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1
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:04,303
Marc:
I did a bad thing.
2
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:07,606
I didn't mean to.
Who does?
3
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:11,210
But I did it,
and it was bad.
4
00:00:11,212 --> 00:00:13,212
[Slurps]
5
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:15,280
I'm not copping a plea.
6
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:17,149
I was a man obsessed.
7
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:22,021
I was knocking back triple
espressos over ice like water.
8
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,622
I needed something.
9
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:26,225
And I told myself what I needed
10
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:29,228
was a 30-year-old
blasters album.
11
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:33,298
I walked into what I thought
was a record store.
12
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:35,968
Turns out, I walked into hell,
13
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:38,337
only with a better soundtrack.
14
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:41,540
[Rock music plays]
15
00:00:44,210 --> 00:00:45,644
God, I love this.
16
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:48,180
My girlfriend would never
let me listen to music.
17
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,715
Well, she'd let me,
18
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,217
but she was always watching TV
so I couldn't hear it.
19
00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,219
I mean, I could have
used headphones,
20
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,555
but -- but, you know,
they make me feel lonely.
21
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,991
# Crazy about a north side girl #
22
00:00:58,993 --> 00:01:02,661
Wow, man.
23
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:05,497
I think I want these speakers
to adopt me.
24
00:01:05,499 --> 00:01:07,499
[Chuckles]
It's not the speakers, man.
25
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,734
It's the amp.
26
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,402
Serious about music,
get yourself a tube amp.
27
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,604
Tube amp?
[Sighs]
28
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,406
Yeah, you know,
it's a deeper sound.
29
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,675
You hear the shit the way
it was meant to be heard
30
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,577
before everything
got digitally neutered.
31
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,546
Really? So you can hear
the pain better?
32
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,681
No, there's
a warmth to it.
33
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,183
Oh, good. Warm pain.
34
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:26,418
So, I've got to get
one of these.
35
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,554
Mm, no, this one's
not that good.
36
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:31,223
I'm actually saving up
for a 1965 mcintosh.
37
00:01:31,225 --> 00:01:32,424
It's like 4 grand.
38
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,226
4 grand?
Yeah.
39
00:01:34,228 --> 00:01:36,028
I can do that.
I'm gonna do that.
40
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:37,596
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm into vinyl, man.
41
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,298
I'm like the vinyl guy.
42
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,699
I'm thinking about having
a vinyl mid-life crisis.
43
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:42,301
So, I get the amp.
44
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,703
Think about it.
I can't wrap it around a tree.
45
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:47,706
I can't get in trouble for
sticking my dick in it, right?
46
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,575
No.
I can afford it.
47
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:51,710
That's a pretty good checklist
for a mid-life thing, isn't it?
48
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:53,145
All right. Hey, let's do this.
What do you say?
49
00:01:53,147 --> 00:01:54,413
Please.
Okay.
50
00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:56,248
[Chuckles]
What is that?
51
00:01:56,250 --> 00:02:00,385
No, no, just the vinyl guy's
getting depeche mode.
52
00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:02,087
It's just kind of funny.
What do you mean?
53
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,789
I-I -- okay, so I was a little
confused back in the day.
54
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,657
I'm secure enough to revisit.
What's the problem?
55
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,093
No, I just -- I wasn't sure
if it was for you
56
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:09,595
or a present
for some...Girl.
57
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,130
But how about that one?
58
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:12,397
That's the Ian dury
and the blockheads,
59
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:13,499
badass punk with scoliosis,
right?
60
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,734
Wasn't scoliosis.
It was polio.
61
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,303
And the blockheads
weren't punk.
62
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,673
Hey, do you know about
that, uh, that blasters record
63
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:24,576
that they recorded
in Bakersfield in 1985?
64
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:27,112
I talked to
my buddy Dave Alvin...
65
00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:29,515
And he told me there's only
a few hundred of those around
66
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,749
because there was a --
67
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,451
some sort of freak
kitchenette fire
68
00:02:32,453 --> 00:02:34,520
at the factory and all
the masters were destroyed.
69
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:35,821
Do you have that album?
70
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,356
'Cause I'd like to find
that album.
71
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,124
No, sorry.
Don't have it.
72
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,425
No kidding.
Yeah.
