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1
00:00:49,582 --> 00:00:51,812
(BONG!)
2
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,584
(BONG!)
3
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:59,654
Would you stop doing that, Beth.
You're giving me a headache.
4
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:01,751
- We're not going to fit in there!
- Yes, we are.
5
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,059
- You have a computer at the wheel here!
- Lovejoy!
6
00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:09,034
They're beautiful!
I don't know what to say, Gordon.
7
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:13,062
I mean, I thought
you were still married.
8
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:15,472
Of course I'd like to see you.
9
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:20,639
It's just... Well, it's been such
a long time. Where are you phoning from?
10
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:24,707
- (KNOCK AT DOOR)
- Hold on... Come in!
11
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,117
The wonders of technology.
12
00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:30,450
All right, Beth?
13
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:33,584
- Brain like a computer?!
- You haven't paid for it.
14
00:01:33,626 --> 00:01:35,719
I will once this lot pay me.
15
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:39,027
There'll be tears before bedtime!
16
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:42,164
O ye of little faith!
17
00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:46,795
I mean, the restaurant want this
gong for their centrepiece.
18
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,934
It cost three grand, which I don't
have, so I gave the owners a cheque.
19
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,638
Now I'll cop five grand from Planet
Pinewood, take the cheque back,
20
00:01:52,679 --> 00:01:55,477
and give them three grand in cash.
It's good business.
21
00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,483
What can go wrong?
22
00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:02,183
You see, Mr Banner,
if we tilt it sideways, we can...
23
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:05,453
- No, keep it there...
- I'm telling you, it won't fit.
24
00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:11,857
Mr Banner...
25
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:17,336
All we need do is unscrew the gong
from the frame and then we can...
26
00:02:17,370 --> 00:02:21,363
And what am I supposed to stand it on?
A chair?! You should have measured it!
27
00:02:21,407 --> 00:02:25,207
The window!
We can get it through the window.
28
00:02:25,245 --> 00:02:28,476
If you expect me to take out that
window, you got another think coming.
29
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:29,982
We open tomorrow.
30
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:33,247
- Get that thing in or get out of here.
- WOMAN: Mr Banner! Telephone!
31
00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:37,287
Mmm-mmm-mmm...
32
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:39,052
Brain like a computer?
33
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:42,118
I just do a bit of freelance
advisory work now.
34
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:45,996
Write a couple of columns for the
big auction house brochures.
35
00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:48,193
Insure your inheritance,
that sort of thing.
36
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:51,067
I'm impressed, Charlotte.
You've done incredibly well.
37
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:54,437
It's preview day.
We have a sale tomorrow.
38
00:02:54,474 --> 00:02:57,443
I thought your insurance
company went public.
39
00:02:57,477 --> 00:03:00,571
It did... and crashed.
Luckily I was well out.
40
00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:02,240
Still, cost me my marriage.
41
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:03,749
Yes. I'm sorry.
42
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:07,344
Oh, don't be. It's opened up all
sorts of interesting possibilities.
43
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,752
Like what?
44
00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:11,887
That rather depends on you.
45
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:14,086
Miss Cavendish?
...Excuse me.
46
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:16,322
There's a Mr and Mrs Tabor to see you.
47
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:17,454
(SHE SIGHS)
48
00:03:17,497 --> 00:03:19,863
LOVEJOY: Be fair, I did
ask you to measure it.
49
00:03:19,899 --> 00:03:22,493
MAN: We did! You told us
to measure the gong and we did.
50
00:03:22,535 --> 00:03:24,935
You didn't tell me there
was a frame round it.
51
00:03:24,971 --> 00:03:28,429
You didn't ask! If you'd have asked us
to measure the frame, we would have done.
52
00:03:28,474 --> 00:03:29,873
It didn't have one in the films, did it?
53
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:32,070
Of course it didn't.
That's the magic of cinema.
54
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:35,444
Now, come on, be sensible.
How else is it gonna stand up?
55
00:03:35,481 --> 00:03:37,676
- This is ridiculous.
- You're telling me!
56
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,447
Look, Mr Bridges, the problem is this.
57
00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:45,014
Planet Pinewood don't want it.
I don't want it. You don't want it.
58
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,458
Surely we can come to some
sort of an arrangement.
59
00:03:47,493 --> 00:03:51,793
We already have done,
and cheap at the price. £3,000. Look,
60
00:03:51,831 --> 00:03:54,925
if you can't sell it, Lovejoy,
tough tittie. That's your problem.
61
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:04,198
That's quite remarkable.
She could almost be your sister.
62
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,077
Perhaps you have some
Polish blood in you!
63
00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:09,843
Not unless it's Polish Home Counties!
64
00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:12,146
(ALL LAUGHING)
65
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:16,246
It is very striking, though.
Are you sure you don't want to put it in for auction?
66
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:18,484
We've thought about it,
67
00:04:18,524 --> 00:04:22,927
but I'm afraid my wife would
prefer to sell it privately...
68
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:24,259
if possible.
69
00:04:24,297 --> 00:04:27,323
I think you'd find it would fetch
considerably more at auction.
70
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,562
I know. I know.
71
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:31,695
I have told Anna that, but...
72
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:35,606
Well, there are personal reasons.
73
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,577
I know it's not good business.
74
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:42,704
Um... how much were you hoping for?
75
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:46,776
Oh, yes. It's the original gong, Tommy.
I can guarantee you that.
76
00:04:46,819 --> 00:04:50,880
Yes. Yes, it is big.
That's part of its charm.
77
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:54,086
- Lovejoy, you were supposed to sign...
- Later, OK? ...It's a steal, Tommy.
78
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,617
- Lovejoy! Lovejoy!
- Hold on, Tommy.
79
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:58,358
You were supposed to
sign this two weeks ago.
80
00:04:58,398 --> 00:04:59,990
I'm gonna lose my place at college.
81
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,933
And I'm losing three grand.
Now, later, OK?
82
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,163
Now, where was I, Tommy?
I said five grand.
83
00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:07,934
I'm not an unreasonable man.
Let's make it four-and-a-half grand
84
00:05:07,974 --> 00:05:10,033
and I'll get my YTS
trainee to wash your car.
85
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:13,102
(WHISPERING) Make us a cup of tea.
...What do you think of that, Tommy?
86
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,205
Tommy? Tommy?!
87
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,512
It's about all I'm good for, innit?
88
00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:19,415
Ohhh! Would you believe it?!
89
00:05:23,723 --> 00:05:26,283
Thank you for a lovely supper, Gordon.
90
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,159
Hm-mm. Do you know,
I could murder a cup of coffee.
91
00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:30,958
(SHE CLEARS HER THROAT)
92
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:33,397
Let's not rush things, Gordon.
93
00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:37,233
I mean, I still think of
you and Jean as friends.
94
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:41,502
Well, you know what they say.
Friends should always be lovers too.
95
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,803
That is a seriously bad
chat-up line, Gordon.
96
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:52,812
Sorry. I'm afraid I'm
seriously out of practice.
97
00:05:52,852 --> 00:05:57,084
- There's someone else, is there?
- Not so as you'd notice, no.
98
00:05:57,123 --> 00:05:58,681
Oh. OK.
99
00:05:59,892 --> 00:06:02,861
Come to supper tomorrow.
Goodnight.
100
00:06:02,895 --> 00:06:05,159
Goodnight.
101
00:06:06,632 --> 00:06:09,829
- It's 12 foot and it's in its own frame.
- Can you sign this?
