:01,888 --> 00:10:04,641 Yes, that's right. Do you want a number for her? 139 00:10:04,808 --> 00:10:07,163 It's er... 140 00:10:07,328 --> 00:10:11,321 0536 598765. 141 00:10:11,488 --> 00:10:15,003 - I should try her around 12. - You're very kind. Thank you. 142 00:10:15,168 --> 00:10:17,602 That's all right. Goodbye. 143 00:10:18,808 --> 00:10:24,440 How you're supposed to write with interruptions every three seconds just fair boggles the mind! 144 00:10:29,168 --> 00:10:32,956 A bit of peace and quiet is not a lot to ask for on a Monday morning. 145 00:10:39,248 --> 00:10:42,126 I think you're all right there. 146 00:10:42,288 --> 00:10:44,722 No worries at all there, Mr Meldrew. 147 00:10:44,888 --> 00:10:47,482 what the bloody hell are you doing in there? 148 00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:53,120 Mrs Meldrew was concerned the outlet might be a bit clogged up, but it's all clear now. 149 00:10:53,768 --> 00:10:59,161 I'm going up to your loft to have a look at your overflow. Oh, you need a new Toilet Duck. 150 00:10:59,328 --> 00:11:01,125 Do I? 151 00:11:07,528 --> 00:11:10,884 Can't even get any privacy in your own toilet now. 152 00:11:14,728 --> 00:11:18,038 - Is Mick in here? - No, he's not. Go away! 153 00:11:25,208 --> 00:11:27,597 (CHUCKLES) 154 00:11:27,768 --> 00:11:30,999 - You had a good day, then, evidently. - Eventually. 155 00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:35,684 After spending half the morning manning the BBC snooker switchboard. 156 00:11:36,648 --> 00:11:40,277 And having arguments with three people at British Telecom. 157 00:11:40,448 --> 00:11:42,916 I had more peace during the Blitz! 158 00:11:43,768 --> 00:11:46,043 How was your day? 159 00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:49,996 Oh, did that woman ring you at your mother's? Desirée Gibbon? 160 00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,921 Oh, yes. Gibson. 161 00:11:53,088 --> 00:11:55,921 That's what I meant to tell you. 162 00:11:56,088 --> 00:11:58,886 She's invited us to dinner at her place. 163 00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:02,396 - I didn't know you knew her. - well, I don't. 164 00:12:02,568 --> 00:12:05,036 But she seemed to know all about me. 165 00:12:05,688 --> 00:12:09,044 She says she's holding a ''Bergerac'' party. 166 00:12:09,208 --> 00:12:13,599 You know, about half a dozen of her friends to watch her episode 167 00:12:13,768 --> 00:12:16,236 as it goes out on the air on Friday. 168 00:12:17,408 --> 00:12:22,528 She said how are we fixed? I said we'd got nothing on. It would be a thrill for both of us. 169 00:12:22,688 --> 00:12:27,478 Is that the sort of thrill you get when you plug your fingers into a light socket? 170 00:12:29,408 --> 00:12:32,798 How often do we get invited out to dinner parties? 171 00:12:32,968 --> 00:12:37,439 It'll be a change from sitting stuck in front of the television all evening. 172 00:12:37,608 --> 00:12:40,076 And you never know, with her contacts, 173 00:12:40,248 --> 00:12:43,718 she might know someone who could look at your script. 174 00:12:44,448 --> 00:12:46,166 Hmm. 175 00:12:50,368 --> 00:12:53,201 (LAUGHS) 176 00:12:53,368 --> 00:12:57,520 - what's it about? Can I see? - when I've finished, I told you. 177 00:13:03,368 --> 00:13:07,884 I presume Mick Stacey gave you his verdict on that overflow pipe in the loft? 178 00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:10,243 He did, yes. 179 00:13:10,408 --> 00:13:15,198 He told me the pipe was a complete write-off. Corroded away to begorra, he said. 180 00:13:16,368 --> 00:13:18,836 ''Buggery'', I think you'll find. 181 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,522 - Sorry? - ''Corroded away to buggery.'' 