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1
00:00:01,664 --> 00:00:03,615
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba
2
00:00:03,667 --> 00:00:05,366
Ba, ba, ba, ba
3
00:00:05,419 --> 00:00:08,703
Ba, la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
4
00:00:08,755 --> 00:00:11,206
Ba, la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
5
00:00:11,208 --> 00:00:13,708
Ba, la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
6
00:00:13,710 --> 00:00:16,711
Ba, la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
7
00:00:16,713 --> 00:00:19,180
La-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
8
00:00:19,216 --> 00:00:21,883
La-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
9
00:00:21,885 --> 00:00:24,385
La-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
10
00:00:24,387 --> 00:00:26,855
La-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
11
00:00:26,890 --> 00:00:29,390
La-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
12
00:00:29,392 --> 00:00:32,310
La-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
13
00:00:32,362 --> 00:00:34,229
Aw, shit!
14
00:00:34,231 --> 00:00:36,815
[shifter clicks, engine revs]
15
00:00:36,867 --> 00:00:40,368
- [tires screech]
- Come on, man! Ridiculous!
16
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,573
Unreal!
17
00:00:53,216 --> 00:00:54,415
What?!
18
00:00:57,254 --> 00:01:00,421
Ba, la-la-la-la,
la-la-la-la-la-la
19
00:01:00,474 --> 00:01:03,224
["The Poisoned Well" plays]
20
00:01:04,594 --> 00:01:07,595
Won't fall for it
21
00:01:07,647 --> 00:01:10,365
You can't see
22
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,767
And you can't tell
23
00:01:12,769 --> 00:01:16,771
I just can't drink
from the poisoned well
24
00:01:16,806 --> 00:01:19,706
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
25
00:01:19,742 --> 00:01:22,777
JOSHUA: Only I wouldn't say that I'm
a cute guy, you know?
26
00:01:22,829 --> 00:01:24,279
Like, I'm a big guy.
I'm a big guy.
27
00:01:24,281 --> 00:01:25,914
[Pakistani accent]
Oh, come on.
28
00:01:25,949 --> 00:01:27,615
That's... that's not true.
Well, I mean, you know,
29
00:01:27,617 --> 00:01:29,284
- it's true you're a big guy.
- That's good.
30
00:01:29,336 --> 00:01:30,952
Hey, can I...
can I ask you something?
31
00:01:31,004 --> 00:01:32,537
I've been meaning
to ask you.
32
00:01:32,589 --> 00:01:34,205
What's happening?
What's happening with this?
33
00:01:34,257 --> 00:01:35,623
It's a mustache.
34
00:01:35,675 --> 00:01:37,458
But it's... You're doing
the same thing as me,
35
00:01:37,460 --> 00:01:39,294
and we're friends.
Why are you doing that?
36
00:01:39,346 --> 00:01:41,796
- I don't see that at all.
- You don't see that it's the same thing?
37
00:01:41,848 --> 00:01:43,298
No.
38
00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:44,599
What's wrong with you?
39
00:01:44,634 --> 00:01:45,550
And, of course, I have this...
40
00:01:45,602 --> 00:01:47,101
this adorable accent,
41
00:01:47,137 --> 00:01:50,138
which enables me to say
[laughing] anything...
42
00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:52,640
literally anything
and get a laugh.
43
00:01:52,692 --> 00:01:54,642
Look, just go ahead.
Give me a word.
44
00:01:54,644 --> 00:01:56,611
Fine. Uh, Holocaust.
45
00:01:56,646 --> 00:01:58,813
[exaggerated Pakistani accent]
Holocaust?
46
00:01:58,865 --> 00:01:59,647
[laughter]
47
00:01:59,699 --> 00:02:01,149
Yeah. Right?
48
00:02:01,201 --> 00:02:03,618
What the shit?
When are they gonna be done?
49
00:02:03,653 --> 00:02:04,786
What is he doing?
50
00:02:04,821 --> 00:02:06,738
He's just...
Is he just saying words?
51
00:02:06,790 --> 00:02:08,573
Is Kumar just
saying words now?
52
00:02:08,625 --> 00:02:10,158
Jar Jar Binks.
53
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,075
[laughter]
54
00:02:11,127 --> 00:02:12,460
Okay, all right, there.
55
00:02:12,495 --> 00:02:14,078
That's a... that's...
that's a laugh.
56
00:02:14,130 --> 00:02:15,830
- Hey, Marc.
- What?
57
00:02:15,882 --> 00:02:17,332
Are you mad
about something?
58
00:02:17,334 --> 00:02:18,666
Shut up, all right?
59
00:02:18,718 --> 00:02:20,168
He just said he'd
get me out of here early
60
00:02:20,170 --> 00:02:22,003
so I could make my set
at the comedy store.
61
00:02:22,005 --> 00:02:24,088
Now I don't know
when they're gonna be done.
62
00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:26,007
JOSHUA:
Testicular cancer.
63
00:02:26,059 --> 00:02:27,809
KUMAR:
Testicular cancer.
64
00:02:27,844 --> 00:02:29,644
[laughter]
65
00:02:29,679 --> 00:02:31,512
This is bullshit!
66
00:02:33,149 --> 00:02:35,266
Wow.
67
00:02:35,318 --> 00:02:38,519
[normal accent] Uh...
Okay, so, uh, with that,
68
00:02:38,572 --> 00:02:41,940
please welcome a friend...
f-friend of the show...
69
00:02:41,992 --> 00:02:44,158
Mr. Marc Maron.
