All language subtitles for Maron s02e05 Boomer Lives.eng

All right, Boomie.

Let's eat.

Come on, buddy.

Boomer!

Come on, man.

["The poisoned well" plays]

- corrected by lml -
- www.addic7ed.com -

Hey, who are you?

And what'd you do with Boomer?

Come on. Come on!

Hey, Boomer!

The strays are eating your food.

Hey, Jen, it's me.

Look, I moved the dresser
out into the driveway,

and it's heavy, all right?

So when you're coming over
to pick it up, let me know,

and I'll help you load it
into the car, okay?

All right. I'm hanging up now.

I never really enjoyed L.A.

I-I feel like
there's no, like, community.

Oh, come on. Really?
That clich?? No community?

I don't mean -- look,
New York has bad stuff, too.

New York -- you can't have a dog
in New York, you know?

I learned that one
the hard way.

Well, maybe you should get some cats.
[Chuckles]

No, if I want something
that I have to spend all my time

trying to understand
its feelings

and whether
it's into me or not,

I have an ex-girlfriend
I can call for that.

Okay, all right --

And at least with her,
I got to have sex.

Yeah, but, you know, I-I --
cats are cool.

I mean, I -- you know,
I have cats.

I know. I have allergies.

Yeah, one of my cats
is actually missing.

He's been gone for about a week,
and I'm, uh --

I'm not worried.

I mean, he's -- he's taken off
for a few days before

and come back, so I'm --
I don't know.

I'm pretty sure
he'll come back.

- Wait. Your cat's been gone for a week?
- Yes.

Look, if your cat is gone
more than 48 hours,

your cat's dead.

No, man, not this cat.

- This cat is a warrior, Wyatt.
- No --

This cat's been out there
for a decade, man.

He's tough.

I mean, I've seen strays
come and go.

This guy is still around,
all right?

Maybe he's just out carousing.

Maybe he's looking for pussy.

Doesn't really add up
'cause he's got no balls.

But who knows? Maybe he's still
got it, you know?

I don't know.

I've heard stories
where cats disappear for months,

and then they show up
like nothing happened.

No, that's one of those stories

that parents
tell their children

so the kids go to sleep
at night.

That's not real.

You don't know this cat.

I'm sorry.

Look, if you love something,
you got to let it go.

And if it doesn't
return to you,

it was probably eaten
by a coyote.

You're a horrible person.

I want you to leave my garage.

Boomer!

Boomie!

Hey. You having some trouble?

You want some tape?

Uh, no. I'm just trying
to un-jam this stupid stapler.

[Chuckles]
Sorry.

Going through a rough time.

Yeah. I know
what you're going through.

Oh. Yeah, my boy is Riley.

Any chance you've seen him?

No.

Have you seen Boomer around?

- No. Sorry.
- Mm.

I just moved to this
neighborhood a couple weeks ago,

and I thought it would be fine
if I let Riley go outside,

but I guess I was wrong.

But wait. Maybe he's on his way
back to your old house.

Oh, it's in Nebraska.

[Chuckling] Oh. Yeah.
Well -- [Chuckles]

Well, have you seen that movie
"The Incredible Journey"?

It's where a-a-a group
of small animals band together,

and they go on
an incredible journey.

[Chuckling] Yeah.

Well, that cat
had two dogs with him,

and they could both talk.

Yeah. I know.

But those kind of --

those kind of stories
are kind of, you know,

making me feel better now.

[Sighs]
I just don't get it.

I took care of that cat
for years, you know?

I fed him, I loved him,
I made him a bed.

- You know, we helped each other out.
- Uh-huh.

And then he just disappears
for a week?

I mean, what is that?!

It's like a complete
lack of respect, you know?

Sounds like it's bringing up
a lot of issues for you.

- Yeah, I just broke up with someone, too.
- Aw.

It's ridiculous.

I got to quit taking in strays.

[Chuckle]

Well, I'm sure
it wasn't your fault.

The cat, not the breakup.

I'm sure that was
totally your fault.

Really?
You can tell that already?

[Chuckling] Yeah.

That's crazy.

You know, cats are cats.
They wander.

Yeah, that's true.

Maybe our cats
are hanging out together.

- Aww! - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.

[Chuckles]

My friend thinks
a coyote got him.

You know what?

Someone's gonna find them
and call us.

There are good people
in this neighborhood, right?

