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1
00:00:00,328 --> 00:00:02,664
So, which color do you like
better for the logo?
2
00:00:02,699 --> 00:00:05,364
This one's satin nickel,
and this one's pewter.
3
00:00:05,396 --> 00:00:06,832
What's...
Uh, satin nickel's fine.
4
00:00:06,864 --> 00:00:08,332
So,
you loving the shirt?
5
00:00:08,365 --> 00:00:09,333
No, it's too tight.
6
00:00:09,367 --> 00:00:10,903
Excellent.
7
00:00:10,935 --> 00:00:12,570
See, the only problem
with satin nickel is that
8
00:00:12,604 --> 00:00:14,406
[grunts]
it might strobe on TV.
9
00:00:14,438 --> 00:00:15,840
All right, so you want me
to pick the other one?
10
00:00:15,874 --> 00:00:18,343
No. I want you to be happy
with your choice.
11
00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:20,011
We can
make anything work.
12
00:00:20,044 --> 00:00:22,014
Okay, fine.
Then, uh, satin nickel.
13
00:00:22,046 --> 00:00:24,048
What... what's the point
of even taking measurements
14
00:00:24,081 --> 00:00:25,784
if the... if the stuff's
gonna be too tight?
15
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:27,219
Well, when we took
the measurements,
16
00:00:27,252 --> 00:00:29,087
you were
a-a smaller... size.
17
00:00:29,121 --> 00:00:30,922
Shit!
I knew I was getting fat.
18
00:00:30,956 --> 00:00:32,591
I'm gonna
look like a whale!
19
00:00:32,623 --> 00:00:34,092
Whales don't have
cute mustaches.
20
00:00:34,125 --> 00:00:35,094
Ah.
21
00:00:35,126 --> 00:00:36,961
Walruses do.
22
00:00:36,994 --> 00:00:38,464
Sorry.
23
00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:39,598
Why? Why?
24
00:00:39,631 --> 00:00:40,799
Shit.
25
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:42,601
I need
more nicotine lozenges.
26
00:00:42,634 --> 00:00:45,270
I just gave you that tube
this morning. Aren't you full?
27
00:00:45,302 --> 00:00:47,605
Just get me more, Kyle,
please.
28
00:00:47,638 --> 00:00:50,775
Fear not. I keep
an emergency stash in my bag.
29
00:00:50,808 --> 00:00:52,376
See, Marc,
I just think
30
00:00:52,409 --> 00:00:54,745
the satin nickel's
gonna be problematic.
31
00:00:54,778 --> 00:00:56,881
All right, so do you want me
to pick the other one?
32
00:00:56,915 --> 00:00:57,515
No.
33
00:00:58,482 --> 00:01:01,085
- Unless you love it.
- I love it.
34
00:01:01,119 --> 00:01:02,887
All right, then.
He loves the pewter.
35
00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:04,755
Whatever you're doing's
not helping, all right?
36
00:01:04,788 --> 00:01:06,290
I'm a disgusting, fat pig.
I get it.
37
00:01:06,324 --> 00:01:09,328
You're, like, amplifying it
with each tug.
38
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:10,963
[Indian accent]
Gunga Din to the rescue.
39
00:01:10,996 --> 00:01:13,732
Master, I have brought
a mini lozenge.
40
00:01:13,764 --> 00:01:16,000
I don't know what just happened.
It was horrendous.
41
00:01:21,139 --> 00:01:24,009
Take it easy.
It doesn't work that fast.
42
00:01:25,976 --> 00:01:28,680
["The Poisoned Well" plays]
43
00:01:30,681 --> 00:01:33,117
Won't fall for it
44
00:01:33,151 --> 00:01:35,787
You can't see
45
00:01:35,820 --> 00:01:38,290
And you can't tell
46
00:01:38,323 --> 00:01:42,827
I just can't drink
from the poisoned well
47
00:01:42,862 --> 00:01:44,616
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:01:44,651 --> 00:01:46,462
So, Colt. Colt Cabana.
49
00:01:46,497 --> 00:01:48,332
One of the most popular
wrestlers in the country,
50
00:01:48,365 --> 00:01:49,600
perhaps in the world!
51
00:01:49,633 --> 00:01:50,968
I feel like
I'm announcing you.
52
00:01:51,002 --> 00:01:52,637
How is it
that you are not part
53
00:01:52,671 --> 00:01:54,940
of the evil empire
that is the WWE?
54
00:01:54,972 --> 00:01:56,807
Well, I mean, first,
I think you need an act
55
00:01:56,841 --> 00:01:58,476
that's, uh,
original and unique.
56
00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,678
That way, the WWE doesn't
even want a piece of you.
57
00:02:00,711 --> 00:02:02,713
- They won't touch you.
- No, that's kind of how they work.
58
00:02:02,746 --> 00:02:04,182
- Yeah.
- But, uh, I don't know,
59
00:02:04,216 --> 00:02:06,050
for me, it's barnstorming, man,
you know,
60
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:08,719
pounding the pavement, hitting
the VFW halls, burlesque shows.
61
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,289
For the last five years,
62
00:02:10,321 --> 00:02:12,390
I've wrestled at the gathering
of the Juggalos.
63
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:15,393
And somehow or another, you can cobble
together a living from doing all that?
64
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:18,329
Well, I'm a good draw,
and it's because of my podcast,
65
00:02:18,362 --> 00:02:20,966
- which was inspired by your podcast.
- Uh-huh.
66
00:02:20,998 --> 00:02:22,668
And it's like
I owe you so much, man.
67
00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:25,037
It's like you finally have
done it for guys like us...
68
00:02:25,069 --> 00:02:26,837
- like, D.I.Y... warriors.
- Uh-huh.
69
00:02:26,871 --> 00:02:29,808
And you're not even listening
to what I'm saying.