70
00:02:44,194 --> 00:02:46,861
[scattered applause]
71
00:02:46,913 --> 00:02:48,329
Wow. Yeah.
72
00:02:48,365 --> 00:02:49,530
Yeah. Welcome.
73
00:02:49,583 --> 00:02:50,531
Okay.
74
00:02:50,533 --> 00:02:52,200
Yeah, I know.
75
00:02:52,252 --> 00:02:55,703
Keep it going for Joshua
and Kumar Sanjani.
76
00:02:55,755 --> 00:02:58,873
Oh, my God,
that was relentless.
77
00:02:58,875 --> 00:02:59,874
[scattered laughter]
78
00:02:59,876 --> 00:03:01,175
That was terrible.
79
00:03:01,211 --> 00:03:02,343
How long was that gonna
go on for?
80
00:03:02,379 --> 00:03:04,462
What, are you kidding me?
81
00:03:04,514 --> 00:03:08,633
Comedy's not supposed to be
tiring, or it didn't used to be.
82
00:03:08,685 --> 00:03:10,218
[scattered applause]
83
00:03:10,220 --> 00:03:11,853
[sighs]
84
00:03:11,888 --> 00:03:13,388
That was bullshit.
85
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:15,890
DAVE: No. It's cool to watch
a comic make an audience
86
00:03:15,942 --> 00:03:17,141
hate him right away.
87
00:03:17,193 --> 00:03:18,977
Are those new glasses?
88
00:03:19,029 --> 00:03:19,811
Yeah.
89
00:03:19,863 --> 00:03:20,895
[scoffs]
90
00:03:20,947 --> 00:03:22,313
Hey, is there
a problem, man?
91
00:03:22,365 --> 00:03:23,898
Just... just...
just... just...
92
00:03:23,950 --> 00:03:25,400
just for the record,
93
00:03:25,452 --> 00:03:27,035
you can't say I'm not funny
on my own show.
94
00:03:27,070 --> 00:03:29,037
All right, well, maybe
I shouldn't do your show!
95
00:03:29,072 --> 00:03:31,406
Why don't you ban me from your
show?! Why don't you do that?!
96
00:03:31,458 --> 00:03:33,408
You know what? I'm not gonna
participate in this right now.
97
00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:34,909
Pussy.
98
00:03:34,911 --> 00:03:36,911
Excuse me?
99
00:03:36,913 --> 00:03:39,664
Pussy. Do... Can you do
your little game on that word?
100
00:03:39,716 --> 00:03:41,165
Make that funny.
101
00:03:41,217 --> 00:03:44,585
Oh, what are you go...
So, you're gonna high-road it?
102
00:03:44,638 --> 00:03:47,422
Are you a bigger man than me?
Is this what this is?
103
00:03:47,474 --> 00:03:49,590
You're a baby!
104
00:03:57,984 --> 00:03:59,100
Wow. That was fun.
105
00:03:59,102 --> 00:04:00,852
Yeah, totally
unprofessional.
106
00:04:00,904 --> 00:04:02,904
Well, you know what
he's gonna do.
107
00:04:02,939 --> 00:04:05,273
Tomorrow he's gonna
E-mail me apologizing.
108
00:04:05,325 --> 00:04:07,275
No, you know what
he's gonna do?
109
00:04:07,277 --> 00:04:09,610
He's gonna text me
in five minutes saying,
110
00:04:09,663 --> 00:04:10,578
"Was I wrong?"
111
00:04:10,613 --> 00:04:15,033
[cellphone chimes]
112
00:04:15,085 --> 00:04:17,618
[chuckles]
What did I tell you, huh?
113
00:04:17,671 --> 00:04:18,619
[chuckles]
114
00:04:18,672 --> 00:04:20,421
[laughing]
Oh, my God.
115
00:04:20,457 --> 00:04:21,589
He has a problem, man.
116
00:04:21,624 --> 00:04:22,757
Yeah.
117
00:04:22,792 --> 00:04:24,542
I'm not gonna
apologize to him.
118
00:04:24,594 --> 00:04:27,128
I'll apologize to Joshua,
but I'm not apologizing to him.
119
00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:29,597
If you wanted to apologize,
it would just, you know,
120
00:04:29,632 --> 00:04:30,798
be to be a better person.
121
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,767
Oh, come on, man.
He burns me.
122
00:04:32,802 --> 00:04:36,137
He's so smug, and he's...
He thinks he's better than I am.
123
00:04:36,139 --> 00:04:38,139
I didn't screw up, man.
He did.
124
00:04:38,191 --> 00:04:40,475
You know, the important thing
is that we've made it
125
00:04:40,527 --> 00:04:42,443
to your second set
just in time for you
126
00:04:42,479 --> 00:04:44,228
to bomb in front
of another audience.
127
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:46,064
Well, I was...
I was too outraged.
128
00:04:46,116 --> 00:04:47,648
I could...
129
00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:49,117
I couldn't even remember
my goddamn ice-cream bit.
130
00:04:49,152 --> 00:04:50,651
You just blew through
a stop sign.
131
00:04:50,653 --> 00:04:52,987
No, I didn't.
I stopped, kinda.
132
00:04:53,039 --> 00:04:54,072
"Kinda"?
133
00:04:54,124 --> 00:04:55,406
It's a California stop, Dave.
134
00:04:55,492 --> 00:04:56,657
It's perfectly acceptable.
135
00:04:56,659 --> 00:04:57,792
Yeah, as long as
nobody sees you.
136
00:04:57,827 --> 00:04:59,077
[siren chirps]
137
00:04:59,129 --> 00:05:02,964
Oh. Well, look,
he... he saw you.