182 00:13:22,688 --> 00:13:26,476 It's a technical term they use in the plumbing industry. 183 00:13:26,648 --> 00:13:30,118 It's all under control. I'm getting a new one tomorrow. 184 00:13:30,288 --> 00:13:31,801 You are? 185 00:13:31,968 --> 00:13:36,962 I think you can trust me to fit an overflow pipe. Pay him 50 quid for the privilege! 186 00:13:38,808 --> 00:13:41,322 And we need a new Toilet Duck as well. 187 00:13:42,168 --> 00:13:43,681 I know. 188 00:13:56,248 --> 00:13:58,637 (CHUCKLES) 189 00:13:59,528 --> 00:14:02,520 (MUMBLES AND LAUGHS) 190 00:14:05,968 --> 00:14:08,163 It's very good. 191 00:14:37,008 --> 00:14:38,999 Excuse me. 192 00:14:39,648 --> 00:14:42,401 what the bloody hell do you think this is? 193 00:14:42,568 --> 00:14:46,880 There's a litter bin on the corner, or is that too far for you to walk? 194 00:14:47,048 --> 00:14:51,564 You might like living in a sewer, but other people prefer to walk down this road 195 00:14:51,728 --> 00:14:55,243 without being knee-deep in your half-digested lunch! 196 00:14:55,408 --> 00:14:58,047 Are you going to pick that up? 197 00:14:58,208 --> 00:15:03,760 Either you pick that up or I'm going to make a citizen's arrest and have you prosecuted! 198 00:15:05,648 --> 00:15:08,845 Don't twitch your head about or you'll make me slip! 199 00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:11,647 You're cutting into my neck. 200 00:15:11,808 --> 00:15:16,324 If you don't keep still, you'll be picking this ear up off the carpet! 201 00:15:16,488 --> 00:15:22,404 I just wish you'd leave well alone, instead of going around everywhere like Charles Bronson. 202 00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:28,963 Mentally defective people like that must have a Double whopper for a brain. 203 00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:32,643 Yes, well, you're lucky he didn't do something far worse. 204 00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:36,323 It's lucky he didn't see I was carrying a Toilet Duck. 205 00:15:37,048 --> 00:15:39,562 Oh, this thing's as blunt as old Harry! 206 00:15:39,728 --> 00:15:43,516 I'm going to the shed to see if we've got some new blades. 207 00:15:46,288 --> 00:15:48,483 (DOORBELL) 208 00:16:02,168 --> 00:16:04,807 Don't even think about it! 209 00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,765 33. 210 00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:17,287 34. 211 00:16:21,368 --> 00:16:23,279 35. 212 00:16:25,408 --> 00:16:27,205 36. 213 00:16:30,208 --> 00:16:35,965 wonderful. A precious record of your mother's 80th birthday for us to treasure for always (!) 214 00:16:39,528 --> 00:16:42,725 No wonder they do them cheaper than anyone else. 215 00:16:43,968 --> 00:16:46,482 well, we won't be using them again. 216 00:16:49,048 --> 00:16:50,561 well... 217 00:16:52,768 --> 00:16:56,283 I'm off up now. I've got a long day ahead of me tomorrow. 218 00:16:56,448 --> 00:17:01,966 I've got rehearsals in the evening and some big arrangements to get ready, so I'll be out early. 219 00:17:02,128 --> 00:17:04,596 Same with me, as it happens. 220 00:17:05,408 --> 00:17:08,241 why? where are you off to tomorrow? 221 00:17:08,408 --> 00:17:12,481 Nowhere in particular. Just got a little job to take care of. 222 00:18:18,128 --> 00:18:20,596 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING) 223 00:18:42,448 --> 00:18:46,760 Come on, Prue. Are you sure you haven't got time for breakfast, darling? 224 00:18:46,928 --> 00:18:49,396 My God, I must have been drunk last night. 225 00:18:49,568 --> 00:18:52,958 - How about a pair of squeezed grapefruit? - Get off! 226 00:18:53,128 --> 00:18:54,800 Morning! 227 00:18:56,568 --> 00:19:01,164 Sorry to disturb you, only I've just had a disaster with my upstairs plumbing. 