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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,703 --> 00:00:06,904 _ 2 00:00:07,422 --> 00:00:09,155 COLLEEN: Your family will be here any minute. 3 00:00:09,157 --> 00:00:10,323 Where should this go? 4 00:00:10,325 --> 00:00:11,987 By the drinks? By the food? 5 00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,122 Definitely by the drinks. 6 00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,380 Great, it's settled. 7 00:00:14,476 --> 00:00:15,630 Maybe by the food. 8 00:00:15,655 --> 00:00:17,503 You're putting way more thought into this 9 00:00:17,528 --> 00:00:19,072 than any date we've ever been on. 10 00:00:19,104 --> 00:00:21,076 Yeah, of course, because if this goes badly, 11 00:00:21,101 --> 00:00:22,445 I can't fix it with sex. 12 00:00:22,470 --> 00:00:24,054 Everything has to be perfect. 13 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:26,395 Your parents host brunch, Jen and Greg have New Year's, 14 00:00:26,420 --> 00:00:27,665 Heather and Tim throw a party 15 00:00:27,697 --> 00:00:29,735 every time one of their kids gets bigger pants. 16 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,393 I want tailgating to be our thing. 17 00:00:31,418 --> 00:00:34,083 Okay, okay, but maybe our thing could not be hosting anything. 18 00:00:34,108 --> 00:00:37,142 There's a lot of honor in just being a guest. 19 00:00:37,144 --> 00:00:38,866 - JOAN: Hi, kids! - Oh, they're here. 20 00:00:38,891 --> 00:00:40,456 - Hi! - Hi! 21 00:00:40,481 --> 00:00:42,080 - Oh, darling. - Hi. 22 00:00:42,082 --> 00:00:43,615 - Hi, baby. - Hey, Mom. 23 00:00:43,617 --> 00:00:47,119 Oh, God, it's so great to have the Rams back in L.A. 24 00:00:47,121 --> 00:00:49,321 You know, I've missed tailgating. 25 00:00:49,323 --> 00:00:50,956 You know what I love? 26 00:00:50,958 --> 00:00:53,333 Putting my hand up and having somebody come by 27 00:00:53,358 --> 00:00:54,192 and give me a high five. 28 00:00:54,194 --> 00:00:55,859 Hey! 29 00:00:55,884 --> 00:00:57,846 It's the best. It's the best. 30 00:00:57,902 --> 00:00:59,902 - Honey, can I have the Purell? - Mm-hmm. 31 00:00:59,904 --> 00:01:01,952 (clears throat) John, you want to sit in the shade? 32 00:01:01,977 --> 00:01:04,456 No, I like the sun myself, like a lizard. 33 00:01:04,508 --> 00:01:05,707 Move the chair. Move the chair. 34 00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,265 - Okay. - Go, go, go. 35 00:01:07,290 --> 00:01:08,556 Come here. 36 00:01:10,374 --> 00:01:11,640 Okay. 37 00:01:12,065 --> 00:01:13,286 How's that? 38 00:01:13,311 --> 00:01:16,029 Oh, now I have to lift my feet up if I want a drink. 39 00:01:16,054 --> 00:01:17,350 I need hydration. 40 00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:18,387 I'm not a lizard. 41 00:01:18,389 --> 00:01:19,555 JOAN: No, honey, 42 00:01:19,557 --> 00:01:22,486 just relax and enjoy the clam dip. 43 00:01:22,511 --> 00:01:24,745 Clam dip? Oh! 44 00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:28,140 Clam dip is a tailgating tradition. 45 00:01:28,165 --> 00:01:31,667 Now I emailed you the recipe but maybe it went to spam 46 00:01:31,669 --> 00:01:33,021 because of the word clam. 47 00:01:33,046 --> 00:01:33,708 Yep. 48 00:01:33,733 --> 00:01:35,493 - It's all right, sweetheart. - You like hummus? 49 00:01:35,518 --> 00:01:37,675 - No, dear, I don't. - Oh. 50 00:01:40,177 --> 00:01:41,443 Veggies? Fun. 51 00:01:41,445 --> 00:01:43,445 I can't wait to taste the dirt. 52 00:01:43,447 --> 00:01:45,881 No problem... just dump a bunch of clam dip on them. 53 00:01:45,883 --> 00:01:49,318 Yeah, I might not have realized the importance of this clam dip. 54 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:50,379 Oh, honey, it's okay. 55 00:01:50,404 --> 00:01:52,349 These off-brand sodas totally make up for it. 56 00:01:52,374 --> 00:01:53,489 I love Dr. Pobb. 57 00:01:53,491 --> 00:01:55,237 JEN: Yeah, yeah, don't sweat it. 58 00:01:55,262 --> 00:01:57,591 You'd have to be superhuman to please the Short family. 59 00:01:57,616 --> 00:01:59,450 Of course, we do it every year at our New Year's Eve party, 60 00:01:59,475 --> 00:02:00,873 but I'm heavily sedated. 61 00:02:00,898 --> 00:02:02,373 - Right. - I actually think it's more impressive 62 00:02:02,398 --> 00:02:04,684 to throw an amazing party for a milestone event. 63 00:02:04,709 --> 00:02:06,087 You know, like when your kids realize 64 00:02:06,112 --> 00:02:06,979 that boogers aren't food. 65 00:02:07,004 --> 00:02:09,071 Ooh, I'd kill for a burger right now. 66 00:02:09,073 --> 00:02:10,105 Booger, babe. 67 00:02:10,107 --> 00:02:12,151 Ooh. Did I get it? 68 00:02:12,425 --> 00:02:13,943 You were so right. 69 00:02:13,945 --> 00:02:16,245 We should've never tried to stake this out as our own. 70 00:02:16,247 --> 00:02:17,846 There's steak? 71 00:02:17,848 --> 00:02:18,981 No. 72 00:02:18,983 --> 00:02:20,549 This was a huge mistake. 73 00:02:20,551 --> 00:02:21,817 There's steak? 