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1
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_
2
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COLLEEN: Hi!
3
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Thank you for watching
Lark. It's so nice we can
4
00:00:11,292 --> 00:00:12,625
trust you with her now that she doesn't
5
00:00:12,626 --> 00:00:14,335
have soft spots in her skull.
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We had so much fun.
7
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Lark, come show Mommy.
8
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Boom. Aunt Colleen fixed me.
9
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Now I'm pretty.
10
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Wha... but-but you're also
pretty in your brain, too.
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Right? Where it, where
it really matters.
12
00:00:28,052 --> 00:00:29,452
(CHUCKLES)
13
00:00:29,454 --> 00:00:32,555
Lark found one of my old pageant
gowns I had stored in the attic.
14
00:00:32,557 --> 00:00:34,324
What-what was Lark doing in the attic?
15
00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,459
I don't know. I asked
her, she wouldn't tell me.
16
00:00:36,461 --> 00:00:39,461
Yeah. I forgot that
you used to do pageants.
17
00:00:39,462 --> 00:00:41,039
- That's right.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
18
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,165
All right. Let's, uh,
19
00:00:42,167 --> 00:00:43,533
let's get this dress off of you.
20
00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:46,037
- Oh.
- Can I keep it?
21
00:00:46,038 --> 00:00:48,338
Uh, it's "May I keep it?"
22
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,674
And the answer is no.
23
00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:53,796
Well, of course she can keep
it. She looks great in it.
24
00:00:53,821 --> 00:00:56,446
Who knows, Jen? You might have
a pageant star on your hands.
25
00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:57,814
(CHUCKLES) We might.
26
00:00:57,816 --> 00:00:59,149
Yeah.
27
00:00:59,151 --> 00:01:01,518
She is beautiful, but
her real talent is math.
28
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,652
Right, Lark?
29
00:01:02,654 --> 00:01:04,247
What's two plus two?
30
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Green.
31
00:01:06,458 --> 00:01:08,692
Spin around again. Show her.
32
00:01:10,936 --> 00:01:12,646
(JEN CLEARS THROAT)
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Look what I had to
peel off our daughter.
34
00:01:14,333 --> 00:01:15,532
Oh.
35
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,502
Did I miss Lark's preschool prom?
36
00:01:17,527 --> 00:01:18,409
No.
37
00:01:18,434 --> 00:01:20,236
Colleen decided to dress up Lark
38
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in one of her old pageant outfits.
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Freaked me out so much,
40
00:01:23,675 --> 00:01:24,949
I went and bought her a blazer
41
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- and some smart slacks.
- What's the big deal?
42
00:01:26,945 --> 00:01:29,946
Kids love playing dress-up
and so do some adults.
43
00:01:29,948 --> 00:01:32,215
For the last time, Iron
Man and Wonder Woman
44
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:33,917
are never having sex, okay?
45
00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:35,852
She's a natural-born superbeing,
46
00:01:35,854 --> 00:01:38,266
and he is a rich mortal
with some high tech gadgets.
47
00:01:38,292 --> 00:01:40,375
Okay. The fact that you even know that
48
00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,859
only makes this fantasy more intense.
49
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It's just weird of Colleen
to be dressing her up
50
00:01:45,197 --> 00:01:47,464
in these girly costumes, you know?
51
00:01:47,466 --> 00:01:49,366
I think I need to say something to her.
52
00:01:49,368 --> 00:01:51,132
I really don't think
you should. All right?
53
00:01:51,157 --> 00:01:52,635
I mean, Matt and Colleen,
they're having trouble
54
00:01:52,637 --> 00:01:55,945
getting pregnant, and look,
this is making her happy.
55
00:01:55,970 --> 00:01:58,070
You know? Maybe you
should just let it go.
56
00:01:58,095 --> 00:01:59,909
(CLICKS TONGUE) Yeah.
57
00:01:59,911 --> 00:02:01,544
I guess you're right.
58
00:02:01,546 --> 00:02:04,214
Think of pimping out our
daughter as a mitzvah.
59
00:02:04,216 --> 00:02:07,584
Aw, you used a Jewish word.
60
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:08,418
I did.
61
00:02:08,420 --> 00:02:10,253
All right, go get the costume.
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(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
63
00:02:12,438 --> 00:02:13,905
(QUIETLY): Cool.
64
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,708
(DOORBELL RINGS)
65
00:02:17,709 --> 00:02:19,543
- Hi!
- Hi.
66
00:02:19,799 --> 00:02:20,932
Oh...
67
00:02:20,957 --> 00:02:22,465
Uh, wow, Colleen.
68
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I wasn't expecting you.
69
00:02:24,036 --> 00:02:25,635
Well, I couldn't help but notice
70
00:02:25,637 --> 00:02:27,871
how much you loved seeing
Lark in my old dress.
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00:02:27,873 --> 00:02:30,740
I mean, your face was literally, like...
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00:02:30,742 --> 00:02:33,402
(LAUGHS): It was. It was
just literally like that.
73
00:02:33,427 --> 00:02:35,596
I knew you caught pageant fever.
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00:02:35,621 --> 00:02:38,025
So, I brought over all these
outfits, so we can really see
75
00:02:38,042 --> 00:02:39,042
what we're working with.
