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1
00:00:00,301 --> 00:00:03,069
Oh, my god. That was great.
2
00:00:03,071 --> 00:00:04,570
I-I think my one complaint
3
00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:07,740
is that we didn't make it
50 more feet to my bedroom.
4
00:00:07,742 --> 00:00:11,244
You know,
5
00:00:11,246 --> 00:00:15,415
I could do an amazing redesign
of your place.
6
00:00:15,417 --> 00:00:17,417
The retro-kitsch look
is a little played, you know?
7
00:00:17,419 --> 00:00:20,086
What do you mean look?
This is... this is my life.
8
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:22,255
I thought
you were a graphic designer.
9
00:00:22,257 --> 00:00:24,090
Oh, no, I specialize
in all design...
10
00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:27,327
Landscape, interior,
jewelry, sound.
11
00:00:27,329 --> 00:00:30,330
Sound? Yeah, I just work at
the coffee shop to network.
12
00:00:30,332 --> 00:00:33,499
Yeah. Tell me you
have string cheese.
13
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,001
I...Don't.
14
00:00:35,003 --> 00:00:37,670
I don't have string...
String cheese.
15
00:00:37,672 --> 00:00:41,107
I had no idea that me giving you
a ride home would lead to this.
16
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,275
I'll tell you that.
17
00:00:42,277 --> 00:00:44,277
I'm sorry.
Lead to what, now?
18
00:00:44,279 --> 00:00:47,613
To this, whatever this...
This thing...
19
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:50,616
Oh. Yeah.
20
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,819
No, relax. You have nothing
to be embarrassed about.
21
00:00:52,821 --> 00:00:54,120
Wait, what?
22
00:00:55,657 --> 00:00:57,190
Oh, that's Tony.
We're going to get shabu-shabu.
23
00:00:57,192 --> 00:00:59,158
It's 1:00 in the morning.
W-who's Tony?
24
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,827
Embarrassed about...
About what?
25
00:01:00,829 --> 00:01:03,129
Oh, god.
26
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,131
You didn't want me to stay,
did you?
27
00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:06,799
No. Honestly, I didn't.
Great.
28
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:09,635
I-I kind of wanted you
to want to stay a...
29
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:10,737
A little bit.
30
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,475
Say hi to Tony.
31
00:01:15,477 --> 00:01:17,710
Okay.
32
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:25,017
What is shabu-shabu?
33
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:34,394
Won't fall for it
34
00:01:34,396 --> 00:01:37,897
you can't see
35
00:01:37,899 --> 00:01:40,566
and you can't tell
36
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:45,905
I just can't drink
from the poisoned well
37
00:01:49,576 --> 00:01:50,843
thanks.
38
00:01:50,845 --> 00:01:52,345
Hey, you.
39
00:01:52,347 --> 00:01:55,181
Sorry. Do I know you?
40
00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,516
Uh...
41
00:01:56,518 --> 00:01:58,684
I'm just kidding, old man.
42
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,219
Ohh. You should have
seen your face.
43
00:02:00,221 --> 00:02:02,855
That was a good one.
Uh, usual cappuccino, yeah?
44
00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:04,524
That's not my usual at all.
45
00:02:04,526 --> 00:02:07,193
Uh,
triple Espresso over ice?
46
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:10,363
Oh, right. Totally.
47
00:02:10,365 --> 00:02:12,532
Hey, um,
do you like wolf's nest?
48
00:02:12,534 --> 00:02:14,200
They're reuniting
for just one show
49
00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:15,535
at the cemetery tomorrow.
50
00:02:15,537 --> 00:02:17,103
Wow. I didn't realize
they'd broken up.
51
00:02:17,105 --> 00:02:19,705
Or that they were a...
A band.
52
00:02:19,707 --> 00:02:20,940
Uh, you know,
I can check my week
53
00:02:20,942 --> 00:02:22,241
and see if there's open...
54
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,443
Okay, it's not
that big of a deal.
55
00:02:23,445 --> 00:02:24,577
No, I-I-I know
it's not a big deal.
56
00:02:24,579 --> 00:02:25,745
I just want to...
57
00:02:25,747 --> 00:02:27,280
Let's not make this awkward.
58
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,882
You want to just text me?
59
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:32,385
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
60
00:02:32,387 --> 00:02:34,987
Cool.
61
00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,723
Do you want to
just step over?
62
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,892
Oh, sorry. Yeah.
63
00:02:39,894 --> 00:02:41,027
Can I help you?
64
00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:47,400
She seems so sweet.
65
00:02:47,402 --> 00:02:49,569
I wonder why
her father never loved her.
66
00:02:49,571 --> 00:02:51,404
Oh, that's very funny.
67
00:02:51,406 --> 00:02:53,239
I'm sorry.
I just couldn't help myself.
68
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,241
Well, you don't know
a thing about me.
69
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:58,911
You're right.
My mistake. Sorry.
70
00:02:58,913 --> 00:03:03,416
Um, excuse me.
I just have to soy up.
71
00:03:03,418 --> 00:03:04,584
Thanks.
72
00:03:04,586 --> 00:03:06,085
Look, I can't help it
73
00:03:06,087 --> 00:03:08,154
if that's the demographic
I'm attracting right now.
74
00:03:08,156 --> 00:03:09,655
Of course you can't.
Exactly.
75
00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:11,424
And it's not your fault
76
00:03:11,426 --> 00:03:14,861
they go mad for those
deep v-necks and vintage jeans.
77
00:03:17,264 --> 00:03:20,600
Excuse me,
these are not vintage jeans.
78
00:03:20,602 --> 00:03:21,934
I broke these in myself.
79
00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:23,769
Riveting.
80
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,271
Yeah, look,
don't snap judge me.
81
00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,974
I-I hate those
walking mid-life crisis guys.
