All language subtitles for Maron s03e09 Anti-Depressed.eng

This is exciting,
isn't it?

First production meeting
of your own pilot.

No, no, no,
it's already a disaster.

D-Didn't you read that E-mail
from the producer?

- Uh...
- He wants to make the set my garage.

- He wants to do a garage set.
- Oh.

That's ridiculous.
We've got to fight that.

Oh, you don't like the idea
of the set as a garage?

- No! Do you?
- Oh, God, no.

I mean, it's stupid.

I mean, it'd be all bullshitty and fake.
It'd look ridiculous.

It'd be like...
it'd be like vaudeville.

I... I quit.
I don't want...

Wait, wa-dup-dup-dup.
Sit yourself down.

Thank you.

You've quit already, haven't
you, in the car this morning,

'cause of all the red lights?

[sighs]

- Marc, Emily.
- EMILY: Hey, Terrence.

- Good to see you.
- You too, my love.

[smooches]

Okay, we're kissing
that guy? Okay.

Is there a problem, guys?

Um, well, I mean,
he doesn't love the idea

of the garage as a set.

Okay.

It's ridiculous!

I mean, what,
are you gonna just...

What are we gonna do
with a garage set?

Are you gonna
put fake bookshelves?

Are there gonna be mikes
that don't work?

Everything you're saying
makes sense.

So, w... How do you even

conceive of the garage
in your mind?

Is it like
there's a car in there?

Is there a car in there?
Am I doing the show in a car?

No, no. Marc, I...
We're right here.

I see it the way you see it.

You're not gonna try
to talk me into it?

No, I don't want to talk you
into anything.

I mean, my job,
as the producer of this show,

is to make the show
that you want to make.

Oh.

Oh, that's... that's nice.

Come on, you're Marc Maron.

This show is your vision
and your vision alone.

Oh.

Still want to quit?
Sorry.

So you tell me...

what do you want the set
to look like?

Uh...

- Chairs.
- Chairs.

Chairs, good.
Good start.

How many?

Well, we're gonna need two
at least.

- Two.
- Two chairs? That's a good start.

And then probably some more
in the back.

I have not really
fully realized

- my conception of a vision.
- W-We'll just brainstorm.

When it comes to you,
just let me know.

Do you ever have that, like,
weird tingling in your hands?

This isn't the time
for that conversation.

[sighs]

Whoa.

["The Poisoned Well" plays]

Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com

MARC:
I'm overwhelmed, man.

I can't, uh... Like, the tips
of my fingers are numb.

Is that a thing?

It's just stress.

You know, I hate
to break it to you,

but you're successful...

[sighs]

...and from what I hear,
that can be a strain.

I don't have any personal
experience with success,

but I've read some articles
and seen some documentaries.

But look... would you rather be
Marc Maron or Stu Carbone...

rest in peace... dead
and obscure in a shit box

in the middle of nowhere?

What choice would you make?

By the way, I'm doing fine.
Thanks for asking.

My agent thinks
he may be able to get me a gig

at the Shalom Rest Home.

Fingers crossed!

What are you saying?
Are you saying something?

No, no, I was just talking
to myself.

Ah. I do that.

Yeah.

- God damn it.
- Bad news?

This model
keeps texting me.

Oh.
My heart goes out to you.

I mean, I was thinking about,
"Should I kill myself?"

- What do you think?
- Are we eating these bagels?

- What's happening?
- I don't know.

I'm so sick of these guys
in their Maseratis and Teslas.

It's like,
"Hey, clich? man,

it's not all about
what you drive, okay?"

Right? I barely even think
about cars.

Yeah. Seems like you
barely even clean it.

Oh, well, thank you
for noticing.

[chuckles]
Nervous?

No, I just... My...

I have this weird tingling
in my hands.

Like, they sometimes
fall asleep,

but they're fine sometimes,
but then they get numb,

my fingers do, and now
it's all pins and needles.

Yeah, sure.
My dad used to get that.