74 00:02:22,065 --> 00:02:23,264 - No. - No. 75 00:02:23,289 --> 00:02:24,922 All I wanted to do was impress your family 76 00:02:24,947 --> 00:02:26,700 and now they're just going to remember this as the tailgate 77 00:02:26,725 --> 00:02:28,158 that Matt and Colleen screwed up. 78 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,060 It's okay. I'm going to save this. 79 00:02:30,062 --> 00:02:32,129 There's a very easy solution. 80 00:02:33,713 --> 00:02:35,013 Clams? 81 00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:37,734 - Anybody got any fresh clams? - No, man. 82 00:02:37,736 --> 00:02:39,069 Clams? No? 83 00:02:39,071 --> 00:02:40,403 Mussels? 84 00:02:40,405 --> 00:02:43,073 Bivalves of any kind, sir? 85 00:02:43,075 --> 00:02:44,841 Hey, man, a couple tailgates down 86 00:02:44,843 --> 00:02:47,911 there's a whole seafood spread that nobody's watching. 87 00:02:47,913 --> 00:02:50,313 And there's an unaccompanied purse if you're feeling brave. 88 00:02:50,315 --> 00:02:52,115 Oh, my God, you're Kurt Warner. 89 00:02:52,117 --> 00:02:53,316 Hey, man, how you doing? 90 00:02:53,318 --> 00:02:54,417 I'm a huge fan. 91 00:02:54,419 --> 00:02:55,452 Thanks, man. 92 00:02:55,454 --> 00:02:56,853 Hey, can-can you do me a favor? 93 00:02:56,855 --> 00:02:58,488 Do you have good food? 94 00:02:58,490 --> 00:03:00,090 Oh, sure. 95 00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:00,987 Okay. 96 00:03:01,012 --> 00:03:02,211 All right, come on. 97 00:03:02,236 --> 00:03:04,070 Thank you so much. Right this way. 98 00:03:04,263 --> 00:03:06,129 Hey, everybody, everybody. 99 00:03:06,131 --> 00:03:08,306 Look who heard about Colleen's amazing tailgate 100 00:03:08,331 --> 00:03:09,933 - and wanted to join us. - Hey, how's everybody doing? 101 00:03:09,935 --> 00:03:11,134 - Oh, my God. - Hey! 102 00:03:11,136 --> 00:03:12,736 Kurt Warner! 103 00:03:12,738 --> 00:03:15,739 Oh, my gosh! Kurt Warner! 104 00:03:15,741 --> 00:03:17,007 Is this where the food's at? 105 00:03:17,009 --> 00:03:19,743 Amazing... this is like looking in the mirror. 106 00:03:19,745 --> 00:03:21,578 Hi! We love you, we love you. 107 00:03:21,580 --> 00:03:24,047 And I am basically best friends with Marshall Faulk, who you... 108 00:03:24,049 --> 00:03:26,750 Hey, hey, is that one of those misting fans? 109 00:03:26,752 --> 00:03:28,285 Uh... 110 00:03:28,287 --> 00:03:29,286 Yeah? I mean... 111 00:03:29,288 --> 00:03:31,555 Would you like it? 112 00:03:31,557 --> 00:03:33,056 I wouldn't not like it, thank you. 113 00:03:33,058 --> 00:03:34,124 That feels awesome. 114 00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,028 COLLEEN: This is so cool. 115 00:03:36,053 --> 00:03:38,829 I know, I know, it's Kurt Warner, two-time league MVP, 116 00:03:38,831 --> 00:03:40,826 Super Bowl MVP, future Hall of Famer... 117 00:03:40,851 --> 00:03:41,998 Yeah, yeah, yeah, all that. 118 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:43,858 But he's Kurt Warner, the guy who got your family 119 00:03:43,883 --> 00:03:45,668 to stop complaining about my tailgate. 120 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:47,470 Yeah. Yeah. 121 00:03:47,472 --> 00:03:49,372 MATT: Yeah. 122 00:03:49,374 --> 00:03:51,608 Is he stealing Sophia's teddy bear? 123 00:03:51,610 --> 00:03:55,545 Okay, one more hug from you, then he's all mine, okay? 124 00:03:55,547 --> 00:03:56,713 - Okay? - Okay. 125 00:03:56,715 --> 00:03:57,747 All right. 126 00:03:57,749 --> 00:03:58,834 Okay, all right, all right. 127 00:03:58,859 --> 00:03:59,677 That's... 128 00:03:59,702 --> 00:04:02,129 - Give it to him. - Thank you, thank you. 129 00:04:02,797 --> 00:04:04,821 My dog's going to love chewing on this thing. 130 00:04:04,823 --> 00:04:06,323 - (laughs nervously) - (chuckles) 131 00:04:06,325 --> 00:04:07,597 - You know what? - She doesn't need it. 132 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:08,888 - The kid's got plenty of toys. - She's fine. 133 00:04:08,913 --> 00:04:10,179 - You know? Yeah. - She's fine. 134 00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:14,831 Oh, I just made it. 135 00:04:14,833 --> 00:04:17,300 Oh, close, but it just slid off. 136 00:04:17,302 --> 00:04:18,802 Aww, man. 137 00:04:18,804 --> 00:04:19,736 I win! 138 00:04:19,738 --> 00:04:22,005 Yes! Yes, people! 139 00:04:22,007 --> 00:04:23,607 You guys suck at this. 140 00:04:23,609 --> 00:04:25,141 Kind of looks like you cheated. 141 00:04:25,143 --> 00:04:27,162 Spoken like a true loser, huh, people? 142 00:04:27,187 --> 00:04:28,178 Come on, huh? 143 00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:29,160 Okay. 144 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,985 Good job, Kurt Warner. 145 00:04:31,183 --> 00:04:32,649 All right, Rams on three! 146 00:04:32,651 --> 00:04:34,851 Ready... one, two, three! 147 00:04:34,853 --> 00:04:36,913 ALL: Rams! 148 00:04:36,938 --> 00:04:37,888 - Yeah! - Yeah! 149 00:04:37,890 --> 00:04:39,089 Cool. 150 00:04:39,091 --> 00:04:40,215 Let me see how I looked in that. 151 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,327 Oh, my gosh, my nose looks huge. 152 00:04:42,352 --> 00:04:43,114 Oh, that's terrible. 153 00:04:43,139 --> 00:04:44,628 Yuck. Delete. 154 00:04:44,630 --> 00:04:46,096 Delete, delete. 155 00:04:46,098 --> 00:04:47,364 Okay, well, now you're just deleting photos 156 00:04:47,366 --> 00:04:48,462 of my kid's first birthday. 