138
00:05:02,999 --> 00:05:04,665
God damn it.
139
00:05:10,557 --> 00:05:13,341
You know, you should be okay
as long as he realizes
140
00:05:13,393 --> 00:05:15,760
we're in California.
141
00:05:15,812 --> 00:05:18,813
Well, this is great.
I have a pedophile mustache.
142
00:05:18,848 --> 00:05:19,764
Shut up!
143
00:05:19,816 --> 00:05:21,182
License and registration?
144
00:05:21,234 --> 00:05:23,434
Is there a problem,
Officer Ferguson?
145
00:05:23,486 --> 00:05:25,019
Do you know why
I pulled you over?
146
00:05:25,071 --> 00:05:28,022
I don't know.
To, uh, meet your quota?
147
00:05:28,074 --> 00:05:29,690
Step out of the car, sir.
148
00:05:29,743 --> 00:05:31,776
Why?!
There was nobody coming!
149
00:05:31,828 --> 00:05:33,027
Out of the car.
150
00:05:33,029 --> 00:05:34,529
He's complying,
Sergeant Chokehold.
151
00:05:34,581 --> 00:05:35,496
You're not helping.
152
00:05:35,532 --> 00:05:39,450
I'm not trying to.
153
00:05:39,502 --> 00:05:41,202
Hands on the hood,
please.
154
00:05:41,254 --> 00:05:43,504
Oh, really?
155
00:05:46,509 --> 00:05:47,508
You been drinking
tonight?
156
00:05:47,544 --> 00:05:48,843
Not in 16 years.
157
00:05:48,878 --> 00:05:50,044
Want me to produce
the chip for you?
158
00:05:50,096 --> 00:05:51,546
This is bullshit, man.
159
00:05:51,548 --> 00:05:53,181
Two weeks ago,
my neighbor got broken into.
160
00:05:53,216 --> 00:05:54,715
You guys didn't do dick.
161
00:05:54,717 --> 00:05:56,551
Now a law-abiding citizen
doesn't completely stop
162
00:05:56,553 --> 00:05:57,552
at a stop sign.
163
00:05:57,554 --> 00:05:58,719
Now you're all brave, right?
164
00:05:58,721 --> 00:06:00,221
You're all brave,
and you get...
165
00:06:00,223 --> 00:06:01,522
Are you out of your mind?
166
00:06:01,558 --> 00:06:03,224
Do you know how easy
it would be for me
167
00:06:03,276 --> 00:06:04,892
to slam your face
into that hood?
168
00:06:04,894 --> 00:06:07,028
You're mouthing off to a cop.
I've got a gun.
169
00:06:07,063 --> 00:06:08,563
I don't even have
to touch you.
170
00:06:08,565 --> 00:06:10,231
I could just throw you in jail
and turn my back
171
00:06:10,233 --> 00:06:11,899
while you get ass-raped.
172
00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:14,402
This is going on
social media, asshole.
173
00:06:14,454 --> 00:06:15,937
- Back in the car!
- Yeah, you got it.
174
00:06:17,707 --> 00:06:20,041
You've got
an anger problem.
175
00:06:20,076 --> 00:06:23,578
You need to get help.
176
00:06:23,580 --> 00:06:26,631
Now, go home.
177
00:06:26,666 --> 00:06:28,716
That's it?
178
00:06:28,751 --> 00:06:30,802
Get help!
179
00:06:37,227 --> 00:06:38,593
Wait, that's it?
180
00:06:38,595 --> 00:06:39,927
Are you're just
getting away with it?
181
00:06:39,979 --> 00:06:43,231
He's cutting me
a break, man.
182
00:06:43,266 --> 00:06:44,098
Jesus.
183
00:06:46,102 --> 00:06:47,568
If he was a black guy,
184
00:06:47,604 --> 00:06:49,520
you'd be kicking his teeth in
right now, racist.
185
00:06:49,572 --> 00:06:50,905
OFFICER:
Back in the car!
186
00:06:50,940 --> 00:06:52,690
Yeah, you got that.
187
00:06:55,428 --> 00:06:57,562
I'm gonna go mail
these T-shirts,
188
00:06:57,598 --> 00:06:58,981
then pick up lunch
and be back.
189
00:06:59,016 --> 00:07:00,565
Yeah, okay. Hey, wait.
190
00:07:00,601 --> 00:07:03,602
Did you check in to
that class thing for me?
191
00:07:03,654 --> 00:07:06,021
Oh, you mean
the anger-management class?
192
00:07:06,073 --> 00:07:07,606
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yep.
193
00:07:07,658 --> 00:07:10,609
I have all the info
right here.
194
00:07:10,661 --> 00:07:12,444
Brochure with class times.
195
00:07:12,446 --> 00:07:16,415
And these are
anger-coping mechanisms.
196
00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,200
And, oh, actually,
this is cool.
197
00:07:18,252 --> 00:07:19,584
It's the anger iceberg.
198
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:21,586
See, um, rage and anger
are just the tip.
199
00:07:21,622 --> 00:07:23,622
Lurking beneath the surface
200
00:07:23,624 --> 00:07:28,760
are feelings of sadness,
fear, guilt, shame.
201
00:07:28,796 --> 00:07:30,128
Great. Thanks.
202
00:07:30,130 --> 00:07:31,430
You know, Marc,
203
00:07:31,465 --> 00:07:33,298
I just got to say I feel
pretty honored
204
00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:36,101
that you would trust me
with something so personal.
205
00:07:36,136 --> 00:07:37,436
Okay.
206
00:07:37,471 --> 00:07:38,887
It's cool you see me
as a friend.