70
00:02:29,841 --> 00:02:31,510
I'm pouring my heart out
to you here, Marc.
71
00:02:31,543 --> 00:02:33,244
No, no, I'm here,
I'm here, I'm here.
72
00:02:33,277 --> 00:02:35,379
I-I-I just need to get
one of those in my mouth
73
00:02:35,413 --> 00:02:36,915
so I can
take the edge off, dude.
74
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,516
I'm sorry.
I'm crazy right now.
75
00:02:38,550 --> 00:02:40,919
I got a pilot I got to do,
and I'm at the end of my rope,
76
00:02:40,951 --> 00:02:43,387
and it's just showbiz shit,
and I'm not being fair to you.
77
00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:44,722
I-I'm sorry.
I'm all right.
78
00:02:44,755 --> 00:02:46,525
Well, I mean,
you're poisoning yourself.
79
00:02:46,557 --> 00:02:48,659
I mean, look at all this...
the caffeine and the nicotine.
80
00:02:48,693 --> 00:02:50,896
It's like... I've sliced my head
with razor blades
81
00:02:50,928 --> 00:02:52,897
[chuckling]
that are healthier than that.
82
00:02:52,931 --> 00:02:54,533
Wait...
you guys really do that?
83
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:55,866
[chuckles]
84
00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:56,901
No.
85
00:02:58,202 --> 00:03:00,271
U... Yeah, okay, yeah, all right,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
86
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,341
No, I-I am. I know
I got to get off this stuff.
87
00:03:02,373 --> 00:03:05,009
It's killing me.
Too much caffeine, too much nicotine.
88
00:03:05,043 --> 00:03:07,345
I need to get in shape.
I'm like... I'm just nuts, man.
89
00:03:07,379 --> 00:03:08,214
I'll train you.
90
00:03:09,015 --> 00:03:10,282
Eh, I don't know.
91
00:03:11,216 --> 00:03:12,583
You don't think
I can train you
92
00:03:12,617 --> 00:03:14,186
just 'cause
I'm a little bit heavy?
93
00:03:14,218 --> 00:03:15,519
'Cause I'm a heavyweight?
94
00:03:15,552 --> 00:03:17,055
It's beef, Marc.
I'm beefy. I'm all beef.
95
00:03:17,087 --> 00:03:19,257
I-I don't know.
My mother wouldn't call it beef.
96
00:03:19,290 --> 00:03:21,092
She would say you're fat.
97
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:22,760
Sorry.
It's my mom, not me.
98
00:03:22,794 --> 00:03:24,695
I don't even think
I can train you, actually.
99
00:03:24,729 --> 00:03:26,964
I'm, uh, I'm actually
on the road this week as it is.
100
00:03:26,998 --> 00:03:29,234
- Okay. All right.
- But, you know, Punk's around,
101
00:03:29,266 --> 00:03:31,402
and he's... he's training
for MMA now, so, uh...
102
00:03:31,436 --> 00:03:32,938
CM Punk, huh?
103
00:03:33,938 --> 00:03:35,574
Oh, there's...
is there something there?
104
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,475
No, no, man.
I mean, like, uh...
105
00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:38,744
h-how is he?
Is he okay?
106
00:03:38,777 --> 00:03:40,445
[chuckling]
"Is he okay"?
107
00:03:40,478 --> 00:03:41,980
Yeah, I mean,
this is a guy
108
00:03:42,012 --> 00:03:44,081
that was at the top of
his profession in fake fighting
109
00:03:44,115 --> 00:03:45,817
and decides to quit
to become a real fighter.
110
00:03:45,849 --> 00:03:47,485
Just seems
a little weird.
111
00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:48,886
Um...
112
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,055
Weirder than weird.
113
00:03:50,087 --> 00:03:51,756
It's like the plot
to "Three Amigos."
114
00:03:51,789 --> 00:03:53,291
I don't think it's weird
at all.
115
00:03:53,325 --> 00:03:55,494
And he did what he had to do
so he could be happy.
116
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,496
I think you could
appreciate that, if anyone.
117
00:03:57,528 --> 00:03:59,563
No, that's the weirdest thing
I've ever heard in my life.
118
00:03:59,597 --> 00:04:01,533
I-I personally think
Punk snapped.
119
00:04:02,118 --> 00:04:04,503
- Yeah... snapped.
- I...
120
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,070
- No?
- No.
121
00:04:06,104 --> 00:04:08,005
All right, what'd you want
to show me, Colt?
122
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,006
- Oh, Marc.
- Yeah?
123
00:04:09,039 --> 00:04:10,574
- Thanks, man.
- Sure.
124
00:04:10,607 --> 00:04:12,978
Thanks for having me
in the garage, on the podcast.
125
00:04:13,010 --> 00:04:14,845
- So hospitable, man. I owe you.
- No.
126
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,348
- I owe you.
- No, no, you don't.
127
00:04:16,380 --> 00:04:18,250
No, I do.
And I'm gonna repay you.
128
00:04:18,282 --> 00:04:20,409
And I'm... I'm gonna
do it right now, actually.
129
00:04:20,444 --> 00:04:21,118
What?
130
00:04:21,152 --> 00:04:22,120
[computer ringing]
131
00:04:22,152 --> 00:04:23,854
- Punker!
- Oh, shit.
132
00:04:23,887 --> 00:04:25,424
- [laughs]
- Hey.
133
00:04:25,457 --> 00:04:27,125
Hey, man, I'm with Maron.
We just did the podcast.
134
00:04:27,157 --> 00:04:29,093
Hey, Cabana.
Marc, good to see you again.
135
00:04:29,126 --> 00:04:30,928
Yeah, good to see you.
How you doing?
136
00:04:30,962 --> 00:04:32,698
Never better...
ever since I threw off
137
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,466
the shackles
of wrestling slavery.
138
00:04:34,498 --> 00:04:36,767
- Uh-huh.