76
00:02:39,074 --> 00:02:39,983
Mm.
77
00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,418
Now, I have one question.
78
00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,453
Can Lark twerk?
79
00:02:43,459 --> 00:02:44,831
- No.
- (GROANS)
80
00:02:44,876 --> 00:02:46,911
- But we tried, right?
- (BOTH LAUGH)
81
00:02:46,912 --> 00:02:49,726
Well, if I can teach Joan
to twerk, I can teach anyone.
82
00:02:49,728 --> 00:02:50,960
Is Lark sleeping?
83
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,195
Lark!
84
00:02:52,197 --> 00:02:53,997
Time to wake up!
85
00:02:55,495 --> 00:02:57,674
Okay. I'm practicing
my fake smile, right?
86
00:02:57,699 --> 00:02:58,931
So when Colleen comes out,
87
00:02:58,956 --> 00:03:00,798
even if Lark is spray-tanned,
88
00:03:00,799 --> 00:03:02,584
I'm just gonna go like this:
89
00:03:02,607 --> 00:03:05,241
"Look at you!"
90
00:03:05,243 --> 00:03:06,709
What do you think?
91
00:03:06,711 --> 00:03:08,445
Well, that's your brunch face.
92
00:03:08,459 --> 00:03:11,709
- I know!
- COLLEEN: Come on, let's show Mommy.
93
00:03:11,719 --> 00:03:13,450
(CHUCKLES) Wow!
94
00:03:13,774 --> 00:03:16,352
Look at you!
95
00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:19,840
I'm bringing sexy back.
96
00:03:20,525 --> 00:03:21,825
Doesn't she look amazing?
97
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,259
If she got kidnapped right now,
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00:03:23,261 --> 00:03:25,140
the press would have a field day.
99
00:03:25,165 --> 00:03:27,230
Uh, excuse me, did-did you put junk
100
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,750
- in our daughter's trunk?
- Yeah.
101
00:03:28,751 --> 00:03:30,126
I had to pad her butt.
102
00:03:30,135 --> 00:03:32,469
The judges really respond to curves.
103
00:03:32,471 --> 00:03:34,637
Sorry, uh, what judges?
104
00:03:34,639 --> 00:03:36,940
I signed Lark up for her first pageant.
105
00:03:37,177 --> 00:03:39,008
Without asking me?
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00:03:39,010 --> 00:03:41,377
Well, with "us." She
should've asked us, right?
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00:03:41,379 --> 00:03:42,846
We can talk about that later.
108
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,614
You guys, don't worry. With my help,
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00:03:44,616 --> 00:03:45,949
this little girl is gonna rise
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straight to the top. Which in this case,
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00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,214
is the basement of an airport Radisson.
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00:03:49,215 --> 00:03:50,501
I'm sorry, no. I-I'm...
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- I have to put an end to this.
- No...
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Enough. We're not entering
Lark into anything.
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00:03:54,211 --> 00:03:55,326
But why not?
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Look how happy she is.
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GREG: Yeah, but what does she know?
118
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She's chewing on her eyelash.
119
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COLLEEN: Oh. Horse hair
120
00:04:00,665 --> 00:04:02,298
is completely edible.
121
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:03,800
I mean, it doesn't
matter, all animal hair is.
122
00:04:03,802 --> 00:04:04,739
It's fine.
123
00:04:04,764 --> 00:04:06,919
No, it's not fine. Okay?
124
00:04:06,944 --> 00:04:08,872
I'm her mother, and it's not up to you.
125
00:04:08,876 --> 00:04:10,835
So you and Matt can do
this to your own daughter.
126
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Oh...
127
00:04:12,947 --> 00:04:14,210
Hmm.
128
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,157
I, uh, I-I'm sorry.
129
00:04:16,182 --> 00:04:17,213
I didn't, I didn't mean to...
130
00:04:17,215 --> 00:04:19,282
No, no, no. It's fine. It's okay.
131
00:04:19,284 --> 00:04:22,018
Come on, Lark. We got to get
you in a warm bath for an hour
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so the butt glue will dissolve.
133
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,368
Hey.
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00:04:32,375 --> 00:04:35,167
Listen, I feel really bad
about the way that came out.
135
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,531
No. No, don't.
136
00:04:37,556 --> 00:04:39,124
I overstepped.
137
00:04:39,149 --> 00:04:41,337
It's just, we have been
trying so hard to have a kid
138
00:04:41,339 --> 00:04:43,339
that it was really nice to be reminded
139
00:04:43,341 --> 00:04:45,341
of what we're actually working toward.
140
00:04:45,907 --> 00:04:48,178
Yeah, I know.
141
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:50,106
Hey, you know what?
Just because we don't
142
00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:52,375
want Lark wearing a swimsuit
in a Radisson ballroom
143
00:04:52,384 --> 00:04:54,250
doesn't mean you can't
still hang out with her.
144
00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,333
Aw. It's a Radisson basement.
145
00:04:56,334 --> 00:04:58,126
- Okay.
- And I love her so much.
146
00:04:58,167 --> 00:05:00,057
Well, you can play with
her anytime you want.
147
00:05:00,058 --> 00:05:01,858
I just hate that she's
never gonna get to do
148
00:05:01,860 --> 00:05:03,893
the routine we practiced.