102
00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:12,565
Not now, Tink. Sorry about that.
No, it's not Ming, sir,
103
00:06:12,605 --> 00:06:15,665
but in an Indian restaurant, who's
going to notice the difference?
104
00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:17,938
I'd like you to hold this thought, sir.
105
00:06:17,977 --> 00:06:21,879
We may be a small company, but we
pride ourselves on our integrity.
106
00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:23,438
I'm pleased to hear that, Lovejoy.
107
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:27,146
You'll have an explanation for this
dud three-grand cheque, then, won't you?
108
00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:29,347
This account, it doesn't exist.
109
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:32,449
Lovejoy Holdings closed seven years ago.
Luckily, Mr Bridges checked.
110
00:06:32,492 --> 00:06:35,052
- I offered him the gong back.
- He doesn't want King Gong!
111
00:06:35,094 --> 00:06:37,460
He wants his money.
Is he going to get it or not?
112
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:39,761
It's business.
I'm not trying to rip him off.
113
00:06:39,799 --> 00:06:42,825
You buy, you sell, you buy it back,
you sell. It's rolling-credit business.
114
00:06:42,869 --> 00:06:47,135
It's fraud. You've got four days, Lovejoy,
the time it'll take this cheque to clear,
115
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,664
- four days, or you're nicked.
- Do me a favour, Dennis.
116
00:06:49,709 --> 00:06:53,236
I am! By rights, I should be nicking you now.
Have a nice day!
117
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:57,976
- Lovejoy, can you sign this?
- Not now, Tink! Gongs come first.
118
00:06:58,017 --> 00:07:01,384
If you don't get in touch with her college
supervisor, she could lose her place.
119
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:05,084
If I don't sell the Jolly Bronze Giant,
I might lose this place.
120
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,216
Hello?
121
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:11,196
I thought this was supposed to
be a romantic dinner for two.
122
00:07:11,230 --> 00:07:14,893
You were thinking with the wrong
part of your anatomy, Gordon...
123
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:19,833
(HORN HOOTS)
124
00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:25,168
All right?
125
00:07:25,211 --> 00:07:27,475
What do you think this is?
126
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:31,108
Let me try a wild guess!
127
00:07:31,150 --> 00:07:33,345
- It's a gong.
- Close - but no cigar.
128
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:36,549
This is the Rank gong as used
by Bombardier Billy Wells
129
00:07:36,589 --> 00:07:39,057
in all those classic British films.
130
00:07:39,091 --> 00:07:41,218
- (BONG!)
- I don't want it.
131
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,251
I didn't ask you to buy it yet.
132
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,526
- No, but you will.
- Is there some sort of problem?
133
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:49,057
No more than usual.
Lovejoy, this is Gordon Fitzalan.
134
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:52,764
- How do you do?
- I'm just hunky-dory, Gordon.
135
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,740
So I can't tempt you,
not even for auction, eh?
136
00:07:55,775 --> 00:07:59,677
- Well, it's hardly an antique, is it?
- It will be by the time I get rid of it.
137
00:07:59,712 --> 00:08:02,772
Lovejoy, I've got something I want
to show you. Come in and have a drink.
138
00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:07,579
- Charlotte, we do have guests.
- It's all right, I'm house-trained.
139
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:16,955
You know, I'm beginning to think
I'd be better off out of it, anyway.
140
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,530
Maybe me dad was right.
141
00:08:20,566 --> 00:08:21,794
No.
142
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:27,629
I mean, what sort of career
prospects have I got here anyway?
143
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:30,403
An A-level in ducking and diving?
144
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:34,474
Fat lot of good that is.
145
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:39,581
You can't learn about
life from a book.
146
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:43,645
It's not just the
college business, Tink.
147
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:47,284
If I really felt like he
appreciated me, it'd be different.
148
00:08:47,326 --> 00:08:48,953
He does!
149
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:52,195
You know the trouble with Lovejoy, Beth,
150
00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:55,632
he's just too damn proud to ask for help.
151
00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:57,761
Yeah?
152
00:08:57,803 --> 00:09:02,763
Well, I'm beginning to think he wouldn't
even notice if I wasn't around.
153
00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:14,944
It's very nice.
Polish, 18th-century. Orlowski.
154
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:17,285
And you're going to put it into auction?
155
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:19,655
My wife was hoping to
sell it privately.
156
00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:27,862
Um... call me an old cynic, but that
doesn't make a great deal of sense.
157
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,527
I don't understand.
What are you suggesting?
158
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:34,131
I'm suggesting that you could get a lot
more money for this painting at auction
159
00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:35,970
than you could by selling it privately.
160
00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:38,772
You're quite right, Mr Lovejoy.
161
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:41,541
We have been rather less
than frank with you.
162
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:45,813
(SIGHING) It's pride, really.
163
00:09:47,019 --> 00:09:49,681
My father was part of Polish aristocracy.
164
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:54,284
In fact, this painting is one of the
few things of value we have left.
165
00:09:55,895 --> 00:09:59,991
It may be foolish, but we'd
prefer our friends didn't know
166
00:10:00,032 --> 00:10:02,694
we've been forced to sell off
what was left of our heritage.
167
00:10:02,735 --> 00:10:05,704
Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to pry.
168
00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:10,675
Please. I would have had
exactly the same reaction.
169
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:16,946
That's why we're so adamant that
anyone interested in the painting
170
00:10:16,983 --> 00:10:20,248
must have it independently
authenticated and valued.
171
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:22,311
That could be arranged.
172
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:25,950
- Er... I take it you are qualified?
- Yes!
173
00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:28,119
I know a man who is. 150 - cash.
174
00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:31,493
- 150? A bit steep, isn't it?
- Nice meeting you all.
175
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:37,564
Anna, Mark, Gordon...
Bring it over tomorrow, Charlotte.
176
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:48,036
This is early 1790-92,
177
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,106
but no' a bad wee piece of work.
178
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:55,348
You could get 20 grand for this today.
179
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:58,653
20 grand? Excuse me a sec.
180
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:01,659
Right, we're quids in, kid.
181
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,662
You buy for 12,
we sell for 20 - life is sweet.
182
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:06,324
Who says I want to sell it?
183
00:11:06,365 --> 00:11:08,230
If I buy this, it won't
be just as an investment.
184
00:11:08,267 --> 00:11:09,962
It'll be because I love it.
I'm going to keep it.
185
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:12,732
Charlotte, we're talking about
eight grand profit here. This is business!
186
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:14,831
Typical! You know your trouble, Lovejoy?
187
00:11:14,874 --> 00:11:17,604
You can't see past your wallet.
There's more to life than money, you know.
188
00:11:17,643 --> 00:11:20,168
You would say that, wouldn't you?
You're the one driving an XJS.
189
00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:21,770
It's not my fault you're
driving a pick-up truck.
190
00:11:21,814 --> 00:11:25,011
Charlotte, you're supposed to be
in the business of selling antiques,
191
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,177
not collecting them.
192
00:11:26,218 --> 00:11:29,654
Don't tell me what I'm supposed to be!
It's my painting.
193
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,088
No, it's not.
194
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:32,317
You haven't bought it yet.
195
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:36,055
If that's a threat, Lovejoy,
do your worst!
196
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:38,928
Charlotte, I didn't mean it like that.
197
00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,626
(SIGHS)
198
00:11:41,667 --> 00:11:43,999
I didn't mean it like that, Doogie.
199
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:46,698
- Life's a bummer, Lovejoy...