73
00:02:40,427 --> 00:02:41,627
Ah. Imagine that.
74
00:02:41,629 --> 00:02:43,162
You want to ring that up
for me, pal?
75
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:44,596
Yeah, sure.
76
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,598
Also, it was a, uh --
it wasn't a kitchenette fire.
77
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,200
It was a dumpster fire
78
00:02:48,202 --> 00:02:49,768
started by the junkie janitor
who had nodded off.
79
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:53,672
And also, I can't charge this
to your petco card, ma'am.
80
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,107
Whatever.
81
00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:59,278
I'm gonna buy a tube amp
immediately.
82
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,779
Great.
Have fun.
83
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,447
Yeah.
Yeah, I will.
84
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:03,782
Hope it all
works out for you,
85
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,450
getting older
and then doing this.
86
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:07,619
Can I get the records?
Yeah, yeah.
87
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,688
["The poisoned well" plays]
88
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,693
Won't fall for it
89
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,462
you can't see
90
00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:19,665
and you can't tell
91
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:25,370
I just can't drink
from the poisoned well
92
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,639
Look at those tubes.
93
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,341
They're beautiful.
94
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:31,310
Is it wrong that I'm sexually
attracted to this thing?
95
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,711
[Tires screech, crash]
96
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,646
Shit.
97
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,149
God damn it.
98
00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:39,184
I'm sorry.
I am distracted.
99
00:03:39,186 --> 00:03:41,220
Yeah, I know.
You were texting.
100
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,521
No, not at all.
101
00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,690
My mind is in a million
different places.
102
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,725
Yeah, well,
there's no damages.
103
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,328
I-I'm going
through a divorce.
104
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,230
I'm...I'm sorry.
Oh.
105
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:52,864
Oh, okay. Yeah, no,
I've been there. I get it.
106
00:03:52,866 --> 00:03:54,366
Yeah.
I get it.
107
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:55,601
It's awful, isn't it?
108
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,502
I-I don't even know what to do
with myself.
109
00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,371
I'm completely erratic.
[Chuckles]
110
00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,739
Yeah. Definitely.
111
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,341
Well, I -- look,
I can't recommend it,
112
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,343
but after my divorce,
I went through a period
113
00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:05,844
of having sex with strangers
I met shopping.
114
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,846
How'd that work out?
115
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,848
Those built-ins
are charming.
116
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:12,718
What?
117
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,288
[Both moaning]
118
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:17,789
Nice joist.
119
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,424
Thanks.
I've been working out.
120
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:21,627
No. Your ceiling.
121
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:22,894
I'm a realtor.
122
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,930
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
123
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,898
Okay.
124
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,867
I...Love...
125
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:31,570
This...Hardwood.
126
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,605
[Sighs]
127
00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:39,778
When you decide to sell,
let me know.
128
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,614
Highland park
is blowing up.
129
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,316
Oh, okay. I will.
130
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:45,717
I will do that.
131
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,886
Okay. Take care.
132
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:48,754
Cool.
133
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:49,821
Cool.
134
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:51,923
Okay.
Uh...
135
00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:53,458
[Laughs]
136
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:54,726
All right.
137
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:55,727
Okay.
138
00:04:55,729 --> 00:04:57,296
Yeah.
139
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:05,404
[ Rock music playing]
140
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,905
This is it?
This is the thing?
141
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:09,675
It reminds me -- I have to get
new salt and pepper shakers.
142
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,810
What is it? It looks like
it should have a --
143
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,745
like a hose attached
and do colonics.
144
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,847
What are you talking about?
Come on, man.
145
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,516
Doesn't that
sound amazing?
146
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,418
I don't know.
How much was it?
147
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,253
What difference
does it make?
148
00:05:21,255 --> 00:05:24,423
It's me telling the universe
that music is important to me,
149
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,625
that original music
on original equipment
150
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:27,826
is important to me.
151
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,262
How much?
$4,000.
152
00:05:30,264 --> 00:05:33,432
$4,000?!
Jesus, dude!
153
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,000
I could buy five cars
with that.
154
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:37,336
Okay. Shh, shh.
Okay, listen.
155
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,338
Sit down. You know what?
Sit down.
156
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:40,772
Okay.
Sit down for a second.