Really?

Yeah.
Turned out to be M.S.

M.S.?! Oh, my God!

Because, like,
my hands are tingling,

my feet are tingling,

my ear is, like,
like, ringing sometimes.

This eye doesn't focus,
really, sometimes.

M.S.?!

Whoa, I'm sorry.

Uh, I meant to say
it's sad about your dad.

Yeah.
I don't know what I said,

but that's what I was thinking
the whole time.

- You got there.
- Yeah. I just...

You know,
I got a little caught up.

Let me get your door,
lady.

Thank you.
What a gentleman.

I know, right?

[exhales sharply]

I can't catch my breath.

It's okay.
You're having a panic attack.

Yeah?
Here, breathe into this.

Oh, my God.
It smells so gross.

I don't know what's worse...
having a panic attack

or that I ate
what was in this bag.

My brother
used to have panic attacks.

Did he get over them?

Yeah, sort of.

He jumped off
the Golden Gate Bridge.

- What?!
- No, it's okay. He lived.

He's in a documentary

about people who jumped
and survived.

Oh, I heard about that.

Except for... now he's a little
bit more panicked

because he keeps reliving
that moment of impact.

Well, at least
he's okay otherwise, right?

Pretty much.

Except for he eats
through a tube.

- That's tough.
- Oh.

- Look, I...
- Look...

- All right, you go, you go.
- No, you.

All right. You're great.
I'm having a great time.

But I am, like,
out of my mind.

I'm just crazy,
and I don't think

- I can do a dating thing... right now.
- Are you sure?

Oh.

Oh, I bet I know something
that can calm you down.

Oh, yeah.

I'm just not feeling it.

So hot.

No, I can't feel my hand.

I've never had a guy
play hard to get before.

Kind of a turn-on.

How about Friday?

Okay, maybe.

I don't know if I'll be able
to walk, though.

[sniffs]

What'd you take
your clothes off for?

I thought
I was supposed to.

Give me your hands.

All right.
Those are good.

Do you feel this?

Yeah.

Okay, those are good.

Are you a real doctor?

Mm-hmm, went to school
and everything.

Now I want you
to hold out your arms

and wiggle your fingers.

Okay, a little faster.

- Faster.
- Really?

Excellent.
Any pain or discomfort?

I d... Does feeling
like an idiot count?

Oh, I'm sorry.
Y... I'm just stressed.

You know, I got this tingling,
random numbness in my body.

Yes, I understand.

Now, with your head
still facing forward,

take off your glasses.

With your head
still facing forward,

I want you to raise your eyes
to the ceiling,

then down at the floor.

Okay, very good.

Now make circles
with your eyes.

Okay. Looks good.

Everything seems fine.

Those are the tests?

I mean, what... Why don't you
hook me up to a machine

so I don't feel like I'm
in the old country, here?

Oh, no, trust me.

I could put you through
all kinds of fancy machines,

but why run up your co-pay?

These tests
are just as effective.

Are they, really, though?

Because, like, what if I have
M.S. or a brain tumor?

I mean, I-I think
I need an MRI.

It's really not necessary.

Yeah, but I kind of feel
like I need one.

Please.

[sighs]

Fine, if it makes you
feel better,

I'll go ahead
and order an MRI.

Really? So it's serious?

[machine whirring loudly]

What's that noise?

Does this thing need oil
or something?

MAN: Please remain
as still as possible.

When you guys asked
if I was claustrophobic,

you didn't say I would be
in a tube.

It's very specific.

I can picture myself
freaking out.

I don't think
I'm gonna do it, though.

[metallic clanking]

Hey, you did great
in there.

Oh, good. Thanks.

That's a skill
I didn't know I had...

being cool in a tube
for 45 minutes.

Maybe I'll put it
on my r?sum?.

So, uh,
did you see the results?

I'm the tech.
I saw everything.

Okay.
Well, what's going on?