149
00:05:04,335 --> 00:05:05,261
(SIGHS)
150
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:06,496
Yep.
151
00:05:06,498 --> 00:05:09,399
Well, them's the breaks.
152
00:05:09,417 --> 00:05:10,500
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- I guess.
153
00:05:10,501 --> 00:05:12,377
- Good lesson for her, you know.
- Uh-huh.
154
00:05:12,404 --> 00:05:14,971
That you work hard at things and
sometimes, they don't pay off.
155
00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:17,540
She just got so good at it.
156
00:05:17,542 --> 00:05:19,833
Yeah, yeah. She's a little
Renaissance toddler. So...
157
00:05:19,834 --> 00:05:21,168
And that baton was super expensive.
158
00:05:21,179 --> 00:05:22,312
I had to overnight it...
159
00:05:22,334 --> 00:05:23,747
- Mm-hmm.
- Which cost even more.
160
00:05:23,748 --> 00:05:25,014
I don't know what
their return policy is,
161
00:05:25,039 --> 00:05:26,041
- so then, I'm just like, out...
- Okay.
162
00:05:26,042 --> 00:05:28,292
- Okay, fine. You win.
- that cash.
163
00:05:28,293 --> 00:05:31,001
- (GIGGLES)
- But I am her manager,
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00:05:31,015 --> 00:05:32,989
so I have a few notes.
165
00:05:34,392 --> 00:05:35,792
Okay. Now,
166
00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,360
before we get started,
167
00:05:37,375 --> 00:05:39,230
just a reminder:
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00:05:39,231 --> 00:05:41,197
do not look directly at Lark.
169
00:05:41,199 --> 00:05:45,335
Because you are about
to see a star. (GIGGLES)
170
00:05:45,337 --> 00:05:48,506
Does Colleen know that you
can look directly at stars?
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00:05:48,599 --> 00:05:50,233
Hit it, Matt.
172
00:05:51,576 --> 00:05:55,528
? It's such a good vibration ?
173
00:05:55,553 --> 00:06:00,016
? It's such a sweet sensation ?
174
00:06:00,018 --> 00:06:01,184
? You're such a hot temptation... ?
175
00:06:01,186 --> 00:06:03,386
Yes.
176
00:06:03,388 --> 00:06:04,426
(LAUGHS)
177
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,819
? It's such a sweet sensation ?
178
00:06:10,501 --> 00:06:11,541
? Wow ?
179
00:06:11,542 --> 00:06:13,708
? I got the wild ones,
hot ones, fly ones ?
180
00:06:13,709 --> 00:06:15,872
? Do or die ones, even
shy ones, up one, two... ?
181
00:06:15,873 --> 00:06:18,768
She looks like a very
successful drug dealer's wife.
182
00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:21,838
Greg. She looks like a
very successful drug dealer.
183
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,014
? Halfway freaks, let's talk ?
184
00:06:23,068 --> 00:06:24,485
? Just can't shut off South Beach... ?
185
00:06:25,792 --> 00:06:27,334
She's doing it, Matt.
186
00:06:27,345 --> 00:06:29,379
She's beautiful.
187
00:06:29,936 --> 00:06:32,015
Oh, dear God, I hope we have a boy.
188
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,217
Oh, boys can do pageants, too.
189
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:36,219
? Sweet sensation. ?
190
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,083
- Yay!
- Yes. Yes.
191
00:06:40,091 --> 00:06:41,324
- Yeah, baby.
- Yay!
192
00:06:41,326 --> 00:06:43,359
I did it!
193
00:06:44,626 --> 00:06:46,502
_
194
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:48,298
It was a beach cruiser
195
00:06:48,300 --> 00:06:50,166
with a wicker basket...
It was right there
196
00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:51,968
in the driveway, then it was gone.
197
00:06:51,970 --> 00:06:54,837
You know, it's such a
violation to be robbed.
198
00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:56,973
It was a gift from my husband.
199
00:06:56,975 --> 00:06:58,408
Don't you want to write this down?
200
00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:00,454
Ma'am, I worked at
Fuddruckers for five years.
201
00:07:00,479 --> 00:07:01,678
I don't need to write it down.
202
00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,714
Right, okay, well then, dust
for prints, call for backup.
203
00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,350
I just need to know that
when bad things happen,
204
00:07:07,352 --> 00:07:11,154
somebody will step
up and do what's good.
205
00:07:11,156 --> 00:07:13,589
Ma'am, I believe what
you're describing is Batman.
206
00:07:13,591 --> 00:07:15,258
Oh, well, then call him.
207
00:07:16,328 --> 00:07:19,495
That cop couldn't have
cared less about my bike.
208
00:07:19,497 --> 00:07:23,066
She just gave up and then moved
on to some missing persons case.
209
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,468
All right. Let's find it on Craigslist.
210
00:07:26,042 --> 00:07:28,334
- (SIGHS)
- How would a robber
211
00:07:28,349 --> 00:07:29,951
describe your bike?
212
00:07:29,976 --> 00:07:31,584
Like a sunset
213
00:07:31,609 --> 00:07:33,409
after a week of rain.
214
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:35,778
It had a kind of energy to it.
215
00:07:35,792 --> 00:07:37,792
- So we'll say pink.