157 00:04:48,487 --> 00:04:50,420 Hey, which one of us won the Super Bowl? 158 00:04:50,422 --> 00:04:51,896 You want me to throw him out? 159 00:04:51,921 --> 00:04:53,623 I mean, not physically, because that would end badly for me, 160 00:04:53,625 --> 00:04:56,426 but, you know, ask him to leave, like, really timidly? 161 00:04:56,428 --> 00:04:58,393 Honey, you know what? I'm glad this happened. 162 00:04:58,418 --> 00:05:00,196 - Let him ruin it. - MATT: Yeah. 163 00:05:00,198 --> 00:05:02,191 To the honorable job of just being guests. 164 00:05:02,216 --> 00:05:04,116 That's our thing. 165 00:05:04,141 --> 00:05:05,907 Nice to meet you all! Thank you very much. 166 00:05:05,932 --> 00:05:07,141 MATT: Take care, Kurt! 167 00:05:07,166 --> 00:05:08,805 Is that our chair? 168 00:05:09,338 --> 00:05:11,174 He still has my phone. 169 00:05:11,176 --> 00:05:12,342 Oh! 170 00:05:13,536 --> 00:05:16,312 Hey, someone grab that Super Bowl MVP! 171 00:05:16,609 --> 00:05:18,198 _ 172 00:05:20,619 --> 00:05:21,486 (metal scanner squeals) 173 00:05:21,511 --> 00:05:22,644 It's a piercing. 174 00:05:30,609 --> 00:05:31,708 Wait, wait, wait. 175 00:05:31,733 --> 00:05:33,163 I was here! 176 00:05:33,165 --> 00:05:35,832 - Thank you. - Flag on the play, you were holding me. 177 00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:36,622 (beeping) 178 00:05:36,647 --> 00:05:38,113 Congratulations! 179 00:05:38,303 --> 00:05:39,832 You've been selected to participate 180 00:05:39,857 --> 00:05:41,971 in our halftime fan challenge. 181 00:05:41,973 --> 00:05:44,489 - What? - That's so weak. 182 00:05:44,514 --> 00:05:46,016 You're always getting so lucky, Greg. 183 00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,410 Penalty declined. 184 00:05:47,412 --> 00:05:50,097 Wow, I can't believe it! 185 00:05:50,122 --> 00:05:52,515 So, I, uh... I'm actually going to get to, like, 186 00:05:52,517 --> 00:05:55,567 go out onto the actual field and stuff? 187 00:05:55,592 --> 00:05:58,843 And throw footballs used by the actual team. 188 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,990 What? 189 00:06:00,992 --> 00:06:02,025 Oh! 190 00:06:02,027 --> 00:06:03,682 Oh, that is awesome. 191 00:06:03,707 --> 00:06:05,438 So you just throw a ball at a target 192 00:06:05,463 --> 00:06:06,485 and then you win a cruise? 193 00:06:06,510 --> 00:06:07,931 Yeah, I've already lost. 194 00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:09,155 Eh, cruises are gross. 195 00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:11,385 At least Tim won't be there wearing a Rasta hat 196 00:06:11,410 --> 00:06:12,802 with the dreadlocks sewn into it. 197 00:06:12,804 --> 00:06:14,882 No, I've already lost because... 198 00:06:17,062 --> 00:06:18,641 I don't know how to throw a spiral. 199 00:06:18,643 --> 00:06:19,877 What? 200 00:06:19,932 --> 00:06:22,300 Dude, we are a Rams family. 201 00:06:22,325 --> 00:06:24,255 Look, do you think I enjoy being the guy 202 00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,325 that runs back every pass when we're tailgating, yelling, 203 00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:28,481 "Hey, he's found an opening!" 204 00:06:28,676 --> 00:06:31,475 You know, or acting like it's super funny to punt it 205 00:06:31,477 --> 00:06:33,009 20 yards over everybody's heads. 206 00:06:33,011 --> 00:06:35,473 We just thought you were being a jerk. 207 00:06:35,498 --> 00:06:37,264 No, I'm a great guy. 208 00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:38,526 Mmm. 209 00:06:38,551 --> 00:06:39,773 It's always been my greatest shame 210 00:06:39,798 --> 00:06:41,405 that this cannon of an arm 211 00:06:41,430 --> 00:06:43,508 could never master the finesse required to throw 212 00:06:43,533 --> 00:06:44,988 that perfect spiral. 213 00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:45,914 Um... 214 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,161 Matt just tried so hard to teach me. 215 00:06:48,317 --> 00:06:49,593 I feel like I let him down. 216 00:06:50,283 --> 00:06:52,067 So Matt taught you? 217 00:06:52,092 --> 00:06:53,424 Yeah. 218 00:06:54,823 --> 00:06:56,856 (whistle blows) ANNOUNCER: Six yards on the play, third down. 219 00:06:56,881 --> 00:06:59,291 Hey, um, you know how you used to 220 00:06:59,316 --> 00:07:00,804 - teach Greg things? - Yeah. 221 00:07:00,806 --> 00:07:03,169 Like if you pee in your bed, it makes it yours, 222 00:07:03,194 --> 00:07:04,750 and if you kiss Dad 223 00:07:04,775 --> 00:07:06,905 right on the lips, he'll live one more day. 224 00:07:06,930 --> 00:07:08,452 Dad couldn't beat him off with a stick. 225 00:07:08,477 --> 00:07:11,658 Okay, well, I think that your football lessons 226 00:07:11,683 --> 00:07:13,885 really stuck with him. 227 00:07:13,910 --> 00:07:15,519 - Yeah? - Yeah. 228 00:07:15,521 --> 00:07:17,788 STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Rams fans, make sure you stick around 229 00:07:17,790 --> 00:07:19,589 for the NFL halftime challenge, 230 00:07:19,591 --> 00:07:23,013 where six lucky fans will show us their quarterbacking skills. 