Uh, well, I'm not a doctor.
I can't say anything.

But... but you know, right?

I'm not allowed to say.

So you're telling me

if you saw a golf-ball-sized
tumor on my hypothalamus,

you couldn't say anything
to me?

Sir, please, you'll have to
discuss this with your doctor.

Oh, is there something to
discuss now? There's a problem?

Why can't you just be straight with me?
It's my life.

Sir, the results
will be sent to your doctor.

Wow, that's some job
you have, pal.

- Sir.
- Yes.

Take care of yourself.

They're not self-help books,
but I'm actually...

now I'm reading psych...
psychology texts.

- Yeah, you're...
- To get answers.

- Can't wait for the new one?
- Yeah, oh, yeah, like...

Are those your "Twilights"?

Yeah,
who's got the big theory?

What's the big theory
that'll make me go, "I'm okay"?

- Wow. Yeah.
- But I know you got a book out,

and I know it's about
being addicted to movies.

I haven't read it.

I... I got
an uncorrected proof,

and I'm just gonna look
for errors.

And then I'm gonna E-mail you
and say, "I found a problem."

I'm sure you will.
You're in the first chapter.

Oh, really? Did I say
something mean to you?

Uh, you told me,
when we... we went

- and saw "Pulp Fiction" together.
- Right.

- Remember that? In 1994.
- I kind of do.

And we c... We came out
of the theater...

- Right.
- ...and I... And you said,

"Let's go do... Get coffee,"
or something.

I said, "I got to go."
And you said, "What, you got to,

uh, go burn that screenplay
you've been working on?"

And it was one of those moments
where I was thinking...

Yeah.

..."You nailed it," but why...
but why nail it?

- So... Okay, so, in the... in the book...
- Yeah.

...your premise was
you'd see a lot of movies

'cause you were addicted
to films.

I was addicted to the idea

- that if I saw a lot of movies...
- Yeah.

...I'd become a director...
rituals.

So you were just integrating,
like, "Pretty soon,

I'll have references
that no one will understand

but the guy
who made the movie."

- Yeah, exactly.
- "Just me and that guy!"

And that'll launch me!

'Cause you wanted to see
more movies.

It was a justification.

- Well, but it was also this...
- Yeah.

- You okay, man?
- What?

Do you know you're doing
this with y...

You've been doing this a lot
while we're talking.

Oh, no, no,
I'm having real problems.

- Jesus, what's wrong?
- Yeah.

Well, my doctor said I needed
to see a psychiatrist.

[gasps sarcastically]
Wha?

Initially, I thought, like,
I had a brain tumor,

so I got an MRI, and
it turns out there's nothing.

- [laughing] I'm sorry.
- What?

I love that you're annoyed
and disappointed

that you don't have
a brain tumor.

I put a lot... I put a lot of
energy into thinking I had one.

You know, let me try to get you,
like, a nice, little cyst

- or a brain pimple, for Arbor Day.
- Yeah, just something, a little something.

I made the trip.
I made the trip.

What the hell?

I'm just...
I don't know, man.

I just... I-I'm nervous.

The doctor wants me
to go see this psychiatrist.

I'm afraid that he's gonna
put me on antidepressants.

You're afra...

Everyone and their mother's
on antidepressants.

- Are you?
- Am I? I'm on three.

Are you serious?

Totally serious,
and I'm totally happy.

What, do you work
for the company?

Yeah, you know what?
I think I have a pen

and a magnetic calendar
here some...

- Do you?
- Yeah.

How do you decide
to do that?

You just wake up
and go, "Great,

I just want my personality
to be a phantom limb?"

- Oh, so you have...
- "I just want, like, a...

I don't need that part
of my brain anymore?"

Let me tell you
how I decided, Marc.

I woke up and said,
"Hey, it's 2015.

We have a black president.

I'm gonna take a pill
and make myself happy."

The president annoys you
that much...

The color of the president?

- Oh, I see... there you go.
- [laughs]

No, everything's great
right now.