207
00:07:38,939 --> 00:07:40,389
Well, you're my assistant.
208
00:07:40,441 --> 00:07:41,890
I sent you on an errand.
209
00:07:41,942 --> 00:07:43,308
An errand of friendship.
210
00:07:43,310 --> 00:07:44,776
No, it was shit-work.
211
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,311
Okay.
212
00:07:46,363 --> 00:07:47,145
Oh, come on.
213
00:07:47,197 --> 00:07:48,981
My... my temper tantrums
214
00:07:48,983 --> 00:07:51,650
don't really affect you,
do they?
215
00:07:51,652 --> 00:07:53,452
No, I'm used to it.
216
00:07:53,487 --> 00:07:55,487
My mom's got
anger issues, too.
217
00:07:55,539 --> 00:07:56,822
Oh, well, that sucks.
218
00:07:56,824 --> 00:07:57,990
Yeah, yeah,
I think she had
219
00:07:57,992 --> 00:07:59,408
a lot of rage
towards her parents.
220
00:07:59,460 --> 00:08:00,625
Mm-hmm.
221
00:08:00,661 --> 00:08:02,661
And then it just
kind of fell on
222
00:08:02,663 --> 00:08:03,795
my brother and me.
223
00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:05,163
Hmm. Right.
224
00:08:05,165 --> 00:08:08,166
Coming home from school
was always stressful.
225
00:08:08,218 --> 00:08:12,587
We never knew if she'd be
fine or furious over
226
00:08:12,639 --> 00:08:14,006
some stupid dish
I'd left out somewhere.
227
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:15,424
Uh-huh. Yeah.
228
00:08:15,476 --> 00:08:16,758
I hope you understand
229
00:08:16,810 --> 00:08:18,260
that when I'm...
when I'm yelling at you,
230
00:08:18,312 --> 00:08:19,978
I'm really just yelling
at the situation, all right?
231
00:08:20,014 --> 00:08:21,346
It just so happens
232
00:08:21,398 --> 00:08:23,815
that I'm using your name
and I'm pointing at you.
233
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:25,183
You understand that, right?
234
00:08:25,185 --> 00:08:26,151
Yeah, I get that.
235
00:08:26,186 --> 00:08:27,436
Okay, okay.
236
00:08:27,488 --> 00:08:28,987
It was like that time
when you yelled at me
237
00:08:29,023 --> 00:08:31,356
because your car wasn't ready
from the mechanic.
238
00:08:31,358 --> 00:08:33,025
- I mean, it was not my fault.
- Right, that's exactly right.
239
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:34,192
- Right.
- Yeah.
240
00:08:34,194 --> 00:08:35,360
Yeah, or, like,
when I booked
241
00:08:35,362 --> 00:08:36,828
Kevin MacDonald
the director
242
00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:39,281
and you were expecting
Kevin McDonald the comedian,
243
00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:40,949
it wasn't my fault
you weren't prepared.
244
00:08:41,001 --> 00:08:43,001
I don't... I don't know.
I think that was kind of on you.
245
00:08:43,037 --> 00:08:44,836
I mean, you knew there were
two Kevin McDonalds.
246
00:08:44,872 --> 00:08:47,005
You didn't tell me which one was
coming. I think that's...
247
00:08:47,041 --> 00:08:48,874
No, no, no.
One's a Mac, and one's a Mc.
248
00:08:48,876 --> 00:08:50,542
It's not my problem
you're blind...
249
00:08:50,544 --> 00:08:52,627
Just mail the boxes!
250
00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,848
Can we do that now?!
251
00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:58,016
Oh, my God!
252
00:08:58,052 --> 00:08:59,468
MARON: I don't know.
253
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,186
You know, not a lot of things
make me mad.
254
00:09:01,221 --> 00:09:05,223
Prejudice. Traffic.
Bad waiters.
255
00:09:05,275 --> 00:09:06,725
B.J. Novak is
a children's book author now?
256
00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,226
How does that happen?
257
00:09:08,228 --> 00:09:10,629
Oh, and one time I got
these Peruvian boots.
258
00:09:10,664 --> 00:09:13,865
The tongue of the boot
just never broke in right
259
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:17,319
and kept cutting into my...
Oh, God.
260
00:09:17,371 --> 00:09:19,404
My parents were incapable
of thinking about
261
00:09:19,456 --> 00:09:21,156
anyone but themselves.
262
00:09:21,208 --> 00:09:23,708
I mean, my mother projected
her eating disorder on me,
263
00:09:23,744 --> 00:09:26,078
which is why I have
body dysmorphia. My dad...
264
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:30,082
this bipolar narcissist
who thought he was a superhero.
265
00:09:30,084 --> 00:09:32,417
I talk about this stuff
at A.A. meetings.
266
00:09:32,469 --> 00:09:34,886
I go to therapy.
I read psychology books.
267
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:36,838
I-I really couldn't be more
in touch with my emotions
268
00:09:36,890 --> 00:09:37,889
than I am right now.
269
00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:41,927
And in a moment, it just goes.
270
00:09:46,934 --> 00:09:48,600
Stupid.
271
00:09:48,652 --> 00:09:50,235
Excuse me?!
272
00:09:52,106 --> 00:09:54,072
Do you have a problem
with me, man?!
273
00:09:54,108 --> 00:09:55,073
No problem.
274
00:09:57,828 --> 00:10:00,212
MARIA: Well, I think it's great
that you're gonna try
275
00:10:00,247 --> 00:10:01,696
to get this under control.
276
00:10:01,748 --> 00:10:04,282
MARON: Well, thank you.