157
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,307
I don't know how long
it's gonna take,
158
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:43,709
but we're just gonna listen,
all right?
159
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:44,976
Just gonna sit there.
160
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,545
You're gonna hear it.
I want you to hear it.
161
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:47,779
Ready?
162
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,348
Okay. Go.
163
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,949
Okay. I'm ready.
Okay.
164
00:05:50,951 --> 00:05:53,018
# Every time I try #
165
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,687
# crazy 'bout a north side gal #
166
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,789
What do you think now?
167
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,791
I think my iPod nano
sounds just as good
168
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,327
and I wouldn't have to kill
myself if I dropped it.
169
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:05,797
Shit. I should have spent
the money on sex rehab.
170
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,466
Oh, come on.
Don't tell me.
171
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:09,501
It was an accident --
literally.
172
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:12,471
Woman back-ended my car.
She's just gotten divorced.
173
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,739
That's a bad move.
174
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,307
It's not a bad move,
all right?
175
00:06:15,309 --> 00:06:17,008
It was just sex.
There was no strings attached.
176
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,478
Really? That's what you said
about what's-her-name,
177
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,812
the chick
with the nunchuks?
178
00:06:20,814 --> 00:06:22,748
Nunchuks, that was like
three years ago.
179
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,583
Lauren, she's
a professional person.
180
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,351
She's got a life.
She's got a job.
181
00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,387
I don't know why you got
to be so negative.
182
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:29,855
Not every encounter
has to turn
183
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,723
into some heinous,
soul-sucking drama.
184
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:32,991
Yours always do.
185
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,760
I'm probably never
gonna see her again.
186
00:06:34,762 --> 00:06:36,928
I'm probably never gonna
leave the house.
187
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,363
Listen to that, right?
188
00:06:38,365 --> 00:06:40,365
I got to go.
Have fun with your thing.
189
00:06:40,367 --> 00:06:42,601
Seriously.
This was a perfect move for you.
190
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,370
D-did you just remember you had
to run away from me?
191
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:48,874
It's so exciting, I have to go
somewhere and process it.
192
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:52,844
Bye!
Thanks for coming, Andy!
193
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:55,947
# Pleasantly saying no to #
194
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,583
# bolder and younger gentlemen #
195
00:06:58,585 --> 00:07:00,952
Lauren: It's a real charmer,
isn't it?
196
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,054
And the neighborhood
has a great school.
197
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:06,591
Well, private, not public.
[Chuckles]
198
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,859
Hey, you.
199
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,060
Hey.
200
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,462
Nice place.
201
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:12,030
Yeah.
New roof, copper plumbing.
202
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,398
Mm.
203
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,800
Whoa.
204
00:07:14,802 --> 00:07:17,402
Pull my skirt up
and bend me over the piano.
205
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,471
[Notes playing, grunting]
206
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:24,810
Clint.
Who's Clint?
207
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,411
My husband.
208
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,747
I thought you said
you were divorced.
209
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:31,650
Getting divorced,
only he doesn't know it yet.
210
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,418
Oh, you're insane!
What?
211
00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,053
How could you
mislead me?
212
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,888
Look.
213
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,890
Are we gonna argue,
or are we gonna keep going?
214
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,393
'Cause it's a little weird
bickering with your dick in me.
215
00:07:41,395 --> 00:07:42,761
Your call.
216
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:45,564
Uh, okay.
Okay, fine.
217
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:48,066
[Notes playing]
218
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,435
Oh, God. Ohh.
219
00:07:50,437 --> 00:07:53,572
Ohh, you...Liar.
220
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:54,940
[Note plays]
221
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,508
[Both sigh]
222
00:07:56,510 --> 00:07:58,009
Ohh.
223
00:07:58,011 --> 00:08:01,112
Oh, I can't believe
I've known you one day,
224
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,482
we're already
having hate sex.
225
00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,816
I'm done with this.
226
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,084
[Sighs]
227
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,020
Where's the bathroom?
228
00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:17,095
Hey, man.
Uh, I got to thank you.
229
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,630
Yeah,
I got myself a tube amp.
230
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,699
Yeah, yeah. Nice one.
231
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,435
It's a 1965 mcintosh mc240.
232
00:08:23,437 --> 00:08:25,437
Yeah. Rad.