228 00:19:01,328 --> 00:19:04,240 - Just a second, Margaret. Sorry. - (BANGING) 229 00:19:04,408 --> 00:19:08,117 - Sure you're OK up there, Martin? - Doesn't look too safe. 230 00:19:08,888 --> 00:19:12,198 I'm fine. You just carry on. 231 00:19:13,208 --> 00:19:14,960 OK. 232 00:19:15,128 --> 00:19:18,677 - Sorry. Shall we go from your entrance again? - All right. 233 00:19:46,288 --> 00:19:50,679 Leave that cactus and come over here. Take your tights off another time. 234 00:19:50,848 --> 00:19:53,726 If I'm not there by ten, Charles will get suspicious. 235 00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,277 Don't forget to take the cat in to be doctored. 236 00:19:56,448 --> 00:20:00,600 I might join him! I wonder what he would say if he knew what was in store. 237 00:20:00,768 --> 00:20:04,363 - I can wave goodbye to this pair. - Something like that! 238 00:20:04,528 --> 00:20:06,598 Aaaaagh! 239 00:20:06,768 --> 00:20:12,001 - Oh! My God! Martin! - I said he wasn't safe on that bloody gantry! 240 00:20:12,168 --> 00:20:14,762 Martin, speak to us! Are you all right? 241 00:20:14,928 --> 00:20:19,524 - Can you move? what is it? Your leg? - My...my pacemaker! 242 00:20:22,608 --> 00:20:25,406 You could've killed yourself, man! 243 00:20:25,568 --> 00:20:29,038 I'll flag a car and we'll run him off to the hospital! 244 00:20:29,208 --> 00:20:31,847 Look at his leg. He'll bleed to death! 245 00:20:32,008 --> 00:20:33,885 Hang on. 246 00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:39,124 (MARGARET) we need a tourniquet or something. 247 00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,167 I'll get a bit of this curtain up the top here. 248 00:20:43,328 --> 00:20:46,001 It's all seeping through here. 249 00:20:46,168 --> 00:20:48,602 Come off, you bloody stupid thing! 250 00:20:48,768 --> 00:20:50,918 - Aaaagh! - Hilary! 251 00:20:51,088 --> 00:20:53,283 (CHUCKLES) 252 00:20:58,728 --> 00:21:00,923 Are you all right? 253 00:21:01,088 --> 00:21:05,764 I'll be fine. Here! Let's get this round his knee. You lift it. 254 00:21:05,928 --> 00:21:10,558 It's no good. Some bloody idiot has parked his car right across the entrance. 255 00:21:12,848 --> 00:21:17,239 we can't carry him all that way. we'll have to call for an ambulance. 256 00:21:17,408 --> 00:21:19,922 Get him to the sofa. Can you walk at all? 257 00:21:20,808 --> 00:21:23,197 Yes, I-I think so. 258 00:21:23,368 --> 00:21:26,007 Take it easy. Slowly, slowly... 259 00:21:26,808 --> 00:21:29,368 (CONTINUES CHUCKLING) 260 00:21:30,048 --> 00:21:33,882 - we don't have far to go. Are you all right? - You've got him? 261 00:21:34,048 --> 00:21:35,720 Aaaagh! 262 00:21:39,728 --> 00:21:42,526 (VICTOR CONTINUES CLAPPING) 263 00:21:49,568 --> 00:21:51,559 Victor? 264 00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:53,923 Is that you? 265 00:21:58,328 --> 00:22:02,844 I'm absolutely amazed. I wouldn't have believed you had it in you. 266 00:22:03,728 --> 00:22:05,719 45 pages... 267 00:22:05,888 --> 00:22:08,163 of absolute drivel. 268 00:22:10,888 --> 00:22:12,606 what? 269 00:22:12,768 --> 00:22:15,407 Is this supposed to be funny? 270 00:22:15,568 --> 00:22:18,640 - what do you mean? - It wouldn't happen, would it? 271 00:22:18,808 --> 00:22:23,598 Stupid things like that in real life. where do you get such ridiculous ideas? 272 00:22:25,408 --> 00:22:27,080 Oh. 273 00:22:27,688 --> 00:22:30,361 I thought it had come out rather well. 274 00:22:30,968 --> 00:22:33,846 well... well, that's that down the drain. 275 00:22:35,248 --> 00:22:37,443 Five weeks' work. 276 00:22:38,888 --> 00:22:43,484 I've been enjoying writing that. I thought I'd found something I was good at. 277 00:22:44,248 --> 00:22:48,127 That's just my opinion. The judges might love it. 278 00:22:48,888 --> 00:22:53,723 No, you're right. I've obviously been wasting my time completely as usual. 