- Hey, Marc needs you to train him.
139
00:04:36,801 --> 00:04:38,770
- No.
- No, no, he...
140
00:04:38,803 --> 00:04:41,039
he looks like shit.
141
00:04:41,072 --> 00:04:42,040
[laughs]
142
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,709
He's totally
stressed out,
143
00:04:43,741 --> 00:04:45,843
and he's been popping
these things like crazy, man.
144
00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:48,112
Dude, Marc, I would love to train you.
We'd have so much fun.
145
00:04:48,145 --> 00:04:49,980
I don't know, man. I got
a pretty good handle on it.
146
00:04:50,013 --> 00:04:51,383
Yeah, yeah...
love handle.
147
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:52,718
Why do you...
Why... Why?
148
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,885
- I hurt to heal, Marc.
- Oh, God.
149
00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:57,556
Listen, you goofballs,
I got to get going, but, Marc,
150
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:59,458
trust me when I tell you...
best shape of your life
151
00:04:59,491 --> 00:05:01,659
physically and mentally,
I promise.
152
00:05:01,693 --> 00:05:03,462
Okay, man.
I-I appreciate the offer.
153
00:05:03,495 --> 00:05:04,796
I'll let you know,
Punk.
154
00:05:04,828 --> 00:05:06,264
Great. See you later.
155
00:05:07,931 --> 00:05:09,667
What's happening,
Kyle?
156
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:10,868
Check it out.
157
00:05:10,902 --> 00:05:13,205
I'm wearing
my hero's T-shirt!
158
00:05:13,238 --> 00:05:16,208
- [groans]
- For his... podcast appearance today.
159
00:05:16,241 --> 00:05:17,709
He came yesterday, man.
160
00:05:17,741 --> 00:05:19,311
Yesterday?
161
00:05:19,344 --> 00:05:20,479
Yeah,
I had to reschedule it.
162
00:05:20,512 --> 00:05:21,747
I'm sorry
I didn't tell you,
163
00:05:21,779 --> 00:05:23,881
but I've just been
frazzled, dude.
164
00:05:23,914 --> 00:05:25,383
Okay.
165
00:05:25,416 --> 00:05:28,219
I will... one day recover
from that.
166
00:05:28,253 --> 00:05:30,921
Oh, hey,
I got you this
167
00:05:30,955 --> 00:05:33,657
and 11 more boxes
of nicotine lozenges at Costco,
168
00:05:33,690 --> 00:05:35,827
so should last you
a couple hours.
169
00:05:35,859 --> 00:05:37,561
Yeah,
I don't need them.
170
00:05:37,594 --> 00:05:40,265
Getting off them.
That and coffee... done.
171
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,733
What?
172
00:05:41,765 --> 00:05:43,167
Yeah.
Going cold turkey.
173
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:45,003
Gonna get off caffeine,
gonna get off nicotine,
174
00:05:45,036 --> 00:05:46,171
gonna start exercising.
175
00:05:46,203 --> 00:05:47,705
Look at that.
I got all this stuff.
176
00:05:47,738 --> 00:05:49,674
Look, I got running shoes.
I got running gear.
177
00:05:49,707 --> 00:05:51,209
I got a heart monitor
for running.
178
00:05:51,241 --> 00:05:53,611
I got a running hat.
179
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:54,779
A running hat?
180
00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,414
Guy said
it was a running hat.
181
00:05:56,448 --> 00:05:57,681
Looks like
a baseball hat.
182
00:05:57,714 --> 00:05:59,417
- It's a running hat.
- Okay.
183
00:05:59,450 --> 00:06:01,719
I don't know, Marc.
Going cold turkey seems crazy.
184
00:06:01,753 --> 00:06:03,421
You're about to
shoot a pilot.
185
00:06:03,455 --> 00:06:06,858
Is this really the best time
to make these drastic changes?
186
00:06:06,890 --> 00:06:09,361
I've quit alcohol.
I've quit cocaine.
187
00:06:09,394 --> 00:06:11,396
I know what I'm doing,
okay?
188
00:06:11,428 --> 00:06:13,731
What have you given up lately,
besides grooming?
189
00:06:14,564 --> 00:06:16,000
I have product
in my hair.
190
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:19,704
Wait, so, then,
what's with all the junk food?
191
00:06:19,736 --> 00:06:22,073
I'm going out
with a bang, man.
192
00:06:22,106 --> 00:06:25,811
I'm gonna make one last
glorious, heart-clogging meal.
193
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:28,246
Not exactly how
Richard Simmons would do it.
194
00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:30,649
But since we are
on the subject of change,
195
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,783
I was wondering
if you could make me
196
00:06:32,816 --> 00:06:35,253
an associate producer
on your pilot, please.
197
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,623
Do you even know
what an associate producer does?
198
00:06:38,655 --> 00:06:40,391
Yeah, it's basically
what I've been doing
199
00:06:40,424 --> 00:06:41,759
for the last two years...
200
00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,594
you know, help with the show,
do research.
201
00:06:43,628 --> 00:06:45,630
Yeah, you don't really...
do that.
202
00:06:45,662 --> 00:06:46,764
I do.
203
00:06:46,798 --> 00:06:47,999
...ish.
204
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,668
Not really.
205
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,936
Okay, but it's just
office work,
206
00:06:51,969 --> 00:06:54,472
and it would be
a great credit for me.
207
00:06:54,505 --> 00:06:56,140
And I think
I've earned it.
208
00:06:56,174 --> 00:06:57,775
Oh, you do, huh?
209
00:06:57,808 --> 00:06:59,445
Yeah.
210
00:07:01,044 --> 00:07:02,780
All right, well...
211
00:07:02,813 --> 00:07:04,282
I'll talk
to the producer.
212
00:07:04,315 --> 00:07:05,916
Thank you, thank you,
thank you!
213
00:07:05,950 --> 00:07:08,320
All right, no bowing!