I'm excited about it.
277
00:10:04,284 --> 00:10:05,584
I mean, it's been 50 years.
278
00:10:05,619 --> 00:10:07,586
I've been an asshole
for like 50 years.
279
00:10:07,621 --> 00:10:09,371
- 50 years.
- Yeah, I've got that down.
280
00:10:09,423 --> 00:10:14,626
So, what is motivating you
to turn over a new leaf?
281
00:10:14,628 --> 00:10:15,627
[sighs]
282
00:10:15,679 --> 00:10:16,962
Because of what
happened at...
283
00:10:17,014 --> 00:10:18,130
at burndown?
284
00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:19,598
How do you know about that?
285
00:10:19,633 --> 00:10:21,133
Do you know about that?
Who d...
286
00:10:21,135 --> 00:10:22,300
No.
287
00:10:22,352 --> 00:10:23,969
Wait, did Kumar
tell you about it?
288
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:25,220
Did he tweet about it?
289
00:10:25,272 --> 00:10:27,806
He's the sweetest,
nicest person.
290
00:10:27,858 --> 00:10:30,275
Oh, I don't think
that's true.
291
00:10:30,310 --> 00:10:31,443
Yes.
292
00:10:31,478 --> 00:10:33,812
No, that's not
the words I would use.
293
00:10:33,814 --> 00:10:37,115
Unflappable I think is what
he is, and that bothers me.
294
00:10:37,151 --> 00:10:38,650
I do not like unflappable.
295
00:10:38,702 --> 00:10:40,452
He is unflappable,
that guy.
296
00:10:40,487 --> 00:10:41,786
Okay, enough about him.
297
00:10:41,822 --> 00:10:44,923
Let's get off of...
of St. Sanjani.
298
00:10:44,958 --> 00:10:47,792
You seem like a person that,
at the very least,
299
00:10:47,828 --> 00:10:49,294
hides her anger very well.
300
00:10:49,329 --> 00:10:51,329
You don't seem like
an angry person outwardly.
301
00:10:51,331 --> 00:10:53,298
- Yes. Yes, yes.
- I'm believing the illusion
302
00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:55,500
- that you're creating for everyone.
- Yes, oh, yeah.
303
00:10:55,552 --> 00:10:59,254
Uh, do you have any advice
for me to sort of,
304
00:10:59,306 --> 00:11:03,008
kind of harness my
Howard Beale-ish tendencies
305
00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:07,512
to get maybe less... uh...?
306
00:11:07,564 --> 00:11:09,181
I'm the wrong person
to ask.
307
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:11,099
You should really
be asking someone
308
00:11:11,151 --> 00:11:12,484
who carries a lot of anger.
309
00:11:12,519 --> 00:11:14,186
Huh. Yeah.
310
00:11:14,188 --> 00:11:15,904
That makes sense, actually.
311
00:11:21,745 --> 00:11:22,994
[woman moaning]
312
00:11:23,030 --> 00:11:24,613
- [sighs]
- Hey.
313
00:11:24,665 --> 00:11:26,698
I was about to
rub one off.
314
00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:27,782
Come on in.
315
00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:29,534
No, I don't... No.
316
00:11:29,586 --> 00:11:32,787
I just got to know how do you
manage to keep it together?
317
00:11:32,839 --> 00:11:33,872
What do you mean?
318
00:11:33,874 --> 00:11:35,040
I mean, look at you.
319
00:11:35,092 --> 00:11:36,408
You live in a dump.
320
00:11:36,443 --> 00:11:38,460
I mean, your career's
in the toilet,
321
00:11:38,512 --> 00:11:39,878
and you hate your family.
322
00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:41,796
You got no woman
in your life.
323
00:11:41,848 --> 00:11:45,717
Your hair's not
doing you any favors.
324
00:11:45,719 --> 00:11:48,353
You have this identity complex
going on with me now.
325
00:11:48,388 --> 00:11:51,022
I mean, how do you not
completely lose your shit?
326
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,558
[scoffs]
327
00:11:56,563 --> 00:11:58,730
Let's go around back.
328
00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:08,156
What, do you got
gym equipment out here?
329
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:11,459
Kinda.
330
00:12:18,001 --> 00:12:20,919
You're the only one
I've ever let in here.
331
00:12:20,921 --> 00:12:22,337
Ohh.
332
00:12:22,389 --> 00:12:24,422
I hope I'm the only one
you... you let out.
333
00:12:24,474 --> 00:12:26,391
Yeah. It's my private place.
334
00:12:26,426 --> 00:12:28,843
I get as angry
as I want in here.
335
00:12:28,895 --> 00:12:30,512
I just leave it in here.
336
00:12:30,564 --> 00:12:32,097
And that works for you?
337
00:12:32,149 --> 00:12:35,100
Yeah, it's been
pretty helpful.
338
00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:37,435
Some politicians
up there.
339
00:12:37,487 --> 00:12:40,272
- Oh, there's that guy from the place.
- Jeff.
340
00:12:40,274 --> 00:12:41,606
Jeff. I hate that guy.
341
00:12:41,658 --> 00:12:42,941
Yeah.
342
00:12:42,943 --> 00:12:44,776
Oh, look, there's, uh,
Tyson... Mike Tyson?
343
00:12:44,778 --> 00:12:46,194
Yeah, convicted rapist.
344
00:12:46,246 --> 00:12:48,496
Now everyone in Hollywood
loves him.
345
00:12:48,532 --> 00:12:50,198
- Hmm.
- What's up with that?
346
00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:52,951
I think he did
his time, right?