- (CAR DOOR CLOSES)
200
00:11:46,739 --> 00:11:49,264
...and that's a fact.
- (CAR ENGINE STARTS)
201
00:11:49,308 --> 00:11:52,243
And there goes your lift.
202
00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:09,117
Hello?
203
00:12:10,763 --> 00:12:13,391
- Charlotte?
- CHARLOTTE: Lovejoy?
204
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:14,558
Mm-hm.
205
00:12:16,335 --> 00:12:18,200
What are you doing here?
How did you get in?
206
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,034
The door was open.
Everything all right?
207
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,563
Yes, yes, fine.
Why shouldn't it be?
208
00:12:22,608 --> 00:12:26,009
Well, Kate said you weren't feeling
well, that's why you left early.
209
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:29,276
Yes. Yes, I've got a bit of a headache.
210
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,180
- I was having a lie down.
- In your tennis gear?
211
00:12:31,217 --> 00:12:33,845
- Hmm?
- In your tennis gear.
212
00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:37,083
Yes! I thought the
exercise might do me good.
213
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,613
Did it?
214
00:12:38,657 --> 00:12:42,286
Not really. Look...
Anyway, I've got a...
215
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:45,820
Well, I just wanted to apologise about
our misunderstanding this morning.
216
00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:47,457
And I also wanted to ask...
217
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,298
Charlotte, darling,
got any hair conditioner?
218
00:12:50,336 --> 00:12:52,497
Oh...
219
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:55,405
No hurry, darling. See you in a minute.
220
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:01,908
I know what you're thinking,
Lovejoy, but you're wrong.
221
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:04,438
We were just playing tennis.
222
00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:06,508
Ask him where he hides his racquet!
223
00:13:13,425 --> 00:13:14,790
Beth?
224
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:18,553
Beth!
225
00:13:22,034 --> 00:13:23,194
Beth!
226
00:13:23,235 --> 00:13:25,465
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
227
00:13:25,504 --> 00:13:27,233
Oh, hello again!
228
00:13:28,874 --> 00:13:30,933
What a wonderful place!
229
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:34,840
Do you live and work here?
230
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,074
Helps keep the expenses down.
231
00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:41,948
You're not married, then.
232
00:13:43,088 --> 00:13:45,488
Um... no.
233
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:50,187
No, I'm not.
234
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:54,693
Do you want to see me?
235
00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:55,927
Yes.
236
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:58,630
It's really very embarrassing.
237
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:05,167
I should have brought my husband,
but... well... I...
238
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:11,342
I wanted to thank you personally
for your help in selling the painting.
239
00:14:11,383 --> 00:14:15,683
- Did Charlotte buy?
- £12,000 - cash.
240
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,815
- It's a great relief, I can tell you.
- I'm very pleased.
241
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:26,262
Thank you.
242
00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:32,468
I should go.
243
00:14:35,107 --> 00:14:37,735
(PHONE RINGS)
244
00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:39,903
That's bad timing.
245
00:14:41,313 --> 00:14:43,213
Another time.
246
00:14:57,830 --> 00:14:59,092
Hello?
247
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:00,758
Lovejoy? Dennis.
248
00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:02,494
Oh, Dennis...
249
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:04,195
What's happening, Lovejoy?
250
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:07,831
Work-wise, very little,
but my social life's interesting.
251
00:15:07,873 --> 00:15:11,536
Yeah. About the gong.
I've just left Bridges.
252
00:15:11,577 --> 00:15:12,874
He is not a happy camper.
253
00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:15,913
The gong...
254
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:17,176
I'm working on it.
255
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:19,377
Yeah? Well, work on it by Friday.
256
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,945
That's your deadline.
I'll be seeing you, Lovejoy.
257
00:15:22,988 --> 00:15:25,013
(DENNIS HANGS UP)
258
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,487
(SIGHS)
259
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:30,756
Oh-h!
260
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:42,937
(GROANS)
261
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:46,076
TINK: Did you ask Charlotte?
262
00:15:46,111 --> 00:15:47,976
(SIGHS)
263
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:50,004
It was not an opportune time.
264
00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:52,643
I didn't think she'd want to mix
business with pleasure.
265
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:58,086
- You haven't shifted that gong yet.
- Oh, Lord!
266
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,286
What else can go wrong?
267
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,727
Oh, brace yourself.
268
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,395
- What's this?
- Beth.
269
00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:07,956
She jacked it in.
270
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,831
- Oh, no!
- Yeah.
271
00:16:09,868 --> 00:16:12,359
She feels that I did not
appreciate her enough.
272
00:16:12,404 --> 00:16:14,031
Did you call the college?
273
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:16,701
Oh, Lovejoy!
What are you going to do?
274
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:19,108
I'd slit my wrists if I
could afford a razor.
275
00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:22,409
Oh, come on! She's part of the team.
You've got to do something.
276
00:16:22,448 --> 00:16:23,779
Why don't you telephone her?
277
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,307
Tink, I'm just about up to here
with advice at the moment.
278
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:28,650
- I know you're trying to help but...
- Lovejoy...
279
00:16:28,687 --> 00:16:32,054
(SHOUTING) Will you just leave it, Tink!
Just leave it!
280
00:16:47,539 --> 00:16:50,201
(GROANS)
281
00:17:05,624 --> 00:17:08,320
(WATER SPLASHES)
282
00:17:10,929 --> 00:17:12,487
(SIGHS)
283
00:17:23,675 --> 00:17:25,404
I'm sorry.
284
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:27,412
I had to come.
285
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:32,982
- What time is it?
- 11 o'clock.
286
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:37,045
It's all right.
No-one knows I'm here.
287
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:38,920
What a surprise, eh?
288
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:41,221
Is it?
289
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:44,823
I thought...
290
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,659
You said, "Another time."
I thought you wanted me to come.
291
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:50,463
Yeah, I...
292
00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:52,436
I did say that, didn't I?
293
00:17:55,474 --> 00:18:00,343
That's a nice... a nice fur coat,
Anna.
294
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,405
- I hope it's not real.
- It's fake.
295
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:07,382
But underneath...
296
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:11,482
Um...
297
00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:14,017
...Anna...
298
00:18:14,059 --> 00:18:17,893
You're a very...
very beautiful woman,
299
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,557
but...
300
00:18:22,835 --> 00:18:26,134
...I think we have
just one problem here.
301
00:18:27,272 --> 00:18:29,797
You're married, right?
302
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:33,369
And your husband's a very...
He's a very big fellow.
303
00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:37,681
I'm sorry.
304
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,616
- Sorry...
- Hmm?
305
00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:41,846
I can't help it.
306
00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:45,382
He'd kill me if he knew.
307
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:49,493
I can't help it.
308
00:18:49,528 --> 00:18:51,587
I can't help it...
309
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,881
(GLASS BREAKING)
310
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:08,496
(ENGINE STARTS UP)
311
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:24,221
(TYRES SCREECHING)
312
00:20:28,794 --> 00:20:31,354
(GONG IS BOOMING OUT)
313
00:20:33,432 --> 00:20:34,592
Do me a favour!
314
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:39,399
What's going on?
315
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,431
LOVEJOY: What is going on?
316
00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:45,204
Dennis?
317
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,179
- What's going on?
- That's what I'd like to know.
318
00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:49,942
(LOVEJOY GROANS)
319
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,472
Five o'clock this morning, Lovejoy,
320
00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:53,814
someone breaks into Charlotte
Cavendish's house,
321
00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:56,082
knocks her down and steals
a valuable painting.