82
00:03:27,976 --> 00:03:30,142
I am not one of those guys.
83
00:03:30,144 --> 00:03:33,646
Wait a second.
I know your voice.
84
00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,982
Oh, my god...
You're the guy on npr
85
00:03:35,984 --> 00:03:37,984
who talks about the comedy stuff
and the cats.
86
00:03:37,986 --> 00:03:39,785
Yes. That is me.
87
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:41,454
And sleeping
with younger women.
88
00:03:41,456 --> 00:03:43,623
All right. Okay.
Maybe I am that guy.
89
00:03:43,625 --> 00:03:45,124
But not anymore.
90
00:03:45,126 --> 00:03:47,026
All right? Not as of,
like, 90 seconds ago.
91
00:03:47,028 --> 00:03:48,528
So pleased
that I could be here
92
00:03:48,530 --> 00:03:51,631
to witness
this milestone in your maturity.
93
00:03:51,633 --> 00:03:52,665
I know. It feels good. Mm.
94
00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:55,501
Marc. Marc maron. Alexa.
95
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:57,670
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
96
00:03:57,672 --> 00:04:00,973
So, I don't, uh...
I-I've never seen you here.
97
00:04:00,975 --> 00:04:02,041
Do you...
98
00:04:02,043 --> 00:04:03,042
Am I gonna say that?
99
00:04:03,044 --> 00:04:04,477
Do you live around here?
100
00:04:04,479 --> 00:04:05,511
Are you kidding me?
Oh, my god.
101
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,313
Sorry.
102
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,981
Okay, honestly, let me just
stop you right here. Yeah.
103
00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:11,517
Because you're clearly
out of your comfort zone.
104
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:12,852
I'm just gonna
cut to the chase.
105
00:04:12,854 --> 00:04:14,887
Right. Saturday night, 7:30.
106
00:04:14,889 --> 00:04:16,989
Your house. Okay.
107
00:04:16,991 --> 00:04:20,660
You cook.
No Indian. No pasta.
108
00:04:20,662 --> 00:04:23,329
Okay. I-I-I think
I can honor these terms.
109
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,997
Well, we'll see. All right.
110
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:26,165
See you later.
111
00:04:26,167 --> 00:04:27,500
Okay.
112
00:04:27,502 --> 00:04:28,935
I'd totally hit that.
113
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:36,876
So long
114
00:04:36,878 --> 00:04:41,380
since you've been gone
115
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:44,550
girl, just worrying
116
00:04:47,221 --> 00:04:50,856
about what went wrong
117
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,059
well, this is really good.
118
00:04:53,061 --> 00:04:55,695
This is a really,
really amazing dinner.
119
00:04:55,697 --> 00:04:57,863
Thank you.
I'm very good with legumes.
120
00:04:57,865 --> 00:05:00,366
I-I'm just happy I didn't have
to go out on a Saturday night,
121
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,734
to be honest with you.
Oh, my god.
122
00:05:01,736 --> 00:05:03,102
Forget it. Saturday night?
Right?
123
00:05:03,104 --> 00:05:04,604
Oh, it's the worst. Yep.
124
00:05:04,606 --> 00:05:07,206
I mean, between the traffic
and the crowds.
125
00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:10,376
And my eyes. I can't even,
like, see the stupid menu.
126
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:12,378
Right.
And, oh, the tapas thing?
127
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:14,547
I mean,
I sit there and calculate,
128
00:05:14,549 --> 00:05:16,415
"okay, how many tapas
actually equal a meal?"
129
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,050
Seriously.
130
00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:19,285
I mean, when is this tapas trend
just gonna die already?
131
00:05:19,287 --> 00:05:20,720
I mean, what's next,
just a plate of crumbs
132
00:05:20,722 --> 00:05:22,388
or just, like,
four lentils of some kind.
133
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:24,290
Oh, that's just way too much.
No. No. don't overdo it.
134
00:05:24,292 --> 00:05:26,726
Yeah. Right. Micro-tapas.
135
00:05:26,728 --> 00:05:29,729
This place is so cute.
It's really, really cozy.
136
00:05:29,731 --> 00:05:32,064
Really? You don't think
it needs revamping?
137
00:05:32,066 --> 00:05:33,899
No, are you kidding me?
138
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:37,570
It oozes you...
The art, the book.
139
00:05:37,572 --> 00:05:39,305
I-I guess that's good.
140
00:05:39,307 --> 00:05:43,442
Oh, my god.
Is this you and buddy guy?
141
00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:45,244
Thank you. Most people think
it's B.B. King.
142
00:05:45,246 --> 00:05:46,579
Oh, please.
143
00:05:46,581 --> 00:05:47,980
You really need to be
more discriminating
144
00:05:47,982 --> 00:05:49,248
with who you invite
over here.
145
00:05:49,250 --> 00:05:50,816
I-I'm starting
to believe you.
146
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,318
Do you want to hear something crazy?
Yeah.
147
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:56,122
When I was in art school,
living in Chicago,
148
00:05:56,124 --> 00:05:58,791
I was a bartender
at this club.
149
00:05:58,793 --> 00:06:00,960
And everyone played there.
150
00:06:00,962 --> 00:06:05,131
I'm talking Albert king, uh,
muddy waters. Wow. Really?
151
00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:06,465
I mean, everyone.
152
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,300
And a couple of times,
153
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:10,936
they dragged me up onstage
to sing.
154
00:06:10,938 --> 00:06:12,772
Nice.
It was so embarrassing.
155
00:06:12,774 --> 00:06:15,107
Although my ex-husband
didn't think so.
156
00:06:15,109 --> 00:06:16,776
Three weeks later,
we were married,
157
00:06:16,778 --> 00:06:18,277
and there I was
living in Ibiza.
158
00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,780
That sounds good. Eh.