Nothing happens if you bow.
214
00:07:08,352 --> 00:07:10,455
Let's bring it up.
Bring it up. Bring it up.
215
00:07:11,955 --> 00:07:14,825
I feel like I'm with Belushi
at the Chateau Marmont.
216
00:07:14,859 --> 00:07:16,861
I'm tweeting this, man.
217
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,698
I got to say, if you're trying
to get into shape,
218
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,933
don't think
this is the right move.
219
00:07:21,965 --> 00:07:23,501
Okay,
you can leave now.
220
00:07:23,534 --> 00:07:24,936
Good.
221
00:07:24,969 --> 00:07:27,339
I'm not gonna watch you
do this to yourself.
222
00:07:27,371 --> 00:07:29,039
You know,
this is exactly why
223
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:30,942
I walked out
of "Gilbert Grape."
224
00:07:30,974 --> 00:07:32,643
Okay. Goodbye.
225
00:07:32,676 --> 00:07:34,212
[sighs]
226
00:08:13,851 --> 00:08:16,255
[breathing heavily]
227
00:08:27,864 --> 00:08:29,833
[exhales deeply]
228
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,324
- Hey, Punk.
- Hey.
229
00:08:42,357 --> 00:08:44,326
Thanks for helping me out, man.
I really appreciate it.
230
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,194
Don't mention it.
Anything for you.
231
00:08:46,227 --> 00:08:47,728
Besides, you know,
232
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,699
I'm training for MMA every day,
so it works out.
233
00:08:50,732 --> 00:08:53,568
MMA, man. Now you really got to
work your ass off, right?
234
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:55,570
You know,
it's not all that different
235
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:57,204
from training
for wrestling.
236
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:59,473
Oh, I can think
of a pretty big difference.
237
00:08:59,506 --> 00:09:01,008
I mean,
wrestling's fake.
238
00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:06,413
Okay, are we gonna
have a problem?
239
00:09:06,447 --> 00:09:08,750
'Cause I'm sensing a little bit
of attitude right off the bat.
240
00:09:08,782 --> 00:09:11,185
No, no, man.
I-I was just talking.
241
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,186
Okay, I-I know.
I get it.
242
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,654
Okay, listen, all right,
243
00:09:13,688 --> 00:09:15,256
we're gonna focus
on you now, okay?
244
00:09:15,290 --> 00:09:17,092
I'm gonna push you harder
than you've ever been pushed
245
00:09:17,125 --> 00:09:18,260
in your entire life,
all right?
246
00:09:18,293 --> 00:09:19,895
Yeah.
247
00:09:19,928 --> 00:09:22,397
Okay. We're gonna start off
with something simple.
248
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:24,266
Just do
some dumbbell military press
249
00:09:24,299 --> 00:09:25,833
into negative
hammer curls.
250
00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:27,468
All right.
Sounds perfect.
251
00:09:28,272 --> 00:09:29,503
[grunts]
252
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:30,838
Yeah!
253
00:09:30,872 --> 00:09:31,839
[chuckles]
254
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:32,840
What?
255
00:09:32,873 --> 00:09:34,242
Come on. 15s?
256
00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:35,776
Are you gonna
take this seriously,
257
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,279
or are you
just toning your arms
258
00:09:37,311 --> 00:09:39,213
to fit into a dress
for your PTA fundraiser?
259
00:09:39,247 --> 00:09:40,615
All right,
you know, Punk,
260
00:09:40,647 --> 00:09:43,017
if you want me
to lift something heavier,
261
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:44,419
just say,
"Lift something heavier."
262
00:09:44,452 --> 00:09:45,854
- All right. Calm down.
- I'm all right.
263
00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:47,289
I want you
to lift something heavier.
264
00:09:47,322 --> 00:09:48,456
All right,
how about these?
265
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:49,891
How about
something heavier?
266
00:09:49,924 --> 00:09:50,891
Fine.
267
00:09:50,925 --> 00:09:52,193
Ohh, God.
268
00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:53,395
Okay, we'll start there.
We'll work up.
269
00:09:53,428 --> 00:09:54,529
- All right.
- All right.
270
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:56,630
Aren't push-ups
a little low-tech?
271
00:09:56,664 --> 00:09:58,366
Not if
you do them right.
272
00:09:58,399 --> 00:10:00,268
It works out
your entire body.
273
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,586
Besides,
you never know
274
00:10:01,621 --> 00:10:03,524
when somebody's gonna
fake-punch you in the chest
275
00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,807
or fake-punch you
in the stomach.
276
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,245
All right, all right.
All right, I get it.
277
00:10:11,279 --> 00:10:14,115
What are the ones called
where you use your knees?
278
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,115
[sighs]
279
00:10:15,149 --> 00:10:16,885
Girl push-ups.
280
00:10:16,918 --> 00:10:18,119
I think
I need some water.
281
00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,621
I'm getting
a withdrawal headache.
282
00:10:19,654 --> 00:10:21,756
- Push through it.
- Oh, no.
283
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,824
- [groans]
- Push through it.
284
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,227
I'm taking control of my life.
You can take control of yours.
285
00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:28,163
- Take control!
- All right! I'm taking!
286
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,163
I'm taking!
287
00:10:29,197 --> 00:10:30,498
[groans]
288
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:32,300
You know,
it's okay if you throw up.
289
00:10:32,335 --> 00:10:33,298
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
290
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,636
- On... on you?
- No.
291
00:10:34,669 --> 00:10:36,004
Throw up that way.
292
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,006
Hey, you know what...
you're going through
293
00:10:38,039 --> 00:10:39,174
- some withdrawal, right?
- Yeah.
294
00:10:39,207 --> 00:10:40,442
- Yeah, no caffeine?
- Yeah.
295
00:10:40,474 --> 00:10:41,475
- No nicotine?
- Right.