347
00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:55,954
So, now rape's okay?
Is that where we're going?
348
00:12:55,956 --> 00:12:58,373
No, I don't want to get...
I don't want to talk about it.
349
00:12:58,425 --> 00:13:00,041
- Oh, look at that. It's me.
- Yeah.
350
00:13:00,093 --> 00:13:02,377
What, are you jealous of me?
Is that why that's up there?
351
00:13:02,429 --> 00:13:04,596
- I appreciate that. Thank you.
- Yeah, no problem.
352
00:13:04,631 --> 00:13:06,264
Hey, this guy?
353
00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:07,882
- Yeah?
- Childhood bully.
354
00:13:07,934 --> 00:13:08,967
- Mm-hmm.
- And this chick
355
00:13:08,969 --> 00:13:10,802
wouldn't date me
in high school,
356
00:13:10,804 --> 00:13:13,271
and now I put my dick
right in her eye holes.
357
00:13:13,307 --> 00:13:15,473
Well, that's atrocious.
358
00:13:15,475 --> 00:13:16,975
Yeah.
359
00:13:17,027 --> 00:13:19,311
But it's great learning
new things about you.
360
00:13:19,313 --> 00:13:20,979
What's going on here?
361
00:13:20,981 --> 00:13:23,865
Oh, Marc, meet my father.
362
00:13:24,818 --> 00:13:25,784
[grunts]
363
00:13:25,819 --> 00:13:27,152
All right,
I got to go.
364
00:13:27,204 --> 00:13:29,070
Where are you going?
I'm gonna go to home depot,
365
00:13:29,122 --> 00:13:32,824
maybe get a shed with a...
maybe with a well in it, okay?
366
00:13:32,826 --> 00:13:34,326
Yeah.
367
00:13:34,328 --> 00:13:36,911
You, uh... you just go ahead
and close the door.
368
00:13:36,963 --> 00:13:39,297
All right... weirdo.
369
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:40,498
Have a good workout.
370
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:48,408
What...
what's happening?
371
00:13:48,443 --> 00:13:50,476
Hey, do you know
whose car that is?
372
00:13:50,528 --> 00:13:53,279
Blocking my driveway.
373
00:13:53,314 --> 00:13:56,315
What the...?
374
00:13:56,317 --> 00:13:58,568
This is ridiculous!
375
00:13:58,620 --> 00:13:59,402
What the...
376
00:13:59,454 --> 00:14:00,453
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
377
00:14:00,488 --> 00:14:01,654
Why is this here?!
378
00:14:01,656 --> 00:14:03,289
Wait, what are you
doing, man?
379
00:14:03,324 --> 00:14:04,574
What's going on, Bernie?
380
00:14:04,626 --> 00:14:06,959
That's a beautiful...
beautiful hatchback.
381
00:14:06,995 --> 00:14:08,661
Hatchback.
382
00:14:08,663 --> 00:14:11,080
It's... But it's in my...
I don't know, Bernie.
383
00:14:11,132 --> 00:14:13,166
I don't know what's
wrong with me, man.
384
00:14:13,168 --> 00:14:14,333
My car's right up there.
385
00:14:14,386 --> 00:14:16,252
It's not even blocking
my driveway,
386
00:14:16,304 --> 00:14:20,473
and I'm just like... Yeah...
I'm a... I'm a mess, man.
387
00:14:20,508 --> 00:14:22,675
I'm a mess.
388
00:14:22,727 --> 00:14:25,011
Huh.
389
00:14:25,063 --> 00:14:27,847
I'm searching for treasure.
You seen any?
390
00:14:27,882 --> 00:14:28,681
No.
391
00:14:28,717 --> 00:14:29,932
Good. Good.
392
00:14:29,984 --> 00:14:33,519
That means
it's still out there.
393
00:14:33,571 --> 00:14:35,988
Oh, my God.
394
00:14:36,024 --> 00:14:38,524
Let me... let me ask you
a question.
395
00:14:38,576 --> 00:14:41,194
Have you ever humiliated
yourself in... in...
396
00:14:41,246 --> 00:14:42,361
in front of people?
397
00:14:42,414 --> 00:14:44,781
In what way?
You mean, like,
398
00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:47,366
in a way where
you felt embarrassed?
399
00:14:47,419 --> 00:14:48,501
Yeah.
400
00:14:48,536 --> 00:14:50,837
No. I've never
done that.
401
00:14:50,872 --> 00:14:52,338
Well, I did it.
402
00:14:52,373 --> 00:14:54,006
With what?
403
00:14:54,042 --> 00:14:56,292
I lost my shit in front of this
guy and his wife, all right?
404
00:14:56,344 --> 00:14:57,877
I was a dick, all right?
405
00:14:57,929 --> 00:14:59,796
And there's no way around it.
406
00:14:59,848 --> 00:15:02,381
And now I got to
live with it forever.
407
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:04,383
And I feel like
he's got one over on me.
408
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:05,885
You know what I mean?
409
00:15:05,887 --> 00:15:07,687
Oh, is this about Obama...
President Obama?
410
00:15:07,722 --> 00:15:08,971
- No!
- Is it about Bush?
411
00:15:09,023 --> 00:15:11,057
No! I don't know
those cats.
412
00:15:11,059 --> 00:15:12,809
Then apologize to him.
413
00:15:12,861 --> 00:15:15,728
I can't, man. I can't
give him the satisfaction.
414
00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:18,030
I just can't...
I can't do it.
415
00:15:18,066 --> 00:15:22,151
He's arrogant, smug.
I just can't.