231 00:07:23,038 --> 00:07:24,628 Oh, no. 232 00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:26,596 Yeah, just go, go. 233 00:07:28,867 --> 00:07:30,433 (grunts) 234 00:07:34,397 --> 00:07:35,696 (grunts) 235 00:07:37,859 --> 00:07:40,726 (grunts, loud bang) 236 00:07:43,568 --> 00:07:44,856 Oh, hey, man. 237 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,347 What you doing? 238 00:07:46,372 --> 00:07:47,918 Just getting ready for halftime. 239 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:50,580 Yeah, I got to throw a ball through a... through a target, 240 00:07:50,605 --> 00:07:52,882 so I'm just trying to decide if I want to, you know, drop back, 241 00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:55,075 throw from the pocket, or maybe bless the receiver 242 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,281 on a, you know, play action. 243 00:07:57,306 --> 00:07:58,572 Let me see both. 244 00:07:59,667 --> 00:08:01,359 Yeah, okay. Yeah. 245 00:08:05,458 --> 00:08:07,237 Omaha, Omaha, Omaha! 246 00:08:07,262 --> 00:08:07,865 Hut! 247 00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:08,817 Hut! 248 00:08:10,676 --> 00:08:13,009 Oh, he sees an opening! 249 00:08:13,011 --> 00:08:16,386 Oh yeah, you can't throw a spiral, can you? 250 00:08:16,411 --> 00:08:18,070 No, I can't. 251 00:08:18,095 --> 00:08:20,328 And it's stupid... I'm trying so hard, you know? 252 00:08:20,353 --> 00:08:22,974 I'm doing the okay method, just like you taught me, 253 00:08:22,999 --> 00:08:24,626 - but it's not working... it's not okay. - Okay. 254 00:08:24,651 --> 00:08:27,257 You don't put your finger and your thumb together, right? 255 00:08:27,259 --> 00:08:29,226 You grab the ball on the laces, like this. 256 00:08:29,228 --> 00:08:30,534 See? 257 00:08:36,417 --> 00:08:39,002 You taught me how to throw wrong. 258 00:08:39,004 --> 00:08:40,370 Are you serious? 259 00:08:40,372 --> 00:08:42,429 I can't throw a football because of you? 260 00:08:42,454 --> 00:08:43,934 I thought you'd learn how eventually 261 00:08:43,959 --> 00:08:45,327 once you started playing with your friends. 262 00:08:45,352 --> 00:08:46,896 I didn't have any friends because I didn't know how 263 00:08:46,921 --> 00:08:48,153 to throw a football! 264 00:08:48,313 --> 00:08:49,604 Do you have any idea what it's like 265 00:08:49,629 --> 00:08:50,881 to walk out on the field and ask, 266 00:08:50,883 --> 00:08:53,683 "Hey, anyone want to long snap to each other?" 267 00:08:56,154 --> 00:08:58,808 Look, man, you were better than me in so many ways. 268 00:08:58,833 --> 00:08:59,823 You were better in school, 269 00:08:59,825 --> 00:09:01,435 you were better at making Mom Mothers' Day cards. 270 00:09:01,460 --> 00:09:03,171 You even smell better. 271 00:09:03,196 --> 00:09:04,991 Like a freaking Yankee candle. 272 00:09:05,016 --> 00:09:07,005 I do have a natural Christmas tree scent. 273 00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:09,332 So I guess I just told you the wrong way to do things 274 00:09:09,334 --> 00:09:11,868 so that, you know, we'd be even. 275 00:09:13,295 --> 00:09:14,582 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 276 00:09:14,607 --> 00:09:15,873 Things? 277 00:09:16,498 --> 00:09:17,274 Things? 278 00:09:17,489 --> 00:09:18,823 You mean there's more? 279 00:09:18,848 --> 00:09:20,677 Yeah, there may be. 280 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:22,279 Wow. 281 00:09:23,215 --> 00:09:26,062 If a stop sign has a white border, is it optional? 282 00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:27,422 You still got your license. 283 00:09:27,447 --> 00:09:29,972 Does touching my pee stream prevent me from getting a cold? 284 00:09:29,997 --> 00:09:31,027 That's when I was in my 285 00:09:31,052 --> 00:09:32,931 "let's see how far I can take this" phase. 286 00:09:32,956 --> 00:09:35,381 Does putting chewing gum behind my ear help me keep my balance? 287 00:09:35,406 --> 00:09:36,605 I don't even remember that one. 288 00:09:36,630 --> 00:09:39,429 I do. 289 00:09:39,431 --> 00:09:41,264 Man, I'm really sorry. 290 00:09:41,266 --> 00:09:43,080 I was a jealous kid. 291 00:09:43,105 --> 00:09:44,468 But I do want to make it up to you, 292 00:09:44,493 --> 00:09:45,702 and I'm going to start right now. 293 00:09:45,704 --> 00:09:47,232 I'm going to teach you how to throw a football. 294 00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:49,606 - I would like to win that cruise. - Yeah. 295 00:09:49,949 --> 00:09:52,205 Even if staying on a boat longer than 24 hours 296 00:09:52,230 --> 00:09:53,963 makes your toes shrink. 297 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:56,121 (scoffs) 298 00:09:57,856 --> 00:09:59,249 Damn it! 299 00:09:59,251 --> 00:10:02,619 STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please turn your attention 300 00:10:02,621 --> 00:10:08,024 to midfield for our NFL halftime quarterback challenge. 301 00:10:08,445 --> 00:10:10,427 It's just like throwing in our backyard. 302 00:10:11,039 --> 00:10:12,262 Yeah. 303 00:10:12,718 --> 00:10:14,764 If we had a hundred thousand neighbors. 304 00:10:14,766 --> 00:10:15,919 Okay. 305 00:10:17,036 --> 00:10:20,100 STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Today's champion wins an all-expense-paid cruise 306 00:10:20,125 --> 00:10:21,544 to sunny Bahamas. 