- Perfect.
216
00:07:37,819 --> 00:07:39,626
Okay, so you're gonna type
in the description here,
217
00:07:39,651 --> 00:07:41,317
and then you're gonna
hit the search button
218
00:07:41,319 --> 00:07:44,387
and it'll show you all the
bikes for sale in the area.
219
00:07:45,623 --> 00:07:47,810
Oh. There's nothing there.
220
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,227
You didn't type anything.
221
00:07:51,229 --> 00:07:53,763
Oh, I thought you were telling
the computer to do that.
222
00:07:53,765 --> 00:07:55,902
No, no, you have to
hit the search button.
223
00:07:55,918 --> 00:07:58,585
- Oh!
- (CHUCKLES)
224
00:07:59,337 --> 00:08:01,137
Still nothing.
225
00:08:01,139 --> 00:08:03,740
Mom, you didn't type anything;
you just hit the search button.
226
00:08:03,742 --> 00:08:05,975
Yeah, that's what you said to do.
227
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,847
Since when does this qualify as brunch?
228
00:08:10,849 --> 00:08:12,448
This is the third most
disappointing spread
229
00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:13,449
I've ever seen.
230
00:08:13,451 --> 00:08:15,184
The other two, you won't believe.
231
00:08:15,185 --> 00:08:18,542
Number one: winter, 2004, Lillehammer.
232
00:08:18,556 --> 00:08:19,822
Where has Mom been?
233
00:08:19,824 --> 00:08:22,848
I mean, it's so unlike
her to just ignore brunch.
234
00:08:22,873 --> 00:08:25,261
Brussels sprouts were making
a real big noise on the scene.
235
00:08:25,263 --> 00:08:26,496
JOAN: Matt!
236
00:08:26,498 --> 00:08:28,131
Matt, Matt, Matt! I found it!
237
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:31,166
My bike! And it
was on Craigslist!
238
00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:34,013
- Hey!
- A robber named Dale has it.
239
00:08:34,042 --> 00:08:35,417
I'm gonna go get him.
240
00:08:35,418 --> 00:08:37,433
Uh, Mom, you can't do that.
241
00:08:37,458 --> 00:08:39,776
No, don't worry. I changed my identity.
242
00:08:39,778 --> 00:08:41,811
I told him my name was Jen Short.
243
00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,246
Like my wife, Jen Short?
244
00:08:43,248 --> 00:08:45,915
I panicked. It was the first
name that I could think of.
245
00:08:45,917 --> 00:08:48,084
So, Dad is all right with you
246
00:08:48,086 --> 00:08:51,053
just meeting some
stranger off the Internet?
247
00:08:51,055 --> 00:08:52,583
Oh, no. He can't know.
248
00:08:52,584 --> 00:08:56,251
He told me to lock up the bike,
and I said, "You lock it up."
249
00:08:56,644 --> 00:08:59,095
And then I was on a bit of a
high for the rest of the day
250
00:08:59,097 --> 00:09:00,596
and I forgot all about it.
251
00:09:00,598 --> 00:09:03,032
Okay, Mom, you can't go
do this all by yourself.
252
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:04,459
You don't know who this guy is.
253
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,937
This Dale could be some sort of weirdo
254
00:09:07,939 --> 00:09:10,373
who likes to sniff
women's bikes or something.
255
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,775
Yeah, a real seat
freak. I know the type.
256
00:09:12,777 --> 00:09:14,732
Well, you know, bring him on.
257
00:09:14,757 --> 00:09:16,646
Because it's my bike and I'm gonna be
258
00:09:16,648 --> 00:09:18,514
the only freak on that seat.
259
00:09:18,516 --> 00:09:19,849
Okay, well, you're not going alone.
260
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:21,451
No, we're gonna go with you.
261
00:09:21,453 --> 00:09:23,719
Oh. My boys.
262
00:09:23,721 --> 00:09:26,088
Road trip. Shotgun!
263
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:27,690
(CHEERS)
264
00:09:28,479 --> 00:09:30,331
Okay, here's the deal.
265
00:09:30,584 --> 00:09:33,709
First, I appeal to the
robber's sense of humanity.
266
00:09:34,098 --> 00:09:35,649
If that doesn't work,
267
00:09:35,674 --> 00:09:38,201
I've got a sock filled
with D-batteries.
268
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,703
Hey, where's Tim?
269
00:09:42,834 --> 00:09:44,917
Ugh, we forgot Tim.
270
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:51,134
So you guys didn't forget me,
you just stopped to get gas?
271
00:09:52,617 --> 00:09:53,983
Yeah, man.
272
00:09:53,985 --> 00:09:55,351
(MATT INHALES SHARPLY)
273
00:09:55,353 --> 00:09:56,486
So, what's the deal here?
274
00:09:56,488 --> 00:09:57,920
We gonna pay this guy or what?
275
00:09:57,922 --> 00:09:59,755
Pay for my own bike?
276
00:10:00,283 --> 00:10:03,179
No way, punk. That's
what I'm gonna call him.
277
00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:04,937
Do you think that's rough enough?
278
00:10:04,962 --> 00:10:07,844
You know, or, I could joke
about his mother's weight,
279
00:10:07,869 --> 00:10:09,699
or I could say, you know,
280
00:10:09,701 --> 00:10:12,235
how many times I've had my way with her.