416
00:15:22,203 --> 00:15:26,072
There were these two monks.
417
00:15:26,124 --> 00:15:29,542
They came to a river.
They were Buddhist.
418
00:15:29,577 --> 00:15:31,661
What are you talking about?
419
00:15:31,713 --> 00:15:34,380
It's a story.
I'm telling you a story.
420
00:15:34,415 --> 00:15:36,666
All right, all right.
Okay, all right. Go, go.
421
00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:41,087
So, these two monks
saw this woman.
422
00:15:41,089 --> 00:15:42,672
I don't know if
she was Buddhist,
423
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,223
but that's not
what's important.
424
00:15:44,259 --> 00:15:45,892
Okay.
425
00:15:45,927 --> 00:15:49,262
So, the woman wants to be
carried across the river.
426
00:15:49,264 --> 00:15:51,731
The old monk says,
"I'll do it."
427
00:15:51,766 --> 00:15:55,268
So, he carries the broad
straight across the river...
428
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:57,436
done.
429
00:15:57,438 --> 00:16:01,741
But she never said,
"Thanks."
430
00:16:01,776 --> 00:16:03,025
Right.
431
00:16:03,077 --> 00:16:04,777
That's a nice shirt, man.
432
00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:06,279
Thanks, man.
433
00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:08,948
I got a jacket with
big monster tits on it.
434
00:16:08,950 --> 00:16:11,117
I've seen that jacket.
They're not that big.
435
00:16:11,169 --> 00:16:18,624
So, so, for the rest of the day,
the young monk is mad...
436
00:16:18,626 --> 00:16:22,628
mad at the bitch
for not saying, "Thank you."
437
00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:24,063
Right.
438
00:16:24,098 --> 00:16:25,548
And finally,
439
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,885
the old monk slaps the shit
out of that guy
440
00:16:28,937 --> 00:16:31,721
and stuns him like
a stuck nut.
441
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:33,472
And he says... he says,
442
00:16:33,525 --> 00:16:37,810
"I carried her... I just carried
her across the river, man.
443
00:16:37,812 --> 00:16:41,647
You've been carrying her
the whole day."
444
00:16:41,699 --> 00:16:43,282
I know what you're saying.
445
00:16:43,318 --> 00:16:46,235
You've been saying that
I got to apologize to the guy
446
00:16:46,287 --> 00:16:47,069
for my sake.
447
00:16:47,121 --> 00:16:49,121
No.
448
00:16:49,157 --> 00:16:54,026
You got to apologize
to the guy for your sake.
449
00:16:55,713 --> 00:16:58,247
Be the old monk.
450
00:16:58,299 --> 00:17:00,333
Don't be the young monk.
451
00:17:00,335 --> 00:17:03,002
The young monk
was a bitter monk.
452
00:17:03,054 --> 00:17:06,472
Maybe he shouldn't have
never been a monk at all.
453
00:17:06,507 --> 00:17:08,140
Maybe he had no choice.
454
00:17:08,176 --> 00:17:11,010
Okay. Thanks, Bernie.
455
00:17:11,062 --> 00:17:13,095
I think I get it,
Bernie.
456
00:17:13,147 --> 00:17:15,314
It's always good
seeing you.
457
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:18,100
Yeah. Yeah.
458
00:17:18,152 --> 00:17:19,485
Hey,
459
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,487
that's the treasure
460
00:17:21,522 --> 00:17:23,990
you found today.
461
00:17:24,025 --> 00:17:25,825
- All right.
- [car door closes]
462
00:17:41,342 --> 00:17:43,376
[sighs]
463
00:17:43,378 --> 00:17:45,461
So, you came
to apologize.
464
00:17:45,513 --> 00:17:47,380
Yeah. I'm sorry, man.
465
00:17:47,382 --> 00:17:51,384
I... I was out of line
the other night.
466
00:17:51,436 --> 00:17:53,386
You've got issues.
467
00:17:53,438 --> 00:17:54,987
I-I know I do, man.
468
00:17:55,023 --> 00:17:57,106
I mean, I-I struggle with it
all the time.
469
00:17:57,141 --> 00:17:59,058
I think you're talented.
470
00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:01,560
I mean, you kind of...
right place, right time
471
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,195
with this burndown thing,
and, you know,
472
00:18:03,231 --> 00:18:05,531
some people think you get a pass
'cause you're Pakistani.
473
00:18:05,566 --> 00:18:06,520
And there's a
school of thought
474
00:18:06,556 --> 00:18:07,900
that thinks you earned it.
And I think you might have...
475
00:18:07,952 --> 00:18:09,485
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
476
00:18:09,537 --> 00:18:10,736
So, this... Wait a minute.
477
00:18:10,738 --> 00:18:14,073
This... this is your...
apology?
478
00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:16,575
Uh, not good?
479
00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:18,044
[chuckling] You...
480
00:18:18,079 --> 00:18:20,413
Wow, you're a real
piece of work.
481
00:18:20,415 --> 00:18:22,331
All right, all right,
wait, now, hold on.
482
00:18:22,383 --> 00:18:24,383
- No, no, no, no, no, you hold on.
- I can... I...
483
00:18:24,419 --> 00:18:26,719
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Stop! You hold on.
484
00:18:26,754 --> 00:18:28,220
[scoffs]
485
00:18:28,256 --> 00:18:30,389
You're a real shit bag,
you know that?
486
00:18:30,425 --> 00:18:33,676
You dump on me because
I'm too nice to fight back,
487
00:18:33,728 --> 00:18:36,529
like it's some kind of weakness?
Like, you think I'm soft?