307 00:10:21,569 --> 00:10:22,664 MAN: That's what I'm talking about! 308 00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:25,123 STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Contestants, take your places. 309 00:10:26,966 --> 00:10:27,911 All right, man. 310 00:10:27,913 --> 00:10:29,179 Just like I told you... 311 00:10:29,181 --> 00:10:31,742 put your fingers here, all right? 312 00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:34,425 - Release, don't overthink it. - I got it. 313 00:10:34,450 --> 00:10:35,782 STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Here we go. 314 00:10:35,931 --> 00:10:39,222 Three, two, one, go! 315 00:10:39,224 --> 00:10:44,627 (drumline music playing) 316 00:11:00,178 --> 00:11:01,231 Did you see that? 317 00:11:01,256 --> 00:11:02,862 - That was beautiful. - Did you see that? 318 00:11:02,887 --> 00:11:04,180 (laughing): I did it! 319 00:11:04,182 --> 00:11:05,955 I'm going on a cruise! Look at the... 320 00:11:05,980 --> 00:11:07,384 We're going on a... 321 00:11:07,642 --> 00:11:08,807 Why are they still throwing? 322 00:11:08,832 --> 00:11:10,132 Why is everybody still throwing? 323 00:11:10,157 --> 00:11:11,909 Oh, no, you know what? 324 00:11:11,934 --> 00:11:14,058 I think it's how many balls you get inside the target. 325 00:11:14,083 --> 00:11:15,750 It's not the first ball to go in? 326 00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:17,118 I don't know, they were announcing the rules 327 00:11:17,143 --> 00:11:18,650 while you were stretching... weren't you listening? 328 00:11:18,675 --> 00:11:19,896 Well, I was listening to my body. 329 00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:21,274 - Weren't you listening? - No, I was back there 330 00:11:21,299 --> 00:11:23,070 trying to remember all the lies I've told you. 331 00:11:23,095 --> 00:11:24,234 Because you are a liar, 332 00:11:24,236 --> 00:11:25,502 and you did it again, didn't you? 333 00:11:25,504 --> 00:11:26,603 - You lied to me! - What? 334 00:11:26,605 --> 00:11:28,805 You wanted me to lose, admit it! 335 00:11:28,807 --> 00:11:30,291 - No, I didn't. - Yes, you did! 336 00:11:30,316 --> 00:11:31,708 You don't... 337 00:11:31,710 --> 00:11:33,209 (grunting) 338 00:11:33,211 --> 00:11:37,247 (grunting continues) 339 00:11:42,291 --> 00:11:44,067 - Son of a gun! - (whistle blows) 340 00:11:44,856 --> 00:11:47,390 SOPHIA: Look, Daddy, it's Rampage the Ram! 341 00:11:47,392 --> 00:11:49,292 Hey, Sophia! 342 00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:51,463 Never follow someone in a costume! 343 00:11:51,488 --> 00:11:53,648 We showed you a whole video about that. 344 00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,859 _ 345 00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,761 (cheering) 346 00:11:58,782 --> 00:12:00,916 - Oh! - Daddy, I need to go to the bathroom. 347 00:12:00,941 --> 00:12:03,362 Wait? Oh, no, no, you can't go to the bathroom now. 348 00:12:03,387 --> 00:12:05,020 You'll just have to wait until your mother comes back. 349 00:12:05,022 --> 00:12:05,954 I can't. 350 00:12:05,956 --> 00:12:07,831 But your introduction to football 351 00:12:07,856 --> 00:12:08,690 has got to be perfect 352 00:12:08,692 --> 00:12:10,138 or I'll never get the sports buddy 353 00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,810 I so desperately need. 354 00:12:12,130 --> 00:12:13,328 Look at them! 355 00:12:13,330 --> 00:12:14,696 They're useless! 356 00:12:14,698 --> 00:12:17,078 - But nature calls! - Then you tell nature 357 00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:18,558 that you will call her back 358 00:12:18,583 --> 00:12:22,262 because you are busy creating a life-long passion for football. 359 00:12:22,294 --> 00:12:24,344 I'm going to create in my pants 360 00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:26,129 if you don't get me to a bathroom. 361 00:12:26,131 --> 00:12:27,530 - (exasperated groan) - Come on! 362 00:12:28,047 --> 00:12:29,426 Tim! Where you going? 363 00:12:29,451 --> 00:12:30,700 I don't know. 364 00:12:31,003 --> 00:12:32,246 I'm... damn it! 365 00:12:32,271 --> 00:12:33,369 (toilet flushes) 366 00:12:33,714 --> 00:12:35,080 Oh, here we go. 367 00:12:38,109 --> 00:12:41,311 Dad, I need privacy or I can't go. 368 00:12:41,313 --> 00:12:42,155 (chuckles) 369 00:12:42,818 --> 00:12:44,847 You get that from me. 370 00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:48,618 You okay in there, sweetheart? 371 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:50,486 MAN: Doing fine, princess! 372 00:12:50,488 --> 00:12:52,288 How about you? 373 00:12:52,290 --> 00:12:54,023 SOPHIA: All done. 374 00:12:54,025 --> 00:12:55,001 Oh, no! 375 00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,827 Just close your eyes, honey. 376 00:12:57,829 --> 00:13:00,096 You're the wrong height to be in here. 377 00:13:01,866 --> 00:13:02,999 Boys are lucky. 