281
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:20,076
And here's a picture of me on my
bike when I ran the LA Marathon.
282
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:21,833
Cute. Look,
283
00:10:21,858 --> 00:10:23,513
you're gonna need to
give me some better proof
284
00:10:23,515 --> 00:10:24,847
than some photos.
285
00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:26,549
The serial number, maybe?
286
00:10:26,551 --> 00:10:29,719
'Cause you can't just accuse
me of stealing your bike, Jen.
287
00:10:29,721 --> 00:10:31,621
Why you got the cute
little pink bike, man?
288
00:10:31,623 --> 00:10:33,523
Seem like more of a sexy motorcycle guy.
289
00:10:33,525 --> 00:10:35,791
Thanks. I'm selling it for a friend.
290
00:10:35,793 --> 00:10:38,995
Who? Your mother? She
has her own zip code.
291
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,375
- Mm.
- Ooh, easy, Ma.
292
00:10:40,415 --> 00:10:41,531
His mom's easy.
293
00:10:41,542 --> 00:10:43,792
- What?
- I want my bike.
294
00:10:43,801 --> 00:10:46,369
Well, this bike? Is 100 bucks.
295
00:10:46,371 --> 00:10:48,104
So, you want to buy it or not?
296
00:10:48,209 --> 00:10:49,751
Yeah. You win.
297
00:10:49,792 --> 00:10:50,875
Wait.
298
00:10:51,206 --> 00:10:52,475
If the reason you guys forgot me
299
00:10:52,476 --> 00:10:54,043
is 'cause you were stopping to get gas,
300
00:10:54,078 --> 00:10:55,459
then why did we stop for gas?
301
00:10:55,484 --> 00:10:57,280
Tim, you are being paranoid, okay?
302
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,815
We did not leave you
at home intentionally.
303
00:11:00,008 --> 00:11:01,484
I never said intentionally.
304
00:11:01,509 --> 00:11:03,085
Will you take $80 for it?
305
00:11:03,087 --> 00:11:05,321
I'll go ask my friend.
306
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,292
- Take the bike.
- What?
307
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,361
Take the bike, we don't have much time.
308
00:11:12,363 --> 00:11:13,440
You want us to steal it?
309
00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:15,331
It's not stealing, it's mine!
310
00:11:16,375 --> 00:11:17,542
Go!
311
00:11:17,569 --> 00:11:19,669
Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
312
00:11:20,018 --> 00:11:25,244
Oh, wow! I haven't felt this
high since the marijuana jam!
313
00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,792
- (CHUCKLING)
- Where's Tim?
314
00:11:26,811 --> 00:11:29,278
What? We forgot Tim!
315
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:30,479
(GROANS)
316
00:11:31,083 --> 00:11:32,515
Thanks for letting me use your phone.
317
00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:33,783
I'm sure they're just getting gas.
318
00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:35,293
- (LINE RINGING)
- It's ringing.
319
00:11:35,512 --> 00:11:38,654
Tell them to bring my $80 or
they don't get you back.
320
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:40,856
Yeah, I think you're gonna
need a different approach.
321
00:11:43,042 --> 00:11:44,918
_
322
00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:47,417
HEATHER: Hey.
323
00:11:47,459 --> 00:11:48,524
Is the coast clear?
324
00:11:48,525 --> 00:11:50,104
Well, it depends on what you want to do.
325
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:53,737
(SCOFFS) I have a box of
Sophia's stuffed animals.
326
00:11:53,738 --> 00:11:55,838
Ooh, are you gonna put them
on the couch and watch a movie?
327
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,174
No. I'm gonna give them to Goodwill.
328
00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,742
She's letting you do that?
329
00:11:59,744 --> 00:12:01,978
Oh, no. Babe, she has no idea.
330
00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:04,380
I have been running
an underground railroad
331
00:12:04,382 --> 00:12:06,248
out of her bedroom for months;
she hasn't even noticed.
332
00:12:06,250 --> 00:12:07,450
It's time to pull the trigger.
333
00:12:07,459 --> 00:12:09,458
- Yes. Tell you what.
- Yeah?
334
00:12:09,459 --> 00:12:11,542
- I'll cover you to the garage.
- Oh.
335
00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:14,023
Make sure the coast is clear. (CHUCKLES)
336
00:12:15,059 --> 00:12:16,359
Hey, Soph.
337
00:12:17,941 --> 00:12:20,229
What's going on down here?
338
00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:22,064
Nothing.
339
00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:23,376
Okay, what's in the box?
340
00:12:23,401 --> 00:12:24,853
Nothing.
341
00:12:27,899 --> 00:12:29,132
Nothing?
342
00:12:29,157 --> 00:12:32,241
Unicorns are mythical, not invisible.
343
00:12:32,243 --> 00:12:35,144
Honey, you have thousands
of stuffed animals.
344
00:12:35,146 --> 00:12:36,545
How many could you need?
345
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,481
How many children do you need?
346
00:12:38,501 --> 00:12:40,835
- Oh...
- Get rid of Tyler. Then we'll talk.
347
00:12:40,842 --> 00:12:42,118
Sophia.
348
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,887
Mom, you just don't
see them how I see them.