296
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:42,810
- Okay, so use it.
- Okay.
297
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,146
- Give me a good one-two.
- Okay.
298
00:10:44,848 --> 00:10:46,848
- I said "good." Give me a good one-two.
- All right! All right! All right!
299
00:10:46,881 --> 00:10:48,183
- So get angry!
- All right!
300
00:10:48,216 --> 00:10:49,650
Aah! God!
301
00:10:49,684 --> 00:10:51,285
Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit!
302
00:10:51,319 --> 00:10:54,088
Goddamn shit!
Shit! Shit!
303
00:10:54,122 --> 00:10:55,457
Unh!
304
00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:56,992
Okay, we'll work on
everything else, but...
305
00:10:57,025 --> 00:10:58,525
- What?
- ...it was a good... good effort.
306
00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:00,328
Okay.
307
00:11:00,361 --> 00:11:02,997
I wonder if you have
toxoplasmosis, though.
308
00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:04,531
Toxoplasmosis?
309
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:06,633
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you live
with like six dozen cats.
310
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:09,269
It's in their shit, it's supposed to be
really awful for pregnant women,
311
00:11:09,303 --> 00:11:11,306
which would explain a lot
about what's going on with you.
312
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,506
- Oh, would it?
- Yeah.
313
00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:14,309
Hey, come on.
Hey, what...
314
00:11:14,342 --> 00:11:16,477
Get angry, Marc!
Get mad! Come on!
315
00:11:16,511 --> 00:11:17,478
[grunting]
316
00:11:18,058 --> 00:11:20,207
Oh, my God, folks.
317
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,842
Not feeling great.
318
00:11:21,875 --> 00:11:24,511
About four days off
the caffeine and the nicotine.
319
00:11:24,544 --> 00:11:27,014
No coffee.
No nicotine lozenges.
320
00:11:27,048 --> 00:11:29,650
And my cells...
every cell in my body
321
00:11:29,683 --> 00:11:32,353
is wondering
what the hell is going on.
322
00:11:32,386 --> 00:11:33,887
My cells are like,
323
00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:35,956
[gravelly voice]
"Hey, man, what's happening?
324
00:11:35,990 --> 00:11:37,359
Give us some juice.
Come on.
325
00:11:37,392 --> 00:11:39,027
Give us some juice.
What are you doing?"
326
00:11:39,059 --> 00:11:40,394
[normal voice] That was
the leader of my cells,
327
00:11:40,427 --> 00:11:42,029
who will speak through me
occasionally.
328
00:11:42,062 --> 00:11:43,697
I don't have complete control
over that.
329
00:11:43,730 --> 00:11:45,232
Though we do have
a great show today...
330
00:11:45,265 --> 00:11:46,834
[gravelly voice]
Oh, you asshole!
331
00:11:46,868 --> 00:11:50,238
Don't screw with us!
Come on! Just give us some!
332
00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:52,039
If you don't...
look, we're united on this.
333
00:11:52,072 --> 00:11:53,908
Every cell in your body,
including your brain,
334
00:11:53,941 --> 00:11:55,509
is willing to make you
just a vessel.
335
00:11:55,543 --> 00:11:57,578
We're just gonna aggravate you
to the point
336
00:11:57,611 --> 00:11:59,646
where we're just gonna use you
as a vessel
337
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:01,649
to upset
the people that love you.
338
00:12:01,682 --> 00:12:03,485
[normal voice]
Today on the show,
339
00:12:03,518 --> 00:12:05,220
Paul Thomas Anderson joins us...
340
00:12:05,253 --> 00:12:06,588
[gravelly voice] A half.
Can we just have a half?
341
00:12:06,620 --> 00:12:07,855
[normal voice] Okay.
342
00:12:07,889 --> 00:12:09,423
So, on the show,
as I said before...
343
00:12:09,456 --> 00:12:11,326
[whimpering]
Come on, man.
344
00:12:11,359 --> 00:12:13,328
Just give us a little taste.
345
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,062
[normal voice]
Oh, this is sad now.
346
00:12:15,096 --> 00:12:16,597
It's just sad.
347
00:12:18,566 --> 00:12:20,033
Supplies!
348
00:12:20,067 --> 00:12:22,669
Oh, God, I hope you're
referring to that grocery bag
349
00:12:22,702 --> 00:12:25,240
and not indulging in
the world's oldest Asian joke.
350
00:12:25,273 --> 00:12:27,942
[Asian accent]
Ah. So sorry.
351
00:12:27,975 --> 00:12:31,513
Faithful companion
bring dishonor to household.
352
00:12:31,546 --> 00:12:32,714
Mm.
353
00:12:32,746 --> 00:12:34,281
[normal voice]
Toxoplasmosis?
354
00:12:34,315 --> 00:12:36,618
- Aw, shut up.
- O-kay.
355
00:12:36,650 --> 00:12:37,918
Well,
here is something
356
00:12:37,951 --> 00:12:40,388
that will bring a smile
to your face.
357
00:12:40,421 --> 00:12:42,557
This article says
your talk show
358
00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:45,259
"has the potential
to be a watershed moment
359
00:12:45,293 --> 00:12:47,796
in the history
of streaming television."
360
00:12:47,828 --> 00:12:49,763
What?
361
00:12:49,797 --> 00:12:51,231
I got two more copies...
362
00:12:51,264 --> 00:12:53,100
one for your mom
and one for my mom.
363
00:12:53,134 --> 00:12:54,969
Shit. That was
just some stupid pilot.
364
00:12:55,001 --> 00:12:56,804
It was supposed to be
under the radar.
365
00:12:56,837 --> 00:12:59,139
Now there's gonna be
all these expectations on it?
366
00:12:59,173 --> 00:13:00,875
[groaning]
Oh, my God.
367
00:13:00,908 --> 00:13:01,975
I hate my body.
368
00:13:02,009 --> 00:13:03,478
Whoa.