488
00:18:36,564 --> 00:18:38,264
Is that what it is?
Do you think that I'm soft?
489
00:18:38,266 --> 00:18:39,598
I don't know if "soft"
is the right word.
490
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:40,983
It might be the right word.
491
00:18:41,019 --> 00:18:43,235
Do you think that
I've had it easy?!
492
00:18:43,271 --> 00:18:46,272
Is that better? Is that
a better word... "easy"?!
493
00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:47,606
I grew up in Pakistan,
494
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:49,909
surrounded by thieves
and terrorists and...
495
00:18:49,944 --> 00:18:51,777
and religious zealots,
and my mom...
496
00:18:51,829 --> 00:18:53,112
you should meet my mom!
497
00:18:53,164 --> 00:18:55,031
Do you think you
could survive that?!
498
00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:56,582
No, you couldn't.
499
00:18:56,617 --> 00:18:59,535
And then I hit
the job market in 2001.
500
00:18:59,587 --> 00:19:03,422
Do you recall what else
might have happened in 2001?
501
00:19:03,458 --> 00:19:04,540
9... 9/11?
502
00:19:04,592 --> 00:19:05,458
- Pardon me?
- 9/11.
503
00:19:05,510 --> 00:19:07,209
Bingo! Yes! 9/11!
504
00:19:07,261 --> 00:19:08,961
Douche bag!
505
00:19:09,013 --> 00:19:09,962
All right.
506
00:19:09,964 --> 00:19:13,632
I'm not soft!
You asshole!
507
00:19:13,685 --> 00:19:17,803
Okay.
508
00:19:17,805 --> 00:19:19,805
All right. Come on.
Bring it in. Come on.
509
00:19:19,857 --> 00:19:22,808
No, get the hell away
from me for your own good.
510
00:19:24,779 --> 00:19:26,645
Wow! I mean,
you're usually so calm.
511
00:19:26,647 --> 00:19:28,397
This is kind of
blowing my mind.
512
00:19:28,449 --> 00:19:30,566
Why don't you use
this anger in your act?
513
00:19:30,618 --> 00:19:32,651
Be, you know, f-funnier.
A little funny.
514
00:19:32,653 --> 00:19:34,620
You feel better about yourself?
You got me angry.
515
00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:36,489
I just thought we were
kind of...
516
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:38,491
We could be friends,
we could be...
517
00:19:38,543 --> 00:19:41,243
Yeah, no, it ended this way,
and you and I will never...
518
00:19:41,295 --> 00:19:43,129
literally never be friends.
519
00:19:43,164 --> 00:19:44,663
Either way, I have this, uh...
520
00:19:44,716 --> 00:19:47,833
this... this... this...
this iceberg diagram.
521
00:19:47,835 --> 00:19:49,135
It's an anger-management thing,
522
00:19:49,170 --> 00:19:50,669
'cause I'm...
I'm working on mine.
523
00:19:50,671 --> 00:19:52,004
And I could send it to you.
524
00:19:52,006 --> 00:19:53,472
I think it would be
helpful for you.
525
00:19:53,508 --> 00:19:54,673
Shh. Shh. Shh.
Shh. Shh.
526
00:19:54,675 --> 00:19:56,142
Look,
I'll E-mail it to you.
527
00:19:56,177 --> 00:19:58,761
Do you want me to help you
set those chairs...
528
00:19:58,813 --> 00:20:00,513
No, thanks.
No, thank you.
529
00:20:00,565 --> 00:20:02,681
[chuckles]
All right.
530
00:20:02,683 --> 00:20:05,851
See you later, man.
[chuckles]
531
00:20:13,917 --> 00:20:15,533
Here's the deal.
532
00:20:15,535 --> 00:20:18,002
I have a river of rage running
through me at all times.
533
00:20:18,038 --> 00:20:20,672
It's just really up to me
as to whether or not
534
00:20:20,707 --> 00:20:22,874
I'm gonna put the kayak
in the water.
535
00:20:22,876 --> 00:20:24,509
Do you know what I'm saying?
536
00:20:24,544 --> 00:20:27,262
I-I can't say that
I'm not gonna have outbursts.
537
00:20:27,297 --> 00:20:29,380
I can't make
that type of promise...
538
00:20:29,432 --> 00:20:31,349
like, I'm not gonna
have an outburst.
539
00:20:31,384 --> 00:20:32,851
That would be lying.
540
00:20:32,886 --> 00:20:37,222
I can say that I will
try to tighten the gap
541
00:20:37,274 --> 00:20:39,224
between outburst
and apology.
542
00:20:39,276 --> 00:20:41,226
I can...
That's what I'm doing.
543
00:20:41,228 --> 00:20:43,361
And I'm making progress.
544
00:20:43,396 --> 00:20:44,863
Recently, this came
out of my mouth...
545
00:20:44,898 --> 00:20:47,398
"Shut the hell up!
I am sorry!"
546
00:20:47,450 --> 00:20:48,867
That... that's tight.
547
00:20:48,902 --> 00:20:51,402
I mean, t-there is,
like, no gap there.
548
00:20:51,404 --> 00:20:53,238
I don't think the apology
was effective.
549
00:20:53,290 --> 00:20:57,325
I mean, it was tonally, I think,
inappropriate for an apology,
550
00:20:57,377 --> 00:21:00,378
but... but my heart
was in the right place,
551
00:21:00,413 --> 00:21:02,914
and...
and that's progress, people.
552
00:21:02,966 --> 00:21:04,465
That's progress.
553
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:14,060
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
554
00:21:14,110 --> 00:21:18,660
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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