We don't have to make
our own soap.

- Right, I understand.
- There's... there's vaccines.

Everything's awesome.
There's pills.

- I'm good! I'm good!
- Yeah. Oh. Yeah.

No one's better than the guy
screaming, "I'm good."

- I'm good!
- Yeah, exactly.

Your creativity and spirit can
defeat any numbing effects.

I guarantee it.

Oh, I like the I...
that idea.

And maybe I can talk about
something other than myself.

You don't want to disappoint
your fans.

That's... I know, I know.
They're depending on me to...

- They really are. Okay.
- All right, I'll go, I'll go.

I'll... I'll go
to the psychiatrist.

[sighs]

I thought there'd be a couch.

[chuckles]
I'm a psychopharmacologist.

Couches are more
talk therapy.

Oh, okay.
I didn't realize. Yeah.

Um, so, your neurologist
told me about your symptoms,

and I have a new
serotonin-reuptake inhibitor

that I think will work
perfectly for you.

So we're going
right to antidepressants.

I assure you,
they're perfectly safe.

W... I'm not questioning
their safety,

a-and I don't want to
have tingles and panic...

Sure.

...but I also am nervous about
being "too good," too happy.

I don't want to lose my edge,
you know?

[chuckles] You're not gonna
lose anything, trust me.

I, uh, I treat
a lot of comedians.

- Really? Who?
- Mm-hmm.

Obviously, I can't say,
but, uh, they're pretty big.

Funny ones?

Do you find that
the funnier the comedian,

the more depressed he is,
or is that just me?

That's funny.

That's what you guys say,
right?

You don't laugh,
you just go, "That's funny."

Oh, yeah.

I used to, uh, I used to do
a little stand-up myself

back in the day.

- Of course you did.
- Yeah.

You want to do my podcast?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I can't.

I've got horrible
performance anxiety.

Gotcha!
[laughs]

Uh, no, but, uh, seriously,

um, I've got something
that's brand-new

that I think will be perfect
for your particular condition.

It's called Fetzipan.

- Fetzipan.
- Yeah.

I, uh, I told my wife, uh,

"It sounds to me like
a Yiddish Disney character."

[laughs]

Okay, if I take the medicine,
will I find that joke funny?

Because if that's the case,
I don't want to take it.

Would you like a pen?

I don't need a pen.

- No? Okay.
- Is there side effects?

Once in a blue moon,

someone gets, uh,
dizziness or dry mouth,

and occasionally there's a
modest reduction in sex drive.

I could use a reduction
in sex drive.

[laughs] You, sir,
are a funny, funny man.

I hope to keep it that way.

Trust me, you'll be fine.

All right, let's do this.

So...
Hey, it's a fetzi-pen.

[laughs]

Fetz... Okay.

Made some tea.

Tea?

What happened to coffee?

I ran out.

And you're not freaking out?

No, tea's good.

This is, uh, hibiscus tea.

[chuckling] Oh, that is...
that is good.

Hey.
Hey, check it out, Marc.

According
to The Comedy Bureau,

T.J. Miller continues
to be hilarious.

That's crazy.

Yes!

But good for him.

He's all right.

You know, he deserves it.

What?

I guess
the medication's working.

I don't... I...
I don't feel it at all.

Oh, well, trust me,
it is working really good.

It's good stuff.
Fetzipan?

Fetzipan.

Sounds like, uh, uh,
a Yiddish Disney character.

[laughing] That's funny.

- No, it's not, Marc.
- What?

That sounds like a joke
I would come up with,

that you would tell me not to do
'cause it's hack.

Hack!

Why are you yelling?

[crinkling]

[gasps]

Hi, Marc.

Hi, Stu.

This is weird,
because you're dead.

Yes, Marc. I'm dead.

Nice to see you, too.

Wow, you're wearing chains.

That's kind of hacky.

It's classic, Marc!
It's classic ghost!

I mean, why do you have
to be so judgmental?