Are you okay?
369
00:13:03,510 --> 00:13:05,379
No, I'm sore as hell.
370
00:13:05,413 --> 00:13:08,615
Okay, then I guess this isn't
the perfect time to ask,
371
00:13:08,649 --> 00:13:11,919
but is there any update about me
becoming an associate producer?
372
00:13:11,952 --> 00:13:14,121
- What?
- You said you were gonna ask.
373
00:13:14,926 --> 00:13:17,724
Oh. Yeah.
Yeah, I asked.
374
00:13:17,758 --> 00:13:19,761
Oh, great.
So... any update?
375
00:13:19,793 --> 00:13:21,261
Do you really think this is
the right time to talk about this?
376
00:13:21,294 --> 00:13:22,764
Do you know
the pain I'm in?
377
00:13:22,797 --> 00:13:25,133
I mean, Punk is screwing
with me. The guy's a sadist.
378
00:13:25,166 --> 00:13:26,600
Whoa, you're talking
about the man
379
00:13:26,634 --> 00:13:28,068
who's all over
my bedsheets, okay?
380
00:13:28,101 --> 00:13:29,403
You get more odd
381
00:13:29,437 --> 00:13:30,938
every time something
comes out of your mouth.
382
00:13:30,971 --> 00:13:33,140
I think I'm done with this.
I'm gonna call him.
383
00:13:33,173 --> 00:13:35,442
Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why don't you let me do that?
384
00:13:35,475 --> 00:13:36,644
You?
385
00:13:36,677 --> 00:13:37,946
Yeah, you're in a...
386
00:13:37,979 --> 00:13:39,913
not-so-good space
with the detox,
387
00:13:39,947 --> 00:13:42,417
and this is what
an associate producer does.
388
00:13:42,450 --> 00:13:44,085
Let me show you
I can do it.
389
00:13:44,118 --> 00:13:45,086
Look.
390
00:13:45,119 --> 00:13:46,754
So, I can...
391
00:13:46,787 --> 00:13:49,423
open your phone
with the passcode,
392
00:13:49,456 --> 00:13:50,758
know how to access
your contacts.
393
00:13:50,791 --> 00:13:51,860
You should really
merge some of these...
394
00:13:51,893 --> 00:13:53,127
All right, all right.
Just call.
395
00:13:53,159 --> 00:13:54,528
Okay, okay.
I'm doing it.
396
00:13:56,029 --> 00:13:57,531
[clears throat]
397
00:13:57,565 --> 00:13:59,167
Hello?
398
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,201
Ah.
Uh, is this Mr. Punk?
399
00:14:01,235 --> 00:14:03,770
[chuckles]
Awesome.
400
00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:04,838
[chuckles]
401
00:14:04,871 --> 00:14:06,440
Y... uh, so, uh...
402
00:14:06,474 --> 00:14:09,377
this is... this is Kyle
from Marc Maron's talk show,
403
00:14:09,409 --> 00:14:10,879
and I'm calling
404
00:14:10,912 --> 00:14:13,615
because we're going over
the production schedule,
405
00:14:13,648 --> 00:14:16,651
and, regretfully,
I'm not able to find the ti...
406
00:14:16,683 --> 00:14:19,520
You're screwing with me,
and I'm done with it!
407
00:14:19,553 --> 00:14:21,021
Where's this coming from,
Marc?
408
00:14:21,054 --> 00:14:23,557
You were starting to make
a little bit of progress.
409
00:14:23,591 --> 00:14:25,293
No. This is bullshit.
410
00:14:25,326 --> 00:14:27,361
I don't know
why you're toying with me.
411
00:14:27,394 --> 00:14:29,129
I don't know
what your issue is.
412
00:14:29,163 --> 00:14:32,066
Maybe you're mad because
you screwed your life up!
413
00:14:32,099 --> 00:14:33,735
Dude, I'm completely...
414
00:14:33,768 --> 00:14:36,671
[grunts] ...at peace
with where I'm at right now.
415
00:14:36,703 --> 00:14:38,839
Yeah,
because you snapped.
416
00:14:38,873 --> 00:14:42,877
Vince McMahon was right
to fire you on your wedding day.
417
00:14:42,909 --> 00:14:43,877
[chuckles]
418
00:14:43,910 --> 00:14:45,345
Okay, you're going through
419
00:14:45,379 --> 00:14:47,315
some serious withdrawal issues
right now, Marc.
420
00:14:47,347 --> 00:14:48,582
I'm gonna need you
to calm down.
421
00:14:48,615 --> 00:14:50,418
No!
I'm not gonna calm down!
422
00:14:50,451 --> 00:14:52,521
You calm down!
423
00:14:54,455 --> 00:14:56,724
Happy? Marc,
I was handling that.
424
00:14:56,756 --> 00:14:58,158
Not very well!
425
00:14:58,192 --> 00:15:00,227
I had to step in, pal!
426
00:15:00,260 --> 00:15:01,428
Whoa.
Where are you going?
427
00:15:01,461 --> 00:15:02,529
Out!
428
00:15:02,562 --> 00:15:04,532
Unh-unh.
Not a good idea.
429
00:15:04,565 --> 00:15:06,000
Marc,
as an associate producer,
430
00:15:06,033 --> 00:15:07,936
part of my skill set
is handling the talent,
431
00:15:07,969 --> 00:15:09,871
and right now
I am not going to allow you...
432
00:15:09,903 --> 00:15:11,038
Ow!
433
00:15:11,072 --> 00:15:12,774
Those training sessions
are working.
434
00:15:14,975 --> 00:15:17,378
[grunts] There he is...
the mighty C.M. Punk.
435
00:15:17,410 --> 00:15:18,912
You think
you're a bigger man than me?
436
00:15:18,946 --> 00:15:20,447
You're not
a bigger man than me, Punk.