322
00:20:56,121 --> 00:20:58,589
- Charlotte?
- She's fine. Concussion, that's all.
323
00:20:58,624 --> 00:21:01,286
Just listen - haven't got
to the good bit yet.
324
00:21:01,326 --> 00:21:04,318
We have reason to believe
you were there last night.
325
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:06,388
That's a joke, Dennis.
326
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,729
- Do you see me laughing?
- A joke...
327
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,258
We have a witness saw your van
at the scene of the crime.
328
00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:13,396
- It's a lie, an absolute lie.
- Really?
329
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,872
It was Charlotte Cavendish herself.
330
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,436
I think you'd better get dressed,
don't you?
331
00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:28,452
I suppose you're going to
tell me the fairies did this.
332
00:21:28,487 --> 00:21:32,184
The paint matches the paint
on the Cavendish gatepost.
333
00:21:32,224 --> 00:21:34,215
Now, what's going on, Lovejoy?
334
00:21:35,927 --> 00:21:37,895
I mean, this isn't you.
335
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:39,954
Dennis...
336
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:42,591
...I was here.
337
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,329
And then...
338
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:49,665
It's a total blank. Dennis,
this is the truth. I really mean it.
339
00:21:49,708 --> 00:21:53,701
Mr Hardwick, sir. He had it shoved
behind the back of a wardrobe, sir.
340
00:21:57,716 --> 00:21:59,047
Read him his rights.
341
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:06,485
BETH: Excuse me!
Are you calling me a liar?
342
00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:08,322
MAN: That's exactly what I'm calling you.
343
00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:11,295
Look, he was with me last
night, and that's the truth.
344
00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:12,558
Excuse me.
345
00:22:13,865 --> 00:22:15,662
(WHISPERING) What are you doing?
346
00:22:15,701 --> 00:22:18,465
Providing an alibi.
Just back me up, whatever I say.
347
00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:21,631
Um... if I could make a suggestion?
348
00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:24,767
Take Pinocchio here for a walk
outside till she calms down.
349
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:27,301
We don't want her joining
Lovejoy in the cells, do we?
350
00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,873
- Dennis, she's only trying to help.
- Well, she's not. She's lying.
351
00:22:30,916 --> 00:22:34,317
Look - we've got a witness,
evidence, motive.
352
00:22:34,353 --> 00:22:36,685
He needed the money
to pay off Bridges.
353
00:22:36,722 --> 00:22:39,657
If you really want to help him,
get him to tell the truth.
354
00:22:39,691 --> 00:22:44,890
If he's got an alibi, that's great, believe me.
Otherwise, he's going down.
355
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:47,592
- Can we see him?
- Officially, no.
356
00:22:48,734 --> 00:22:50,827
Five minutes.
357
00:22:59,911 --> 00:23:01,139
Long time no see.
358
00:23:01,179 --> 00:23:02,874
Yeah.
359
00:23:02,914 --> 00:23:05,178
We've got to stop
meeting like this, eh?
360
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:09,619
I'm sorry, Lovejoy.
361
00:23:09,654 --> 00:23:10,746
No.
362
00:23:12,190 --> 00:23:15,318
It was me, not you. I'm sorry.
363
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:20,426
- You didn't do it, did you, Lovejoy?
- Of course I didn't.
364
00:23:20,465 --> 00:23:22,933
At least, I don't think I did.
365
00:23:22,968 --> 00:23:25,232
Most of the evening's
a total blank to me.
366
00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:29,366
- What about this alibi?
- Anna Tabor.
367
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,899
She and her husband sold
the painting to Charlotte.
368
00:23:31,943 --> 00:23:35,208
She turned up with some
champagne to say thank you.
369
00:23:35,247 --> 00:23:37,181
So?
370
00:23:37,215 --> 00:23:40,116
She's got a very novel
way of saying thank you.
371
00:23:41,153 --> 00:23:45,021
- What do you mean? You?
- Yeah.
372
00:23:46,191 --> 00:23:47,988
Well, I think so.
373
00:23:48,026 --> 00:23:49,721
I must have, mustn't I?
374
00:23:49,761 --> 00:23:52,525
But now you know why I
can't say anything.
375
00:23:52,564 --> 00:23:55,795
I mean, if her husband finds out,
he'll kill her... and me.
376
00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:58,234
You're going to have to tell them.
377
00:24:00,172 --> 00:24:02,606
Well, at least we got
the painting back.
378
00:24:02,641 --> 00:24:05,838
Yes... (SIGHING)... but at what cost?
379
00:24:05,877 --> 00:24:10,644
Darling, the man's a waste of space.
Deserves everything he gets.
380
00:24:10,682 --> 00:24:14,584
He tries to force you to sell the painting
so he can get a cut, and when you refuse,
381
00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,484
- he knocks you down and steals it.
- Is that true?
382
00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:20,287
- Of course it's true. The man was livid.
- I was talking to Miss Cavendish, sir.
383
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,056
Did Lovejoy actually try and
get you to sell the painting?
384
00:24:26,665 --> 00:24:28,155
Yes.
385
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:32,534
Her name is Anna Tabor.
She's married.
386
00:24:32,571 --> 00:24:35,233
I didn't want her husband to find out.
387
00:24:35,273 --> 00:24:37,537
It should never have happened, Dennis.
388
00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:40,511
In fact, I'm not even
sure that it did.
389
00:24:44,216 --> 00:24:46,377
And she can confirm your story?
390
00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:50,878
Yeah, just be discreet.
I don't want her husband to know.
391
00:24:50,922 --> 00:24:52,514
Lovejoy said what?!
392
00:24:52,557 --> 00:24:55,788
Look, I'm sorry, but I have to ask.
393
00:24:57,128 --> 00:25:00,291
If anything did happen, believe me,
it won't go any further.
394
00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:04,962
Mr Hardwick, I am a
happily married woman.
395
00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:08,336
I am not in the habit of sleeping
with complete strangers.
396
00:25:08,373 --> 00:25:12,275
- Yes, of course I understand. It's...
- Do you?
397
00:25:12,310 --> 00:25:16,371
What's more, I do not take very kindly
398
00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:19,008
to my name being used as
some sort of sleazy alibi,
399
00:25:19,050 --> 00:25:23,009
especially behind my husband's back.
400
00:25:24,556 --> 00:25:26,456
Now, if you'll excuse me.
401
00:25:29,227 --> 00:25:31,661
(SIGHS)
402
00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:34,665
(DOORS LOCKING AND UNLOCKING)
403
00:25:37,202 --> 00:25:40,171
WOMAN: In view of the serious
nature of this offence,
404
00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:45,404
we feel justified in imposing
an exclusion order, Mr Lovejoy.
405
00:25:45,443 --> 00:25:48,970
You are to make no attempt to approach
or contact Miss Cavendish in any way.
406
00:25:49,014 --> 00:25:50,845
Bail is set at £1,200.
407
00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:54,340
Well, 1,200 quid!
How are we going to come up with that?
408
00:26:07,232 --> 00:26:10,895
BETH: You can't, Tink!
It's your pension.
409
00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,672
Lovejoy'll never accept it.
410
00:26:22,681 --> 00:26:26,708
What the eye don't see,
the heart don't grieve.
411
00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:32,579
I'm sorry!
You really can't be serious!
412
00:26:32,624 --> 00:26:34,592
This character Lovejoy robs Charlotte
413
00:26:34,626 --> 00:26:36,651
and now you want her
to stand bail for him?