Yes. Absolutely.

I think.

Well, okay,
so, we'll call each other

if we find our cats.

Deal.

- Okay. So, take that.
- All right.

And I've got -- I've got
your number a lot of times.

Yeah. [Chuckles]
- Yeah. All right.

Okay.

Good luck.

[Sighs]

[Knock on door]

Hey.

You the one
with the missing cat?

Yeah, that's me.
Did you find him?

No.

But I found this bullshit
in my mailbox!

I oughta have you arrested!

What are you talking about?

This is a violation
of federal postal codes!

Now I got to get
law enforcement involved!

Yeah, you do that!
Why don't you call the cops?

I'm sure they got
your number memorized

from the last time
you called them

about kids trick-or-treating
on your property,

you old, dusty bag of shit!

[Sighs]

Look, I've had a rough week.

My girlfriend left me,
and my cat is missing.

You think
that makes you special?

[Singsong voice]
Pussy.

Miserable prick.

[Bell jingling]

[Cat meowing]

Hey, you guys.

How's it going?

Where you going, friend?

Come on, man.
I'm just looking for my cat.

My cat Lafonda ran away
last year,

and you found her up here,
remember?

Oh, shit. I remember you.

Mork.

Marc.

I'm Bernie.

Sorry about pulling
that peashooter on you.

Some assholes broke into
my place the other day.

They stole my jacket, man.

Oh, that's a bummer, man.

You don't understand.

This was an awesome jacket --

classic, brown, leather,

weathered and hardened
like an armadillo's shell,

picture on the back

of a skanky-looking redhead
with big titties.

I had that jacket
since Jimmy Carter.

Okay, man. Well,
I'll keep an eye out for it.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You'll keep an eye out for it?

You'll keep both eyes open,
looking for my jacket?

Yeah, I-I'll do
all those things.

Have you seen this cat?

Yeah, I seen that cat around.

I think I know
where we can find him, too.

Great.

Yeah.

Y-y-you're taking the gun?

Yeah. Don't worry.
I'm bringing it.

How far up are we going?

How'd your cat escape?

Well, you know,
Boomer was an indoor cat,

and then
I let him live outside.

I mean,
I shouldn't have done it,

but he was peeing
all over everything.

I should have tolerated it.

I mean,
it wasn't that big a deal.

I could have
got used to it, man.

It's too late now.

You can't negotiate
with a missing cat, you know?

Maybe -- maybe he left you
for a reason.

You know, who knows
what animals think?

Maybe you didn't own the cat.

Maybe the cat owned you
and just released you...

Uh-huh.

...out into the wild.
[Laughs]

Yeah. Yeah.

You ever think about that?

Kinda.

Maybe you should be
living outside!

Okay.

You know, sometimes
things get lost for a reason.

Yeah, like your jacket?

I'll tell you a story.

I used to play
semi-pro jai alai in Tampa.

I crashed my bike.

[Breathing heavily]

I messed up my throwing arm.

If I wasn't wearing
that jacket,

I'd be nothing
but burnt nerve endings

from the neck down.

My wife divorced me.
She took the kid.

Next thing I know,
I'm in the Salton Sea,

house-sitting the trailer
of a buddy of mine,

nursing a broken foot,

and the cops are breaking in
through the windows.

Whoa, whoa, whoa --
w-why would the cops break in

through the windows
of a trailer?

Exactly.
[Snaps fingers]

T-that's a good question.

We're here.

This... Is the answer place.

You think Boomer's up here?

No, man, but take a look
at this vantage point.

You can see everything!

Yeah, it's kind of hard
to tell, though.

Yeah.

Bastards took
my binoculars, too.

[Sighs]

[Gunshots]

Bam!

[Laughs]

I hate crows.

I hate crows! I hate crows!

I hate crows!

Hey, uh... I'm gonna go, man.

Marc: Hey, it's me.

I'd appreciate you
calling me back, all right?

I don't want to wait around
all day for you.

I have stuff to do,
and, uh, Boomer's missing,

so, you know, your dresser's
pretty low-priority.

Uh, call me back, please.

[Engine shuts off]
Hey.

Hey! Any luck?

No. You?

No. Nothing.

Aw.

Cute dresser.
Are you getting rid of it?

No, it's my ex's.

- Ohh, that's right.
- Yeah.

You poor guy. So much at once.