349
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:48,468
They may just be toys to
you, but they're real to me.
350
00:12:49,004 --> 00:12:54,011
? You say it's time
to give away my toys ?
351
00:12:54,832 --> 00:12:56,098
? So I'll sleep alone ?
352
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:59,777
? 'Cause I'm too young
to sleep with boys ?
353
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:03,305
? But, Mom, please be nice ?
354
00:13:03,307 --> 00:13:06,001
? Only one or two have lice ?
355
00:13:06,026 --> 00:13:06,790
Ooh.
356
00:13:06,815 --> 00:13:11,747
? I'm not ready to say good-bye... ?
357
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:12,615
(LAUGHS)
358
00:13:15,876 --> 00:13:18,835
? You and me go way back ?
359
00:13:18,856 --> 00:13:21,957
? It was the first trip to the zoo ?
360
00:13:21,959 --> 00:13:26,662
? I remember it well, walking
hand in hand with you ?
361
00:13:28,466 --> 00:13:30,192
? We saw zebras ?
362
00:13:30,217 --> 00:13:31,516
? Birds in a nest ?
363
00:13:31,541 --> 00:13:34,876
? A divorc�e dad
just doing his best ?
364
00:13:34,901 --> 00:13:39,337
? The zoo was such a
sad and boring place ?
365
00:13:39,362 --> 00:13:41,869
? Till that gator bit
off some guy's face ?
366
00:13:41,939 --> 00:13:44,013
? Now he's a millionaire ?
367
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,619
? But, Mom, can't you see ?
368
00:13:46,644 --> 00:13:47,416
Sophia.
369
00:13:47,459 --> 00:13:49,708
? Each one holds a memory ?
370
00:13:49,709 --> 00:13:50,750
I know, but...
371
00:13:50,751 --> 00:13:53,833
? I'm not ready to say good-bye ?
372
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:56,875
? Ah, da-da, da-da-da-da ?
373
00:13:56,876 --> 00:14:00,835
? We're not ready to say good-bye ?
374
00:14:00,865 --> 00:14:01,997
No way, they can't stay.
375
00:14:01,999 --> 00:14:03,332
Please don't throw them away.
376
00:14:03,334 --> 00:14:05,701
? Oh, please don't
make us have to leave ?
377
00:14:05,703 --> 00:14:07,964
? Oh, I've been in your toilet ?
378
00:14:07,989 --> 00:14:09,572
? I deserve a reprieve ?
379
00:14:09,584 --> 00:14:12,376
- ? Oh, Mom, can't you see? ?
- ? Bah, bum, bum, bum ?
380
00:14:12,377 --> 00:14:15,750
- ? Ah, they're my fuzzy coterie ?
- ? Bah, bum, bum, bum, bum ?
381
00:14:15,751 --> 00:14:18,834
- ? And they've been by my side ? -
? Bum, ba-bum, bum, bum, bum ?
382
00:14:18,835 --> 00:14:22,251
- ? I'm not ready to say good-bye
? - ? Bum, bum, bum, bum ?
383
00:14:22,253 --> 00:14:25,087
? Ah, ya, da-da, da-da-da ?
384
00:14:25,089 --> 00:14:28,221
? We're not ready to say good-bye. ?
385
00:14:28,246 --> 00:14:29,861
No, no, no.
386
00:14:29,886 --> 00:14:32,027
Oh, One-Eyed Bear.
387
00:14:32,029 --> 00:14:33,863
? I remember that one night ?
388
00:14:33,865 --> 00:14:36,665
? When Sophia left you in my bed. ?
389
00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:38,140
And I was there.
390
00:14:38,209 --> 00:14:40,127
? When Tim bought you a purse ?
391
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:41,712
? And you promised to give him... ?
392
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,813
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
393
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,715
That's why I ripped my eye out.
394
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,729
Maybe we'll just throw
this guy out. Hmm?
395
00:14:46,751 --> 00:14:48,377
- What-what? No. Stop.
- ? And now it's time ?
396
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,688
- ? To say good-bye. ?
- Mom, you can't. Mom!
397
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,401
Where's Mr. Pickle?
398
00:14:52,426 --> 00:14:54,559
Sophia, you have enough already.
399
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,494
But, Mom, I need him.
400
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:59,717
Why? Why do you need a talking pickle?
401
00:14:59,742 --> 00:15:01,876
(SHOUTS, LAUGHS)
402
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,704
? 'Cause he's my best friend ?
403
00:15:06,729 --> 00:15:09,206
? Okay, technically my boyfriend ?
404
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,375
? Yeah, we stay up all night ?
405
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:12,710
? It's nuts ?
406
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:15,446
? Get on the iPad and Google butts ?
407
00:15:15,501 --> 00:15:16,501
Ugh.
408
00:15:16,502 --> 00:15:19,377
- ? Maybe I shouldn't rush ?
- ? What's the rush? ?
409
00:15:19,417 --> 00:15:22,416
- ? To 86 all the plush ?
- ? All the plush ?
410
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:25,434
- ? I remember when your appendix burst ?
- ? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah ?
411
00:15:25,459 --> 00:15:26,876
? Mr. Pickle was the one ?
412
00:15:26,918 --> 00:15:28,544
- ? That you wanted first ?
- ? Ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, ah, ah ?