414
00:26:36,695 --> 00:26:41,155
We need him out on bail to
prove he didn't do that.
415
00:26:41,199 --> 00:26:42,996
We've got surety.
We're not asking for charity.
416
00:26:43,034 --> 00:26:45,594
Good! Because I'm afraid
you're not going to get any.
417
00:26:45,637 --> 00:26:47,901
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Gordon, please!
418
00:26:49,874 --> 00:26:52,001
Tink, I saw the van.
419
00:26:52,043 --> 00:26:53,374
He had the painting.
420
00:26:53,411 --> 00:26:56,972
You don't really think
he did it, do you?
421
00:26:57,015 --> 00:26:58,505
(SIGHS)
422
00:26:58,550 --> 00:27:00,313
Well, what else can I think?
423
00:27:02,754 --> 00:27:07,521
I'm sorry. I can't. Look,
Gordon says it wouldn't be legal.
424
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:12,889
Never turn your back on
a friend, Charlotte,
425
00:27:12,931 --> 00:27:15,900
cos when you eventually turn
back, they ain't gonna be there!
426
00:27:15,934 --> 00:27:18,129
(PHONE RINGING)
427
00:27:18,169 --> 00:27:20,069
I'm sorry.
428
00:27:24,509 --> 00:27:25,840
Just a second.
429
00:27:27,679 --> 00:27:29,613
You said you had something as surety.
430
00:27:29,648 --> 00:27:33,209
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Why would you want to help?
431
00:27:33,251 --> 00:27:36,277
I don't. I just want to
have a look, that's all.
432
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,159
Mm...
433
00:27:43,194 --> 00:27:44,923
Cartier.
434
00:27:44,963 --> 00:27:47,261
Right, how much do you want for it?
435
00:27:47,298 --> 00:27:50,597
Hold on!
I don't want to sell it.
436
00:27:50,635 --> 00:27:52,694
I want to use it as surety.
437
00:27:52,737 --> 00:27:56,867
Beggars, unfortunately, can't be choosers.
I'll give you 1,200.
438
00:27:56,908 --> 00:28:00,207
Well, I don't know how you
did it, but thank you.
439
00:28:00,245 --> 00:28:01,610
That's all right.
440
00:28:01,646 --> 00:28:03,307
What's the plan?
441
00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:07,409
Don't ask me. All I remember is a
woman in a fur coat with no knickers.
442
00:28:07,452 --> 00:28:10,649
- That's not what you said before.
- Just a figure of speech, Tink.
443
00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:13,590
She stood there with a bottle of champagne
in one hand and two glasses in the other.
444
00:28:13,625 --> 00:28:14,683
The rest is a blur.
445
00:28:14,726 --> 00:28:18,093
- Maybe she slipped you a Mickey Finn.
- I don't know why she'd have to.
446
00:28:18,129 --> 00:28:19,994
I was half-cut and wasn't
exactly playing hard to get.
447
00:28:20,031 --> 00:28:21,589
What other explanation is there?
448
00:28:21,633 --> 00:28:23,533
I don't know.
449
00:28:23,568 --> 00:28:26,002
Maybe she's frightened of her husband.
450
00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:29,006
- I don't believe that.
- You would if you saw the size of him.
451
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,201
- I'll have a word with her.
- No, you won't.
452
00:28:31,242 --> 00:28:34,006
You can't.
You're housebound.
453
00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:36,775
And we don't want no more interfering
with the witnesses, now, do we?
454
00:28:38,483 --> 00:28:40,951
Don't worry, I'll be tactful.
455
00:28:44,055 --> 00:28:47,752
Look, we're both in a hurry, so excuse
me for not beating about the bush here.
456
00:28:47,792 --> 00:28:49,953
I mean, we're both women
of the world, right?
457
00:28:49,994 --> 00:28:52,758
If you feel you need a bit
of extracurricular activity,
458
00:28:52,797 --> 00:28:55,857
good luck to ya, only
trouble is, though,
459
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:58,630
if you keep lying about
it never happening,
460
00:28:58,670 --> 00:29:01,571
Lovejoy's gonna go down for
something he didn't even do.
461
00:29:03,608 --> 00:29:08,807
Let me tell you something.
That man deserves everything he gets.
462
00:29:08,847 --> 00:29:10,940
Not content with stealing the painting,
463
00:29:10,982 --> 00:29:13,678
he tries to soil my reputation...
Mark!
464
00:29:13,718 --> 00:29:15,345
Mark!
465
00:29:15,386 --> 00:29:18,287
Miss Taylor here is a
friend of Lovejoy's.
466
00:29:18,323 --> 00:29:21,224
She's convinced I was with him
on the night of the robbery.
467
00:29:21,259 --> 00:29:23,523
Look, he's innocent.
468
00:29:23,561 --> 00:29:28,055
It's all right, Miss Taylor.
I know what Lovejoy's been saying.
469
00:29:28,099 --> 00:29:30,090
My wife already told me.
470
00:29:30,135 --> 00:29:32,968
And that's how I know he's lying.
471
00:29:33,004 --> 00:29:37,998
You see, Anna was with me
on the night of the robbery.
472
00:29:38,042 --> 00:29:40,840
It was our anniversary.
473
00:29:40,879 --> 00:29:45,907
We had a celebration dinner sent up
to the room. Check it if you like.
474
00:29:45,950 --> 00:29:50,649
Yeah. Dinner for two.
Champagne and roses, the works.
475
00:29:50,688 --> 00:29:52,747
Must have more money than sense.
476
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,551
What do you mean, she
won't speak to me?
477
00:29:57,595 --> 00:30:00,928
I just want to explain something
to her, Gordon. Gordon?
478
00:30:04,569 --> 00:30:07,094
I've had enough of this harassment.
I'm phoning the police.
479
00:30:07,138 --> 00:30:08,230
Gordon!
480
00:30:08,273 --> 00:30:10,571
Don't try and stop me, darling.
It's for your own good.
481
00:30:10,608 --> 00:30:14,476
- This is my house. I live here!
- I'm sorry, darling. Are you upset?
482
00:30:14,512 --> 00:30:19,449
Stop bossing me about!
And stop calling me bloody darling!
483
00:30:19,484 --> 00:30:22,476
- Lovejoy!
- I'm off to Charlotte's right now
484
00:30:22,520 --> 00:30:25,717
- to sort this Gordon geezer out.
- What about your bail?
485
00:30:25,757 --> 00:30:27,816
They'll be adding murder
to it in a minute!
486
00:30:27,859 --> 00:30:30,419
Hang on. Hang on!
487
00:30:30,461 --> 00:30:33,658
If I was the last person to drive
this truck, how come my feet
488
00:30:33,698 --> 00:30:36,223
are at least six inches off the pedals?
489
00:30:36,267 --> 00:30:40,067
Mark Tabor!
He's at least 6 ft 6 if he's an inch!
490
00:30:40,104 --> 00:30:43,733
You're saying that he stole the painting
from Charlotte and dumped it on you?
491
00:30:43,775 --> 00:30:46,801
Why? Because he found out
you'd been with his wife?
492
00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:49,746
I'm not sure if I was. I think you're right.
I think she slipped me something.
493
00:30:49,781 --> 00:30:51,681
And anyway, how did he know
that Anna was with you,
494
00:30:51,716 --> 00:30:53,684
if he was robbing Charlotte
at the same time?