I know. I got an ingrown hair
on my nose, too.

Uh, well, feel better.
And stay positive.

- [Chuckling] Okay. I'll try. Thanks a lot.
- [Chuckling] Okay.

Oh. Hey, did you hear gunshots?

Oh, yeah. That was Bernie.
He's got a crow problem.

Uh, I-it's a long story.

Maybe another time
or something.

Okay. [Chuckles]

All right, bye.

Okay, see ya.

Uh, hey, let me
ask you a question.

I haven't got any money, man.

I didn't ask you for money.

All right, well, look,
I'm a little distracted.

I lost my cat.
Have you seen this cat?

Uh...Uh...

No, I haven't.

I'd remember that cat.
It's a fine-looking cat.

How long has it been gone?

Like a week.

- Damn.
- Yeah.

You need a hug?

No, I'm okay.

I'm --

oh!

How does that make you feel?

Better, actually --
a little bit.

Cool. Can I have 5 bucks?

- For what?
- Dope.

Look, I appreciate
your honesty,

but h-how is that
working out for you?

Well, you know
how you're feeling right now

because you don't know
where your cat is?

Imagine you go to a guy
down the street,

and he says, "here's your cat."

Then he hands you your cat.

How would that make you feel?

Great.

[Chuckling]
Times that by 1,000.

- [Chuckling] Wow.
- [Laughs] Yeah.

Right now,
I'm shy about 1,000 cats!

All right, look, I'm not gonna
feed your addiction, man.

Whatever.

Hey, where --
where'd you get that jacket?

[Panting]

[Panting continues]

Hey, man, just g--
just give me the jacket.

Oh, let me --
let me keep the binoculars.

Okay. Fine.

Those aren't big titties.

Hey.

What the hell?

[Sighs]

Screw it.

Boomer. You under there?

Boomer?

Whoa.

Sorry, dude.
Didn't meant to scare ya.

You guys.

We're here
to pick up Jen's dresser.

What? Why didn't she
come herself?

She thought it was best
if we pick it up for her.

Said the situation
had become...Untenable.

Untenable.

She's moved on.
You should just accept it, Marc.

That is cowardly,
not to face me.

I mean, who does that?

Uh, a person who's moved on
does that, Marc.

But don't worry.
She's doing really good, dude.

Yeah. She texted.

Look -- says, uh, "doing well."

- Mm-hmm.
- #atpeace."

She hashtagged a text?

Yeah, she did.

Hey, I feel like
maybe there's something deeper

going on here, buddy.

My cat's missing.

Ow. Double whammy.

Did you feed it, uh,
wet food or dry?

Dry.

So, basically, all it would take
is just a whiff of wet food

for that cat to want to leave?

What does that mean?

It's about
how you treat people.

Cats. It's about
how you treat cats.

So, the dresser -- is it --

is it in the house
or in the garage?

It's not here.

Oh, damn, dude.

You can't keep a girl,
a cat, furniture.

[Scoffs]

You know what?

I'll take you
to where the dresser is.

Oh, thank you. Great.

Now we're getting somewhere.

You drive.

- Perfect. - Pbht.
- I'll drive.

Shotgun.

[Dog barking]

[Tool whirring]

Hey!

Hey!

[Whirring stops]

What's up?

We're here
for the dresser you took.

You think I took your dresser?

No, no, I-I know you took it.

I saw you take it
out of my driveway earlier.

I just didn't want
to say anything.

I didn't want any trouble.

[Chuckles]

And so you waited
for your muscle to get here,

to back you up?

Yeah. Exactly.

No, we're not muscle,
- No.

[Laughs]
We're --

[whistles]
Omar!

Yeah.

Get out here!

Yeah, Omar, get out here!

No -- no Omar.
We don't need an Omar.

[Laughs]

These guys -- they say
we took their dresser.

Hold -- hold on. Hold on.

Nah, that was left out.

Yeah, in my driveway.

So that means
anyone can take it.

No. No. If it's on the sidewalk,
it's fair game.

That was in my driveway
next to my house, all right?

There's a fine line
between garbage and theft.

Yeah, it was closer
to the sidewalk.

Look, it's not garbage.
It belongs to my girlfriend.

- Ex-girlfriend.
- Mm. Yeah.

These guys are here
to bring it back to her.

[Chuckling] Dude.

And now she's sending you
to pick up her shit?