233
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:27,939
Yeah, it's about $4,000 worth
of rad if you know what I mean.
234
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,875
Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.
I'm sure those wham! Records
235
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:31,443
you're gonna get
are gonna sound great.
236
00:08:31,445 --> 00:08:33,445
Y-you ever hear
of this guy?
237
00:08:33,447 --> 00:08:35,447
Is this guy good?
238
00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:37,949
Did he do, like, song parodies,
this guy?
239
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,518
Does he look familiar?
240
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,053
Why does he look angry
to you, this guy?
241
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,788
What's the matter
with you?
242
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:45,790
I'm getting nothing
from you today.
243
00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:47,192
Is it my delivery?
244
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:48,727
Look, man.
It's not you.
245
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,061
I screwed up, all right?
246
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,030
I had sex with
that sociopathic realtor.
247
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,699
No.
Yeah, at an open house.
248
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,135
Was she serving
chocolate chip cookies?
249
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,838
I love when a house
smells like cookies.
250
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:02,574
No, no, man. All right.
She said she's divorced, right? Yeah.
251
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,042
So I'm screwing her,
252
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,478
and an I.M. Comes up
on the computer from Clint.
253
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:07,479
That's kind of hot.
254
00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:09,147
Clint.
Oh.
255
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,983
The not-so-hot part
is that he's her husband
256
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:15,220
and they still live together
and they're sill married.
257
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,522
I might -- I might be
in real trouble, man.
258
00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:19,724
I don't know what Lauren
and Clint are in to,
259
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:20,926
what freaky shit they do.
260
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:22,594
Maybe she gets to blow guys
261
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,996
and he gets to take them out
into the woods and kill them
262
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,098
and then they get to wear
my skin and dance.
263
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,534
You have to calm down.
Just relax.
264
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,937
Whatever happened
to the original plan
265
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,072
of you buying your record
and staying in your house?
266
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,708
I know. I know. I know.
267
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,010
Ooh, ooh, big star.
I like big star.
268
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,112
Ah, see? Stick with music.
It's nice.
269
00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:43,014
Yeah. Right, right.
Calms you down.
270
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,549
Hey, man.
271
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:46,718
Do you like big star?
You don't like big star?
272
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,687
No, I just don't like some
old guys coming into the store
273
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:49,754
and trying to relive some past
they never had
274
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,189
because of their
boring lives.
275
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,225
Oh, really? Are you saying
I don't have a life?
276
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:57,028
I just nailed a realtor
at an open house,
277
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,530
and she's psychotic.
278
00:09:58,532 --> 00:10:01,600
Awesome. Can I go now?
I'm bored.
279
00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:06,705
[ Death metal playing]
280
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:09,074
[Chuckles]
Listen to that, right?
281
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,643
You can't summon Satan
with an mp3.
282
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:12,877
Waah.
283
00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:14,879
[Doorbell rings]
284
00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:16,615
[Music stops]
285
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:21,152
Hi.
286
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,822
I'm so glad
you wanted to see me again.
287
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,123
Oh, Jesus.
288
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,225
Say hello to the girls.
289
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,561
Oh, stop it.
What are you doing here?
290
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:30,895
You e-mailed me.
291
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:33,164
And it was dirty.
[Purrs]
292
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,766
You're drunk.
[Laughs]
293
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:36,735
Aww.
[Door closes]
294
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,638
[Sighs] What?
295
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,585
[Urinating]
296
00:10:53,587 --> 00:10:55,687
Are you gonna be okay
to drive?
297
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:57,656
I mean, when you're --
when you're done?
298
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,290
Yeah, I'm good.
299
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:02,293
Okay.
Well, drive safe.
300
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,195
Okay.
301
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:24,783
[Tires screech]
302
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,052
Hey. I know you.
303
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:28,787
You're that podcast guy,
right?
304
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,122
Huh?
You do it in your garage?
305
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:33,958
Yeah, that's impressive.
You happy?
306
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,827
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I'm thrilled, man.
307
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:37,729
Especially since
I met you, freak.
308
00:11:37,731 --> 00:11:39,631
Hey, you don't need a camera,
friend.
309
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:40,899
You'll be seeing me again.
310
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,133
[Engine revs]
311
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:45,870
Friend?