495
00:30:53,718 --> 00:30:55,083
Why are they both telling lies?
496
00:30:55,119 --> 00:30:57,713
Lovejoy, she's sticking to her story.
497
00:30:57,755 --> 00:30:59,279
Right, get in.
498
00:31:04,495 --> 00:31:06,656
Well, just as I thought, they've gone.
499
00:31:06,698 --> 00:31:08,825
- Did they leave a forwarding address?
- Oh, yeah!
500
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:12,132
Care of the Lenin Shipyards, Gdansk.
Do you believe that?
501
00:31:12,170 --> 00:31:15,003
Right, Lovejoy, home.
It's past your bail time.
502
00:31:15,039 --> 00:31:17,940
Tinker, first thing tomorrow,
you do the Polish Embassy,
503
00:31:17,976 --> 00:31:19,637
see if anyone has heard of them.
504
00:31:19,677 --> 00:31:21,269
I'll try the boys in blue.
505
00:31:21,312 --> 00:31:24,839
Um... who's in charge
of this investigation?
506
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:27,818
Well, you can't do it.
You're persona non gratia mate.
507
00:31:27,852 --> 00:31:30,343
- Grata!
- You know what I mean.
508
00:31:30,388 --> 00:31:31,980
I hate to say it, but she is right.
509
00:31:32,023 --> 00:31:35,186
And this van will have to go, an' all.
It's too conspicuous.
510
00:31:35,226 --> 00:31:37,319
The Tabors will recognise it.
511
00:31:37,362 --> 00:31:39,660
(POSH ACCENT) Yes, diamond earrings.
512
00:31:39,697 --> 00:31:42,666
We found them whilst we
were cleaning the room.
513
00:31:42,700 --> 00:31:44,395
Mrs Tabor must have dropped them.
514
00:31:45,937 --> 00:31:48,599
Oh, that's terribly
kind of you, Constable.
515
00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:53,571
Oh, um... the hotel manager
was in a bit of a panic
516
00:31:53,611 --> 00:31:56,341
after mislaying their
forwarding address.
517
00:31:57,682 --> 00:31:59,616
Sussex Farm...
518
00:31:59,651 --> 00:32:00,777
Lowestoft.
519
00:32:00,818 --> 00:32:02,786
Thank you.
520
00:32:06,524 --> 00:32:08,492
(PHONE RINGS)
521
00:32:08,526 --> 00:32:09,652
Hello?
522
00:32:09,694 --> 00:32:10,718
Tink.
523
00:32:10,762 --> 00:32:14,289
Get this.
Count Tabor does exist
524
00:32:14,332 --> 00:32:16,960
but he definitely had no daughter,
525
00:32:17,001 --> 00:32:20,129
so whoever Anna Tabor
claims to be, she's lying.
526
00:32:31,582 --> 00:32:33,812
BETH: I haven't had the last one yet.
527
00:32:33,851 --> 00:32:36,149
TINK: At least you're travelling in style.
528
00:32:36,187 --> 00:32:40,146
- Arthur Codling, who's he, anyway?
- Purveyor of fine fish.
529
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:45,695
It smells like something died in here.
530
00:32:45,730 --> 00:32:49,564
Oh, stop complaining.
It didn't cost us anything.
531
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:54,537
They might not see us coming,
but they'll certainly smell us. Eh-up!
532
00:33:07,018 --> 00:33:08,918
BETH: I knew it!
533
00:33:11,155 --> 00:33:13,919
LOVEJOY: Who's lover boy, then?
534
00:33:19,697 --> 00:33:21,130
TINK: What's in that package?
535
00:33:25,236 --> 00:33:27,670
OK, Lovejoy, they're on the move.
536
00:33:43,321 --> 00:33:45,186
Who's going to be mother?
537
00:33:45,223 --> 00:33:46,554
(BANGING)
538
00:33:52,230 --> 00:33:55,165
He's shutting up shop.
539
00:33:55,199 --> 00:33:58,259
- I'm going down.
- I'll join you.
540
00:33:58,302 --> 00:34:01,965
Hey! No offence, Tink, but it took
you a half-hour to get up here.
541
00:34:02,006 --> 00:34:04,031
You're a liability, mate.
542
00:34:06,010 --> 00:34:08,069
Now, you stay here and have your tea.
543
00:34:09,847 --> 00:34:11,974
This is a job for youth.
544
00:34:56,127 --> 00:34:58,254
(INDISTINCT)
545
00:34:59,330 --> 00:35:00,854
(CLATTERING)
546
00:35:14,779 --> 00:35:17,270
There's somebody out there.
547
00:35:17,315 --> 00:35:18,612
Come on!
548
00:35:24,522 --> 00:35:26,217
I'll check the studio.
549
00:35:26,257 --> 00:35:30,125
I've told you. There's no-one out here.
Stop panicking!
550
00:35:44,242 --> 00:35:48,338
(WHISPERING) Sssh.
This is a job for grown-ups.
551
00:35:51,883 --> 00:35:56,445
So there I was, quaking in me boots,
and along comes Superman here!
552
00:35:56,487 --> 00:36:00,514
- You're sure it was the Orlowski?
- Yeah.
553
00:36:02,059 --> 00:36:05,460
Except how could it be, cos the
police took it back to Charlotte's.
554
00:36:05,496 --> 00:36:07,020
We saw it.
555
00:36:07,064 --> 00:36:10,124
No, they must have a
copy, for some reason.
556
00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:13,899
Beth... you're a genius.
557
00:36:15,606 --> 00:36:20,009
Tinker, don't you ever take this girl
for granted again. Come on. Come on!
558
00:36:23,247 --> 00:36:24,805
It is very simple.
559
00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:27,010
You find a gullible punter,
560
00:36:27,051 --> 00:36:28,882
then you spin them a yarn
561
00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:31,411
and then you offer them the
Orlowski cheap, for cash.
562
00:36:31,455 --> 00:36:34,015
Not only that, but you
insist that they keep it
563
00:36:34,058 --> 00:36:36,891
and have it authenticated and
valued for their own peace of mind.
564
00:36:36,928 --> 00:36:39,829
The punter thinks they're getting
such a bargain, they snap it up.
565
00:36:39,864 --> 00:36:44,198
- Then you steal it back.
- Really! This is a total fabrication!
566
00:36:44,235 --> 00:36:46,829
- The police found the painting on him.
- I'm coming to that bit, Sherlock.
567
00:36:46,871 --> 00:36:48,896
Not only do you steal it back again,
568
00:36:48,940 --> 00:36:53,377
you also lead a trail of incriminating
evidence pointing to a fall guy - me.
569
00:36:53,411 --> 00:36:58,007
Are you saying the Tabors stole
the painting and set you up?
570
00:36:58,049 --> 00:37:01,041
- Exactly.
- Oh! This is ludicrous!
571
00:37:01,085 --> 00:37:03,576
The Tabors sell a valuable painting,
572
00:37:03,621 --> 00:37:06,886
steal it back and then leave it
where the police can find it?
573
00:37:06,924 --> 00:37:10,018
- What exactly are they going to gain?
- Absolutely nothing.
574
00:37:10,061 --> 00:37:15,397
Except if the painting that the
police find isn't the original one,
575
00:37:15,433 --> 00:37:19,961
which this isn't. This is a fake.
It's been switched.
576
00:37:20,004 --> 00:37:21,437
What?!
577
00:37:23,541 --> 00:37:25,270
You think about it, Charlotte.