279 00:22:54,568 --> 00:22:58,846 why don't you bring it along tonight? To Desirée's. See what she says. 280 00:22:59,008 --> 00:23:01,681 She'll give you a more professional opinion. 281 00:23:01,848 --> 00:23:05,841 That reminds me. She asked me to record that programme for her. 282 00:23:21,448 --> 00:23:24,440 How long do you think it'll take us to get there? 283 00:23:25,208 --> 00:23:27,927 I suppose we should leave ourselves about... 284 00:23:34,448 --> 00:23:37,520 - Any sign of them yet, darling? - Nothing, no. 285 00:23:37,688 --> 00:23:41,966 - They must have got delayed somewhere. - Hurry up, it's just starting. 286 00:23:42,128 --> 00:23:44,642 (''BERGERAC'' THEmE mUSIC) 287 00:23:51,328 --> 00:23:55,844 - Sergeant, how are you today? -Just about staying the course, my love, 288 00:23:57,008 --> 00:24:01,240 Fillet steak, I think, medium rare, And a drop of the Chardonnay, 289 00:24:01,408 --> 00:24:04,047 I think we've got a bottle, I'll just check, 290 00:24:04,208 --> 00:24:08,724 JimI Over hereI What are you doing here, you old reprobate? 291 00:24:10,528 --> 00:24:12,007 Brilliant! 292 00:24:12,168 --> 00:24:14,682 Did you have to do much research, Dessie? 293 00:24:14,848 --> 00:24:20,445 well, on that one, I did try and visit a few restaurants. Just to absorb the atmosphere. 294 00:24:21,608 --> 00:24:24,122 - (DOORBELL) - That'll be Victor and Margaret. 295 00:24:24,288 --> 00:24:27,280 - I'll get it. - I thought they would never make it. 296 00:24:27,448 --> 00:24:30,884 It means we can all eat, if you'd like to take your places. 297 00:24:31,848 --> 00:24:37,127 After the bypass, it was at a complete and total standstill. 298 00:24:37,288 --> 00:24:40,997 I'm sorry we had to open the wine for Victor to take his Valium. 299 00:24:42,328 --> 00:24:45,684 I know. It is getting worse, no doubt about it. 300 00:24:46,488 --> 00:24:50,720 Right, I believe Desirée mentioned seafood on the phone. 301 00:24:50,888 --> 00:24:53,356 Yes. That's all right with us, isn't it? 302 00:24:53,528 --> 00:24:55,723 - Hmm. - Lovely. 303 00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,557 - where is it, then? - Sorry? 304 00:25:05,528 --> 00:25:08,281 - where is it? - what? 305 00:25:09,328 --> 00:25:11,319 The seafood. 306 00:25:13,248 --> 00:25:14,840 Seafood? 307 00:25:15,008 --> 00:25:19,240 Yes. Look, if you couldn't manage it after all, it's no sweat. 308 00:25:19,408 --> 00:25:22,923 whatever you've prepared for us, I'm sure it's marvellous. 309 00:25:23,088 --> 00:25:28,242 Right, now, the plates are all in here, warmed up and ready. 310 00:25:28,408 --> 00:25:31,286 And serving dishes in here. 311 00:25:31,448 --> 00:25:36,124 And any other utensils you may need, I'm sure you'll soon find them. 312 00:25:36,728 --> 00:25:42,007 Right, I don't suppose you want me breathing down your neck while you're working, 313 00:25:42,168 --> 00:25:45,365 so I'll just go through and join the others... 314 00:25:45,528 --> 00:25:48,247 and await all your delicacies. 315 00:25:49,088 --> 00:25:53,923 Oh, when you're ready with the first course, just stick it through the hatch. 316 00:26:02,168 --> 00:26:06,958 I wonder if there's a room in the house where I can kill myself. 317 00:26:08,048 --> 00:26:14,396 Oh, one more thing. If you could just put the desserts on the trolley, we'll help ourselves. 318 00:26:14,568 --> 00:26:16,798 M-Mr Gibson! 319 00:26:16,968 --> 00:26:19,960 I-I think there's been a bit of a mix-up here. 320 00:26:20,648 --> 00:26:23,367 we haven't brought any food with us. 321 00:26:23,528 --> 00:26:26,918 I'm afraid there's been a terrible misunderstanding. 322 00:26:27,088 --> 00:26:29,283 Misunderstanding? 