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1
00:00:00,449 --> 00:00:02,917
Thanks, buddy.
2
00:00:02,951 --> 00:00:05,286
Oh, what do we got?
What do we got?
3
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,588
Got a box, buddy.
4
00:00:07,623 --> 00:00:09,891
Is it vinyl?
Think it's too light for vinyl.
5
00:00:09,925 --> 00:00:13,060
Maybe a tube amp.
Is that possible?
6
00:00:13,095 --> 00:00:14,929
Watch your face.
Watch your head.
7
00:00:14,963 --> 00:00:17,398
Watch your ears. Watch your paw.
Got a knife her...
8
00:00:17,432 --> 00:00:20,101
No, that was too close,
my friend.
9
00:00:21,570 --> 00:00:23,404
What the hell?
10
00:00:25,941 --> 00:00:28,075
Double cheese noodle? What?
11
00:00:29,611 --> 00:00:31,179
Tennis balls.
12
00:00:32,347 --> 00:00:34,749
What is... Medicine?
13
00:00:34,783 --> 00:00:36,617
Pickles?
14
00:00:38,987 --> 00:00:40,421
"Marc, hope you enjoy
15
00:00:40,455 --> 00:00:42,924
this special gift box
from Steel-Johnson,
16
00:00:42,958 --> 00:00:45,726
the makers of almost everything.
17
00:00:45,761 --> 00:00:49,130
Steel-Johnson.
We're already inside you."
18
00:00:49,164 --> 00:00:50,398
What?
19
00:00:50,432 --> 00:00:51,966
Oh, look.
20
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,234
[toy squeaks]
21
00:00:53,268 --> 00:00:54,468
Here, unwrap it.
22
00:00:54,503 --> 00:00:55,770
That's part of the fun.
23
00:00:55,804 --> 00:00:58,472
["The Poisoned Well" plays]
24
00:01:00,475 --> 00:01:02,944
Won't fall for it
25
00:01:02,978 --> 00:01:05,613
You can't see
26
00:01:05,647 --> 00:01:08,115
And you can't tell
27
00:01:08,150 --> 00:01:12,787
I just can't drink
from the poisoned well
28
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:16,757
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
29
00:01:16,792 --> 00:01:17,992
Yeah, what's up?
30
00:01:18,026 --> 00:01:19,527
JOSH: Hey, bro!
31
00:01:19,561 --> 00:01:21,796
Did you get
the awesome swag box?
32
00:01:21,830 --> 00:01:24,966
Yeah, I got a box
from Steel-Johnson?
33
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,834
That's where I work now.
34
00:01:26,868 --> 00:01:28,603
I was tracking the package.
35
00:01:28,637 --> 00:01:31,806
I got pretty excited when I saw
that it had been delivered.
36
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,775
Yeah, it's a big box
of things.
37
00:01:34,810 --> 00:01:36,143
Right?!
38
00:01:36,178 --> 00:01:37,878
I swear, it seems like
we make everything.
39
00:01:37,913 --> 00:01:39,714
Yeah, it does.
40
00:01:39,748 --> 00:01:42,216
It's, uh, completely unfocused,
which is good for a company.
41
00:01:42,251 --> 00:01:43,718
Did you see the canburger?
42
00:01:43,752 --> 00:01:47,288
Uh, no, thankfully,
I did not see that.
43
00:01:47,322 --> 00:01:49,957
Oh, wait, here it is.
I got it.
44
00:01:49,992 --> 00:01:52,159
Wow.
So, this is a thing, huh?
45
00:01:52,194 --> 00:01:53,628
Great, huh?
46
00:01:53,662 --> 00:01:55,663
The company is having a retreat
to, you know,
47
00:01:55,697 --> 00:01:57,665
get the troops fired up
about the canburger,
48
00:01:57,699 --> 00:01:59,200
and I, uh...
49
00:01:59,234 --> 00:02:01,502
Well, I happened
to mention you're my brother,
50
00:02:01,536 --> 00:02:03,070
and my boss flipped.
51
00:02:03,105 --> 00:02:04,338
He's a big fan.
52
00:02:04,373 --> 00:02:06,073
Steel-Johnson is?
53
00:02:06,108 --> 00:02:07,341
No, that's not a guy.
54
00:02:07,376 --> 00:02:09,010
That's just the name
of the company.
55
00:02:09,044 --> 00:02:10,678
Oh, it's pretty hilarious,
right?
56
00:02:10,712 --> 00:02:11,912
"Steel Johnson."
57
00:02:11,947 --> 00:02:13,080
Wh... I don't know
what you mean.
58
00:02:14,049 --> 00:02:15,816
Really?
Steel Johnson... nothing?
59
00:02:15,851 --> 00:02:17,418
Steel Johnson.
60
00:02:17,452 --> 00:02:20,087
Anyway, uh, they want me
to extend to you an offer
61
00:02:20,122 --> 00:02:22,590
to host an interview panel
at the retreat.
62
00:02:22,624 --> 00:02:25,559
It pays a shit ton, man.
How nuts is that?
63
00:02:25,594 --> 00:02:29,764
Yeah, man, uh, corporate gigs
are really not my thing.
64
00:02:29,798 --> 00:02:32,500
Uh, you know,
congrats on the job, though.
65
00:02:32,534 --> 00:02:34,502
Not... not your thing?
Wh...
66
00:02:34,536 --> 00:02:35,770
it's 100 grand.
67
00:02:36,972 --> 00:02:39,940
- 100 grand?
- Yeah.
68
00:02:39,975 --> 00:02:41,409
Can I think about it?
69
00:02:41,443 --> 00:02:43,544
O... okay.
70
00:02:43,578 --> 00:02:44,845
I'll call you
in a couple of days.