413
00:15:28,561 --> 00:15:34,368
? Yeah, he's always
been there by your side ?
414
00:15:34,375 --> 00:15:37,667
- ? So I'll stop from committing ?
- Ow.
415
00:15:37,710 --> 00:15:39,904
? This cutie-pie genocide ?
416
00:15:39,918 --> 00:15:42,084
- ? Oh, you're right ?
- ? We're right ?
417
00:15:42,085 --> 00:15:43,834
- ? I can see ?
- ? She can see ?
418
00:15:43,835 --> 00:15:47,178
? You're still making memories ?
419
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:50,481
? You don't have to say good-bye ?
420
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:53,618
? Da-da, da-da-da-da ?
421
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,877
? We don't have to say ?
422
00:15:54,902 --> 00:16:00,424
? Good-bye. ?
423
00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:04,731
(CHEERING, LAUGHTER)
424
00:16:04,751 --> 00:16:07,876
? So, now that Sophia's had her turn ?
425
00:16:07,900 --> 00:16:12,369
? I'll let out the fire
that in me burns, ah. ?
426
00:16:12,394 --> 00:16:15,339
Oh, yeah, that's nice,
honey. We're-we're done.
427
00:16:17,709 --> 00:16:19,543
_
428
00:16:21,209 --> 00:16:22,459
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
429
00:16:23,736 --> 00:16:26,470
What is it you two are doing in here?
430
00:16:26,472 --> 00:16:30,444
Every day, Tank scratches at the door.
431
00:16:30,469 --> 00:16:33,397
Is that jerky? Wait a minute.
432
00:16:33,422 --> 00:16:34,905
What have you done with Tank?
433
00:16:34,930 --> 00:16:36,229
Uh, Pop-Pop, calm down.
434
00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:37,959
We're just making beef jerky.
435
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,418
It's our new side business.
436
00:16:39,459 --> 00:16:40,709
CLEMENTINE: Yeah, and don't worry.
437
00:16:40,726 --> 00:16:43,175
No animals were harmed
in the making of this.
438
00:16:43,176 --> 00:16:45,709
- To be clear, none of them lived.
- Hmm.
439
00:16:45,710 --> 00:16:50,319
We're calling it Pop Pop's
Old Fashioned Plan Beef.
440
00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:51,501
You recognize that guy?
441
00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:52,745
We wanted a handsome face.
442
00:16:52,747 --> 00:16:53,946
JOHN: Oh, look at me.
443
00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:56,084
- I'm like Paul Newman.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
444
00:16:56,095 --> 00:16:58,841
Or that Wendy's gal.
What's her name? Uh...
445
00:16:58,866 --> 00:17:00,536
You're famous, Pop-Pop.
446
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:02,261
Yeah, well, I don't want to be famous.
447
00:17:02,286 --> 00:17:05,668
I want to be rich.
Uh, so, what's my cut?
448
00:17:06,083 --> 00:17:07,542
- Your cut?
- Mm-hmm.
449
00:17:07,553 --> 00:17:09,962
Oh, we thought that you'd
let us use your face for free.
450
00:17:09,964 --> 00:17:11,797
Oh, no, well, you thought wrong.
451
00:17:11,939 --> 00:17:14,244
Hot looks cost money.
452
00:17:14,269 --> 00:17:16,636
I want 20% of your profits.
453
00:17:19,658 --> 00:17:22,266
So, we're drawing
salaries through our LLC,
454
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,375
so technically, we're
not making a profit.
455
00:17:24,393 --> 00:17:25,492
Mm.
456
00:17:26,372 --> 00:17:27,962
Let's make it 30%.
457
00:17:28,667 --> 00:17:30,126
- Partners?
- (CHUCKLES)
458
00:17:34,083 --> 00:17:37,372
Mmm. Now I know what
kombucha is. (CHUCKLES)
459
00:17:37,373 --> 00:17:40,252
All this time I thought it
was a Japanese puppet show.
460
00:17:40,277 --> 00:17:42,276
Uh, Pop-Pop, what're you doing here?
461
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,777
I'm here to move meat.
462
00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:49,350
Hey, there. Try Pop Pop's
Old Fashioned Plan Beef.
463
00:17:49,352 --> 00:17:51,185
Proven health benefits.
464
00:17:51,187 --> 00:17:52,486
Stimulates hair growth.
465
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:54,621
Here, check out the results, huh?
466
00:17:54,623 --> 00:17:57,100
Ma'am. Loosens you up if you're clogged,
467
00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:59,292
- and it clogs you up if you're loose.
- Ugh.
468
00:17:59,336 --> 00:18:02,196
Pop-Pop, you can't make
promises the beef can't keep.
469
00:18:02,198 --> 00:18:03,998
Yeah. That's why we like to tell people
470
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,533
that it's not that good for
you, but it tastes really good.
471
00:18:06,535 --> 00:18:07,735
And they respect that.
472
00:18:07,737 --> 00:18:09,203
Wh-What good is their respect?
473
00:18:09,205 --> 00:18:10,771
You want their money.
474
00:18:10,773 --> 00:18:13,170
Uh, we want a product that is meaningful
475
00:18:13,171 --> 00:18:15,292
and creates a dialogue
with our fellow humans.