323 00:26:30,208 --> 00:26:32,722 But you agreed it all with my wife. 324 00:26:33,728 --> 00:26:36,367 On the phone the other day? 325 00:26:36,528 --> 00:26:40,282 No, I don't know where she got that impression. 326 00:26:41,048 --> 00:26:43,846 You told her you were in catering. 327 00:26:44,968 --> 00:26:47,084 In Kettering. 328 00:26:51,168 --> 00:26:52,886 Ah. 329 00:26:53,048 --> 00:26:56,563 - what is it? - They're not a bloody catering firm at all. 330 00:26:56,728 --> 00:26:59,447 You've got it all arse about face as usual! 331 00:26:59,608 --> 00:27:03,886 God Almighty, you were supposed to phone up to confirm all the details! 332 00:27:04,048 --> 00:27:07,040 I tried a dozen times. The phone was off the hook! 333 00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:09,768 Heavens above, woman, you must've realised! 334 00:27:09,928 --> 00:27:14,718 what did you think I was talking about when I said to make sure you brought the bill? 335 00:27:27,008 --> 00:27:29,397 - Aren't they back yet? - No. 336 00:27:29,568 --> 00:27:32,241 You know what that takeaway's like on a Friday. 337 00:27:32,408 --> 00:27:34,558 Nice of them to volunteer. 338 00:27:34,728 --> 00:27:37,196 well, these things do happen. 339 00:27:37,368 --> 00:27:41,361 If anyone would like some more soup, I can open another tin. 340 00:27:42,008 --> 00:27:47,162 Gerry was telling us the most horrific story, how he was vandalised this week. 341 00:27:47,328 --> 00:27:51,924 That's right. wednesday lunchtime. I parked the car to go in the post office. 342 00:27:52,088 --> 00:27:57,685 when I come back, some cretinous arsehole has dumped a sack of garbage inside my car! 343 00:27:58,568 --> 00:28:01,560 Gunge and crap everywhere, for no reason at all! 344 00:28:01,728 --> 00:28:06,119 Jesus Christ, if I find him, I'll have his balls for bacon dumplings! 345 00:28:06,288 --> 00:28:11,601 Terrible. The trouble is, they never catch them, do they? They always get away with it. 346 00:28:11,768 --> 00:28:16,159 Except this one made a fatal error, left a clue behind. 347 00:28:16,328 --> 00:28:20,003 - A clue? - A load of crook transparencies. 348 00:28:20,168 --> 00:28:22,841 I found them amongst the potato peelings. 349 00:28:23,008 --> 00:28:24,521 Ah! 350 00:28:24,688 --> 00:28:27,680 Some gormless goolie in a cap in most of them. 351 00:28:28,928 --> 00:28:33,399 I'm not a vindictive man, but if I ever come across this bastard... 352 00:28:36,768 --> 00:28:40,044 Still, let's not get morbid at the dinner table, eh? 353 00:28:40,208 --> 00:28:42,802 - Sounds as if our tucker's arrived. - Ah! 354 00:28:44,048 --> 00:28:47,836 Right, we're back, everyone. who's for a Double whopper? 355 00:28:50,088 --> 00:28:53,717 # They say I might as well face the truth 356 00:28:53,888 --> 00:28:56,800 # That I am just too long in the tooth 357 00:28:56,968 --> 00:29:00,199 # I've started to deteriorate 358 00:29:00,368 --> 00:29:03,804 # And now I've passed my own sell-by date 359 00:29:03,968 --> 00:29:07,643 # Oh, I am no spring chicken, it 's true 360 00:29:07,808 --> 00:29:11,118 # I have to pop my teeth in to chew 361 00:29:11,288 --> 00:29:14,485 # And my old knees have started to knock 362 00:29:14,648 --> 00:29:17,765 # I've just got too many miles on the clock 363 00:29:17,928 --> 00:29:21,716 # So I'm a wrinkly, crinkly, set in my ways 364 00:29:21,888 --> 00:29:25,642 # It's true that my body has seen better days 365 00:29:25,808 --> 00:29:29,357 # But give me half a chance and I can still misbehave 366 00:29:29,528 --> 00:29:32,122 # One foot in the grave 367 00:29:32,848 --> 00:29:35,487 # One foot in the grave 368 00:29:36,488 --> 00:29:39,400 # One foot in the grave # 369 00:29:39,450 --> 00:29:44,000 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 31223

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.