159
00:06:20,782 --> 00:06:23,783
That was
a really long time ago.
160
00:06:23,785 --> 00:06:28,187
Now I live the quiet life
in west hills.
161
00:06:28,189 --> 00:06:30,189
Well, at least you have a life.
You know what I mean?
162
00:06:30,191 --> 00:06:31,857
I mean, this is usually
the point in the evening
163
00:06:31,859 --> 00:06:33,192
where my date's
trying to convince me
164
00:06:33,194 --> 00:06:34,326
to read "the hunger games."
165
00:06:34,328 --> 00:06:36,495
I'm serious.
166
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:39,999
Eh. The movie was okay.
167
00:06:40,001 --> 00:06:42,468
So, what were you doing
over here in the coffee shop
168
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:43,803
on this side of the world?
169
00:06:43,805 --> 00:06:46,639
Well, I heard there were
170
00:06:46,641 --> 00:06:48,207
a lot of good thrift stores
around here.
171
00:06:48,209 --> 00:06:50,209
Uh-huh.
And I'm always kind of
172
00:06:50,211 --> 00:06:53,546
on the lookout for something,
you know, kind of classic.
173
00:06:53,548 --> 00:06:54,647
Uh-huh.
174
00:06:54,649 --> 00:06:56,382
Something kind of funky.
Yeah.
175
00:06:56,384 --> 00:07:00,219
Think '70s.
Yeah? Did you get lucky?
176
00:07:00,221 --> 00:07:02,555
I'll let you know
in a few hours.
177
00:07:02,557 --> 00:07:04,223
How about...
How about a half-hour?
178
00:07:04,225 --> 00:07:06,559
Oh, my.
179
00:07:06,561 --> 00:07:09,061
This is really...
Could be your lucky night.
180
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:16,368
That was unreal.
181
00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:18,370
I mean, this... the bed has
182
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,706
so much more traction
than the couch.
183
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,374
What?
184
00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:26,212
Oh, nothing. Nothing.
What time is it?
185
00:07:26,214 --> 00:07:28,047
9:49.
186
00:07:28,049 --> 00:07:30,549
That is my idea
of a perfect date.
187
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,885
That was amazing. Mm-hmm.
188
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:36,355
I mean, oh, my god.
That has been a while for me.
189
00:07:36,357 --> 00:07:37,690
Really? Mm.
190
00:07:37,692 --> 00:07:39,358
I can't believe
I'm gonna say this,
191
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,027
but, uh, why don't you stay?
192
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,864
Stay. Come on. Ohh, a
million reasons I can't,
193
00:07:44,866 --> 00:07:46,599
mainly because
I have a little boy.
194
00:07:46,601 --> 00:07:50,603
Oh. Well,
that must be difficult for you.
195
00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:52,204
And, I mean, I don't...
196
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:55,207
No, I don't know
what I'm saying.
197
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:57,543
Zachary. He's amazing.
198
00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:59,879
Yeah? And he's not really
that little anymore.
199
00:07:59,881 --> 00:08:04,383
Well, I can't wait to...
To... Hear more about him.
200
00:08:04,385 --> 00:08:08,554
He was over the moon
when I told him I met you.
201
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:11,223
He's 14 years old,
202
00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:12,892
and already
he has his own podcast.
203
00:08:12,894 --> 00:08:14,126
Wow. Yeah.
204
00:08:14,128 --> 00:08:15,728
Maybe you can
give him some pointers.
205
00:08:15,730 --> 00:08:17,229
Sure.
206
00:08:17,231 --> 00:08:18,731
I mean, you know, he can
e-mail me anytime he wants.
207
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:19,899
Ow.
208
00:08:19,901 --> 00:08:21,567
Why don't you
come over this week?
209
00:08:21,569 --> 00:08:23,903
Okay. Let him interview
you for his podcast.
210
00:08:23,905 --> 00:08:25,437
How fun would that be?
211
00:08:25,439 --> 00:08:28,908
Well, that'd be tons of fun,
and I will check my schedule
212
00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:30,943
to see
if I can make that happen.
213
00:08:30,945 --> 00:08:34,980
Make it happen.
I'm gonna see myself out.
214
00:08:34,982 --> 00:08:36,722
It was so much fun.
This was really nice.
215
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,318
Amazing. And you are.
216
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,620
Yes. I will... I will definitely
try to get over there.
217
00:08:41,622 --> 00:08:42,922
Try?
218
00:08:42,924 --> 00:08:44,957
All right. I'll come.
I'll be there.
219
00:08:44,959 --> 00:08:46,926
All right.
220
00:08:53,302 --> 00:08:55,003
So, Duplass... well, French.
221
00:08:55,005 --> 00:08:57,005
Now, wait,
do you, uh... what?
222
00:08:57,007 --> 00:08:58,673
Does someone speak French?
Anybody?
223
00:08:58,675 --> 00:09:00,341
No. Nobody speaks French.
They... my...
224
00:09:00,343 --> 00:09:01,643
Do you visit France?
225
00:09:01,645 --> 00:09:03,211
My great-grandfather
killed somebody,
226
00:09:03,213 --> 00:09:05,513
came over to New Orleans,
changed his name to duplass,
227
00:09:05,515 --> 00:09:06,981
and that's where we started.
228
00:09:06,983 --> 00:09:08,516
That must have been fun.
Yeah, it was really fun.
229
00:09:08,518 --> 00:09:10,018
But that's kind of over now.
230
00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:11,653
Yeah.
231
00:09:11,655 --> 00:09:14,489
Um, my parents have actually
moved out to Los Angeles.
232
00:09:14,491 --> 00:09:16,391
Oh, my god. My brother
and I both have kids.
233
00:09:16,393 --> 00:09:17,892
Yeah, on Sunday, we all get
together and have a big hangout.