That's cold.
[Laughs]

Which one of you guys
is she banging?

Yeah, which one of you guys
is she banging?

- No.
- No banging.

You crazy?

Some chick dumps you

and sends a couple dudes
to pick up her dresser

that she's banging?

And now you're willing to get
your ass kicked for that?

Yeah, dude, we feel sorry
for you and all,

but, uh, we're not gonna let you
have it back.

Let her go --
like she let you go.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. You're right.

Good talk.

Yeah.

Tough being you.

- Wait. Marc --
- Thanks, fellas.

Sure thing, man.

I --
[Sighs]

What's up?

[Dog barks]

Oh. You.

I knew you stole it.

I didn't steal it.
I just got it from a guy --

Your guilty conscience
got the best of you, huh?

No.

That's all right.
I knew you were a good guy.

Okay.

[Smooches]

Hello, baby.

I'm just gonna
leave you two alone.

Yeah, get out of my yard
before I shoot ya.

All right.

I'm kidding.

You can stay.

[Sighs]

You want tea?

[Cellphone ringing]
Oh, wait.

Nope. I got to take this.
Sorry.

Hello?

What?!

You found him?

Oh, that's great.
That is great!

Oh. It's you.

[Cat meows]
I have your cat.

Amazing. Thank you.

Found him in my backyard.

Trapped him in my garage
with some raw chicken pieces.

That's great.

Here you go. Here you...

Aww, thank you.

This is pretty surprising,
given our last exchange.

I don't like people.

I didn't say
I didn't like animals.

Right. Well, thank you.

Uh... It's not my cat.

Ah.

But you know what --
I know where this cat belongs,

and I appreciate it, all right?

And I think this is
a very big step for you.

Don't push it.

[Gasps]

- Here he is.
- Riley! Oh!

Yeah.

- Hi! Hi! Hi!
- Yeah.

When I got your message, oh,

I swerved across,
like, three lanes.

I nearly died. Hi!

Well, it's lucky
you didn't die.

[Chuckling] Yeah.

Oh, seriously, thank you.

I-I didn't really do anything
but take a call from an old guy.

[Chuckles] Well, you said
this was a good neighborhood.

Yeah.

- Well, this was so sweet of you.
- Yeah.

You know, we should
have dinner sometime.

- Yeah. That would be nice.
- Yeah.

I mean, I-I'm not
a big believer in fate,

but, uh, we did
both lose our cats and --

Look who it is!
Zoe: Riley!

This is Marc
from down the street.

He's who found Riley for us.

Little runaway.

[Chuckling] Yeah.

This is my fianc?e -- Zoe.

Oh, hey.

Thanks for finding our cat.

How's it going?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

- [Chuckling] Oh. Sorry.
- Yeah, it's -- sorry.

- [Chuckles] That was so rude of me.
- Yeah. It's all right.

Uh, what were you saying?

Uh...No, nothing.

Just, I guess,
a long-winded way

of saying, you know,
I'm glad you got your cat back

and I'll -- I'll see ya
around the neighborhood.

- Yeah, you too.
- All right.

- All right, thanks.
- All right, take care.

[Door closes]

[Sighs]

I lost a cat and a girl.

It's heartbreaking.

Shit happens in life
that just sucks.

I mean, I'm a sensitive guy.
I lost my cat.

I loved that guy.

Okay, I didn't lose
a child or a limb,

but I lost a cat, and it's sad.

And there's nothing I can do
to change that.

I lost a girl.

Maybe I could change that.
Maybe I could do something.

But it would probably be
pathetic, desperate.

Should I call her?

Should I -- I'm gonna call her.
Should I call her?

You can't avoid pain in life.

I mean,
it's how you handle pain.

That's what defines you.

A-are you gonna be bitter,
or are you gonna be wise?

I mean, the jury's
still out on me, clearly.

You can't avoid
letting other people down.

You can't avoid heartbreak.

You can't avoid loss.
You can't avoid disappointment.

You can try
to avoid those things,

but your life
would become very small.

I mean, you'd literally
become a person

that can't have a relationship
with another person,

you can't have a pet,
you can't have a job,

you can't try,
you can't have any attachments.

Should I call her?

I think I'm gonna call her.

I can't call her.

Hey. You hungry?

Here -- come on in.

Come on.

Monkey, Lafonda,
we have a guest.

Be nice.

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