378 00:13:03,001 --> 00:13:05,101 - They get to pee in a sink. - Yeah. 379 00:13:05,103 --> 00:13:07,696 Mom always says I can't, but sometimes I do. 380 00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:08,721 Yeah, yeah, so do I. 381 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,280 Hey, look, I don't think anybody scored yet, 382 00:13:10,305 --> 00:13:12,592 - so let's get back to our seats. - (loud cheering) 383 00:13:12,617 --> 00:13:13,576 STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Touchdown! 384 00:13:13,601 --> 00:13:14,944 Oh! 385 00:13:14,946 --> 00:13:16,846 All right, come on. Sophia, let's go. 386 00:13:16,848 --> 00:13:18,182 Sophia? 387 00:13:19,719 --> 00:13:20,960 Sophia! 388 00:13:21,436 --> 00:13:22,629 Ooh! 389 00:13:22,654 --> 00:13:24,153 Hey! Hey, hey, hey! 390 00:13:24,155 --> 00:13:26,846 I need a souvenir to remember my first game by. 391 00:13:26,871 --> 00:13:27,970 Great, let's get that. 392 00:13:28,953 --> 00:13:30,222 Oh, great, yeah, yeah. 393 00:13:30,247 --> 00:13:32,249 - Let's get that, good one. - STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Extra point is good! 394 00:13:32,274 --> 00:13:33,440 Great, yeah, hat. 395 00:13:33,465 --> 00:13:35,365 Let's get that. Come on. 396 00:13:35,367 --> 00:13:38,001 Oh, bear, yes. Let's get that. 397 00:13:38,003 --> 00:13:39,068 Yes! 398 00:13:39,070 --> 00:13:41,471 Oh, good choice, let's get that. 399 00:13:42,677 --> 00:13:45,427 Do you want the blue one or the pink one? 400 00:13:45,452 --> 00:13:47,719 No! Don't give her choices! 401 00:13:49,622 --> 00:13:50,647 Hmm. 402 00:13:50,649 --> 00:13:52,582 Hey, let me carry that bag. 403 00:13:52,584 --> 00:13:53,516 Okay. 404 00:13:53,518 --> 00:13:54,984 (gasping): Look, Daddy! 405 00:13:54,986 --> 00:13:56,586 It's Rampage the Ram! 406 00:13:56,588 --> 00:13:58,488 Hey, Sophia! 407 00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:00,456 Never follow someone in a costume! 408 00:14:00,458 --> 00:14:02,625 We showed you a whole video about that. 409 00:14:02,627 --> 00:14:05,977 But wouldn't it be awesome if I got a picture with him? 410 00:14:06,002 --> 00:14:07,710 Then I could show all of my friends 411 00:14:07,735 --> 00:14:09,599 that I'm a true Rams fan. 412 00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:11,505 Okay. 413 00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:13,897 - Stop that furry! - Yeah! 414 00:14:20,612 --> 00:14:22,413 No! No! 415 00:14:22,452 --> 00:14:24,364 Aw, come on, Rampage! 416 00:14:24,366 --> 00:14:25,610 Please! 417 00:14:25,635 --> 00:14:28,005 It's kind of sad you couldn't catch up to a man 418 00:14:28,030 --> 00:14:30,685 in an 80-pound ram costume. 419 00:14:30,865 --> 00:14:32,646 He's a professional athlete. 420 00:14:32,787 --> 00:14:34,629 Well, I guess we just got to go upstairs 421 00:14:34,654 --> 00:14:36,009 and watch the rest of the game. 422 00:14:36,011 --> 00:14:37,427 Bummer. 423 00:14:38,613 --> 00:14:39,579 No! 424 00:14:39,581 --> 00:14:42,131 No! It's locked! 425 00:14:42,133 --> 00:14:43,633 No, no, no, no! 426 00:14:43,635 --> 00:14:45,435 No, no, no, no, no! 427 00:14:45,437 --> 00:14:46,874 Oh! 428 00:14:46,899 --> 00:14:49,756 Ah! We're trapped! 429 00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:50,857 (sighs heavily) 430 00:14:50,859 --> 00:14:51,768 I can't believe 431 00:14:51,793 --> 00:14:52,925 we're going to miss the game. 432 00:14:53,519 --> 00:14:54,727 Sorry, sweetie. 433 00:14:54,729 --> 00:14:57,422 Looks like your introduction to football has been ruined. 434 00:14:57,447 --> 00:14:58,633 That's okay. 435 00:14:58,658 --> 00:15:00,950 I don't really understand the game anyway. 436 00:15:01,311 --> 00:15:02,433 You don't? 437 00:15:02,762 --> 00:15:04,339 Oh, no, no. 438 00:15:04,364 --> 00:15:07,215 Well, then, we're going to have to have... 439 00:15:08,076 --> 00:15:09,242 the talk. 440 00:15:10,578 --> 00:15:13,763 Okay, this bear is the ball. 441 00:15:13,765 --> 00:15:15,498 So you are going to hold onto that ball 442 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:16,899 and you're going to try to run past me. 443 00:15:16,901 --> 00:15:17,719 I'm going to try to stop you 444 00:15:17,744 --> 00:15:19,202 and I'm going to try to take that ball. 445 00:15:19,546 --> 00:15:20,737 Okay. 446 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,217 What? What are you doing? 447 00:15:23,242 --> 00:15:24,556 Seems like you really wanted it. 448 00:15:24,581 --> 00:15:25,478 Oh, I do really want it. 449 00:15:25,503 --> 00:15:27,271 But you also really want it. 450 00:15:27,607 --> 00:15:28,277 I don't care. 451 00:15:28,279 --> 00:15:30,413 No, Sophia. (sighs) 452 00:15:30,564 --> 00:15:31,926 - Hey! - Sike! 453 00:15:31,978 --> 00:15:33,483 Touchdown! 454 00:15:33,485 --> 00:15:37,186 (sing-song): Oh, mm-hmm, go Rams! 455 00:15:37,188 --> 00:15:38,154 I did it! 456 00:15:38,156 --> 00:15:40,156 I see, the old quarterback sneak. 457 00:15:40,158 --> 00:15:41,190 Well, what about this? 458 00:15:41,192 --> 00:15:43,893 Whoa! Dad! 459 00:15:43,895 --> 00:15:44,692 (laughter) 460 00:15:44,717 --> 00:15:47,185 - What... - (door closes) 461 00:15:48,095 --> 00:15:49,298 Are you okay, little girl? 462 00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:50,900 I have a panic button in my costume, 463 00:15:50,902 --> 00:15:52,201 and I'm not afraid to use it. 464 00:15:53,587 --> 00:15:55,271 I think the appropriate response 465 00:15:55,296 --> 00:15:57,913 would be to ask me if I'm also okay. 466 00:15:58,059 --> 00:16:00,526 (cheering) 467 00:16:00,528 --> 00:16:02,228 They just scored a touchdown. 