312
00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:49,007
And then
all new appliances.
313
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:50,975
White truck.
Who is it?
314
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:52,343
It's following me.
315
00:11:52,345 --> 00:11:54,312
That's my husband, Clint.
316
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,748
[Sighs]
He set up a fake account
317
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,817
and sent me an e-mail
pretending to be you,
318
00:11:58,819 --> 00:12:00,318
which is why I showed up
at your house yesterday.
319
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,886
I'm so sorry.
320
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,254
Well, is he gonna kill me?
He's gonna kill me.
321
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,989
No.
322
00:12:04,991 --> 00:12:07,058
Although he hasn't been the same
since he was laid off.
323
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,394
Where did he work?
L.A.P.D.
324
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,663
Oh, my God. What happened?
Did he shoot somebody?
325
00:12:11,665 --> 00:12:13,331
No. He was let go
326
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,266
because his psych eval said he
was going to snap. [Chuckles]
327
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,869
Um, schools aren't great,
but every kid gets an iPad.
328
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,237
Wait.
Stop it for a minute.
329
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:20,271
Excuse me, fellas.
330
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,873
Look.
I want to live in peace.
331
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,374
I want to live, period.
332
00:12:23,376 --> 00:12:25,777
And I don't think I can do that
being stalked by an ex-cop
333
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:27,011
with poor impulse control.
334
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,379
You got to
make this right.
335
00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:33,918
And, by the way, uh,
there's a dead patch on my lawn.
336
00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,928
Is there a problem,
officer?
337
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,396
You're screwing my wife.
338
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,932
What?
No, I'm not.
339
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:56,107
He's got nice joists,
Clint.
340
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,809
The tubes make it warmer.
341
00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,311
You can really hear
the pain underneath.
342
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:04,115
Please open your mouth,
sir.
343
00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,985
Now's the time
for depeche mode.
344
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,386
[Gunshot]
345
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:19,297
[Sighs]
346
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:25,403
Closing time, man.
347
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:28,406
Hey, can I just hang out
for a while?
348
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,275
Do you not know
what closing means?
349
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:32,010
You want to come hear
my new amp?
350
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,445
No. No,
I think I'll pass.
351
00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:37,448
I got pink Floyd's
first album.
352
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:38,917
"Piper at the gates
of dawn"? Yeah.
353
00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,251
On [Speaks indistinctly]
354
00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,452
No, it's an American pressing
on tower.
355
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,021
Sounds great through
my system, though.
356
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,022
You should really hear it.
357
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:47,025
[Sighs]
358
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,427
Fine. I'll go.
I'll go.
359
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:51,162
Despite the fact
that you're a real weirdo
360
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,298
and you're always creeping me
out, I will go to your house.
361
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,166
I'll listen to this record.
But no gay shit, okay?
362
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,467
And that means
no depeche mode.
363
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:57,936
Okay, man. Deal.
364
00:13:57,938 --> 00:14:00,338
Okay, deal.
Deal.
365
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,874
It's the perfect album
for the perfect amp, man.
366
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,108
It's gonna sound amazing.
367
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:05,443
Ugh.
That needle's bunk.
368
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:06,778
You got to get a grado.
369
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,379
A grado?
Yeah.
370
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:11,282
All right. I'll get it.
Dick.
371
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,817
[Cellphone buzzing]
372
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:14,285
Did you fix it?
373
00:14:14,287 --> 00:14:16,354
What?
374
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:17,956
What do you mean
he's coming over?
375
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:18,990
To my house?!
376
00:14:18,992 --> 00:14:20,892
What? Lauren.
377
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:24,295
Lauren. Don't hang up.
Hello? Lauren?!
378
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,364
Unbelievable.
379
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,133
This is what happens
when people lie.
380
00:14:29,135 --> 00:14:30,301
What's going on?
381
00:14:30,303 --> 00:14:32,136
[Sighs]
Oh, nothing.
382
00:14:32,138 --> 00:14:34,806
Just the ex-cop husband
of a woman I had sex with
383
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:37,141
is coming over here
to kill me -- that's all.
384
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:38,810
Oh, man.
385
00:14:38,812 --> 00:14:40,078
I got to go.
386
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,412
What do you mean?