476
00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:17,518
You don't even sound like a human.
477
00:18:17,543 --> 00:18:19,751
Hey, well, why don't
you just take a seat
478
00:18:19,776 --> 00:18:22,349
and be the face of the company?
479
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:24,551
And let Clementine and me take the lead.
480
00:18:26,904 --> 00:18:28,522
That coffee you made this morning
481
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:29,792
was seriously pretty good.
482
00:18:29,799 --> 00:18:31,131
It, like, woke me up.
483
00:18:31,156 --> 00:18:33,327
Aw. I love coffee.
484
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:34,962
What the hell are you two doing?
485
00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:37,664
Oh, we're just enjoying
each other's company.
486
00:18:37,666 --> 00:18:39,223
You have to like what you do, Pop-Pop,
487
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:40,833
- otherwise, it's not worth doing.
- Hmm.
488
00:18:40,834 --> 00:18:43,335
You're not even looking
up at your customers.
489
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,671
That's right. They can tell
490
00:18:44,673 --> 00:18:46,108
that we're so confident in our product,
491
00:18:46,133 --> 00:18:47,474
we don't need to pressure them.
492
00:18:47,476 --> 00:18:48,842
Well, that's crazy.
493
00:18:48,844 --> 00:18:51,045
Selling is all about smoke and mirrors.
494
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:53,847
If you're good, you
can sell sex to a nun.
495
00:18:53,849 --> 00:18:55,275
You just need a gimmick.
496
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,850
You got to listen to me.
497
00:18:56,852 --> 00:18:58,419
Actually, we don't.
498
00:18:58,421 --> 00:19:00,954
As majority shareholders,
we control the vote.
499
00:19:00,956 --> 00:19:03,824
And we vote for you to
sit there and look good.
500
00:19:03,826 --> 00:19:08,695
Well, I'm sick of being
treated like a piece of meat.
501
00:19:09,111 --> 00:19:11,245
Beauty's a curse, Tank.
502
00:19:13,334 --> 00:19:14,625
Even though I'm scuba diving,
503
00:19:14,626 --> 00:19:17,127
you can put a rain cloud above my head.
504
00:19:17,138 --> 00:19:19,493
That's my inner mood.
505
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:23,095
Hey. Look what I stole for us, Tanky.
506
00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:24,709
- (TANK BARKS)
- No, not now.
507
00:19:24,722 --> 00:19:28,052
My girl's got to turn
a trick for us first.
508
00:19:28,957 --> 00:19:31,161
(LAUGHING): There we go.
509
00:19:32,334 --> 00:19:33,872
There you go.
510
00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:35,072
Cute.
511
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,608
She'll do anything for this jerky.
512
00:19:37,610 --> 00:19:39,059
No, not me. The meat.
513
00:19:39,084 --> 00:19:41,612
Me, I'm-I'm her sweetheart.
514
00:19:42,705 --> 00:19:44,948
Maybe jerky isn't the next cupcake.
515
00:19:45,314 --> 00:19:47,047
Maybe it's fruit leather.
516
00:19:47,072 --> 00:19:49,987
Or maybe it's just more cupcakes.
517
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:52,156
What about a jerky-flavored cupcake?
518
00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:55,001
I'm cashing out my share.
519
00:19:57,673 --> 00:19:59,469
Good girl!
520
00:19:59,494 --> 00:20:02,499
Paw Paw's Old Fashioned
Plan Beef, the only treat
521
00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:04,868
you can share with your best friend.
522
00:20:05,042 --> 00:20:07,793
- Tank. Speak! (LAUGHS)
- (BARKS)
523
00:20:07,819 --> 00:20:09,106
Good for dogs,
524
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,411
good for cats; who cares about birds?
525
00:20:11,436 --> 00:20:12,776
Puts a shine on their coats,
526
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:16,380
freshens their breath
and it's birth control.
527
00:20:16,382 --> 00:20:18,253
Are you selling our jerky to dogs?
528
00:20:18,278 --> 00:20:19,746
Oh, we got a hit.
529
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,253
And I need more product.
530
00:20:21,278 --> 00:20:22,691
How much you got left? Thank you.
531
00:20:22,716 --> 00:20:24,441
Um, all of it.
532
00:20:24,501 --> 00:20:27,626
You should have listened to
the old man, I guess. Huh?
533
00:20:27,651 --> 00:20:29,384
Do you think you could maybe cut us in?
534
00:20:29,386 --> 00:20:31,353
Sure, I'll give you a 20% stake.
535
00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,423
Is that net or gross?
536
00:20:33,618 --> 00:20:36,790
Well, if you can tell me the
difference, I'll give you 50%.
537
00:20:37,719 --> 00:20:39,164
20 it is.
538
00:20:39,375 --> 00:20:41,001
- Partners?
- Partners.
539
00:20:41,042 --> 00:20:42,209
- Partners.
- (CHUCKLES)
540
00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:44,462
Now, get out of here.
You're bad for business.
541
00:20:44,487 --> 00:20:45,934
Beat it.
542
00:20:45,936 --> 00:20:48,958
There you go. Thank you.
543
00:20:48,959 --> 00:20:50,877
Got two more left!
544
00:20:51,126 --> 00:20:56,126
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
545
00:20:56,176 --> 00:21:00,726
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