234
00:09:17,894 --> 00:09:20,061
Every Sunday? Every Sunday.
235
00:09:20,063 --> 00:09:22,063
Okay, so you have kids sitting there.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
236
00:09:22,065 --> 00:09:24,332
Talk a little bit,
then what?
237
00:09:24,334 --> 00:09:26,000
Ah, what... what? All right.
238
00:09:26,002 --> 00:09:28,002
You... you clearly have something
on your mind right now.
239
00:09:28,004 --> 00:09:29,170
What is... what is this?
240
00:09:29,172 --> 00:09:31,172
Okay, yes, I do.
You're right.
241
00:09:31,174 --> 00:09:32,674
Uh, let's make it about me.
242
00:09:32,676 --> 00:09:36,010
I went on a date with a
a real woman. Mm-hmm.
243
00:09:36,012 --> 00:09:39,347
Okay. Not the kind of girl
that I usually go out with.
244
00:09:39,349 --> 00:09:40,915
The low-hanging fruit,
basically.
245
00:09:40,917 --> 00:09:43,017
Well, I don't know if I would
say that, but kind of, okay.
246
00:09:43,019 --> 00:09:45,186
She's... I don't even know
how to say it. Age-appropriate?
247
00:09:45,188 --> 00:09:46,421
Okay. That's good.
Can I say that?
248
00:09:46,423 --> 00:09:47,922
She's lived.
249
00:09:47,924 --> 00:09:49,524
Well, yeah, but she's like...
And here's the thing.
250
00:09:49,526 --> 00:09:51,025
It was a great date,
a great time,
251
00:09:51,027 --> 00:09:52,527
and then she brings up
252
00:09:52,529 --> 00:09:54,862
that maybe I should
meet her kid, her son.
253
00:09:54,864 --> 00:09:57,031
Mm-hmm. And I freak out in my head.
I'm terrified.
254
00:09:57,033 --> 00:09:58,766
I'm thinking,
"well, this is a gigantic step,"
255
00:09:58,768 --> 00:10:00,368
you know, 'cause...
256
00:10:00,370 --> 00:10:02,203
'Cause? Why... why is that
a big step to meet...
257
00:10:02,205 --> 00:10:04,105
You've never met a child
before, clearly.
258
00:10:04,107 --> 00:10:05,740
No, no.
Of course I've met children.
259
00:10:05,742 --> 00:10:07,442
But I'm not ready
to be a stepfather.
260
00:10:07,444 --> 00:10:09,777
Please tell me
that you told her
261
00:10:09,779 --> 00:10:12,246
you're not ready to be a stepdad
on the first date.
262
00:10:12,248 --> 00:10:13,915
Right in bed...
Right when we finished, I said,
263
00:10:13,917 --> 00:10:16,284
"you know, this isn't what
I had in mind." Look.
264
00:10:16,286 --> 00:10:18,286
She's lived, clearly.
Yeah. Yeah.
265
00:10:18,288 --> 00:10:20,288
You have lived. Right.
266
00:10:20,290 --> 00:10:22,290
I'll put... that's a nice
way to put it. Right.
267
00:10:22,292 --> 00:10:24,258
You know, and when people have
lived, they come with baggage.
268
00:10:24,260 --> 00:10:25,927
No, I get that, but, I mean,
269
00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:27,762
I hope she hasn't had
the same exact life as me,
270
00:10:27,764 --> 00:10:29,230
'cause then our second date's
271
00:10:29,232 --> 00:10:31,265
gonna have to be
couple's counseling, but yeah.
272
00:10:31,267 --> 00:10:33,768
That's baggage.
But it's... that's a child.
273
00:10:33,770 --> 00:10:35,903
And I get
what you're saying.
274
00:10:35,905 --> 00:10:37,905
I think that this could be
a very good thing for you.
275
00:10:37,907 --> 00:10:40,975
And from what I can tell,
you'll probably screw it up.
276
00:10:40,977 --> 00:10:43,911
Right. I'm putting my
money on one way it goes.
277
00:10:43,913 --> 00:10:45,913
Why don't you keep it
to yourself and give me a shot?
278
00:10:45,915 --> 00:10:47,548
Okay. All right.
All right. All right.
279
00:11:13,008 --> 00:11:15,510
Hi. From highland park.
280
00:11:15,512 --> 00:11:17,512
How are you? Hi, handsome.
281
00:11:17,514 --> 00:11:18,513
Hi. Okay. Good. Hi.
282
00:11:18,515 --> 00:11:21,015
Come on in. Ooh.
283
00:11:21,017 --> 00:11:24,686
I'm making my famous goat cheese
and shrimp quesadillas.
284
00:11:24,688 --> 00:11:26,521
Wow. Mmm.
285
00:11:26,523 --> 00:11:28,523
Fancy.
286
00:11:28,525 --> 00:11:30,291
I hope you didn't get lost
coming here.
287
00:11:30,293 --> 00:11:32,026
No. Couldn't have been easier,
actually.
288
00:11:32,028 --> 00:11:33,695
Everything's
very well marked here.
289
00:11:33,697 --> 00:11:36,864
Yeah. I know, right?
It's a little Stepford.
290
00:11:36,866 --> 00:11:39,534
The golf-cart crossing and the
artificial lake. Yes. Uh-huh.
291
00:11:39,536 --> 00:11:41,536
I know. Come on.
Come with the jokes.
292
00:11:41,538 --> 00:11:42,970
It's okay. No. No. Honestly,
I haven't got any.
293
00:11:42,972 --> 00:11:44,505
This is the longest
I've been in L.A.
294
00:11:44,507 --> 00:11:46,874
And I haven't seen graffiti
or a police chopper.
295
00:11:46,876 --> 00:11:50,211
Well, I really
appreciate you doing this.