468 00:16:02,230 --> 00:16:03,763 Which is worth how much? 469 00:16:03,765 --> 00:16:04,632 Six. 470 00:16:04,657 --> 00:16:06,394 Until they make an extra point 471 00:16:06,419 --> 00:16:08,034 - or a two-point conversion. - Conversion. 472 00:16:08,036 --> 00:16:10,770 Oh, it looks like we got a fan here, huh? 473 00:16:10,772 --> 00:16:12,972 Kurt Warner has my fan. 474 00:16:12,974 --> 00:16:14,807 I know, sweetie. 475 00:16:16,978 --> 00:16:18,978 I'm going to listen to my book on tape. 476 00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:22,715 Tell me if anything exciting happens and I'll do the same. 477 00:16:23,370 --> 00:16:25,829 Oh, damn, I just bought more seats. 478 00:16:27,161 --> 00:16:28,716 _ 479 00:16:29,577 --> 00:16:32,244 JOAN: Sure is hard to see from way up here. 480 00:16:32,246 --> 00:16:33,327 Well, I'm sorry, Joanie. 481 00:16:33,352 --> 00:16:35,652 I thought I was buying the expensive seats. 482 00:16:35,677 --> 00:16:38,576 It turns out I bought 30 of the cheap ones. 483 00:16:38,601 --> 00:16:40,669 You win this time, Internet. 484 00:16:40,671 --> 00:16:41,606 Well, you know what? 485 00:16:41,631 --> 00:16:43,597 What really matters is that we're together 486 00:16:43,622 --> 00:16:47,438 and that now we can comfortably spread out, right? 487 00:16:47,463 --> 00:16:49,640 Huh? No? Okay. 488 00:16:49,665 --> 00:16:51,898 Well, I'm going to listen to my book on tape. 489 00:16:51,923 --> 00:16:55,299 Tell me if anything exciting happens and I'll do the same. 490 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:58,499 Oh, damn, I just bought more seats. 491 00:16:58,663 --> 00:17:02,204 We're so high up my hot dog's going to be brought by a Sherpa. 492 00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:03,996 Hey, Joan, 493 00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:05,907 there's open seats lower down... let's go grab two. 494 00:17:05,932 --> 00:17:07,666 No, that wouldn't be right. 495 00:17:07,691 --> 00:17:08,957 They're not ours. 496 00:17:08,959 --> 00:17:12,494 Well, actually, no, um, a partner at my law firm 497 00:17:12,519 --> 00:17:14,871 has season tickets, and he told me he's having an affair 498 00:17:14,896 --> 00:17:18,597 this weekend, and also he's not very good at having affairs. 499 00:17:18,622 --> 00:17:20,588 Well, let's go grab those seats 500 00:17:20,590 --> 00:17:23,258 before he loses them in the divorce. 501 00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:26,127 (cheering) 502 00:17:26,152 --> 00:17:28,308 FOOTBALL PLAYERS: Ready? Break! 503 00:17:28,333 --> 00:17:29,564 JEN: Yes! 504 00:17:29,566 --> 00:17:30,906 Oh, I feel bad 505 00:17:30,931 --> 00:17:33,568 the family is way up there and we're down here. 506 00:17:33,570 --> 00:17:35,804 I wonder if they can even see us. 507 00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:39,574 Suckers! 508 00:17:39,576 --> 00:17:41,826 Do you think you could get these seats again? 509 00:17:41,828 --> 00:17:43,561 Um, I don't, but mostly because 510 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,865 I made up that thing about these being our season tickets. 511 00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:48,033 These were just two random open seats. 512 00:17:48,035 --> 00:17:49,934 - You mean we're here illegally? - Yeah. 513 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,369 - We have to go, we have to go right now. - What? 514 00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,004 Wait, no, hey, come on. 515 00:17:53,006 --> 00:17:54,456 What is the worst that could happen? 516 00:17:54,481 --> 00:17:58,134 We're found out, we're caught, and we're publicly shamed. 517 00:17:58,159 --> 00:18:00,288 Okay, worst case scenario, an usher comes, 518 00:18:00,313 --> 00:18:01,680 politely asks us to leave 519 00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:04,259 and we go back up to one of our other 30 seats 520 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,017 in Machu Picchu. 521 00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:08,687 Men are here, men are here for us. 522 00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:10,555 I believe you two are in our seats. 523 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,023 I'm going to throw up. 524 00:18:12,025 --> 00:18:13,591 Can we see your tickets? 525 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,694 We don't have to show you anything. 526 00:18:15,696 --> 00:18:17,028 These are our seats. 527 00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:19,798 Don't anger them, they might be undercover detectives. 528 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,166 Hello, officers. 529 00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:22,333 JEN: Well, I've got a quick fix. 530 00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:23,824 We can just have the usher come over, 531 00:18:23,849 --> 00:18:25,382 take a little looksie-loo at the tickets 532 00:18:25,407 --> 00:18:26,739 and then kick out the liars. 