387
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,014
Don't -- I met her
in your parking lot, dude.
388
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,315
You hang out. You're gonna be
my enzo the Baker.
389
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,416
Do you understand?
From "the godfather"?
390
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,818
You get what I'm saying?
391
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:47,819
I never saw it.
No, listen to me.
392
00:14:47,821 --> 00:14:48,853
We're gonna go out front.
393
00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:49,988
We're gonna act like
we're armed,
394
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,356
and he's gonna drive away.
395
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,157
No, I just don't want
to be Ronald Goldman.
396
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:54,525
That's not even a movie,
dude. That is exactly it!
397
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,027
It's real life,
and that's why I'm leaving.
398
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,328
I just -- this is why
I don't hang out
399
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,396
with guys outside
the record store.
400
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,397
Do you even know my name?
401
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:01,532
Uh, um, Dwayne.
402
00:15:01,534 --> 00:15:03,401
Lucky guess.
403
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,904
All right, Dwayne.
You gonna hang out? 'Cause I need help.
404
00:15:05,906 --> 00:15:07,105
No.
405
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:08,873
What?
Come on, man.
406
00:15:08,875 --> 00:15:10,341
Don't be a wuss.
I'm in trouble!
407
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,243
[Door slams]
408
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:14,279
Shit.
409
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:19,350
Well, Keyes,
this might be my last podcast.
410
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:22,553
By the time you hear this,
I might already be gone.
411
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:25,089
I'm not saying
I didn't deserve it.
412
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,425
I've done some bad shit
in my life.
413
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:31,029
But it just might be I do
something good on my way out.
414
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:34,098
I'm moving to the light.
415
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:41,239
And for those of you
who aren't film geeks,
416
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,542
Keyes is a reference to
Edward G. Robinson's character
417
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,110
in "Double Indemnity,"
418
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:49,213
an insurance investigator
that told Fred MacMurray
419
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:51,282
he had a little man
in his stomach
420
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,985
that warns him every time
a case feels hinky.
421
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:56,921
Well, I wish I had a little man
in my stomach
422
00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:59,223
instead of two pints
of ice cream.
423
00:15:59,225 --> 00:16:02,560
I could use a creepy homunculus
that would scream at me
424
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:06,197
every time I met another
adorable maniac with a vagina.
425
00:16:08,267 --> 00:16:12,570
Why is coffee and ice cream
so goddamn good?
426
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:17,976
Two pleasure delivery systems
that eventually ruin you.
427
00:16:17,978 --> 00:16:20,611
Is that just the deal
with relationships?
428
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:23,247
They just feel
unbelievably amazing,
429
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,916
and you're sitting there
thinking,
430
00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:27,518
"when is this gonna kill me?"
431
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:34,726
Let it be known
that I am unarmed.
432
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,505
[Tires screech]
433
00:16:52,478 --> 00:16:53,945
Get out!
434
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:57,015
Get out!
435
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:58,683
Get out!
436
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,052
Not till you stop
hitting my car.
437
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:04,155
Okay. Okay.
I stopped hitting it.
438
00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:05,390
Now get out.
439
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:07,125
I don't think
I'm gonna get out.
440
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:08,526
Okay.
441
00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:12,130
Uh, I think I'm gonna go
in your house.
442
00:17:12,132 --> 00:17:13,965
Yeah? It's locked.
443
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:15,767
Oh, shit.
It's not locked.
444
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:25,576
That's nice.
Yeah.
445
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:27,478
You expecting company?
Huh?
446
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,514
L-look. Look.
It's not what you think, man.
447
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:32,683
You don't know
what I think, okay?
448
00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:35,520
I had no idea you two
were together, all right?
449
00:17:35,522 --> 00:17:37,588
I have -- I have nothing
invested in this.
450
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:41,392
I-I would never put another man
in the position I put you in.
451
00:17:43,662 --> 00:17:46,164
I know that.
452
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,532
You do?
453
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,600
Yeah.
454
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:52,003
Okay. All right.
Well, thanks.
455
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:56,607
I'm, uh, I'm glad
you understand.
456
00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:58,176
So, we're good?
457
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,511
[Sighs]
458
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,449
God damn it!
459
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,417
Jesus Christ!
460
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,687
Ow! Ow.
461
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:12,590
Okay.