296
00:11:50,213 --> 00:11:51,879
Sure. Absolutely.
297
00:11:51,881 --> 00:11:53,214
What can I get you?
298
00:11:53,216 --> 00:11:56,217
Uh... How about a fizzy water,
maybe?
299
00:11:56,219 --> 00:11:58,886
Oh, fizzy waters?
That's good. I can do that.
300
00:11:58,888 --> 00:12:01,055
Look at this kitchen!
Oh, my god.
301
00:12:01,057 --> 00:12:03,558
I could really do some damage
in here. Look at those burners.
302
00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,560
I know. Nice. Nice.
303
00:12:05,562 --> 00:12:07,395
Make yourself comfortable.
Sit down. Relax.
304
00:12:07,397 --> 00:12:08,730
Absolutely. I will.
305
00:12:08,732 --> 00:12:10,398
I think I'll just
plop down right here
306
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,668
and maybe watch
"Lawrence of Arabia,"
307
00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:16,838
maybe a couple "godfathers."
308
00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,006
Here you go.
309
00:12:19,008 --> 00:12:20,341
Thank you.
310
00:12:20,343 --> 00:12:22,009
Hey.
311
00:12:22,011 --> 00:12:24,011
Two minutes!
312
00:12:24,013 --> 00:12:27,682
Uh, yeah, we're talking.
Just one minute!
313
00:12:27,684 --> 00:12:29,183
A minute, 50!
314
00:12:29,185 --> 00:12:30,685
Ohh, so that's...
315
00:12:30,687 --> 00:12:32,854
That's Zachary. Yes. Right.
316
00:12:32,856 --> 00:12:35,189
You should probably go,
um, do the interview.
317
00:12:35,191 --> 00:12:37,091
Should...
Should I meet him first?
318
00:12:37,093 --> 00:12:38,526
No, he says
he wants you fresh.
319
00:12:38,528 --> 00:12:39,694
Okay. Yeah.
320
00:12:39,696 --> 00:12:41,863
It's okay.
You're totally great.
321
00:12:41,865 --> 00:12:43,531
Right, right, okay. You're good to go.
You're cool, right?
322
00:12:43,533 --> 00:12:45,032
Yeah. And, you know,
just be yourself.
323
00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:47,869
And, of course,
be, you know, appropriate.
324
00:12:47,871 --> 00:12:49,704
Yeah, of course.
I'll be very discreet.
325
00:12:49,706 --> 00:12:52,228
Okay, come on. Come on. Come on.
Hurry. Hurry. Hurry. Okay.
326
00:12:54,276 --> 00:12:56,944
Ready or not. Hello?
327
00:12:56,946 --> 00:13:01,282
Oh, uh, watch out
for the hamster cage.
328
00:13:01,284 --> 00:13:03,284
Uh, did Alexa get you water?
329
00:13:03,286 --> 00:13:06,687
Great, uh, just grab those cans
and have a seat.
330
00:13:13,062 --> 00:13:16,464
Greetings,
fellow adolescent misanthropes.
331
00:13:16,466 --> 00:13:18,633
Welcome to
"the malcontentment hour."
332
00:13:18,635 --> 00:13:20,301
This is Zach stahler
coming at you from my bedroom
333
00:13:20,303 --> 00:13:22,804
in an undisclosed location
in the valley.
334
00:13:22,806 --> 00:13:24,238
Those of you
who listen to the show
335
00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:25,573
know that
I have a little issue
336
00:13:25,575 --> 00:13:27,408
with the west hills school
salad bar.
337
00:13:27,410 --> 00:13:29,911
The salad is often wilted,
vegetables turned,
338
00:13:29,913 --> 00:13:31,913
and the sneeze guard
is so dirty.
339
00:13:31,915 --> 00:13:33,414
It's counterproductive.
340
00:13:33,416 --> 00:13:35,750
So, yesterday, as a reward
for trying to eat healthy,
341
00:13:35,752 --> 00:13:37,819
I get raging diarrhea.
342
00:13:37,821 --> 00:13:39,086
Again.
343
00:13:39,088 --> 00:13:41,322
And to add to insult
to injury, d...
344
00:13:41,324 --> 00:13:44,592
Um, you're sitting
right on my favorite pillow.
345
00:13:44,594 --> 00:13:46,994
Oh. I... sorry.
346
00:13:46,996 --> 00:13:48,763
I will bill you
if I get pinkeye.
347
00:13:48,765 --> 00:13:50,164
All right,
we'll be right back
348
00:13:50,166 --> 00:13:51,766
with my diarrhea epic
in a minute.
349
00:13:51,768 --> 00:13:54,936
Now, I am very excited
to introduce my first guest
350
00:13:54,938 --> 00:13:56,470
who is sitting right now
351
00:13:56,472 --> 00:13:59,006
with his dirty ass
on my favorite pillow,
352
00:13:59,008 --> 00:14:01,342
my hero, Marc maron!
353
00:14:01,344 --> 00:14:02,977
That's right.
Marc maron is in the bedroom.
354
00:14:02,979 --> 00:14:06,280
Put your pants back on, Marc.
355
00:14:06,282 --> 00:14:08,616
The man, the myth,
the alt-comedy legend.
356
00:14:08,618 --> 00:14:09,817
All labels, I know,
we both hate.
357
00:14:09,819 --> 00:14:11,485
Great to have you here.
358
00:14:11,487 --> 00:14:14,322
Now, uh, your show's become
the rite of passage for talent.
359
00:14:14,324 --> 00:14:15,690
You have
a die-hard following
360
00:14:15,692 --> 00:14:17,625
and are now something of
a comedy institution.
361
00:14:17,627 --> 00:14:19,160
I-I don't know
if I'd say that.
362
00:14:19,162 --> 00:14:21,128
I mean, we've had a...
We've had a good stretch.