71
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,247
Okay, buddy.
72
00:03:02,731 --> 00:03:04,065
No.
73
00:03:06,568 --> 00:03:08,569
MARC:
Ugh. Leave it outside.
74
00:03:08,603 --> 00:03:10,071
What the hell is this?
75
00:03:10,105 --> 00:03:13,074
My brother works
for Steel-Johnson now.
76
00:03:13,108 --> 00:03:14,542
What, your brother,
the screw-up?
77
00:03:14,576 --> 00:03:16,477
Oh, take it easy, all right?
He's doing better.
78
00:03:16,511 --> 00:03:18,112
Granted, he's no you,
79
00:03:18,146 --> 00:03:22,083
living on $7,000 a year
and a lifetime supply of bile.
80
00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:24,318
You say that
like it's not impressive.
81
00:03:24,353 --> 00:03:27,154
Look, he just sent me
this box of what he calls swag.
82
00:03:27,189 --> 00:03:29,090
It seems like
it's garbage to me.
83
00:03:29,124 --> 00:03:32,560
"Steel-Johnson
we're already inside you."
84
00:03:32,594 --> 00:03:33,928
That seems like a threat.
85
00:03:33,962 --> 00:03:35,329
I actually think
it's a statement of fact.
86
00:03:35,364 --> 00:03:36,664
I mean,
they make everything.
87
00:03:36,698 --> 00:03:39,400
They make shaving cream
to... to cancer.
88
00:03:39,434 --> 00:03:41,235
I think they make cancer.
89
00:03:41,269 --> 00:03:43,104
You know what?
Screw Steel-Johnson.
90
00:03:43,138 --> 00:03:44,839
These guys are monsters.
91
00:03:44,873 --> 00:03:46,340
I can't believe
your brother works there.
92
00:03:46,375 --> 00:03:49,643
Look, I'm just happy
he's working somewhere.
93
00:03:49,678 --> 00:03:52,580
They offered me
a... a corporate gig, too.
94
00:03:52,614 --> 00:03:53,859
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
95
00:03:53,894 --> 00:03:54,493
How much?
96
00:03:54,528 --> 00:03:56,250
I don't know. We didn't
really talk numbers yet.
97
00:03:56,285 --> 00:03:58,953
Wh-What could you possibly have
to talk to those people about?
98
00:03:58,987 --> 00:04:00,588
How they're turning
their workers
99
00:04:00,622 --> 00:04:03,691
into these skill-less,
interchangeable cogs?
100
00:04:03,725 --> 00:04:05,493
Do you even know
what those bastards do?
101
00:04:05,527 --> 00:04:07,661
Other than make, uh,
pack o' meaty noodles?
102
00:04:07,696 --> 00:04:10,030
No, not really.
[laughs]
103
00:04:10,065 --> 00:04:11,465
Look, they don't give
104
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:13,334
their factory workers
health insurance.
105
00:04:13,368 --> 00:04:16,771
They are killing people
with E. coli-tainted meat.
106
00:04:16,805 --> 00:04:18,506
They don't pay their workers
enough,
107
00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:20,040
so they're getting
food stamps.
108
00:04:20,075 --> 00:04:22,176
They use
African child slave labor.
109
00:04:22,210 --> 00:04:23,880
They're slashing pensions.
110
00:04:23,915 --> 00:04:25,812
They're dumping toxic waste
into our rivers.
111
00:04:25,847 --> 00:04:26,647
O-Okay, all right.
112
00:04:26,681 --> 00:04:28,549
- Dave, I get it. They're bad.
- Yeah.
113
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:30,985
Th-They're horrible.
They're bad, all right?
114
00:04:31,019 --> 00:04:33,454
But my brother feels like
he's doing me a favor,
115
00:04:33,488 --> 00:04:35,856
and I think I'm gonna
let him have this victory.
116
00:04:35,891 --> 00:04:40,027
Okay, so because your brother
is some emotional China doll,
117
00:04:40,061 --> 00:04:43,631
you get to absolve yourself
of all social responsibility?
118
00:04:43,665 --> 00:04:44,665
That... that...
that's not exactly what I'm...
119
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:45,900
Yeah. No.
120
00:04:45,934 --> 00:04:47,902
That's actually like
joining the Nazi Party
121
00:04:47,936 --> 00:04:50,504
because your mother is getting
coupons to a beauty salon.
122
00:04:50,539 --> 00:04:52,306
Why Hitler?
Why is it always Hitler?
123
00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:54,041
Why, when there's
a moral argument,
124
00:04:54,075 --> 00:04:55,543
is Hitler
always the bad guy?
125
00:04:55,577 --> 00:04:57,178
Mix it up.
Be creative.
126
00:04:57,212 --> 00:05:00,047
Well, because Hitler,
for the most part,
127
00:05:00,081 --> 00:05:02,416
was a pretty bad man.
128
00:05:02,451 --> 00:05:03,884
Yeah, wh-what's with you?
129
00:05:03,919 --> 00:05:05,753
Where's all
the moral indignation come from?
130
00:05:05,787 --> 00:05:09,156
Where's... I didn't know there was
a conscience inside that monster.
131
00:05:09,191 --> 00:05:10,391
I don't know.
132
00:05:10,425 --> 00:05:12,092
It's... it is exhausting.
133
00:05:12,127 --> 00:05:13,360
I don't know
how people do this.
134
00:05:13,395 --> 00:05:14,762
Yeah, it doesn't...
135
00:05:14,796 --> 00:05:16,430
I-I'm gonna go home
and take a nap.
136
00:05:16,465 --> 00:05:17,598
Okay, man. I understand.
137
00:05:17,632 --> 00:05:19,366
You know what?