578
00:37:25,309 --> 00:37:30,508
Why should you be suspicious of this?
You've had it authenticated, haven't you?
579
00:37:30,548 --> 00:37:32,413
You're just pleased to have it back.
580
00:37:34,485 --> 00:37:36,578
Well, it's unbelievable!
581
00:37:36,621 --> 00:37:39,715
How did you find out
about all of this?
582
00:37:39,757 --> 00:37:40,917
I didn't. Beth did.
583
00:37:40,958 --> 00:37:44,553
Darling, darling, this is total nonsense.
584
00:37:44,595 --> 00:37:48,156
The painting is genuine.
I'd stake my life on it.
585
00:37:48,199 --> 00:37:50,793
Would you like to put your
money where your mouth is?
586
00:37:50,835 --> 00:37:53,395
- What?
- £1,200?
587
00:37:53,437 --> 00:37:54,904
What are you talking about?
588
00:37:54,939 --> 00:37:58,602
It's a private arrangement
between Gordon and myself.
589
00:37:59,777 --> 00:38:04,043
- Fine. £1,200.
- You're a good sport.
590
00:38:04,081 --> 00:38:07,642
Just hold on a minute!
What exactly do you think you are doing?
591
00:38:07,685 --> 00:38:11,121
There's only one way to find
out, Gordon, isn't there?
592
00:38:15,092 --> 00:38:17,117
Beautiful.
593
00:38:17,161 --> 00:38:22,121
Look at the craftsmanship.
The colours and the patina of ageing.
594
00:38:22,166 --> 00:38:24,327
Perfect.
595
00:38:24,368 --> 00:38:26,700
Bent as a nine-bob note.
596
00:38:26,737 --> 00:38:28,227
Yes!
597
00:38:28,272 --> 00:38:30,968
- Hang on! You said it was perfect.
- It is.
598
00:38:31,008 --> 00:38:33,909
Pardon my ignorance, but
I work in insurance.
599
00:38:33,944 --> 00:38:36,174
If it's so bloody perfect, how
can you tell it's a fake?
600
00:38:36,213 --> 00:38:39,478
Oh, I can't.
Not from the painting.
601
00:38:39,517 --> 00:38:41,451
It's the stretcher on the back.
602
00:38:43,754 --> 00:38:46,154
It's what keeps the canvas taut.
603
00:38:48,025 --> 00:38:53,292
Orlowski always had his stretchers
handmade by the same local carpenter.
604
00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:58,701
Now, yon carpenter was very proud
of this and he initialled them all.
605
00:38:58,736 --> 00:39:04,003
He hid them under here.
This one's missing.
606
00:39:04,041 --> 00:39:05,872
Oh, big deal!
607
00:39:05,910 --> 00:39:09,471
He probably forgot or it got
damaged or lost, or something.
608
00:39:09,513 --> 00:39:13,711
- Oh, aye, that's possible.
- Well, there you are, then.
609
00:39:13,751 --> 00:39:18,814
Yeah. The trouble is, though,
the initials were on the original
610
00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:21,552
when I valued it earlier this week.
611
00:39:21,592 --> 00:39:24,652
Right. That's it. Cough up.
612
00:39:24,695 --> 00:39:26,322
What?
613
00:39:26,364 --> 00:39:28,832
Tink's Cartier watch.
614
00:39:28,866 --> 00:39:30,424
Let's have it.
615
00:39:30,468 --> 00:39:35,167
- Can't we do this later?
- No. You lost. Let's have it.
616
00:39:35,206 --> 00:39:38,835
I don't understand.
Will someone please tell me what's going on?
617
00:39:38,876 --> 00:39:42,004
- Tink, is this?
- Yeah.
618
00:39:42,046 --> 00:39:45,379
Mr Clean here forced Tink
to sell his Cartier watch,
619
00:39:45,416 --> 00:39:47,441
so we could raise Lovejoy's bail money.
620
00:39:47,485 --> 00:39:48,816
Gordon!
621
00:39:48,853 --> 00:39:54,052
- I don't believe I'm hearing this.
- Yeah! And he told us not to tell you.
622
00:39:55,559 --> 00:39:58,187
Well, come on.
Don't try and tell us you don't have it.
623
00:39:58,229 --> 00:40:01,892
He doesn't... I do.
624
00:40:03,300 --> 00:40:05,734
He said it was a present.
625
00:40:07,538 --> 00:40:10,029
I believe this is yours, Tink.
626
00:40:10,074 --> 00:40:11,598
Darling...
627
00:40:11,642 --> 00:40:16,602
- Look... it was just business.
- Business?!
628
00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,581
You've got gall, I'll give you that.
629
00:40:18,616 --> 00:40:20,277
Darling, please, don't be silly.
630
00:40:20,317 --> 00:40:24,879
Do me a favour, Gordon.
Don't call me silly and don't call me darling!
631
00:40:24,922 --> 00:40:27,083
Fine. I'll give you a ring.
632
00:40:27,124 --> 00:40:28,716
No! Don't call me.
633
00:40:29,794 --> 00:40:32,786
GORDON: OK. I'll see you.
634
00:40:39,703 --> 00:40:45,539
God, I thought he was different.
What a fool you must think I've been.
635
00:40:47,311 --> 00:40:49,973
No more than usual, Charlotte.
636
00:40:50,047 --> 00:40:52,413
It's part of your charm.
637
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:56,216
I didn't believe you.
You could have gone to prison!
638
00:40:56,253 --> 00:40:58,050
I still could.
639
00:40:58,088 --> 00:40:59,419
(CAR DRIVES OFF)
640
00:40:59,657 --> 00:41:05,789
(REFINED SCOTTISH ACCENT)
1850, English, that's quite nice,
641
00:41:05,830 --> 00:41:07,354
Mr Douglas, quite nice.
642
00:41:07,398 --> 00:41:10,162
If I wanted a view, I'd
look out my window.
643
00:41:10,201 --> 00:41:12,499
Look at the price, man!
644
00:41:12,536 --> 00:41:15,369
Na, there's nothing here, I tell ye.
645
00:41:16,574 --> 00:41:19,236
- Alan Tennyson.
- Oh, aye.
646
00:41:19,276 --> 00:41:22,473
- Finlay Dill.
- Can I be of any help?
647
00:41:22,513 --> 00:41:24,242
I rather have ma doots.
648
00:41:24,648 --> 00:41:28,948
We're down from Scotland. Mr Douglas has
bought himself a hoose in the Trossachs.
649
00:41:28,986 --> 00:41:32,581
He'd like to fill it with real paintings.
Cheap.
650
00:41:32,623 --> 00:41:36,218
In that case, perhaps you'd be better
off looking somewhere closer to home.
651
00:41:36,260 --> 00:41:40,424
Oh, I know, but Mr Douglas likes
a particular kind of portrait.
652
00:41:40,464 --> 00:41:43,695
He'd like people to think that they're
his ancestors, you ken what I mean?
653
00:41:43,734 --> 00:41:46,294
He's trying to buy himself a family tree?
654
00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:48,328
Aye, pathetic, isn't it?
655
00:41:48,372 --> 00:41:53,105
See you, Dill. I'm not paying you to chatter!
Move yourself.
656
00:41:53,143 --> 00:41:56,044
- Right, sir.
- What price range are we discussing here?
657
00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:59,846
Price is no object, just so long as
he feels he's getting a good deal.
658
00:41:59,884 --> 00:42:01,875
Do you ken what I mean?
659
00:42:01,919 --> 00:42:03,819
- Coming, Mr Douglas.