363
00:14:21,130 --> 00:14:24,165
You know, thing are...
I'm feeling pretty positive.
364
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,800
And that's
exactly the problem.
365
00:14:25,802 --> 00:14:27,301
What? Come on.
366
00:14:27,303 --> 00:14:29,637
Everybody knows
that legitimacy and contentment
367
00:14:29,639 --> 00:14:31,973
are the last stop
on the artistic express train
368
00:14:31,975 --> 00:14:33,641
to irrelevance
and self-parody.
369
00:14:33,643 --> 00:14:35,042
That's a little harsh.
370
00:14:35,044 --> 00:14:37,545
It's very well put, but...
But a little harsh.
371
00:14:37,547 --> 00:14:39,313
I am quoting
your words there.
372
00:14:39,315 --> 00:14:40,982
Did I say that?
Yeah, you did.
373
00:14:40,984 --> 00:14:42,650
Okay. Face it.
374
00:14:42,652 --> 00:14:44,986
You're just one metaphorical
peanut-butter-and-bacon sandwich
375
00:14:44,988 --> 00:14:46,821
from the fat Elvis stage
of your career.
376
00:14:46,823 --> 00:14:48,723
Why are you being
such a dick?
377
00:14:48,725 --> 00:14:50,725
Uh...
378
00:14:50,727 --> 00:14:53,027
I was just trying to get real
like you do.
379
00:14:53,029 --> 00:14:55,529
Okay. Okay.
Let's switch tact.
380
00:14:55,531 --> 00:14:57,531
Um, your personal life
is a mess.
381
00:14:57,533 --> 00:14:59,000
People are saying
that you need to
382
00:14:59,002 --> 00:15:00,701
retire the material
about your ex-wife,
383
00:15:00,703 --> 00:15:04,705
saying that it's, um, "unfunny,
self-indulgent naval gazing."
384
00:15:04,707 --> 00:15:05,907
Yeah? Who said that?
385
00:15:05,909 --> 00:15:07,842
You know, the, uh...
The zeitgeist.
386
00:15:07,844 --> 00:15:09,176
Oh, really?
387
00:15:09,178 --> 00:15:10,411
Well, the, uh, zeitgeist
can kiss my ass.
388
00:15:10,413 --> 00:15:14,415
Okay. Um, uh, next question.
389
00:15:14,417 --> 00:15:15,917
Are you lonely?
390
00:15:17,587 --> 00:15:19,754
Yeah, sometimes I am.
Yeah, I work a lot.
391
00:15:19,756 --> 00:15:21,589
Do you know a lot of girls?
392
00:15:21,591 --> 00:15:23,658
If so, where and how
did you meet them?
393
00:15:25,394 --> 00:15:27,194
I-I think
that's something that
394
00:15:27,196 --> 00:15:29,263
my, you know,
listeners want to know.
395
00:15:29,265 --> 00:15:30,865
Oh, really?
396
00:15:30,867 --> 00:15:33,301
Okay, well, do your listeners
have a girlfriend?
397
00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:37,538
No. No, I wish.
398
00:15:37,540 --> 00:15:39,040
There isn't a girl
in my class
399
00:15:39,042 --> 00:15:40,908
that I haven't masturbated to,
like, a hundred times.
400
00:15:40,910 --> 00:15:43,210
Yeah. Hmm. They all hate me.
401
00:15:43,212 --> 00:15:46,547
Uh, how did you lose
your virginity?
402
00:15:46,549 --> 00:15:49,383
Uh, older woman.
403
00:15:49,385 --> 00:15:52,086
Yeah, well, my mom's friend
Mrs. woolems is so hot.
404
00:15:52,088 --> 00:15:53,788
I'm kind of obsessed with her.
405
00:15:53,790 --> 00:15:55,089
Yeah,
I saw her side boob once.
406
00:15:55,091 --> 00:15:56,891
Nice. She married?
407
00:15:56,893 --> 00:15:58,426
Divorced. So hot.
408
00:15:58,428 --> 00:16:01,062
Well, you know, I was thinking
about falling off my bike
409
00:16:01,064 --> 00:16:02,964
in front of her house,
then I'd go in,
410
00:16:02,966 --> 00:16:04,899
and then, you know, she has to
take care of my wound.
411
00:16:04,901 --> 00:16:06,901
So, then, while she's putting
the band-aid on me,
412
00:16:06,903 --> 00:16:10,137
she gets turned on,
and it just... it just happens.
413
00:16:11,741 --> 00:16:12,940
You've really put
a lot of thought into this.
414
00:16:12,942 --> 00:16:14,308
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.
Over and over again.
415
00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:16,243
I, um... I call it
the bike-wreck scenario.
416
00:16:16,245 --> 00:16:18,079
Hmm. Yeah. Is that weird?
417
00:16:18,081 --> 00:16:19,413
Well, look,
don't get hung up
418
00:16:19,415 --> 00:16:21,115
on this
"losing your virginity" thing.
419
00:16:21,117 --> 00:16:23,117
Eventually, you'll...
You'll stumble into
420
00:16:23,119 --> 00:16:25,619
a couple of
awkward sexual experiences
421
00:16:25,621 --> 00:16:27,154
that will define
your future.
422
00:16:27,156 --> 00:16:30,157
Whoa. Look at you.
You are what I aspire to.
423
00:16:31,260 --> 00:16:33,094
Let's be honest.
424
00:16:33,096 --> 00:16:34,444
You're probably
gonna die alone.
425
00:16:35,597 --> 00:16:37,264
We're both doomed.
426
00:16:37,266 --> 00:16:41,502
Yeah, well, we are...
We are doomed, yes.
427
00:16:41,504 --> 00:16:42,970
Uh, look. Look.
428
00:16:42,972 --> 00:16:44,505
The podcast is a good...