138
00:05:19,401 --> 00:05:21,335
I've had these pickles.
They're... they're pretty good.
139
00:05:21,369 --> 00:05:22,736
- I'm gonna...
- Yeah, take the pickles.
140
00:05:22,771 --> 00:05:24,171
I'm gonna put this
back outside.
141
00:05:24,206 --> 00:05:26,006
I-I feel weird.
142
00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:28,108
Yeah, yeah. Take a nap.
143
00:05:28,143 --> 00:05:29,844
MARC: All right,
so you're on, uh, "New Girl."
144
00:05:29,878 --> 00:05:32,046
Sometimes.
145
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:33,914
I play the... yeah, the homeless
guy that lives outside.
146
00:05:33,949 --> 00:05:35,249
- Okay.
- [both laugh]
147
00:05:35,283 --> 00:05:37,184
Well, that must be
a confidence builder,
148
00:05:37,219 --> 00:05:39,520
knowing that you look
and feel like a homeless guy.
149
00:05:39,554 --> 00:05:43,290
Honestly, I'd play a pedophile
right now for 5 bucks.
150
00:05:43,325 --> 00:05:45,392
- For 5 bucks?
- Yeah.
151
00:05:45,427 --> 00:05:47,595
- Well, I-I respect your integrity, man.
- Thanks.
152
00:05:47,629 --> 00:05:49,063
Hey, I got a question
for you.
153
00:05:49,097 --> 00:05:50,898
- Would you ever do a corporate gig?
- In a second.
154
00:05:50,932 --> 00:05:53,100
That's a lot of money for an
hour's worth of work, you know.
155
00:05:53,134 --> 00:05:54,368
Why not?
156
00:05:54,402 --> 00:05:55,603
Well,
I'll tell you why not...
157
00:05:55,637 --> 00:05:57,104
because it's soul-crushing
158
00:05:57,138 --> 00:05:58,606
and because, like, you can't
really do your material
159
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,107
and because, like,
160
00:06:00,141 --> 00:06:02,543
you might have to make fun
of Tom in accounting,
161
00:06:02,577 --> 00:06:03,878
and they don't really care
about who you are.
162
00:06:03,912 --> 00:06:05,813
You're just there
to be a cheerleader.
163
00:06:05,847 --> 00:06:08,082
I mean, that'd be the worst hour
of your life.
164
00:06:08,116 --> 00:06:10,251
I don't even know
why we're talking about this.
165
00:06:10,285 --> 00:06:12,186
I've never been offered
a corporate gig.
166
00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:14,688
Because I was just offered one
for a lot of money.
167
00:06:14,723 --> 00:06:16,557
- Okay, well, you should take it.
- Yeah.
168
00:06:16,591 --> 00:06:19,693
You should take any money
you can at any time.
169
00:06:19,728 --> 00:06:22,429
Eh, I don't know if I could
live like that, really.
170
00:06:22,464 --> 00:06:23,964
So this
entire conversation
171
00:06:23,999 --> 00:06:26,033
has just been about
making me feel bad?
172
00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:28,769
Yeah. I mean, haven't you ever
listened to my podcast before?
173
00:06:28,803 --> 00:06:30,938
- MARC: Hey, man.
- JOSH: Hey, bro.
174
00:06:30,972 --> 00:06:32,573
Hey,
y-you taking the gig?
175
00:06:32,607 --> 00:06:35,976
Yeah, listen, Josh, I been
thinking about it, you know,
176
00:06:36,011 --> 00:06:37,411
and I talked
to my advisers,
177
00:06:37,445 --> 00:06:40,114
and, uh,
I-I-I got to pass, man.
178
00:06:40,148 --> 00:06:42,049
It's just... it's just not
the right thing for me, buddy.
179
00:06:42,083 --> 00:06:43,584
Oh, okay. I get it.
180
00:06:43,618 --> 00:06:45,786
Really?
181
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:48,956
All right, well... good.
182
00:06:48,990 --> 00:06:51,492
You know, I-I-I mean,
you know, I'm sorry.
183
00:06:51,526 --> 00:06:53,627
I-I-I appreciate you trying
to do me a solid.
184
00:06:53,662 --> 00:06:55,262
Oh, no problem, no.
185
00:06:55,297 --> 00:06:56,964
I was just happy to be in
a position to help you for once.
186
00:06:56,998 --> 00:06:58,899
I mean, it's always been
the other way around.
187
00:06:58,934 --> 00:07:01,602
Right?
Tables are turning, man.
188
00:07:01,636 --> 00:07:03,771
Yes, finally.
189
00:07:03,805 --> 00:07:06,140
All right. Just... just trust me
on this one.
190
00:07:06,174 --> 00:07:09,343
It would not have been a-a good
thing for... for anyone.
191
00:07:09,377 --> 00:07:11,979
[laughs] All right, bro.
I'll talk to you later.
192
00:07:12,013 --> 00:07:14,281
Okay, man.
193
00:07:18,653 --> 00:07:21,155
[cellphone buzzing]
194
00:07:23,224 --> 00:07:24,592
Hello?
195
00:07:24,626 --> 00:07:26,927
Do you know
how upset your brother is?
196
00:07:26,962 --> 00:07:29,163
What are you talking about?
I just talked to him. He's great.
197
00:07:29,197 --> 00:07:31,865
Well, that's strange 'cause
I just talked to him, and he was crying.
198
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,701
All right, hold on, hold on.
Wh-What happened?
199
00:07:33,735 --> 00:07:35,469
He's worried about
his new job.
200
00:07:35,503 --> 00:07:37,371
He's never worked
for a big company before.
201
00:07:37,405 --> 00:07:40,040
- You know how he gets.
- Yeah. Insane?