Okay, I deserved that.
462
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:16,527
All right? But -- but just one.
Are you okay with just one?
463
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,696
I'm okay with one.
464
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:22,366
[Sighs] Okay.
465
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:24,469
Am I bleeding?
466
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,238
Just get some ice
so you don't get a fat lip.
467
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:30,308
Okay. All right.
468
00:18:34,580 --> 00:18:35,613
So, uh, you're a cop, huh?
469
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,081
Did you ever, uh,
470
00:18:37,083 --> 00:18:38,483
did you ever kill anybody?
471
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,051
Came close.
472
00:18:40,053 --> 00:18:42,120
If suicide counts.
473
00:18:43,322 --> 00:18:46,090
I was in human resources.
474
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:47,425
Oh.
475
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,560
What the hell do you have
on your face?
476
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:52,463
Frozen berries
for smoothies.
477
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:56,434
She's done this to me like
three times now, man.
478
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,070
I don't know what to do.
God!
479
00:18:59,072 --> 00:19:00,671
I love her, you know?
480
00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:02,273
Yeah, I've been
through it, man.
481
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:04,408
My second wife, I went
through this stuff with her.
482
00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:05,743
She fell in love
with the guy.
483
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:06,744
Really?
Yeah.
484
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:07,745
What happened?
485
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:08,746
They got a kid.
486
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,281
Oh, Christ.
487
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:12,416
It's not gonna work out,
hopefully.
488
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:15,353
You want a smoothie?
489
00:19:15,355 --> 00:19:18,256
No.
490
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:20,658
Guac and chips
would be good, though.
491
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,493
All right.
492
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:33,171
That tube amp
is really sweet.
493
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:36,507
It is, right?
$4,000 I paid for this.
494
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:37,842
And now I'm, like,
paranoid.
495
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,510
Like, I think it's good,
but how good is it?
496
00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:40,645
Are you serious?
Is it $4,000 -- what?
497
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:41,779
Are you serious?
498
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,714
I know, right?
I'm a jerk.
499
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,783
Oh, shut up.
Y-yeah, you're a jerk.
500
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,618
But the tube amp
is awesome.
501
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,620
I mean,
that's totally worth it.
502
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:51,122
I-I bet I sounds amazing.
503
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:53,157
It does, man.
You want to hear something?
504
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,126
Hell yeah.
The blasters.
505
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:56,327
How about the blasters?
I love the blasters.
506
00:19:56,329 --> 00:19:57,528
Yeah.
Love them.
507
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,529
Dave Alvin is my guy.
508
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,131
Really?
Yeah. Love it.
509
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:01,299
'Cause I got a Dave Alvin
solo album.
510
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,167
Really?
Yep.
511
00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:05,136
I'd love to hear that.
And it's -- it's actually --
512
00:20:05,138 --> 00:20:06,637
there's a song on here
that actually fits
513
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,306
this sit-situation
pretty well, I think.
514
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:12,543
[ Dave Alvin's "little honey" plays]
515
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:22,253
So, uh...
516
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,488
Can I ask you
a serious question? # little honey... #
517
00:20:24,490 --> 00:20:26,557
Sure.
518
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,326
You'll be honest with me?
519
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,760
# Little honey... #
520
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,262
Okay.
521
00:20:31,264 --> 00:20:33,197
# I ain't lookin' for a fight #
522
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:34,899
Does this sound
like $4,000?
523
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,701
I mean,
tell me the truth.
524
00:20:36,703 --> 00:20:38,502
# I promise I won't get mad #
525
00:20:38,504 --> 00:20:41,205
[Crying]
It sounds really great.
526
00:20:41,207 --> 00:20:46,210
# If you tell me 'bout a boyfriend that you had #
527
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:50,181
# who lied last night? #
[Crying]
528
00:20:50,183 --> 00:20:52,450
# Who made you sad? #
[Sniffles]
529
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:55,586
# Who left you crying by the side of the road? #
530
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,355
# Left you crying to walk home all alone #
531
00:20:57,357 --> 00:20:58,889
I'm gonna make
some smoothies.
532
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,791
Okay.
533
00:21:11,236 --> 00:21:13,771
[Rock music playing]
534
00:21:13,821 --> 00:21:18,371
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