This is a good thing.
429
00:16:44,507 --> 00:16:46,774
'Cause it's gonna get you
new friends. It's good.
430
00:16:46,776 --> 00:16:49,844
Well, nobody's really
listening to my podcast.
431
00:16:51,179 --> 00:16:53,848
People don't like me.
432
00:16:53,850 --> 00:16:57,351
Well, my mom threw me this
surprise birthday party for me
433
00:16:57,353 --> 00:16:59,520
last year
and invited my whole class.
434
00:16:59,522 --> 00:17:02,123
I can't stand those kids,
and now they're in my house.
435
00:17:02,125 --> 00:17:03,624
Why would she do that to me?
436
00:17:03,626 --> 00:17:06,360
Hey, well,
at least she's trying, pal.
437
00:17:06,362 --> 00:17:08,029
One meal together,
and you think you know her.
438
00:17:08,031 --> 00:17:09,630
She doesn't get me at all.
439
00:17:09,632 --> 00:17:11,165
I mean,
at least my dad ignores me.
440
00:17:11,167 --> 00:17:13,034
I mean, she's overbearing
and manipulative.
441
00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:15,202
And she "forgot"
to feed my hamster
442
00:17:15,204 --> 00:17:16,670
when I went to math camp.
443
00:17:16,672 --> 00:17:18,973
Well, you know,
when parents get divorced,
444
00:17:18,975 --> 00:17:20,474
there's a lot of resentment.
445
00:17:20,476 --> 00:17:22,309
You'll get over it.
You'll... you'll let it go.
446
00:17:22,311 --> 00:17:23,677
I wish they were divorced.
447
00:17:23,679 --> 00:17:26,313
What, you mean it's...
It's not official?
448
00:17:26,315 --> 00:17:27,815
Their divorce
isn't official yet, or...?
449
00:17:27,817 --> 00:17:30,384
No. They're not divorced.
450
00:17:32,354 --> 00:17:33,454
Oh, my god.
451
00:17:34,356 --> 00:17:36,891
Did you have sex
with my mom?
452
00:17:36,893 --> 00:17:39,226
No, man. That's crazy.
453
00:17:39,228 --> 00:17:41,996
You have a very active
imagination, kid.
454
00:17:41,998 --> 00:17:43,731
You did. No, I didn't!
455
00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:46,067
Okay. I just thought we were
being honest with each other.
456
00:17:46,069 --> 00:17:47,334
Sorry.
457
00:17:49,572 --> 00:17:55,076
Well, the upshot is this is
turning into my best episode.
458
00:17:58,347 --> 00:18:00,682
So? Isn't he amazing?
459
00:18:00,684 --> 00:18:03,518
Are you insane?
You said you were divorced.
460
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,854
I am, to my first husband.
461
00:18:05,856 --> 00:18:07,389
You didn't say
that you were married.
462
00:18:07,391 --> 00:18:09,858
Well, I didn't want to ruin
our little role-play
463
00:18:09,860 --> 00:18:11,526
by stating the obvious...
Hello.
464
00:18:11,528 --> 00:18:13,061
It's not like
I hid my wedding band.
465
00:18:13,063 --> 00:18:14,529
I don't look at rings.
466
00:18:14,531 --> 00:18:17,032
The women I date can't even
commit to a hairstyle.
467
00:18:17,034 --> 00:18:18,700
You put me in a very
awkward situation up there.
468
00:18:18,702 --> 00:18:21,403
I had to think quickly.
I'm so sorry.
469
00:18:21,405 --> 00:18:23,572
But it...
It went all right, right?
470
00:18:23,574 --> 00:18:25,040
Is Zachary happy?
471
00:18:25,042 --> 00:18:27,109
Yeah, I think he is.
I-I don't think I am.
472
00:18:27,111 --> 00:18:28,543
I'm sorry.
473
00:18:28,545 --> 00:18:30,545
I just... you know,
you can understand.
474
00:18:30,547 --> 00:18:32,747
I just wanted to make this
happen for him.
475
00:18:32,749 --> 00:18:34,416
Oh, my god.
476
00:18:34,418 --> 00:18:36,418
You weren't thrift shopping
in my neighborhood.
477
00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:38,553
You stalked me.
478
00:18:38,555 --> 00:18:40,288
Oh, come on.
I didn't exactly stalk you.
479
00:18:40,290 --> 00:18:41,923
My god,
you don't go to the bathroom
480
00:18:41,925 --> 00:18:43,592
without announcing it on Twitter.
Oh, my god.
481
00:18:43,594 --> 00:18:47,395
You slept with me so I would
be on your son's podcast?
482
00:18:47,397 --> 00:18:48,964
I was desperate.
483
00:18:48,966 --> 00:18:51,299
Great!
That makes me feel great.
484
00:18:51,301 --> 00:18:53,635
I mean, Zach and I,
we just... I don't know.
485
00:18:53,637 --> 00:18:55,070
He doesn't even
talk to me anymore,
486
00:18:55,072 --> 00:18:57,405
and the little podcast
became our project.
487
00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:59,407
And I-I had to connect with him
in some way.
488
00:18:59,409 --> 00:19:00,742
And, you know.
489
00:19:00,744 --> 00:19:02,077
You're a piece of work.
490
00:19:02,079 --> 00:19:03,578
Oh, please.
Don't act so scandalized.
491
00:19:03,580 --> 00:19:05,080
You're no boy scout.
492
00:19:05,082 --> 00:19:06,414
I thought
we had a connection.
493
00:19:06,416 --> 00:19:08,817
We did. We do.
Are you kidding me?
494
00:19:08,819 --> 00:19:10,485
You know we do.
495
00:19:10,487 --> 00:19:13,488
It's amazing, and...
You want to hear something odd?
496
00:19:13,490 --> 00:19:17,792
Sleeping with you made me
feel so much closer to my son.