437
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,549
Dude, this can wait, okay?
I'm about to train.
438
00:15:22,582 --> 00:15:25,086
Yeah, oh, that's right...
for your precious MMA debut,
439
00:15:25,119 --> 00:15:26,553
where you finally
stop pretending
440
00:15:26,586 --> 00:15:28,288
and start fighting
like a real tough guy.
441
00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:29,756
Yeah, o-okay,
look, everybody,
442
00:15:29,789 --> 00:15:31,592
if you don't know,
funnyman Marc Maron.
443
00:15:31,627 --> 00:15:33,226
Let's give him
a round of applause.
444
00:15:33,259 --> 00:15:34,528
He just gave up
nicotine.
445
00:15:34,562 --> 00:15:35,930
What else? Caffeine.
446
00:15:35,962 --> 00:15:37,698
And trust me, pal,
447
00:15:37,731 --> 00:15:39,433
the poison will be out of
your system soon enough, okay?
448
00:15:39,466 --> 00:15:41,034
Right now,
you just need to calm down.
449
00:15:41,067 --> 00:15:42,769
Yeah, yeah, don't give me
your straight-edge bullshit.
450
00:15:42,802 --> 00:15:44,205
I know who you are, Punk.
451
00:15:44,238 --> 00:15:46,107
Oh, really? Tell me.
Tell me who I am, Marc.
452
00:15:46,139 --> 00:15:48,208
You're this guy
making a big career change,
453
00:15:48,241 --> 00:15:50,444
and you're scared shitless
because if you fail,
454
00:15:50,477 --> 00:15:52,279
the whole world's
gonna be watching.
455
00:15:52,312 --> 00:15:53,648
You can't hide it.
456
00:15:53,681 --> 00:15:55,550
And everyone will know
you're a failure, Punk.
457
00:15:55,582 --> 00:15:57,150
Yeah, just like
everybody here knows
458
00:15:57,183 --> 00:15:59,219
you're just going through
withdrawal right now.
459
00:15:59,253 --> 00:16:01,389
Let me get you
a glass of water.
460
00:16:01,422 --> 00:16:02,490
Oh, I get it now.
461
00:16:02,523 --> 00:16:04,459
What?
What do you get, Marc?
462
00:16:04,491 --> 00:16:05,793
My assistant
always wondered
463
00:16:05,826 --> 00:16:07,495
why you never headlined
"Wrestlemania."
464
00:16:07,528 --> 00:16:09,263
It's 'cause you didn't have
the stuff, did you, Punk?
465
00:16:09,296 --> 00:16:11,466
You don't have it now, either,
do you?
466
00:16:11,915 --> 00:16:13,834
You know what...
you just crossed the line.
467
00:16:13,868 --> 00:16:16,471
Oh, really? Spare me the
drama-queen bullshit, all right?
468
00:16:18,806 --> 00:16:20,543
This is
for your own good.
469
00:16:20,578 --> 00:16:21,130
- When you wake up,
- [strained] Come on.
470
00:16:21,165 --> 00:16:22,744
you can feel
like a new man.
471
00:16:22,777 --> 00:16:24,579
Come on, I'm not...
I'm not even tired.
472
00:16:24,611 --> 00:16:25,812
Go to sleep.
Go to sleep, Princess.
473
00:16:25,846 --> 00:16:27,280
- Ohh!
- Go to sleep.
474
00:16:27,313 --> 00:16:28,982
- Go to sleep. Go to sleep.
- [grunts, chokes]
475
00:16:29,015 --> 00:16:30,250
Go to sleep.
Go to sleep.
476
00:16:30,283 --> 00:16:32,319
There you go.
477
00:17:06,055 --> 00:17:07,858
[sighs] Hey.
478
00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:10,261
Hey.
479
00:17:14,932 --> 00:17:16,733
[groans]
480
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:18,937
Here's the hard part.
481
00:17:22,306 --> 00:17:23,808
[grunts]
482
00:17:24,942 --> 00:17:27,212
You've had a long day,
buddy.
483
00:17:34,984 --> 00:17:36,453
Hey.
484
00:17:36,486 --> 00:17:38,421
Good morning, Marc.
485
00:17:38,454 --> 00:17:41,224
That sit-down with Punk
didn't go so well.
486
00:17:41,258 --> 00:17:43,794
Yeah, he choked you out
in his gym.
487
00:17:43,827 --> 00:17:45,463
Yeah.
How do you know that?
488
00:17:45,495 --> 00:17:48,531
YouTube. It's got 40,000 hits.
Probably a lot more to come.
489
00:17:48,565 --> 00:17:50,701
Oh, shit.
490
00:17:50,733 --> 00:17:52,435
Really?
491
00:17:52,469 --> 00:17:53,537
Wow.
492
00:17:53,569 --> 00:17:54,905
I guess
I had it coming.
493
00:17:54,937 --> 00:17:56,773
I mean, I-I was
sort of a dick to him.
494
00:17:57,974 --> 00:18:01,244
Anyone else
you were a dick to, Marc?
495
00:18:01,278 --> 00:18:02,880
Uh...
496
00:18:02,913 --> 00:18:05,616
Me, Marc?
You were a dick to me?
497
00:18:05,648 --> 00:18:06,916
Well, yeah.
498
00:18:06,950 --> 00:18:08,219
Wait. When?
499
00:18:08,251 --> 00:18:11,155
I spoke with Terrence
from your show.
500
00:18:11,187 --> 00:18:12,723
According to him,
501
00:18:12,755 --> 00:18:15,225
you never even mentioned
making me associate producer.
502
00:18:15,259 --> 00:18:17,728
Oh, shit.
Yeah, I got to do that, man.
503
00:18:17,761 --> 00:18:19,763
You told me
you already did, Marc.
504
00:18:19,797 --> 00:18:20,964
I did?
505
00:18:20,998 --> 00:18:22,433
You know what, Marc?