202
00:07:40,075 --> 00:07:43,143
He's anxious, and you're making
it worse by not helping him.
203
00:07:43,178 --> 00:07:46,513
He told his bosses that
he could get you to do the show.
204
00:07:46,548 --> 00:07:48,115
Now he looks like a liar.
205
00:07:48,149 --> 00:07:49,650
Well, he shouldn't have
done that!
206
00:07:49,684 --> 00:07:51,385
Well, he was trying to make
a good impression.
207
00:07:51,419 --> 00:07:53,187
All right, look, Mom.
208
00:07:53,221 --> 00:07:55,055
Corporate shows
are hard for me.
209
00:07:55,090 --> 00:07:57,725
I'm a stand-up comic.
You can't do your act.
210
00:07:57,759 --> 00:07:59,893
I don't know what they expect
from me, all right?
211
00:07:59,928 --> 00:08:01,829
They're not gonna let me
have my freedom.
212
00:08:01,863 --> 00:08:03,330
It's about freedom, Mom.
213
00:08:03,365 --> 00:08:04,865
Freedom?
214
00:08:04,899 --> 00:08:06,800
Like your brother's freedom
to be unemployed?
215
00:08:06,835 --> 00:08:08,802
Yeah.
Different kind of freedom.
216
00:08:08,837 --> 00:08:10,815
Oh, shut up.
Take the job.
217
00:08:10,817 --> 00:08:12,550
It's for your brother!
218
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:24,228
[sighs]
219
00:08:24,262 --> 00:08:28,132
Hey.
Marc Maron checking in.
220
00:08:28,166 --> 00:08:30,401
Oh.
Marc gets a blue shirt.
221
00:08:30,435 --> 00:08:31,769
JOSH: Marc!
222
00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:33,938
I can't believe this.
223
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,740
Very exciting.
224
00:08:35,774 --> 00:08:37,274
Oh.
225
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:39,310
It means so much
that you would do this for me.
226
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:41,212
Sure, man.
227
00:08:41,246 --> 00:08:43,080
Well, you know,
Mom made me.
228
00:08:43,115 --> 00:08:45,082
Whatever.
229
00:08:45,117 --> 00:08:47,585
Just glad you're here.
230
00:08:47,619 --> 00:08:49,053
Oh, hey,
you got to get your shirt.
231
00:08:49,087 --> 00:08:51,088
Uh, he's the host of the show...
Marc Maron.
232
00:08:51,123 --> 00:08:52,757
Here it is!
233
00:08:52,791 --> 00:08:55,426
Everyone wears one all weekend
long. Here, put it on.
234
00:08:55,460 --> 00:08:56,994
- Seriously?
- You have to.
235
00:08:57,029 --> 00:08:59,597
Each year, everyone wears
a Hawaiian shirt.
236
00:08:59,631 --> 00:09:01,165
The big guy loves
Jimmy Buffett.
237
00:09:01,199 --> 00:09:03,234
Oh, well, if it's
because of Jimmy Buffett,
238
00:09:03,268 --> 00:09:04,769
that makes it worse.
239
00:09:04,803 --> 00:09:06,003
- Please?!
- All right.
240
00:09:06,038 --> 00:09:07,671
Blue's the best.
241
00:09:07,706 --> 00:09:10,074
Well, it's amazing how quickly
this became more horrible
242
00:09:10,108 --> 00:09:11,675
than anything
I could have imagined.
243
00:09:11,710 --> 00:09:13,177
Come on, I'll show you
to your room.
244
00:09:13,211 --> 00:09:15,410
All right, I hope
it's the Margaritaville suite.
245
00:09:15,444 --> 00:09:17,444
[laughs]
246
00:09:20,103 --> 00:09:22,783
I'd like it if you'd come to
one of the sessions.
247
00:09:22,818 --> 00:09:24,285
It would really make
an impression.
248
00:09:24,319 --> 00:09:27,755
Eh, I don't know.
249
00:09:27,789 --> 00:09:28,989
Oh,
get a load of this guy.
250
00:09:29,024 --> 00:09:30,157
What?
251
00:09:30,192 --> 00:09:32,126
[chuckles] Red shirt.
252
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:34,094
So?
253
00:09:34,129 --> 00:09:37,031
Shithouse red,
bottom of the barrel!
254
00:09:37,065 --> 00:09:39,333
The shirts represent what level
you're on.
255
00:09:40,335 --> 00:09:42,169
Red's the lowest.
256
00:09:42,204 --> 00:09:44,505
It's one way the company
lets people know they need to step it up.
257
00:09:44,539 --> 00:09:48,108
Yeah, so if the shit goes down,
the red shirts die.
258
00:09:48,143 --> 00:09:49,143
What?
259
00:09:49,177 --> 00:09:50,444
"Star Trek."
260
00:09:50,479 --> 00:09:51,846
Mom never let me watch
that.
261
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,147
It's all bullshit, anyway.
262
00:09:53,181 --> 00:09:54,715
Just a corporate distraction
263
00:09:54,749 --> 00:09:57,284
to keep you from focusing
on what you need for yourself.
264
00:09:57,319 --> 00:09:59,353
I guess I was wrong to assume
you'd be happy for me.
265
00:09:59,387 --> 00:10:01,555
Just come to the session
266
00:10:01,590 --> 00:10:04,058
and you'll see
how great this really is.
267
00:10:04,092 --> 00:10:06,293
- Fine.
- Awesome.
268
00:10:06,328 --> 00:10:10,898
Thank you for joining us
for this team-building exercise.
269
00:10:10,932 --> 00:10:13,133
Now, we all work together,
so...
270
00:10:13,168 --> 00:10:15,870
E-E-Except Marc!
He's my brother.