497
00:19:17,794 --> 00:19:20,629
Oh, my god.
498
00:19:20,631 --> 00:19:22,097
Yeah?
499
00:19:22,099 --> 00:19:23,665
And I thought this could be
a normal relationship.
500
00:19:23,667 --> 00:19:25,767
Can I make you
a snack plate?
501
00:19:25,769 --> 00:19:27,836
I-I made some homemade guac.
502
00:19:27,838 --> 00:19:29,171
It's really good.
503
00:19:29,173 --> 00:19:30,772
It's very yummy
and good for you
504
00:19:30,774 --> 00:19:33,975
and nice for your skin
and good for you tummy.
505
00:19:33,977 --> 00:19:36,211
Okay. Yeah?
506
00:19:39,148 --> 00:19:40,482
He's home early.
507
00:19:40,484 --> 00:19:42,484
Jesus, are you kidding me?!
508
00:19:42,486 --> 00:19:43,818
Don't... oh, shit. What do I do?
What do I do?
509
00:19:43,820 --> 00:19:45,153
No. don't worry.
Just sit down.
510
00:19:45,155 --> 00:19:46,521
Sit down and relax.
511
00:19:46,523 --> 00:19:48,623
It's only weird
if you make it weird.
512
00:19:48,625 --> 00:19:52,294
Not guilty.
Do you believe that verdict?!
513
00:19:52,296 --> 00:19:56,298
I absolutely crucified
that stooge on the stand, man.
514
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:58,166
I was on fire.
515
00:19:58,168 --> 00:19:59,501
I can't stay long.
516
00:19:59,503 --> 00:20:02,170
I'm gonna meet the team
for drinks.
517
00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:03,605
Oh.
518
00:20:05,007 --> 00:20:06,274
Oh, how are the lessons?
519
00:20:07,176 --> 00:20:08,843
Is he stopping the yanking
long enough
520
00:20:08,845 --> 00:20:10,845
to become
the next Dave Matthews?
521
00:20:10,847 --> 00:20:13,181
Hal, this isn't
the guitar teacher.
522
00:20:13,183 --> 00:20:14,683
This is Marc maron.
523
00:20:14,685 --> 00:20:16,518
He's helping Zachary
with his podcast.
524
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,053
Hey. How you doing?
525
00:20:18,055 --> 00:20:20,222
He's still wasting time
on that?
526
00:20:20,224 --> 00:20:21,656
We had fun.
527
00:20:21,658 --> 00:20:23,825
He reminds me of me
when I was a kid.
528
00:20:23,827 --> 00:20:25,360
Oh, that sounds reassuring.
529
00:20:25,362 --> 00:20:27,996
Hal, stop being an asshole.
530
00:20:27,998 --> 00:20:30,198
Wow, this is like
a flashback to my childhood.
531
00:20:31,835 --> 00:20:34,669
The house.
It's a nice house.
532
00:20:34,671 --> 00:20:36,338
Oh, I forgot
to give you a shirt.
533
00:20:36,340 --> 00:20:37,839
Oh.
534
00:20:37,841 --> 00:20:39,040
Thanks, man.
535
00:20:39,042 --> 00:20:40,875
Try it on, man.
See if it fits.
536
00:20:40,877 --> 00:20:42,344
He doesn't want to
try it on, Zach.
537
00:20:42,346 --> 00:20:43,411
Just say thanks for coming.
538
00:20:43,413 --> 00:20:44,746
No. No. I'll try it on, man.
539
00:20:44,748 --> 00:20:46,014
I-I'll do it.
540
00:20:46,016 --> 00:20:48,683
Oh, that's awesome.
541
00:20:48,685 --> 00:20:50,719
Yeah, this looks cool.
542
00:20:50,721 --> 00:20:52,020
Oh, that's so cute on you.
543
00:20:52,022 --> 00:20:56,258
Ohh. Thank you. Nice. Yeah.
544
00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:58,893
You got a great kid there.
545
00:20:58,895 --> 00:21:00,528
All right. Thanks, buddy.
546
00:21:00,530 --> 00:21:03,365
I'm gonna go. Yeah.
547
00:21:03,367 --> 00:21:05,367
Thank you. For everything.
548
00:21:05,369 --> 00:21:08,370
Yeah. And, uh, yeah, okay.
549
00:21:08,372 --> 00:21:09,404
Thank you so much, Marc.
550
00:21:09,406 --> 00:21:10,905
Hey,
good luck with everything.
551
00:21:10,907 --> 00:21:13,541
Yeah. And, um... Yeah.
552
00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:15,944
Yeah. All right.
553
00:21:16,714 --> 00:21:18,915
Here you go. Thank you, Ivy.
554
00:21:18,917 --> 00:21:20,383
You're welcome, stranger.
555
00:21:20,385 --> 00:21:21,384
You want to come over later?
556
00:21:21,386 --> 00:21:22,919
To bone? Yeah.
557
00:21:22,921 --> 00:21:24,621
Sure. Great.
558
00:21:27,725 --> 00:21:30,393
Did you pick a movie?
No. No.
559
00:21:30,395 --> 00:21:32,962
It's all over-produced
Hollywood bullshit.
560
00:21:32,964 --> 00:21:35,098
Hey, you know, your friend?
Yeah.
561
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:37,600
She is really beautiful.
Yeah, no roots.
562
00:21:37,602 --> 00:21:40,603
Sounds like someone's working on
their coffee-shop scenario.
563
00:21:40,605 --> 00:21:41,738
Am I right?
564
00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:42,906
Huh?
565
00:21:42,908 --> 00:21:46,409
Oh, yeah.
566
00:21:46,411 --> 00:21:56,411
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www.Addic7ed.com
567
00:21:56,461 --> 00:22:01,011
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