506
00:18:22,465 --> 00:18:24,635
I don't think
you ever had any intention
507
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,270
of helping me
get that job.
508
00:18:26,302 --> 00:18:28,539
I think you were just hoping
the whole thing would go away.
509
00:18:29,839 --> 00:18:30,840
No.
510
00:18:30,874 --> 00:18:32,309
That is so messed up,
Marc!
511
00:18:32,342 --> 00:18:34,744
I've been working my ass off
for you for two years!
512
00:18:34,778 --> 00:18:36,012
Oh, really?
Your ass off?
513
00:18:36,046 --> 00:18:37,615
Three hours a day?
Your ass off?
514
00:18:39,183 --> 00:18:40,417
Do you respect me, Marc?
515
00:18:40,451 --> 00:18:43,587
Sure, man.
I got respect for you.
516
00:18:43,619 --> 00:18:47,024
You've got... your thing,
and... I get it.
517
00:18:48,125 --> 00:18:50,294
That's seriously the best
you can say about me?
518
00:18:50,327 --> 00:18:51,828
I've got my thing?
519
00:18:51,861 --> 00:18:53,330
Well, give me some time.
520
00:18:53,364 --> 00:18:55,299
Maybe I'll come up
with something else, Kyle.
521
00:18:55,331 --> 00:18:56,633
You know what...
don't bother.
522
00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:58,168
I think it's time
for me to move on.
523
00:18:58,202 --> 00:18:59,837
Oh, really? You're just
gonna quit on me now?
524
00:18:59,869 --> 00:19:01,371
I should.
525
00:19:01,405 --> 00:19:04,341
I won't, because I'm not a dick,
like you.
526
00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:10,481
I get that you're under
a lot of pressure right now,
527
00:19:10,513 --> 00:19:13,983
which is why I'm not bailing...
because I'm a professional...
528
00:19:14,017 --> 00:19:15,653
but the minute
the pilot wraps,
529
00:19:15,685 --> 00:19:17,655
you can find yourself
a new whipping boy.
530
00:19:17,687 --> 00:19:20,623
Oh, come on, man!
I'm in withdrawal, all right?
531
00:19:20,656 --> 00:19:23,093
Why can't you just
cut me some slack?
532
00:19:24,328 --> 00:19:26,564
Your chalupa's
on the counter.
533
00:19:26,597 --> 00:19:29,767
I thought
we were friends, man!
534
00:19:32,770 --> 00:19:34,439
Shit.
535
00:19:36,372 --> 00:19:38,939
[exhales sharply]
536
00:19:40,844 --> 00:19:41,979
Oh! Ow!
537
00:19:42,011 --> 00:19:44,048
Are... are you kidding me?
538
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,050
That didn't happen.
539
00:19:46,082 --> 00:19:47,751
Ow!
540
00:19:48,929 --> 00:19:51,254
Shit!
541
00:19:51,288 --> 00:19:53,190
Solid shirt
with a tweed jacket.
542
00:19:53,223 --> 00:19:55,326
[singsong voice]
This is gonna look great.
543
00:19:55,358 --> 00:19:57,994
Ow, ow, ow!
Just... just slow. Just go slow.
544
00:19:58,028 --> 00:19:59,864
Okay. Sorry.
It still hurts?
545
00:19:59,896 --> 00:20:02,198
Yeah, I can't...
I can't move.
546
00:20:02,232 --> 00:20:03,734
[groaning]
Ohh, man.
547
00:20:04,701 --> 00:20:06,530
Hey, Marc,
this is Dr. Morris.
548
00:20:06,565 --> 00:20:07,838
He's gonna
take a look at you.
549
00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:09,858
[sighs]
Studio doctor, huh?
550
00:20:09,893 --> 00:20:11,775
Couldn't get a job
on a cruise ship?
551
00:20:13,476 --> 00:20:14,677
What's the problem?
552
00:20:14,711 --> 00:20:16,447
Hurt my back exercising,
553
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:18,082
I'm in a lot of pain.
554
00:20:18,115 --> 00:20:19,916
I could give you
ibuprofen.
555
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,585
I took ibuprofen,
all right?
556
00:20:21,617 --> 00:20:23,588
This is serious.
I can't move, man.
557
00:20:24,887 --> 00:20:27,891
Well, look, I'm gonna
write you a prescription
558
00:20:27,925 --> 00:20:29,592
for painkillers.
559
00:20:29,626 --> 00:20:31,261
Oh, man!
560
00:20:33,638 --> 00:20:35,232
Oxycontin?
561
00:20:35,264 --> 00:20:37,300
I'm a recovering
drug addict.
562
00:20:38,141 --> 00:20:39,703
Ibuprofen it is.
563
00:20:39,735 --> 00:20:42,439
Wait.
I'm very recovered.
564
00:20:42,473 --> 00:20:43,941
I'm in a lot of pain.
565
00:20:43,973 --> 00:20:45,443
This is legitimate.
566
00:20:46,253 --> 00:20:48,744
Be responsible.
Take them only as prescribed.
567
00:20:48,779 --> 00:20:50,681
Here's a sample.
568
00:20:52,348 --> 00:20:54,885
I quit
before these existed.
569
00:20:54,917 --> 00:20:57,454
It's like a freebie,
you know? [chuckles]
570
00:20:58,335 --> 00:20:59,390
Responsible.
571
00:20:59,423 --> 00:21:01,192
Right. Yeah.
I got it.
572
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,434
What?
573
00:21:10,466 --> 00:21:12,435
Take it easy.
They don't work that quick.
574
00:21:12,469 --> 00:21:14,972
[inhales sharply]
Ohh.
575
00:21:15,004 --> 00:21:16,040
Mm-hmm.
576
00:21:16,074 --> 00:21:24,320
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
577
00:21:24,370 --> 00:21:28,920
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41976
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