What do you get out of it?

I don't know.

It makes me feel better
than other people.

You're so insecure.

I thought things
were going well for you.

They are going well for me.

Then why am I here?

[laughs spookily]

Oh, Marc!

Whoa!
You know what I mean.

No? You know what I mean?
Oh, there he goes.

Lot of side effects.

- You getting headaches?
- Nope.

- Diarrhea?
- Nope.

- Nausea?
- No.

- Dizziness?
- Nope.

- Heart palpitations?
- No.

- Hallucinations?
- Yes.

What?

[sighs]

The ghost of Stu Carbone
was in my bed last night,

with chains and everything.

With chains? So hacky.

I know.
That's what I said.

But he said
it was classic.

Sounds like
that could be serious.

Do you think you want to talk
to a doctor about it?

No, I think I'm just
gonna ride it out, man.

- [cellphone buzzes]
- Ooh!

Could that be Stu
texting from the grave?

- That's not funny.
- I'm sorry.

It's that model.

Oh, you poor bastard.

We went out
a couple days ago.

And she's calling you
afterwards? Mazel tov.

Yeah. I... W...
Nothing happened, really.

- Really?
- Nah-ah, no.

I-I wonder if it
has anything... to do

with this annoying thing
you're doing with your mouth.

I'm not doing anything
with my mouth.

I'm just trying
to unclog my ears.

We're not on a plane.

It looks like
you're gasping for air.

No, that was two days ago,
when I had a panic attack.

Thank God Nicole knew
the thing with the bag.

- Nicole?
- Mm-hmm.

She has a name?
It's not "the model"?

- Mm-hmm.
- Nurse Nicole.

Yeah. She wants
to go out again.

A-Are you gonna bring Stu
with you?

Oh, my God.
Why is this happening to me?

'Cause you can't say no.

You happen to be
a pussy pleaser.

What else is there, Andy?

I wouldn't know.
I'm married.

I want you to drip hot wax
on me... on my tits.

Really?
You want me to do that?

Yeah. I want to do whatever
is gonna turn you on.

I am turned on.

Well, tell your dick.

Oh, he's on antidepressants.

[gasps] Oh, wow.
You're on antidepressants.

What is it
with all you older guys?

Ugh.
I got to go to the bathroom.

Oh, God!

Hey, Marc.
How's it going?

How do you think?

I'm talking to a dead hack,
and I can't get it up.

Oh, you know, they got a pill
for that, too.

As a matter of fact, they got
a pill for everything, you know?

So you don't have to worry...

except, of course,
about having enough pills.

Stop talking, will you?

It's bad enough I got
to look at you, all right?

Get off the toilet.
I got to pee.

Oh, you... y-you can go.

I-It won't splash me.
Go ahead.

Yeah, go ahead.

[sighs]

[urine splashing]

Christ, this is too weird.

Pee shy because you're
gonna piss through me?

Maybe this will help.

[shouts spookily]

No. No, that's not
helping at all.

Oh.

NICOLE: You okay in there?
Who are you talking to?

Uh, just me.
N-No problem.

She sounds nice.

She's not inside my head.

Yeah. I'll tell you
what's inside your head...

fear and anxiety.

It's your personal
fossil fuel.

It's destroying you,
but you can't let go of it.

No, not anymore.
I'm taking antidepressants.

Ah, come on, Marc,

we both know
that you taking medication

to be less anxious is gonna
make you more anxious.

I mean, look at you.

Your dreams came true,
and nothing changes.

Wow. You sound like
the voice inside my head.

I am.

[sighs]

You know
what you want to do.

You know, once those drugs
are out of your system,

I'll be a distant,
creepy memory.

You're already a distant,
creepy memory, Stu.

[screams]

I'm melting! I'm melting!

That was a little pathetic.

Hey, don't blame me.
It's your hallucination.

[chains jangling]

[sighs]

[jangling continues]

[Stu moaning]

Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0