- Good.
660
00:42:08,225 --> 00:42:11,888
I don't like it.
It's too close to home.
661
00:42:11,929 --> 00:42:14,625
So we'll wait until they
get back to Scotland.
662
00:42:14,665 --> 00:42:18,692
Look, they're a couple of mug punters.
It's simple.
663
00:42:18,736 --> 00:42:21,933
You slip in the Mickey Finn and
your brother does the business.
664
00:42:21,972 --> 00:42:23,439
Just like Lovejoy.
665
00:42:23,474 --> 00:42:27,968
Be at their hotel at four...
and bring the original.
666
00:42:34,184 --> 00:42:35,981
Aye, it's no' bad.
667
00:42:36,020 --> 00:42:39,922
Still, 12,000 quid - it's a bit pricey.
668
00:42:39,957 --> 00:42:45,088
Mr Tennyson, the man who owns
the gallery where we had it valued,
669
00:42:45,129 --> 00:42:47,324
seemed to think it would
be worth a lot more.
670
00:42:47,364 --> 00:42:50,231
Aye! He said you were in a rush to sell.
671
00:42:50,267 --> 00:42:55,102
Yes, it's sad to have to give
up part of one's inheritance.
672
00:42:55,139 --> 00:42:57,767
Still, what can we do?
673
00:42:57,808 --> 00:43:03,838
Look, we'd obviously insist you had it
independently authenticated and valued.
674
00:43:03,881 --> 00:43:06,247
Oh, that's not the problem.
675
00:43:06,283 --> 00:43:10,276
It's what I'm paying him for.
No, it's the price.
676
00:43:10,321 --> 00:43:12,414
Well...
677
00:43:14,024 --> 00:43:17,187
...11,500.
We couldn't possibly accept less.
678
00:43:17,227 --> 00:43:20,526
Done! ...So, is it kosher?
679
00:43:20,564 --> 00:43:23,328
Well, I think it is,
680
00:43:23,367 --> 00:43:26,427
but I'd like to have a wee look at it.
681
00:43:26,470 --> 00:43:28,836
Of course.
682
00:43:28,872 --> 00:43:30,499
MR DOUGLAS: Good idea, aye.
683
00:43:32,076 --> 00:43:34,203
I think a wee dram's in order.
684
00:43:45,155 --> 00:43:50,991
Is this some kind of a joke?
It's a fake! A copy!
685
00:43:51,028 --> 00:43:54,828
If that painting is 18th century,
I'm an Englishman!
686
00:43:54,865 --> 00:43:57,629
- What?! Are you sure?
- Aye.
687
00:43:57,668 --> 00:44:01,570
This is ridiculous. I mean, Mr Douglas,
he's obviously not qualified.
688
00:44:01,605 --> 00:44:03,971
Oh, he's qualified all right.
689
00:44:04,008 --> 00:44:06,408
- Are you two trying to rip me off?
- No, of course not.
690
00:44:06,443 --> 00:44:08,434
Mark... Mark?
691
00:44:08,479 --> 00:44:11,107
I'll have the law on you.
692
00:44:11,148 --> 00:44:13,207
- Mark, say something.
- I'm sorry.
693
00:44:13,250 --> 00:44:16,686
There has been some sort of mistake.
Something has happened.
694
00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:21,350
- This is not our painting! No!
- We'll have to check this out.
695
00:44:21,392 --> 00:44:22,757
What?!
696
00:44:23,861 --> 00:44:25,726
Where?
697
00:44:25,763 --> 00:44:28,061
Lowestoft?
What's he doing in Lowes?
698
00:44:28,098 --> 00:44:31,033
Now, you listen. You tell him...
Beth?
699
00:44:31,068 --> 00:44:32,535
Beth?
700
00:44:34,204 --> 00:44:35,796
Lovejoy!
701
00:44:35,839 --> 00:44:39,969
MAN: For Christ sakes!
Your brother forges the bloody things.
702
00:44:40,010 --> 00:44:45,107
Are you telling me he can't tell which is
the original? Get back here, and quick!
703
00:44:50,721 --> 00:44:52,086
Come on, come on!
704
00:44:56,026 --> 00:44:57,960
You stupid idiot!
705
00:44:57,995 --> 00:45:00,486
This has to be the one.
706
00:45:08,138 --> 00:45:10,629
It has to be here!
707
00:45:10,674 --> 00:45:13,302
(SHOUTING) Well, don't just stand there!
708
00:45:17,414 --> 00:45:20,042
National Gallery, or have
I got the wrong address?
709
00:45:20,084 --> 00:45:21,711
- ANNA: Lovejoy!
- The very same.
710
00:45:21,752 --> 00:45:23,185
You, er, you lost something?
711
00:45:23,220 --> 00:45:25,552
You bastard!
712
00:45:27,725 --> 00:45:29,625
Yea-eah!
713
00:45:29,660 --> 00:45:31,457
(YELLS)
714
00:45:31,495 --> 00:45:32,894
Yea-eah!
715
00:45:32,930 --> 00:45:35,956
(THEY GRUNT)
716
00:46:07,498 --> 00:46:09,932
(SHRIEKS)
717
00:46:18,142 --> 00:46:19,803
LOVEJOY: Tinker!
718
00:46:21,979 --> 00:46:25,107
(POLICE SIREN APPROACHING)
719
00:46:34,057 --> 00:46:37,925
And, of course, you're going to have
a logical explanation for all this?!
720
00:46:40,430 --> 00:46:43,422
I'm afraid it's rather lost its charm.
721
00:46:47,304 --> 00:46:50,296
But thank you for getting it back.
722
00:46:50,340 --> 00:46:51,398
Hmm.
723
00:46:53,343 --> 00:46:55,868
Well, what are friends for, eh?
724
00:46:55,913 --> 00:46:59,178
I really am sorry, Lovejoy.
725
00:46:59,216 --> 00:47:01,980
I feel absolutely terrible about this.
726
00:47:02,019 --> 00:47:05,511
Things aren't all bad.
Tink got his watch back,
727
00:47:05,556 --> 00:47:08,286
plus 1,200 quid, and
you got rid of Gordon.
728
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:14,094
Yes, but what about the gong and
the money you still owe Bridges?
729
00:47:14,131 --> 00:47:15,723
Yeah, that is a problem.
730
00:47:15,766 --> 00:47:18,599
But if you're serious about
losing interest in the painting,
731
00:47:18,635 --> 00:47:21,433
- there is something you can do.
- What? Anything.
732
00:47:22,706 --> 00:47:23,764
Well...
733
00:47:23,807 --> 00:47:28,244
Do you remember Mr Vonk, that collector
Scotch Doogie told us about?
734
00:47:28,278 --> 00:47:30,576
The Belgian chap?
735
00:47:30,614 --> 00:47:34,277
The one who'd pay 20 grand for
the Orlowski, and no problem.
736
00:47:34,318 --> 00:47:39,255
Lovejoy, are you
suggesting I sell this
737
00:47:39,289 --> 00:47:41,985
and we split the difference?
738
00:47:42,025 --> 00:47:44,550
- Charlotte, would I suggest such a thing?
- Yes.
739
00:47:44,595 --> 00:47:46,586
You're right.
He's in the kitchen.
740
00:47:46,630 --> 00:47:48,359
(BONG!)
741
00:47:52,336 --> 00:47:54,600
Quite fond of gongs, too.
742
00:47:54,650 --> 00:47:59,200
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