271
00:10:15,904 --> 00:10:18,138
He, uh... he's gonna be
hosting the panel tonight.
272
00:10:18,173 --> 00:10:20,374
He's got the number-one podcast
in America!
273
00:10:20,408 --> 00:10:22,576
Besides "Serial."
274
00:10:22,611 --> 00:10:24,011
[applause]
275
00:10:24,045 --> 00:10:25,346
Hey.
276
00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:27,181
Thank you. Thanks.
277
00:10:27,215 --> 00:10:28,549
Thanks for joining us,
Marc.
278
00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:30,351
Oh, thanks
for letting me be here.
279
00:10:30,385 --> 00:10:32,653
Okay.
280
00:10:32,687 --> 00:10:35,322
This is the truth ball.
281
00:10:35,357 --> 00:10:36,757
If you catch the truth ball,
282
00:10:36,791 --> 00:10:38,392
you have to say
something truthful
283
00:10:38,426 --> 00:10:40,528
and quickly toss it
to someone else.
284
00:10:40,562 --> 00:10:43,497
Now, this is so we can learn
that we all make mistakes
285
00:10:43,532 --> 00:10:45,533
and trust that
our fellow team members
286
00:10:45,567 --> 00:10:47,501
are not gonna hold it
against us.
287
00:10:47,536 --> 00:10:49,870
Now, we can trust everyone
here.
288
00:10:49,905 --> 00:10:51,772
I'll go first.
289
00:10:54,409 --> 00:10:56,610
I lose pens every day
290
00:10:56,645 --> 00:10:58,879
and take them
from other people's desks.
291
00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:03,284
[light laughter]
292
00:11:03,318 --> 00:11:04,685
MAN: Oh!
293
00:11:04,719 --> 00:11:06,453
Uh,
I'm a perfectionist.
294
00:11:07,989 --> 00:11:10,024
Oh!
[inhales sharply]
295
00:11:10,058 --> 00:11:15,262
Uh... I-I parked in Walter's
reserved spot one day.
296
00:11:25,006 --> 00:11:27,308
I don't really like my dad.
297
00:11:27,342 --> 00:11:30,110
He... he's
like a huge asshole.
298
00:11:30,145 --> 00:11:31,812
He... he never remembers
my kids' birthdays,
299
00:11:31,846 --> 00:11:33,814
and he spent my college savings
on an amusement park.
300
00:11:33,848 --> 00:11:35,316
Whoa, whoa.
301
00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:36,750
T.M.I. [chuckles]
302
00:11:36,785 --> 00:11:38,118
Classic Joshy.
303
00:11:38,153 --> 00:11:40,821
I know, I know.
I-I-I always overshare.
304
00:11:42,991 --> 00:11:46,327
Jimmy Buffett
is a creator of shit.
305
00:11:46,361 --> 00:11:49,063
- WOMAN: Okay, okay, all right.
- Oh! [laughs]
306
00:11:49,097 --> 00:11:51,565
I think that's enough
of the, uh, truth ball.
307
00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,067
Let's take a break.
308
00:11:53,101 --> 00:11:55,302
We'll come back in 10
and do a yurt circle.
309
00:11:55,337 --> 00:11:56,604
Sweet!
310
00:11:56,638 --> 00:11:58,439
Oh,
I love a yurt circle.
311
00:11:58,473 --> 00:12:00,240
- What's a yurt circle?
- Uh, it's really cool.
312
00:12:00,275 --> 00:12:01,722
Everybody stands in a circle
and holds hands...
313
00:12:01,757 --> 00:12:02,843
I'm out.
314
00:12:02,877 --> 00:12:05,112
You gonna be okay, Joshy?
Hmm?
315
00:12:05,146 --> 00:12:06,647
You're wearing the green shirt
now.
316
00:12:06,681 --> 00:12:08,349
Act like it.
317
00:12:08,383 --> 00:12:10,584
Hey,
nice Jimmy Buffett slam.
318
00:12:10,619 --> 00:12:12,653
"Cheeseburgers in Paradise,"
my ass.
319
00:12:12,687 --> 00:12:15,489
[laughs]
320
00:12:15,523 --> 00:12:17,124
Listen, man.
321
00:12:17,158 --> 00:12:20,494
With these sharing exercises,
you can't be so raw.
322
00:12:20,528 --> 00:12:22,096
I panicked.
323
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:23,964
Truth balls freak me out.
324
00:12:23,999 --> 00:12:25,699
Well, look, if you can't handle
the truth ball,
325
00:12:25,734 --> 00:12:27,167
don't come, all right?
326
00:12:27,202 --> 00:12:28,469
People in corporate environments
are predators.
327
00:12:28,503 --> 00:12:29,803
They're gonna look
for your weaknesses,
328
00:12:29,838 --> 00:12:30,871
and then
they're gonna attack.
329
00:12:30,905 --> 00:12:32,706
Holy shit.
330
00:12:32,741 --> 00:12:35,142
I'm talking about
a truth ball.
331
00:12:35,176 --> 00:12:37,011
God damn it.
332
00:12:40,148 --> 00:12:42,182
Marons!
333
00:12:42,217 --> 00:12:44,151
Don't take any shit.
334
00:12:44,185 --> 00:12:47,187
Marc, haven't had a chance
to introduce myself yet... Jib.
335
00:12:47,222 --> 00:12:48,689
Huge fan
of your podcast.
336
00:12:48,723 --> 00:12:49,823
Well, I appreciate that.
337
00:12:49,858 --> 00:12:52,226
Jib's the main reason
you're here.
338
00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:53,961
Anyways, let's get down
to business.
339
00:12:53,995 --> 00:12:55,529
I'm gonna be
on the panel later.