533 00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:28,406 (quietly): We're the liars! 534 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:29,589 Oh, uh, 535 00:18:29,614 --> 00:18:31,447 these are for next week's game. 536 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:33,445 - (chuckles) - (mocking laughter) 537 00:18:33,447 --> 00:18:35,647 You said girls were dumb! 538 00:18:35,649 --> 00:18:37,148 How did you do that? 539 00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:39,584 How did you know they were bluffing? 540 00:18:39,586 --> 00:18:41,453 Because half their faces were sunburnt. 541 00:18:41,455 --> 00:18:43,888 They were clearly up there in the nosebleeds with us. 542 00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,244 You are so good. 543 00:18:45,269 --> 00:18:46,500 You are good. 544 00:18:46,637 --> 00:18:49,825 You're like that woman TV detective. 545 00:18:49,850 --> 00:18:52,441 - You know, she's so brilliant at her job. - Mm-hmm. 546 00:18:52,466 --> 00:18:54,636 Her personal life's a mess, but... 547 00:18:54,661 --> 00:18:55,927 Yeah, what can you do? 548 00:18:56,103 --> 00:18:59,858 Anyway, um, I think all this is a little too much for me, 549 00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:02,406 so I'm going to go home and-and think of ways 550 00:19:02,431 --> 00:19:03,998 I can give back to the community. 551 00:19:04,023 --> 00:19:05,489 Hey, no, come on! 552 00:19:05,582 --> 00:19:06,822 What is your deal? 553 00:19:06,847 --> 00:19:09,027 Like, what traumatized you as a child? 554 00:19:09,052 --> 00:19:10,118 I was ten. 555 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:11,586 Oh, okay, so something actually did 556 00:19:11,588 --> 00:19:12,587 traumatize you as a child. 557 00:19:12,589 --> 00:19:14,088 - I was ten. - Oh. 558 00:19:14,090 --> 00:19:16,297 And we had tickets to the circus. 559 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:20,432 And a mime had put a small rag on my seat. 560 00:19:20,476 --> 00:19:26,613 And I sat down and then he pulled the rag out 561 00:19:26,740 --> 00:19:29,708 and it looked like I had eliminated the rag. 562 00:19:30,807 --> 00:19:33,975 - He was good. - Yeah, he sounds very talented. 563 00:19:33,977 --> 00:19:35,290 - Yeah. - Wow. 564 00:19:35,315 --> 00:19:36,811 And so, yeah, so then that-that mime 565 00:19:36,813 --> 00:19:38,179 - played a trick on you. - Yeah. 566 00:19:38,181 --> 00:19:41,582 And everybody was watching and laughing and... 567 00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:43,418 And that's why you became a therapist. 568 00:19:43,420 --> 00:19:46,790 - No, that's unrelated. - Okay. 569 00:19:48,863 --> 00:19:50,763 JOAN: Let's go, Rams! 570 00:19:50,765 --> 00:19:53,404 Oh, I'm so glad you made me do this. 571 00:19:53,429 --> 00:19:55,419 (laughs) 572 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:57,146 - Ah! - Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 573 00:19:57,171 --> 00:19:58,821 - Okay. - What is that? 574 00:19:58,846 --> 00:19:59,548 Well, that's the mascot 575 00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,335 and he's pretending that you're in his seat. 576 00:20:01,360 --> 00:20:02,875 - Oh, no, I don't like this. - I know. 577 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,445 STADIUM ANNOUNCER: Uh oh, Rams fans, 578 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,083 looks like somebody's in Rampage's seat. 579 00:20:07,108 --> 00:20:07,825 Oh, no! 580 00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:09,415 Oh, no, no, thank you. 581 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:12,709 I-I-I-I don't want do this, I'm just on my way home. 582 00:20:12,734 --> 00:20:15,005 Uh, hey, Joan, I think maybe you should play along 583 00:20:15,030 --> 00:20:17,056 because you're actually on the Jumbotron. 584 00:20:17,058 --> 00:20:18,390 JOAN: Oh, my God. 585 00:20:18,392 --> 00:20:21,458 Everybody's watching. They're laughing. 586 00:20:21,483 --> 00:20:23,470 ANNOUNCER: Better show Rampage your ticket, because he has his. 587 00:20:23,495 --> 00:20:24,244 Stop this! 588 00:20:24,269 --> 00:20:25,911 ANNOUNCER: The only way to get rid of Rampage 589 00:20:25,936 --> 00:20:27,499 is to beat him in a dance-off! 590 00:20:27,501 --> 00:20:29,640 No, no, I don't want a dance-off. 591 00:20:29,665 --> 00:20:32,371 - You got to dance. - I don't want it. 592 00:20:32,373 --> 00:20:34,297 JOAN (on Jumbotron): No, no, please! 593 00:20:34,719 --> 00:20:36,642 I just don't want to do this. 594 00:20:36,644 --> 00:20:38,577 Oh, make it stop! 595 00:20:38,579 --> 00:20:40,432 Please make it stop! 596 00:20:40,457 --> 00:20:44,550 I can't... get away from me, you old goat! 597 00:20:44,552 --> 00:20:45,951 (struggling) 598 00:20:46,908 --> 00:20:49,187 Okay, well, now we're actually getting kicked out. 599 00:20:49,726 --> 00:20:54,726 Synced and corrected by Octavia - www.addic7ed.com - 600 00:20:54,776 --> 00:20:59,326 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41797

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