340
00:12:55,563 --> 00:12:57,965
Now, messaging is my thing
here at Steel-Johnson,
341
00:12:57,999 --> 00:12:59,667
so, uh, here are
your talking points.
342
00:12:59,701 --> 00:13:01,535
Whoa, whoa.
Talking points?
343
00:13:01,569 --> 00:13:03,370
Yeah, you know, the exact
questions for you to ask
344
00:13:03,405 --> 00:13:04,972
about Steel-Johnson
and the canburger.
345
00:13:05,006 --> 00:13:07,408
- Oh, I can handle the interview.
- Oh, yeah.
346
00:13:07,442 --> 00:13:09,176
You know, we're not looking
for you to do
347
00:13:09,210 --> 00:13:10,678
that thing you do
on your podcast.
348
00:13:10,712 --> 00:13:12,980
You know, that...
that personal, biting stuff.
349
00:13:13,014 --> 00:13:14,915
Obviously, you don't want me
to be me.
350
00:13:14,949 --> 00:13:17,851
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We love you, all right?
351
00:13:17,886 --> 00:13:19,353
We just want another you,
352
00:13:19,387 --> 00:13:22,256
a softer you,
like Joshy here.
353
00:13:22,290 --> 00:13:23,824
LINDA:
Come on, Jib, let's roll.
354
00:13:23,858 --> 00:13:25,526
I got to go.
355
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,594
Uh, can I have five minutes
with you before the panel?
356
00:13:27,629 --> 00:13:29,730
- Uh, sure.
- Thank you, Joshy.
357
00:13:31,299 --> 00:13:32,366
Excited.
358
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:35,369
Who the hell is that guy?
359
00:13:35,403 --> 00:13:37,371
Jib? Jib... he's cool.
360
00:13:37,405 --> 00:13:40,207
How do you not say anything back
to him, Joshy?
361
00:13:40,241 --> 00:13:41,842
That's just Jib being Jib.
362
00:13:41,876 --> 00:13:43,210
That... that's his thing,
363
00:13:43,244 --> 00:13:45,512
and he really pulls his weight
on the team.
364
00:13:45,547 --> 00:13:47,281
Oh, who gives a shit
about the team?
365
00:13:47,315 --> 00:13:49,717
You should feel ashamed
whenever you say that word.
366
00:13:49,751 --> 00:13:51,852
Not everyone can be like you,
Marc, okay?
367
00:13:51,886 --> 00:13:54,521
It's... it's a good job.
I need a job.
368
00:13:54,556 --> 00:13:56,957
I'm n...
I'm not interesting enough
369
00:13:56,991 --> 00:13:59,760
to make money by talking
to people in my garage.
370
00:13:59,794 --> 00:14:01,562
Come on, Josh.
371
00:14:01,596 --> 00:14:03,630
You know what?
372
00:14:03,665 --> 00:14:07,401
I'd feel better if you didn't
come to the yurt circle.
373
00:14:07,435 --> 00:14:09,970
No yurt?
374
00:14:10,004 --> 00:14:11,572
I'm hurt.
375
00:14:11,606 --> 00:14:14,041
[laughter]
376
00:14:14,075 --> 00:14:15,642
MARC: Okay, okay.
377
00:14:15,677 --> 00:14:19,480
So, how did the idea
of, uh, canburger come about?
378
00:14:19,514 --> 00:14:20,781
I'm glad you asked that,
Marc.
379
00:14:20,815 --> 00:14:22,249
Well, it wouldn't be
a great interview
380
00:14:22,283 --> 00:14:23,784
without getting to the heart
of the canburger.
381
00:14:23,818 --> 00:14:25,252
- [laughter]
- That is so true.
382
00:14:25,286 --> 00:14:28,889
Well [clears throat]
my grandson loves hamburgers,
383
00:14:28,923 --> 00:14:31,759
and, uh [chuckles]
we were on a hike,
384
00:14:31,793 --> 00:14:33,427
and we had bought
hamburgers,
385
00:14:33,461 --> 00:14:35,662
but we had waited so long
to eat them
386
00:14:35,697 --> 00:14:37,164
that they just weren't good
anymore.
387
00:14:37,198 --> 00:14:38,966
Oh, I think I know
where this story is going.
388
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,468
So I thought,
389
00:14:41,503 --> 00:14:44,438
"What if there was a way
to keep a hamburger fresh?"
390
00:14:44,472 --> 00:14:45,672
Hamburger in a can!
391
00:14:45,707 --> 00:14:47,908
JIB: Canburger, huh?
392
00:14:47,942 --> 00:14:49,643
[applause]
393
00:14:51,212 --> 00:14:52,446
Next question.
394
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:53,781
[sighs]
395
00:14:53,815 --> 00:14:55,082
Yeah, uh...
396
00:14:55,116 --> 00:14:56,683
so, wh-what do you...
397
00:14:56,718 --> 00:14:59,119
what do you want everyone
to know about Steel-Johnson?
398
00:14:59,154 --> 00:15:01,655
ALL:
We're already inside you!
399
00:15:01,689 --> 00:15:03,323
We're already inside
of you.
400
00:15:03,358 --> 00:15:04,758
Yeah.
401
00:15:04,793 --> 00:15:06,627
- [applause]
- Absolutely.
402
00:15:08,830 --> 00:15:13,100
That's what makes this company
so great.
403
00:15:13,134 --> 00:15:14,368
Oh, yeah,
is that what it is?
404
00:15:14,402 --> 00:15:17,104
You bet it is, Marc.
Teamwork.
405
00:15:17,138 --> 00:15:19,540
Everyone here
plays an important role.
406
00:15:19,574 --> 00:15:21,175
We couldn't do it
without each other.
407
00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:23,177
It takes a team
to make a canburger?
408
00:15:23,211 --> 00:15:24,545
That's right.
409
00:15:24,579 --> 00:15:27,347
That and a shitload
of chemicals, right?
410
00:15:27,382 --> 00:15:28,749
Excuse me?
411
00:15:30,485 --> 00:15:31,985
Well, if you worked
with people
412
00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:34,688
instead of
just in your garage,
413
00:15:34,722 --> 00:15:35,956
you might know that.
414
00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:37,624
Yeah, right?
415
00:15:37,659 --> 00:15:40,294
It's sort of hard to spot
obvious corporate bullshit
416
00:15:40,328 --> 00:15:41,628
when you're self-employed,
right, Jib?
417
00:15:41,663 --> 00:15:44,965
This company was built
on teamwork.
418
00:15:44,999 --> 00:15:47,968
Yeah, that and not giving your
factory workers health coverage.
419
00:15:48,002 --> 00:15:50,370
JIB: Our factory workers
are treated extremely well
420
00:15:50,405 --> 00:15:52,039
according to
industry standards.
421
00:15:52,073 --> 00:15:53,540
- Oh, yeah, really?
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
422
00:15:53,575 --> 00:15:55,309
They're... they're paid
at such a shit wage
423
00:15:55,343 --> 00:15:57,244
that they're actually eligible
for food stamps
424
00:15:57,278 --> 00:15:58,979
and they work a 40-hour week
there, Jib.
425
00:15:59,013 --> 00:16:01,982
I don't think you know what
the hell you're talking about.
426
00:16:02,016 --> 00:16:04,484
Yeah, Walter? How much money
do you make a year
427
00:16:04,519 --> 00:16:06,220
while you're cutting
the pensions of your workers?
428
00:16:06,254 --> 00:16:07,721
That's inappropriate!
429
00:16:07,755 --> 00:16:09,356
Yes, you make
430
00:16:09,390 --> 00:16:11,992
an inappropriately heinous
amount of money, Walter.
431
00:16:12,026 --> 00:16:13,694
[audience boos]
432
00:16:13,728 --> 00:16:15,863
Oh, really? Really?
433
00:16:15,897 --> 00:16:17,331
You're gonna boo me?
434
00:16:17,365 --> 00:16:19,366
You're gonna boo me?
435
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,101
Do you even know
what you're saying
436
00:16:21,135 --> 00:16:24,204
when you say "Steel-Johnson...
we're already inside you"?
437
00:16:24,239 --> 00:16:26,540
A Johnson is a dick.
438
00:16:26,574 --> 00:16:30,744
You're saying a giant steel dick
is already inside of you.
439
00:16:30,778 --> 00:16:33,380
Yeah, that's what you're saying,
and it's true.
440
00:16:33,414 --> 00:16:36,884
You take it up the ass daily
from these guys,
441
00:16:36,918 --> 00:16:38,385
and you're gonna boo me.
442
00:16:38,419 --> 00:16:39,786
You're sitting there
443
00:16:39,821 --> 00:16:41,922
in your little pecking-order
Hawaiian shirts?
444
00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:45,025
Like, the lack of self-respect
is astounding, folks.
445
00:16:45,059 --> 00:16:47,194
It's astounding.
446
00:16:47,228 --> 00:16:50,564
You... you just applauded
a hamburger in a can.
447
00:16:50,598 --> 00:16:53,233
Yeah, you did that.
Do you really feel that way?
448
00:16:53,268 --> 00:16:55,135
There's no way
that shit can taste good.
449
00:16:55,169 --> 00:16:56,470
You know that.
450
00:16:56,504 --> 00:16:57,871
I mean, come on.
451
00:16:57,906 --> 00:16:59,406
You all are a perfect example
452
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,641
of everything
that's wrong with this country.
453
00:17:00,675 --> 00:17:03,043
You make shit for sad people,
454
00:17:03,077 --> 00:17:06,980
and you convince yourselves that
you're doing something special.
455
00:17:09,117 --> 00:17:10,951
That guy's name is Jib!
456
00:17:10,985 --> 00:17:12,386
What is that name?
457
00:17:12,420 --> 00:17:14,955
It's not even a whole name...
Jib.
458
00:17:14,989 --> 00:17:16,256
Come on, Josh.
459
00:17:17,425 --> 00:17:19,226
Come on!
460
00:17:19,260 --> 00:17:21,395
Take off the red shirt.
461
00:17:21,429 --> 00:17:23,530
Fine.
462
00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:28,658
What the hell was that?
463
00:17:28,692 --> 00:17:30,326
A victory for both of us,
man.
464
00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:31,794
I'm helping you out,
bro.
465
00:17:31,829 --> 00:17:34,364
Oh, thanks for the help.
They fired me.
466
00:17:34,398 --> 00:17:37,867
Good! Now you can
get Steel-Johnson out of you.
467
00:17:37,902 --> 00:17:40,536
Do you ever think about anyone
but yourself?
468
00:17:40,571 --> 00:17:42,906
Are you ever anything
but a total pussy?
469
00:17:42,940 --> 00:17:46,376
[screams]
470
00:17:47,611 --> 00:17:48,845
Come on!
471
00:17:48,879 --> 00:17:51,147
Ow!
Did you just pinch me?
472
00:17:51,181 --> 00:17:53,182
Stop it! Come on, man!
473
00:17:53,217 --> 00:17:55,184
What... what, I'm gonna
spank you now?
474
00:17:55,219 --> 00:17:56,853
Get off of me. Go!
475
00:17:58,188 --> 00:18:00,189
What was that?
476
00:18:03,427 --> 00:18:06,529
What?
477
00:18:06,563 --> 00:18:10,099
Screw you,
you son of a bitch.
478
00:18:15,973 --> 00:18:17,573
Shit.
479
00:18:18,909 --> 00:18:20,410
I suck.
480
00:18:20,444 --> 00:18:22,512
I'm 50 years old,
481
00:18:22,546 --> 00:18:25,181
and I need my big brother
to stick up for me.
482
00:18:25,215 --> 00:18:29,385
It's pathetic.
[sniffles]
483
00:18:29,420 --> 00:18:30,954
Come on, man.
484
00:18:30,988 --> 00:18:32,689
You're just more accepting
than I am, that's all.
485
00:18:32,723 --> 00:18:34,190
I wish I had more of that in me,
you know?
486
00:18:34,224 --> 00:18:36,092
But, no,
things work out for you.
487
00:18:36,126 --> 00:18:38,561
They're going... I mean,
your career's going great.
488
00:18:38,595 --> 00:18:40,863
I just got fired
from another job.
489
00:18:40,898 --> 00:18:42,799
It was a shitty job, Josh!
490
00:18:42,833 --> 00:18:44,200
It was.
491
00:18:44,234 --> 00:18:45,435
A canned hamburger?
What the hell is that?
492
00:18:45,469 --> 00:18:46,869
I'll tell you
what that is.
493
00:18:46,904 --> 00:18:48,304
It's a sign of the end
of the world, man.
494
00:18:48,339 --> 00:18:50,073
- [laughs]
- Right?
495
00:18:50,107 --> 00:18:53,409
Yeah.
God, I hate those assholes.
496
00:18:53,444 --> 00:18:55,311
Somebody should
set Jib on fire.
497
00:18:55,346 --> 00:18:56,913
I was gonna close
with that.
498
00:19:00,517 --> 00:19:03,252
Jimmy Buffett
can suck my balls!
499
00:19:03,287 --> 00:19:05,488
Yeah. Get it out.
500
00:19:05,522 --> 00:19:07,457
[screams]
501
00:19:09,827 --> 00:19:11,494
- Good one.
- Oh, yeah.
502
00:19:11,528 --> 00:19:14,430
And, listen.
Things are not easy for me.
503
00:19:14,465 --> 00:19:18,234
It's taken me years
to even begin to earn a living.
504
00:19:18,268 --> 00:19:20,436
- [sighs]
- That's that.
505
00:19:20,471 --> 00:19:21,804
Yeah.
506
00:19:21,839 --> 00:19:24,173
[groans]
507
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:26,109
All right, man, let's go.
Let's just go.
508
00:19:26,143 --> 00:19:28,745
Shit.
509
00:19:28,779 --> 00:19:31,347
What am I gonna do
for money?
510
00:19:31,382 --> 00:19:34,817
Well, look, I usually get 50%
if I just show up at a gig,
511
00:19:34,852 --> 00:19:37,153
and then a booking agent
takes 10%.
512
00:19:37,187 --> 00:19:38,421
You booked it.
513
00:19:38,455 --> 00:19:40,089
Why don't you just take
the 10%?
514
00:19:40,124 --> 00:19:42,191
[sighs] What about 30%?
515
00:19:42,226 --> 00:19:43,459
- I don't...
- What?
516
00:19:43,494 --> 00:19:45,194
I-I'm trying to stick up
for myself.
517
00:19:45,229 --> 00:19:47,196
All right, well, okay,
it was a nice try,
518
00:19:47,231 --> 00:19:48,931
and, uh,
it didn't pan out for you.
519
00:19:48,966 --> 00:19:53,803
10%... that's $5,000
for doing nothing.
520
00:19:53,837 --> 00:19:56,739
I should start a podcast.
521
00:19:57,656 --> 00:20:00,357
[cellphone buzzing]
522
00:20:05,030 --> 00:20:06,497
Hello.
523
00:20:06,531 --> 00:20:07,531
What'd you do?
524
00:20:07,565 --> 00:20:09,433
I helped Josh out, Mom.
525
00:20:09,467 --> 00:20:11,602
Well, he doesn't have a job
anymore.
526
00:20:11,636 --> 00:20:13,604
Yeah, I know,
but he's got self-respect now.
527
00:20:13,638 --> 00:20:16,674
- Oh, please.
- All right, fair enough,
528
00:20:16,708 --> 00:20:19,643
but at least he doesn't have to
go into a place where he works,
529
00:20:19,678 --> 00:20:21,512
where people treat him
like garbage,
530
00:20:21,546 --> 00:20:23,180
and he hates himself
for being there.
531
00:20:23,214 --> 00:20:24,782
And what other kind of job
could he get?
532
00:20:24,816 --> 00:20:26,350
That's the spirit, Mom.
533
00:20:26,384 --> 00:20:28,185
It's hard to believe
he ended up the way he did.
534
00:20:28,219 --> 00:20:29,820
Now,
don't put this on me.
535
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,956
You're as much to blame
as anyone else.
536
00:20:31,990 --> 00:20:34,058
You never let him fight
for himself.
537
00:20:34,092 --> 00:20:35,693
Okay,
so I was overprotective.
538
00:20:35,727 --> 00:20:37,828
You know, so what?
I-I felt like I had to be.
539
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:40,497
Well, you should never have gone
to that corporate retreat.
540
00:20:40,532 --> 00:20:42,499
I know.
I don't know why I did.
541
00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,168
Well, hopefully,
he finds a job
542
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:47,037
in a place that doesn't sound
like a huge, big dick.
543
00:20:47,072 --> 00:20:48,572
Okay, Mom.
544
00:20:48,606 --> 00:20:50,541
Uh, good talk.
545
00:20:50,575 --> 00:20:52,242
Bye.
546
00:21:00,774 --> 00:21:05,774
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
547
00:21:05,824 --> 00:21:10,374
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39426
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